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Transcript

Plans We Don’t Share & the Love We Don’t Show: A Field Manual for Showing Up · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: This is a short, sharp jolt of truth for anybody that's interested in building something that's sacred from that middle of their life, the middle of their business, the middle of their mess.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: My name is Mark.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Let's go right into it.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: So let me ask you something.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: What if the reason that your partner is anxious isn't the chaos itself but that silence inside of you?
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is for the unspoken plans, the hidden love, the quiet stress behind our eyes, and it's really about the sacred practices that bring us back.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: So, whether you're building a business or raising a family or navigating change, or just holding it together silently, well, this episode is for you.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So let's begin.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Have you ever built something important in quiet or in silence?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's a business plan for your new business, maybe it was like a home renovation or plans to move.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Or maybe it was something more internal, like that bold vision or plan that you have about who you want to become.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And then one day you might turn around and you realize you're not sharing it, especially with the people who need to see it.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but I hold clarity kind of like a close secret weapon in my closet or in my own business.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: But sometimes that clarity that we withhold from others, that we might have with ourselves, becomes like a connection that's dried up or even denied.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again with more clarity Clarity withheld becomes connection denied becomes connection denied.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: That might show up for you something like this it might be running the numbers but never really slowing down to look at and say, hey, here's what I'm building.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: It might be telling yourself that others won't understand and what they really need is an invitation, not a full explanation about what you're doing.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: It also could show up in your own feeling alone in your mission and then not realizing that that loneliness can be self-inflicted oftentimes.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I had one client say to me this week as we were working together on his business plan and his outreach efforts and his clients.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: He told me quote I haven't convinced the people I love where we are going and what I'm becoming or how we'll get there.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Unquote, and that kind of hit me like a brick in that conversation and reminded me of needing to get that buy-in from the people I love, the people I connect to, the people in my family but also my clients and the businesses around me.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: So here's your fierce encouragement for your life Show somebody your damn plan, Find that mentor, find that dear friend, find somebody that's going to encourage you, even if it's messy.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Break it out, even if it's half-baked and not all the way cooked through, and especially if you're still scared.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Because when we invite people in that matter they can see the map that we might be seeing and they're also less likely to panic when they might wonder what's going on with us.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: So that's the power of inviting people in, that's the power of making clear to others that you care about what is important to you.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: And it leads to this next point that I wanted to discuss, and this is the power of those micro moments that we have during our day to practice love and connection and being together.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: In the middle of our stress and even our ambition, it is really easy to forget.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Love is almost built in those micro moments, those small little gaps in our day.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Micro moments, that those small little gaps in our day.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: It could be a note that we pass to somebody, it could be a note that we leave in somebody's wallet.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: It could be a quick text, it could be a joke, or it could be a plate of food handed over without expectation of loving it.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And this isn't romantic fluff and BS and flowers and candy.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I like to look at it kind of like that emotional infrastructure for our relationships and we call them love bids.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: These are gestures where we can spark a connection versus defending ourselves.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And I think when we spot or look for those moments where we can bid our love to the ones we care about, or even our coworkers or somebody in our community, it helps us have a different and kind of sacred reputation with ourselves and the more we do that, that sacred reputation becomes a repetition and we really start to feel that gravitas towards love, towards those micro moments helping us build up and almost whisper to ourselves I'm still here, I see you, and especially with our children or our partners, those micro moments really help create that deeper connection in your family and your relationships.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: So I had a client that told me a few weeks ago that he started dropping in little notes into his wife's lunchbox or even her wallet.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: He called them dumb jokes, maybe even a dirty joke, and he folded a slip of paper in with just a sentence of love or something goofy and she would find it in her wallet and she often told him that it made her smile and for that moment it helped them ground themselves and kind of say to each other, in a quiet love bid kind of way, that we're okay, there's no big reveal here, just presence, kind of that power of a small sacred act.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Joseph Campbell, the great author about mythology, shared this as well.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: He says a vital person vitalizes unquote.