Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 199. Kendall Toole, Peloton Instructor

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199. Kendall Toole, Peloton Instructor · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: Even if you're in a bit of a season or
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Speaker 1: a bit of a moment of that darkness or that storm,
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Speaker 1: there's always opportunity. There's always something excitable. There's good that
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Speaker 1: can come from such deep, deep feelings and deep sorrow
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Speaker 1: and deep chaos. Good morning, good afternoon, Good evening.
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Speaker 2: Emily, A body here coming to you live from the
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Speaker 2: Age Studio. You are listening to Hurdle, a wellness focus
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Speaker 2: podcast where I connect with everyone from your favorite athletes
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Speaker 2: to top experts and industry CEOs about their highest highs,
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Speaker 2: toughest moments, and everything in between.
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Speaker 1: We all go through hurdles in life.
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Speaker 2: And my goal through these discussions is to empower you
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Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that
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Speaker 2: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
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Speaker 2: course have some fun along the way.
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Speaker 1: Today, for episode one ninety nine, I.
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Speaker 2: Am chatting with Peloton instructor Kendall O'Toole a conversation that
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Speaker 2: has been a long time requested from you, the Hurdlers,
1:18
Speaker 2: and do you want to make sure that I say
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Speaker 2: this upfront? We do talk about some sensitive topics within
1:24
Speaker 2: today's conversation, including self harm and depression. As Kendall opens
1:28
Speaker 2: up about her struggles with both OCD and depression through
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Speaker 2: her teenage years, so I just want to throw that
1:35
Speaker 2: into the mix upfront, and I will be linking some
1:38
Speaker 2: helpful resources in the show notes if today's conversation really
1:43
Speaker 2: resonates with you and you too find yourself struggling. We
1:48
Speaker 2: talk about the life changing Hurdle moment that Kendall experienced
1:52
Speaker 2: involving suicidal thoughts and her choice to move home from
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Speaker 2: college and seek therapy. She also offers up a lot
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Speaker 2: of really great advice for anyone who is navigating negative
2:03
Speaker 2: self talk, as well as some helpful tips for any
2:06
Speaker 2: fellow raises hand in the air and gestures like let's
2:10
Speaker 2: go a single thirty something woman who may be having
2:14
Speaker 2: a hard time finding happiness on their own. Overall this conversation,
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Speaker 2: there is so much vulnerability. There's also so much joy
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Speaker 2: and happiness. I'm grateful to Kendle for being so transparent.
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Speaker 1: I know that this is the type.
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Speaker 2: Of conversation that is going to help a lot of people.
2:36
Speaker 2: I want to again say a huge, resounding thank you
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Speaker 2: to all the Hurdlers that came out last week in DC.
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Speaker 2: I had the most fun with you, and I am
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Speaker 2: looking forward to doing it in both New York and
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Speaker 2: Los Angeles soon. New York, I am opening up an
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Speaker 2: extra ten spot to this Saturday, March twenty sixth Hurdle
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Speaker 2: Huddle at ten am. If you want one, send me
3:04
Speaker 2: a DM including a review a screenshot of your review
3:08
Speaker 2: of the show in Apple Podcasts, and I will give
3:11
Speaker 2: you one, limited to the first ten people who take
3:15
Speaker 2: the time to review the show and want in on
3:18
Speaker 2: next weekend but weren't able to snag a spot before
3:21
Speaker 2: they sold out again, ten spots only.
3:24
Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
3:25
Speaker 2: I'm so amped for this weekend, so get your reviews
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Speaker 2: in asap. Also Los Angeles, Saturday, April second. It's gonna
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Speaker 2: be let's call it for ten am and I don't
3:36
Speaker 2: have a location yet, but hold Saturday April second, ten am.
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Speaker 2: I'm amped and I can't wait to bring the Hurdle
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Speaker 2: love over to the West Coast. Make sure you're following
3:47
Speaker 2: along with Hurdle over at Hurdle podcast. I am over
3:50
Speaker 2: at Emily a body and last little bit of housekeeping.
3:53
Speaker 1: Subscribe to the Weekly Hurdle.
3:55
Speaker 2: It is the Hurdle newsletter that comes out every single
3:58
Speaker 2: Friday morning. With a lot of the same motivation and
4:02
Speaker 2: inspiration that you love from the show directly in your
4:05
Speaker 2: inbox before the sun comes up.
4:07
Speaker 1: I would love to keep in contact with you over
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Speaker 1: there with that.
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Speaker 2: Today, I am sitting down with Kendall Toole. She is
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Speaker 2: a beloved Peloton instructor. How you do it today, Kenny.
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Speaker 1: I'm great. Oh.
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Speaker 2: I love that you just called me Kenny immediately. Yes, immediately, Yes,
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Speaker 2: we're on this level. We are, we really are. I
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Speaker 2: love that.
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Speaker 1: That is It's funny people who I meet sometimes they
4:39
Speaker 1: just it slips out or even early on in like
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Speaker 1: my getting to know them, and I'm like, oh, you
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Speaker 1: get me, you get me. I love that. I am well,
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Speaker 1: how are you, Emily, I'm so good. You know.
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Speaker 2: It's funny because I am sure that when you meet
4:52
Speaker 2: people who follow along with you, they take your classes,
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Speaker 2: they say stuff like that because they are under this
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Speaker 2: impression that they know the ins and outs of you.
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Speaker 2: And so when I meet people as well, people are
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Speaker 2: always like am Like I was on the street in
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Speaker 2: DC last month or the month before, and someone yelled
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Speaker 2: my name across the street that I had never met before,
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Speaker 2: and it was wonderful.
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Speaker 1: It was wonderful, and then it's also like you feel
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Speaker 1: really bad. I have this dreadful like anxiety that comes
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Speaker 1: up when that happens, because I'm like, did I go
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Speaker 1: to middle school with you?
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Speaker 2: Like?
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Speaker 1: Did I go to college with you? Or it's like
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Speaker 1: are you related to me somehow? And I just haven't,
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Speaker 1: you know.
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Speaker 2: So I always had that like first perpetual fear, and
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Speaker 2: then the conversation starts going. I'm like, oh no, they
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Speaker 2: ride with me, Okay, cool, okay, cool, We're good, We're.
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Speaker 1: Good, We're good, we're good.
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Speaker 2: Well, people that ride with you, and there are many
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Speaker 2: of them, know something that you say often, which is
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Speaker 2: that they can knock.
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Speaker 1: You down, but never let them knock you out.
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Speaker 2: Knowing that, I want to start this off by asking you,
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Speaker 2: when was the last time you actually felt borderline knocked out?
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Speaker 1: Oh? God, I'll be honest. I was going through a
6:00
Speaker 1: rough patch recently, like this stuff kind of happens. I
6:04
Speaker 1: think the concept of being knocked out isn't that everything
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Speaker 1: in life collapses, but something takes enough precedence that it
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Speaker 1: really shifts your perspective. It makes you feel like you're
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Speaker 1: on the ground. So candidly, I went through a breakup
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Speaker 1: not too long ago. It's been very interesting to go
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Speaker 1: through breakup more publicly because I was very open about
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Speaker 1: my relationship and was very proud of it, and there
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Speaker 1: were wonderful things with it. But going through that process
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Speaker 1: of having to continue to show up in the world
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Speaker 1: the way that I do with my job, with these
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Speaker 1: great responsibilities, and to stay this positive light knowing that
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Speaker 1: I was processing loss and transition and all of the
6:38
Speaker 1: moments of a breakup. That was probably the most recent
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Speaker 1: one that was back in November, November December, and so
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Speaker 1: it took a bit of a shift.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can totally relate to that, And I love
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Speaker 2: the way that you framed that just now, saying great
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Speaker 2: opportunities and great obligations. That so often is a hard
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Speaker 2: way to look at what's going on in your life
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Speaker 2: through that positive lens, as you so eloquently put it,
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Speaker 2: because there is all of this pressure around you, is
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Speaker 2: this lingering sadness about what you're going through. But to
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Speaker 2: be able to spin it like that, that takes practice.
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Speaker 2: I would say, Oh.
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Speaker 1: It does.
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Speaker 2: Years of therapy, years of being on my own mental
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Speaker 2: health journey, and you know, of having some really honest,
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Speaker 2: pure conversations. I have great stakeholders and people in my
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Speaker 2: life and friends, and frankly like they'll kick me in
7:26
Speaker 2: the ass and they'll be like, Kendall, I love you.
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Speaker 2: I'm here at to e vent I'm here for the space.
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Speaker 2: But okay, now, what are you going to do about it?
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Speaker 2: And not to say that we don't feel our emotions.
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Speaker 2: It's very important that we allow them and we meet
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Speaker 2: them where they're at. But there ultimately becomes a choice,
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Speaker 2: in my opinion, where do we allow this to be
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Speaker 2: our narrative or do we allow us to be a
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Speaker 2: segment of the story.
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Speaker 1: Right. Am I going to make this an entire focus
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Speaker 1: of who I am now I'm going to let this
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Speaker 1: experience shift my person? Or am I going to stay
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Speaker 1: in alignment and understand? Okay, this is just part of
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Speaker 1: the process. This is part of the growth, and it
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Speaker 1: is I think oftentimes we have obligations that we can
8:02
Speaker 1: look at it like, oh my god, I'm so overwhelmed,
8:04
Speaker 1: I'm so stressed. That's me. Often I'm like a chicken
8:07
Speaker 1: with my head cut off. Sometimes I'm like, okay, wait,
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Speaker 1: hold on, write the list and then recognize, wow, I
8:12
Speaker 1: have this list of things that I'm asked to do that.
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Speaker 1: I have the responsibility that the world was asking me
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Speaker 1: to show up in that years ago. I mean when
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Speaker 1: I was broke and living in like a basement and
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Speaker 1: Laurel Canyon and trying to figure out how to make
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Speaker 1: my car payment. You know, I would have dreamed of
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Speaker 1: having these obligations. So it's so funny how you know,
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Speaker 1: we're always kind of looking for that next element, that
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Speaker 1: next energy, but we forget how far we've come in
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Speaker 1: the process.
