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BONUS Episode: Transcending Pain + Suffering with Soreya James · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

• This podcast explores the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma >> Lyndsay Soprano: This is your Pain game podcast where we talk about the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma. Get into the heart of how to heal. I am your host, Lyndsay Soprano. On the show, I plan on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones, and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and trauma world that we live in. I truly and honestly believe that the traumatic things that happened to me from my childhood, my teenage years, early adulthood, are the reason that I legitimately live in the physical pain that I do. I never processed anything that happened to me physically, sexually, emotionally, or newly found religiously. What I did is I acted out on it, and I didn't really know that that's what I was doing when it was happening, because my abuse started at such a young age. And your view of the world at that point of your life is like, what? And who is safe? We're not even really sure. And then when somebody does something to you at such a young age, you're like, this is what it's supposed to be like. So if something else happens to you, that's the norm. That is so sad and so. So incredibly heartbreaking. And we see it all over the place. And it's really hard, what we have to do as human beings as we're going through this world, because I know for me, I've shapeshifted, and that is whoever I'm around, I can be like an octopus, and I can change my color and change my shape, and I can fit into wherever I need to to make sure that everybody there is happy. And as I'm also looking for validation the entire time I'm doing all of it. And so the way that my little brain and my body started to process the world around me, it was strangled and suffocated with fear. And my little bod has lived in that place of fear, smothered with safety issues and sprinkled with deep, deep sadness for as long as I have known myself. But it wasn't until I started the show and spoke to and with you, my audience and my guests, that I was able to uncover truths within me that have been lurking and growing more strength over the years, causing all of these health issues starting from a very young age. But my body chose to let that trauma grow because it didn't know how else to respond, but turn it into physical and emotional pain. What else is it gonna do if it doesn't have anywhere to go or anybody to talk to about it? So let's get to the truth. Of how our lived experiences, no matter how young or how old we are, have shaped us and how we can tackle our whole body, mind and spirit and focus on what our true destiny is here on this earth during this part of life that we are all living together. But today we're going to talk about sexual abuse, just briefly, forgiveness and its cost cults and actually being targeted as a cult leader. What it is like for women in midlife, that it is not a death sentence. The intelligence that is all inside of us, that's not just a robot that we're talking about with AI Journey, therapy and so much more. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to my guest, the most bright light little Kiwi in New Zealand, Soraya James. Hello, my beautiful soul. How are you today Hello, my beautiful soul. How are you today? >> Soraya James: I am very well and so much better for seeing you and hearing your beautiful beaming voice coming back at me. That brings me alive. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, thank you. Yes. And I love. You've got a candle going in the background and I'm just feeling soothed. Just watching you and doing that's actually a very good thing for I should ask all of my guests to do that. Soraya uses ancient yogic techniques to help people heal and transform So, Soraya, her name actually and literally means Illumination, which is just once you talk to her and see her, you're just going to understand how illumination she is. She is a spiritual rebel, trauma thriver and survivor and truth teller who has lived a life that defies easy description. I mean, straight up, she has worked alongside one of the wealthiest men on earth, parented solo for 20 plus years, led over 30 global retreats and sat with people in their deepest pain, even at the edge of death. She has faced three near death experiences of her own, a criminal investigation that threatened prison, and years in India working with masters, yogis and gurus. And she has also made and lost everything more than once. And what has emerged from 35 plus years of this unrelenting beautiful life is not a theory. It is a precise technology of human healing and transformation. One that blends ancient yogic science with the most rigorous tools of modern therapy. The process is always the same. Remove the obstructions to the human spirit and return a human being to the direct experience of their own soul. And that sounds like a lot to do and I am totally down for it. Every single person listening on this podcast has been in a toxic relationship So I'd like to, to start with your beautiful 19 year old self, you'd found yourself in a toxic relationship with. Every single person listening on this, on this interview right now has been in some form of a toxic relationship, whether it's with a parent or A sibling or a spouse. What happened at something called the Turning Point event, in a room full of canceled out souls and not to be confused everybody with Turning Point usa, which is the cult here in the United States. This is something completely different. I just want to make sure everybody knows that before we go on. let's take it from there. >> Soraya James: So, yeah, I was in a really dark space in my life at the time, and I won't go into the big picture of it, but I was covered in psoriasis, in a toxic relationship, and just lots and lots of depression in my mental body. And I came across this course and over a three day period over this weekend with 120 souls in the room, I found that part of me that was my destined path through the eyes of a beautiful big Mori man that was literally looking up at me screaming in pain and releasing all of his own trauma from his really, really dark deep past of his own. And the particular process that we were in at the time, I held this space for him that was so solid and balanced. And I was 19, just a little girl, really, with this big grown man. And he looked up at me at one point with tears in his eyes and he just said, you're born for this. This is, you need to do this work. And it was like, you know, when a penny drops. And and I looked at the facilitator and I, and I actually had this thought of I could actually do it better because it's a man. It's still the patriarchal energy coming at us, which was quite strong and, and, and harsh. And it was just this moment in time where I'd been in this container for three days and we had gone through so much cathartic releasing and I mean, I, won't even go into what we did in that room, but I came out of that three days just going, this is what I have to do. Like, I moved pain and trauma in my body in a way that I didn't even know was possible. And so I continued with their curriculum over about, I mean, about two years and you know, did their deeper courses and just that was my path. It was like, this is what I'm doing with my life. It was really profound, really profound, very profound. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Especially because a your age, I mean everybody, when we were 19, we didn't know what the hell was going on. Are you kidding me? I barely know what the hell's going on right now. You come from trauma at a young age and develop perfectionism but what I found interesting in speaking with you is when you were at the Turning Point and you were Working with these people you mentioned calling them canceled souls. And they were people that were drug addicts and had been in prison and covered with tattoos and all of this. And you felt more at home there. And that was so interesting to me to hear from you, because I identify with that wholeheartedly. >> Soraya James: Yeah, well, I guess, you know, like, I worked in the corporate world back then and in recruitment and. And I just remember feeling so unwanted or uncomfortable in that world, like trying to be what they wanted me to be or what my parents wanted me to be or what life wanted me to be, and putting the suit on and the makeup on and going into the office and just feeling like this is not my identity. Even though I didn't identify with the word identity back then, you know, you just knew, though. Yeah, put me in that room with. I mean, you know, there were all walks of life in that room, very diverse. There were CEOs and all sorts of. But I was just like, ah, this is comfortable. This is more me. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's awesome. >> Soraya James: Just got real, you know, Just looked at you in the eyes and said, I feel like instead of, yeah, I'm good, thanks. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, I'm great. It's like when we tell our spouses or our partners, when they ask you how we're doing and we're saying fine, that does not mean that we are fine. Well, a lot of that comes from the fact that, especially when you come from trauma at a young age, even up into your adult years. I don't think that trauma chooses the age of the person that it actually affects. But I know for me, that's when I started to develop this perfectionism. The controlling, the ocd, the insomnia, the people pleasing. Because all I needed to do is. I knew that, like I mentioned earlier about shape shifting, I knew that when I was around my mom and my dad, I needed to make sure that I fit into this mold. But I could change into a different mold when I was around this particular group in my high school and I had all the. I had friends in every single crazy group in high school and in college, from the honors students, because that was me. Down to the choir and the debate team to the, you know, the homecoming queen courts and stuff. So it was like it was all of these people, but I never felt that it was. That I was any of those people, until recently when I started to actually identify with who this woman is with inside me and. And how excited I am to see where she's going to go. And one of the things that you learned from that was being able to have the ability to hold on to other people's shit, if you will, the stuff that they've been through and not necessarily have it stick to you. The work that I. did after Turning Point was Journey Therapy Can you talk to us a little bit about that? >> Soraya James: Yeah. So the. The work that I. That I went on to do after Turning Point, because then I got hungry. I was like, well, what else there? You know? And, was. Was Journey. Well, I went through the Tony Robbins curriculum first and I. And that. That was good to a point, but it was still very masculine led. And it was hard. It was like, change your state. And it was loud. And my nervous system was like, oh, my God. I mean, bless Tony Robbins. But, it was intense for my own personal nervous system, which had been through sexual abuse and psychological and physical abuse. And my body just needed safety and stillness. But I didn't know that. So when I came across Journey Therapy with Brandon Bayes, bless her, she took us inwards, as opposed to out. Yeah, M. So we went inside of the deep cellular, like the deepest part of the human body by going in closed eyes into stillness, into silence, being guided into the cellular memory. So the cell receptor opens the memory stored inside of this cell cell and starts pouring out. And rather than catharting, so in Turning Point, smashing mattresses and Tony, you know, moving your body and what have you, you sit and you feel it inside of yourself, and in 90 seconds it's gone. So then what happens is you go deeper and deeper and deeper into the cellular memory. And there's a whole process around it which I won't go into, but this is the work that I do. The cell memory changes and you actually get to a point where I am not this body and I am not this mind. I am literally energy. So you don't. You can't feel the physical body. You know that you're there, but you're so expanded into the essence of you being a sensory being that you remember that you are not this body, you're not matter, you're not this mind, you are not these emotions. I am not a teacher. I am not a mother. I am not a this. I'm that. I am energy. I'm literally consciousness. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's. >> Soraya James: So then when that happens, your magnetic field or your aura or the heart, whatever you want to call it, around you begins to strengthen and grow. And when that happens, nothing can penetrate that. The essence of this work is that you go into deep, deep, deep stillness. So we're not being validated from a therapist, we're not taking a pill. To fix it, we're going into the infinite intelligence, the very consciousness that grows a child inside of us or beats >> Lyndsay Soprano: our heart or grows out. >> Soraya James: Here is what heals us at the level of the soul, at the level of the cell. So I spent maybe 15 years in that particular body of work and trained in all of her different, levels and used duty therapy every day. My life, it's, it's beautiful work. You've done many, many plant medicine journeys over the years >> Lyndsay Soprano: Well, and you, I mean, obviously we can talk about journey therapy because there's so many different ways that you can go. You've done, you've gone into different modalities. What was your favorite? Like, was it the psychedelic part that you ended up doing? Because I know that's the part that I, I love the idea of psychedelics for, many reasons. One, I'm on ketamine therapy once a week. Also, every now and again I drop