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Unlock Your Emotional Healing · Create The Best Me

0:00
Carmen Hecox: Do you believe that, perhaps your first encounter with starting to develop the gift came from as I was mentioning, when you were living with your aunt and you saw that image, woman in the doorway
0:14
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
0:15
Carmen Hecox: And during that time you went through a traumatic event because you had another bedwetting episode and you knew drama was gonna happen.
0:24
Jana Wilson: Well, you know, she had that device and the device would ring and they would wake up and shame me.
0:30
Jana Wilson: So in their defense, I'm pretty certain they did not know the level of abuse that my brother and I were going through.
0:40
Jana Wilson: I don't even think they knew that my mom had just put a shotgun to my head.
0:46
Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create the Best Me.
0:48
Carmen Hecox: I am Carmen Hecox, a personal development coach, and I am so excited to be connecting with you today.
0:55
Carmen Hecox: Whether you're listening to the podcast or joining us on YouTube, my goal is to help women navigate through midlife challenges with compassion, inspiration, and empowering conversations.
1:08
Carmen Hecox: Each week we'll dive into thought-provoking topics, designed to build self-confidence, overcome invisible women's syndrome, and find the courage to create the best version of yourself.
1:20
Carmen Hecox: I'll also be joined by expert guests who will share their wisdom and insights, so make yourself comfortable and let's embark on this journey together.
1:30
Carmen Hecox: Well, hello there.
1:31
Carmen Hecox: Fearless midlife trailblazers.
1:33
Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create The Best Me.
1:35
Carmen Hecox: If you are new here, I'm so glad you made it; if you're a returning listener, welcome back to the one and only place where we encourage and empower women in midlife to pursue their dreams and live life to the fullest! I am Carmen Hecox, your host and personal development coach.
1:53
Carmen Hecox: Today's guest is Jana Wilson, author of"Wise Little One." She's also a hypnotherapist, shadow worker, meditation teacher, and the founder of The Emotional Healing System.
2:09
Carmen Hecox: For the past two decades, she has taught thousands internationally in group and private retreats.
2:16
Carmen Hecox: Jana trained and worked with bestselling author, physician Dr.
2:21
Carmen Hecox: Deepak Chopra.
2:24
Carmen Hecox: Currently, she lives in the foothills of Sangre de Christo Mountains Range in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with her husband and business partner, Dr.
2:33
Carmen Hecox: Lance Wilson.
2:35
Carmen Hecox: Today she's here to dive deep into her newly released book"Wise Little One." Let's join the conversation now.
2:44
Carmen Hecox: Jana Wilson, welcome to Create the Best Me.
2:48
Carmen Hecox: I am so happy to have you on the show.
2:51
Jana Wilson: Thank you, Carmen.
2:52
Jana Wilson: I'm happy to be here.
2:54
Carmen Hecox: So for the people that don't know who you are, can you give us a little bit of background information about who you are and what you do?
3:01
Jana Wilson: Sure.
3:01
Jana Wilson: I'm an emotional healing educator.
3:03
Jana Wilson: I, um, own a retreat center here in Santa Fe, New Mexico with my husband, who is a physician, and we lead group and private intensives.
3:13
Carmen Hecox: Perfect.
3:14
Carmen Hecox: The reason why I have you on the show is because your book was released yesterday, July 12th.
3:19
Carmen Hecox: This amazing, beautiful book"Wise Little One".
3:24
Carmen Hecox: So tell me, what does the title mean to you?
3:30
Jana Wilson: Well"Wise Little One" is the our emotional self.
3:33
Jana Wilson: It's the part of us that we were when we were very young and we believed anything was possible.
3:39
Jana Wilson: There's wisdom there.
3:41
Jana Wilson: It's why we have sayings like out of the mouth of babes, right?
3:46
Carmen Hecox: I know you're, at least to me, you seem like a very young woman.
3:50
Carmen Hecox: You look young, you're beautiful.
3:53
Carmen Hecox: But as I read your book, you seem like you have lived a very big life.
3:59
Carmen Hecox: A life of many.
4:01
Jana Wilson: Yeah that's an understatement.
4:02
Jana Wilson: Well, I'll be 60 in two years, so I'm not some spring chick, but yeah.
4:06
Jana Wilson: Um, thank you for the compliment.
4:10
Jana Wilson: So, uh, I've been doing this work for 19 years and yeah, I've been on this journey really when, as you read the book, the spiritual awakening I had at 12 years old.
4:23
Jana Wilson: So in the midst of trauma and chaos, I had an awakening, a spirit pulled me out of my body.
4:30
Jana Wilson: It was out of body experience.
4:32
Jana Wilson: It was probably a near death experience because the trauma was so intense for me.
4:37
Jana Wilson: Um, and yeah, so this isn't my first rodeo as my ex-husband from Texas used to say.
4:45
Carmen Hecox: Exactly.
4:46
Carmen Hecox: And I'm gonna, bring up just little bits and pieces of the book that really resonated with me or, gave me these moments.
4:53
Carmen Hecox: I know in 1974, just before you, your brother and your mom were leaving this, beautiful place that you guys loved.
5:02
Carmen Hecox: It was a farmhouse near a fish farm.
5:05
Carmen Hecox: Your mom had a friend named Jerry Graves who I don't know if maybe he was just trying to give you guys something bright to look forward to, even though you were leaving this comfortable place and going to a newer home that was smaller than what you were accustomed to, and he gave you guys tickets to see Elvis Presley concert.
5:26
Jana Wilson: Yeah, so I, it was just my mom and I.
5:29
Jana Wilson: My brother didn't go see Elvis, but yeah, buddy Graves, Jerry Graves was my mom's childhood friend, and he always kind of stepped in and brightened our day, you know, when things weren't going so good, we weren't moving to a home.
5:40
Jana Wilson: We were moving to a trailer just above being homeless, in my opinion.
5:45
Jana Wilson: Um, my mom named that trailer in that trailer park, little Vietnam.
5:50
Jana Wilson: To give you an idea, when I was eight years old, I heard someone get shot and killed and I had to testify in court.
5:57
Jana Wilson: So my childhood, you know, and adverse childhood experiences was a, uh, you know, there's 10 questions.
6:04
Jana Wilson: If you look up the ace test that clinicians we look at to really ascertain, you know, how much trauma, uh, someone had in childhood and developmental years.
6:13
Jana Wilson: I scored 10 out of 10, so going to see Elvis, you asked about that event was, you know, really monumental Elvis when you grew up in the south.
6:22
Jana Wilson: Number one, Elvis' is God, especially back then.
6:26
Jana Wilson: And my dad was an impersonator, so I grew up with, Elvis felt like a family member, so getting to go see him in concert was amazing.
6:34
Jana Wilson: I was seven and my mother followed his motorcade after.
6:41
Jana Wilson: And Elvis ended up inviting us up to his suite.
6:45
Jana Wilson: He was with Linda Thompson at the time.
6:48
Jana Wilson: She was, a beauty queen.
6:50
Jana Wilson: And anyway, she ended up marrying later, who was it?
6:55
Jana Wilson: Bruce Jenner.
6:56
Jana Wilson: And I just remember, you know, I couldn't go because I'd wet my pants cuz I was so excited at the concert.
7:03
Jana Wilson: But in my little mind I just felt like, oh, we'll do this next year.
7:08
Jana Wilson: You know, like I didn't understand really the gravity and what a monumental event that was.
7:15
Jana Wilson: And it made me think of like how often we forget as adults that sense of wonder and anything's possible.
7:24
Jana Wilson: And that's that wise little one that's the part of us that believes anything's possible, right?
7:28
Jana Wilson: That she can grow up and do anything.
7:31
Jana Wilson: So yeah I think it's important to connect with that part of ourselves.
7:35
Carmen Hecox: And I know I had spoke to a couple of my friends that I had read this book and I said, yeah, I'm interviewing Jana Wilson, and she's someone who I consider you a rare breed because I don't think there's a lot of people out there that can honestly say, I saw Elvis Presley in concert and you were a child at the time that you did that.
7:55
Carmen Hecox: Um, so they asked me a question that I said, yes.
7:59
Carmen Hecox: I'm gonna ask her, do you still have Elvis's blue scarf?
8:03
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
8:04
Jana Wilson: So when I said no, and the security guy came over and gave me Elvis, took his scarf off and gave it to me, and, um, you haven't probably got to the part in the book, did you read the whole book?
8:16
Carmen Hecox: The whole book.
8:18
Jana Wilson: Okay.
8:18
Jana Wilson: Do you remember the part where I talk about in my training later on in life with Debbie Ford, that a colleague from Denmark came up to me and asked me what white trash meant?
8:29
Jana Wilson: Because they didn't have that saying.
8:31
Jana Wilson: And that was one of the things that I was, you know, labelled with as a child because of my parents' choices.
8:38
Jana Wilson: And, um, my mom had our trailer burnt down to get the insurance money.
8:44
Jana Wilson: The scarf was in the trailer, so no, I don't have the scarf.
8:49
Carmen Hecox: See, I read that part.
