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Why Narcissists Expect an AWARD for Telling the Truth?! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:03
  Imagine getting upset with your partner because they didn't
• 0:06
  accept your honesty and vulnerability.
• 0:09
  That's what I used to do as a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:12
  Right when I would just be open and honest with my wife about
• 0:16
  things that I have done wrong and things that I was trying to
• 0:19
  fix and my wrongdoings. When she would get upset with my
• 0:24
  honesty and my vulnerability, I would get extremely pissed off.
• 0:29
  And that's probably what a lot of other narcissists out here do
• 0:31
  nowadays, is that when they are open with you, when they are
• 0:35
  honest with you about things that they have done wrong, they
• 0:38
  will hold you accountable for not just accepting it with open
• 0:41
  arms and forgiveness and whatnot.
• 0:44
  And that's what we talked about today.
• 0:45
  Y'all a narcissist honesty when they are open and honest.
• 0:49
  A you are just not fully accepting of said open honesty,
• 0:54
  right? Because think about it like
• 0:55
  this. They don't understand they're
• 0:58
  affecting people, what they do, how their actions affect other
• 1:01
  people. Most times narcissists like
• 1:03
  myself, we're just worried about ourselves, right?
• 1:05
  We're just constantly thinking about ourselves and how we're
• 1:08
  going to survive and what we're going to do with our own lives,
• 1:11
  which makes sense, right? We're narcissists.
• 1:12
  So that will make sense on why we do the things that we do and
• 1:15
  how we behave the way that we behave, right?
• 1:16
  That would make complete sense, but as a person that's dealing
• 1:20
  with a narcissist, as a survivor, as a thriver or
• 1:22
  someone along those lines, it you feel it, you get the effects
• 1:27
  of it. So it makes sense that you're,
• 1:29
  if you're angry, let's just say, for instance, A narcissist has
• 1:33
  been cheating on you and cheating.
• 1:35
  Not everybody cheats, right? But like this is the simplest
• 1:38
  way to put it. This is say a narcissist has
• 1:39
  been cheating on you, right? And you've been asking them
• 1:42
  questions about it. You've been you got proof or
• 1:44
  whatever, and they just will not confess to you, right?
• 1:47
  And then one day out of nowhere, they finally confessed.
• 1:50
  They like, yes, you're right. I've been cheating on you and
• 1:55
  you're like, and you start boohoo crying.
• 1:57
  Like they give you the graphic details.
• 1:59
  Yes. I had her bent over in the
• 2:01
  backseat of the car one day after work because we, I just, I
• 2:05
  was just feeling unheard at home.
• 2:06
  So I had to hear the cheeks clap of somebody else, right?
• 2:09
  Like they like see, I've been holding it in for so long.
• 2:13
  It feels so good to get that off my chest and be honest with you
• 2:15
  about sleeping with somebody, nobody else.
• 2:18
  Why are you crying? Why are you upset?
• 2:20
  Why are you not talking to me? You see how crazy that sounds?
• 2:23
  That's how the mind of a narcissist works.
• 2:25
  Yes, they were open with you about cheating on you or lying
• 2:29
  to you or manipulating or stealing from you, whatever it
• 2:32
  is, right? They were open.
• 2:33
  But they're not ready for your reactions.
• 2:35
  They expect your openness and your honesty to that.
• 2:40
  They expect their openness and their honesty to just be the end
• 2:43
  all be out to clear. It should clear everything up.
• 2:45
  You should just automatically forgive them because they were
• 2:48
  open and honest, right? That's how we think.
• 2:51
  That's how narcissists think. We expect complete forgiveness
• 2:54
  because we were open and honest about it, right?
• 2:57
  We didn't have to be honest and we chose to be honest.
• 2:59
  So why would you hold us accountable saying I'm not going
• 3:01
  to be, I'm not going to be honest with you anymore because
• 3:04
  I know what happens if I be honest with you.
• 3:06
  You just get angry at me. You hold, you just don't, you
• 3:09
  hold a grudge against me. See, that's why I can't be
• 3:10
  honest and vulnerable because you hold the grudge.
• 3:13
  That's crazy thinking, isn't it? That's crazy thinking because
• 3:17
  you as an impact or healer survivor, what do you classify
• 3:20
  yourself as? Like you're just like, wait, how
• 3:23
  the hell are you feeling bad for something that you did to me?