Molly. And when I do that, it's amazing how out of pain I am. Like, I can still feel my pain to a certain extent, but I also am free of it. I can't really explain it any better than that from my experience with it. But I know that you've done some key chit chat just for a second about what your favorite was. >> Soraya James: look, I did my first ayahuasca journey 18 years ago and I've done many, many plant medicine journeys over the years. But again, for me it's, I'm still externally resourcing and still having, taking something into my body. And, and I absolutely love psilocybin. like that's, you know, if I ever work with a plant medicine, that's the medicine that I work with, with clients and with myself and I microdose from time to time. But I've really learned over the years that I don't need anything to gain the wisdom that sits inside of my body. Like before all of this stuff got trendy, you know, before it sort of all came online, it's like, what did the ancients do? What did the yogis do? What did the Buddha, you know, the ones sitting in caves, what, how did they heal their trauma? What did they do? They sat in stillness, they went inside, they accessed their own wisdom from within. So my favorite therapy, if we put a label on it, is working with my own life force. So kundalini therapy, yogic therapy. So you're accessing your own natural life force inside of yourself. You know, the, that life force that, that creates the digestion to move and for us, like all humans do, excrete the energy that kills a bone like, why is it as humans we go, this bone will heal? And I don't. You don't sit there and look at it for six weeks and talk to it and give it something. Right. The cast goes on it and it heals. The cast comes up and it's like. You don't think, wow, that was amazing. But when it's something like cancer or autoimmune or, you know, all of these diagnosis that we are, that we are given, we then outsource someone or something to heal the very thing that our body knows to do. But we don't give it patience and we don't give it time. We keep going outside of ourselves. So kundalini therapy now, kundalini just means life force. It's just a Sanskrit word. It's not some kind of awakening or, you know, sexual thing, as people would say. And when we build that life force and when we concentrate that life force into different aspects of the mind or different cells of the body or, you know, the whole body, the body heals itself. And that's the absolute truth. Eckhart Tolle said the, the deepest work that you will do for yourself, to heal at the deepest layer, is to go into silence. But we're so afraid of it that we avoid. Like the clappers. I don't think that's the word he used exactly. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Like the clappers. We would say over here, like the plague. >> Soraya James: And he says, and it's free. But we're so used to paying someone for something. And I mean, I'm a, you know, I'm a practitioner. So of course people come to me and they pay me, but what they gain from this is a lifetime of tools that they never have to pay me ever again. So you're not stuck in therapy for 10 years, you're not taking pills for a lifetime, which is very much the US model. It's not so much here in New Zealand, you know, like we have a little bit of a different health system and still messy. >> Lyndsay Soprano: But, ours is incredibly messy over here in the States. And we, it's, we call it sick care. Yeah. Because the longer they keep us sick, the more money that they make. The silence part. For me, sitting in silence sounds like living hell. Yeah. >> Soraya James: Terrifying. >> Lyndsay Soprano: How do you get through something like that? Like what? What do you do to sit in silence? >> Soraya James: Yeah. The only way through is through. >> Soraya James: So I did my first Vipassana retreat over 20 years ago. And you sit for 14 hours a day in silence and you only eat one meal. You're up at 4 in the morning, you're in bed at night. And that first retreat for me was, was painful. You know, physically painful, mentally painful, emotionally painful. And the teachings just take you deeper and deeper and deeper. By the end of the 10 days, I was flying. I was like, like it is a metamorphosis, this particular 10 day retreat, or immersion. And so when you, when you grasp that concept, like for real, like literally in the body. In 10 days, I've gone from the deepest, darkest mental neuroses and the physical pain in my body to. I cannot feel my body. I am one with everything. I am pure consciousness. I am bliss. I am. And you're connecting with the butterflies and the trees as if you are, the butterfly in the tree. And it's, it's, it's so beautiful when you can gain that once. It's like, I can have that again. And so, you build, you build this, kind of world around what stillness and silence brings. It's the deep sense of freedom. So every day I spend moments in nature just in stillness and silence. And my mind's doing its thing and I'm observing and now I'm noticing the, the discomfort in my body or whatever it might be, you know, and I, but I know how to work with that now. Like it's innate. Working with clients is the most beautiful experience of being a human being And then working with my clients and they have, and then they have the experience of it and I'm like, this is the most beautiful, experience of being a human being. When you're sitting in a dark room with nothing but yourself. You cannot hide, you cannot run. I mean, you can leave the course, but why would you do that? And what, what shows up in its place is just absolutely so beautiful. And that's like. I want that. Right? >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. >> Soraya James: So. So I've chosen over the years to, to go down that pathway because that is more freedom to me than all the other shit that I have had going on. So it's like whenever something comes up, I go, into silence. There's been a lot in this season about talking about the subconscious >> Lyndsay Soprano: I sit and so interesting, because there's been a lot in this particular season and actually a little bit in the last season about talking about the subconscious and what it's all about and how we're. So I'm reading a book right now about. It's called Trauma in the Pews. And it's about, essentially all these people that are seeking, that are always out looking for some form of. I've lost who I was or I don't know who I am or all these things bad hap. Happened bad to me or I Did all of these terrible things, and we're going to all these different places, like you've gone to all these different places to seek and seek and continue to. And it's just like, oh, my gosh, the book was. Is just, like, so amazing about how we're just now starting to be able to understand the subconscious and TRA and trauma and be trauma informed and how that all works and how complex it is. But even when you're talking, it makes it sound so simple at the same time, right? >> Soraya James: It