Latest / Twin Mom Life / Twins and Marriage: Claire Geisel on Twin Toddler Life, Twin Tips & Protecting Your Marriage
Transcript
- Claire Geisel: I can't even brave enough about how much this meeting has helped us. And like you said, being intentional about carving out that time for us to meet and talk about it because Our relationship is the most important if our family's gonna be healthy and strong, like we have to be on the same page. Jessielee Sittig: Hello and Welcome to the Twin Mom Life podcast. I'm your host, Jess. I created this podcast to help build community, connection, and most importantly, friendships among moms of multiples. Being a twin mom can be amazing and magical. That twin bond is unlike anything I've ever witnessed, but it can also be isolating and overwhelming. I'll be chatting with other twin moms, diving deep into the twin experience. giving advice on what works for us so you don't have to learn the hard way. Juggling two babies at the same time is challenging, but I'm confident we can learn from each other and figure out how to raise these babies together. Jess Sittig: welcome to the podcast. So today we have Claire. How are you? Claire Geisel: Good, thank you for asking and so I'm so happy to be here. Jess Sittig: Yay, me too. Okay. So can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Claire Geisel: Yes. I currently live in San Diego. I am originally from Arizona, but I moved out here almost ten years ago after college. I just wanted to live by the beach. I met my husband in twenty twenty. We got married and found out we were pregnant in twenty twenty four, found out it was twins, and now I'm a full time twin mom. Before that I was just working in my career. I did supply chain and logistics. So kind of like operations field. I worked for a really well-known beauty company based here in San Diego. I always called it my dream job. It was one of the best jobs I ever had, but when I became a mom, I decided to stay home with the twins, and that has very easily and quickly become my actual dream job. So Jess Sittig: It's the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had. Mm-hmm. Claire Geisel: Yes. Yeah, one hundred percent. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Well, and I was saying to you when we were chatting offline, I love your Instagram. I feel like you do such a wonderful job of sharing real life with twins. Like it is unbelievably magical and also really, really hard, especially the age that your twins are in. At the, you know, the ripe toddler stage, it is hard. So if people want to follow along, where can they find you on your Instagram? Claire Geisel: So my Instagram is Claire dot Geisel, that's G-E-I-S-E-L, and then TikTok is just Claire Geisel. Jess Sittig: Okay. And I'll put all that in the show notes. I just sometimes I forget to ask people and then it's in the show notes Claire Geisel: yeah. Jess Sittig: anyways, but you know, I always want to make sure that people can follow along because it's so nice to connect with other twin moms in real life and online. So yay, I love that. Claire Geisel: Yeah, totally. Jess Sittig: Okay, so before we dive into it, I know it's earlier there. So I don't know if you've had time to fill your cup today or if you have any plans to do so. Claire Geisel: Yes, actually today was a rare morning where they slept in about an hour and a half past their normal wake-up time. So I was able to actually eat Jess Sittig: Right on. Claire Geisel: breakfast. I literally cooked myself a high protein, very yummy breakfast, and that if I can do that in the mornings, that's something that really fills my cup because it helps me make it through the morning to make sure that I'm fed so that I can also make sure that they're fed and take care of them. So I'm glad that I got to actually eat breakfast. Jess Sittig: I love that. Well, and there's something special. Like it's nice to wake up before your kids, even if that's 30 minutes, but sometimes that's not realistic. Like you're tired, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: you had a rough night. So the fact that they slept in and you got to still have your normal Claire Geisel: Yes. Jess Sittig: wake time, that's a win-win for everybody. So another Claire Geisel: Yes, yeah. Jess Sittig: thing I love about your Instagram is you do talk a lot about like food and the meal prepping that you do for yourself and for your toddler. So I'm just curious like, what did you have for breakfast? Claire Geisel: I made myself an egg burrito, so I just like scrambled up some eggs. I had some shredded Jess Sittig: Yeah. Claire Geisel: chicken in the fridge, so I threw that in for some extra protein, a little bit of cheese, and then just wrapped it up in a warm tortilla and it was so good. Yeah. Jess Sittig: That sounds amazing. I love that. Okay. Well, and San Diego. I always think of San Diego as like the burrito capital of the world, whether it's like, you know what I mean? Like a steak burrito or a breakfast burrito. I just I was saying Claire Geisel: Yes. Yes. Jess Sittig: this also that I'm from California and I'm not from San Diego, but I'm from Southern California. And man, the burritos in Texas just don't hit like they do in California. I Claire Geisel: my gosh, yeah. The best Mexican food here for sure. My husband is like, he will not eat Mexican food anywhere else. Like it's so good. Jess Sittig: The best. Okay, so Texas is really big on queso. And I love queso as like a dip. Like chips and dip, Claire Geisel: my gosh. Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: great. Okay. Queso does not belong in a burrito. It just doesn't. It has no, it has no business being in a burrito. And the first Claire Geisel: No. No. Yeah. Jess Sittig: time we got Mexican food in Texas, I ordered a quesadilla. They put queso in it. I was like, I'm sorry. I Claire Geisel: that's a crime. Jess Sittig: was like, what? We have to move back. This is crazy. I I think I Claire Geisel: no, that's that's so crazy. Jess Sittig: I think I almost cried. Like I I can't eat this. This is and no hate against queso. Great with chips. Not great at like in place of cheese, like real cheese. Claire Geisel: Yeah, yes. Exactly. my gosh, that's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: So love that. That sounds delicious. okay, so I I'll share two little things because one was last night that was like a big cup filler that I want to continue to do. So I'm going to say it out loud so that I keep doing it. So have you ever Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: played I feel like this is maybe aging me, but have you played Mahjong? Claire Geisel: No, I've never I know that everybody's playing it right now and I have not had the chance to play it yet. Jess Sittig: Okay. Okay. It is so fun. And I will tell you that I have tried to play several times over the past year, but you have to have four people. And for people who don't know what Mahjong is, it's kind of like it's not a card game because you're using tiles, but it's very similar that you are trying to create some kind of pattern out of your tiles. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: And I love it because I'm using my brain in a way I don't with my kids every day. Like I'm challenging, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: it's like a brain buster, you know? So Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: I have tried playing Majong several times and learning the rules is kind of hard. So I feel like the couple of Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: times that I've had a night with friends, you have to have four people to play. So that's kind of hard sometimes too, is like Claire Geisel: Okay. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: coordinating with three other people. Sometimes it just doesn't work out in mom life. So it was so nice. Last night my church held an event and it was like a mahjong event. And the first 30 minutes was a refresher, which was nice. And then we just got to play. And it was the first time I've ever actually played a couple of games. And I got so Claire Geisel: wow. Jess Sittig: close, so close to getting a mahjong, which is like when you win. I didn't, I didn't win, but two of the Claire Geisel: okay, okay. Jess Sittig: girls in our group and our table did, which was awesome. So that was really fun. Claire Geisel: my gosh, that's so fun. Jess Sittig: And I really want to play once a month. I said, like I got home last night and I said that. So I'm like, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I I'm saying it out loud, I want to do it. Claire Geisel: Yeah. No, that's so cool. Do you have to have your own like do you have your own kit or do you usually just go and play somewhere else with a group? Jess Sittig: So me and one of my girlfriends like went in on a kit together. So we have Claire Geisel: cool. That's cool. Jess Sittig: with like a shared kit, you know? so Claire Geisel: That's awesome. Jess Sittig: it's nice to actually have the tiles and stuff. So we Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: we do have, I don't even know what it's called. I'm so like such a beginner. I feel like people who are like playing mahjong are like, it's not called the kit. I'm like, I don't know. I have the tiles. Yeah. Yeah. And that's Claire Geisel: Hey, you're trying it. You're doing something new and that's exciting. Jess Sittig: what feels fun. It's like new and exciting and it's Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: a fun way to use my brain. and then this morning, this is so random. My husband owns his own business and had kind of like an interesting schedule today where he has a light morning and a heavier evening afternoon. So this morning we just took the kids and went to breakfast. And yeah, Claire Geisel: that's so fun. Jess Sittig: they were like, what are we doing? Everyone was like we're shaking up the routine and they were excited but like confused. So Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: it was so Fun and just I feel like as our kids