Latest / Petty and Unbothered / Healed and Unhinged #3 - How do I report school staff & Best friend/group chat drama
Transcript
- Tita Lors: Alright. Well let's get started, shall we? Welcome back everyone. This is the episode yes. Get into it. This is Petty and Unbothered, and this specifically is the episode where we each bring a story from the internet to offer our thoughts and sometimes ridiculous suggestions for people who might need a little third-party perspective. While one of us is actively a therapist and the other one is on her way to becoming one, we are not your therapist, so take everything with a grain of salt. This podcast is for entertainment and entertainment purposes only. Let's get into it. Ba ba ba. Okay. As per usual, are you feeling healed or unhinged today? Robin Axline: feeling might be boring answer, but I'm feeling pretty healed at this point, this juncture. Yeah, I got that retreat glow. Yeah. And Tita Lors: Well, you just came back from a retreat. You got all that silence. Yeah. Robin Axline: like everybody, it's all kumbaya, you know. So I'm feeling like yeah, I've had like a lot of silence and deep thinking and things and so it's just I'm feeling good. Feeling rejuvenized. Yeah. What about yourself? Tita Lors: Asking, I'd love to answer, and I will. I'm unhinged. I feel like I'm always unhinged, but it's like back to school week, one started on Monday, one started on Wednesday, and while this is my non busy week where I have less clients, it still feels like it was so busy. And I'm a little bit worried for next week because Yeah, next week is my you know, I've got a more fuller schedule. So I'm a little bit concerned. Yeah. If this week felt busy, what's next week gonna feel like? we'll see. Robin Axline: You can do it. So unhinged is what you're going with today. Tita Lors: Yes, unhinged. But I've also been like I've cooked multiple times this week and weekend. I've like prepped things so that it's easier for when I just want to be lazy and I don't want to think about here's what you're eating, here's what you're eating. Blah blah blah. and then some of that food just disappeared so fast and I'm like, where did it go? How do stay at home moms who like I get stay-at-home work from her mom's high hello, but like stay-at-home moms where you're literally trying to maintain and manage your whole household and everything relies on you understanding all the things, the ins and outs of your household. And like you're responsible for cleaning and cooking and all the things, like it could not be me, 'cause right now I have the excuse of I work. The dishes didn't get done, I have to go to work. Wow, wow, wow, woman. But for like the way people treat stay-at-home moms is if they don't have busy, full, hectic, crazy lives is insane. It's exhausting. And then and then, like I have a friend. She's work from home when no, she's stay-at-home, work from home, homeschool. Ew. That's insane. Yeah, exactly. Robin Axline: You gotta be kidding me. Tita Lors: Summer was hard, y'all. Like Also letting I'm I'm letting many balls hit the floor. I'm not trying to juggle all the balls. Robin Axline: Dougle. Hey, sometimes you just Yeah, you know, can't catch all. Pokemon. Yeah. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. There's so many euphemisms and like man. Okay. Anyways, unhinged, I guess is a short answer. Alright, let's jump into it. Do you want to go first? Shall I go first? Robin Axline: I can I can go since you were just speaking. Tita Lors: I mean you just did a you literally just did a whole episode, so there's that. Robin Axline: yeah, whoops. I can do it if that's okay. Alrighty. Tita Lors: Yeah. So you you do one, I do one, you do one, I do one. Robin Axline: So this one is let's see what the actual title is. it's Am I the Asshole Relationships subreddit? And the person's name is SNOO Predictions 5863. Okay. And it's Am I the Asshole for quietly leaving my friend group instead of confronting them first? Tita Lors: Maybe just based on the title. Quietly leaving your friend group. I don't know. I don't I feel like you don't owe anybody an explanation ever. Robin Axline: Yeah, I don't think Yeah, you really don't. Tita Lors: Yeah. No. I mean, it's nice, but it's not owed. Robin Axline: Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I I can get with that. all right, so jump in. I had been part of the same friend group for years and I even lived with some of them at uni. This must be a Brit. Which is part of why this whole situation has been so upsetting and confusing Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: for me. Over the past year or so, I started noticing a pattern where I felt increasingly excluded from things. Individually, each thing sounded small or explainable, but altogether it started feeling intentional. For some examples, one of my friends s started flat hunting with someone who she was less close with and never mentioned it to me. yes. Tita Lors: like flat hunting. And I was like, apartment. Yes, they're British. Yeah. Okay, I understand the reference now. Let's go. Robin Axline: Yeah, now I really think they're British. Yeah. Okay. flat hunting and never mentioned it to me. People have gone on trips and met up with mutual friends without ever telling me. I found out about plans, parties, and birthdays after they already happened. One fr one would question Tita Lors: Damn, are these people your friends? Like right? Like the flat hunting whatever. Who like some there's specific Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: people that you want to live with and some that you don't, and that makes sense. That's fine. But you're having whole ass parties without you. Robin Axline: That's so funny. Tita Lors: That's so rude. These are not your friends. Robin Axline: Right? Yeah, whole ass parties and then after Tita Lors: Yes. Robin Axline: the thing then they said they had? Or they didn't even tell them they found out. Okay. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: Yikes. one friend apparently forgot to remind me about their birthday last year, but this year I definitely intentionally wasn't invited. Ooh. People make plans to stay at each other's places or go to events together and I only hear about it later. I've noticed photos being posted where versions without me are chosen even if I was there. Tita Lors: Wow. I would not even one pitcher, I would definitely feel some type of way. Robin Axline: Yeah. what made it harder is that as far as I know, I never actually did anything to anyone. There was no argument, drama, falling out, nothing. Nobody ever confronted me about anything. At one point I even directly asked one of those friends if there was tension or if anyone had ever mentioned me doing something wrong and they said no. Eventually I got so embarrassed and anxious about constantly wondering whether people secretly disliked me that I just left Yeah Tita Lors: It's not a secret, my guy. Robin Axline: s I know, like it doesn't take much to like think Tita Lors: Ha ha Robin Axline: hm, maybe something is off. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: so what I did was I didn't I wait I just left every group chat we shared. I didn't announce it, didn't make a big speech, I just quietly removed myself. Nobody reached out afterwards. Not one person asked if I was okay why I left or even acknowledged it. On top of that, not a single I know. Tita Lors: These are not your friends. I cannot stress that enough. These people. Yeah, these Robin Axline: How many times can we tell you? Tita Lors: people don't give a fuck about you. I don't know. That makes me so sad for you. this poor guy. A person, I don't know. Robin Axline: Yeah, I didn't give a yes. Anyway, the yes. nobody not a single person on top of that, not a single person wished me happy birthday this year either. Wow. They're not your friends. Despite me knowing some of them for years and literally living with some of them before at that point, I basically accepted that maybe these friendships were already over and I just hadn't realized it yet. Yeah, I know. I think Tita Lors: Yeah, think? Robin Axline: The reason I might be the asshole is because instead of directly confronting everyone and saying I feel excluded, I just silently distanced myself and disappeared from the chats. Part of me feels like I should have communicated better instead of expecting people to notice I was hurt. but another part of me feels humiliated at the idea of begging people to include me if they clearly don't want to. Am I the asshole for not confronting them before leaving and distancing myself? That's it. Tita Lors: Okay, I appreciate the acknowledgement of like his part of it all. Cause yeah, people don't know that you're people are not mind readers. So they can't tell if like you're hurt or whatever. But people are not stupid either. Like if you're intentionally leaving people out, how do you think that they're going to feel? Robin Axline: Seriously? Tita Lors: R like I I appreciate that he's trying to take accountability. I think that's