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Allyson Gofton: A mother's terrifying experience with concussion · Toni, Jase & Sam - Breakfast Catchup

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We Need To Talk, Tony Street's lifestyle and wellness podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Hello, it's great to have you with us on We
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Need To Talk. Now, we have quite a heavy topic today.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: We have Alison Gofton here, and we are going to
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: talk about a fabulous new book called Give, which I
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: think will be a wild success come Christmas time and
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: before then, because it's just, it's such a sharing book.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: I love it. It's beautiful.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: And I've seen some of the products in today that
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: you can make from this book. But I also want
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: to talk about Alison's son, Jean-Luc, and he went through
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: a major life event which impacted their entire family when
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: he fell over or he fell into the goalie at
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: a hockey game and suffered from concussion. And I think
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: it's a topic that is affecting a lot of Kiwis.
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  Speaker 2: It's not talked about a lot. And Alison, you've got
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  Speaker 2: a very personal story here to share with us today
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  Speaker 2: about how it impacted your family. Thank you for sharing it.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: It's going to make you cry at.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: The start of the interview. It made me cry at
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: the start of the interview. Yeah, I think that we
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: often hear of concussion associated with our rugby players or
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: our sports people, but it can happen to anybody at
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: the smallest accident. You can fall over, you can hit
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: your head on the side of a bench. Um, But
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: for us, it started with our son when he was
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: in year nine, I think it was, if I go back.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: And so a young kid, absolutely hell-bent on being a
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: black stick and playing his heart out on a hockey turf.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: And he ran full bore into a goalie who was
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: running full bore out to him. And I wasn't there,
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: so I didn't see the incident. And my husband was
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: talking to people like you do as a parent on
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: the sideline and he didn't see it either. And apparently
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: he collided full ball with the goalie and was thrown
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: backwards and smashed his head on the ground.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: And so.
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  Speaker 4: He says he wasn't knocked out, but people did ring
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: and say he took a bad hurt.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Check on him. Checked on him. He didn't have a headache.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Seemed okay. You're not. You're the parent. You're all right.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: You're okay.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: So he went to school the next day. And then
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: for some odd reason, he got into trouble that week.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: And he was at a good school.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: And they called us in I can't remember what he
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: did but it must have been major for us to
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: be called in he was just misbehaving in class or
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: something and he had also played hockey that week and
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: made some mistakes and been rude on the court just
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: out of character and it was a night about a
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: week later we were having dinner as a family and
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: we always sit at the table or we always sat
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: at the table And our son didn't come down for dinner.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: And so I sent Olive Rose up to see why
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: her brother wasn't out of the bath. And would he
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: mind joining the rest of the family or his meal
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: would be out.
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  Speaker 2: You get down here now.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely.
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  Speaker 4: And then she came down and she said, oh, he's
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: asleep in the bath. And that was just enough for
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: me to lose it. So Warwick went upstairs to the
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: bath and all I heard was, call an ambulance now, now, now, ambulance, ambulance.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: And we thought he'd had a stroke. He was comatosed
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: in a very large bath, and I'm surprised he didn't drown.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Because the bath was long enough for him to slide into.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: So thank God he didn't. And we took the ambulance
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  Speaker 4: to Auckland Hospital. They couldn't find anything wrong with him.
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  Speaker 4: By this time he was awake. We were beside ourselves.
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  Speaker 4: We said as he had an accident. I think we'd
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: mentioned he'd had a hockey hit. I don't know that
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: we actually took on board how serious that hockey hit
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: had been. Anyway, we came home and he continued to
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: pass out. So it culminated in four ambulance call-outs and
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: four hospital visits. But in between that time, we couldn't
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  Speaker 4: work out what was going on. And I suppose as
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  Speaker 4: a family, you're angry because he's not listening. You haven't
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: really worked out that the hit was that significant. And
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: I had the most gorgeous cleaner who was Russian, Elena,
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: and she came in the door and she said, Alison,
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  Speaker 4: your son has concussion.
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  Speaker 3: And we went, oh, of course, of course.
