Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Your Bridge Between Reactivity and Creativity

Transcript

Your Bridge Between Reactivity and Creativity · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: So today we have my dear friend Tina Parker from Lead Outside the Lines on again.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Tina is a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel with over 20 years of military leadership experience.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: She's the founder of Lead Outside the Lines, a leadership development company focused on authentic impact leadership.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: She's, of course, a dual certified neuroencoding and brain health coach.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: You know this is you got a lot.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: She is passionate about helping high performers shift from burnout to balance through simple, science-backed strategies and, of course, is known for her practical wisdom, big heart and ability to bring humor and hope to even the toughest conversations.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: And we have some great ones, my dear friend.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, for people that don't know you yet and they should if they watch the podcast or listen, god knows so tell us a little bit more about yourself for people that don't know about you.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Thanks, mike, for the introduction and, as always, everything that you are doing for veterans, their families and anybody who just tunes in to listen, because all of the nuggets that you drop are super important and impactful for anybody who's listening.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: And thanks for having me on again.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: I know we're on.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: It's like a rotating door now at this point, having me on again.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I know we're on.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: It's like a, it's like a rotating door.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Now at this point, Tina will be on in three hours again.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: I know we're just going to do it every day, but for those that don't know me, yes, I did spend 23 years in the military, seven years active duty.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: The rest of my time was as a reservist and at that time I also served as a director of communications, chief of staff a couple of different positions within Department of Homeland Security, so very well versed in military environment, law enforcement, environment.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: And part of my story that kind of leads into what we're talking about today shifting from reactivity into creativity is, you know, as leaders we take on so much, and as women leaders especially, we just have these expectations to be everything for everyone all the time, no matter what the cost is right.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: That causes a lot of reactivity, reacting to things outside of us.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: And there was a time in my life where I it was about 12 years ago, 12, 12 to 15 years ago where I did feel like I was doing everything for everybody but not myself, and that just felt like that's what you're supposed to do.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: You know you do everything for everyone.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: And what I found for myself is, while I was holding down a full-time job, also in the Air Force Reserve, helping my husband build a business, raising a child, getting my master's degree.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: I mean crazy times, right, but it's like no, these are all the boxes I'm supposed to check.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I was doing all the stuff.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: I had breakdown, like literal breakdown, where I lost my first child to stillbirth after being sick and pushing through because I had to be at work.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Now, of course you know I don't blame myself, things happen.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: But when you look back you go.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Could have made some different choices then if I had been, you know, approaching things from a different perspective.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: But then just had my daughter like pregnant.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: Right after that had my daughter six months after she was born diagnosed with cancer and then a divorce like right on the heels of that.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: So times were a little nuts, right.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: Life was kind of God was kind of like, hey, you, you need a different way of doing this, like I get what you're talking about.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Pay attention, like yeah this isn't working right, and so that's really what led me on my journey to what we're talking about today, because I was not willing to say, well, ok, I guess I can be successful professionally or personally, I'm a little stubborn.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: I was like no, I want it all.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: And so I committed to really finding a different pathway, and that's what led us here today finding a different pathway, and that's what led us here today.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Fantastic and, and you know, your, your story of resilience so many people in the world would have said, oh no, I'm done enough.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Or here's.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: here's the beauty of it.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: You know, played victim?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't, that's the beauty of it, I should say so amen because I wouldn't know you Exactly.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: If I had made a different choice in that moment, you would not know me.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: That is true.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: How?
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: crazy is that and I'm not going to take us down this rabbit hole right now because we could just spend, you know, the whole time going whoa but those little moments when you look back, and it's when you realize it was that moment when you realize there was that little choice, it was that little two millimeter shift right that changed everything.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: It was and.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I love that you just said a two millimeter shift, because it wasn't like I just threw the baby out with the bathwater and upheavaled my whole life.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: I mean it was already an upheaval.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: So I just like went with the flow and went okay, every little micro moment where I can shift and make a different choice and really be intentional about those choices, instead of just running on autopilot on these loops of old beliefs, like I have to be the one to do it all.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I have to do it perfect.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: I can't let anybody down.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: I, my needs are on the back burner as long as I'm serving everybody else, like all these things that run in our minds.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: And I will say I am so glad that I made those little micro shifts, little by little throughout my life, because now I mean my life is completely different than that.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: I mean I, it led me to the most prosperous and fulfilling career that I have ever felt and ever had right, serving high impact, heart-centered women to be in their authentic power.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: Like what's better than that right?
