Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Rabbi Manis Friedman - Author & Dean of Bais Chana Institute | YouTube's Most Popular Rabbi Says You're Doing Religion Completely Wrong

Transcript

Rabbi Manis Friedman - Author & Dean of Bais Chana Institute | YouTube's Most Popular Rabbi Says You're Doing Religion Completely Wrong · Success Story with Scott Clary

• 0:00
  So Rabbi, you have a lecture called Why You Shouldn't Be Religious.
• 0:03
  What is religiosity?
• 0:04
  It's like being religious about being religious.
• 0:08
  When did religion turn into this?
• 0:09
  God created the world.
• 0:10
  He tells us how he wants it to be.
• 0:12
  But then we become religious about it.
• 0:14
  How religious are you?
• 0:16
  How religious am I?
• 0:17
  I'm more religious, you're less religious.
• 0:19
  Who's getting to heaven first?
• 0:20
  That was not meant to be.
• 0:22
  If you were created for a purpose, just do it.
• 0:24
  What's with the religiosity?
• 0:26
  Today's guest is Rabbi Manas Friedman, world-renowned author and lecturer, widely known as YouTube's most popular rabbi.
• 0:33
  For decades, he's challenged conventional ideas about faith, purpose, and spirituality, inspiring millions through his books and online teachings.
• 0:41
  In this conversation, he explains why religion isn't about appearances, why purpose matters more than ritual, and what it truly means to live a meaningful life.
• 0:49
  Religion has basically blocked God out of the picture.
• 0:52
  It's no longer about him.
• 0:53
  It's about me.
• 0:54
  Can anyone tell me why I was born?
• 0:56
  Why am I here?
• 0:57
  I don't know.
• 0:57
  I didn't ask to be born.
• 0:58
  This is such a fundamental issue that we're so afraid of it that we keep avoiding it.
• 1:05
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• 1:07
  Now here's something I've noticed after interviewing hundreds of founders, the ones that are performing at the highest level, the ones that are truly winning.
• 1:13
  They aren't just optimizing their business or their calendar or their team.
• 1:16
  They're paying attention to what they eat.
• 1:18
  And the ones who aren't paying attention, they're usually the first ones to burn out.
• 1:21
  And that pattern is consistent enough that it got me thinking about my own nutrition.
• 1:25
  Not whether I was eating well, but whether I actually knew what the big picture looked like.
• 1:29
  That's why I started using the MyFitnessPal app.
• 1:30
  I wanted to see what I was actually eating, not what I assumed I was eating, but the real numbers, what my protein intake looked like, what my macronutrient breakdown was, where my calories were actually going throughout the day.
• 1:41
  And the app gives you all of that.
• 1:43
  Now, what kept me using it is that there's zero friction.
• 1:46
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• 1:49
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• 1:51
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• 1:52
  So most days I'm logging my food in under a minute.
• 1:54
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• 1:59
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• 2:01
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• 2:02
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• 2:05
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• 2:08
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• 2:18
  So, Rabbi, you have a lecture called Why You Shouldn't Be Religious.
• 2:22
  You're a rabbi, so let's start there.
• 2:25
  The idea is religion has become a self-serving tool instead of leading you somewhere.
• 2:36
  So it's the religiosity that is not healthy.
• 2:40
  What is religiosity?
• 2:41
  It's like the idea of being religious but not actually living the way that somebody who should be religious should live?
• 2:48
  That's one of the symptoms.
• 2:50
  But it's like being religious about being religious.
• 2:53
  Would this be akin to virtue signaling?
• 2:57
  Not that bad.
• 2:58
  As a moralist, like saying I'm better than you?
• 3:01
  It is sincere.
• 3:03
  But it's just, it turns on itself.
• 3:05
  Like, you're religious for the sake of being religious.
• 3:09
  What's the point?
• 3:11
  When did religion turn into this?
• 3:13
  See, here's how it works.
• 3:16
  God created the world.
• 3:18
  He wants it to be a certain way.
• 3:21
  He tells us how he wants it to be.
• 3:25
  And most people would like to satisfy that plan of that need.
• 3:32
  But then we become religious about it.
• 3:35
  How religious are you?
• 3:37
  How religious am I?
• 3:38
  I'm more religious.
• 3:39
  You're less religious.
• 3:41
  Who's getting to heaven first?
• 3:43
  Who's getting the best part of heaven?
• 3:46
  That was not meant to be.
• 3:49
  If you were created for a purpose, just do it.
• 3:53
  What's with the religiosity?
• 3:56
  What's with the holier-than-thou?
• 3:58
  It becomes a game and a measure almost of your worthiness as a human.
• 4:04
  Here's the real thing, okay?
• 4:07
  The virtue and the benefit of God telling us what he expects of his world is that we have a way of living and functioning without becoming narcissistic.
• 4:22
  Because by nature, we should all be narcissists.
• 4:25
  Why not?
• 4:27
  It's my life.
• 4:28
  It's about me.
• 4:30
  Why would I want to make room for you in my life?
• 4:36
  So naturally we should all be narcissistic.
• 4:40
  And the only reason we're not is because God has a stake in his creation.
• 4:46
  So you have an option.
• 4:48
  Yeah, you can live just for yourself as long as it's working, you know.
• 4:53
  Live it out until it ends, which, you know, kind of pointless.
• 4:59
  Or do what it is that God needs you to do.
• 5:04
  If you're doing what God needs you to do, you're an altruist, not a, yeah.
• 5:13
  So when you turn the religion into a narcissistic pursuit, what have you done?
• 5:18
  I don't know why this topic comes up so often, but I feel like the secularization of society
• 5:27
  has caused people to pursue other versions of God.
• 5:30
  So they pursue whether or not it's astrology or money or work or anything.
• 5:39
  Success.
• 5:40
  And I'm curious, I've never been able to really pinpoint why society, I'm sure you have many opinions as somebody who's like a religious authority, why societies become more secular.
• 5:48
  But as you're describing this, maybe it's because people don't, they look at religion and they think, well, people that are religious
• 5:55
  seem to think that they're better than other people.
• 5:57
  I don't want to be a part of that.
• 5:59
  And it's actually turned people off from something that was meant to be good.
• 6:03
  Do you see that?
• 6:05
  Actually, I was talking to this very arrogant student.
• 6:09
  They get very arrogant these days.
• 6:11
  Anyway, he says, there is no God.
• 6:16
  It's foolish.
• 6:16
  The whole thing is stupid.
• 6:18
  People are so brainwashed.
• 6:20
  There is no God.
• 6:21
  There was no Bible.
• 6:22
  There was no, nothing, nothing.
• 6:24
  He doesn't believe in anything.
• 6:28
  I said, that's very sad.
• 6:31
  Because God really needs you to make his world a better place.
• 6:37
  And this guy says, really?
• 6:39
  Really?
• 6:42
  Like, you're an atheist.
• 6:45
  I'm telling you God needs you, and suddenly you're interested?
• 6:50
  See, if it's just me being religious, I'm not interested.
• 6:54
  Why would I need that?
• 6:57
  But if you're telling me God has an interest, oh, why didn't you say so?
• 7:04
  So religion has basically blocked God out of the picture.
• 7:09
  It's no longer about him, it's about me.
• 7:12
  getting to heaven, being saved, getting blessings, being among the saints when they come marching in.
• 7:21
  How did it become about us when it's not our world, not our creation, but it's all about me?
• 7:28
  Is this not because everything in life has become about us?
• 7:33
  So religion was just one more thing.
• 7:36
  We don't serve communities anymore, more often than not.
• 7:39
  They're generalizations, but we serve ourselves, our own interests, our own career.
• 7:44
  So I think the way it started is we used to serve God.
• 7:47
  And we said, no, we'll serve our community.
• 7:51
  And then we said, we'll serve our family.
• 7:53
  Yeah.
• 7:54
  And then they're like, not really, just me.
• 7:58
  But that's the progression.
• 8:00
  And religion was a casualty in this progression.
• 8:05
  Or it contributed by turning selfish, self-serving.
• 8:11
  So the scary follow-up question to this is, if this is where religion is today,
• 8:18
  And it's, again, doing a lot of different things.
• 8:20
  It's making people who are religious by definition focusing on themselves and how they succeed as a religious person and, you know, collect all the points while they're on earth.
• 8:33
  Or it's pushing people away who think that's a silly way to interpret religion.
• 8:36
  Religion is not meant to be self-serving, so I'm not going to worship anything.
• 8:39
  And by not worshiping anything, I actually worship something else, even though I'm not realizing it.
• 8:45
  and now we have incorrect interpretations of religion, we have non-religious secular people, the question really is what is the answer to make people happier, serving people and communities and ideas larger than themselves, less self-serving?
• 9:05
  I mean, this podcast is called Success Story and a lot of it is speaking to entrepreneurs that are not
• 9:13
  self-serving, but have built things that massively serve themselves.
• 9:18
  They're not exclusively self-serving is what I mean.
• 9:20
  Like they're very successful, but at the end of the day, a $500 million exit is not a $500 million exit for, you know, 5,000 employees.
• 9:29
  They get a little bit of upside, but one person benefits from that significantly more or a group of people that there's invest in.
• 9:36
  So the point is a lot of society has been geared towards serving my own interests.
• 9:43
  How do we get back to the point where we think differently?
• 9:47
  So let's go back to the origins of it all.
• 9:51
  What is ambition?
• 9:54
  Where does that come from?
• 9:55
  I don't know.
• 9:55
  It seems like unnecessarily.
• 9:58
  Relax.
• 9:59
  Slow down.
• 10:00
  What is with this ambition?
• 10:01
  You got to what?
• 10:05
  And why is it even called ambition?
• 10:07
  Why isn't it called greed?
• 10:11
  Or what's the difference between greed and ambition?
• 10:14
  I don't know.
• 10:14
  I don't know the answer.
• 10:16
  I don't know the, I feel like ambition, I feel like it's motives.
• 10:19
  I feel like it's motives.
• 10:20
  So I think it's, it's easy to equate the two because successful ambition turns into money at some point.
• 10:27
  Successful, the way that I would define ambition.
• 10:30
  But the motives at the beginning, at the onset are not purely financially driven.
• 10:35
  And there are no shortcuts taken in pursuit of your ambitious goals, just to increase the revenue or the wealth.
• 10:43
  I think it's a byproduct as opposed to the focal point.
• 10:46
  That's how I would describe or differentiate.
• 10:48
  Okay, but to be fair about it, it's not just the money.
• 10:54
  Ambition is about more than just money.
• 10:57
  It's accomplishment.
• 11:00
  It's prestige.
• 11:01
  It's something to be proud of.
• 11:04
  It's not just money.
• 11:05
  It's not that.
• 11:08
  So I think the difference is this.
• 11:10
  Greed is very ungodly.
• 11:14
  Ambition is godly, misinterpreted.
• 11:20
  See, we're all created because we are necessary, and there is something we can contribute.
• 11:29
  If I don't know what that is, then I got to use my own imagination and figure, what is my contribution?
• 11:35
  But I'm driven by the sense of, I'm here on a mission.
