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Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Daily Podcast - Why a Change in Scenery Rarely Improves the View, Part 1 · KHCB On Demand

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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Change is inevitable. And you know, change can
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be a great thing. But there are times when making
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a change in your life, your work, or your relationships
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can bring devastating consequences. Today on
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Living on the Edge, we're going to talk about
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how to know when it's time to move on and how
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to know when you need to stay right where you're
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at. Stay with me. I'm Dave Drewing, and this
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is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. When
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life gets hard, it's easy to believe that a new
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job, a new church, or even a new spouse would
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finally make everything better. Chip calls it
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the if -only game, and today he exposes the false
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premise hiding underneath it. It's part of our
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series, Building Authentic Community, How to
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Lift Up Those You Love. Now let's join Chip for
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the start of a message titled, Why a Change in
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Scenery Rarely Improves the View. Under pressure.
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I mean, when life gets difficult, when it gets
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painful, and we all tend to play what I call
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the if -only game. And the if -only game goes
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like this, and it's the fifth lie. The lie is
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that the grass is greener on the other side of
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the fence mentality. When things get hard and
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when they get difficult, somehow we think if
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I were in a different situation, if only this
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happened or that happened, then everything would
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be just absolutely good. It's just, it's my circumstance.
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Here's the false premise. God wants me to be
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happy. Now, there's a lot of truth in that, so
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don't get too shaken up. God does want to bless
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us. He does want to give us a full life. But
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when I say God wants me to be happy, I mean he
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wants me to feel happy. He wants me to be emotionally
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satisfied. He wants everything to be going right
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all the time so that I'm a happy camper. So I'm
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fulfilled. So life is going my way. So I'm successful.
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So life is good. I believe that's a false premise.
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Because I've got passages that say in the world,
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you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer,
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I've overcome the world. I've got passages to
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say, why are you surprised at the fiery trial
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that you're undergoing? Because it's predictable
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and certain. I have passages to say that every
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single person that longs and wants to live a
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godly life will experience persecution. So I
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think we've kind of eliminated some of those
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passages in our American view of the New Testament
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and the Old Testament. And we have come to believe
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that God wants personal fulfillment and happiness
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and good emotions like about 99 % of the time.
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So I put this in a little axiom here. Major premise,
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God wants me to be happy. And that's his highest
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goal for my life. That's what he really wants.
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Minor premise, my situation, my job, my marriage,
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my school, my relationships are so painful and
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stressful that... Conclusion, this situation
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or relationship can't be God's will for my life.
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That is, I mean, that is day after day after
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day after day being believed and acted on, at
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least in America. I was doing a radio call -in
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program and they talk a little bit and then people
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call from around the country. So this was a Chicago
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listener and this lady calls in. She goes, well,
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you know, I just really want you to know that...
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I know God really wants me to be happy and I
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am just miserable in my marriage and so I'm going
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to be divorcing my husband and that's okay, isn't
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it? And I said, well, ma 'am, that's a very complex
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situation and I don't know all the issues, but
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do you have biblical grounds for divorce? She
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goes, well, what do you mean? I said, well, has
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he been sexually unfaithful? Is he an unbeliever
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that maybe you married before you were a Christian
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and that he has abandoned you? I mean, do you
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have biblical grounds for divorce? And she goes,
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well, no, he's just not very considerate. He's
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just not very nice. I don't feel fulfilled. I
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mean, I'm missing out on life. I'm miserable.
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I just don't like him anymore. Then she said
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this, but I know God wants me to be happy. Therefore,
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I know this can't be his will. Now that's a graphic
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one, but I would challenge you and I would challenge
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me to ask yourself, where do you play that if
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only game? The truth is, if you'll look in your
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notes, is that running from adversity and conflict
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in relationships does not solve problems, but
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it compounds them. And all of us at certain times
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in our life have run from adversity, have run
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from conflict and difficulty. And we could probably
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tell a lot of stories of how, you know what,
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running away from it did not solve it. It just
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compounded it. Patience and perseverance are
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the keys to relational transformation. If you'll
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look in your notes, I put exactly what God would
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say to people in a very difficult situation of
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conflict and adversity. And here's what he says
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to them, beginning in verse 7 of chapter 5 of
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the book of James. Be patient then, brothers.