are getting slightly older, they're still little. Like I said, you know, my boys are three, my daughter is six. So it's not like easy to go to meals, but it is getting easier. everyone ate their breakfast, no plates were flipped over, nothing was spilled. Claire Geisel: huge moment, especially as a twin mom. I'm so happy for you. That's incredible. Jess Sittig: Yes, it was fun. I'm glad that we did it because I feel like a lot of times Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: it's just easier to stay home and not Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: do something out of our comfort zone. And I don't know. This morning I was like, let's go to breakfast. And I feel like normally my Claire Geisel: I love it. Jess Sittig: husband would be like, no. No. And he was like, all right, let's let's go. So we went to breakfast on a random Tuesday morning. So Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. No, it's so true. that's so fun. I love that so much, Jess. That's so cool. We had a similar experience yesterday actually when they woke up from naps. My husband gets home from work pretty early, which is nice like three o'clock. And I had the crazy idea, I was like, they've been in swim lessons for the past month. I'm like, let's just go to the pool and let them just like play and not have to do any like lesson part of it. Jess Sittig: Sure. Claire Geisel: And on the way there, I was like, this could be a really bad idea. My expectations are on the floor. Like we if this is really bad, we're just gonna go home. And it was the best time. Like we literally were in the pool for an hour. There's a little kiddie pool that's like less than a foot of water. And they were just walking around and splashing and like dunking their heads in. It was like the most magical afternoon. And on the way home, my husband was like, I think that worked out so well because it wasn't so planned. Like you and your breakfast, it's you wake up, you're like, Let's just go and sometimes things just work out and the stars align and it's like the best memory that you made. So it's so fun. Jess Sittig: Love that. I feel like it's all about setting your expectations right. And I feel like sometimes if you Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: have this thing planned, then you kind of like hype it up in your head. Where when it's more Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: spontaneous, and man, it is really hard to be spontaneous when you are a parent, especially with young twins. So yeah, I feel like Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: having those spontaneous outings, you kind of go in with like zero expectations. So when Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: it is fun, you're like, Okay, we did it. So Claire Geisel: Yeah, it's so true. Jess Sittig: I love that. I remember when I was pregnant with twins, I was talking to, she actually lives in San Diego. I should connect you. How old are her twins? Her twins are older. I think they're like four. Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. I know we okay. Jess Sittig: but I went to college with her, and we were connecting when I was pregnant with twins, and she gave me advice, and she just said, lower your expectations and then lower them again. And Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I guess I didn't really understand what she meant at the time. Like I was like, okay. And I guess I was thinking that she was talking in regard to behavior. And I'm like, just because Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: I have twins, I don't want to lower my expectations in regard to their behavior. And now I'm like, I understand. Now I get it. Like Claire Geisel: Now you get now you get it, yeah. Jess Sittig: when we went to Disneyland a couple of months ago, I'm like, if everyone goes on one ride, one ride, and we have a churro. That was a successful day. Claire Geisel: It's a great day. Jess Sittig: So when we went on seven rides and stayed the whole day, I Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: was it exceeded my expectations because mine were already so low. So it really just Claire Geisel: Totally. Jess Sittig: like that perspective, I feel like helps to change things. So I'm glad we were able to to both do spontaneous things with our twins and that they were really fun. Yeah. Claire Geisel: Mm. I know. I know. It's so fun. that's so great. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Well, and I another thing I love about Your realness and what you share is just the vulnerability of how tough twin toddlers are. And I feel like you do a really good job at being open about that. I feel like sometimes when people, you know, share on Instagram, it tends to be a highlight reel, which I get you want to share the positive things or this is what worked for me. But I feel like also opening up and being like, This stage is really hard. Just sometimes it's what twin moms need to hear. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I I feel like one of the things I always say back in my head is like it feels hard because it is hard. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. I know you actually commented what that on one of my recent videos and I'm like, it's so true. The one that I shared this week of basically the soundtrack of the eighteenth month trenches did so well. It went a little bit viral and it was so sweet to read the comments because all these moms were like, I thought I was the only one. Like I thought I was the only one Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Claire Geisel: losing my mind over this and that they're just crying and clingy, and it's just like a really hard stage that nobody tells you about or prepares you for. Not that we could be prepared for it, but Seeing like how many moms going through the same thing, like I'm grateful that I'm sharing online so that moms can see that and feel validated. But at the same time, in like a reverse way, that helps me so much because it being a stay-at-home mom and home alone with your kids all day can feel kind of isolating. And me sharing online has actually helped me reach moms outside of the home and like through social media, but it helps me so much in return because I'm like, okay, I'm not the only one going crazy at home. And maybe crying every day while they're crying every day, and it's just this really crazy phase. So it has been really nice for me to learn how to be vulnerable in that way and share those things because that's just the reality of it. And we get on social media and we see those videos of like the highlight reels, like you say, but being able to share something that's real and share the hard moments, I think I think hopefully more creators see that and can learn to share those things because the more that I think we get into sharing. the real and the hard and just being organic and raw about it. It's there's so much more value in that. So I'm still working through like trying to do that, but it's really nice to see when other moms feel validated by something that I share. Jess Sittig: I think that's one of the biggest things in motherhood. I think is I think and I think twin moms feel it a little bit more is like that isolation. And you know, a lot of the moms around us are singleton parents. And I Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: love all of my my mom friends with, you know, singletons, but it is different and we have kind of a unique set of challenges that we face as twin moms. So I feel like sharing that real side. And just letting people know that they aren't alone and these phases are hard and we will get through them. And like kind of twin moms uniting, I think is is really special. So what led you down the path of sharing and what did that look like for you? Claire Geisel: it was actually when I was in the decision phase of trying to decide if I was gonna go back to work, I feel really lucky because I was able to be on maternity leave for seven months, which it's funny to say lucky because in other countries they have way better maternity leave policies than here in the US. But I feel really grateful for the time that I did get and towards the end of it was trying to decide if I was gonna go back, ultimately decided not to, and I have not regretted it ever since. When I didn't go back to work. I I can tend to be a little bit of an overachiever and do a little too much sometimes. And so I thought, well, if I'm not gonna work, I'm gonna make something out of this new journey that I'm doing and find some way to maybe support my family a little bit financially or just find a creative outlet for myself. And so I just started posting online. When I started, I just had my regular friends and family following me on Instagram and I just decided to start posting. our daily routines and my evening routine as a twin mom. and since then it's just grown into what it is and it's become this really fun creative outlet for me that I didn't know I would enjoy so much. And yeah, just being able to share the type of content that I was looking for when I found out I was having twins, because you go through all of these emotions of being so scared and so unprepared and not knowing what to expect. And in the world of social media we tend to Turn to TikTok or Instagram of like trying to look up stuff that's gonna help us, or like, what's a routine of a twin mom? I don't even know what that looks like. So I was trying to find creators that were sharing both sides of it and not just the highlight reel because I really wanted to know what to expect. And so I think that's another reason I started sharing, was I just wanted to put content out there that I would have wanted to see and that would have helped me in my journey. And so hence the Twin Tip Tuesday series that I do every week and all these other little routines and things. I just find so much joy in sharing that stuff because it's helped me connect to so many other twin moms and show them like this is how I'm doing it, this is what works for me. You don't