Latest / The R4R Podcast: Road to Zero / Rise Above – Capital Region Cancer Relief

Transcript

Rise Above – Capital Region Cancer Relief · The R4R Podcast: Road to Zero

0:00
But normally I like to start it by like connecting, running for
0:05
resilience to the guests. And so like, I think there's
0:08
actually like a really obvious connection because it was I
0:13
think like 2018, I was getting ready for indoor cricket and I
0:19
was getting ready to make a fool of myself.
0:21
And I got a call from my mom and she said I'm at the doctor's,
0:25
they're doing some scans. They think it could be cancer.
0:31
And I was like, oh geez. So just dropped everything went
0:35
to went to be by her side. And I just remember her being so
0:39
scared. I remember like the hug she gave
0:42
me when I got there. I remember her trying to put on
0:45
a brave face that night, like in the ambiguity before the
0:47
diagnosis, like a few days later.
0:50
And I just like, I think maybe something you guys can speak to
0:56
is, and we'll do the introductions as we go, but the
1:02
diagnosis for those around the person being diagnosed and the
1:08
person being diagnosed is very scary and intimidating.
1:18
Yep, I'll completely agree and I'm trying not to cry in the
1:20
background here I guess. I'm Natalie and I was diagnosed
1:25
with stage 4 breast cancer when I was 33.
1:30
I think it was actually the second time I was diagnosed.
1:33
I was diagnosed 2 years beforehand at stage 0.
1:36
So it went from stage 0 to stage 4 within two years and changed.
1:42
But that sheer terror. I remember finding a lump in my
1:45
neck of all places, and I knew straight away that that was not
1:50
good. And it took seven weeks to get a
1:54
proper diagnosis of, yeah, unfortunately, stage 4.
1:57
And it had metastasized all through my body, pretty much all
2:01
my bones, liver and sternum and all through my lymph nodes as
2:06
well. So it is terrifying, absolutely
2:10
terrifying. And I remember thinking, I hope
2:13
I had more than six months to live.
2:15
I have an 8 year old at home, so and a loving husband.
2:19
So it's a horrible, horrible waiting game.
2:23
I'm fortunate to be here nearly four years later, but knowing
2:30
the end is within a couple of years is a terrifying thought.
2:38
But during that, yeah, early diagnosis phase, it's pretty
2:42
horrific. And the unknowns.
2:44
And yeah, yeah, I'll leave it up for now.
2:50
Yeah, I yeah. I mean, it's obvious the emotion
2:55
you you've got, the terror you'd feel what comes to your head
3:02
first. Like when you see that, when you
3:04
feel that lump. Yeah, I just thought my original
3:08
thought was, oh gosh, this, I hope it's not cancer.
3:10
And it just, it happened to be worse than I could have
3:15
imagined. I guess I didn't actually
3:17
realise at that stage what metastatic cancer was in my
3:21
mind. I just, I knew it was a cancer
3:22
elsewhere, but I didn't realise that there's no cure for it.
3:28
I just thought that they would be able to remove it and life
3:32
would go on. But Nope, I was wrong.
3:36
And especially I didn't have a lump at that stage and just
3:40
completely metastasized with kind of no origin cancer in that
3:45
sense. But yeah, the just fear of the
3:50
unknown and how long I would have and not being able to see
3:54
my son grow up or not being able to retire, not be able to do
3:59
everything I've wanted to do in life.
4:01
So yeah, the unknowns is the hardest part I think.
4:07
Oh, would be did you, Ryan? Did you feel a similar unknown
4:12
obeyed in a different circumstance?
4:15
Yeah, it would be the So my mom was diagnosed with oh.
4:24
No, we got time this. Is crazy because it's like words
4:37
aren't happening. OK Yeah.
4:39
Yeah. So my mom was diagnosed with
4:46
Hodgkinson's lymphoma, and I was 15.
4:52
Elders are three. So that was pretty crazy, pretty
4:58
moving, especially so young. Only four, probably would have
5:03
been 37 at the time. And at first we were given like
5:10
a one year, 12 month, like, you know, 6 to 12 months.
5:16
We were lucky though, it was ended up being five years, but
5:24
it was like there was the initial chemotherapy remission,
5:30
cancer came back and it was just like it was that 4-5 years
5:35
travelling to Sydney for surgeries.
5:41
The last, the last like effort was like we're gonna do a stem
5:46
cell transplant. And if that's if that doesn't
5:49
work, like there's nothing we can do.
5:51
Which was pretty crazy watching someone.
6:01
Yeah, yeah, I yeah, I know how you.
6:06
Feel. Yeah, it's crazy.
6:08
I know how you feel. What's like what's running
6:14
through your head right now? Like, is it the memory of your
6:17
mum? Yeah.
6:18
It would be that like you're saying like the terror and the
6:23
fear and it's like, it's almost like this weird, like this
6:27
hopelessness of that whole, you know, you're like, because it
6:33
kept coming and going and there was like, there's all, there's
6:35
this hope and then there's our corner.
6:36
It's back. So it's, you know, it's like
6:40
this constant back and forth battle of emotions.
6:43
You're like, you know, you're celebrating and then you're sad.
6:46
You know, it's like it's constant roller coaster.
6:50
And that's sometimes it's hard to put into words, as you guys
6:54
would know, Yeah. I think also in the in between,
6:59
so it's fun too, because yeah, I would just say you'd look at me
7:03
and you would have no idea of what I'm going through.
7:06
And I think that's also a really hard part.
7:09
It's we have to leave a completely different new normal
7:12
and to do mundane things when you know you've got this kind of
7:15
in the background and to be able to make the most of every day or
7:20
make it, make the most of every moment and find the beauty in
7:23
things and try and live life as normal as you can.
7:26
But still have this, oh, is that niggle my cancer back or what's
7:32
going to happen at my next scan? Or I know I'm going to get
7:34
treatment another three weeks and I'm going to feel rubbish
7:37
again. Or it's yeah, it's the in
7:40
between moments as well that you're you try and make the most
7:43
of. But there's like this veil
7:45
that's kind of always there, this cancer veil.
7:49
I for there's there's two things that are coming to my mind.
7:52
I remember like you talk about the roller coaster the way here.
7:56
We, we were this, my wife and I, we were driving and a song came
8:00
on, brand new man, Luke Combs and somebody else.
8:03
And I remember that song because it was after my mum got a, what
8:10
is it the, the cell count to test if the cancer's gone down
8:14
and it had gone down. But she was like, well into a
8:17
battle. And I was like, like, like,
8:21
yeah, you're like, but it was just like a moment in time
8:24
before reality checked in again. It's like, like, but those
8:28
moments are quite nice. And it reminds me of a moment
8:31
walking. It's one of her treatments.
8:32
And she had a coffee in her hand.
8:34
I was like, it's nice that she's able to still enjoy, like what
8:40
you say, the normal things in life, even amidst this.
8:46
Yeah, just tragic scenario. And and Murray, I don't know if
8:50
you can speak to the in betweens or the OR the moment that at
8:54
all. Yeah.
8:55
Oh, Murray, thanks for sharing, guys.
8:57
Yes, yeah, I appreciate that. One's a similar story.
9:03
I'm a Canberra boy, born here, but I moved to Wollongong, grew
9:06
up on the South Coast and when I was 15 I used to go to church
9:10
and I saw this girl in the foyer who was definitely older than
9:13
me. But I noticed that and I always
9:17
joke about, I tell my kids all the time, but the first thing I
9:19
saw was a backside. I fell in love straight away.
9:23
Anyway, I had to know who this girl was and turns out she was a
9:27
cheerleader for the Illawarra Hawks.
