Latest / Drawn of History / Bert Kreischer _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _565(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Bert Kreischer _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _565(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I have some new tour dates to tell you about.
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I'll be in Chicago, Illinois on April 24th at the
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Wintrust Arena, Fort Wayne, Indiana on April 26th at the
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Allen County War Memorial Coliseum, and Miami, Florida on May
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: 10th at the Kaseya Center. All tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Today's guest is a stand-up comedian, a podcaster, an actor.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: You know him from his shows BurtCast and Two Bears,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: One Cave with Tom Segura. He's got a new special
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: coming out on Netflix called Lucky, which premieres March 18th.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful to have my friend the machine here today, Mr.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Burt Kreischer.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Shine on me, and I will follow. There's a woman
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: out there teaching her kid how to ride a bike.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I could do it in five minutes.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: You want to do it?
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: A buddy. It's part of what I'm working on in therapy. Really?
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Let people have their own thing. Oh. Yeah. I get
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: my fingers in everything. And I just was like, hey,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: here's what we do. We take off the pedals, okay?
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: And you teach him to just glide with his feet
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: and lift his feet up. That's how I did it
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: with both my girls. Then we go to a subtle decline.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: And we do it that way with feet up the
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: whole way. Then we put the pedals back on, teach
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: him how to pedal. So easy.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, riding a bike, the toughest thing I remember, well, first,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: some guy who's teaching, you don't know him, usually. In
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: my neighborhood, you didn't know him. It was like some
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: dude's dad would be out there drinking or something. He's like,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I'll teach this little * * * *, whatever, you know?
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: You're like, well, that's not, that's a whole.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: That's not how it works at all. Usually you definitely
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: know the guy.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, but yes, but a lot of times you
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: also don't know, some places you don't know the guy, right?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Or if your dad isn't there or whatever, so. There's
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: some guy who sets his beard down. He's like, I'll
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: teach this little motherfucker.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I almost did that out front. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: makes sense. That tracks.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so then that guy, so now suddenly there's some
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: guy teaching. You don't even know or whatever. And then
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: they get you going, right? And that part's good. But
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the scary part is then you realize you have to steer.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: And that's where a lot of people just bank right
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: into offense.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: You have to do two things at twice. You have
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: to pedal and steer. And it's counterintuitive. My daughter, Isla-
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: The first time I taught her how to ride a bike,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I got her going, pedals off, gliding, pedals back on,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: here we go, and boom, hit a BMW, hard as shit,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: over the handlebars, body mark on top of the hood.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: And I was like, God. So then she goes, I'm good, Dad.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Second time we get her, she hits a trash can
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: right away. I'm like, God dang. And then third time
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: she hit a fire hydrant, and then we realized she
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: needed glasses.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we got her to get her glasses. Yeah, at
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: that point. She's dyslexic, too.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: She hit so much shit. We got a video of her. She,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: she's just, that kid has been, are we rolling? Are
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: we good? Huh?
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Are we good? Okay.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: We were, that kid rolled the dice on life so much,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: so much. Do you know the feeling of when you
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: cut your bike front tire and it goes like this?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: She would, she would do that. That's how she rode
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: a bike. She liked her stomach to drop. So she'd go,
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: and Georgia had a GoPro on her helmet and Isla
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: did it and then went over the handlebars. That's the
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: cutest video. Georgia looks at me. She goes, dad, I
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: got it.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Capture the footage?
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was great.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Wow, you guys are a footage family. You've always been
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: kind of a footage family then.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it was before content really. Right. I got
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: an Instagram not for professional reasons. I got an Instagram
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: to keep up with people I knew in high school
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: and college. And then you're like, oh, in comics, cool.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: No one was posting videos of like promo videos.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: No.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: And then I shared everything about my family on everything.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I remember the first time I realized maybe I was
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: oversharing is I posted our Christmas card on Instagram. And
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: someone hit me up, a guy we both know that
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: we respect hit me up. And he was like, dude,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? And it got like a million likes.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't know. You get addicted
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: to the likes. You're like, nice. I killed it. And
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: then you don't realize your kids, all their friends see that.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: And then you're taking toothpaste out of the tube that
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: you never put back in. But we were creating content
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: not knowing what we were doing. Oh, I see what
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: you're saying. Like maybe you were putting things that might
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: have been too personal out there, you mean? Way too personal. Yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, I talked about Isla's period on one of
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: my specials.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: Ooh.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you weren't there for the first period or whatever,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: were you?
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: And you didn't light candles or whatever, huh?
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did. Hang on. Yeah. Dude, as a comic, okay?
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Certain things happen to us where we go, that's too good.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: that's gotta go on stage. Like something happens and you're like,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: it's like, I just, it's a, I don't know if
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: it's like a, I don't know, like if it's a
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: neediness or whatever it is, but she got her period.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: And I, I mean, I talked about it on a special,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: but she called me from school and she's like, yo,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: what happened? I was like, yeah. She's like, I go,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: what do you need? Like new socks or like, does
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: she's a new panties, new pants, new whatever. She goes, no,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: go to, go to the store and get a red
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: velvet cake. I was like, huh? She goes, we're throwing
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: a period party. And I was like, Wow. I was like, okay.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Be positive, huh?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Immediately as the night went through, and by the way,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I'm putting it on all social media because it's funny,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: and no one has a frame of reference for how
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: big this is getting, you know? And you're just filming,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: and you're laughing, and everyone's laughing, and then Isla the
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: next morning was like, yo, maybe we want to take
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: that off social media. Maybe I don't want everyone I
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: went to school with to know I got my period yesterday.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, good call, 10-year-old or 12-year-old, whatever you are.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: God, I don't know if people– I mean, I guess
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: people try to remember– I think if somebody got their
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: period in our neighborhood, people would just start calling them
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: a whore or whatever. I think people were just– yeah,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: people were more vulgar in our area, I think. If
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: anything happened, it was– everybody always made you feel ashamed
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: no matter what happened to you. Oh, okay.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been talking about shame a lot in therapy.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Have you been? Yeah, you just said– well, you just
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: said that you saw somebody who was trying to teach
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: their kid to ride a bike because I heard something
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: going on out there. I heard something that sounded kind
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: of Mexican or whatever happened outside.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: It was very Mexican. Yeah. Yeah.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I heard like something kind of Mexican happened outside earlier
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I wonder what's going on,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: but I'm not going to get involved. I got to
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: work right now. But you came in, you said you
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: saw a mom teaching a kid to ride a bike.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And you were going to get involved.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: I wanted to get involved.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: And I just was like, no, this is their life.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: What am I doing?
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Like what part, what need do I have to jump in,
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: make it an event, event like, ah, and then I
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: don't know. So I was like, I'm working on that
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: in therapy too. Just like removing myself. Slowing down, listening. Yeah. Well,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Leanne and I are in couples therapy. Oh, y'all are?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: It's awesome.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm fucking killing her. I've won three. She's only
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: won two.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Two ties.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I'm smoking her, dude. The very first therapy. The very
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: first therapy. The therapist. We went into couples therapy in
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: a good place. We were in a good place. But
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: the girls both went to college. We're spending a lot
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: of time together. And, you know, and, like, both of
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: us were like, yeah, this is just different than we've
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: ever lived. I've always been on the road, home Tuesday, Wednesday,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: gone Thursday, back Monday. And now all of a sudden,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: and I'm taking a break from stand-up right now, so
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I'm taking, like, a year off. And we're just around
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: each other so much. We're like, maybe we should, like,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: just be in front of it in case something happens.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Right, like, see what's going on. Yeah.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: And so, yeah, the first therapy, Leanne interrupted me, and
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: the therapist goes– Now, you know me, right? He goes,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: does he ever talk? I was like, oh, this is awesome.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Leanne got crossed up. She was like on her heels.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: She's like, wait, what the fuck? He won't shut the fuck.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: He's just not talking now. I never fuck. It was like, oh, yeah.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: This is badass.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Damn, dude. Who picked the therapist? That's the thing that
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: happens a lot of times is with couples, I think
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: if you pick the therapist, then it's almost like you
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: have like– you know, like the insider trading on the
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: referees or whatever, you know?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She picked the therapist. She did? Yeah,
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: but I'm not, I'm never going to find a therapist. Yeah.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And was it weird? And one of the things they
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: said in there was that you got to let people
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: do their thing?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Yes. I need to slow down. I have FOMO. I
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: want to be involved in everything. I want to like,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I just.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I get, I feel like I've done too much just
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: looking at you. Like if I look at you, I'm like,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: oh fuck, I got to sit down for a minute.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Dude, I get, when I wake up, when I wake up,
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: if I hear something happening downstairs and I got to
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: go downstairs. I go, what are we doing? Hang on.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: We're playing with the dogs. I want to be a
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: part of that. Yeah. Like I, dude, I, and I
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: had my day starts early and it just, I slam it.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Cause if I have any downtime, I get in my head,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I get on my phone. I don't, it's just not positive.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: And so I pack my days. I had a therapist
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: tell me one time you have FOMO.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, that doesn't sound like a therapy. Yeah.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: That, well, I mean, it's just crazy. You would, yeah,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I guess you hear something you want to go see.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: You want to be a part of it. You want
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: to know what's going on.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like when you got sober, did that change? Because
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: there has to be a part of you when you
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: get sober where you go, hey, man, they're all going out,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: but I'm cool staying home.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, I just didn't. The best thing that happened
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: from that was at like 1130 or midnight, I was like,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'm fucking heading home. So you just didn't end up
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: like in the retardation hours. You know, you didn't end
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: up fucking, you know, sneaking into somebody's house through an
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: air vent or some fucking shit or. some dude trying
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: to trick you into being gay or whatever.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad. When I hear you talk like that,
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I go, I definitely don't have a problem. I've never
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: known anyone to climb through an air vent.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, have you seen that? There's a great meth
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: tribute video where a guy shows up through a floor
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: air vent in somebody's trailer. That's... shit was something else. Dude,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: when I was a kid, my buddy Jeff, he had
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of violent tendencies or whatever. I don't know
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: what happened to him, but he would get so angry,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: his parents would send him to his room, and he
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: would beat the drywall out of the walls in his room.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And every year for Christmas, they would get the drywall
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: redone in his room.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's very sweet of him.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And he would listen to that song, you gotta keep
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: them separate.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I just met those dudes. Do you know that they got,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: they said, I was talking to Dexter and fucking Slinky.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: It's not Slinky. Noodles. What?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Noodles.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Dexter and Noodles. And they said, you know, that a
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: lot of white supremacists adopted that song.
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: Ooh.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: You know another song white supremacists adopted? These boots are
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: made for walking. And that's just what they'll do. But
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: one of these days, these boots are going to.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Walk all over you.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Jews.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Stomp. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that in
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: the old school. You ever watch the old school Ku
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Klux Klan videos?
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: They didn't do a music video, did they?
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I don't think so.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen that if they did.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: They would be like the videos where it's like the
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: one British guy infiltrates the Klan and he's like, So
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I'd like to talk to your son. And he's like,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: so do you have a problem with black people?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, who are you talking about, dude?
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Louis Thoreau.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, Louis Thoreau, yeah.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: And then he'd go to their fucking big barn and
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: they're burning his cross. And he's like, I feel a
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: little uncomfortable. This isn't really my cup of tea.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, the cross is a little warm. Can you turn
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: down the heat on the cross?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I'm a little close to the cross. Can we do
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: smaller crosses? Maybe spread them out evenly by the tables,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: kind of like a heat lamp.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, actually, my wife's a bit cold.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Could you spark up a small cross near her?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Do you think that was the first cross-burning? They're like, well,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: we want to get us right here, but there's people
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: on the side. So let's spread it out. The fire's
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: too centralized.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I think that's probably why they burn a cross.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: It's kind of the perfect fucking heat lamp.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: I don't understand. I mean.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it's ominous to see a cross burning in
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: your front yard, but if I saw that and I'm
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: like 2 in the morning, I'd be like, fucking sweet. Yeah.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, nice, I believe in God.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Fuck yeah.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, damn, we got a mega death
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: rally happening. What is this?
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: You interviewed that dude?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fascinating guy. He did Kurt and Courtney too, I think.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: He's done a lot of documentaries.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: He's done a ton.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: But he does, like, gossip documentaries, you know?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always, and it's a little, it was almost
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: a little. No?
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: No, you have to use a torch or something.
• 12:43
  Speaker 6: How come?
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Can't use a Bic lighter for a cross burning.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Hang on, hang on, let's, hang on, pick that apart.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: That is fucking hilarious. If they built the cross, it's
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: covered in fucking kerosene, and you see a guy at
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: the bottom. I can't get it. Hang on. It's too windy.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Like someone trying to light a cigarette behind the comedy store.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, somebody come stand like this.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And there's a bunch of guys going like.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: This.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Dude, one time I was at this party out in Franklin, Tennessee,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: and they had like a huge bonfire, right? And so
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: they were– and they had one black guy that was
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: at the party, right? And– they sent him to pour
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: the gasoline on all of this huge, I mean, it
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: was a huge pile of sticks. You had to climb up.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was humongous.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It was probably- A little gas goes a long way.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And it was 40 feet wide and probably 20 feet high,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: this pile. And I was like, and there was- American
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: flags everywhere. I was like, you cannot send the one.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, if anything happens right there, this looks absolutely.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: It's like being with your Jewish friend and go, hey,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: there's something in the back of my oven. Can you
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: climb in and see if you can get it out?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: You're like, no, fuck no.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Well, that's why Jews invented the self-cleaning oven, dude. They're like,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: we're not doing that. We're not falling for that again.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, fuck.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: They're going to make us take that out probably. They can't, huh?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Well, unless the Jews actually invented the self-cleaning oven, then
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: it's just fucking.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: That's just factual information. Dude, I can't believe you're in therapy,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: so that's going on.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like it. You do? I didn't do therapy.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I quit therapy for a period of time because I
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: was talking too much, meaning Two Bears, Birdcast, Something's Burning,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: and tour. So every day I'm talking like four hours
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: a day. And I was like, I just was losing
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: my voice like crazy. I was like, I can't talk.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: I just don't physically want to talk anymore. And then
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: when I took time off, I was like, like second
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: I took time off, like my first week I got
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: really depressed. So I was like, I don't know.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Really? Yeah.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: But are you able to figure out like what that
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: depression is? Because otherwise it's not torn. Oh, it's just not,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: not being on the go.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Not being on the go, not having something going, not like, hey,
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: we gotta pack you up, we gotta get you to da-da-da-da-da.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: We're going out to Boston, you're doing the thing.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: But you already have, you've done so much. Like, don't
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: you worry that burn, like continuing to burn it at
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: that speed would burn you out, or maybe you just
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: don't get burned out.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: No, I don't get burned, I don't get burned out.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: What was happening to me was creative. Like creatively, I
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: just felt like I was just spinning my wheels and
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: nothing good was coming out.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: And so I was like, I gotta, like I got
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: done this last hour, It's premiering on Netflix March 18th.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I think 18th. So I'm going to check that. Lucky.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: And when I got done doing that hour, I feel
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: like I had– you know how when you start a
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: new hour, you scrap everything and then you go to
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: your joke book? I got like 20 minutes. For this special,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I dumped everything. Fucking seven-minute stories turned it into a
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: three-minute story. I dumped everything. I just piled this. My
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: first four minutes was initially like 10 minutes, and I
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: crammed it. So I wanted it to be good because
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: it's like, you know, it's like my sixth special. So
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I don't want people to think I got lazy. But
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: then when I got done, I was like, yo, I
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: need to write. And I was like, my girls are
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: in college. I'm with Leanne all the time. Like, what
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: am I talking about? Like, who am I? What am
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I going to, like, and so I was like, I'm
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: taking time off. But my first week, I'm sitting in
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: my backyard and I'm just like depressed, looking at people touring,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: having fun, looking at.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Like, So severely just that fear of missing out.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Missing out, man. I love the energy. And we pulled
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Fully Loaded from the summer to give me time off
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: to do this thing.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: This summer?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: This summer. We do Fully Loaded every summer, and it's
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: so fucking fun.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, those videos. I would always get envious of those,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: seeing all the pictures of the gorges and stuff like that.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And you guys are just having a blast. I would
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: always feel like such a loser that I wasn't doing
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: it or I wasn't some of those places.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: No, you're just like, I can't afford you.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know about that.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: There was a second where I could have gotten you
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: and Schultz were the two white whales. It would have
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: been me, you, Schultz, Shane Gillis. Mark Norman. Mark Norman. Santino.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Glazer.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: It's such a fun group. Whitney, Nikki. It's such a fun.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Big J, Dan Soder. It's so fun. And Schultz called
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: me directly and he was like, I got your offer
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: and I respectfully declined. But then his agent was like,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: you can't afford them. And I was like, okay, I
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: get it. But you want your friends to blow up.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: It would have been cool, but it's like you don't
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: ever want someone to take a pay cut to come
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: do something.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or sometimes it's also just a time cut. It's
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: like since we've been podcasting more, it just takes so
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: much time, and then I have to do it here
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: and Nashville. So it's like the back and forth.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: That's why I said this when we were in, I
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: apologize to interrupt.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And your own touring. So it's like you have your
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: own tour. It's like last year, I don't know, I
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: maybe had two weekends where I did something for myself
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to do that wasn't work, which is
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: fine because I like working.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I like working too. They say, do you have a hobby?