• 11:43
  One of the ways of interpreting it is, be a success.
• 11:48
  Be the best you can be.
• 11:50
  Have the biggest impact.
• 11:51
  What impact?
• 11:53
  What impact?
• 11:54
  That's where people get lost.
• 11:55
  Yeah.
• 11:56
  You know, if people will listen to me, if people will follow my advice.
• 12:01
  And they follow advice of rich people and successful people.
• 12:04
  So now I'm successful and I'm rich and I give my advice and nobody follows because I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 12:11
  So let's get down to the real nitty gritty of this whole thing.
• 12:15
  Topic of the book.
• 12:16
  I didn't ask to be born.
• 12:18
  I didn't ask to be born.
• 12:20
  This is such a fundamental issue that we're so afraid of it that we keep avoiding it.
• 12:27
  Can anyone tell me why I was born?
• 12:30
  Why am I here?
• 12:31
  Why?
• 12:32
  The biological reason would be hopefully because my parents loved each other a lot.
• 12:36
  Or the birth control didn't work.
• 12:37
  Or the birth control, hopefully not.
• 12:40
  You know what he wants that answer.
• 12:42
  But that's the biological reason.
• 12:45
  But the what's the meaning of life question and why was I chosen?
• 12:52
  My parents wanted to have a baby, but why did it have to be me?
• 12:55
  So why am I here?
• 12:57
  Yeah, I don't know.
• 12:59
  And I think that's actually what creates, by the way, just a quick thought on that, lack of belief in something greater than yourself.
• 13:07
  tied into the idea of why am I here, creates a lot of depression, anxiety, ambition, just for the sake of pursuit of something bigger, because there is nothing in your mind bigger than yourself, so you're like, I wanna create something that I've built that's bigger than who I am now.
• 13:27
  And I think that's why society to a degree is broken and people are not happy and not content and not fulfilled.
• 13:34
  Because we're not who we are meant to be.
• 13:38
  How can it work?
• 13:39
  Because they don't feel like, they don't actually feel like they, they didn't ask to be born, but like they were, so what now?
• 13:46
  What now?
• 13:48
  Well, make the best of it.
• 13:51
  No.
• 13:55
  Wanting to get to heaven?
• 14:00
  That's why you're born on earth, so that you can get to heaven?
• 14:03
  It seems like you're skipping the whole point of life.
• 14:06
  And in some way,
• 14:08
  If you think heaven is better than here, then you're the enemy.
• 14:14
  You're a potential terrorist.
• 14:17
  If you've got a better world to go to, you're not going to be very good to this world.
• 14:21
  I mean, what are you going to contribute to this world if you think there's a better one?
• 14:26
  Well, you're not, you're going to try and skip it.
• 14:28
  Yeah.
• 14:29
  You're going to disregard everything and you're going to, and you're going to not treat it the right way.
• 14:34
  All right.
• 14:35
  So here's the real story.
• 14:37
  Number one,
• 14:40
  Human beings are unique in this universe because minerals are very content to be minerals.
• 14:49
  You look at a stone, so content, so peaceful, so happy to be a stone.
• 14:56
  Look at a cow.
• 14:59
  They're so happy to be cows.
• 15:01
  Never a thought of being anything else, and they go about being a cow 24 hours a day, all their existence.
• 15:11
  A flower, perfectly content to be a flower.
• 15:16
  The nature of a human being, nature, not religion, not even ideology, the nature of a human being
• 15:27
  is that we're never content being human.
• 15:33
  We are the human beings in the world.
• 15:35
  We don't like it.
• 15:37
  It's not enough.
• 15:39
  A flower finds being a flower enough.
• 15:42
  An animal finds being an animal enough.
• 15:46
  Just don't interfere with me and I'll be fine.
• 15:48
  Don't put me in a cage.
• 15:51
  And I'm a perfectly content out.
• 15:53
  Human beings...
• 15:56
  To say, well, you're a human being.
• 16:01
  Yeah, but what have I contributed?
• 16:05
  I'm not content being what I was born to be.
• 16:10
  I need to be something more.
• 16:15
  And this drives all ambition.
• 16:18
  Even the survival instinct is more than human.
• 16:23
  And this drives all ambition.
• 16:25
  Got to survive at all costs.
• 16:27
  Why?
• 16:30
  What's with this ambition?
• 16:32
  Where are you going anyway?
• 16:35
  What is driving you?
• 16:37
  What's driving me is the sense that I'm only human, but I'm supposed to accomplish something more.
• 16:47
  So you go in for Olympics.
• 16:49
  I'll be the fastest runner, the highest jumper, the best swimmer.
• 16:54
  No, you're still a human being trying to outdo an animal.
• 17:00
  The deer still run faster than you, and the fish still swim faster than you.
• 17:05
  What are you doing?
• 17:07
  So it's misinterpreting what really drives us.
• 17:13
  What really drives us is I didn't ask to be born because I don't need to be.
• 17:24
  It takes a while to get used to that idea.
• 17:26
  I understand the idea.
• 17:27
  It's a scary idea because then that forces us to sit with the thought that everything we're pursuing is almost, how do you say this?
• 17:46
  it's not like a way to cover or mask like a subconscious feeling of not being enough or not even understanding why we're here.
• 17:55
  Like everything seems to be some sort of mask, which that taking off the mask and realizing that our ambition is not healthy is not, I don't know if it's healthy or not, but it's not what we thought it was.
• 18:13
  It's a very unnerving idea because then that leaves a void and we don't know how to fill that void.
• 18:18
  So please don't stop the conversation now because then everybody who's listening is thinking, okay, great, I have this existential crisis and I don't know what I should be doing.
• 18:27
  Existence is a crisis.
• 18:31
  It is for a human being to exist is a crisis.
• 18:35
  Because why am I here?
• 18:37
  What am I here for?
• 18:39
  I don't know.
• 18:40
  Well, that makes me miserable.
• 18:43
  So I got to make up something.
• 18:45
  I'm here to heal the world.
• 18:48
  Okay.
• 18:49
  Go for it.
• 18:52
  I'm here to become successful.
• 18:54
  Okay, you are successful.
• 18:55
  Now what?
• 18:57
  Did it work?
• 18:58
  Did it satisfy?
• 18:59
  No.
• 19:01
  So, the fear of admitting or recognizing that I don't need to be here.
• 19:09
  You can't threaten me with death.
• 19:11
  You can't threaten me with death.
• 19:13
  Because I don't need to be alive.
• 19:16
  It took 5,000 years, but we figured it out.
• 19:20
  I don't need this.
• 19:23
  I like it.
• 19:25
  Most of the time.
• 19:27
  So I'm not complaining.
• 19:28
  I'm not suicidal.
• 19:29
  I like this.
• 19:31
  But do I need it?
• 19:33
  I don't need this.
• 19:37
  Well, then why am I here?
• 19:42
  If I don't know the answer to that, I will have an existential crisis.
• 19:47
  And if I don't face it, my children will.
• 19:52
  Your parents are the most successful people in the universe.
• 19:56
  And you say to them, yeah, so?
• 20:00
  It's not like you can take credit for their success.
• 20:03
  You're just looking at the success and you're saying, so what?
• 20:07
  So now what?
• 20:08
  So we're the richest kids in town.
• 20:10
  So what?
• 20:12
  painful.
• 20:13
  So even when there's that void and people discover that void and I, I, I, you know, I can't remember.
• 20:20
  There's one, I think it was Jim Carrey.
• 20:24
  He said, I wish everybody could be rich and famous so that they could paraphrasing obviously, so they could understand that it doesn't give what you think it gives.
• 20:33
  I think that's a Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey-ism.
• 20:37
  But I
• 20:38
  I see this with people that I interview who sold companies for tens, if not hundreds of millions of dollars, billionaires.
• 20:45
  And it's interesting because the people that did not forgo all the other parts of their life, the other buckets of their life, and I speak about this often, the spirituality, the physical, the mental health, the relationships, all these other pieces, not just the wealth building, business building piece of their life.
• 21:03
  They are more fulfilled and they are more content and they are happier.
• 21:06
  Whereas the people that did not keep those buckets at least semi-full in pursuit of whatever it is they were building, they seem to be chasing after all those things, knowing that it was probably a little bit too late and they should have cared about all those other things much earlier on.
• 21:23
  And I think that's, I don't want to put words into your mouth, but what you're alluding to is,
• 21:31
  oversimplifying obviously, but people should care about more than just ambition from the get-go because that will create a more full life based on what your soul desires while it's on this planet.
• 21:44
  So what is it that your soul needs?
• 21:47
  And I don't know what it is.
• 21:48
  I made up these buckets, but I feel like that's a good place to start.
• 21:52
  But what does the soul need?
• 21:54
  The answer has to be, it's not about you or your soul.
• 22:00
  It can't always keep coming back to me.
• 22:03
  I don't have the answer.
• 22:05
  The answer is not in me.
• 22:10
  I don't ask to be born because I don't need to be born, and yet I am.
• 22:17
  Well, if you follow the logic, you need to be born to somebody.
• 22:26
  Somebody needs you to be born.
• 22:28
  You don't.
• 22:30
  So instead of describing myself as needy, I see myself as needed.
• 22:36
  That's what drives all ambition.
• 22:43
  I know I am needed for something, but no one told me what.
• 22:49
  So I'm going to try to be the best singer, the best dancer, the best- You're looking, you're just seeking- The answer is not in me and I'm not going to find it by examining myself.
• 23:00
  So the question is, who needs me?
• 23:02
  Because I don't need this.
• 23:06
  Now, psychologically, I don't need this is so healthy.
• 23:12
  It is the healthiest mind space you can possibly, I don't know, I don't need this.
• 23:17
  I'm enjoying.
• 23:19
  Do I need this?
• 23:19
  No, I don't need this.
• 23:21
  I can't take myself seriously.
• 23:25
  But I am needed?
• 23:27
  Well, tell me more.
• 23:29
  This is what happened to your student.
• 23:30
  Yeah.
• 23:33
  It turns out we need to be needed more than anything else in the world.
• 23:41
  More than love, more than success, more than fame, more than pleasure.
• 23:51
  So Freud says, everything, human beings are driven by the pursuit of pleasure.
• 23:56
  We're erotic in our essence.
• 24:02
  Adler said, you're looking for power and control.
• 24:05
  Maslow says, no, you're looking for seven different things.
• 24:10
  Frankl says, you're just trying to find some meaning.
• 24:14
  So to say, well, life is all about pleasure.
• 24:18
  Yeah, but what's the meaning of that?
• 24:21
  So yeah, life is the pursuit of pleasure.
• 24:24
  But why?
• 24:25
  Who needs this?
• 24:27
  Who needs the pleasure?
• 24:30
  Well, you don't.
• 24:31
  Oh, okay, so...
• 24:35
  running in circles.
• 24:36
  HubSpot is a success story partner.
• 24:38
  Now, customers are using traditional search less and less to find the businesses they want to buy from.
• 24:44
  Now, when a buyer or a customer asks AI for a solution like yours, does your business come up?
• 24:49
  They're looking for a product, they're looking for a service, and they're going into some AI chat tool and they're saying, hey, help me find the best one.