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: And my daughter I mean my daughter's a teenager now, so we all kind of know how that goes, but we have a strong relationship with each other.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: I know you're like, sending you prayers and though, a healthy not always fun, but a healthy co-parenting relationship with her dad my ex which is always easy.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I'm remarried now to an amazing man and I'm healthy, and so you know, life doesn't stay in those moments of sorrow and you're like in the depth of you know, when we talk about the hero's journey, there's that dip where you're like sitting in the pool of all the crap, you're like where would I go from here?
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: There are options.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: There is.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: There's always the choices.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: It's what we want to.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say, battle through and or look for to uplift us, instead of living in that victim mode.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: So I think we just jump right into reactivity.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: So before we do, I just want to remind everybody, on the top right-hand corner of your screen there's a blue QR code.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: It takes you to empowerperformancestrategiescom Again, for people listening on the podcast forums later on, it's empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: There's all kinds of resources, books I've written for veterans and their families, as well as Facebook groups for both families and veterans, of course.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: So come join us.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Groups for both families and veterans, of course.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: So come join us.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I'll be part of our mission to help.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, reactivity, tina Parker, all of the things that are so easy, to be reactive, to Tell us your thoughts first on what reactivity generally means, so that just people are on the same page as us, and then we'll dive into how, to the skills and different aspects, to change reactivity into creativity, so you can have that life of fulfillment and not just say, oh shit, here we go again when something comes up.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Yep, yeah.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: So when we think of reactivity, I mean everyone knows, like when we're like, oh, I flipped my lid and I just reacted to something out of like I wasn't really thinking about, it just happened.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: But when we think of consistent and chronic reactivity, I mean really all we have to think about is the world we live in right now, like how dynamic and how much change.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Right, there's this change curve happening right now where humans actually feel like we don't have the skills to adapt to the amount of change that is happening right In our lives and that can cause, along with everything else, limiting beliefs and conditioning that we've had in our lives about how we have to show up.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Right, All of these things create a feeling of demand and obligation and pressure on us and when that demand outpaces the resourcefulness that we feel inside of ourselves to respond, to take a pause, to be intentional about how do I want this experience to go about.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: How do I want this experience to go when those demands feel bigger and more pressured than our ability to respond to them?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Well, that's when we're constantly like flipping our lid and losing our Snickers and you know we get into.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Snickers.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: I was trying to be nicer.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I say that with my daughter and you know what's what's hilarious, and I want to bring this forward.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: So you know, my daughter's a teenager.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: So, as we talk about reactivity versus creativity and it does take intention to choose to be creative but here's how that plays out.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: Like I used to.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: Just I would lose my Snickers in the morning when we're getting ready for school.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Right, she's late, can't find her shoes, I can't find my purse.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Where are the keys to get in the car?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: We're 10 minutes late.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Get your butt in the car, right.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: This is how the morning used to go and there was not enough coffee oh, never, never enough coffee.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: So in the past, though, and we would, I would like literally roll into school and I'm like get out of the car, you're late, and and then we're both frazzled, right, and so we start our day that way, and the whole thing just goes downhill from there.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Well, I made an intentional choice because I could.
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: I started to notice I don't feel good when that's the way we started morning.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: She's not doing well because she's having trouble focusing and calming herself.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: I said, ok, I'm going to try a different way.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Instead of running down the stairs yelling at her to come, I am going to go by her room and look her in the eye and go honey, it's time to go, let's go and the first day, of course, you don't see an instant shift, but over time she's like okay, she gets her stuff and she comes down instead of running around like where's your shoes?