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And I go. Like, podcasts? No, like, do you have
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: a hobby? I go, shoot, content. Like, no, like a hobby.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I go, I'm working on a movie? Yeah. And they're like, no,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: what do you do for fun? I go, like, collect rocks?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Like,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: look at toads, take pictures of animals. Who the fuck
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: does that? Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing. Sometimes people will be like, you
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: got to get a hobby. And I'm like, well, some
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: of my hobbies became work, and so they're still my hobbies.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: They're just more, it just, like, you're just super involved
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: with them, I guess. I guess I could get a
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: nice hobby.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Like what? Mmm, like think about like walking with a
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: friend Yeah, walking with a friend is not a hobby
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: it isn't because immediately I go why don't we turn
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: into a podcast? Here's the beautiful thing about podcasting. Okay,
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: and so let's scrap the ignore that podcasting is a
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: business When are me and you gonna get a chance
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: to sit down for an hour and just hang out
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: with and go you can't answer Your phone can't look
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: at your phone Let's just.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Talk for the rest of our lives probably never till
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: we're older.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Or if I if you have something you want to
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: promote Maybe we can do it over at my house
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: But it's like it's kind of fucked up. I'll never
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: get a chance to sit down with Kevin Nealon for
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: an hour. I sat with him for an hour and
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: 30 minutes. I got to ask him all the questions
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I ever wanted to ask. Danny Trejo, Travis Parker, Jelly.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: It's like I see Jelly. Jelly is a little different
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: because I see him and I end up spending a
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: lot of time with him.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's somehow so– he finds– he's so accessible in
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: a weird way.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but podcasting, I don't look at that as work.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I look at it as an opportunity to hang out
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: with my friends and get to know other people, other men.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, for sure.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people maybe don't get
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: as much time with that. And so that's why they
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: listen to podcasts too. It's like, Ooh, you know, a
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: lot of people don't like what you said. Maybe they
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: don't get as much time as that. So that's why
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: they listen. They're listening more to podcasts. I think some
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: of this is why I listen. It's like, Oh, I
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: want to hear a conversation about this thing. Yeah. And
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: so that's what I'm listening to where I want to
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: hear about a conversation. That's funny.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Or I don't get to hang out with Tim Dillon
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: and Rogan together. So you got to hear. I never,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: I never do. So it's fun when I listen to
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: the two of them talk. Cause they, They have smart
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: brains in a different way than me. Like, I'll never
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: think the way they think.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: No, they're the best.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Tim Dillon is so... original. It's unbelievable.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: He is my favorite gossip in the world.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: He had this bit about the other day on– it
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: was a social reel. And it was like about the
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: fires and how somebody– Hired private security to protect their,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: private firemen to protect their ice cream shop or whatever.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, all these places are burning, but the
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: fucking Maui peach sorbet was fucking saved or whatever.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: I love you were doing your fingers the whole time
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: as you were trying to make it fancy. The Maui
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: peach sorbet.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think if you do this.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: You're doing this the whole time like you're selling fancy
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Well, I think I was trying to. Think of something
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: fancy and this helped me.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. This little movement right here, just like, hey,
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: do you guys want to go to dinner? It's really nice. Hey,
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: if I take my dick out, I think you're going
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: to like it. I put sprinkles on it.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: That's like, who had that joke of you call something
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Mexican in front of it? It just makes it so
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: much better, dude.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: No.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, wait.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Not what I thought.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, really? Oh, you thought worse?
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I was at a Mexican restaurant at the end of
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: the Santa Monica beer.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: And the lady comes up to me, my buddy Eddie,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: and she goes, would you guys like Mexican hot chocolates?
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: And we're like, oh, no, thank you. What, do you
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: wrap us in a blanket, hold us down, and shit
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: in our mouths? No, thanks. I think we'll pass. Mexican
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: hot chocolate sounds like a fucking, like, well, you want
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: a Mexican blowjob? And you're like, hold on. What are
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: we doing here? It's like the donkey show. Did you
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: ever see a donkey show?
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I never saw it. I don't want to get involved
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: with that. I have a good relationship with outdoor animals.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get like that. Yeah, this is
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: his clip right here. Oh, I love that he's... You
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: can play it from right there.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: It's fun.
• 21:26
  Speaker 6: That little Palisades village?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I'm glad it's still there.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I am.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: I'm glad that guy brought in his own water and
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: fucking was like, yeah, we're not losing.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: What's the.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Fucking McConnell's? We're not losing that ice cream place. There's
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: people burning alive in the street. He's like, yeah, we're
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: not losing McConnell's.
• 21:51
  Speaker 6: What are you, nuts?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: It's a good ice cream.
• 21:54
  Speaker 6: Santa Barbara's strawberry has a great flavor.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: What are you, nuts?
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: What's that other sushi place?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Is it Blue Ribbon?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: It's good. Yeah, fuck yeah. The fucking.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: It's just hilarious to be a billionaire and to go,
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: we're bringing in water and we're bringing in our own firefighters.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: And then the firefighters show up. They're like, all right,
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: who do we save?
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: And you're like, what?
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Get the fuck in front of Blue Ribbon Sushi right now.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Are you out of your fucking mind, you piece of shit?
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Who do we save?
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: The tiger roll.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: That's a fucking, get in front of Blue Ribbon Sushi.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: The tiger roll. That's good.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: What impresses me about Tim is he can do his
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: show by himself for fucking one hour. Yeah. Once a week.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Have you ever tried that?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: For one hour every day?
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: No, once a week. He does his show once a week.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did that for years, I think, didn't I?
• 22:54
  Speaker 6: Yeah, he was solo for the first couple years, just
• 22:57
  Speaker 6: him talking.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: And then my brain, I ran out of anything. I
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: don't even know now of just like a fucking thing.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: thoroughfare for other people's bullshit. I used to have some
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: of my own ideas. Now it's just fucking nothing.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: I think you used to have your own ideas. I
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: don't know, dude. I always say to people, hey, wait,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: were you using drugs when we did that fraternity pilot?
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Let me think.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, remember that thing, dude?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I tried to buy it.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: That pilot?
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because I think Bono Murray's collapsed right.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah i think yeah i don't know what happened yeah
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: because the pilot was what it was three guys were
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: going back to college it was kind of based on
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: old school old school i think it was called old
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: school three guys were going back to college was that.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: No no no no me you and brett ernst were
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: starting a fraternity starting a fraternity people out of college
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: yeah man we did not think that through no we
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: just put it in fucking craigslist.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Right yeah remember that one guy finally kissed that hook
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: or whatever and his fucking glasses steamed up remember ernie
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Remember that guy?
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Dude, a couple of those guys. Hold on. You're underselling.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: You're underselling what we did. Have we talked about this?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Hold on. So it was, I'm just going to set
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: the scene because this was the funniest pilot I've ever
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: been a part of. Okay. Me, you, and Brett Ernst. Yeah.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: We were the hosts and executive producers. Oh, wow. You
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: don't remember that?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think I got that good of a deal,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: but let's keep going.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I think it might have, if I'm not mistaken, I
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: think I might have been the one that was like,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: because I had like headsets in And I was talking
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: to producers, and it was all our ideas. So we
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: were like, all right, we're going to get these out,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: put it in Craigslist. We'll get a fucking party bus,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: put it in Craigslist. If we get anyone that applies,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: we'll take them. We had no fucking background checks, none.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I remember that one guy showed up.
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: PTSD.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. He had PTSD, and he'd wake up in
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: the middle of the night and marine crawl around the
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: fucking house to check the perimeter.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: I do remember that guy.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: The little guy that didn't speak English threw up in
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: the fucking– in the garbage can and we couldn't get
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: him out?
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Well, that guy was a ninja, remember? He was a
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: full-time ninja, he said. And we're like, where?
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: He was a full-time fucking ninja.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: And then there was the guy you championed, and you
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: were trying to get a lady. He made out with
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: a chick. Dude, one dude cheated on his wife, and
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: he was like, I think I just ruined my life.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: And we're like, ah! And so, hold on. Hold on,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: this is the best, is we wanted to throw a
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: party for them, but we didn't know how to get chicks,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: so we just hired prostitutes.
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: We hired real prostitutes, dude. And that one guy.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: Everyone was getting laid. But it was because we paid
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: for them.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Everyone was like, this is great.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Do you remember our band? Do you remember the band?
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Dio.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, was it that all-female band?
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: With tape over their nipples and their pussies.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Harlow. Wasn't that their name?
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: You remember their name?
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I think that was them.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Google them, Harlow. They had Jack Daniels and pillows. And
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: they created a pillow flight. Feathers went everywhere. and they'd
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: spit Jack Daniels in our mouths. That's how the pilot opened.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: My name's Bert Kreischer. Me and my two best friends
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: are starting a fraternity. It's going to get wild. And
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: the girl spit vodka in my mouth. And I was like,
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: I'm married with two kids. Dude, that was, is that? No,
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: it's not.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that was them. Harlow was a
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: girl band, I thought. Oh, that's them.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: That's them.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, they were cute.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, they were fucking killer.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: They were hot too, dude.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I remember the executive producer came out to the pool.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: All the prostitutes are naked. They're all in the pool.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: I'm in the pool in pajamas. And everyone's, and the producer,
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: one of the exact producers goes, I can't use any
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: of this. I remember the sound guy was like, hey,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: you want to hear something? I was like, what's that?
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: And he grabs the headsets and he takes them off.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: He goes, put them on. I go, what is that?
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: And he goes, someone's getting their dick sucked in the bathroom.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, dude. I hope it was me, dude. I'm
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: trying to remember what happened.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Were you using drugs at the time?
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I hope I was. It sounds like
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: it was a fucking blast, dude. I don't know if
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I needed drugs at the time. That sounds amazing.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: The guy broke the champagne bottle over the goat's head?
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. Yeah.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, we fucking beat up those lesbians. It was
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: the fucking wildest show ever.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: One of them fucking asked for it, dude.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: The big one asked for it, yes.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: The little one, sure.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: A victim.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I'll say that.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: That was the greatest pilot I've ever been a part of.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I forgot about that.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: That's when, that's when, I mean like.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Remember we showed up at somebody's, at a place, we
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: stole that fucking goat, put him on that bus, and
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: he started shitting in the back of the bus, and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: the only person that would go back there and care
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: for him, it was some like, he was like a
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: third generation veterinarian or something, that one really white kid.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: And people kept giving it beer and stuff.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: And we stole the wrong goat. We did? Yeah, we had,
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: we had an address. that we were gonna pull over
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: and we had already arranged to take their goat and
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: give it back to them, like production-wise. So we pulled
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: over to piss and the fucking Irish kid, do you
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: remember the Irish kid? Is his name Killian?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: I think he was a comic. Killian? No, Killian's just
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: the name of a beer.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I thought that was his name.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Seamus.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Seamus?
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: It wasn't him. It was a fella named Seamus. I
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: think he probably passed. I don't know if he passed away.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: A lot of those guys are dead.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: Seamus O'Farrell, is that him?
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: A lot of guys that were in that pilot died.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Because I was in a Facebook group with him. And
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: like the big guy, or like the big guy, he passed.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Remember him? He had two kids.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, did he?
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a fucking.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: He had two lunches too, I remember that. He fucking,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: he did not make it that long. I was like, dude,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: you can't have two lunches. Because you would have lunch
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: and then wait a little while and pretend like you
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: hadn't had lunch, I remember.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: He's like, wait, were they serving? Yeah. We're like, yeah. Yeah.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: what are they serving? Like, you just ate it. Yeah, dude.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: It was just that reverse, he would use reverse psychology
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: with his own stomach or whatever.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: God, man, that was the funnest. Like, I always say, like,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: I forgot about that. That was, like, it's like, you
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: know when you, you know when you discover someone? Like, when, like,
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking of the best examples. Like, Cam Patterson, right? Like,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: my wife's friends, their kids are in high school and
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: they came to one of my shows and they're like,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: have you seen Cam Patterson? At the time, I hadn't.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: And then I was like, no. And then I watched
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: some of his clips and I discovered him and I
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, he's funny. That moment, we all have
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: it for comics. And I've heard for a very long time,
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: watch people discover you when they go, dude, do you
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: know Theo Vaughn? But I had to discover you too. Like, right,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I got to find that you were funny too. And
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I always say it was that fucking pilot where I
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: just kept watching you just like, like everything you were
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: saying was like, So fucking funny. That and, oh no,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: that and fucking Reality Bites Back. I've always said that like,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: that finale, Theo, you were the single funniest human being
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I'd ever met. been around in my life.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. You were dropping dimes. When we were
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: all sitting in the bleachers, I was crying laughing. I
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: have never laughed harder in my fucking life where I
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: was like, This guy, everything you said was fucking hysterical.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: And you're in a room full of killers.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Killers in there. Oh, killers. It was so much fun.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Look at Schumer looking vibey right there.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: Do you remember when Donnell, we were in the car,
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: and Donnell said to Mo Mandel, because Mo is like,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I love Mo. I love Mo. I'm not shitting on Mo.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: But Mo was younger than everyone, so he was like trying.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: He was trying the whole time.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: It's that energy you do when you're young, too. You
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: get put in a place, you try to, yeah, you try.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: And he goes- Donnell's in front of the van. He goes, Moe,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: has anyone ever told you you're funny? And Moe goes,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: of course. And he goes, name one person. And Moe goes,
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: my mom. And we fell out of the fucking van.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Donnell goes, your mom doesn't count, Moe. Your mom doesn't
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: fucking count. Oh, God.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Dude, there's my boy right there. He just had his
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: second child, I think.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: He's selling TV shows. He's doing great.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Moe's a creative dude, man.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: He is a very creative dude. Look at Schumer. Holy shit.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Mert, and I have.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: A goatee because if I don't, it looks like my
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: real chin has balls. Look at you, Mert. Look at
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: how loud my voice is. I start laughing. It looks
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: like I'm teabagging my shirt.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: My name's Theo Bond, and $ 50, 000 would mean that I
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: could get out of debt.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: Listen to our voices.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Would you put a down payment on a better apartment
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: or an apartment in general?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Who looks the most like an 80-year-old black man in
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: their picture? I don't know.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Look at you, Bird.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Look at this. Oh, shit.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Do you remember this? Pause it up. That's when we
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: threw those Mexican cabbage patch kids. They dyed them Mexican
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: because the Mexicans had been discontinued or whatever.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: How do you say cabbage in Spanish?
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Cabbage.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Cabbage. Cabbage niños. So we had these fucking cabbage niños, right?
