Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #125| How The Let Them Theory Will Finally Set You Free From People Pleasing & Overwhelm
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: If someone is doing something that you don't like, instead of getting upset about it, you're just going to let them do that thing.
- 0:13Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:20Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
- 0:25Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:37Michelle Gauthier: Hello, friends, today we are going to be talking about the Let them Theory.
- 0:44Michelle Gauthier: If you have not read the Let them Theory, Mel Robbins' new book, this is going to give you a great overview of what the theory is and how it can apply to your life, and I'm even going to share with you how, reading this book before I went on vacation with my most darling handsome man friend from having so many silly, pointless arguments.
- 1:04Michelle Gauthier: It's just an amazing concept, and I'm going to tell you all about it.
- 1:08Michelle Gauthier: What I'm going to tell you today is how the let them theory can just instantly free you from stress and frustration, and it's super simple.
- 1:15Michelle Gauthier: Why so much of our overwhelm comes from wanting people to be different than they are Real life examples of how to use this mindset shift to stop overthinking, over explaining and overdoing for people who don't deserve your energy.
- 1:30Michelle Gauthier: And then I'm going to give you a simple, actionable little challenge that will help you take your power back and allow you to stop being overwhelmed and annoyed by other people's behavior.
- 1:40Michelle Gauthier: Sounds good.
- 1:41Michelle Gauthier: Right Before we dive in, I wanted to let you know that I am wrapping up the group coaching group that started in January and finishes up in April, and I'm going to be launching a brand new one, a new group of women for a 12 week program.
- 1:59Michelle Gauthier: If you aren't familiar with it already, it's called the Good Life Group Coaching and it's for women who are high achievers and are feeling overwhelmed and want to learn specific skills like how to stop people pleasing, how to say no, how to create the life that you want to have.
- 2:16Michelle Gauthier: Each week you will get group coaching with me, as well as videos that you can watch on your own time.
- 2:22Michelle Gauthier: I designed this based on my years of experience working with one-on-one clients, and I have created videos that teach every single concept that I feel like is imperative to being able to change your life, to feel less overwhelmed.
- 2:37Michelle Gauthier: So, if you're interested in it.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: There is a link in the show notes where you can get on the wait list and then, as soon as I open group coaching, you'll be the first one to be notified.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: If you have any questions about it, you can just also use the message me link and ask me any questions that you have.
- 2:53Michelle Gauthier: I just wanted to give you a heads up on that so that you can start thinking about if that feels like a good fit for you.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: Okay, let's get back to the let them theory.
- 3:03Michelle Gauthier: So, first of all, what is the let them theory?
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: It's super simple.
- 3:07Michelle Gauthier: So if someone is doing something that you don't like, instead of getting upset about it, you're just going to let them.
- 3:15Michelle Gauthier: If your co-worker takes credit for an idea that you have, you're going to let them.
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: If your mom has super strong opinions about how you should be raising your kids, you're going to let her, and instead of making it mean something about you you're not good enough, or you're doing something wrong, or they don't respect you or they don't like you.
- 3:41Michelle Gauthier: You just let them be who they are and then you decide what you want to do.
- 3:47Michelle Gauthier: I'm sure the first thing that you're probably thinking is so I just let people act like jerks and I don't have to do anything about it.
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: And yeah, that's correct, because let's just play it through.
- 3:57Michelle Gauthier: Let's use the example of your mom has a lot of opinions about how you should be raising your kids.
- 4:02Michelle Gauthier: Let's just say that your mom thinks that your kids are on their devices too much and she says something to you like you know, back in our day it was good for kids to be bored, and your kids are never bored and they really shouldn't be looking at their devices all the time.
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: If you go down the path the opposite of let them, where you are trying to take that on, make it mean that you're a bad mom or you're doing something wrong, and then take it on to try to change her mind and explain how it's just different now and how you feel like you're doing the best you can, etc.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: Etc.
- 4:34Michelle Gauthier: The chances of you changing her mind or her behavior are just, first of all, not very likely and, second of all, not worth your effort.
- 4:42Michelle Gauthier: All you have to do is say I'm going to let her, I'm going to let her have that opinion, but we're not just saying forget about it, ignore it, don't worry about it.
- 4:53Michelle Gauthier: What we're saying is not just let everyone act like a jerk and just don't worry about it.
- 4:58Michelle Gauthier: It's very in line with everything we talk about on this podcast, which is put things into two categories things you can control and things you can't control.
- 5:06Michelle Gauthier: You can't control your mom's opinion, so just let her have it.
- 5:10Michelle Gauthier: You can control your own opinion and what you think.
- 5:13Michelle Gauthier: So after you say let them, so let her have her opinion, then you say let me, what am I going to do?