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Speaker 2: Well, speaking about how far you've come, and before you
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Speaker 2: were questionably broke living in the basement and Laurel Canyon,
8:46
Speaker 2: you were originally from Texas, is that right?
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Speaker 1: I was born in Houston and lived there for about
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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't remember much, I'll be honest. I
8:54
Speaker 1: like to pull out the y'all though, so I think
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Speaker 1: that's my one connection back to the South. Kendall. I
8:58
Speaker 1: like to pull out the y'all. And I was born
9:00
Speaker 1: in Connecticut, so okay. It is a gender neutral, like
9:03
Speaker 1: perfect term to address a large group of people in
9:06
Speaker 1: like an effervescent way. You know, it's kind of like
9:09
Speaker 1: a lexus rose of pronouns. You know, we're like of
9:12
Speaker 1: group I don't know. I'm probably gonna mess it up,
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Speaker 1: but still I think y'all's great. And so I was
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Speaker 1: in Houston for about two years, and then we moved
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Speaker 1: to Atlanta, so I had a little bit more southern
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Speaker 1: and then we moved to California when I was about ten,
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Speaker 1: ten eleven, and that's really what I consider home because
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Speaker 1: I spent all of the developmental years, all the fun
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Speaker 1: teen years, you know, all the highs and lows in
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Speaker 1: California and was there until, you know, the job at
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Speaker 1: Peloton came knockin, and I moved to New York City. Okay, well,
9:39
Speaker 1: don't speed us up too fast here.
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Speaker 2: You mentioned before the word therapy, and I know that
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Speaker 2: you actually started working with a therapist from a very
9:47
Speaker 2: young age. So talk me through how that came to
9:51
Speaker 2: be within your life, totally, so safe to say.
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Speaker 1: I was very much a high, strong, intense, was often
10:01
Speaker 1: called bossy and chatty on the report cards type of
10:03
Speaker 1: a kid. And I think that's what drew me to gymnastics, ironically,
10:08
Speaker 1: was the perfectionism, the beauty, the overcoming these barriers. And
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Speaker 1: I loved it. I loved flipping, I loved doing things
10:15
Speaker 1: that it looked like little girls couldn't do or were
10:18
Speaker 1: supposed to do. So I was drawn into the sport.
10:21
Speaker 1: But I definitely found that that perpetuated and kind of
10:23
Speaker 1: ignited what was already existent within me, which was this
10:27
Speaker 1: obsessive compulsive disorder. So I was diagnosed with OCD. Oh goodness,
10:32
Speaker 1: I always am a butcher with time, but I want
10:34
Speaker 1: to say it was around eight or nine years old
10:36
Speaker 1: and incredibly obsessive thoughts and was a very anxious, high strung.
10:41
Speaker 1: If not this, then that superstitious kid. And my parents
10:44
Speaker 1: acknowledged like, Okay, Kenny has gone through stuff. She has
10:48
Speaker 1: these rituals. I couldn't be barefoot. I had to wear
10:51
Speaker 1: socks all the time. I had like a bedtime ritual.
10:54
Speaker 1: And they got me into therapy and that was my
10:57
Speaker 1: first that was my first foray into therapy. So in
10:59
Speaker 1: my life process, it's just been a part of my growth.
11:03
Speaker 1: It's been a part of certain seasons of my life.
11:05
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's time time to go back. As
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Speaker 1: someone who's dealt with OCD.
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Speaker 2: Does it bother you when people make references kind of
11:15
Speaker 2: flippantly being like, oh, I have so much OCD?
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Speaker 1: It does in the sense that I understand what it
11:23
Speaker 1: feels like to when someone says that they don't understand
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Speaker 1: the gravity behind what OCD really is, and I'm still
11:30
Speaker 1: guilty of it, like, oh, I'm being OCD today, and
11:31
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, no, no, let me let me,
11:34
Speaker 1: let me change that narrative, let me change that way
11:36
Speaker 1: I'm speaking, because it is a very it can be
11:39
Speaker 1: a very debilitating experience. It's, you know, trying to control
11:43
Speaker 1: your life, trying to control things around you, and you know,
11:46
Speaker 1: we look to different elements of our lives where we
11:48
Speaker 1: can do. That was where kind of OCD came into
11:50
Speaker 1: play for me, and it was the precursor to what
11:53
Speaker 1: would then come down the line. But whenever I hear
11:56
Speaker 1: someone say I'm just being OCD, I would love if
11:59
Speaker 1: that were removed from language, where we could say, you know,
12:01
Speaker 1: I'm being hyper focused or I'm being you know, intense today.
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Speaker 1: I think there's other words that express it in a
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Speaker 1: far better and a far better life.
12:10
Speaker 2: And I think it's having that conversation right or saying
12:14
Speaker 2: something like oh, I can totally sympathize with how you're
12:17
Speaker 2: feeling that way or why you're feeling that way. But
12:21
Speaker 2: maybe if we express it like this and coming from
12:24
Speaker 2: a place that's with understanding and compassion rather than an
12:28
Speaker 2: attacking place, so that you can have an educational, progressive
12:32
Speaker 2: conversation about how to identify those feelings going forward completely.
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Speaker 1: And I think that's what's kind of lost and where
12:38
Speaker 1: everybody feels afraid to say the wrong thing in today's
12:41
Speaker 1: world is that it's not there's so often Oh, I
12:44
Speaker 1: just don't want to be wrong. Well, that's not the
12:46
Speaker 1: way we need to live our lives. We're not trying
12:48
Speaker 1: to be here to be right all the time. That's
12:49
Speaker 1: not being human. The whole point is to learn. But
12:52
Speaker 1: if you're going to learn something, you're going to mess up,
12:54
Speaker 1: or you're going to say something that you're like, Oh,
12:56
Speaker 1: I didn't understand the gravity of that until someone enlightened
12:59
Speaker 1: me on this topic. So I'm all for that. I'm
13:01
Speaker 1: all about going out a situation with empathy, understanding. Everybody
13:04
Speaker 1: has their own context. But if you don't speak up,
13:08
Speaker 1: you don't really have a right to be upset about
13:10
Speaker 1: it either, right, Like, either you lean in and you
13:12
Speaker 1: say something, or you can be offended, but then keep
13:15
Speaker 1: that to yourself. I'm very much over people pontificating about
13:18
Speaker 1: their about what they They're like, I'm so offended. I'm like, okay,
13:21
Speaker 1: but what are you doing about it?
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Speaker 2: Like, come on, you said the phrase before foreshadowing what's
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Speaker 2: to come, So what's to come after? Kendall at eleven
13:31
Speaker 2: years old, starts to speak to someone about her OCD tendencies.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. So that was a great process, and I'm grateful
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Speaker 1: for the therapist that I had then. And what I
13:42
Speaker 1: didn't know was down the pipeline was that this I
13:45
Speaker 1: thought I had handled. You know, Okay, check Mark handled
13:48
Speaker 1: the mental health thing that very much, don't we all
13:52
Speaker 1: In the beginning, we all do. At the beginning, we're like, oh,
13:55
Speaker 1: I did it. Yeah, I'm fixed, And then down the
13:58
Speaker 1: line it gets to about It's hard to say when
14:03
Speaker 1: it really began, but it came to a very large
14:07
Speaker 1: breaking point, inflection point my senior year of college. So
14:10
Speaker 1: I had been so focused. I grew up as a
14:13
Speaker 1: kid actor and was doing that very consistently in my
14:17
Speaker 1: teen years. I graduated high school early so that I
14:20
Speaker 1: could focus on acting. I was going to USC and
14:23
Speaker 1: then what I thought would be the career that i'd
14:25
Speaker 1: worked so hard for, right because in my mind, oh,
14:28
Speaker 1: if you work hard. You get the things you want
14:30
Speaker 1: not always the same way in certain industries and certain situations, right,
14:33
Speaker 1: And that came to an inflection point my senior year
14:36
Speaker 1: of college, and I was in a very dark place,
14:40
Speaker 1: but I hid it from everybody. I mean nobody in
14:43
Speaker 1: the world and none of my best friends I had
14:45
Speaker 1: people from college. When I shared my story more openly
14:48
Speaker 1: on my Instagram reach out of the blue and say
14:51
Speaker 1: I had no idea, I wish you would have told me.
14:54
Speaker 1: And that was a watershed moment. But I got to
14:56
Speaker 1: a point my senior year of college where I was
14:59
Speaker 1: suicidal and deeply, deeply, deeply depressed and anxious. And so
15:03
Speaker 1: that's where I was diagnosed after that experience with anxiety
15:07
Speaker 1: and depression, and really doubled down into therapy and double
15:11
Speaker 1: down into treatment and what I needed to do to
15:13
Speaker 1: get myself back on the road.
15:16
Speaker 2: When you started first experiencing suicidal thoughts, did you have
15:23
Speaker 2: one person that you finally told helped you, that helped
15:27
Speaker 2: pull you out of let's call it this darkness, or
15:31
Speaker 2: how did that unfold for you?
15:33
Speaker 1: So for me, it was I kept operating off of this.
15:36
Speaker 1: If I put on the happy face, if I play
15:38
Speaker 1: the game, maybe something will get rid of the numbness.
15:42
Speaker 1: What was odd about the experience, and what I really
15:44
Speaker 1: want to talk to people about being in this mental
15:46
Speaker 1: space is that it's a slow burn. It's a slow process.
15:51
Speaker 1: It wasn't just one day I'm super depressed and it
15:53
Speaker 1: was this dramatic feeling. It wasn't actually an overwhelm of emotions.
15:57
Speaker 1: It was the absence of emotions time and time again.
16:00
Speaker 1: So over the years, especially in college, I would I
16:04
Speaker 1: was a college cheerleader, and so I'm a little miss
16:06
Speaker 1: peppy and deep down there's something else going on. Right
16:08
Speaker 1: I'm in this great film program that I'm in love
16:10
Speaker 1: with and I'm passionate about storytelling and cinema. But that
16:13
Speaker 1: didn't do it, And so I was trying to plug
16:16
Speaker 1: these holes that were really there was a gaping wound
16:20
Speaker 1: that I kept avoiding. It's like trying to put a
16:21
Speaker 1: band aid on a deep flesh wound. It's like, no, no,
16:24
Speaker 1: we need stitches and surgery. We don't need something to
16:26
Speaker 1: play kate. So when I got to that point in
16:31
Speaker 1: my senior year of college, I had hit it from everybody.