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  Speaker 2: A hockey incident, you know.
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  Speaker 4: And then it all kind of like fell into place.
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  Speaker 4: And so Warwick took him down to the concussion clinic,
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: which had a six-week wait. And he said, no, I'm
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: at the door. Open it now, please. And thank God
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: they did. And thank God my husband didn't take no
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  Speaker 4: for an answer. And so we got a diagnosis of concussion. Now,
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  Speaker 4: we'd been misdiagnosed three times at Starship. on those three
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  Speaker 4: ambulance call outs because he was out.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: To it at home.
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  Speaker 2: What did they put it down to when they sent
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: you home each time?
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  Speaker 4: Um, overwhelming life as a young child, something's wrong with him, anxiety,
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: what are you parents doing? There was one occasion on
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: one visit at the hospital that we were separated from
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: the bed. We weren't allowed to be beside our son
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: and we were questioned separately for stress in our family,
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: which my husband was just distraught about.
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  Speaker 3: I kind of.
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  Speaker 4: Figured that was going to happen, but for Warwick, he
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: felt it as a white male very, very strongly. I mean,
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: it did coincide with us buying a new factory at
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: that time. So our house was busy and I was working.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: And so Jean-Luc, with this diagnosis of concussion, came home.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: And on this latter night, a particular night, he was
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: rocking in the fetal position in absolute pain. And we
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: had a script for some very strong painkillers. And so
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: I went to get them. It was on the same
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: night that a good friend called in We had gone
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: to ground as a family trying to protect our son
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: and keep a lot of activity away from him. And
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: he said, I'll just call my sister over. And unbeknownst
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: to us, his sister was a nurse at the concussion
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: clinic in Auckland. And when I got back with this medication,
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: she said, oh, don't give that to him. That's just
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: not going to work out well in the long run
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: for it. And she got us into a neurologist. Now,
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: God only knows how people get in without kind of
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: like just falling into place with people that know people.
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  Speaker 4: And we came across the most wonderful neurologist for children.
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  Speaker 4: And I asked him, could he finish this sentence? I said,
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  Speaker 4: concussion is, and he said, it is a brain injury.
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  Speaker 4: Your son has a swelling of the brain. It is
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: badly injured. And our son had taken this fall where
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: his brain was sandwiched within a lunchbox, we talk about.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: And so he was bruised on the front, the middle,
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: and the back part of his brain. And the way
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: his brain coped was to turn off. And so I
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: could be talking to Jean-Luc like I'm talking to you,
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: and he'd just go, just fall asleep.
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  Speaker 3: He'd just go out.
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  Speaker 4: And he wouldn't wake for two minutes or two hours.
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  Speaker 4: And you had no idea when he'd wake up. And
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: He could be gone for hours. And of course, you
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: as a parent do not leave his side. You can't
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: leave his side. You're absolutely gripped in fear as to
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: what happens next. And so for Warwick and I, it
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  Speaker 4: was a very pivotal moment because within a very short
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: space of time, your world is turned upside down as
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: a family. And fissures and cracks appear so quickly. And
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: Jean-Luc was unable to go to school because when he
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: went to school, the lights in the classroom flicker. You
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: don't see them flicker, but they flicker. Your brain reads it.
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  Speaker 4: And he'd pass out on his desk. The teachers couldn't
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  Speaker 4: move him from his chair. The kids would laugh at him.
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  Speaker 4: And you don't know what you're not learning. And so
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: we would be called to have to go and get him.
