Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 81: Stepping Back to Move Forward

Transcript

81: Stepping Back to Move Forward · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

0:00
Hey everybody, OK, today's going to look a little different.
0:02
I usually ask a question to start off this podcast.
0:05
I won't this time. I'll just set us up for what
0:06
we're going to be talking about after the intro here I am.
0:12
I don't know what's the right word.
0:14
I'm feeling grateful, feeling appreciative, feeling maybe a
0:20
little overwhelm, some optimism for the message I'm about to
0:25
share with you. I've over the last couple weeks,
0:27
I've been stepping into my men's groups and sharing in with my
0:30
individual clients and sharing with them a message that I'm
0:33
going to be stepping away from Choose recovery services for a
0:36
season and working on an old part of my recovery, working on
0:39
some healing that I need to get to.
0:41
So I decided to share this with you in a podcast, but I didn't
0:44
invite Alana into it because it's important to me, though I
0:47
speak to the betrayed partner and she does an amazing job, but
0:50
with her lens of being able to speak to this choice that I'm
0:54
making. So I am, I'm going to dive into
0:57
this here in a moment with Alana and wanted to let you know about
1:00
it. But it is so important to me
1:04
that you all feel hope because that's what I was looking for.
1:09
That's what Alana was looking for when we started our journey
1:11
of is this possible? So you're going to have a range
1:14
of emotions maybe as we go through this podcast, maybe,
1:16
maybe not. And I'm going to talk about why
1:19
I'm making the choice to step away and why I need a deeper
1:22
level of my recovery and the resources that I'm going to rely
1:26
on to get that done. And yeah, I'm excited to spend
1:28
the time with you. Welcome to Beyond the Facade
1:34
podcast. I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and
1:36
I'm thrilled to have you join me in the space today.
1:38
What we're going to be doing is diving deep into the trials and
1:41
triumphs and truths of seeking authenticity.
1:44
Becoming your true self isn't about a single action or a
1:47
moment. It's a relentless pursuit, a
1:50
commitment to self that reveals a rich connection and meaning
1:53
that our life has to offer. So whether this is your?
1:55
First time tuning in or you're a regular listener?
1:57
Know this. What you're building here goes
2:00
beyond a. Conversation.
2:01
You're here to. Challenge to change and to
2:03
celebrate the incredible journey of becoming your authentic self.
2:07
Because when you dare. To show up fully.
2:09
The rewards are immeasurable, so welcome to Beyond the Facade.
2:12
Let's get started. OK.
2:20
So I got Alana here with me guys.
2:22
We're going to talk about something that's not scripted.
2:24
It is organic as I'll get out right Alana?
2:27
Yes, we literally just threw our old script in the trash and
2:31
we're going to totally different direction.
2:33
I mean, this podcast literally is called Unmasked, right?
2:35
It's about authenticity. So we do come, I do come
2:39
prepared with my thoughts, but throwing them all out the
2:41
window. We're just going to talk about
2:43
this. So Alana, thanks for joining me.
2:46
It was really important that you join with me today because I
2:48
recognize the message I'm sharing of the trade partners
2:51
could be impacted by it. In fact, we have a lot of people
2:54
come to this podcast that are like, is recovery is, is there
2:59
hope? Can people actually recover?
3:02
And people have found a long and nice story to be impactful and
3:06
or story to like it and go, hey, there's people that are doing
3:08
it. And then they come to hear the
3:10
message. They feel that pain and they get
3:12
that hope. So it was important for a long
3:14
and for you to be here today because I recognize the betrayed
3:16
partner can be impacted by this message.
3:19
So I'm just going to jump into the information.
3:21
So over the last couple weeks, I've been showing up to my
3:23
groups and sharing a little bit about how my recovery is
3:26
evolving and the decision that I'm making to step away from
3:28
choose recovery services and my role as a founder and turn the
3:33
reins over to Alana for a series of for a period of time.
3:36
We'll turn the reins over to Alana and me to go stop, put
3:40
everything on hold and go focus on some healing that I need.
