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Double Trouble · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Young love. Remember that meeting someone at your part time
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: horsbow job, where you're together every night, you start making
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: eyes at each other and one thing leads to another.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Soon you're spending the night at their family home and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: having dinner with their parents. Well, that's exactly how Emily
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: met Josh.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: We just had such an instant connection at the time,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: and he was quite assertive person where he was like, yep,
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I'm ready to meet your family. Literally within the first
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: two months we had met each other's families. His family
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: were beautiful, My family were beautiful as well, So we
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: both came from quite good people around us.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: And then our relationship just grew.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And when you meet someone so young, it really only
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: goes one of two ways. You either grow up and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: apart or you grow together, like Emily and Josh did.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: After seven years, they knew each other like the back
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: of their own hands and trusted each other implicitly. At
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: not even thirty years old, life was only just beginning.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: And then everything came crumbling down one day when my
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: sister knocked on my door and said, Emily, I think
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: your partner has another girlfriend.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love, and this is everyone has an ex
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet Emily.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: She's twenty eight now, but our story begins back in
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: twenty seventeen, when she was, in her words, just a baby,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: twenty year old.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Just come out of high school, started studying. I was
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: going out a bit more, starting to socialize, meet new guys,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: and had had previous experiences in the past, but not
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: an actual long term relationship with someone. Soctually started working
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: at a club back in the day, and I developed
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: a good connection with one of my colleagues, Josh. I
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: then said, look, we're good friends right now. I went
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: to Europe, did like a little girl's trip, came back
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: and continued to grow with this person that I worked with.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: We had a really good friendship, and I think we
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: had a lot of common interest. We both were interested
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: in the same things.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: We just got along.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Really well, started going out and we started to develop
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: a relationship. And we were only kids when we met,
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: so we were just learning about ourselves. We were just
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: starting our degrees, just starting to change jobs, starting to
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: figure out whether we're going to stay at home or
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: we're going to move out of home. So it was
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: a pretty healthy relationship. When I met him, he gave
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: me all the things that I wanted. So he was
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: this person not from my world. He was someone that
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: kind of opened up other avenues where he was someone
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: that I was, Oh, person does something that I don't do,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: such as go surfing, lives on the beach. We just
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: had things that I found really interesting about him. At
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: the time. I was really intrigued by what he was
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: studying as well. We were both into health degree, so
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: that's where we also had a connection with what we
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: wanted to pursue in our careers. So finding someone aligned
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: in my career in my life at that time. We
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: both had good friends and family as well, so we
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: were aligned in our values. But we were also very
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: young school still kind of learning our values as well
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: of what we want out of people. He was the
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: same age as me, so we were both twenty. I
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: found him quite I would say handsome, but he was
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: still young, so still had those boy features where he
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: had fair eyes, light blue eyes, he had brown hair,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: quite a fair complexion. He's European, so he, you know,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: was quite a handsome young man who I was attracted
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: to at the time of work. But he had a
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: really good personality, so the way he would talk to
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: me was very intelligent. From the start, he was a
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: very good person to be around, so I found the
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: way he would interact and articulate his words was also
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: very attractive to me. He was someone kind of at
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: my level with interactions, so as an overall, when I
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: met him, I was like, Wow, he's like he's smart,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: he's intelligent, he's tall, he's handsome, he's he knows how
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: to talk to me. We can hold conversations for hours
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: and hours, and that's what you look for, someone that
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: you can just basically become best friends with when you
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: first meet them. Then we just started to progress and
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: started seeing each other. We were pretty quick for our
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: families to meet as well, so I think just because
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: we just had such an instant connection at the time,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: and he was quite a assertive person where he was like, yep,
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I'm ready to.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Meet your family.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Literally within the first two months we had met each
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: other's families. His family were beautiful, My family were beautiful
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: as well, So we both came from quite good people
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: around us, and then our relationship just grew.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, it all sounds pretty great so far, and
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: it was. They both lived at home, but they'd stay
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: at each other's places, go out for lots of dinners,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: and away for the weekends. It was all just so
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: nice and normal. Emily couldn't believe her luck.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: And when you're young, you're not used to this. You're like, oh, wow,
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: this guy is adoring you.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: He just takes you everywhere, like treats you how you
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: should be treated in your relationship. So if you wanted
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: to go for dinner here, books at here, we want
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: to go our way for a weekend book this, we
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: would go shopping.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: He would buy things for me, you know, just doing
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: the little things.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: He was very loving and acts of service was what
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: he brought to me at such a young age as well.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Over so, I would say the first two years, we
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: just continue to grow with each other. He finished his degree,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: we started to think about maybe moving out in the
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: next few years.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: So our relationship just grew.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: That. We became a lot closer with my friends as well,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: so his friends. He started to lean away from just
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: being that. He started to be involved a little bit
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: more with my life. So my friends. He was around
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: a lot more my family, He started to hang around
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: a lot more, and when we looked in the next
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: few years, started to progress about moving out together. We
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: decided to look at moving somewhere around my area, so
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: he was from a different area. So my life started
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: to become the bigger version in the relationship, which was
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: not bad. He really loved being a part of my
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: life at that time. So the progression was that we
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: were going to look at moving out, so that's what
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: we did. So by the age of around twenty three
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: twenty four, we started to look around. We're getting really
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: excited or we'd also bought a car as well together,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: and then we did secure a rental at the end
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: of around twenty twenty one, I think when around COVID
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: kind of happened, so we actually moved out during that
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: COVID period. So that was the next big step of
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: our relationship. So there was always like goals of moving
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: out and then in the next few years probably getting
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: engaged and then obviously getting married. In the meantime, I
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: was still studying, he was working full time. I was
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: also working, so we'll still really working hard in our relationship,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: but we still had our main values, which was to
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: move out and move in together.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Which we did.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: It was so exciting when you move out, like especially
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: going to all the open homes in the beginning and
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: you're just so excited. You're like, wow, we're going to
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: take this next step. We're so in love, Like we
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: just could not wait to take this next step and
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: be in each other's lives all the time and be
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: able to come home from work and have someone there
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: and talk about our days and be able to really
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: live in our relationship one hundred percent. Because beforehand, you know,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: you go to your parents' house, it's still like a
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: dating situation. It's a very different relationship to when you
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: move out and you're able to plan the future ahead.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: We were like excited the real test, like, oh, can
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: we handle being around each other all the time.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: So some quick maths, it's now twenty twenty one, Emily
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: and Joshua twenty four and have been together almost four years.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: It was the perfect time to take this next step.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: The first six months is that honeymoon stage, right, So
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: it's maybe similar when people get married and they move
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: out as well. You move out and you're like, oh
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: my gosh, like this is amazing, you know, you're you