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  Speaker 4: He would be angry. He would be upset. We didn't
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  Speaker 4: know what to do. And the only thing we could
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  Speaker 4: think to do was for me to quit, which was
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: probably the most pivotal moment in my career was when
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: I just said, right, I was doing a book. It
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: was called Slow Baked or Slow Cooked, I think. And
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: I handed it over to the most gorgeous person, Penny
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: Oliver and the team at Penguin. And I said, I
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: can't finish the book. I have to give this back
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: to you. And they, to their credit, finished the book
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: for me. And Jean-Luc, we took him out of school
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: and he was out for six months. And in that time,
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: I set up a table in our lounge room and
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: we bought Lego. And we had to slowly get his
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  Speaker 4: brain to go back to working. So he couldn't write.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: He couldn't hold a pen. He had beautiful handwriting because
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: By this age, we'd had our time away as a
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: family in France. And in France, you must write. Just
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: write beautifully. And he had beautiful handwriting. So he could
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: no longer hold a pen. He had lost the ability
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  Speaker 4: to remember his alphabet and how to count to 12
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  Speaker 4: and do his 12 times tables. So we literally had
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  Speaker 4: to start back at the basics. So the brain heals
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: and some of those things come back. So trying to
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: make him tired enough to sleep because the only way
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  Speaker 4: your brain will heal is by having deep sleep. And
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: you have to have seriously deep sleep. So to do that,
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  Speaker 4: you must be tired. So Warwick and I had a
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: business where we made cosmetics and we had quite a
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: number of staff. So it became my job to make
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: Jean-Luc tired. So- I anchored him for rock climbing. I
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: swam with him and I had to swim with him
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: because he'd pass out.
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  Speaker 3: Then we'd have to get.
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  Speaker 4: Him out of the pool.
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  Speaker 2: You would have got fit at the same time.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: I did get fit.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: We cooked so that he could cook, but he'd cook
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: garlic and he'd collapse on the floor because the smell
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: would take him out.
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  Speaker 1: Gosh.
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  Speaker 4: And then I'd be left with this boy on the floor.
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  Speaker 4: I'd just have to cover him up because I couldn't
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: pick him up. And then I had a little girl
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: to look after as well and a busy husband. And
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: so it was incredibly stressful and it was a really
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: difficult time in our family. Not difficult because you don't
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: want to heal your son, but you actually can't see it. No.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: And in the moments where he passed out, were you thinking, well,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: is he going to wake up?
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  Speaker 4: Yes. Well, we didn't know how long it'd take to
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: wake up. And they asked us, the specialist said, try
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: not to get him to pass out. So you'd try
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: to wake him up and they gave you tips on
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: how to make him wake up, like pinch his nipples
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: or pinch his ears. And you can't do those things
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  Speaker 4: sometimes as a parent. Like you pinch and then you
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: pinch a little harder and a little harder and you're thinking,
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: oh my God, I'm going to hurt him.
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  Speaker 3: And he wouldn't wake. He would not wake.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: And so there you are left with a child that
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: you just, you want to help. And so it was
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: heartbreaking in the extreme ways. for us as a family.
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: And people who don't live with a child or an
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: adult with concussion do not get how you have to
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  Speaker 4: take your foot off a pedal and you actually have
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: to come to a grinding kind of almost instant stop
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: and reassess everything around you. From the foods I cooked,
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: from the level of noise on the television, to how
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: much sunshine, to waking up, to making sure that you
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: don't fall down the stairs, you don't fall up the stairs,
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: all of those things. And it literally was an amazing,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: it was a lesson to us in how important it
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: is to understand the dangers of concussion because it's a
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: brain injury.
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  Speaker 1: You're listening to We Need to Talk with Tony Street.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: So how did he cope with it? Because it's a
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: big deal to say, we're just going to take you
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: out of school, away from all your mates.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Like, that's difficult.
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: It was really difficult for our son, who was an
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: active sports kid. And he was a carefree-go-lucky kid who
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: could be naughty.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: He was cheeky in the extreme. He loved animals.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: It was... very changing for him. And I've often talked
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: to my son about it. And he's very brave now.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: He just says, well, it happened and I've moved on.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: But at times, I know that when he first started
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: university in the early days, so a few years ago now,
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: he struggled. And he struggled because of, I think he
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: was overdoing it all first year, uni students, got to party,
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: got to keep up, got to do what you do.
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  Speaker 3: Like, have we all been there? We've all been there, right?