8:50
Carmen Hecox: In fact, I looked back at that part right before we got on, and I wasn't sure if that was a plan or something she joked about or if that was something that actually really transpired that the trailer was burned
9:05
Jana Wilson: Oh yeah, she absolutely did that.
9:07
Jana Wilson: Her and Jerry Graves.
9:10
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
9:10
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
9:11
Jana Wilson: It was their little concoction.
9:12
Jana Wilson: Oh, okay.
9:13
Jana Wilson: Well, I.
9:14
Jana Wilson: You, you know, my mom was mentally ill.
9:17
Jana Wilson: You know, she suffered from bipolar.
9:19
Jana Wilson: She wouldn't stay on medication.
9:20
Jana Wilson: She was high and low.
9:22
Jana Wilson: I mean, it was like a, you know, riding a, a Ferris wheel with her.
9:27
Jana Wilson: You know, you never knew what you were gonna get.
9:29
Jana Wilson: But, um, you know, she thought she was doing the best thing for us.
9:34
Jana Wilson: We went from a single wide to a double wide, so, hey.
9:37
Carmen Hecox: And you know, and you bring that up where, I remember in your book you said that, the first time you ever heard that word, white trash, and this is very heartbreaking for me because you overheard teachers speaking, and they were wondering whether your parents were coming to open house and one of the teachers had kind of told the other teacher that, oh, they're white trash.
10:05
Jana Wilson: Yeah, they won't come.
10:06
Jana Wilson: And of course my mom went the next day and showed them what white trash said.
10:10
Jana Wilson: She cussed her out and told her.
10:12
Jana Wilson: But for me, at in third grade, I'd never heard that.
10:15
Jana Wilson: I knew what trash was.
10:17
Jana Wilson: You throw it away.
10:18
Jana Wilson: I knew I was white, you know?
10:20
Jana Wilson: And so it was really devastating.
10:23
Jana Wilson: I think it was, the birth of it really solidified a false belief I had already received under the age of seven, cuz here I was eight, you know, that I was different, that I didn't, you know, have parents, mom and dad.
10:39
Jana Wilson: I didn't have normalcy.
10:40
Jana Wilson: A lot of my friends had, I was already starting to observe that because now I'm in third grade.
10:46
Jana Wilson: And, um, yeah, it was, it was a.
10:48
Jana Wilson: It wasn't easy, you being kind of shackled with that, but in the positive It was the commitment I made at a young age.
10:57
Jana Wilson: Oh, I'll show them.
10:58
Jana Wilson: So it's really driven me to success, right?
11:02
Jana Wilson: All of these challenges that I went through, that I share in the book were the impetus for me to stay steadfast and consistent towards my vision, towards what I was growing towards, to be the cycle breaker of that very codependent, enmeshed, dysfunctional family.
11:21
Carmen Hecox: Yeah, another thing that kind of struck me is that children don't choose to be in the situation that they're at.
11:31
Carmen Hecox: And I think that as an adult, a teacher, I think the teachers go into the profession because they wanna help.
11:38
Carmen Hecox: You know, I, I, I, it just hurt me to see that a teacher labeled you.
11:44
Carmen Hecox: You know, gave you something that you didn't ask for.
11:46
Carmen Hecox: this is where you're at.
11:48
Jana Wilson: And I think most teachers do the best they can, but even when my daughter was in kindergarten, the teacher had, you know, she was her star student.
11:57
Jana Wilson: She loved her.
11:58
Jana Wilson: Oh, she was cute with her bows and her blonde hair.
12:01
Jana Wilson: And I dress her all up and I was volunteering during that time and Taylor was in kindergarten, so she was say five and I, the teacher said to me, in earshot of another student, that family is white trash.
12:16
Jana Wilson: Now here I am adult, I'm a mom and I'm hearing a teacher tell me in earshot of a little boy who had his hair was like in a mullet.
12:26
Jana Wilson: We're talking like 1991.
12:28
Jana Wilson: You know, he had a earring in his ear and she said that, and I lost it.
12:35
Jana Wilson: I got up, I went to the principal's office.
12:37
Jana Wilson: I told the principal what happened.
12:39
Jana Wilson: I was volunteering.
12:40
Jana Wilson: This happened.
12:41
Jana Wilson: That is unacceptable.
12:42
Jana Wilson: And they fired her.
12:45
Carmen Hecox: And rightfully so.
12:46
Jana Wilson: Yeah, yeah, I was.
12:48
Jana Wilson: But the fact that I had had that experience as a child and then to experience as an adult it was bizarre to me.
12:54
Jana Wilson: Like, how did that happen?
12:56
Jana Wilson: Right.
12:56
Jana Wilson: What are the odds?
12:57
Carmen Hecox: mm-hmm.
12:58
Carmen Hecox: And I guess maybe, perhaps it was something the other teacher should have done when you were labeled.
13:06
Jana Wilson: So we've, we're going back in time, right?
13:09
Jana Wilson: I'm, you know, close to 60, so that's a long time ago.
13:12
Jana Wilson: We certainly do not teach emotional education now in schools, adults, children, we don't have this kind of knowledge.
13:20
Jana Wilson: We prize IQ, not EQ.
13:23
Jana Wilson: If we taught in even elementary school, but even like, say middle school, and we began to, you know, have an EQ 1 0 1 where kids could talk about their feelings and understand about core emotion and, painful emotions and how to manage them.
13:39
Jana Wilson: And imagine what a different society we would have today, Carmen.
13:44
Carmen Hecox: But I think this is something that, you hear about it because it happens on social media and stuff.
13:48
Carmen Hecox: We talk about bullying and cyber bullying but in my opinion, that's a form of bullying, labeling, children because they're in a situation that's not the same as the situation I'm in.
14:03
Jana Wilson: Right?
14:05
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
14:06
Jana Wilson: Based, you know, judging a child based on their parents is, it's just unconscious behavior and let's face it, there's a lot of unconscious people on the planet.
14:16
Carmen Hecox: Exactly.
14:18
Carmen Hecox: and another thing that, that really resonated with me is when you were temporarily living with your Aunt Ginny.
14:25
Carmen Hecox: And it wasn't a place where you wanted to be.
14:28
Carmen Hecox: I mean, maybe other people would've thought, oh, wow, she hit the jackpot because your aunt, did have money and she lived in a beautiful home.
14:37
Carmen Hecox: She had things that, most people would say, oh yeah, that's my dream life.
14:43
Carmen Hecox: But even though that was a dream life, it was still a very, at least in my opinion, from based upon what you, what I read, it seemed like a very cold place to be.
14:54
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
14:55
Jana Wilson: I mean, you, I went from poverty, right?
14:58
Jana Wilson: And I had, I would visit my aunt Ginny, but not often.
15:01
Jana Wilson: My mom stayed pretty estranged from her because, Of my mom's choices and my mom's mental illness.
15:08
Jana Wilson: And there were a big gap in age.
15:10
Jana Wilson: They were about eight years apart, so she was already out of the home by the time her dad died.
15:15
Jana Wilson: And, now here I'm, having to go there to live and, you know, I start wetting the bed again, which is, a byproduct of acute trauma.
15:26
Jana Wilson: I was under a lot of post-traumatic, stress disorder.
15:30
Jana Wilson: I, I couldn't sleep well, they were giving me Valium.
15:34
Jana Wilson: They were biting, you know, taking little pieces of Valium.
15:37
Jana Wilson: And so I was drugged a lot as a child.
15:40
Jana Wilson: I mean, it was bad.
15:41
Jana Wilson: It was my grandmother was my inner resource.
15:43
Jana Wilson: When we go through developmental trauma and my trauma even went back as far as pre-conscious, pre-cognitive trauma, cuz I was, any time you're in the womb.
15:55
Jana Wilson: And I write it very metaphorically and poetically, this idea of me flipping myself, putting the cord around my neck, right?
16:04
Jana Wilson: When I, my mom was pregnant with me because imagine everything's being fed to me.
16:10
Jana Wilson: So all the adrenaline nor adrenaline, cortisol, all the stress hormones my mom was going through, being married to my father who was abusing her, cheating on her, and she's pregnant with me.
16:20
Jana Wilson: I'm feeling, so it was during hypnotherapy training that I realized I did it.
16:25
Jana Wilson: I saw the vision of me.
16:27
Jana Wilson: Wrapping the cord and flipping, and so in Wise Little One, you know, I share that obviously I do not know what I did in the womb, right?
16:38
Jana Wilson: I just had that awareness that I didn't wanna be born.
16:43
Jana Wilson: So knowing I was breech and I, the cord was wrapped around my neck, I shared that to let the reader know in case, somebody might be reading it as well and say, oh, I was receiving all those, cortisol and adrenaline and all those toxic hormones of stress in the womb.
17:04
Jana Wilson: No wonder I'm a drama queen, or I'm a, you know, whatever it is.
17:08
Jana Wilson: Like that we understand it with addiction and drugs, that babies take it on.
17:15
Jana Wilson: you know, it's not uncommon, like it's not hard to figure out that it would happen as well with the chemicals of stress.
17:22
Jana Wilson: The same receptor sites in the brain of a heroin addict is someone who's emotionally an addict.
17:29
Jana Wilson: And it's fair to say my mom, she had battered woman syndrome.
