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#043_ The Alter Ego Effect · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I've connected with another friend of mine to help him
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: with like meditation stuff in New York City. Emily Fletcher.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Have you ever heard of Emily?
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: She sounds familiar. I don't know her.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: She's a book coming out right away to stress Less,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Accomplished More. She's fantastic former like Broadway actress and singer whatever,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: just an amazing spirit person. She's just amazing. Yeah, cool,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I think I have heard of her. I've heard of that, Yeah,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I think yeah. I mean it's coming out and it
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: comes out like two weeks after mine. Anyways, did you
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: ever do something with them? Because they've a I mean
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: that's a massive network we work is.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm hooked up with some folks out here in
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: that space, so you know, it's just something to explore.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: But in any event, dude, this is about you. Nice
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: to have you here today. Thank you for I got
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: a text from Jonathan Fields several weeks ago and he's like,
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: I got a guy who I think you're gonna dig
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: My good buddy Todd.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: He's on your page.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: He's all about peak performance and working with athletes and
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: executives to you unlock the best version of themselves. Yeah,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: you guys should definitely hook up. And I was like, yeah,
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: it sounds sounds like my kind of guy. I was
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: in New York last week and we connected and here
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: we are.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is how fast it works.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Not usually this fast.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Like normally it's like months and months, if not years,
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: to like pin down a guest for the pod.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: But this was fast tracked.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why you have good friends like Jonathan to
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: just squeeze the grape faster.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Well, anybody that Jonathan would refer to me, I would
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: welcome open arms because I love that man. I love
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: everything that he's about. And if he's saying that we
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: should connect, man, I trust that wholeheartedly.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Thankful for that.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so good to have you here today. Very exciting
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: times for you. You got this book coming out very soon,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: definitely Alter Ego Effect, which is great. I just got
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: my copy the other day, so I will admit that
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: I'm not done reading it yet, but I'm about twenty
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: five percent into it at this point, and I'm really
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: digging it.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: It's a cool idea, So let's work our way up
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: to the idea is in the book.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Though.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: You're somebody who has created a career and you've been
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: doing this for a long time, ninety seven, since nineties.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: And you're a young dude.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'm forty three. I started super young working
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: with right, you know, young athletes, but yeah.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Working with athletes, Olympic athletes, professional athletes, and now business
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: executives and all men of people to help them become
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: unblocked and unleash their their peak performances.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Right just whatever.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Whatever genius that they have. Yeah, you know, remove the
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: remove the emergency break on their performance. Like I say,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: if we can release it just ten percent, then we can.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: That means we can release it ten percent more and
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: keep on going.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: What are the biggest blocks that you come across in
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: working with these athletes? Like, what are the common things
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: that most people struggle with in terms of, you know,
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: kind of taking their talent and their expertise to the
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: next level.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Ah, there are a lot, there are one one large
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: one that doesn't get talked about enough is definitely trauma,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: something from their past that has turned into a little
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: bit of a demon that can stop them from seeing
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: what their possibility is for themselves. Definitely. I mean of
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: the one hundred and hundreds of like more elite athletes
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: that I've worked with eighty two percent of them I've
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: referred off to get help with a therapist or someone
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: else on just helping them unblock some of that past
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: trauma stuff.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Eighty two percent is very specific.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean, well, I'm a data guy. I
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: really track stuff a lot, and so you know, is
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: eighty two percent the exact number, No, but that that's
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: about the right number. It's definitely if I had if
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I had ten of them in front of me, I
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: know for a fact eight of them have gone or
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I've referred eight to them off because again, like I'm
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: helping with people with mental game strategies and p performance strategies,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: which is all about helping them to move forward and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: compete even five percent better tomorrow than they did today
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: or one percent, Like we're just looking for marginal improvement
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: because I when you stack them all up, it creates
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: a big difference, of course, And unlike some people who
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: want to take what they have as a skill set
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: and think they can solve everyone's problems with it, I don't.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I stayed very much in my lane, and the moment
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I've poked and found I'm crawling around between the six
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: inches of their ears, trying to find hey, what's that
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: thing that's that pebble in their shoe that's kind of
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: stopping them, or you know, trying to give them new strategies.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: And when you're building up such high levels of trust
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: with people, you end up just having really raw and
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: honest conversations with people. And the moment I found that,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, whoa, I am not a skilled therapist.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: That's not my game, and so I'm going to definitely
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: refer you off. However, that doesn't mean that that person
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: needs to go to the sidelines and quit on whatever
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: it is they're doing.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: Right, How often is that trauma something that the athlete
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: is consciously.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Aware of very very little. Yeah, Yeah, it's not something
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: and I can speak to it very honestly because it
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: was the thing that I dealt with. I had a
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: very rough experience when I was a young Yeah, well
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: let's talk.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: I mean you you kind of made passing reference to
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: that when we met New York. Yeah, and I went
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: back and looked at your Facebook post where you, you know,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: wrote eloquently about this experience that you had.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so walk walk me through that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, as a little bit of background. I grew
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: up on a big farm and ranch outside of Medicine Hat, Alberta,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: which is self of Calgary, which you know, for people
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: who aren't from with Canada at all, it's on in
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: the in the Prairie provinces and kind of middle of
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: nowhere is where I grew up.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: But medicine Hat.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Medicine Hat, yeah, got its name because back when you
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: know the you know English and uh, we're sort of
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: colonizing everything, they found a Native American tribe and when
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: they fled, they swam across the river and the medicine
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: man lost his hat, and so that that settled that settlement.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: That makes me like lose in humanity, Like really.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: It's that it's that simple. Yeah, it's that simple. Yeah,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Canada fantastic for great names for first cities in towns.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so I mean I grew up in you know,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: farm family, and I would always long to be around
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: people all the time because here because it's very much isolated.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: So I would constantly ask when summertime hit that I
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: wanted to go to whatever church camp was available. So
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: if there was a Catholic camp this weekend, I'd be
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: a Catholic and if there was a Presbyterian one next week,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: and I didn't matter to me.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to go and be around people.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And when I was twelve, I went off to a
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: church camp and unfortunately had an experience where two men,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: over the course of a couple of days sexually assaulted me.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And after that, when I was coming home, you know,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: it just robs you. I don't have to go in
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: too the details.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: About it, but multiple occasions of abuse then yeah, wow.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: And kind of the worst part about it is just
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: the uh, the systematic nature with which they developed that
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: trust with you and then break you down kind of.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: And that's been something that I held on to for
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: a really, really really long time by myself. But I
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: came home and I was very honestly at the Facebook
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: coach you're kind of referring to was kind of which
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: is very new. I just said it to the world
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: for the first time. In fact, right before I posted that,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I read it to my parents and my siblings for
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: the first time.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: So it was that the first instance of you addressing
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: this even with people that you care about.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: In your life.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't the first instance. The first instance was
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: about sixteen months before where I basically just kind of
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: hit a breaking point where I was going through a
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: major business lawsuit. You know, this book. Anyone who has
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: written a book knows the challenges of getting your thoughts
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: down on paper, especially when your first time author like myself,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: and that stress had just brought me to kind of
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: a breaking point. I'm a newish dad. I mean, I've
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: got three little kids, and my wife had gone through
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: a pretty bad last ignancy with with our youngest boy,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: and yeah, so it just all of a sudden, it
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: all came to a head.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: And prior to that, it was decades of part three
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: decades and trying to just say this was in the past.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I'm moving forward and.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Partect ignoring it, ignoring it and suppressing it, and you
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: even forget a lot of the details about it. And
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: then when you start getting help with it, there's all
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: these things that you know, get revealed that have shaped
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: your behavior that you would have never guessed.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: For example, I've been I've been known, and it's been
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: on my social media stuff for a long time, kind
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: of as a bit of a needle to myself. But
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: that I'm a massive root beer officionado. Love root beer
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: and Uh, it wasn't until going through you know, and
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: getting help on this. About five months ago. Even I
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: was talking to the psychiatrist that I was working with
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: and working with, and it all of a sudden it
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: came to it that the very last drink that I
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: had before the incident happened was it was a root beer.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: And so for my entire life, I've basically been trying
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: to go back to that little kid and prior to
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: prior to the incident, and that's my kind of my
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: last known memory of just being, you know, an innocent
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: kid kind of thing.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: So it was a sort of progressive inability to manage
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: your life that culminated in a crisis flashpoint in which
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: you realized you had to confront this and deal with it.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean the big one of the big
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: tipping points was I was picking up my you know,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I live in New York City now, and I was
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: picking up my two little daughters from preschool. And as
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I put I put Sophie into the carriage, and then
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I picked up Molly, my oldest one, who's you know,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: four at the time, to put her in, and as
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I did, she put her hand up to my cheek.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: And she said, Daddy, are you happy? And I said, yeah,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I'm happy. And she said, oh, because you've been yelling
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: at us a lot lately and it's making us sad.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: And I just lost it right there, broke down because now,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I had been confronted with this
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: internal reality which was manifesting now to just me hurting
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: my kids in small ways.
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: But did you have an awareness that that was being
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: fueled or driven by this childhood trauma?
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: No, No, it wasn't that. I mean, there was just
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: this all of it. There's only so long that you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: can hold on to that emotion before it just bubbles
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: up into just sort of poorer behavior, you know, whether
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: it's anger or rage, and just the culmination of so
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: many different events coming together at the exact same time
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: just you know, was turning me into a massively stressed
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: out person. And this is coming from someone who has
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: practiced meditation since you know, before it was very cool.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: It was before yoga was cool, and I have a
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: lot of the tools and the toolkit to do it.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: But then after a certain point in time, you know,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: some people maybe they can keep a bottled up, but
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: when you're constantly striving and still achieving, it's really hard
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: to keep on running with the line in the in
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: the red area.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Of your RPNS well compounds of the shame. So you're
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: starting from a baseline point of harboring a tremendous amount
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: of shame because on some level, I would imagine you
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: feel responsible for this trauma happening to begin with, Yeah,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: and so shamed by it that you can't talk about
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: it or share it with anybody, which keeps you stuck
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: in it. And then you become this high performance coach
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: and this parent who this meditator, this person who has
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: all these tools in these practices, and you're still handicapped
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: by this, which makes you feel even more disempowered. Yeah,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: which just completely you know, accelerates the vicious cycle.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I mean you brought up two big things
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: to two major emotions that shape people's performance and how
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: they operate in life are shame and guilt. It's just
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: they're just insidious how much they prevent people from you know,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I talk about the idea of the heroic self, that's
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: that's really sitting inside of all of us, that is
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: waiting to get unlocked. And you know, even for me,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: because you know, I have worked with some extremely successful
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: people over the course of my career, but I've always
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: stayed in the periphery. I've never, you know, tried to
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: pursue like a personal brand name for Todd Herman. And
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: then once I started getting into this really kind of
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: clearing this out of my system, it was just so
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: evident and became evident that it was because I didn't
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: want someone to fundamentally find out that this happened to
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: me at some point in time, which kind of got
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: to the purpose of the post. I actually was sitting
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: down it was New Year's Eve night, December thirty first,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: and was about to kind of map out my year,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: just some ideas or thoughts about how I wanted the
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: year to go, which I'd already done, but I was
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: just kind of fine tuning it, and all of a sudden,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: this is the stuff that came out because I just
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: fundamentally felt like I really wanted twenty nineteen to be
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: something very different from myself, and I wanted to let
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: that go for the final time and not carry it
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: with me because it's not my fault. I didn't do
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: it to myself, and yeah, and I mean it's it's
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: definitely My point wasn't to help other people with it.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: It was to really help myself with it. But I've
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: actually talked to seven different people who've reached out to
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: me privately since then about how close they were to
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: suicide as well, and had conversations.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people who read
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: that who have had similar experiences. And you can't move
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: forward until you clean house, and you will hold on
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: to that shame for as long as possible until it
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: becomes no longer tenable. And you know, we don't need
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: to get into the graphic details of this story. If
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: people want to read it, you you can go to
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: your Facebook page and read it. But there's an aspect
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: of the story that's so horrific that involves.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: This event being.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: Publicly, you know, shared in a way that I can't
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: imagine the fear and the shame aim that would surround
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: that aspect of it. So it's just it's so horrible,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: and it takes tremendous courage to own that, even though
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: intellectually we all understand and nobody would dispute the fact that,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: of course you're not to blame here, there's nothing to
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: do with you, to hold that private for so long,
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: to harbor that amount of repressed emotion. It's amazing that
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: your life didn't frey at the edges sooner or more
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: substantially than I did.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean it definitely. I think it was constantly
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: being frayed at the edges, I guess, But yeah, I
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: don't know. There's some part of that kind of human
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: will to survive and not make it. I always had
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: this feeling inside that there was something bigger waiting for
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: me if I could actually face this kind of this demon,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: and you know, it's still unfolding for me, I guess,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I talk about in that post
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: that there was many times where I attempted suicide with it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: And you know, there's nothing that's that I that you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: would think would maybe jar you to get some help
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: more than when you're sitting on a hospital bed after
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: taking three bottles of pills and sucking back charcoal, which
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: is what's used to you know, try to take away
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: the effects of those drugs, and it's it's hard stuff
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to choke down, that you would maybe reach out for help,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: but that even then still still wouldn't do it, because
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: that you would kind of just that idea of the
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: fact that you know, I was constantly getting trolled and
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: still do get trolled today with people reaching out with
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: gifts because that incident was videotaped and it's a very
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: popular video in the pedophile community apparently, And yeah, people
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: troll me to try to like extort money from me
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: and just you know, be not that kind. And yeah,
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: so it's horrific.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Yeah,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: but you seem good.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, and like that there's more to it than Hey,
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: I'm going to write a Facebook post like, yeah, this
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: is a public acknowledgment of it in a way of
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: saying that, you know, the way I refer to it
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: is shame can't survive the light. And you refer to
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: the Martin Luther King quote you know something about uh,
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: you know, you can't you can't resolve darkness with darkness. Yeah,
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: that's a starting point. I'm sure there's a lot that
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: then went into you processing this so that you can
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: own it and talk about it and share it and
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: move forward.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean it's definitely it's definitely felt felt
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: good to get it out right, Like it's not it's
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: because that whole fear of people finding out in it,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Like I'd much rather just say it my way and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: own the story. And yeah, it's not something that because
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: that just that constant fear of it going to be
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: the thing that defines me for the rest of my
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: life even if someone did find out, and then saying,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you know what, if someone wants to find me with
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: that story, then you know, go ahead. I can't control
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: everybody and how they perceive me, so because I know
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I'm a lot more than that.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what about the two guys.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: They're both they're both gone. Yeah they're both dead. Yeah. So,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: but just to kind of wrap this background to kind
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: of where we started with this is so many people
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: hold on, like so many athletes and or people that
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: are just high performers have held on to an idea
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: of something that happened that's hard for them as the
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: thing that's helped to drive them right that they they
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: think that if they let that thing go, that they're
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: going to lose their edge. And it's and and it
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: just it does. It keeps them operating at an emotional
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: rpm that's just way higher than they need to. And
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I think the one thing that did allow me to
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: be very good at what I did early on was
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: because of my the incident that happened to me. I'm
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: just extraordinarily highly empathetic and probably at a wavelength where
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I can kind of connect with people that maybe maybe
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: in some way I attracted a lot of the more
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: you know, challenging hurt people. And then maybe that's why
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: my eighty percent is higher than I don't know what
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: other people's ratios are, but I mean, we all know