9:29
So I used to buy tickets just to go watch the half time
9:31
entertainment right? But she was just definitely out
9:34
of my league. And anyway I don't know how I
9:38
did it but over time we became best of friends.
9:41
By the time I hit 18 we were dating and I just thought this
9:45
is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.
9:47
Her name was Adele. So we kind of not rushed but we
9:51
jumped in before many people did and I got married at the age I
9:54
think it was 2 weeks into being 20.
9:56
So I was really young, had my first son 22, then I had a
10:00
daughter a bit later on as well. Yeah, just totally in love, best
10:04
of friends, never fought, just just like the match made in
10:09
heaven. She was the best.
10:11
We're together for married for nearly 17 years.
10:14
But when she turned 37, she actually did a fun run here in
10:18
Canberra. The one that was just last
10:19
weekend that just went, she did the 10K.
10:22
She lost her mom to breast cancer earlier, so she wanted to
10:25
raise some cash. And, yeah, something like
10:30
ruptured within her. So she was in pain after the
10:32
run. So she went to the doctor and
10:34
basically they found a massive like, cyst on her ovary and she
10:37
had her ovarian cancer. And.
10:42
Excuse me? Yeah.
10:44
So she, we went on a journey for 3 1/2 years, went through all
10:48
the ups and downs, the highs and the lows.
10:49
And I can totally relate with what you're going through, both
10:53
you guys in different stages and just, but still living life and
10:58
grabbing onto everything and living in the moment.
11:00
And yeah, but we kind of took the journey.
11:05
We decided to keep living through it all, even though we
11:09
knew the outcome. She had a very rare ovarian
11:13
cancer that no treatment really worked for it.
11:17
But we decided through the journey we were just kind of
11:19
keep living life and planning and, and everything.
11:22
And yeah, it was very tragic and very sad, but yet so incredibly
11:28
beautiful. Cancer was challenging, but it
11:33
actually taught me how to love. Taught me how to, yeah, just
11:38
adore my wife, adore my kids. What was important in life kind
11:42
of opened me up to a whole world that I didn't even know existed
11:45
like the healthcare and doctors and chemotherapy and charities
11:50
and just even though it was tragic Matt like it was I look
11:55
back as well I think the moments that I'll cherish for the rest
11:58
of my life as well yeah. So we we went through a huge
12:03
journey. She had like 6 surgeries she
12:06
cancer got in through a whole body and I'm getting a stoma bag
12:10
had like 18 rounds of chemotherapy radiation just
12:14
crazy. We, we lived in the hospital
12:16
pretty much for three years and still had two young kids.
12:20
And as a dad, I just didn't know what to do, how to cope with
12:25
that. But we did.
12:28
We did, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
12:33
It's I remember, it's like coming back, Like there's a few
12:37
things coming back. It's one of the things, I can't
12:40
remember where I got the words from.
12:42
I think it was a ESPN broadcaster.
12:44
You did a speech where it was like, you can beat cancer two
12:48
ways. It's one physically.
12:50
The other way is you don't let it impact how you live.
12:54
Absolutely that comes to me and I just, I mean I could ask a
13:02
range of questions here. How do you, I've got 3 kids
13:06
mine. How do you approach that?
13:11
It was tough. We were pretty well, I think my
13:15
daughter at the time when my wife passed was 12, my son was
13:20
15. So we kind of took the approach
13:23
in two ways, that we would be totally honest and upfront with
13:27
them about the journey, even though the age that they're at.
13:31
And we kind of made our home the safe haven.
13:34
So if we got a phone call from the doctor or we had family
13:37
visiting, wanted to talk about the diagnosis or where
13:39
everything is at, we'd say we're going to do it outside.
13:43
We just wanted to create that sanctuary for our kids that
13:47
cancer was not a total life. So we really protected the peace
13:52
in our home. And we made that pretty clear to
13:55
any visitors that came as well. So I remember taking the phone
13:59
calls, like on the deck outside. And I remember my wife was
14:03
sitting on the couch and I'm on the phone to the doctor and he's
14:06
saying, look, it's looking like it's, you know, 3-4 months is
14:09
all you got. And I'm turning back like
14:11
hearing those, those words and looking at my wife and, and I
14:15
had to hold my breath until like there was an opportunity because
14:18
we decided not to talk about it around the kids like, and, and
14:21
keep our house, our house apiece.
14:24
So that, that's one thing we did.
14:27
The other thing we did, I got an incredible family.
14:29
My, my mother and father lived down in Batemans Bay and they
14:33
just came up and really allowed me just to spend the moments I
14:37
needed to with my wife and really, really just came in.
14:43
I didn't have to worry about anything.
14:44
Cooking, cleaning, washing, everything.
14:46
It's, it's, it's a humbling thing getting your mum to come
14:49
back years later and still fold your underwear and cook and kind
14:53
of set the house rules a little bit.
14:56
But that's how we did it. I don't know if it was right,
14:59
but that's, that's the way we took it.
15:00
Yeah. We kept living.
15:03
It it sounds, it sounds right. I feel like this sort of thing
15:09
can teach you a lot about life. You said you you learn how to
15:12
love. How have you found your life has
15:18
changed? And I guess how you look at
15:20
things. Yeah, you definitely appreciate
15:23
the small things and you try not to worry as as much as you can.
15:28
I guess parenting is still very hard, especially I think I
15:33
learned. Yeah, parenting was the hardest,
15:36
I think because you trying to get the most out of your child,
15:40
thinking that you're not going to be there to be able to see
15:42
them through in the future. So that's a really hard thing to
15:45
get around. But I think similarly we've
15:47
we've been very open with our son, not the end, the final
15:53
product of what the cancer will take from me, but open enough
15:58
that he knows I have cancer. He's thankfully never asked,
16:00
will it kill me? He's asked will I die with it?
16:04
And I've said yes, I will have this for the rest of my life.
16:08
And yeah, he's, he's been wonderful and supportive during
16:11
the time. But I think that honesty is
16:13
really important so it doesn't become a shock to him at the
16:15
end. And he's kind of on the journey.
16:18
And then one day he'll realise and appreciate that everything
16:21
that we're doing to live life like you guys did, the holidays,
16:25
the extra things that we do was because of my health and knowing
16:29
that we didn't have that opportunity in the future.
16:31
So. Do you remember what it was like
16:35
as a 15 year old? I mean, as much as it's much
16:38
remembering. I don't know.
16:40
It was like we're all still in school and we all went to the
16:43
same school. So there was this kind of sense.
16:46
We did have a sense of community because we we all went to the
16:50
same school at least for a year. So all of our friends like were
16:56
supportive of us. The school did do fundraisers,
16:59
which was really nice. I remember my youngest brother,
17:02
he like, grew his hair and then shaved it all off, and it's
17:06
pretty awesome of him to do that.
17:10
But yeah, it's kind of hard to remember the little things.
17:14
Yeah, it was so long ago. And you, you almost go into I,
17:19
I, I've got like a very visual way.
17:21
I think about it. But whenever, like with my dad
17:24
and then with my mum, I felt like in those moments, you, you
17:28
like, you shell up and it's like you keep going, but you're just
17:34
like, you're just more confined. It's like you're going up the
17:36
hill. You're not looking at anything
17:38
else except the ground in front of you and you're just a bit
17:41
tighter. You can't feel as much, you
17:42
can't take in as much. Yeah.
17:44
Is it? Yeah, I feel that.
17:47
I feel that. I remember coming across
17:48
something a while ago and it was like these, like these jars.
17:53
And I had like this little ball and it was like the top three
17:57
jars. It was like, oh, you know, it
17:59
was like, we don't want to suppress the grief.
18:02
It was like, we want to grow with it.