17:33
Jana Wilson: She was an addict to my dad to being treated bad, and I was just absorbing it all.
17:42
Carmen Hecox: And so let's say for example, you had mentioned that you were inheriting or receiving all of these, emotions and cortisol and stuff, if one of the listeners here perhaps may have been born in a situation like yours where the mother was involved in trauma, how can someone like that receive healing?
18:05
Jana Wilson: Well, it's the same path for anyone.
18:07
Jana Wilson: If you have pre-conscious, pre-cognitive, which is what that's called, trauma, and then there's intergenerational trauma.
18:13
Jana Wilson: There's trauma that we, you know, the Bible says the sins of the father are passed down.
18:18
Jana Wilson: That's really alluding to intergenerational trauma.
18:21
Jana Wilson: We know that this is a fact now because they took rats and they sprayed like a rose scent, and then every time they sprayed the rose scent, they would shock the rat.
18:32
Jana Wilson: They stopped shocking the rats only sprayed the rose scent.
18:36
Jana Wilson: The rats behaved as if they were still being shocked.
18:40
Jana Wilson: A year or two goes by, those same rats have babies or time goes by and those same rats have babies.
18:47
Jana Wilson: Now, the babies, when the rose is sprayed, behave as if they're being shocked.
18:55
Jana Wilson: So that's how we know that we take on trauma from our parents and in wise little one, I give the reader the examples of my mom's possible belief systems and traumas that happen in her family of origin and my father's family of origin, which made them the perfect recipe to be attracted and have a relationship because they were two wounded people come together, they create a very enmeshed, dysfunctional, codependent relationship.
19:28
Jana Wilson: And that's what my parents did.
19:30
Jana Wilson: So the path to healing is becoming aware that, trauma and trauma is different for everybody, right?
19:36
Jana Wilson: Like of course somebody compares their trauma to mine, it might seem very small.
19:41
Jana Wilson: I'm working with a woman next month.
19:43
Jana Wilson: Her trauma is intense.
19:45
Jana Wilson: I mean, she was, kidnapped as a young teenager.
19:49
Jana Wilson: She was brutally raped.
19:51
Jana Wilson: I mean, there were horrible things and she's got so much grit.
19:57
Jana Wilson: She's a single mother.
19:58
Jana Wilson: She works for the government.
20:00
Jana Wilson: She's got two master degrees.
20:02
Jana Wilson: So it's fascinating to me.
20:04
Jana Wilson: It appears, we're not a victim when we're children and something's done to us.
20:10
Jana Wilson: Of course, we're a victim, but at some point we must take responsibility that it happened, right?
20:17
Jana Wilson: I can't change the past.
20:19
Jana Wilson: Now, what is the lesson?
20:21
Jana Wilson: What if it happened for me and not to me?
20:24
Jana Wilson: And so in the book and wise little one, I really, my intent was to show the reader.
20:29
Jana Wilson: As soon as I made that shift in perception, miracles began to happen.
20:36
Jana Wilson: Because I became very empowered, right?
20:38
Jana Wilson: I began to see, oh, I'm not a victim of my childhood.
20:42
Jana Wilson: I'm not a victim of people classifying me as trash.
20:46
Jana Wilson: I'm not a victim of the choices my parents made.
20:49
Jana Wilson: It all was in really divine design, and if I can extract the wisdom, then I won't repeat what my parents did.
20:58
Jana Wilson: And so, at a very young age, I began on that journey of what was the gift of having a mentally ill mother?
21:05
Jana Wilson: What was the gift of having an absent abusive father?
21:10
Jana Wilson: And, how can I heal from that?
21:13
Jana Wilson: And that's, I did the healing work.
21:16
Jana Wilson: I became trained in a lot of different modalities and developed this emotional healing system.
21:24
Carmen Hecox: Do you believe that, perhaps your first encounter with starting to develop the gift came from as I was mentioning, when you were living with your aunt and you saw that image, woman in the doorway
21:39
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
21:40
Carmen Hecox: And during that time you went through a traumatic event because you had another bedwetting episode and you knew drama was gonna happen.
21:48
Jana Wilson: Well, you know, she had that device and the device would ring and they would wake up and shame me.
21:54
Jana Wilson: So in their defense, I'm pretty certain they did not know the level of abuse that my brother and I were going through.
22:05
Jana Wilson: I don't even think they knew that my mom had just put a shotgun to my head.
22:11
Jana Wilson: So I don't know that that information was ever given.
22:13
Jana Wilson: I went to see my aunt when she was older and she had dementia, but she remembered me and we were having a conversation.
22:20
Jana Wilson: It was before she had really lost her mind.
22:23
Jana Wilson: My mom died of Alzheimer's.
22:25
Jana Wilson: So it's interesting both of them had had, dementia.
22:30
Jana Wilson: And I asked her and she said she didn't know until years later what had happened.
22:37
Jana Wilson: And I believe her, that she didn't know.
22:40
Jana Wilson: And she was operating from her own level of awareness.
22:42
Jana Wilson: But the incident that you're talking about for the listeners was, I'm, in that house, I've been taken away from my brother, from my familiarity, even though it wasn't.
22:52
Jana Wilson: What I wanted, it was still familiar, right?
22:55
Jana Wilson: My mom, my brother, the cadence of our life.
22:59
Jana Wilson: Now I'm in this home.
23:00
Jana Wilson: I'm having drivers.
23:01
Jana Wilson: I mean, this is in the seventies and they had car phones, you know, they had, I had guards, I took, guards would take me to school.
23:09
Jana Wilson: I mean, I went from extreme poverty to living like, multimillionaires is what they were.
23:14
Jana Wilson: And at that time that was a big deal.
23:17
Jana Wilson: They even had a private plane.
23:19
Jana Wilson: So I'm lying in bed and yeah, I remember seeing an image and it looked like an angel.
23:26
Jana Wilson: And I sense everything was gonna be okay.
23:29
Jana Wilson: I did not know it was the future me.
23:32
Jana Wilson: Now we live in a very mysterious universe.
23:35
Jana Wilson: Was it the future me?
23:36
Jana Wilson: I don't know.
23:37
Jana Wilson: But later on I was doing training with John Bradshaw.
23:42
Jana Wilson: He was a PhD out of Houston.
23:43
Jana Wilson: I trained with him on inner child work in the nineties.
23:46
Jana Wilson: He's passed away now, but he took us through a process and he said, go back to a time in your childhood where you need to rescue yourself.
23:54
Jana Wilson: And it was at my aunt's, you would've thought it would've been other places, right?
23:58
Jana Wilson: Like I had other traumas.
24:00
Jana Wilson: It was that house.
24:02
Jana Wilson: The shame was so intense.
24:04
Jana Wilson: And that house by my two fraternal cousins, the twins and my aunt, that I, that was where I went.
24:13
Jana Wilson: And my future self was standing at the foot of the bed and I could see my little self and I thought, When I came out of it, I thought, oh my God, I remembered the memory from childhood.
24:24
Jana Wilson: I thought that was me that came to rescue me or tell me everything's gonna be okay.
24:30
Carmen Hecox: And that's so strange because you do have blonde hair.
24:34
Jana Wilson: Yeah,
24:36
Carmen Hecox: That that gave me chills.
24:38
Carmen Hecox: that's so weird.
24:40
Jana Wilson: Yeah it was, it was.
24:42
Jana Wilson: I think, I mean, who knows?
24:44
Jana Wilson: Like I said, we live in a mysterious universe, how things happen and but it was definitely healing for me and gave me hope.
24:53
Jana Wilson: And there's very soon thereafter my grandmother came and got me, which she was my security, she was my stability.
25:01
Jana Wilson: So once she came, everything, I never wet the bed again.
25:06
Carmen Hecox: Yeah, because she gave you comfort.
25:09
Jana Wilson: Yeah, She was my everything.
25:12
Jana Wilson: She was my inner resource.
25:13
Jana Wilson: So children, who are going through a lot of trauma.
25:17
Jana Wilson: If they can find a resource, a teacher, a pastor, a Sunday school teacher, a neighbor, someone that they feel safe with and that they can, sometimes it's, guidance counselors in school or that, or a, a grandparent as it was on my case.
25:36
Jana Wilson: And then of course I created an inner resource going through so much trauma.
25:41
Jana Wilson: I prayed a lot as a child.
25:43
Jana Wilson: So it really developed a deep spiritual connection to spirit of which now, I am a spiritual teacher in many ways.
25:52
Jana Wilson: Yes, I'm an emotional healing educator, but I teach psycho spirituality.
25:56
Jana Wilson: So it's spirituality combined with psychology.
26:00
Jana Wilson: And the reason why people suffer is cuz they're disconnected from spirit.
26:04
Jana Wilson: And so, that's the first place we start, it's kind of the foundation.
26:09
Carmen Hecox: Yeah.
26:09
Carmen Hecox: And I think, in your book, even early on before any of these events, you always talk about being very connected with the spirit.
26:19
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
26:20
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
26:20
Jana Wilson: Through nature, through, through, um, through the trauma.