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Well, how long? Until the Lord's coming. See
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how the farmer waits for the land to yield its
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valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn
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and the spring rains? You too. Be patient and
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stand firm. Well, why? Because the Lord's coming
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is near. Well, what kind of attitude should we
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have while we're waiting? Verse nine, don't grumble
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against each other, brothers, or you'll be judged.
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The judge is standing at the door. Brothers,
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as an example of patience in the face of suffering,
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take the prophets who spoke in the name of the
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Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those
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who persevere. You have heard of Job's perseverance
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and you've seen what the Lord finally brought
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about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
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Above all, my brothers, do not swear, not by
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heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your
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yes be yes and your no, no, or you'll be condemned.
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In other words, keep your word. There are four
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commands in this passage. As I give them to you,
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I want you to underline the commands. Command
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number one, be patient. That's in verse seven.
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Command number two is in verse eight. Be patient
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and stand firm. So he repeats the same command.
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Command number three, don't grumble. Underline
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that. Command number four is do not swear. Do
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not swear. So he's made it very, very clear.
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He understands their situation. It's as bad or
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literally worse than anyone's difficult conflict
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or adversity. And he says to them very clearly,
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be patient, be patient and stand firm. Do not
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grumble and do not swear. There's four commands.
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It's obvious it's about patience, perseverance,
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hanging in there, not giving up, hanging tough,
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enduring. But he's gonna give us three snapshots.
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There's three pictures. Put a box around the
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word farmer. Because he's gonna use it as an
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example. He's gonna say, there's a lesson to
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be learned from the farmer. Skip down and put
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a box around the word prophet. He says, there's
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a lesson that we can learn from the prophets.
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And then finally put a box around the word Job
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or Job's. There's a lesson to be learned from
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him. And if you had some time to look at those
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four commands, and as you see those words that
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are circled, what you're gonna learn. is that
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God has a message to people who play the if -only
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game. And out of this, I think, are three very,
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very clear commands for us in terms of how do
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we make it through difficult times. The first
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point I see out of this passage in verses seven
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to nine is that we are commanded to be patient
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even when circumstances are beyond our control.
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He says, don't give up, don't give in because
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God is in control, but they're out of your control.
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Look, it says, be patient, brothers, until the
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Lord's coming. And then this is the lesson of
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the farmer. See how the farmer waits for the
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land to yield its valuable crop and how patient
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he is for autumn and spring rains. How much control
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does the farmer have about how much sunlight
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and how much rain? Zero. So he says, take a lesson
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from the farmer. What does the farmer do? He
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waits for the land. He waits for the process.
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He lets the land do its work, its valuable crop.
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He's patient. He realizes, you know what? Okay.
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You know what? It's autumn now and things are
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brown. But guess what? Spring is coming. Spring
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is coming. You need to persevere. You need to
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hang in there. And then by the way, you need
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to hang in there with the right attitude. Notice
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what it says. Second command, be patient and
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stand firm again because the Lord's coming is
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near. Seasons have a beginning and seasons have
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an end, don't they? Whatever you're experiencing
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that you think, I can't take it, I can't take
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it, I can't take it one more day. Yes, you can.
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You say, well, I can't imagine myself three weeks
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from now in this situation. You don't have to.
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There is no grace in hypothetical situations.
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If you start thinking next year or three weeks
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from now or two years from now or in five years,
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you know what? There's zero grace. You know what
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you get grace for today? I'm not sure unless
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you know more than me. I don't know that you'll
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be here three weeks from now, do you? I don't
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know if the earth will be here five weeks from
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now. The Lord is near. I don't know when he's
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coming back. You're listening to Living on the
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Edge with Chip Ingram, and we'll get back to
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today's message in just a moment. Did you know
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Chip isn't just on the radio? He's on YouTube,
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too. Just search Living on the Edge with Chip
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Ingram and hit subscribe. You'll find full -length
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video teaching from Chip on marriage, parenting,
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leadership, and a whole lot more, ready to watch
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whenever it fits your schedule. It's also a great
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way to share a message with a friend who needs
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it. All right, now back to our message. So he
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says, stand firm and be patient. And then here's
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the attitude, don't grumble against each other,
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brothers, or you'll be judged. The judge is standing
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at the door. He says, when things get difficult
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and when we should be waiting and realize there
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is a season in marriage, there is a season with
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our kids, there's a season in a ministry, what
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we tend to do is start blaming, grumbling. It's
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interesting, the word grumble here means to sigh,
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to groan silently within, or to whine without.