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: know physically, emotionally mentally, you're so attracted to each other.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: You just can't wait to just see each other every
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: day and be with each other after work, or just
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: go out with your friends and just really enjoy each
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: other's company.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: You know, you're excited to cook together, you're excited.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: To build the home together, like we were doing all
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: this shopping and getting the place really ready for building
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: a home. The only issue was that it was during COVID,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: so things started to get restrictive, as you know, so
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: we weren't able to do as much outings as we
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: wished we could. So when we actually moved out, we
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: were kind of forced to stay inside all the time
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: and be with just each other, so it was a
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: real test. Josh was able to leave and go to
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: work because they worked in healthcare. For me, I was
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: still studying and my job was from home, so I
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: was home a lot of the time. But the satisfaction
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: when he came home and being happy started to change.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: He started to not be as happy, started to be
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: a little bit more tired, and the way he communicated
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: and spoke to me started to change. And at the
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: time we looked at it as Oh, it's just because
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: when he comes home, it's just me there in that seat.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: He can't really go out and see his friends. We
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: can't really go out and see our family. So that
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: was a difficult period of our relationship. We were anover
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: a fiery couple. We were quite relaxed and we got
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: along so well that there was not much to fight about,
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: and especially at that time, the only issues was that
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: we were come all the time together. There was not
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: much space and there was nothing we could do, so
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: there wasn't much fighting. It was just more maybe get
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: irritable with each other.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: And then COVID finished.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: And we started to go out with friends a little
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: bit more. We started to see our families again, but
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: there was just some not right. He just still didn't
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: seem happy. I started to notice these emotions where he
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: wasn't very excited to be home with me anymore. He
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: just seemed a bit mellow down, a little bit of
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: a concern to be around. And I actually approached him
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: about his emotions and how he's been at home, and
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: it was simple, just it's just work, like it's just
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: so much, you know, it's stressful. It was always about
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: his work or his life. It wasn't so much that
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: there was anything between us, but something's just not right
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: because he's not you know, when it's your relationships not
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: one hundred percent, you know when there's just starting to
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: have doubts. And that's what started to come in, and
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: we kind of started to just become a little bit distant.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: So I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: like everything was fine on my end, but he was
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: very difficult to communicate that with. So there was one
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: day we'd been out with friends and the next morning
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: he explained to me that he's not sure he can
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: commit to our relationship anymore. I've sat there with him
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: on the couch, go what do you mean, what are
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: you talking about? And he's just started to explain that
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: he's not sure if he made the right decision I
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: guess by staying in this relationship, and he's not sure
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: he can commit and he doesn't know what it is,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: and started to make all these excuses about why he
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: maybe thinks that us being together isn't really a good idea.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: And I'm really not stupid. I'm not oblivious to signs.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: And that's what I said to Migot. There's been nothing like,
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: you haven't shown me that there have been issues apart
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: from how you've been irritable and tired and stressed or whatever,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: but you haven't actually communicated to me that there was
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: something wrong.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: He wasn't actually breaking up with her, but he certainly
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: threw a bomb, and that started a really hard and
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: pretty toxic cycle.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Through end of twenty twenty one to about January. We
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: started to have fights, so we started to really become
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: intolerable with each other because he just was really changing.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: And then when he said all that, two days later,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: he would pull me aside and say, I'm really sorry.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I don't mean what I said. You know I love
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: you so much, you know I didn't mean why. So
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: he starts to kind of love bonb me with his
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: emotions of being confused and not sure what's wrong, And
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: it just really confused my head. So when someone's telling
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: you they can't commit and then someone tells you, actually
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I take it all back, like I'm really sorry, and
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: if you love that person, of course you're gonna sit there.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, no worries, that's fine, Like I know
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: you're going through something.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: It's all good. I told him.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I've said I want to fight for this because I
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: really love you, I really and truly love you with
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: my heart. And you know we've been together that this
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: time was like four or five years. Like there's a
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: lot of work to do. When we're young, we can
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: work through it. And a feeling of doubt, and that's
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: what we would talk about ago. He goes, I think
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: I'm having doubts, and I'm not sure why. We were
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: always sitting there at night and trying to work out
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: why why are you having these doubts anyway, and then
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: I always put me in a position where I thought
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: I'm doing something wrong. Am I not giving him enough love?
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Am I not challenging him enough?
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Am I?
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: And then you start to put it on yourself and
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: you just don't know what to do. You start to
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: feel really insecure in your relationship because your partner's starting
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: to throw these words in terms that you've never heard
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: before in the last few years, and all of a sudden, Yeah,
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: it just starts to confuse you. Really, the end of
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty ONECE are going to twenty twenty two New
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Year's we had officially had a very big fight and
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I said, I'm just I cannot be treated like this anymore.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: I can't be told I want you one day and
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I don't want you the next day. I started to
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: take days off from living with him, so we thought
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: maybe giving each other space would be good. So a
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: few days away from the apartment, I would stay with
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: my parents. Obviously, I had a very close relationship with
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: my parents, so they knew everything, so it was very
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: fine to go back home to mine. And then he
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: would also do the same, So I would come back
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: to the apartment and he would spend a few days
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: at his parents. And this went on maybe for about
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: one or two months, until I just called it and
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: said I'm going to move back home. Throughout that period,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: he still never gave me one hundred percent. We both
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: kind of agreed maybe we should take a relationship back
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: and I will move out, and maybe he needs to
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: work on himself a little bit more and really prove
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: to me that.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: He wants to be with me.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: But the best thing for me right now is to
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: move away from him, be a bit more independent. It
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: got to a point where I didn't want to break up,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: but I knew mentally I cannot go through these emotions anymore.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: It wasn't really a break up, more of a break
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: because Emily wanted to be with Josh more than anything,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: and soon he realized that's what he wanted.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: To It was just a rollercoaster those periods of two months,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: three months, when you like someone and your heart is
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: still in love with that person, you go back.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: That's what happened.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: What he was saying was, this is the biggest mistake
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: of my life. I should not have told you to
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: move out. I was just going through some emotions. I
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: promise you. I'm just working on myself. Just a few
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: months apart, and we'll keep seeing each other. I'm doing
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: this because I want to be the best version for
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: when we are together in the future. He would say
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: about how much he loved me, and how much he
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: would say about how it's all about building himself for
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: being a better partner later.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: On in life.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: He consistently messaged me every single day, as much as
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I told him maybe we should just lay off speaking
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: for a little bit. That was near and possible because
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I would still get my phone calls, I would still
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: get constant messages. It was almost like we never broke up.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Really it was just a break from living together. I
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: thought he might just be going through some emotional things,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: could have just been a really hard year with everything
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: going on. I put that aside and I said, all right,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: let's work on our relationship. I won't live with you,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: let's keep moving forward. And we did, and we worked
