Latest / Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women / The #1 Lie Women Believe About Divorce - with Kimberly Lorah

Transcript

The #1 Lie Women Believe About Divorce - with Kimberly Lorah · Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women

• 0:00
  Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45.
• 0:05
  I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor.
• 0:10
  And every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45.
• 0:23
  Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and that wisdom that fuels expansion.
• 0:34
  What if.
• 0:35
  Rock bottom wasn't a place of collapse, but the launchpad to your rebirth.
• 0:43
  Today's guest, Kimberly Laura, knows that truth in her bones.
• 0:48
  A licensed professional counselor, a certified divorce coach, and a divorced single mom.
• 0:55
  Two young adults.
• 0:57
  Kimberly carries both professional mastery and lived experience.
• 1:02
  After 23 years of marriage, more than 25 years together, her life was shattered by divorce a season.
• 1:12
  She describes as temporary insanity where everything she knew.
• 1:18
  Fell apart, but here's where her story.
• 1:22
  Ignites instead of staying broken, she actually transformed seeing the deep lack of support for people suffering during and after divorce.
• 1:33
  She became the guide she once needed.
• 1:36
  She turned her pain into purpose and founded.
• 1:39
  Blossom coaching over six years ago with more than two decades As a therapist and hundreds of lives impacted, Kimberly now helps women move through the pain of divorce, rediscover their strengths, claim that new identity, and build a life.
• 1:57
  That finally feels true.
• 2:00
  Her work is powerful, it is grounded, and it changes the trajectory of women's lives.
• 2:07
  Thank you so much for being here today with us, Kimberly.
• 2:11
  I can't wait to have this conversation.
• 2:13
  Thank you so much.
• 2:14
  I'm delighted to be here.
• 2:17
  If I would, I would love to have our audience.
• 2:20
  Understand a bit more.
• 2:22
  I mean, in the intro we talked about the trials and tribulations in terms of what hit and how it was blindsided.
• 2:29
  You tell us more about some of those pieces that really brought you to where you are today and doing the incredible work you are doing to support women going through similar journeys.
• 2:42
  Sure.
• 2:42
  Um, so I got married in 1995.
• 2:45
  Mm-hmm.
• 2:46
  And I was 25 years old and Yep.
• 2:49
  You know, I thought that.
• 2:50
  I thought my life was, was moving along.
• 2:52
  Right.
• 2:53
  I went to college, I went to grad school, I started working.
• 2:56
  I was engaged.
• 2:58
  You know, then I, you know, we bought a house.
• 3:01
  We had two kids, we had two dogs, we had two cats.
• 3:03
  We love animals.
• 3:04
  Um, and, you know, we're just kind of chugging along and then all of a sudden we weren't.
• 3:12
  And I, I, um, in retrospect, I think that there were signs that I chose to ignore because I was scared.
• 3:18
  And why, why rock the boat?
• 3:21
  Right?
• 3:21
  We're just chugging along.
• 3:23
  And, um, he said he wanted a divorce, major betrayal, and mm-hmm.
• 3:31
  The day before my 47th birthday, he moved out.
• 3:36
  Wow.
• 3:36
  And I was like, what do I do now?
• 3:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:40
  What do I do?
• 3:40
  The rug was pulled out from under my feet.
• 3:43
  Um, you know, here I am with these two kids mm-hmm.
• 3:47
  And, you know, a house and, and what I thought was a marriage like, so my whole identity, you know, was just kind of like ripped apart.
• 3:58
  What do I do?
• 3:58
  Who am I?
• 3:59
  Where do I go from here?
• 4:00
  Will I be okay?
• 4:01
  Will my kids be okay?
• 4:03
  Um.
• 4:06
  And then I realized like I needed some support, you know?
• 4:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:09
  I mentioned, you know, um, before I, I frequently mentioned, and you mentioned in the intro, I felt.
• 4:15
  This temporary insanity.
• 4:16
  Yeah.
• 4:16
  Which is really difficult for a person whose career as a therapist.
• 4:21
  Right.
• 4:21
  My, uh, my world is falling apart.
• 4:24
  Yep.
• 4:25
  Trying to help other people, you know, trying sometimes just to get my kids off to school.
• 4:31
  Um, like that, that was a big chore.