26:25
Jana Wilson: Like, because imagine if you're in a really traumatic situation as an adult, what do we usually go to?
26:31
Jana Wilson: We start praying like, oh, dear God, help me.
26:34
Jana Wilson: so I'm a child doing that, and so I'm so innocent and I feel like I'm still tethered to the spiritual realm.
26:41
Jana Wilson: So I, it became very easy for me to hear the voice of spirit, to be guided, to hear reassurance.
26:49
Jana Wilson: And then of course at 12, I'm pulled outta my body and I have that out of body experience where I'm told those aren't your parents.
26:57
Jana Wilson: I am, which to me was God.
26:59
Jana Wilson: And this isn't your life, this is, and I just felt that peace that passes all understanding and I've been very blessed throughout my life to be able to just drop in and connect.
27:13
Carmen Hecox: And that takes me to, back in 1984 when good old buddy Graves won$10,000 in a Super Bowl bet,
27:22
Jana Wilson: Ah, uh,
27:22
Carmen Hecox: and he took you guys to Costa Rica.
27:25
Carmen Hecox: But before that, you were fascinated with Cosmopolitan magazines and you're looking through and you're looking at these models where they're doing their photo shoot and you become mesmerized by Costa Rica and you know, all the beauty behind it.
27:46
Carmen Hecox: And I think that you sort of saw yourself there.
27:50
Jana Wilson: I didn't.
27:51
Jana Wilson: I didn't sort.
27:52
Jana Wilson: I did.
27:52
Jana Wilson: I would just imagine, I was using my imagination a lot because again, children and trauma disassociate, my disassociation became my kind of lifeline.
28:04
Jana Wilson: And when I would disassociate from trauma, I began to build an imaginary world.
28:08
Jana Wilson: And Einstein said, imagination is more important than knowledge.
28:13
Jana Wilson: He said, imagination will take you where knowledge never could.
28:17
Jana Wilson: And so looking back and writing the book, I began to realize, wow, I've been manifesting since I was a kid.
28:23
Jana Wilson: I manifested seeing Elvis.
28:24
Jana Wilson: I manifested going to Costa Rica and, and then of course having never traveled and being poor.
28:32
Jana Wilson: Now I'm in a country that now they would call it developing.
28:36
Jana Wilson: But back then it was still third world.
28:38
Jana Wilson: And of course they had war next door in Nicaragua and it was election time.
28:43
Jana Wilson: And I manifest meeting the president-elect, come home and see him being interviewed by Barbara Walters, cuz he won the election.
28:51
Jana Wilson: And I put that picture in the book because it's pretty outlandish.
28:55
Jana Wilson: It's kind of like, wait a minute, you know, like, how's she experiencing all this?
28:58
Jana Wilson: But imagine how that just blew open my consciousness, my ability to believe anything's possible as children.
29:06
Jana Wilson: We believe that.
29:07
Jana Wilson: But by the time you're a teenager, you stop believing it.
29:10
Jana Wilson: And I didn't.
29:12
Jana Wilson: I was like, oh, if I can do this, what else can I do?
29:15
Jana Wilson: So then I manifested moving to South Florida to go to school.
29:19
Jana Wilson: No one in my family had ever even graduated high school, much less went away to college.
29:24
Carmen Hecox: Mm-hmm.
29:26
Jana Wilson: So it was a big deal.
29:27
Carmen Hecox: Yeah and just to add, when you went to Costa Rica, you did meet the president of Costa Rica.
29:35
Carmen Hecox: I mean, it because Buddy was persistent and he was banging on the door of this restaurant that you guys were told to you need, this is your must
29:44
Jana Wilson: And we're like, oh, you're American.
29:46
Jana Wilson: Come on in.
29:47
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
29:47
Carmen Hecox: Yeah.
29:49
Carmen Hecox: I thought that was very, very fascinating.
29:53
Carmen Hecox: Would you say that that's when you became more in tune with, the imagination, visioning your life the way you wanted to see it?
30:04
Carmen Hecox: The way, it's supposed to be?
30:08
Jana Wilson: Yeah, no, I was already doing that.
30:09
Jana Wilson: I was doing that as a child climbing trees, you know, I was always living in my imagination.
30:15
Jana Wilson: Barbie dolls were my avenue, right?
30:18
Jana Wilson: So I was always envisioning traveling and having a healthy relationship.
30:22
Jana Wilson: And you know, really that was my focus because I didn't have that at home.
30:27
Jana Wilson: I didn't have anyone modeling a healthy relationship.
30:30
Jana Wilson: We certainly didn't travel anywhere.
30:32
Jana Wilson: We were poor, and except to maybe my grandmother's house a couple hours away.
30:37
Jana Wilson: And so, yeah, that just only solidified my ability to continue to imagine.
30:45
Jana Wilson: And so I just continued on that path, really not knowing what I was doing until I was 20.
30:52
Jana Wilson: And the book, You, this little book, um, you know, fell off the bookshelf.
30:57
Jana Wilson: You can't even buy this now, it's out of print.
30:59
Jana Wilson: But it has, it has, you know, um, chapters like the Law of Attraction in 1935.
31:10
Jana Wilson: So I was practicing, I began practicing a lot of these principles very young before they were ever popularized.
31:17
Jana Wilson: No one knew what law of Attraction was when I was 20 years old and it was almost 40 years ago.
31:25
Jana Wilson: So it was, I just began to understand metaphysics.
31:29
Jana Wilson: Right, and understand that my attention is my most powerful asset and what I place it on fertilizes, whatever I'm placing it on.
31:40
Jana Wilson: So I began to be very mindful about my attention.
31:43
Jana Wilson: The gift to Carmen.
31:45
Jana Wilson: When my mom would go into these back then it was called a nervous breakdown when she would have those nervous breakdowns and try to slice her wrists, which she never went deep enough because let's face it, she was just a cry for help.
31:57
Jana Wilson: You know, she would come back after electroconvulsive therapy with a rewired brain.
32:03
Jana Wilson: Now, we didn't know about neuroplasticity back then, but working with Deepak Chopra and Dr.
32:09
Jana Wilson: David Simon, Dr.
32:10
Jana Wilson: Simon, who is a neurologist Deepak's partner, told me that.
32:15
Jana Wilson: When your mom had electroconvulsive therapy, asked me a question.
32:18
Jana Wilson: He said, how would she come back?
32:20
Jana Wilson: I said, oh my gosh amazing.
32:22
Jana Wilson: We read the Bible front to cover.
32:24
Jana Wilson: She got into mysticism.
32:26
Jana Wilson: She started teaching me Raymond Moody's work on near-death experiences.
32:30
Jana Wilson: And, and she started teaching me, Edgar Casey, the sleeping prophet, like a lot of really deep, esoteric teachings.
32:39
Jana Wilson: And she taught me how to meditate, and then of course, because her environment didn't change, she would revert back to the same, well, I was like a sponge.
32:47
Jana Wilson: She was just downloading.
32:49
Jana Wilson: I really feel like we had a sole contract.
32:51
Jana Wilson: My mom and I that, her mental illness ended up putting me on this path where I've helped thousands of people.
32:58
Jana Wilson: The goal, of course, of this book and the next book that's coming out, which is the Emotional Healing System book, the guidebook, a self-help book, that'll be co-authored with my husband, who's a physician.
33:09
Jana Wilson: To help more people heal.
33:11
Jana Wilson: You know that it's, that it, there is a path regardless of how much trauma you've been through.
33:18
Carmen Hecox: and the reason why, I'm gonna go back to where I said that, you just seem like a very mature child, even when you were a child, And you are mature now, but it almost seemed like, I think it was you were four years old and you were cleaning up the mess your father made because he would go in these spells and he would beat on your mom and he would break things.
33:42
Carmen Hecox: And you would go into autopilot, grab the broom, grab the dust pan and just clean up so that, it was almost as if to get rid of all the evidence of a traumatic event took place.
33:55
Carmen Hecox: And I felt like at the age of four when you needed a mom to comfort you, to hold you, to make you feel like everything was okay, you were the one doing that to, to your mom.
34:10
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
34:11
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
34:12
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
34:13
Jana Wilson: It was, um, I was trying to make order out of the chaos and probably a lot of listeners, that can become OCD, you can get really compulsive about trying to create order in the outer world because you feel so disorderly within and as a child, you know, that's what I did.
34:29
Jana Wilson: And so many people I've worked with who've had trauma and childhood have similar experiences that I did in trying to clean and control the outcome.
34:39
Jana Wilson: I, believe that we are different soul ages, and I definitely believe I'm an old soul.
34:45
Jana Wilson: I don't believe my mother or my father were.
34:48
Jana Wilson: I think that's probably what happens.
34:50
Jana Wilson: Our creator, you know, we, we have different, levels of souls within a family unit.
34:57
Jana Wilson: And I was the disruptor.
34:58
Jana Wilson: I was the one who called out the elephant in the room.
35:01
Jana Wilson: I was the one who had more wisdom than the adults and it, it didn't take me long to come to that discovery.
35:09
Jana Wilson: It was around 12 years old when I had the out of body experience.
35:12
Jana Wilson: When I realized, aha, these people don't know what I know.
