Latest / DISGRACELAND / Presenting Hollywoodland - Robin Williams: A Manic Mind at Breakneck Speed, an Addiction to Laughter, and the Devil’s Dandruff

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Presenting Hollywoodland - Robin Williams: A Manic Mind at Breakneck Speed, an Addiction to Laughter, and the Devil’s Dandruff · DISGRACELAND

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey, Disgrace Sland listeners, if you're listening to me, then
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: you are in for a treat. Right here, right now,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: we are presenting to you our Robin Williams episode of
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the hollywood Land podcast. Hollywoodland is, of course our podcast
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: from the corner of Hollywood and true crime, much like Disgraceland, yes,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: but different from Disgraceland. Hollywoodland features actors and actresses and directors,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: and Disgrace Sland features of course musicians and most important,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: hollywood Land is only available in the hollywood Land podcast feed,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: with the exception of this episode right here on Robin Williams.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: So if you want to hear more stories from Hollywood,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you have to follow, subscribe for free and listen in
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: the hollywood Land feed in your Spotify app or Apple
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Podcasts app or wherever you get your podcasts. Because after
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: this here Robin Williams episode, there will be no more
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: hollywood Land episodes in the Disgraceland feed. And we have
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: a ton of great stories on Hollywood legends, Marlon Brando,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Bruce Lee, Sharon Stone, Drew Barrymore, Jack Nicholson, the list
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: goes on and on and on, and all those episodes
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: like I said can be heard by searching hollywood Land
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: in your Spotify or Apple podcast apps or wherever you
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: get your podcasts, and following subscribing for free and listening along.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: So you know, go do that until then, here's a
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: taste of what you're missing with our Robin Williams episode
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: of hollywood Land. This episode contains content that may be
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: disturbing to some listeners. Please check the show notes for
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: more information. Hollywood Land is a production of Double Elvis Oh.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: The stories about Robin Williams are insane. His manic mind moved.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: It's such a breakneck speed that cocaine had the opposite
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: effect that it had on most other people. It slowed
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: him down. Speaking of coke, he did a line with
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: John Belushi at the Fame Chateau Armau on the very
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: night Juliette Jake Blues died from shooting up a speedball.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Robin's primary addiction, however, wasn't cocaine. He was addicted to
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: the company of women. He was addicted to the dopamine
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: rush of being on a stage where he could let
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: his mind run wild with free association and be rewarded
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: with a broarious laughter. He was addicted to proving himself
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: as a dramatic actor, even if that meant attempting to
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: trigger his own mental breakdown by running in place for hours.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: And when he did die tragically at the age of
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: sixty three, the cause of his death was surprisingly not
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: what anyone suspected. It still isn't. And Robin Williams made
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: great films, unlike that clip I played for you at
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the top of the show. That wasn't a clip from
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a great film. That was a fair use sample from
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: the Library of Common Congress of Arthur Collins performing Susie
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Woozy in nineteen oh two. I played you that clip
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: because I can't afford the rights to a clip from
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Jonathan Leevieman's teenage mutant Ninja Turtles. And why would I
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: play you that specific slice of Cowabunco reboot Cheese? Could
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I afford it? Because that was the number one movie
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: in America On August eleven, twenty fourteen, and that was
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the day that Robin Williams's body was found at his
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: home in California, a shocking death that revealed hidden secrets
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: about his life. In this episode, a manic mind, cocaine
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: dopamine Russian's mental breakdowns and Robin Williams, I'm Jake Brennan
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: and this is Hollywood Landlord. Pam Dauber didn't have to
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: turn around to know who was thrusting something long and
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: hard against her ass. She knew her co star would
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: be right behind her, dressed in his bright red leotar
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: to Caine in his hand. He always knew when she
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: was a little off and needed a perkma it worked.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Pam couldn't help but laugh. This was a typical moment
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: on the set of Morcan Mindy. Robin Williams had shown
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: up late and bleary eyed as usual. Then they immediately
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: get to work without missing a beat, only ever interrupting
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: the rehearsal to pul some endearingly inappropriate prank, like pretending
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: to shove a cane up her ass. Pam had a
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: sisterly affection for the hairy goofball, so she didn't mind
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: they do what they always did, laugh, move on work
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: another scene. Then should go home for the night and
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: get ready to do it all again the next day,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: but not Robin. Once they finished shooting, Robin slipped back