• 4:33
  Yeah.
• 4:33
  Uh, when I was like really just falling apart and, um, I realized that there was a need for specialized support for this temporary insanity.
• 4:43
  Mm.
• 4:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:45
  You know, I had a therapist, um, for mm-hmm.
• 4:47
  Other issues I had.
• 4:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:49
  Uh, you know, friends, I had family.
• 4:51
  Um, but there was something.
• 4:55
  Kind of wrong with all of those scenarios.
• 4:57
  I didn't wanna burden my friends therapist, you know, she kind of got it.
• 5:02
  But this was like right here, right now.
• 5:04
  What do I do next?
• 5:06
  Right?
• 5:06
  What do I go, what are my steps?
• 5:08
  Um, so once I kind of got through my divorce, which lasted 18 months, um, I said, I gotta do something about this.
• 5:17
  Mm.
• 5:17
  And I became a certified divorce coach.
• 5:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:20
  And now this is where I am.
• 5:22
  Who, who would've, who would've thought it?
• 5:24
  I just, uh, you know, this year it was seven years that I've been diviv divorced and yeah, it would've been my 30th wedding anniversary.
• 5:32
  And here I am happier than ever and helping people find their happily ever after part two, no matter what that looks like.
• 5:41
  So, yeah, I mean, what a, what a strange, what a strange journey our lives take us on.
• 5:47
  And you know what's so interesting to me?
• 5:50
  Is that temporary insanity.
• 5:53
  I love the fact that you're calling it temporary.
• 5:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:59
  A lot of women that I speak with and support don't see it as a temporary piece.
• 6:07
  When you were in the throes of it, did it, could you see it as temporary or did that, um.
• 6:13
  I'm gonna say label, just for lack of a better term right now.
• 6:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:17
  Did that come after when things moved differently as you worked through your Yeah.
• 6:22
  I mean, it definitely is one of those things when I look back and say, oh yeah, that was temporary in the time.
• 6:30
  At the time I just, right.
• 6:31
  Felt crazy.
• 6:32
  I just felt untethered.
• 6:35
  Right.
• 6:35
  So, I mean, I knew I couldn't feel like that forever, but I also didn't know when that crazy feeling was gonna stop.
• 6:44
  Crazy when we break it down.
• 6:45
  I mean, crazy is normal, right?
• 6:47
  Yeah.
• 6:47
  When you're going through a divorce, it's normal to feel crazy because I used the term crazy loosely, but if we break it down, what is it?
• 6:55
  It's fear, it's uncertainty, it's uh, loss of identity.
• 6:59
  Like I said before, it's betrayal.
• 7:01
  Like that really deep betrayal that, that this is, this isn't who.
• 7:09
  I thought I was with you.
• 7:10
  Yeah.
• 7:10
  This isn't who I thought we were together.
• 7:12
  You're not who I thought you were.
• 7:13
  So what the heck's going on?
• 7:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:15
  Um, so, you know, there's a lot of emotions that bundled together.
• 7:20
  Of course you feel crazy.
• 7:23
  Yeah.
• 7:24
  But with time.
• 7:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:27
  And with, with support, I was gonna say time is one big piece of it, but I.
• 7:34
  I would hazard a guess that the support is a huge piece and I like how you shared, I didn't wanna burden the family.
• 7:43
  I know a lot of people feel like that.
• 7:45
  Like yes, I will talk to them and lean on them, but I don't want to make that relationship a burden and make it all about my me and my issues and my worries and fears and.
• 7:59
  So having that support from somebody like yourself who's not only experienced it, but has the training and knowledge and skills behind it.
• 8:11
  Before you became a certified divorce coach specialist, you were a counselor and therapist, right?
• 8:19
  Yeah.
• 8:19
  It's, it's an incredible package of wealth and knowledge you bring to the table.
• 8:25
  So I'm, unfortunately, but I think sometimes these things do happen for a reason.
• 8:33
  I agree.
• 8:34
  And I, I often say, um, you know, to my clients and just like mm-hmm.
• 8:39
  When I'm, I'm feeling a moment of gratitude.
• 8:41
  You know, I think that divorce is the hardest thing that I've been through, but it was the best thing that ever could have happened.