• 24:55
  If your company isn't showing up, you're missing out.
• 24:58
  And most companies have no idea if their business is showing up or even how to show up.
• 25:02
  And by the time they figure
• 25:05
  that figured out AI.
• 25:07
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• 27:25
  Out of all those individuals that you just referenced, and even, I mean, like you, for people that don't know your backstory, you worked with the Rebbe for many years.
• 27:39
  Obviously another, you know, just powerhouse in terms of outside of religion, just thinking about how we live our life.
• 27:50
  the answer will probably be at the end of the day, God, but outside of God and what he's taught to the human, you know, the human, uh, to the human civilization, uh, who is the closest to understanding how we derive meaning out of all the great thinkers that you just mentioned?
• 28:08
  Frankl.
• 28:10
  Frankl.
• 28:11
  I mean, he, he, he proves it, right?
• 28:13
  He was in the concentration camp who survived the concentration camp.
• 28:18
  Those who found meaning.
• 28:21
  If you don't have meaning, you're just trying to survive, the chances are not so good.
• 28:27
  But if you have meaning, like the guy, he had to survive because his father was waiting for him somewhere.
• 28:37
  And his father needed him.
• 28:39
  He survived because he had a purpose.
• 28:43
  He survived.
• 28:46
  Frankl doesn't tell you what the purpose is.
• 28:50
  Everybody has to find their own purpose.
• 28:56
  So, religiously speaking, or biblically speaking, why is God not the answer?
• 29:04
  With all the religions in the world, everybody's talking about God, and God is not a solution.
• 29:11
  He's not helping.
• 29:12
  In some ways, making it worse.
• 29:15
  religious wars, killing in the name of God.
• 29:22
  Why is God not working?
• 29:26
  Because we've got him all wrong.
• 29:31
  Anyone who talks about God will assure you that God is perfect and needs nothing.
• 29:40
  You're in trouble and you need him.
• 29:45
  I don't like that picture.
• 29:48
  It doesn't sound nice at all.
• 29:51
  I'm in trouble and I need him.
• 29:53
  How did I get into trouble?
• 29:54
  I didn't ask to be born.
• 29:56
  I didn't start the fire.
• 29:59
  So God creates me with a bunch of problems, and now I have to plead with him to be nice to me.
• 30:06
  I don't like such a God.
• 30:07
  You don't like that deal?
• 30:07
  I don't like such a God.
• 30:10
  The big mistake is,
• 30:12
  to think that God who created the entire universe needs nothing.
• 30:18
  That's where everything falls apart.
• 30:23
  That's where God becomes an idol.
• 30:25
  And you know how to worship idols?
• 30:28
  If he doesn't need anything, then he's just an idol.
• 30:34
  What makes God God is that he has a vast eternal plan.
• 30:42
  that is important to him.
• 30:46
  And he made himself really vulnerable.
• 30:51
  Yeah, God is vulnerable.
• 30:53
  He made himself really vulnerable by depending on us to complete his plan.
• 31:02
  So we are needed by the Creator himself, but we have no needs because I don't need to be here.
• 31:12
  Why do all religions misinterpret that dynamic?
• 31:19
  I think it started with Aristotle.
• 31:21
  For real?
• 31:22
  Yeah.
• 31:23
  What did Aristotle say?
• 31:24
  Aristotle said, stop treating God like a religion.
• 31:26
  He's just the perfect being.
• 31:30
  And all religions are like ashamed, you know, like, oh, yeah, right.
• 31:33
  You're a smart guy.
• 31:34
  You must be right.
• 31:36
  Yeah, so God is perfect.
• 31:37
  He doesn't need anything.
• 31:40
  What did you do that for?
• 31:42
  He created the universe and he doesn't need it?
• 31:45
  Well, then I quit.
• 31:47
  Now, this thing makes no sense at all.
• 31:52
  And if that's what God is, no thanks.
• 31:56
  I'm actually talking to a very religious pastor, minister, I don't know exactly what.
• 32:03
  First introduction.
• 32:05
  His first words, so do you believe in the Savior?
• 32:08
  Yes.
• 32:10
  I said, I'm not looking to be saved.
• 32:13
  I don't want God to serve me.
• 32:15
  I want to serve him.
• 32:17
  The man started to cry.
• 32:18
  He said, what did I think of that?
• 32:24
  Really, is God here to serve me?
• 32:26
  No, of course.
• 32:27
  Am I the center of the universe and he's my valet?
• 32:29
  Of course not.
• 32:31
  Help me, save me, bless me, give me, take.
• 32:33
  What is this?
• 32:35
  That's not narcissism?
• 32:37
  Spiritual narcissism.
• 32:39
  Humans are very good at making themselves the center of almost everything.
• 32:43
  It's interesting.
• 32:44
  So let's flip it.
• 32:45
  Yeah.
• 32:46
  I am not the needy one.
• 32:49
  You know, people who aren't born never complain.
• 32:52
  It's not like, how come I wasn't born?
• 32:57
  Nobody can.
• 32:57
  No, if you're not born, you're fine.
• 33:01
  But if you are born, then you have a mission.
• 33:05
  And if you don't know what that mission is, it's going to drive you crazy.
• 33:10
  And you're going to try to be something more and end up being less because you picked the wrong thing.
• 33:21
  So if I don't need and I'm not needy, now I understand all my problems.
• 33:30
  All my dysfunctional issues is because I think I'm needy when I'm not.
• 33:39
  So feeling needy doesn't feel normal.
• 33:45
  So it drives me crazy.
• 33:48
  And yet everybody tells me how needy I am.
• 33:51
  Everybody.
• 33:54
  You can't cross the street without me.
• 33:56
  That's my father talking.
• 33:58
  You can't get healthy without years of therapy.
• 34:00
  That's my therapist talking.
• 34:03
  You can't solve your own problems without God.
• 34:08
  And if you think your problems are over when you die, no.
• 34:16
  Everyone is telling me that I am needy.
• 34:19
  And it's not even true.
• 34:21
  Not true.
• 34:22
  So when God has a mission for you, let's frame it for people who are, have no interest in God right now, when they're listening to this.
• 34:35
  So they're listening to you and they're thinking,
• 34:38
  Okay, where do I even start with that mission?
• 34:40
  That's probably the first question that somebody would ask.
• 34:42
  Maybe you have other questions when your students come to you, but that would be an obvious question.
• 34:47
  And the other question would be, okay, so we just described...
• 34:51
  Why traditional ambition the way most people understand it exists because of lack of other mission is what you're saying.
• 35:00
  So does that traditional version of achievement, does that not exist at all?
• 35:06
  Like is there a world where being needed by God and having a mission that is in line with something that he needs us to accomplish is,
• 35:17
  also include our own personal ambitions or should those not exist?
• 35:24
  When we have a talent and we have an ability, it's given for a reason.
• 35:32
  That's what we're meant to use in doing what God needs from us.
• 35:37
  I understand.
• 35:37
  I understand.
• 35:38
  They're not two separate things.
• 35:40
  But I think the first question people are going to ask, I don't believe in God.
• 35:44
  That's even before the mission, yeah.
• 35:46
  Where do I come to God?
• 35:50
  You think there's a purpose to life?
• 35:54
  Are you looking for your purpose in life?
• 35:56
  Then you believe in God.
• 35:59
  Because the only place a purpose can come from is from the Creator who creates it with a purpose.
• 36:07
  So people say, oh, my purpose in life.
• 36:09
  Who says your life has a purpose?
• 36:13
  You can't make one up after the fact.
• 36:17
  If you say there's a purpose to my life, it means you came into existence with a purpose.
• 36:23
  You can't make one up.
• 36:26
  Midlife, say, I think this week, I think my purpose is going to be, that's not your purpose.
• 36:33
  It's actually misleading to say my purpose.
• 36:38
  What you're really asking is, what is the purpose for having me?
• 36:42
  Not my purpose.
• 36:45
  What purpose am I serving?
• 36:48
  Well, then you believe in a purposeful creator.
• 36:51
  Can't separate the two.
• 36:53
  So you are much closer to God than you think.
• 36:58
  Not religion.
• 37:00
  God.
• 37:04
  So what is it that God needs?
• 37:06
  God.
• 37:07
  See, we have to flip everything because we've been so wrong.
• 37:12
  We probably have everything wrong.
• 37:17
  The desire to get to heaven.
• 37:21
  I don't know who did this to us.
• 37:24
  I don't know who to blame.
• 37:28
  God created the world because he wants to be on earth.
• 37:32
  Why are you going to heaven?
• 37:34
  Who asked you to come to heaven?
• 37:35
  Why?
• 37:39
  And if you go to heaven because you want to be closer to God, you're going to be disappointed because God is not in heaven.
• 37:47
  God is on earth.
• 37:50
  God created us to make earth his primary domain.
• 37:58
  See, God is even more than we in that being God is not enough.
• 38:06
  I think God...
• 38:09
  The idea of life after death is because I think most people are scared of permanence.
• 38:19
  I think that the idea of nothingness and a permanent end to whatever it is that you enjoy is very, very scary.
• 38:27
  Yeah.
• 38:29
  I think that biologically we are wired to survive and to move away from death.
• 38:37
  I think that's how most creatures are.
• 38:38
  No, no.
• 38:40
  Only we.
• 38:41
  I mean, all animals have self-preservation.
• 38:43
  No, but once they die, they're fine.
• 38:47
  But no one's trying to die, and I think that the thought of dying is scary.
• 38:51
  And that's where the next place we go after we die, well, it makes death less scary.
• 38:59
  Yeah.
• 39:00
  For some people.
• 39:01
  I've spoken to many people who say, no, no, no, there's more?
• 39:06
  No.
• 39:07
  When it's over, it's over.
• 39:08
  Leave me alone.
• 39:09
  Enough.
• 39:13
  So it's like, the reason we're so afraid of death is because that's it.
• 39:20
  It's not that we're afraid of death.
• 39:22
  We're afraid of life being meaningless.
• 39:26
  So I live, I struggle, and then I just die?
• 39:29
  What was the purpose of my life?
• 39:33
  Everything I do just ends?
• 39:36
  It's not scary.
• 39:38
  It's embarrassing.
• 39:39
  It's like you wasted your time.
• 39:41
  Yeah, it's dehumanizing.
• 39:45
  And that's it.
• 39:45
  And then it's just over.
• 39:50
  That can't be.
• 39:51
  It makes a joke out of life.
• 39:54
  But to make a big deal about what happens after you die is also a mistake.
• 39:59
  So what should the objective be while we're alive?
• 40:03
  Reframe God and our relationship with God.
• 40:07
  What is it that God needs that made him create this world?
• 40:12
  He needs you to get to heaven?
• 40:14
  That's why he put your... Come on.
• 40:16
  Doesn't make sense.
• 40:16
  Doesn't make sense.
• 40:18
  In fact, if you read the Bible, in the beginning God created heaven and earth.
• 40:25
  And that's the last time heaven is mentioned.
• 40:27
  And the logical, the logical, you know, the way to think about this logically is if God wanted us in heaven, he would have just skipped the earth part, just dropped us in heaven right away.