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: And you have to throw 50 of them over this fence.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: It was going to be hard for adult men to
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: do that, bro. We were humming those bitches over there.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: And remember Chyna showed up? She was the wrestling woman.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: And she was all geeked up on pills or something.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: And as they went over the fence, somebody was supposed
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: to shoot them down with some sort of a paintball
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: gun or something. I was like, what are we doing?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Do you like winning real money? Mm-hmm. If you're a basketball, baseball,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: or sports fan, then check out the Pick 6 app
• 32:19
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• 32:25
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• 32:29
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• 32:32
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• 32:36
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• 32:40
  Speaker 1: two or more players. and choose if they'll have more
• 32:43
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• 32:48
  Speaker 1: and more. For instance, you can pick Luka Doncic to
• 32:53
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• 32:56
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• 33:00
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• 33:17
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• 33:29
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• 33:34
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• 33:43
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• 33:48
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• 33:53
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• 33:56
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• 34:01
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• 34:43
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• 34:50
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• 35:07
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• 35:17
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• 35:25
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• 35:29
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• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Dude, my favorite one. I wish they had video of this.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I wish I could find this video is we did.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: So you think you could dive? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: you said everyone practiced diving all week and you're like,
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: I'm good. I already know what I'm doing. And you
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: got up to the, if I'm not mistaken, it was
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: like the 10 meter or like the five meter. It
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: was high as shit.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I went up there.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: In a wheelchair. I would like to present my ode
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: to Amelia Earhart. And you sang to Amelia Earhart. and
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: you got, and you just had them push you off
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: in a wheelchair and you had not planned that once
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: the front wheels went off that you were going face
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: first and you fucking landed on your stomach so hard
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: and came up. That was the fucking, please tell me
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: you have it.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Do you have it?
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, shut the fuck up. Oh my God.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, look how young we were. Bert, look at you.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Look at this. This is when all I did was
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: hit on Greg.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Greg Louganis the whole time.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: And then he got pissed because he found out I
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: was married. Really? Yeah, you remember? That's why he voted
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: me off. He was like, you don't tease a man.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I do remember driving away. This was in Long Beach.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I remember driving home that day. I'm like, I can't believe.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: I drove you home.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: I almost smashed that dude.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: No, I drove you home. Do you remember? Oh, that's right. Dude,
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: I picked up everyone in the car. And Schumer goes,
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: I hope none of us get voted off. It's going
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: to be an awkward ride home. And I got voted off,
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: and I drove home. And I was like, it was quiet.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: I was like, so what are you guys doing tomorrow,
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: do you think?
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: And we're all going back to work.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: God, I was not. This. Dear Amelia, leave me passion.
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: We will come and find you.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: What octave is that?
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: If I'm not mistaken, it was that kid Cameron pushing
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: you off. That's that kid Cameron. Watch. Tell us a
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: little bit about the genesis of the idea. Look how
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: jacked you are, dude.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: God, I was handsome. Well, Frank, there's a lot of
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: ladies out there that are missing, and I just wanted
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to kind of put a tribute out to them.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: We got to find them, bitches.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: You had the ladies, and I think you just lost them.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: Hang on.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Do you have that whole episode?
• 38:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I have the whole series.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, do me a favor. Wow. Go to me getting
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: kicked off. Do you remember this?
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: With Greg Louganis?
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: Do you remember?
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: We did a nude dance for him.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Do you have that?
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: And Greg Louganis is a famous homosexual swimmer.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: If I'm not mistaken, he's HIV positive.
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: Is he?
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I think he was like the poster boy for HIV positiveness.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: He's HIV positivity. I saw that picture. I swear to God,
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I just got rid of that bathing suit yesterday. All right,
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: go to the end when I get voted off. What
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: are you talking about? My wife never made a rule
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: about that. I just hit on him. Okay.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Your butt is so wide. I'm sorry to say that
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: it's time for you to pack your trunks.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much. Now, hit pause for a second. This
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: was the biggest regret of my life. Yeah. Like, sometimes
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: you ever do a podcast and you're like, hey, can
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: you guys take that out? I shouldn't have said the
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: C-H word. Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Bobby. And...
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: So like, now I did this and no one laughed.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: No one laughed. Everyone saw it and it was wildly
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: rolling the dice on it. And I was like, I'm
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: not certain. And I went home and I got in
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: bed with my wife that night and I didn't know
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: how it was going to be edited. And I go,
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: I might've just ruined my career. I might've destroyed my career.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: I might've made it. Cause I was telling everyone I
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: was on this fucking show with my daughter's preschool. I
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: was like, They're going to watch this?
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: That's insane to do that.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Everyone was famous, and I was trying to keep up
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: with the Joneses.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I'm on a new show.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, I'm on a TV show, whatever. Hit play.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Have you seen this? Oh, my God. All right. Biggest regrets.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: Wow, Bird. Were you fully naked?
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Fully naked. And does Michael prefer men or he
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: prefers women? He's married. Michael, I think, was being, like, honest. Like,
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: this is a bad idea. Oh, my. Oh, my God.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: That was incredible. Oh. Dude, I thought I ruined. I
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: thought I ruined. Ruined my career. Ruined it.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: And what kind of pecker you got on you there?
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: You can't really, they got it blurred out or whatever.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Just so we can.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Not big at all.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I'm going to show you two right now and it's
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: probably the exact same size. Do you remember we took
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: a bath with Lunel? Dude, yeah.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Me, you, Red Grant. Me, you, Red Grant took a
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: bath with Lunel.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: He ran for mayor of Baltimore. Do you know that?
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: We'll tell this story. Yeah. Do you remember Lunel had
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: two bathing suits on?
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Did she really?
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: And she took one off. She goes, boys, wear your
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: bathing suits. And then we took ours off, and then
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: she got out of the bath, and we were all naked,
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: and she took our bathing suits. God.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: I don't remember that. I remember, I think Kyle's mom
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: gave me, or somebody gave somebody, I don't remember what happened.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: One of us came or something.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: Kyle's mom.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I remember that.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: Kyle's mom was a hired stripper. Yeah. Just so we're clear,
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Kyle's real.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Mom is dead. Kyle's real mom passed away?
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why they got brought in the stripper.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, damn. Well, yeah.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: I remember meeting your mom, and I was like, oh,
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: his mom looks like she could make dream catchers in
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: New Mexico.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: My mom looks like she fucking tells on black people
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: that walk out of the store with all this shit
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: from Rite Aid.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: Dude, that show was so wild. And it was like, bro,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: they paid us. It was pretty, it was fun. You
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: got to be around other comedians. Tiffany Haddish was on there.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Donnell Rawlings. Remember Javier, um, George. That one comedian left.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: He left the first day.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: Remember?
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: George.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Jeff Garcia.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Jeff Garcia left.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Don't play that. I do not need to see that.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Hang on.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: I actually, that makes, I have nightmares about that. You
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: know when you've done something and you're like, ah, why
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: did I do that? That fucking moment. That fucking makes
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: my skin crawl.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: And this is when you made a promise to your
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: mom in the dark or whatever.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: They said, you're going to bring you in. You're going
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: to seduce somebody. And... And the more you turn them on,
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: the better you win. And they brought it in and
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: it was our moms. And I.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: In the dark.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: In the dark. And I told her what I'd do
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: to her, giving her oral sex. I fucking. I think
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: about that. Because I was honest. I was fucking honest, Theo.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: That's illegal, too, to do that to your mother.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 42:38
  Speaker 6: Theo did the Native American warbler.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Let's make this plan happen. I was scared, let me say.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: When it comes to seduction, the first thing you have
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: to know is the Native American warbler. Serious panty dropper.
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: Let's make this plan happen.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: You were so good at this. You were so good
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: at this.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: What was it again?
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: No, you were so good at the whole fucking game. Like,
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: it got in my head, and I would get panicked
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: because I needed the money, and you were just fucking chill.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I was probably on steroids, dude.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: You might have been. You look pretty jacked in this.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I might have been on performance-enhancing drugs.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Have you ever taken steroids?
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. Yeah, they just had a new– did you
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: see that a new Steroid Olympics was coming up? I
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: hope so. That show was before its time. They should
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: put the show back on the air if they didn't.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: I don't understand. After that, they fucked up, man.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: I could not agree more.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: They fucked up a lot.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: By the way, here's where they fucked up. This is
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: where they fucked up. They should– we should buy that. Me, you, me.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: People with little money, we should buy that and then
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: get all the raw and edit it the way we
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: wanna edit it. Because that is, we could do one season,
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: we could do five seasons out of just outtakes. I mean,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: the shit we weren't allowed to say, do you remember
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: with Miu and Red, we're in a pool with Amy
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: Schumer and she goes, what are we gonna do now?
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: And I was like, why don't we play Leaky Submarine?
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: She goes, what's that? And I go, well, you're the
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Leaky Submarine and we gotta plug up all your holes.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: And everyone's like, can't use that. And I was like, what?
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: It's fucking funny. Like, dude, the outtakes we did just
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: there I'm telling you, that finale, you had, it was me,
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Chris Fairbanks, I think Schumer, Red Grant, and Donnell were
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: in a cluster, and we were crying, laughing at you
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: for one hour straight. You were just, they would say something,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: and you just, honest Theo, like the person you are
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: today was there that day, and you were stream of consciousness,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: and we were, I've never laughed harder. Damn.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: That was so much fun. Look at me and Amy
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: right there. And she had a boyfriend. I think she
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: was in love with some guy.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I always thought you guys had sex.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: You know, I always thought we did. But, dude, speaking of,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: what else were you talking about a second ago?
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 45:15
  Speaker 6: The steroid games?
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: Did you see that Donald Trump Jr., or some group
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: is starting steroid, the enhanced games, Donald Jr., President Donald
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Trump's eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., is the latest to
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: invest in the Enhanced Games, which critics call the Steroid Olympics.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: I'd invest. I mean, listen, steroids are extremely popular in bodybuilding.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: And bodybuilding's pretty... Have you ever seen natural bodybuilding?
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: The answer is no.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: That's a good point.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: You're like, okay, it's pretty fucking boring. You look at
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: real bodybuilding, and you're like, yeah, that's what I want
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: to fucking look at.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Get on that fucking gas, dude. Oh, I remember doing
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: that fucking shit, boy.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Wait, what did you take?
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, I took.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Deca.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: I took Deca, yeah, Deca.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: Windstraw?
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever got some Windstraw. I
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: got whatever I could get a hold of.
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: Test 200. Really?
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, test 200, test 400. Tess, there was some, I think,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: we would go on spring break, we'd go get it,
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: but people would always sneak it back in, like, shampoo bottles.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: They would buy a bunch of steroids, but pour it
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: in shampoo bottles. So it had, like, this fucking kind of, like,
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: soapy aftertaste. Like, you'd be doing curls, but then you'd, like,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: belch a soap bubble or whatever. Like, it was really, like,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: every time you, like, if you lifted up your arms,
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: it would....
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: When you'd sweat, it would just be soapy?
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: It would smell like lavender or whatever. It was a
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: real hybrid at the time, a hybrid type of chemical
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: we were using. And that was one thing that was
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: tough about it, but it was fun using steroids because-
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: And I shouldn't say that. I mean, it definitely also
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: had side effects.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: No, don't buy it. Everyone makes their own fucking choices
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: in life. Look, I'm on testosterone out the fucking gills
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: Are you really?
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: Are you shitting me? Dude, I fucking love it. I
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: jerk off every morning. I jerk off every... If I
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: don't have sex with my wife, my dick's hard and
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: I'm turned on every fucking morning when I wake up.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about my wife, but if she's not there,
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: like today I jerked off. She was at the gym
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: working out or at her trainer or whatever, and I
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: was like, I'm going to jerk off. Dude, it's awesome.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: I feel alive. I'm stronger than I've ever been in
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: my entire life. I'm healthier than I've ever been. I
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: do my liver numbers. That's all, every damage I've ever
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: done to my liver is all repaired because testosterone is
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: reparative to liver cells.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: It's fucking awesome.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: Well, are you, I mean, are you still fat or
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: whatever then? Yeah.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Obese.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Morbid. Okay.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: I'm morbidly obese.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: Okay. I just want to make sure you're still, you know,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: sticking with this.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: No, I only work out. I only work out so
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I can party. That's it. The only reason I work
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: out is so tonight, if I want to, my wife says, yo,
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: let's open a bottle of rosé. I go, fuck yeah,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: because I know I was in the gym this morning,
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: hard as shit. I'm going to be in the gym tomorrow,
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: hard as shit. You look great. I feel phenomenal. I mean,
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: I really feel phenomenal. And I will tell you that
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: I felt good when I wasn't on testosterone, but testosterone
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: has just given me like a zest for life. I mean,
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: the downfalls is like my face is redder. Sometimes so
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: like I have to get hair and makeup like my
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: face can get pretty red, but from the testosterone I
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: think so. That's what someone told me.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Well, don't you don't you lose hair though?
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: That'd be my concern No, I mean, I don't know
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: I was gonna get hair transplants Leanne doesn't want me to.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Really I've gotten it before what yeah a couple years
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: ago I got in the back so much stress in
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: the back that my hair started got like.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: Your hair looks fucking awesome Yeah, it's good. Now.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: It's clean.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: You go to Turkey.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: No. No, I went to I don't even remember what
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I did. I did it right off of La Cienega,
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: 50 La Cienega.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah. A good doctor, though.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty decent. They take it out of the back,
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: and they just put it in the front. It's like
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: just reforestation or whatever, you know, whenever they take the plants.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: That's not me, Jesus Christ.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: You've always had the thickest goddamn hair.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, look at this picture.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: That does kind of look like you a little bit.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, that's me, but that's not my head is
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: the crazy part.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, wait, that is you.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not my head. I never looked like. this.
• 49:21
  Speaker 6: I thought it was they shaved it or something.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: It's my bad. What?
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: That's so funny, dude. That's crazy. Dude, with AI now,
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: it's like anything is possible. What the fuck, dude?
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: That looks wild.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Well, this is not a before and after. That's a thing.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: Internet, make that a before and after. Just fields, buns, hairs, transplants. Because,
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: by the way, if it's not real, it doesn't bother you,
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: and it's fucking hysterical. If you type in Burt Kreischer fat,
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: all the pictures have been doctored, and they don't bother
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: me because they're not real. The real ones bother me.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: The real ones.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Well, this is.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: Is that really you?
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: This is really me. This is after I got my
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: hair transplant. They put all this, they inject all this
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: stuff in your head, but it starts to come down
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: your face. It's like pain reducers or whatever. So at
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: some point, you look like.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God, you look like the guy from Ghostbusters 2.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Holy shit.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Dude, I look like I fucking did a lot of cocaine.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Could you do pills, pain pills?
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know if you could take ibuprofen. I
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: think there was something you couldn't take.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: Could you take like, uh.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: Pain pills?
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: They give you two pain pills right when you go
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: in there and then they lay you down and you
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: can watch different television shows. My place, it was a
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: lot of Indian entertainment that they had in there. So
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: it was like the shows were.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Um, Bollywood type of, yeah. I want to do that. Dude,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: there's one. Type in Bollywood motorcycle dance. So for a promo,
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: I wanted to recreate this and I was gonna fly
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: to Bollywood and do my promo in Bollywood. Dude, money
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: goes pretty far in Bollywood. So I could pay like
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: 10 grand and get a full fucking production. Bollywood motorcycle dance.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: That's it. I bet that's it. Bollywood music video. Guy
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: comes off a motorcycle. These are awesome, dude. And I
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: was like, I'll learn the dance. I'll get all the people.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: You gotta find the, never mind.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: Fucking internet. Look at this. This probably cost $ 40.
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: Just look at these dances. They're so beautiful.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: It's a whole movie.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: I don't know why we don't have more of that.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: I guess they tried it in Joker and it didn't work.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Well, they have a lot more joy of like.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: I love this. I bet I could do this dance
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: pretty easy.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Well, a lot of these people end up working at
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: Disney World, I think.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: They have a Bolly Disney? Bollywood Disney?
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do they have a Disneyland in India? They have to, huh?
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: No. I went out to dinner with a couple. That's good.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: And they go, Leanna, I just went to Paris. And
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: they're like, oh, did you go to Disney Paris? And
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: I was like, no. And they're like, why not? And
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, because I'm a fucking grown up. And
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: they're like, oh, we went. It's so awesome. And I went,
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I could be friends with you. Yeah.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: Instead of going to the real Paris, you mean?
