Latest / Celeste The Therapist / EP 507 Understanding Life Challenges: Don't Take It Personally

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EP 507 Understanding Life Challenges: Don't Take It Personally · Celeste The Therapist

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Hey, hey, thank you so much for joining another episode of Celeste,
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the therapist podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston, and
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I come on to talk about things that we struggle with and help you come
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up with ways to deal with them. Typically, these
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episodes are also on YouTube. This will not be on YouTube. It's
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only audio. As you can tell or if
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you don't know my voice I'm feeling a little under the weather but
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This topic and this podcast is really important to me. I
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really Find myself week to week
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thinking about these things that are coming up and I
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see a lot of themes and This theme that
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I want to talk about is understanding life challenges and not taking
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it personal So if you are new here, I have a
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ton of episodes that I have with
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other people. So for years, I started
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this podcast in 2018. I was interviewing people who
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were doing things to empower other people. And then in
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2024, I decided I was going to open up a wellness center. So I didn't
1:08
have the capacity to interview people. So I decided
1:12
I still wanted to keep this podcast going. And
1:16
in order to do that, I needed to not
1:19
interview people. And so now I come on and I
1:23
give these really short episodes that can really help
1:26
you like shift your thought process. And so I
1:30
want you to use this podcast as a tool to help get through
1:33
things. I believe in therapy. I'm a whole therapist, but I
1:36
also know that therapies not always accessible for
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people. I also understand that sometimes
1:43
you have a hard time finding the right fit and I understand that it's
1:47
other things outside of therapy that can help. And so when you're listening to
1:50
this podcast, have a notebook, have a pen, take some notes, especially if
1:54
you find yourself drawn to the topic. I really
1:57
want to help you think about those things. And before we get started on
2:00
the topic, don't forget May 3rd, May
2:04
is mental health awareness month, right? And so I am having
2:08
a wellness day at my center. We have, I
2:11
have a four room suite. I'm like so grateful. Sometimes I can't believe I
2:14
have this whole suite. And I, sometimes I'll be like, so that's like,
2:18
what are you doing? If you follow my social media, The other day
2:21
in my stories, I was just like sometimes I'd be like, what are you doing? And that's
2:24
the thing when you're building something from scratch There are so
2:27
many like ebbs and flows of emotions that come up and
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if that's you right now one of the things that keeps me going is
2:35
thinking about my purpose thinking about my purpose keeps
2:39
me motivated and So if you find
2:42
yourself struggling, remember your purpose. So
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May 3rd, we're having this Wellness Day. One room is gonna be a game
2:49
area, another room's gonna be arts and crafts. Another
2:53
room is going to be chair massages and also facials.
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I'm adding, she's going to do 20 minute facials. I'm so
3:00
excited. And then my bigger room, we're going to have different classes.
3:04
If you go to stwyt.com, you'll
3:08
find the link to sign up. It's a free
3:11
event. And everything is first come, first serve. I'm
3:15
so excited about that. Also, if you are in the Stoughton
3:18
area, so I'm located in Stoughton, Massachusetts. We're right outside of Boston.
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I have regular ongoing classes that are happening every month.
3:26
I have a rest and recharge class. Mindful yen.
3:29
I also have a restorative yoga class amongst other
3:33
things that are happening So if you want to stay up to date if you go
3:36
to my website put your email in and you will be
3:39
able to get updates I usually send out an email once
3:44
maybe twice a month, but mainly once so you're not gonna get
3:47
bombarded and with emails from me. I'm literally just giving you
3:50
information. I also post it on my social media platform.
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And on social media, you could find me, Celeste, the therapist, my
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business, social media, you can find an STWYT and
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that just stands for shifting the way you think. And
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that's where you will find all of my information. So
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this is a topic today that we're talking about I
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think a lot of people struggle with, especially now. Sometimes I
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think we forget that people are going through life, right?
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We can get so absorbed with the things that
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we have going on that we forget that other people
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may have things happening. Relationships can
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be very complex, and they're influenced by so
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many factors, right? And I think about the way relationships
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have been built, right? So maybe grade school, maybe college. For
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some people, it was work, right? So we have these
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different relationships. And for some people, you know, if
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we've had people in our lives from childhood or
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college, and we start doing different things,
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we may start, having kids we may get
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into a relationship right or maybe part of our trauma is
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less talking about all these horrible relationships we've been in and
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you're no longer in that space and so the relationship dynamic looks different
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and so sometimes people may find themselves withdrawing
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from a relationship not realizing what's going on,
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right? Because this person wants to talk about trauma all
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the time and you feel like you've moved past it. And
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so it's important to really understand yourself,
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understand your needs, understand what
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you want out of life, right? And also understanding
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that sometimes people are in our lives for a season. I
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don't think we make that something that is a staple,
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right? A lot of times, I know for me, I'm going to talk personally, I've
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tried to carry people through different parts of
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my life as I was growing. Not
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understanding why I felt weighed down. A lot of jealousy, a
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lot of envy, a lot of hate was taking place. And
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I didn't understand that I had to let people go. And letting
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people go doesn't mean where I'm like, forget them.