the word that I was looking for. right? Like I didn't Yeah, Robin Axline: Yeah. He's trying to be aware, yeah. Tita Lors: of like on my part I could have done this more. But they I c and I cannot stress this enough. They do not give a fuck about you. Like w you know, and why is this question even coming up? No one's asked about you. No one's like, why are we asking this question? Be who and at this point, be a fucking asshole. They clearly don't give a shit. I'm like dropping hella F bombs. Yeah, sorry, go ahead. Robin Axline: Well that's what I was just gonna say. Yeah, no no no, it's hard not to. That's why I was all like and then one thing is like just what you were saying is like they haven't been saying they've been doing things without saying anything to you, so why do you feel guilty about doing something and not telling them? Tita Lors: Yes. Hello. This I don't know how long they've been doing this, but they they don't care. Like it's so rude. Robin Axline: Like, especially all the stuff that he listed, it sounds like it must have been going on for a while, 'cause that's like a lot of flat hunting and parties Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. Robin Axline: and this and this, trips. Tita Lors: I I would be like, is there anyone else that they're doing this to? That's who I'm looking for. Like, am I really the only one or are you guys doing this to other people? 'Cause it's hard not to take that personally, right? Like what did I do or not do that you guys are icing me out? Robin Axline: Yeah, and especially like he did reach out and said, Did I do anything? and they said, No. Tita Lors: Yeah. So then you just don't like me. Mhm. Yeah. Another thing I just thought about right now is like, well maybe they're not like active in the group chats or whatever, so they don't think much like, you know, the quiet person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So they don't think too much about it and it's easy to forget. But you lived with some of them. So Robin Axline: I know that's that's the real kicker. I do Tita Lors: Yeah. I mean I don't know it Robin Axline: yeah. Tita Lors: did they actively live with some of those people at the time of writing or or were they no longer living with them? Robin Axline: Hm. I was under the impression probably no longer. Tita Lors: okay. Well then yeah, there's no excuse. Yeah. Robin Axline: Yeah. I mean that's how I read it, but I don't know. And then I do like that they acknowledged it and are thinking about it too. Like what maybe could they learn from it? maybe. But I also think communication is key. So they're not wrong about like should I have reached out and just done like one final like Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin Axline: So is this it for us? Like i seriously, I'm not gonna feel hurt, just like tell me if there's something I need to know or Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: I don't know. Tita Lors: Yeah. Sorry, major accident out there. I just heard it. Robin Axline: I heard some squeaking. Tita Lors: no, she's crying. That must have been really bad. Robin Axline: I Tita Lors: So we both agree, they're taking accountability. That's great. That's awesome. Well, what I was thinking too while you were talking is about how he's like, Well, it's kind of humiliating, right? And I don't know that I would say humiliating for me, but it's kind it's embarrassing and kind of ridiculous to have to be like, This is my group of friends, and now I have to reach out and be like In a group chat no less where everyone's already ignoring me to be like, Are we okay? Is everything okay here? Like you guys Robin Axline: Yeah, that is kinda weird actually. Tita Lors: keep hanging out and am I just do you guys is there a different group chat? Because there is a different group chat without you. Robin Axline: yes. Hundred percent. Tita Lors: Like in order for them to go do things together, there's a whole ass group chat where you are not included. Exactly. They're not just accidentally showing up at the same place together. There's Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: a whole ass group chat where you have been specifically excluded. And at that point it's just kind of a message received. Fuck all of you. Like, I don't right? silence is also an answer. Robin Axline: Hm, preach, I think. Him just leaving like that or them I don't know, I keep thinking it's a dude, but and then just like doing like an Irish goodbye and nobody saying anything is proof enough. Tita Lors: Not one person reached out individually. That's how much they're Robin Axline: Yeah, and Tita Lors: not paying attention. Robin Axline: yeah, and if it was like on WhatsApp it says so-and-so left the group. Usually. So Tita Lors: so bad for this person. Robin Axline: I know. And this is like assuming that they're not a weirdo. But still that's messed up. Tita Lors: Yeah. There's that. It it a bit even if they are a weirdo, right? Like not one person could have been like, my guy. Sorry, you can hear my baby. She's crying. She fell. But Okay, no it sounds serious, hold on. I'm gonna go check. Robin Axline: Yeah, and like I was supposed to be like, Do you wanna go? Tita Lors: Baby's okay, all is good, we're not re-recording, we're just jumping into it. Everything we said was super cool and fun. Okay. Well do you have any healed or unhinged thoughts for what was there a handle? Robin Axline: to what I was saying last time is like, the people have been doing that to this person the whole time it feels like, or at least a good portion of it. Because we're saying like, they went to parties and they went on trips together and they searched for flats together and all this without even telling this person. That's wild. And when you said they have their own chat, that is 100 % true. You know it. So this person was right to just slip Tita Lors: Yep. You just do. Robin Axline: out and they shouldn't feel guilty about it. Tita Lors: Yeah. I'm surprised there's only two comments here. yeah, I would have thought there'd be more comments. But yeah, so it's looking like both pe the people who did comment, not the asshole, and one of was like saying what we said, they've been doing this. excuse me, they don't care about you. They've been doing doing this to you the whole time. So someone goes, go find good friends and don't worry about their feelings. Robin Axline: man bummer but true it's like so much look think about how much energy this person has put on this group and think about how much energy that group has put on them Tita Lors: But yeah, into him. Or them, 'cause we don't know. Yeah, dude. For real. All right. Uhhuh. Robin Axline: So I would say it's healed of the person to like leave finally and just kind of be like bye bye but they shouldn't feel guilty that's the wild part. Tita Lors: Well, I hope, I guess for me, my hope is that they don't feel guilty. That they, right, they help they acknowledged for themselves they could have done that, but I don't think that it was necessary at all. And the best thing that they could do for themselves is to just leave. It's a friend group that doesn't care about you. So Yeah, like the commenter said, stop caring about their stop worrying about their feelings and just go. Mm-hmm. Alrighty. You ready for another story? Okay. yeah. So I mean if you guys get queasy about this, fast forward I guess, but yeah. I don't know if you know what a yonder pouch is. I had no idea what a yonder pouch you do? What the hell is a yonder pouch? I looked it up, so I like sort of know, but since you actually know what it is, you maybe can explain it better. Robin Axline: So in my experience, when you go to a concert and cell phones aren't allowed, you have to give up your cell phone and they put it in a yonder pouch and it's locked. So then when you leave the... It looks like a Capri Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Like an actual like thingy? Robin Axline: Sun thing, you know? And then you put your phone in it and it locks. And then when you leave, you have to get it unlocked to get your phone back. Tita Lors: Okay. Alright. Well, let's begin the story and see how it's relevant. Okay. Robin Axline: Let's go. Yeah, what yonder pouch was happening? Anyways, go ahead. Yeah, Tita Lors: Out of school, yeah. Robin Axline: that's weird. Tita Lors: So, hey everyone, I'm a 17 female senior at a high school in Texas. My school started using yonder pouches for phones this year, and it has been an absolute mess. Yesterday I started my period unexpectedly in class. I didn't have any pads on me and I completely bled through my pants. This, by the way, is by BXDKX. Underscore R A. Something something karma probably. I don't know. So whatever. Where did I start? completely bug through. Okay. It was a total accident and an embarrassing situation, so I called my dad to come pick me up immediately. Because I was bleeding through my clothes, I wanted to leave as fast as possible. As would I. Like who wouldn't want to leave as fast as possible? As we were heading out, I remembered