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: that every human being has experienced trauma. You know, trauma
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: is experienced by every human being, whether they're in a
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: car accident, that can still a good experience as trauma.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: You know, that's just now it's the degree of it
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and the narrative that gets handed to it. But you know,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: it's the one thing that definitely allowed me to connect
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: with people and probably build trust at a high level.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Very quickly with them. Yeah, and beyond that, it's fascinating that.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: You pursued this career trajectory that was almost a quest
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: to answer and resolve these questions for yourself as much
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: as developing you know, an awareness and a.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Toolbox to help others well. And I think we all
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: do this as human beings on some level. Yeah.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: When I shared this with a friend of mine, he said, wow,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: now you make so much sense to me, you know,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: because you would tell the origin story of why you
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: got into like mental toughness training, and it was always
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: like a veneer kind of thing, Like your origin story
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: didn't sound as great as other people's origin stories. And
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: that's because if I actually told some of my origin story,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I was going to be revealing too much for myself anyway.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: But he's like, now it makes so much sense to me.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: You got into it just out of survival.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: It's a survival story.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Percent On that tip about high performing athletes over reving
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: their RPMs and developing an attachment to the idea that
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: that's necessary for them to maintain a certain level of performance,
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: that is something that I not only agree with wholeheartedly,
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: it's something that I suffer from and have always suffered from.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: And I have made this commitment in twenty nineteen to
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: shift that paradigm, which I have to tell you has
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: been quite uncomfortable and the results have yet to be
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: told on this. So trust me, I'm going to harness
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: you to make this all about me and my problem
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: with your I have the opportunity.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: To be coached by you today.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm not going to take advantage of that.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Right Well, we don't have to do that right now,
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: but but I think, you know, it's an interesting way
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: into kind of what you do and how you do it,
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: to evaluate, Hey, here's what's working, here's what's not working.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: And I'm somebody who you know, I know what it's
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: like to perform at a high level. I also have
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: a fair amount of self awareness about what my achilles
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: heels are.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: But I also have this.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Incredible inability to do anything about it because of these
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: attachments that I have superstitions or OCD behaviors around what
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: it would mean to let go of a certain behavior
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: pattern and try something different.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean I whether I've said it on
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: stages or I've said it it just with people privately.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You know, when you take a look at a company,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: there's a CEO, there's a CMO, there's a chief operating officer,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: and all those three people will sit inside the company
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: and they can operate at a high level inside the company.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: But there is a role nowadays that's coming to kind
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: of fruition, which is a chief performance officer, and I've
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: always thought of myself that way. And the thing about
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: a chief performance officer is it is impossible for a
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: performance anyone who's trying to help someone perform to be
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: inside the bottle with you. You know, it's the classic
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: You can't read the label when you're inside the bottle,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: and a performance officer or someone who's helping a performance
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: has to buy nature be sitting outside of you to
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: be able to get context, not be so emotionally engaged
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: with That's why we all need coaches so much, because
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: that coach can, you know, reflect back to you more
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: easily than you can because you're so wrapped up in
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: the narrative of who you are and this is how
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I am and all that kind of This is the
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: way I've always done it. And you know, unless you
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: become that person who can be coachable, which is a
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: very difficult thing for people to allow. It's it's actually
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: quite amazing how many people are not willing to be coachable.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I was one of those people who was not a
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: coachable person until I had an amazing coach break that
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: paradigm for me. And then all of a sudden, I
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: was like, oh wait, Yeah, life becomes so much easier
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: when you can lean on other smarter relationships than your own.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: So well, it requires a little bit of self esteem
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: and trust, right absolutely, and I think receptivity to the
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: idea that whatever story you're telling yourself about yourself is
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: probably flawed.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, right, yeah.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: So the story that I tell, well, first of all,
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: the idea of a chief performance officer I think is great.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: It reminds me of the Maggie Stiff character and Billions,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: who do you watch that show? Like she's she's basically
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: that's what she's a She's a shrink, but she's there
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: to get the best out of all of these employees, right,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: And they go in and they they drop their secrets
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: on her and their fears and all of that, and
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: she helps them figure all that stuff out. I think
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: every company should have somebody like that, yeah right, yeah,
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: And so you kind of do this individually for people individually.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I mean I've done it with companies as well of
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: course too. But yeah, what, well, I just it's just
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: been such I mean, it's such an interesting conversation for
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: me anyways, like that I'm hearing about, because it's just
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I would never would have thought I get to the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: point where I'm on a podcast talking about my history
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: like this and not be breaking down into a puddle
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: on the floor.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Well, you're more than welcome to cry other people have.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see how its We'll see I.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Can get you there. If we want to make that
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: a priority, I can work my way.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Towards that's let's see how it happens organically. Right.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: So the story that I've always told myself is I'm
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: not the smartest, I'm not the most talented athlete. But
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: if I have a talent or a superpower, it is
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: an ability to outwork the guy next to me, a
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: higher capacity to suffer and to outlast, and I will
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: leverage that to bridge the talent deficit gap and get
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: on top. And what that requires is a certain level
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: of commitment that is probably deeper than the other person.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: Control issues perfectionism, and that leads into some OCD around habits.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: You know, when you're trying to make everything perfect. Everything
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: has to be just so I've got to control it.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: And the minute that I relinquish any control or I say, look,
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: it doesn't have to be perfect because I've taken care
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: of this is the beginning of the end and in
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: the context of kind of what I do now. I've
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: grown this enterprise to a certain point doing things a
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: certain way, and it's been successful. But to get to
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: the next level, I have to I can't do.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Things the way that I always have.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I have to build teams, I have to empower people
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: around me. I have to let go of certain things,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: and I can't pay attention to the details as deeply
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: as I'm used to because I have other things that
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: are vying for my attention that are equally as important.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: And this is terrifying for me.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so what is But what's the consternation around that? Like,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: what's the really challenging part of that for you?
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: The challenging part is if I let people in and
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: I release my stronghold on the reins, that it's all
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: going to fall apart.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: This Uh. One of my favorite sports I ever worked
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: with and still work with is equestrian because it's one
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: of the few sports where you have a partner that
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: is a mirror reflection of what's going on inside of you.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: And you know, when you think when you're out there running,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: you know someone can look at your face or your
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: body language and they could say, all he's focused or
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: these like whatever. But when you're on a horse a horse,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: that's why horses are used in therapy for you know,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: you know, people who've got autism or anyone of a
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: manner of many PTSD. When you're on a horse and
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: if you're feeling anxious and if you're feeling stressed inside,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: your horse is going.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: To get jittery, yeah, and will reflect that.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: It will reflect it immediately and even too down to
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: you know, if you if you are even holding the
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: reins of a horse lightly but you're still feeling stressed,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: those reins will pass that emotion through to the horse.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: And so that's why they were always I could get
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: in a question writer to like shift their stress levels
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: into a calm state. Then you know, I can kind
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: of do any I can work with anybody. There's such
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: a great challenging group to work with. And so it's
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: that you know you're talking about like releasing that the
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: more stress that you're holding on to to kind of
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: grip the neck of your company or your business or
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: your enterprise whatever. It's all it's doing is creating a
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: stressful environment, not only for you to be operating in
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: but for everyone else to be operating in and then
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: there is no opportunity for your business to be supple.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Supple is just a word I love to go to
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: because it's just well, I'm just I'm a fan of
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: the word.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Well, here's the other part of the story, kind of
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: the backdrop here, and hopefully it answers this question about.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: The stress level, and that is that.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: I tell myself that if I'm not because I have
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: this capacity to suffer, that if I haven't really mined
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: that with respect to a project, whether it's athletic or professional,
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: that I haven't really given my all, that I have
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: not shown up for it to the extent that I'm capable.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: So I have to create an environment in which it's
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: I create pain for myself. Yeah, because if I don't
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: experience that on a visceral level when I'm trying to
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: birth something into the world, then I haven't really I
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: haven't you know, I haven't really shown up for it
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: in the way that I could, and the end result
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: will not be as good as I know that it
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: can be. So that of course creates that stress. But
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: on some level, I'm addicted to that stress because I
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: feel like I need to feel that in order to
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: validate the effort.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so but when you're going through that is
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: is there a part of you that enjoys that process
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: at all?
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: In a perverse way, yeah, in a perverse way. It
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: feels very uncomfortable to adopt a different mindset or perspective
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: on this, which is to say, what if it was easy? Right, Like,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: this is kind of a thing that people are saying,
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: what if it was easy? What if you could navigate
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: this with grace and ease and a lack of stress
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: and presence of mind.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: What would that feel like?
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: And one might say, well, that would feel great, But
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: for me, that's terrifying because that means that I am
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: poking a hole in that story that I need to
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: suffer to create something of value.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: When you think about your values, what are some of
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: the things that you value.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: The most in my personal life? You mean?
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in like you know, whether it's the world or
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: especially like how you see yourself, Like what does ritual value?
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I value my relationships. I value integrity. I value striving
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: to align the public version of myself with the private version,
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: like being an integrated person.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: And I value.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: A life of service giving back super important to me,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: and I'm sure that we can go on and family,
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: and like you know, there's plenty of other things.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, I could go down.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: The line, and I mean in the short time that
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I've got to know you, I would say all those
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: things definitely come to the surface as well. The reason
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: I asked that, though, is there is I talk about
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: it in the book in chapter three when I'm talking
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: with this kind of idea of the field of play
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: and the identity that how it gets created, that there
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: is a we have our core self, which is just
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: this place of like pure possibility. And you know, one
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: of the big ideas behind the alter ego effect is
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: that one of the great things that makes human beings
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: truly unique on this planet. It's not that we can love,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: because other animals display that. Now I'm not discounting the
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: power of it. I'm just saying it's not the thing
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: that makes us really unique. What makes human beings truly
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: unique is our ability to tap into a creative imagination,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: to create a heaven from hell or a hell from heaven,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: or to suspend the disbelief for a moment so that
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: we can unleash just a different self and show up
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: like we know that we can, but we sometimes block
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: it because of again shame trauma, imposter syndrome, or any
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: one of a number of things. And so in order
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: for me to kind of explain this out for people,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: I had to come up with some sort of model
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: to help kind of just reflect back how we end
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: up showing up in performance on whatever field to play.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: And performance is like as a parent, it's as a friend,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: it's in work, it's whatever. And I talk about how
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: just beyond the inside core of you know, that self
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: that's inside of all of us, it's just like kind
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: of pure potentiality, and it's not about getting wo woo
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: on it, but it's like that is it's there. I've
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: seen it happen with people, just completely transformative results happen
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: in a flash because they connect with that idea that no,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: like there is a creative self inside of me that
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: I can decide and be with intention have that show
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: up for me. But right outside that layer is this
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: layer that I call core drivers. And core drivers are
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: often things that happen underneath the surface for people and
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: shape their behavior and they don't realize that it's shaping.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: An example is can a core driver is us saying,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: you know, oh, I'm an American or I'm a Canadian.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: That's a core driver. We end up taking on these
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: kind of these these behaviors and these value sets and
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: these beliefs based on on that because now it's it's
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: something that's a bigger part of who we are. It's
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: not just me. It's actually something that's larger that I'm
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: connected to. It could be the tribe of people that
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: we hang out with. It could be the religion that
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: you're a part of. It could be the it could
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: be the group like you've got. I've worked with US
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Marines and Navy seals, and you know, there's a different
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: there's a there's a code that they operate on, sure,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: and one of the other ones is values. That's why
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: values are so important, and we just I just all
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: look in at them with people and then see, well,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: is that person honoring that value or have they attached
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: a narrative to that value? That's just that's not quite right.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: That's actually having causing them to rev the engine more
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: than it needs to. And you know, it's not like
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I discovered anything you know, radically different about the values
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: that you have, But you know just your idea that
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: in order for you, in order for success, for in
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: order for you to point at success, suffering needs to
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: be there. Is definitely not true. That's a belief that
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: you own.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: And intellectually I agree with you and I understand that,
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: but there's a gap between that understanding and actually doing
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: anything about it.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: And this is something I've had.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Self awareness around for a long time, but it's only
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: now that I've decided, like, I'm actually going to attempt
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: to do this differently. And today is a perfect example
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: because I have a show going up tonight. Normally, I
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: would have put in a huge number of hours of
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: like getting all involved in the minutia of it, and
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: I haven't.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: Even looked at it yet.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: And after this show, I'm going to have to get
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: into it and I'm going to get it up. But
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: my relationship to it is different, and that is where
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: the discomfort is coming from. But I have to create
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: those new neural pathways and I have to get on
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: the other side of it. Okay, tonight, it will post.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Over the next couple of days, I'll see how it's
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: received and responded to, and of course that will have
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: no bearing on like the amount of pain that I'm
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: going to experience later today getting it published, right, I
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: understand that it's just walking that walk as opposed to
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: the theoretical understanding of it.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a useful idea for people to to
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: get engaged with, too, is around the idea of all
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: of us are born in with just classic intrinsic motivators,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: the things that intrinsically motivate us without any outside effect needed.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Things like growth. Growth is a natural intrinsic motivator. That's
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: why the moment that a young child who might be
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: involved in sport doesn't see themselves constantly progressing and growing,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: they will become bored with it. So growth is an
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: intrinsic motivator. Another one is learning, which is different from growing.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Learning is an intellectual activity and when we're learning, we
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: stay engaged with something as well. And then you got
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: things like adventure. Another one that an exploration, exploring. That's
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: why young infants are constantly reaching out with their hands
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: and exploring the world around them. They're trying to figure
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: it out, map the world. But curiosity is another one
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: that's lost with many people, and I think it's something
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: that for people who are and I mean, I can
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: be a control freak too.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: That's why I know this quite well.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: But curiosity is another powerful intrinsic motivator to tap into,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: where it's like, you know, you had said I'm willing
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: to and there's a big difference between the word interested
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: and committed. It's the thing I'm always testing. I did.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I had an opportunity to do something with the United
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: States Navy, a big project opportunity, and when I was
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: talking to the head of that project, I just asked
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: him flat out, are you interested in this project being
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: successful or are you committed to it? Because it's two
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: vastly different outcomes for us. I mean, you'd have to
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: be willing to give up a lot of the paradigms
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: that you operate with because it'll just run counter to
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: exactly how we're going to be implementing this. And he
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: thought about it for a moment, and because most people
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: that are in corporate or high positions are very risk averse,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: he said, we're probably very interested in this. And I said, well,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: then I'm not the right person for you, because I
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: get to choose who I get to work with. But
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: for you, it's like you're saying, willing but you know
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: what if you became curious about committing to this for
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: three months, This just attitude of I am going to
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: give up responsibility to someone else or some software system
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: or whatever it is that's going to be doing this
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: and see how it goes, see how it would shape
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: my life and shape my impact if I was free
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: to do other things.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well I'm on board with that. Yeah, I actually
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: am committed to that.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: And I have thought about that ninety day window and
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: giving myself that amount of time before making any judgment
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: calls about the success or failure of this new experiment.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: And I'm confident that it will be successful and it
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: will free up time for me to focus on other
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: things that I want to be doing.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: So yeah, you know, I don't want.
