Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / MOTHERHOOD IN FOCUS: Tunde Oyeneyin On Life After Loss & Her Mother's Legacy

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MOTHERHOOD IN FOCUS: Tunde Oyeneyin On Life After Loss & Her Mother's Legacy · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I believe that I feel my mother more now than
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I did when she was in human flesh. Like when
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I miss her. I open the window and I can
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: hear her singing in the trees. When I'm standing outside,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I can feel her blow through my fingertips. When I'm
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: laying on a beach, I can feel her warmth, like
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: on this from the sun. I can hear her in
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: the waves of the ocean. And so when I feel her,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I trust that that feeling is real, I trust that
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: it's her. To anyone who has lost, or even more so,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: anyone who's recently lost, maybe this is your first or
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: second Mother's Day without your mother, look to the sky like,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: feel that she's still there. If you can silence all
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: of the outside noise, you'll recognize, you'll realize, you'll notice
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: that she never left. She never left.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily a body here bring you another special
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: installment of this week's Motherhood in Focus series on Hurdle
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: leading up to Mother's Day. This week, I am chatting
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: with six extraordinary woman, some moms, some not, but each
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: with a story to tell that has forever been shaped
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: by the woman that came before them. Today, I am
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: so humbled to bring you my conversation with Tunday Oining, peloton,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: instructor and all around just beautiful, beautiful person.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: As I compliment her.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: At the start of today's episode when Today and I
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: recorded the last time for the show, and I'll link
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: her first episode in the show notes, I was just
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: so taken by her bravery and tenacity and strength. Tunday
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: not only lost her brother, but also her father and
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: her mother within a six year period six years ago,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: and so today on the show, I am so grateful
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: for her openness and willingness to talk about that chapter
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: of her life and to talk about what life's been
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: like for her since those devastating losses and how she
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: carries on in her day to day remembering her mother's spirit.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: There are so many beautiful parts of today's conversation. I
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: love Tunday talking about how she still feels her mother's
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: presence so much.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: On the regular. She talks about how.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: She navigated these losses and how she took care of
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: herself when it felt downright impossible. Tunday shares her advice
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: for anyone who may share in her struggle and offers
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: up some essential words of wisdom for those strugglings specifically
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: during this week. I recognize that for some Mother's Day
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: can be a day that brings some sadness, and I
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: want to hold space for that.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: I want to hold space for.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: This community in whatever way that you'll let me, so
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: feel free to shoot me a DM a message. I'm
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: sure we'll be chatting about this over in the Secret
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Hurdler's Facebook group, and I would love for you to
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: be a part of that as well. The link to
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: join us is in the show notes. If you haven't
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: done so yet, make sure to rate and review the
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: show in the Apple Podcasts Store, and make sure you're
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: following along with Hurdle over on Instagram, Facebook at Hurdle podcast.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I am over at Emily Body. With that, let's get
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: to hurdling.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: Today.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I am chatting with Tunday oy and A and she
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: is a Peloton instructor and so many more wonderful things.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: How you doing tune day?
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: Hey girl? Hey? How are you?
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I'm so good? I'm so happy to be here talking
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: to you again. I need to. Can I give you
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: a compliment right off the bat?
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: I mean, I will never turned out a compliment?
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, the hair is amazing. I haven't talked to you
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: since we did this. We did this, like I'm involved
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: and also literally sometimes like your content crosses my feed
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: and I am just so struck by your beauty of
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: course physical but just the inner man.
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Thank you. That's the best compliment.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: And we we did do this together. You were there,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: you held the shears and we made this happen. But
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. I appreciate that beautiful compliment.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Of course. Girl. So how are you? How are you doing?