• 3:27
  You're it's confusing for you. And the way I explained it, like
• 3:31
  it's like this, right? This is how I myself as a
• 3:35
  narcissist have to see it as this is how this is the analogy
• 3:39
  I use, right? Imagine a narcissist is carrying
• 3:43
  around this big ass bucket, right?
• 3:46
  A bucket, I call it a bucket of bile, a bucket of just just
• 3:50
  nastiness, right? A heavy ass bucket.
• 3:52
  And every time they do something wrong, the bucket gets fuller
• 3:54
  and fuller and fuller. Every time they do something
• 3:56
  wrong to you, the bucket gets fuller and fuller.
• 3:59
  So they're carrying around this bucket of bile, right?
• 4:03
  They're holding things back. They're lying.
• 4:05
  So the bucket is getting fuller and and heavier and all of that
• 4:08
  good stuff, right? This is this is all happening.
• 4:10
  So once they are opening honest with you, it's pretty much like
• 4:14
  they're dumping that bucket of bile on you, right?
• 4:18
  They're dumping that bucket of bile on you.
• 4:20
  So guess what? The bucket is lighter now.
• 4:22
  They're they're just like, damn, it felt good to get that off my
• 4:24
  chest. I'm not carrying around this
• 4:26
  heavy ass bucket anymore. But guess what?
• 4:29
  You're covered in bile, you're covered in vomit, throw up puke
• 4:34
  just compared nastiness of everything that they've been
• 4:37
  holding in. You're covered in it now, and
• 4:39
  they expect you to be OK with being covered in bile because
• 4:43
  they don't see it as bow. They see it as just openness,
• 4:46
  honesty, and vulnerability. They don't see it as the bad
• 4:49
  stuff. I never saw it as the bad stuff.
• 4:50
  I just saw it as just like me being open and honest.
• 4:53
  Hey, I, I, I apologize, didn't I?
• 4:56
  I told you what I did wrong. Why are you angry at me?
• 4:59
  Why are you not talking? Because you're covered in bow,
• 5:05
  you're covered in poop, you're covered in different things.
• 5:08
  That's why you're not talking to me.
• 5:10
  That's why you're not being open and honest with me.
• 5:12
  That's why that's the way I had to see it.
• 5:15
  Because like narcissist, we don't see it.
• 5:16
  We just see it as us dumping. We just, we just see it as us
• 5:19
  dumping that bucket out. We got a clear mind.
• 5:22
  Our bucket is empty now. We don't see you as covered in
• 5:26
  it though. It's kind of like we, it's kind
• 5:27
  of like we have a fifth story apartment complex, a fifth story
• 5:32
  apartment, right? And we just have this heavy ass
• 5:35
  bucket that we just throw trash and garbage in, right?
• 5:39
  And we just dump it out the window.
• 5:40
  We don't see where it goes. We just dumped it out the
• 5:42
  window. We don't see who it hits.
• 5:45
  Our bucket is clear now, so we can fill it back up.
• 5:47
  We can put more trash in it, right?
• 5:49
  We can put more bad things in it, right?
• 5:51
  We can sorry, we can do, we can do a lot more.
• 5:55
  We can do a lot more things now because our bucket is empty.
• 5:59
  We didn't see where it landed. We didn't see where the all the
• 6:02
  excrement went. It's just gone.
• 6:05
  That's what we see. We see, we feel the freedom of
• 6:07
  it being gone and whatnot. And that's literally what
• 6:11
  happens. That's literally the process
• 6:13
  right there of wait, what a lot of people go through in this
• 6:15
  situation. That's literally, I promise you
• 6:18
  that's what goes on it like I have, I have to see it as that
• 6:23
  analogy right there, right? Or otherwise I don't understand
• 6:26
  my effects on other people. That's why you see a lot of
• 6:28
  narcissists. They might go and try.
• 6:31
  They might trauma dump on you about the stuff that they have
• 6:34
  done to you, right? And they expect you to be OK
• 6:38
  because guess what? They trauma dumped, they dumped,
• 6:41
  they didn't see where it went. It's kind of like, it's kind of
• 6:43
  like us in real life, just as a person, as a human being, when
• 6:47
  we are throwing out the garbage, we're we're throwing out buckets
• 6:50
  and buckets of trash and taking it to the corner every week for
• 6:53
  the garbage man to come get. We don't see where it goes.
• 6:55
  We don't see the landfill. We just see that our trash cans
• 6:58
  are empty now. Our recycling bins are empty now
• 7:01
  so we can fill them back up. That's what like it's very
• 7:04
  difficult to see it, the effect on it because we don't see it
• 7:07
  directly. And when narcissists experience
• 7:10
  it when they feel it like that, that sucks, man.