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: To get two in the weeds on like my specific
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: stuff here. But but I hear what you're saying, and
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: I think there is a huge difference between interested and committed,
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: you know, And I think a lot of people don't
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: spend enough time parsing that. You know, they say, oh, yeah,
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: I want to lose weight or I want to do
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: It's like, well, do you really you know what actions
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: are you taking that would demonstrate you know the level
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: of that interest or commitment.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean the difference is there's so many people who,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: you know, they think that the scoreboard is how many
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: books they've purchased, you know, which is which is fine?
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: But you know between someone who's interested in a book
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: and committed to the book is the person who's interested
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: will flip through the book and let's say it's a
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: non fiction book. They'll flip through the book and they'll
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: look at the excess and think, Okay, well, I'm going
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: to come back to that, and that's a neat idea. Yeah,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going I'm going to come back to that too.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: And they get to the book and they got end
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: of the book and they go, that's a that's a
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: really good idea, and they share with other people like this,
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: you got to try this. This is a great book.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: You should you should read it too.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: That's someone who is interested in the idea. Someone who's
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: committed will instead get to the end of chapter one
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: and sit with that idea or actually answer the questions
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: because the intent is just massively different. And that's kind
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: of one of the spirit that's the spirit of that's
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: lying inside the book too, is just this power of
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: intentionality like that this has nothing to do with being
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: fake or inauthentic at all, because fake and inauthentic is
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: someone whose motivation is to deceive others, because that's what.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: If I was here and I was trying to put
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: on a face so I could deceive you in some way,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: then that's being inauthentic. But you know, nothing wears on
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: people more than when you get to the end of
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: your day and your head hits the pillow and you
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: think to yourself, why didn't I say that? Why didn't
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I do it differently? You know, why didn't I raise
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: my hand and speak up when that person said something
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: demeaning to my coworker or whatever. You know that in
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: that moment, you didn't live authentically because you didn't honor
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: the values of who you are. And so just the
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: idea that we have in the book is sometimes you know,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: I call them like it's a phone booth moment, that
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: moment when you know, uh, an impact, a moment of
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: impact truly is about to happen. And sometimes we have
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: whatever blocks that we've got, we can tap into the
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: power of the characteristics and traits of someone or something
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: else that can draw out our best self because we
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: can suspend the disbelief of you know, what we can
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: and cannot do.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Well, let's unpack this whole idea of the alter ego.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: But before that, I just wanted to comment on something
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: you said just prior to that, which is this sense
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: of accomplishment that we get, or we have by buying
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: a bunch of books.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: The entire self help industry, let's be honest, is built
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: upon that human impulse of tricking ourselves into thinking we've
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: actually done something because we.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Read a book.
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: It gratifies us on some level and actually lures us
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: into this sense that that that we've moved our lives
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: forward because we've intellectualized some idea. But that's very different
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: from actually implementing any of the wisdom in any of
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: these books. I mean, do we really need, however, many
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: thousands of self help books that are written every year,
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: It's like it's crazy, right, Like most of these.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: It's just there.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: You know, there are core ideas that are great truths,
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: but the trick is in the utilization, the leveraging of them.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: Right, And the kind of key idea.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: In your book is this idea of the alter ego,
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: which we should just define before we dive into it.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, you've already kind of talked a little bit
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: about it, But essentially what you're saying is that in
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: order to overcome certain blocks that stand between ourselves and
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: the best version of who we are can be, there
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: is wisdom in this practice of adopting almost a superhero
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: personality of your own, choosing that allows you to create
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: an arm's length distance between you and all your baggage
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: and the person that, on some level you know you're.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: Capable of becoming. Yeah, is that fair?
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, absolutely? And I mean, and I go into
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: the book around just the psychological science behind why it's
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: effective and the history of people that have used them.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes people that would they would never have guessed have
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: used elements of it. Because I say it honestly in
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: the book that do you need to do every single
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: kind of step of the process in it to tap
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: into the power of it? Of course not, and tons
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: of people haven't. However, as someone who's hired to unleashed
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: performance of people who are operating at a very high level,
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I had created a process and system over time because
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: I always talk about how you know, you know, utilizing
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: an alter ego is kind of like truth. It's like
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: the center of town. You can there's many streets and
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: avenues and ways to get to it. And that's why
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: after chapter three I basically say, like, listen from here forward.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: If you're interested in chapter fourteen and learning about how
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: to tap into totems and artifacts to you know, find
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: your alter, you go go read that one because that
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: might just prop up something where you want to go
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: back and learn about the superpowers and characteristics and traits
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: back in chapter you know, ten, or whatever the case is.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm excited to get it out because it's
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: an idea that's kind of been laying dormant, and yet
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: there's been so many breadcrumbs throughout history of people using
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: it that I can't wait for it to get into
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: people's hands.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: Well, it's come up in this podcast on several occasions.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: I've had James Lawrence, the Aaron Cowboy, on the show
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: a couple of times. For those that are newer to
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: the show, he's the guy who did fifty iron Man's
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: in fifty States in fifty days, which if there was
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: a superhuman feat of human durrance, that would certainly qualify
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: and He's very in touch with his alter ego, Like
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: he fabricated this personality that is the Iron Cowboy, which
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: is very different from James Lawrence. And when asked point blank,
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: like how did you get up every single day during
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: these fifty days and do it? He'd say, look, I'd
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: get up, I'm weary, I'm tired. I don't want to
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: do any of this, And I'd have to step into
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: the identity of the Iron Cowboy.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: What would the Iron Cowboy do?
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: And I would go out there and execute as if
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: the Iron Cowboy was this superhero figure that my kids
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: would look up to, and you know that I aspire
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: to become. And something about that process allowed him to
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: transcend his own sense of personal limitation to achieve something extraordinary.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: David Goggins the same thing. He calls himself Goggins. You know,
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: it's a different version of the same idea.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: And it's left.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: Me in reading your book and thinking about this, It's
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: left me realizing, like, we like to mock and make
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: fun of people that like, especially professional athletes that refer
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: to themselves in the third person and media interviews. But
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: now I have a whole different perspective on this it's
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: like they're they're saying, like this person is the performative
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: aspect of who I am that is distinct from who
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: I am when I hit the pillow at night and
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: have my fears and insecurities.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's I mean, the context that I try to
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: create with it is that you're not building out an
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: alter ego for all of your life. You know, we're
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: building out an alter ego if needed for someone in
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: a field of play, I call it. So we live
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: on many stages. Everyone understands that, Like we've got our
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: home life. We've got you know, our family life with
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: our parents or whatever, or we've got our friends, and
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: we have our work, and we've got our sport or
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: our hobby self and of course there's aspects of our
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: personalities that are coming out differently that are being magnified
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: in each one of those areas, you know, like my
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: for myself when I started to leverage this in business,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: you know, because I played high school football and that's
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: where I started to get into using the alter ego.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: And again I used it like some people do, as
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: a survival mechanism against the trauma and the stuff that
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: I was dealing with. Sure and to play with a
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: new and to be playful with myself, because you know,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: the rest of the time, I was highly stressed and anxious,
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: and it was my one opportunity to kind of just
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: be more free. And yet that was my actual true
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: self that was coming out. I was just leveraging Geronimo,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: which was my alter ego's name for football, but I
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: was leveraging Walter Payton as well and Ronnie Lott to
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: a Hall of Fame football players, and I was stepping
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: into their characteristics and traits when I was on the
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: foubelfield and when I got into business, and you know,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: I said, I started at a very young age, but
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: I looked like I was twelve, and I'm like, who's
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: going to listen to me? I mean, I'm twenty one
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: and I look like I'm twelve, and I'm about to
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: go out there and talk about mental toughness and pea
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: performance with people. But really wise, I wasn't going out
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: trying to work with pro athletes wor off the bat.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: I was working with the people I was really qualified
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: to work with at the time, which is just youngsters,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: you know, twelve year olds, thirteen year olds, and just
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: sharing with them the ideas that I had naturally done
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: that had helped me perform at high level and get
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: in college football scholarship and you know, be a nationally
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: ranked badminton player in Canada because badminton and football they
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: definitely go hand in hand, right.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's weird that you played badminton.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's you say it.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: I've always said it, badminton, badminton, badminton? Is that a
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: very Is that a Canadian spin on the word?
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: Or probably probably it's badminton or badminton.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we could, we could do ninety minutes on badminton
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: and how that all thing happened.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: But we're going to see a drop off in the
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: listenership right now. Yeah, and so and so, when I
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: looked at the self that I wanted to be bringing
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: to the table in business, it was someone who was confident,
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: because I wasn't confident. It was someone who was decisive
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: because I was terribly indecisive at the time.
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: I couldn't pick.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: A strategy to do and grow my business, and I
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: was terribly inarticulate about what it was that I did
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: as well, So putting words together to describe what I
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: was doing wasn't easy. For me, and again maybe someone was.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: I'm dyslexic as well, and so I'm challenged by that,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: but not challenged by it. Actually is a superpower that
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: I have, frankly, because it allows me to think in
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: pictures in my head. I think in shapes and not
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: in words anymore. And then I thought to myself, wait
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: a second. I used this idea of a character when
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I played football. Why don't I leverage that for business?
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: And because I wanted to be smarter than what I was,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: I had a belief from a very young age that
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: people who wore glasses were smart because my best friend
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: in my small, little rural school, Mark had glasses and
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: grade below me, James, he had glasses too. So I
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: went out to Lens Crafters at Westminton Mall, where I
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: lived at the time, largest mall in the world at
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: the time, by the way, and bought non prescription glasses,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: which that was when wearing glasses was not cool, like
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: like it's more cool now. And even though Optometris kind
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: of gave me that funny look of look, really, you
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: don't want, you don't need glasses, but you're going to
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: buy glasses like gay, it just leave me alone.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: I want I can give me some classes glasses on
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: the cover of the book.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: Well in some ways, yeah, and I used it as
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: my you know, reverse Superman. You know Superman put on
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: the glasses to become you know, mild mannered Clark Kent.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: I put on the glass to become the Superman version
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: of myself in business, where the glasses meant something to me.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: And we'll kind of get into the science of it
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: in a second. And yeah, and so when I put
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: them on, I was very intentional about the person that
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: was showing up, and that's so important. And the moment
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: that that Todd version that was lacking confidence, was indecisive
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: would start to show up, I'd immediately take off the
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: glasses because at no point in time when I am
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: that version would he have that thought Like the which
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: my alter ego in business was Richard. It's my first name,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: and we talked about that before, right, So when I
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: put on the glasses, I was stepping into Richard, and
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Richard never felt unconfident, never felt indecisive. But the moment
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: I did, I take them off. And after a while
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: people know that you know this and that operate in athletics.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: There's triggers that happen that we create for ourselves that
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: allow us to step into a state that's powerful. And
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: just the act of me practicing putting on those glasses,
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: it was almost like a switch that was getting flicked
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: on the side of my temple. That the moment that
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: those glasses went on, just this cascading thinking pattern changed
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: in my head.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: Ye, how do you reconcile this? Like the validity of
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: this practice is undisputed, and you see it, you know,
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: with varying degrees of success and all kinds of people,
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: and you have tons of examples in the book and
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: even people like Bo Jackson and like, you know, so
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: this is something that's happening and something that works. At
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: the same time, when I'm thinking about this, I struggle
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: with how to reconcile this practice with the idea of
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: inhabiting this integrated, authentic persona. Like so much about what
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: I do and what I talk about is this journey
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: towards being comfortable in your own skin, so that you
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: can navigate between all different types of environments and feel
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: good about who you are and you don't have to
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: modify that persona based on your environment because you're grounded
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: in your strong sense of self. Sure, so you kind
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: of alluded to this earlier when you were talking about authenticity.