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I hate that definition. It so describes me at
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times. Isn't that good? To groan within or sigh,
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oh brother, or to whine without. It's to build
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resentment or a negative attitude toward another
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person. That's what it means to grumble. And
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in difficult circumstances, we are all prone
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to do it. Could I suggest that the lesson of
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the farmer would teach us that if we're not careful,
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we'll bail out. before God's season is complete
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in a relationship, a job, a ministry, a church,
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or a situation, and we will miss the blessing.
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We'll get in on the planting, we'll get on the
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cultivating, we'll get in on the dry season and
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the difficulty and adversity, and God was just
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about ready to rain and was just about to bring
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about and bear some fruit and you're ready to
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leave. And I learned this early and the hard
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way. I was in seminary and because I was kind
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of I guess, what would you call it? I'm hyper.
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Can you kind of recognize that? I'm a hyper guy,
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all right? And I was running a little janitorial
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company and going to seminary. And I had three
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kids and trying to balance all that. And the
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little janitorial company was having some financial
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difficulties. And I was also involved in a ministry
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about 20 hours a week. I mean, insane. And I
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realized after three years of sleeping about
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four and a half or five hours a night, I can't
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do this any longer. And I still have a full year
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of seminary left. And so I asked God to somehow
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take the ministry and a paycheck and put them
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together. And a little tiny church outside of
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Dallas in Kauffman, Texas called me to be their
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pastor. There's about 35 people out in the boonies
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of the boonies of the boonies. And they asked
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me, I didn't know it, they'd had a lot of difficult
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time with pastors. And I'm glad I didn't know
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it all, but they had been through about eight
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in the last three years. And if I would have
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been older and smarter, I would have asked a
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good question, but I didn't know that. And it's
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good I didn't know, but they asked me for a five
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-year commitment. And I thought, well, you know,
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God had showed me I'm supposed to be a pastor.
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And I thought, well, I've got one year of seminary.
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I could break that and slow down, do it in two
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years. And I'm going to have to learn how to
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be a pastor somewhere. This is a good place.
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Yeah, a few or five years. Well, I signed up
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for five years in that little group of 35. And
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I found out everyone was related. And I found
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out in about the first year why all the other
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pastors left. And they were wonderful people.
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But, you know, it was an interesting journey.
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And I had so much to learn. Year two or year
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two and a half, you know, now seminary is done.
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I've got about six months after it. And if someone
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would have said, you are out of your commitment,
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I would have run through the door. I mean, I
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grew up in the suburbs. This is a tiny little
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town. No stoplights. We actually grew and got
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a stoplight later. But I mean, at one end of
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town was the feed store. And the other end of
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the town was the wagon wheel. And I think there
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was a Sonic. I mean, that's it. And I mean, you
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know, in the Texas towns, you know, they have
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little squares where you have the courthouse
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and you could even see where the rings were,
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where people would put their horses. And everyone
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wore John Deere hats and had guns in the back
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of their pickups. And that is not how I grew
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up. This was a different environment for me.
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And it was hard, hard, hard, hard. And at two
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and a half years, I mean, I think we went to
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35 to maybe 90 or 100 people. And I'm just thinking,
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I'm knocking my head against the wall. I didn't
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go to seminary. Lord, I want to be a missionary.
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You know, there's like only 100 people here and
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I'm killing myself and I might be killing them.
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And I mean, everything in me wanted to leave
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except I made a commitment. And what I didn't
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understand is there's seasons. I didn't understand
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that the person who needed to grow up the most
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was a 28 -year -old young pastor who went there
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that didn't know what he didn't know. And that...
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Really, those people, instead of being kind of
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backward and this and that, they really knew
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a lot more about God and about how to teach me
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to be a pastor than I ever imagined or dreamed.
