Latest / The Uncensored Catholic / Show 60: Abuse and Forgiveness

Transcript

Show 60: Abuse and Forgiveness · The Uncensored Catholic

0:47
Hey, y'all, welcome today's show. You know, every Thursday I do
1:03
the Gospel reflection from Mizzio Day, and I want to share this week's with
1:07
you because it's a very important topic. It has to do with forgiveness and
1:12
healing when we've been mistreated by others. You know, it's not something I
1:17
talk very much about, and I probably won't ever mention this again, so
1:22
listen up. My dad was a very abusive, very abusive. He's the
1:29
reason I don't have a brother and a sister. They're in heaven. Well
1:34
I have them, they're more alive in heaven than on earth, but I
1:38
never got to grow up with them, and so I know full well the
1:44
pain of abuse. I know the pain of abandonment. I know the pain
1:49
of having a family who perch you or really just don't care about you whatsoever.
1:56
Also had a really good mom, so I'm not complaining at all.
2:00
We're gonna talk a little bit about that hard subject. You know, whether
2:05
it's a family member, spouse, a friend. You know, people can
2:12
really mistreat us and hurt us. And yeah, I've been through a lot
2:16
more than that actually, which I probably really won't get into. But you
2:23
know, a lot of pain, a lot of people who've hurt me really
2:29
really bad, both related to me and not related, both physical and psychological
2:37
abuse and mistreatment. And yeah, I'll tell you the truth, it nearly
2:43
killed me. Had I not become Catholic, I probably wouldn't be alive now,
2:51
you know. My Christian faith kept me going, but it only went
2:55
so far. And I was pretty darn self destructive before I became Catholic.
3:04
And the reason I named my book Confirmation Autobiography of Faith is because everything changed
3:12
when I was confirmed to the Catholic Church. So we'll talk about that a
3:15
little bit. And before we do, though, of course, we'll get
3:20
a couple of questions and answers of the classic book Radio replies. The questioner
3:27
asks, do these doctrines of moral obligations, sanctions, and a future life
3:32
imply the freedom of man's will? They do, for if man were not
3:37
free, he could not be responsible for his conduct, and could neither merit
3:42
condemnation by good actions nor condemnation. Could neither merrick commendation by good actions nor
3:50
condemnation by evil actions. And then further, his question proved to me that
4:00
man is endowed with free will. Now This is something a lot of people
4:02
really struggle with. They say, if God knows beforehand what's going to happen,
4:08
how does man really have free will? They'll even say, well,
4:11
if you know God knew Judas was going to betray to Jesus, how did
4:14
Judas have free will? Well, Judas was still free to choose. He
4:19
could have betrayed Jesus or not. Had he not, another one of the
4:24
disciples would have. In fact, many speculate, and I think it's a
4:30
very valid point that the devil tempted both Judas and Saint Peter more than the
4:36
other apostles. We know what a flawed, infallible man Saint Peter was.
4:41
We know he denied Christ. He often did not show a lot of courage.
4:46
It could have been that either Judas or Saint Peter could have betrayed Christ,
4:53
and either Judas or Saint Peter could have been the first Pope. I
4:58
don't know. I mean, yeah, speculate, But how better to prove
5:03
to us what God can do with our lives then for him to take the
5:09
most flawed of his disciples, namely Saint Peter, and making the first pope,
5:15
well at least the most flawed, who didn't betray him? Right?
5:19
I think it. You know, obviously I have no proof of that,
5:24
but I think it's an interesting theory, and I think it's probably somewhat valid
5:28
at least. But they answer it is a necessary corollary from all that has
5:31
been said already. If man be not free, he cannot be expected to
5:36
keep laws and should not be punished for breaking them. There can be no
5:41
obligation to observe the law when it is not possible to keep it. This
5:46
is the judgment of every normal mind. The judicial impunitive applications of human legislation
5:51
is outrageous if men are not responsible for their conduct. The theorist who talks
5:56
of determinism never dream of applying their actrine in practice. Again, consciousness affords
6:03
sufficient proof for every normal man. We are not only conscious before acting,
6:09
and there are various courses open to us, but we are conscious that we
6:14
may desist from a course of action already adopted, and after acting we are
6:17
conscious of self approbation or self approach, realizing that when that we were not
6:24
compelled to act that way. Okay, so they're saying that we have options.