• 40:37
  Well, he created heaven first and was not content and continued on to create earth.
• 40:44
  And then never mentions heaven again.
• 40:49
  The entire Bible is about earth.
• 40:52
  people with their weaknesses, with their mistakes, with their... God wants us to bring him into this world by making this world comfortable or welcoming to him.
• 41:10
  In different words, he wants a relationship.
• 41:15
  What was God missing before he created the world?
• 41:19
  A friend?
• 41:19
  I don't know.
• 41:20
  The only thing wrong was that he was alone.
• 41:24
  Very alone.
• 41:31
  So Billy Joel has a song, Piano Man, very famous.
• 41:38
  So there's a line there that says, they're sharing a drink called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.
• 41:48
  Profound.
• 41:48
  Profound.
• 41:51
  Loneliness?
• 41:53
  Find some other lonely people and have some good time.
• 41:56
  But what do you do with being alone?
• 41:59
  What do you do about that?
• 42:01
  I'm alone in the world.
• 42:02
  You go find some people, then you're no longer lonely.
• 42:05
  But why is it that being alone bothers me?
• 42:09
  I don't know.
• 42:10
  But it bothers most people.
• 42:12
  Everybody who admits it.
• 42:17
  God said...
• 42:19
  It is not good for man to be alone.
• 42:24
  Isn't it?
• 42:27
  I think we got a little contradiction between life and the Bible.
• 42:30
  In life, everyone wants to be left alone.
• 42:33
  Until they don't.
• 42:34
  Until they don't.
• 42:36
  So what's going on here?
• 42:37
  Everyone said, just leave me alone and I'll be fine.
• 42:39
  And then you leave him alone and he's miserable.
• 42:43
  I think about every, like the worst fears outside of death is public speaking.
• 42:50
  And why people are scared about speaking publicly is they think that they're going to be ostracized from this proverbial community.
• 42:56
  If they say something wrong, do something wrong, society will cast them out.
• 43:00
  Same reason why you don't want to be embarrassed in school or get canceled online.
• 43:04
  Here's the good news.
• 43:06
  This discomfort that we have with being alone is not human.
• 43:12
  It's divine.
• 43:14
  God, for no knowable reason, was not content to be alone.
• 43:23
  Perfect, infinite, eternal, almighty, all-powerful, but alone?
• 43:29
  Doesn't like it.
• 43:32
  Why?
• 43:32
  There's nothing good about it.
• 43:36
  Is it good to be perfect?
• 43:39
  It's impossible.
• 43:40
  Good for what?
• 43:41
  Good for what?
• 43:42
  In fact, it's probably more damaging to try and be.
• 43:45
  You know, being perfect is almost like being dead.
• 43:50
  It's over.
• 43:52
  Like, where do you go from perfect?
• 43:54
  You say, oh, you don't go anywhere.
• 43:56
  You're just perfect.
• 43:57
  And that's good?
• 44:00
  See, when we say God is perfect, we're not complimenting Him.
• 44:04
  We're describing His predicament
• 44:08
  Because God is perfect, he needed to create a world and have a relationship, something more than himself.
• 44:18
  And he put that into us as well.
• 44:21
  He created us in his image.
• 44:24
  We don't look like him.
• 44:27
  We're in his image because we also can't accept just me.
• 44:34
  Me for me and just me and that's it.
• 44:38
  It's not human.
• 44:41
  Ego-driven human beings are perfectly happy being alone.
• 44:46
  Much more happy.
• 44:47
  Stay out of my way.
• 44:49
  Don't interfere with me.
• 44:50
  Leave me alone.
• 44:51
  I come when I want.
• 44:52
  I do what I want.
• 44:57
  Wanting to be in a relationship is divine, not human.
• 45:04
  Oh, I want to be among friends.
• 45:07
  I want to have a butler and a chef and a valet and my doctor.
• 45:16
  That's a new development.
• 45:17
  When I was growing up, no one said my doctor.
• 45:20
  A doctor.
• 45:21
  You need a doctor, you go to a doctor.
• 45:23
  All of a sudden, no, no, it's my doctor.
• 45:25
  My doctor?
• 45:28
  Even my rabbi?
• 45:30
  Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 45:31
  You'd have to possess everything?
• 45:34
  So when a person says, leave me alone, he means leave me alone with my butler, with my chauffeur.
• 45:42
  But I don't want anyone other than me.
• 45:45
  Those who serve me are fine, because that's just more of me.
• 45:51
  So if I could have a house on an island with a butler, with a carpenter, all taking care of my needs, I'd be so happy.
• 46:00
  But if a stranger shows up, hey, hey, hey,
• 46:03
  What are you doing here?
• 46:05
  But is that person truly, truly happy?
• 46:08
  If he's not, it's divine.
• 46:11
  But then what makes someone subject to divine traits versus somebody who isn't?
• 46:16
  All of us.
• 46:18
  Some are conscious of it, some are not.
• 46:20
  So bottom line, what does God want with his creation?
• 46:25
  A relationship.
• 46:28
  He doesn't want something from you.
• 46:31
  He wants you to be with him so that he is not the only existence.
• 46:39
  You know what's sad?
• 46:40
  When you say it like this, it just sounds like we are moving in the completely wrong direction because religion is now self-serving and there's no true relationship the way that you're describing it.
• 46:57
  If you do not believe in God, there's no relationship.
• 47:00
  And we've moved farther, both religious and non-religious, moved farther and farther away.
• 47:06
  I was speaking to a retired psychiatrist
• 47:10
  who was secular all his life.
• 47:14
  And then all of a sudden, as he was getting older, after he retired, he suddenly took an interest.
• 47:27
  And I asked him why.
• 47:28
  It was amazing.
• 47:32
  He said, in my profession, I know that if a man says to a woman, I love you very much,
• 47:41
  more than anything in the world.
• 47:44
  And she says, eh, not interested.
• 47:49
  And he says, well, your loss.
• 47:54
  He never loved her.
• 47:57
  Because we know that there is no love without vulnerability.
• 48:04
  If it won't hurt you to lose me, you don't love me.
• 48:13
  He says, everyone tells me God loves me.
• 48:18
  I never believed it.
• 48:21
  Because God can't be vulnerable.
• 48:26
  But now as I'm getting older, wait a minute.
• 48:29
  Maybe God is vulnerable, and that's why he loves us.
• 48:33
  It's such a difficult idea for people to wrap their mind around, though.
• 48:36
  That's the, I think the biggest issue is that it's so... That God is vulnerable?
• 48:40
  Yeah, yeah.
• 48:42
  Because we've been marketed God.
• 48:44
  But he came up with it because he's a psychiatrist.
• 48:48
  And in psychology, they always argue that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
• 48:55
  So for him, God is not vulnerable?
• 48:58
  Why?
• 48:58
  He's not strong?
• 48:59
  That's the only cohort of people that look at vulnerability as a strength.
• 49:06
  That could be a whole other conversation as to why we view vulnerability as a weakness versus when you actually deal with human emotion.
• 49:13
  So vulnerability doesn't mean you can hurt me.
• 49:17
  That's not a strength.
• 49:18
  Vulnerability means I hurt without you.
• 49:26
  That is humility.
• 49:29
  You're not enough without me and with me you're enough.
• 49:33
  And you're the creator of the world?
• 49:36
  Wow.
• 49:38
  You're so romantic.
• 49:43
  There's the bottom line.
• 49:45
  If you don't see God as being romantic, you don't have a God.
• 49:49
  You're worshiping an idol.
• 49:51
  This is reframing how a religious person has a relationship.
• 49:55
  Don't even call it religious.
• 49:58
  You have a creator?
• 49:59
  Well, he needs you.
• 50:01
  But I'm saying, how do you get the people on board who don't even believe that God has this spot in their life?
• 50:08
  That's the harder sell.
• 50:09
  Well, actually, I don't even know who the harder sell is.
• 50:11
  I don't know if it's reframing somebody who believes they have a relationship with God to see that relationship in a new light or somebody who has no relationship and they're only discovering the relationship for the first time potentially in the correct way.
• 50:24
  I don't know who's the harder pitch.
• 50:26
  The religious guy.
• 50:27
  Yeah, I'm thinking that too.
• 50:29
  That makes sense.
• 50:30
  Such resistance.
• 50:31
  Oh, no, no, no.
• 50:33
  God is perfect.
• 50:36
  But he created the world?
• 50:38
  Well, yeah, he wanted to do you a favor.
• 50:42
  This he calls a favor?
• 50:46
  This is a favor?
• 50:48
  Well, after you die.
• 50:51
  I don't know what you're talking about.
• 50:53
  It's insane.
• 50:53
  It's insane.
• 50:57
  He wants to do you a favor, but he won't put you into heaven unless...
• 51:04
  It's like a nasty scheme.
• 51:06
  NetSuite Next is a success story partner.
• 51:08
  So they say that every day your business is late to using AI, you fall two days behind, and the competition is only moving faster.
• 51:17
  So how do you keep up?
• 51:18
  Well, fortunately, there is NetSuite Next.
• 51:20
  Now, you probably already know NetSuite.
• 51:22
  NetSuite is the AI-powered business management suite.
• 51:24
  It's trusted by over 43,000 customers.
• 51:27
  It securely connects all of your data, financials, inventory, commerce, HR, CRM, into one single source of truth.
• 51:34
  But NetSuite Next is the next huge leap in how businesses get done because AI is built into everything you do.
• 51:42
  So NetSuite Next automatically shows you all these custom insights for your business throughout your day.
• 51:48
  You'll have AI agents work alongside you to solve problems and handle routine work.
• 51:52
  And anytime you have a question about anything in your business, you just ask like you're having a conversation with a colleague and NetSuite Next will give you an answer.
• 52:00
  NetSuite is customized for a wide range of industries, so it supports the way that your business truly works.
• 52:06
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• 52:13
  If I needed a solution like this, it's what I'd use.
• 52:15
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• 52:19
  If your revenues are at least in these seven figures, go to netsuite.ai.com.
• 52:25
  It's built for every industry.
• 52:27
  It's ready for every boardroom.
• 52:29
  NetSuite.ai slash Scott Clary.
• 52:31
  My fitness pal is a success story partner.
• 52:34
  On this show, I speak to tons of high performers and the people that sustain that high performance, not just sprint and crash and burn, but they actually sustain, they all treat nutrition like a system, not an afterthought.
• 52:45
  The same way they treat revenue or hiring or product, it is key to their business.
• 52:51
  They pay attention.
• 52:52
  They look at the data.
• 52:54
  And that really stuck with me and it's how I started thinking about my own health and wellness and what I put into my own body.
• 53:00
  Not in like a restrictive diet way, but in a data way.
• 53:03
  See, most people take a look at daily calorie total and they think they have the full picture.
• 53:08
  That's just one number.
• 53:10
  The MyFitnessPal app, Premium, it shows me macros.
• 53:13
  That means proteins, carbs, fats broken down by meal.
• 53:18
  So I can see, am I getting enough protein at breakfast versus dinner?