I needed to get my phone unlocked from the yonder pouch. The wall magnets were locked. What are wall magnets? Explain that to me. Robin Axline: Well, I'm assuming that's like what keeps it closed. Because there's like a thing that they have to like put on it to open. So I Tita Lors: Okay, Robin Axline: don't know. Tita Lors: okay, okay, okay. So the wall magnets were locked, so I had to go to the front office staff, give my ID number, and have them unlock it. The lady at the desk told me I couldn't leave because I had an eighth block next. I explicitly told her, I'm having an accident right now. My dad is right there signing me out and I'm on my period. Can I please just unlock my phone while he finishes the paperwork? She rudely snapped at me saying, Regardless, he needs to sign you out. You can get your phone when he's done. I was so overwhelmed, humiliated, and my emotions were everywhere. I didn't want to argue because I knew I'd just start sobbing. So I stood by the wall and silently cried while blood kept soaking through my pants. And you know, you know you can feel that too. Like Yeah, like it Yeah, Robin Axline: you know, like once it gets to that point, it's like, yeah. Tita Lors: it feels like you peed yourself, but it's thick. Robin Axline: Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. Tita Lors: Right? okay. and sticky Robin Axline: god. It's not good, dear listeners, if you didn't know. Vagina havers, people like to say nowadays. Tita Lors: Yeah. It's not. It's it's really not for those without a uterus that yeah. Yeah. If you don't have a uterus that decides to shed and like completely obliterate itself every month, that's what it feels like. when my dad saw me crying, he stepped in and told her, She's having an accident right now, and this is how y'all treat her. Give her her phone. Robin Axline: YAS Tita Lors: Yo. Yes. Robin Axline: Now that is a man Tita Lors: That is, yes, respect for him. You have a good daddy. I know. instead of helping, the lady got aggressive with my dad and said, Sir, you're not about to have an attitude with me. Because if you want to get like that, we can get like that. Bitch! You work at a school. Robin Axline: What? And then give me a break. wouldn't she have some kind of empathy? Tita Lors: Yeah, you are also a woman. You should know what this is like. What the hell? Robin Axline: Did she like totally lose it or like forget or something? Tita Lors: Yeah what the hell? Okay, they argued back and forth wa for a while before she finally walked me over to unlock the pouch. The whole time I was standing there crying and bleeding through my clothes. I felt completely violated, dehumanized, and invalidated by these adults. I'm already in the process of switching to one to online school because this isn't the first time I've felt mistreated here. But the situation I know, right? That's crazy. but the situation was the final straw. My main question is, is there anything I can actually do about this specific staff member? She forced a student to stand and bleed through their clothes over a phone policy instead of showing basic human decency during an emergency. How do I file a complaint that actually gets taken seriously? Who do I contact above the school level if the principal protects her? Thanks in advance for her advice. Yeah, that's a good question. I don't know. I don't know anything about sexists and their laws or whatever. But especially when it comes to women's rights, do they care about you? I wonder if anyone has any actual advice. I did someone says I hate to say this, but it would definitely mean more if your dad directly complained. Mm. I could call to the superintendent. Did you know that there's specific like school lawyers? Yeah, so there are lawyers whose like specifically focus on school related issues. So let's say that like you're having an issue with a teacher or the school itself because they're not giving you the services that you require to be educated like to have a good educational experience. Like let's say somebody who's on the spectrum or somebody who has ADHD who needs a five four plan or an IEP. If it's not being respected, if it's not if you're not getting excuse me, the accommodations that or if like you're being mistreated and there's evidence, there there are specific lawyers. Yeah, that you can get and once you get a lawyer involved, because it's not this it's not the teacher, it's not the school, it's the school district that you're up against. Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know if there's anything to do, but that's yeah, seriously awful. somebody said if there's a Facebook page for the school, yeah, that's a really good idea. for like the the parent to say, This happened to my child and specifically s I would dox them. Robin Axline: point that's messed up especially because he spoke Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: up to her and she still was not helpful. Tita Lors: Yeah, exactly. I would be like, I'm not talking to you about this. Like, you get your principal, get some other assistant, get somebody else, but somebody's opening that. Like now. I'm not waiting. This needs to happen right the fuck now. Okay Robin Axline: Yeah, like we have to go yesterday. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. Like you think I'm gonna let my kids stand there in this and have this experience? Hell no. Nope. I was actually just like talking with my mom about this. I forgot why. Because, you know, back to school season we're talking about my kids and like accidents and having to put c extra clothes inside of their backpacks and stuff. And I forget how we got on the topic. I think she was like expecting me to remember when I was in kindergarten. I'm like, I don't remember anything past first grade. Like bits and pieces, but nah. so back then I don't know if you experienced this, but for sure for me, they wouldn't just let you leave and go to the bathroom. You had to ask for permission. And if you didn't get permission, you and you like had an accident, then like you were ashamed. And there was like, Robin Axline: yeah. Tita Lors: right? Like, well why didn't you go to the bathroom? Well, because I fucking told you I have to go to bathroom now and you wouldn't let me go. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, I experienced that. Tita Lors: Yeah, and as like a kid that so as I had to use I had to go number two. And there were like multiple times that I ended up having to like throw out my underwear because they wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. And she was like, I didn't know that and I was like, Yeah, because that was embarrassing. So why would I tell you? I basically just like This is so TMI, sorry everyone. But if it was like if it messed up the end yeah, Robin Axline: Yeah, if you're going... Tita Lors: if it messed up the underwear, I threw it away. But if it was like easy, just plop it into the toilet. I I remember specifically doing that just so I could still have underwear on to be at school. But like the fact that I had to think about these choices and these decisions in elementary school, like this was first grade probably. Yeah. And it was like a walk to get to the bathroom, I remember. And Like, how why are you guys doing this to kids? Especially first grade, you just barely learned how to navigate your bladder. Some kids in first grade are still figuring it out. Yeah, and you don't wanna let them go to the bathroom? Robin Axline: Well, my school, remember the teacher said you can only use one square of toilet paper. Tita Lors: What? Robin Axline: That was the rule. Tita Lors: That's insane. Robin Axline: And I still think about it to this day, I'm like, one square? That's crazy. Tita Lors: That is crazy. I mean, I tell my girls three squares. Because if any more than that, they just go a little bit crazy and they've they've put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet. And that was a fun plumbing visit. Robin Axline: yeah, let's kind of have a callback to remember the over and under conversation we had about the toilet paper. This was like, for you real heads, this was like episodes Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: ago, but it was like the janitor that put it under instead of over to like get on. Yeah. Tita Lors: Yes, yes, over under Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Uhhuh. Yeah. So I I honestly I don't care if they use more than three, but I try to tell them three so that they can think about like that there is a limit. You don't use an endless amount of toilet paper or need an endless amount of toilet paper to wipe yourself. But yeah. One square of toilet paper, especially school toilet paper, it's so flimsy. Robin Axline: It's like one ply or minus ply or something. Tita Lors: Exactly. Gosh. Stupid. Robin Axline: I have so much trauma from that shit. anyway, that's a different topic. So I... Tita Lors: That's different. Yeah. Yeah. this poor girl. Robin Axline: god. Yeah, so I know what you're talking about. The schools had these whacked out ideas of... yeah. Tita Lors: Rules, yeah. Like you couldn't just leave and take care like take care of your bodily needs because they didn't trust you. Which I I understand for like, I don't know, middle school, high school, but for somebody who's six years old, where are they gonna go? What are they gonna do? Robin Axline: I know. Yo, what mischief are they gonna really truly get into? Tita Lors: I rightly. And it was buddy system back then. Like also what are you learning in first grade that I can't leave for five minutes and use the bathroom? Robin Axline: Because like you were saying like some people barely- er, some people. Children had barely a grip on like using the bathroom to like know when they have to and... Tita Lors: And then for this poor girl, it's not like she had any control over it. It's not like you can do a Kegel and make it stop. Like you're actively Robin Axline: No. Tita Lors: bleeding out whether you want to or not. Robin Axline: I forgot how old she was, but it doesn't really matter. 