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: But I'm interested in your thoughts and how these two
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: things are different from each other or perhaps more similar
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: than we might.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: They're far more similar than the same or than different,
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: And it's that first we need to recognize that this
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: is we're all a process of becoming. Right, there is
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: this onion that we're trying to peel away, and this
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: is a tool that we use to help people find
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: more of themselves on the field of play of life. Again,
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: like I said, like we constantly are human. Not everybody,
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: but many people who strive to achieve or want big
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: things for themselves will judge themselves for their current performance,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: beat themselves up. They'll stop themselves from getting out on
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: the field to play because of the worry and the
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: judgment of others. Right, it's one of the you know,
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: when you'd asked originally at the very beginning, what are
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: some of the things that stop people? Judgment and worry
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: of what other people are thinking of them is probably
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: the second most challenging thing that people have. And because
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: just it's hardwired into us to get worried about whether
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: or not the tribe is going to kick us out.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: It's just you know, anthropologically in us, and so for
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: me it's yeah, you can try to get to that
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: place of core authenticity, which of that's what I'm encouraging
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: with people, is to really find that core self where
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: you're just honoring the fact that there is this pure
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: place of possibility that isn't governed by all these layers
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: that I talk about in chapter number three, that you
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: can actually circumvent it by instead of attacking it, because
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: that's a those things that are stopping us is a force.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Resistance is a force that we have to deal with,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: and the force that people are handing. The tool that
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: people are handing people to try to overcome that force
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: is another force called willpower. Willpower will typically come from
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: an intellectual frontal lobe place, and when you're trying to
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: battle the unconscious part of you, I just say to people,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: good luck, good luck with battling force with force. However,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: there is a natural genius that's inside of us called
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: the creative imagination that allows us to suspend the disbelief
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: of what we can or cannot do, whatever we think
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: and define ourselves as and tapping into this creative imagination
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: which moves the energy into our the more primal part
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: of our brain, and thinking about, geez, what would how
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: would rich role handle this situation? Right? Because we have
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: this grass is greener on the other side things. I
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: look at you and I immediately strip away all of
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: the other narrative that you've had to live with, and
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I go, man, that guy's strong, he's tough, he's charismatic,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: he's good looking. People want to be around him, and
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: all of those traits. I'm like, well, I'm not those things.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe I just someone doesn't feel like they have those
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: things right now. But if I can step into those
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: for a moment in time, or for even longer than that,
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: I can circumvent the thing that's stopping me. And then
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: in that circumvent net circumventing process, you actually are releasing
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: the authentic self. It's just that the carrier is an
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: alter ego or a new character, or.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: You're having to cut through the lies that you tell
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: yourself that create that false narrative that holds you back.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: Right, So, when you're saying, well, what would ritual do?
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: And you roll off this litany of characteristics like a
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: lot of those to me like don't feel.
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: True or yeah, so you know what I mean, like
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: I don't feel like I can own that for myself. Sure,
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: and some of them are true and some of them
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: maybe not. It doesn't matter. But I get what you're
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: saying about the idea of like the idealized version of
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: myself when I'm firing on all cylinders, would make this
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: choice and would do these things. So if I can
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: create some kind of mental construct that I can inhabit
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: where those decisions become easier second nature, yeah, that will
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: serve the.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: Goals that I seek.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: Well, I'll use another example that's in the book. So
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: you said, you know because on the cover or pair
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: of glasses, which again, friends think, you know, oh, that's
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: Todd paying homage to his alter ego, and you know
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: that would be an easy place to go to. Or
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh, it's the Clark Kent Superman thing. Okay,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: that's smart too, but really those are a replica of
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: someone who led a movement in America, probably one of
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: the most important people of the twentieth century and you
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: know American history, that used this exact same concept to
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: help him go out and do the very hard things
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: that he was motivated to go and do. And that
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: was Martin Luther King. And here we are on Martin
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: Luther King day recording this. That's yeah. And so I
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: did a talk back in two thousand and four at
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: a leadership event and I mentioned just different mental game
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: strategies that we all use to help us perform to
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: the level that we want to get to. And afterwards,
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: this lady came up to me and she said, I
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: loved your talk and specifically I really liked what you
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: shared around the fact that you wear non prescription glass
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: losses too. And it's funny because Martin didn't wear them either,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: and it was credit Scott King. It was his wife
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: and she and that's where I learned the story. And
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: she said he felt like he was doing something so
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: important that he wore those glasses as a way to
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: make sure that he was stepping into the version of
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: himself that would help lead such an important movement and
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: not get in the way with his own insecurities of
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: that thing happening. And so those glasses in some ways
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: were a shield to his really kind of sensitive, coarse self,
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: so that when he was stepping into that person that
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: person was the one who was taking the slings in
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: the arrows from other people and the criticisms so that
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: he could protect that kind of more pure part of
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: who he was. And now there is actually and I
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: never told that story because it was always it was
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: always a personal story between Kreta and I, and and
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: so I was like, oh, people can don't believe me
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: that she did that. And then she passed away like
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: two years later. But now there is a monument to
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: Martin Luther King in Atlanta Hartsfield Airport where it actually
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: shares that story of his glasses in a little case
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: along with a couple of others items where it says
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: that you know, these are non prescription glasses and Martin
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: Worthies as a way to step into his quote unquote
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: distinguished self.
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: I feel like there's something important about protecting protecting the idea,
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: like not overtly publicly sharing it. Like if it's one
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: thing for the iron cowboy to say, Okay, this is
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: my alt, it's fine, But for Martin Luther King to
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: kind of keep that up to himself, right, it's a
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: private relationship.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you say.
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: They creates energy around it. It also reminds me of.
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: This is something that screenwriters and actors do. Like a
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: screenwriter writing a character will have a secret about that
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: character that helps inform how they write dialogue that only
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: the screenwriter knows. Once you know that secret, you're like, oh,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: it's so obvious that you would never know it. Or
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: the actor inhabiting that character will say, well, this could
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: be anything. You'd be like, you know, my character's terrified
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: of water or some little or I'm just channeling you know,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: Robert Redford and Bush Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: something like that, Like they're hanging their hat on some
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: alter ego that informs the choices they're going to make
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: on screen. But it's their little secret, right, And once
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: you know that secret, you're like, oh, now I can
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: see it in everything that they're doing.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: But if you don't know it, you would never know.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: But you're like, wow, that's so amazing what they're able
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean and again that's I mean, that's
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: what I think just makes human beings just fascinating. Is
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: like when you become more friendly with someone and you're like, oh,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: that makes such a book. I mean, now they make
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: more and more sense to me. And it's like the
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: very first time I shared with my wife, you know
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: what happened to me, She's like, oh my god, she
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: actually smiled and got happy, not because she was happy
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: that that happened to me, because she just was like, oh,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: you make so much sense to me now as to
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: why you do things the way that you do. But
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: that was your wife not.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: Aware of the abuse situation until recently.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: Just I didn't tell any human being until September of
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: last year, so or September of twenty seventeen, so a
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: year and a half ago roughly from right now. Yeah,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: I did not share it, and there was so many
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: times where I got really close, but you know, didn't.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so that idea of keeping it private is
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: something I encourage people to do, and especially like with athletes,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: where it opens up the doorway for trash talk, you know,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: and that's you know, that's that's why be mocked or
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: to be mocked or something. Sure, And and yet there
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: are some people who have just such a fortitude with it.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: They're like, I don't care. It's like Kobe Brant the
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: Black Mamba, Black Mamba, you know, I told the story
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: in the book about when he got where he got
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: the inspiration for his alter ego the Black mom but
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: which is when he was watching the movie Kill Bill
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: and that snake came on and he was just like, Wow,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: that's exactly who I want to be. That quick strike
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: and that shaped you know, what he said was the
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: characteristics and traits that he wanted to bring out onto
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: the court. And you know, and then there's other people
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: where if you're you know again, I'm building a I'm
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: sort of leading this mission of and I say it
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: in the book I didn't invent alter egos. Cicero was
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: the first person to mention alter egos in forty four BC.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: And the root of the word alter ego means the
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: other eye or trusted friend, which is really the big
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: which is really kind of one of those ideas that
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: I want people to take home. Is this this idea,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: is that trusted friend that can help you go out
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: and do the things that you want to strive to
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: go and do, or help you become the person that
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: you most want to become. That's that trusted friend. It's
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: also extremely healthy psychologically to have that kind of healthy
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: version of yourself inside of you, right instead of that
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: verse of yourself that's always beating you up.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so help me create an alter ego for myself.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I wouldn't even know. I don't even
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: know how to. I've never put any thought into this.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so work, you know, we talk about it
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: in the book. You know, again, like I say in
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: the book, there are many many ways to start building
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: the alter ego. But if I was going to, you know,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: unfold the process, it's first quickly identifying where are the
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: places that you're most frustrated. We always start first in context,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: what part of your life would it make the most
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: sense to go and do because people automatically go to work,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: sports like depending on there. But I've had clients their
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: biggest successes came from the fact that they built an
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: alter ego that was for home life. It's about being right.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: You talk about that with like the Navy Seals and
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: people like that, who who you know, crush it at work,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 3: but then are challenged when they come home and have
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: to be a dad and have to kind of have
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: it a different type of a skill set and personality.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: So for you, you know, it's to choose which one that,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: what's that, what's that place that we.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: Want to give you one. Yeah, so here.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: So I don't feel like I need an alter ego
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: for most of what I do. I don't need it
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: to be a dad. I don't need it to do
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: what we're doing right now. I don't feel like I
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: need to do it As an athlete. I feel like
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: I still have plenty of room to grow and expand
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: on stage, Like when I do public speaking, I have
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: like I feel like I'm batting, you know, I don't know,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: three hundred or something like. Sometimes I go out and
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: I kill it. Other times I'm all up in my head.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: That's a terrible analogy. You can see I'm bating three
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: hundred because that's actually a really.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: Good actually that's actually it shows me how little I
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: know about baseball.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: I was trying to think of, like what's a low
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: batting average?
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: I wanted to protect all the baseball players out there.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get it crushed for saying that, like,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: all right, whatever, like a low batting average is yeah,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: because well I would I'll temper that by saying, more
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: often than not, I'm pretty good.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: But I know I could be.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: I know I have the capacity to own the stage.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 3: And deliver in a much more profound, impactful way than
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: I generally do most of the time. I do find
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: occasionally I'm not good at all because I'm nervous and
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: up in my head or tired or what have you.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: So that is one scenario in which I feel like
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: if I could narrow down, like if I could zero
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: in on some kind of alter ego that would allow
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: me to get out of myself and all my insecurities
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: that come with stepping up on a stage and seeing
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 3: a bunch of people in front of me, that that
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: would serve me.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you just encapsulated perfectly as to why
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: we go and we do it. You know, to step
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: out of those insecurities is a fantastic motivation to do it.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: So you know, who have you seen? Well, let's go
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: back again to that starting place of what are the
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: traits that you're currently exhibiting that you don't like? Right now?
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: You kind of already said a few of them, like one,
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: you're in your own head maybe and again I'm just
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: going to spitball, But you're concerned about other people are
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: like how they're receiving you. At this time, you're probably
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: also talking to audiences who aren't ultra types, right, you know,
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: it's like.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: All different kinds of people.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean there's a whole litany of reasons why,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: you know, I feel like a hamstring myself, and I
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: certainly have people that I look to who I think
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: are masters of the art form that I try to emulate.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: And what are those what are those things that you
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: are looking at?
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: Just total comfort, completely.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 3: Don't care whether the audience is responding or not, because
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: they're in their thing, you know, unbelievably relaxed, very clear
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: on the message that they're trying to convey, spontaneous, fun, reactive,
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: you know, sort of they're not so way to whatever
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 3: it is that they're doing that they can enjoy the
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: presence of the audience and bring them into it.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: Like there's a whole variety of things.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you take yourself really seriously too much? Yeah?
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, in that especially in that context.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, probably, yeah, definitely. So, well, then it's not shocking
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: as to why you're going to go to the opposite
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: and go, well, I want to be more fun, reactive,
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: playful on stage, more kind of in your own body
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: than as well. So beyond the fact that you love
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: those characteristics when you see them in others. Is there
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: anyone or anything that you think as a person, as
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: an animal, whatever, also contains those qualities already? And the
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: reason I asked that question is is because human beings
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: are so story driven and narrative driven. We watch movies
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: and we get engaged with that character that's on the screen,
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: and they oftentimes become great sources of the characteristics and
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: traits that we want to embody. And because we're so
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: story driven, that's when when we're connected to someone or
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: something emotionally, the chances of us embodying and then carrying
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: out those characteristics on stage for ourselves is just that
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: much higher. Why because I don't want you to be
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: consciously trying to think about being that person. I want
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: you to feel that person. And so you know, and again,
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: how do you train that? It's it's like practice with anything, truly,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: like I said, with stepping into quote unquote Richard or Geronimo.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: You know, I'll tell you the process that I did
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: when I was an athlete, you know, playing football, is
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: I went into my mental movie theater and in through
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: two separate doors, would walk uh Walter Payton and Ronnie
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: Lott Geronimo leading a tribe of five Native American warriors,
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: and they would walk up to me, and uh, Walter
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: Payton would collect trading cards from Ronnie Lot as well
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: and hand them to Geronimo, and then Jona would hand
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: them to me. And as he handed them to me,
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: Walter Payton would say to me, take these cards, and
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: you embody all of us with the way that you
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: show up on that field. But don't you for a
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: second dishonor who we are and how we showed up
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: by not showing up like we would. And that's what
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: I did. I take I had five trading cards.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: This is very specific. This is like a lucid dream. Yeah,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: that's a lot to keep in mind.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Not even no, it was so fast man. And so
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: I had these five trading cards and I had I
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: put Walter Payton's in my helmet because I wanted to
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: think like him on the field because he it was
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: just a phenomenal. He could read things that other people couldn't.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: And then I wanted to hit like Ronnie Lott out
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: on the football field. And if you don't know, Ronnie
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: was an absolutely explosive, you know, damaging defensive player, and
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: I put I tucked those underneath my shoulder pads, and
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: then I'd take Walter Pate to the final two cards
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: of Walter Payton, and I had stuffed them inside of
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: my thigh pads because I wanted to run like him.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: Now again, I was a six foot tall, scrawny, one
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: hundred and fifty nine pound, soaking wet kid, but I
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: would play way beyond my size on a football field. Now,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to make myself out to be like
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just like this NCAA champion, because you know, I
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: definitely untapped as much as myself as I could, but
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I played way bigger on that field. And it was
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: just that ritual. You talked about those rituals before, about
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: you know, you getting into that rhythm when you're when
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: you're getting ready for a race. Right, that was my
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: ritual mentally to be very intentional about who was going
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: to show up, not the one hundred and fifty nine
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: pound version that person was left on the sidelines. I
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: didn't even put a category of what my size was.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: And I loved it because people saw me coming and
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, I'm going to bearl over this guy.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: And I would just destroy them. I broke shoulder pads consistently,
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: actually straps on my shoulder pads in one game I
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: broke I actually cracked my helmet twice by hitting guys hard.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: Right, Because you're you're basically inhabiting this Ronnie Lot Walter
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 3: Payton hybrid Geronimo character, Yeah, who doesn't look anything like you,
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 3: and it's capable of things that you're not.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: Capable, suspended disbelief about you know, whether.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: You're going to play above your level, but you're also
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: going to end up getting injured. Right.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, how does this differ in the.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: In a professional context versus sports?