• 53:22
  And it also shows me how my food is distributed across the day because, of course, I can take a look at my total calorie number, but to see everything broken down by meal, those are two completely different things, even if your daily total looks fine and you're going to feel the difference.
• 53:37
  If you eat proper nutrition across your entire day and you track it, your energy is going to allow you to sustain that.
• 53:43
  high performance.
• 53:44
  Also, the food analysis picks up trends over the week that I'd miss just going by feel.
• 53:48
  See, this information makes good food choices automatic.
• 53:52
  See, food is a foundation, right?
• 53:54
  Energy, focus, performance, recovery, it all starts with food.
• 53:58
  So do yourself a favor, go visit podcast.myfitnesspal.com and use code Scott, all uppercase letters, for 15% off MyFitnessPal premium.
• 54:07
  That's podcast.myfitnesspal.com, code Scott.
• 54:11
  Noom is a success story partner.
• 54:13
  Now here's the thing that nobody tells you about losing weight.
• 54:16
  Losing it isn't the hard part, keeping it off is.
• 54:19
  Almost anyone can white knuckle a few good months of diet and exercise, but then work gets crazy and routines break and it all comes right back.
• 54:26
  I have built my entire career and my life around one idea,
• 54:29
  Systems beat motivation and weight loss is no different.
• 54:33
  You need something that holds up when life doesn't cooperate.
• 54:36
  And that's exactly what Noom is built for.
• 54:38
  Noom is a health and wellness app that combines GLP-1 medication.
• 54:42
  That's the weight loss medication that everyone's talking about with behavioral support.
• 54:46
  So the medication kickstarts the weight loss and then the psychology side, the daily lessons, the food logging, the real coaching, that builds the habits that make it stick.
• 54:55
  Even if you stop the medication.
• 54:57
  And it works.
• 54:57
  People lose 37% more weight with Noom than with GLP-1 alone.
• 55:01
  Noom helps you lose weight and keep it off.
• 55:03
  And that's the difference.
• 55:04
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• 55:06
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• 55:08
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• 55:12
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• 55:15
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• 55:16
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• 55:22
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• 55:23
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• 55:26
  Results based on a January 2026 analysis of 14,203 Noom GLP-1RX program members who logged weight over a 40-week period.
• 55:36
  Higher app engagement was associated with greater weight loss at 16 weeks.
• 55:41
  Where does this, you know I mentioned focusing on things outside of ambition.
• 55:52
  When we understand our relationship with, with God, the way that he's being vulnerable and he's looking for a relationship with us.
• 56:11
  How do we do that properly?
• 56:13
  How do I say this?
• 56:14
  How do we have the best relationship with God while also making sure that that relationship benefits the other parts of our life?
• 56:23
  I don't even know if that's healthy to think that way, but I'm just thinking about how do we have the best relationship with God in a way that supports our own personal interpersonal relationships.
• 56:35
  We have a skill set that we continue to master and that provides for our families, our vocation, our job, our business, whatever.
• 56:47
  We have to take care of our own personal health and wellness while we're on this planet because I think that's important as well for us to both have a relationship with God while we're alive on this earth.
• 56:56
  I don't think somebody who's sick or deteriorating can have the best possible relationship.
• 57:01
  So how does God transcend all these other parts of our life with this new interpretation or definition of a relationship the way that we should have it?
• 57:11
  We're serving, God needs us, but we also have to keep the other parts of our life alive and thriving.
• 57:17
  Which is what he needs from us.
• 57:20
  It gives you purpose across all areas.
• 57:22
  It would be such a blessing to millions of people
• 57:30
  who work at boring jobs, and they're miserable about it.
• 57:36
  They work on assembly line and it's...
• 57:40
  If somebody would tell them, do you realize that what God needs from you is to make his world, his creation, a better place?
• 57:54
  You go to work every day and you produce toothbrushes,
• 57:59
  You don't even produce them.
• 58:00
  You just work in the shipping department.
• 58:03
  And you ship toothbrushes to people.
• 58:07
  You're making his world better.
• 58:11
  From nine to five, you are serving God.
• 58:17
  You're not there to make money.
• 58:20
  You're there to make the world a better place.
• 58:24
  And your contribution happens to be toothbrushes.
• 58:30
  You are serving God most of the day, most of the week, most of your life.
• 58:37
  Here's an example.
• 58:40
  This Japanese gardener, who's really an artist at heart, right?
• 58:46
  Can't stand to see a neglected lawn.
• 58:50
  So without asking any questions, he sees a neglected lawn, he goes and he fixes it up.
• 58:55
  Turns it into a beautiful garden.
• 58:58
  And some guy walks over and hands him a chit.
• 59:00
  And he says, what is this?
• 59:03
  He says, that lawn.
• 59:04
  It's my lawn.
• 59:06
  You made it beautiful.
• 59:10
  God owes you if you produce toothbrushes.
• 59:15
  Because you made his world better.
• 59:19
  If you invented the bread slicer?
• 59:21
  Ha, ha, ha.
• 59:26
  So, instead of God saying, you can come to heaven with certain conditions, if you believe in me, if you... No.
• 59:38
  God is saying, can you please invite me into your life?
• 59:44
  I want to be with you, not without you.
• 59:47
  I was without you.
• 59:49
  Not good.
• 59:52
  Whether or not that person is shipping toothbrushes or working as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, the question really is, how do I know if what I'm doing today, tomorrow, and next week is actually how I should be serving God?
• 1:00:11
  Good question.
• 1:00:12
  It's a good question.
• 1:00:13
  But you are serving God.
• 1:00:15
  So just by existing?
• 1:00:16
  No, by being productive.
• 1:00:20
  You're running a business, so you're producing something, or you're offering a service, then you're making life on earth better.
• 1:00:29
  Then you are serving God.
• 1:00:31
  Question is, are you going to continue making toothbrushes or should you become a CEO?
• 1:00:36
  That's a question a lot of people wrestle with.
• 1:00:38
  So if you can do more to make the world better, why not?
• 1:00:44
  If the best you can do is bake bread, great.
• 1:00:49
  But if you can influence the whole world's behavior, well then let's go.
• 1:00:56
  So the message to the world is, God created you because he wants a relationship with this world.
• 1:01:07
  Being in heaven is not an accomplishment for him.
• 1:01:13
  And just like he put into us this need to be more than what we were given, it comes from the need to be more than he was.
• 1:01:29
  What was he missing?
• 1:01:31
  Relationship.
• 1:01:34
  What's wrong with being alone and perfect?
• 1:01:38
  You might as well be dead.
• 1:01:41
  A dead god is an idol.
• 1:01:46
  A god who needs nothing is not a god.
• 1:01:50
  He's a cruel taskmaster.
• 1:01:52
  I have a question.
• 1:01:54
  If the goal is to invite God into your life while you're on this earth and not just try and skip earth and end up in heaven, that means that people will want to do the most and be productive at the highest level while they're on this planet.
• 1:02:12
  As opposed to sort of like delaying whatever their mission is in life until heaven.
• 1:02:20
  So they want to do the most now.
• 1:02:21
  So does God.
• 1:02:24
  You said if the best you can do is be, you know, a toothbrush shipper, then good for you.
• 1:02:31
  But I have a hard time believing that there is a limit to most people's potential.
• 1:02:40
  I think that the measure of good work and where you should sort of stop in the ceiling you put on yourself should really be tied to, well, before I've spoken to you, what else is important in your life?
• 1:02:55
  So, for example, if you want to start a company or if you want to be a CEO, that's going to come with sacrifices.
• 1:03:02
  And you may not have the time to put in towards to put towards a relationship as if compared to if you were working a nine to five Monday to Friday.
• 1:03:11
  So that's a trade off for a season of your life that you may have to make.
• 1:03:16
  but there's no right or wrong answer.
• 1:03:18
  You should just be comfortable making that decision, knowing that there are sometimes trade-offs with certain paths that people take in life.
• 1:03:26
  That's what I've always believed.
• 1:03:27
  I believe that if you want to be an entrepreneur, good, but for five or 10 years, you are not going to have balance in your life, but that's something that you want to do.
• 1:03:35
  Go for it.
• 1:03:37
  But I think anybody can do it.
• 1:03:39
  I genuinely believe that most people, if they spend time learning, spend time trying and failing, they can achieve the thing they want to achieve.
• 1:03:48
  I think that most people put ceilings, artificial ceilings, based on...
• 1:03:53
  their perceived, I don't know, abilities, but I don't think those ceilings are true.
• 1:03:59
  I don't think they're reality.
• 1:04:00
  So I'm saying this because I'm saying if your goal is to be as productive as possible and to do the job that you can do to the best of your ability, well, then we should negate everything except just being more productive and contributing more to society.
• 1:04:17
  And anything outside of that could just be considered selfish.
• 1:04:19
  Yeah.
• 1:04:20
  That's where we've lost God.
• 1:04:25
  You have to be productive at your highest capacity in service of Him, not without Him.
• 1:04:34
  But how do you define highest capacity?
• 1:04:37
  Whatever you think you can contribute more, then you're contributing more to His world.
• 1:04:43
  So what if?
• 1:04:44
  So if you're doing it for Him, you're not going to forget your wife.
• 1:04:48
  No, you won't forget your wife.
• 1:04:49
  But what if you delay?
• 1:04:50
  So humor me.
• 1:04:52
  So you build a company and you don't start dating seriously till you're like 35, 40.
• 1:04:59
  And you maybe don't have kids or maybe you don't have as many kids because you spent the first 10, 15 years of your life building a company.
• 1:05:05
  That affected me.
• 1:05:08
  millions of people in a positive way, hopefully in a positive way.
• 1:05:12
  But then you aren't having kids that could go on and do it.
• 1:05:17
  There's so many variables that it becomes overwhelming for somebody to understand when you're including God into the mixture of, okay, that's another variable I have to consider.
• 1:05:27
  How am I living the most productive life in pursuit of something that God would say, you should go do this?
• 1:05:34
  that gets confusing because then you're like, well, does God want me to have a family and have like 10 kids?
• 1:05:38
  Does God want me to build a trillion dollar company and, and, you know, take humanity to Mars?
• 1:05:44
  What, what does God want me to do?
• 1:05:46
  Yes.
• 1:05:49
  This father said to me, he was brilliant.
• 1:05:52
  He said, I'm so busy taking care of my kids.
• 1:05:56
  I have no time for my kids.
• 1:06:02
  You're taking care of your kids because it's your job.
• 1:06:05
  You have no time for your kids.
• 1:06:09
  Stop taking care of your kids and just be a father.
• 1:06:16
  Don't be a good father, because then it's all about you.
• 1:06:22
  Just be a father.
• 1:06:26
  You're capable of producing a lot of good stuff.
• 1:06:29
  Well, go ahead.
• 1:06:32
  Don't become it.
• 1:06:34
  Do it.
• 1:06:35
  And then there's no conflict.
• 1:06:37
  There's no conflict.
• 1:06:38
  Is that what people wrestle with?
• 1:06:39
  You don't sacrifice anything in God's world.
• 1:06:47
  You don't do a guy a favor at the cost of another guy.
• 1:06:51
  So you're doing good here and damage there?