35:17
Jana Wilson: I just assume people cuz you know, were having these thoughts or thinking similar thoughts.
35:22
Jana Wilson: And then I started to realize, wait, they don't see things the way I see.
35:27
Jana Wilson: Like at a young age, for example, very aware around probably nine years old that everything was temporary.
35:37
Jana Wilson: I began to become very aware, this too shall pass, so that I wouldn't get too attached when things were down or too attached when things were good.
35:48
Jana Wilson: Because I knew they would both be in permanent and pass, which helped me navigate the life I was living.
35:56
Jana Wilson: Cuz let's face it, you don't know what you're coming home to when you live with parents who abuse one another.
36:02
Jana Wilson: And this kind of dynamic, you don't, you don't know if there's gonna be food to eat that night.
36:06
Jana Wilson: You don't know if the electricity is gonna be on.
36:08
Jana Wilson: You don't know, is dad gonna be beating mom?
36:11
Jana Wilson: Is mom gonna be depressed in bed?
36:12
Jana Wilson: And we've gotta off fend for ourselves.
36:14
Jana Wilson: So I began to have awareness of a lot of really difficult things, um, and have peace with it in a way.
36:27
Carmen Hecox: And what I really liked is you read this book by, Brian Wise many lives, many masters.
36:34
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
36:35
Carmen Hecox: and I remember you said that this thought came into your head, and I know you've quoted this, that, what if your soul chose your parents and the empowering feeling that you got, when you suddenly, it wasn't like, we don't choose our parents, but you turned it and said, my soul chose these parents.
36:57
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
36:58
Jana Wilson: And we don't know that, right?
37:00
Jana Wilson: We, we don't know what happens after we die.
37:03
Jana Wilson: So reincarnation and this idea that the soul, that our creator gives us infinite opportunities to grow and learn and earth school and it's certainly a better for me paradigm than believing in a heaven and a hell and a, that's how I was raised and I respect people's beliefs and but for me, that was very finite and fearful and the direct experience I was having because of the trauma was telling me different.
37:32
Jana Wilson: And I trusted it you know the truth cuz it set you free.
37:37
Jana Wilson: So I began to feel a sense of freedom.
37:39
Jana Wilson: And so by the time I read that book, and it's about this physician who starts taking his, patients through hypnosis and they, start sharing about when they were a man living in Rome or whatever.
37:54
Jana Wilson: And a lot of these people have phobias and they would overcome the phobia.
37:59
Jana Wilson: And, but, but reading the book, I really bought Doc Dr.
38:03
Jana Wilson: Weiss, of course, I respected him as a physician, his education, his training, just who he was.
38:11
Jana Wilson: And he's been my teacher also since 90, since 1990.
38:15
Jana Wilson: And I've studied with him and, and became a regressionist with him.
38:20
Jana Wilson: But, Yeah, it was, I thought, and I ask clients this, I say, are you open?
38:26
Jana Wilson: We don't know to this idea of reincarnation, and I actually won't work with someone who isn't.
38:32
Jana Wilson: I'm just asking them to be open to the mystery of it, because if you've had a lot of trauma, like the young lady that's coming out next month with a horrific, childhood, she was actually a birth of a rape.
38:45
Jana Wilson: It's one thing after another.
38:46
Jana Wilson: Her childhood and she said, I grew up Christian and that's, against Christian.
38:51
Jana Wilson: And so no.
38:52
Jana Wilson: I said, okay, well read this book and then come back to me after you read it and tell me how it feels, how it settles with you.
39:00
Jana Wilson: She read it within two days and said, if this is true, I feel like I could really be liberated from my childhood.
39:10
Jana Wilson: I could look at myself differently, like not a victim of all of that.
39:15
Jana Wilson: Why did it happen?
39:16
Jana Wilson: Why didn't I get a different path, and be angry at God?
39:20
Jana Wilson: It would actually make me closer to God and feel like I'm here for something special.
39:26
Jana Wilson: Like I began to view myself like, man, I must be a pretty powerful old soul.
39:32
Jana Wilson: To have chose all of that.
39:36
Jana Wilson: That was the game changer when I took responsibility.
39:39
Jana Wilson: That I don't know if that's the truth, Carmen, obviously, all I know is how I feel when I think that way.
39:48
Jana Wilson: Feels really good and empowering.
39:50
Carmen Hecox: The strength that you get from believing that.
39:53
Jana Wilson: Exactly.
39:55
Carmen Hecox: Yeah, that sounds good.
39:57
Carmen Hecox: Another thing about your book that got me cuz I was also a single mom.
40:01
Carmen Hecox: I raised two children by myself.
40:03
Carmen Hecox: And so I feel that you and I connected because you came from a single mom, but you became a single mom.
40:11
Carmen Hecox: And being a single mom, it, it's hard.
40:13
Carmen Hecox: A lot of people don't realize, especially when you're young and a single mom, it's hard.
40:18
Carmen Hecox: It is so hard to.
40:21
Carmen Hecox: Not only just take care of yourself, but you also have the responsibility of children.
40:26
Carmen Hecox: And you were being evicted from your apartment that you were renting on top of a garage, and you did what I did in many of my situations where things weren't like I wanted them to be.
40:40
Carmen Hecox: You break down, you cry.
40:42
Carmen Hecox: But through that crying, a thought came into your head that this is happening for you, not to you.
40:52
Carmen Hecox: That you were going to find yourself homeless because you didn't have a backup home.
40:58
Carmen Hecox: Your grandmother was gone.
41:00
Carmen Hecox: Buddy was gone.
41:03
Carmen Hecox: So it was all you at that point.
41:05
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
41:05
Jana Wilson: My mom was living in another state and it wasn't on top of a garage.
41:09
Jana Wilson: It was a garage.
41:10
Jana Wilson: My whole backside of my apartment was a garage door.
41:15
Jana Wilson: I mean, it was not, it still smelled like oil.
41:18
Jana Wilson: And what's funny is I, I was only there a few months and I felt like such a failure.
41:24
Jana Wilson: Taylor was in.
41:26
Jana Wilson: In kindergarten and I had started a new business and I was really just doing part-time, like kind of Girl Friday secretarial work.
41:35
Jana Wilson: And I had been laying in bed every night envisioning living at the beach on in a part, you know, a condo and, and you know, you're just holding these images, still doing my imagery, still doing my law of attraction work.
41:50
Jana Wilson: And all of the sudden, this happens, this eviction.
41:55
Jana Wilson: And at in the moment, of course, I went to fear.
41:59
Jana Wilson: Because I have a child and I'm scared I'm gonna be homeless.
42:03
Jana Wilson: Of course, I had friends.
42:04
Jana Wilson: I knew I wouldn't literally be homeless.
42:06
Jana Wilson: I could go couch, serve for a while, but that wasn't acceptable to raise a child.
42:11
Jana Wilson: So I wasn't the type to ask for help that way anyway.
42:14
Jana Wilson: I had pride, I didn't want to.
42:17
Jana Wilson: And I had been studying, doing some reading Tony Robbins, and really, and he has that quote, life's happening for you, not to you.
42:25
Jana Wilson: And I could hear him in my head, change your physiological state.
42:29
Jana Wilson: So I jumped up, I started getting excited, training my body to behave as if I just won the lotto.
42:35
Jana Wilson: Like, I just received news, not of eviction, but I'm a millionaire.
42:40
Jana Wilson: And in that moment it was as if Spirit was able to give me the intuition and the insight to call someone that I hadn't thought of for a couple of years that I had met through a church group that I had attended.
42:53
Jana Wilson: And he always said, call him if I ever needed help.
42:56
Jana Wilson: Well, clearly I needed help.
42:58
Jana Wilson: And so I called him up and the next thing you know, he gives me a job, he gives me a corporate apartment.
43:04
Jana Wilson: Guess where?
43:05
Jana Wilson: Right on the beach.
43:08
Jana Wilson: Just like I was imagining.
43:10
Jana Wilson: And it took me a minute, like to realize, oh, I manifested this eviction because I didn't wanna be here.
43:16
Jana Wilson: I wanted to be on the beach.
43:18
Jana Wilson: Now how it happened, I could have had different ways of reacting and responding to it, but thankfully I was doing, still doing work, a lot of personal development, I'm like 27 at the time.
43:32
Jana Wilson: And um, so I was able to navigate it and get my daughter and I out of that situation.
43:38
Jana Wilson: And the next thing you know, I'm traveling his, a courier for his business, you know, flying private to the Cayman Islands and everywhere I went, literally from the, the garage to the penthouse.
43:50
Carmen Hecox: That's amazing.
43:52
Carmen Hecox: That is so amazing.
43:52
Jana Wilson: That's a crazy story.
43:54
Carmen Hecox: It is a crazy story cuz being a single mom, you just think, well, the best that it can get is I'll find another place.
44:00
Carmen Hecox: But you went.
44:02
Carmen Hecox: To the major extremes.
44:05
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
44:06
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
44:07
Carmen Hecox: So tell me, when did you begin to parent your inner child?
44:14
Jana Wilson: Um, I would say probably in the nineties I began to understand the concept of the inner child in the early nineties, reading"Homecoming" from John Bradshaw.