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: And so, he would have these days where he would
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: have serious headaches or he just.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Would feel fogged.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: And we did revisit a neurologist to see what was
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: going on. And he said, your son will have to
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: learn where his parameters are.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: So he has to essentially manage it for his entire life.
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would imagine so. I'm not skilled in understanding
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: how our brain works, but our son has learned that
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: he has to not.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I don't think he could ever play ice hockey.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: So he plays hockey now, but I noticed that his
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: fearlessness disappears after the incident and he's much more cautious now.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: And he finds joy in coaching now as opposed to
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: always just playing. But it was a really big moment
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: because what happened once we got him back to school
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: the following year, he didn't know what he didn't learn.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: And he was angry because everybody was ahead of him.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: He was struggling with his hockey, which was his passion. And,
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: you know, everybody has something that makes them really love
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: their school. For some kids it's learning, but for my
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: son it was sport.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: It was hockey. It was hockey.
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: And he loved his coach and he loved his mates
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: on the hockey field and he loved his training.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: What we found was that it rocked the wheels of
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: our family so significantly that we needed help. And I
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: was lucky enough to have a very good neighbour who
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: had an association with the education industry. And it was
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: he that said, you need to take him to St.
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: Peter's in Cambridge. And so we went down to have
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: a look at the school. And this was never on
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: our family's agenda to send our children to a private
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: school or to send them to a boarding school.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: And you were in Auckland at this point.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: We were in Auckland.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: So this was away from home. It was away from home.
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: But Sean Luke was angry, very angry. And the word's
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: not naughty, but he just wasn't healed. And we were
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: still on this process of learning that the brain takes
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: a long time to heal. And so we were lucky
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: that a place became available. And we were very lucky
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: that we found three fabulous men at St. Peter's who
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: had all played a lot of sport. And they took
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: our son under their wing. And we worked out that
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: our son needed routine.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: He needed... to be tired enough to sleep.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: And the girl that showed us the school said, your
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: son will walk six kilometers a day going from his
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: bedroom to get food at the dining hall.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: And I went, He's coming here. He'll be tired. He's
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: coming here.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: So we put him there and his boarding masters and
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: the then deputy principal, they kind of looked after and
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: looked out for him. And his hockey coach was fabulous.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: And we say to people that that school gave.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: Us back our son.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: They were amazing. But he made friends. We all need
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: friends at school. You all need to belong to a tribe.
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: He slept well because he was tired. And we worked
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: out that if he got an education, that was the bonus.
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: So we didn't go for him to get the A
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: grades or the pass marks. We went for him to
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: find his way back to good health. And it was
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: at least two years. And I remember quite clearly the
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: night my husband said to me, I think we've got
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: our son back.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: And it was two years. It was well over two years.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: It must have been horrific for you to have to
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: send them away.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, it was awful.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: I think Warwick and I fought in the car all
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: the way down and all the way back. We were
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: so stressed. I never thought in my life that I
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: would send a child away to boarding school because I
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: couldn't cope.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: But I also knew.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: that this was probably the right thing for him.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: But as a parent, you're torn.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Especially because you'd been at home doing all the Lego
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: days and the cooking days with him, and you would
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: have formed quite a special bond in that time too.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: And my husband, he was incredibly worried as well, but
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: he was holding the fort together by earning the money
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: and managing 30 staff and keeping a business afloat. And
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: of course, my son had been born at 980 grams
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: and three months early. And so there was this really
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: strong mother-son bond because I'd watched him be resuscitated and
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: I'd watched him go from this child that had no
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: eyes almost and just no bottom.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: And you could put your.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: Wedding ring over his hand and his feet to this
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: young man who had dreams and all the rest of it.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: And both my husband and I would desperately unhappy at
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: having to make that decision.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: But you had to do what we believe was right.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: And we thought if it didn't work, we could take
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: him out and bring him home.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: But he loved it.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: And so the next year when we decided to move
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: out of Auckland and take our daughter to the same school,
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: Olive Rose has dyslexia and any parent who has a
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: dyslexic child will understand the journey that you have to
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: go through in the education system here. Our son was
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: really unhappy because we'd invaded his space.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: This is my space.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: This is my sanctuary where I got well as well.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Why are you here?