• 1:06:54
  This is not going to work.
• 1:06:56
  You'd cause no damage whatsoever.
• 1:06:58
  No.
• 1:06:59
  The sage has made a very brilliant statement.
• 1:07:02
  Who is really rich?
• 1:07:04
  Someone who is content with his portion.
• 1:07:08
  So that's the answer.
• 1:07:09
  Yeah, but that doesn't make sense.
• 1:07:11
  How come it doesn't make sense?
• 1:07:13
  Because if you're content, you're never going to be rich.
• 1:07:17
  But I've always found that you have to be content with what you've achieved, but still also understand that there can be more and more achievement.
• 1:07:26
  which means you don't jettison what you had before in favor of something better.
• 1:07:33
  So here's the real problem.
• 1:07:35
  A guy becomes rich, and all of a sudden, his car, not good enough.
• 1:07:44
  His house, not good enough.
• 1:07:47
  His wife, his children,
• 1:07:56
  his rabbi.
• 1:07:57
  He got to trade in his rabbi for a better model.
• 1:08:01
  In other words, he's not content with his life because he's rich.
• 1:08:08
  Then the wealth has destroyed him.
• 1:08:11
  But if you're content with your money, you're never going to get rich.
• 1:08:19
  So you can't be content with your money and get rich.
• 1:08:24
  You get rich because you want more money, which is fine.
• 1:08:28
  But why does that mean that all of a sudden your wife is not good enough, your children are not good enough, your house, your car, your neighborhood?
• 1:08:37
  On the contrary, you're making more money for them.
• 1:08:43
  How did they become less important?
• 1:08:46
  If you're working for them,
• 1:08:49
  This is the problem.
• 1:08:51
  Career clashes with family.
• 1:08:55
  Don't have a career.
• 1:08:58
  Make a lot of money.
• 1:09:00
  Don't have a career.
• 1:09:02
  Have a family for whom you make a lot of money.
• 1:09:06
  And if you make more money than your family needs, then do it for the community.
• 1:09:13
  And if you have all the money in the world, spend it on Earth, not on Mars,
• 1:09:19
  Is it because, do we lose sight of what's important when our identity becomes a thing?
• 1:09:28
  Like when work becomes an identity.
• 1:09:30
  Of its own.
• 1:09:31
  Of its own.
• 1:09:32
  And then we forget all the other things that we actually started the work for.
• 1:09:37
  Which is true of life itself.
• 1:09:39
  If you're just living life for the sake of life, you got nothing.
• 1:09:46
  You live life in order to fulfill the purpose for which God needs you in this world.
• 1:09:54
  I think I have a weird little story.
• 1:09:58
  There are these kids, two 14-year-old kids attempted suicide together.
• 1:10:08
  They failed.
• 1:10:10
  And one of them is being held in the county hospital.
• 1:10:14
  for observation for 48 hours.
• 1:10:18
  And this hospital, the sixth floor of the hospital, is really a prison.
• 1:10:23
  Armed guards, double bar doors, windows, you know.
• 1:10:28
  The nurses carry tasers.
• 1:10:30
  I mean, it's a dangerous place because they're there for observation, to see whether they should go to the electric chair or get therapy.
• 1:10:40
  So it's really a dangerous, crazy place.
• 1:10:46
  So this mother calls me.
• 1:10:47
  Her son is there.
• 1:10:49
  She can't visit.
• 1:10:50
  The only people who can visit are clergy.
• 1:10:52
  You've got to be cleared, whatever.
• 1:10:55
  And ask me if I would go see her son and see how he's doing.
• 1:10:58
  I don't know her.
• 1:10:59
  She doesn't know me.
• 1:11:00
  She just needs a rabbi.
• 1:11:03
  I go up to the sixth floor.
• 1:11:05
  I've been there before, but never to see a 14-year-old.
• 1:11:09
  I couldn't believe they would put him in the same place with the adults.
• 1:11:14
  Anyway, I get off the elevator, just in time to see two nurses wrestle a guy to the floor and put him in handcuffs.
• 1:11:21
  And everybody else is standing around howling like banshees.
• 1:11:24
  The place is really scary.
• 1:11:27
  Anyway, I go off to the kids' room.
• 1:11:30
  He's lying in his bed reading something and doesn't even look up.
• 1:11:36
  I try to make conversation.
• 1:11:38
  Not interested.
• 1:11:41
  Jaded completely.
• 1:11:43
  I said, how are you doing?
• 1:11:46
  Doesn't look up from the book.
• 1:11:48
  I said, your mother asked me to see you.
• 1:11:51
  She's worried.
• 1:11:52
  What should I tell her?
• 1:11:54
  Nothing, nothing.
• 1:11:58
  After about 10 minutes, he says, why don't you go home?
• 1:12:02
  The chaplain has already been here, the hospital chaplain.
• 1:12:09
  I said, what did the chaplain say?
• 1:12:12
  He says, something stupid.
• 1:12:16
  I said, really?
• 1:12:17
  What did he say that was stupid?
• 1:12:20
  He told me not to kill myself because God loves me.
• 1:12:27
  See, I'm not, I'm not, I have no license in psychology or whatever, right?
• 1:12:31
  I can say whatever I want.
• 1:12:34
  Well, I lose my license.
• 1:12:36
  Anyway, so I said, that's stupid?
• 1:12:39
  He says, yeah.
• 1:12:40
  I said, I agree.
• 1:12:42
  I can't imagine God loves you.
• 1:12:44
  You're obnoxious.
• 1:12:48
  He looked up.
• 1:12:50
  And he said, yeah?
• 1:12:53
  I said, God created you.
• 1:12:56
  Obviously, he needs you for something.
• 1:12:59
  I don't think he likes you.
• 1:13:01
  He's stuck with you.
• 1:13:05
  He says, well, what if I don't want to do what he created me for?
• 1:13:09
  I said, that's called freedom of choice.
• 1:13:13
  So take a position.
• 1:13:14
  You want it?
• 1:13:15
  You don't want to say something.
• 1:13:19
  I went home from that visit, and I realized that I have been barking up the wrong tree.
• 1:13:26
  Human beings don't need to be loved.
• 1:13:30
  They need to be needed.
• 1:13:33
  This kid kills himself or tries to kill himself for no reason.
• 1:13:38
  Not like he couldn't pay the mortgage.
• 1:13:41
  It was an adventure because he's convinced that he's unnecessary.
• 1:13:48
  Yeah, his mother will cry for her.
• 1:13:50
  No big deal.
• 1:13:51
  He's not needed.
• 1:13:52
  He's not necessary.
• 1:13:55
  Now the chaplain comes and says, yeah, you're right.
• 1:13:59
  You're not necessary.
• 1:14:00
  But still, don't kill yourself because God loves you.
• 1:14:03
  He says, that is so stupid.
• 1:14:07
  And he's right.
• 1:14:10
  You can't say to a human being, hang around because I love you.
• 1:14:15
  What am I, your pet?
• 1:14:18
  If you don't need me, you don't love me.
• 1:14:20
  We're going back to the, if you're not vulnerable, then it's not love.
• 1:14:26
  So the chaplain was actually confirming the kid's belief that he wasn't needed.
• 1:14:33
  Yeah, but God loves you.
• 1:14:35
  I'm not a gerbil.
• 1:14:37
  How do you define the difference between love and need?
• 1:14:40
  Oh, love is selfish.
• 1:14:44
  Need is humble.
• 1:14:47
  Selfless.
• 1:14:49
  Why is love selfish?
• 1:14:51
  I love.
• 1:14:53
  Makes me feel good.
• 1:14:54
  How can that be selfish?
• 1:15:02
  True love means I really need you and I like it.
• 1:15:07
  We have a lot of incorrect definitions then, I think.
• 1:15:10
  I think that's what I'm getting at.
• 1:15:12
  But that's what marriage is.
• 1:15:14
  Marriage is not love.
• 1:15:17
  Marriage is I need you.
• 1:15:19
  You're part of my identity.
• 1:15:22
  And I love it.
• 1:15:25
  And if I don't love it, I still need you.
• 1:15:27
  It's very true.
• 1:15:27
  Because some days things aren't going right.
• 1:15:32
  But you're not leaving the person.
• 1:15:34
  You still need each other.
• 1:15:38
  But you do love the person.
• 1:15:40
  But when I say, like, for example, when I say I love Gina, I'm not saying, like, I love...
• 1:15:47
  I'm not saying I love her just for me.
• 1:15:50
  Like, I love her for her.
• 1:15:53
  Like, I'm not saying it selfishly.
• 1:15:55
  What does that mean?
• 1:15:56
  What do you mean?
• 1:15:59
  Like, when I say I love somebody, say I love Gina, I love my mom, I'm saying, like, I want to...
• 1:16:08
  you know, use everything that I have access to and, you know, every resource that I have to make their lives as good as possible.
• 1:16:18
  I don't need to do that.
• 1:16:19
  Whether they make your life better or not.
• 1:16:22
  I think so.
• 1:16:24
  Oh, I think so.
• 1:16:26
  They do make my life better, but I don't think I do it as like a trade.
• 1:16:33
  I don't think like, hey, when we go on this trip or when we go on this date night, I need something in exchange.
• 1:16:40
  I love you and I want to give you this.
• 1:16:42
  Marriage means I don't want to be alone.
• 1:16:47
  So that's what I need.
• 1:16:49
  How do I not be alone?
• 1:16:50
  Oh.
• 1:16:52
  I have friends, still alone.
• 1:16:55
  So then you do need something.
• 1:16:56
  I have parents, still alone.
• 1:17:00
  I have children, I'm still alone.
• 1:17:02
  When do I stop being alone?
• 1:17:05
  When there's another person in my life, not in my love.
• 1:17:12
  Look, a man says, we're in love, let's get married.
• 1:17:19
  Why?
• 1:17:20
  You're already in love.
• 1:17:21
  What do you want?
• 1:17:22
  What are you getting married for?
• 1:17:26
  In fact, if I'm marrying you because I love you, this marriage isn't going to work.
• 1:17:36
  I really just want love.
• 1:17:37
  I want to give love and get love.
• 1:17:39
  That's it.
• 1:17:40
  That's why I'm marrying you.
• 1:17:42
  But a week into the marriage, you discover that your wife has an opinion.
• 1:17:47
  You say, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 1:17:49
  didn't marry you for your opinion, just the love.
• 1:17:53
  So when I marry somebody, and Gina has lots of opinions, when I marry somebody and I love her opinions, and that makes her more attractive to me, what is happening?
• 1:18:04
  So if you love her, that means you love the fact that she's not you.
• 1:18:15
  All the things you have in common, that's not her, that's you.
• 1:18:20
  Oh, you also like pina colada and walks in the rain?
• 1:18:24
  Hey, let's get married.
• 1:18:26
  No.
• 1:18:27
  Let's just have pina colada and walks in the rain.
• 1:18:30
  So the marriage is needing somebody in your life.
• 1:18:32
  Somebody who is not you.
• 1:18:35
  That's bringing it back to the divine.
• 1:18:37
  But that's the part we hate in each other.