44:25
Jana Wilson: And then when I had saved up a little money, I was able to fly to Houston and I did a weekend retreat with him.
44:31
Jana Wilson: It was a small group and, and I continued, but he didn't teach really how to specifically connect.
44:40
Jana Wilson: So it was just kind of this vague idea of inner child.
44:44
Jana Wilson: Nobody was really talking deeply and teaching how to reparent your inner child.
44:50
Jana Wilson: And so, I formulated these three steps.
44:54
Jana Wilson: The inner child is our feeling self, right?
44:56
Jana Wilson: Because when we're little under the age of say eight, we're all emotion.
45:02
Jana Wilson: We perceive and receive the world through a lens of our emotions because the intellects not formed, and I teach, the first step is you connect to spiritual guidance because a loving adult needs to be connected, right?
45:19
Jana Wilson: We can't do this on our own.
45:21
Jana Wilson: So this work is very spiritually based, as I said.
45:25
Jana Wilson: So you can connect with spiritual guidance.
45:26
Jana Wilson: You ask for support, say I'm, dealing with the emotion of anxiety.
45:31
Jana Wilson: I'm feeling anxious, so I'll sit down and I'll ask Spirit I need help dealing with this anxiety.
45:39
Jana Wilson: Then step two, I'll see the anxiety as the child.
45:43
Jana Wilson: So I'll just kind of tune in.
45:45
Jana Wilson: How old is this anxious part of me?
45:48
Jana Wilson: Well, it's usually like 3, 4, 5, very young, and my shoulders are up.
45:53
Jana Wilson: I remember my mom was always saying, put your shoulders down.
45:56
Jana Wilson: Well, I was a nervous wreck.
45:57
Jana Wilson: You know, I would've been ADHD probably they would've diagnosed me with if they had those diagnosis back then, because I was very hyper and very anxious and couldn't sit still.
46:08
Jana Wilson: And so you connect with the child and you ask, what am I doing?
46:13
Jana Wilson: What relationship am I staying in?
46:15
Jana Wilson: What work am I doing?
46:16
Jana Wilson: What's happening that's making you feel anxious, and then you listen.
46:22
Jana Wilson: well, you're telling me, that the book's not gonna do well you can't do this, that you're not smart enough or, maybe I'm having some kind of internal dialogue where I'm beating myself up and then of course that's gonna make me feel anxious.
46:38
Jana Wilson: But if I relate with the anxiety as a child and I'm a loving adult now I've created space, I'm not anxious, little Jana's anxious.
46:47
Jana Wilson: Now I as an adult, can talk to little Jana, realize what I'm doing that's causing the anxiety, and of course not do that.
46:56
Jana Wilson: And then the third step is ask Spirit, what is the action step?
46:59
Jana Wilson: What do I need to do?
47:01
Jana Wilson: Cuz nothing happens if we don't take action to alleviate this anxiety.
47:06
Jana Wilson: Well, spirit might say, I've got your back.
47:09
Jana Wilson: Let go about the book.
47:11
Jana Wilson: You know, like just, focus in this moment.
47:14
Jana Wilson: Give your gifts to others, and trust and have faith.
47:17
Jana Wilson: Every, I'm gonna take care of everything, and then all of a sudden I feel at peace, the anxiety's gone.
47:23
Jana Wilson: And it might take me just three or four or five minutes to do that.
47:27
Jana Wilson: But what happens when someone doesn't have the tool?
47:30
Jana Wilson: They don't have that knowledge.
47:31
Jana Wilson: They're ignorant to it.
47:32
Jana Wilson: They don't know how to do this work.
47:35
Jana Wilson: Then they, push the anxiety aside.
47:38
Jana Wilson: So it's like having little Jana, a little child, little Carmen's here.
47:42
Jana Wilson: She's saying, mommy, mommy, mommy.
47:43
Jana Wilson: And you're like, shh shh, let's go watch tv.
47:46
Jana Wilson: Go eat something.
47:47
Jana Wilson: Oh, let's call a friend and talk.
47:48
Jana Wilson: Oh, let's, it's all doing these external things.
47:51
Jana Wilson: It's not turning inside and connecting with your soul, connecting with the child, and realizing you have everything you need within you.
48:02
Jana Wilson: And that you have to manage these emotions or they build up, build up, build up.
48:06
Jana Wilson: That's why we have sayings like, you're never upset for the reason you think, right?
48:11
Jana Wilson: It's we, because we build them and it just starts to pile.
48:15
Jana Wilson: Now something gets triggered and we're really upset, or we're disproportionately behaving a certain way over something small, and somebody's saying, don't sweat the small stuff, or you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
48:27
Jana Wilson: Meanwhile, they don't understand that you've, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
48:31
Jana Wilson: You've been packing this stuff for years, right?
48:36
Carmen Hecox: You know, another thing that I liked is, when you asked Debbie about, caring about what other people said about you or thought about you can you talk about what she told you and how you were able to release yourself, get the freedom to care more about what Jana thinks about Jana.
48:57
Jana Wilson: Well, that's the whole key, right?
48:59
Jana Wilson: It's, you don't care what other people think.
49:02
Jana Wilson: And for so long I did.
49:04
Jana Wilson: I thought I did.
49:05
Jana Wilson: I, I told Debbie, and we're talking about Debbie Ford, the New York Times bestselling author who I work with.
49:10
Jana Wilson: And one time I said, Debbie, I feel like I care too much what people think.
49:14
Jana Wilson: And she said, oh, you don't.
49:15
Jana Wilson: And I said, how, how do you, what do you mean?
49:17
Jana Wilson: And she said, well, think of a time when someone gives you a compliment or, really praises you and tells you and what's kind of your go-to.
49:26
Jana Wilson: I said, oh, I, I'll probably say I could have done better, or I'll deflect the compliment.
49:32
Jana Wilson: I can't receive it.
49:33
Jana Wilson: And she said, yeah, because you don't care what they think.
49:36
Jana Wilson: If you cared what they thought, then you'd be like, oh, thank you.
49:39
Jana Wilson: But as soon as they criticize you or they judge you, and you get upset about it, You think you care what they think.
49:48
Jana Wilson: You don't.
49:48
Jana Wilson: You're just agreeing with them.
49:51
Jana Wilson: So again, you have to look within and ask yourself, well, what do I think they think about me?
49:56
Jana Wilson: This is really shadow work.
49:58
Jana Wilson: Oh, I think they think I'm irresponsible.
50:00
Jana Wilson: Okay, well I'm a 360 degree personality.
50:04
Jana Wilson: Every quality that exists on this planet has the potential to exist within me.
50:10
Jana Wilson: So yeah, irresponsible.
50:11
Jana Wilson: Maybe I judge that part of me.
50:13
Jana Wilson: So if someone I feel is judging me for being irresponsible, that or unprofessional say, then all of the sudden it's like a wound.
50:22
Jana Wilson: They pick and then I'm like, ow.
50:23
Jana Wilson: And I think it's really them, but really it's me not loving and accepting that sometimes key word.
50:31
Jana Wilson: I might show up irresponsible and hey, sometimes I might need to accept I'm irresponsible over others.
50:39
Jana Wilson: I'm not responsible over others.
50:41
Jana Wilson: if I think I am, I become controlling and manipulative.
50:45
Jana Wilson: Even if I think I'm doing something to help them, it's not my place.
50:49
Jana Wilson: So irresponsible is one of those qualities.
50:52
Jana Wilson: A lot of clients I've worked with have a hard time accepting, but once they get it, that they're helpless and irresponsible over others.
51:00
Jana Wilson: They can accept it.
51:02
Jana Wilson: And then wherever it's showing up in their life where they are literally being irresponsible for their own feelings or maybe their finances or their health or they can start to clean that up.
51:14
Jana Wilson: So the gift in accepting, the people are just showing us in the mirror of relationship what we judge within ourselves.
51:23
Jana Wilson: But when you don't, again, have the knowledge because no one's taught us to, see, oh wait, they're just holding a mirror up.
51:32
Jana Wilson: I'm actually judging myself for being irresponsible because I really don't care what they think because if, if I accepted that I was irresponsible and they judged me, it would just be water on a duck's back.
51:44
Jana Wilson: I'd be like, oh, well that's spotted.
51:47
Jana Wilson: You got it.
51:47
Jana Wilson: that's the pot calling the kettle black.
51:49
Jana Wilson: I would just kind of shrug it off as, okay, they're projecting onto me something they don't like within themselves.
51:57
Jana Wilson: Happens all the time,
51:58
Carmen Hecox: It does.
51:59
Carmen Hecox: It does.
52:00
Carmen Hecox: That's a come, I wanted to get you to talk about it because, I talk to, or my podcast is for women in midlife and I think that when we reach midlife, we start to become more concerned with what people would think about the way we look, the way we act, or what we're not doing that we used to do.
52:20
Jana Wilson: Yeah, I think that, when we're younger, we really care.
52:23
Jana Wilson: I think the older you get, I mean, certainly once you hit 50 or it's a big, who cares what anybody thinks.