18:06
Yeah. So yeah, it was kind of hard to
18:07
explain without showing. No, Yeah, but, and I think
18:11
that's kind of what you guys are doing or what you did with your
18:15
kids. It's like it's hard because
18:19
you're you're exposing them to something that's going to hurt
18:23
more in the moment, but you're preparing them for not only like
18:29
what you see is going to happen in the future, but also like
18:32
life. It very.
18:36
Yeah, well, that would be really hard.
18:37
I mean, I liken it when I watch my kids, they're about to fall
18:40
over. It's like, I know you're going
18:43
to hurt yourself, but I'm going to let this happen.
18:45
But it's like that times 1000 times, whatever.
18:49
It's like, yeah, you're hey, I know this is going to hurt you,
18:52
but this is, this is, this is better for you.
18:56
Absolutely. I want to, before we move on, I
18:59
want to kind of linger on. Do you want to talk about your
19:02
mum a little bit? Yeah, well, she was.
19:06
I come from A11 income household, so my mum actually
19:10
grew up epileptic, so kind of hard.
19:14
She always kind of instilled like, you know, be a hard
19:16
worker, you know, because she could never work.
19:20
So she tried to instil these qualities that obviously she
19:26
couldn't, you know, set an example for because, you know,
19:30
she, you know, she didn't work, but she wanted us to work hard
19:34
to, you know, have a good life in the future.
19:36
Yeah. It's hard to talk about.
19:46
Yeah. It's obvious.
19:47
You still. Yeah, you still?
19:48
Still fight, yeah. I'm sorry.
19:57
Sorry. Yeah, I knew this was going to
20:01
be tough. She sounds like a wonderful
20:05
woman. Yeah, she was.
20:07
Yeah. I think about my mom every day.
20:13
Every day. I think my dad every day too.
20:15
It doesn't leave you. And I find I don't know.
20:22
I still have conversations with them in the car all the time,
20:25
ask them what they think on what I'm doing with my kids, what I
20:31
do here, what I do there. It just there.
20:37
They're still, they're still alive, you know, and I think
20:40
that kind of that's why I get emotional is because it's like
20:45
they're here, but they can't, they can't enjoy it.
20:49
You know, it's it's hard. I can tell you obviously.
20:55
Essentially I can tell you love your mum.
20:57
I do so much and I yeah, I. Hope my son reacts like he sees
21:02
the fiction. Yeah.
21:05
And it's, it's interest, it's it's hard for it's I I with a
21:08
different perspective because I'm the one who's also go.
21:11
Who's living it? I feel like we're in the
21:12
opposite. Yeah, my grief is different.
21:14
My grief is I'm grieving my lost future, whereas I'm not grieving
21:20
the loss of a loved 1 yet. And it is hard to actually put
21:24
yourself in the opposite shoe sometimes and understand because
21:28
at first I think I was very selfish about it and not
21:30
realising the impact this is actually going to have on my
21:32
husband and my soul mate and and then my son in the future.
21:37
And yeah, over time, obviously, I've, I learned very quickly I
21:41
think that he was like, no, this is my battle, cancer battle is
21:45
well with you and I'm going to lose you.
21:46
And so, yeah, the yeah, the grief is different from being
21:51
someone who's lost someone and then being the one who it's
21:55
going to happen too, I guess. Yeah, it's it is fascinating
21:58
and, yeah, heartwarming listening to your stories and
22:00
gives me hope. It does give me hope that
22:02
hopefully, yeah, life for my loved ones will move on and
22:08
hopefully be I'll be from embedded and cherished.
22:13
Yeah, 100%. Yeah 100% will be removed.
22:16
I can tell you my daughter, like she adores just hearing anything
22:21
about her mum. We had this, her car was like
22:25
this top of the range Subaru Diesel.
22:28
I wanted to offload it, get rid of it.
22:30
My daughter said no, that's the car I want to buy.
22:33
And like I so I had to sell it to a super cheap and lost a
22:36
packet out of it. But she wanted her mum's car.
22:40
She wore her dressing gown for she still wears her mum's
22:42
dressing gown. And yeah, you, your loved ones
22:48
live on. They're instilled.
22:51
Well, I know Adele changed me and she's changed my kids lives.
22:55
Like my kids are flourishing in life.
22:58
Like my son, he's 24, he's a commercial pilot already.
23:03
He's in the Air Force and and my daughter's third year uni
23:07
teacher. And they're just flourishing
23:10
because they had that beautiful upbringing of a loving mother.
23:14
And yeah, so they never lose it. They never lose it.
23:19
And you, you move on with them. From my perspective anyway.
23:24
I was just going to say, if you'd mind me just jumping back
23:26
to like having conversations. I for two years, I, my wife had
23:33
a Facebook account and I'd, I would Facebook her like
23:36
messenger and I'd just have conversations and I had her
23:40
password as well, so. I think my dad did that, Yeah,
23:44
don't worry. I'd, I'd talk to her.
23:46
Sometimes I'd be angry, like, why did you leave?
23:48
And I just let it all out. And then other times I'd just
23:51
say, hey, I miss you or just talk about my day.
23:53
And I haven't shared that with anybody, but that was part of my
23:57
way of growing and, and, and and riding the wave of grief.
24:01
And then I'd log into her account and that's.
24:03
Oh, she's got a message from Murray.
24:04
Yeah. Then I'd read my own message
24:07
and. Yeah.
24:07
So that's, that was part of the journey for for me as well for
24:11
healing and, and to, to roll with it.
24:13
Yeah. Yeah.
24:14
I, I, yeah, I ask questions and then I'm whatever thought comes
24:20
in is what I imagine. If it sounds right, I'll be
24:23
like, yeah, that's what you're saying.
24:24
Because like, where do your thoughts come from anyway?
24:27
So it's like, I try and like tap into how I remember them and
24:29
then they come through and I, I get a lot of, yeah, almost every
24:35
day. Almost every day I do that.
24:38
You mentioned, you know, life goes on.
24:41
The world does keep spinning. It does after diagnosis, the
24:46
practicalities. And I think this is where rise
24:47
above will come in. But you know, seven weeks, I
24:53
think you said you were in. What's the what's going on in
24:59
that moment of fear to moment of diagnosis?
25:02
So lots of appointments and I both times I was diagnosed over
25:08
Christmas, so that also delays appointments as well with
25:13
shutdowns. But yeah, it means time off work
25:16
to go to lots of appointments. At that stage I didn't realise
25:21
that my excruciating pain in my body was the cancer spreading
25:24
into my bones. So yeah, I had a lot of time off
25:28
work as well due to pain. But after diagnosis, I think I
25:33
was very fortunate public servant for over a decade.
25:37
So I had the leave to be able to take time off work.
25:42
So I had six months off work during treatment because I had
25:46
18 rounds of chemo and immunotherapy.
25:49
But leave does run out. And I did actually go back to
25:54
work. I think I still had two rounds
25:56
of chemo left and I had to go back to work because my leave
25:58
had run out. So yeah, at the start, I
26:01
remember my very first treatment, they give you lots of
26:07
files and one of them was a rise above application form.
26:11
And I think I remember thinking at the time, Nope.
26:14
I'm fortunate. We're in a pretty good wicket.
26:17
We don't need their support, but as time went on and then cost of
26:21
living crisis started to hit because this was only what three
26:23
years ago as well, I was like, no, Bagrett, I will actually see
26:27
if I'm eligible to get some support to cover meds.
26:32
I mean, we are very fortunate that majority of the treatments
26:35
are covered. It's kind of my side meds.
26:38
I had osteoporosis injections and now I'm on steroids and I
26:42
had anti nausea meds as well, which they help cover.