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And I stayed there for one simple reason. As
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I think, you know, let your yes be yes and your
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no be no. But emotionally, I mean, it was like,
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I mean, I think I would have taken a job, a good
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janitorial job, not running a company, but being
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the janitor. I mean, I was discouraged. And it's
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interesting is the seasons and God began to work.
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And by about year number four and five, we saw
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the thing begin to grow and God move in the area.
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And then actually I ended up staying eight years.
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And years six, seven, and eight, we just watched
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things double and multiply. And in a town of
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about 4 ,500, we saw about 500 people involved
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there. We saw churches get connected. We had
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outreach for all the youth non -denominationally
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for all the high school kids. We built a child
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welfare center. We shut down the pornography
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and all those little shops that they had. And
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God did a wonderful thing and I would have missed
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it all because I didn't want to wait. I didn't
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want to be patient. And I didn't understand what
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the farmer knows. The farmer knows their seasons.
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What season are you in? What season are you in
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in your marriage? What season are you in in your
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business? What season are you in in your church?
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What season are you in? And could it be that
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instead of if only this was different. And you
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know those secret thoughts like if only I had
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a different marriage partner. You know, if only
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my health was better then. What if God has you
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in his sovereign will and purposes in a season
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to develop something inside that's gonna be better
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and deeper and greater than you ever dreamed?
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That's what James is saying. Notice there's a
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second lesson, not just from the farmer, but
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there's a lesson to be learned from the prophet.
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And notice what he says here about the prophets.
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He says, brothers, as an example of patience
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in the face of suffering, take the prophets,
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plural. who spoke in the name of the Lord. And
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you think to yourself, well, what's amazing about
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that? It says, well, we're commanded to be patient
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even when our circumstances are unfair and unjust.
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Verse 10. See, that's what I get from the prophets.
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When I study the prophets' lives, I'm just thinking,
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if you really love God, if you're really for
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God, if you're really willing to take a stand,
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if you're gonna live a righteous life, then life's
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gonna be good. You're gonna be happy, right?
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Yet Daniel, happy, happy, happy with all those
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lions. You know, I'm the lion tamer. This sure
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is fun. Jeremiah, happy, happy, happy. I'm in
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a cistern down in a well. Now I'm in prison.
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Happy, happy, happy. Study the life of the prophets.
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My lands, they do exactly the right thing and
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they're treated with injustice and lack of fairness.
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Or Joseph. Here's a guy that, I mean, all I want
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to do, you gave me a dream. I want to do your
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will, Lord. So what's he get? Falsely accused,
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sent to prison unjustly. You know, his whole
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life, the first 30 years, is like a bad dream.
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God wants us to learn the lesson of the prophets.
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They spoke God's word. They were in the center
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of God's will. We have skewed expectations about
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what it means to walk in the will of God. See,
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it's the happiness cult that we've produced in
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America. You know, I'm a Christian. I should
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be happy. If I'm not happy, something's wrong.
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God, change it quickly, quickly, quickly. I mean,
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I want to put it in the spiritual microwave.
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Oh, goody, happy, happy, happy. Now everything's
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great, you know? And he says, learn a lesson
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from the prophets, Daniel, Jeremiah, Joseph,
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Elijah. They were in the center of God's will
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and being in the center of God's will meant pain
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and suffering and injustice and difficulty and
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being light and salt in a perverse and dark world.
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I mean, even in Jeremiah's case, I happen to
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be reading there right now. God even tells him,
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guess what? You just obey. And by the way, they're
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not going to listen. How would you like that
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job assignment? And he didn't say, well, could
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I get a transfer? I'd like transferred out of
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this one. I'd kind of like to be a prophet and
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some other. No, no, Jeremiah. Remember what he
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said in the first chapter? You know, before you
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were in your mother's womb, I have called you
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for this. Life is not certain. Life is not easy
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and life is not fair. That's a biblical appraisal.
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When you do what is right, when you're in the
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center of God's will, if you are expecting that
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everything lines up and goes your way, that your
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circumstances align, that people are gonna be
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wonderful, that all your kids are gonna make
19:56
great decisions and turn out right, that you're
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never gonna have a major problem in your marriage,
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that you're never gonna go through difficult,
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painful health issues, that you're never gonna
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be betrayed by a friend, that you're never gonna
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have to have a messy church situation, you're
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never gonna have someone in business cheat or
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lie or do something difficult to you, then you
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set yourself up wrongly for a life of despair
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and discouragement and you'll get disillusioned
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with God. I meet Christians all the time that
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are disillusioned with God. God promised the
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abundant life. God promised I would be happy.