16:33
Speaker 1: And one thing I look back on is the pain
16:38
Speaker 1: that I you know you can't regret your experience. I
16:41
Speaker 1: believe everything happens for a reason. I deeply believe this
16:43
Speaker 1: is part of my purpose. But I didn't share it
16:46
Speaker 1: with my family, who I'm closest with. So it came
16:49
Speaker 1: to a moment just before I was close to completing
16:54
Speaker 1: the act, and I had this flash of what my
16:59
Speaker 1: family's life. I tell you, it's out of body experience.
17:01
Speaker 1: It's a feeling of feeling so numb. It was an
17:05
Speaker 1: emotional clarity and a very turbulent moment, and I almost
17:10
Speaker 1: felt like I could see into the future for like
17:11
Speaker 1: what would occur, Like what my parents' lives would be
17:15
Speaker 1: like had I gone through with it, how the circles
17:17
Speaker 1: around me would be affected. It was kind of like,
17:20
Speaker 1: I hate to make light of this, but it's almost
17:21
Speaker 1: like in a Christmas Carol.
17:23
Speaker 2: It's like the ghost of Christmas future type of thing.
17:25
Speaker 2: Like it's kind of ironic.
17:27
Speaker 1: But I had this vision and I all of a
17:32
Speaker 1: sudden just took this breath and I was like I
17:34
Speaker 1: had someone shake me and wake me up, and it
17:36
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, what the hell am I doing?
17:38
Speaker 1: And I look at my phone and crazily enough, my
17:42
Speaker 1: mom had been calling me fifteen times. There were fifteen miscalls.
17:46
Speaker 1: We hadn't talked since probably earlier in the day, like
17:48
Speaker 1: around noon, and so she had an instinct something was deeply, deeply,
17:52
Speaker 1: deeply wrong, which that is incredible, And they say there's
17:55
Speaker 1: that mother's instinct, and I think that's very true. And
17:58
Speaker 1: I picked up the phone and I said, I need
18:00
Speaker 1: you to come pick me up. And that's where it
18:02
Speaker 1: all began. So I didn't leverage the connections that I had.
18:07
Speaker 1: And I have a wonderful connection to my family and
18:10
Speaker 1: my parents. I have a wonderful connection to my friends.
18:12
Speaker 1: But I think there was so much internalized shame that
18:15
Speaker 1: I felt because I didn't want to be a burden.
18:18
Speaker 1: I didn't want people to have to worry about me.
18:22
Speaker 1: But the irony was I wasn't worried about myself because
18:25
Speaker 1: my self help and myself being wasn't number one.
18:28
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that, and it's so interesting hearing
18:32
Speaker 2: what your experience was like. I truly feel that it's
18:36
Speaker 2: so important for us to talk about this because the
18:39
Speaker 2: more that we talk about mental health, and the more
18:44
Speaker 2: that we open up using certain buzzwords, even it can
18:48
Speaker 2: shed light on the struggles or the situation that someone
18:53
Speaker 2: else is going through and doesn't know how to label
18:58
Speaker 2: or articulate. The more that we have these open dialogues,
19:02
Speaker 2: the better that we can all be about not making
19:06
Speaker 2: it taboo to open up about our mental health. No
19:10
Speaker 2: one should be made to feel as though something is
19:13
Speaker 2: wrong with them because they are struggling, or that something
19:18
Speaker 2: is wrong with them because they're questioning a feeling.
19:21
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yes, And it's the listening
19:24
Speaker 1: to oneself. And that's really where I talk about it
19:27
Speaker 1: so much because I understand it so much more now.
19:30
Speaker 1: Is that it truly is getting to know yourself. But
19:32
Speaker 1: getting to know yourself means accepting all of the pieces
19:35
Speaker 1: of us, accepting the fact that there are days when
19:37
Speaker 1: you wake up you could have everything in the world,
19:40
Speaker 1: it could be a beautiful day, and just you're a
19:43
Speaker 1: little off. There's just something something shifted. You don't know
19:47
Speaker 1: what's going on. You don't have to know the why.
19:49
Speaker 1: You just have to acknowledge that it's okay to feel
19:51
Speaker 1: that way. But it is. And that's why we have
19:53
Speaker 1: to have these conversations and these stories, because everyone experiences
19:58
Speaker 1: it differently and it's not this DSM. Here's my symptoms.
20:03
Speaker 1: I know I'm depressed or suicidal when X, Y, and
20:05
Speaker 1: Z happen. It's not linear or kind of granular like that.
20:09
Speaker 1: It's not easily packageable. Mental health is this very amorphous
20:14
Speaker 1: concept that means different things to us at different times
20:16
Speaker 1: in our lives. But it is get checking the pulse,
20:21
Speaker 1: like checking where like and asking how how am I today?
20:24
Speaker 1: How am I feeling today? Am I emotionally here? Or
20:27
Speaker 1: if something really throws you off, I love like maybe
20:29
Speaker 1: you get cut off in traffic, or maybe you know.
20:32
Speaker 1: I know in my world like social media, I could
20:34
Speaker 1: get a wonderful comment and then I could get this berating, nasty,
20:38
Speaker 1: awful DM and sometimes I have to check in with
20:40
Speaker 1: myself and be like, oh, I've allowed that to hold
20:44
Speaker 1: energy in space after that I received that comment, let
20:48
Speaker 1: me check in and say how am I feeling? And
20:49
Speaker 1: then I can acknowledge what I'm going to do about it.
20:52
Speaker 1: But you can't go mindlessly.
20:54
Speaker 2: Someone asked me this question the other day, and I
20:57
Speaker 2: feel like it's relevant here taking into consideration what you've
21:01
Speaker 2: been through on your mental health journey. When you first
21:05
Speaker 2: got the call from Peloton, were you in the space
21:09
Speaker 2: that you were more scared of failure or more scared
21:15
Speaker 2: of success because of what you just referenced, that exposure
21:20
Speaker 2: point or those millions of exposure points and given opinions.
21:26
Speaker 1: It's so funny. I used to think that failure is
21:29
Speaker 1: what scared me. But failure is very comfortable because you
21:34
Speaker 1: know that failure means that you've you're pretty much where
21:38
Speaker 1: you're at now in a sense, because you haven't taken
21:41
Speaker 1: on that next energy or that next responsibility or you know,
21:44
Speaker 1: joyful obligation if we want to call it. That. Success
21:48
Speaker 1: is probably the scariest thing, and people don't talk about that.
21:51
Speaker 1: They don't talk about the fact that they're like, oh,
21:53
Speaker 1: just do it and get up and go. I'm not
21:55
Speaker 1: going to placate somebody, especially as a fitness instructor and
21:58
Speaker 1: someone who's in the space and a mental health advocate,
22:00
Speaker 1: that oh, you just change your mind and you go.
22:02
Speaker 1: It's very challenging because success means there's a different level
22:05
Speaker 1: of responsibility that you don't know how you're going to handle.
22:08
Speaker 1: Success means that your world is going to completely shift
22:10
Speaker 1: and change and the way that you relate to it
22:11
Speaker 1: and what you provide to it, and it's an massive
22:15
Speaker 1: unknown so for me, when I got the offer at Peloton,
22:19
Speaker 1: I was so immediately excited and the move was exciting,
22:22
Speaker 1: and I'll say, like the fear of success really permeated
22:26
Speaker 1: when I was training up for my premiere ride. I
22:29
Speaker 1: really struggled in that training process. I had so much
22:32
Speaker 1: of this imposter syndrome, like how am I here? Why me?
22:36
Speaker 1: What is this? Let me try to be what I
22:39
Speaker 1: thought a Peloton instructor was supposed to be, because I
22:41
Speaker 1: had this perception of like these like superhumans, and I
22:45
Speaker 1: felt like there was a dissonance there and I was
22:47
Speaker 1: younger and less experienced in certain ways and experience in others.
22:50
Speaker 1: And it was funny. I remember I had a conversation
22:53
Speaker 1: with Cody like about two weeks before my premiere ride,
22:57
Speaker 1: and he just looked at me and he's like, Oh,
22:58
Speaker 1: you've got to get it together, like you got this,
23:02
Speaker 1: but you are here for a reason, like we chose
23:05
Speaker 1: you for you. We didn't choose you to be somebody
23:08
Speaker 1: else or something else. And that was a really awesome
23:12
Speaker 1: moment because I think it was the first time someone
23:14
Speaker 1: said I want you to be here for you, and
23:17
Speaker 1: then I realized, oh, I need to be here for
23:18
Speaker 1: myself too, like myself needs to be enough for me
23:22
Speaker 1: that premier ride, I don't know what happened, something clicked
23:25
Speaker 1: in that room. I think maybe it was the build
23:26
Speaker 1: up and the anxiety and then it was like the exhale.
23:29
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's fear. It's fear of being exposed. It's
23:32
Speaker 1: fear of also being vulnerable. Success is very vulnerable.
23:35
Speaker 2: There's a lot of vulnerability that comes with that, and
23:37
Speaker 2: also a wisdom of the greater understanding that what success
23:41
Speaker 2: means day in and day out can change.
23:44
Speaker 1: Right.
23:44
Speaker 2: So, just because at one point you've accomplished the version
23:48
Speaker 2: of success that you thought was like the tippity top
23:50
Speaker 2: of the mountaintop, then the next day you wake up
23:53
Speaker 2: and you set new goals and you go after new challenges,
23:56
Speaker 2: and then that definition of success shifts again. And also,
24:00
Speaker 2: what I think is so interesting and hearing you talk
24:02
Speaker 2: about your experience and you know, wondering who is it
24:05
Speaker 2: that I should be.
24:07
Speaker 1: Any One of the.