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: the night before, I'm like, babe, put your shoes by the door please, so you have them when we're ready to go.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: She's like, okay, she does it right.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Over time she shared with me.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: She's like mom, you know, I have a much better day when you don't lose your Snickers in the morning.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: That's where that came from.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love that.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: And so, but we have influence, no matter who we are around, right, and that is something that we have to recognize when we talk about like conscious leadership, which is something that I bring forth in the coaching that I do.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Conscious means being aware.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: Leadership, it doesn't mean a title or a role.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: It means the influence that you have at all times on yourself and everyone around you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I want to add to that, please, because that is so impactful, so freaking.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Listen up here, people, seriously.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: If you realize, just for a second, how you react to something, how it affects you, your energy let's call it your vibe, even, and the person that you're talking to, even after, even if it could be yourself, the words you're telling yourself, it could be the words you're talking and being reactive to somebody else, someone you love, because I think most people will agree, until you work on it, you're the the hardest on people that you love the most, and my theory is is because you think there's a safety net there till there isn't.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: So still remember that at some point.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: There isn't.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: But the person that you talk to, or the person, that energy that you're putting into the world, the kindness or vice versa, impacts, just like Tina was just saying impacts that person.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: And guess what?
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: That impacts everybody else they talk to, impacts everybody else they talk to.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: So you talk about creating a ripple effect bullshit, it's literally a tidal wave when you're reactive and, even better, when you're creative and kind.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to add that.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I really love that you added that because it is, it is a tidal wave and that's a great way to say it, because even when you think about my daughter going to school if she's like because I was that way in the morning, everyone else around her is affected by that energy too.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: And, and you're right, we are the hardest on the ones we love, because there is this sense of I can just be me, I can let down my guard.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Letting down your guard doesn't mean that we react to all the things going around us.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Right, that is a choice and a lot of times we're like wait, I didn't have a choice, that was a trigger, something triggered me and I just went full throttle.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it happens sometimes, but we have talked about this before on the show Pause notice choose.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: I was just going to bring it up.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like so what's a skill can you?
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I know we talked about it before, but can you go through it again because I think it's such an important skill that you know we we get this freaking spin cycle right, and because we're human beings, as neuron coders, we've conditioned ourself to snap out faster and we have the skill set and we teach it to everybody our clients and trainings and things we do but we teach people how to default back to their best selves faster, exactly, but we're still human beings.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: We all still have a bad day For sure you know so and be kind to yourself.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: When you, when you, when you're realizing that, oh damn, put a smile on your face.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Let the good hormones so your brain is looking for it again next time so you can snap out of it faster.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: So talk about the skill there, if you will.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you prefaced it perfectly right, we have hormones and different chemicals that get released in our body based on the feelings that we have, right, the thoughts that we have.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Right, we're on your thoughts, your reality podcast, but it's based on the thoughts you have.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: But those thoughts it's kind of a cyclical.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Some people think, oh, my thoughts create my feelings.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Some people think my feelings create my thoughts.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: It's both, it's both.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: We get feelings that are just reactions, physiological reactions to things that our body remembers that happened before, right, or things that feel like fear, like there's a whole lot of things we get reactions to.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: But when we can pause, right, your thoughts are not you, they're just remnants of things that your brain is filtering things out.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: It's filtering things in.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: If something feels familiar, it's like, oh, I know what that is, even if it's the devil that you know, you know it right.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: And so don't trust your thoughts.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Take a pause and take a breath.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: Right, pause, take a breath.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you your breath is the bridge between reactivity and creativity, and so many of us are like I mean, breath is an autonomic system, function, right, you just do it automatically.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: But when you intentionally use your breath to calm yourself, to take a deep breath.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: You can take a deep breath for like four counts and breathe out for a little bit longer, six or eight.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: That will sort of reset your nervous system Instead of being in fight flight trigger all the time, this big cycle.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: We put ourselves into parasympathetic, which is calm, which brings your brain more online, the prefrontal cortex, your executive functioning, that helps you make good decisions, not just life or death decisions, right, that part of your brain comes on line even better when you are in your parasympathetic.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: So breath is the bridge.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Breathe and then notice.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: So pause, notice, notice what's coming up Like oh, oh, that happened again.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Like not dang it, I did it again and I'm beating myself up, not that.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Like let's just set that aside forever, please, forever.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: So that shift is going into creative or going into curiosity, like huh, why did that happen again?