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: So he stayed boarding. He didn't want to come home
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: for years 12 and 13. He wanted to stay with
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: his friends. And so we kept him there. And he
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: was on the hockey turf at 5.30, 6 o'clock in
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: the morning. It was the best place for him to go.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Can you believe that that happened all from a you know,
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: an accident at a hockey game?
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: No, I can't. But I do now.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: And I do now clearly understand when I see a
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: hit on a rugby game and I watch the rugby
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: with the husband because it's Kiwi House, I get so
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: worried because we seem to think that he's got a concussion.
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: He's taken off for an AIA, whatever.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: AIA.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: AIA.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: And I'm thinking, oh, no.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And I know.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it does completely worry me that we've used the
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: term concussion and it's become normalized, but we don't understand
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: what it's really meaning. And I wish we'd say he's
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: gone off for a brain injury test because then when
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: we say a brain injury, maybe it would actually make
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: further sense to us about how dangerous these hits can be.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: And that's not to say you shouldn't play sport at all.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: But it is to say it is a real danger.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: And young kids, honest to goodness, they're out to kind
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: of like win. They want to have fun. They don't
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: have the muscle strength in their shoulders. And they're often
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: getting hit. And we probably don't even notice it, parents,
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: when our children have taken a hit that is significant
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: enough to give them three or four months of not
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: being at their best.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Two years is a long time to be healing. Did
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: it feel like a long two years?
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it sure did. Yeah, it did.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: And it's a great worry as a parent. It's a
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: significant worry as a parent when a child has a
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: brain injury. As a parent, it's not like a broken leg.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: You can see it.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: It will heal.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: I recall some years later, we'd had a function at
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: the house.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: I can't remember.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: I've got a dining room table that seats 12, and
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: we'd had a raucous lunch. And my son was under
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: the table.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: I don't know what he was doing.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: But he hid his head and he went back to
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: his room that afternoon and he didn't wake up for
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: hours and he came out and he said what's happened
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: here today and we looked at him and we went
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: we had 12 people for lunch and he didn't know
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: that we'd had 12 people for lunch so he'd hit
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: somewhere in his brain that just took that memory out
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: for that moment of that day. And so we put
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: him back to bed. He would have been at university
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: at Waikato then, so, you know, a boy of 19 probably.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: And we put him back to bed because we knew
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: then that it was going to be some time to
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: hit again. Now, where he hit his head, I don't know.
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: But it was interesting. So we take a lot of note.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: And we also get worried. We're just parents like anybody else.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Follow on Instagram at we need to talk with Tony Street.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: That's a big thing for a family to have to
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: go through because it doesn't just impact the person going
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: through it. It's mum, dad, it's your daughter as well.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Do you think it changed your family at all? Did
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: it change your outlook on things or your, you know,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: the way you look forward?
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: I think it changed quite a few things, but probably
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: sounds a bit more dramatic when you say it changed
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: a lot because the changes kind of happen one after
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: the other. So the first big change, of course, was
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: that I stopped writing. Yep.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: And stayed home.
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: And then the world was going into or onto online
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: at that time. And so I had to make a
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: decision in and around that time how much you do.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: So that was just a no. For our daughter, I
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: don't know that I've ever spoken too much to Olive
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: Rose about it, but you get to take second place.
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: And all of a sudden, it's like, where's my attention
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: coming from?
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: And so that.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: And then you're a mother at home dealing with it
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: and looking after the passing out. And some other lovely
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: person in your life is going to work and having
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: lunches and doing business.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: And your world has gone like this. And you're feeling.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: as if you've turned into this nondescript character in this family.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: You don't realise how important your role is to be
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: that person at home in that moment because all the
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: things that you used to do have just disappeared. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: so there's that change to get used to. But because
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: we did the pivot and moved our whole family out
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: of Auckland, it did have repercussions for where we may
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: have gone or what we may have done. I don't
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: regret any of those because you do what you have
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: to do to save your family. And it's been a
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: great move for our daughter. And my husband, who originally
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: came from the Waikato, thinks he's gone home.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: So he's happy.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: He's happy. I don't quite care where I live as
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: long as I've got the kids and my husband. But
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: it was quite a huge change for the family. And,
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: you know, we went to ground when Jean-Luc was particularly
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: unwell because we weren't sure we couldn't take him out anywhere.