24:09
Speaker 2: Instructors that I've had on the show literally had that
24:12
Speaker 2: same you know, come to Jesus moment if you will,
24:16
Speaker 2: where every single person was like I was worried that
24:19
Speaker 2: I needed to be X and they were reassured, but
24:23
Speaker 2: we just want you to be you.
24:24
Speaker 1: Yes, And that's the probably the most beautiful thing. And
24:27
Speaker 1: I'm so proud to be at Peloton because of that,
24:31
Speaker 1: because the ethos behind it is like the sum is
24:34
Speaker 1: really greater than its individual parts. But damn the individual
24:36
Speaker 1: parts on this team, we're all very different. We all
24:39
Speaker 1: have different energies, we have different experiences, But what makes
24:42
Speaker 1: it work is that we're ourselves. You know, we were
24:45
Speaker 1: all selected to fill a certain role that somehow, with
24:50
Speaker 1: all these other incredible energies, it just adds more to
24:53
Speaker 1: the pot. It doesn't subtract like it's And that's the
24:56
Speaker 1: funny part is that the goal isn't to be more
25:00
Speaker 1: than what you are. The goal is to just be
25:02
Speaker 1: more of who you are. And that's what I'm reminded
25:05
Speaker 1: of every day, especially when I and I still do
25:08
Speaker 1: shoot like I have. I'm an ambitious person, I'm fiery.
25:11
Speaker 1: I want to do everything and live full, especially because
25:15
Speaker 1: I've experienced not wanting to live at all. But I
25:18
Speaker 1: know that both of those energies I have to keep
25:20
Speaker 1: them in check because sometimes like you can get ahead
25:23
Speaker 1: of yourself, you can get at a little two forward
25:26
Speaker 1: thinking and not be grounded and not be like rooted
25:28
Speaker 1: in your purpose, and you just have to remember, like, oh,
25:31
Speaker 1: I just want to become more of myself. I just
25:33
Speaker 1: want to reveal more of myself. I want to peel
25:35
Speaker 1: another layer back. I want to be more vulnerable with
25:37
Speaker 1: more people. I want to be more acknowledging of the
25:40
Speaker 1: fact that I'm shifting and changing and growing, especially as
25:42
Speaker 1: a woman, and that I'm going to have chapters and
25:45
Speaker 1: seasons of my life that are going to be incredibly challenging.
25:48
Speaker 1: But I don't want to hide that. I want to
25:50
Speaker 1: understand that my success is in living as fully and
25:54
Speaker 1: as authentically and as as much and full of myself,
25:58
Speaker 1: full of me as I can be.
26:01
Speaker 2: So I won't pretend that I don't know what happens
26:04
Speaker 2: next in your story, but I do think that it's
26:06
Speaker 2: critical for our conversation as we go forward. So once
26:09
Speaker 2: you do go back home with your mom when she
26:13
Speaker 2: picks you up after this hurdle moment, talk to us
26:17
Speaker 2: about what happens for you and what the next few
26:19
Speaker 2: months look like.
26:22
Speaker 1: I will say there is a concept that I've understood
26:26
Speaker 1: in personal experience where when you go through something very traumatic,
26:30
Speaker 1: your brain protects yourself and you forget. I can tell
26:35
Speaker 1: you definitively from that was right around just before Thanksgiving,
26:39
Speaker 1: it is right around midterms. From that Thanksgiving to about
26:45
Speaker 1: beginning of February, I don't remember any of those months.
26:48
Speaker 1: I don't remember Christmas, and I'm a I love Christmas.
26:51
Speaker 1: Christmas is it. I'm Italian, we eat all the food.
26:54
Speaker 1: Don't remember Christmas, don't remember New Year's. I don't remember
26:57
Speaker 1: ringing in the New Year that year, Yeah, twenty fifteen.
27:01
Speaker 1: New Year's twenty fifteen. I don't remember at all. And
27:05
Speaker 1: from It's Piecemeil what I was told, so I know
27:08
Speaker 1: my mom and dad mentioned that I was really struggling
27:10
Speaker 1: getting out of bed. The irony is that I was
27:14
Speaker 1: the OCD child who had to have clean feet, who
27:18
Speaker 1: had to wear socks, and I got to a point
27:20
Speaker 1: where I couldn't shower. So it showed you the range
27:24
Speaker 1: and the depth of where we were at. And I
27:25
Speaker 1: remember my dad coming into my room. This is what's funny.
27:29
Speaker 1: This is why I say this at the end of
27:30
Speaker 1: the class, and it means so much. He came into
27:32
Speaker 1: my room and I couldn't get out of bed, and
27:34
Speaker 1: my mom was trying and he just leveled with me
27:37
Speaker 1: and he said, honey, I need you to do this,
27:42
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ask you to do it for me.
27:45
Speaker 1: I really want you to do it for yourself, but
27:47
Speaker 1: I know that's not possible right now. And he said,
27:50
Speaker 1: if if you don't take these steps, you know, I
27:55
Speaker 1: think we need to put you in in patient. Which
27:58
Speaker 1: is fine. I think that program would have been great,
28:00
Speaker 1: but I really didn't want to do that because I
28:02
Speaker 1: didn't want to miss the opportunity to graduate on time.
28:05
Speaker 1: I really wanted to graduate when I was supposed to
28:08
Speaker 1: or when the kind of what I had worked so
28:10
Speaker 1: hard for. I didn't want school to fall behind. And
28:13
Speaker 1: he said, I know you want that, and he said,
28:16
Speaker 1: I've said that since day one. They can knock us down,
28:19
Speaker 1: but we will never let it knock us out. You
28:22
Speaker 1: are not knocked out. Get up, Get up.
28:24
Speaker 2: Ooh, I'm gonna cry. So the beautiful thing about that
28:34
Speaker 2: is that was what stuck. I don't remember much.
28:37
Speaker 1: I remember that and being able to have that be
28:42
Speaker 1: a motto that I've brought into fitness Glasses before I
28:46
Speaker 1: was at Peloton, but even just into life really change
28:53
Speaker 1: the game. And so that was what got me back.
28:56
Speaker 1: Oh that's what got me over that hurdle. I had
28:58
Speaker 1: that hurdle moment kept me moving forward inch by inch.
29:03
Speaker 1: It was a slow process, let me tell you. It
29:05
Speaker 1: was three days of therapy a week. It was having
29:08
Speaker 1: conversations and not wanting to talk at all. It was
29:11
Speaker 1: completely isolating myself for my friends. I didn't go back,
29:14
Speaker 1: really didn't go back to school. God blessed the professors
29:17
Speaker 1: and the team at USC where I went to college.
29:19
Speaker 1: My grades were so high. They were like, she's fine, Like, which,
29:23
Speaker 1: go figure? I mean, I had straight fricking a's like
29:26
Speaker 1: you would have not nobody would have known. And I
29:28
Speaker 1: just kind of dealt with this in kind of this
29:30
Speaker 1: solitude and got back on track, moved into a new
29:35
Speaker 1: kind of living situation, which is going to be even
29:37
Speaker 1: better for me, more isolated. I had this lovely little
29:40
Speaker 1: studio that I called the Chateau because remind me of
29:42
Speaker 1: chateau my mom, where I loved going to go and
29:45
Speaker 1: write my papers before they got snooty and wouldn't let
29:47
Speaker 1: people in. But no shade to them, kind of shade
29:50
Speaker 1: actually because no, actually, because I loved getting French fries
29:53
Speaker 1: and sitting with my laptop and writing papers and looking
29:55
Speaker 1: at like Patti Smith across the way. I was like,
29:58
Speaker 1: this is dope. So dope anyway, had my little, my
30:02
Speaker 1: little studio and made it through that second semester senior year.
30:08
Speaker 1: And the funny part is, and it's a good gut
30:10
Speaker 1: check for me is today, almost a decade later, is
30:16
Speaker 1: being able to know whenever I get really stressed out
30:18
Speaker 1: by something in life, I will have a stress dream
30:22
Speaker 1: that I am not going to graduate from college and
30:24
Speaker 1: that I can't make it to my last final, which
30:26
Speaker 1: is so interesting to show. That was the motivator of
30:30
Speaker 1: not I didn't want to fall behind. But what I
30:32
Speaker 1: didn't recognize was that this process was actually what was
30:34
Speaker 1: going to shoot me forward. It would take many chapters
30:37
Speaker 1: to get to that understanding, but I know that's why.
30:41
Speaker 1: That's why I get to say what I get to
30:43
Speaker 1: say and do what I get to do.
30:44
Speaker 2: Now. Taking a break from today's episode to give some
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Speaker 2: no code necessary. It's so interesting that conversation around your
34:23
Speaker 2: mind protecting you and blacking out certain memories, because I
34:27
Speaker 2: also certainly experienced that at a couple different points in
34:31
Speaker 2: my life, specifically when I was the most unhappy in
34:36
Speaker 2: my body back in my freshman year of college. And
34:39
Speaker 2: I think about a lot of my memories in between
34:42
Speaker 2: ages sixteen and eighteen, when I was coming into my
34:45
Speaker 2: own and dealing with bullying and just feeling really self conscious,
34:49
Speaker 2: and the dialogue that was happening up in my mind
34:52
Speaker 2: was just so toxic and negative, and I remember just
34:57
Speaker 2: little blips and pieces of literally years of my life.
35:01
Speaker 2: And then even I mean we were talking about you
35:04
Speaker 2: going through a tough time recently myself as well, like
35:07
Speaker 2: at the at the front end of this year, just
35:08
Speaker 2: navigating some personal stuff. There are conversations that friends reference
35:13
Speaker 2: that we had that I don't even remember. It's the
35:17
Speaker 2: most like concerning moment to be like, where where were you?
35:22
Speaker 2: You know, like and ask yourself like what was happening here?
35:24
Speaker 2: We're we're like what was happening in my mind? But
35:27
Speaker 2: being able to then sit down, reflect, gain an understanding,
35:31
Speaker 2: and instead of feeling angry about the things that we
35:33
Speaker 2: cannot control, focus on what you can do with what
35:37
Speaker 2: you have right now to move forward in a more
35:39
Speaker 2: positive and beneficial direction. Yes, and it is, and it's
35:43
Speaker 2: giving yourself the grace and the understanding Like.