17. Okay. But still. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I I I think for me personally, in the shoes of the seventeen year old, I would have been like, listen, lady, bye. Like, I gotta go. Robin Axline: Yuh! Tita Lors: My phone better my I wasn't farting, that was my chair. Just letting it rip. Robin Axline: No, I'm just kidding. I thought it was your phone or something, but I would. That's what I was going to say. I'd Tita Lors: But yeah, I would just leave my phone, honestly. Robin Axline: be like, better have my phone when I come back if you're going to be this crazy. Tita Lors: Mm. Yeah. Feel like I you better be here after school. I'm not coming to get it. I'd probably send my daddy. Or my imaginary dad that was supportive of me and actually cared. For me, yeah. If I had Robin Axline: a dad that would stand up for period rights or whatever. Tita Lors: your dad OP, I would send my daddy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Exactly. Or if your mom and is anything like your dad, I'd send my mommy. Because then my the mama bear would be like, Who the fuck do you think you are? Like Yeah, th in my situation I was that person. Robin Axline: Not, yeah, I'm not saying my down to be that secure to do that in the first place, but if I had to pick... Tita Lors: Uh-huh. If I if I had to pick, I would get in trouble for cussing somebody out. Robin Axline: So anyways, yes, that's messed up. Tita Lors: Mm. Regardless, he needs to sign you out. I mean I could see somebody saying, Why can't you just wait for your dad to do that? It's just like quickly sign you like how long does it take to sign you out? Kind of a thing. And Yeah, like what kind of paperwork are you filling out just to get signed out of school? Robin Axline: I mean, I had a friend in high school who was like, I don't remember if she was 18 or close to 18, but like, she would legally be allowed to sign herself out to ditch school. So she was 18. So we'd go to the office and she'd be all like, sign herself out. And then I would, mean, this is, nobody is listening to this, but sometimes I just Tita Lors: In theory, sometimes. Robin Axline: Sometimes I just go with her and then I go home and the answering machine I just put delete. You're a daughter, did you just scold her that way? I just feel like, delete. I like raced my parents so and then... Tita Lors: Honestly that was the thing back then, right? Like as long as you got home before your parents got home, safe. Yeah. I was supposed Robin Axline: So. Tita Lors: to take the bus home. And there were times when like 'cause when did I get a phone? I think I didn't get a phone until like fifteen or so. and it was like okay, but I have to keep when I go to take the bus, if I take the bus from the school I can't call you and let you know that I'm on the way to s like home Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: and so you're not gonna know that I'm home until you get home or I call you from the house phone. And that if I get home at all, right? And then or I walk all the way to the library, which was like a ten, fifteen minute walk, uphills and downhills both ways. Robin Axline: my gosh. Yeah, in the snow. Tita Lors: In the snow of California. yeah, so I'd walk there and then there was a payphone. So if I didn't have coins on me, how was I gonna call you? Yeah, and then so I was just like, you know, you're never gonna know where I am or if I'm safe or alive. I guess. Is that what you want? That's how I got the phone. But Like Robin Axline: sh- Tita Lors: yeah, eventually they thought about it. They gave like I got a phone. which had all these limits on it and I could barely even use it, which is fine. So my friends would sometimes take me home and I wouldn't I wouldn't be on the bus and honestly it just got to a point where as long as I was home before my parents were home, it just didn't matter. I would like go to my friends' houses and then I was like, I gotta go home. I gotta get home. Robin Axline: I did that too! I did that too! I'd go to my friend's house if I couldn't figure Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: out how to get home and then... Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or it even got sometimes I would be like, Hi mom, I went over to this person's house after school. Like, you know, me and a whole bunch of people were we're all just hanging out and my mom had met a few of them and I had they were like upperclassmen friends of mine and she was like, Okay, but you know you have to be home before your dad gets home and I was like, Yeah. We'll do Robin Axline: I thought you were gonna say you called collect, because that's what I used to do. If I didn't have coins, Tita Lors: Did Robin Axline: so I'd like call collect and then I would hang up the phone so my parents didn't have to accept the charges. So then they'd know, I'd like record myself, like I'd be like, well, I'm not coming straight home. Bye. Tita Lors: My mom would just I I don't know, I never thought of doing that for whatever reason. Excuse me. I think also because I don't know why I didn't do that. But I never I never did that. Yeah. I think I I thought maybe my mom had too much anxiety to handle that. Or she wouldn't know who was calling. Even though who else would be called. Yeah. Yeah, and say I'm safe, I'm home, ball. Okay, bye. Robin Axline: Yeah, that's what I would do. I'd be like, okay, I'm not coming straight home. I know you're not home anymore, but bye, and then click. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: Ugh. Anyways, that was my experience. But I also wanted to get home to watch TRL, so bad. So sometimes I would go to somebody's house to watch it, and then I go home. Help. Tita Lors: That's so funny. I'm thinking about like what when we were talking earlier, how you're like, I have all these friends like mailbox friends. I was like, I don't even think in high school I think even in high school, I was just like, you know me, how? Why? Ew. There were very specific people that I was like, Hi with and then other people I was just like, you know my name Robin Axline: So funny. There was these two gals that I was supposed to start a punk rock band with, and I was going to play the drums and they're going to play the guitar and the bass. And we'd have exactly. Tita Lors: Uhhuh. But you're a girl. You're not allowed to play drums. That's not ladylike. Robin Axline: Exactly. But I'd like walk around with drumsticks, be like, yeah, I'm going to be a punk band. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: And then the most that we did was like mostly watch like, Jenny Jones at lunchtime. Tita Lors: Wait, like the the show like the not talk show. What were they? Robin Axline: Yeah, was like a talk show. Yeah, it was a talk show. So we'd go to this one gal's Tita Lors: Yeah, right? Okay. Robin Axline: house that lived next door to the school. And then we'd watch like Jenny Jones and like all those like weird gossipy daytime things. And then also she had the box set of casino and it had two VHS tapes. So we'd like play casino in interspersed with that. And then we'd talk about punk rock dreams. And that was the extent of that. But they weren't like, deep friends or anything. They're almost mailbox friends. Tita Lors: No. Yeah. Robin Axline: So weird. Tita Lors: and things that they would like soup up and raise. I know it was so cool. And I got to drive some of their cars and they're the ones who taught me how to drive. And that's another reason why my mom was like okay with me hanging out with them because she knew that I was learning I was also like learning how to drive from them. And like we I would I get to go to their houses and they had like really awesome houses. But just hanging out hang out and I wasn't because I was younger than them and because they were afraid of my mom, I wasn't allowed to like get into any shenanigans or anything. They're just like they would be passing around like a cigarette or whatever and they're like, Don't don't even. Don't do that. Not you. You're not allowed to get that away from her. Yeah. So I that was really awesome. I thought really fun experience. And because ev like it was a richy rich area, but I guess there are some people who fancied themselves like gangsters or whatever. So sometimes instead of they would know that I would frequently like walk to the library to take the bus from the library and they'd be like, Are you walking to school today? And I'm like, I w are you walking to the bus today? And I like, yeah Like, no, we'll pick you up. 