52:28
Jana Wilson: It's like, especially if you've done some work on yourself, you've been in therapy, you're really self-reflective, you're looking at your behavior, your beliefs, you're making changes.
52:40
Jana Wilson: I, I feel like the older I get, I'm very detached from other people's opinion.
52:46
Jana Wilson: Um, sometimes, it, it hurts, when you feel that judgment from someone.
52:52
Jana Wilson: But once you understand, you just look within and say, okay, little Jana, I'm judging you for being irresponsible or unprofessional.
53:02
Jana Wilson: And then I go and make amends with myself and heal it.
53:07
Jana Wilson: And then of course I'm gonna get tested.
53:09
Jana Wilson: Right?
53:09
Jana Wilson: There's gonna be, the test universe is always like, let's bless, give her a test, see if she's getting the lesson.
53:16
Carmen Hecox: And I know in the beginning of the book, you start off where you're at this amazing retreat, you're at amazing retreat.
53:23
Carmen Hecox: It just sound, it sounds so peaceful, but yet little Jana's not in peace.
53:30
Carmen Hecox: Little Jana's uncomfortable.
53:34
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
53:35
Carmen Hecox: Do you feel that maybe, and this is just depending on what you believe, do you believe that maybe little Jana was tugging you, that you were on the wrong path and that was trying to get you onto the right path because the path that little Jana pulled you to led you to meet your husband and build your emotional healing system?
54:04
Jana Wilson: Yeah, no, the emotional healing system was already built.
54:06
Jana Wilson: I had been already doing that 13 years before I met Lance.
54:09
Jana Wilson: So, um, I was at a retreat that you're talking about in California.
54:14
Jana Wilson: It's at the Epic Esalen, which is, you know, in Big Sur and it was really a culmination.
54:20
Jana Wilson: I had always wanted to attend a retreat there and I had just never found the right teacher who was leading a retreat there that I wanted to go to.
54:28
Jana Wilson: But I also had a vision of leading my own retreats there.
54:32
Jana Wilson: Um, and yes, little Jana, my intuition didn't feel comfortable there.
54:37
Jana Wilson: There was a lot of nudity and I had sexual abuse as a child and I'm modest and I didn't feel comfortable with that.
54:44
Jana Wilson: I wouldn't listen to her though every time she would tell me, leave, let's leave.
54:48
Jana Wilson: Cuz I spent a lot of money to be there.
54:50
Jana Wilson: In HeartMath, I'm a trained HeartMath facilitator.
54:53
Jana Wilson: The HeartMath Institute's done all the research on the power of the heart.
54:57
Jana Wilson: The heart picks up in the field around us.
55:02
Jana Wilson: In our environment, research shows up to like, maybe two weeks before an event happens, you start getting a message.
55:12
Jana Wilson: It's definitely 20 seconds before an event happens.
55:16
Jana Wilson: It really is activated.
55:18
Jana Wilson: So I think I was meditating six hours a day.
55:21
Jana Wilson: I mean, I was very quiet inside.
55:24
Jana Wilson: There wasn't a lot of chatter in my mind, and so I was really connected to my soul and to my emotions, little Jana.
55:31
Jana Wilson: And every time I would come out of a meditation, she would say, leave.
55:35
Jana Wilson: And I was 49.
55:37
Jana Wilson: A little feeling desperate, like, am I gonna meet my man?
55:40
Jana Wilson: I left my marriage that I wasn't happy in.
55:43
Jana Wilson: He was a alcoholic and was kind of repeating, you know, the patterns.
55:47
Jana Wilson: He was a nice alcoholic.
55:48
Jana Wilson: He wasn't like my dad, but.
55:50
Jana Wilson: And yeah, I just listened and it led me to get on a plane the next day that I wasn't supposed to be on four days early, and I met my husband, sat next to him on a Southwest flight, and the rest was history.
56:03
Jana Wilson: We went out on a date four nights later, and we both knew we were in love two years to almost meeting on that plane we married.
56:13
Jana Wilson: So the book's really a love story
56:15
Carmen Hecox: It is, but what I really loved about that particular story is that, being that, I, I was a single mom.
56:23
Carmen Hecox: You were a single mom, and I think we were a little bit more conscientious were real scared to get married again.
56:32
Carmen Hecox: What I loved about your story is that.
56:35
Carmen Hecox: You quickly listened to Little Jana, and you built boundaries in that you knew that that relationship was the perfect relationship.
56:44
Carmen Hecox: This was the perfect person for you, but you had to build these boundaries.
56:52
Jana Wilson: Yeah, he wasn't as far along the path of, you know, I was divorced.
56:56
Jana Wilson: I'd been single now for two and a half years by the time I met him.
57:00
Jana Wilson: And he was just on his journey.
57:02
Jana Wilson: And the old Jana would've showed up differently.
57:06
Jana Wilson: You know, the night before I met Lance, something, again, a really mystical experience happened for me because, when you meditate for that many hours, and I was on my third day at that retreat before I left, I was very tuned in to the voice in my head.
57:25
Jana Wilson: And I had went out to dinner after I left the retreat and I heard, my.
57:31
Jana Wilson: Internal voice saying, what do these couples have that I don't?
57:35
Jana Wilson: Why can't I find my beloved y y y, poor me.
57:39
Jana Wilson: And I caught it really fast.
57:42
Jana Wilson: And as soon as I did, I saw myself as a child sitting across the table.
57:47
Jana Wilson: And then what happened next was miraculous.
57:50
Jana Wilson: It was as if my adult self went into the body of a five-year-old me and the five-year-old me just showed me my entire life and how we ended up in Carmel, California at this restaurant, and what an amazing human I am.
58:07
Jana Wilson: And I just fell in love with myself.
58:09
Jana Wilson: I thought I have done so much work.
58:12
Jana Wilson: I have, I have committed my life to helping others.
58:17
Jana Wilson: I fall down in awe.
58:20
Jana Wilson: There's a roomy poem or Hafiz poem that says, by God, when you see the beauty of yourself, you'll fall down in awe in that moment.
58:27
Jana Wilson: That was the deepest self-love I've ever felt.
58:30
Jana Wilson: The deepest love that I've ever felt.
58:33
Jana Wilson: I wanna break out into Whitney Houston song.
58:36
Jana Wilson: the Greatest Love is Happening to Me.
58:38
Jana Wilson: I mean, it's, and I knew Carmen leaving that restaurant that night.
58:44
Jana Wilson: That, whether I met my beloved or not, I was gonna be okay.
58:49
Jana Wilson: I had myself, I had little Jana.
58:51
Jana Wilson: I'm never alone, and I love her and I'm gonna put her feelings first.
58:55
Jana Wilson: And so, by the time I met Lance, and you're talking about Boundaries, I chose little Jana.
59:01
Jana Wilson: She got very anxious and nervous that he was still married.
59:04
Jana Wilson: He hadn't filed yet.
59:05
Jana Wilson: He was separated living in a different house.
59:07
Jana Wilson: And I'd already taken that path, and you probably know too.
59:11
Jana Wilson: And so it's a, sometimes you get back together and you break up, you know, it's kind of a, and he had kids, two boys that were teenagers.
59:18
Jana Wilson: But still I knew that there was a possibility.
59:21
Jana Wilson: And little Janice said, I don't feel safe.
59:24
Jana Wilson: And I told him early in the, dating just the first couple weeks of talking, uh, I can't date you.
59:31
Jana Wilson: I don't date married men.
59:32
Jana Wilson: He's like, married men.
59:33
Jana Wilson: I'm separated.
59:34
Jana Wilson: I'm, I said, no, I haven't even filed.
59:36
Jana Wilson: and I, I choose me.
59:39
Jana Wilson: And he got the lesson, that was Thursday, Monday he filed.
59:43
Jana Wilson: So he showed me, had integrity.
59:45
Jana Wilson: He showed me that he was gonna move forward, but I let him know like, you know, I'm a woman of value and I value myself, and I'll only be with someone in a relationship that matches and mirrors that same value.
59:58
Jana Wilson: So it was really a big step for
1:00:01
Carmen Hecox: There was a big step, and I think that any, single mom or single woman may have been in odd with the fact that, he's handsome.
1:00:12
Carmen Hecox: Not only is he handsome, but he's, he's also a doctor.
1:00:15
Carmen Hecox: And so you're like, you start dreaming of the possibilities, but you didn't dream of those possibilities.
1:00:20
Carmen Hecox: You dreamed about the possibilities of being in love with Jana,
1:00:25
Jana Wilson: Yes.
1:00:25
Carmen Hecox: And what was good for Jana.
1:00:27
Jana Wilson: And I had what was best for me.
1:00:29
Jana Wilson: And a lot of people call that selfishness.
1:00:31
Jana Wilson: It's really self responsibility.
1:00:33
Jana Wilson: It's, I'm responsible for me and my feelings.
1:00:37
Jana Wilson: Lance isn't.
1:00:38
Jana Wilson: My marriage to my husband is so healthy.
1:00:42
Jana Wilson: There is no drama, there is no chaos.
1:00:44
Jana Wilson: Because we both take responsibility for our feelings, and then we articulate and communicate.
1:00:51
Jana Wilson: We have a saying that the truth is sexy.