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: I'm doing good. I am doing good. Yeah, yeah, how
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: are you? You know?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: No complaints over here. I am excited that it's getting
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: nicer out. It's funny for me because I feel like
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: when it gets nicer out, like everyone also becomes nicer.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Humans in New York.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I was walking my dog, Caesar this morning and something.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: My dog did something funny, and the guy that was
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: walking past me looked up and gave me a smile,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: and I smiled back, and I thought to myself, Wow,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: why was that so weird? And then I realized he
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: didn't have his mask on, so I actually saw his smile,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, wow, I haven't because New
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: York you're walking around, you pass people all the time,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: and so you passed off smiles all day long. And
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: so I haven't received a passed off smile from someone
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: in almost a year, and it just felt really good.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: But to your point, I was just having this conversation
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: with my friends. I lived in LA for twelve years
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: before I moved to New York, and La is always beautiful.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to say when you're in LA
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: you don't appreciate the weather. And I'm not saying that,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: but there is something about New York and good weather,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: like peep you a like in LA, every day is beautiful,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: so you don't say, like, oh wow, you don't like
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: sit there and just acknowledge how beautiful this day is.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: In New York, when the weather is beautiful, everyone is outside,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: everyone is at the park.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: People are acknowledging it.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: They're like texting each other, hope you're enjoying this beautiful day,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: because it's it's like so rare here that when we
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: get one, we utilize it to the max.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: We use it fully.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: So I love that for us. I'm excited that it's
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: nice out. I'm excited to be looking at your beautiful face.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I was doing a lot of thinking because I'm recording
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: with you as part of this week long series leading
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: up to Mother's Day on the show, and I was
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: just so struck by the beautiful way you spoke about
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: your mother the first time that you and I sat
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: down together. And so I thought to myself that you
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: would be just someone that I would be so excited
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: to have a conversation with as a part of this week,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: just because I know, although not firsthand, that this week
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: can be really challenging.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Think, you know, social media, I think is a huge
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: part of that. You know, if you are somebody who's
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: who's lost and you look, you turn anything on your
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: your phone, your computer or whatever, and then you see
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: of feed and timelines of people honoring and celebrating their
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: mother as they should their loved ones. But it can
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: for somebody whose mother is no longer here, even Father's Day,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: father is no longer here. It's definitely something that you know,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: it's just a reminder, it's a reminder of how much
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: you miss your loved one.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: For those that may be listening today that aren't in
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: the loop on your story, why don't you give us
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: a little bit talking to us about, you know, growing
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: up with your mother and how that was and and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: some good times.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Well, I am first generation American descendant of two Nigerians,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Festus and Veronica Oyenane.
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: And you know, I always make this joke and.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Say, while I am American, I grew up in a
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Nigerian household. Like I went to school, I went to
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: an American school, but when I came home, it was
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: a Nigerian household. Like, That's how I was brought up,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: and that's how I was raised. You know, my favorite
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: memory with my mother, I think that's tough. I don't
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: know that I can single out any one memory because
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: there were it wasn't it's not, it's less of a memory,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: and it's just more of a my favorite how my
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: mom made me feel. I guess you know which was
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: which was so often reoccurring. She always made me feel.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: Like I better know what my name is. Like.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: She never let me take I don't know if I
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: can curse on here bleep. You know, she never let
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: me take bleep from anybody, you know, very much like
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: the rather than she was always on my team, always
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: on my side, but rather than like allowing me to
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: just be so in my feelings about things, like it
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: was almost her. She was such a good advocate in
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: getting me to woman up if you will, like to
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: like step into who I am and recognize it, and
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you know I I didn't. I didn't see it in
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: myself then what she saw in me? And I recognize
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: and I realize it so fully. Now I have fully
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: become the woman that she knew that I was. And
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I think that that's the saddest part about her not
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: being here, not that she's not here to see who
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I've become, because she already knew. I think the saddest
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: part is that she's not here to see me recognize
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: it too.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: So how old were you when she passed?
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: That's a great question. I was. I think I was
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: twenty nine?
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, wow?
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: And now yeah, being twenty nine certainly being a woman
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: well on your way in your career, How did you
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: navigate that time?
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: What was that like for you and your family?
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, I experienced a lot of trauma, a
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: lot of tragedy, somewhat at once. Three years before my
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: mother passed away, my dad had passed away. And three
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: years before my dad had passed away, my little brother
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: had passed away, and so it was I don't want
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to say it was like a numbness, but it was
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: also wildly familiar, like meaning, you know, you go through
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: the different stages of loss and grief, and so because
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: those feelings were so fresh, it was almost as if
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I knew how it was going to go. Meaning when
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: you lose someone, people tell you that you'll be okay,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: even though you know you're not okay right now, you
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: will one day be okay again, not necessarily even meaning
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: you'll be yourself again, but you'll be a new version
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: of yourself. You'll be okay again, right And so after
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I lost my mom, it was almost like it was
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: that knowing it was the It was the no I
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: knew that I would one day. It was almost like
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I was able to give myself the pep talk that
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: somebody else would give me, if you will, Like I
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: knew that I needed to allow myself time to feel.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I knew I needed to allow myself the time to grieve.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I knew that the worst thing imaginable had just happened.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: To me again.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: But I also was able to recognize that I was
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: still lucky. I have have I have an incredible mother,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: and I got to spend twenty nine years with her.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Some people aren't able to say that, you know, And
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: so I got for twenty nine years the most excellent human.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: When my father passed away, and when my father and
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: my brother passed away, I wasn't there to get to
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: say goodbye to that. When my mother passed away, her
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: health started to decline very rapidly, and I was able
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: to fly from LA to Houston to be with her
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: for I think it was about a week or two,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: although she was in and out and you know, of
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: knowing what was going on and not within I guess
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: that two weeks. Said I was there, I had a
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: good five minutes one day where she was completely alert
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: and she was able to relay her final wishes to me.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: And so I didn't get that before. And so as
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: sad as I was, as sad as I am that
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: she's not here, I acknowledged that it was a gift
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: to be able to have that final conversation with her,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: with my brother and with my dad. I wish I
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: got that conversation. So you know, I still look at
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and say, Wow, I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I had the
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: very best mother I'm lucky that I got to tell
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: her goodbye. I'm lucky that I got to know what
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: her final asss were.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Do you mind sharing any of them?