26:45
So yeah, then I think, yeah, I was about probably six months
26:48
into treatment that I reached out to Rise Above.
26:51
And for those who don't know, Rise Above is it's a charity
26:55
that financially assists cancer patients in the Canberra and
26:58
Queanbeyan region. As if cancer patients and their
27:03
families need additional stress. It does.
27:09
Like you said, you ran out of leave, costs of treatment, costs
27:16
of not working, all the all the things associated what what
27:20
happens when you contact them? How do?
27:22
How does it? How do they help?
27:24
Yeah. So, yeah, so.
27:25
How did they help? Yeah.
27:27
So for me, they helped financially to pay for meds and
27:30
also they so the meds on the side.
27:34
And then they also do Woolworths vouchers as well.
27:37
They do other, I think petrol vouchers and there's other ways
27:41
that they can financially support patients.
27:43
But they're wonderful. And I think it's not just the
27:47
financial support that they give the patient.
27:49
At Christmas time, they send out an email going anyone with kids,
27:53
if you like a present. So that was beautiful to get a
27:55
present for my son from them. Or they'll reach out and go,
27:58
we've got tickets to go to a show.
28:01
So there's they're a wonderful community that work at Rise
28:04
Above. And it's, it's not a, it's not a
28:06
transactional relationship that you have with them at all.
28:10
They are wonderful and they do reach out in other ways as well.
28:16
Well, I feel what I, what I've gathered just a little bit is
28:21
you say community and I've kind of felt it here in that, you
28:26
know, shoulders relax a little bit when you're around people
28:28
who've been through something at least similar or at least it
28:31
rhymes, even if it's different. Did you have, did you find that
28:35
with Rise Above, like just being around people that kind of knew
28:40
what you were going through or what you're about to go through?
28:44
Yeah, it did feel that I probably didn't really start
28:48
engaging with them as a community until this year.
28:50
I actually did a charity walk with Rod, the CEO of Rise Above
28:55
and a few, a few other people. We did a charity walk up to
28:58
Cosy. So that was a really good
29:01
environment. And yeah, they it's just, it is
29:07
wonderful to know that you've got those extra support there
29:10
too, if you needed it. What do you remember of
29:14
Rosabelle? I remember.
29:16
So they helped us because mum had to travel to Sydney a lot
29:22
for surgeries and at that time they didn't do stem cell
29:26
transplants in Canberra off off memory.
29:29
So they assisted like a lot with fuel vouchers and then with mum
29:33
and dad going up to Sydney, we were all left at home alone.
29:38
Bit irresponsible. But the obviously the, you know,
29:42
the, the food voucher later the woollies vouchers, they would,
29:45
you know, my dad would be like, I'll stock up the pantry so you
29:48
guys don't starve while we're going for a couple of days.
29:50
We'll go down to woollies and buy Maltesers.
29:52
Yeah, they cover movie nights. Yeah, yeah, and yeah.
29:57
And then this year for me, it's just about giving back.
29:59
It's that that 10 year anniversary, I wanted to do
30:02
something big, so I did a three month fundraiser that turned
30:06
into a 12 month fundraiser and I'm just running every day.
30:11
Yeah, and you're raising money for?
30:13
Raising money for rice above. So I've come full circle where
30:16
I've been a reciprocant and now I want to give back as much as I
30:20
can. In like a sentimental is the
30:24
wrong word. But what what are you hoping
30:26
apart from money? What are you hope?
30:28
What are you hoping that the money gives back?
30:32
Just that there's probably, I know there's another little 15
30:36
year old who's in the exact same shoes as me and if that can
30:43
help, if that can help family, then that's I've done my fault.
30:51
And you feel like you were helped through.
30:54
Your your journey. Yeah, definitely.
31:00
It's been, it's been a long road, but we're here.
31:03
It's paying it forward. I think I've made that my
31:07
mission as well, really to pay, pay it back or pay it forward to
31:10
the charities that have helped me.
31:13
I think it's just one way is the same.
31:15
Thank you really well, we're here and it raises awareness of
31:19
all the different amazing charities and especially being
31:22
the only local charity that will assist you financially as well.
31:26
It's a it's a great way to be able to raise further awareness.
31:30
And give back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:33
That's our family was lucky in a sense because my mum was under
31:39
the Department of Veteran Affairs programme so.
31:42
Like. It wasn't, it was a lot simpler
31:45
for us. Like we just got put in like a
31:48
line and it was all very simple. And I think one of the things
31:52
looking back on it that that simplicity allowed was to like
31:58
really experience it all. I mean, there was some pretty
32:01
heavy but also cathartic conversations that I was able to
32:05
have with my mum because we were able to sit in it.
32:09
We were able to really only think about what we were going
32:15
through and and what we're experiencing.
32:20
I can only imagine that rise above helps that aspect of
32:25
cancer too. Definitely, yeah.
32:29
I think with me, for anyone that's gone through treatment,
32:33
there's holes and piles of paperwork.
32:36
The administrative year. Oh, it's huge, huge.
32:38
And I actually grew up dyslexic, so I'm not too crash out with,
32:42
you know, reading and writing. And so the amount of paperwork I
32:46
had to fill out and I remember thinking we had no money because
32:51
the, my wife's holiday and sick leaves all run out.
32:55
I, I stopped working. I work for myself, so nothing
32:58
was coming in. I apply for government benefits
33:01
and that that was a nine to 10 month journey before we got 1
33:04
cent out of the government. And someone said contact rise
33:08
above. And I never forget that.
33:11
I called, called up and the lady that answered the phone, I don't
33:14
even know her name, made me feel like I was the very first
33:18
customer client and was so compassionate, wanted to hear
33:22
about the journey. And.
33:24
And before I knew it, the next day I had food vouchers, worst
33:28
vouchers in the mail delivered to my house.
33:31
And there was virtually no paperwork, which for me was just
33:35
like, wow. And I just knew every single
33:38
week that I was going to get a voucher that was going to cover
33:42
$100 for fuel and $100 for groceries.
33:45
And I just no matter if I didn't have money for the for the
33:49
electricity or anything else, I knew at least had that coming
33:52
in. And I just found that was
33:54
amazing. Yeah.
33:55
Just just life changing, really. Yeah.
33:58
Yeah, I can mate. I can only imagine.
34:04
Yeah, beautiful organisation. Yeah, lovely people they're.
34:08
Really great. Yeah, they're, they're really
34:10
nice people. You walk in you Have you ever
34:12
been to the office? Yeah, I did.
34:14
I went there. I didn't know, but I was just
34:17
telling the guys before we, we started the interview, there was
34:20
a guy for, from our for our who was doing 100 kilometre run to
34:25
raise money for Rise Above. So I thought he was going to do
34:28
20 laps of the lake like the central basin.
34:31
So I thought I'll go down and just support him.
34:34
I'll do 5 KS. I ran with him for five KS and
34:37
he started talking about this organisation Rise Above.
34:40
But when I knew them, they weren't called that, they were
34:42
another name and it took Me 2 1/2 KS into it.
34:45
Then it twigged. I thought this is the same group
34:48
that supported me. So the guy had me.
34:50
So I ended up doing 5 laps with him, 2025 KS or something.
34:53
That day, I was exhausted, but. And I met the CEO.
34:57
I shook his hand and just thought, I thanked him.
35:00
I just thought you guys changed my life.
35:01
Like just that small, a little bit of compassion and love in
35:06
the midst of paperwork and diagnosis and.
35:10
And just for someone to say, hey, we're here.
35:13
We'll be here as much as you want or as little as you want.
35:15
But either way, there's something coming in the mail
35:17
tomorrow and just just amazing. Yeah.