3:44
Because what I'm noticing in my recovery and a lot of jump in
3:46
here, I know not giving you a spot to necessarily, but jump in
3:51
here, which is I know recover. I feel like a lot of it inside
3:57
and out up here. But there's some still some
4:00
stuff that's stored inside my body that I respond in old
4:03
patterns that I don't want to respond in the same way.
4:07
So I'll get in that here just a moment.
4:09
It did want to let you know right away.
4:11
So if you're wondering like, wait, hold on, what's up with
4:14
Luke what's going on? I didn't go back into old acting
4:17
out behavior. All patterns of back in the day
4:19
that you guys are familiar with us my story, but I have noticed
4:23
things that are coming back up for me and I want to share those
4:26
with you and be open about my experience of what this is like
4:30
because I noticed a lot of people and I know this was us
4:33
big time, which is OK. I'm going to share what my real
4:36
is. I'm going to get my truth and
4:38
then I just want to go the rest of my life never going through
4:41
anything like that ever again. OK, We see particularly after
4:45
full disclosures and but it's not about perfection.
4:49
It is really about awareness and about transparency and about
4:53
growth and that's what I want to highlight on here with today a
4:57
lot. Any thoughts on that before I
4:58
continue on? Yeah, I just think about when
5:01
everything came out in 2014. I would say to Luke all the
5:06
time, I'd say to you, just show me 5 years from now.
5:09
Just show them like I need to see five years from now.
5:11
And at the one year mark and at the one year mark, I still felt
5:15
so torn apart and I was like, it's been a year, what is wrong
5:18
with me? I need to see five years because
5:20
if this isn't better in five years, I'm out.
5:24
When five years did come, by the way, after a year and a half, I
5:28
did notice the shift. It got easier.
5:30
It got better. Still hard and it was hard for a
5:34
few years, but I remember the five year mark stopping and
5:37
going, Oh my gosh, here we are. We're at five years and we were
5:41
in a much better place than we were in 2014.
5:46
And I look back and go, we are so much further than we were in
5:52
2000 and whatever that was 19, we're so much further than we
5:56
were there. And so growth has still
5:59
continued yet patterns, some patterns have been broken and
6:06
some patterns have continued patterns between you and I
6:09
continued that needed to stop me to stop and a lot of patterns
6:17
were broken. And so healing is this ever
6:20
evolving changing process. And if somebody told me in 2014
6:28
that in 2000 and what year are we 2626?
6:33
Level said 25. Yeah, in 2026, if somebody would
6:37
have said Luke will need to go do some inpatient treatment and
6:41
do some deeper work, that would have scared the out of me and I
6:45
would have said, Nope, I'm out. I'm not doing it.
6:48
And I'm glad I didn't know because how my brain would have
6:53
conceptualized it then. It's so different than today, if
6:58
that makes sense. Because so much growth and so
7:00
much healing has happened is so many different ways.
7:04
And you going and doing this deeper semantic work today, the
7:09
meaning behind it. And I think what you'll get out
7:11
of it, because you're ready in a whole different way, I think is
7:15
a totally different experience than what my brain could have
7:18
fathomed. Yeah, I would say that too.
7:22
I so desperately want to and I talk about all the time, like I
7:28
tell people all the time, like you, you want to do the kind of
7:32
work I do like with the kind of history in the past that I have.
7:35
And when I, it is like get ready to feel like a hypocrite because
7:39
I'll sit with clients and be like, this is the work.
7:40
This is the work. And then I'll come right down to
7:42
it and be like, OK, Luke, put your money where your mouth is.
7:45
That's your work too. Don't forget it.
7:47
And I think for me, you even saying inpatient treatment, I
7:50
think along I'm like, I like wanted to, I wanted to manage
7:53
that. You saying that I want to be
7:55
like, wait, hold on, hold on. Let's talk about it.
7:56
This is somatic healing. This is attending to the body.
7:59
I don't want people to go like, hey, Luke's back into the
8:01
patterns that he used to be back into back in the day when he was
8:04
talking about strip clubs and massage parlors and escort
8:07
services. I want to like clarify that.