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'll share this, I'll say.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: One of her wishes was, I imagine as a mom,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: and you have three kids still remaining here that you're leaving,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: you have grandchildren that you're leaving. She was the glue
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: of the family, and I think she just wanted to
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: make sure that we would all still be together, especially
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: me not living in Texas.
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: She wanted me.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: She asked me to never forget my family, to never
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: forget my brothers, to not leave them. And I don't
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: think she meant it like physically, like don't leave Texas,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: stay here, move back, but more of now that you know,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: every time I went home, obviously I'm going home to
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: visit my nets and my brothers and all that, but
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: like I was very very regular about going home because
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I needed to see my mom, my mom, my mom,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: my mom. And I think she was her ask was
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: what she was saying there was you won't have me
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: here to come back to, but don't forget the rest
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: of your family. And it's funny, one of my brothers.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: We fight a lot, and that's just like our thing.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Like I'm cooking something and he'll taste and he's like
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: it's horrible, and it's like the best thing anybody's ever eaten.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: But he's like it needs more salt or it needs
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: more I'm like, get out.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Like we fight.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: And so she asked me not to fight with him anymore.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And so you know, he still fights with me, Like
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: he'll bicker and do all this stuff, and I just
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: every time he says I just I say nothing. I
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: just like and every time I say to myself, I'm
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: doing this. She asked me not to fight with this boy.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna fight with this boy, and so so
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: so yeah, it was it was family, Like she just
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that the family would still be
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: a family. I think that when many were relationships die,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: or when many relationships end, it's due to a death
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: in the family. Death in the family can it when
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: you lose someone in a family, it can bring you together,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: which I think it does in the beginning for many people.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: It brings you together, and then it could start to
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: rip and divide you apart. And I just think she
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: just wanted to make sure that wasn't going to be
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: the case.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: You spoke about this idea that having gone through loss
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: multiple times before that you knew that you would be okay,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: although you might not be the same as you were
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: before that loss in terms of actually integrating different coping
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: strategies in like how you were grieving.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: What did you do? How did you manage that period?
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: Hmmm? I think each time was different. Each time was different,
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I will say this, I was very un apologetic about
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: being selfish with my time, meaning people were calling me
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: and texting me to check in on me, and the
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: right thing to do is, like you know, call people
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: back and message people back, let people know you're okay.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't want to. I didn't want to.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to be alone, and so I was
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: unapologetic about taking the time that I needed. I took
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: time off of work I think two or three months.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I was really fortunate that I was able to do that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: But I just allowed myself to be I think after
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I lost my dad, actually I didn't work out, like
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I just had no desire, I think. And then when
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I started feeling better, I think it was I started
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: to get back into a routine.
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: And you know at.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: That time, I was also my diet around that time
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: was really really clean. Like I made a conscious decision.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, I am gonna really protect my body
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: and my health and make sure that my oh my
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: things are working right.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: And you know, in order to do that, I need
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: to fuel my body with the right food.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I think that after I lost my dad is when
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I think that's when I actually like boosted up my
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: like fitness habits and like a routine, if that makes
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: any sense at all. But yeah, I don't know that
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I can. I don't know that I recall. I maybe
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I don't even know that I remember what happened during
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that time because I wasn't there.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
• 17:47
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  Speaker 2: kurdle to get twenty percent off your order of all
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• 19:26
  Speaker 3: So interesting.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Also, that takeaway on I know I should quote unquote
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: be like getting back to people and saying thank you
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: for checking in on me. But what you said is
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: the most important part, like being honest with yourself about
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: what you actually need. And I remember in that episode
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: that we spoke for the last time talking about that
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: term of soul care.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: How are you going to take care of your soul?