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: very hard for the next two years. So I lived
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: at home. He continued to live out a home. I
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: helped him find his next apartment. So we were very
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: much still together, just not living together. We went to weddings,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: we traveled, and then we went away in the middle
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: of the year to South Australia, did a two three
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: week wine trip. We were really excited because we're like, yes,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: this is right, Like we love being with each other,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: we love traveling. So end of twenty twenty two, I said,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: look for financial reasons, I prefer to live at home.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: Since our relationships working so well, you know, it's really
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: not that different. Now everything's fine. Our friends know we're
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: back together, our family know we're back together. We really
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: are just working well. We're both loving each other again.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: It just kind of excelled back to.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Where we were.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: The fear of like, oh, he doesn't want to commit
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: to me had kind of disappeared in that period because
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: he started to just give me one hundred percent when
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I was with him, and I didn't need to see
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: him every day because he was being a healthy partner
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: and that he gave me the things that I wanted
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: again and everything was fine. We planned a trip for
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Europe in twenty twenty three and we traveled to Europe
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: for six weeks, went with just us two and the
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: only thing I would say about that trip was that
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: before we went away, I was thinking like.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Would he propose?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: And before we left, he kind of said to me
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: when we were sitting at the airport, and I remember this,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: he said, just letting you know I'm not proposing to
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: you because I don't think I can afford it right now.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, right, and I go, I
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: know that's not what the troop's about. I said, yes,
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: because an engagement won't change anything. We've been together for years,
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: like I know this person will do it. And I
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: also said to him, I'm not asking for it right now,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: like I understand you're able to show me that you
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: love me and that you want to be with me,
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: and you're still promising me that future. Then I'm going
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: to agree, day, you don't need for proposing this trip,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: because you can maybe can do it the next one
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: that we go on, or the end of the year
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: or whatever. There was no I still had that certainty
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: from him, because he still showed me that we would
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: still be potentially.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Getting married even when we're away.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: We're like talking about places that could be nice to
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: get married, and especially when we were in Amalfi and Italy,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: we were talking about like, oh gosh, how beautiful would
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: be do our wedding here, Like the intentions were always
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: still there.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: He started to plan like that we.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Would get married overseas and maybe a lope overseas and
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: have a real intimate wedding with like our closest friends,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: and just really he still painted this picture about getting engaged.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: So we go on our trip. Everything was beautiful. It
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: was that European trip. Were traveling everywhere, so in love.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: We're like, oh my gosh, like this is amazing. We
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: can't wait to do this again. And then we come
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: back and something changes again.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it was. I could not figure
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: it out.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: But he starts to become the most up and down
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: person I've ever met. So leading up to Europe, everything
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: was fine. We go away, we come back, and he
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: just becomes a person of doubts and insecurities again.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: It was an absolute rollercoaster, but Emily wanted to stick
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: by him and help him. It had been almost seven
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: years they've been together now, and she loved him, didn't she.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: We get to around February, he starts to really change,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: and this is a side of him I've never seen before.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: So this is when I start questioning if I want
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: to be with this person anymore? Am I really going
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: to be waiting around for someone to make up their mind?
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: And the way he would talk to me was irritable, angry.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: He didn't treat me how I was treated in the
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: first few years. We weren't going out as much anymore.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: He started to not make sense with how he spoke
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: to me. His actions just were different. He would not
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: touch me anymore, He was less physical, emotionally, started to
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: be disconnected and I really noticed it around my friends
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: as well. How he started to treat me it was
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: quite rude. How he talked about me started to change
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: as well. He just became a different person. I always
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: gave him the benefit of doubt that maybe it's because
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: of his work or because of something going on with
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: his friends. But it just got to the point where
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: there was one night where he started to tell me
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: that he had anxiety, and I said, what anxiety. You've
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: never had anxiety around me before.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: What's going on?
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: And he did have a really big anxiety attack one
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: night and woke me up in the middle of the
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: night and said he can't breathe and just something's not right.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: So I didn't really do anything about it. I just
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: let him be.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I let him treat me how he wanted to treat me.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: And I continued on until we get to April, and
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: then everything came crumbling down one day when my sister.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Rocked up to my door.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: She knocked to my door and said, Emily, I think
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Josh has another girlfriend. They've been together for two years.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Meet Olivia in twenty twenty two. She was twenty six
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: and just out of a long term relationship when she
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: went to work one day in a job in healthcare
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: and was on shift with a guy she hadn't met before,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: a guy named Josh.
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: We have the same job, but we didn't work in
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: the same area. I had to go to his area
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: to work that day, so.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: I'd never met him before.
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: Initially, at the start of the shift, I didn't think
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: anything of it. You just go to work, you're in
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: work mode, you just get talking. He came across as
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: very confident, but during the ship he asked me a
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: lot about myself. So the job was really intense, and
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: we were working together one on one for twelve hours.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: That's obviously a lot of time to get to know somebody.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: He came across very charming, very charismatic, wanted to know
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: a lot about me, asked a lot of questions during
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: the twelve hours. But it started off with just general
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: chit chat, but quite quickly it got into quite serious questions.
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: He wanted to know about my family, my past relationships,
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: what I wanted in a relationship. He had a way
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: of asking the questions without it seeming like they were
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: too intimate. He asked me a lot about my previous
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: boyfriend and why we broke up, and I said, you know,
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: we had a great relationship. He was a great person,
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: but just wasn't the person for me. And I remember
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: saying a few of the reasons why I broke up
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: with him, and he and said to me, Oh, they're
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: very similar reasons to why I broke up with my
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: ex girlfriend. So I'd say that's actually probably how we
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: bonded the most.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I would say.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: He spoke a lot about his ex girlfriend, Emily and
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: what they were missing in their relationship and what he
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: wanted in his next relationship. I then went home that
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: night and he'd added me on social media as you do,
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: and slid into my DMS, and we just got chatting.
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: When I left the shift, I remember driving home and thought, oh, Wow,
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: I've met someone that will be in my life for
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: a long time. You have that feeling where you know
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: that you met them for a reason. That's definitely how
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: I felt. I don't know if I knew in what capacity.
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: Because of work, it's obviously like a different environment. I
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: didn't know if we would just be friends, or if
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: we would go out on a date or anything like that.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: But I definitely had the feeling that I'd met someone
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: that we had a lot in common with and that
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: I'd want to see again. So when he messaged me
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: on social media, I did feel happy. I thought, oh,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: he obviously thought it as well. We obviously did have
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: the connection. It wasn't just one sided. From that day
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: when we messaged each other, that was it. You start
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: talking to each other every day, and we did not
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: speak to each other for a day from July twenty
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: twenty two onwards. I think initially my thing was I
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: felt very seen. He seemed to really understand my personality.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: He seemed to really connect with my personality. It seemed
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: like I had met the boy version of me.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Almost.