35:47
Speaker 1: That will happen. There will be there will be time
35:50
Speaker 1: periods or there will be those shift points. They'll get
35:52
Speaker 1: to you. They will have that effect like I hear you,
35:55
Speaker 1: I'm same thing you know. Beginning of the year, I
35:58
Speaker 1: think collectively a glow energy. We've all been going through
36:02
Speaker 1: so much, this languishing through a pandemic, but on top
36:05
Speaker 1: of it. You know, it's heavy out there. There's a
36:07
Speaker 1: lot of very heavy energy, and we're all affected by it.
36:11
Speaker 1: We're all affected by each other much more than we recognize.
36:14
Speaker 1: And I think you know that's where that compassion and
36:16
Speaker 1: that kind of empathy comes in. But I'm with you.
36:19
Speaker 1: It is those little winds. It's those little things that
36:23
Speaker 1: you can do to ground yourself back. It's acknowledging the
36:25
Speaker 1: asshole in your head. I mean, I get it. I like,
36:29
Speaker 1: she's terrible. I would never be friends with that be
36:32
Speaker 1: She's awful, like the worst person. And it's funny when
36:36
Speaker 1: you kind of get down that spiral for a little
36:38
Speaker 1: bit and you allow yourself to ruminate in that negative
36:41
Speaker 1: headspace and you recognize you're like, hold on, is that me?
36:46
Speaker 1: Or is that something else? And a really a big
36:49
Speaker 1: turning point for me was understanding that I didn't have
36:51
Speaker 1: to believe everything that I thought. The thoughts that happen
36:53
Speaker 1: in my brain are not me, They're a byproduct of
36:57
Speaker 1: what's happening in my brain. And understanding that there's a
37:01
Speaker 1: difference between and this is where spirituality comes in for me,
37:04
Speaker 1: but between like my soul and my deeper purpose and
37:07
Speaker 1: the why that I'm here and operating in this little
37:10
Speaker 1: vessel for the time I get to be in it
37:11
Speaker 1: and whatnot. There's a difference between that and my head,
37:16
Speaker 1: which is the humanity and the ego, and that's important
37:19
Speaker 1: to have that it's self protective. But oftentimes the ego
37:24
Speaker 1: and that negative voice is the loudest in the room,
37:27
Speaker 1: but it's not the truest. So it's learning to listen
37:29
Speaker 1: for that truer voice. It's learning to practice opening that
37:33
Speaker 1: space for it. So that's where you know, therapy has
37:36
Speaker 1: been helpful and acknowledging and separating what's that negative headspace,
37:40
Speaker 1: that negative voice, and what's my real self as well
37:43
Speaker 1: as you know, the little things during the day. The
37:45
Speaker 1: more the rituals, the Okay, let me do some somatic
37:48
Speaker 1: breath work, let me make sure I'm moving my body,
37:51
Speaker 1: let me you know, you're drinking a bunch of water.
37:53
Speaker 1: You're like, yes, I'm going to take care of it.
37:55
Speaker 1: You know, keeping everything in balance. That's important. It is important.
37:58
Speaker 2: And you mentioned tools or small tools when for someone
38:02
Speaker 2: who may be struggling navigating that be of a voice
38:07
Speaker 2: that is inside of their head, do you have any
38:11
Speaker 2: practices or go tos that you use personally to help
38:15
Speaker 2: you get through some of the really difficult echoe moments.
38:20
Speaker 1: Yes, I will say I ask first and foremost, is
38:25
Speaker 1: this fact like the second that I hear? And it
38:29
Speaker 1: could be I could see something on my body, It
38:31
Speaker 1: could be like that around that time of the month,
38:33
Speaker 1: and you know everything, the way our hormones work, everything,
38:35
Speaker 1: you just feel disgusting and awful and terrible and lah,
38:39
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait is this fact? Where's the fact
38:42
Speaker 1: in the statement? And trying to pull out the emotion
38:46
Speaker 1: and acknowledge the logic or the lack thereof, because usually
38:50
Speaker 1: the bee in the head she is just responsive and
38:53
Speaker 1: or she's reactive and she's just terrible and there's no
38:56
Speaker 1: fact there, or it's a fear. It's always rooted back
38:59
Speaker 1: in and then it goes back to control. So once
39:02
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that's happening, I'm like, Okay, what am I
39:05
Speaker 1: either afraid of doing and allowing fear to come in?
39:09
Speaker 1: Or what do I need to take control over my life?
39:12
Speaker 1: What do I have control over? And control is a
39:14
Speaker 1: wonderful thing, but also allowance and acceptances simultaneously. Right, there's
39:18
Speaker 1: a lot we can't control. It's almost frightening when you
39:21
Speaker 1: think about it sometimes, but it's also beautiful because somehow
39:24
Speaker 1: we operate and we evolve into the people we're meant
39:27
Speaker 1: to be if we, you know, kind of stay on
39:29
Speaker 1: the course. So first thing when that happens, I would say, acknowledge,
39:33
Speaker 1: what is fact? What is not? I write? I like
39:36
Speaker 1: to write it down, getting it out of my head
39:38
Speaker 1: and onto paper. Journaling's really been great for me lately.
39:41
Speaker 1: I stepped away from it for a while, but recently
39:43
Speaker 1: I'm just like, let me just write it out. Let
39:45
Speaker 1: me just get it out of me, like word vomit.
39:47
Speaker 1: Just you're not going to exist in me anymore if
39:49
Speaker 1: I get it out of my space, and then from
39:51
Speaker 1: there I go back to my breath. Breathing and breath
39:54
Speaker 1: work has been just a game changer for me in
39:59
Speaker 1: a time of need. I love my therapist. We have
40:02
Speaker 1: that four or five seven breath or sorry four seven
40:05
Speaker 1: five breath or you inhale for four or you hold
40:07
Speaker 1: for seven. I'm messing it up. It's one of the other.
40:09
Speaker 1: It's something like that, but it's an inhale, a hold
40:12
Speaker 1: and a longer exhale. There's great work. Like I did
40:16
Speaker 1: a TikTok about it, but it's you tap your shoulders.
40:18
Speaker 1: It's kind of like butterfly taps, and you keep your
40:21
Speaker 1: breath through it, and you just ground yourself back in
40:23
Speaker 1: your body and take a moment to allow the head
40:26
Speaker 1: not to operate and just get back into the space
40:29
Speaker 1: you're in present. It's tough though. It's tough too because
40:33
Speaker 1: I felt myself being having more of a challenge with
40:35
Speaker 1: it lately. With you know, you turn on the news
40:37
Speaker 1: and you want to be informed about what's happening in
40:39
Speaker 1: the world. You get a constant set of stimulus from
40:42
Speaker 1: like text messages and social media feeds, and we're so
40:46
Speaker 1: plugged in that were turned off to us. So really
40:51
Speaker 1: making sure it's like it's like spiritual emotional mental hygiene
40:54
Speaker 1: to take take time to do nothing like and not
40:58
Speaker 1: even TV, or just sit on your couch for five
41:00
Speaker 1: minutes and just scan the room, be present for a second,
41:04
Speaker 1: or like now that the weather's getting beautiful, like sit
41:06
Speaker 1: in the sun. Those things. It's the simple acknowledgments that
41:09
Speaker 1: bring us back and it's okay, Shoot, you need a day,
41:13
Speaker 1: take a mental health day. Your work doesn't like it,
41:15
Speaker 1: you're sick, It's fine. You have a sick day, use
41:18
Speaker 1: it encouraging. You know, I'd love to see this in
41:21
Speaker 1: more workplaces, and I'm happy that Peloton does this. I
41:24
Speaker 1: want to see it happen everywhere. I want it to
41:26
Speaker 1: be normalized. But taking care of your mental health is
41:29
Speaker 1: just as important as taking care of your body when
41:31
Speaker 1: you have a clold or a flu. And I will say,
41:33
Speaker 1: negative mental health does affect the mental health of others.
41:36
Speaker 1: So just like you wouldn't want your coworker coughing up
41:40
Speaker 1: along at the desk or the shared office space next
41:42
Speaker 1: to you, you also don't want your coworker in a
41:45
Speaker 1: really challenging, dark, negative place and bringing that there either
41:49
Speaker 1: if they could be taking care of themselves and there's
41:51
Speaker 1: access for them to be better for sure.
41:53
Speaker 2: And you know, recently on the show, I had a
41:56
Speaker 2: woman on her name's Melissa Doman who talks all about
42:00
Speaker 2: out well being shaming and how to navigate that in
42:02
Speaker 2: the office. So I really value and appreciate your point,
42:06
Speaker 2: noting that if someone is in that bad headspace, then
42:09
Speaker 2: it can permeate into everything else that all the other
42:12
Speaker 2: individuals in your space are navigating on their own, and
42:16
Speaker 2: then it can just become like a bigger problem. So
42:18
Speaker 2: prioritizing yourself, prioritizing your own mental well being, it's so important.
42:23
Speaker 2: And I loved those actionable tips that you gave, including
42:27
Speaker 2: journaling when it comes to addressing how you're feeling and
42:31
Speaker 2: how to.
42:32
Speaker 1: Get out of that negative headspace.
42:34
Speaker 2: I think that it's just so important to recognize that,
42:37
Speaker 2: like little steps in the right direction are big steps
42:40
Speaker 2: in that if you are someone who maybe has never
42:43
Speaker 2: done breathwork before, or you've never journaled before, like start small,
42:48
Speaker 2: and don't judge that start because starting is really really
42:52
Speaker 2: intimidating and it's really really challenging. So being proud of
42:57
Speaker 2: yourself for being willing to go there like that, that's
43:01
Speaker 2: huge completely. And look, when you start anything, you suck
43:05
Speaker 2: at it. Honestly, I'm so tempted to pull out. I
43:08
Speaker 2: don't think they would let me do it.
43:09
Speaker 1: But I have a video of my first ever recorded
43:12
Speaker 1: Peloton class day one of when I tell you this
43:17
Speaker 1: is a dumpster fire train wreck. It was rough, It
43:22
Speaker 1: was really rough. It was a lot. I couldn't find
43:25
Speaker 1: the cameras I was babbling. I was like, wait, what
43:28
Speaker 1: is cadence versus resistant? Like we were? It was bad.