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: What is it that you need to be your best you?
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: So, now reflecting back on that, I love before how
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: you said I have a great mother, and I also
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: love I think and in even in your Instagram bio
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: it says daughter of immigrants, like this is such a
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: proud thing for you. So when you reflect on the
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: woman that your mother is, what are some of the
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: values that she had that you are hoping to pass
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: down to other people in your life, whether it's friends,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: other family, or perhaps maybe one day your own children.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Pride, I would say, great pride and humility within pride,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Like my mother was a very proud woman in the
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: way you could she radiated that, in the way that
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: she walked away, that she talked, the way that she moved.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: And I marry in the word humility to that, because
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: she was also the most humble and the most gracious
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: and the most generous person.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: And I saw that.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: In the way in her relationships, and as a young girl,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize that it was unique because it was
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: all I saw, what I saw. And so the way
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: that she was a friend with her friends, like I
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: realized now that she was not only the glue in
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: our family or within our family, but she was also
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: the glue within her sisters, her sisterhood of friends. And
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I, as now women, I realized, wow, you know,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: let's say it was my friend or an aunt that
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: was going through something, maybe it was with her children,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: or even with her her relationships or with work.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: I realized that my mother was always the first person
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: that her friends call.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I now as an adult realized, like my aunts or
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: that maybe weren't getting along. I realized, now, wow, my
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: mom was always the one like trying to like get
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: everybody to come together with love. And so I say
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: that to say, like she there was a lot of trust.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: There was a lot of trust in her relationships with
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: the people that she loved around her.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Do you think that's because she was like super compassionate
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: or a really good listener, Like what would you pinpoint
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: that quality in her?
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Too?
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Compassionate? Compassionate for sure, compassionate empathy. I would say. It's
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: so funny if people ask me, like, if you were
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: to ask a handful of my five closest friends, what
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: is Tounday's best quality, they would say empathy. I know
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: that without a doubt. Now, if you were to also
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: ask them what is Tunday's worst quality, they would say
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: empathy as well.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: Huh and why did you say that?
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: Because I.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Not only sympathize with people, like see things or understand
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: what they're going through, I feel it with them, and
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: so I also like the queen of giving people the
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. Like I played Devil's Advocate a lot.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I was a great debatist. I thought I was going
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: to be a lawyer at one point in my life
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: because I loved to argue the other side or see
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: somebody else's perspective. I'm the queen of you know, hearing
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: something and I'm like, well, let's look at it from
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: a different perspective, Like to the point where my girlfriends
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: are like, Okay, I'm going to tell you something my
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: husband did.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: Please don't try to see his side, just hear my side.
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: Be my friend.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: But yeah and so so so yeah, So I would say, compassion.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: What a beautiful thing that she passed down to you
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: though that quality. Yeah, I mean, I'm with you.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: I'm certainly like an mpath so I'm also like that,
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: let me try to see all sides.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: How can I help you?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Also, like, I'll like rearrange my entire schedule if it
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: means that I can help someone.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: That I care about.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Right, I feel like you're you and I probably for
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: the most part within our bandwidth like share that in comment.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I just you know what it is.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I have really really incredible friends that show up for
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: me for any thing whenever I need them, And so
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: it's just like this, It's the reciprocal effect kind of thing.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: You know, you surround yourself with good people, and with
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: good you have no choice but to then also show.
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: Up and be good.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Ooh, what a takeaway. What a nugget.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: In your family, I mean, your mom said that she
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: wanted you to show up for one another going forward.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: How do you all do that? Have you instilled new
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: traditions in your families?
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean this past year and a half has
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: been different because of COVID. I'm actually I'm seeing my
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: family for the first time since December twenty nineteen, in
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: just a couple of weeks, so I'm excited for that.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I would just say it's like just continuing
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: to show up for each other. Like my family, we
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: are very much like. We rag on each other a lot,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: make fun of each other a lot, and that's kind
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: of how we show love. And so, you know, it's
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: just always showing up for each other, always being there
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: for each other. I have three one to three nephews
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and one niece, and you know, being there for them
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: and watching them grow up is wildly rewarding for me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Whenever I I always call my brother and brothers and
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: say where are my kids?