'Cause there would be some like shenanigans in the parking lot that they knew was gonna go down. Yeah, so they're like Yeah, that was all for like one year and I was so cool. I thought I was like so badass in with like the upper classmen, like souped up car guys and g you know, I don't know if the girls like me that much, but like The ones that I hung out with, they were cool with me, but but yeah, I was like, huh, yay me! Yeah, it was a really cool experience. Robin Axline: That's pretty red. Tita Lors: but yeah. Circling back to home girl, we don't know. I like the advice that everybody else gave you. Like have your daddy talk to the superintendent. like And I don't know, see if there's a way to get a school lawyer involved with all of that. But I don't know, man, you're in Texas, so how much do they care about your rights? In Texas. So yeah. Robin Axline: No, I'm just kidding. Tita Lors: And luckily, I mean you're seventeen and you're a senior, so you're leaving soon, so fuck them. Nice. If I could go back to my younger self, I would have told my younger self, You should have graduated early. 'Cause I by the time I was my senior year, there wasn't really any classes I had to take. I was like I had everything 'cause I had taken like a lot of Because I was so hell bent on like proving that I deserved to be there academically or that I was like smart enough to be there. 'Cause I moved from LA USD to that school district and I ended up taking like honors and A P classes to prove that I was just as smart as the kids there to myself and I ended up like taking every math class it that I could take and like didn't even have to take math by the time I got to college. I ha I had college credits through the A P classes already and I honestly could have just graduated early and like if I knew anything about the process, I might have like been like, yeah, graduate early, get an AA and then apply to like a university or whatever, I would have had probably a better chance and opportunity to have done that. stayed in call I stayed in high school. Yeah. Senior year was w like and the first two years of college too. I was like, shoot, everyone from my high school is here. Like yeah, like a lot of people went to the same college that I went to which wasn't horrible, but I was like I was really hoping to in reinvent myself and for no one to know me. But you all know me. Yeah. Alright, your next story. Robin Axline: Okay. Yeah, so my next story is gonna be... It's called Leaving the Wedding Group Chat. it's another group chat. Healed Boundary or Dramatic Exit. wait, hold on. No, Tita Lors: Yeah. I guess you stayed in theme. Yeah. Yeah. Robin Axline: I guess I just stayed in theme. I guess both of these kind of like, whoa, what in the world? well, who cares? So weird. thank you. That's what I was trying to do. Read my mind. Okay, so this is from Am I the Asshole? Frosty underscore foundation 130 is the OP. Am I the Asshole for leaving my friend group chat after being left out at a wedding? Tita Lors: Again. I'm gonna go with based on the other one that we read, I'm gonna go with no 'cause these people don't give a fuck about you. Unless you really are just a dick. Let's find out. Robin Axline: huh. Yeah, let's see. Alright, I... yeah, let's find out. I, 23F, am being called petty and immature for trying to leave my friend's group chat after my feelings were hurt. I have a very large friend group that hangs out all together a couple times a year. We have a large group chat which we use regularly to share memories and photos. Yes. I'd say like... hmm that's a good question. Maybe like... large. Maybe 10? 12? Or 20? I sure as heck don't. Tita Lors: Yeah. I don't even know that I have that many friends. How do you how do people have that many friends? How do you struggle? Yeah. How long have you maybe it's gonna get into it. Robin Axline: I don't know. And then how do they all know each other? Who are these people? Tita Lors: Right? Like, that's just a lot of relationships to navigate. Robin Axline: And how do they all know each other? I mean, God, I guess people meet people meet people, but geez. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a a lot of my friends I've been I've always been like this, even in high school. It's like I knew this person in this place, this person in that place, this person that place. But and they never were really friends with each other kind of a situation until yeah, they didn't really connect until it was like my birthday and I would bring them all together and we would all hang out that way. But I that so rarely happened and I I have group chats now, but like a lot of the times it's I'm friends with that person. So it got like looped into the chat 'cause now we all know each other and we all want to hang out, I guess. I don't know. I don't think I have like a group chat of people that I've known for a long time and it's a big unless it's my cousins. That I have or like my f the family group chat. It's probably the biggest group chat I have. That's great. Like my gosh, I just read the next sentence. Read the next sentence. I should have s I should have saved my question. Robin Axline: okay, well, let me get back to the story. Back to the story. Okay. As I mentioned, it's a very large group. okay. About 18 people. There you go. As su- yes, go ahead. All good. Tita Lors: Could you sorry, I'm so sorry, but could you imagine actually no, I'm not sorry. This is banter and it's good. could you imagine having eighteen friends? Robin Axline: Uh-uh. I truly cannot even picture it in my head. Tita Lors: Neither can I have eighteen Robin Axline: like Tita Lors: friends and ten of those will be my cousins or family Robin Axline: Yeah, like, one of them would be my brother and one would be his wife. Tita Lors: Yeah that's that too like ten ten of them let's see nine eight eight of them would be my cousins the other eight would be their partners how many how many is left for friends? Two Robin Axline: But then my improv friends... Yeah. My improv friends wouldn't be in the same chat as my brother and his wife though. Tita Lors: Yeah, that would be but she's got a large group of eighteen people who all n from school, like I guess people who have were you in a sorority or whatever? Me either. Maybe that's how people do it. But I was I was in a club and there's one two One person from that club two people from that club that I talk to consistently and then a few others that they're like porch friends where like I'd love to hang out and see them more often but we're not really in each other's lives kind of that often. We ch we see each other on Instagram and and comment on each other's things and stuff. It that that could also be because I'm not in California anymore, but like there's two people that I c talk with consistently. And there's definitely not a group chat with everyone from there. So how do people do that? It's crazy. Yeah. Okay, I'll shut up now. Continue. Robin Axline: Please don't shut up. Okay, so back to the story. Back to the story. As I mentioned, it's a very large group about 18 people. As such, obviously, we aren't all equally close. Aha! Some of the connections between people in the group is mainly mutual friends. Aha. However, we do all generally go to the same parties. Well, one of the people in this group was getting married, and although we've known each other for a couple of years now, I'm not close friends with her. I suspected I would get an invite to her wedding because she said it was more of a low-key event and I knew she didn't have a lot to spend on it. Hmm, that's a weird. When it came time to send out the she didn't Tita Lors: Wait, why? Which part? What's weird? Robin Axline: have that much to spend on it than what she wouldn't invite more people Tita Lors: Yeah. So she's saying like she's saying I I'm pretty sure I'm not going yeah, yeah, yeah. Robin Axline: wouldn't get an invite. Duh. Anyways, when it came time to send out her invitations, I received a call from one of our mutual friends, whom we are both close with. My friend wanted to tell me that the bride felt really awful about it, but that she couldn't invite me to the wedding because of limited space. I immediately reached out to her and let her know that there were no hard feelings and that weddings were stressful enough. True that. I did feel a little bad about not being invited, but I also assumed that there were other people in our friend group receiving similar calls. boy. Well, as it turned out, I was completely wrong. This weekend, my group chat blew up with pictures from the wedding, and while I was looking through them, I realized that I had been the only one who didn't receive an invite. another god what was worse was that everyone who had a significant other has gotten a plus one wow even my friend who had started dating his girlfriend after I was told they couldn't invite me ow whoa that's Tita Lors: Wow. So like a full stranger is at your wedding versus somebody that you have known for some time. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: That's nutty. I was so embarrassed. I've been very insecure about friendships the majority of my life because I've had multiple people upgrade, ugh, to someone more popular than me. I just talking about this with somebody. So, I suppose because of this, I got upset and decided I didn't want to be a part of the entire group anymore and I left the group chat. That's when my friends started reaching out and asking why I had left. at least they did that. Tita Lors: Yeah. At least they noticed. Robin Axline: Some of them were understanding, but my best friend told me that it looks really bratty and petty. Tita Lors: Good, she should be petty. Y'all were petty first. The fuck? Bratty. Is she a Virgo? Because girl, I feel you. Robin Axline: Right? I'm bratty. Now I'm feeling bad because I really didn't want to put a damper on their wedding joy. But being excluded really hurt my feelings so now I'm worrying am I in the wrong. Edit. didn't- wait. Tita Lors: Yeah. I don't think so either. Like I I she was so understanding and so like respectful and weddings are stressful, totally get it. That makes a whole lot of sense. Yeah, exactly. But you're gonna invite seventeen people plus their plus ones. That's what, like thirty four? Can I do math? Robin Axline: Plus somebody that wasn't even in the picture when they said you're not invited. Tita Lors: Yeah. my can I do that? Robin Axline: You know what I would do though, personally, I would have put that on mute because I would be like, I can't look at this. Tita Lors: Yeah, they're yeah. That's crazy. That's that's expensive. And that for one of those people to be someone you don't even know, you you could have been like, sorry dude, I I didn't even invite her and I don't even know this person. You just met them. You or you just ended up in a relationship with them recently and I didn't invite her. If I was going to add another person, it'd be her. Yeah. Robin Axline: So that seems a little off to me. Or like not mature. Tita Lors: Yeah, like how much money did you really save? Let's think about it. If you had a cheap and it a relatively low cost, inexpensive wedding, you maybe saved fifty dollars by not inviting her. Robin Axline: I mean, I'm assuming that they didn't have like some top end catering where it's like at least a hundred bucks a head. Yeah. Tita Lors: something. Yeah. So if you kept it low budget because you don't have a lot of money, you maybe saved fifty dollars plus whatever the rental for the plates and the if you want to factor that into the cost of inviting a person to your wedding. You didn't save that much if you're liter I would feel so guilty if I was like, I want to invite everybody but you. Robin Axline: Yeah, that is weird. That's weird. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. I'd be like, I don't know, man. I think I'm just gonna invite her anyways. Robin Axline: My brother had a taco truck. just outright paid the taco truck and then just said, everybody just order whatever you want kind of thing. Tita Lors: Yeah. that's so cool. Well also I've never planned a wedding so I don't know the ins and outs of what that is and but if I was a if I was the bride when we were planning on having a so initially we had planned we were gonna try and have like some kind of a ceremony, 'Cause we never did for ours. We just eloped and we intended to have a ceremony afterwards. Like a celebration, like a five year celebration. We made it. We stayed married somehow. Yay. So that should should be this year, actually. Should have been this year. And we had started planning it and we were talking about guest lists and stuff like that. And trying to keep it fair because I have a lot of family and friends that I would want to invite and he has an unequal amount. And we're just like, What's what's the max? And he gave a number and I was like, Yeah, that would be like eighty percent of my family. You would have like no one there. We can't that's not big enough. For yeah. And we and then even even afterwards we're like, but we made like new friends and some of these newer friends we'd we'd like more or have a closer connection with than people that we had known longer. And we're like, so how do we Yeah, who gets invited? Who doesn't get invited? Yeah, right. And and yeah, she's a new girlfriend, but maybe they just had such an immediate connection that she's like, please come to my wedding Yeah, so I'm like, it's hard to say that the bride is the is an asshole in this since we don't know the full story. But definitely I don't think she's an asshole for leaving the group chat. Like I would also feel hurt about that. Like, so why am I even in this group? Like, let me just be in a group chat with these people that I'm actually close to. Right leave. would do which I've done actually. Like there have been situations where like falling out with people and I'm like okay. And I either like leave entirely or I just stop responding and it goes to the bottom of like the thing and I'm as right, like if especially if nobody else is really using it, no one's actually texting through it then I'm not Robin Axline: Yeah, sometimes those things just die on their own, And kind of like what you were saying in the other one, they might start another one low key and you wouldn't even know. Yeah. Tita Lors: Exactly. Without you. Yeah. Robin Axline: So anyways, okay. This is the updates. Excuse me. Edit. didn't expect any more than three responses on this, so reading all the comments is a little overwhelming. I just wanted to clarify a few things. I have hung out with the bride and her husband numerous times as well as house sit and pet sat for them. That's a little crazy. Tita Lors: You didn't invite her to your w you trust her enough to house it and take care of your pet, but you don't want her at your wedding? Robin Axline: Yikes. don't think the couple meant anything malicious by not inviting me as we had always gotten along before. Like I said, I wasn't expecting an invitation, but I also wish the bride hadn't made our friend tell me that. this is weird. The bride. I wish the bride hadn't made our friend tell me that I couldn't be invited due to space limitations. Seeing as though that people were invited after all the seats were supposedly filled. So like I that actually goes back to what I saying is it sounds like the bride is not mature Tita Lors: yeah, because she couldn't be she couldn't pull up her big girl panties and be like, Sorry, I'm not sending you an invitation. Robin Axline: Right. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: I already sensed that. So that's funny that that is actually what happened. Okay. Tita Lors: Uh-huh, yeah. Robin Axline: I also didn't even need to have a reason not to be invited. Yeah. It just felt like a- yeah. Tita Lors: Fair, yeah. I think e with a reason or no reason, I think she still would have felt left out though. Robin Axline: for sure. Especially Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: if you house sound and pet sound and stuff. Tita Lors: Yeah, like literally everyone was invited except me. Robin Axline: Just give me that. Tita Lors: Yeah, whether you gave me a reason or not, just the fact that that happened. I'm out of the coop chat. We're clearly Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: not friends. Robin Axline: True. And to have a friend tell me that and not yourself, that's brutal. Okay. Yes, of course I would have understood, like I said, we're friends, but not close friends. I just wish you didn't go the extra mile to make it seem like I would have gotten an invite if only. I don't know everybody's individual relationship with each other, but I do know that some of my friends were surprised they had- they had gotten an invite. Personally, I'm not close to them, but I would still call them friends. I saw a lot of comments saying that it would be kind of ridiculous to start a whole new group chat to share pictures in, especially when not everyone knew the whole story. I think everyone's right about that, but it still felt weird that that's how I found out that I was the only one not invited. Oof. Ultimately, I wish I hadn't left the group chat the way that I did. I probably could have just quietly left afterwards when it wasn't so obvious. It did feel childish on my end, but after reflecting on it, how long was this giant group going to last anyways? I don't have any ill will towards the bride or the groom, and I'm sure they didn't think it would upset me. However, in the heat of the moment, I was embarrassed and felt like I had been