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God promised, and I'm thinking, yeah, God promised
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persecution. God promised suffering. God promised
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character building. How come no one's writing
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books on that? Seven steps to great character
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through intense suffering over a long period
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of time. I can just see that baby flying off
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the shelf. But is that not, if Jeremiah was writing
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a book, that's the one he'd write. If Joseph
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was writing a book, that's the one he'd write.
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But what do you find out about those prophets?
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What's the lesson? It's where they land. It's
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not what they go through. Consider it all joy,
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my brethren, when you encounter various or all
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kinds of difficulties, knowing that the testing
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of your faith produces perseverance, hupomeno.
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He's going to use this word. Hoopoe to be under,
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meno, stress or pressure. Knowing the testing
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of your faith produces perseverance and allow,
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it's a command, but it's in the passive voice.
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Allow perseverance or the difficulty to do what?
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Produce Christ -like character or maturity in
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you that God may do in you what he wants to do.
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See, the premise of the New Testament is not
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God wants to make you happy. You know what the
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correct premise is? God wants to make you holy.
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You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
21:52
Ingram and a message called Why a Change in Scenery
21:55
Rarely Improves the View. It's part of our series
21:58
Building Authentic Community. And if you missed
22:01
any of today's lesson, just go online to livingontheedge
22:04
.org. Staying put through a hard season in a
22:09
marriage, a job, or a church isn't just about
22:12
gritting your teeth. At its core, it's a decision
22:15
to love, even when the feelings aren't there.
22:18
That's exactly what Chip's book, I Choose Love,
22:21
is all about. Get your copy of I Choose Love
22:24
at a special price today at livingontheedge .org
22:28
slash offers. You know, we often hear from listeners
22:31
walking through exactly the kind of season Chip
22:34
described today. One listener, Holly, told us
22:37
the last three years had been really tough and
22:40
really dark. But Chip's teaching helped her stop
22:43
looking at her circumstances and start focusing
22:45
on God's promises. In her words, even though
22:49
we're in the midst of circumstances that we can't
22:51
control, God has promises, and He has a plan,
22:55
and He works everything out for good. Well, stories
22:58
like Holly's are why we keep teaching, and they're
23:00
possible because listeners like you stand with
23:03
us. Become a monthly partner or make a one -time
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gift by going online to livingontheedge .org
23:10
or call us at 888 -333 -6003. You can also send
23:16
your gift by mail to Living on the Edge, P .O.
23:19
Box 3007, Suwannee, Georgia 30024. Well, now
23:25
here's Chip Ingram. Under pressure, we all play
23:28
the if -only game. I mean, a lot of us just do
23:32
it in our head and we never verbalize it. But
23:34
we have this mindset, if this was different then.
23:37
And let me tell you, perseverance is not fun.
23:42
Hanging in there, not giving up in relationships,
23:45
in a work situation, in something that you know
23:48
God wants you to do. Changing will only bring
23:51
a new set of problems. But I have to tell you
23:54
this, you're going to need help to get there.
23:56
And my best recommendation is to ask yourself,
24:00
who are four or five people that I could go through
24:04
this series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships
24:07
With, and begin to deal with these false beliefs
24:10
I have about the if -only game and about work
24:13
and about my tongue and about how life really
24:16
works. There's certain lies we believe. They
24:19
just wreck your life. This series is about pulling
24:23
back the curtain and you seeing those lies for
24:26
what they are and then getting biblical solutions
24:28
by the grace of God to live differently. Can
24:32
I encourage you? Start a journey with some people
24:35
that you trust and watch God work in your heart.
24:38
Just go to livingontheedge .org to find the series
24:41
Five Lies That Ruin Relationships. Well, join
24:45
us next time as Chip concludes our series on
24:47
building authentic community right here on Living
24:51
on the Edge. Today's program is produced and
24:56
sponsored by Living on the Edge.