is and it isn't. So because I've trained an ancient, technology, you know, like, I've gone to source of the homeland in India. It's 35,000 years of psychology that sits in behind that versus, you know, Carl Young's maybe 140 years. And then somatic psychotherapy's like 40 years. But I've gone right to the source. I'm like, I want to know from the ancient ones. Tell me about the subconscious mind. Teach me about the subconscious mind. And so the layers are that we've got these three mental bodies, negative, positive, neutral. And then underneath that, we've got nine projections. And then underneath that we've got 21s, 27 aspects of, and then 81 facets. And to go down through those layers takes some time. And in the yoga tradition, with the yoga psychology is there's a meditation and a breath practice for each one of those. So there's 181. So that's the difference is you're not doing talk therapy, but you're actually going into the subconscious layers, and you're using the specific practices to pull the roots out from those layers. So you go layer, layer, layer, layer, layer, layer, layer. and that's why it's so precise. And so, like, it's permanent change. Once you've unhooked from that, it's done. When you unhook that neural pathway, it's done. Unhook that neural pathway, it's done. So that's why we can get, you know, the ptsd, the deep trauma is you're unhooking, unhooking, unhooking, and it's done. I've had people that have come out of their whatever it is, like, boom. And they're going, you know, like, literally overnight, like, I just don't have those migraines anymore. I don't have. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Wow. >> Soraya James: I don't have that pain anymore. And I'm like, this is the work. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, my goodness. I feel like you would be like the world's I would. There's a lot of roots and weeds in here, honey. >> Soraya James: Everyone. And everyone. But when you get to that core, like, you can actually work very precise to the very core, like without going through some of the layers. You can kind of penetrate right through once you get that one out, you know, like, for me, with my sexual abuse, it was when I was 28, and I, hadn't got to the core until I was 28 because my mind was not ready to see and feel what had happened. And at that point I had the capacity to do so. And so the work went into that particular memory and it was painful. But once I'd done the work around that, actually uncovered that and done the forgiveness work and all the pieces, I was so free after that. I didn't want to drink, I didn't want to take drugs, I didn't want to have lots. I didn't want to do all the things that was obstructing me from feeling, you know. So, yeah, it's beautiful. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It sounds beautiful. And it also sounds too good to be true. Right? And I mean, that's because, well, a, you've got to be a believer in the fact that you're not in charge of any of this, guys. I mean, we're just not, you know, I mean, we are just a vessel here for this soul and we all. Somebody called, a meat suit the other day to me that were in a meat suit. I'm like, that's gross. Kind of reminds me of Lady Gaga coming out covered in meat on her one of her shows many, many years ago. It's my visual at least. But yeah, I mean, we're energy and I love the. I love the definition of emotion, which is energy in motion. Because that as an empath, as are you, you know, we're. I'm highly emotional. Things affect me much more than some other people in my life. And. And then some things affect them that I'm like, I don't even understand why the heck that's affecting you that way. Because we're all so very different. And I love the visual of just of you pulling the roots out, like removing the obstruction of the human spirit. The stuff that's getting in the way of your growth, the getting in the way of your happiness and your soul. And it makes me so sad that we have to do that. It's heartbreaking. But it's also heart opening that we can remove these obstructions and we can get out of this pain and it's not going to cost you $400,000. But what ends up happening is we do that. I know what my number is for how much money I put into my body for the past 10 years. And it is not pretty. And the one thing that is keeping me going is this conversation right now and this show and what we're doing in the pain community. Because this is my spirit, spirit and this is my soul. Now I feel like I've got some really good potting soil here and I can plant myself in a, in a garden that doesn't have weeds and rocks and trauma and bugs and all of the things that are getting in the way of true and honorable growth. You say that we can honor this time in midlife Now, you've done a lot of different things in your seeking and your journeys, and you've had such an incredible life. I mean, legitimately. I mean, you. We. There's so many stories, guys. We literally had to like choose what to do or else this would be like a five hour podcast episode with another five hour one to follow. but when we're talking about at this. Do you find that at this age, in our late 40s, early 50s, when we're going through whatever the hell they want to call it, the change as women, we're going through perimenopause, we're going through menopause. And post menopause, it feels like it's a death sentence sometimes when you're, you're going through all of this stuff, but you say that it is not, it is not that we can honor this time in midlife. And can you speak to us about what's actually happening to us, that the mainstream is completely missing here in this. On our healing journey? Because that's part of our healing is happening right now too. It's really interesting. >> Soraya James: Yeah. Well, there's a couple of things for me personally is I do not buy into the narratives of society at all. If someone says this is how it is, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna find my own truth. Actually what's true for me. >> Soraya James: And in terms of menopause, or anything that builds up in the system, the capacity of what you've held in your life, in your emotional, mental, physical body, is what is going to actually come out through your menopausal years. So, for example, you know, like a, woman holds a massive amount of stress. She's holding a family together, she's working, you know, she's a corporate CEO. She's, she's got three kids, she's doing all the things. And then menopause hits and she's like, holy Shit, I can run a multimillion dollar business and I can't handle. I'm not sleeping, I'm feeling miserable, I'm sweating like a mother. So the stress that's built up, built up in her body, her mind, her system over, all of these years, as well as the part of her that hasn't released, hasn't expressed, you know, maybe has talked to their therapist forever, but hasn't had that body's release. Then the body's going to go, oh, I'm going to put on weight. Oh, I'm going to start shutting down. I'm going to become stagnant, I'm going to become pissy. I'm not going to sleep, I'm not going to do any of this because it's containing. So for me, I've never contained, I've been like, right, I got to get shit out, go for a walk, go scream underwater, smash mattress, sit in silence, do whatever I need to do. I don't have symptoms. I sleep through the night. I'm 55, sleep through the night. I have little moments of the body heating up, but that's because I have a bit of sugar or some coffee and my liver's going, ah, but there's no hot sweat, there's no depression, there's no dryness. Like, you know, I'm glowing, I'm, I'm, I'm vibrant. I don't have any weight on my body. And, and people go, oh, you're just lucky. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. I know how to work this human system. I know how to balance the pineal pituitary glands so that my hormones remain just beautifully sweet, you know, and if I do go a little bit out of balance, I know how to bring that into balance. So most women have no idea about how to work with their own human system. And if we did, we wouldn't be in crisis. But again, it's like, oh, I'm going to listen to the narrative. This is what happens when I get to 46 and I'm going to go and put patches on and take pills and then it'll all be all right. And it's not. Most women are still suffering like crazy with all the patches and the pills. So we, again, we've got to take that personal responsibility and come back to, well, maybe I'll just try giving that up or just changing this little habit in my life and trying something that's not the thing I've always been doing and seeing how that responds. So if I drink coffee. I won't sleep as well. So I lie there and I'm like, but tossing and turning, I'm like, well, you did it to yourself. You put a chemical inside of your brain, and then the brain works with the body chemistry. And the body chemistry goes me. It's all chemistry. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah, we are. It's like a little chemistry project over here every day, right? And, one of the things that actually has made me sad during the past, like, I'd say six months for me as I had to step back into going to go see a western medicine doctor because I need to actually go and like, get my mammogram. I'm up for a fricking colonoscopy. All of these things, these tests and making sure that all of this stuff is okay. How do you feel about all of that, about all of the testing? >> Soraya James: I've had mammograms. I'm not so crazy to go, you know, I'm not a perfect human being. I have stuff going on. So I've had mammograms, but I don't have them out of fear. I go, okay, I'm just to check thing. We're all good. I. I don't have smears. Like, I know that, you know, like my. I know my body so well that when I listen deeply to my body and it tells me what it needs, I give it that thing. So if I'm listening to my body and my, own inner wisdom so deeply, I don't need to put my power into anyone else. So when someone, you know, when I get the, the registry, you know, you need to go for your smear. I go, do I? Why would I need to do that? Do I fear that I'm going to get cancer? If I get cancer, I know what to do with it. I have a such a strong belief that that's not what my body's made for. I. I keep the system real clean. Like, I get really controversial with some people around these topics, but for me personally, like you do you. For me personally, it's like I know my body so well that I'm just like, that. I don't need to go and have all the tests and things I had a doctor say a few years ago, you know, you probably need to start thinking about HRT now. And I went, why? Because of your age. And I said, you haven't asked me about my well being. I'm a healthy woman with full of vitality, and my vagina has certainly not dried up and I'm Sexually active. And da, da, da, da. He was like, yeah. I said, what. >> Lyndsay Soprano: What's a vagina? Exactly. >> Soraya James: You're not a woman. You don't live in a woman's body, and you haven't had children, so do not sit here and tell me that I need to be on hrt. And again, I got up and I walked out. I went in to get him to check a little mole on my neck, and I'm like, oh, my God. Then I took celery juice and psilocybin, and the, And the skin cancer went away, so. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, my goodness. Well, I, I went and saw a pain doctor, and that was the worst decision I actually have dermatologist this next week for a legitimate thing that I am worried about, so I'll have to keep you posted on that. >> Soraya James: You do you. You know, it's. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah, yeah. And. And what I did do is me, because I was so fucked with everything that was happening to my body because of the doctors that were doing it to me. Right. But I was following what the narrative is, which is, oh, you live in pain. You need to go see a pain doctor. So I went and saw a pain doctor, and that was the worst decision that I made, the worst decision that I made. And so now I just refuse to do it. And now I'm just like, I am asthmatic. I do need to have this inhaler so that I can breathe. Like, I take the most minimal amount of stuff that I have to to keep me going. And one of them is not opiates. I will not touch that shit at all. You know, and everybody that listens to the show knows that I do like the THC and cannabis. You know, I do my CBD and all that, but that's all I do. and. And I still don't sleep very well, and I still. Because pain keeps me up. But you give me. And I hope, certainly all of our listeners hope that we can actually do this in a more healthy, spiritual way as well. Mel Robbins says authentic intelligence comes from Mother Nature Because you talk about AI, authentic intelligence, that it's the intelligence inside of our body that's more powerful than anything like an algorithm, I think is what you had said, which is so true, because right now, in the world of AI, it's scary as hell, for starters. But also I think that's an interesting way of putting authentic intelligence into talking about that. Can you touch on that really quick? Because that's really. I love that thought. >> Soraya James: Yeah. I mean, I've been playing with AI AI, you know, the guy for a few years. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yes, yes, yes. >> Soraya James: And when I feed it my own authentic intelligence and Fight with it and say, no, no, no, that's not right. It gives me. It actually gives me a sense of my own wisdom. But when I. When I shut it down and I go. I'm actually just. I'm not even going to feed stuff into that. I'm going to connect in with myself and I just meditate for a few minutes and then write from that place or teach from that space or speak from that space. Tell you what, no AI can match my own wisdom, because I've got wisdom of the ages coming through. I've got wisdom of sages. I've got wisdom as saints sitting inside of me. So I connect in with that intelligence that's awakened, that's authentic. That's infinite intelligence. And nothing, nothing is more intelligent than that. So, yeah, the authentic intelligence for me comes from Mother Nature. It's like I go sit on the beach and I say, hey, Earth, what do you want to speak to? M. What do you want to say to me? What about you? Water? What about the air, the ether, the fire, the sun? And I listened to that, and, man, I come out with some pretty incredible. My whole book was written through and by Mother Nature. Authentic intelligence. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's pretty amazing because. And I'm just sitting here thinking about where, for me, in nature, I used to be super, super outdoorsy and athletic and so skiing and hiking and biking and all those things. And currently I can't do those things, so I chose water. And so I swim almost every day. And so I connect when. When I am in water, I am, I feel like some of the things that you just said, I feel. So sometimes I get, like, I'm. I'm going through, like, what I'm going to talk to about somebody on my podcast in three hours from now, right? So, like, sometimes I'm going through the motions, but also I dance, I have music playing. I'm dancing in there, I'm singing in there. I scream under the water. You said that earlier. I do all these different things, and then I also just. I'm, breathing and I'm just swimming, and it feels so incredible. And even just seeing the bubbles coming in through the water. And sometimes I swim at night, and so all the lights in the pool are shining and my bubbles are different colors, and it's just. It's. It reminds you that we are living and breathing specimens in this time. We're this tiny in the grand scheme of things, but we're also not. And we have to treat ourselves like we are the most beautiful vessel that has ever walked the face of the earth. And I am, the. I am terrible at doing that, and I've gotten far better since I started this show. But you inspire me to get far more inward than I am, and I know I have the capacity to do so. >> Soraya James: Well, we all do. We all do. And, you know, I say simply to people who are struggling or suffering or whatever, in whatever capacity, I go, well, that's a choice. So you can either do this or just continue suffering. And they're like, that's rude. And I go, no, that's the truth. Because you're coming to me or you're complaining to me or complaining about whatever or whatever, whatever. And I'm going, you can have it. You have a choice. Come and sit with me for half an hour and sit with me for a day. Let's just sit together for a moment in time or continue suffering. It's your choice. And they're like, you know, they either go, okay, or they go, yeah, you know, and that's their journey. Let them. I love Mel Robbins. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah, let them. >> Soraya James: You know, let them. >> Lyndsay Soprano: That is a book that's. That's written by Mel Robbins, by the way, that I pitching like crazy right now. It is amazing. Let them. I must have said it like350,000 times yesterday, but then there's also the let me. Because there's an let me. And it is so powerful. And it is. It's amazing what a little shift in what I've been reading and the things that I've been putting into my body and things that I've been, listening to, reading, eating, all these different things. How I've shifted and changed so much of that over the past year. Six months have really been some good work. And right now I'm like, I'm feeling energized in a space right now that I have not felt. And I was telling my girlfriend, Rachel, she's actually my partner in crime here on the podcast, but she, I was telling her that I feel like when I started my first business, which was 26 years ago, and I just closed my marketing agency a year ago, and I'm like, I remember that feeling of that I had. Nothing was gonna stop me. There was. There was no ceiling on what I could do. And slowly but surely getting older and all the crap that just kept pushing down on me, I lost all of my will to do much. And a lot of that comes from what happened with all this pain stuff. >> Soraya James: Stuff. >> Lyndsay Soprano: But now I know where it comes from, and that is Wisdom, that I did not have. And now I'm okay talking about it. Am I teary? >> Soraya James: Sure. Do I have moments of sadness that I want to just absolutely jump off a bridge >> Lyndsay Soprano: Do I have moments of sadness that I want to just absolutely jump off a bridge? Sure. But we reel it in and we bring it back and we get real with yourself. And you do sit with yourself. And I'm good at meditating. I can do it for like a 30 minute span of time. But that's about as long as I can sit in silence right now. So I'm m definitely going to keep pushing forward towards that. You experienced some pretty traumatic experiences, Lindsay. Can you talk a little bit about that But one of the things that I absolutely love about you in your seeking is that not only have you experienced your own, forms of trauma, of course you mentioned sexual abuse and so on, but you also experienced stuff in, in particularly when you were in a group that ended up being kind of cult like you ended up being in the national newspaper. And this ended up getting into this huge thing with you that turned into be something pretty traumatic for you. Can you talk a little bit about that with us? >> Soraya James: Yeah, I won't go into the major details about it, but basically I was involved in a global. I don't even know what to call it. Like the most beautiful body of work that I've ever done with women from all over the world and was quite underground. It was well before its time. We were gift in a gifting economy. It was incredible. And we had an undercover journalist come in and she decided that she, she was going to rip it apart and call it a pyramid scheme and take us to the Commerce Commission. And so I was investigated for two and a half years or interrogated for two and a half years, where they took everything, took my computer and bank accounts that just undid my entire life. And I was up for six months imprisonment and a $600,000 fine. So it wasn't a small thing. but it was the day that the newspaper article came out and it was full page and it was a, you know, photo of me. Like huge big photo of me on the front page with New Zealand twisted Kiwi skiing leader revealed. That just broke me, for so many reasons. You know, it's like, okay, the journalist for a start, like she doesn't know who I am. She wrote a whole lot of shit about me, which isn't true. The woman that came in underground, the fact that we, the whole system fell apart. That I was then, you know, on the majority, paper of our entire country. and then it went viral, globally viral. And what that does to a human being, you know, like so that's 13 years ago. and I haven't been able to get a job. Not that I really want one, but, you know, I have applied for some pretty amazing