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. They went to Paris, and they went
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: to Disney in Paris. Oh. As opposed to just being
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: in Paris. They went to Disney in Paris.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: Like, why go all the way there?
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: It's the same fucking Disney. Go to Orlando. Save some
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: fucking money. Stay here. Stay here and go to fucking
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Disney for the day. They went to fucking Paris and
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: then went to Disney World and saw Mickey Mouse, who,
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: by the way, just is Mickey Mouse. It's the same
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: fucking Mickey Mouse. They're like, it was amazing. Can you imagine?
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: No, I can't imagine. But then sometimes, actually, I went
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: to China one time or somewhere. And I had to
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: get McDonald's because I was.
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: That's fine. That's totally fine. That's like, hey, man, this
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: is my culture. I want to see how you represent
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: my culture. Yeah.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: But going to see Mickey.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: You go to fucking Australia and go to Outback Steakhouse.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Come on, what the fuck are we talking about?
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: God damn it. Yeah, I don't. Listen, when I travel,
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: I like to do. I like to. I don't want
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: to get up and crack it on and do a
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: ton of shit. I want to sleep in. I want
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: to wake up. I want to go to the cafe,
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: have a coffee, walk around, have some lunch, maybe some snails,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: a couple beers, keep walking around. And then at a
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: certain hour I go, let's start bar hopping around the city.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: That's the fun way to do it. And then a
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: nice big dinner, close it out at like 2 in
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: the morning, know you can sleep in the next day.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Wake up, go for a jog. That's what I'm talking about.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: You will not find me at fucking Paris Disney.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: Damn. You heard it right there, Disney. You heard it.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Don't even come after him. Do you, oh, I want
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: to talk about that steroid Olympics a little bit. Go
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: back to it because I'm just curious about this.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: This is going to be fucking awesome, dude.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm just intrigued. I think we're going to start
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: seeing more. I've long wanted to do a game show of, like,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: stereotypes versus each other, right? Like, there's, like, Family Feud. It's, like,
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: the Ronsons versus the Hamiltons, right? But I want to see, like,
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: the gays versus the Yiddish or whatever, you know? Like,
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: I want to see, like, dark blacks versus bakers.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: Wait, can I soft pitch you more ideas within the
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: same context?
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: What if, right? you don't know what the other team
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: you're playing against is. And in playing the game, you've
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: got to guess what they are. So all their answers
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: are one way. So you're like, where's... the best place
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: to vacation. And you hear a bunch of people go,
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: the team you're playing against said Jamaica.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Or Birmingham.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the whole goal is to
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: play the game and try to answer your questions as
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: honest as possible, but try to guess who the other
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: people are. Okay, never mind. Bad pitch, because you can
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: just lie and misdirect people. Keep going.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: But maybe that's part of, there could be a strategy
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: in there that that's how you do it. But I
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: would love to see the stereotype games. I think that
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: that's where we're definitely headed soon. Stereotype games. Like asshole kids.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Like ADHD kids versus f * * * or whatever,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: you know? That's not.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: No, that would probably.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: We got to take that one out.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: But. ADHD kids versus autistic kids. Yes. That would be great, dude.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: And autistic kids don't need to talk. They do mental telepathy. Yeah.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: They don't talk anymore. They just. Just saw a documentary
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: on that. Google it. Yeah. And you put the two
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: of them against each other, it would be fucking great.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: But I think there's a lot of kids suffering from
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: smallpox versus fat kids or whatever.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: What about this game show? It's you fuck what you get.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: That's the name of the pitch. So a guy goes up.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: We bring up Theo Vaughn. And you have a room
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: full of 100 women. And you guys, ladies, by your chair,
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: you'll see a little panel. On a scale of 1
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: to 10, rate Theo Vaughn. You can present yourself. My
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: name's Theo. I grew up in Louisiana. I'm a stand-up comedian.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: I have a podcast. I'm on tour.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: Born in March.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: Born in March. Yeah, give them your sign.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: My birthday comes out the day after your special does.
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: I like to.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: For real? March 19th.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: For real?
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: You said March 18th it is?
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: March 18th.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: Nice. And then you ladies rate him on what you think.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: And so they go, Theo Vaughn is an eight. And
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: you go, cool. Now, Theo has already pre-rated every single
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: one of you. So look back at your panel and
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: see what number you are. And they look and they're like, shit,
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: I'm a six. He goes, everyone below an eight, get
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: the fuck out. So it just thins out the herd.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: And you're like, all right, you are what Theo is
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: willing to fuck. Now, Theo, this is the group of
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: eights that think they're your equal. You can either fuck
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: one of the eights or you can go for a 10.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: And if you pick the 10... You've got to go
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: to Paris Disney. That's your vacation. You've got to go
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: to Paris Disney. But if you pick the eight, we're
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: going to send you to Bali. And you're going to
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: be on the beach all week. You can fuck a ten.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: The fucking hottest. Out of your league. You can't get her.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: By number standards, you can't get her. And then you
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: take the two on the date and you pick who
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: they are. What do you think? What do you think?
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: I just like the idea of rating people.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: I'd go with an eight to Bali.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: I'd go with an eight to Bali, too. I'd go
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: with a six to Bali.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: Did you really?
• 57:00
  Speaker 4: I would.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: I'd go with my wife, but she's more like a
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: six and a half.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: Is she?
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: I think so. I think she's getting prettier the older
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: she gets.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: You know what? I thought that the other day. I
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: didn't think like that. I just thought, oh, Leanne looks
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: so pretty. That's my thought.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: You know what? Can I do a secret time?
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: One of my favorite things in the world. I don't
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: know if you did it on purpose or I don't
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: know how it came out, but I've said it a
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: number of times. She did her live podcast at Zany's
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: and you came by to say hi and support her. Oh, yeah.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: And she called me bawling crying. She goes, you know.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: She goes, I was so nervous and I was so,
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: you know, I feel like I'm in a different space
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: and I'm doing my podcast and, you know, and And
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: she goes, baby, I had to leave in the middle
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: and go to do a show in Cincinnati or something.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: She called crying. She goes, Theo came. I went, what?
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: She goes, Theo came. She goes, that's why I love
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: the people you've surrounded yourself because they're real people. She goes,
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: Theo Vaughn came out to show me love and give
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: me support. And I was, I got emotional telling it.
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: So I was like, I was like, that's what you want.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: You want to surround yourself with people that care about you,
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: and it's just not about a business. But thank you
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: for doing that. That was the sweetest thing you could
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: have ever done.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I forgot that I did that, but I did
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: do that.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course you did. That's who you are.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you forget things you do. That's it.
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: That's it. You found it. God, you're good. Can I
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: hire your team? Sure.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: It only took them 11 minutes.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: Look at this. Look at this, Theo. Promo video for
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: my new tour coming, right? Do this in Bollywood. Watch
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: this guy. Watch this guy. He's good, Theo.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Look at this. Turkish hairlines, huh?
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: Look at this. Look at this, Theo. How great is this?
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: God, I would have been the best Indian.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: Your hair? That wind blowing in your hair?
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: And I think just my attitude. I would have had
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: a good time over there.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: You think so? Theo, you would have never left your
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: cast system. Are you going to AI Theo's face in it?
• 59:06
  Speaker 6: I was going to do you, but.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: Do me, do me, do me, do me, do me. Yeah,
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: please do it. Hey, wait. Think about it.
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: This looks like AI. This isn't AI.
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: You would have never left your. No, it's just Indians.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: I would have found a way out.
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: You can't. That's India.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: I would have found a way.
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: No.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: That's our movie, dude. Cast travelers or something or cast.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: Time casters.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Time casters. You know, I like to save money.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I like to make money and I like to keep
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: it and put it somewhere safe. I don't like taking
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: a ton of risks. I don't like a lot of uncertainty.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: And that's why I do like Acorns. I've really come
• 59:47
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  Speaker 1: we used Shopify, it was bonkers.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: It was bonkers.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: We had that old register system where you were filling
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: it all out and giving it to your niece to
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: run to the mailbox and she didn't know how to
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• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: Are you going to do more movies? Did you like it?
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: We're making our movie right now.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: You just made it.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: We still have five days left.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, for real? Yeah. I didn't know that.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: We'll see. I am happy that we did it.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: Can I ask you an honest question?
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%, man.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: This is why I don't do, I shouldn't say this
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: out loud, but this is why I only do my projects.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: Because I noticed that I have, for lack of a
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: better word, bad interior thoughts when I'm not in control.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: And I don't, I'm not good at it. So, like,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: I did something for someone one time, and the whole time,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: in my head, I was like, I'm wasting my fucking life.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: I'm wasting my life. I'm in fucking makeup. And no
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: one's treating me with respect. And I'm fucking, and I
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: was like, I'm just sitting in a goddamn trailer waiting
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: for some 18-year-old to come and tell me it's time.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: And I can't walk around. And I was like, I'm
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: wasting my fucking life. And a friend of mine said,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: just give me your heads up. Notice this in yourself.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: And don't allow yourself in that situation. You'll get a
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: bad rap. It's what they're saying happened with that chick
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: and that dude is that they didn't.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: Blake Lively or whatever?
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. But I'm team Blake Lively. I
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: like her, I think.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't even know what happened. It just seemed
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: like rich people being fucking rich or whatever.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: But did you, in doing it, did you, because I
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: know how internal you are and I know how kind
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: of pensive you are, did you, were there parts of
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: it where you're like, okay, if I do this again,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing that?
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, for sure.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: I think there's some of that I'm still learning. Yeah,
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: like there's just like certain like ways to like do
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: the script differently to like certain, have less scripts. We'd
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: have more time to shoot certain scenes. Like that's one thing.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: It's like, we just kind of run out of time,
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: you know? So it's like, we can't, you know, um, so,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: you know, you can only get so much coverages or whatever. Uh,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: what else? I don't know if I would ever do
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: the acting again. I would like to do the, um,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: producing or writing, but I do, I only like to,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: I'm the same. I just only want to do things
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: that I, that I am in control of.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: Because for me, it's just, I don't want somebody else
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: to have control of how I look or seem. I
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: don't want somebody else to have a say. I don't
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: want anybody to have any ownership over, um, my voice.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: That's it for me. It's like when I was a kid,
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: I felt like I didn't have, I couldn't speak up
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: for myself or something like that. I don't know what
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: it is, but internally somewhere in there, that's what it
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: is for me. So it's like, I don't want to
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: have to say anybody else's lines. I just want to
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: do what I want to do. And if I live
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: or die on that, then that's fine. But at least
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: it's just me, you know?
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: Do you ever run into the situation where you get
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: hired for something, they want you to come in and
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: do something, and then they're like, try to like script
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: it for you a little bit? Like my example is like,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: they'll be like, you're going to take your shirt off, right?
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't know.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 5: Maybe.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know. It's fucking 10 degrees out here.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: And they're like, okay, what? It's coming off, though, right?
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: It's like maybe you just come out and rip your
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: shirt off and be like, kill a beer. And I'm like,
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: I also talk. Yeah. But it's like sometimes you get,
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: especially if you get a little big, you get kind
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: of typecast as a producer. They go like, so you'll just,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: like they did it today. And we're like, he'll just
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: come in like a hurricane with his hands going up
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: like this. And he'd be like, ah. But there was no,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: did you find that happening to you ever?
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: No, I don't do anything. I only do our own stuff.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: Like I don't ever do anything that I don't. I
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: don't ever do anything else except for like our own things.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: So me and Spade wrote that movie. I knew that
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: he's a great actor, one of the funniest guys I know.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: So he would be able to carry it. I'm like
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: the second guy who like is kind of where this
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: is like a dumb buddy movie. And so I never
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: put myself in a position where somebody have to be like,
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: you have to do something like this, you know? Because
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: it goes back to your reason, I learned I don't
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: do well in that situation. Like, you know, I tried
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: to do a– Chris Pratt had asked me to be
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: in a movie years ago, and I had to leave
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: once I got there because once I– they didn't give
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: you the script until you got there. And so once
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: I got the script and stuff, I realized, oh, this
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: isn't– it just doesn't fit for me. It doesn't work
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: with who I want to be. How hard is that
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: to do? To leave?
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, it definitely was hard. It was a hard, like,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: you know, text to send. I sent it all in
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: caps so they would know I was serious about it
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: or whatever. But yeah, it was fucking... Wait, what? How'd
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: it go? Did the movie come out?
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 5: Huh?
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: What movie was it?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Tomorrow War. Was it a movie called Tomorrow War?
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: And when I watched it back, I ended up realizing
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: I made the best choice for myself. It took 12 weeks.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: Wait, with Tom Cruise?
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Dude, that's damn Chris Pratt, brother.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: That's Chris Pratt?
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a new.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: Huh. The Tomorrow War. What was that about?
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: It's about... On Amazon? People... went in the past uh
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: i can't even remember it was kind of confusing but
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: it was great it was fun i'm glad that i
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: got to do it uh i'm sorry i'm glad i
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: didn't get to do it jesus but um but i
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: saw chris who ended up playing you just someone they
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: just moved the lines over to some other guy oh
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: they didn't like i tried to get josh wolfen and
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: i remember as a substitute but uh they just moved
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: the lines over to a different character but when i
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: watched it back the guy had two lines And I
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: would have had to be there for 12 weeks. It
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: just wasn't a good fit, right?
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: The first movie I ever had a friend did, Tom
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: did a movie with Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. And he was
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: there for like five weeks. And I was like, oh, cool.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: So you're in a lot of scenes? He's like, I'm
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: in like two scenes. I was like, you're there for
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: five weeks? fucking weeks? He's like, yeah, that's part of
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: making a movie. I was like, well, I guess I'm
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: not making a movie. And then I was like, I'm
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: not gonna fucking sit in a hotel for five weeks?
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: You gotta be kidding me. I like.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was the thing. It was a long time,
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: and it was in Atlanta. And also, I didn't know
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: anybody on the set except for Marilyn Reiska was there.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: And I'd met only Chris Pratt just through Instagram messages.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: So I'd never met him.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: So that's an easy text to send then.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was chill. And I actually did call the
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: director too. And I called him and just shared our thought.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: And they were cool about it. But then there was
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: like a thing like in Hollywood, like this guy might
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: back out of your movie. So I was like, I
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: don't fucking care, dude. Like as long as I was
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: cool with Chris and everything was fine, it was fine
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: with me. But that's when I realized, oh, I can't
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: do something if it's, not my own thing. And I,
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to say, Oh, we're,
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: we're keeping that or we're not keeping that. Or I
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: don't want to be seen like that or this sort
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: of thing. Then I just can't do that for me.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: It's just how I work. You know, when I got
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: back from.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: Serbia, someone had written a part in a TV show
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: for me and they text me like, yo, I wrote
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: a part for you. And I was like, Oh, I'm
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: going to do it. He's like, we haven't even read it.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I know that, but it's not
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: my show. Yeah. He was like, but hold on, hang on.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: I wrote it for you. And I went, okay, I
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: don't know what to tell you, but I can tell,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: I can just tell you that if I go onto
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: your show, I'm gonna have feelings, and I'm probably not
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: gonna be great, and I'm gonna be in a fucking
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: different city from my family, and I just got back
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: from Serbia, and I kinda wanna go on tour, and
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: I kinda wanna do my podcast, and I kinda wanna,
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: like I don't wanna go onto another set, and then
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: play a fat guy that fucking eats snorts coke or whatever,
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: you know? And so he was like, and I was like,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: and I'm friends with you, and right now it seems
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: we're friends, so let's just keep the friendship, and then
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: we don't have to work together. It's funny, because it's like,
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: if I was younger, I would have been totally opposite
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: i would have been like yeah yeah you're my friend
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: write a part for me and now i'm just like
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: no please don't write a part for.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: Me yeah i think it's i'm trying to think a
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: little bit more about it i mean this was like
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: i just remember thinking because we wrote it and then
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: if we nobody wanted to direct it nobody wanted to
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: help us with it no agent no producers.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 2: Were you kidding can wait for anyone listening that's how
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: tough Hollywood is. Right now. Right now, they are not
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: making movies. No one's making movies.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: Well, I think they just didn't. And also, like, they
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: don't want, I don't know if they don't want certain
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: people to have voices. It seemed easier for other people
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: to make movies, right? I'll say that.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: But also. Wait, wait. I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: It seemed easier for other people to make movies.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: But. You mean, you mean two cisgendered white privilege males
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: had a hard time selling a movie in Hollywood? I know.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: But that's the funniest fucking thing that there's, cause there
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: is semi a truth to that. But, but also we
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: have had opportunities our entire life, but also it's like
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: you talk to any fucking writer, any writer in Hollywood
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: who's like 50, a dude who's white, they cannot get
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: a job. Like they cannot work and they're, and they lose.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: And these are all liberals. Like you gotta realize a
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: Hollywood liberal writer, man, he's fucking crazy. storming the Capitol
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: about those goddamn scripts.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: It's crazy. I talked to any of them. They're all
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: like fucking dude, whatever's happening in Hollywood. I was like,
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: you've had a good run. Yeah.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: I think, well, I just, then it was like, well,
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: we have to do, it was like, I don't like
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: thinking that if you say I can't do it, there's
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: a part of me that wants to just show you
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: that I can do it.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm not a great actor, right? I know that
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: and that's fine with me.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. It's not real.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: I have some moments that are good.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: In this thing. The fucking therapy movie are awesome.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: That's sweet of you. It was easier for me to
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: play like a disgruntled person kind of than I think
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: like a dumb buddy kind of thing for some reason.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: I felt like that. But then also I'm like going
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: back and looking at the things and I'm like thinking
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: of what else needs to be in this scene. My
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: mind's kind of like all over the place. But I
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: do think that it's funny. The script is super funny.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to see how it was shot, how that
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: plays out and stuff. And I'm just glad that, I
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: think when I look back on my life, I'll be
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: glad that I got to do a movie with David Spade. Oh, yeah.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: And it's like, yeah, we funded it ourselves. We funded
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: it ourselves. We did it all. It's like, it was crazy.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: That's wild to me because you guys are, I mean,
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: David is a legend. David's a legend. David Spade is, like,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: I always think, He's a legend. When you look at SNL, right?