played. I also have spoken to my best friend today. she didn't know the whole story. She hadn't known that the bride had asked one of our friends to tell me I wasn't invited. She thought I wasn't even aware that there was a wedding. Okay, friend much? That is even... That just hurt my brain. Tita Lors: That's worse too. Damn. I don't like whoa whoa whoa whoa. Robin Axline: What? Hold on, hold the phone. Best friend? Tita Lors: Why are we friends? Yeah, what do you mean? Why wouldn't I know that there was a wedding? It's in the freaking group chat, like Robin Axline: But I mean, that's crazy that the best friend was like, well, I didn't think you wouldn't even know about the wedding, so I wasn't gonna bring it up or. Tita Lors: You put it in the group chat! So even if I didn't know that there was a wedding, I would have known that there was a wedding and that I wasn't invited and that I was the only one not invited. Are you fucking kidding me right now? You don't think that I have any right to be upset that I see all of these pictures that you guys are all hanging out and I'm not I didn't even know? It that would have been worse. Robin Axline: yeah and then also the friend if they're best friends the friend would have been like hey did you get an invite to so and so's wedding like we should go Tita Lors: Yes! Robin Axline: together or something Tita Lors: Yeah, what are you wearing? What like are we coordinating? What's up? Exactly. Robin Axline: Yeah. Do you want to carpool or? don't know. Tita Lors: Are we staying in the same hotel? Where are you staying? What do you mean? And then I would have been like, Wow, that's fucked up that you didn't get invited. Robin Axline: you I feel like I to read that part again just really quick. She hadn't known... yeah, she hadn't known that the bride had asked one of her other friends to tell me I wasn't invited. She thought I wasn't even aware there was a wedding. Okay, well my friend is a little spacey. Okay. So, I know she didn't remember when I had asked for help finding a gift for their engagement party. Tita Lors: She was invited to the engagement party. Robin Axline: God Okay, also, finally, because I know I'm not a- also, finally, because I know I'm a wordy person, I'm really very sorry to hear that these situations are a lot more common than you think. I hope you all find the friends and the people who were meant to be in your life and make it a good time. Period. The end. Tita Lors: If I'm the best friend and I go to this, first of all, she's not invited? Well guess what? She's my plus one. And then Robin Axline: Ooh. Yes. Tita Lors: second, can you believe that they had space for that whole bag that she doesn't even know but they didn't have space for you? I would be put I would be with her like what the fudge? Robin Axline: Yeah, if I was- if my best friend was treated like that, I wouldn't go to the wedding. Believe me. I wouldn't. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah, that too. Robin Axline: It's not that important. Tita Lors: I know. I you know, and I could imagine her being like, it's not that big of a deal. You should go because she wouldn't have known that literally everyone else was invited but you. But if I was the best friend and I knew that everyone else was invited but her, Robin Axline: Yes. Tita Lors: how are you not taking her side? Yeah. Yeah. And also why why whatever. I don't Somebody goes, so this is a comment from deleted, not the asshole. Out of 17 people, 16 and a bunch of their plus ones were invited. Miss me with with whatever mind game bullshit going on here. You're better off without them. People who expect you to swallow this kind of disrespect for group cohesive cohesion are really just trying to make you feel bad for having any guts. You stood up for yourself, you're a fucking legend right now. Stick with the friends that reach out with concern. Drop the rest. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: snaps for that. Tita Lors: Yeah, and then someone's like, It's the way she found out as well. They're all sharing pictures. And that's the thing for me too. I I I understand people being like, well, it's not like they're going to create a whole new group chat without her. Do you know how easy that is? Let me delete you from this group chat and then it creates a whole ass. No, it ha it'll create a whole ass other group chat just without that per you just have to delete that person out of it. It's the easiest thing in the world. And trust me, they already have a group chat without her. So why didn't they just use that group chat? Why did they have to use the group chat that she was in? I'm s I'm like I get big mad when it comes to people leaving other people out. Yeah. And I I think probably because I always felt like the one who was getting left out or left behind or whatever. But there are kinder ways. You know, like Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Seventeen people just became mailbox friends. If even Yeah, some of can be porch friends. None of them are house friends and not even your best friend is a sleepover. Yeah. No sleepover friends. Robin Axline: Not even your best friend. No sleepovers ever again. Tita Lors: That's crazy. Robin Axline: Okay, well, let's hear yours. I'm still Tita Lors: Okay, I have another story. Robin Axline: just kind of like feeling this all in my body, but yes. Tita Lors: mean I have you ever been the person who's like, okay, let's we're just gonna delete this person out of the group chat. Yeah. I did it, but it was I did it but it was mostly like you're not only are you not like contributing to the group chat, so I don't even know if you're participating anymore, but also you're not showing up to anything. Right? Like we're sent the invitations are getting sent, but you're not showing up. So maybe that makes me an asshole. And there are good reasons, I suppose, but like Robin Axline: Yeah, I mean, I'm backpedaling a little bit, but I have been in like a group, like an improv team where one person wasn't really pulling their weight and they were kind of flaking out. And so like the people that were consistent were kind of like, what do you guys think? Like. Tita Lors: Mm. Yeah, and that's yeah, it was like a group decision too. It wasn't just me. It was like me and one other person were talking and then it just kind of became a well and I think there there was like that person had done something and like didn't invite us or they were like constantly doing things with other people but not with us. So I was like, Okay, well you have time. Other obviously there are other people that are a priority and that's okay. Robin Axline: Mm-mm. I don't think so. Tita Lors: okay. So this is from R slash Would I be the asshole from four days ago? do dash message dash seven five three nine. Robin Axline: it's would I be the a hole. yeah, what's the end part? Typo maybe? Tita Lors: But it's an N. typo. Yeah, the N is right next to the B. What a B dazzle. For telling my best friend, I don't want to celebrate my birthday with her. so my twenty-one male best friend, twenty-two female. So the OP is twenty-one male, best friend is twenty-one female, missed my birthday party this year. Yes. Her dog got diagnosed with cancer and she didn't want to leave her alone for the night. I understood this, but also low-key didn't because she lives with her parents. So her dog would not be alone, and her dog is still very active and happy for being sick. My fiancé's mom works at a veterinary hospital and says that her dog definitely seems well enough to not need to be watched 24/7. Anyway, it sucked that she couldn't be there and I was disappointed, but tried to be understanding. Then the night of my party, she texts me saying she was going to go to another friend's house. Aw, this really hurt me. She says I'm her best friend, but she was willing to go see someone else instead of celebrating my birthday. Awww. These last few stories are. About the friendships? Ugh. so now two weeks later and she puts suggest keeps suggesting we do something in September, but I don't want to celebrate my birthday a month late. Plus, the dates she's suggesting are closer to her birthday, which is next month. I'm just done celebrating my birthday and have tried to express this subtly, but she's not getting it. Would I be the asshole if I told her straight up that I didn't want to celebrate with her and if she wanted to celebrate with me, she should have come to my party. Okay, let me sort through my feelings. Do you have an idea? Yeah. okay. So someone in the comments is like, I'm kind of getting the vibe that OP does not think she's trying to make up for his B Day, but pass any celebration off as for his B Day, but actually it's for her B Day. So whatever they did would be to her liking, not his. Which is kind of the vibe that I was getting too, yeah. 