• 8:48
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:49
  Because if it didn't, I don't know where I'd be.
• 8:52
  I'd be in a, I'd be in a really unhappy marriage and I would not be doing what I'm doing, and I would probably not be loving life.
• 8:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:00
  Yeah.
• 9:02
  Yeah.
• 9:03
  You mentioned that you, when you look back, it sounds like you're a big reflector.
• 9:07
  When you look back, you could see some of those signs.
• 9:12
  There's probably women in the audience who are listening, going, I know the signs.
• 9:17
  I am not happy right now.
• 9:19
  We haven't been happy for, you know, a while.
• 9:22
  Or when I think about it, it's eternity.
• 9:26
  What, what?
• 9:28
  Can you share with our audience not having any details in terms of what's going on, actually, but are there any, um, strategies, techniques, things you would recommend people who are listening right now?
• 9:41
  Going, what, what can I do?
• 9:44
  I, I don't wanna be stuck, but I don't know what to do.
• 9:47
  Yeah.
• 9:48
  Um, you know, a lot of times we paint our red flags green.
• 9:53
  Right.
• 9:53
  That's, that's something that we do, right?
• 9:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:55
  We see these red flags and, and, and we, we see them and our intuition's like, yeah, that's a red flag, but we want what we want so badly, whatever that is.
• 10:04
  Peace, stability, you know, a big wedding.
• 10:08
  Um.
• 10:09
  Not mm-hmm.
• 10:09
  Disrupting the status quo.
• 10:11
  Right.
• 10:11
  So we get out our little, you know, can of green paint and we paint our red flags.
• 10:16
  So I think the biggest thing is to really trust your intuition.
• 10:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:20
  And don't doubt yourself.
• 10:22
  And, you know, a lot of times, um, you know, you're, you're hearing these external voices.
• 10:29
  Maybe they're, you know, somebody's gaslighting or maybe culturally you can't get.
• 10:34
  Divorced or maybe the stigma of divorce.
• 10:36
  You know, like, so all of these things are bombarding.
• 10:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:40
  Us just stay, it's not that bad, blah, blah.
• 10:43
  But you know, really trusting your intuition and, and also reaching out for support.
• 10:48
  You know, there are a lot of things you could do to kind of, you know.
• 10:53
  Hey, I don't feel right, but I'm not quite sure what, what's, what's wrong, right?
• 10:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:59
  What's going on?
• 10:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:59
  Something doesn't feel right.
• 11:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:01
  And you know, having somebody as a sounding board to help you Right.
• 11:05
  Get that clarity and even if it's just validate you because it's so lonely.
• 11:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:10
  A lot of times we as women are in these really lonely situations.
• 11:14
  Um.
• 11:15
  We just need somebody to listen and to validate and say, I hear you.
• 11:19
  I support you.
• 11:20
  I'm, I'm here for you.
• 11:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:23
  Talk.
• 11:23
  So, yeah.
• 11:25
  I love that.
• 11:25
  And if you're listening right now, and you might be the listener, you might be the person who needs to be there to support and listen and give the validation.
• 11:37
  I hear what you're saying.
• 11:38
  What I'm hearing you say is, you know.
• 11:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:41
  Um, we.
• 11:43
  We don't, we, I'd say we underestimate the value of listening.
• 11:50
  This is very true.
• 11:51
  And listening to ourselves also.
• 11:53
  Mm.
• 11:55
  So how do you do that?
• 11:57
  How do you listen to yourself without pulling up, changing the color of the flag?
• 12:03
  I think, you know, it's really important to, that's easier said than done, but to try and like, like really.
• 12:13
  Push out the noise because there's a lot of noise coming to us all the time.
• 12:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:18
  And just really sit with ourselves.
• 12:21
  I, I work a lot with people, um, with their, the, the.
• 12:26
  Connection between their, their heart, their mind, and their selves.
• 12:31
  And when we really get into our heart, our mind, and ourselves, that's when you know these, these revelations come through.
• 12:39
  That's when our intuition speaks the most loudly and clearly to us.
• 12:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:45
  Perfect.
• 12:46
  And it's like, you know, a lot of times it's fear chattering.
• 12:48
  Yep.
• 12:48
  Or it's, it's, you know, uh, fear is the big one.