35:21
When when we first did the Santa run 3 three years ago or so, one
35:28
of the reasons rise above was chosen was because of how strong
35:33
their volunteer community is. I mean, you talk about the lady
35:37
answer the phone. That was just major the effort
35:41
that it takes to to do that. It's not lost on me.
35:44
And that was, yeah, the jetties said, Yep, got to choose rise
35:48
above because they show up, they show up.
35:50
They really support their community.
35:51
They're they're great. And that's been true.
35:53
But then hearing these stories, you know the impact that they
35:58
have and you speak to Wayne and you can tell that he's a
36:01
generous and kind man. He just makes me proud that
36:05
after our supporting them and and we'll do the plug.
36:09
We got the scene around 18th December.
36:11
We're we're we're raising money. Anytime Fitness is sponsoring
36:14
the event so that it's less transactional for everyone, that
36:18
everyone that goes. So there's money already booked
36:20
in and it's going obviously to a great place.
36:24
Absolutely. Yeah.
36:27
There's just something about it isn't when I mean take the brand
36:32
away, it's people given their time, like what you're what
36:35
you're saying you're paying it forward because of the impact.
36:38
You've had on our life, yeah. And you're and that that's going
36:41
to ripple to somebody else. Yeah, that's going to pay it
36:44
forward. But I, I want to rewind a little
36:47
bit because there's another side to I guess cancer that people
36:57
feel. And I, I'll bring it back to, to
37:00
how I experienced it because after the diagnosis, you know,
37:04
my wife and I, we, we moved out just to be with my mum.
37:08
So we're there for about 6 months just because we didn't
37:10
know what was going to happen. But when we made the decision,
37:13
we're out there and the dust had somewhat settled and I went and
37:17
got ice creams and I just remember just crying.
37:21
I was, I, I didn't want to lose my other parent.
37:25
I was just like, why is this happening again?
37:26
Like I, you know, like I just, I just fell apart.
37:32
And it was partly because I adopted this naive mindset that
37:36
I could control everything. And then all of a sudden, cancer
37:39
comes like that. Like, what am I supposed to do?
37:43
Like my life is just being turned upside down.
37:46
And that, yeah, cancer can do that.
37:48
It's not just a physical diagnosis.
37:50
Do you guys remember your headspace at the time?
37:55
Not a. Good.
37:57
Not a good one. There were lots of tears at the
38:00
start. Yeah, lots and lots of tears and
38:02
there still is. You definitely get your down
38:04
days. And yeah, still lots of tears.
38:09
That's why I see a cancer counsellor like there is support
38:13
out there talking. I'm yeah, I'm a talker.
38:17
I'm not one that who holds it in.
38:19
I remember going to an event and a lady there who had cancer, She
38:24
hadn't told anyone else that she had cancer.
38:26
And here she was at this event. And yeah, I think for me it's
38:30
talking lots and then crying lots and just being open and
38:33
honest about it. And I think that's it's
38:38
confronting to others at times, especially to my parents, or I
38:42
guess they were dealing with it for their daughter and yeah, and
38:47
for others as well. But it's, yeah, I think for me,
38:54
telling the truth and telling it or telling how it is and just
38:57
being open and raw with those emotions, it I think helps.
39:00
It doesn't help bottling things off and letting things Stew at
39:03
all. So yeah.
39:05
What are the tears about these days?
39:10
Sometimes frustration, I definitely went through a phase
39:13
where I'm like, I feel well, so why do I, why do I have cancer?
39:18
Like what's the point of this? Like if I'm well enough and I
39:22
can do things, then what's what's the point?
39:25
Can I just not have cancer and just like live my life?
39:27
I I get frustrated at that. Yeah, I think that that's
39:33
probably a key thing or and I'm a planner and I just plan six
39:38
months in advance like we're planning a trip to Europe next
39:40
year in the full hope that I will still be well enough.
39:43
Even I told my oncologist even if my because we're anticipating
39:46
my my current treatment, which is my second line treatment to
39:49
stop working probably about the time I go on this trip.
39:52
But he's also said you'll probably react the same way as
39:55
this treatment. So I was like, well, that's
39:57
fine. If I may now in six months then
39:59
I'll be right to travel. But it is hard to plan ahead and
40:04
see. Do you remember?
40:10
I like the yeah how you coped with it mentally.
40:17
How I coped with it, I lost control, which probably isn't.
40:26
Yeah, I moved out of home when I was 17.
40:29
Didn't kind of separate myself from the environment, but also
40:36
always spoke to my parents, always checked in.
40:39
If mom was in hospital, I'd always, you know, I'd go after
40:41
work, I'd go when I could. I remember the cute ward having
40:47
very strict visiting times and I'd wait at the door, wait for a
40:51
doctor to come out, I'd sneak in.
40:55
The old mischievous I remember sneaking beers in to go and
40:59
watch the races with live buns around.
41:06
Yeah, some, but yeah, sorry, Yeah, it's kind of hard to, it's
41:14
kind of hard to talk about Button.
41:16
Once my mum was gone, I had a bit of like substance abuse,
41:22
which is to put a lightly and it took me 5 years to kind of get
41:30
my life back together. That's probably like 2223 when I
41:36
was like alright I'm going to start bro, gotta you know, move
41:41
on, not move on. But you know, what's the point?
41:46
For me it was like why would I? Why?
41:49
You know, because my mom had left, so why would I?
41:53
If I waste my life, I'm wasting my life.
41:57
So yeah, I just kind of, I met my partner who's now my wife and
42:04
we have a, we have a beautiful little 2 1/2 year old.
42:16
This is one of those things where I was like, it would be so
42:19
good for him to meet her. Yeah, I'm sure you would be in
42:24
the same boat. My mom got to meet Jimmy.
42:27
Jimmy Yeah. It was she.
42:30
She died February 6th. He was born December 20/19/2019.
42:35
Yeah. Yeah, 2019.
42:38
And yeah, I think, honestly, I think she hung on for it.
42:41
I think yeah, yeah. It's just it left me in pieces.
42:48
Yeah, my mom. Does.
42:50
Yeah, not my mum's death. I think I I was able to learn.
42:55
But her diagnosis left me in pieces.
42:58
It really did. I was rudderless for three
43:04
months. Like just lost.
43:07
How did how did you how did you drag yourself out of because it
43:12
sounded like you got left in pieces?
43:13
Yeah, well, I, yeah, still can't end, but more put together.
43:17
I guess we all it's more my my wife, who I can really thank
43:24
for. We kind of have this promise of
43:27
sobriety. So we don't we don't drink, we
43:29
don't do anything. Quite boring people.
43:34
And I think like my personal step, it was like I started
43:38
training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and also kind of led me, you know,
43:43
down the road, like, oh, you know, this is good.
43:44
You know, this is a different, you know, this is great.
43:47
I'm feeling good. I'm feeling where I should be.
43:50
You know, I started, I started working less dead end jobs, just
43:55
kind of started building a career.
43:58
And then, yeah. And then once our son was born,
44:00
obviously I lost, couldn't really train jiu jitsu because I
44:05
was like, I'm, I don't want to lose my evenings because I want
44:08
to be with my kid. So I was like, oh, and that's
44:11
when kind of running did come in because I was like, I can do
44:14
this when he's sleeping, you know, it's kind of started as
44:17
like a very casual 5K, you know? Yeah.
44:21
And then so that that's how that kind of took over.
44:24
And then that was last year. And then this year I was like,
44:27
oh, let's do something big, you know?
44:29
And that's when I started a page called Running for Therese, and
44:33
that's where I started the fundraiser.
44:36
Which is not the Super fight, but yeah, connection,
44:40
connection. Your now wife yeah.
44:44
But then also in some like beautiful way.
44:49
Same with we've seen with running for resilience is the
44:51
simplicity of small things. Yeah.