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: Did you watch 50 years?
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was there.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: You were there?
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: No, I was there for the 50th. I was there
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: Friday and Saturday night. Okay.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: But when you watch it, it's pretty epic. I will
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: say SNL's 50th is a lot better if you're 50
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: because you watched a lot of it. Yeah. If you're
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: 20 years old, you're like, I don't get. why these
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: racist sketches.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like where's Timothee Chalamet?
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where's Timothee Chalamet? How come Pete Davidson's not in
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: more sketches? Where's fucking, you know?
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: Chaperone, yeah.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: Chaperone. But when you watch it and you're older, you're like, oh,
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: I remember Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy and Will Ferrell and
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: Kenan Thompson were fucking gold. Eddie Murphy doing Tracy Morgan?
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: Did you see that?
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: I saw the skit with Eddie Murphy and Tracy, Black Jeopardy,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: you mean?
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where Eddie Murphy was playing Tracy Morgan next to
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: Tracy Morgan. It was so funny.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe I didn't pick up that that's what it was.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, did you see it? Yeah.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw this right here.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: Leslie Jones.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: See the name Tracy underneath it?
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, now I get it.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: Wait, what did you think he was doing?
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what he was doing. I just thought
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: he was doing Tracy Chapman or whatever.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: No, it wasn't Tracy Chapman. This was my favorite sketch ever.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: We can't play it because.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: It'll get docked. They will blame it, sorry. But, dude,
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: it was great. What was I saying? But David Spade
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: is like when you look at comedy history, right? Yeah.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: When they talk about comedy history. Now, it's kind of interesting,
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: I think, because you look back at the last 50 years.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 2: And there's only like a handful of names, but Legends is. that'll, like, Belzer,
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: he'll be remembered.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: Richard Belzer?
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor,
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: Sam Kinison, Karl LeBove will be remembered. He was one
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: of the outlaws of comedy. And then when you look
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: at our generation, we're so thick with comics. Like, so thick.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: There's so many fucking comics right now that a lot
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: of us are gonna get forgotten and lost in conversation.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: David Spade will not be lost in conversation. Out of
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: all the SNL people, he has had one of the
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: most probably fucking crystal clear, pristine, hysterical, his movies will
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: fucking forever be talked about. Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Meet
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: Joe Dirt, the fucking all, he's a legend. And to
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: make a movie with him is like, that's the coolest
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: thing you ever, like you're ever going to get to do.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: That's what I felt like. I was like, I just,
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: I have to do it. And we made it ourselves.
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, we made it. It's like, we don't have
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: anybody telling us what to do. And that's what I realized.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, if I, if we say it
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: went in the script and it went in the script
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: and then went on the screen, if I had to
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: go through a beat on a set to go ask
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: somebody for permission to do it that way, then I
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to do it.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: I just, I wouldn't, like you're saying, I just know
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: it would not react well with me viscerally.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: If someone's like, Theo, I don't get it, you'd be like,
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: hold on, hang on, I hit dingers. What I do
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: is just tell jokes, and I'm just funny. So trust
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: me that if I think it's funny, let me just try.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: And a lot of people would be like, I don't know.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I couldn't have, especially when you see a lot
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: of the funny, but also, I gotta see how this
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: thing is, how it looks when it's done. I have
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: no fucking clue. The script is super funny. We put
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: all our own jokes in it. We wrote it for
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: two years. Like we definitely, so, but I have no
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: clue how it goes from doing the scenes, which are
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: all done out of order to then it being an actual,
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: you know, how it like that. I cannot, my brain
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: can't metric or like figure all that out. Like, um
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: but we had some funny but yeah like nate diaz
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: has a role i saw nate posted about it today
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: oh tim dylan has a plays uh the manager bobby
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: lee bobby lee came in and did a guest patterson
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: yep we got uh william mccullough william montgomery montgomery casey
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: rocket some of the kill tony guys and there's some
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: others some other also like great actors and stuff but
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: then we also didn't want to overdo it and have
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: everybody you knew there's spady right there and uh And
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: Nate Diaz, dude, fucking hilarious.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 2: That's the picture I saw.
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, that was cool, dude. That was so much fun.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: And I think I'll look back and be like, man,
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: this thing cost you a ton of money, and it
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: wasn't worth it. But, man, you had a fucking good time.
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 2: That's what I think. When I did The Machine, the
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: very first night, I was like, I'm not going to drink.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: There's Chris Avila right there. That's Nate's buddy. But, I mean,
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: it's a real movie. Like, when you're there, you're like, damn,
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: this is a real movie. Yeah. And I have one
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: thing I got on set was ice bath and sauna.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: There's a portable company, and they have ice bath and sauna.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: And they bring it, and they set it up right there.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: For real?
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: And that was, like, the one thing. Because I knew
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: I wasn't going to be able to go to a
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: ton of AA meetings, so I was like, I'm going
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: to have to have something to, like, hijack my system to, like,
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: help me so I don't, you know, pew, pew, pew, pew.
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 2: What was the last time you pew, pew?
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: Shot a place up?
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 4: Never.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: Never.
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: But it's like you don't want to get there in
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: front of a bunch of people, especially around your friends.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: When was the last time you fell off the wagon?
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: What's it like the morning after? Is it shameful? Because
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 2: that's the only reason I never quit drinking is I
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 2: don't want to fucking i don't want to relapse like
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 2: that like honestly my biggest problem with when i quit
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: drinking is getting back to drinking is so difficult because
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: you you're doing so well and you're like i'm feel
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 2: good i'm losing weight i feel fucking happy like well
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 2: i don't want to drink and then you're like yeah
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: but i'm on a cruise and champagne and then the
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 2: next morning it's just like the fuck you you let
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 2: everyone down Although no one's let down because I never
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: quit drinking. Right.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, I see that pressure of letting everybody down.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: That's my pressure is why I'm terrified to quit drinking.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: You're afraid to quit drinking because then if you relapse
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: and you'll have let everybody down.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: That's crazy, dude.
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say it was brilliant. No,
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 2: it's like the same way like you ever see someone
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: that loses weight, right?
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 2: And they're like, I lost like 90 pounds.
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: You're like, cool.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: And then they gain it back plus some, and you're like, oh,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: you should have never tried to lose weight. You should
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: have just stayed that fat. That fat was good for you.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: Well, you see people losing weight, and suddenly it feels
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: like the person that's been inside them is finally coming
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: out to play or whatever. You start to see that
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: coming to the surface, like a fish coming to the surface,
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: Sometimes.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you see that.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: Sometimes people lose weight, and you're like, I liked your fat. Oh, yeah.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: I knew a guy like that. He used to clean
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: the pool over at my friend's house. And one time
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: I was there catching some rays, And he shows up,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: and I hadn't seen him in forever, and he'd lost
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: 170 pounds or something. This dude comes in, and he's
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: walking around the pool, and I'm like, and he's kind
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: of looking at me, but he didn't say anything because
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: I knew the fat pool guy.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: I knew him well.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: So you were looking for the fat pool guy.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: I was like, maybe this is his brother or his son,
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: or maybe they got a new guy. I didn't say
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: anything to the dude. So we're out there around each
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: other for like 45 minutes, didn't say anything. And then
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: later that evening, I was like, man, you guys got
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: a new pool guy. And they're like, no. That's the
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: same guy, he lost 190 pounds. I was like, fuck.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy? You can change. Because when you lose weight,
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 2: you kind of change your personality.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: Because there's a narcissism. And by the way, take whatever
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: you're going to grant us all. There's a narcissism. about
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: a person who decides weight loss is gonna be their thing.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna get real skinny, I wanna get ripped. Like
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: it's okay to get healthy, but like when you go like,
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 2: and look, if you're 400 pounds, that's not narcissism, that's
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: just getting yourself to the next level. But you can
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: change your personality when you lose weight. What if you
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: could do something, you could change your race? Like what
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 2: if you like, like dude, if you start eating blueberries,
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: you'll be black. Wouldn't that be cool? Just to be like, oh,
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 2: you're eating a lot of blueberries? Like I'm gonna be
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: black next month.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, we got a game on Thursday. Like, I'm
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: going to polish off a few before I go into practice.
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: That's what I'll do. If Blackberry's really made you black.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You're eating a lot of matzo. You're like, taxes
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 2: are due in April. You know how it is. Fuck.
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, trying to say, yeah, got to cut some corners here.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: What's up with the burritos? You're like, oh, my yard's
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: a fucking mess. I got to fucking clean that shit up. Jesus.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody's got to do it.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 2: What's up with the tuna fish sandwiches? Just trying to
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: improve my credit. That's all. Just want to get my
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: good credit score cut.
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: Whoa, what's up with eating pussy? And you're like, I
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 2: It's just for fun.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: What's up with all those hot dogs? Dude, what about
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: being the first gay dude ever? It must have been crazy.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: Imagine everybody's straight, right? And you wake up or something happens,
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: you get hit by lightning or whatever. And suddenly you're
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 1: gay and you're like, oh my God. Like you're just
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: talking to your buddy who you've talked to every day
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 1: for years. And you're just like thinking like, I'm going
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: to stuff his fucking face with some wiener. And you're like, what?
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: And and then you like don't like imagine that because
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: then you have to take some other guy aside or
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: somebody aside and be like, hey, this is going to
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: seem totally crazy to you guys. But I keep thinking about.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: coming on Jacob or whatever, you know? And people were like, what?
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that does sound crazy. Don't tell anyone that. Don't
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: tell anyone that. You're the only one that thinks that. Yeah.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: And then imagine the moment where you meet the other
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: gay guy. You're like, were you, were you like, I
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 2: remember I had a buddy one time, we were at
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: a beach, and he was like, hey man, can I
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: say something crazy to you that I've never really said
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: to anyone, but I want to run it by you
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: and see if you think it?
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, I say no when people say that kind of shit.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 2: I fucking. Oh, I said yes. I said yeah, we
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 2: were drinking, we were smoking weed. I was like, run
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 2: it by me. He goes, there's a thing. that everyone
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 2: says they don't do that I do. And I was like,
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 2: please be jerking off, please be jerking off, please be
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 2: jerking off. I go, okay. And he's like, everyone says
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 2: that if you do it, you're gay, but I do
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 2: it and I'm not gay. And I just wanted to
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 2: like run it by you and see if you do it.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 2: And I said, okay, what's the thing? And he goes,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 2: I jerk off. And I had the weight of the
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 2: world come off my shoulders. I went, I jerk off too.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 2: I jerk off too. Oh my God, I thought I
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: was the only one that jerked off. I thought I
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 2: was gay because I jerked off because that's what they
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: tell you at Catholic school. You don't jerk off, don't
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: touch yourself, it means you're gay. You want to play
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: with dicks. That was what being gay and meeting another
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: gay for the first time feels like where you're like,
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 2: oh my God, I want to suck dick too.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: God. But how do you let them know? Do you
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: just be like, hey.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: I would love to see that. I would love, I
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 2: would love.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: Do gays in the wild or whatever meeting each other?
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, like a Richard Attenborough movie where they're like, okay.
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 2: We have at that lunch table two gay men.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: The Memphis homosexual.
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then you can watch them kind of feel
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 2: each other out.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Perusing the whole foods produce section.
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: What I think is fascinating is the gay dudes who
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: hook up with the gay football player who then is like,
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: you can't tell me I'm gay. I'm going to beat
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: your fucking ass. And you're like, okay. You know? Yeah.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: Like that's like.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like why do I get my ass beat just
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: because you're being gay or whatever? That doesn't make any sense.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: I wish I could find out. Wouldn't it be cool
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 2: if like on Instagram, I guess you could, but you
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 2: could find out every gay dude you ever knew growing up.
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: And apologize to him or whatever?
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 2: No, I don't need to apologize just to know who
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 2: they are.
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, to see who they are? Yeah, dude, I
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: think in the future you'll be able to know immediately
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: if somebody's gay. My buddy's dad used to get, he'd
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: get like the, hiccups if people were gay. Isn't that crazy?
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like allergic to gay people?
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: No, he would just have like a, he would just like,
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: he'd be like, and he, he, Like an allergy?
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like all of a sudden if a gay person
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: got too close to him, he'd go, and you're like, uh-oh.
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 2: You're like, I hope it's not me. Someone get him
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 2: a glass of water, quick. Count to 10 while you're drinking,
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 2: 10 sips.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, stand on your head.
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 2: Stand on your head, quick, quick, quick, quick. Either that
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: or you're getting the fuck out of here.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: Stand on your head or somebody's gay, dude. It's just
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: so crazy that being gay was always the funniest thing, though, too,
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: to people. It still is funny, I think. Oh, yeah.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 2: Because it's so different. I'm certain gay guys make fun
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 2: of straight guys. I'm sure they do. About the way
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: we think. And they're like, oh, yeah, I want all
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: that pussy. I'm like, oh, my God, who wants pussy?
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they want that long pussy, that wiener.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, everything, everything. Like, you ever seen... White people
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 2: make fun of, black people make fun of white people's texts. Uh-uh. Oh,
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 2: it's so good. But like the idea that they can't
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 2: understand the way we communicate, that black people just can't
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: wrap their head around the way we simply communicate on
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 2: a text. And they think it's crazy. They're like, shut up.
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 2: There was a text, H-O-S-B. And they were like, what
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: do you think? It's a black dude reading it. He
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: speaks white. And he goes, they go, and his girlfriend's like,
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: what is H-S-O-O-B? What would that mean? And he goes, oh,
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 2: I know what it means. It's hold on one damn second, buddy.
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: And everyone's, and they're like, what? They put buddy on
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: the end of it? And he's like, oh, yeah. But
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: they find that funny. So everything, you can find everything funny. Like,
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: I still think, like, Like, I put my dick and
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 2: balls in a wine glass one time. And I went
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: up behind Tom and I went.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: Actual glass? Wine glass?
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, wine glass.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's very dangerous.
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I went up to him behind his shoulder. Oh, yeah.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: And I went, cocktail? And he turned around. I find
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 2: that to be the funniest thing you could ever do.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. I love.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: I used to do this thing where I would pull
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: my nuts up over my wiener, right?
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 2: That's not where I thought you were going with that.