• 12:52
  The uncertainty, the what ifs, da da.
• 12:54
  But just mm-hmm.
• 12:56
  Okay.
• 13:00
  This is where I am right now.
• 13:02
  We don't even really have to figure out where you wanna go.
• 13:05
  We could just be like, this is where, where I am right now.
• 13:09
  Yeah.
• 13:10
  Yeah.
• 13:10
  Just getting clarity, like you say, right?
• 13:13
  The awareness, what's really true.
• 13:15
  Right.
• 13:16
  And you mentioned about the identity.
• 13:18
  Yeah.
• 13:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:19
  Right.
• 13:19
  The identity is huge because we do, we talk about this all the time in the show, and that's why the underpinning, the foundational piece of our show is Thrive after 45, and you do this for you by you because of you, so that we start to peel back that.
• 13:39
  Onion layer and start to really understand who we are as a person, not through the roles we play.
• 13:47
  And we, yes, we've done that, we do that, and then all of a sudden these situations, these life altering, um.
• 13:58
  Presentations that come into our lives really hit us upside the head, and if we have the opportunity to do this work as we go along, instead of waiting for the bottom to fall out.
• 14:13
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:14
  Wouldn't it be even mm-hmm.
• 14:16
  Better overall for us as well as those who are in our sphere of influence.
• 14:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:20
  Right.
• 14:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:20
  Yeah.
• 14:21
  Yeah.
• 14:22
  Absolutely.
• 14:23
  Yeah.
• 14:25
  So what do you know now about div divorce identity rebuilding that you wish someone had maybe whispered to you at the very beginning of your circumstances?
• 14:43
  Yeah, I think this is, um, one of, you know, one of the things that anyone who is contemplating in the middle of after divorce mm-hmm.
• 14:52
  It's so important to remember your marriage may have ended, but your life is not over.
• 14:58
  So, um, that's a hundred percent true.
• 15:04
  I love that your marriage might have ended, your life's not over.
• 15:07
  In some ways, every ending is a new beginning.
• 15:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:10
  So maybe, you know, like you said before, the launchpad, our marriage is over us.
• 15:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:19
  Yeah.
• 15:19
  You know, it could look like anything.
• 15:20
  It could look like, you know, going back to school mm-hmm.
• 15:24
  Specializing in divorce as a divorce coach.
• 15:27
  Um, it could mean, uh, you know, downsizing and, and moving someplace you've always wanted to.
• 15:33
  It could be something, you know, like you get a pottery class.
• 15:36
  It could be anything.
• 15:37
  Yeah.
• 15:37
  Any new the game.
• 15:39
  Yeah.
• 15:39
  Love that.
• 15:40
  Yeah.
• 15:41
  The end, the end of something is the beginning of something else.
• 15:45
  It's just waiting for you to find it.
• 15:48
  So the end is opening up more space for you to be able to explore that.
• 15:54
  Right?
• 15:55
  Yeah.
• 15:57
  Because you mentioned near the beginning, I don't know what I'd be doing now if I were still married.
• 16:03
  Yeah.
• 16:04
  Yeah.
• 16:05
  Yeah.
• 16:05
  Yeah.
• 16:07
  And, and as you process it, you probably look at it and go, I'm in a much better spot than I know I would've been back.
• 16:13
  Yeah.
• 16:14
  If this thankful every day for that Right.
• 16:17
  Single day.
• 16:18
  Yeah.
• 16:20
  It was meant to be.
• 16:22
  I think it was.
• 16:23
  And, and that's, I think, a really important thing for people to understand too, that things don't go as planned.
• 16:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 16:31
  But you'll be okay.
• 16:32
  Yeah.
• 16:32
  It might be a little bit rocky and you might not be able to see the finish line, but what if the finish line kept changing?
• 16:38
  Right?
• 16:39
  Yeah.
• 16:39
  What if, what if your paths, you know, new paths kept opening up for you?
• 16:44
  What if, you know, it's, it's not cut and dry, black and white.
• 16:48
  What if life is just so fluid, which I think it is.
• 16:51
  Yeah.
• 16:51
  Um, you know, just take taking what comes the best that you can with surrounded by people.
• 16:59
  Who you love and who love you and loving yourself also, and I don't know about you, but I know with the women that I support, that is one of the biggest hurdles that.