44:55
Against the backdrop of something so significant it can
44:59
guide you through. Yeah, Marie, I mean like.
45:07
I don't know how apart from SO. Altogether, if I'm just speaking
45:12
matter of fact, apart from losing a kid, losing your
45:17
partner, I can't imagine it. Yeah, definitely huge.
45:26
I do remember getting the diagnosis and thinking this is a
45:30
bad dream. Like surely it would not happen
45:33
to to me. Like you hear about it happening
45:35
to others. Never in the wildest dreams you
45:39
think it was going to happen to you.
45:41
So I just remember just thinking for for a couple of weeks, I'm
45:46
in a day. He's like, this is not real.
45:49
It can't be. I'm going to wake up tomorrow
45:50
and it's a different story. And because our plan was to grow
45:54
old together and spend the rest of our lives together and raise
45:58
kids and yeah, hopefully, you know, she might put a
46:02
cheerleading costume back on when she gets old.
46:05
But it's just, it shocked me and just hit me.
46:10
And I remember, I remember for two or three weeks just couldn't
46:14
find peace. And my mom was kind of 1,000,000
46:16
miles an hour. Tried to be strong for
46:18
everybody, hold it together. I was pretty a lot of myself a
46:23
lot then. And I thought I was a strong
46:25
person, someone that people would look up to.
46:30
Yeah, just there was nothing out of balance in my life at the
46:34
time. And I just thought I'm in a good
46:35
place. I just remember that shaking me
46:39
and I'm not here to put any religion or anything, but I can
46:42
only share my story. But I just remember walking
46:44
around the lake and because I grew up in church, I grew up
46:47
having a relationship with God. But I didn't think about him for
46:50
three weeks after I got that diagnosis and I had no peace.
46:55
I remember going for walk around Lake Beaildy Gryphon and I just
46:59
started yelling at God in inside like how dare you, blah blah
47:02
blah going on. And then then I realised that
47:05
he's always been with me every step of the way.
47:08
Why would he abandoned me now? And I just remember giving it
47:12
all over to God and saying whatever the outcome, good or
47:17
bad, I'll just trust you. And I just remember that was a
47:21
turning point for me. It was like I got my peace back
47:25
and other people do it in other ways and other people who've got
47:28
other beliefs, but that's, that's what I held onto and it
47:31
became my, my saving grace, my, my stability and that got me
47:37
through that time. But I did hit the wall
47:40
afterwards about 3 or 4 years after my wife passed and had a
47:45
cocktail of huge waves come through personal life and, and
47:49
really shook me to the point where I, I did try and take my
47:52
life and it was a challenging, challenging time.
47:57
And I think one of the things that did help me immensely was
48:01
someone very dear to me told me to go to R for R And I started
48:06
running and I just remember thinking my head was about to
48:10
explode. Like I, I literally days before
48:14
tried to take my life. My dad came and met me.
48:16
I rang him up. Thank goodness what I did and I
48:19
met him at Braidwood and I remember being in the park at
48:22
Braidwood. We met halfway just bawling my
48:24
eyes out uncontrollable sobbing snot everything.
48:27
It was I just like everything came out and and this person
48:33
encouraged me to go to our for our and I never forget.
48:36
I turned up in this crowd on a Wednesday night.
48:40
Nobody knew what was going on inside of here.
48:42
Nobody knew that days before. I want to try to take my life.
48:46
I thought, what do I do? I don't even feel like talking
48:49
to anyone. I hadn't really run before.
48:52
Most I was doing was 2 kilometres here and there.
48:55
And I, and I've said this to the guy that helped me, but he
48:58
didn't even know. But I, I found this big massive
49:01
guy with a beard, red beard footy player, he's Jack Simpson.
49:06
And, and, and I, yeah, I just ran behind him for three months
49:10
and whatever he did, I copied. So you're mad me.
49:14
Yeah, and he's fit. Like I was like, what?
49:16
So I was like dying inside and then physically dying, trying to
49:20
chase up. But we didn't talk.
49:24
I didn't introduce myself. I just he became my steady help
49:31
bring balance back to my my inner man.
49:34
And the rhythm, I just the breathing.
49:37
He was at peace. He was chilled.
49:39
I watched how he ran. So he just, he'd cruise and then
49:43
the last couple of KS he'd lift it.
49:45
So I learned all about running, but it actually helped bring
49:48
stability to my life. And then I walked up to him and
49:51
I said three months after I said, hey, hey, you don't know
49:56
me, but I'm Murray. And he goes, I know who you are.
49:59
He goes, you're that guy that's been following me.
50:01
That's three months. And he's an absolute champion.
50:05
And I only just shared this with him recently because I entered
50:08
into the Capital Coast. I've only been running a couple
50:12
of years, but I like to push myself now.
50:14
And I entered in Capital Coast, which is 100K run.
50:18
And I wanted a teammate And he chucked his hand up and we ran
50:22
just like, just to, to be part of it.
50:24
And we end up getting a placing like a podium finish, Jack and
50:27
I. And we're good mates now.
50:29
And he really brought stability to my life without even knowing
50:33
it, you know? That's beautiful.
50:35
That's awesome. That's that's great.
50:37
I I mean, like, what a what a symbolic thing for R For R,
50:45
yeah, just turning up and being there can be enough for somebody
50:52
else. Yeah.
50:53
Going through something. Yeah.
50:54
So hard. And he didn't even know.
50:56
No one knew. Nobody knew.
50:59
And you would have been so tightly wound.
51:02
I was going through, obviously the last few years of your
51:06
wife's life and then, but totally around for your kids,
51:09
you know, I got to be together for them.
51:12
And then it all came undone and you had somewhere to go.
51:18
Yeah, that was definitely 1. I had a number of things, but
51:21
for definitely was the first point of call in terms of
51:26
bringing some more stability back to my mind.
51:28
Yeah, bringing the balance, it just helped me to breathe,
51:34
helped me to slow down, be in the moment.
51:37
I do remember the first few weeks, like I thought it's the
51:40
only thing that got me out of bed.
51:43
I was living in Tuggeranong, I was driving in every day.
51:46
Funny thing is now I bought an apartment, I live above the
51:49
dock, so I just go straight, straight.
51:52
Yeah, I'm running maybe five times a week with half an hour
51:55
at the moment. But yeah, look, it's, it's a
51:57
fantastic organisation and I love the heart behind it all.
52:01
I love the people. It's, it really is a community,
52:04
you know? It is I, I want to, I mean each,
52:09
everyone to themselves. I, I want to, I often think
52:12
about, I'm a deep thinker and it sometimes it comes out too much.
52:15
But religion, yeah. You know, a belief that whatever
52:21
it is, a belief that it's something that you can just
52:24
believe in. You don't have to figure it out.
52:27
Like I guess it's what faith is. It's like it can't be
52:29
challenged, it can't be disproven.
52:31
It's only something that you just hold in some way that makes
52:33
it special. That's what I lost when my mom
52:37
was diagnosed because I believed that everything would be OK as
52:41
long as I can make it so. And then it was disproven.
52:44
So it's like I had no no belief structure.
52:47
And I think that's one of the reasons why our fraud works so
52:52
well is because people have the confidence to believe they'll be
52:58
OK whatever it is they're facing that other people believe it
53:02
too. So it gives them a little bit
53:05
of, you know, gusto to go, OK, I'm going to take a plunge.
53:08
And you say it's, you know, you give yourself over to God.
53:11
But there's other people that are just giving themselves over
53:14
to this notion that it'll be OK one way or another.