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: You're kind of laying on your back, nuts up over
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: your wiener, kind of wrap your wiener up. So it
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: almost looks like a. half like a baby head coming
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: out of your body.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: And you'd be like, I'm having a baby or whatever,
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: And, um, and then people will be like, what the
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: fuck are you doing? Kind of run off and hide
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 2: Wait, what the fuck are you doing? We're at a library.
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: Oh dude, there was nothing more crazy than being at
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: the fucking library when you were a kid. It was
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 1: basically just like, It was like a couple thousand square
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: feet of you hiding from a lady who's like obsessed
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: with Voltaire or whatever. And you and your friends were
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: just in there being loud. There was like one other
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: person in a wheelchair in there. It like never made
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: any fucking sense. They're just in there like in the–
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: they're just like wandering the halls of the old internet
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 2: They wanted to teach us the Dewey Decimal System so
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 2: bad when we were kids.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: The library was always ridiculous I felt like. What was
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: I going to ask you about? Oh, so yeah, the– Yeah,
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: I wonder if people would watch the stairway to Olympics
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: or if it would be too much for people.
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: Because you're going to get people that are going to
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 1: be risky.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: No, but why even have the regular Olympics?
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: Well, regular Olympics are regular. The playing field is even.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: Playing field is even when you use drugs. Yeah. Right?
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, if you're like, okay, what are you
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 2: going to watch? I want to watch a high jump.
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 2: A guy can high jump seven feet. And you're like,
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 2: that's cool. And they're like, there's a dude 10 feet.
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: You're like, what do you mean? Like over a basketball hoop? Like, yeah,
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 2: 10 feet. It's like fucking crazy. And they light it
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: on fire. And you're like, oh, put that one on.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: It's like, I mean, it's just. like, like supply and demand.
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 2: What do you want to watch? You know, a guy sprint.
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 2: Like sprinting is pretty cool, right? The sprinters are pretty cool.
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 2: Noah Lyle, Tyreek Hill. I want to watch that head
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 2: to head. But what if they bring in a guy
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 2: that's like, oh, he fucking smokes those guys. And you
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 2: get to see a real blur of a human, just
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 2: like a cheetah walking. And you're like, whoa. I mean,
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 2: physical capabilities. When you see people, it's like the natural
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 2: bodybuilding versus steroids. Why would you ever put the two together?
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 2: I want to see the big ones.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: But I just worry about the ramification. Like if somebody's,
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: but I guess if they want to do it, but
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: you're going to blow your body out.
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 2: How great was baseball? when Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were.
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 2: How great was baseball?
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: To your point.
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 2: It was so fucking great. And then they ruined it
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 2: by taking steroids away. And these guys weren't, I mean, look,
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know what they were doing. They were doing steroids. Yeah,
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 2: but I think it was all for recovery. It wasn't
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 2: like they were like, I don't think they were doing,
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 2: I think they were doing TRT, if I'm not mistaken.
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 2: I don't remember. I don't really know.
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: But they were pretty jacked. They were on something. Their
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: heads were growing. That's the thing.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 2: My head's growing.
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 1: Your head is?
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 2: I have a size 8 head, and now my head,
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 2: size 8 hats.
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 1: Because of the TRT?
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 2: I guess. I don't know.
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing, dude. It's like if you start
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: getting on the drugs, then like you're going to have
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of forehead monsters out there just wandering around,
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: you know, just fucking. I just wonder what type of
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: intention is jumping into the stands and fucking punching their
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: wife or something. Like, you're going to have shit, like,
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: it's just going to get pretty intense. Somebody throw the
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: javelin out in the fucking parking lot or whatever. And
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: hit that guy that works in the booth.
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 2: HGH. Okay, that's a real one.
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 1: Human growth hormone is a crazy one. You show up
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: and their hands are bigger and shit, and they're fucking,
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: they can catch a fish, they can just easily catch
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 1: a fish and shit.
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 2: They don't even, yeah, before and after pictures of Barry
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 2: Bonds is fucking insane.
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, brother.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 2: Look at him. Look at him.
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you're not even, it's like, But your
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: skeleton and stuff grows. That's the thing, dude. Or what
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: if then they had the fasting games? It's like people
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: that haven't eaten in months or whatever, and they have
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: to do the Olympics, and it's just like going up
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: two stairs or whatever.
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 2: I pitched it for UFC.
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: Or getting out of a blanket fully, but you haven't
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 1: eaten in months, and you have no energy.
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 1:30:55
  Speaker 1: It would be more of an ASMR type of game.
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 2: I challenged Israel Adesanya. as a joke but just I
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 2: would love to fight him but we both gotta drink
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 2: 12 beers first and Izzy was like I talked to
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: Izzy about it and he was like I'm not gonna
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 2: lie it'll be an interesting fight because he's like I'm
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 2: not a big drinker so I'd be fucking wasted and
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 2: I was like 12 beers doesn't do anything to me
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 2: like what if you put Shane Gillis and and like
• 1:31:21
  Speaker 2: and like and Izzy's a perfect example because he doesn't
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: drink but Shane Gillis can drink 12 beers and not
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 2: feel a thing yeah.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: Like Oh, I think it would be– I think Izzy
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: would beat the ever-living shit out of both of you guys.
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 1: To be honest, first of all. Yeah, I think so.
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: He's fucking great at it. Because it's really just taking
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: both of you guys, which your current level is, giving
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: you each 12 beers.
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just giving us 12 beers. We haven't increased our
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: level at all. We're trying to diminish his, but even
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: after 12 beers, he still is a professional fucking fighter.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so that's a part that would be risque,
• 1:31:59
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 1:31:59
  Speaker 2: He came to my New Zealand show, and I had
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 2: said it a couple times on Two Bears, and I
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 2: wanted to do it. And he came up, and they're like,
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 2: I get a text. They're like, yo, Izzy wants to
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 2: come to your show. And I was like, okay, but
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 2: I've said some joking, wild shit. Like I said it
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 2: about everyone. I do it to everyone. I did it
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 2: to Conor. I just like guys I know have sense
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 2: of humor, the Cage Fighters. I love those guys. Michael Chandler.
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 2: All those guys, Michael Bisping, they're funny fucking dudes.
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, most of those guys are.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 2: Most of them. There's a couple that aren't, but I
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 2: just don't think they get comedy, but I don't mention
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 2: those guys. Sugar Sean, fucking great, dude. He is fucking awesome.
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 1: He has the best sense of humor.
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 2: Dude, Connor, hysterical. Nate Diaz, fucking love Nate. Nick, all
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 2: of them. But I was like, I don't know if
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 2: Izzy's got a sense of humor. And then everyone's like,
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 2: he does, he does, he does. And they're like, I
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 2: get a text, you want to come to my, can
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 2: I come to your show? I was like, yeah, of course.
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 2: DM or something. So I get him tickets and he
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 2: comes back and he's with all his buddies and comes
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 2: over and he's like, hey, the machine. And he grabs
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 2: me and he holds me by the neck real tight
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: and he real quick brings his knee to my stomach.
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 2: He goes, you still want to fucking fight me? And
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 2: I went, no. And he goes, ah, just kidding around.
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my God, I would have been
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: fucking destroyed. This man is so fucking strong and so
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 2: quick and just bigger.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think they'll just gift wrap you. Like they
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: work at the mall at that place where you get
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 1: that nice wrapping or whatever. He'll fucking tie you up
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 1: with his feet. It'd be crazy if he gift-wrapped you
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 1: with his own feet. You guys have a 5K coming up,
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: I saw.
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Two pairs of 5K. Are you going to run?
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to run this year.
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: I just can't do it.
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 1: I just don't think I could do it.
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could.
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 2: Theo.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 1: And Jelly Roll's on it, though. Dude, I saw Jelly Roll.
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 1: Is Tom on a Zympic, do you think? Is Tom
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 1: on a Zympic?
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Huh? No, he just works out really hard.
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, he looks so thin here.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 2: No, that's not him. Those are different bodies. But he
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 2: is very thin. Right now he's like 186 pounds.
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's really thin. He works out really hard. He does?
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 2: He watches everything he eats.
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 1: Wow, so he's really locked in on that.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 2: He's really locked in. I saw Jelly Roll two nights ago.
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 2: The healthiest I've seen him look. Jelly is down 130 pounds,
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 2: and he looks fucking great. And the thing about this is,
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 2: you know, we just did this as a lark.
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: They look happy. You look immensely fucking scared of getting
• 1:34:21
  Speaker 1: some results back.
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know why they picked that picture for me.
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 2: But anyway, we did this as a lark on two bears.
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 2: Me and Tom said, well, let's do a 5K. Because
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 2: I've always run. I ran the L.A. Marathon. I've run
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 2: half marathons, Tough Mudders. uh, Spartan races. I've done all
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 2: of them. I enjoy the event. The event for me
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 2: is fun. 5k is so digestible. I just ran Travis
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: Barker's in new Orleans over the super bowl. And, uh,
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 2: when I said, you know, Tom, let's do a 5k.
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 2: And I've always had stupid ideas, like big tentpole, stupid
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 2: ideas that never pan out. And Tom's like, yeah, let's
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: do it. We called a bunch of celebrities on our,
• 1:34:54
  Speaker 2: you know, comics, just friends on the show. Everyone committed,
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: barely any of them showed up, but Jelly Roll heard it,
• 1:35:02
  Speaker 2: and he went on Nelk Boy's podcast, and he was like,
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 2: I think I need to get in shape. And by
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 2: the way, type in Jelly Roll on Boston with the Bears.
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 2: You forget how big he was. And so he said,
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 2: I'm going to commit to Bert and Tom's Two Bears 5K,
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm doing my first 5K, and he started training.
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 2: And I get FaceTimes from him. He's like, I hate this.
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 2: Does this get any better? I was like, it doesn't.
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 2: It takes a while before it starts getting better. And
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 2: he did, came out, like good to his word, came
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: out to L.A., Did the 5K with me. I wore
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 2: a 50 pound weight vest. Look at how big he was.
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 2: You forget how big he was.
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 1: He looks so, man, I saw him the other night.
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 1: I literally grabbed his face and I was like, oh
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 2: He looks great. Dude, look at it. By the way,
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 2: look at fucking Taylor. Look how big Taylor looks.
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 1: Taylor's so lean now. Somebody said he's modeling or something.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 1: It's crazy that.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 2: His wife married that and then now she gets that.
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 2: She gets like a really skinny, good looking dude who
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 2: looks like he listens to Blink-182.
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 1: All the small things. Yeah, totally. He said he got
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: all the small things tattooed right above his cock, too.
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 2: That's what I heard. So Jelly came out for the
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 2: Two Bears 5K last year, and we did it. I
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 2: wore a 50-pound weight vest.
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 1: He did it last year?
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 2: He did it last year. He did it last year.
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 2: He lost like 70 pounds. People Magazine did a big
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 2: write-up on him. He really kind of. event ties the
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 2: event because i think jelly was just starting to really
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 2: really pop and everyone's like good for him and then
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 2: people were like i can do that like kid rock
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 2: called him in the middle of the race like dude
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 2: i'm proud of you and we walked it me why
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 2: his wife bunny and my wife leanne and him we
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 2: walked the whole thing and then as we cross them
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 2: as we crossed the line which great he was crying
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 2: bunny was crying leanne was crying you know i was
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: crying and jelly's like you might have Bunny said to me,
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 2: you might have saved his life from whatever this stupid
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 2: idea was. And so from that moment, he's like, yo,
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 2: we're doing this again this year. So we're doing it
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 2: in Tampa, May 4th at Raymond James Stadium. And I mean,
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you right now, it's going to be such
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: a big fucking event. Like, it is.
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: Y'all are doing it at Raymond James Stadium?
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 2: We're doing it in the stadium, and then we're partying
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 2: on the field after. We've got fucking polar plunges, saunas.
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 2: We've got a rope climb. We've got.
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 1: And people are just... People are coming out and doing
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: it with y'all?
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 2: People are doing the 5K. I'm going to do it...
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 2: I think I'm doing it three times. So I'm going
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 2: to run the first heat. I'm going to run the
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 2: second heat, and then I'm going to run the third
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 2: heat with Jelly and Bunny and Leanne.
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: And how far is it, seven miles?
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 2: No, it's three miles. It's so doable.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, it is?
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 2: You could do it.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, I could do it. Yeah, I know. I could
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: do it. Well, here's what happened to me. I broke
• 1:37:32
  Speaker 1: my toe like probably three weeks ago. So I'm dealing
• 1:37:35
  Speaker 1: with that right now.
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 2: Which toe, big toe?
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 1: Second from the right, the one next to the little
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 1: piggy or whatever. Wait, what foot? Right foot.
• 1:37:44
  Speaker 2: Second from the right, next to the little piggy.
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 2: I broke it, dude.
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: And so it's been miserable. So I haven't been able to,
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: there's so many things I haven't been able to do.
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 2: What do you do for working out?
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 1: I do a lot of yoga right now. And then
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 1: I'll just do like circuit training, but like find like
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: four exercises, do four reps of them, you know, and
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 1: do that four times. And then I'll do like three
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: blocks of those.
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 1: But this past three weeks has been miserable. It's been like.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 2: It sucks when you break a toe.
• 1:38:07
  Speaker 1: Dude, it's unbelievable. I was like, you gotta be kidding me.
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 1: You can't hardly do anything. I can't even push off
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 1: into a good hug with anybody. People are like, you
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 1: can't even fucking hug or whatever you pussy or whatever
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 1: you hug pussy.
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 2: I dropped a whiskey bottle on my three toe, my
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 2: big toe, the toe next to it and the toe
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 2: next to that, and I shattered them. And I was like,
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 2: what do I do? And they're like, nothing. I just
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 2: had to wait and wait. It was my big toe.
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 2: I was barefoot for three months. It was, it was so,
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 2: it was, it happened December. It happened January, January, January 1st,
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 2: January 1st. So it's been a month and now they're fine.
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 1: They're fine already. Yeah.
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 2: Testosterone, testosterone, testosterone.
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: Testosterone helps, huh?
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, so reparative.
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 1: What the fuck am I doing?
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: I'm just afraid I'll lose my hair.
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 2: You're not going to lose your hair. You can always
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 2: give so much fucking hair. Can I have some? No.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 2: I would love some of your hair.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: But here's what happens. People say you're not going to
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 1: lose your hair, and then you fucking... Well, I tried
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: TRT one time a few years ago, and I lost
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 1: some of my fucking hair.
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, motherfucker, I did.
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 2: God damn it. Can I see the new hair?
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 2: Is that new hair?
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 1: You can't really see it. They just kind of put
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 1: it in there. And I think my hair that I
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 1: lost because of stress actually grew back. I think I
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 1: just had so much stress.
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 2: You look like you have a ton of hair right now.
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 1: That I was shedding.
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 2: What's crazy is that your top hair goes gray before
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 2: your side hairs. So then it'll be perfectly peppered.
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 1: Somebody save me. You had also... My favorite musician right now,
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: one of them anyway, Stephen Wilson Jr. was on your podcast.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 2: How great is he?
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 5: Every bone's tethered. You want to change my name, got
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 5: to drain my blood. Everything I am's everything he wants.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: He's the best, dude.
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 2: He is really great. I'm a song. I'm a song.
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: I know you love that one. I've listened to that
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: one a couple times. It's not my favorite.
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 2: Are you serious?
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 1: I've listened to it because I know you like it.
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 1: I've listened to it. It's just, and I know how
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: much you love it.
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 2: I love it, dude, because it's so beautiful that it,
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 2: I remember the song I lost my virginity to. I
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 2: remember the song I got my first car to. I
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 2: remember the song that Leanne and I fell in love to.
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 2: I remember the songs for me, like I get very
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 2: emotional listening to music. I mean, every one of these episodes,
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, don't put the camera on me, I'm crying.
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 2: And did you hear what happened when I did it
• 1:40:20
  Speaker 2: with him? He goes to start playing, and he starts playing,
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 2: I'm a song, and I, so he went, and he goes,
• 1:40:26
  Speaker 2: and he had to stop, he goes, Bert, can you
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 2: please not cry like that? Like I cried out loud.