- 5:21Michelle Gauthier: So let me decide if spending time with my mom is good for me or let me decide that I'm not going to let her opinion bother me anymore.
- 5:30Michelle Gauthier: Have you ever sent a really long, thoughtful text to someone and they just reply with a K and you're like oh my gosh, did I say something wrong?
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: Did they not read the text?
- 5:40Michelle Gauthier: Are they mad at me?
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: Should I clarify what I meant?
- 5:43Michelle Gauthier: No, you just let them.
- 5:44Michelle Gauthier: Just let them be a person who responds with just a K and then you get to decide Let me, let me keep engaging, let me just forget about this conversation, let me just notice that about this person.
- 5:59Michelle Gauthier: So I actually do know a couple of people whose text responses are very short.
- 6:02Michelle Gauthier: They might talk to you a lot more in person, but they're very short text responses and you can just choose to make that mean absolutely nothing.
- 6:09Michelle Gauthier: This one little mindset shift can save you so much mental and emotional energy.
- 6:16Michelle Gauthier: Remember how I was talking at the beginning about how I had read this book right before I went on vacation with the handsome man friend and we're traveling through the airport.
- 6:23Michelle Gauthier: Keep in mind that I traveled for business for years and years Plus.
- 6:27Michelle Gauthier: I have a super efficiency focused brain, so everything that I do related to travel I pack very light.
- 6:33Michelle Gauthier: I know exactly where I'm going.
- 6:36Michelle Gauthier: I have TSA pre check, I know exactly the outfit I'm wearing.
- 6:40Michelle Gauthier: Everything for me is just boom, boom, boom done.
- 6:42Michelle Gauthier: That's how I travel.
- 6:44Michelle Gauthier: He's kind of the opposite.
- 6:45Michelle Gauthier: He's not in a rush, he likes to do things slowly.
- 6:49Michelle Gauthier: His career has not required like a ton of travel like mine did, so he doesn't travel as much as I do.
- 6:54Michelle Gauthier: He doesn't like it like I like it.
- 6:56Michelle Gauthier: So as we're going through the airport and we're getting ready to go through security, he like pulls over to the side and he's like oh, just a sec, I got to reshuffle my stuff and get ready to go through security and in my mind I'm like, get ready to go through.
- 7:10Michelle Gauthier: What are you even talking about?
- 7:12Michelle Gauthier: Like I have everything exactly where it needs to be.
- 7:13Michelle Gauthier: I can just grab the things that I need and go through security.
- 7:16Michelle Gauthier: And then it hit me.
- 7:17Michelle Gauthier: I was like, let him reshuffle his stuff before you go through security.
- 7:21Michelle Gauthier: We had like another hour before our flight left.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: What did I care if it took five minutes for him to put things in different pockets and take off his watch and do whatever it was that he was going to do before we went through security?
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: And then let me, let me just take a deep breath and relax and not make a big thing of it.
- 7:40Michelle Gauthier: So that's the kind of thing that could very easily turn into just bickering or some kind of unnecessary fight.
- 7:49Michelle Gauthier: But remember that you always have the power to just let them.
- 7:52Michelle Gauthier: Let it be.
- 7:53Michelle Gauthier: So.
- 7:55Michelle Gauthier: Let's talk about why this works.
- 7:57Michelle Gauthier: So most of our stress and overwhelm when it comes to relationships comes from wishing people were different than they were.
- 8:05Michelle Gauthier: So you wish your friend would be more considerate, you wish your boss was more laid back, or you wish your boss gave you more positive feedback.
- 8:16Michelle Gauthier: You wish your sister was less judgmental.
- 8:18Michelle Gauthier: But you know this if you've been listening to this podcast and you know this from your life you can't change people.
- 8:24Michelle Gauthier: So trying to control them, explaining yourself, convincing them to try to see your side, waiting for them to act the way that you want, it's exhausting.
- 8:33Michelle Gauthier: Okay, let's say, at work, your co-worker is constantly late to meetings and you aren't.
- 8:38Michelle Gauthier: So if someone has a question and she's not there, they're going to turn to you and so you feel like you have to pick up the slack for them.
- 8:44Michelle Gauthier: You have the option to get really annoyed and complain about it to your other co-workers and see them frustration every time you sit down on time and then she's not there.
- 8:53Michelle Gauthier: Or log in on time and she's not there.
- 8:55Michelle Gauthier: But if we apply the let them theory to this, you just let her be someone who's always late and then you decide do you adjust your expectations?
- 9:05Michelle Gauthier: Do you just know she's not going to be there till 10 minutes after the meeting starts?
- 9:09Michelle Gauthier: Do you set a boundary and say I'm not going to cover for you anymore if you're not there?
- 9:13Michelle Gauthier: I'm just going to say you'll have to ask Jennifer, I don't know.