53:19
Whatever happens in one. Yeah, it'll just, it'll be what
53:23
it'll be and I'll be OK with it. It's so important, whatever it
53:28
is, whatever belief it is, it's just obviously it's got to be a
53:31
good one. But but all right, mate, thank
53:37
you for sharing that. Who else helped you?
53:42
Well, it's the little things and it's still still helping me.
53:47
But the little things were like Scotty.
53:51
I figured his last name off the top of my head.
53:52
First photo taker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, him off, yeah.
53:56
Yeah, so that's right. So he's like a freak of a
54:00
runner, right? He's like 100K's a week or
54:02
something and he's broken all the records and like, he's just
54:05
a freak. But this is quite humble guy and
54:10
he'll run with me and he'll drop his pace back to be with me or
54:14
he'll push me a little bit further.
54:17
But I never forget, you know, about a month into it I thought,
54:19
oh, I'm going to go for 1/2 marrow or something.
54:22
And then Scotty encouraged me like this freak of a runner.
54:25
And I never forget. I actually finally did it,
54:27
nearly died. But Scotty was the first one
54:31
that congratulated me. And he's the first one to like
54:34
my Strava posts every single week.
54:35
He's an absolute champion. So just guys like that who are
54:40
willing to be humble and encourage.
54:43
I love, I'd never admit this to Ben's face, but I think Ben's an
54:48
absolute champion. Not because I think he's this
54:50
great businessman or a footy player, but he's just a humble
54:55
guy that loves people. And I, I sit back and I, I look
54:59
at him, he's got a great relationship with his wife, his
55:02
kids adore him. He brings them, they're
55:04
involved. And I think in a world that we
55:07
live in with so many broken homes and, and not too many role
55:11
models to look up at, he's just got the package for people to
55:15
look at and say, I want to model my life like that.
55:18
So please don't tell him, I said.
55:20
That we can edit that. Yeah, yeah, he's a, he's a dead
55:23
say champion. He is.
55:25
Yeah. So there, there's lots of
55:26
people. I could name heaps, but there's
55:28
a few. Yeah, you're right.
55:30
It's just full of great people. I want to I want to like shift
55:37
it around a little bit and sort of look forward and look now.
55:40
But how are you? I mean, there's you said you
55:47
like to just talk straight. How are you coping with the next
55:50
three years as well the next two with five, whatever it is as
55:57
maybe your last? It's a horrifying thing.
56:01
I try not to really think about it too much.
56:04
I'm trying to no like, oh, I mean, I say that, but it is
56:08
something I think about every single day but not dwell on, I
56:11
guess. Dwell.
56:12
Yeah, It's a passing thought. I probably acknowledge it.
56:15
Yeah. It's a thought that I would say,
56:17
I acknowledge every single day that I know that I'm coming up
56:20
to statistically my five years in another year and a half kill
56:25
or take, which is a terrifying thought and very sad.
56:29
So when I try not to think of, I just try and think of the good
56:32
things and and I guess like you guys, I, I took up running and I
56:40
I even worked myself up to 1/2 marathon when I was a year and a
56:43
half after I was diagnosed. And I think for me, I wanted to
56:46
push my body while I could. I wanted to kind of say big F
56:51
you to the cancer. And when I was well enough to be
56:54
like, no, I am pushing this body to its limits while I still can.
56:59
It's not as good as it was two years ago, but that's OK.
57:02
I still get out there and run. So I am actually going to come
57:04
down. I've already written in the
57:06
diary to do the Santa run. So I'm looking forward to coming
57:09
out and doing that next month. But yeah, I think it's a, it's a
57:15
way to think, to acknowledge the thoughts, but not to, not to
57:19
dwell on, not to dwell on the sad stuff because there's still
57:22
a lot of good things that I've got coming up because I'm a
57:26
planner. I've got lots of holidays next
57:27
year, things I want to take off my list, the Australian Open, go
57:31
to the Easter show, things like that.
57:33
So yeah, lots of lots of amazing things to still do and make
57:37
memories before the time's up. Beating cancer by living despite
57:42
it. That's it.
57:43
Yeah, filling in as much as I can that I'm allowed to.
57:47
I mean, I would like to go bungee jumping again, but my
57:49
oncologist said no, I'll probably break it.
57:53
There's limits I guess. There are limits, unfortunately.
57:56
I, I, I don't know whether to ask it, but I, I trust my, my
58:01
gut. What?
58:05
What kind of legacy do you hope to leave for your family?
58:11
You know, I have no idea and it's either come up in movies or
58:14
books I've read recently or seen on TV shows.
58:17
It's like my mum or dad instilled this in me and I'm
58:20
like, oh gosh, what am I, What's my son going to say in a couple
58:23
of years time or when he reflects back on me and I don't
58:27
know. I don't know whether it's I hope
58:30
that he could see that I was brave and and resilient and
58:34
going, this is not going to stop me.
58:35
I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to fundraise out the wazoo while I
58:39
can and give back to the community or I'm helping out of
58:43
the school or just kind of giving back.
58:46
That would be a nice thing for him to maybe look back on and
58:49
realise that I did or realise that I was able to spend as much
58:55
time with him as I can. I've in essence retired knowing
58:59
that I'm coming up to my last few years so I can be at home
59:02
and walk him to school every day and pick him up and spend as
59:05
much time with him as possible. And I hope he looks back at that
59:08
in the future and realise how precious that was that he got to
59:13
spend that time with me. And yeah.
59:17
Teaching him how to live life. I try, it's really hard with an
59:21
8 year old boy. It's.
59:22
Really, really hard. But I hope I'm trying to steer
59:26
him in the right direction. And yeah, it's hot.
59:30
It would be. It's a challenge.
59:32
We might get an example of the legacy you left if we we ask if
59:36
you can get it out ready. What kind of legacy is your mum
59:41
left for you and your little one at home?
59:44
Your little. One at home, yeah.
59:47
Not to give up. She never really gave up until
59:51
she couldn't. So I just keep pushing my body,
59:57
keep fundraising. Yeah, I have something very
1:00:02
crazy in Seoul for maybe next year or the year after for a
1:00:06
fundraiser. Speak it into existence or do
1:00:07
you want to keep it? I can speak it into existence
1:00:10
so. All right, it's not going to
1:00:12
sound crazy after this. So my mom was born in Wagga and
1:00:16
she's in Gangala Cemetery. OK.
1:00:18
That's the start, and that's the end point of the run.
1:00:21
How many kilometres is that 200? And 50 you've got 3-3 days, 80
1:00:26
KS a day. Wow, last day is 90.
1:00:29
Let us know how we can help. Yeah, I just need a good coach.
1:00:33
Not me. No, I've.
1:00:35
Got called Jack. He's a guy called Jack.
1:00:36
He'll help you out. That's all my I told my wife and
1:00:40
she goes, you're crazy. I'm like, I'll find a coach for
1:00:42
this so my body doesn't fall. I will help you if you want to
1:00:45
do it. We'll help you.
1:00:46
Yeah, Yeah. So that's my, that's my big
1:00:49
thing is that just want to motivate people that, you know,
1:00:59
so hard to put things into words, but you know, I just want
1:01:03
to motivate people that, you know, life is hard and, you
1:01:06
know, just do hard things, I guess.
1:01:09
Yeah, I must. I agree with that, I think.
1:01:11
I hope that I can inspire others to do things, too.
1:01:15
Yeah. Simple things.
1:01:15
They go, oh, she can do it with cancer.
1:01:17
Then what's stopping me? Yeah.
1:01:18
That's it. I was I was I was I.
1:01:20
Think that's a a wonderful thing?