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 3: Like, what are the differences between the work that you
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: do with high performance athletes and business executives. I mean,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 3: obviously there's a lot of similarities that people are trying
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 3: to perform to their peak, but there's got to be differences.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: Well, so, for the most most part, with athletes, you're in,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: You're you're true. With a lot of them, you're embodying
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: the characteristics for the majority of a performance. But I
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: talk about in the in the book, this idea of
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: that moments of impact that maybe you don't need an
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: alter ego for every single moment that you're a salesperson
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 1: or you know someone who is, you know, performing in
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: business like you are, but there's these opportunities that are
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like a KPI, a key performance indicator,
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: the thing that's going to really help you be successful.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: And so if you're a great presenter as a salesperson,
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: but then when it comes to closing the deal, you
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: shirk away from actually closing it because you are concerned
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: about rejection. And you know, the longer the longer that
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: I don't hear and know at least I've still got
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: them in as a you know, prospect kind of thing
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: that's not really serving you at all, and so I
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: don't I don't want to dive into the deep history
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: of why that's stopping you. That's not my that's not
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: my role. Instead, I want to give you some tools
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: and strategies to help you perform right now. And that's
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: why the alter ego became my number one tool. You
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: hat to remember, I was being called on a Wednesday
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: to come and show up to help someone on a
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: Friday when they're performing at the US Open the day later.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't have time. I mean, we leaned on for
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: long term strategies. Meditation my go to easily. It's fantastic
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: at developing focus and concentration skills because it's the it's
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: the equivalent of flexing the bicep muscle for the frontal lobe. Right,
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: if you want to get bigger byseet muscles, do arm
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: curls or you know any sort of back exercise that's
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: going to strengthen your byset. Well, what do you do
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: to strengthen focus and concentration, Well, it sits in their
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: frontal lobe. So meditation, I haven't found anything that's better
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: at developing that. But on a Wednesday, when they're performing
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: on a Friday or Saturday, I need something else. And
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: alter egos were a fantastic way to help make that happen.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: So for people in professional lives, it's well, what are
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: those you know, areas that are kind of you know,
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: chafing you right now? You talked about getting on stage. Well,
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: it's categorically proven by other people to step into it,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: you know, a different alter ego or you know, leverage
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: that idea at least, and do you have to give
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: it a name like I did, or like you know
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: the Iron.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: Cowboy, Right, Yeah, the Iron cowboy, Iron.
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: Cowboy or you know, Goggin's all he's doing is just
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: removing his first name. No, you don't need to, but
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: it's super helpful to do it actually as well. I
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: talk about using names in the book and how to
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: give you like so many different ways to create a
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: name for it, to create a new identity that you're
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: going to take out there that's more playful.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 3: Does it matter if your motivation is predominantly derived intrinsically
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 3: versus extrinsically. In other words, certain people, as you know,
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 3: like are motivated by the desire to be the best
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 3: version of themselves. They're competing against themselves versus the person
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: who hates to lose or just has to beat that
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: other per or has to win like that, or has
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: to get the approval of.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: X, Y and Z people.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely it does. That's if the motivation is coming
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: from the external part of the field of play that
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: I talk about in chapter three, all you're gonna do
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: is still create a trapped self, because that's that feeling
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: that we get, like when we feel like we're not
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: showing up like we know that we can. That's that's
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: that sense that's like, uh, not all of me is
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: getting out there, it's trapped inside, and then we get
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: can caught up in our own head of like, well,
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: what's causing me to get trapped? Or how do I
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: get past this? And conversely, when you actually feel like
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: all of you is getting out there, and the all
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: of you that you most want to be getting out there,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: the internal feeling and this is actually a term that
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: one of my clients gave to me, is you just said,
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: I feel like my heroic self is getting out there.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: I feel like the hero that's living within me is
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: truly now showing up. So that intention that you're talking about,
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: is the intention coming from external trying to press other people, Well,
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: you're going to get trapped. That is going to wear
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: you out, plus you're putting on a facade. Then whereas
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: if your intention is about activating these characteristics that I
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: am going to borrow from mister Bean being playful, and
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: I talk about mister Bean's you know, process of creating
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: his alter ego which helped them become a better actor,
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: then and you know, and because you want that goofiness
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: on stage, I've got because I work with people who
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: are going to a lot of speeches, there's you know,
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: one of my guys who loves to be goofy up there,
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: he's not using mister bean, but that could be one
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: of the But what are those characteristics and traits that
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: they embody that you're intentionally bringing so that you can
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: bring the best self to that moment?
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: Right, absolutely, and in a way that I would imagine.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 3: Once you're tapped into these intrinsic drivers, then it becomes
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 3: a calculus or a conversation about how they mesh with
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 3: a core value system. So if those intrinsic motivators are
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 3: in alignment with the core values of that person, then
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 3: that's going to create a potent combination that can be
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 3: accelerated by this alter ego, which ultimately is going to
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 3: be the propulsion mechanism for success.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: And the magic of it for me is we have
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 1: talked about this at the beginning. Is you know, whether
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: someone is outcome orientated, they're waiting until they get the
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: metal or finish the race, that's a shitty existence because
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: you know, it's a fleeting moment. Whereas this brings you
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: right back to the thing that makes the people who
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: are truly powerful performers. You get locked into the process.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's important to point out that
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 3: any athlete, any successful athlete with any kind of longevity,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 3: has to be process.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: Oriented in order to void burnout, because.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: There invariably will be plateaus you're not always improving, and
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 3: if you're attachment unhealthy way to the idea that every
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 3: time you have a match or a game, or a
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 3: competition or what have you, that you have to be
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 3: better than you were the week prior, or the month prior,
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 3: or the season prior, that's going to be problematic because
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 3: ultimately it's going to ebb and flow. If you're invested
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 3: in the process or in marginal improvements in different areas
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 3: of what it means to be a well rounded athlete,
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 3: that's going to keep you energized about your career. But
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 3: that's a very slippery slope because being an elite athlete
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 3: means constantly improving your performance, even if it's those tiny
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: marginal you know, point zero five percent gains.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: Well, and it also gets It also gives you a
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: tremendous sense of control, because the thing that makes you
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: feel out of control is when you're so focused on outcomes.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: And I'll use me as a perfect example and this book,
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: So I had you know, when when I was out
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: talking to publishers about this book, there was we had
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: we had meetings with nineteen publishers, which, if you're not
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: from the posing space, is an obscene amount of people
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: outreached it. And it was great. It was an amazing experience.
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: And we had so many people that were saying such
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: nice things, and this is going to be huge, and
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: you know, filling up my head with all of this stuff, right,
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: And so my expectation now is that this is going
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: to be a New York Times bestseller, right, and I'm
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: going to make this thing a New York Times bestseller. Well,
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: that's an outcome that I can't control because ultimately that's
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: a curated list. It's actually not a true representation of
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: books sold. And so I was focused on engineering all
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: the different activities that would make this thing a New
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: York Times bestseller. And I was getting massively stressed out.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: And then you know, one of my really good friends
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: who is one of the kind of launching pads for
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: the book, Tucker Max, I was sitting out at his
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: place in Austin and he was like, dude, you've won,
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: Like you had nineteen people bidding on this You've got
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: a great advance for this book. It's a great like
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: the finished product is a great book. You know, when
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: was the last time you ever told anyone, oh, go
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: by this because it's a New York Times bestseller? And
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, never, And it used.
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: To mean something that it doesn't really mean anymore.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so it just it just brought me back.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a second, Todd. For twenty plus years,
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: you've been doing nothing but coaching people on the process
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: to get them locked in the process. You've now shifted
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: your perspective on your own book to an outcome. Again,
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: this is the value of having chief Performance officer sitting
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: outside because inside the bottle I was written the label right.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: And so since that moment, which was November the twelfth,
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: I've been just doing the do just staying focused on
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: the process that I can control to help get the
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: message out and the book out. And you know, leads
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 1: me to sit here with you because talking to Jonathan about, hey,
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: do you know anyone could help you know, sit down
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: with So yeah, just this idea of that intentionality being
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: something that you can really control is extremely powerful to
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: get people to enjoy as much as many moments of
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: their day, their work life, or whatever as possible.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 3: It's also okay to want to be on the New
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 3: York Times bestsellery, you know what I mean, Like, that's
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: a very human thing, and that would be like, oh
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 3: my god, what a lifetime achievement.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 2: It's a super cool thing.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 3: So I would say that it's important to also be
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: gentle on yourself and not shame yourself.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: If that is a goal that you want. Yeah, you know.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: An analogous situation would be an athlete who's trained their
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: entire career to go to the Olympics. They go to
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 3: Olympic trials, they make the Olympic team. That's the equivalent
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 3: of you getting a book deal with nineteen whatever nineteen
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 3: publishers wanting the book.
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 2: It's going to be.
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 3: Predictable and logical for that athlete to then say, boy,
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 3: I'd like to win the gold medal.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 3: So is that person attached to process or outcome? Well,
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 3: that's an outcome driven thing. If they don't win the
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 3: gold metal, they're probably going to be disappointed. So I
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 3: think it's there's a place to want that gold medal,
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 3: or want that New York Times, you know, check mark.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 3: But being wary of that attachment to that outcome not
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 3: being unhealthy.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: Like having some attachment to that outcome.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: Is what's driving the work ethic and the investment in
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 3: the process to get there. Right, So it's a little
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 3: it's a more nuanced thing, I think.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well, I mean we live in this world
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: of polarity, right, I mean there's black, why, there's up down,
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: there's inside outside, and so you know, just this idea
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: that everything is process oriented, and I mean I am
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 1: not that person at all. I mean I'm around achievers
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: and strivers, you know, ambitious people all the time, and
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: so there is this balance and or this really I
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: don't think of it as balance. It's this integration of
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: both of them living together. But when you're when you're
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: doing the activity to help you win the gold medal,
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: if you're focused on the gold medal in that moment,
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: you are dead in the water.
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 3: Well also not self identifying with it. It can't be
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 3: a commentary on who you are as a human being exactly.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 3: So the stakes of like winning that gold metal can't
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 3: be a referendum on whether you're a human being a
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 3: value or not.
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a there's a you would love this. Have
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: you seen the documentary that just came out on HBO
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: about the surf culture in Hawaii with Kelly Slater?
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just watched it, actually.
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just watched it like two days ago.
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 2: It's awsible, it's it's it's.
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: It's it's kind of what we're talking about, and just
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: the journey that all of them went through and the
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: destructive nature of you know, pursuit sup pursuit and.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, anyway, well it's about it's about, you know, the
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 3: love and purity of this activity that was shared by
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 3: these young men.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: But then when money.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 3: And pressure and competition and all of that gets merged
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 3: into this subculture, how that fractures the community and leads
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 3: people in different directions.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: So you have Kelly Slater, super competitive, you know, was
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 3: willing to do what some of these other guys weren't
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 3: willing to do. It were to win and maintain that status.
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 3: And then other athletes who were really just in it
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 3: for didn't really want to compete at all, Right, but
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 3: they shared this love of this thing and how you
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 3: know that generation had to navigate that and what it
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 3: did to those relationships. Yeah, super interesting. I forget the
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 3: name of the documentary Blanking, Right, but it's something generation
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 3: or something.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: Like that, right.
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's fantastic, highly recommend it.
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what were we talking about.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: Now, we're talking about process and intention, but I think
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: we've you know, covered it too with people. Yeah.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 3: So yeah, it's like it's it's the journey. It's not
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 3: the destination. Great, it's the process. It's not the outcome, yes,
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 3: but you know it is more complicated than that, you know,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: it's you know, it's a desire for a certain.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 2: Outcome that's going to wed you in the process.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 3: Like you can't completely you know, remove these things from
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 3: each other. It's their relationship to each other that creates
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 3: that alchemy.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I mean what you just said is exactly
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: right with this. You know, it's complicated, and that's what
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: gets we If there's ever like an objection around the
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: idea of the alter egos. They're trying to simplify life
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: down to just like, oh, but shouldn't we all just
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: love ourselves anyway? And I'm like, I love that idea,
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: But as someone who has had an entire career helping
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: people achieve things and through that process enjoy it as well,
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: it's a lot more nuanced and complex than just sitting
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: down and saying, yeah, but you just need to love yourself.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 1: I'm a great example of that. You know, there's a
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: lot more to human beings and what people have gone
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: through than just you know, waking up and doing some things,
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: like there's layers of narrative that people have and so
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 1: you know, that's why it was important for me to
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: put in this kind of the science and the psychology
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: behind why this is so effective. Like the idea that
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 1: I wanted to share from the beginning around in clothed cognition.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: In Clothed cognition is an idea that sits in our
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: psyche that we as human beings attach meaning we in
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: clothe meaning cognitively to things that we wear and things
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: around us. And a good example of this was or
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: a study that was done by the Kellogg School of
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: Management was they brought a bunch of students into a
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: classroom and on the board was have you ever seen
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: one of those kind of puzzles where it has five
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: blocks across the top, five blocks going down, and then
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: each block is the word of a color, but it's
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: colored in a different color, so it's like the word
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: is yellow, but it's blue. And then it's green, but
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: it's red, so it says green, but it's red. And
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: the trick with it is, if you ever given it
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: is you've got to go through and say all twenty
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: five of the colors but the word. But it's really
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: it's hard to do it because you're seeing blue but
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 1: it's yellow.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 2: The color you're seeing is not the word.