- 9:17Michelle Gauthier: Letting them so letting her be late doesn't mean you're okay with it.
- 9:22Michelle Gauthier: It just means you stop being emotionally attached to it.
- 9:26Michelle Gauthier: You have no control over it, so you can just detach from that situation.
- 9:32Michelle Gauthier: So here's how to apply the let them theory in real life.
- 9:35Michelle Gauthier: Again, it's so simple Just let people show you who they are and then just let them be who they are.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, if you have a friend who consistently cancels on you, last minute let her cancel on you.
- 9:49Michelle Gauthier: And then you say, let me not schedule anything else with her.
- 9:54Michelle Gauthier: Or let me just roll the dice and schedule something with her, knowing that chances are that she might cancel.
- 9:59Michelle Gauthier: If you have a co-worker who always takes credit for your ideas, let them.
- 10:05Michelle Gauthier: They probably aren't going to start giving you credit.
- 10:08Michelle Gauthier: And then your part the let me is you're no longer going to be frustrated by it, but you get to decide.
- 10:14Michelle Gauthier: So do I want to talk to my co-worker about that?
- 10:16Michelle Gauthier: Do I want to talk to my boss about that?
- 10:18Michelle Gauthier: Do I want to speak up in the meeting and say actually that was my idea in the first place?
- 10:22Michelle Gauthier: And here's kind of what I was thinking in that area.
- 10:26Michelle Gauthier: Another way to apply this to your life is just to stop taking things personally.
- 10:30Michelle Gauthier: Don't make it mean anything.
- 10:32Michelle Gauthier: If someone was really rude to you.
- 10:34Michelle Gauthier: Maybe they're just having a bad day.
- 10:36Michelle Gauthier: Just let them be rude.
- 10:37Michelle Gauthier: If someone doesn't reply back to a text or an email you sent them, maybe they're just busy.
- 10:43Michelle Gauthier: Just let them not respond.
- 10:45Michelle Gauthier: If someone judged your choices and told you something was a bad idea, chances are I feel like this is true like 90% of the time it's probably not about you at all.
- 10:54Michelle Gauthier: And so what if, for today, you just decide like nothing is about me and I'm just going to let people be who they are?
- 11:02Michelle Gauthier: If you are able to focus on what you can control and use the let them theory, let them doesn't mean you have to accept bad behavior.
- 11:11Michelle Gauthier: It means that you recognize that the power is in how you respond.
- 11:15Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, let your mom judge your parenting and then decide if you want to change the subject or set a boundary.
- 11:22Michelle Gauthier: Let your friend cancel on you and then decide if you still want to make plans with them.
- 11:27Michelle Gauthier: When you stop wasting energy on trying to change people, you get your piece back.
- 11:33Michelle Gauthier: So, in summary, the only thing that you need to do, and the main thing you need to take away from this episode, is that when someone behaves in a way that you don't like just let them.
- 11:45Michelle Gauthier: Don't take it personally, don't make it mean anything.
- 11:49Michelle Gauthier: Just release the need to control the way that someone else is responding and then decide how you want to respond, which is always in your control.
- 11:57Michelle Gauthier: And my do less for more success tip for this week is when someone does something that normally would stress you out, like pulling off to the side to reshuffle things in your pocket before you go through security, just let them.
- 12:12Michelle Gauthier: This one shift can free you from so much unnecessary frustration and exhaustion.
- 12:17Michelle Gauthier: Just give it a try and see how much lighter you feel, and I would love if you'd send me a message and let me know how this worked for you.
- 12:25Michelle Gauthier: So just a reminder that I am going to be opening group coaching and the signups will probably begin at the beginning of April.
- 12:33Michelle Gauthier: So reach out to me.
- 12:35Michelle Gauthier: Either get on the waitlist or send me a message if you have questions, but I would absolutely love to talk to you if you're interested.
- 12:42Michelle Gauthier: It really is such a great program and it is such a fun and great way to be around other women who are also trying to change their lives.
- 12:49Michelle Gauthier: It turns out to always be the favorite thing.
- 12:52Michelle Gauthier: I take a survey at the beginning and say what are you nervous about?
- 12:55Michelle Gauthier: And people usually say being in group coaching.
- 12:58Michelle Gauthier: And at the end I say what was your favorite part?
- 13:00Michelle Gauthier: And they say the other people in group coaching and like the bonds that they end up sharing with these other women.
- 13:05Michelle Gauthier: So it really is so much fun.
- 13:08Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that is it for today.
- 13:11Michelle Gauthier: I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day and I hope that you just let them let everyone.
- 13:17Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the overwhelmed working woman podcast.
- 13:25Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
- 13:29Michelle Gauthier: com.
- 13:31Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.