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: into his trademark rainbow suspenders, strapped on a pair of
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: roller skates and cruised his way through the Paramount Studio
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: a lot with a dorky grin on his face. He
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: grabbed a ham sandwich as he skated past the Kraft
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: food cart, spinning his way around frantic production assistants and
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: set dressers carrying tables across the way to yet another
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: sound stage. Eventually he made his way to LA's Sunset Strip.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: He did a line of cocaine in the parking lot
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: outside the comedy store, ordered a rum and coke at
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: the bar as he watched Richard Pryor or Jonathan Winters
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: or some no name prankster try to coax a chuckle
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: from the crowd. And then Robin Williams hopped on stage
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: and grabbed the mic himself. Most comedians had a tightly
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: scripted ten minute set, but Robin's style was always a
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: bit more freewheeling. You couldn't even tell the difference between
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: the jokes that he'd rehearsed and the ones he'd made
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: up on the spot. Do you think God gets stoned?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Just look at the platypus. As soon as he was done,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Robin was off to see his buddy Taylor mcgroan at
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: the Laugh factory, do another line, have another rum and coke,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: maybe flirt with the waitress, and then get back on
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  Speaker 1: the microphone. I fucked the prostitute when I turned twenty one.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I was so bad. She gave me a refund. Hew
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: the laugh track and the flood of endorphins. And that's
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: when Robin would see another old friend in the corner
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: of the bar. Maybe this time it would be Jim
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Stall from Happy Days. The two of them would have
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: another drink, maybe a quick bump, okay, just one morning,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: and find another girl to flirt with. Sometimes you get
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: to go out of your way to get into trouble.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It's called fun. And then it was off to the
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: next stop of the night. Maybe this time it would
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: be the Comedy Magic Club. And that was all the
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: way out in her Morosa Beach. But Robin's buddy was
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: dating this model who lived around the corner. Her place
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: was always packed with beautiful drugs and even more beautiful women. Besides,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: the night was young and he didn't have to be
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: on set for another eight hours. And if he was
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: still awake when the sun came up again, well that's
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: why there was cocaine. The Devil's Standrift RuView, merchant powder,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: God's way of telling you you're making too much money.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Ask anyone who knew Robin Williams, and they'd tell you
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: he was fast, not just on his roller skates or
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: the way he talked. His brain itself moved at breakneck speed.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: It had nothing to do with the cocaine. Hell, most
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: folks said the drugs slowed him down more than anything.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: What would have been operas for anyone else brought his
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: manic mind back down to the level that most people
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  Speaker 1: called reality. Made it easier formed to relate to other
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: people and focus on the conversation at hand instead of
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: firing off another impulse in his supersonic synapses. Robin existed
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: on a totally different wavelength from the rest of the world.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: It's what made him such a damn good performer, but
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: it also made him lonely. He was always out of sink,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: functioning on a different frequency than everybody else. He'd been
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: that way since he was a kid. He was an
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: only child as far as he knew. His cold, alcoholic
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: father had a corporate job that met The family moved
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: around a lot, which made it harder for Robin to
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: form new friendships. His mom was a socialite who used
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: her wit to charm strangers and maybe to deflect from
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: her own loneliness. Humor was the fastest way to her affection,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: and that left an impression on young Robin, who spent
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: the rest of his childhood inside of his own head.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Making someone laugh was the only way he knew to
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  Speaker 1: make a genuine human connection. And that's not to say
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: that Robin couldn't be serious. After all, he'd attended the
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: prestigious Juilliard at School for acting, and although he did
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: drop out once he realized that the school's traditional approach
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: couldn't do much for him. Later in life, Robin would
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: be celebrated for his dramatic roles in films like Dead Poet, Society,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: The Fisher King and Goodwill Hunting, but his comedy was
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: always a constant. More than women, and more than alcohol,
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  Speaker 1: and even more than cocaine, Robin Williams was addicted to
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  Speaker 1: the dopamine rush of being on stage, saying whatever came
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  Speaker 1: into his mind and lighting the audience up in hysterics.