43:31
Speaker 1: It was real bad. But the coolest part is like
43:34
Speaker 1: it's just like anything. It's it's a movement pattern, it's practice,
43:38
Speaker 1: it's understanding that it's it is little winds. So if
43:42
Speaker 1: you're suck at it, be a sucker, like I want
43:46
Speaker 1: you to suck because if you're not sucking, you're not
43:49
Speaker 1: doing anything. Like no, you know it is is that,
43:52
Speaker 1: you know, opening yourself to that beginner's mindset. And it's funny,
43:55
Speaker 1: the more we age, the more we feel like we
43:57
Speaker 1: have to be pros and experts and you know, who
44:00
Speaker 1: am I to step into the space and give a
44:02
Speaker 1: talk or give a speech? I had that happen recently.
44:04
Speaker 1: I have this great opportunity upcoming.
44:05
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh god, why would they want to
44:07
Speaker 2: listen to me?
44:08
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not even thirty yet, Like ah, I
44:11
Speaker 1: feel like what can I tell these people?
44:12
Speaker 2: You know?
44:13
Speaker 1: And then you recognize, hold on, there's value everywhere. There's
44:16
Speaker 1: value from sitting down with your four year old niece
44:19
Speaker 1: who can talk about unicorns and butterflies and rainbows, and
44:22
Speaker 1: when you talk to her, you're like, oh my gosh,
44:24
Speaker 1: I just feel like my imagination's back. Everybody, every person,
44:29
Speaker 1: every being has value to provide. There is not one
44:32
Speaker 1: person on this planet that doesn't have value. So add
44:36
Speaker 1: to your value by sucking at everything for a little
44:39
Speaker 1: bit and have fun with it, Like you want to
44:41
Speaker 1: go through pottery and learn how to you know, have
44:44
Speaker 1: a ghost moment. I can't guarantee Patrick Swayzey will show up,
44:46
Speaker 1: but go do it. Go suck at it, make a
44:49
Speaker 1: little like mound and be like that was my first
44:51
Speaker 1: piece of pottery. It is hideous, and I am so
44:53
Speaker 1: damn proud of how much I sucked at that. I
44:56
Speaker 1: love that.
44:57
Speaker 2: I'm so damn proud of how much I sucked at that. Right,
45:02
Speaker 2: so terrible that it was so awesome. Well, you mentioned
45:05
Speaker 2: the buzzword movement again. I do know that you really
45:09
Speaker 2: got introduced to movement beyond your days of cheerleading at USC.
45:14
Speaker 2: You started boxing when you were navigating a lot of
45:19
Speaker 2: the trials and tribulations that came with confronting a lot
45:22
Speaker 2: of those mental health demons.
45:23
Speaker 1: So talk us through what that looked like for you.
45:26
Speaker 1: I will say thank God for the mentor that I
45:29
Speaker 1: have had. He just acknowledged like, ooh, you're a lot.
45:33
Speaker 1: I've heard that a lot in my life that I'm
45:36
Speaker 1: a lot. It used to bother me. It's my favorite
45:38
Speaker 1: compliment someone can give me now is that I'm a lot. Yes,
45:41
Speaker 1: I'm very full of a lot of experiences and emotions,
45:44
Speaker 1: and a lot is better than a little, so I'm
45:47
Speaker 1: good with it. But he recognized there was something going
45:51
Speaker 1: on deeper, and so he happened to own a boxing
45:54
Speaker 1: gym in the West side of LA and he's like,
45:57
Speaker 1: come through. I'm like, okay, fine, And this is somebody that, like,
46:00
Speaker 1: you know, I look up to this person. I want
46:02
Speaker 1: to impress them. There's like this like paternal type of
46:05
Speaker 1: energy where you're like, I want to make them proud.
46:07
Speaker 1: So I roll into this boxing gym. First things first,
46:11
Speaker 1: I am the only chick. I am proud. I'm a
46:14
Speaker 1: lot shorter than people think. I'm grateful that they think
46:17
Speaker 1: i'm taller. I'm probably like five to four on a
46:19
Speaker 1: good day. And so I walk in. There's these like
46:22
Speaker 1: six foot four, beastly sweaty men. There's blood on the floor,
46:25
Speaker 1: there's sweat, and everyone's just going at it. There's two
46:28
Speaker 1: guys sparring in the middle of the ring. There's people
46:30
Speaker 1: working out on the heavy bags. There's people lifting these
46:33
Speaker 1: weights and hitting tires with sledgehammers, and I'm like, where're
46:36
Speaker 1: the FM I okay, okay, but they were playing heavy
46:40
Speaker 1: hip hop, so I was like, I'm into that I
46:41
Speaker 1: can buy. So sure enough, I put gloves on for
46:45
Speaker 1: the first time and talking about sucking and the joy
46:49
Speaker 1: of sucking. The only gloves that they had, mind you,
46:51
Speaker 1: that were available were pink, which pissed me off because
46:54
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to wear pink gloves
46:55
Speaker 1: and be the new chick in the gym. And everyone's
46:56
Speaker 1: already looking at me, and I was so in my head,
46:59
Speaker 1: and I was embarrassed, embarrassed, and then bless the trainer
47:03
Speaker 1: that I had who trained me up on everything boxing
47:05
Speaker 1: at the beginning. We finally he's like focus, focus, He's like, here,
47:10
Speaker 1: look at the mint. Look at the mint. And then
47:11
Speaker 1: I remember, I will never forget you know it when
47:13
Speaker 1: you do it, that first crack of the mit, when
47:16
Speaker 1: that glove hits that mint perfect and it makes this
47:18
Speaker 1: like actually it kind of sounds like a lightning strike.
47:21
Speaker 1: Go figure, and it says crack and you and me,
47:24
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm addicted. Oh, I could create that
47:27
Speaker 1: power that could come from my body that could sound
47:30
Speaker 1: like that, and it sounds similar when that six foot
47:33
Speaker 1: four guy is doing the same thing. But I made
47:35
Speaker 1: that sound oh okay, And then it became an addiction
47:39
Speaker 1: because it was the only place at that point because
47:42
Speaker 1: I didn't know breath work. I didn't acknowledge what was
47:45
Speaker 1: the separation between what was my thoughts and my person.
47:48
Speaker 1: I just wanted to unscrew my brain, my head from
47:51
Speaker 1: my body and put it over in like another room.
47:54
Speaker 1: And I would say that ironically. I said that to
47:56
Speaker 1: my mom a lot growing up, which if any parents
47:59
Speaker 1: out there have children that are like my brain's just
48:01
Speaker 1: too busy or too much or too chaotic, I would
48:04
Speaker 1: say that's a bit of a sign because I still
48:06
Speaker 1: feel that way at times. That's when I know, okay,
48:08
Speaker 1: it's time to tap back in and you know, take
48:11
Speaker 1: that breath and take that moment. But I got into boxing.
48:14
Speaker 1: I would train three times a week, and it just
48:16
Speaker 1: became both an empowering moment because I could take the
48:21
Speaker 1: turmoil that was in my body. I could take the
48:24
Speaker 1: chaos and the crazy. And I mean, I don't really
48:26
Speaker 1: like the word crazy, but I like I've kind of
48:28
Speaker 1: reframed it where it's this almost like a collage, is
48:31
Speaker 1: how I look at it. It's like visually what crazy
48:33
Speaker 1: looks like to me. And it's beautiful because it's all
48:35
Speaker 1: these different pieces. But I could take it all and
48:38
Speaker 1: center that energy into one space, and that's when I
48:41
Speaker 1: was throwing a punch, and then I fell in love
48:43
Speaker 1: with the sport and all of the messaging behind it,
48:46
Speaker 1: the metaphor, the metaphor of not draining your energy anticipating
48:50
Speaker 1: someone punching you, just staying present, ready, not being in
48:54
Speaker 1: your head, allowing and trusting in your body, trusting in
48:57
Speaker 1: your training that when someone does hit you, you move
49:01
Speaker 1: through it. When you get knocked right, you counter, or
49:04
Speaker 1: you have defense, or you know it's coming so you evade.
49:07
Speaker 1: There's so many life lessons in mental health metaphors that
49:11
Speaker 1: come with that sport, and the most beautiful thing is
49:14
Speaker 1: the community that you get with it. You meet people
49:16
Speaker 1: from all walks of life who've been through all kinds
49:18
Speaker 1: of hell literally hell fire and a hand basket, and
49:21
Speaker 1: some of them are the funniest, strangest humans you're ever
49:25
Speaker 1: going to come across. It's like a circus troop, right,
49:27
Speaker 1: It's kind of feels like the greatest Showman where it's
49:29
Speaker 1: like everyone's got these different experiences and you're like, Okay,
49:32
Speaker 1: somehow we're all fam and we all work because we
49:34
Speaker 1: love the same thing. And truly, boxing was the physical
49:40
Speaker 1: embodiment of the therapy that I needed for myself mentally.
49:43
Speaker 1: So it's a joy to get to bring that passion
49:46
Speaker 1: and that love to people at Peloton now and have
49:50
Speaker 1: them even though they're not hitting anything yet, they're punching air,
49:53
Speaker 1: they're understanding that they can move their body in a
49:55
Speaker 1: way that they created that power, They created that energy,
49:59
Speaker 1: and they didn't need anything else. We all have that
50:01
Speaker 1: energy sometimes we just need someone to help us understand
50:03
Speaker 1: how to harness it. You mentioned the word lightning.
50:08
Speaker 2: Talk to us about why the lightning and the lightning
50:12
Speaker 2: bolt are so significant for you in your life for sure.