have to do it that way, but like here's an option and just like being real and raw about it. And yeah, it's just been su it's been such a fun journey. I can't even express like how grateful I am for the community. that I've built because they are like I've said in reverse, like they help me so much every day. Like the messages and comments that I get, I don't even know that if they realize like how incredibly special it is to me. So it's been so Jess Sittig: Hmm. Claire Geisel: fun. Jess Sittig: I love that. And I mean, it's pretty cool that you sought out to help other twin moms. And you're right, it's so hard to find twin specific resources about like Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: what is what are what are we doing with our kids when they're 12 months old? Like Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: as a stay-at-home mom, like help, give me some, give me some ideas. So I love that. And I love that it's helped you also. And this is I just have to bring this up because I want to do it after seeing you do it and I haven't yet. So maybe this will also kick me to do it. I loved Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: the video. Do you know what I'm gonna say? Claire Geisel: I don't know actually. Jess Sittig: Okay, I loved the video that you posted going to the park with like energy drinks. I think you had like little bloom energy drinks. And you just went and Claire Geisel: yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: passed them out to moms. It Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: was the sweetest thing ever. Like what a sweet, generous act of kindness that I feel like if that mom was having a rough morning or there's something else happening in her life. That probably Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: made her day. Cause that with if I was at a park and someone did that to me, that would absolutely make my day, maybe even my week. Like I feel like I would Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: be beaming, like how thoughtful, what a fun way to talk to other moms at the park. Like I'm obviously pretty extroverted. I don't have a problem like approaching other moms at a park, but not everyone is like that. So I Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: just feel like what a fun icebreaker. And that was such a cute idea. So I feel Claire Geisel: Yeah. thank Jess Sittig: I keep saying Claire Geisel: you. Jess Sittig: like, I wanna do that. I wanna go do that and and pass Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: him out at a park. And I haven't yet. So I I need to do that. Claire Geisel: Yeah. No, it was so fun. It was very random. I just I yeah, I was like it was the week of Mother's Day and I just obviously since becoming a mom, I have this like newfound love and appreciation and respect for moms. I'm like, We do so much, like we go through so much and you don't know until you know and you go through it. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Claire Geisel: And yeah, I also it was kinda funny because when I was passing the mount throughout that morning, I think people it also in the day of like we're all addicted to our phones and like we don't really socialize in person anymore. I think a lot of people it kinda threw off guard that some stranger was approaching them and like, hey do you want this? Some people are like, I don't really know. But it was fun to like No, I'm like, I promise it's totally safe. Yeah. But it was fun, like you said, to like break the Jess Sittig: Like I have no ulterior motives. Like Claire Geisel: ice and just say like, hey, you're doing amazing. I'm proud of what you're doing. This is just something to get you through morning. It was so fun. Yeah, I enjoyed I need to do more things like that. It was I mean I feel like serving others also serves me. It totally fills my cup. So that was something that was like just a blast to Jess Sittig: Yeah, I love that. Well, okay. And I know that you post a lot about twin tip Tuesday So could you share your Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: top three favorite tips for twins. Claire Geisel: Yeah. My first one would be I always say plan for the worst but hope for the best. And that's when it comes to literally anything. I think specifically when it comes to outings, I've tried to get out of the house with them ever since my husband went back to work when they were like a couple months old. And I think my biggest tip there is to just you can never prep too much. And I'm definitely a little type A, so this is just How I do things, but prepping anything the night before is extremely helpful because not only are you trying to get yourself out of the house, but you're trying to get two babies or toddlers of whatever phase you're in. There's just a lot of things that go with that. And for me, at least doing it the night before helps me so that in the morning I'm not like scrambling and then everyone's stressed and like overstimulation is just high. And so prepping anything the night before is really, really helpful. That's one of my number one tips. Number two, which is something that I share, is meal prepping. Because when there's two hungry babies or toddlers screaming at you or like wanting to eat, you're not trying to like cook something or you just want to throw something together really fast. And being able to prep things ahead of time and to be in control of what's going in it and what I'm feeding them and what the nutrients are has been really helpful for me. And just being able to take it out of the fridge, warm it up, and it's ready to go has been. an incredibly helpful thing for me. So that's something that I also encourage people to do if you can. It's obviously takes a little bit of extra time, but I always say that it's so worth it. and then my third I think would be that twin parenting just makes you so much stronger than you realize. And I always have to keep telling myself this too. I think in any phase that I've been in, again I'm only basically a year and a half into this, but is to keep telling myself like I can get through it. Every phase ends, whether it's good or it's bad, like it's hard or it's easy, it's gonna end. So I think that something that I would tell like to s the people listening to this or would be that you can get through it and you're going to be so much stronger on the other end of it. And it really is the most beautiful journey. So Those would be my three tips. Jess Sittig: I love that. And I I agree with all of them, especially well, all of them, but the I want to talk about the prepping. I think that's so Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: key. And I will say I was extremely type A and I feel like I've turned a little bit more type B, but there are still some things Claire Geisel: Yeah, definitely. Jess Sittig: that like just need to happen for my sanity. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And I feel like prepping the night before while everyone's sleeping and you can get things done. You Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: know, we're kind of out of the diaper bag stage. But like yesterday we went to the library. So and they're all in the the library reading program. So they have like these reading Claire Geisel: Well Jess Sittig: logs and stuff. So the night before I like pack the library books in the car and there are reading logs and snacks. And I'm just like, that's done. Because you're right, in the morning it's chaotic and I'm gonna Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: forget things that when people are asking me, like, Mom, can I have milk? I have to go to the bathroom. So Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: doing that at night, I think that is a really great tip. I I love that. And I totally agree. Claire Geisel: I feel like it does get easier over time too 'cause in the early days there's obviously bottles and diapers and, you know, formula or whatever you need to like pack in the diaper bag. And then just, you know, a couple of days ago, or yeah, two days ago we went to the park. Like we spent the whole morning out and I was like gonna do lunch out of the house. So the night before all I had to pack was a little lunch bag with their little lunch containers in there with all the food, some ice packs, and then the morning we just grabbed that, their water bottles and we were like out the door. So it does Jess Sittig: Ready to go. Claire Geisel: get easier. in a lot of ways when it comes to especially leaving the house, you just have less, so many less items than when they're babies. So that definitely gets easier too. But yeah, anything that can be prepped, like making sure the strollers in the car and you have your wallet, just all those little things that in the morning you don't have to think about Jess Sittig: And I also love getting out of the house. And I would Claire Geisel: Okay. Jess Sittig: say the first year of their lives, that was so hard for us to do. I was pumping every three hours and we were bottle feeding and changing Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: diapers and the logistics of leaving was overwhelming. Where now I Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: feel like the days that we don't leave, I'm like, ooh, everyone's getting like cabin fever, you know? So Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: It and it does. I feel like everything that you do over time and with practice, it just gets easier and easier to do. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And then, you know, your kids are more manageable in some ways. I feel like Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: we had the sweet spot. My boys were very late walkers. They walked up 15 and 17 months. So I would joke from like 12 months to 18 months. Well, because they even when they're walking, they're still like, you know. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: They would just stay in the stroller lot while we were out. And then once Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: they started walking and going in opposite directions, it's like Whew. It's exhausting in another way. And now that Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: they are three, they yeah, like doing our outings are just it's getting easier and easier. And Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: I'm so thankful for that. Because yeah, like I said, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: we gotta get out of the house or I can tell. I'm like, all right, everybody outside. Everyone's like starting to cry or Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Yes, like the I can feel the tension rising Claire Geisel: Yes. Jess Sittig: if we are inside for too long. A hundred percent. Claire Geisel: Yeah. I think that I think that that has been one of my twin tip Tuesdays, maybe two or three times is just to go outside. And that's another thing that applies to like any phase. When they were babies and they were reaching towards the end of the day and the nighttime scaries were hitting in, I'm like, okay, we all gotta just sit outside for like ten minutes and feel some sunshine and get some fresh air. And especially now too, like if they wake up from naps and since we're in this really sensitive like tantrum phase If they wake up from naps that we could just get outside right away, it definitely helps. So fresh air in any phase always helps with twins. Yes. Yes. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. And I feel like it helps me too. I'm like, I need to feel fresh air and like the sun on my face and like hear the birds Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: chirping. Like I need it also to like help regulate my nervous system. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And yeah, I feel like getting outside is a great tip. So okay, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: so I know like the toddler phase has just a lot of hard pieces. Like they are learning Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: to handle their emotions and we're having tantrums. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And is that what's the hardest thing that you're navigating right now is like twin toddler tantrums. Say that 10 times fast. Claire Geisel: Yes. I yeah. No literally literally. yes, it's so funny. It I feel like it started for us around sixteen months and again on that video I was talking about earlier I see people like, This is starting for us at thirteen months. You're telling me it's not getting easier and I'm like, listen, Jess Sittig: Mm. Claire Geisel: I'll always keep it real with you. For us, it hasn't stopped yet. I've heard from different people it got better at two, it continued on to two and a half. Like I don't know what to expect. Again, I'm trying to keep my expectations very, very low. But Yes, right now. And again, I can't even say I can't sit here and say they've been so hard. They're giving them a hard time. Like this is the reason that I think it's hard is because I'm learning a lot about how I need to self-regulate. And that's been really hard. So this phase is just totally normal. And that's what I've come to learn in the research I've done and talking to their pediatrician. Everything they're doing is so normal. And obviously it's hard because I I haven't dealt with it before and it's this new hard phase. But I think the most challenging part is learning about my emotions and what heightens my anxiety and my overstimulation and having to very quickly learn how to regulate that. Like I don't have you know, I have to I try to be a little better each day and trying to take deeper breaths and, you know, like talk myself down before I get too overstimulated or I raise my voice or say something and I regret. Like it I think that's been one of the hardest parts about it is learning that about myself. And at the same time, obviously with being moms, we carry so much guilt. And specifically being a twin mom, the guilt of when one is maybe a little more challenging or having a hard time than the other. It can be really hard not to feel guilty that the other one is not getting the same attention and energy from me during this phase. So that for me has been really hard, especially just this past month or so. that makes it more difficult too to think you're not giving them the equal energy and time because one might be having a harder time than the other ones when it comes to the tantrums and the sensitivity. So Jess Sittig: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I know for our boys, it tends like sometimes they will flip-flop. And I Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: feel like lately it has been one and I'm like like gearing up to Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: to handle those emotions. And I know we connected over the episode that I had with Elena from Nurturing Twins. Claire Geisel: No. Jess Sittig: She's really big on like co-regulation. And I feel like our episode we talked a lot about, yeah, like how humbling motherhood is and how things come out through these tantrums where you're like, whoa, I am having this reaction that I wasn't prepared for. And yeah, I'm like, how did I not learn better self-regulation tips when I was younger? Because I felt like Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: I had to really intentionally practice like. Deep breathing and pausing. Like I don't need to react right Claire Geisel: Yes. Jess Sittig: away. I can take a pause and respond when I'm calm and not when I'm about to snap. And all Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: these. So I feel like that episode, if anyone wants to dive into regulation tips and stuff, I feel like is is really helpful. And Claire Geisel: Yes. That one really helped me. Yeah. I remember I think the part that stuck out to me from that one was that she said, Remember that they've only been on the earth for, you know, eighteen months or whatever that's hitting and we've been on the earth for so many I've been on the earth for thirty one years. Like, yes, it's still something I'm learning, but I am the adult. I need to be better. I need to have those skills in my toolbox to handle this and to self regulate. So that was I love that podcast so much. It brought me so much comfort to and like honestly, humbled me. I'm like, Okay, I just I gotta figure this out 'cause they should not be expected to have this regulation skills when they've been on the earth for less than two years. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Well, I think it's like both like you have to give yourself grace because you are handling this for the first time Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jess Sittig: also. And then be introspective, like, okay, what is triggering me? Is it the tantrums? Is it Claire Geisel: well. Jess Sittig: the crying? Am I hungry while this is happening? Like, what can I do in my body to handle this better? So I think it is both of Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Is both of those things. And I agree with you. Motherhood is the most humbling thing in the entire world. my goodness. Is it ever? Claire Geisel: yeah. Yes. One hundred percent. Jess Sittig: And you know, I think this is a huge discussion too. Is like you had twins first as your first babies. I feel like having a singleton in a lot of ways was a little it was easier because I kind of got to practice and I have gone through the toddler phase and we have handled tantrums. And now I have the perspective that that doesn't last forever. Because sometimes when you're in it, you're like, is this my life now? And it's hard to see that Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jess Sittig: it's going to end. Cause it is a long, it is a long phase. It's not like, you're handling tantrums for two days. You're it's like months Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jess Sittig: of handling that. Yeah, I honestly can't imagine having twins first. Claire Geisel: I know it's so funny 'cause yeah, either my friends who have singletons or people like, my gosh, I can't imagine. you know, 'cause they only know the experience of one first and I only know the experience of two. So I always say that too. My husband and I are like, Well, we don't know any different. To us, this is just what it is and this is the level of hard that it is. so I always have just the utmost respect for people in your situation or people who had a singleton before they had their twins because that, you know, like you know how hard the singleton was and then to go to two for you to brace yourself of like, it's gonna be double of everything that we dealt with the first time. So yeah, I feel like no matter what, what how whenever you have your twins, it's just the yeah, it's the most humbling experience and it's just so so hard in so many ways. But It's like just so beautiful at the same time. It just is like really exhausting emotionally. Jess Sittig: Well, I promise it will get I never, I don't like to use the word easy. I promise it Claire Geisel: I know. Yeah, me neither. Jess Sittig: will get more manageable because it does. And the Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: coolest thing though, I don't know if this has happened to you yet. Your kids are probably too young for it to happen. But one day your kids will say something back to you that you have said to regulate them. And it will bring you to tears. Like I think the other day my daughter was like, Mommy, you need to take a deep breath. And I was Claire Geisel: No. Jess Sittig: like, girlfriend, you are absolutely right. Yes, I do. And it's it's the Claire Geisel: That's so sweet. Jess Sittig: best. So, and you know, my daughter is is six and a half. So this is Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: like very different than almost two year old twins, but Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that will happen to you one day. And you're just gonna be like, all the work I put in was worth Claire Geisel: So sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: it, and I'm doing a good job. Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: So I can't wait for that to happen to you. And when it does, will you please message me like it happened? It's Claire Geisel: my gosh, yes, yes. I'm sure that I will share with the whole world of like, just wait till this happens. Jess Sittig: a really, really gratifying moment. Like, okay, Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: because I feel like you can be so calm and teach these regulation tips and do all these things. And it's still really hard. And it takes Tons of consistency and saying the same things over and over and over again. They're always listening, even if you don't Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: think they are. So when they do finally say it back to you, it's super cool. It's Claire Geisel: I love that. It's so cool. I think that kind of reminded me. I'm like, I love the positive just waits. You know, I feel like Jess Sittig: Yes. Claire Geisel: it's common people are like, just wait until that. Or, you know, like still, some people, you know, I'll post a video of me having a hard time or crying, and someone's like, just wait until this. I'm like, read the room. Like, maybe that's not something you say yourself. So Jess Sittig: Right, not helpful, sure. Claire Geisel: something that I've always tried to do is share the also the positive, like just waits. Just wait until The twins like hug each other for the first time or they go up and like give each other a high five. There's so many cute moments that I'm like, we'll always try to share that positivity because obviously there's so many parts of twin parenting that is just really exhausting and you really can't see the light at the end of it, but those just wait moments, there's so many and I'm so excited because like you shared there's so many more to come and I'm just getting started, so Jess Sittig: It is so fun. I mean, that's like the big thing that I love to dissect on this podcast with other twin moms is like the chaos, of course, and the magic of raising twins because Claire Geisel: Mm. Yes. Jess Sittig: it's it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Like that bond, that special connection. It's so cool. I feel so blessed to have a front Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: row seat to witness that. Is it still hard? Absolutely. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Is it magical? The coolest thing I've ever seen. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Maybe a week ago, where were we? Like at the park or something. And you know, my boys, I I always joke, they like love hard and they fight hard. Like we are doing Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: like W WWE style over here, but they love really hard too. And I feel like a kid came over and like took some took Wayland's bucket or something very innocently. And Wyatt goes, don't, don't do that to my brother. And it Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: was the first time that I've seen him like publicly defend his brother. It was so Claire Geisel: my gosh, it's so cute. Jess Sittig: cute. It was so sweet. And I don't know, it's Claire Geisel: I love that. Jess Sittig: it was it was the sweetest thing ever. And I don't know if your twins are doing this or not yet, but if one of my sons goes into another room, it's immediately, where's Wewen? Where's Wyatt? All all the time. I'm like, he just Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: he's right. He just went to go grab some shoes or, you know, like he's he's still in the house. Claire Geisel: cute. Yeah, he's still here. No, I love I love that because I do obviously with twins, I we get pretty used to them doing the same thing all the time. So I think that they get used to that too. Cause I do feel like we're we're seeing a little bit of that. So Summer is the older one and she's very much still she's very much acts like the older sister and it's so sweet to watch. But yeah, if he leaves the room or goes somewhere else or at the park just yesterday. I took a video of them going through this little tunnel and she went first and he followed and then she circled back around to me. But she didn't see that her brother followed her, so she looked at me and she's like, We've been calling him Bubba. So now she calls him Bubba. She goes, Bubba? And I'm like, He's right he's right behind you. She turns around and then she's like, and then they keep walking and I'm like, All is well. So it's so cute. Jess Sittig: Right. Like had a a minor heart attack that I lost my Bubba. Claire Geisel: Yeah. No, it's so funny. So yeah, there's definitely those moments are They're so sweet and they just even at the park sometimes I know like some people are like, How do you get them like how do you go to the park by yourself with them? And for the most part, to be honest, they just kind of stay in the same vicinity of each other. We still have those moments, of course, when they run in opposite directions, but it's really cute 'cause if one does something, the other one follows and it's like so the twin bond is just like you said, it's something that I feel so lucky to experience and to witness. It's it's so magical. Jess Sittig: Yeah, it's really, really special. And I agree. I I'm all about trying to be real and positive. So Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: I love the just wait until they hold hands for the first time. Claire Geisel: Hmm. Jess Sittig: Just wait until you see their bond. And I I love those videos too. And not the ones that are like I said, I don't like to use the word easy because all Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: stages of Parenting are hard in their own ways, in their own different ways. parenting my six and a half year old daughter versus Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: my three-year-old twins are wildly different. And she is hard in other ways because we're dealing with like, I don't know, attitude. I'm like, I'm sorry. I thought this was gonna, are you in high school? Like, what is happening? a Claire Geisel: Yeah, this is way sooner than I thought. Jess Sittig: hundred percent. So we're And then she starts first grade soon. And she's very social, but a little bit nervous about being in a new class with new friends. So we're kind of managing those more like relationship, not anxiety, but Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: like more advanced emotions versus Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: my three-year-old twin. So it's it's always going to be fun and challenging and never easy Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: but manageable. Like the boys, I I actually didn't sleep through the night last night. I was gonna say I sleep through the night every night now. I didn't. One of the boys woke up, Claire Geisel: Yeah. Great. Yeah. Jess Sittig: but that's more of a rarity where Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: when they're so little, you're waking up all the time. So then you're doing things while you're l on little sleep, which makes everything harder also. Claire Geisel: Right. Yes, yeah. Jess Sittig: So I feel like another thing that I just really enjoy about your intentionality. Is that a word? Intentionality. Claire Geisel: Yeah, I think so. Jess Sittig: I if not, I it should be. I I feel like it is. Claire Geisel: It is. Jess Sittig: Is you know, I feel like lots of things change when you have kids, especially when you have twins, and things can fall to the wayside quickly. And a marriage is a big thing. And I really like how you guys are just so intentional about staying connected through your marriage. And I would love if you could like talk more about that. Claire Geisel: Yeah. I think for most people, if not all, the first year of parenting in so many ways is just survival. You're just completely thrown for this loop of like you just have no idea you both are the it's the first time both like doing this and being parents. So it can be really overwhelming and really hard and challenging. Something that has been really cool for me to see in my husband is watching him be a twin dad because it really is, like we've said, a completely different ball game. But watching him be a parent to two and just like completely step into that role. has been really, really cool to see and I have this new respect and love for him that I didn't have before until I watched us become parents and It's become really important to us to stay aligned and on the same page in these phases of parenting that we're going through. It wasn't until basically after their first birthday that we both kind of like finally took a breath and we're like, Okay, we made it through the first year. We need to be proud of ourselves. Like, we also gotta figure out some things moving forward and do some things a little bit better. So We started having this weekly meeting, which the inspiration for this actually is from Ashley and Casey Henson on Instagram. Jess Sittig: Okay. Claire Geisel: She's the triplet mom of five and she's just incredible. She had shared a while ago that they and they had both worked in the corporate world, as have I. So I'm yes, yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Is she the blonde one? Okay, it took me a minute. I'm like, yeah, I'm I follow her. Yeah, okay, okay. Claire Geisel: Yeah. So they're both from corporate world and I am too, and I, you know, I thrive on lists and, you know. weekly check ins and things like that. So I was like, how can I implement that into our marriage? And she had posted that they do that weekly or quarterly and they talk through things that they're having a hard time with and what they could do better. So I kind of took that and added in pieces that we wanted to discuss to help us be on the same page. So we have been doing that every week since January. And I c it's been it's made a world of difference because I think Staying aligned with your partner and being able to talk about