'Cause if that's the case, that would suck. I don't like all for celebrating my birthday for a whole month and celebrating later with my friends and stuff. But or if like we plan ahead and we're like, yeah, let's do this for both of us That's one thing. And I'm also trying to like I have one of my best friends, her birthday is like a month after me. Not that she's ever missed a birthday of mine, but like I could I could I would trust her to be like, White, I didn't I wasn't there for your birthday. And I would trust her to actually plan something amazing that was centered around me because she's really cool like that. But not I don't think I could trust just anybody to do that. Yeah. Yeah. That is hurtful. But like it's your birthday. And especially 'cause her initial reason is that my dog is sick. Yeah, and s right, like your dog is sick, cool cool cool, stay home, be with your dog, no questions asked, it's all good. But then you go and you hang out with somebody else. Did you bring your sick dog with you? Ha ha ha. Like yeah, what do you mean? Was your dog still alone? Like, why is it that you could make that person and and the OP's right, like so clearly that person is a priority to you over me, and that's fine if that's the case, but like what was with the excuses before? Robin Axline: That is so real. Like people that their priorities are so out of whack and they don't know how to handle it themselves so they just kind of blow because this is XYZ and then they justify these things where they cherry pick what is more important to them. Tita Lors: Yeah. Or also I'm like thinking back to right, you said the older woman who was like, like this is pre-recording where there was an older woman who felt like in order to be her most authentic self as a child, she had to like make up stories and lies about what she was doing so that she actually could do the things she wanted to do. And then you kind of learn from that, like I get it. I get it as a child. I don't get it as an adult. Yeah, right? Like you as a child you don't have autonomy. Or children have less autonomy typically than adults because especially back in the day, you children are seen and not heard. You do what you're told. You don't have a brain. So yeah, you're not allowed to have opinions of who you are supposed to be. You're who I tell you to be, which was, you know, but Robin Axline: And then it wouldn't leave you questioning yourself and like, what does our relationship look like? And why did she choose that over me? XYZ? Like, that's not cool. That's not cool. You don't do that to a friend. Tita Lors: Especially not your best friend. Robin Axline: Yeah, as Eleven said, friends don't lie. Tita Lors: Ha ha Boom. Robin Axline: L boom. Tita Lors: Yeah, would he be the asshole? No, dude, I wouldn't want to celebrate with them either. Like, yeah. I'm so petty like that. I'll just be like, no, I don't care anymore. That the moment has passed. It's gone. See, it's over there. Robin Axline: Yeah, because any other way would just taint your own birthday and make it worse, probably. Because they'd still put you under stress, probably. It would Tita Lors: I know. Yeah, this isn't this isn't what I wanted. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: never be right. Tita Lors: Yeah, or if they s if they did start to make it about themselves, I'd been like, Yeah, this is obviously your birthday. And if I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you, then I would plan you a birthday party. Or you could just tell me that this is for your birthday. We don't have to pretend like this is for me. Like what are we doing here? Seriously, I'm trying to see if they commented anywhere, but I'm not really seeing comments from them. It's looking like not the asshole with everybody. Somebody said birthday parties are not very important to adults, especially when someone has more important things going on in their life. Like cancer in their best friend. You're young, she's young, you'll grow up and shake your head that this was a big deal. excuse me, but birthday parties are very important. Yes. What do you mean? Robin Axline: very VIP much like that's I mean not trying to be it's just very like a mom saying to their kids like if you don't eat this food they're starving children in Africa or something like Tita Lors: They're gonna starve if I eat it or not. Robin Axline: It's probably not the greatest example, but that's the first thing that came to mind. Tita Lors: I've always hated that example. I've always hated like when my mom would say that to me. You know, they're starving people in the Philippines and China. And they will still starve. What do you shh, you can put this in a box and ship it to them? That's the only way they're not gonna starve, and even then they're gonna starve. It's gonna go bad. So whether I eat this or not. Yeah. Robin Axline: Yeah, then they'd get sick. Tita Lors: I don't think my diet is going to change their circumstances. And I think at some point I was like, there's starving people here. Are you going to go outside and give this to them? Would you like to go feed them? Please, I don't want it anymore. Give it to them. Robin Axline: I wish I thought said that as a kid. I just was like, no, I have to finish my plate then. was like, dang. Tita Lors: I never said it aloud to my mom. I probably would have got slapped. I thought it in my head and then I just stared at it and sat there until they finally re they finally got tired of me because the idea the punishment was that I had to sit there until I finished my food. So I would just like pick at it and then I would just sit there for the whole day. The whole day would I would sit there from breakfast to dinner if I had to. People would eat around me and I would just sit there. And there right? Yeah, all of my like cousins, everybody was playing, doing whatever they were doing and they would be like, eat your food or else you can't play. I guess I can't play then. Robin Axline: It got to the point Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: where I would do something like that and my parents would be like, okay, that's it. You're going to eat it for dinner then. And then they put it in the fridge. Tita Lors: Yeah, that would have been fine. I do that with my girls. I'm like, okay, if you don't finish your food, then this is what we're having for dinner because we don't want to be wasteful, especially because I asked you what you wanted. Yeah. But for me, usually it was, well, here's the food that's available or not even here's the food you know. That would have been fine too, 'cause that's why I say to them, here's what's available, what do you want? But it was like, here's all the food and then they would put food on my plate and decide how hungry I was and decide what I wanted to eat or what was good for me. instead of like me being able to and sometimes I could choose my own and sometimes I would put too much food because I wasn't aware I didn't have that I just thought that's what you were supposed to do. You know what mean? Yeah, it wasn't about How hungry am I? How hungry does my body feel? And that's how much food I'm gonna put on my plate. It was, this is what you have to do. And then I would be like, I don't like it though. Robin Axline: So many of you baked in those kinds of things are. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. How did we get here? Robin Axline: How do we get anywhere? Tita Lors: because somebody said that birthday parties are not important. That's they're so far of a leap. Robin Axline: yes yes yes yes yes. That was like the springing board to... Brilliant. Tita Lors: Yes, that's amazing. yeah. Robin Axline: So good. We're just like mind melding here. So yes, I feel like this person is not the a-hole. Tita Lors: Mm, word. Yeah. Way louder. Okay, we are definitely over because I still have to add from last week. That's gonna be long one. Robin Axline: man, I'm sorry. Tita Lors: No, no, it's okay. I thought eve I I'm actually surprised that that's the one that I clicked on because I thought I had a different l story that I was gonna put up. my gosh, we still have to do petty battle. Wait, let's wrap this up. Robin Axline: my god. Help! Okay. Yes. So... Tita Lors: Okay, okay, we're wrapping it up, everyone. What are your thoughts about everything that we talked about, including all of our ridiculous tangents? What are some healed or unhinged perspectives that we didn't consider because we got too caught up in our tangents? If Robin Axline: You Tita Lors: you would like to take a third-party perspective, or if you would like a third-party perspective or some unhinged ideas, please reach out to us. We have the T line: 816-832-2563. Our email is pettyandunbothered at gmail.com. RG is petty and unbothered, or you could just tell us in the comments all of that stuff. I feel like I'm talking really fast. This is all we've got for today. If you enjoyed hanging out with us, like I enjoyed hanging out with Robin, then please, please, please subscribe. Anywhere you listen to podcasts, even YouTube, all that jazz. Don't miss our next episode. I will eventually get on top of it. It will be going out when it's supposed to happen. Yes, they will. They'll be there. Until next time everyone. Fuck it all.