8:10
And I noticed that to me wanting to manage exactly the reason why
8:13
I'm going back, exactly why I'm stopping everything and saying,
8:17
hey, hold on for us. I need to go figure out why I
8:22
still want to take care of my brand and my image, how people
8:26
perceive me and, and I, there are no shortcuts.
8:34
And I've told people often along the way.
8:37
One of the things I really, really kind of almost got mad
8:40
about my recovery was learning about parts work like years into
8:44
the journey, because in the first part of my journey, I was
8:47
just trying to kill a part of me that existed.
8:49
I'm just like, if I can just off that part of me and it's the bad
8:52
part of me, I can move. I'll figure this stuff out.
8:56
And then I was introduced to parts work and I recognize that
8:58
part of me that I'm trying to get rid of is not actually a bad
9:01
part. It's a part that helps me
9:02
survive my experience. But actually, if I work through
9:07
and that's, that's a level of somatic healing, That's a level
9:10
of getting to some wounds that exist that create how I behave
9:14
and how I show up. And I recognize, y'all, I'm
9:19
like, want to invite people to recognize that it's just if you,
9:23
if you're still trying to do what, which is get it here but
9:27
not get it here, then only so far you can go.
9:31
And I'm not interested in staying in a spot where I
9:35
haven't done more of the work than I've already done.
9:38
And what pisses me off about it is I can't multitask it like,
9:42
you know, how bad and how long I've been trying to negotiate
9:45
with this whole, you know, you can just not go 100% and focus
9:49
on that work, stop what you're doing right now.
9:53
And you know, and that's, that's a normal part of the process to
9:56
want to pick how I go about recovery choose.
10:02
And I've just over this last, I would say 8 months Alana gone.
10:07
Like no, like I need to be open to looking at some stuff I
10:13
haven't before. So I recognize that message
10:18
could be a little bit vague or it might be like, hey, what is
10:22
this about? So let me give you some of the
10:24
questions that I've gotten in Group.
10:26
Is that OK, Lana? Can I speak to partners 1st and
10:31
maybe not actually to partners but partner experience.
10:33
I early in your journey for you, Luke, go on in nothing more than
10:39
for you to be healed. And I wanted it for you, but I
10:43
really wanted it for me. And I wanted it for me because I
10:47
was in so much pain that if you would get healed and fix this
10:53
part, then I wouldn't be in pain and our family would be OK and
10:56
there'd be like this happily ever after, right?
10:58
I had this this idea and I look at you and you and I have been
11:06
through ups and downs and our relationship has changed in many
11:11
ways. It's changes status as it's our
11:13
closeness has changed like a good and bad, right?
11:17
We have we're in a very different place today.
11:21
And I look at you and your healing journey and still all I
11:28
want for you is to be the most healed version of you.
11:33
I want you to be happy. I want you to be healed.
11:36
I want you to be able to live a life without carrying this
11:40
weight on your shoulders and without chasing perfectionism
11:46
and without chasing this idea that you have to be the image
11:50
that everyone needs and wants you to be, and that you don't
11:55
have to run 110 miles an hour and work in everything you do to
11:59
be enough. Like I see these deeper level
12:02
patterns and I want that freedom for you.
12:05
And I do believe that partners who are listening anywhere,
12:10
they're on the journey, I hear that they really do want healing
12:14
for their loved one. They really, really do want
12:17
that. And yes, part of it is so
12:19
they're not in pain anymore. I get that.
12:21
And that's OK. And a lot of it too is this
12:24
deeper, just wanting healing for the person that they love so
12:28
deeply. So I just want to speak to that
12:31
because I think what you're doing, there's a lot of partners
12:35
out there who would die, like I feel emotion saying this, who
12:39
would die for their significant other to go get the this deeper
12:44
level treatment to really go like root it out and get healed.
12:49
They want that so bad. And so you and your
12:54
vulnerability and sharing this message that you're willing to
12:57
do that, I hope other men and women who are struggling with
13:04
addiction do this too. Did they go do this deeper level
13:08
work for their partner, for themselves, for the sake of
13:13
healing, to break patterns? And I hope that this can be, I
13:18
don't know, an example, a ray of hope, a ray of light that at any
13:23
point you just keep healing and you do whatever needs to be done
13:27
with wherever you're at. You know what?