1:01:22
I was going to say earlier, if my mum ran 1/2 marathon during
1:01:25
her cancer treatment, I would have probably started running 15
1:01:28
years ago. But instead I was that back of
1:01:30
the pack with the I'd get a stitch during, you know, running
1:01:35
Carnival and I'm like, Nah. And I think this goal setting is
1:01:38
addictive, I must say. I'm like, once you said that,
1:01:41
there'll be something else. I started with five KS and I
1:01:44
ended up with a half marathon as Yeah, and I did a triathlon.
1:01:47
A tiny little one, but at least I tried.
1:01:50
That's why I mean, I would never do a triathlon so.
1:01:52
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's addictive to kind of keep on
1:01:55
going and want to see what your where your body takes.
1:01:58
Here, well, my wife knows well and she said she was like,
1:02:01
you're going to start with five and then you're going to do
1:02:03
ultras. And it wasn't even a year until
1:02:05
I did my first ultra. So yeah, just silly.
1:02:10
Just silly, yeah. Not silly.
1:02:12
Let us say fundraising. We can help.
1:02:13
Yeah, we're in. One thing I do to continue my
1:02:21
parents legacy, but I'll speak to my mom's is whenever we see a
1:02:25
little feather, call it. She wanted to be called GG.
1:02:29
We say tell my kids, I'll look, it's GG and I'll just say
1:02:32
that's, that's a that's a way we.
1:02:34
That's a symbolic. It's you know, you can lean into
1:02:36
it and you go out to ghost, but no, it's more just it's a, it's
1:02:39
a, it's a reminder every time we say, oh, look at GG and then our
1:02:44
kids kind of know who my mum is through that.
1:02:50
Your wife's legacy apart from all time great Illawarra
1:02:54
cheerleader. Yeah, that's a good one.
1:02:58
How do you remember? Look, she doll just lived in the
1:03:01
moment. She was always full of joy.
1:03:03
So she's helped me to to chill out and not chase after like
1:03:10
materialistic things or the next big ambition, although they're
1:03:15
important to have vision and all those things.
1:03:19
But she's taught me not to forget to live in the moment.
1:03:22
So I live in the moment a lot more.
1:03:24
And I she had this way about her where people mattered.
1:03:29
And I think at the funeral so many people came up to me and
1:03:33
said Adele was my best friend. And I'm thinking, how the heck
1:03:36
does she have time to have all these?
1:03:37
All these friends. I thought I was a best friend,
1:03:41
but she was present with people and people are the most valuable
1:03:46
ticket item in this world. And it doesn't matter what else
1:03:49
you have, the best house, the best car, it's people.
1:03:52
So I try and I try and be present, regardless if it's a
1:03:57
multi millionaire or a doctor, a lawyer or someone that's, you
1:04:01
know, struggling in life. I try and be present with
1:04:05
whoever's there. So she's really helped me, you
1:04:07
know, set that, set that course, Yeah.
1:04:10
It I honestly, I could keep talking about this for ages and
1:04:14
maybe we'll get you back on later because yeah, I mean,
1:04:19
personally, this is just taking the offer I had off it.
1:04:22
It does. It's like another cathartic
1:04:24
experience, hearing about how you know the experiences left
1:04:29
you, you know better for life in that you can live it more, but
1:04:34
also how it has guided you. You know they're still in the
1:04:37
back of your head, you know, never give up, be present.
1:04:41
And then just the outlook you can have wanting to give to
1:04:47
others amidst the backdrop of what would only be daunting
1:04:51
amongst other things. It's, I don't know, it just
1:04:55
fills me with, yeah, gratitude. But then after I had on and
1:05:01
community had on camera had on, it's like sense of pride that
1:05:03
there's organisations that like rise above that pay it forward.
1:05:08
We don't have to do that in this world, but there are people that
1:05:11
do it and it makes a difference. But we always end this podcast
1:05:16
with asking who would you like to see interviewed on?
1:05:23
Yeah, for our podcast. If we can put it out in the
1:05:25
world and hopefully get him in, maybe even you guys could
1:05:28
interview him because that's something we like to do as well.
1:05:30
But the guest host. So is there anyone you would
1:05:33
like to interview? I think to come to mind, I'm
1:05:37
completely love and just read his book.
1:05:40
I'm Doctor Richard Scalia, Like for me as, yeah, someone in his
1:05:44
similar boots, he's got brain cancer, loves his running.
1:05:50
So yeah, I think that would be OK.
1:05:51
Amazing. We'll put it out there, Doctor.
1:05:54
I know exactly who you're talking about.
1:05:56
Yeah, I don't know who. There's a couple of people,
1:06:00
maybe William Barlow. Who's that?
1:06:03
He's just a guy who I know through Park Run and he's just a
1:06:06
positive guy. He's a very positive guy.
1:06:10
Maybe when you're doing your Bogger, yeah.
1:06:12
And Garland run part of the promo could be you interview
1:06:15
him. Yeah, yeah.
1:06:17
Yeah, I'll ask him. Like, I really don't know, but I
1:06:22
love him alone. Him.
1:06:23
I'd probably do Donald Trump because it'd be one heck of an
1:06:26
interview, wouldn't it? Yeah.
1:06:28
It would be. Yeah, yeah.
1:06:30
Not that I'm saying a favour him, but yeah, I think it'd be a
1:06:32
bit of a yeah, interesting, interesting conversation.
1:06:35
Well, maybe if we can't get Donald Trump, we'll get another
1:06:38
big orange man, Simo. But seriously, guys, like maybe
1:06:46
we'll close with something else. And thank you so much for being
1:06:52
a part of this because it does, it helps others.
1:06:55
Is there any something you would like to say to anyone similar in
1:06:59
a similar position to you or anyone before you know like at
1:07:04
that diagnosis stage that you wish you had heard?
1:07:08
I don't know if we wish I had heard, but I think a key thing
1:07:12
to remember that there's still so much to be grateful for.
1:07:15
I think that's something that I've held on to right from the
1:07:17
start. When I was diagnosed, I didn't
1:07:20
write a wish list with my bucket list.
1:07:24
I wrote a list of everything that I've done.
1:07:26
I kind of looked, stopped and looked back and go took stock.
1:07:28
Take stock. What have you done in your life
1:07:32
or but I think even looking forward or just being present
1:07:35
and going, there is still so much to be grateful for.
1:07:38
Wonderful organisations like we said like Rise above your
1:07:42
friends, family, the love, the support of community.
1:07:45
There is still so much every day that you can take stock of and
1:07:48
be appreciative of, even amongst the horribleness of a cancer
1:07:52
diagnosis. I would say time.
1:07:59
So whenever I've had a couple of friends that have had, you know,
1:08:02
a loved one get the diagnosis and they're like Ryan, what do I
1:08:05
do? And I'm like spend time with
1:08:07
them. If there's one thing I could
1:08:09
take back, I would. I want time.
1:08:13
Yeah, I agree. Yeah, with that.
1:08:17
I think for me they're 2 great ones.
1:08:21
Can I copy this? Yeah, probably add in as well,
1:08:24
like talk to people if you're going through something.
1:08:28
Yeah. And the other thing is, if
1:08:29
you're not going through something, talk to people, make
1:08:32
sure you're available, you know, keep your eyes open.
1:08:35
You know, people always let off little, little indicators where
1:08:39
they're not OK They might not come to you, but just, yeah, be
1:08:42
that person. Yeah, because you'll need
1:08:45
someone down the track as well. So.
1:08:46
Yeah. Yeah, I had AI, had a small
1:08:50
group of friends that always cheated on me.
1:08:52
Good. And they were like still friends
1:08:54
with them now, still talk to them almost every day.
1:08:57
So awesome. That's great.
1:09:01
Thank you so much, guys. Seriously.
1:09:02
All right. Thank you.
1:09:03
Yeah, I appreciate it. Yeah.