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  Speaker 1: It was the closest he could come to that ineffable
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  Speaker 1: something he was craving, but it still wasn't quite enough
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to save his frantic mind. Maybe that's why most of
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Robin's friends were also comedians, Like Richard Pryor and John Belushi.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: They understood the craving and the thrill, the transcendent energy
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: of feeding off the audience like a vampire. But Robin
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: also envied them as artists, the way they turned their
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: own vulnerabilities into weapons of hilarious delight. Robin always wanted
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: to create that sort of confessional comedy, but he was
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: afraid of what he'd find when he'd mind the depths
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: of his own brain. During one of his many marathon
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: La comedy nights in the early eighties, Robin ended up
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: at John Belushi's bungalow with the Chateau armand with Sunset Boulevard.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: He got there at two am, just as Robert de
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Niro was leaving. Belushi was pretty out of it. He
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: could barely form words. He strummed a boxing guitar, and
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: the sunken night hippie chick sitting next to him at
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: a creepy smile. She kept fiddling with a syringe. It
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: was a bad vibe. Robin stuck around long enough to
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: do an obligatory line and then get the hell out
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: of there. In the next day, back on the set
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: of Morcamindy, he couldn't stop thinking about the night before.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Robin wasn't one to judge someone else's drug use, but
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: the scene at Belushi's had been too weird to ignore
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: that girl that needle. When Pam Daubern asked if she
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: could talk to him during a break in that day shoot,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Robin could tell it was serious. Pam had been sent
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: by the show's producers to break the news John Belushi,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: who was dead. Robin could easily guess why Pam was
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: sent to soften the blow. They didn't want Robin to
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: get too upset. They also knew that Robin had been
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: with Belushi during his final hours, and they needed to
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: cover their asses in case their star was an accessory
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: of manslaughter. Robin stood there, wide eyed, with his hands
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: folded at his waist while Pam talked. When he finally spoke,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Robin just kept repeating, I was there last night, I
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: was with him, I was there last night. I was
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: with him. Pam tried to comfort her friend, but eventually
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: something inside of her snapped. She placed her hands on
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Robin's shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. If
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: that ever happens to you, Pam said, I will find
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: you and kill you first. Robin smiled cautiously. He reassured
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Pam that it would never happen to him. Swear to God,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: he hated lying to his friends. The Frog Prince was pissed.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: You could see it in the deadness of his bulging
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: plastic eyes. Fuck ABC, Fuck every single one of those
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: corporate shtheads and their stupid fucking suits. He ripped the
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: web fingers off his hands and began to pound the
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: green rubber head on his shoulders with his own fleshy fists.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: They don't have any fucking taste, wouldn't know a good
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: joke if they got their fucking dick's wet. Fuck. It
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: was nineteen eighty two. Robin Williams was playing the title
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: role of the Frog Prince in the debut episode of
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Fairytale Theater, a new anthology series for the cable network Showtime,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: directed by Monty Python Sarah Idel. Robin didn't know what
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: was worse receiving the news that his sitcom, Morgan Mindy
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: had just been canceled, or the fact that he had
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: to process that news while being stuck inside of a stupid, fucking,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: sweaty ass frog costume. You'd be hard pressed to find
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: anyone who described Robin Williams as short tempered or difficult,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: but pressed a little harder and they'd admit that, yeah,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: they'd seen him have a random meltdown here and there,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: just maybe not while wearing a giant rubber frog suit.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: At the time of the Frog Prince Fiasco, Robin was
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: struggling to break into movies. Morgan Mindy was a steady paycheck,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: but Robin knew he was meant for something else. He
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: just didn't know what or how do make it happen.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: His only other credit at that point was a low
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: budget musical version of Pop by the Sailor Man, and
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: even though our tour Robert Altman directed the picture in
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: the legendary Harry Nilsen composed the music, the end result
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: was so embarrassingly bad that it became a running gag
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and Robin's stand up blow me down, Are you fucking
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: kidding me? That line actually worked on a woman. His wife, Valerie,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: had moved back up to Napa Valley in the meantime.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: She wanted to avoid the la spotlight. She knew that