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: When he was asking me questions, he would always say, Oh,
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: that's the same as me, or that's what I'm looking for,
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: or oh wow, we seem like we really want the
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: same things in the future. Even that first shift, I
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: remember him comparing me to his family and saying that
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: I had a lot in common with his family, and
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: he thinks that just things like that, you know my
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: sister does that, or you know you have a lot
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: in common with my sister, or he would say things like,
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: oh my god, it's so weird, like you remind me
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: a lot of my family. You would fit in really
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: well with my family. We spent a lot of time together.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: We spoke every day, we started going out on dates.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: He was definitely the type to want to impress, want
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: to wine and dine, You take you out to different restaurants,
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: try different wines, things like that. He always thought of
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: himself as a romantic and he wanted to convey that
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: as well. I would say it was pretty standard the
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: way it happened. You just start spending more time together,
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: and then a couple of months later, you know, you
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: just have the conversation and we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: So that was maybe three to four months after July.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: We had the conversation that we were together, and that
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: was it. I remember thinking that the feeling that I
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: have for Josh is very different to the feeling that
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: I had for my ex partner. I remember with my
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: ex partner, I always felt very safe and secure, and
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: with Josh, I always felt excitement. I thought that maybe
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: this is what butterflies were. I didn't recognize the feeling.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: I didn't know if it was love. I think it
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: was definitely something that I wanted to explore. Because I'd
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: only just gotten out of a relationship a couple months earlier,
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: I was still very much in the era where I
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: was wanting to do things for myself. I was wanting
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: to keep my independence. So I would say that probably
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: the first year I was a very slow progression, but
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: it was fine. It was healthy because we worked in
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: the same workplace. We worked in different areas, but I
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: did know a lot of the people that he was
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: friends with, and he knew a lot of the people
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: that I was friends with. So we slowly started to
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: just go out into different work things or I would
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: meet his friends. But a lot of his friends from
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: work I already knew, so it wasn't necessarily getting introduced
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: to his friends. It was more just meeting them in
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: the capacity of Josh's girlfriend. He was European, one of
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: his sisters lived over in Europe, and one of his
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: sisters lived quite rurally, so it wasn't easy for us
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: to organize to meet his family. Josh's mum lived between
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: Europe and Australia, so there was only small windows where
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: we would have the opportunity for me to meet her.
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: He would always say, like, my mum is really excited
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: to meet you. My sisters and my mum have heard
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: so much about you. They're going to love you. Your
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: everything that they kind of envisioned me with. He then
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: went to Europe in the middle of twenty twenty three.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: He told me that he had booked that trip prior
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: to meeting me a year before with one of his
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: best friends. So even though we were together now, he'd
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: already booked this Europe trip prior to meeting me. I
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: didn't have to leave from work, so I wouldn't have
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: been able to go on this Europe trip either. I
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: would say when he was in Europe, he was very
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: intense with me. He used to message me every day,
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: call me all the time, send me a lot of
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: voice notes. It had never really been like this before.
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: It was always quite it seems like quite a healthy
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: relationship initially, And when he was in Europe, I thought
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: maybe it was just because he was there and he
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: was missing me, and he was sad that he had
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: gone to Europe without me. But there was a lot
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: of intense conversations, a lot of conversations about the future,
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: a lot of how much he loved me, a lot
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: of how much he missed me. And then when he
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: came back. So this is a year into our relationship.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: In July twenty twenty three, I would say that it
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: started to be come a lot more intense. He would
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: start talking a lot more about the future. I suppose
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: I thought that was normal. We've been together for about
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: a year at this point, so I thought that he
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: had just kind of realized that I was the person
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: that he wanted to be with at this point. I
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: would say, throughout the relationship, though it was a lot
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: of push and pull, it was never this linear good stage.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: It never felt like a healthy balance of a normal
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: relationship to what I thought a normal relationship was. There
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: was always good times and bad times. There was always
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: times where he was really attentive and then times where
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: he wasn't really attentive. So for the first year, the
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: ups and downs that we had were definitely more time
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: that we could spend with each other because we were
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: both so busy. I would say that we would go
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: through periods where we were able to see each other
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: a lot, and then periods where we weren't able to
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: see each other a lot. There'd be periods where he
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: was really busy and unable to see me, and then
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: periods where he'd want to see me every single day.
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: It was just like how you always kind of know,
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: like is someone texting you all the time? Is someone
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: calling you all the time? Or was he a little
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: bit more distant not wanting to talk as much, not
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: able to talk, maybe not answering my phone calls for
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: a couple of hours or things like that. When I
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: first got into a relationship with him, I was pretty anxious,
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: I would say. I started going to therapy for anxiety
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: around the same time that we had gotten together, and
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: I thought that the ups and downs were always me.
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: So when I wasn't feeling secure in the relationship, I
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: would always think, like, it's just because you're anxious. It's
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: your fault. Anything that's going on would just be because
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: of you. So I thought that potentially that everything was
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: always normal in our relationship and my emotions were the
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: ones that changed. I would always end up leave me
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: the conversation feeling like I had done something wrong and
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: my reaction was the problem, and I would always bring
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: something up but leave the conversation apologizing. So the time
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: where that kind of became really evident was on my birthday.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: It was my birthday when we were overseas with my
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: friend and we had an argument on the phone and
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: he made me feel really bad about it, and I
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: left the conversation saying to my friend, oh, I expected
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: too much on my birthday.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: He did his best. He called me up.
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: You know, He's told me that I expected too much
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: of him and I should have just been happy with
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: what I got from him at that time. I think
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: potentially having the space saying it out loud, and then
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: also just having a friend to talk to made it
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: quite obvious that that wasn't normal.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: After a year together, Olivia decided this maybe wasn't the
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: relationship for her. After all, it had been fun, but
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: it wasn't too serious. So when she got home from
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: her holiday, she decided to call it quits. She told
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: him this was and what she wanted, but Josh wouldn't
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: let go.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: I was getting messages the next day saying that he
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: didn't want to break up and that he will fix it,
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: and he doesn't know how he's going to fix it yet,
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: but he's going to start going to therapy and he's
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: going to be better and he's going to learn a
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: lot about it, and he would really like if I
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: could stick by him. Everything kind of turned after that.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: It went to a completely different level of a relationship.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: I was completely love bombed. I was getting text messages
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: every single day. I was getting phone calls every day,
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: big paragraphs and emails and letters, and he would do
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: things for me. So he would come to my door
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: and he would drop off meals that he'd made for
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: me for the whole week, and bring me flowers and
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: organize dinners. And it was just zero to one hundred.