• 1:18:40
  Like, why can't you be... more like my mother or less like my mother?
• 1:18:52
  Like, why can't you be?
• 1:18:54
  Do you want her in your life or not?
• 1:18:58
  So a guy says to me, I love everything about my wife.
• 1:19:01
  I said, that's really strange because your wife wants a divorce.
• 1:19:09
  You love everything about your wife?
• 1:19:11
  Yeah.
• 1:19:12
  Okay.
• 1:19:12
  Do you love her?
• 1:19:14
  I love everything about her.
• 1:19:16
  Oh, you're not answering the question.
• 1:19:20
  You love everything about her.
• 1:19:22
  Do you love her?
• 1:19:24
  He says, what does that mean?
• 1:19:27
  Take away all the things.
• 1:19:29
  What's left?
• 1:19:31
  Her.
• 1:19:32
  And you don't know what that means.
• 1:19:35
  So what does it mean to love her, not something about her?
• 1:19:41
  What do people mean when they say, can't you accept me for who I am?
• 1:19:47
  Nobody knows an answer to that.
• 1:19:50
  Accept me for who I am.
• 1:19:51
  Who are you?
• 1:19:53
  You don't even know.
• 1:19:56
  What they mean is, can you accept the fact that I'm not you?
• 1:20:04
  Can you accept the fact that I don't like the same foods you like?
• 1:20:08
  You can tolerate it?
• 1:20:09
  No thanks.
• 1:20:12
  Do you love the fact that I am me, which means not you?
• 1:20:20
  That's big.
• 1:20:22
  So I'm just, I only, I can only speak for personal experience.
• 1:20:25
  So the things that are the most different in G, that's what I, I would say love the most because I like that compliment to the things that I like.
• 1:20:37
  I don't want another version of me.
• 1:20:39
  I want her, like I want her and I want the things that she likes because I like that she likes those things.
• 1:20:45
  And I liked it by being with her.
• 1:20:48
  It's added, it's added more to my life that wasn't there before.
• 1:20:53
  And it turns out I enjoy those things.
• 1:20:54
  Which sounds great.
• 1:20:56
  Then you get married.
• 1:20:57
  Well, yeah, that's.
• 1:21:00
  Now those differences, what make her different, you're stuck with it for the rest of your life.
• 1:21:07
  You still okay?
• 1:21:08
  Yeah.
• 1:21:09
  I genuinely am.
• 1:21:10
  I genuinely am.
• 1:21:11
  Well, you're not married yet.
• 1:21:13
  No, we're engaged.
• 1:21:13
  Right.
• 1:21:15
  So get ready.
• 1:21:16
  It changes.
• 1:21:18
  I know that.
• 1:21:18
  Well, that's why, unfortunately, divorce rates are so high because people do change.
• 1:21:25
  No, no, no.
• 1:21:26
  Marriage changes it.
• 1:21:27
  I think people change too.
• 1:21:28
  That takes a long time.
• 1:21:30
  The minute you're married, it's different.
• 1:21:33
  You got to be prepared for that.
• 1:21:35
  So then the question would be, how do you prepare for that before you're married?
• 1:21:39
  You're saying that love is not enough.
• 1:21:42
  You marry somebody because you need them and they need you.
• 1:21:48
  Differences, you need those differences and they need your differences.
• 1:21:55
  But I mean, I don't think there's a playbook for figuring out how to do that or how to find those things or how to figure out the needs that you have.
• 1:22:05
  Here's the crucial line is, I'm not enough.
• 1:22:11
  If I'm just looking for more love, I've never admitted that I'm not enough.
• 1:22:16
  On the contrary, I want more of me.
• 1:22:21
  To get married means I'm not enough.
• 1:22:26
  If you don't have that conviction, then what is she doing in your life?
• 1:22:32
  If you're getting married so that you have a better life, better off not married.
• 1:22:43
  You're getting married so that you have something more than your life because your life is not enough.
• 1:22:52
  Then you're not going to turn around and say, oh, I don't need this more in my life.
• 1:22:55
  Yeah, you do.
• 1:22:57
  Because you're not enough.
• 1:23:00
  But if you think you're enough, then stay single.
• 1:23:03
  Don't you think that if somebody thinks they're enough, that alone is a psychological issue?
• 1:23:11
  Like for somebody to go through life and think that no one on this planet can add value to me, that seems like a narcissist.
• 1:23:23
  Yeah.
• 1:23:24
  That seems like the person is a little off.
• 1:23:26
  Now, people who say, God doesn't need anything.
• 1:23:30
  Really?
• 1:23:31
  You think God is saying, no one can add value to me?
• 1:23:35
  And this is a God you want to worship?
• 1:23:38
  The idea of vulnerability and not being enough seems like it's the core of any good relationship then.
• 1:23:46
  Why do you need a business partner?
• 1:23:47
  Why do you need a wife?
• 1:23:49
  Well, business is business, but...
• 1:23:52
  I see, I see.
• 1:23:53
  I mean, sometimes you say like getting a business partner is almost the same as getting married.
• 1:23:58
  That's almost, almost.
• 1:24:00
  But you do recognize a vulnerability in your own skill set.
• 1:24:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:24:03
  Well, that's just being you.
• 1:24:05
  That's not humble.
• 1:24:06
  That's just true.
• 1:24:07
  Yeah, exactly.
• 1:24:09
  I'm not good at it.
• 1:24:10
  I'm not being humble.
• 1:24:12
  There's parts of life that people aren't good at, which is why they...
• 1:24:17
  Look for help.
• 1:24:17
  Look for help.
• 1:24:18
  They can still be narcissists.
• 1:24:22
  You got to help me.
• 1:24:24
  You exist to help me.
• 1:24:26
  That's narcissism.
• 1:24:28
  That's interesting.
• 1:24:28
  I'm just noticing.
• 1:24:34
  A lot of the things that you teach...
• 1:24:38
  They can be interpreted in a healthy way and also like a negative way as well.
• 1:24:42
  I mean, like what you're talking about with the fact that it's good to be vulnerable.
• 1:24:46
  It's good to have somebody who adds value to your life in terms of a marriage or any kind of relationship.
• 1:24:54
  But at the same time, a narcissist can also think that other people are put on this planet to add value to their life.
• 1:25:01
  So the same idea, just in one positive and one negative way to interpret it.
• 1:25:06
  Right.
• 1:25:07
  But if I think you're put on this planet to serve me, then I don't even know who you are.
• 1:25:14
  All I see is your utilitarian contributions.
• 1:25:19
  That's a horrible way to look at anybody.
• 1:25:22
  That's pornography.
• 1:25:23
  It's horrible.
• 1:25:24
  Absolutely horrible.
• 1:25:25
  It's pornography.
• 1:25:27
  the place somebody who wants to understand themselves better so that they can receive value from other people, their partner, their peers.
• 1:25:46
  How does somebody make sure that the value they extract from another is in a good way?
• 1:25:52
  Yeah, but that should not be your primary thought.
• 1:25:54
  The primary thought is, what can I offer?
• 1:25:59
  not what can I get.
• 1:26:04
  What can I give?
• 1:26:06
  And that what you receive is a side effect of giving.
• 1:26:10
  What the other receives when you give is the contribution of receiving.
• 1:26:20
  Receiving doesn't have to be selfish either.
• 1:26:24
  When you receive someone, you're giving them the biggest gift in the world.
• 1:26:30
  You recognize them.
• 1:26:33
  You attribute significance to them.
• 1:26:35
  You hear them.
• 1:26:39
  That's a huge gift.
• 1:26:42
  But you're not taking.
• 1:26:43
  You're giving.
• 1:26:45
  By receiving them, you're giving.
• 1:26:47
  You're not being narcissistic.
• 1:26:52
  On the contrary, if you don't receive them, you're being narcissistic.
• 1:26:58
  So in both cases, giving and receiving are contributions.
• 1:27:03
  Taking is abuse.
• 1:27:07
  You do not take a person.
• 1:27:12
  You receive them.
• 1:27:13
  Oh, that's a gift.
• 1:27:15
  Women are better at receiving.
• 1:27:17
  Men are better at giving.
• 1:27:19
  Who is providing a better service or gift?
• 1:27:23
  The giver or the receiver?
• 1:27:26
  I don't think there's a better.
• 1:27:27
  I think it's both necessary.
• 1:27:30
  And they're both gifts.
• 1:27:33
  You make a woman out of your wife by giving.
• 1:27:38
  She makes a man out of you by receiving.
• 1:27:47
  But if you're taking, that's abuse.
• 1:27:52
  So the expression marriage is a give and take.
• 1:27:55
  Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
• 1:27:58
  Because receiving is not taking.
• 1:28:01
  Receiving is giving.
• 1:28:04
  I think that many people, good people, have more of an issue giving, I would say, too much.
• 1:28:14
  They give so much of themselves to other people who do take and do not reciprocate.
• 1:28:23
  How does that person who gives to everybody and receives nothing...
• 1:28:30
  What's your advice to them?
• 1:28:32
  It's usually because you expect something in return.
• 1:28:38
  So you're not giving wholeheartedly.
• 1:28:42
  There's an underlying...
• 1:28:45
  So you give and give and give, and then when you see that there's no return, you regret grieving.
• 1:28:51
  So what does that mean?
• 1:28:52
  You were giving in order to get.
• 1:28:54
  Yeah.
• 1:28:58
  A man came to his rabbi many, many years ago, and he said, I give a lot of charity.
• 1:29:03
  I'm very hospitable.
• 1:29:05
  I feed all the poor in the city.
• 1:29:07
  Everybody knows you can come to me for food.
• 1:29:09
  But I don't know if I'm really sincere.
• 1:29:15
  I want to be sincere about it.
• 1:29:19
  And the rabbi said to him,
• 1:29:23
  The hungry people who eat at your table appreciate the food sincerely.
• 1:29:29
  What more do you want?
• 1:29:30
  It's, well, he wants to feel like there isn't some alternative reason as to why there's no like a, like there's no other reason why he's giving outside of just being helpful, I'm assuming.
• 1:29:50
  That's what he wants.
• 1:29:51
  He's looking for some virtue in himself.
• 1:29:54
  And the rabbi said, you feed others because they're hungry.
• 1:29:58
  What are you looking at yourself for?
• 1:30:02
  So if you fed them and they're no longer hungry, perfect.
• 1:30:07
  Well, what do you want?
• 1:30:08
  A halo?
• 1:30:10
  I want to bring up one.
• 1:30:12
  And by the way, the poor people who eat at your house, they're usually not grateful.
• 1:30:16
  Why?
• 1:30:17
  I don't know.
• 1:30:19
  Why are they not grateful?
• 1:30:20
  They're not.
• 1:30:21
  You just, you always throw these, these dualities into the conversation.
• 1:30:27
  It causes, it causes somebody to, I think,
• 1:30:33
  at least when I hear how you teach, I second guess a lot of the ideas because I'm like, well, I want to give or I want to be grateful.
• 1:30:42
  Hopefully I'm not living life wrong.
• 1:30:45
  That's what I get concerned about because you're right.
• 1:30:48
  Somebody can receive and be grateful.