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: And you know, I call them my kids and treat
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: them as my kids.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I always said, because I knew that I didn't live
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: in the same state as them, My wish has always been,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: or my focus has always been, I don't want because
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not there in their lives on a day to
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: day I don't want to be like the aunt that
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: comes around that you're like kind if I'm comfortableround because
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: you don't really know her, and she you know, I
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: was like, that's not I'm going to like discipline your
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: children as if I was there every day, I'm going
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: to love them hard as if I was there every day,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be like the who's that auntie situation?
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: And so just really just showing up for each other,
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: just really showing up for each other.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: That niece, though, I mean not to downplay the three
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: amazing nephews, but I'm sure she gets like a little
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: extra special.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Love and how she gets all of the special life.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: And she's the only girl. And so when she was
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: really little, she used to like her The most important
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: thing for her was anytime it came we would do
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: things where it was girls only, as she said, no boys.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: And so you know, we still uphold uphold that tradition.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: So anytime that I'm in town, I always reserve one
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: day where it's just girls only.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: I love that. I love just girls only.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Time for someone listening to this episode, who shares in
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: your struggle and who shares in your loss, what would
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: you say to them during this difficult week, I would say.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I believe that I feel my mother more now than
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: I did when she was in human flesh. Like when
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I miss her, I open the window and I can
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: hear her singing in the trees. When I'm standing outside,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I can feel her blow through my fingertips. When I'm
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: laying on a beach, I can feel her warmth, like
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: on this from the sun. I can hear her in
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: the waves of the ocean and so thin that I
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: think that she's always there. And I believe that I'm
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: a wildly intuitive person. I believe I have a supreme
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: gift to manifest things in my life. There came a
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: day some time ago where I made the decision to
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: believe myself, meaning I've everything that I've asked for has happened.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Everything that I've said was going to happen in my
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: life has happened.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: And so I.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Try, like how many times does the universe have to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: show you like, Yes, this is real, this is real.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: You're asking for these things, They're real. And so by
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: saying that, like, I trust myself when I feel her,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I trust that that feeling is real.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: I trust that it's her.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And so to anyone who is lost, or even more
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: so anyone who's recently lost. Maybe this is your first
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: or second Mother's Day without your mother, look to the sky,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: like feel that she's still there. If you can silence
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: all of the outside noise, You'll recognize, You'll realize.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: You'll notice that she never left. She never left. She's
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: still there, She's still here.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Right now today, you have an opportunity to offer yourself
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: a piece of the piece of advice. Looking back on
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: the weeks and the months and perhaps the first year
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: or two without your mother, what do you tell yourself.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't change anything, and I don't even know that
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I would tell myself anything different, because that would then
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: ultimately change the outcome of we are here right now.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: I think what I did well then.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Is that I allowed myself time to grieve. I'm really
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: proud of myself for stepping up for her, not necessarily
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: even within her final days. And that's not what I'm
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: speaking to. I'm more so saying, you know, arranging everything,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: and the words that I shared at her funeral and
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: at her weight, I think my words did her justice.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: And I mentioned before that my mother was a very
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: proud woman and a humble woman and a generous woman.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: And I think that my words, but the way that
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I told her story, and I think the message that
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: I left for her loved.
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: Ones, I did her well.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: And I think that I continue to every day I
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: continue to build on her legacy. I think that I
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: say I wouldn't do anything differently because I grieved and
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I was down, and I was not myself, and I
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: wasn't the same friend that I was to my friends,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: and I wasn't the same colleague or coworker.
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: I wasn't the same, and that is and was okay.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I needed to not be the same to reach where
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I am now, and I wouldn't apologize for that, and
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't change it. I am different now. I'm not
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: the same person that I was. You know, before I
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: lost my brother, my father, and my mother, I wasn't
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: the same person. But the person that I am today
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: is the person that I am supposed to be. And
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: this person that I am now is the person who's
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: supposed to continue the legacy. Everything I do I do
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: for her. Everything I do I do for her. I
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: do it in her name and her honor and in
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: her legacy. Uh And so yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: tell that tune day anything. I would just like I
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: would love to to maybe have a peek and just
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: watch her. I would rather just watch her and like
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: let her figure out this journey on her own because
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: ultimately would it's going to lead her to exactly where
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: she needs to be.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Have you always had this kind of like grace and
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: compassion with yourself or do you think that came with
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: time from all of these experiences.
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm like, do I have grace and
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: compassion with myself? The way that you talk?
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: You do?