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: He came and spent Christmas with my family in Queensland.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: He booked his flights. They were obviously expensive over Christmas.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: I think he spent upwards of five hundred dollars.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: To fly there.
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: He said that he was really excited. He spoke a
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: lot about it. He was excited to meet my family.
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: He wanted to know if he could get them presents.
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: He was doing all the things that you would expect
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: of a loving partner at that time. I would say
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: we had a perfect relationship where he was completely devoted
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: to me. He was always infatuated with me. He used
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: to tell me how great I was, and he would
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: send me pictures of things that he would you see
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: in a magazine or on Instagram and say I want
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: this for our house, or he would just randomly text
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: me and say, oh, I think you're going to be
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: such a great mother. I can't wait to have children
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: with you one day. Or it was just like I
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: was the best person in the whole world. And it's
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: very hard to not like feeling like that when someone
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: is just like absolutely infatuated with everything that you could do,
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: and I could do no wrong. And he started doing
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: a lot of things that I was doing as well,
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: so we were in the same job. I had gone
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: back to UNI to study something, and then all of
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: a sudden he wanted to go back to UNI as well,
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: and he would want to study something or I remember
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: deleting my Instagram because I wanted to have some time
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: off social media, so he also deleted his Instagram. And
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: he would always just think that every idea that I
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: had was honestly, like the best thing ever I could
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: have never imagined. April twenty twenty four, when it all
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: unraveled the way that it did, I was between night shifts.
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: It was probably five pm. I'd just woken up and
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: I had a text from Josh and it had said
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: can you give me a call? We need to talk.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: I was half asleep at this point, and I call
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: him up and I'm like, what do you want, Like,
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: I'm getting ready for work, half asleep, and he was like,
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: so I really need to tell you something. When we
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: first started seeing each other two years ago. There was
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: a slight overlap with another girl, and I had said,
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: what do you mean by a slight overlap? Just be
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: straight with me. We met in July. Let's say we
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: didn't have the girlfriend boyfriend chat till November. From November,
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: how long was the overlap? And he said until February
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: twenty twenty three, and I said, okay, I'm done, and
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: I just hung up the phone. He had told me
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: about another girl from our workplace that he had seen
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: slightly before me. So when he said that, I thought
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: that he was talking about this girl at work called Amy.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: And I just continued to get ready for work. And
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: he had texted me saying I'm coming over. Don't leave
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: for work. I said, do not come over. I won't
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: be here. I'm going to work, And in the meantime
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: he came over. He pulled up at my house and
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: messaged me saying I'm outside, let's talk. Just as I
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: was about to go outside, I got a message from
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: Emily and it said something like, hey, Olivia, my name's Emily.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: Just in case you didn't know, I have been in
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: a relationship with Josh for seven years. And I just
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: walked out, calm it. And he was yelling over the fence,
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: this doesn't change anything. We've been doing so well. I
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: still love you. You're the one that I want to
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: be with. And I just held up the phone and
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: I said, look, she's messaged me. This photo that she's
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: just sent me is date stamped from January. That's not
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: February twenty twenty three. And he was saying, no, she's crazy,
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: she's crazy. Don't believe her. I was like, babe, it's
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: time stamped. Like you, just stop lying to me, Stop
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: lying to me, and just admit to what you've done
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: because there's evidence here. I'm not going to believe you.
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: Stop with the act. And he just kind of was
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: silent and he wasn't saying anything. I said, let me
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: make it easy for you, because you've got a small
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: little brain. I'm going to ask you some simple questions.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Have you slept with her this year? And he said yes.
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: And then I made him come over and I said
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: look at me in the eye. And he came over
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: and I said, I'll never forgive you, never speak to
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: me again.
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: And then I just walked back inside and I went
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: to work.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're all caught up one guy, two girls, same time.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: So let's go back to Emily and his sister and
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: dig into what she found out.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: So when my sister came over and saw me, she
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: showed me a message and it was stating that Josh
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: has another girlfriend from work for the last two years
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: and everyone knows. And I go, what are you talking about?
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: And I go to my sister, where did you get
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: this from? And she goes, look, I'm not sure, but
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: there's a photo of Josh with the other woman and
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: this can't be real. At first, you go, no, no way.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: I literally thought, there's no way. He's not capable of that.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Where would he find the time to have another girlfriend?
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: That was the first thought through my head, like who
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: has time like for one relationship, let alone another one.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: So I had a chat to the person that sent
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: the photo to my sister, and that person began to
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: explain everything to me and said, look, Emily, I'm really
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: really sorry. Basically, everyone knows that Josh has been in
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: a relationship with Olivia for the last two years. These
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: are the photos of them. I don't know what else
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: to say to you, but yeah, he's got another partner.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: And when I heard those words, I actually didn't doubt it.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I go, okay, you know what, I think this makes
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: sense because I've been feeling like something was not right
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: and now I think I finally know.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: But of course I'm sick to.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: My stomach because I'm just trying to register that my
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: partner has another partner.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: What do I do?
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Do I confront him in person? Do I say something
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: over the phone? You don't really know how to handle it.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: And at that time, I just thought, look, I know
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: when he's going to call me. It's four thirty in
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: the afternoon. He's just going to wake up from being
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: asleep because he has a night shift tonight.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: I'll have a.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: Conversation with him on the phone. So I had my
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: sister there at the time, so it was good to
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: have someone with me. And I was very straight to
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: the point he called me. I said, okay, who is Olivia?
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: And he kind of gasped, what are you talking about?