• 17:14
  Women experience is the love for self because the conditioning, the years of practice, that making sure everybody else is well taken care of.
• 17:25
  Yeah.
• 17:26
  And when you do that, that gives you the, you know, the love.
• 17:32
  But really that's all.
• 17:34
  Conditional.
• 17:35
  It's not self-love at all, and I know I've had clients who are like, oh, but I feel guilty.
• 17:42
  I feel again, the reason why we have the show do this for you by you because of you, and as you start to really, really love you for whom you really are and not the masks you've worn and wear.
• 17:57
  Right.
• 17:59
  Everything changes.
• 18:00
  I don't know if you notice that, but mm-hmm.
• 18:03
  I sure do.
• 18:04
  And I think I, I do too.
• 18:05
  And I think that when you love yourself, you tolerate less.
• 18:10
  So like if you, you know, when you start to realize like, you know, I, I being taken advantage of.
• 18:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:18
  I, uh, this doesn't, you know, that's not in alignment with who I am and I'm not enjoying the way I'm being treated.
• 18:26
  Um.
• 18:28
  That, you know, that in and of itself, because I think we do, we give, give, give.
• 18:34
  We love, love, love, and there's nothing left over for us.
• 18:37
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:37
  And looking to see like, well, where can I find time for myself?
• 18:42
  Maybe I need to stop doing this or doing that, or being spoken to like this.
• 18:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:48
  I think just being true to yourself is.
• 18:52
  So important, especially as we get older.
• 18:54
  Yeah.
• 18:54
  I mean all the time, but I think with age comes wisdom, so absolutely.
• 19:00
  Thrive after 45, that's why we're doing this.
• 19:02
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:03
  Because, and I've spoken to different people on the show, in my opinion.
• 19:08
  Um.
• 19:09
  As we age, there are layers of experience that build and expand and, um, absolutely combine to give us even more wisdom.
• 19:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:22
  So as age continues.
• 19:25
  For everyone, hopefully as much as we can.
• 19:29
  Then all of our experiences build upon one another to help us become more and more well-rounded.
• 19:40
  More and more, like you say, true to yourself without any other expectations.
• 19:47
  It's just because we get to.
• 19:50
  Everybody gets to, but there's so many other players and as we age and things come together in such a beautiful way, why not?
• 19:59
  Yeah.
• 19:59
  Right.
• 20:00
  Yeah.
• 20:01
  And I think that it's so interesting because most of my clients are, are like me, right?
• 20:06
  Yeah.
• 20:07
  Long term marriages, kids are a little bit older.
• 20:10
  Sure.
• 20:10
  This is our time and I often, again, reflecting back with my clients mm-hmm.
• 20:14
  And on my own life.
• 20:16
  We're not who we were when we got married at 22, 25, even 30.
• 20:20
  I mean, I'm 55, almost 56, and and I don't even really remember that that young 25-year-old who was walking down the aisle.
• 20:29
  We evolve and sometimes people don't come with us during our evolution.
• 20:34
  Yeah.
• 20:34
  Sometimes it's better that they don't.
• 20:37
  Right.
• 20:38
  Yeah, and and what a great way to put it, you know, the evolution.
• 20:43
  And growth of one person is so important, and maybe you grow together, maybe you don't.
• 20:51
  And that's okay.
• 20:53
  It's absolutely okay.
• 20:54
  Yeah.
• 20:54
  Right.
• 20:55
  Yeah.
• 20:56
  And like you say, it might blindside you.
• 21:00
  And I know that that happens a lot for couples in midlife, especially when kids move away.
• 21:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:08
  Or don't move away.
• 21:11
  Yep.
• 21:11
  Whatever the case may be.
• 21:12
  And.
• 21:13
  They're gone.
• 21:14
  And so the focus is no longer on raising, per se.
• 21:19
  It's on one another and Yeah.
• 21:22
  Who are you?
• 21:23
  Because we've been so busy running everybody around and doing that, pouring into that.
• 21:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:29
  I don't even know myself, let alone who you are, so.
• 21:32
  Yeah.
• 21:33
  Yeah.
• 21:34
  And sometimes our jobs are ending, we're retiring.
• 21:36
  Yes.