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Like, I mean, I think it's really special for you
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: to say, like, I recognize that that was a really
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: difficult time. But here I am saying you did the
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: best you could with what you had and that was
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: a hard time.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: I think hindsight is you know real, right? And so
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: then did I know that? No?
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: I don't know that. I knew that now? Okay, so
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: have I always? But then maybe no?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I think now because I am able to try. I
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: trust myself so much. I trust myself so much, and
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I believe that everything happens for a reason. Is for
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: someone who's experienced as much loss as I have to
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: say that still, like, I believe that everything happens for
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: a reason, in purpose, on purpose of purpose, and with
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: great purpose. Because I believe that and I trust myself,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I trust that all will be well. One of my
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: favorite things to say is that the truth will reveal
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: itself whenever you're ready to see it. The truth will
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: reveal itself whenever you're are ready to see it. Everything's
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: already in motion, everything's already happening. You don't realize that
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: everything is happening or was already happening, until you step
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: out of where you are.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: So, for example.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: I'll use Peloton for example, I'm a Peloton cycling instructor.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I never planned this dream, this thought of this when
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I was going through my battle with my weight and
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: on this weight loss journey and like finding out who
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: I was and finding confidence and like falling in love
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: with working out. Like when I was heavy and overweight,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I was insecure and I didn't understand, you know why
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I wasn't able to wait in all these different things.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I realized now that that was supposed to be my
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: story because it allows me to empathize and understand what
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: people are going through in their journey. Now I had
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: to go through that to be who I am in
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: this moment. Maybe I still would have been in cycling instructor.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe I still would have been a Peloton in cycling costuctor.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be the tune day that I am now
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: without having had gone through that experience. The truth will
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: reveal itself when you are ready to see it. Now
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I am ready to see why that was then right.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And so to kind of circle back to your question,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I've always been a deep thinker, Like I'm the person who's.
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: Like, why do we call blue blue? Why couldn't blue
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: be called orange? Like I've always challenged.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Thought and perspective, and I think that's why I empathize
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: and see people's point of view, because I don't take
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: anything just at face value. I look at things fully.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: So I've always been that way. I as I get older,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I have moved more into my faith in myself and
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: my again my trust and myself. I think that authenticity
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: is the inner action of truth and trust. When you
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: are able to truly be yourself and trust that your
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: truth is okay, then you are able to be your
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: most authentic self. When trust and truth intersect, you are
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: able to be yourself your most authentic self.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: Wow, that takeaway.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: This really brings it full circle to even the beginning
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: of our conversation, when you were saying how your mother
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: just wanted you to basically be your own hype man
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: to be so sure of who you are and proud
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: of who you are, and authentic and who you are,
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: and so to get to this point in our conversation
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: as we wind down here, for you to be so
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: proud and so sure. And I think what's important to
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: reiterate here is that that doesn't mean from time to
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: time that you're not going to second guess yourself, right,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Because I think that some people hear stuff like this
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: and they're like, how can she be just so sure
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: all of the time? No, Like you're gonna second guess yourself.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: I second guess myself, but I know that I have
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: the best intentions of being confident in who I am.
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: I second guess myself all the time.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: But whether it's my second guests or my third guest
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: or my fourth guest, whatever guess I land at wherever
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I land, That's where my trust moves in. It's not
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: that I don't question things or go back and forth
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: or ask for opinions and advice, but wherever I land,
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: whenever I land in that choice, in that decision, I
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: trust that that is true.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: I trust that where I land is right, period, period.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: And I love ending here on what you were referencing before.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: It's like you'll you'll be ready, like when you get
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: through all the lessons and you're ready to recognize, like
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: what happened and you can see it for what it is,
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: like you will know and you'll be grateful for it.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: And so I can say without a doubt that I,
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: as mel as well as many are grateful for you
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: getting to where you're at because your outlook and your
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: perspective it's not just helping people you know at Peloton
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: on the bike, but in so many other aspects of
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: their life. Specifically this week, as we're talking about something
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: that's not exactly easy, but something that hearing your perspective,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: hearing your outlook for so many is going to be.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: Just so helpful.
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Emily.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Thanks girl. So how do the hurdlers keep up with you?
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: How do they stay in the loop with you? Give
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: me all your details.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I'm the worst social media person ever, Like I have
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and kind of a Facebook. Instagram is tuned
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: to you n E. The number two tun day to
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: U n D. And my Facebook is tounday o nine
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: at Peloton Beautiful.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: I'm over at Emily and body and at Hurdle Podcast,
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: Another hurdle conquered.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: Catch you guys, next time
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: You