50:16
Speaker 1: So just before I had that suicidal moment, and that
50:21
Speaker 1: moment in my senior year, that summer before, I was
50:23
Speaker 1: traveling in Italy for college, and that was the first
50:28
Speaker 1: time I thought I was in love with somebody. And
50:31
Speaker 1: you know, I was in Italy, he was back in
50:33
Speaker 1: the States and we were going through a lot. But
50:36
Speaker 1: I had kind of a gnarly weekend gnarly week weekend
50:39
Speaker 1: he broke up with me over text message, and I
50:42
Speaker 1: was in the Tinkwitarta with my two girlfriends and we
50:45
Speaker 1: would travel every weekend. I lived in Rome at the
50:47
Speaker 1: time for school, but we would travel, so we were
50:49
Speaker 1: up there, beautiful area. But as those texts were coming through,
50:55
Speaker 1: all of a sudden this I'm not joking, this storm
50:58
Speaker 1: came out of nowhere and that area is kind of
51:01
Speaker 1: known for it in the Mediterranean. But it was beautiful,
51:03
Speaker 1: blue day, blue water, and I felt like storm. I
51:07
Speaker 1: thought I controlled the weather because the more anxious I
51:09
Speaker 1: was getting, the more I was wanting to talk to him,
51:11
Speaker 1: but he wouldn't pick up the phone. And then all
51:13
Speaker 1: these swelling emotions and probably years of what had been
51:17
Speaker 1: building up, of the anxiety of where's my life going.
51:19
Speaker 1: I'm about to go into senior year. My career didn't
51:21
Speaker 1: happen the way that I thought it would. You know,
51:23
Speaker 1: I've been hiding who I am from everybody, and I'm
51:26
Speaker 1: not one hundred percent happy. But I'm going to try
51:27
Speaker 1: and go to Italy and make and have fun and
51:29
Speaker 1: maybe this will help, you know, trying to put band
51:32
Speaker 1: aids on a deep wound. It all came to a hat.
51:36
Speaker 1: All was just it was like everything piled up, and
51:40
Speaker 1: I remember there was a cute man that worked at
51:43
Speaker 1: the hotel that we were saying, and he runs into
51:45
Speaker 1: the room and he's like, oh, I had to take
51:46
Speaker 1: the umbrella because he's like like he was like freaking
51:49
Speaker 1: out that the umbrella was going to break the window
51:51
Speaker 1: because the winds were so bad. So he pulls the
51:53
Speaker 1: umbrella in and as he does, I just escape out
51:55
Speaker 1: of the room. I'm like, I need to get out
51:56
Speaker 1: of here. And I don't know what. I was like,
51:59
Speaker 1: I just need to be in it. I need It's
52:01
Speaker 1: crazily enough. I wanted to be in that storm. So
52:03
Speaker 1: I went up. There was like a roof deck on
52:05
Speaker 1: the hotel. This hotel was like on a cliff in Monterroso,
52:08
Speaker 1: and I just stood out in the storm and then
52:11
Speaker 1: I look across and there was a lightning strike. Every
52:15
Speaker 1: hair on my body stood up and it was just
52:18
Speaker 1: this flash moment where I felt completely free of all
52:23
Speaker 1: of the stress and anxiety, the overwhelm in my head
52:26
Speaker 1: and my body. I was so present in myself. It
52:29
Speaker 1: felt like it just was this hopeful moment that I
52:34
Speaker 1: was like, oh, there's more. And then I pulled out
52:37
Speaker 1: my phone and I'd still have a photo. It's blurry
52:39
Speaker 1: and terrible, but there was one more lightning strike. And
52:42
Speaker 1: I'm so happy I have that photo, and I go
52:44
Speaker 1: back to it whenever I need to, because in lightning,
52:48
Speaker 1: in this storm and chaos, in darkness, there's always the ability,
52:53
Speaker 1: because of the high and the low, because of the
52:57
Speaker 1: hot air and the cold air, because of all the
52:59
Speaker 1: contract and the duality and the pain and the purpose
53:02
Speaker 1: and the joy, something is created. And I didn't recognize
53:07
Speaker 1: it until later. This moment was definitely kind of the
53:10
Speaker 1: precursor and I think was kind of the omen or
53:13
Speaker 1: alarm to what was about to come down the pipeline
53:15
Speaker 1: in my personal life and in my mental health journey.
53:18
Speaker 1: But it was ironic lightning I was always drawn to
53:22
Speaker 1: after that point because it reminded me that was there's
53:24
Speaker 1: light and such chaos and in such a storm. And
53:27
Speaker 1: so whenever I see a storm where I see lightning,
53:31
Speaker 1: and I love wearing it on my body to remind
53:33
Speaker 1: me like, Okay, even if you're in a bit of
53:35
Speaker 1: a season or a bit of a moment of that
53:38
Speaker 1: darkness or that storm, there's always opportunity. There's always something excitable,
53:44
Speaker 1: and I mean.
53:44
Speaker 2: For electricity to come from rain and wind and water,
53:47
Speaker 2: for something else to create, it is like alchemy. And
53:51
Speaker 2: I think that's kind of the purpose that I remind
53:53
Speaker 2: myself of, especially in those tough times, is like, Okay,
53:57
Speaker 2: this is just a sign that there's clarity coming, there's
54:00
Speaker 2: alignment coming, there's good that can come from such deep,
54:05
Speaker 2: deep feelings and deep sorrow and deep chaos. For sure,
54:09
Speaker 2: you at the top of our conversation mentioned recently going
54:13
Speaker 2: through a breakup, and I know that on your Instagram
54:17
Speaker 2: last month you put up some sort of a reel
54:20
Speaker 2: or something that had some sentiment along the lines of
54:22
Speaker 2: my teenage self would be shocked that I'm so happy single,
54:26
Speaker 2: even through a lot of heartbreak, and as a fellow single,
54:32
Speaker 2: proud woman, and.
54:34
Speaker 1: We'll go get dinner. We'll go ahead, girl, we will
54:36
Speaker 1: go get dinner.
54:37
Speaker 2: It's so interesting and I'm sure this happens to you
54:40
Speaker 2: as well, to get outreach and messages from women who
54:43
Speaker 2: maybe are not yet and I'll use the word yet
54:46
Speaker 2: very purposefully, the same amount of secure and content with
54:52
Speaker 2: their single season and with spending time on their own.
54:58
Speaker 2: For someone who hears that and there's taking their head
55:00
Speaker 2: and they're like, yep, this is me, this is me.
55:02
Speaker 2: I'm working on it, but I'm not quite yet there.
55:05
Speaker 2: What do you say to them to maybe encourage them
55:08
Speaker 2: to find that level of comfort standing on their own
55:11
Speaker 2: two feet.
55:13
Speaker 1: I will say this, it is no one and no
55:16
Speaker 1: things job to give you your happiness but yourself. And
55:20
Speaker 1: it was a very I love the snap. It was
55:22
Speaker 1: a very interesting moment for me to understand that. I
55:25
Speaker 1: think as women and in the world and the society
55:28
Speaker 1: we've been raised in, we're in this shift moment where
55:31
Speaker 1: traditionally we look at generations past. I look at you know,
55:35
Speaker 1: so much of it was about finding your partner and
55:37
Speaker 1: you'll be happy when and you watch the Disney movies
55:40
Speaker 1: and it's I found Prince Charming and then they ride
55:42
Speaker 1: off from the sunset f that number one. Hold on,
55:46
Speaker 1: you're riding on a horse next to me. I'm not
55:48
Speaker 1: on your horse, okay, Like we're partners in this in
55:51
Speaker 1: this game called life. But even before that gets to happen,
55:56
Speaker 1: you have to know your value. You have to know
55:59
Speaker 1: who you are, you have to know what makes you
56:00
Speaker 1: happy and understand that, like you're growing on your own.
56:04
Speaker 1: A partner will be a wonderful thing to have, but
56:08
Speaker 1: it's not a necessity. It's not going to fill the
56:11
Speaker 1: gap like the whole bs. I hate that you complete me, No,
56:16
Speaker 1: you complete to damn self. We are here to complete ourselves.
56:19
Speaker 1: And when you are a complete, whole, imperfect, flawed but
56:23
Speaker 1: human person, then that energy of the person that is
56:28
Speaker 1: meant to be with you will arrive because that's when
56:31
Speaker 1: those two whole people come together and then they create
56:34
Speaker 1: something greater than their individual parts. That's what I look
56:37
Speaker 1: for in whatever the next relationship will be is that.
56:40
Speaker 1: But even before then, it's enjoying where I'm at right now.
56:44
Speaker 1: You know, what do I want to do? What new
56:45
Speaker 1: hobby do I want? Let me go travel solo, do
56:48
Speaker 1: it smartly, but shoot like I love hopping on a
56:51
Speaker 1: plan by myself and bringing books and just like all right,
56:53
Speaker 1: I'll figure it out. There's something so beautiful about really
56:57
Speaker 1: taking the time, and you know it can be played
56:59
Speaker 1: out and cheesy like fall in love with yourself first,
57:02
Speaker 1: but it's very accurate. How do you know what you
57:06
Speaker 1: want or what would compliment the incredible being that is
57:10
Speaker 1: you until you've spent time with yourself, you know. I
57:14
Speaker 1: think we're always looking for oh, this seems like the
57:16
Speaker 1: right fit, or like you know, you can see like,
57:18
Speaker 1: oh this person seems great, and then we find ourselves
57:23
Speaker 1: changing to fit what this person's energy is. Right. I
57:27
Speaker 1: think what's key is that we hold our own energy,
57:31
Speaker 1: we hold their own space. They hold their own energy,
57:33
Speaker 1: they hold their own space, and they compliment each other
57:35
Speaker 1: in a really beautiful way. That can work for a partnership.
57:38
Speaker 1: But you don't change your energy because they're there. It's
57:42
Speaker 1: not You're not the moon and they're not the Earth,
57:45
Speaker 1: like you're not here to orbit around them. So I say,
57:47
Speaker 1: hold yourself or your own damp planet, like, get to
57:50
Speaker 1: know it, make it beautiful, Explore all of the things
57:52
Speaker 1: you want to do, Suck at things, start new hobbies,
57:56
Speaker 1: Spend good quality time with the girlfriends or the friends
57:59
Speaker 1: that just fill you.
58:01
Speaker 2: Dig into your spirituality, dig into exploring other parts that
58:04
Speaker 2: you didn't think mattered. I think there's so much more
58:07
Speaker 2: to do on your own that frankly, it's helpful because
58:11
Speaker 2: when you're really in love with yourself and where you're
58:12
Speaker 2: at and who you are, flaws and all, you don't
58:16
Speaker 2: f around with people who don't deserve your energy.