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: And he was tired, all of those things. And so
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: for six or eight months, you just step off a
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: wheel or you just step into a totally different life.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: And it was quite significant, yeah. The thing is, you
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: have recovered. The family's recovered. He's back playing hockey. And
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting here with the Australia Women's Weekly in front
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: of me, you on the cover, and your brand new book, Give.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: And it is beautiful. Where did the inspiration come from?
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: Well, I hadn't written for years and there was a
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: Chinese paddle boating. I don't think it's called paddle boating,
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: but it was a Chinese dragon boating competition at Lake Karapiro.
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: Quite literally, I was walking the dog and in front
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: of me were thousands of women in pink and they'd
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: gathered from all over the world and to celebrate their
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: journey through breast cancer. Literally, that's how it started. And
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: I looked at these women. Somebody told me what they
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: were doing. A lot of them didn't speak English. They
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: meet up every year somewhere else in the world. And
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: I looked at these women and I went home and
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: I thought, surely the person that was Alison Gofton must
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: be able to do something here. And so I came
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: up with a concept of giving, it was not long
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: after COVID, giving a gift of kindness to a friend
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: who's in need. And why do we go and buy gifts?
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: Why can't you just make a little something and put
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: a special message on it and give it to your
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: friend and say, thinking of you today. And in that,
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: I think we've got used to receiving gifts that are
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: perfectly labeled with a brand on it, And I think
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: we need to understand that when somebody's taken time to
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: make you something, that gift is all that much more special.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: And so I went back to my ragtag garden and
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: I thought, what could I make that was inexpensive, in season,
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: that was made with love, that you could package up
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: into something that's kind of gorgeous and beautiful and you
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: could give it to your friend. And so that's where
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: I started. Literally, that's where I started. I stood in
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: my garden and went, hmm, what have I got?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Well, it was rhubarb. Everybody has rhubarb in New Zealand
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: and lemons. And there were herbs.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: And so I went through the seasons and that's how
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: the book is put together because that's when food is
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: tasting at its best. That's when it's cheapest to buy,
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: easiest to cook, where then you're going to get the
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: most flavour out of it.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is really good timing with the
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: cost of living crisis we're in as well. Making use
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: and creating gifts that don't cost anything.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and be proud that it's homemade.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, and you're giving people your time as well, aren't you?
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: And I see that $ 30 from every book sold goes
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: to breast cancer research as well. So charity's at the
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: heart of this.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: So yes, so I approached Breast Cancer Cure to see
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: if they would like to share with me on the
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: journey of the book, and they were just overjoyed. And
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: so they've got 10 of their ambassadors and or fashion girls,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Dame Traleece Cooper, Antonia Preble, Betty Cooksley, the girls came
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: on board. They gave me some recipes to go into
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: the book. And I've had the unbelievable support from local
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: publisher Batemans, who do great books, and also Lottie Headley,
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: who's a photographer. The designers, everybody has given me their
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: time for next to nothing. The printers, everyone, so that
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: of the purchase, $ 30 off. will go to Breast Cancer Cure.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: And they're the only charity that work to raise money
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: for research held in New Zealand, done in New Zealand
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: for New Zealand women on breast cancer. So I thought
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: I might be able to make 50,000, but to think
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: that I'll make 150 is just amazing.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, incredible. And so selfless from you, Alison, as well.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: You know, to do something that's for others like this.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: It was a joy to do.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: And, you know, working with Lottie, who's this amazing photographer
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: and has very, she loves food that looks real and
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: is simple. The days were fun to work on. They
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: were hard to work on. And there's lots of, you know,
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: got to work your butt off to make sure everything's
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: perfect on the day the photographer turns up. But honestly,
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: it's been a joy to be able to do something
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: that I think is going to help give back a lot.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: To New Zealand research. So fingers crossed it will all
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: be successful.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: What are a couple of your favourite recipes in the book?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: I know you always get asked this. I know you've
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: brought in.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I've brought in.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: What is this that we've got to sample today?