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Robin liked the adoration, but it just wasn't her scene.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: For a while, the two of them only saw each
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: other on the weekends they are in between projects. But
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: something changed that summer when Valerie told Robin she was pregnant.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Robin had been trying to take it easy on the
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: drugs after Beluci's death, and the sudden realization that he
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: was going to have a son made him finally get
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: serious about sobriety, and he quit boozing coke straight away.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: No twelve steps or therapy or feel good programs, just
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: cold turkey. A few weeks later, his next movie, Outing
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the World according to Garl, hit theaters, and the John
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Irving book became an almost instant hit at the box office.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Things were finally looking up in more ways than one.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Later in life, in a letter to his son Zach,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Robin would write that his birth gave him a new
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: sense of meeting and focus into his life. It also
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: gave him plenty of new material. My god, it's a
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: boy and he's hung like a bear. Wait no, that's
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: the umbilical cord. Of course, there were some habits Robin
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: still couldn't break. One was his addiction to the rush
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: of stand up comedy and the high that he came
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: from the crowd. He'd find any excuse to leave Valerie
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: behind with the baby and Nappa, and had to la
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: to indulge in another one of those miss all night
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: comedy marathons. He even learned to enjoy them without the
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: help of mind altering substances, which brings us to the
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: other habit that Robin Williams couldn't break women. Robin had
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: always messed around in the past. Valerie would either give
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: him her blessing or at least forgive him. She knew
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: her husband was a star. She couldn't help the fact
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: that women threw themselves at him. Besides, he was out
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: on the road a lot all by himself. But after
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Zach was born, it got harder for her to go
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: along with it. She resented the fact that she was
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: stuck at home with a baby while her husband was
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: off gallivanding with somehow young thing. And Robin wasn't dumb.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: He knew it was getting to her. He tried to
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: keep it in his pants for a while, but then
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: another opportunity would present itself, and as Valerie once said,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: you'd have to be a saint to resist and Robin
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: was certainly no saint. God gave me a penis in
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: a brain and only enough blood to use one at
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: a time. Robin met Michelle tash Carter at the Improv
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: in nineteen eighty four, where she was working as a
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: cocktail waitress. The twenty one year old had spent her
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: teenage years touring the country as a musician, and now
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: she was looking for her big break in la Robin's
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: career wasn't quite in a spot where he could help
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: her out with that, but he could still take her
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: home again. This wasn't Robin's first affair, and again val
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: insisted she was fine with it at first. On the surface, anyway,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: It's not like Robin had any investment in Michelle. They
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: had no emotional relationship. They were just fucking casually and regularly.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: For about two years. Well, Robin and Valve drifted further
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: and further apart, and by the time Robin called things
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: off with Michelle, his marriage was already dead in the water.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And then Michelle told Robin she was also pregnant with
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: his child and that he had given her herpes. A
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: woman would never make something as deadly as a nuke.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: She'd invent something worse, like a bomb that makes you
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: feel really bad for a while. It turned out Michelle
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: was not telling the truth, instead just trying to extort
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Robin for his money. When he refused to give it
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: to her lies, she sued him for six million dollars
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: for personal injury, fraud an intentional infliction of emotional distress.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: At this point, Robin and Valerie were just starting their
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: formal divorce process. Michelle Carter wasn't the reason for the split,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: but the added stress didn't make it any easier. Robin
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: was already ashamed that he had let his marriage fall apart,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: and now he also lived in constant fear that Michelle's
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: baseless claims would create a pr nightmare that would skewer
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: his career. The Loved Comedian settles herpes' lawsuit and forty
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: eight point font on the front page. More than anything,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: he was terrified of what it might do to three
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: year old Zach. Robin couldn't bear the thought of disappointing
