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The quiet isolation of the highly sensitive man (INFP/INFJ) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kate Harmony.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, I want to talk to the highly sensitive men out there.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: The empaths, the perhaps in the Myers-Briggs personality system, the INFJs or the INFPs.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know that on my channel there are 30% of the people who are watching are men.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that makes me so happy because my husband is the most sensitive person, human, I have ever met in my life.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know what it's like from the outside for him to be in the world.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's it's tough.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want you to know that you are seen, you are heard, you're welcome here.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I've spoken to many of you in the comments, and I it's a joy.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to acknowledge that there because because in the world that we live in, it's it's a bit it's a bit more acceptable to be a highly sensitive woman.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And as we know, we've talked about a lot on this channel.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a lot because we're we're all kind of seen as too much, right?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And but for men, I just think there's this invisibility of kind of highly sensitive men in our world, especially in North America and maybe Australia and um North America, Australia.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I had somewhere else.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, well, m my husband grew up in South Africa, so so potentially South Africa.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was I think it's easier maybe in England and Europe or the UK.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my husband spent ten years in London and found it much easier to be a highly sensitive person, even even in the hub above London.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And um but just the culture was a bit more open to quirkiness and um just just just that, just that kind of feeling of not of everybody being quirky anyway.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if you live in those places, you can you can let me know how it feels.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I just, you know, my husband, so he's an INFJ.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's a highly sensitive person.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's like way high on the scale of all the all the things.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he's a gifted man with all sorts of intelligences, um, emotional and intellectual, and um so it's it's been quite the journey of of understanding this about him.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, I'm also a highly sensitive person and um an INFP.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we're together learning about this because I don't know about you, but growing up, he had to, you know, put a put a mask on, put a shell on to be safe in the world, to not show his intellect or his sensitivity and his his he's highly empathic and kind of had to sort of try and like push all that stuff down, keep it in, because it wasn't acceptable to be that way in in his family, in the culture that he lived in.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think you just kind of get on with life and and you know, that's that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um however, now in his sort of mid mid to mid to late forties, kind of having some some space to look at, look at his himself and kind of go, okay, like, you know.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I think he sees a lot of these things as as gifts.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I keep cheering him on to see them as gifts, but I think in a lot of ways he sees it as a curse for him.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I don't know why anyone would want to be an INFJ.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So um he he he struggles with all that.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: But we're we're working through it.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, as two highly sensitive people in a relationship, it's it's an interesting that's a whole other video, but um it's been a wonderful kind of journey of getting to know him and um because we've been married now for um oh almost almost nine nine years.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, it's it's been a journey.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of feel like there's been parts of me where I'm like, I didn't know that this was how you were.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I it's kind of felt like I did I ever really know the man that I married in a good way, in a good way.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he's um but it's just yeah, it's it's been it's been wonderful because parts of parts of the understanding, I think, I think coming to know thyself, right?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: The to know oneself is to at least be more comfortable in in your skin or to be more comfortable in in relationships.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, knowing that he's highly sensitive in terms of his smell, when he's smelling things and he's like, Can't you smell that?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, I can't smell that, or like he'll hear things and and he's like, Can you hear that?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, No.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so instead of him thinking he's crazy or me thinking like I'm like, I don't know what's happening.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now we can understand.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're a highly sensitive man, keep learning about yourself, keep learning about um the psychology of these things and and the you know so that you can go, okay, that's why I'm that way, and and to feel more comfortable in your skin.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I think I was thinking about I was thinking about the past.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: In the past, I think there was the a bit more acceptance of men who were more sensitive, who expressed that sensitivity through um through art, music, writing, painting.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: There was an acceptability of of of the I guess maybe the the artist archetype is kind of one of those areas that that sensitive men tend to gravitate towards.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that nowadays, obviously, the arts are just just in free fall decline with, especially with AI, you know, I'm talking about like careers to do with with the arts.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um so finding finding ways of being your full sensitive, empathic, you know, creative self can be, can feel harder in this modern sort of hard world that we live in.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to honor if you're struggling, if you're feeling lonely and isolated in this journey, it's like you're welcome here.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I know the the pain and the suffering and the the heartbreak sometimes.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think my husband, because he's so kind and so empathic, especially in harder cultures, where it's like, you know, very m macho man and very kind of just harder.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: When you're kind and empathic towards people, it's seen as weakness and treated as such and get taken advantage of and walked all over and um disrespected in a lot of ways.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's been hard watching my husband because he's a very masculine man, like he there's you know, but it's just the way he's built cognitively or his soul is just so much so so tender and loving and kind.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it's harsh, it's a hard world, and then to be treated in that manner, it's it really makes you know him shut off to the world and just like kind of you know, harden, try, try and that's the thing, when whenever this this kind of thing happens where there's a you know, um where there is a take it being taken advantage of or whatever where it's seen as weakness, you know, he he goes, I just need to harden myself.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like it's like trying to be someone else.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can't it can't be you can't be someone else.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's like yes, there are ways of of of setting boundaries and of you know keeping our energetic boundaries up and stuff.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of learning that's happened um around that, but it doesn't make it any easier when everyone around you seems just harsh and just so unaware of their words and their actions and so on.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I just want you to know that you're welcome here and exactly as you are right now, and you know, I'd love to hear from you in the comments about, you know, how do you how do you honor your sensitivity, your empath like nature?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: How do you keep your heart soft when the world is so hard right now and so just insensitive for lack of a better word, but you know what I'm talking about.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to hear from you in the comments um how you how you how you keep yourself soft and your heart soft.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, I love hearing from you.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um please do give this a thumbs up.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was helpful for you.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And um I can't wait to yeah, hear from you.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, uh wishing you so many blessings, signing off for now, XOXO Kate.