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: This is Biddy Cooksley's strawberry and white chocolate shortcake, it's called. Now,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: I buy strawberries in Cambridge in box loads for $ 10.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: And then I freeze them. I freeze them for the
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: rest of the year so you can make that. That's
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: my son's favourite.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is delicious. That's really good, eh?
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know what I was expecting, but you can really,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: really taste the white chocolate. You can, aye.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: And like, you know, you can buy your flavoured olives,
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: you can buy them in the supermarket, but you can
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: make them so easily. And this is an old sauce jar.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: And so that's just my olives. And they put them
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: on an antipasto platter or something. And if you're really
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: into health, look, this is my husband's all-time breakfast. This
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: is coconut muesli. And I learned this one in Bali
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: years ago. And it's flaky coconut, which you toast with
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: nuts and bits and pieces. And I've just put it
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: in a jar with dried oranges that I dry myself.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: You know, it's not that expensive. It's really simple. And
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: somebody could have it as a scroggin'. Or you can
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: make it into a crumble, all that kind of stuff.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: So that's my husband's favourite.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: And then you've got some sort of nibbles there with crackers.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, these are the latest thing.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: You know, everybody has these seed crackers. They are really
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: easy to make. So this is just an old jar.
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: And then what you can do is I made a
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: baba ghanoush. to go with the recipe because aubergine, you know,
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: it's really easy to get these days. It's very simple
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: to cook and it's lovely and it's nice and healthy.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: If you're into health, then this is a lovely idea.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: To give to somebody as well. Anzacs, I made these
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: yummy anzacs.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: The thing about Anzacs is that actually you can make
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: them into your own bespoke version. So these ones have
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: three different gingers in them. So there's crystallized ginger, dried ginger,
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: and fresh ginger. So they're hot ginger Anzacs. And ginger
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: is really good.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: On our tummies.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: It's good for the gut, isn't it?
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: And it doesn't matter how you get it. So it
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: doesn't have to be fresh. It can be crystallized or
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: it can be dried. All ginger just helps us in
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: our tummies, especially good if you're pregnant.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm getting from all of these
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: sort of homemade gifts? I feel like it ties in
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: really nicely to your story at the beginning, this family
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: tragedy that you had. And I'm guessing there were people
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: that showed a lot of kindness towards you through that time.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: There were lots of people, lots of friends that helped us.
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: And we couldn't have done without them that just dropped
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: in a meal or came round for a glass of
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: wine or a coffee and a hug. And, you know,
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: if you've got a girlfriend going through cancer treatment or
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: a mate that's going through cancer treatment or they're just
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: having a bad time, they don't need you to be
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: there all the time. They just need to know that
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: you're thinking of them and that you love them or
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: that you care. And that's really important. So that's what
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: I wanted to get through in my book. And, you know,
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: somebody made that beautiful cover for me.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: It's divine.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: It's just gorgeous, isn't it? And I feel very blessed
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: from the people that worked with me on the project.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, Alison, I just have had such a great time
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: chatting to you. Thank you for bringing in all your goodies.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm so sorry for what you went through with
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: your son. but you've come out the other side, which
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: is wonderful to see, but I can see the toll
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: it's taken. So I think you'll help a lot of
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: people that are going through this because I agree with you.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's talked about enough. And I think
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: changing that wording to brain injury is a great start.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: Well, thank you for having me. And it's lovely to
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: meet you. And I just wish everybody who ever goes
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: through any kind of journey, I wish them all the best.
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: And hopefully they'll have a friend that will just give
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: them a little bit of kindness and make them feel good.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to We Need to Talk. Contact us
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: on Instagram at we need to talk with Tony Street
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: or email we need to talk at coastonline.co.nz.