• 1:30:49
  Somebody can receive and not be grateful.
• 1:30:51
  Then I'm overthinking everything in life.
• 1:30:54
  How am I pouring into my wife, into my friends?
• 1:30:58
  Am I doing it the right way?
• 1:30:59
  Am I doing it the wrong intent?
• 1:31:01
  I don't know.
• 1:31:02
  I think people can overthink this stuff too.
• 1:31:05
  And I don't think that's healthy either.
• 1:31:07
  I think that's what the rabbi was telling this guy.
• 1:31:10
  What are you doing?
• 1:31:11
  Yeah.
• 1:31:12
  There are hungry people who need your food and you give them the food.
• 1:31:15
  What is your problem?
• 1:31:17
  Well, this is bringing us back to the first part of this conversation, which was religion.
• 1:31:21
  And we're overthinking how we are religious.
• 1:31:25
  We overthink everything.
• 1:31:27
  And I actually, you know, it's funny.
• 1:31:29
  It's the good people who overthink everything.
• 1:31:32
  It's never the assholes.
• 1:31:35
  It's never the narcissist.
• 1:31:37
  They don't overthink anything.
• 1:31:39
  It's the good people that wonder, well, you know, I'm building this company and it's going super well, but we have to do some layoffs.
• 1:31:48
  Like, you know, am I a bad person for doing these layoffs even though our company is still growing and doing a lot of good?
• 1:31:54
  It's never the asshole that wonders that.
• 1:31:56
  In fact, I would make an assumption that if you are ever wondering if you are doing good or bad, if you have that second thought about, am I doing this in the best way possible, helping the most people, I feel like you are probably a very good person just by having that thought.
• 1:32:16
  So both the narcissist and the altruist are always thinking about
• 1:32:22
  They're always obsessing.
• 1:32:23
  The question is only about what.
• 1:32:26
  So the real solution is this.
• 1:32:30
  You gotta do good.
• 1:32:32
  Are you doing enough good?
• 1:32:34
  No.
• 1:32:35
  What are you thinking?
• 1:32:38
  Now what is your doubt?
• 1:32:40
  There's no doubt.
• 1:32:42
  You have to be good and you're not good enough.
• 1:32:49
  There's no puzzle here.
• 1:32:53
  It's as clear as day.
• 1:32:59
  No Schindler's List?
• 1:33:02
  At the end, he says, he beats himself up because you just notice that he has a gold pin that he's been wearing all the time, and he could have sold it and saved one more soul.
• 1:33:15
  He's beating himself up, and you think, oh, come on, you did plenty.
• 1:33:20
  Of course, yeah.
• 1:33:21
  Huh?
• 1:33:23
  Don't beat yourself up like that.
• 1:33:24
  You did enough.
• 1:33:25
  But at the same time, you could have done one more.
• 1:33:27
  So, yeah, you could have done more.
• 1:33:31
  Was that a shock?
• 1:33:32
  So that duality, I mean, you're expanding it to every single thing in life.
• 1:33:40
  You're saying that, are you doing enough to be a good husband?
• 1:33:43
  Yes, but you could do more.
• 1:33:45
  Are you doing enough to be a good son?
• 1:33:46
  Yes, but you could do more.
• 1:33:48
  I always think about it from the context of people who are, in a traditional sense, ambitious, building a company.
• 1:33:58
  Well, have you done enough?
• 1:33:59
  Are you successful?
• 1:34:00
  Yes, but you could also do more as well.
• 1:34:03
  And I think that's a healthy way to look at life.
• 1:34:05
  I think that the issue with looking at life that way is when you're hard on yourself, too hard on yourself.
• 1:34:17
  Because you haven't done the more yet.
• 1:34:19
  That's narcissism.
• 1:34:21
  See, the very fine line.
• 1:34:22
  I didn't do enough.
• 1:34:23
  That's why people are suffering.
• 1:34:26
  No.
• 1:34:27
  People are suffering.
• 1:34:28
  Do some more.
• 1:34:31
  Where did you get into the picture?
• 1:34:34
  Right?
• 1:34:37
  It's like, if we're here to make this world a godly place, look around.
• 1:34:42
  Is the world a godly place?
• 1:34:44
  So what do you mean you've done enough?
• 1:34:47
  The place is not godly.
• 1:34:53
  So keep your eye on the goal, not on yourself.
• 1:34:58
  And by the way, that is so much happier.
• 1:35:02
  We are so much happier when we don't think about ourselves.
• 1:35:06
  Well, you said, this is what I wanted to mention.
• 1:35:08
  You said the healthiest attitude towards yourself is boredom.
• 1:35:12
  Not high self-esteem, not low self-esteem, but boredom.
• 1:35:14
  Boredom, like, why are we talking about me?
• 1:35:18
  Nothing more important to talk about.
• 1:35:19
  Is there a difference when you're talking about your self-perspective between boredom and indifference?
• 1:35:26
  Or is that more or less the same?
• 1:35:27
  Yeah, one leads to the other.
• 1:35:32
  But all the pop psychology urging you to love yourself and validate yourself.
• 1:35:39
  Self-development industry.
• 1:35:42
  It is so destructive.
• 1:35:44
  You're making people miserable.
• 1:35:49
  It was this cartoon where this woman says to her friend, you know, between Pilates, gym, and the spa, and the hair maker, I have no time for myself.
• 1:36:05
  No time for yourself?
• 1:36:06
  All of that's for yourself.
• 1:36:08
  If somebody is too self-focused, what's the first thing they should do?
• 1:36:13
  Take anti-depression pills, because you're going to get depressed.
• 1:36:19
  If you're focused on yourself, you're going down.
• 1:36:24
  Because it is not natural for a human being to feel needy.
• 1:36:30
  You're destroying yourself slowly.
• 1:36:33
  If the whole self-development industry is causing depression, and religion is also focusing on the self, then where do people start?
• 1:36:48
  There's no escape, right?
• 1:36:49
  There's no escape.
• 1:36:50
  Go back to God.
• 1:36:54
  I think I'm having problems.
• 1:36:56
  What are God's problems?
• 1:37:01
  My problems will be oversome, not his.
• 1:37:07
  So who's more needy?
• 1:37:10
  Besides the fact that everything he does, he does infinitely, infinitely.
• 1:37:21
  compassion is sorely lacking in this world.
• 1:37:28
  Every husband has to have compassion for his wife because it's not easy being married to you.
• 1:37:34
  I have no doubt.
• 1:37:36
  Any guy who thinks it's easy is cruel.
• 1:37:41
  So you have to have compassion for your wife.
• 1:37:43
  You have to have compassion for kids.
• 1:37:46
  They don't know better.
• 1:37:48
  You have to have compassion for God.
• 1:37:55
  Imagine you create a whole universe and all anybody does is complain to you.
• 1:38:06
  Or deny you.
• 1:38:09
  Or blame you for every problem.
• 1:38:14
  It's no fun being God.
• 1:38:19
  I don't understand people who want to think they're God.
• 1:38:23
  I don't either.
• 1:38:24
  What do you need those troubles for?
• 1:38:26
  I don't either.
• 1:38:27
  I have no idea.
• 1:38:30
  I always say to people, the individuals that you look up to and probably worship to a degree, most of them you would not want their life and they're not God either.
• 1:38:46
  So can you only imagine the problems that God would have?
• 1:38:49
  Why would you ever want that in your life?
• 1:38:52
  I wonder why people try and worship somebody who isn't themselves.
• 1:38:57
  I don't know why we always look at somebody because people in my world, they look up to and probably worship to a degree these big entrepreneurs and successful business leaders.
• 1:39:10
  I don't know why people want to be something other than themselves.
• 1:39:14
  I never understood that.
• 1:39:15
  The only legitimate envy is to envy people who know what they're doing.
• 1:39:23
  They know why they're alive.
• 1:39:26
  That is enviable.
• 1:39:27
  I had a friend in Minnesota.
• 1:39:32
  He was a quadriplegic.
• 1:39:35
  I've never seen a happier guy in your life.
• 1:39:39
  He would get up in the morning.
• 1:39:40
  It would take two hours to get out of bed.
• 1:39:44
  But he was out of bed and he was ready to take life on.
• 1:39:49
  He was a counselor for handicapped people.
• 1:39:55
  And he just loved life.
• 1:39:56
  He loved life because he understood why he's here.
• 1:40:02
  To help, not to be helped.
• 1:40:07
  He was a giver, not a taker.
• 1:40:10
  And it's enviable.
• 1:40:18
  That's why a truly godly person is enviable.
• 1:40:24
  He sees life clearly.
• 1:40:26
  Doesn't have to be holier than vow and have the superiority complex and be assured that he's going to have a front seat in heaven.
• 1:40:39
  None of that shtick.
• 1:40:40
  He just loves being who he is in the service of God.
• 1:40:45
  Amen.
• 1:40:47
  So imagine everyone in the world wakes up tomorrow morning.
• 1:40:51
  Eight billion people wake up in the morning and say, God, what can I defeat?
• 1:40:59
  Would this not be a nice world?
• 1:41:01
  I think people would be a lot happier.
• 1:41:07
  Do you have belief that we will ever get to that point?
• 1:41:12
  You're optimistic.
• 1:41:13
  And it is enviable, those who have gotten there.
• 1:41:17
  Their lives are so calm.
• 1:41:19
  Do you believe that a billion people can do it?
• 1:41:22
  Yeah.
• 1:41:23
  Because we've gotten really turned off to narcissism.
• 1:41:27
  That's true.
• 1:41:28
  We've had enough.
• 1:41:30
  It's choking us.
• 1:41:32
  No one wants to be a narcissist.
• 1:41:35
  No, almost no one.
• 1:41:38
  So yeah, people are very, very interested.
• 1:41:42
  What does God want?
• 1:41:45
  It's the most popular thing right now.
• 1:41:47
  What's the number one question that you get asked about God?
• 1:41:53
  What can I do for him?
• 1:41:58
  No one talks about believing in him anymore.
• 1:42:00
  What can I do for him?
• 1:42:01
  Yeah.
• 1:42:03
  What does belief do?
• 1:42:06
  Okay, I believe.
• 1:42:07
  Yeah, I'm out.
• 1:42:10
  They want to know what can I do.
• 1:42:13
  I have non-Jews calling up from all over the world.
• 1:42:17
  So I'm keeping Shabbat and I'm keeping kosher.
• 1:42:20
  What more?
• 1:42:21
  I said, well, first of all, don't keep Shabbat.
• 1:42:25
  No, and don't keep kosher.
• 1:42:27
  Give a lot of charity.
• 1:42:28
  Honor your parents.
• 1:42:30
  Have good kids.
• 1:42:32
  And produce toothbrushes.
• 1:42:34
  If people could pick this book up, read through it, and just come away with the most important lesson.
• 1:42:43
  What is the takeaway that you want everybody to have?
• 1:42:46
  Well, I don't know.
• 1:42:47
  The takeaway is if you read this book, you will be happier, you will be less stressed, you will be serving God, and you won't be religious.
• 1:42:58
  Where can people find you, Rabbi?
• 1:43:01
  It's goodtoknow.org.