1:00:54
Jana Wilson: So we tell each other microscopic truths.
1:00:58
Jana Wilson: This is work of Gay and Kathleen Hendricks from"Conscious Loving." Their book is fantastic.
1:01:03
Jana Wilson: If anyone hasn't read it, I highly recommend it, but it's about microscopic truth.
1:01:08
Jana Wilson: Like, when you said this, I told myself a story that you think, I'm stupid, or whatever it is.
1:01:15
Jana Wilson: And was that your intent?
1:01:17
Jana Wilson: And then the other person rather than when you, you made me feel stupid.
1:01:23
Jana Wilson: No, he can't make me feel.
1:01:26
Jana Wilson: I choose what I feel, right?
1:01:29
Jana Wilson: So I take responsibility and I communicate that to him.
1:01:32
Jana Wilson: So he and I have, we, I tell him we've gotta write a relationship book because I think we're so blessed that we've been able to create and cultivate this relationship and find one another, and now work together and help other people.
1:01:47
Jana Wilson: I think, we are certainly a beacon of a light for many people who say, oh, that's possible.
1:01:55
Jana Wilson: Many clients that I have, and students look to Lance and I, and especially the single women, and say, oh, that's possible to have a relationship that's healthy and co-committed, not codependent.
1:02:08
Carmen Hecox: Exactly.
1:02:09
Carmen Hecox: Yeah.
1:02:10
Carmen Hecox: So, Jana, What are you working on next?
1:02:16
Jana Wilson: Oh well, the book,"The Emotional Healing System Guidebook", a practical guidebook to help people with each of these modalities that we teach.
1:02:24
Jana Wilson: Lance is co-authoring it with me.
1:02:27
Jana Wilson: We've hired a developmental editor, which is kind of the book writing process that you write.
1:02:32
Jana Wilson: You throw it off to your editor, they help you flesh it out.
1:02:35
Jana Wilson: We're in the process of that now.
1:02:36
Jana Wilson: The editor feels like we'll be able to get that done probably by November.
1:02:41
Jana Wilson: So the book will be coming out sometime early 2024.
1:02:45
Jana Wilson: We just finished wrapping up a filming of the retreat, so we lead group retreats and private.
1:02:53
Jana Wilson: So we decided to do an at-home retreat.
1:02:56
Jana Wilson: Um, during the pandemic when everybody was staying home, I was like, oh, we, I had this idea and we just never got around to it.
1:03:02
Jana Wilson: And so we filmed in April.
1:03:05
Jana Wilson: Now we've got all the edited films, stuff back, and that online course is gonna launch soon, within the next week.
1:03:12
Jana Wilson: So I'm excited about that.
1:03:14
Jana Wilson: We also have a group retreat coming up in, in September.
1:03:19
Jana Wilson: And the group retreat is the same content as a private, so we have a healing center here, 2,600 square feet.
1:03:25
Jana Wilson: We can house up to six people, but we do one-on-one work.
1:03:29
Jana Wilson: We also do semi-private with men because men need emotional healing.
1:03:34
Jana Wilson: You know, they're really taught to not feel their emotions.
1:03:38
Jana Wilson: They get to middle age, they're like, who am I?
1:03:40
Jana Wilson: They have the crisis.
1:03:42
Jana Wilson: I love working with men.
1:03:44
Jana Wilson: I, it, I, I think because I had a brother and I was so close to him, I can really.
1:03:50
Jana Wilson: Connect with men and create a bond, and they feel safe.
1:03:54
Jana Wilson: They cry.
1:03:54
Jana Wilson: They tell me things they've told nobody, so I can really hold space for men.
1:04:00
Jana Wilson: I love doing that work.
1:04:01
Jana Wilson: And my private work stays booked.
1:04:03
Jana Wilson: It's booked until next year.
1:04:06
Jana Wilson: I'm interviewing for slots for next year.
1:04:08
Jana Wilson: A lot of people wanna do private, it's expensive, but for somebody who's ready and they're like, I've been doing therapy, I've been trying everything, I'm ready to go for a deep dive.
1:04:18
Jana Wilson: The private is the thing.
1:04:19
Jana Wilson: I have a wait list, so when people can't, we'll fill it in.
1:04:24
Jana Wilson: But lots of, and a teacher training.
1:04:27
Jana Wilson: We train people in this work.
1:04:30
Jana Wilson: So yeah, we've got a lot going on.
1:04:32
Carmen Hecox: Holy Molly, you're, you guys are busy, very and writing a book at the same time.
1:04:38
Jana Wilson: yeah.
1:04:39
Jana Wilson: And trying to launch a book.
1:04:40
Jana Wilson: Yeah.
1:04:42
Carmen Hecox: So where can people find you?
1:04:45
Jana Wilson: I have two websites, Jana Wilson.com.
1:04:48
Jana Wilson: J A N A wilson.com.
1:04:50
Jana Wilson: You can give that to them in your show notes.
1:04:52
Jana Wilson: That is the book website.
1:04:54
Jana Wilson: There is a pre-order for the book, but that's, I just kind of, we put that up.
1:04:59
Jana Wilson: Really, the launch is when everybody will get it and the book will be available on Amazon.
1:05:04
Jana Wilson: And then we also have Emotional Healing Retreats.com.
1:05:08
Jana Wilson: You can find me there.
1:05:09
Jana Wilson: And that lists all of our retreats, the online course, the public events, and the private.
1:05:18
Carmen Hecox: that's great information.
1:05:20
Carmen Hecox: Jana, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read your book in advance.
1:05:27
Carmen Hecox: It is a beautiful book.
1:05:29
Carmen Hecox: I will say that, there were moments where I cried.
1:05:32
Carmen Hecox: There were moments where, in my heart, I believe, I believe that your mom really, really wanted to be present.
1:05:45
Jana Wilson: Mm-hmm.
1:05:45
Carmen Hecox: She wanted be the best mom she could be, but unfortunately, because she did suffer of mental illness, I think that it made life difficult for her.
1:05:55
Carmen Hecox: And so I really believe that after reading this book,
1:05:59
Jana Wilson: My mom loved, we're all wabisabi the Japanese term for perfectly imperfect mom.
1:06:06
Jana Wilson: You know, no one I believe is inherently all bad.
1:06:08
Jana Wilson: Even my dad, he, there were good.
1:06:12
Jana Wilson: There's goodness, and we either focus on the good or we focus on the bad.
1:06:17
Jana Wilson: I knew that I had lessons from both of them and.
1:06:22
Jana Wilson: Um, I feel I corrected.
1:06:24
Jana Wilson: I have a very healthy daughter.
1:06:26
Jana Wilson: She's 35.
1:06:27
Jana Wilson: I have a grandson, very emotionally intelligent.
1:06:30
Jana Wilson: My daughter's husband and her have a very healthy relationship, so I believe I broke the cycle of the dysfunction of that family, so,
1:06:40
Carmen Hecox: You did.
1:06:41
Carmen Hecox: Well, thank you very much.
1:06:43
Carmen Hecox: I will include all the links to where people can find you.
1:06:46
Carmen Hecox: All of the events coming up in my show notes.
1:06:49
Carmen Hecox: And um, once again, thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show.
1:06:53
Jana Wilson: Oh, thank you, Carmen.
1:06:55
Jana Wilson: It was a pleasure.
1:06:56
Carmen Hecox: Can I ask you a sincere question, and please be honest with me.
1:07:01
Carmen Hecox: Did Jana give you goosebumps too?
1:07:04
Carmen Hecox: Now it's my turn, to be honest with you.
1:07:07
Carmen Hecox: I felt like Jana and I bonded just from reading her book.
1:07:12
Carmen Hecox: She shares so much about her childhood and adulthood in this book.
1:07:18
Carmen Hecox: I love the way Jana quickly changes the narrative of what is happening to her to what is happening for her in this book.
1:07:28
Carmen Hecox: There's so much valuable information and teachings in this 269 page book! If you haven't purchased"Wise Little One," honestly, I don't understand why you haven't.
1:07:41
Carmen Hecox: You won't be disappointed.
1:07:43
Carmen Hecox: Jana's information and this episode transcripts can be found at createthebestme.com/ep020.
1:07:55
Carmen Hecox: If you want to experience Jana's teaching and wisdom, I highly recommend you purchase"Wise Little One." The book is available online And while you're there, pick up a second copy for a friend who could use Jana's encouraging words.
1:08:11
Carmen Hecox: Again, I want to thank Jana Wilson for providing me with an advanced raiders copy of Wise Little One, and sharing her wisdom and insights with us.
1:08:22
Carmen Hecox: It was definitely my honor having the opportunity to rate Wise Little One and interviewing Jana.
1:08:31
Carmen Hecox: If this episode resonated with you, please hit subscribe to stay updated.
1:08:35
Carmen Hecox: Join me next week as I'll dive into the topic of career changes in midlife.
1:08:40
Carmen Hecox: You won't wanna miss that episode.
1:08:43
Carmen Hecox: Until next time, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember your beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.
1:08:54
Carmen Hecox: Thank you for watching, catch you next week.
1:08:57
Carmen Hecox: Bye for now.