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: And so they brought into a bunch of students and
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: they asked them to they're testing their focus and concentration skills,
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: and they said, hey, like go through this puzzle and
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: you give us the word. So they timed them at track.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: Too many mistakes that they made, and then they left
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: the room. Then they brought in another group of students
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: and they gave them a white coat and told them
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: it was a painter's coat okay, and they got them
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 1: to put it on, and then they did the exercise,
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: track the results. They leave the room in another group,
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: give them the same white coat, but this time they
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: tell them it's a lab coat or a doctor's coat,
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: and they do the experiment. Okay, So what do you
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: think the results were or the differences were between the
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: people who were playing clothes and wearing the painter's coat.
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 3: The people in the painter's coat did better because they
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 3: were adorned in something that made them feel like they
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 3: were an expert.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the stats were zero difference between the time.
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 1: Oh really yeah and it and it comes down to
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: because the test itself was testing your focus and concentration
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: skills and your ability to see detail. Now, the people
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: with the lab coat or doctor's coat, they made less
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 1: than half the mistakes as everyone else, and they finished
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: it in less than half the time. So they showed
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: higher levels of focus of concentration, you know, didn't have
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: as many mistakes because they were in clothed with the
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: idea that when you were wearing a lab coat, someone
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: who has a lab on or a doctor's coat, they're
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 1: smart there, they know details. Whatever someone's meaning was, it
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: helped them perform better. Again, they performed better. Now they
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: did the same test. This time they told them that
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: the coat was the same as a painter's coat for
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: some one group and a lab coat for another group.
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: But this time they were just standing next to it
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: and it was auto mannequin. Didn't change, No results changed
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: unless it was on them. They didn't in clothe themselves
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: with the cognitive traits of someone who was more detail oriented.
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 1: And then they did a creative test with them. So again,
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: this is the exact same coat. The coat is no
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: different whether they just told them it was the painter's
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 1: coat and told them his web coat, did a creative test. Now,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: the people who were told that it was a painter's coat,
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: they performed the test better than the people who were
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: wearing the lab coat and plain clothes. So that's why
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: for me, when I'm helping people to develop this ideal
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: of tapping into an alter ego, making sure that the
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 1: glasses that I'm putting on mean something. And I mean
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 1: I talk about in the book how there's been many
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: studies have been done around people who wear glasses are
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 1: perceived to be smarter, you know, more patient, you know,
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: all these types of things. And you know, for my client,
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: who wasn't a questrian writer, her alter ego. She grew
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 1: up in the time of wonder Woman, not the current
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 1: wonder Woman, but the nineteen seventies version of wonder Woman,
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: and just that was when I said, well, who would
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: be your alter she immediately just went right away. Loved
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: her I'm like, why, what traits do you think She's like,
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: she's just calm, she stands her ground. She's just just
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 1: filled with like pure confidence and a relaxed confidence. And
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 1: for someone who was sitting on a horse that didn't
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: have her that relaxed confidence, that was great. I'm like, kick, great,
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: what are we going to use now to activate her? Okay,
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 1: what's that totem or artifact I talk about in the book?
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 1: You said the talisman? And so she went out and
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: bought a or got a custom made bracelet. Actually that
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: looked a lot more similar to hers, and use that
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: now for me. I know, human beings, when we develop
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: triggers for ourselves, sound is actually one of the most
• 1:31:21
  Speaker 1: important triggers that we can use. It's a very underutilized one,
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: the sound of something. So for me, I was like,
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: when you get your when you get that bracelet made,
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: make sure it has a nice snap sound to it,
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 1: because that's the moment when you're at the class on
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: the class itself.
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like the Wonder Woman.
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when that thing comes together, I want that thing
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: to snap in place. Sound is just.
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 2: Hold them up to like get you know, deflect bullets.
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 2: Of course, stuff like that.
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, yeah, and so you know just that.
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: I adopted for the invisible plane.
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: But that's a tough one out.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 3: How do you this is sort of similar to the
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 3: other question I asked, but like, how does this how
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 3: does this square with the problematic nature of fake it
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 3: till you make it?
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 3: Because on some level you're saying, well, look, you know,
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 3: she doesn't have the confidence when she gets on the horse,
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 3: so she's got to like conjure up this image of
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 3: wonder woman and try to inhabit this artificial persona in
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 3: order to be the person that she wants to be.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 3: Is that not faking it till you make it? Like
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 3: what part of this is really authentic? And what part
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: of this is kind of trickery?
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 2: I suppose?
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 1: Sure. So, just the idea of fake it till you
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 1: make it, for one thing, as a term, fails the
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 1: first sniff test, which is why would you put the
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: word fake it in there right off the back, because
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 1: that's going to deliver resistance with people, because no one
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 1: ultimately wants to be fake. But again, getting back to
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 1: the true intention behind this is for people to realize
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: that Okay, so her current narrative is that she doesn't
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: have confidence on the horse. But what I know, as
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: someone who's worked with so many people, she does have
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: the confidence. It's sitting inside of her already.
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 2: She's just this is a way of giving her permission, exactly.
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 1: It's suspending the disbelief that you don't have this right now,
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 1: and you are allowing to step into this idealized version
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 1: which we as human beings do. It's that grass is
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 1: green and the other side, you know, we think that
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 1: that person is flawless. So I'm going to like, well, great,
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 1: if that's it, I'm going to I'm not here to
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 1: argue with human psychology, right, I'm here to tap into
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: its power to allow people to get out onto their
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 1: field of play as they most want to, so they
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 1: can lead the lives that are truer reflection of who
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 1: they really are, instead of being impeded by traumas, imposter syndrome,
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: or any one of the little hidden, the hidden kind
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: of things that the enemy likes to use to pull
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 1: us into the ordinary world.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: Outside of UH crafting, cultivating these alter egos for your clients,
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 3: and the practice of meditation, which you already talked about
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 3: a little bit, what are some of the daily habits
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 3: or rituals that you try to get your clients to adopt.
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, one of them is this idea of when you
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: have a performance that's upcoming, there is this A lot
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 1: of people talk you've probably heard this as well, a
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 1: lot of people talk about the importance of visualization or
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 1: imagery skills, right. And for those of you out there
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: who have heard this before and are frustrated because you
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: don't know how to do it very well, you're in
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: good company because it's a skill you have to learn
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: how to do. Everyone. Just that's been a lot of
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: my problem with people in the personal development or self
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 1: help or even the mental game space is they say
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 1: it so flippantly, like you just got to visualize, as
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 1: if it's something that is very easy to do. It's
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 1: actually not very easy to do. Just because we have
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 1: the capacity and we do it all of the time anyway,
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that we can do it with the intention
• 1:35:02
  Speaker 1: to bring about the outcome or the process that we want.
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: And so one day, when I was sitting down just
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 1: journaling for myself, it just occurred to me that in
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 1: that moment, I had sort of slowed down space and
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: time in my own head because writing is the thinking
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 1: part of is the doing part of thinking. When you're writing,
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 1: it's the doing part of thinking. I'm actively thinking, but
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 1: I'm on paper now because I can't write as fast
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 1: as I think. It sort of slows down my mind.
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 1: And for anyone who wants to try to train people
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 1: to get into the flow state or the zone state,
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 1: this is going to be one of my tools I'm
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 1: going to use then. So it just pined me in
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 1: that moment, and so I started scripting out what I
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 1: wanted my next speech to look like, and I would
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 1: script it out in a process orientated way. So for
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 1: people who are you one of the you ask the
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 1: question around what's some of the daily rituals, Not that
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 1: it needs to be a daily ritual, but a ritual
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: to help people perform. If I had a presentation coming up,
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 1: I'm going to script out on paper how it's going
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 1: to go. So it's you know, when I step on
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 1: the stage, I feel this extraordinary sense of calm, confidence
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: that I'm talking to the exact crowd that wants to
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 1: hear me today, And the closer and closer I get
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 1: to the stage and shake the hand of the person
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 1: who's handing me the mic. I just feel this deepening
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: relaxation as I'm walking towards them, And when I grab
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: the mic to turn to the crowd, I see sea
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: of smiling faces that are eager to accept the ideas
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: that I'm there to share with them. And I just
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: as I talk about how important it is to find
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 1: that authentic version of who you are, it becomes like
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 1: this playful experience of just read and react with the crowd.
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 1: And at the end of the presentation or at the
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 1: end of the speech, when I end it, I know
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: deep down that the person that needed to hear that
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 1: today hurt it and it landed hard for them. So
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 1: you know, I could go on with it, right, but
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 1: with it. What I'm not doing is necessarily thinking about
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 1: the outcome of the moment. I'm not saying and money
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 1: end the speech. The crowd rises to their feet and
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 1: throws a thunderous applause at me, because that's not something
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 1: that I can control. The moment I start scripting up
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: my outcome, the moment I'm going to get create some
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: anxiety for me.
• 1:37:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, visualizing the emotional experience that you want to yeah,
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 3: you want to have, yeah, and inhabiting what that.
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 1: Feels like specifically exactly. So you asked, you know, what's
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 1: one of the rituals that is one of my core
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: tools to work with athletes on. And you know, I've
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: got so many that after, you know, because some of
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: them I work with them in a short term and
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 1: I'm coming in to just be a kind of a
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: quick hit artist to help them with something. Some of
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 1: them it's a long term thing. But probably beyond the
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 1: alter ego, that idea of scripting out performance, scripting out
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: a day and really engaged with you know who and
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 1: what is intentionally showing up there has been one of
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: their absolute favorites.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 3: The idea of slowing it down, I think is really important.
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 3: Like I think visualization is super important. It's something I've
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 3: been doing since I was I don't know, twelve years old. Yeah,
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: I learned it in swimming, and in my particular version
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 3: of this or the way that I practice it, it
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 3: is about that interior emotional landscape, like what does it
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 3: feel like viscerally to be in this situation so that
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 3: nothing is unanticipated, It's not outcome driven, although you can
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 3: visualize success and experience that, but I also think it's
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 3: important to do it like so incrementally slow, like you
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 3: could spend an hour on the first you know, minute
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 3: of diving into the pool for this race, So you
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 3: are so connected to every minuscule detail of that that
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 3: it's impossible for anything to come as a surprise.
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 2: And I think then it's important.
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 3: To visualize how you're going to respond when something happens
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 3: that you don't anticipate, because I think that's really the
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 3: defining factor in the successful versus also rant athlete. It's
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 3: how you manage the unexpected, because we can all crush
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 3: it when everything goes our way, and it's everything the
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 3: stars perfectly.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 2: Aligned for us to perform at our peak.
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 3: But what do you do when you get thrown a
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 3: wrench that you didn't foresee? The ability to adapt is crucial,
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 3: and if you let allow that to throw you out
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 3: of the game mentally or physically and just unravel, then
• 1:39:52
  Speaker 3: it's a disaster.
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that. It's one of because
• 1:39:55
  Speaker 1: I get asked the question all the time, well, what
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 1: is mental toughness, Like what's your how would you define?
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: And I say, mental toughness is your ability to be
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 1: flexible and adaptable despite what you're given. As circumstances or
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: what the world is giving around you. Right, It's that
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 1: you were talking about that flex like that ability to
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 1: respond in a moment, not with that emotional self that's
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 1: maybe going to cause you to wear yourself out or
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 1: just take a stupid penalty if you're playing a team
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 1: sport or anything like that, but truly be able to
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 1: be because the moment you think that your mental toughness
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 1: is about that square jaw rigidity, that's not what it is.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 1: It's not that. It's the people who are the most
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 1: flexible and adaptable that can respond, you know, you know,
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 1: rejig their strategy to win, are the ones who come
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 1: out at the end the most successful.
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 2: Right, what's your favorite alter ego story?
• 1:40:52
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of them. There are some really
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 1: unique ones. The one that I share at the very
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 1: beginning of the book which made a big difference for
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 1: me because.
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 2: The bo Jackson want, Yeah, why don't you just tell
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 2: that story?
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 1: Sure? So I was speaking at an event in Atlanta, Georgia,
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 1: and I was waiting backstage in the green room to
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 1: come out for my talk, which is gonna happen in
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes, and I was by myself in the
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 1: room and all of a sudden, through the doorway came
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 1: this like really physical specimen of a human being, and
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 1: in my head I was like, oh wow, I used
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 1: to play that guy in Nintendo all the time. And
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 1: it was Bo Jackson. And he started walking towards me
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 1: and he's like, Hi, I'm Bo Jackson. I said, yeah,
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: I know who you are. I'd be pretty terrible person
• 1:41:38
  Speaker 1: in sport if I didn't know who the only two
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 1: sport All Star was in pro in Pro Sports. And
• 1:41:44
  Speaker 1: I said, you know, I played you a lot on
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 1: Techmo Bowl as a kid. You won me a lot
• 1:41:48
  Speaker 1: of games. And he laughed and he's like, yeah, you're
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: not the first one to say that. And he asked me, like,
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 1: what are you here to talk? And I said, yeah,
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 1: what are you going to talk about the kids and
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: with the coaches? And I said, well, I'm going to
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 1: talk to about like mental toughness strategies and tools, but specifically,
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: and I talked about, you know, using an alter ego
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 1: to go out there and truly untap those traits and
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 1: characteristics that are naturally inside of you so you're not
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: cut up in your own head. And he stopped and
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 1: I'll just never forget his face because he kind of
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 1: got this really quizzical look, and he just looked at
• 1:42:17
  Speaker 1: me and he cocked his head to the side and
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 1: he said, you know, bo Jackson never played it down
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 1: to football his entire life. And I was like, interesting,
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: tell me more.
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: I like how he used the third person.
• 1:42:26
  Speaker 1: I know, yeah, but that's what you said before. It
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 1: is it's so classic, and that's what I mean before.