13:30
You know what, thank you that seriously deep gratitude for the
13:37
the feelings behind that all of them.
13:38
Thank you. I'm I felt angry inside because
13:44
kind of like I was talking about parts work earlier.
13:47
I well, first of all, let me just say this.
13:50
I sit with men and we have so much in common with going.
13:54
All right, I know I've got some stuff I need to figure out.
13:58
All right, I'll, I'll go go do it.
14:00
And then I listen to the person that talks about what that path
14:03
looks like and I pick and choose which parts I want to do.
14:07
And I done that with this you all like I've sat there and I'm
14:10
just been like, and Allah has actually encouraged me quite a
14:15
few different times to look at this process of treatment was a
14:21
stop, pause, put everything on a hold, do some of this deeper
14:25
level work, specifically the somatic work that happens inside
14:27
of there. And I'm sorry, Lana pushed back.
14:38
I'm glad that I just didn't go do it because you said to go do
14:42
it. You know, I just like that I
14:44
people pleased and said, no, I'm going to do it because that's
14:46
what you that's what you think would be helpful because that I
14:49
think a lot of guys can appreciate this.
14:52
It's really difficult being in a relationship with a really smart
14:54
person because because they obviously can see things
14:58
sometimes before we can see them.
15:00
And sometimes that can be madding because it can trigger
15:03
shame, having your person be able to see things a little bit
15:07
more quickly. And you do.
15:08
And I've noticed I've tried to negotiate with parts of my
15:11
recovery going like, yeah, I can do that, but I can do that more
15:13
up here than in here. So it took too long.
15:16
Y'all took too long to get to this point, and it's OK.
15:20
I think it took too long. And also certain things needed
15:22
to come into place. I recognize that I needed to try
15:30
and fail miserably, try to get recovery in some different ways.
15:35
So it's OK. I'm coming to a place now and I
15:38
wish I could describe to you. I wish I could pass along this
15:41
level of hope and excitement I have for this part of my
15:43
journey. Did not want to do it, did not
15:45
want to do it, did not want to do it.
15:46
I know I'm like, bring it. I'm so excited.
15:48
Let's do it, let's do it. Let's do recovery, let's do
15:51
healing. And I'm going to taking that
15:53
energy into this this the. End And there's other parts that
15:59
are scared and emotional and the difference that I see in you
16:04
that I'm watching you is those parts aren't driving the bus.
16:07
Yeah, they're not driving the bus.
16:08
They're still there. They're just not on this podcast
16:10
with me right now, you know? So they're there, you know, and
16:14
it's changes, but I don't know, part of me is going to be like,
16:19
look, you're going to want to cut this out because I don't
16:20
want to. I don't know, like, it feels
16:25
good to put my money where my mouth is in this, Alana.
16:27
Because, like, and I guess I want to acknowledge the weight
16:32
that you have to carry because guys, like, I'm stepping away
16:36
from Jews like that now leads the weight on a llama, you know?
16:42
Like, how much does that mirror recovery often that the people
16:46
that we love the most have to carry something while we attend
16:49
to some healing? Is it wrong, You know, does it
16:52
impact? Yeah, and I and I appreciate
16:56
you. And also I just want to
17:01
acknowledge the fact that I'm not, you know, a lot of me is
17:05
like, well, how do I step away from a period of time, a couple
17:08
months, whatever it is, I don't know.
17:10
I hate that I even said at the time with it, I can't do that.
17:16
I got a they got a family to provide for.
17:18
I got people need me and this I will definitely get emotional at
17:23
this part. Surprising me, what creates them
17:41
much emotion as I sit with my guys and grew and I said, hey,
17:46
this one I'm going to do. I'm going to step away.
17:50
They've been like they felt a level of hope because they're
17:54
like, OK, there's somebody that's willing to do it.
17:57
He's willing to step back and go.