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: Not judgment, like we've said, not critical.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Be curious, right, and so be.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, that happened again, okay.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: And then choose.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Is that what I want to continue doing?
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: No, all right.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: What?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: How do I want to experience this, right, it doesn't matter.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you this right now and I want you to hear me.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: It does not matter what the situation is.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: The situation is not what's making you react the way you are, your response to it, your meaning about it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: That is what is making you react the way you react, and that is always within your own control.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: That's the cool part, right.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: We are not victims to what happens around us.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: Shit's going to happen, people, life happens.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I mean life be life right.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: We don't control that, but we control how we respond or react.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely love that.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: And, like you said, tinaina, life doesn't stop.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: But when you put the right intention or thought process, if you will, on what has happened, the right, dare I say, definition of what happened.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: How can I learn from this?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: What can, how can I grow from this?
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Those things turn into little gifts, yeah, that you don't even know are there, because you don't hear.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Let's just call it what it fricking is.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: You don't learn from success, you learn from all the bullshit.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: You learn from the struggle.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: You learn from the parts where you've had to stop yourself to go hold on, yeah, yeah.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: So when you stop and do that and you say, oh, you know what, what, what, what, what did I learn from this?
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: And you may, it may take a couple of hours to figure it out, it may take a couple of weeks, who knows.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: But when you put it in that curious aspect instead of critical, like you said, it changes the whole emotion, the whole feeling and, more importantly, the meaning you give it.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: And that's how life changes Absolutely.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: And no, go ahead, I was going to say, dare I say, into creativity.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: So it does change into a more creative state.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: And when we talk about creativity, we're not talking about painting and dancing, which are lovely and they're they're beautiful.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: We're talking about your ability to create the experiences that you want in your life or don't want, right?
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: We're creators, no matter like what side of the coin we're on.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: But when you can shift into creativity, you become the captain of your ship.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: You become the person who can decide.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: How do I want to experience this.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: And I do want to bring this home because I think for a lot of people they might be like yeah, but you don't know what's going on in my life and things are really terrible and it's really hard.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: And I get it.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: I really, really do.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: But I will share.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: Even when I lost my son to stillbirth, when we realized in the morning that there was no heartbeat, and it kind of dawned on me like, okay, what happens next?
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Like he's there, what happens?
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: And then it was this revelation of, oh, I have to give birth to my son and I know what the outcome is going to be Like how do you, even like mentally, I couldn't wrap my head around that, right.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: So I mean that was like the lowest point in my whole life and somewhere inside me.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: I still don't know where it came from maybe God, I asked myself.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: I said, okay, what matters most now?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Because I can't have someone come in here and do this for me.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: This is not something I can delegate to someone Like the only way to is through.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: And what mattered most for me was to feel gratitude, to feel and honor his life coming into the world, even though it was going straight to God.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: And I chose in that moment that is not an easy moment to choose anything other than anger and sadness and sorrow, anything other than anger and sadness and sorrow.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: But I chose to look at the nurses and be thankful for them being there, right by my side.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: They were amazing.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Thankful that my mom was able to get there and hear his heartbeat the night before and be there with me throughout the entire experience.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: Right, thankful that my best friend at the time, who lived on the other side of the country, happened to come into town that day and she slept on the hospital floor with me.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: I mean, when we are in these moments where it doesn't feel like it can get any worse, choosing to be in a creative state doesn't change the outcome.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, this is something really important.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: The outcome didn't change, but the way I experienced the whole thing has stayed with me.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: For gosh, I guess that was 15 years ago now.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: So that experience has stayed with me and that feels resonant in my body.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: So when I think about that day yes, of course I'll still get sad right I probably have tears in my eyes right now because the feeling is there.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: It is infused with a feeling of gratitude for the strength of that day, for the support that was there, for the ability to go through something like that in a graceful way, to go through something like that in a graceful way, and so that feeling is resonant in our bodies.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: It's not a mental thing, it is resonant in our bodies.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: We always have the opportunity no matter the situation to choose.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Thank you for the vulnerability.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I just want to like drop off the mic and just be done.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I'm joking.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: I know, I know it's hard, I know that's a heavy thing.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: No, it's important, Tina.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: We've not really talked about that and we're dear friends, but we've not really gotten into some of those details and it's important for people to hear it because in your darkest moments you can find the gratefulness.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: You can change again and look where she is now.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Maybe that part of her life and cancer and all the different things were brought to her to say, hey, can you handle it?