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: his son, especially after the estrangement he had felt from
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: his own father, who Robin had just reconnected with after
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: learning that the elder Williams was dying of cancer. While
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: all of this was happening, the divorce, the cancer, the affair,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the lawsuit. Robin also began a new relationship with Marcia Grace,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: who had been Zack's nanny and later Robin's personal assistant.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Things with Valerie were over and done before anything happened
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: with Marcia, but the press still spun it into a bigger,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: uglier drama than it actually was. And of course this
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: all exploded publicly right as Robin's dramatic acting career was
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: finally taking off. It was like the ups and downs
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: he'd experienced in the eighties had also helped him tap
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: into the darkness he'd been carrying around for his entire life.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Nowhere was this more apparent than on this set of
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: The Fisher King, the nineteen ninety one film directed by
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Terry Gilliam, another former Monty Python member. Robin was cast
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: in the role of Perry, a man dealing with homelessness
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: and severe mental illness who thinks he's on a quest
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: to find the Holy Grail. Robin beat himself up on
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: set most days, either because he was worried about disappointing
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: fans who liked him for his comedy, or because he
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: didn't think that he was going dark enough. One day,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: he was filming a scene on a treadmill, running in
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: place so that Gilliam could get some close ups during
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: what became a terrifying hallucination sequence. It was late at night,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: but Robin kept running. He'd scream in agony, gripping at
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: his heart with sweat pouring down his face as he
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: tried to trigger his own breakdown. Gilliam said he'd got
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: the shot he needed. Robin flipped, no, it's not real yet.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: He was heaving short of death, feet still pounding on
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: the mat as he screamed, I can go deeper, I
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: can feel more, show more. Gilliam reminded Robin that it's acting.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: It's not supposed to be real. He encouraged him to
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: save his energy, but Robin wouldn't listen. He yelled at
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: the crew for rushing him through the scene, even though
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: he'd already been running in place for hours. These outbursts
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: became more common as they kept filming. There were some
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: nights when Robin's intensity legitimately terrified the crew, but he
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: showed his silly side just as often, using his improv
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: skills to scare away the vagrants. Who'd wander onto set.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: During late night shoots in Central Park, he reveled in
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: the scenes that had him running naked through the park,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: proudly shaking his hairy ass. At the New York City skyline.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Another night, a pack of pigeons unleashed an onslaught of
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: runny white shit onto him and his co star Jeff
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Bridge's right when they finished filming an emotional scene at
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: four in the morning. Bridges said it was the only
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: time he saw Robin at a loss for words. After
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: the movie came out, Robin sat for an interview with Magazine.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: At the end of the conversation, the interviewer asked Robin
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: if he had any fears of losing the balance between
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: his public and his private life. He responded by comparing
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: himself to Jersey Kazinski and a claimed author who had
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: just recently died by suicide after suffering a debilitating stroke.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: He just didn't want to become a vegetable. He didn't
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: want to lose his sharpness. Robin said, if I felt
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: like I was becoming not just dull but a rock
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: that I still couldn't spark, still fire off or talk
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: about things, I'd get afraid Robin explained that he had
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: to keep finding new ways to let his mind run
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: wild because that's what kept him stable. He didn't mention
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: the bird shit, We'll be right back after this. We're, we're, we're.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: The sudden knock on the door made Robin Williams jump
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: so high he almost dropped his bottle. It's hard to
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: get that our mash smell out of the carpet. Harder
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: still to hide it from your friends. Who is it?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: It was Men's, Robin's longtime makeup artists. A new drug
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: store was opening up downtown. Men's heard they might cut
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: a ribbon, blow up, some balloons, might even be cake.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wow, that sounds like a rollicking way to
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: spend the day. Robin rolled his eyes took another swig
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: of jack. If only there was literally anything else to
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: do here in nowhere, Yukon Territory. They were there to
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: work on an indie flick called The Big White. It
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: was a smaller production than Robin and his team were