18:00
I'll do whatever it takes. And I don't like how it's coming
18:02
out of my mouth right now because I feel like I'm giving
18:04
myself too, too much credit. What I'm trying to express right
18:07
now is that what gives other humans help is the fact that
18:12
other people talk to the perfection in the walk.
18:15
It's the it's the willing to do the hard.
18:17
And I was afraid that if I stepped away, they would just
18:21
cop. And you guys get to have
18:22
whatever emotion you're going to have.
18:24
OK, This gets to impact you. I'm not telling you how you
18:26
should feel, but I've been grateful to watch the guys in my
18:28
group feel hope of like, OK, that's real.
18:32
And I can do real too. I can show up into the hard and
18:35
it's been freaking inspiring to watch the men respond the way
18:38
that I have. I've only heard of two betrayed
18:40
partners actually be impacted and I know that's going to be
18:44
different. But anyway, Alana, what do you,
18:47
what message do you think I'm trying to convey right now?
18:51
I don't know, but because I got caught up on a thought that
18:55
really struck me is this thing that you told yourself?
19:01
And I see other individuals tell themselves that like my family
19:04
needs me, I can't go away to work on this or I have to figure
19:07
this out this second and I just have to be better.
19:10
And I can't take the time that this type of healing takes
19:14
because my family needs me. Your family needs you healthy.
19:21
That's the way you're best going to benefit your family, your
19:24
kids, your spouse, your partner, whoever future partners like any
19:30
of that. They need you to get healthy and
19:35
that's the best way that you can provide for them.
19:38
That's the best way you can show up for them.
19:41
I would have financially given up everything to have a really
19:48
close, connected, healthy marriage.
19:50
I would have done that. That wasn't an option.
19:54
You would have given up everything.
19:56
Oh, every. Do you actually mean that?
19:58
I want to give that to the skeptical people here, the
20:00
skeptical betrayer betraying partners that go.
20:03
I think she's just saying that. Yeah, if I mean from like, if I
20:07
could be guaranteed, right? If I could be guaranteed that
20:12
living in the back of my car or living in a tent meant that my
20:19
family was safe and protected and we could be happy forever.
20:23
Easy. Would the path be easy?
20:26
No, but the decision if I could be guaranteed those things,
20:30
that's not reality, right? And mental health is about
20:36
really taking what is reality and being aware and open to it,
20:41
and then working with what we have.
20:44
A lot. You just made me remember
20:45
something #1 obstacle. Do you remember what it was a
20:47
lot in this and you not want to do this work?
20:49
Do you remember the one number one obstacle it was?
20:52
What if it doesn't work? Oh.
20:56
Guys, I can't tell you like and I don't know how.
20:58
Yeah, what if I go do all of this and I'm still in the same
21:01
spot? Yeah, like for me that was the
21:04
biggest obstacle. Like, you know, because it's not
21:07
cheap and it takes the time to literally have to stop and
21:09
everything. And I'm like, what if it doesn't
21:12
work? What if I invest all this and
21:15
I'm in the same spot? And I don't know why that.
21:19
I don't know why. What you said just made me think
21:22
about that, but yeah. And I think that's the beauty of
21:26
like rock bottoms. That's the beauty of, I don't
21:30
know, universe, God, whatever it is, allowing you to try 1000
21:34
times your own way and then going, OK, what if I'm going to
21:37
let go? Maybe it won't work, maybe it
21:39
will. But as soon as you let that go,
21:41
awesome that it becomes as good. For me.
21:42
There was this new level of energy of like, I don't even
21:46
that doesn't for some reason that doesn't matter to me
21:48
anymore like it used to. I just think about that like,
21:51
OK, when I'm sitting in that, what if it doesn't work?
21:56
I'm not actually going anywhere, meaning I'm no better.
21:59
And not only am I not going anywhere, but I'm drifting.
22:04
Regression is happening. So then what if it does this
22:08
work? And what if all I get out of it
22:12
is this one little puzzle piece? But then I'm ready to go get a
22:17
different little puzzle piece somewhere else in a different
22:20
because that's what I think about like with my journey is I
22:24
have done like I did ketamine for a little bit.