• 21:36
  Or, you know, we're downsizing.
• 21:38
  You know, there's just a lot of things going on, um, yeah.
• 21:42
  At this stage of our lives.
• 21:44
  So again, you know, different, different doors are opening, different paths are are opening for us, and what are we gonna do?
• 21:52
  Which, where are we gonna go?
• 21:53
  And, and isn't it incredible that we all.
• 21:57
  Are in this journey together.
• 21:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:58
  So even though we feel isolated, when we start talking to one another, we start to realize, oh my gosh, you mean I'm not the only one freaking out over here?
• 22:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:07
  No, sister, you are not.
• 22:09
  That is true.
• 22:10
  Absolutely.
• 22:10
  Right.
• 22:11
  True.
• 22:11
  Yeah.
• 22:12
  Where there's a whole tribe of us.
• 22:15
  Absolutely.
• 22:15
  And so that's what I love about this show is that we show, we're showing people you're not alone.
• 22:22
  Yeah.
• 22:23
  You don't need to travel this road alone and your road will be different than this person's road, than this person's road.
• 22:30
  There's a commonality, but we're here to support and make sure that you know that this journey, as tough as it can be, has a silver lining.
• 22:41
  It exists.
• 22:43
  Yeah.
• 22:44
  Yeah.
• 22:44
  A thousand percent.
• 22:45
  And when you start to take the reins, everything gets to change.
• 22:49
  Yeah.
• 22:50
  And it's, it's really like my, my passion to help women see that.
• 22:56
  Yeah.
• 22:56
  Like there's nothing more satisfying to me than that aha moment when, when a woman says, you know what?
• 23:04
  I did it, I'm doing it.
• 23:06
  I'm gonna keep doing it, and I'm, I am gonna be okay and I'm gonna be better than, okay.
• 23:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:12
  Right.
• 23:12
  Because we wanna raise that bar.
• 23:13
  We want to dream big, we want to see well, what's possible.
• 23:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:17
  And then even maybe push it.
• 23:19
  Yep.
• 23:20
  Yeah.
• 23:21
  Exactly.
• 23:22
  Exactly.
• 23:24
  Is there one or the most important thing for people to know as.
• 23:34
  They're navigating divorce itself.
• 23:36
  Is there something that's most important in your opinion, what people really do need to know as they navigate divorce?
• 23:46
  And it's, this is just a perfect segue because you really don't have to go through it alone.
• 23:51
  You know, back to what we were just talking about.
• 23:53
  You don't have to go through it alone.
• 23:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:56
  There are people.
• 23:58
  To help you.
• 23:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:59
  I mean, there are people to help you with finances.
• 24:02
  There are people to help you with, with issues.
• 24:07
  There are all kinds of support people, um, friends and family.
• 24:12
  Um, you gotta be careful though, because you gotta make sure that they're right.
• 24:15
  Mental.
• 24:16
  'cause that was another thing, you know?
• 24:18
  Um, people take sides and people were taking my side.
• 24:21
  Of course, my friends were taking my side and kind of fueling the fire.
• 24:24
  So.
• 24:25
  You know Right.
• 24:25
  Finding somebody objective and nonjudgmental.
• 24:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:29
  Um, you know, like a therapist or a coach.
• 24:32
  'cause you really don't have to go through it alone and don't even try because it's, it's lonely and isolating enough.
• 24:40
  So surround yourself with your cheerleaders and your people that, that build you up and support you and maybe call you out if you are.
• 24:48
  Um, mm-hmm.
• 24:50
  Yep.
• 24:50
  You know, like, you know, it stuck a little bit, um mm-hmm.
• 24:53
  Right.
• 24:54
  You know, in victim mentality or something.
• 24:56
  Um, you know, just really finding people that have your back and that are your cheerleaders, um mm-hmm.
• 25:03
  Because you really don't have to go through it alone.
• 25:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:08
  Is there anything, and there's lots of things we haven't touched on, is there anything that you would love to share with our audience before we wrap it up today?
• 25:18
  Kimberly?
• 25:20
  Yeah, just, you know, it's really important, again, to reach out and to, to have that mindset, that intention, that things might be hard, but they're gonna get better.
• 25:33
  And they might be really hard for a while and they might really suck for a while, but that's part of the process and trust in the process.