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 2: But man, music for me is so emotional. Red Clay
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 2: Strays came over to my house and played. And I
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 2: was like, shut the fuck up. Dude, Goose is one
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 2: of my favorite bands in the world.
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 1: You know Goose? No, my best friend Scott loves them,
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 1: but I haven't listened to them that much.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 2: I've been very blessed with the opportunities of having these.
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 2: This band is so fucking great. But I've been very
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 2: blessed to have all these guys and girls come over
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 2: and play music for me. Because I just, I love music.
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes, like, I'm good at a podcast, like,
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 2: if I'm talking to you. Because, I don't know. But
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 2: sometimes with, like, younger comics, I'm at the best. Because
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 2: I don't, like, I don't know. I'm not great, you know.
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 2: But with musicians, I'm so much, I'm so fascinated by
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 2: their process and who they are. And I don't know
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 2: anything about them. And you get to kind of deep
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 2: dive them. And you've had some great fucking musicians on.
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, I saw Billy Strings live the other night.
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, he's so great.
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 2: Billy Strings?
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 1: He took me fishing one day, too. He's such a
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 1: special guy.
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 2: For real?
• 1:41:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's just the most– he's so normal. He's so
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 1: not a– or, you know, he's just a normal guy.
• 1:41:38
  Speaker 2: Do you think you're not a celebrity?
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: I think I don't like the celebrity part of it.
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 1: I don't see a lot of value in it.
• 1:41:44
  Speaker 2: I don't either. But you get a lot of access
• 1:41:48
  Speaker 2: to cool shit.
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: It's a mirage, yeah.
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 2: That's the only thing I see that you like about
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 2: celebrity is, and I wouldn't say that you like it,
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 2: but I noticed that you travel and go see the
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 2: events you want to see. You get to go do everything.
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 2: I look at yours, I'm like, You're at UFC. You're
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 2: at fucking Jelly Roll Show. You're at Kid Rock Show.
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 2: You're like at the fucking Republican National Convention or whatever
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 2: the thing, the inauguration. Like I look at that and
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 2: I go, that only comes with celebrity. You don't get
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 2: that if you're just talented. You got to be famous
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 2: and talented. And so I think I see you leveraging
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: that in the best way. So you're filling your interests.
• 1:42:28
  Speaker 2: I think I saw you with Caitlin Clarke.
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 2: And I was like, that only comes with celebrity.
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm a fan of hers. I'm friends with her boyfriend.
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 1: Connor, yeah.
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 2: Connor Clark? No, Connor.
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 1: It would be crazy. It would be illegal, it sounds like.
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: Connor McCaffrey. Wait, hold on.
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 2: Is she dating Christian McCaffrey's brother?
• 1:42:50
  Speaker 1: No, I don't think they're related. But we went up
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 1: to watch Kayla, Me, and Caleb, and then that's how
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 1: we met Connor.
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 2: You interviewed Jesse Murphy?
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 1: Jesse Murphy.
• 1:42:59
  Speaker 2: Jesse Murph?
• 1:42:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's the best.
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 2: That's the little girl that sings Cigarette Card with Jelly Roll.
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, Wild Ones. Wild Ones.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 2: I got a wide open, got a 45 on him,
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 2: and he's in about 102.
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: Always smoking something, got me worried about nothing, and he
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: ain't got nothing to lose.
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 2: I got a thing for the wild on him, and
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 2: he's in about 102. I texted, I DMed her one time.
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 2: I was like, I should not love this song as
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 2: much as I love it. What did you think of
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 2: the Super Bowl halftime show?
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 1: The Super Bowl halftime show, I tweeted about it that
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 1: I thought it was boring, right? And I only know, like,
• 1:43:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not a big Kendrick listener, right? And then a
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 1: couple days ago, I ended up taking down my tweet, actually.
• 1:43:52
  Speaker 1: I just felt like, well, I guess I felt like,
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 1: why am I judging this? I don't fucking know. You
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? I think sometimes you forget that
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 1: like people are going to make a big, could make
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 1: a big deal out of you tweet something that you
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 1: can't just say like fucking whatever you want without some
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 1: people having like reactions to it maybe.
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 2: Well, dude, I mean, I think it, I'm sure you've
• 1:44:10
  Speaker 2: had gotten negative feedback in your life and you just go, well,
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 2: that wasn't my intent. And then if you ever talk
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 2: to that person, they're like, oh, I didn't know you
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 2: were going to see it. And you're like, Like if
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 2: Kendrick might be a big fan of yours and he
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 2: sees it and then he's like, oh fuck.
• 1:44:22
  Speaker 1: Do you know that sucks?
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 1: I thought about that. But then I also, I know
• 1:44:25
  Speaker 1: I just thought about like, why am I, I think
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 1: like two days that I was like, why am I,
• 1:44:31
  Speaker 1: why am I judging this guy? And then people are
• 1:44:34
  Speaker 1: going to judge me. Like what kind of energy am
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 1: I really creating? I don't think that's what I thought
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: when I was tweeting and I was just like, oh,
• 1:44:39
  Speaker 1: this is fucking, you know, I just, it was, it
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 1: didn't feel like it was for me.
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 1: I didn't know enough of his songs.
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 2: I think that was the, I mean, there's, I think
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 2: there was a bunch of issues. I think number one
• 1:44:47
  Speaker 2: is his catalog. His catalog is very big in the
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 2: culture and in white culture. I don't think there's enough crossover.
• 1:44:54
  Speaker 2: He's only have like two crossover songs. I think he
• 1:44:55
  Speaker 2: played both of them, but like, I'll tell you being there,
• 1:44:58
  Speaker 2: I was sitting next to Jameis Winston when it happened
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 2: and man, we loved it. It was really fun in
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 2: the stadium. I may be on TV. It didn't translate,
• 1:45:06
  Speaker 2: but it was really fun in the stadium. The interesting
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 2: person's take was Kid Rock's take. Did you hear his?
• 1:45:12
  Speaker 2: He was like, cause you know, Kid.
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 1: Rock's, you know, I remember he shot those Pepsis up
• 1:45:16
  Speaker 1: when that fellow was drinking them gay Pepsis or whatever.
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 2: He's got... You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 2: Bud Light.
• 1:45:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, Bud Light, I'm sorry.
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 2: But his take was he did this for the culture.
• 1:45:31
  Speaker 2: Like Kid Rock's take was pretty insightful because Kid Rock
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 2: grew up loving in hip hop, in hip hop. And
• 1:45:37
  Speaker 2: so his, his take was really kind of insightful. He's like, yeah,
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 2: we did this for the culture. He did this as
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 2: representation of like everyone on stage is black. It was
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 2: all about like inside what, what they listened to. I mean,
• 1:45:48
  Speaker 2: Kendrick's a fucking legend, dude. Yeah. Here are my take. Okay.
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 2: It's fucking New Orleans. Like kind of like, why not
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 2: celebrate boozy, uh, Wayne, Master P, like, why not the
• 1:46:04
  Speaker 2: way they did L.A.? Right. And it doesn't have to
• 1:46:07
  Speaker 2: be black, you know? I mean, I'm sure there's Harry
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 2: Connick Jr. sang at the beginning. There's a lot of
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 2: talent that isn't, but New Orleans is like a black
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 2: music town. Jazz, hip-hop, juvie.
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 1: It would have been sick, but then somebody, I thought
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 1: that too, somebody brought to my attention, but most of
• 1:46:25
  Speaker 1: the people in New Orleans aren't at the game, probably.
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of people from out of town. So
• 1:46:29
  Speaker 1: then it's like, Yeah, it's interesting. Do you celebrate the city?
• 1:46:33
  Speaker 1: What is the real goal of whoever they put out
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 1: there or why they put certain stars? But then also,
• 1:46:41
  Speaker 1: then I thought, well, also a lot of the athletes
• 1:46:43
  Speaker 1: are black. They may all, Kendrick might be one of
• 1:46:46
  Speaker 1: their favorites just because I haven't listened to a lot
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 1: of Kendrick except for the mainstream stuff. Doesn't mean I don't,
• 1:46:52
  Speaker 1: you know, that I wouldn't like it. I don't know.
• 1:46:53
  Speaker 1: I guess I probably wanted something more. that a basic
• 1:46:56
  Speaker 1: white guy would want. Jelly Roll, Bruno Mars.
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 2: Bruno Mars is, there's no performer better than Bruno Mars.
• 1:47:06
  Speaker 2: His shows, top to goddamn bottom, are the most entertaining
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 2: shows with so many songs you recognize. That guy is
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 2: So talented. Justin Timberlake, worth my money. New kids on
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 2: the block. Bring them back. I would be a cool
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 2: Super Bowl show.
• 1:47:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe if they'd have done some music over the years.
• 1:47:25
  Speaker 1: But I think sometimes you forget that just because you do,
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 1: like if it wasn't me tweeting, nobody would have probably
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 1: shared it or given a fuck.
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:47:36
  Speaker 1: And I don't mean that in a way, like an
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: ego way, but sometimes you're just tweeting shit just thinking like,
• 1:47:41
  Speaker 1: this is what I think, nobody's going to care.
• 1:47:43
  Speaker 2: I said out loud, we should have been Lil Wayne
• 1:47:46
  Speaker 2: and Juvie and everyone. And then I did a show
• 1:47:48
  Speaker 2: at the Super Bowl with Nicky, Tony, and Shane. And
• 1:47:53
  Speaker 2: I didn't even see my critique come back at me.
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 2: But someone goes, why didn't you have Theo and Mark here?
• 1:47:59
  Speaker 2: And I was like, huh? And they're like, this is
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 2: their hometown. They should have performed here. And I went, oh, fuck.
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 2: I was like, I didn't even think, I didn't even.
• 1:48:06
  Speaker 1: But you guys asked me to come do it.
• 1:48:07
  Speaker 2: I think we did. Oh yeah, actually we did.
• 1:48:08
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't.
• 1:48:09
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we did.
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 1: I couldn't go home for the Super Bowl because I
• 1:48:11
  Speaker 1: had to do that movie.
• 1:48:12
  Speaker 2: God damn it, that's right, I did ask you.
• 1:48:14
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be there.
• 1:48:14
  Speaker 2: I asked Mormon, too. Fuck that guy.
• 1:48:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fuck that guy.
• 1:48:17
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's always something that's going to make you
• 1:48:19
  Speaker 1: feel some type of way, I guess. And then it's like,
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, but then I was like,
• 1:48:24
  Speaker 1: why do I fucking care? And who needs to hear
• 1:48:27
  Speaker 1: my opinion?
• 1:48:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to interrupt you because here's what I'd
• 1:48:30
  Speaker 2: love to know. Did you get any pushback when you
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 2: went to the Republican inauguration?
• 1:48:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:48:36
  Speaker 2: For real? For real.
• 1:48:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did get pushback about it, which I didn't
• 1:48:42
  Speaker 1: really understand. If anybody invited me to go to the inauguration, dude,
• 1:48:48
  Speaker 1: people on the street where I grew up, nobody's ever
• 1:48:50
  Speaker 1: going to the inauguration. Nobody from my fucking street, my
• 1:48:54
  Speaker 1: neighborhood is ever going to the inauguration, probably ever.
• 1:48:57
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 1: They're not– some of these people cannot legally vote anymore.
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 1: So the simple fact that I got to go, right?
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 1: Bobby Kennedy is a friend of mine.
• 1:49:07
  Speaker 2: Bobby Kennedy is a sweet dude.
• 1:49:08
  Speaker 1: People are like, you're not– I'm going to support my
• 1:49:10
  Speaker 1: fucking friend. I don't care if they're– if I have
• 1:49:12
  Speaker 1: a friend that went to jail for even something serious,
• 1:49:15
  Speaker 1: I would still go and maybe speak on their behalf
• 1:49:18
  Speaker 1: sometimes or take them bread or whatever. Like I'm going
• 1:49:22
  Speaker 1: to be supportive. So– Yeah, some of that shit, but
• 1:49:25
  Speaker 1: I would never hold it against somebody if they went
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 1: to an inauguration. So then I got to start thinking, well,
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 1: that's just odd of that person. Some of that's on them.
• 1:49:34
  Speaker 1: I've even had friends that I've texted and they'll be like, oh,
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 1: it's didn't know you were so MAGA or whatever. And
• 1:49:40
  Speaker 1: it was like, I've never ever in my life thought
• 1:49:43
  Speaker 1: of myself as MAGA.
• 1:49:44
  Speaker 2: I've never thought of you as political. I've thought of
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 2: you as just a person interested in living life. I mean,
• 1:49:51
  Speaker 2: that's my perspective. Honestly, I'd When you went to the inauguration,
• 1:49:55
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's fucking dope. That's fucking crazy. Like,
• 1:49:58
  Speaker 2: I would go in a fucking heartbeat. I went to
• 1:50:01
  Speaker 2: George Bush's, when I was a kid, I went to
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 2: George Bush's State of the Union. I went to Bill
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 2: Clinton's State of the Union and George Bush's State of
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 2: the Union. No one ever called me on it. Like,
• 1:50:09
  Speaker 2: I was 18, 20, whatever, 16, 18, whatever the fuck
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 2: it is. Yeah. I went to both. I went to
• 1:50:15
  Speaker 2: the State of the Union, like, every time we got
• 1:50:17
  Speaker 2: a president, my uncle could get me in. And I
• 1:50:20
  Speaker 2: just think it's a crazy, wild thing to see democracy working.
• 1:50:25
  Speaker 2: And if I got invited to an inauguration, or I
• 1:50:29
  Speaker 2: got invited to the Republican National Convention, but it was
• 1:50:33
  Speaker 2: as an influencer, and I was.
• 1:50:34
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm not gonna. Yeah, I think I got invited
• 1:50:36
  Speaker 1: as that too. I wouldn't do something like that.
• 1:50:38
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna go like, I'm gonna get you fans.
• 1:50:41
  Speaker 2: But if you invite me and I don't have to
• 1:50:42
  Speaker 2: do shit, and I can hang out, I'd fucking go.
• 1:50:45
  Speaker 2: I thought it was cool shit. Yeah.
• 1:50:46
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't go to support like one party. You know
• 1:50:49
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying? Like if somebody, like I got asked
• 1:50:51
  Speaker 1: to do some Republican stuff like that, I wouldn't go
• 1:50:54
  Speaker 1: do that, you know? Um, and we just got lucky
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 1: with that too. We come on our podcast was, uh,
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 1: Vance and Trump. Everybody got asked. Everybody was in, everybody
• 1:51:03
  Speaker 1: was emailing with us, but they didn't want to come.
• 1:51:05
  Speaker 1: Like there's nothing I can do about that. And then
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 1: you expect that I'm not going to go kind of
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 1: be supportive of the fact that they even came and
• 1:51:12
  Speaker 1: they came.
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:51:14
  Speaker 1: Fuck, at least they fucking gave a fuck to come. Now,
• 1:51:16
  Speaker 1: I think Trump, like, what they're doing with Gaza and
• 1:51:19
  Speaker 1: him coming in and speaking on that is one of
• 1:51:21
  Speaker 1: the most fucked up things I've ever heard of in
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 1: my life, kind of, you know?
• 1:51:24
  Speaker 2: You already lost me. That's how little I know about politics.
• 1:51:26
  Speaker 1: But so it's like, yeah, I don't know. That shit
• 1:51:28
  Speaker 1: was kind of crazy to me. But then you got
• 1:51:29
  Speaker 1: to realize, like, all you could, like, I just have
• 1:51:33
  Speaker 1: to just be myself, man. And I don't even know
• 1:51:35
  Speaker 1: who that is sometimes.
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 1: And so I'm still learning about who that is, you know?
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 2: Well, you should. I mean, this is why I'm saying
• 1:51:41
  Speaker 2: this to hear it, right?
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 2: I'm saying this to hear it. But what you have
• 1:51:44
  Speaker 2: to realize is that people that love you, love you.
• 1:51:47
  Speaker 2: And then fuck everyone else. That's the truth, is I'm
• 1:51:49
  Speaker 2: trying to get to that. The people that love you,
• 1:51:51
  Speaker 2: love you. And fuck everyone else. Because you can't fucking
• 1:51:54
  Speaker 2: help someone that doesn't like you. That person that sends
• 1:51:57
  Speaker 2: that text has been waiting to send that text.