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: I go, no, you tell me who Olivia is and
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: then we can continue the conversation. And then he starts
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: to say, I don't know where you're getting this from.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: What are you talking about. I'm on a highway right now.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: How day you start talking to me like this. I'm
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: on the way to work. I go, no, no, no,
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: you need to tell me. Have you had another girlfriend
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: for the last two years from work named Olivia? And
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: then he proceeds to say no, I haven't. I don't
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: know where you're getting this from. I go, have you
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: hooked up with someone else while you've been a relationship
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: with me for the last seven years? And then it
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: goes quiet, and he's like, okay, I've kissed someone. You've
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: kissed someone, And obviously my reaction starts to become reactive.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: So little by little he starts to say, look, I
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: can't talk right now.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I'm on the highway.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: Please let me pull over and we can talk about
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: this in five ten minutes. So he hangs up the
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: phone and I go to my sister, Oh my gosh,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: I don't believe him, like I actually think he's got
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: another partner. So I found out the girl's name and
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: I said, look, in that interim period where he was
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: pulling over, I messaged the other girl and I said, hi, Olivia,
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: my name's Emily, just letting you know I've been a
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: relationship with Josh for the last seven years. I highly
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: doubt you had any idea about this, but I'd really
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: like to talk to you, and here's some photos of
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: us for the last few months, just in case you
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: wanted to see.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: If she doesn't believe me.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: So Olivia called. She wanted to know what the hell
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: was going on too.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Basically that phone conversation was Olivia explaining to me that
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: she'd been with my partner, Josh for the last two years.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: They'd met at work, they were planning to move out
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: in the middle of the year. Basically every single aspect
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: of his life was a lie to me. First, it
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: was really angry, and my heart just sank just through me.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: I just felt like I'd been actually hit by a
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: truck because I just you would never think tomorrow that
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: your partner's just been with someone for them, not just
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: cheated on you, but had another relationship with someone else.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: But I think my mind didn't register what was going on,
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: so I wasn't even able to cry. I had no emotion.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I was just really confused and I wasn't sure how
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: to process it. And as soon as I'd found out,
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: I just kind of felt like, this can't be real.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: This isn't real.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: I'm in a dream and it's you know, it's a
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: very typical line to say, but really you sit down
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: and you just don't feel like it's real life, because
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: five minutes ago I was waiting for him to call
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: me before he goes to work, and now I'm finding
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: out that he's had another girlfriend and he's setting up
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: a life with someone else. When I feel like understanding
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: in that moment, there was no like the emotional side
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: of it was completely cut. It was just this like
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: numbness and I don't know what to do and what
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: do I do next.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Olivia felt the same.
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: Initially, I didn't have, yeah, the feelings of sadness. I
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: just had the feelings of warning to understand it, because
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: because it's your mind can't comprehend something that is so unfathomable,
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: like surely this only happens in movies. So I spoke
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: to her on the way to work and we started
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: kind of surface level, getting to the bottom of a
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: few things, and then we said, you know, let's meet
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: up for coffee the next day after I'd had a sleep,
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: and we went through pretty much the last two years
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: of our lives.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: We both just gave each other all the truth that
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: we needed to hear. I found out there was also
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: another woman as well, so he did wasn't just with
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: one partner for the last two years. I actually found
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: out that the reason why we've broken up in the
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: end of twenty twenty one was because he cheated on
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: me with another woman from work named Amy, who he
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: had been on and off scene between the end of
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty one between twenty twenty two.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: There was quite an overlap of three girls in that year.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Few weeks before, Josh comes over to my house and says,
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: I'm so sick of my mates, you know, they just
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: He kind of painted this picture that he's had a
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: really big falling out with his friends and the wedding
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: we were planning to go to this wedding in a
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: few weeks that was going to be our first wedding
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: of his friends. He told me, oh, I don't want
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: to go anymore because I'm just so sick of my mates.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: They just can't make their minds up about something. I
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: feel like they're just not the right people around me.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: He always kind of explained to me that his friends
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: were never really good people, just never showed up.
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: They didn't have very good values. So he painted that
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: to me at the.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: Time, and he made me believe that he had a
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: falling out with the groom of the wedding that was coming.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: Up in the next two weeks, so he had a
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: shift that day.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Of the wedding, And leading up to that, I was like,
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: are you sure, like you're not going to go to
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: the wedding because he has no like I don't care
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: about this guy.
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: I just you know, I don't want to go to
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: the wedding.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: We're not talking at the moment. So in my head
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: thought he was going to work that day.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: And the thing is he actually was.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: At mine the night before and we packed his lunch.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: And his uniform was all laid out for work.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: The next day, and he set the alarm for four
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: point thirty five in the morning and got up, got ready,
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: literally said goodbye, Emily, I'm going to work, and I'm
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: my gosh, like, you know, it sucks you're going to
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: work today. You know, have a great day. He's like, yeah, like,
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't matter.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: You know, I don't really want to go to this wedding.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: The man literally left my house in uniform only to
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: probably get change in the cart and drive home and
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: get ready to go to the wedding with Olivia, and
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: that was not the first time he'd left mine and
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: put his uniform on and pretended to go to work.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: That was a massive theme that we figured out when
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: we'd met up with each other, and that's why I
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: learned that he'd made fake rosters and sent them to me.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: Throughout the last fewyears of our relationships, I'd never actually
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: seen a real roster of their work until I'd met Olivia.
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: Obviously, because we worked together, he couldn't lie to me
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: as much about his day to day life, so I
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: think I was probably lied to less. I knew more
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: about his day to day life. I knew more about
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: his work, I knew more about his friends. And I
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: had said to you, like, what did you think he
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: was doing on his Birthday?
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: Christmas? New Year? All those times I thought he was.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: At Valentine's Day, Just little things, but it was easy
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: to use big dates for us to because obviously there
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: was a lot over the last two years, but it
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: was easier to use big dates. So for Christmas, that
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: was the first time he met my family. Actually he
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: went to Queensland for my family, so he had told
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Emily that he was at work, and I said to her,
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: how much do you think he works? Like, can you
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: send me what roster you think he has? And Emily
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: sent me a roster. I was like, no, that's not
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: our roster. And obviously, if you're not in a certain
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: profession that does shift work, you're not going to know
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: roster pattern.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: You're not going to know.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: And you trust and you believe your partner, right when
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: they're telling you they're going to work, you think they're
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: going to work. He told me over Christmas when he
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: obviously was with Olivia, because I'm in health as well,
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: work with the public holidays because I'll be working the
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: public holidays, work on New Years because I'll be working
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: New Year's And I did work because I actually went
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: to work thinking my partner was at work. Because they
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: would message me and call me and pretend to me
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: like I've just taken five minutes. How you're going, how's
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: your day? You know, it wasn't like I didn't believe him.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: And I would get photos sent to me as well,
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: so there were pre made photos as well of him
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: at work, so that I would believe that he's at work.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: And I've now found out all those times that it
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: was just a complete lie.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: His birthday was in April, so that was only literally
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: a couple of weeks before everything happens. He had told
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: Emily that he was working on the day and we
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: had like a big brewery Barkraur with a bunch of
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: his friends and work, and obviously I went to that
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: and he told Emily that he was working. But then
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: I said, oh, like, what did you do for his birthday?
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: From you?