• 25:40
  And, uh, you know, again, reaching out for support.
• 25:43
  I do run.
• 25:44
  Support groups.
• 25:45
  I work with people individually, um mm-hmm.
• 25:50
  And, you know, I would love to talk to anybody.
• 25:52
  I offer complimentary consultations, um, you know, just to, just to kind of sometimes get out of your own head and mm-hmm.
• 26:02
  And let it, let it breathe.
• 26:05
  Yes.
• 26:06
  And then, then you kind of, you know, you're able to refocus a little bit more.
• 26:10
  So finding out.
• 26:11
  Who can help me?
• 26:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:13
  What do I need to do?
• 26:14
  Right.
• 26:14
  Where do I go next?
• 26:16
  You know, they're, they're real legit questions.
• 26:18
  Um, yeah.
• 26:19
  And they can be really overwhelming.
• 26:20
  So having people kind of help you along that path, guide you along that path is so important.
• 26:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:28
  I know we have a global audience.
• 26:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:32
  So just curious, the supports that you give and if you get into, um, you know.
• 26:39
  The, the different layers and levels that are involved in a divorce beyond just the emotional piece.
• 26:47
  Um, do you provide.
• 26:50
  Information that will be able to be accessed globally as well, or is it more central to a specific area?
• 26:59
  Um, well I'm in New Jersey.
• 27:00
  I'm at the Jersey Shore.
• 27:01
  Uh, that's where I'm located.
• 27:03
  But I do work, um, virtually and I do work globally.
• 27:06
  Okay.
• 27:07
  So, and I have a nice network of people that are in the divorce field.
• 27:12
  Um, nice people that you don't even know exist.
• 27:14
  I didn't even know these careers and professions Right.
• 27:17
  Existed until I got divorced.
• 27:19
  But now since I'm part of it, I'm part of a lot of networking groups and associations.
• 27:24
  So if you are getting divorced and you do need to find out what to do, should I sell the house?
• 27:29
  Should I keep the house?
• 27:30
  Well, right.
• 27:31
  There is a specialist in divorce mortgage planning.
• 27:35
  Who would've known.
• 27:36
  Who knew, right?
• 27:37
  Yes.
• 27:37
  Who knew, right.
• 27:38
  So I am, I might not be able to tell you exactly who it is in England, but I can say, Hey, check it out.
• 27:47
  Or I could ask my network, who knows anybody in England that might help.
• 27:52
  Um, so I am, I am, I am well versed in helping find, helping find help.
• 28:00
  Yeah.
• 28:00
  Perfect.
• 28:01
  Think that's really it.
• 28:01
  Yeah.
• 28:02
  Yeah.
• 28:02
  Yeah.
• 28:03
  I love that.
• 28:04
  So you, you were, I'm trying to think like, you were like an epicenter epicenter of the, of the connections and um, not only have you experienced and with your knowledge as we spoke later, but your networks that you have based on all of your expertise.
• 28:25
  You have an opportunity to support globally.
• 28:27
  So yeah, if you are listening, because I look at my, my, um, my listener base, and we are global.
• 28:34
  I'm just honored and thrilled.
• 28:36
  Yeah.
• 28:37
  As such.
• 28:37
  And so it's great to know that you can.
• 28:41
  Find Kimberly in our show notes.
• 28:43
  'cause all of that will be in our show notes.
• 28:45
  Thank you.
• 28:46
  And you can reach out to her and she did mention that she has that free consultation.
• 28:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:52
  And see if you're a match and start the process.
• 28:57
  Yeah.
• 28:58
  Don't do this alone.
• 28:59
  You don't have to do it solo.
• 29:01
  Yeah.
• 29:02
  And I do love what you've shared throughout the show today as well, that yes, there are people close to you, friends and whatnot, but there are pieces that not everybody understands the way that you do.
• 29:16
  Yes.
• 29:16
  And your network does because this is your.
• 29:19
  Forte, this is your skillset.
• 29:22
  So not saying don't talk to friends and relatives that support you.
• 29:26
  That's not what we're saying.
• 29:27
  But we're saying when it comes to all the ins and outs, not everybody understands it the way that Kimberly does.
• 29:35
  So reach out.