58:19
Speaker 1: Amen. When that right person comes along, you can acknowledge them. Like,
58:23
Speaker 1: if you don't know who you are, you're not gonna
58:24
Speaker 1: know who your person is. You know, We're just gonna
58:27
Speaker 1: keep kind of playing the game.
58:29
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna pull up my horse, and you're gonna
58:31
Speaker 2: pull up your horse, and we're gonna go to a
58:33
Speaker 2: pottery studio and make some crappy, sucky pottery.
58:37
Speaker 1: I'm down. It's funny.
58:39
Speaker 2: I don't know where the pottery thing's coming from. I
58:40
Speaker 2: probably should do it. Let's find a spot. There's got
58:43
Speaker 2: to be a place between you and I, like in
58:45
Speaker 2: the city.
58:45
Speaker 1: We'll find it.
58:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I mean I'm in I don't think I've
58:48
Speaker 2: ever Actually, that's like one of the few activities I
58:50
Speaker 2: don't think I've done in Manhattan. There's gonna be like
58:53
Speaker 2: a hurdler that walks by and like we're just like
58:55
Speaker 2: in the window making pottery, and they're gonna.
58:57
Speaker 1: Be like, I get it. Good for that.
59:02
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, here we are starting to wind down here
59:05
Speaker 2: in doing that, Kendall. I want to know what excites
59:08
Speaker 2: you right now.
59:10
Speaker 1: I mean, off the top of my head, the fact
59:12
Speaker 1: it's you know, a bit of a lighter topic, but
59:14
Speaker 1: the fact the weather is getting warmer, my tropical plant self,
59:17
Speaker 1: I'm like, ooh, she's opening, she's alive. I have like
59:21
Speaker 1: a playlist for tomorrow's glass. I'm like, this is very summary.
59:24
Speaker 1: I'm excited. I'm not wearing like twelve layers of clothing.
59:27
Speaker 1: So the hopefulness of spring I'm very excited for. I
59:31
Speaker 1: think this is going to be the hot girl summer
59:32
Speaker 1: that we all thought was going to be last summer. No,
59:35
Speaker 1: now we're good, like the you know, there's certain things
59:37
Speaker 1: that have been handled, so that's exciting. I am single now,
59:41
Speaker 1: so that definitely tracks. But you know, even beyond what
59:44
Speaker 1: I'm most excited for, I haven't tied it to outcomes anymore.
59:48
Speaker 1: I've learned not to. It's not about the attaining of
59:51
Speaker 1: one goal. It's not about that. I'll be happy when
59:55
Speaker 1: I'm excited for who I'm evolving into as a woman
59:59
Speaker 1: and for how that's changing as I get into you know,
1:00:02
Speaker 1: almost thirty and looking at that time in my life,
1:00:04
Speaker 1: and I'm excited for the way that the world is
1:00:07
Speaker 1: unfolding before me.
1:00:09
Speaker 2: So I hate to say it. I used to be
1:00:12
Speaker 2: the girl with a five year plan and the two
1:00:14
Speaker 2: year plan and the ten year plan. All that is
1:00:17
Speaker 2: out the window at this point. I'm excited to continue
1:00:21
Speaker 2: to be in existence and be of service to other
1:00:23
Speaker 2: people and have these conversations and continue to talk about
1:00:27
Speaker 2: mental health.
1:00:28
Speaker 1: And I'm excited to live my damn life. If that
1:00:31
Speaker 1: makes that.
1:00:31
Speaker 2: Makes you a little bit anxious at all to kind
1:00:33
Speaker 2: of throw all that out the window.
1:00:36
Speaker 1: Yes, And hence you could probably tell by the like
1:00:38
Speaker 1: word babble that happens when I say it, Yes, because
1:00:41
Speaker 1: I really am working on getting rid of the constraints,
1:00:46
Speaker 1: and to me, having too much of a plan it
1:00:49
Speaker 1: limits the possibility and opportunity for what else is to come.
1:00:52
Speaker 1: And I know I would love to tell you, okay
1:00:55
Speaker 1: in two months or I'm excited for this project or
1:00:58
Speaker 1: this that I'm excited for all of it and I'm
1:01:01
Speaker 1: excited for the parts that are going to suck about
1:01:03
Speaker 1: it because I know either I'm growing, I'm learning, I'm
1:01:06
Speaker 1: throwing pottery for the first time, or when we're doing
1:01:09
Speaker 1: it together, or it just means I'm further in that
1:01:14
Speaker 1: evolution towards becoming even more of myself.
1:01:17
Speaker 2: I'm typically big on goal setting, but for some reason
1:01:21
Speaker 2: this year, what felt like a lot more purposeful for
1:01:24
Speaker 2: me was just to write down things that I want
1:01:26
Speaker 2: in my life, like period not tied to I want
1:01:30
Speaker 2: this by the end of twenty twenty two. I want
1:01:32
Speaker 2: this by the end of twenty twenty four, Like, yes,
1:01:34
Speaker 2: there are certain things that I hope to happen this year.
1:01:37
Speaker 2: But it was so much less rigid and so much
1:01:40
Speaker 2: more like an affirmation moment that I was like, this
1:01:46
Speaker 2: is it, Like this is where we're going, this is
1:01:48
Speaker 2: the territory that we're looking to traverse, and we'll figure
1:01:51
Speaker 2: it out from there.
1:01:52
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the removal of the concept of control. And
1:01:56
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I had New Year's affirmations. I didn't
1:01:58
Speaker 1: have goals and resolutions, and I'm usually way too And
1:02:01
Speaker 1: maybe that's one of the beautiful outcomes from a pandemic
1:02:04
Speaker 1: and from this very odd time that we've lived in,
1:02:08
Speaker 1: is that we know we don't know what's next. Like
1:02:12
Speaker 1: I think we're coming to terms with the fact, Oh God,
1:02:14
Speaker 1: what now, Like someone's going to tell me there's a
1:02:16
Speaker 1: planet that they discovered and now there's alien life. Don't
1:02:19
Speaker 1: you know what? Be my guest, I wouldn't be surprised.
1:02:22
Speaker 2: At I'm open to it all right, but it's just like, well,
1:02:26
Speaker 2: it's the idea of like just stop being so like,
1:02:31
Speaker 2: don't worry so much about planning down to a tee
1:02:34
Speaker 2: and more so, just be open to the fact that
1:02:37
Speaker 2: again to your point, we can't control everything and we
1:02:39
Speaker 2: just can do the.
1:02:40
Speaker 1: Best with what it is that we have right now,
1:02:44
Speaker 1: and that that energy is what will bring those affirmations,
1:02:47
Speaker 1: those all of that towards you. It's the little wins.
1:02:50
Speaker 2: Every day someone comes to your Instagram page, they see
1:02:54
Speaker 2: a proud Peloton instructor, a strong woman with something like
1:03:01
Speaker 2: more than six hundred and fifty thousand followers. When you
1:03:04
Speaker 2: look in the mirror, what is it that you see
1:03:06
Speaker 2: looking back at you?
1:03:09
Speaker 1: Ooh, I see a girl that chose to live her life.
1:03:15
Speaker 1: And I will say, I think that's probably one of
1:03:19
Speaker 1: the things I will be most proud of, because when
1:03:23
Speaker 1: you know what it's like to be in a place
1:03:25
Speaker 1: where you don't and to acknowledge, oh my gosh, I
1:03:30
Speaker 1: get to do this now and I'm actively choosing her
1:03:33
Speaker 1: every day. It just it's powerful, it's overwhelming. So all
1:03:38
Speaker 1: of that is wonderful and I enjoy all of the
1:03:40
Speaker 1: I'm honored by all of the connection and the outreach
1:03:43
Speaker 1: and the way I get to be a part of
1:03:44
Speaker 1: people's special moments in their lives and their growth. But
1:03:48
Speaker 1: I always have to remember, like I almost didn't have this.
1:03:53
Speaker 1: I'm just grateful that I get to. So Yep, living big,
1:03:58
Speaker 1: Living big.
1:04:00
Speaker 2: Right now, you have the opportunity to offer the young
1:04:05
Speaker 2: woman who is wondering if this life is worth living
1:04:10
Speaker 2: any more a piece of advice from where you stand
1:04:13
Speaker 2: now looking back on that hurdle moment, What do you
1:04:17
Speaker 2: tell her?
1:04:20
Speaker 1: You know what, my bee cliche, But I tell her
1:04:24
Speaker 1: what my dad told me from day one, before I
1:04:27
Speaker 1: even really knew I needed to hear it. I tell her, girl,
1:04:31
Speaker 1: it can knock you down, but it can never knock
1:04:33
Speaker 1: you out. Keep going, Just keep going, keep going.
1:04:38
Speaker 2: Kendall toool, so grateful for you, So grateful for your
1:04:41
Speaker 2: time and your conversation. How do the hurdlers follow along
1:04:44
Speaker 2: with you? How do they keep up with you? Give
1:04:46
Speaker 2: us all the details?
1:04:48
Speaker 1: Yes, so they can follow me on Instagram. My handle
1:04:51
Speaker 1: is fit ex Kendall. My TikTok is the same one.
1:04:55
Speaker 1: We have lots of silly fun over there. So if
1:04:57
Speaker 1: you need a good laugh. There's lots of fun content
1:04:59
Speaker 1: there and then as well, same thing on Twitter too,
1:05:02
Speaker 1: So hit me up. Let me know, throw pottery with us.
1:05:05
Speaker 1: Whatever we're gonna do. I want to be in it.
1:05:07
Speaker 1: Let's live.
1:05:08
Speaker 2: We're gonna make the pottery and then we're gonna throw
1:05:10
Speaker 2: the pottery at the wall like some Greek stuff.
1:05:12
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I can't wait to make pottery with you.
1:05:15
Speaker 2: I'm over at Hurdle Podcast and at Emily a Body
1:05:18
Speaker 2: another hurdle conquered.
1:05:20
Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time.