• 7:14
  I'm just telling you that is a sucky feeling.
• 7:16
  It is, it is destructive, is inner and is it is both inner
• 7:20
  and outer destructive, I promise you.
• 7:23
  And that's the way it goes, man. Like it's very difficult to see
• 7:26
  it in any other way. Realistically it realistically
• 7:30
  it is. And that's why I tell people
• 7:31
  over and over again, like narcissists, they it, it's very
• 7:35
  difficult to see it because we don't want to see you covered in
• 7:38
  our stuff, right? We don't want to see that we've
• 7:41
  done wrong. We don't want to see the results
• 7:43
  of the things that we have done wrong.
• 7:45
  Now the good stuff, Hey, show me the good stuff.
• 7:47
  Give me the good stuff, but the bad stuff, Hell no, keep that to
• 7:52
  yourself. Why would I want to see that?
• 7:56
  You know, I mean, why would I try to film in the car?
• 8:00
  My studio settings kind of get boring sometimes man y'all not
• 8:02
  clicking on the videos no more. So I'm like, what do y'all want
• 8:04
  to see now? What do y'all want to see on
• 8:06
  this channel? If you made it this far, drop in
• 8:08
  a comment. What you want to see.
• 8:09
  I, I, I understand these videos right here, the narcissist
• 8:13
  videos, whatever about narcissism directly.
• 8:15
  I understand that I'm not talking about topics I'm talking
• 8:18
  about style of video. What style of video you want to
• 8:21
  see me do? More reaction videos to
• 8:22
  narcissistic content or breakdowns of videos, movies,
• 8:26
  whatever, TV characters. Let me know what y'all want to
• 8:29
  see. But back to the video, I had to
• 8:30
  drop that in there because I was just curious and whatnot.
• 8:33
  And my, you know, if you made it this far, you like watching my
• 8:35
  stuff. So I just want to get you get an
• 8:36
  idea of what you want to watch. But yeah, give me the good
• 8:43
  stuff. Like that's all narcissists want
• 8:46
  to see. That's all we want to hear.
• 8:47
  We all leave. Want to hear the good things,
• 8:49
  man, Give us the good stuff. The bad stuff you can keep.
• 8:52
  It's very difficult for a narcissist.
• 8:53
  Like we don't want to see it y'all, because the things we
• 8:56
  have done wrong brings shame, right?
• 8:59
  The things we, that we do wrong, the things that we have done
• 9:01
  wrong, they are going to bring shame to us.
• 9:03
  We're not trying to feel the shame.
• 9:05
  We're we're trying, we're trying to get rid of the shame.
• 9:06
  If anything, why the hell we want, why the hell would we want
• 9:09
  to feel that? So we don't want to feel shame.
• 9:11
  We want to get rid of it. So if we see what we have done
• 9:14
  that brings shame, that brings internal and external shame.
• 9:17
  It destroys us from the inside out.
• 9:19
  It absolutely does. It takes us out from it.
• 9:21
  It works us from the inside out, man, it really does, y'all.
• 9:24
  So it's very difficult for a narcissist to see the the
• 9:27
  consequences of their actions and they don't want to see you
• 9:30
  unhappy, especially when they they have they don't want to see
• 9:32
  you sad and mad and angry at them for admitting something
• 9:35
  that they have done wrong. Well, I'm not going to be honest
• 9:37
  with you anymore because the last time I was honest, you got
• 9:41
  angry at me. When I told you I cheated on you
• 9:43
  with 15 women, you got angry at me.
• 9:46
  I didn't have to tell you that. So I'm not telling you anything
• 9:48
  else. Seriously, how far loose did
• 9:52
  that sound? And that's really all I got to
• 9:55
  say today, y'all, I'm not going to like I said one one thing I'm
• 9:57
  going to start doing. I'm not going to just start
• 9:58
  dribbling on once I, once I finish the topic I'm doing stop
• 10:01
  talking now. Anyway, y'all, I appreciate you
• 10:03
  so much. Make sure you like like the like
• 10:05
  the video, leave a comment, share it with your friends and
• 10:07
  family who you think might be in narcissistic relationships or
• 10:09
  whatever. Check out my website,
• 10:11
  mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 10:13
  I appreciate you and I'm out there.
• 10:15
  Peace.