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, now let me give you something else that you're going to thrive and give you fulfillment and change your life to the life you have now.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're all lessons for us and we have to decide what do I want to do with that?
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: How do I want that to impact my life?
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: Right, those are our choices.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: Things are going to happen and we don't control everything outside of us, but we always control the way that we want to show up in any situation.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: Way that we want to show up in any situation.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: And I think and that is really the key is in in that moment and so many other moments I just said, I want to be the creator of my experience here.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be the waves crashing against the rock and I'm at the whim of whatever wind comes Like.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be that.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I want to be the rock that gets to look at the waves and go I see you and here I am and I'm steady and I'm strong and I'm good.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: So go, do what you're doing, but I'm good.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: And I'll be here when you're done.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Exactly when you calm down.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I'll still be here.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I'll still be standing.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely beautiful.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: So we're almost done with the show, unfortunately.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: So I want to talk more about the creativity part.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Right, we talked about the reactivity.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: We talked about how you can bring creativity out of the darkness, if you will, into the light, because we want to be in the light, right?
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you can be the victim and you can live in the dark place for the rest of your life and get a secondary gain from it, and it can become your identity, who you are.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: So can we talk a little bit about that and a little bit more just about the creativity and other aspects that people might be seeing or can change it into, I should say.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, and you brought up something really important identity.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: It's what do I see and believe about who I am and what's possible for me in my life.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: That shapes our identity.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: And let's understand that is not shaped by us alone, like at all.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: That is shaped by things that happened to us when we were younger conditioning from family and society and culture, and all these expectations and things that you were told you're supposed to do and not do, and all of that, right.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: So understand that just because you might have a reactive way of being right now, that doesn't mean that you're stuck like that.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: All of that is based in some old meanings and definitions that are probably not even yours, right?
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: So it does take work to really sit and go.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Is that really me?
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: No, is that who I want to be?
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Is that who I choose to be?
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Because we are always choosing.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Even when you think you're in like this frazzled, reactive state, it's still a choice.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: It's still a choice.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: And so, in order to shift, there's a couple of things.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: So we talked about the breath, taking the pause, right.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Pause, notice and choose, but then it's also the way that we talk to ourselves, right?
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Case in point in the moment when I lost my son.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: I could have been like why'd this happen to me?
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: This is unfair, this is terrible.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: I'm a good person, like all the things that we would say, but you get to stop yourself and go whoa, whoa, whoa I'm pushing pause on that tape, and it's what you said earlier what do I get to?
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: How do I get to grow from this?
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Right, maybe in the moment you're not going to want to ask yourself that, but over time you go.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, how do I get to grow from this?
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: What do I get to take from this?
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: That's going to help me down the road somewhere or help someone else, right, and so it's being in that growth mindset and it's also changing the questions that we ask ourselves, right Again.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Case in point why did this happen to me?
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Versus how do I get to grow or what might become possible for me if I am able to resource myself internally enough that I can shift into creativity whenever I choose, like that's light, that's expansion, right, and that is creative choice.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: And I love what you just said.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I want people to think back to the choices they made, like we talked about a little bit before the choices they made, like we talked about a little bit before the choices they made in a moment that I thought wasn't a big choice or it was a big choice.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Go back 10 years.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Go back 10 years before that and think about how the choices hard, good, bad, positive, negative, whatever it is they're all choices that we make every single day.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Only we can make them.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: You can only make them for yourself.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: No one else can make them for you.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: But think about how they changed your life and go back.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: I can go back three years and go holy shit, right?
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, I could go back another five, go back another 10.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: I'm working on a speech and a a speech and you know you're looking for those moments in your life.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: Now I'm 53 years old, right, and you go back in your life and you're looking for the moments, because when you're doing a speech or presentation, you want to show the darkness and the light.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I do when I'm doing my presentations and you go back and you're like which?