things as they come up and not harboring that resentment is so important. It's so important because I know I can I can tend to be a little bit independent and I get in my flow of things during the week 'cause I'm full time, you know, primary parent but staying connected and aligned with my partner is like that's basically what keeps the ship sailing, honestly. I feel like without that everything can just be a little bit chaotic. So it's been a really cool lesson for us to learn. Jess Sittig: Love that. And I feel like I completely agree with you. I would imagine that the majority of people's first year of parents, whether it's a singleton or twins, you're just kind of like, whoa, this really changed our dynamic. I remember the first time I was like asked permission. I'm quoting, I'm air quoting this. Like, can I go take a shower? Can never Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: in my life did I think I was gonna have to be like, can you? Can you make sure you have the baby so I can shower? And vice versa, you know, Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: like having to ask permission to do these things that we did so freely in our married life without kids, like going to the gym and Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: go taking a shower, doing all of these very normal things. So the first year for us with our daughter was just very challenging and managing, just the shift in becoming parents and how that changed our relationship. So I feel like when we had the twins, that was still very hard, but we had like we were already parents together. So I feel like we had a little bit of a better system. And oddly enough, that transition was actually easier for us and it hit us hard with just my daughter because I think it was just the transition Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: from like no children to a child. Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: So I love that. So you guys do your meetings like typically once a week, on Sundays or something. And Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jess Sittig: what are like the key things that you guys are reviewing? Claire Geisel: So I kind of so I do have a like a agenda and I can also totally share it with you or okay, good. I could totally share I'm like Yes. I was Jess Sittig: I screenshotted it. I was like, we need to do this screenshot. Claire Geisel: like I'm happy to share it with anybody 'cause we've just kind of and as time has gone on we kinda tweaked it to what works for us and so the b some of the big things we'll discuss and what we'll start off with is reviewing our family goals. So beginning of the year we set family goals You know, as a couple, obviously when the kids get older and they understand more, we can do that as a family. But my husband and I set goals for our family. So we'll kind of just run through those, briefly chat about any we want to talk about. We'll review our family values and how we feel like we're living up to those or how we feel like that's going week over week. And then we'll just say like both of us will say what our high and low was from the last week and That's just like the perfect way to start it off because then it kind of goes into a deeper discussion from there, like what our low was, if it involves something one or the other person did and we want to discuss that, like we talk about it. We review the calendar for the upcoming week. So if we have any family events or big events, like do we have child care set up for that? How can I what can I do to support you in that? Those types of things. we look at our budget. So obviously me becoming a stay-at-home mom, losing that. source of income. Just trying to align on where our money is going and making sure that we're staying on budget. we'll discuss if there's something we could do this week to serve others. We've really tried one of our family goals is to try and serve others more, even if it's in a small way, just trying to get outside of ourselves and find a way to do some something for someone else. yeah, and then we'll just we'll end it talking about how we feel we're doing as a partnership. And honestly just keeping that question broad, like how do you feel we're doing? And then we both discuss it and talk about how we think things are going. And then we end with three things that we love about one another. And I j like I I can't even brave enough about how much this meeting has helped us. And like you said, being intentional about carving out that time for us to meet and talk about it because Our relationship is the most important if our family's gonna be healthy and strong, like we have to be on the same page. So yeah, those are some of the things that we go through. And again, week over week it could be long, it could be short. The other week it was we were exhausted, so it was twenty minutes. Sometimes it's two hours because we just really get into the really nitty gritty and deep stuff that we need to be talking about. So yeah, we do it on Sunday evenings after the kids are in bed. Jess Sittig: Love that you said sometimes it can be 20 minutes and then sometimes you could take Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: two hours because I feel like I feel like you answered questions recently and someone was like, How do you have time to do that? And it's Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: like you figure out a way to make time. Like if you're Claire Geisel: Yes. Jess Sittig: laying in bed watching a show or doom scrolling, then don't do that. Like Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: this is more important. And if you had the most exhausting weekend, it was a tough week. Well, then make your Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: check-in, cover the bare bones and Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: be done. But I can't imagine how cup filling that is. My husband and I have absolutely gone through seasons where we've had these like marriage meetings and stuff. And I feel like we're not good at doing them as consistently. Like I would love to be like every Sunday night at 9 p.m. We're chatting. Even if it's for 20 minutes, maybe sometimes it's two hours, love that. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: But but having that standing meeting because Claire Geisel: Uh-huh. Jess Sittig: we are really big on like family goals and stuff like that also. Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: And I think it's so fun and super meaningful to have those check-ins. And it was really fun. So I feel like we tend to write family goals and personal goals. And one of my husband's personal goals was to get his purple belt in jujitsu, which he got like two weeks ago. So it was awesome. Claire Geisel: my gosh, congrats to him. That's great. Jess Sittig: He was super pumped. So we were at dinner that night celebrating and then he pulled up his like our little notes on his phone and we were going through our family and like individual goals and I'm like why haven't we done this yet? It's mid-year. It would be great to check in on these goals. And we were crossing things off. We're like, my goodness, we've actually achieved or we're very close to achieving more goals than Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: we even thought. Like how exciting. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: So then when I saw you post about this, I'm like, we need to be more consistent. It's fun to have To have these like, my gosh, these check-ins. But to do it weekly, it we need to, we need to do that. Absolutely. So I love that you do Claire Geisel: Well and also like Jess Sittig: that. Claire Geisel: no, thank you. And also, I mean again, we as moms, we've gotta give ourselves more grace. I again I'm can tend to be a little type A, so and also came from corporate world, so I'm like, okay, we're gonna do this weekly and everyone should do it however works for them. Like some moms, you know, they're like, How do you have time for this? Or how can I get my husband on board? Everyone should do it exactly what in the way that works for them. but yeah, it's just and again, twin parenting and throughout the week we're Both, it's just busy. The days are busy, that's just the reality of it. So it's hard to if things come up during the week or there was a little something like, we should probably discuss that, but the days are just really crazy and really long. I always know in the back of my mind, let's table this and we're gonna talk about it on Sunday if it's something that we don't need to discuss right in the moment, you know? 'Cause ri Jess Sittig: Yeah. Yeah. Claire Geisel: really from hour to hour every day it is just especially in this toddler face, it's just crazy. It's a lot. But it's become important to us and we make time for it because we're not gonna put our marriage on the back burner. Like it's the progress and the ways that we've grown and strengthened our marriage since even just January or since honestly just being coming parents in general. We I'm so grateful that we both are intentional about it and feeling like we want to be on the same page. And it's just so much easier when you have your person and your best friend. like with you in it. I think it's hard you see like, you know, videos and people ranting about their husband or, you know, complaining about their husband and things like that. And I've always said, at least, at least on my page personally, I'm like, I will never I will never bash husbands on my page. Like that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to show that we can be on the same team. Parenting is really hard. It's hard for both of us. It could be harder if we just harbor all that resentment and never talk about it. And never talk about ways to like, hey, how can we be on the same team moving forward? Because we are. We're on the same team. And the challenges and things that come up is just something that we have to attack together. It's not me against him, it's us against whatever problem it is. So it's just been a really cool lesson to learn. Again, I'm not sitting here and saying that we're perfect and that we have this all like dialed in, but checking in on our goals and seeing the progress we've made since January is just really, really cool to see and see that we've made progress and that We're building our family in the way that we want to and ultimately as the kids get older we're setting the example of Jess Sittig: Mm. Claire Geisel: We the mom and dad are on the same team and this is a family unit. We've got goals, we've got values, and that's just really important to us. So that's just something that we've made time for and we'll continue to make time for and as it shifts or as the priorities shift in that meeting we'll just adjust as it comes up. So Jess Sittig: I love that. And I love that you are saying like we are on the same team. My husband Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: will joke. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I didn't like his tone or something. And I'm trying to get better at like I like also that you said if it's not a huge issue, then we'll table it for Sunday. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: Because some things do not matter. And I feel like I've Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: learned that too. Like if I'm thinking about it a day later, then I probably should should bring it up and clear the air. If I'm not Claire Geisel: Right. Jess Sittig: and I've forgotten about it, then like who cares how he loaded the dishwasher? Not worth bringing up. Not not worth it. It's not, you know. Claire Geisel: Mm. Literally. Yeah. And that happens Yeah. That happens actually more often is the little things I'm like, okay, in my son in our Sunday meeting we were when we discuss our highs and lows or something he could have done better, I'll bring it up. And Sunday comes and he's like, What do you feel like I could have done better? I'm like, Honestly, this is a pretty good week. Like more times than not it is, it's those things that you completely forget about. That's just I'm not thinking about it the next day. So yeah, I agree. Jess Sittig: And like in the evening, if I I'm like, okay, I felt like, you know, at dinner you said this in kind of a a mean tone. And I I'm joking because I always will talk to my daughter. I'm like, hmm. I'm like, you kind of said that in a mean tone. Can you do a redo? So I joke when Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'm like talking to my husband. I feel like you said that to me in a mean tone. And he was like, Why Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I I I did not, I did not mean to say that in a mean tone. So if I came Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: across that, I'm so sorry. He's like, I'll tell you if I was trying to be sassy. In that moment, I wasn't, Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: I was not trying to be sassy. So if it came across Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that, like I was probably thinking about work or like there was something else on my mind. So if Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: if it did come across that, I'm really sorry. And my husband's really good at saying we're on the same team. Like, I don't ever want to Claire Geisel: Love that. Jess Sittig: make you feel a bad way. So if you felt that way, I'm sorry. And I didn't mean it like that. And then we're like, okay, I thought that you were mad at me and you had a tone and you didn't. You were thinking about work and like now. That is squashed, where maybe a couple years ago I would be marinating on that. And why? He's my Claire Geisel: Mm. Ya. Jess Sittig: he's my best friend. He's my partner. So I love, I Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: love all of that. And it's it is so fun and special. I feel like you said this earlier when you see your partner become a dad and you're kind of just like in awe and you love them. even more that you thought was possible. It just feels Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: really cool. I feel like there's a lot of times where I'll watch them playing and I just feel emotional. Like this is I I'm I married such a good guy. I'm so glad he's their dad. I'm so glad that we're doing Claire Geisel: Really? Jess Sittig: this together. And I feel like same thing. We are not perfect. W he gets on my nerves. Like, you know, but Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: overall I'm just so thankful. And I feel like That meeting is probably so cup filling. Like you spend some time Claire Geisel: no. Jess Sittig: knocking things off and talking about things that like need to get done. We need to go over these Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: more like serious things. And then you talk about like your gratitude towards them and bringing up little things that stuck out to you. Like that probably makes both of you guys feel so good. Claire Geisel: Yes. Yeah. No, always. And and especially ending it ending it with the three things we love about each other. I think we added that I don't think that was like in our meeting agenda since we first started. I think that was something we added at the end. I don't remember how we got that idea, but one of my things was that I love how of an involved of a dad he is and watching like you said, watching them play together, it just is so special. And so the twin dads out there. They're built differently also. I have so much respect for twin parents in general. But I sweet when I see twin dads, I'm like, yeah, it's just it's cool because he again, like a lot of our friends, or maybe fr his friends and people who just had singletons, like he has been doing double that basically since the beginning. And that respect that I have for him watching him do that, like in the early days being so involved in everything, like he didn't really, you know, they don't really have a choice. It's like both of them are up at night. You gotta bottle feed one and I gotta feed the other. Like you're up with me. Like he's in it with me. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Claire Geisel: And I just think that watching him go through that and watching how involved and how incredible he's been has been just like really special to see. And so yeah, ending that meeting with the things we love about each other and reminding each other of that. Like we're both moved to tears like every single time that we talk about it. So it is definitely very cup filling for sure. Jess Sittig: I love that. Well, and I love that you mentioned earlier, like as your kids get older, of course, the agenda is gonna change. And then, like, are they integrated in? And like maybe you'll Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: like this. So we don't have like official family meetings, but my daughter loves to know the agenda. Like she wakes up and she's like, What are we doing today? Claire Geisel: Ha Jess Sittig: What time? Who are we seeing? Like she's she you should, she's type A in that. Claire Geisel: I love that. Jess Sittig: But you should see her room. I'm like, what's happened? Your her room is an absolute mess. I'm like thinking I'm like, that's what I need to go work on with her during quiet time. But anyways, Claire Geisel: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: she she loves she loves a meeting, she loves an agenda. So I feel like when, you know, as the boys have gotten older, I'm like, okay, family meeting, and I'm like, we're going into the library. Here are the rules. Like, we're not running in the library, Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: we're not screaming in the library, we're not pulling all the books off the shelf. So everyone knows when I'm like family meeting and then I I'm putting my hands to my ears, like listening ears on, everyone's locked in. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And then we started doing highs and lows at dinner. And it's really fun. It's cute. Our boys, I don't think they fully understand what a low is, but they love to share, right? Sometimes we'll Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: be like, maybe your low is that you fell and you scraped your knee. And they're like, Yes, that's the low. But they love Claire Geisel: Ha ha ha. Jess Sittig: to share their high. They're like Claire Geisel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: Going in the pool. And our daughter has really loved that too. So I don't know. That's a I feel like that's like Claire Geisel: No, that's so cool. Jess Sittig: a fun thing too. So we don't have like Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: official family meetings with everybody. I feel like it would be so chaotic, but we have these like one minute check-ins and it's Claire Geisel: Yeah. Totally. Yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: been fun. So now it's so cute. Claire Geisel: I love that. Jess Sittig: So my daughter's out for summer and spending countless time with her brothers versus normally when they wake up, she's already in school and she doesn't come home until three. So they are, I think they're mainly really loving all the extra time together. Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: But all the time I'll hear them playing and then I'll hear Kaya go, okay, family meeting, like the three of them. Claire Geisel: So cute. Yeah. What are you discussing? No, that's really cute. Yeah, I Jess Sittig: And then I'm always like, what is she saying? Like, what are you gonna tell him to do? Yeah. It's so cute. So I love that. Claire Geisel: love that. I know. I think integrating the little check-ins is also really important. That's something my husband is actually way better at than I am. He's so good at throughout the day, he'll just ask, How are you doing? Even if it's in the middle of like a really chaotic moment, or we're cleaning the kitchen or like something's going on. Just a very quick like, how are you doing? And I'm trying to get better at that too, of like reciprocating, how are you doing? What's on your mind? Like the little check ins are really, really important too. So yeah, that's a really great reminder. Jess Sittig: Well, nice to feel connected throughout the day, especially when, you know, depending on your husband's schedule, they're gone from like eight to five or whatever. And you're like, I haven't talked to you all day. And then Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: they kind of come in to chaos and you're like, So it's kind of nice to Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: have, yeah, like those little check ins throughout the day. I feel Claire Geisel: Yeah. Jess Sittig: like we could be more intentional about that too. Claire Geisel: Yeah. I think another thing that goes into it is like I've just tried to put myself more in his shoes. Jess Sittig: Hmm. Claire Geisel: 'cause I think in the moments like throughout the day I've used I've obviously been with the kids all day. I've had my own challenges. I might feel a little anxious or overstimulated and just like very in my head, like I like gotta do this next and listen, listen like my head's just full of things. so it is really sweet when he does check in on me, I'm like, let me actually tell you how I'm feeling and then being able to communicate it. But yeah, in return, I think something that's helped me soften my heart and increase my respect for him and just hold on to less of that resentment is putting myself in his shoes. Because I think, I mean, again, I'm the primary parent, full time stay at home mom. There's obviously it's a really important role. A lot of hard things come with that. But trying to remember his side too, if he leaves the house every day, he works a full day and he comes home, and often the afternoons for us are kind of the lowest part of the day, at least in this phase. Like mornings are Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yeah, same. Claire Geisel: great. We get out of the house and unfortunately he does come home for they wake up from naps and we don't know how it's gonna be. We don't know if they're gonna have a tantrum and what the vibes are. So for him to come home from working all day, and again, my respect I have for him because he just jumps straight into dad mode. He's so involved. Like he could be like, I worked all day. I gotta like let me just have a minute, you know? And so the fact that he just jumps right in trying to remember all that he does and the mental weight that he carries of supporting our family has really helped me soften my heart and not hold on to like, well my job is harder. Like everything I'm doing is harder. You're just working. Like I think that that having that mindset is just not good for a marriage and for a partnership. And obviously those feelings come up sometimes and obviously sometimes I hold resentment and I'm annoyed and whatever. But remembering what he's doing, remembering it's also his first time doing this and the fact that he comes home and It's chaotic and everyone is you know, mom's overstimulated, they're overstimulated, everyone's like and he just comes home and he is so grounded and so calm for us. So that's another thing that I just absolutely love about him. But that's helped too in our marriage is trying to remember to put ourselves in each other's shoes and then Jess Sittig: Mm. Claire Geisel: those check ins of like, How are you doing? Like what's your mental load right now and how can I help that? So Jess Sittig: I love all of that. I feel like obviously, like we were talking about, once you have kids, the dynamic of your marriage just Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: changes. That's just reality, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be a marriage full of resentment or hate or anything. It can still be this wonderful partnership. It just takes a little bit more work than maybe it did before kids, but that it's a hundred percent worth it because I agree with you. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Yes. Jess Sittig: I just really love parenting together and I can't imagine parenting Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: with anyone else. And I'm so thankful for him. And I I feel like I didn't even know it was possible, but I love him a hundred times more now than I did. And I Claire Geisel: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'm like, how is that even possible? But it just is. I think it's like the respect thing. Like seeing Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: him in in all these different roles. You can have twins and a good marriage. Claire Geisel: Yes. No, totally. Yeah, that's and that's something that I am finding that I love to share about too, is that like your marriage doesn't have to take a back burner. You don't have to like be in it like if you're the full time parent, you don't have to just be in it by yourself. Like you guys are in it together. And something that I always share is different roles but the same goals. So that's something that we try to remember too, is Jess Sittig: Hmm. I love that. Claire Geisel: our roles are totally different, but our family goals and those values are the same and so we're working on those in our different roles, but like together. So that is something that we try to remind ourselves up to. Jess Sittig: I really, really like that. And I think that is helpful to get Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: rid of that resentment piece. Especially I'm a full stay-at-home mom also. And sometimes I think it is hard to be the primary caregiver home with the kids the majority of the day. But just remembering like they're not out like golfing or playing video games. Like they're working Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: really hard. To make our family goals possible. So I love that. Say that one more time. Claire Geisel: Different roles, same goals. Jess Sittig: Yeah, love that. Okay. I'm like searing it into my brain. I like that a lot. Claire Geisel: Yeah. No, I like how and I needed that reminder too. I'm like, I haven't said that in a while. I need to share more about that. Yeah. It's so important. Yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Well, and I like anything that's like rhymes or that's like sing songgy because you can remember it. So then when you're having a hard moment, you can say that in your head and you're like, Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: Okay, we're good. Claire Geisel: Yeah, no totally. Jess Sittig: okay, so We've talked about twin tips and how to have A strong marriage, even while parenting twins, and just how amazing. I just like I mentioned, I just really love everything that you share, your realness and your vulnerability. So my question I ask all mamas at the end of the podcast is if you could have a heart to heart with a twin mama or give her a piece of advice, what would you share with her? Claire Geisel: That's such a such a big question. Jess Sittig: Ha ha Claire Geisel: I think that You should know that you are so much stronger than you realize. Jess Sittig: Mm. Claire Geisel: I think a lot of times it doesn't feel that way, and during the hard phases and the sleepless nights, and the double crying and everything. It feels like you don't know how to do it and you don't know if you can make it through. But you will, and the hard phases do end. And when you realize, when you look back and realize that you made it through, there's this like confidence. That you have that you've never had before. Like I the yeah, the confidence and the power and the surety of yourself that you will feel when you accomplish these things of twin parenting is honestly such it's such an amazing feeling. So even if you don't feel like it right now, you are stronger than you realize and you were given twins for a reason. And I always say twin parents are built different. So act like it, okay. You can handle whatever is thrown at you, even if it doesn't feel like it. You're so much stronger than you realize. Jess Sittig: love that and I couldn't agree more. being a twin mom is a superpower. Like it really is. Claire Geisel: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: you feel this strength and this confidence. And like you said, maybe you're not feeling it now. But when you can kind of like pull yourself up out of it and look at what you're managing day to day, like you're really awesome. Claire Geisel: Mm. Jess Sittig: So I love that. Like if you can be a twin mom, then you can do anything. Claire Geisel: Yeah, no really. It's so true. Jess Sittig: Hmm. Well, I've had so much fun chatting and it is so nice when I can connect with someone online and then actually have a conversation. I know we're not in Claire Geisel: I Jess Sittig: person, but it feels like we are. So Claire Geisel: You know. Jess Sittig: it was so fun to chat and to get to know you better. And thank you for everything that you share. And I just really appreciate you taking time out of your busy twin mom life to come chat with me. So thank you. Claire Geisel: Thank you. Thank you, Jess. No, it was an honor. This is my first podcast I've ever done. So it was so wonderful chatting with you. And I love everything you're doing with the podcast because like I shared in the beginning, I was looking for resources to share the real and the hard and these types of conversations. So what you're doing is changing twin mom's lives, and I'm so grateful that I got to be part of it. So thank you for having me. Jess Sittig: thank you. I really appreciate that. Jessielee Sittig: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy twin mom life to listen along. I hope this podcast shed some light on a topic that's been on your heart and gave you more confidence as a twin mama. If you know a twin mom, please send this her way. If you like what you heard today, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Check out the show notes to be connected with today's guest and get discount codes for brands I love. See you next Thursday. Until then. You are made for this.