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: used to. It was a lot colder and more desolate
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: than they expected. We could always go outside and throw
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: a cup of coffee up in the air, Robin said,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: we can see if it'll freeze before it hits the
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: fucking ground. As he took another drink, he realized Min's
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: was right. A pharmacy opening probably was the most exciting
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: thing that was ever going to happen there. Fine, he'd
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: be right out. Robin opened the door to find Men's frowning.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: She looked him up and down, wants to and then again.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: She took a big, cartoonish whiff of him and crossed
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: her arms. What Robin tried to play innocent, but he
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: knew that she knew exactly what was going on. He
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: reeked of whiskey. He was wasted. He was eager to
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: make some mistakes. The Big White seemed like a small
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: commitment when Robin took the job in the spring of
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: two thousand and four, a few weeks in Yukon, and
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: then another few in Skagway, Alaska, and then back to
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: the Yukon before wrapping up in Winnipeg. Besides, he'd never
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: acted in some zero temperatures before, so it sounded like
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: a fun challenge. But the lonely tundra also gave him
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: plenty of time to reflect on his failings. There were
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: no comedy clubs out there, no laughing crowds to distract
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: him from himself. Robin's mind had nowhere to hide, and
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: he didn't like his own company. At a local grocery store,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: a nip of Jack Daniels caught his eye. It had
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: been almost twenty one years since he got cold turkey,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: so he figured he could handle it, just to take
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: the edge off right Within a week, you could hear
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: the bottles clinking everywhere he went. In the decade or
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: so leading up to his relapse, Robin's career had been
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: a roller coaster straight off the Fisher King. He started
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: in massive Hollywood hits like Hook and Jumanji. He had
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: even more success with his voiceover work on fern Gully
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: and Aladdin, although he got into a bit of a
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: pissing match with Disney over using his voice to sell
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: shitty Toysted children. As an alcoholic, you will violate your
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: standards quicker than you can lower them. Robin had spent
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: the nineties working to the bone, filming projects back to
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: back and releasing it to four films a year, and
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: all those highs were met with even deeper lows. For
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: every Missus doutfire, there was a flubber or a father's
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Day an absolute critical and financial disaster. Even Robin's most
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: successful projects still put him in the crosshairs of the critics,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: who said he was too silly, or two sacrin or
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: too sentimental, or just two Robin Williams phoning in some
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: weird performance that was maybe entertaining on its own, but
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: never quite connected to the rest of the movie. He
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: finally won his first Oscar in nineteen ninety eight for
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: his role as a therapist in Goodwill Hunting, and eighteen
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: months later he was a joke again thanks to Buy
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Centennial Man. By the time Robin got to Alaska, he
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: had plenty of regrets to dwell on, so he crawled
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: inside a bottle to quiet his thoughts. Then six months later,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: his best friend passed away. Robin had met Christopher Reeve
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: in college, and there is Sense and to stardom have
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: been almost parallel. Chris was even godfather to Robin's son, Zach.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: They both struggled with the balance of their personal and
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: professional lives, except that Chris had literally been both Clark
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Kent and Superman. After a horse riding accident left Chris paralyzed,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Robin renovated his friend's entire home to make sure everything
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: was still accessible for Chris's new wheelchair. The news of
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Chris's death sent Robin spiraling firther being a functioning alcoholic
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer. You
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: can do it, just not as well as the others.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Things came to a head the next year at Thanksgiving.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Imagine let's shit faced Robin Williams with an uncooked turkey
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: neck dangling out of his pants as he slurred his
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: way through a monologue about his tender meat. Do you
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: think God was high when he made Dix? And Yeah,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: we'll just pull this part back and put a mushroom
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: at the tip in Bam, We're done. Oh, let's put
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: some balls at the bottom. Balls are fun. Who doesn't
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: like balls. It got so bad that Zach Now in college,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: had to carry his father up the stairs and wrestle
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: him onto the bed. But Robin still hadn't found his
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: rock bottom, not even in two thousand and six. It