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Which do I go to?
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, can you not do that?
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: It's like which one was the, which one was the lowest.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: What's going to make the most impact?
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I'm like I need three days speech here exactly, I can't get this in 30 minutes.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and we do, we obviously we know how to do this.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: But, um, I was just going back and I was like, yeah, which one?
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you go back.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Those are the stepping stones, yeah.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: And you go back and the choices that we made from those events brought us to the light right and brought us to that amazing place and life be life.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: And Les Brown, thank you for giving us that but and you will go down.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: You know, life's not this.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: Life's, yes, you know, but as long as you keep moving forward and keep making the choices to not be a victim and be creative, like Tina's saying, you're going to move, you're going to keep moving up, yeah, yeah and, my friend, that's all we can focus on doing.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: Exactly and moving up exactly like you just said, doesn't mean that you never have a dip, that you never have a drop.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: We are human beings, okay, we are always going to shift into a reactive state at some point, right?
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: So the goal is not to avoid reactivity.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: I mean, if I'm about to fall off a cliff, I really hope my body reacts to go hey, you need to step back right.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: So this is not like reactivity is bad.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: It's not, it is.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Are we being intentional about it?
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Is it helping us?
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Is it causing more harm than healing?
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: That's really the question.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: If your reactivity is causing more harm than good or healing, then you have a choice to make, right?
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go ahead.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: No, and I just and I just want to preface to like again, it is not about external situation.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Right, for especially for women and for everybody, right, but there's, there's a whole notion for women now is like the world needs strong female leaders now.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: And the current structure of the way that we operate in business and the world really it was not made with us in mind.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Because we're at this precipice of women are coming into a different place in society than we have been in history, and so we get to chart new territory.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: That can feel very reactive, it can feel like I am pushing against so much.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: No, we don't have to push.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: We don't have to push, we create.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: So we shift ourselves into a creative state where something new gets to come forward, and that can happen in any scenario, in any situation, and that can happen in any scenario, in any situation.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love what you said and please focus on not the pushing.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Focus on being excited about the future and being pulled there.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, creativity is a pull, not a push against.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: With that said, we're so over time.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I know, thank you.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: I know Thank you.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: I know Thank you, as always, thank God, we own the place.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: With that said, tina, can you tell people how to reach you?
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: And I think you have something new coming up or another project coming up that people can be involved in, so if you can tell people about that, yes, absolutely so.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: LinkedIn and Facebook.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: If you're on social, tina Parker or TP sunshine, you can find me there.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Um lead outside the linescom is our website for the company, and we do have.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: We're running a cohort right now of the conscious leadership accelerator, and it is about resourcing ourselves, just as we've been talking about today, so that you can consistently shift into creativity, because we all have these dreams and these big goals and things that we want to create and change in the world and in our own lives, but we can't do it from a depleted state.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Being resourced within is what allows us to more easily shift from reactivity to creativity.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: So our next cohort kicks off September 1st.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: You can find it on the website, too, if you're interested.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic and I want to thank people that have been on and putting in comments and that kind of stuff.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Thank you for being involved in the podcast and so on.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: We didn't have a lot of time to mention you but because we were playing with such an amazing subject and obviously an amazing guest, so just wanted to thank everybody for joining us.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, you know the drill, our three things, three tips to get veterans and their families further, faster, please.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: You know where I'm going.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: Pause, notice what's going on and choose.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: Do I want to react or do I want to create?
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely love that.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Do you want to add anything, or is that the three?
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: Those are your three.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: Here's what I'm going to say.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Seriously, focus on those.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: It's seriously important.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dial into each of those, because they are three different tips that just give you a beautiful outcome.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: So, yes, absolutely, and thank you, mike, for everything that you're doing again for this community and for this podcast, bringing forth all these amazing guests and super appreciate everything that you're bringing to the world.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Tina.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: As always, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for spending some more of your time with us.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: You give us so much amazing information and just your light shines, my friend.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you and, on that note, everybody we are out of here.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: And, on that note, everybody we are out of here, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.