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: And these are the moments that we can bring back the vitality, the energy, the presence, the warmth to our relationships that might be eroding under arguments, money, difficulties, kids, school pick out your favorite flavor for the month, school, pick out your favorite flavor for the month.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: But if relationships are eroding and have that pressure, it's really important to honor these love bids and these moments where we bring our relationships back to life.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So I ask you and I challenge you right now what is your version of that micro love bid or love practice?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: What is your version of that micro love bid or love practice?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: No-transcript, maybe it's something simple like hey, I see you, I'm still here, we matter.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: It could be that touch on the arm, it could just be forcing yourself to give a hug to everybody before you leave for the day and it might just be a minute of listening without needing to respond.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Find out what your version of that micro love practice is and really lean into it.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: There are also days when nothing feels right and maybe everything feels heavy, nothing is light, the money might be tight, the energy or the ambition kind of feels stupid, full of doubt, and we obviously can find old habits crawling back in and pulling us down.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe we're getting angry at the neighbors, maybe we're avoiding our mailbox or even our email inbox and often, I don't know, I got my hand raised here, hiding in my scroll, watching my YouTube shorts.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: But really, beneath the spiral, beneath that numbing out, there's something wiser that is available to us, and this is that ability to pause, to breathe and to shift.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: So when we feel a guilt or a pressure rising in ourselves, we can start by pausing and asking ourselves, being really honest with ourselves, not trying to again sweep it under the carpet or avoid the stress or difficulty, but just pausing and asking yourself what's the real challenge here?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Asking not from panic, but from that highest part of ourselves or that better version of ourselves.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Think of that part of you as the one that remembers what really matters deep down to yourself.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I had a client recently also tell me that he did not yell at his dog this week and he said my kids noticed.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Now that sounds silly and it might feel silly when we consider it, but it is really the work.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: It made me happy for him because it's not the perfect outcome Everything's not ideal but in that moment he paused and he pivoted and he just slightly moved away from the anger, maybe being more neutral.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: And we don't need to feel good in these moments to act better or act at least well or neutral.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: We just need to stay in the room with ourselves and stick with the discomfort or the trouble long enough to just choose something better, because it's really good to imagine and want to feel good all the time, but the fact is that we're not going to always feel like acting positively or being the best person in the room.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: But we just need to learn to stay with that discomfort a little bit longer so we can choose our response instead of have a reflex come up.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: We don't need a massive shift today and I just want to reflect as we close up.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: This is just a sacred nudge for you, and maybe that's why you're here listening Share your plan with someone who matters.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Offer that one small act of love or presence or affection for somebody and when the guilt rises up in ourselves or the negative voice or the saboteur, just pause and ask if you can listen to your better self in that moment.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: These small inner micro actions are fierce acts of encouragement for yourself.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: They actually change families and relationships.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: These micro actions and talking and connecting.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: They help save marriages and they especially help people build up that legacy that they want to leave.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: If you're in this fight and I assume you're here listening to the end if you're building it up and trying to heal and really trying to create something better with your life and your time, I do.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I see you and I love to connect people with their stories and I want to invite you to come into the Awareness Lab.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: So check out the show notes.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It's a monthly gathering of people who are inspired to awake and practice and connect and we focus on breathing, reflecting and just using each other's words and time together to sharpen each other up.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: And there's really no masks, there's no perfection.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: It's just real, honest work.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: So come join us.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Check out the link in the show notes.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Again, my name is Mark Walker.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I'm a certified life coach.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Reach out to me if you'd like to have a deeper conversation about what we've been discussing today.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Otherwise, I hope to see you in the Awareness Lab.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Otherwise.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: This has been Fierce Encouragement.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: If this episode hits home, please share it with somebody who needs to feel seen and remember you don't have to roar and be loud to be fierce.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: We can just keep showing up with love as our secret weapon and love as our legacy, and seeing those micro moments as chances to show up for our family and our friends and our community.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: So keep going wherever you're at, have a good day, have a good night and we'll see you next week on Fierce Enc.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: On fierce encouragement.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Take care of yourself.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Bye.