22:27
I did therapy for a little bit. I did some energy work, I did
22:31
breath work. And each time I've added in
22:34
these different things, it has healed little parts of me and it
22:38
has been part of this cumulative growth and moving forward.
22:42
But no matter what, I'm putting 1 foot in front of the other.
22:46
The option is what if it doesn't work and I just sit here?
22:50
Then I'm going to be slowly losing everything that I love.
22:53
So what if it does? What if it does work?
23:00
Yeah. I, there's one other piece that
23:04
I, I don't know at what level, Luke, we want to go into this,
23:08
but I think it's important that there was some personal shifts
23:13
and relational shifts that needed to happen for you to be
23:15
ready. Because you and I, we've been
23:20
really enmeshed for many years. And when we started our recovery
23:26
journey in 2014, we realized how much we were and we started that
23:30
work. But there's been different
23:33
layers and levels of you and I learning that there needed to be
23:40
more differentiation and more autonomy between the two of us.
23:44
And I feel like that has also played into your being ready.
23:51
And why does it tend to say this?
23:53
Because I can, I know how for partners that can feel scary is
23:58
if there is more differentiation between the two of you that that
24:05
that can feel like distance in space and that can feel scary
24:08
that you're going to lose the person you love.
24:11
But I don't think you would be where you are today if you and I
24:15
didn't figure out how to really separate our healing and you do
24:20
your healing work and me do my healing work.
24:23
Oh yeah, for sure. And I can speak to that a little
24:25
bit and it'll be anyway, I'll speak to that a little bit.
24:28
So as we're going through the journey, like I really needed to
24:31
believe that I was, I could do the not making a mistake and
24:34
never falling down. I really did.
24:36
And when I fell down the first time, I didn't share that with
24:39
Alana. I didn't I justified and
24:42
rationalized that and because I believe that I and it was so
24:47
painful, the healing process and she got to a place where she
24:50
forgave me and we are now starting to live become less in
24:53
pain. And and there were some things
24:55
that a lot of predicted that came true, which is when you
24:58
when I stopped being in pain. Then you'll get you'll relax and
25:02
they started project some things onto her that were hers, that
25:05
were mine. And then started to slowly
25:08
become some resentment for for myself for not being able to
25:14
figure it out and also for the relationship because I wanted to
25:19
go back some old ways. And Alana was healing, and she
25:23
was moving along. And I wasn't willing to go back
25:27
to all the patterns. And it was scaring me because
25:31
I'm like, wait, hold on, I'm doing the right stuff.
25:34
But it's not feeling better for me.
25:37
Like, I got a partner who's kind of feels like she's leaving to a
25:41
certain extent. She wasn't guys like she wanted
25:43
them all. She was like right there, very
25:45
present. But I was moving forward as an
25:47
individual. Yeah.
25:49
And that. Was scary and it was scary.
25:51
And I think doing all the recovery stuff, doing all those
25:54
things and as I would try to, as I would notice because I knew I
25:58
was with a partner who wasn't going to flex.
26:02
She wasn't going to go, I'm going to go back in old
26:05
patterns. Not totally.
26:07
And I didn't even recognize that I wanted her and some of that
26:09
self-conscious. Right.
26:11
Of taking care of me and being my the person that when I'd have
26:14
a hard day would probably back up and tell me I'm enough or
26:18
just frankly just cater to me in ways that just we're not
26:22
healthy. So I started to develop some
26:25
resentments, OK, And she was getting stronger.
26:29
And then I wanna lead this. But she realized our
26:34
relationship needed to shift and not stay the same that it used
26:39
to be. And I kind of did this thing I
26:43
always did was just quietly without sharing be like, yeah,
26:48
of course. Yeah, it does.
26:49
It needs to be, you know, kind of like, what choice do I have?
26:53
And she went out and continue to build things outside of me and
26:59
and I just needed her to be that everything for me.
27:06
And finally she got to a place where she's like enough's enough
27:10
and not going to be there in that part.