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: But the whole idea of breadcrumbs have been laid throughout
• 1:42:35
  Speaker 1: to really point to people that this is a very
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 1: healthy thing for you to do. So anyways, he then said,
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 1: you know, when I was a lot of people who
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 1: know my backstory know that when I was a youngster
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: or when I was a young kid, I was very
• 1:42:50
  Speaker 1: angry kid, you know, misbehaved and I would take that
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 1: anger out onto the playing field, but it would get
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 1: me into a lot of truck take bad penalties, be
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 1: very uncoachable. And so one night I was watching a
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 1: movie and I saw this character come on the screen,
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 1: and immediately I was like, I want to be him.
• 1:43:11
  Speaker 1: He's cold, he's methodical, he's calculating, and if I could
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: just step into that when I go on the football field,
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 1: I won't take so many penalties. I won't be so
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: angry while I'm out there. Because this person wasn't angry,
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 1: and it was Jason from Part of the Thirteenth, which
• 1:43:27
  Speaker 1: is which shows the power of the human mind, and
• 1:43:30
  Speaker 1: how he didn't if people go what he saw, someone
• 1:43:33
  Speaker 1: who was angry and filled with rage or whatever is
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 1: going to step into Jason from Pride of the Thirteenth.
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 1: But his takeaway were the things, the traits that he
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 1: most wanted to start embodying, that he thought would help
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 1: him overcome these deficits that he was dealing with. And
• 1:43:47
  Speaker 1: he was saying this passionate killer, yes, yeah, and he said, like, listen,
• 1:43:52
  Speaker 1: I know what you're I know you're probably gonna go
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 1: out there and maybe talk to him about the importance
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: of goals. But he said, I truly didn't have them.
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 1: I went out there on a mission. And you know
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: I talk in the book about the importance of a mission,
• 1:44:02
  Speaker 1: and missions are more powerful than goals. I went on
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 1: there a mission to just destroy anything that got in
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 1: my past uncaringly. And and so he said, when I
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 1: came out of the when I came out of the tunnel,
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 1: or when I get onto the football field. Jason lived
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 1: on the football field, and when I would step on
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 1: the grass, i'd, you know, when my I'd make a
• 1:44:22
  Speaker 1: heel to toe motion, and the moment that that happened,
• 1:44:26
  Speaker 1: that's when Jason would enter me, and I would just
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 1: embody that cold, calculating nature of who I wanted to be.
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 1: And again, that's beautiful.
• 1:44:33
  Speaker 2: Now you never told anyone that though, that like this
• 1:44:36
  Speaker 2: is private.
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so well it was out there a little
• 1:44:39
  Speaker 1: bit in the kind of circles of people who knew
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 1: him and stuff. But you know, he was just like
• 1:44:43
  Speaker 1: this is He's like, you get paid to do this
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 1: for a living with people, and I said, it's not
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 1: the only thing I do. I mean, this is just
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 1: one of my one of my strategies. But I said,
• 1:44:52
  Speaker 1: it's it's such a big core part of it. And
• 1:44:54
  Speaker 1: he was just fasting with that idea that this was
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 1: a real thing, Like it was just he thought it
• 1:45:00
  Speaker 1: like many people do. They're like, oh, I just kind
• 1:45:02
  Speaker 1: of fell into doing that, and I.
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 2: Said, yeah, they just do it.
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 3: They just they just somehow it just spontaneously occurs, whether
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 3: it's a safety mechanism of survival mechanism or some way
• 1:45:16
  Speaker 3: that they just fall into that seems to work for them,
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 3: like nobody taught them to do this or said they
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 3: should explore this.
• 1:45:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, just like that exponent was for him.
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 1: That's why I get excited about talking about the idea
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 1: of people because it can be used for many different things.
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's a story that I have. I didn't
• 1:45:36
  Speaker 1: put it in the book, but it's because the story
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 1: didn't come out until afterwards. But have you seen mister
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 1: Rogers documentary.
• 1:45:43
  Speaker 2: No I haven't.
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 3: That's at the top of the list of the documentary
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 3: so good. I know everybody's talking about.
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 1: I don't want to ruin it for you, but probably
• 1:45:50
  Speaker 1: a third a third of the movie is talking about
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 1: mister Rogers alter ego and yeah, his hand puppet the cat.
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and his wife is talking so beautifully about
• 1:46:05
  Speaker 1: how the hand puppet was his actual alter ego, but
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 1: really was the most true representation of who he was
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 1: at his core. The alter ego allowed his core self
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 1: to truly show up for people, which was this like
• 1:46:23
  Speaker 1: truly loving and kind and that self that was showing
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: up for kids, and it was just being transmuted through
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 1: this this hand puppet. But it's a beautiful story people
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 1: have to watch.
• 1:46:36
  Speaker 3: Well, that goes to the center of really your core thesis,
• 1:46:39
  Speaker 3: which is the inversion of the idea of.
• 1:46:44
  Speaker 2: The alter ego.
• 1:46:45
  Speaker 3: The alter ego is actually the authentic self given permission
• 1:46:49
  Speaker 3: to express itself, you know, uninhibited. Yeah, and you kind
• 1:46:55
  Speaker 3: of open the book with this question of like, in
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 3: the context of Superman, who's who's the alter ego? And
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 3: everybody says, well, Clark Kent, you know, or Superman's the
• 1:47:04
  Speaker 3: alter ego, but no, Superman is the real guy.
• 1:47:06
  Speaker 2: Clark Kent is the alter ego.
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 3: Similarly, the hand puppet is the true authentic Fred Rogers.
• 1:47:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, Yeah. So I like that idea, yeah, and.
• 1:47:17
  Speaker 1: So and so I say that because when I go
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 1: home at night, do I need to bring I well,
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 1: I don't bring I don't wear my glasses around my kids,
• 1:47:25
  Speaker 1: not because.
• 1:47:26
  Speaker 2: You don't wear a hand puppet.
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, A walk in the door, and I go, I,
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 1: I what.
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 2: Was that Mel Gibson movie where he had a hand puppet?
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 1: Was it Lethal Weapon? No?
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, it was more recent. I think it
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 3: was directed by Jodie Foster. I can't remember, Blake, you
• 1:47:39
  Speaker 3: know what I'm talking about.
• 1:47:41
  Speaker 2: The beaver. Yeah, the beaver. Oh no, there's something about
• 1:47:43
  Speaker 2: that too.
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 1: Oh geez.
• 1:47:45
  Speaker 2: Anyway, should look at into it.
• 1:47:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So but when I go home, you know, I
• 1:47:51
  Speaker 1: stop at the I stop at the stop at the doorway,
• 1:47:53
  Speaker 1: and I actually kind of talk with this some people
• 1:47:55
  Speaker 1: is there's certain trigger points that we can use to actually,
• 1:47:58
  Speaker 1: you know, just stop for a moment and just think about, okay, intentionally,
• 1:48:03
  Speaker 1: who do I want to bring who do I want
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 1: to bring at my core to this moment, And doorways
• 1:48:07
  Speaker 1: are a fantastic triggering point for people to to you.
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 1: So anyways, I get home, and I live in New
• 1:48:12
  Speaker 1: York City, and as before I walk through the thresholder,
• 1:48:15
  Speaker 1: just stop because so much of us are so many
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 1: of us who do work hard. Like I love my business,
• 1:48:23
  Speaker 1: I love the work I get to do, and we
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 1: can expend a lot of energy throughout the day, and
• 1:48:28
  Speaker 1: then we go home and our families get left with
• 1:48:31
  Speaker 1: whatever is left. And that's not what I want for
• 1:48:34
  Speaker 1: my kids. I'm super fortunate right now that I've got
• 1:48:37
  Speaker 1: They're all really young, and they all like me right now.
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 1: So a few more years and it could be a
• 1:48:44
  Speaker 1: different story. But that kind of idea of who I
• 1:48:48
  Speaker 1: want to show up is someone who shows up a
• 1:48:50
  Speaker 1: lot more like mister Rogers. They don't want you know, smart, articulate,
• 1:48:54
  Speaker 1: confident and decisive Todd showing up. They want playful fun
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 1: get on the floor and roll around with them and
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 1: give them piggyback, right. They want that version of whom
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 1: and he lives inside of me. Absolutely, that's inside of me.
• 1:49:06
  Speaker 1: But I'm being very mindful and resetting myself saying, you know,
• 1:49:09
  Speaker 1: if I can be just a little bit more like
• 1:49:11
  Speaker 1: Fred Rogers, because I am a hard charging person and
• 1:49:13
  Speaker 1: I could maybe have the tendency to, you know, amp
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 1: up myself more than my kids ever need. But what
• 1:49:19
  Speaker 1: would mister Rogers do. Well, He's always going to get
• 1:49:22
  Speaker 1: down on one knee and go eye to eye with
• 1:49:23
  Speaker 1: his kids. So I'm always going to try to embody
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 1: that and develop those characteristics and be intentional. So when
• 1:49:29
  Speaker 1: I go through the door, my glasses are on. I
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 1: have a little bracelet that my daughter Molly made for
• 1:49:33
  Speaker 1: me that's sitting on a little hook right there, and
• 1:49:35
  Speaker 1: it's the first thing I do is I grab that,
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 1: I put it on and I snap it because that's
• 1:49:39
  Speaker 1: snapping sound wire.
• 1:49:41
  Speaker 3: That's the talisman to trigger you into Fred Rogers mode.
• 1:49:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, into dad mode. Yeah, it's just who it is.
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 1: It's just dad mode. And again, does that mean it
• 1:49:50
  Speaker 1: happens one hundred percent of the time. I'm not talking
• 1:49:52
  Speaker 1: about perfection here, but if we can be ten percent
• 1:49:55
  Speaker 1: better because of it.
• 1:49:56
  Speaker 3: Ten percent huge huge. I mean you deal with elite
• 1:50:00
  Speaker 3: Olympic professional athletes. If you get a one percent incremental game,
• 1:50:04
  Speaker 3: that's massive.
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 2: Massive.
• 1:50:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So yeah, So I always when I first became
• 1:50:11
  Speaker 1: a dad, that was the first person that I went
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 1: to about who I wanted. And then when I saw
• 1:50:15
  Speaker 1: the movie, I was like, oh, thank you so much
• 1:50:18
  Speaker 1: for honoring this idea as well.
• 1:50:20
  Speaker 2: Right, well, all right, well now I got to go
• 1:50:22
  Speaker 2: see that movie right away.
• 1:50:24
  Speaker 3: I would imagine that you probably spend a lot of time, uh,
• 1:50:30
  Speaker 3: unraveling some.
• 1:50:34
  Speaker 2: Bad coaching. Right, there's a lot of there's a lot
• 1:50:37
  Speaker 2: not so good, perhaps well intentioned.
• 1:50:39
  Speaker 1: Now you've just now you've just triggered me coaches out there.
• 1:50:44
  Speaker 3: What are the mistakes that these well, and let's presume
• 1:50:47
  Speaker 3: they're well intentioned, you know, well intentioned coaches are making,
• 1:50:51
  Speaker 3: because there's you know, listen, there's athletes listening to this.
• 1:50:54
  Speaker 2: There's coaches that listen to this.
• 1:50:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, what do you see out there that could
• 1:50:58
  Speaker 3: ease that You're like, come on, guys, like, yeah, if
• 1:51:01
  Speaker 3: you would just do it this way instead of this way, Yeah,
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 3: the results that you're seeking would be much more accessible.
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think one to go to right away
• 1:51:12
  Speaker 1: is the idea that to a hammer, everything looks like
• 1:51:15
  Speaker 1: a nail. You know, well, this is who I am
• 1:51:17
  Speaker 1: as a coach, and so they only have one way
• 1:51:19
  Speaker 1: to coach people, and it's going to resonate with about
• 1:51:21
  Speaker 1: twenty percent of your you know, athletes, Like I'm a
• 1:51:25
  Speaker 1: hard coach. That's just who I am as opposed to
• 1:51:27
  Speaker 1: being more nuanced in how you approach athletes. So that's
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 1: just one thing.
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 3: Like case by Kate, Like a response would be, well, look,
• 1:51:35
  Speaker 3: I got a fifty sixty players on the field here.
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 3: I can't you know, adapt for every single personality.
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 2: Traite.
• 1:51:43
  Speaker 1: Sure, but when you're doing things one on one with them,
• 1:51:46
  Speaker 1: like you're going to have a way that you're going
• 1:51:49
  Speaker 1: to be coaching the group of people, right, But when
• 1:51:52
  Speaker 1: you're having and pulling a kid off to the side,
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 1: being a little bit more nuanced in your approach to
• 1:51:57
  Speaker 1: that kid, Like there are some people like I'm a
• 1:52:00
  Speaker 1: challenger type. You can challenge me and I'm going to
• 1:52:03
  Speaker 1: rise to the occasion. You can call me names and
• 1:52:05
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna it doesn't bother me in the least. Talking
• 1:52:09
  Speaker 1: to me softly and like, you know, this doesn't doesn't
• 1:52:12
  Speaker 1: work for me, but for another athlete, just like yelling
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 1: and screaming at them doesn't work because they might have
• 1:52:18
  Speaker 1: someone at home who yells and screams at them all
• 1:52:20
  Speaker 1: the time and it just triggers them.
• 1:52:22
  Speaker 3: So yeah, to have a level of emotional intelligence though,
• 1:52:25
  Speaker 3: to figure out what approach is going to work for
• 1:52:27
  Speaker 3: what individual.
• 1:52:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and that's not I don't think that's a
• 1:52:31
  Speaker 1: big ask of people at all, and just any walk
• 1:52:34
  Speaker 1: of life is to have a level of emotional intelligence, right.
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 1: Another one is understand like the level of the people
• 1:52:42
  Speaker 1: that you're working with right now, Like if you're only
• 1:52:45
  Speaker 1: focused at winning when you're working with eight year olds,
• 1:52:48
  Speaker 1: you're so out of sequence it's not even funny, like
• 1:52:53
  Speaker 1: this is a this is a developmental moment.
• 1:52:55
  Speaker 2: Laugh, but this is an epidemic.