6:28
We know we're doing wrong when we're doing wrong, we know, we
6:30
have an option of not doing wrong, and after the fact we're aware that
6:34
we did wrong. Finally, the possession of reason or intelligence cannot be without
6:40
freedom of will. Granted a reasoning faculty which can apprehend finite things under different
6:46
aspects, free will follows. For example, the acquiring of another man's money
6:50
may be considered as involving the moral evil of obtaining it by theft, or
6:56
as yielding one's own goods in exchange for the sale. Possessing cash the object
7:00
itself. It allows man to concentrate upon one aspect or the other, proposing
7:05
motives to himself for a good or evil choice. So you want someone's money,
7:12
you can either do it legally and honestly, or fraudulently and evil,
7:17
the person says. Even grant granting freedom, man is not entirely free,
7:23
but only within certain limits. The answer. We admit that environment and hereditary
7:28
can weaken will power, and that lunacy can deprive a man of self control
7:32
altogether. But these are not normal cases, and God will make every allowances
7:38
regard to salvation. He will blame men only for those things for which they
7:42
are actually responsible, and in the degree in which they are responsible. Granted
7:46
weakening factors, God knows that responsibility is lessened. A man born and imbecile
7:54
would never be punished for sins when he is incapable that he is incapable of
7:57
committing. But the question of how everything will be adjusted does not affect the
8:03
fact that the human will is normally and of its very nature, endowed with
8:09
freedom. Now, given all that, it's rather applicable to today's gospel.
8:18
You know, Jesus said something that's very hard, very hard for us to
8:22
understand. We know that men are falled and fallen and will do bad things,
8:30
And in today's gospel, I'll just read it to you. Peter approached
8:33
Jesus and ask him, Lord, if my brother sends against me, how
8:37
often must I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus answered us,
8:43
say to you, not seven times, but seventy seven times. That
8:46
is why the kingdom of Heaven may be likened to a king who settles the
8:50
account with his servants when he begins accounting. A debtor was brought before him,
8:54
who owed him and Judge a huge amount. Since he had no way
8:56
of paying it back, his master ordered him to be so along with his
9:00
wife, his children, and all of his property in payment of the debt.
9:03
And that servant fell down to homage to him and said, be patient
9:07
with me, and I will pay you back in full. Moved with compassion,
9:09
the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.
9:13
When the servant had left, he found that one of his fellow servants who
9:16
owed him a much smaller amount. He found one of his fellow servant servants
9:22
who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke
9:26
him, demanding pay back what you owe. Falling to his knees. His
9:28
fellow's servant begged, be patient with me, and I will pay you back,
9:31
but he refused. Instead, he had the fellow's servant put into prison
9:35
until he paid back the debt. Now, when his fellow's servant saw it
9:39
happened, they were deeply disturbed, and they went to their master and reported
9:41
the whole affair. His master summoned him and said, you wicked servant,
9:46
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me too. Should you not
9:50
have had pity on your fellow servant as I had pity on you? Then
9:52
his anger. Then, in anger, his master had him handed over to
9:56
the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly
10:01
Father due to you unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart.
10:05
When Jesus finished these words, he left Galilee and went to the district of
10:09
Judea across the Jordan. Now, I think any of us can admit that's
10:13
a very hard passage of the Bible. First of all, this one says
10:18
seventy seven times and the other version, which is what in Luke's I think
10:22
it's Matthew. And anyway, two different versions two from Gospel, says seventy
10:26
times seven. Well, that was a sum in that, you know,
10:33
the Jews of the time would have recognized as being essentially infinite more times than
10:39
anyone could count a full number emblematic of infinity or entirety. But then Jesus
10:48
goes further and says, if we don't forgive, then our father, our
10:54
heavenly Father, is going to punish us with torture. That you know,
11:03
that's actually that's what the words of Jesus said. You know, our culture
11:09
tends to act like I mean, you know, your Protestants are going to
11:13
say it. Once saved, always saved. Once you believe in God,
11:16
no matter what you do, you're going to heaven and there's no punishment.
11:18
Well, that's not what Jesus said. Jesus said, unless you forgive your
11:22
brother from your heart, you're gonna be handed over to the tortures. Okay,
11:26
pretty strong, and he goes. You know, he talks about purgatory
11:30
in many forms. This is one of them. You know, we should
11:33
actually hope to go to purgatory because at least we get a second chance and
11:37
don't go to hell. But Jesus makes clear that we will be punishment for
11:41
sin. And every time we pray the Lord's prayer, we say forgive us
11:46
as we forgive those who trespass against us, or forgive us our debts as
11:50
we forgive our debtors. However you want to say it. We're actually we're
11:58
actually by that punishment upon us in act asking in that way for forgiveness and
12:03
saying judge us how we judge others. We're actually putting both a blessing and
12:09
a curse upon ourselves, and that is ordained ordered by Jesus Christ that we
12:15
should do well. Obviously, it's very different, difficult, very very difficult.
12:22
This is one of the hardest teachings of Jesus. How can we as
12:26
humans forgive others in such an unlimited way? And that's what he's demanding.
12:30
He's not he's demanding unlimited forgiveness. Of course, we're gonna have arguments with
12:39
other people. People we care about will be hurt. We know that our
12:43
Lord tells us to turn the other cheek to even one who strikes us.
12:48
Perhaps, you know we could do that, if we had enough self discipline,
12:52
we could turn the other cheek. But how could we not be angered
12:56
at the blow? Obviously this is not humanly possible us when it becomes so
13:00
accustomed to abuse that such offenses become expected and normal, and that's not healthy.