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: can when he drunkenly dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: at a charity auction. At one point, Robin stumbled up
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: to the podium with a pair of designer sunglasses on
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: to hide his bloodshot eyes and proudly proclaimed, I just
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: bought a forty thousand dollars coke file. It was actually
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: a diamond necklace from our money, and the paparazzi were
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: there to document the night, so Robin thought the ruse
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: was up. He was so clearly tanked that someone had
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: to figure it out. But everyone else thought it was
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: one big joke, and everyone adored Robin's wacky improv skills.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Everyone that is, except his wife, Marcia. Grace was mortified
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: until she saw how much money he'd spent on that
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: private wyclough Shan concert eighty grand. Then she was just pissed.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: A few weeks later, Robin sat naked in a hotel
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: room with his pal Jack Daniels by his side. Fuck life,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: he said out loud. A little voice inside his head
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: was sober enough to hear him. It spoke back, seriously,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: what the fuck? You know? You got it pretty fucking good, right?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: You think maybe that bottle there might be influencing your
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: thought process? Great, so let's save the suicide discussion for
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: another day, maybe after we started therapy. Not long after,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Zach got the family together to stage an intervention, Robin
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: agreed to spend the summer of two thousand and six
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: at a residential rehabilitation center in Oregon. He was still
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: a little hesitant about the twelve step program, and after all,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: he'd gone cold turkey once before, he could do it
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: again right. But then he realized that was exactly the problem.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: He had never stopped to reflect on why he'd been
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: abusing drugs and alcohol the first time around. Robin's time
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: in Oregon brought him clarity and helped him find a
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: new perspective on life. His new commitment to sobriety meant
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: new beginnings. Zach had just moved to New York with
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: his own fiance, and Robin was eager to get to
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: know him as an adult instead of just as a son.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: He was just as excited to see his daughter, Zelda
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: finish high school and moved to la to start her
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: own acting career, but his relationship with Marsha Grace never
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: quite recovered. The betrayal of his relapse and the lies
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: that came along with it had left a wound too
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: deep to hear. But it wasn't just emotional wounds that
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Robin had to contend with or the crazy shit he
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: had done while he was high, who was something else,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: something inside of him waiting to go out of sync
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: one final time. Robin Williams couldn't stay single for long.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: In twenty eleven, he got married again, this time to
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: a visual artist named Susan Schneider. Together they settled into
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: a new home in the Bay Area, in a small
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: town of ten thousand people. When he wasn't doing stand
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: up at the local community theater or nearby playhouse, he
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: went to regular meetings for his twelve Step program, even
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: returned to Broadway for a stint. As Robin entered into
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: his sixth decade of life, he was finally feeling content
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: and ready to enjoy things at a slower, steadier pace.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: But Robin's brain was always fast, and it slowed down
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: even faster. In twenty thirteen, Robin took another TV gig
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: on a show called The Crazy Ones. It was his
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: first regular sitcom role since Mork and Mindy and seemed
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: like a nice easy paycheck at the time, But he
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: had trouble keeping up his energy and even more trouble
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: hiding it. He thought maybe it was a lack of
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: a live studio audience to feed off of, and then
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: his body started aching in new and unexpected ways, and
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: things got worse from there. At one point, the producers
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: convinced his old More co star Pam Dauber to come
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: out of retirement for a recurring role in the show
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: in the hopes that it might get Robin's spirits up.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: It didn't. After the show ended, Robin traveled to Vancouver
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: to reprise his role as Teddy Roosevelt in the third
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: night at the Museum. Movie Men's, his long time makeup artist,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: went with him as usual, and once again she knew
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: something was up. She found him in his hotel room sobbing.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: The hell is wrong with me? Robin asked, can't even
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: remember my goddamn lines. Men's thought maybe he just needed
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: that audience adrenaline and that always cheered him up. She'd
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: gotten him by the arm to try and pull him
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: off the bed, which was far easier than she expected.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: He'd lost a lot of weight. She reminded him about