roles, and then it's like, yeah, nah, you're a cult leader. I've had lost friendships. I lost my son at the time. Relationships. You know, like a man goes and Googles you, oh, shit, she's a cult leader. Or she's a. Whatever she is. You know, whatever they decide. so. And it plays out all the time, Lyndsay. When I started doing podcasts, I was like, no one's gonna interview me because they're gonna Google me and they're gonna see. But actually, I use it to my advantage now. It's like I leverage this. This is a lie. Let me tell you the story. Yeah. Because everybody's getting canceled these days, so. But that was a big one for me. That was like one of the. It was. It was a deep, deep trauma. And I went to India and. But I went to work on it. That's the thing. I was like, right, I'm not gonna let this get me. And I went to India and I sat with my masters for six weeks, and I pulled all the roots out of all the other times where I had been traumatized in that way, you know? And it starts as a little child when m. You get told, don't do that. Don't touch. No. All the things. And it just builds and builds and builds and builds and builds. So, yeah, it was. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I mean, some legit. Don't. Don't touch the hot stove. I mean, that's. >> Soraya James: That's a sincere little child. Doesn't understand that. Yeah, they feel the energetics of it. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Right, right. >> Soraya James: Don't touch that. They don't hear the words. They go, shock in the body. Shock, trauma, shock, trauma. But they don't even know that that's what that is. But that's when it starts building. You know, the little smack on the bum or the whatever, and it's just building, building, building, building, building over so many years. And this is what becomes ptsd. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. You don't have to be a veteran in a war to have ptsd. In fact, that book I was just referencing in the Trauma and the pews, they were talking about how the church as a whole and leadership in the church, how they've just missed the mark 100% on being trauma informed with the people that are sitting in front of them. And it's very, very interesting, as somebody who was in the church, who was religiously traumatized and, and I pulled myself out of that and will never set foot in a church again. But this book is incredible. In fact, the episode that was, last couple episodes ago, his name was Eric Robinson. If you haven't listened to that episode, it's insane. It's called Pimps and Pastors, and it covers a lot about what we were just talking about. He was also in the church. He got out and became an FBI. Like, massive dude in the FBI and SWAT and took down sex traffickers and just completely walked away from the church and went into helping there. And it's such an interesting story about how trauma inform. Being informed on how to treat trauma within the religious space has really. It's warped our society so much. And, and, and it's very, very sad because it's. It's the shame, it's the guilt, it's the. No, it's the, you're going to do this or else. And that's how I felt. And it's also, if you're going to share your story, like the Epstein files and all of these. Look at what's going to happen to you. Look at that. So that's why we stay quiet. That's why we don't talk about our sexual abuse. >> Soraya James: Yeah. M.iki says she kept secrets about childhood abuse to protect her parents >> Lyndsay Soprano: That's why we don't. We don't share these things. I didn't. I held them in. I held them in, and I did that to protect my parents. I still do it. That's why I always tell my mom, if you're going to listen to my show, you're going to have a lot of questions. And also, you're going to end up in a padded room. So your choice. >> Soraya James: Yeah. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Because she doesn't have the capacity to handle all the terrible things that happen to me. >> Soraya James: She won't. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And I don't even necessarily know if they would believe it because they wouldn't want to. And so I've kept it from them my whole life. And then I started just talking about it on the show and I'm like, if they listen, they listen because it's my truth, it's my story. And I'm not going to let anybody else write it but me. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. >> Soraya James: That's the thing too, isn't it? Like holding secrets, holding your own secret. Much darkness and density in the body. My secrets are the worst things. M. And I was like, okay, then what does that do? and then that sets up a liar. Like, I became a liar because I was just like, I'm going to tell anyone anything. I had to keep secrets about it almost, you know, and then I was like. And then I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm lying. Why am I lying? I didn't understand it until I unraveled it all. And I was like, that was from when I was like 4 years old. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, my. Isn't that amazing? What we can hold on to. That's what I find so crazy is when I. The first thing that happened to me was that when I was 9 years old and it was by an uncle. And I didn't remember any of this until just recently when I did this ketamine, therapy and out poured this entire event. I knew something happened and I knew where, but I didn't. Like, everything else around it was all blurred. And this, this experience gave it its full form of exactly what happened. And I watched it rehab, and it was like this light went on and it was like, oh, my God. Does that explain so many things in my life and my behavior and my responses to things and the people that I chose, Toxic relationships, toxic men in my life, people that were abusers, people that did the same things that happened to me when I was little and shushed me. And so it's very, very interesting how we hold onto these things and how they turn into CRPs or cancer or whatever it might be. And I love talking to somebody like you who has seen so many crazy things and have been through so many amazing things, ups and downs and all around, and you still have this amazing light within you that makes me just feel like I also have that too. >> Soraya James: Yeah, we all do. And it's just been covered up with so much shit. It's like Brandon based it as a diamond. You know, we're a diamond in the rough. And. Yeah, I just have made it my life's mission to keep my diamond clean, as clean as possible, and to help others shine too. And, you know, it's not necessarily an easy journey for some, but it's a necessary journey because otherwise we're just going to remain a really sick, unhealthy nation. And who wants that? Like, who actually wants that? Who wants to live in pain and suffering? Like, some people just go, this is just my lot. And I'm like, no, right? This is it. No. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. >> Soraya James: No, you don't have to. >> Lyndsay Soprano: We don't have to suffer. We don't. And, I suffer less by talking through it in these circumstances. Not as much in, like, talk therapy as I do having these conversations with people, because this isn't talk therapy. This is life force. This is our soul, this is our spirit. This is truth of who we are. And I just find it to be such a, a place that everybody would want to be. It's with you legitimately. And often people come and find you because they've exhausted everything else. They've done all of the things and spent all of the money and done all the retreats and all the conventions and bought all the books and took all the supplements and did all the reiki and did all the things and they still feel like shit. And they're worse than when they began. And that's when they find you and when. And even googling you and finding out that you're a cult leader. She was not a cult leader. >> Soraya James: She was, >> Lyndsay Soprano: Even with that. Even with that, though, you know, people are still coming and finding you because I truly believe that there's a light within you, that you're drawing the right people to you that need you the most. I. Before we go, I want to quick talk about your book Metamorphosis Before we go, I want you to quick talk about your book Metamorphosis, because. And she's got a podcast coming out soon with the same name, but it's not like a book that you pick up and you read in your dog ear it. And it's not physical, tangible like that, but it is actually. >> Soraya James: It is in digital form. And so you download a little app so you can go into my. I can send you the link and you download a little app and there comes up on the screen metamorphosis app. And inside of this is a whole world that you journey through all the different layers of your subconscious mind and into the cellular body. And I have curated very specific curated playlists that have music that elicits the right emotion at the right time for this particular journey. And there's an A to Z of breathwork for every ailment you could possibly imagine. And there is, there's a whole chapter called things that make you go. And then there's the hidden seeds, which is stuff that I really shouldn't tell people about. But it's like I talk about sex and drugs and all those fun, rock and roll and naughty things and, >> Lyndsay Soprano: you know, just, oh, more naughty. >> Soraya James: The stuff that's like, that makes us human. You know, all women go through and want or want to experience if you're not too conservative and. And it's relatable. And it's like, how did she. How did she get through that? How. How did she do that? So, like, I wrote it when I was Doing psilocybin in Thailand last year. So mother nature came through me and went, you got to deliver this work to the. To the. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I love it. So I can't wait for. I can't wait to do this, because I wanted to be done with this episode, and I didn't have enough time to do the whole book and all this. So I'm looking forward to it big time. And of course, we're going to put all this stuff in show notes and on social and so on and so forth. Take a moment with your cells and ask them to talk to you But, before we hit the dusty trail, and I know you love this question, but what would you like to leave us with besides your beautiful smile and your wonderful soul? >> Soraya James: Just like I know that every single being on the entire planet is suffering in some way. Like, that's a given. We're not exempt. There's no perfection. There's no. Like, I'm not a superhuman. I suffer myself. But that moment that. That arises, the moment that. That. That pain, in the body or the emotion arises, it's like, just take a moment with it. Take a moment and. And place your hand on that part of your body, or close your eyes down into the mind and just say, I'm listening. What are you trying to tell me? And then just wait. Because the natural thing that we do is we distract, we avoid, we, you know, all of the habits and patterns. But if you can have that one bit of awareness of going, oh, like, I've got a little thing going on in my. Right. And like, okay, is that my kidney? Okay, I'm just gonna sit. Ask this. Yeah, it's my kidney. Okay. What's the emotion attached to my kidney? That's. Well, that's fear. Ah. Is there something I'm fearing at the moment? Hell, yeah. I'm fearing that if somebody sees me on stage and projects their judgment on me, you know, so it's like the body always knows. So sit. Take a moment with yourself and your cells and ask them to talk to you. And they will have all the answers. They'll tell you what to do. You have to listen. >> Lyndsay Soprano: but you have to listen. Isn't that the key? >> Soraya James: Oh, dang it. Take them. I love what you say. Take a hot minute. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Take a hot minute. And I also say, take a beat. Take a beat. Take a beat. >> Soraya James: Yeah, take that. Twelve beats. >> Lyndsay Soprano: But 12 beats. >> Soraya James: All right, three breaths. Still do it. Three long, deep breaths will do it. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I love it. I love it so much. I am so happy that you were able to join me and us today on this beautiful metamorphosis. That we have been on today. thank you so much for joining us. It has been wonderful. You are my bright light for sure. And I can't wait to see where you're going and where you and I are going to be going together. It's going to be a. It's going to be a fun ride. I can't wait for it. So you can find Soraya. Her website is sorayajames.com I'm going to spell that for you. It's S O R E Y A James. J A m m e s.com insta same thing. Her podcast is coming out soon, so stay tuned with that. And also this interactive book is included. Incredible. So you got to go check that out. You'll find the links. I'll send this all to you guys in social and email marketing, so don't you worry about that. Thank you so very much for being here again. Giving Pain Purpose Shop launches online community for women built by women And before we head out, guys, we just launched our merch store. It is called the Giving Pain Purpose Shop. Because that is what we do here, is we give pain purpose. So be sure to check it out at the giving pain purpose shop.com. we also are launching a new online community for women built by women and it's called the Pain Hub. Like Hub like your husband or whatever, but it doesn't mean your husband. hub. Head on over to the pain hub.com, we don't need the Hubs in this space, by the way. And slap your email address in there for some updates and early access to this incredible community that I am building for you and your loved ones. So thank you so much for listening. Today you are exclusively invited to share this we are Not Our story VIP Pain Journey Together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you by my side. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side.