13:05
So what is Jesus teaching us? Well, obviously he's teaching us that
13:11
through Christ, all things are possible, even though even those things that surpass
13:16
human ability. Beyond that, he's emphasizing peace, love, compassion, striving
13:20
after virtue. He also says, in a similar passion passage, I'm sorry
13:26
that we must be more righteous than the Jewish religious leaders who kept the law
13:31
to the letter. And he even said, you must be perfect as your
13:33
heavenly Father is perfect. You know again, in the Lord's prayer forgive us
13:39
as we forgive those of trespass against us, he's saying, to be perfect
13:43
as God is perfect. Our Lord gave us a new law, and that
13:52
is to view all situations through the eyes of love. Love enables sister to
13:56
forgive. Love gives compassion. If we exercise patience and step back from a
14:01
situation, we can see that the person who has hurt us is just as
14:05
fault as we are. We may be able to understand their motives if they
14:09
are reasonable. But it's really important, though, to remember that some people
14:13
are intentionally cruel, abusive, sociopathic, even criminal. I mean, you
14:20
know, take Charles Manson for instance. I mean his crimes were horrible,
14:24
horrific and purposeful, and he didn't I mean really bad dude. You know,
14:33
demon possess, satanic, purely fully evil. We don't have to make
14:41
ourselves victims. Okay. Jesus references your brother. When that brother, whether
14:46
that brother is by birth or a brother in Christ, that's a person who
14:50
must follow the same teaching. Your brother should be the one should be one
14:54
who will is good for you as you will good for him. So what
14:58
do we do when we counter? You know a sociopath or a brother,
15:03
a parent, a spouse, etc. Who may not be a sociopath,
15:07
It just may be screwed up who hurts us intentionally and repeatedly. What do
15:11
we do in that person we love is so abusively and absolutely toxic and hurtful,
15:16
we can't be around them. Often in such cases, it's best to
15:20
distance yourself. If you accept their abuse, you're actually enabling it. And
15:26
they sin when they abuse you, so you're aiding in their sin. While
15:31
we may wish to fix every relationship and reconcile, sometimes we simply can't.
15:35
There's still one thing we must do, though, and that is to forgive.
15:41
Jesus doesn't ask us to fix the situation. He merely asks us to
15:45
forgive. We can forgive those who hurt us without ever confronting them or even
15:50
telling them. Forgiveness and taels letting go of that hurt. If we come
15:54
to a place where we can genuinely forgive the one who hurt us, we
15:58
can recover. If we do not forgive the person, we allow hate and
16:03
resentment to build within us for our own good. We must learn to forgive
16:08
and pray for those who hurt us, as Jesus did on the cross when
16:11
he said, Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.
16:15
These people have just tortured him and kill and we're in the process of killing
16:18
him, and he said, forgive them. If we don't make an honest
16:23
effort to forgive those or hurt us, we will have to answer to the
16:27
judge as he describe it, and the penalty describe barah Lord as a foundational
16:34
verse for our understanding of purgatory. As hard as it may be to forgive,
16:41
especially those who really hurt you in ways that you'll never recover, really
16:45
ruling years of your life, and I've experienced that, we we have to
16:52
because Jesus asked us to, and he's God, and we have to do
16:56
what he asks if we're going to be Christians. And really, I mean,
17:00
how awful would it be if we have to suffer in purgatory do the
17:03
actions of another. We have the option of either compounding the harm they did
17:08
to us or doing what Jesus asked. Just as if we did not seek
17:12
revenge for fear of earthly arrest in jail, we cannot allow our hurt and
17:18
anger to affect our souls. I mean, you know, trust me,
17:22
I've been there, and I thought, you know, do I go,
17:27
you know, shoot somebody and or worse, And that's the human response.
17:37
And then in the back of my mind think, you know what, it's
17:41
not worth going to jail for that jerk. You know it's not worth it.
17:47
It's also not worth going to hell for that jerk. And if you
17:51
can forgive without ever saying a word to them, just through prayer and in
17:59
your own heart, only through the help and grace of Jesus Christ is even
18:03
possible. And if you have a good priest as a confessor, he should
18:07
be able to help you through that. If you can forgive, you won't
18:11
have to go to purgatory for that jerk. If you don't forgive, if
18:18
you act in retribution, if you strike back, you're only hurting yourself.
18:23
And I'm telling you, if that's not the hardest, one of the hardest
18:27
teachings of Jesus in the entire Bible, I don't know what is, because
18:37
it absolutely goes against all human nature. We have a certain sense of our
18:47
personal dignity and we don't like to be offended. Much less. We like
18:52
to be hurt physically or emotionally, and when that happens, our natural human
18:59
response is to strike back. And Jesus asks of us something that is superhuman,
19:07
and only through the power of God can we do what is superhuman.
19:18
So that's it. Not a pleasant subject, not an easy one to talk
19:22
about, but something each one of us, if we hope to go to
19:27
heaven, are going to have to face. So, in the words of
19:33
Saint Padre Pio, pray, hope and don't worry, and I'll taught y'all
19:37
next week.