• 29:37
  She is there.
• 29:39
  Yes.
• 29:39
  And that's why support groups are so nice too, because yes, I facilitate them in a way that is for support.
• 29:47
  And recovery, right?
• 29:48
  So it's not a gripe session.
• 29:51
  There is, thank you.
• 29:52
  Structure and support.
• 29:53
  So we learn, you know, uh, we work on communication and then maybe.
• 29:59
  You know, we share different, different areas that we're having struggles communicating.
• 30:04
  We talk about dreams, we talk about identities, and you know, there is, we go through clarity with emotions.
• 30:11
  We go through confidence to make decisions.
• 30:14
  Courage to move forward.
• 30:15
  That's the structure.
• 30:17
  And you're with people Yeah.
• 30:19
  Who really get it.
• 30:20
  Yeah.
• 30:20
  So you're not talking to your lawyer at, I don't know, in New Jersey it's like$500 an hour.
• 30:26
  You are not, you know, burdening your friends Yeah.
• 30:29
  Down, or you're not, you know, talking to friends that say, oh, you know, get that SOB forever take a worth.
• 30:37
  You know, you're, you're with people that really understand in a supportive.
• 30:42
  Community.
• 30:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:43
  So, mm-hmm.
• 30:44
  Um, I love running groups too, so just for that reason.
• 30:49
  Absolutely.
• 30:50
  Absolutely.
• 30:51
  Absolutely.
• 30:51
  And I think it's really important what you've shared too, in terms of.
• 30:58
  It shows that you're not alone, but it also isn't a just a gripe session that just goes around in a circle and you get nowhere.
• 31:04
  Right.
• 31:04
  You're building strategies and skills so that you can have a voice as your voice continues to grow.
• 31:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:12
  As your vision, your, you talk about intention setting, all those are things that.
• 31:19
  We love family.
• 31:20
  I love my family, but they wouldn't guide me to set intentions.
• 31:25
  Right?
• 31:25
  Like I just know that that would not be something that would come up in a conversation like right, it's just right and, and that's absolutely fine and fair.
• 31:35
  However, what you do is so important and the world is so stressful.
• 31:42
  So having that support and the group is just.
• 31:47
  Beautiful because you get to hear other voices you get to see.
• 31:51
  Yeah.
• 31:51
  And I know it's a non-judgmental group.
• 31:54
  Yeah, I know.
• 31:55
  You won't let that happen because you are who you are.
• 31:58
  We talked before we started about authenticity.
• 32:01
  Yeah.
• 32:01
  Right.
• 32:02
  It's like this is what we do people.
• 32:04
  Yeah.
• 32:04
  So if something happens, we're just being real.
• 32:06
  Right?
• 32:07
  That's right.
• 32:08
  And you said you get to hear other voices.
• 32:12
  You get to find your own.
• 32:14
  And that's, you know, finding your own voice again.
• 32:17
  I mean, what a gift, what a, what a amazing gift.
• 32:21
  Yeah.
• 32:22
  Yeah.
• 32:23
  And on that note, I'd like to put a little question to the audience.
• 32:29
  Um, what resonates in your body when you hear that it's time to find your voice?
• 32:35
  Like that sent shivers up my spine.
• 32:38
  I'm like, oh yeah.
• 32:40
  How powerful is that?
• 32:43
  Yeah.
• 32:43
  I love it.
• 32:45
  Kimberly, what a pleasure to spend time with you today and learn more about, uh, your journey and what you have to offer to the world.
• 32:55
  So thank you for continuing to be you using your voice and using your skills and supporting so many people through the challenges and the beauty that that's true, that sits inside divorce.
• 33:11
  And thank you so much for having me.
• 33:13
  Thank you so much.
• 33:14
  This was lovely.
• 33:16
  My pleasure.
• 33:17
  If something resonated with in you from our conversation today, make sure you follow, share, subscribe, um, give us reviews.
• 33:28
  We'd love to know how our conversations land for you, our audience.
• 33:34
  Make sure you take care of yourselves and go and do something and to thrive after 45 and do it for you by you because of you.
• 33:43
  Have a great day everyone, and I forgot to mention in the show notes we have all the information as always, on how to contact and find Kimberly.
• 33:53
  Take care, everyone.