Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #80| Can I Stop People Pleasing If I'm a Nice Person? Without Overwhelm

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#80| Can I Stop People Pleasing If I'm a Nice Person? Without Overwhelm · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: you're listening to overwhelmed working woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, michelle gothier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Hey friend, thanks for tuning in to Quick Hit Thursday.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: On Thursdays, I am going to do a short, impactful podcast and it's going to be about different things, but one of the things I'm going to feature is questions from listeners.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: So I would love if you would go to the show notes and click on the link that says send us a text and send me your question that you'd like me to answer on Quick Hit Thursday.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I've got to say, the only thing I don't like about that texting thing is I can't reply.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: It doesn't show me where it comes from.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: So send me the question and when you don't get a response from me, know that I still love you.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I wish I could reply, but I can't.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: That's not the way it works.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Anyway, send me your questions so that I can address them on a future Thursday.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: So here's what I'm talking about today.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: This is a question that I've gotten before, and I was actually just talking to a friend about it the other day, and the question is how can you be a caring person and also not care about what other people think about you?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: And I thought this was a great question, because there is a difference between these two things.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: So let's look at an example.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Let's just say, every week I send out an email.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I send out an email on Monday that announces what the podcast episode is, and I send out an email on Wednesday, which is usually a short article with a helpful tidbit for the audience.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's say that someone in that audience thinks Michelle sends out too many emails.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: If I focus on and care about their opinion that I'm sending out too many emails, what's going to happen to me is, first of all, that is very much about me.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: What is that person thinking about me?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: How do I want them to think about me If I send less emails?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Will they not think that about me?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: How do I want them to think about me If I send less emails?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Will they not think that about me?
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So it's really all about me when I'm thinking about what the other person is thinking of me and I have learned it was not my nature, but I have learned to not think about that, to not care if someone thinks that I should send less emails.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: What I have focused on is to make sure that I am totally in alignment with what I'm doing, so that as long as I feel good about it, I'm okay with it.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So, for example, I care about the people on my email list.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I care.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Everybody who's on there has signed up because they want to follow what I'm saying.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: If at some point they believe, eh, I'm getting too many emails, I'm not feeling this anymore, great, you can unsubscribe anytime you want, that's totally fine.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: But I'm not saying I don't care about those people.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I care about every single person on there.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: There's thousands of them who I don't even know, but I care, and every week I put care and concern into trying to send out a message that will be helpful.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I will think like what are they struggling with today?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: What piece of advice could I give them that would make them have a little bit better of a day?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So do you see the difference between caring about what they're thinking about me, which is all about me, versus caring about them, which is all about the receiver of the message.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: And then there's a little bit of an in-between part that I think can sometimes be confusing, because I do care about other people's opinions of me, certain people on certain topics.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So, for example, maybe I reach out to a set of people who I have coached before to say, hey, how are you finding the Wednesday emails?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Are they useful for you?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you would like me to cover in there?
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And then I'm asking for their opinion and they're giving it to me and I want to take their opinion.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I ask my parents' opinion a lot on things.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I ask the handsome man friend what he thinks about things.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying I don't care what anybody else thinks.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is I care and put a lot of care into the actions that I'm taking and as long as I feel good about them, if someone else thinks something differently, that's okay with me.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: It's none of my business what they're thinking about me.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I'm focused on who I care about the kind of message that I'm trying to deliver, and if I do want feedback, I ask people whose opinion I respect, and then again I go back to myself and say, yep, that makes sense, that that was his opinion on this topic.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Does that jive with me?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Do I want to take that opinion?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I hope that makes sense and I hope it helps you, because this friend who I'm talking about recently said to me I don't understand how you just don't think about what other people think about you when you're such a caring person, and I think that those two things coexist.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: In fact, I think that when you're really truly care about other people and you're focused on them instead of focusing on what they're thinking about you, you can be a better listener and a better friend.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: So that is your quick hit.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Thursday Number one keep coming back every Thursday.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have either questions that I'm answering from the audience, resources that I love like books or podcasts, and maybe a couple other things.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I've got a couple other ideas up my sleeve, so keep checking in on Thursdays and I will see you next week.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegothiercom.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: See you next week.