27:14
And I just got to give you credit, Alana, for doing that
27:17
work you did. And that scared me so much guys
27:20
that I all of a sudden realized that you're that you're not OK
27:25
with being alone by yourself. Like you need her and that's a
27:30
part of this journey is me being not needing any one person to
27:34
say you're enough and you're OK. And I had finally learned myself
27:42
that you had this hole in you. That no matter how much I tried
27:46
to fill it, no matter how much I tried to soften things for you,
27:52
no matter how much I tried to help, I could never fix that
27:57
hole and I could never pour into that hole enough that that hole
28:01
would fill. And when I finally accepted that
28:04
reality and I stepped back and I said, I trust that you will
28:09
figure this out or not. You get that choice too.
28:14
But I trust that this is yours and I'm going to give this to
28:17
you. And I trust that you can do it
28:20
with also giving you the opportunity to not do it, which
28:23
was really scary. But I handed you back over your
28:29
sovereignty over your own life, your autonomy.
28:32
I handed you back your own choices.
28:37
And that hole became yours to fill and yours to fix.
28:41
And as I believe, as long as I was trying to fill that hole for
28:44
you, you would never have done this paperwork or be willing to
28:47
look at it. Yeah, I didn't have to.
28:51
I didn't have to. That's the message I wish we
28:53
could share that y'all can get is like if you could just hear
28:58
this, which is trust is the word trust your partner, trust your
29:06
partner. Not trust that you're putting
29:09
your trust in your safety in them, but trust them that they
29:12
can sink or swim. You're funny.
29:15
You're like hold on, finish that, go a little faster because
29:18
I don't got partners freaking here.
29:20
Don't end there. OK.
29:22
So I'll speak to the trade partner.
29:23
Thank you. Trust your partner, your bit,
29:26
the personal betrayed you. Trust your partner to let them
29:29
fall on their face or stand up. Don't take care of them.
29:33
Stop taking care of them. And that trust is coming from a
29:36
place of trust that they there is a process that they fall down
29:42
to and they that they can stand back up.
29:45
So baby trust. Isn't you can do that through
29:48
love. Like I watched you fall on your
29:52
face and I still was like, I love you and I hope you'll
29:57
figure it out. And I think you can and you're
30:00
creating a support team to help you with that and I want the
30:05
best for you. And all of that love was still
30:08
there going towards you, but what wasn't going towards you
30:13
was the jumping in and me holding it and me sheltering you
30:17
and me being the one getting the hit.
30:20
So maybe, maybe maybe I'm trying to clean this up a little bit
30:23
and maybe I don't need to, but there's this experience where I
30:27
go more often with the women that I work with, the betraying
30:30
part. And I'm like, hey, don't just
30:31
let me have them. Let me have them.
30:33
You don't take care of them for a little bit.
30:34
Just let me have them. If you're in the mix, like if
30:37
you're in the mix, like taking care of them in some type of
30:40
role, they can't really get to will the work that they need to
30:43
do. So just trust yourself, trust to
30:46
let them go, Let it letting them fall.
30:48
And I recognize it impacts you, it impacts you when they go
30:53
about their process, that it's clunky, that it's whatever it is
30:57
so alone. And and this moment on this
30:59
podcast, thanks for thank you for not being in those old
31:05
patterns. I got to go figure it out.
31:08
But thank you. Can you I just highlight what
31:10
you said there because I want partners to hear that you said
31:13
in this moment on this podcast, because that's real, right?
31:18
Right now you are in this self LED energy.
31:22
And so right now you can with clarity see the value and
31:26
benefit of that. And I don't want partners to
31:28
hear that and think that this is where we always are or Luke
31:32
always is, because sometimes his wounded parts take over and this
31:39
he can't even remember when those wounded parts are taking
31:43
over. And This is why I really value
31:45
parts work is because those wounded parts, when they take
31:51
over, those unhealed parts, they cause a lot of damage to Luke,
31:56
to me, to our kids, to anybody when those wounded parts are
32:01
taking over. And so this right here, this
32:06
self LED energy that's really beautiful, that's leading you
32:09
towards this next level of treatment is here right now.