• 1:52:00
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 1:52:01
  Speaker 2: In one manner or another. They're bothered by everything good
• 1:52:04
  Speaker 2: happening in your life. It's a reflection of their shortcomings.
• 1:52:07
  Speaker 2: And they're like, didn't know you were so MAGA. And
• 1:52:09
  Speaker 2: you're like, go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.
• 1:52:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you ever think you could, I would never
• 1:52:14
  Speaker 1: let anybody even put a pin in me that described
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 1: me as one part of one group anyway. I will
• 1:52:21
  Speaker 1: never be part of one group. I wouldn't even do
• 1:52:24
  Speaker 1: that to myself. This is who I am.
• 1:52:26
  Speaker 2: I'm vegan.
• 1:52:27
  Speaker 1: They don't even have the fucking group that I am,
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 1:52:30
  Speaker 2: Buddy, they do not have the group you are.
• 1:52:32
  Speaker 1: And I think they don't have the group that a
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 1: lot of us are.
• 1:52:34
  Speaker 2: They don't have my group.
• 1:52:35
  Speaker 1: We're more complex than just being like, you're this or that,
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 1: If they said we had a fucking 30K struggling alcoholic
• 1:52:43
  Speaker 1: guy who's in therapy with his wife, you know what
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 1: I'm saying? Who loves a fucking good brisket and Johnson Brot,
• 1:52:49
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? And cares about his kids
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 1: a ton. where's that group?
• 1:52:54
  Speaker 2: My group doesn't exist. My group, I love when they
• 1:52:56
  Speaker 2: want to put me in my group and go, Hey man, uh, uh,
• 1:53:00
  Speaker 2: you have a problem with your drinking. And I go,
• 1:53:01
  Speaker 2: I'm doing pretty good.
• 1:53:03
  Speaker 1: That is a good point, dude. Anybody that says you
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 1: have a problem, you're doing pretty good.
• 1:53:08
  Speaker 2: It's always guys in the system or whatever it's called.
• 1:53:10
  Speaker 2: And they're like, Hey man, you know, you have a
• 1:53:11
  Speaker 2: drinking problem. I go, okay. I had a guy tell me,
• 1:53:13
  Speaker 2: I won't say his name, but I'll tell you after
• 1:53:15
  Speaker 2: he goes, just cause you think you have to make
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 2: a ton of money and you're on an arena tour
• 1:53:18
  Speaker 2: and you have three successful podcasts and you're happily married
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 2: and your kids are good you think that that didn't
• 1:53:23
  Speaker 2: mean you have a problem i went no i think
• 1:53:25
  Speaker 2: that's exactly what that means i think that means that
• 1:53:27
  Speaker 2: like i got fucking feelers around me and if something
• 1:53:29
  Speaker 2: goes sideways they tell me but like right now we're
• 1:53:31
  Speaker 2: doing pretty solid so like i go i i said
• 1:53:35
  Speaker 2: it on a podcast a long time ago and i
• 1:53:36
  Speaker 2: got a lot of heat from people in the system
• 1:53:39
  Speaker 2: and they were like uh I said, sometimes I think
• 1:53:41
  Speaker 2: the problem is the person and it's not the booze
• 1:53:43
  Speaker 2: or the alcohol. It's gonna show its head up in
• 1:53:45
  Speaker 2: another place. You get rid of the booze and it
• 1:53:47
  Speaker 2: shows itself up in gambling or jerking off or sex addiction.
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 2: It's like, you gotta take care of the problem. And
• 1:53:51
  Speaker 2: if you don't have the problem, like if you don't
• 1:53:53
  Speaker 2: have the problem, then maybe you should look at that.
• 1:53:57
  Speaker 2: Like go like, my wife was a big drinker in
• 1:54:01
  Speaker 2: college and quit drinking thinking she was an alcoholic and
• 1:54:06
  Speaker 2: then realized, oh no, my parents were split up. I
• 1:54:08
  Speaker 2: had a shitty childhood. I need to get in therapy
• 1:54:09
  Speaker 2: and fix all the things that when I drink, bring
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 2: those to the top. She did it. My wife never drinks.
• 1:54:16
  Speaker 2: She will drink every now and then. Doesn't even give
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 2: a fuck. And I was like, oh, wow, I want
• 1:54:20
  Speaker 2: to be like that. I want to be like that
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 2: where you go like, yeah, I can have a drink. Sure.
• 1:54:23
  Speaker 2: Like last night, had a couple drinks. And then I
• 1:54:25
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I don't want to be too bloated
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 2: when I see Theo tomorrow. So I was like, I'm
• 1:54:29
  Speaker 2: going to go to sleep. Watch the documentary on. Hey,
• 1:54:31
  Speaker 2: do you think in Japanese Netflix, how do you think
• 1:54:36
  Speaker 2: they they title the World War II movies. Do you
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 2: think they're like, World War II, we were also in it?
• 1:54:46
  Speaker 2: Because I was watching it.
• 1:54:47
  Speaker 1: They get left out of all of it.
• 1:54:48
  Speaker 2: It's like World War II Road to Victory is the
• 1:54:49
  Speaker 2: one we get. What do you think? Because they have
• 1:54:51
  Speaker 2: Japanese Netflix.
• 1:54:53
  Speaker 1: Almost good.
• 1:54:54
  Speaker 2: Almost good. So close.
• 1:54:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:54:57
  Speaker 2: World War II. I watched Inglourious Bastards with a German guy.
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:55:06
  Speaker 2: That's uncomfortable.
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, with a German.
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like watching Django Unchained with a bunch of
• 1:55:10
  Speaker 2: black guys.
• 1:55:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's not really a post-game movie.
• 1:55:14
  Speaker 2: He's like, oh, those are really bad guys, man. Yeah.
• 1:55:17
  Speaker 1: Damn, them guys was bad, homie.
• 1:55:19
  Speaker 2: None of them look like my grandfather.
• 1:55:21
  Speaker 1: I know, huh? Damn, bro, shit got real. What else
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 1: do we want to talk about?
• 1:55:26
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 1: Is there anything else? You got your special coming out, bro?
• 1:55:30
  Speaker 2: Special comes out March 18th.
• 1:55:31
  Speaker 1: March 18th.
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I think it's my best one. Lucky. Because
• 1:55:35
  Speaker 2: I'm the luckiest man alive.
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, I might be right about you.
• 1:55:38
  Speaker 2: Buddy, I am. Think about it. If I pitched me
• 1:55:42
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 1:55:42
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't believe it.
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 2: Right? 25 years old in college. Been in college seven years, roughly. Yeah.
• 1:55:50
  Speaker 2: Rolling Stone. No degree. No chances of graduating. No hopes
• 1:55:54
  Speaker 2: of graduating. No real direction in life. Rolling Stone Magazine
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 2: discovers me and calls me the number one party animal
• 1:56:02
  Speaker 2: in the country.
• 1:56:02
  Speaker 1: And a Buccaneers fan at that time.
• 1:56:04
  Speaker 2: And a Bucs fan. Back when the Bucs and the
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 2: Saints sucked.
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 1: Got a Testaverde jersey.
• 1:56:07
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 1:56:08
  Speaker 1: Back when you were just waiting for the 49ers to
• 1:56:10
  Speaker 1: come in town and beat your ass. From Florida. From Florida.
• 1:56:13
  Speaker 2: Before anyone knew what a Florida man was. Those were
• 1:56:14
  Speaker 2: all my uncles and my fucking brothers. All my people
• 1:56:18
  Speaker 2: in my life off around Florida, man. Rolling Stone Discover
• 1:56:21
  Speaker 2: Magazine discovered me called the number one party in the country.
• 1:56:23
  Speaker 2: Oliver Stone options the rights of my life. I moved
• 1:56:25
  Speaker 2: to New York. Within six months, I get a development
• 1:56:27
  Speaker 2: deal from Will Smith. That's weird now, but I moved
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 2: to LA. I get my first TV show on The
• 1:56:33
  Speaker 2: X Show. I then get another development deal at CBS.
• 1:56:36
  Speaker 2: I meet the love of my life. I keep working
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 2: in TV. I get fired. I get on travel channels.
• 1:56:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, all the things that have happened to me
• 1:56:42
  Speaker 2: are so goddamn lucky that I look at it and
• 1:56:46
  Speaker 2: I go, I don't deserve to be where I am.
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 2: I have... The greatest group of friends, meaning like my friends,
• 1:56:55
  Speaker 2: you included, are the funniest, most thoughtful people in the world.
• 1:56:59
  Speaker 2: The funniest people in the world, but yet people who
• 1:57:03
  Speaker 2: will take time out of their schedule to go see
• 1:57:05
  Speaker 2: my wife's live podcast when they don't need to. Like
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 2: that's my friends, right? Tommy, you, Joe, Ari, some of
• 1:57:11
  Speaker 2: them drug me, but like Joey Diaz, you know, it happens.
• 1:57:14
  Speaker 2: But like you look at your group of friends and
• 1:57:16
  Speaker 2: there's more than that. I got two great kids who
• 1:57:19
  Speaker 2: are really fucking well-rounded for a dad who's leveraged their
• 1:57:21
  Speaker 2: childhood to make money. Yeah. Yeah. And they're, but they're
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 2: still well-rounded and they're happy and we love each other and,
• 1:57:27
  Speaker 2: and I'm healthy and I'm the strongest I've ever been. And, uh,
• 1:57:31
  Speaker 2: and I get to do what I love. And for
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 2: work today to promote my special, I get to sit
• 1:57:36
  Speaker 2: with you and just chat about, I mean, that's like,
• 1:57:39
  Speaker 2: I'm the luckiest motherfucker, but I also think I really
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 2: believe this. You have to identify your luck. I think
• 1:57:44
  Speaker 2: I mentioned this in the special. You just have to
• 1:57:46
  Speaker 2: start looking at things as half full and don't, like,
• 1:57:49
  Speaker 2: even the bad things go, that needed to happen to me.
• 1:57:52
  Speaker 2: That had to happen to me to get me to
• 1:57:53
  Speaker 2: the place where I could see the luck come from it,
• 1:57:57
  Speaker 2: you know? I mean, it's like, look at all the
• 1:57:58
  Speaker 2: shit you've been through. And then I go, thank God. Like,
• 1:58:04
  Speaker 2: I think, I was thinking of it today. I was like,
• 1:58:08
  Speaker 2: I hate that Theo had to go through, you and alcohol,
• 1:58:10
  Speaker 2: because that's so not him. And that's never been who
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 2: I know you knew you to be. I never even
• 1:58:14
  Speaker 2: knew you to party, to be dead honest with you.
• 1:58:16
  Speaker 2: I never saw it. And I go, but you know,
• 1:58:20
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad he did, because he's so fucking grounded now.
• 1:58:24
  Speaker 2: He seems like in such a better place, and he's
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 2: got all these great stories about the time he got
• 1:58:27
  Speaker 2: high on coke and locked himself out of his apartment
• 1:58:29
  Speaker 2: while he was making a smoothie. Like those fucking wild
• 1:58:31
  Speaker 2: stories where you're doing coke with Daryl Strawberry in fucking
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 2: the Bronx. I mean, you have all these crazy adventures now,
• 1:58:37
  Speaker 2: but you're so like, I go, you just gotta look
• 1:58:40
  Speaker 2: at it and go, that sucked then, but that's then,
• 1:58:43
  Speaker 2: this is now, and now we're lucky. Yeah.
• 1:58:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you gotta be here to tell them.
• 1:58:48
  Speaker 2: Dude, I mean, I.
• 1:58:50
  Speaker 1: Lucky.
• 1:58:51
  Speaker 2: I went to.
• 1:58:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure lucky.
• 1:58:53
  Speaker 2: I'm lucky as fuck. And I think if I can
• 1:58:56
  Speaker 2: put luck out there, like I'd say I bought like
• 1:58:58
  Speaker 2: a hundred dollars worth of pennies. It's a lot of pennies.
• 1:59:01
  Speaker 2: More than you'd think. It's wild. And I just started
• 1:59:04
  Speaker 2: throwing them around LA. Just flip them on the ground.
• 1:59:07
  Speaker 2: Because every time you see a penny, you're like, oh shit,
• 1:59:09
  Speaker 2: good luck. Yeah. I was like, oh, why not just
• 1:59:10
  Speaker 2: gift that to people? Like just a little. And then
• 1:59:13
  Speaker 2: if I have a project like that, I start getting
• 1:59:14
  Speaker 2: really into it. And I'm like fucking, I'm walking through
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 2: parking lots, dropping them in front of everyone's car so
• 1:59:19
  Speaker 2: everyone gets good luck when they get in their car.
• 1:59:20
  Speaker 1: It's the fucking Copper Johnny Appleseed out there.
• 1:59:22
  Speaker 2: I'm the Copper Johnny Appleseed.
• 1:59:24
  Speaker 1: That's him. Spreading luck, March 18th on Netflix. The special
• 1:59:30
  Speaker 1: is dropping. You got the 5K in Tampa. You have
• 1:59:32
  Speaker 1: your Double Down show that's in Las Vegas.
• 1:59:34
  Speaker 2: Yes. Oh, that weekend, I'm in Vegas, March 21st and
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 2: 22nd over at the Resorts World Theater. Two shows.
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:59:43
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you, man.
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of you, man.
• 1:59:45
  Speaker 1: Thanks, man.
• 1:59:46
  Speaker 2: We've been friends for a long time, but it's so
• 1:59:48
  Speaker 2: good to see. It's so, man, you know, my girls
• 1:59:53
  Speaker 2: and Leanne root for a couple comics. And you're in
• 1:59:57
  Speaker 2: that short list. And so when good shit happens to you,
• 2:00:00
  Speaker 2: same with Nikki. When Nikki did the Golden Globes, they
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 2: were in a text thread. She crushed it. But you're
• 2:00:08
  Speaker 2: in that short list. You, Shane, Nikki. Tony Hinchcliffe, people
• 2:00:12
  Speaker 2: in my family knows. And man, it's cool when you
• 2:00:16
  Speaker 2: get a text from your kids. You're like, oh, dad,
• 2:00:19
  Speaker 2: did you see the fucking, what was the Theo? I
• 2:00:21
  Speaker 2: forget what it was. They're like, have you seen the
• 2:00:23
  Speaker 2: best of Theo? And I was like, no. And then
• 2:00:25
  Speaker 2: Georgia sent it to me. She's like, dad, she's on
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 2: a plane. She's like, dad, this fucking, he is fucking hysterical.
• 2:00:32
  Speaker 2: I was like, dude, fuck yeah. I remember watching Georgia
• 2:00:34
  Speaker 2: watch Shane Gillis for the first time and was like,
• 2:00:37
  Speaker 2: are we allowed to laugh at this? And I loved it.
• 2:00:39
  Speaker 2: I loved that. I'm the luckiest motherfucker out there.
• 2:00:42
  Speaker 1: Well, we're lucky to be in your presence, man. I
• 2:00:44
  Speaker 1: feel that. And thanks for always being supportive. And thanks
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 1: for some of the nice things that you said today, dude. And, yeah,
• 2:00:49
  Speaker 1: I feel lucky. I was driving over here today. I
• 2:00:51
  Speaker 1: was like, man, my job today, I get to talk
• 2:00:53
  Speaker 1: to a friend of mine. Fuck. Fuck. That's a blessing.
• 2:00:59
  Speaker 2: It's a blessing.
• 2:01:01
  Speaker 1: Burt Kreischer, man, stay healthy and enjoy your year off
• 2:01:06
  Speaker 1: of comedy, huh?
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 2: I think I'm going to go back on tour maybe October.
• 2:01:11
  Speaker 2: We'll see. We'll see.
• 2:01:12
  Speaker 1: He'll be back on tour in a month probably, but
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 1: that's okay. He keeps working hard.
• 2:01:17
  Speaker 2: Love you, bro. Love you.
• 2:01:26
  Speaker 5: Cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share
• 2:01:32
  Speaker 5: this peace of mind I found I can feel it
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 5: in my bones