• 1:52:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's it's I mean, I grew up in Canada
• 1:53:01
  Speaker 1: where you know, parents beating on the glass because their
• 1:53:04
  Speaker 1: kid isn't being played or something like that is an
• 1:53:08
  Speaker 1: epidemic up here, and you got shows down here in
• 1:53:10
  Speaker 1: the United States that glorify football coaches working with you know,
• 1:53:14
  Speaker 1: Pop Warner kids, you know, making them run sprints constantly
• 1:53:18
  Speaker 1: because they made a mistake and they lost the game.
• 1:53:20
  Speaker 1: It's just like, you know, this kind of pulp culture
• 1:53:23
  Speaker 1: mentality to create a great reality show is just it's ridiculous.
• 1:53:27
  Speaker 1: It doesn't serve. So that is important, Like if they're
• 1:53:31
  Speaker 1: in developmental mode, you're there to help foster growth. It's like,
• 1:53:36
  Speaker 1: again a intrinsic intrinsic motivation. If a great litmus test
• 1:53:42
  Speaker 1: on whether or not you're a good coach is how
• 1:53:43
  Speaker 1: many of the kids on your team came back to
• 1:53:46
  Speaker 1: play the sport next year, right if it ain't high, Well,
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 1: that's a fantastic mirror on your ability to get kids
• 1:53:53
  Speaker 1: excited about that sport that you had them with you
• 1:53:55
  Speaker 1: last year. So that's one I will say coaching for
• 1:54:03
  Speaker 1: some people, good coaches, it's a thankless It can be thankless.
• 1:54:08
  Speaker 1: There's a great there's a story that's out right now
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 1: of a young lady who was who won the national
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 1: championship with the Nebraska Cornhuskers went back to alma mater
• 1:54:17
  Speaker 1: in Texas to coach the volleyball team, and at the
• 1:54:20
  Speaker 1: end of the season just a few weeks ago quit
• 1:54:22
  Speaker 1: handing her resignation because the parents were being completely ridiculous
• 1:54:29
  Speaker 1: with just all the politics and the bureaucracy and the
• 1:54:34
  Speaker 1: threats of what they'll do if they don't if she
• 1:54:37
  Speaker 1: doesn't start playing her kid more or whatever the case is.
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 1: So again, it's like most things, it's very complex to
• 1:54:44
  Speaker 1: try to navigate this world right now. But I think
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 1: if coaches would spend more time understanding the role that
• 1:54:57
  Speaker 1: they're supposed to be playing with this a group that
• 1:55:00
  Speaker 1: they're with right then it would probably help them a
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 1: lot more than just the idea that winning isn't everything,
• 1:55:09
  Speaker 1: it's the only thing. Well, a, that's such a bastardized
• 1:55:13
  Speaker 1: quote pulled from someone that there was a lot more
• 1:55:15
  Speaker 1: context built around it, and they love to just rephrase
• 1:55:18
  Speaker 1: or people just like to trot out those things all
• 1:55:20
  Speaker 1: the time as this, you know, fantastic. Well, that's exactly
• 1:55:24
  Speaker 1: how successful people become successful. Well, you know, I hung
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 1: out with Jerry Rice when he was with a bunch
• 1:55:30
  Speaker 1: of other younger wide receivers when Jerry Rice was retired
• 1:55:34
  Speaker 1: and he buried them when he was forty five or
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 1: forty six, and these kids are twenty one and twenty two.
• 1:55:42
  Speaker 1: And he stayed out on the field for another hour
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 1: and fifteen minutes longer than they did doing the work.
• 1:55:47
  Speaker 1: And internally that oh just process he was He just
• 1:55:52
  Speaker 1: he knew that you just couldn't outlast them. Yeah, his process,
• 1:55:55
  Speaker 1: his focus on the process was just elegant, and that's
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 1: what made him so special. I mean, when you can
• 1:56:03
  Speaker 1: literally use a pro tractor device to draw out the
• 1:56:07
  Speaker 1: routes that he ran in football, he was so exact.
• 1:56:12
  Speaker 1: It was just inspiring.
• 1:56:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 3: Well, what's really cool about what you're doing is that
• 1:56:21
  Speaker 3: it's expanding and exploring this final frontier terrain of the mind.
• 1:56:27
  Speaker 3: And I think for a long time we sort of
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 3: danced around the importance of the quote unquote like mental game.
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 3: And at the highest levels of achievement, whether it's in
• 1:56:39
  Speaker 3: sports or business or what have you, you have very
• 1:56:43
  Speaker 3: talented people who are all working to their utmost capacity,
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 3: and the differentiator is going to be what's going on
• 1:56:51
  Speaker 3: in between the years. And that's mysterious landscape and it's
• 1:56:56
  Speaker 3: something that I think we've all understood we need to
• 1:56:59
  Speaker 3: better master, but we're only now really learning the fundamentals
• 1:57:04
  Speaker 3: about how to do that. But it isn't just something
• 1:57:09
  Speaker 3: to add to your toolbox. In my opinion, it's the
• 1:57:12
  Speaker 3: whole thing, Like the whole game is going on in
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 3: your head. It's not an afterthought like, here, do your
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 3: training and then we'll talk about like the mental aspect
• 1:57:22
  Speaker 3: of it. Like the mental aspect has to come first
• 1:57:25
  Speaker 3: and foremost, because if you don't have that sorted out,
• 1:57:28
  Speaker 3: it's never going to work. You'll reach a certain level
• 1:57:31
  Speaker 3: of proficiency, but you're never going to be at your
• 1:57:34
  Speaker 3: absolute potential or peak. So I think what you're doing
• 1:57:38
  Speaker 3: is super important. It's inspiring whether you're a high performing athlete,
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 3: whether you're an executive, or whether you're like a soccer
• 1:57:46
  Speaker 3: mom who's just trying to better understand what makes you
• 1:57:49
  Speaker 3: tick and how to build a little bit more fulfillment
• 1:57:52
  Speaker 3: and purpose into your daily life. So as we kind
• 1:57:55
  Speaker 3: of close this down, I think it would be really
• 1:57:57
  Speaker 3: helpful to share a message for that.
• 1:58:00
  Speaker 2: Kind of individual.
• 1:58:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, listen, most people who are watching this or
• 1:58:04
  Speaker 3: listening to this. As much as we all want to
• 1:58:06
  Speaker 3: believe we're headed to the Olympics y or we're going
• 1:58:08
  Speaker 3: to you know, we're headed towards that IPO or whatever
• 1:58:11
  Speaker 3: it is. Most of us are just trying to live
• 1:58:14
  Speaker 3: a little bit with a little bit more fulfillment, contentment, purpose, direction,
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 3: sense of satisfaction, calmness, mindfulness, these.
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 2: Things, you know.
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 3: So to that person out there, how do we begin
• 1:58:29
  Speaker 3: this process? Like they can't hire you, or you know,
• 1:58:32
  Speaker 3: maybe a coach isn't in the cards for them, But
• 1:58:35
  Speaker 3: what are the tools that this person can start practicing?
• 1:58:39
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 1:58:39
  Speaker 1: As a tool, I mean, I'll go back to mindset
• 1:58:43
  Speaker 1: as a way to direct the intention and the action
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 1: for people. And the one thing that I wanted to
• 1:58:49
  Speaker 1: remind people throughout the book was even though the way
• 1:58:53
  Speaker 1: that I had to find this was through something that
• 1:58:55
  Speaker 1: was traumatic to me, that's not everybody. Everybody doesn't come
• 1:58:58
  Speaker 1: from that. And I want to just remind people in
• 1:59:03
  Speaker 1: the book is be playful with this. Like it's this
• 1:59:07
  Speaker 1: idea of our creative imagination being something that's truly unique
• 1:59:11
  Speaker 1: to us is so powerful and we have to honor
• 1:59:14
  Speaker 1: that fact and in it. If you do, you're going
• 1:59:18
  Speaker 1: to find a completely new gear that you can go
• 1:59:21
  Speaker 1: to that isn't about revving the engine faster, but just
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 1: tapping into that you can be playful with this and
• 1:59:29
  Speaker 1: it's normal. This is not about you know, you're doing
• 1:59:32
  Speaker 1: this and it's going to be like five percent of
• 1:59:35
  Speaker 1: the people who've used it. No, this is an innate
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 1: human skill. It's an innate thing that's built into the
• 1:59:40
  Speaker 1: genius of you know, how we operate and roll with it,
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 1: play with it because you don't know what's waiting for
• 1:59:47
  Speaker 1: you on the other side of you stepping into it.
• 1:59:50
  Speaker 1: And what I do know from people who do step
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 1: into it is that typically what is on the other
• 1:59:56
  Speaker 1: side of it is maybe five percent more of that
• 2:00:00
  Speaker 1: heroic version of who you are sitting on the inside.
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 1: And this isn't about some Pollyanna of you on life
• 2:00:07
  Speaker 1: or anything like that. But I just know the impact
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 1: it's made on so many people, and then the dominoes
• 2:00:13
  Speaker 1: that get created, because you know, we oftentimes bottle ourselves
• 2:00:17
  Speaker 1: in and we define who we are and what we're
• 2:00:18
  Speaker 1: capable of. But if I can just get someone to
• 2:00:21
  Speaker 1: do ten percent more and they enjoy ten percent more,
• 2:00:25
  Speaker 1: it opens up and expands their comfort zone of what
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 1: it is that they think that they can do, and
• 2:00:30
  Speaker 1: from there I don't know where it leads to someone.
• 2:00:34
  Speaker 1: So just as an idea and as a tool, is
• 2:00:38
  Speaker 1: start with if we can all act with a little
• 2:00:40
  Speaker 1: bit more playfulness, then I think it makes all of
• 2:00:45
  Speaker 1: us at least five or ten percent better.
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so put that sock puppet on your hand and
• 2:00:50
  Speaker 3: start channeling a.
• 2:00:50
  Speaker 2: Little Fred Rogers.
• 2:00:51
  Speaker 3: Why we need that? I mean, I definitely know that
• 2:00:54
  Speaker 3: I need that. And look, man, life is short, right
• 2:00:57
  Speaker 3: it is. Let's enjoy ourselves a little bit more, absolutely right.
• 2:01:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Thank you, powerful, powerful message today
• 2:01:05
  Speaker 3: perhaps transformative.
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 2: Really appreciate what you're.
• 2:01:09
  Speaker 3: Doing and the positivity and the tools that you're putting
• 2:01:12
  Speaker 3: out into the world. So everybody please go pick up
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 3: this book, The Alter Ego Effect.
• 2:01:16
  Speaker 2: It comes out.
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 3: February fourth, fifth, fifth, right, exciting times. Man, We're recording
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 3: this a little bit before that, but I appreciate it. Yeah,
• 2:01:25
  Speaker 3: it's gonna be uh, there's gonna be a lot of
• 2:01:27
  Speaker 3: activity around this book.
• 2:01:28
  Speaker 1: Right, Well you can't. You can't miss the highlight or
• 2:01:30
  Speaker 1: yellow cover on it.
• 2:01:31
  Speaker 3: So yes, that is uh, this is the trend, right,
• 2:01:35
  Speaker 3: like bright yellow colors on these books.
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 1: I hope not, I hope minus the only eyelight.
• 2:01:39
  Speaker 2: Well, it definitely stands out and it's a great book.
• 2:01:43
  Speaker 2: Great job. Thanks.
• 2:01:44
  Speaker 3: I know the heart and soul that you poured into this,
• 2:01:46
  Speaker 3: so thank you for sharing it with us here today.
• 2:01:49
  Speaker 3: If people want to learn more about you, Todd Herman
• 2:01:54
  Speaker 3: dot com.
• 2:01:55
  Speaker 1: Dot me me the guy who got Todd Herman dot
• 2:01:58
  Speaker 1: com registered it like he was like the thirty nine
• 2:02:00
  Speaker 1: person who read Yeah, it's crazy.
• 2:02:02
  Speaker 3: It's also like a pretty hardcore like right wing talking
• 2:02:07
  Speaker 3: head personality with your name.
• 2:02:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, exactly. What's so so don't be confused. Yeah
• 2:02:12
  Speaker 1: I am not that guy. But what's awesome is I
• 2:02:15
  Speaker 1: own about the first two pages of Google. So if
• 2:02:17
  Speaker 1: you did a search for Todd Herman, my website, Todd
• 2:02:19
  Speaker 1: Herman dot me will come up. But yeah, I'm not
• 2:02:22
  Speaker 1: the right wing pundit. Yeah exactly, but yeah Todd Herman
• 2:02:27
  Speaker 1: dot me. And of course I'm all over the social
• 2:02:29
  Speaker 1: media channels like everyone else, but that's my home base
• 2:02:31
  Speaker 1: is Todd Herman dot me.
• 2:02:32
  Speaker 2: And what about book events?
• 2:02:34
  Speaker 3: Are you going to be doing some public stuff where
• 2:02:36
  Speaker 3: people can shake your hand, get a book signed, or
• 2:02:38
  Speaker 3: hear you talk.
• 2:02:39
  Speaker 1: I don't have actually anything planned me. We're talking about
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 1: doing something maybe at the Barnes and Noble, the largest one,
• 2:02:44
  Speaker 1: which is in Union.
• 2:02:45
  Speaker 3: Square, in Square in the You should definitely do that.
• 2:02:47
  Speaker 3: That's awesome to do an event there.
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I mean, if people went to the website,
• 2:02:53
  Speaker 1: we will definitely have it on there. So yeah, I mean,
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 1: it's it's fun. I'm excited to get it out in
• 2:02:57
  Speaker 1: front of people.
• 2:02:58
  Speaker 2: Awesome, man. And I'm going to work on my altar.
• 2:03:00
  Speaker 2: There you go, I'll help you. Back to you, I'll
• 2:03:02
  Speaker 2: help you, all right. I think I need it.
• 2:03:04
  Speaker 3: I'm not conceptualizing it right now. I'm gonna put some
• 2:03:06
  Speaker 3: time into it though, all right.
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 1: Cool, cool piece piece of lands m.
• 2:03:16
  Speaker 2: M m m mmmmmmmmmm