32:15
But these wounded parts unhealed do take over the show from time
32:21
to time. And it's the wounded parts we're
32:23
getting healed. So you can stay in this energy
32:26
more often. So for partners where you're
32:28
like, and I hear this, well, Roman are like, why can't he
32:32
just be like Luke? Or why can't he be like Jake
32:34
Porter? Or why can't he be like, and I'm
32:37
like, yes, but what you're hearing is when those
32:40
individuals are in their highest self, but those unhealed wounded
32:45
parts can and will take over if they aren't healed.
32:49
Yeah. And so I think what I want to
32:52
say is to you, Luke, thank you on behalf of me.
32:56
Thank you on behalf of our children, thank you on behalf of
33:00
your clients for being willing to do this deeper level work
33:03
because I know that healing, just like trauma, can be
33:09
transferred down from generation to generation.
33:13
Healing ripples out to everybody you come in contact with.
33:18
So I have a message I want to share with the betrayed partner
33:20
before we start to conclude this podcast.
33:22
If you came here for like hope, right?
33:25
And this message scares the out of you because you're like,
33:28
wait, Luke's supposed to be the person that's got his crap
33:30
together? And I like the part where he
33:32
shows up and he has all the answers to all the questions, or
33:35
at least to perceive it that way.
33:37
And this scares you. I'm going to use the word sorry
33:40
and sorry is to reflect me wanting to be present in that
33:44
emotion of the scary and recognizing where I'm at in my
33:49
journey impacts you. And I wish that I had a way to
33:53
be really present with you and that experience in a very
33:56
professional way. That's scariness and just feel
34:00
all of it. And then just if you as you
34:04
maybe go, how what about my partner?
34:06
What does this mean for them? Are they going to have his
34:08
journey? Let them be separate from me and
34:11
my journey. And also let them notice that
34:14
this there is similarities in just learning and growing and
34:19
lack of perfection and wanting that.
34:21
And if your partners work in their journey to a certain
34:25
point, they won't do this perfectly, but they'll let you
34:28
feel what you feel through this. They'll watch you and they'll
34:32
stay present with you as much as they possibly can through
34:34
whatever you feel. But this gets to scare you.
34:38
This gets to maybe something different invigorate you or all
34:42
the emotions. And they're they all matter and
34:44
they're all important. And then 100% my goal is to show
34:48
back up here again, we're going to keep the podcast going.
34:51
Just so you know, I'm going to record like 12 episodes on a new
34:54
series so it doesn't have to skip a beat.
34:56
But I'm also not making any promises about when that will be
34:59
that I come back. But this is what I do.
35:01
This is this is what I love, you know, So I don't want to not do
35:06
it, but I'm also interested in getting the healing done before
35:11
I step back into the work. So and we'll see what that looks
35:14
like. And I don't know what that looks
35:15
like, but anyway, feel what you feel.
35:17
And then, but I'll speak to the betrayed, betraying partners.
35:20
Let your partner feel what they feel.
35:22
Let them experience whatever the feeling is.
35:25
Stay, don't run from that. Stick around, get curious,
35:29
understand if they project some of Mike's journey onto yours,
35:33
that's OK, Let them, and then trust them if they come back
35:38
after they process and they feel like some stuff applies.
35:40
Hear them. What matters long?
35:43
Any thoughts here before we start to wrap up?
35:45
This is real like healing does not necessarily clean or easy.
35:52
It's authentic, it's real, it's messy.
35:55
It one day at a time 1 foot in front of the other.
36:00
So welcome to our real, and I just send all the love to each
36:05
of you as you're walking your healing journeys too.
36:07
Yeah, absolutely all. Right, everybody.
36:10
So we'll keep this thing going and what we're going to release
36:13
next is a is a series of podcast on our revamp on our phase two
36:17
men's groups. So looking forward to having you
36:19
hear that and we'll talk to you all later.
36:21
Bye. Hey, thanks for joining us
36:26
today. If this is something that.
36:28
You connected with? I'd love to meet with you more
36:30
and talk about it. So what you can do is go to
36:32
chooserecoveryservices.com or check the show notes and there
36:36
what we can do is set up a quick conversation.
36:38
Meet. Thanks so much for listening to
36:40
Beyond the Facade where we unmask the authentic itself.