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: a comedy club down the street and they should go
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: check it out. Robin looked at Min's with sunken eyes.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: His heart began racing faster, faster, faster, still, a steady
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: rhythm pounding in his ears. A pulsing pain that started
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: in his cord and pushed up through the center of
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: a skull. He clenched a hand against his chest as
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: if he could stop. His lungs were shriveling tighter inside
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: of him. I can't min's, he said, I don't know how.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: The room seemed to shrink and then collapse all around him.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: The walls heaved in and out. He tried to breathe,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: but it was like someone was squeezing his throat shut,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: and there was no way out, no way out of
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: the room, no way out of his mind. Several weeks
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: after Robin suffered a full blown panic attack, a doctor
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: diagnosed him with Parkinson's decease. Robin probably had at least
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: ten good years left in him if he did things right.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: But Robin's relief was short lived. He wasn't having any
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: trouble with motor functions. Whatever was happening to him, it
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: was in his mind. Robin went home to his wife, Susan,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: and suddenly started losing entire days as soon as they happened.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: I just want to reboot my brain, he told her.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Some days he'd call Zach ranting paranoid about how Susan's
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: friends were all drug addicts out to steal his money
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: and then forget the entire conversation. One night, Robin saw
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: fellow comedian Dana Carvey in the parking lot of the
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Bay Area theater that had become a second home. Robin
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: ran after him, pleading, tears streaming down his face. I'm
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: sorry about my dick, he said, How I call it,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: mister Happy, that was your joke. I stole it from
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: you all those years ago, and I just pretended like
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: it never happened. I'm so sorry, Dana hell Robin while
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: he cried and gently tried to explain that actually, that
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: wasn't his stick joke. If Robin had stolen it, he
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: must have gotten it from someone else, and this just
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: made Robin even more confused. Over the course of that
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: summer in twenty fourteen, Robin's friends and family became increasingly
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: concerned about his behavior. They all tried in their own
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: ways to gently intervene. On a Sunday night in August,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: he said good night to his wife, did some reading
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: on his iPad, then went into the other room and
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: hanged himself. After Robin's death by suicide, a medical autopsy
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: revealed that nearly every single neuron in his brain had
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: been ravaged by Lewis bodies. These are the same degenerative
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: proteins that caused Parkinson's, but Robin was actually suffering from
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: a different disease, a cousin of Parkinson's called Louis body dementia.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Several doctors said he had the single worst case they'd
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: ever seen. Instead of affecting Robin's motor skills, the Louis
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: bodies attacked his amignala in his brain, rapidly destroying his
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: ability to process memories, make decisions, or regulate his emotions,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: and by the time of his death, nearly half of
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: the dopamine neurons in his brain had been destroyed. There's
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: an old joke. Guy goes to a shrink, says he's depressed.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Shrink tells him to go see a clown called Polyacci
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: who's performing in town that night, and that'll cheer him out.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: And then the guy says, but doctor, I am Polyacci.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: It's not uncommon to hear about the pressed comedians. But
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: that's not what happened with Robin. Williams. Sure he struggled
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: with his mental health for other reasons. Throughout his life. Obviously,
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: no one can know what was going through his head
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: at the time of his death, but the Louis body
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: dementia meant that he was literally losing his entire sense
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: of pleasure or reward. By the time he died, Robin
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: was physiologically incapable of being happy. Robin Williams the Blitzkrieg
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Brain was his greatest gift to the world. It was
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: also the thing that killed him. But like the man
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: himself once said, death is just nature's way of saying
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: your table's ready. I'm Jake Brennan and this is hollywood Land.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Hollywood Land was created by Years Truly and is produced
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: in partnership with Double Elvis. Follow like, rate and review
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: hollywood Land wherever you get your podcasts, and get in
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: touch with us on social media at double Elvis. If
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: you like hollywood Land, check out my other show, the
• 35:53
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• 35:56
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• 35:59
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