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: Emily had taken Josh out on a picnic the next
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: day and bought him like all this like beautiful food
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: and wine and things like that. And I went over
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: there a couple of days later and I said, why
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: do you have all this like gourmet food in your
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: fridge And he'd said, oh, it's all from eld you know,
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: I just I just got it all, like you know,
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: I'd like to snack on it. And Emily's like, that
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: was from a gourmet.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: Roser for his birthday, mind you, because I had to
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: take him out for his birthday the day after because
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: I thought he was working on his birthday. So when
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: we went to Europe, when I'd met up with Oliviage,
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: I asked her, so, what did you believe when he
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: was in Europe for six weeks last year that he
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: was with a friend and she goes, yeah, you thought
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: he was with one of his mates that he was
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: traveling with overseas. What we'd figured out was that he
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: lied to me about who he was on the phone too,
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: so he would tell me that, oh, my mom's calling me,
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: or my sister's calling me. I'll be five minutes, I'll
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: be ten minutes. I remember this morning distinctly, when the
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Amatha Coast and he goes for a well, he's like,
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to go for.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: A morning walk. It's early six in the morning, really early.
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh gosh, that's that's very early to get
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: up when we're on holiday. And it had been like
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: two hours, and I go, where are you?
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: Like I was messaging him, and he's like, oh, so sorry,
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: I got really caught up on the phone with my mom.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: I promise I'll be here soon. But it was all lies.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: All these times that he was maybe left for like
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: an hour or half an hour, or he'd go to
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: the bathroom and pretend to be in the bathroom and
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: gone for half an hour. He'd be calling Olivia and
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: expressing his love for her.
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: We also realized that he was regifting. So obviously Emily's
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: parents used to buy him a lot of groceries, buy
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: him a lot of staff, pay for a lot of stuff.
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: It was pretty much like the Tinder swindler, yeah, situation
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: where you were paying for him and then he was
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: paying for me. So he would come and say, you know,
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: I bought this beautiful bottle of wine or I made
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: you this food. But it was always we realized it
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: was always from Emily's parents' house, and he would say,
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: you know, I've bought this beautiful bottle of wine for us,
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: but it was really something that he'd made Emily pay for.
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: One of the worst things I think was when we
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: were going through what his house looked like. I said,
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: what about his phone background? What about our pictures next
• 50:24
  Speaker 4: to our bed? You know, what about all my stuff
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: that I left there? What about my bikinis that I
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: left in the shower. And he would go around the
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: house and put all of our stuff in these plastic
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: bags and then take the other person stuff into the
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: garage when obviously the other girlfriend was over. He would
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: switch the photos next to his bed, he would change
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: his wallpaper on his phone, like obviously.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: The contact changes as well, the.
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: Contact changes on the phone, just to make sure. When
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: we were going through what each other had left at
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: his house, I said to Emily, what color was your
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: tooth brush? And she said mine was the pink right,
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: And I said, oh no, so we were using the
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: same toothbrush.
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: Yep, yep. That is the most like disgusting.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: But there was more.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: He was vegetarian with Olivia and with me, complete meat eater.
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: He ate everything with me. This guy ate.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Everything when I met Olivia and she explained to me that, oh,
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: he ate vegetarian with me.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: What do you mean he ate vegetarian with you?
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: This guy would if we went to a restaurant, it
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: was oh, let's get the steak, babe, Well let's get
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: the chicken, or let's go.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: This guy is not vegetarian.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: This guy changed every part of himself to please the
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: other person in the relationship, so to please Olivia, for example,
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: and didn't eat meat, which was just news to me
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: that I think that is the most probably insane part
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: of this whole person. This person is actually living and
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: leading a double life, and I had no idea.
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: So when he met me in July twenty twenty two,
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: as I said, he was quite attentive. Initially, he spent
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: a lot of time with me. He had a lot
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: of time for me. We would go out on dates,
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: and it turns out you were in the hospital having
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: surgery during that time, and then you were in rehab
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: for a number of weeks. So that's obviously how he
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: had so much time initially. And then the other time,
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: how I said, we were really good after breaking up
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: September twenty twenty three to December twenty twenty three.
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: We were together a lot.
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: Like how I said, it was a very perfect relationship
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: during that time, and you were doing real placement in Victoria. Yeah,
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: so obviously had a lot of time for me then.
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: And it made sense why there were so many ups
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: and downs because we kind of figured out that if
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: one of us was having a really good time, the
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: other person was not having a good time because it's
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: impossible to give someone one hundred percent of yourself, so
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: he would just be giving more to somebody else and
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: less to the other, and then it would kind of switch,
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: and when you had these feelings of you know, he's
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: not giving enough to me, or he's being different. In
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: hindsight that it was completely accurate for us to be
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: feeling that way.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: I know what you're thinking, though, dear listener, How in
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: this day and age can someone really lead a double life,
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: especially millennials.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: Social media so, like Olivia said, she didn't use it,
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: so she was not active on it. But for me,
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: so when I first had used so Instagram or whatever
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: we were using the first years of our relationship, I
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: was quite public and I used to post a lot
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: more as the last two years came across, he really
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: became we should be more private about what you post,
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: maybe stop posting so much. He'd actually kind of made
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: me believe I should really be a private person. So
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: I stopped posting photos as often. I actually removed a
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: lot of the people that followed me. Came really private
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: in my life and in public, like we still were
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: tagged in photos. There was still stuff on his Instagram,
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: but he actually didn't upload for years, and that was
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: just he said, I don't use it, I don't post.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: I didn't need to do it.
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: Well, I didn't use social media, so that was another
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: way that he got away with it.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: When you would delete yours, he would tell me I'm
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: going to delete mine for a bit because I think
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: I need a break because I feel like I use
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: it too much. I'm like, whatever, effect, that's what you
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: want to do, that's fine. I didn't actually think he'd
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: deleted because his other partner doesn't use it.
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: And I think initially your first thought is, am I stupid?
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: Am I an idiot? Did I miss out on all
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: of the signs? But when you think about how convoluted
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: this was to keep up this parade for two years,
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: people like this are obviously very good at what they do,
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: and I don't think he was obviously very good at lying.
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: He always had a good answer, there was always a
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: backstory to everything. He never slipped up, He never got
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: us confused, never any any moments where he made a mistake.
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: So obviously, speaking to you, I thought, oh, well, Emily
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: doesn't sound stupid, so I might not be stupid. But
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: I just think you got to remember that this isn't normal.
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: It's not normal behavior. That these people can lie and
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: they're rid of empathy or guilt, and that means that
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: you don't have the normal responses when.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: You are lying.
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: If I'm sitting here lying, I feel bad about it,
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: so I have like an emotional or physical reaction and
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: you would think, oh, maybe she's lying because I'd be
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: giving away signs, or as he never had that because
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: he didn't feel the emotions that we feel.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: I probably don't need to point out that both girls
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: broke up with Josh immediately, but for Emily at least
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: this had been her partner of seven years. She couldn't
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: hear all of this from a girl she'd never even
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: heard of before without trying to get some answers from
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: the man she'd loved.
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: My last conversations with him, it was hours long. We
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: were on the phone and I just wanted him to
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: come clean it by everything.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: So I basically just.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: Confronted him and said, Hey, what did you do on
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: this weekend? What about when we went to South Australia?
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: What did you do? What did you say? I said?
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: He said it went with friends. So it was just
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: continue lies and I just said my main thoughts. I
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: was emotional on that phone call, and I remember being
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: just like, how dare you? How dare you do this
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: to me? How could you have lied to me? I
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: don't care if it was one years, two years, whatever
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: it was, to have done what you've done to your partner,
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: the person that you meant to love. And I remember
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: saying to him, and like, you can't love two people
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: at once, you can't be in love with two people.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: This is why you never gave me one hundred percent,
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: and this is why I had doubts. And I actually,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: I really was quite firm with my wording with him,
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: and I said, now every single thing makes sense because
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: you have been in multiple relationships. And he still tried
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: to deny the other girl amy, but I said, what
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: you've done you can't take. I will never ever speak
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: to you again. All I asked, I said, is that
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: you never contact me. And I go, this will be
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: the last time you ever hear my voice. I don't
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: need to hear anything else from you, and I hung up.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: I blocked him from every form of social media, every contact,
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: and I think that was the pivotal point of moving on,
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: is having zero contact with that person. My feelings of
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: disgust were so overaught with my emotion at the time
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: that I couldn't even be sad about it. I was
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: just so disgusted and betrayed that I just I didn't
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: want to hear a sorry from him anymore. His sorry
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: was pathetic to me. His sorry was almost like he
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: didn't mean it. He's almost sounded like when I spoke
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: to him that he was emotionless. He just felt like
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: he'd been caught. And I just said, okay, well I'm done,
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: and like I said, after everything was blocked, that was it.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: That was my last conversation with him.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: Of course, it wasn't easy. It was really hard and
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: really really heartbreaking. But in being by herself and out
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: of what was an incredibly toxic relationship, Emily's found a
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: new version of herself, the real one that she actually
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: likes so much more.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: I no longer have full lease insecurities and doubts about
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: a person. I feel like I'm more secure with myself
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: because I was with someone who, like I told you earlier,
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: when I felt like I was never good enough, like
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: I wasn't questioning enough. I would give another example of
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: where he'd put a lot of pressure on my degree,
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: like you need to make sure you pass, like I'm
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: doing a medical degree. You need to make sure you
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: pass your exams because we can't move on with our
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: life unless you pass his exams.
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: In the next few months.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: Like I can't wait around for you and you know
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: you're not waiting around for me like this, this is
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: my career, it's not just about you, And now I
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: feel like, well, fuck you. I fucking passed my exams
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: and now I know when I'm going to finish and
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: how much I'm going to excel my life without you.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: He always painted this picture that he was supporting me
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: so much this journey and he'd done everything for me
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: to get to where I am. Now I'm like, no,
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: everything saw myself and I didn't realize that until coming
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: out of relationship, Like how hard I've worked, how much
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: I've studied person I am today, I've just realized like
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: being my best version of myself, being on my own,
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm happier, Like I've learned so much
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: from how I was treated. And staying with someone for
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: the sake of saying someone because you love them, it's
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: just not it's not a real reason, and no relationship
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: should have these highs and lows, Like I've literally come
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: out of that and being like I can do so
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: much better. I'm going to get someone at my level
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: and I deserve the world because what I went through
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: is so not normal.
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: It's not fair. But I don't sit there and pity myself.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: I'm glad I've got it out of it, had that
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: experience because I can only be a better version of
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: myself and hopefully teach other people to look out for
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: these things and not settle for less and put yourself
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: first in your relationationship, because that will be my next
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: goal for my next relationship, that I am an equal
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: to that person.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: That's why I feel like I'm my best version of
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: myself now.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: On top of that, they've both come out of this
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: awful situation with something they really never expected.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: I've also formed the most incredible relationship with Olivia. That
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: is I think is the best thing to have ever
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: come out of this.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: Obviously there's been a lot of lessons that have come
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: out from it, but I think go one of the
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 4: days where I wouldn't have believed you. I think when
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: you're young, particularly maybe high school, there's always this tool
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: poppy syndrome situation happening with females. I think you're taught
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 4: that the other female is the one to blame or
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: the other female is crazy.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: The way that he.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: Tried to make it out on that night, but there
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 4: wasn't a second that I didn't believe her. And I
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: just think we have just come so far as females
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: that we are willing to be united and we're willing
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: to be friends and some other female success doesn't mean
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: that you're going to be less, and I think that
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: was definitely a way of the past. And I think
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: we've just come so far, and we've just come out
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: of this situation and we just want the best for
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 4: each other. I just want her to do so well
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: and we can talk openly about the situation, and we
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: can talk openly about our goals and just say one
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: of us is having a bad day, because healing obviously
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: is not linear. I think we're doing so well, but
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: obviously some days there's still repercusions from going through a
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: situation like that where you might just not be feeling
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 4: your best self. But I know that I can message her,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: voice note her, call her, and just have this platform
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 4: where I'm not judged, and I always walk away from
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: the conversation feeling so much better, and then we can
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: just move on with our day, move on with our lives, and.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I agree.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 4: It was really hard not to have a victim mentality.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 4: It was really hard not to sit there and think,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: why did this happen to me?
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: Why did I have to be the person that he chose?
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: Why me? But there's good to come out of every
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: single situation, So it's only going to be a waste
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: if we don't learn those lessons. Obviously we have each other,
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: but going into our next relationship will be so much
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 4: better for it, and we'll have learned all the hard lessons.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 4: And I genuinely believe that we will stand there one
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: day marrying the loves of our lives and we'll be
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 4: so happy that everything happened the way that it did.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: I think it's just hard to see it at the time,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 4: but now in hindsight, I wouldn't change it. I know
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: that it was a terrible situation and I wouldn't wish
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: it upon anyone. But I'm sitting here now, I've got
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: this opportunity to do a podcast. I have you as
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: my friend, and yeah, I think there's only good things
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: to come from now on.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 3: The one thing he did well was picked two girls.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: That are very alike and very intelligent, very beautiful people
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: inside and out. So you know, I feel very blessed
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: to have her around me and to grow with her
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: in the next part of my life and just be
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: someone around me forever, because he really did pick well
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: with who we are.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: Run the real love story.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: Everyone Has an X is a Minti Media production and
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: proudly part of the Muma Mea network. Is written and
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: If you have a story you'd like to share, email
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can support
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: us by following the show in your favorite podcast app
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: and leaving a five star review. We'll see you for
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: the next episode.