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I'm never talking to them. I had to understand that
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people aren't always going to grow with you and that's okay. It's
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not that it's okay as in, okay, it is what it is. There's some
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grief that can take place as you're growing, right? But
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also understand that it's a part of life, right? And
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I think that if we really understand that we can do things
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differently. So as we're growing and as we're changing
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and as we're developing and as we're understanding like what we
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need, sometimes we may find ourselves still
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showing up for people in the same capacity that we always have
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shown up and find ourselves struggling with
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the fact that they're not showing up the same way. And
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sometimes, you know, I think that it's important to
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understand as we continue to grow and get older and have
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all these responsibilities, other people could
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be going through things that we may know nothing about.
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And sometimes our internalization of how we're
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treated could be rooted in some of our own childhood stuff.
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If you struggle with abandonment issues, if you struggle with
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some insecurity, if you struggle with some
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things from your childhood. Your
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friend or your whoever the person is in your life have
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changed Your system could automatically put
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you into the space of oh my goodness is happening again Right
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and so sometimes we end up jumping to conclusions And
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we find ourselves struggling and
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making statements. You know, I'm a whole therapist, so I hear it all the time. I
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see how the mind works, right? Our mind is designed for
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survival. Our mind is not designed for us
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to have positive thoughts. It's designed to help
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us continue to go. Having positive thoughts, processing
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things is something we have to be very intentional about. And
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so when I think about some of the traumas that we may
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have gone through through relationships, not even just friendships, it
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could be intimate relationships, or even with our parents or our
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siblings, these are kind of staples of
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how we grew up. As we get older and we are having
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these relationships with friends and people in
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our lives, we have to understand that sometimes because
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of the closeness of the relationship, our mind and
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our system could feel like the way
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that somebody may be pulling back is similar to
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what's happened in the past. And so a
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lot of times when we don't hear from people, right,
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let's, I'm just gonna give like a blanket example that
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can happen all the time. If
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you don't hear from somebody, right, your first thought,
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you may find yourself saying, what did I do wrong, right?
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Or you might find yourself saying like, oh, I wonder if they like me,
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right? And so your mind starts to
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go into this negative spiral. And if you're not
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mindful, you know what your mind will do? Your mind will start to create scenarios
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where the thought that you just had becomes
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to feel real. And if you don't challenge that thought,
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like let's just stick with they must not like me. If you're not
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challenging that thought, What is
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going to happen is your mind will start to look for evidence
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that will make that thought feel real. This is not just
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what, this is a topic we're talking about today, but this literally can
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happen with anything in our lives, right? If
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we are trying to start a business in
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we say, oh, I wonder if this business is going to succeed. Like,
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can I really do this? If I don't tell myself, Celeste, you can do
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this. My mind, if I'm worried, if I start to worry about,
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can I really do this? I'll never start the business. And
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my mind will always feel like I'll never be able to do
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this. Right. That's literally how the mind works. And
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so we're talking about friendships and relationships with people in
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our lives. And so if you start to say like, they
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must not like me, I did something wrong, the
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way your interactions with them will be, you won't
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see any good in the interactions, your mind will only
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point out the ways that you may have, you may feel
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like they're doing something wrong. So it's really important,
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especially in the climate of the world today, it's so
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chaotic. It's so chaotic. People are so mean.
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People are going through enormous amounts of
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struggle. Am I going to lose my job? I have to go into work,
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so now I don't have a babysitter. Prices
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of food are going up. There's just so many things going on,
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and even as somebody as me, I'm very grounded, right?
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And I'm not impacted the way some people
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are impacted in regards to the financial piece. My
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business is not grant funded. I do insurance, right?
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And I feel the heaviness of the world, right?
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And without those other factors. And so I
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just want you to be mindful that there's a lot of heaviness happening
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in the world. And I have a podcast that I recorded a
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few episodes ago about creating joy and
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making sure you're adding it to your life. You know, I really want
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that for us. I really, I really want us to work on
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creating joy because there's so many hard things happening. And so,
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so many hard things are happening and people are affected
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in so many different ways that I really want you
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to be mindful when you have a relationship with somebody, friend, coworker, somebody
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that you're really close with, and you're struggling with the dynamic
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of the relationship. Maybe they're withdrawing, right?
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Maybe that you're giving out a lot of energy and you're not getting it
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back. It's okay to pull back from this energy you're
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giving, right? Especially if you're feeling depleted by it, right?
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But don't tell yourself a story that you don't have evidence for,
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right? Be mindful of the story that you're telling yourself because
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the more you create this narrative, what will happen is
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that your mind will continue to show you how it's possible. So
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let's talk about some strategies because I really want you
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to think about like, okay, you may be listening to this and
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be like, you know what Celeste, that's me. I find myself overanalyzing.
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I find myself being in my head about things all the time. And
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I want to do better. Good. because
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I want you to do better. One of the things I want you to think
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about is practicing self-compassion, right? Reminding
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yourself that everyone has their own battles. This is a conversation I'm having
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with people all the time. And just having that conversation,
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helping them interrupt the thought, the compassion they begin to
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have for that person is really great, right? It's
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not about like, Oh, how could they not call me or
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they know i'm going through this what ends up happening is that people really
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start to? Um understand like you know what this isn't
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about me I don't know what they got going on and I gotta stop making up stories.
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All right, so practice self-compassion The second thing
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I want you to think about, communication. Communicating openly,
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right? If you feel comfortable, reach out to express your feelings.
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And let's take a pause for a second. Not
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like, hey, why you didn't call me? Or I see you acting funny. No,
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don't do that. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is
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work on saying, hey, Celeste, I
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called you a few times. I want to check on you. When
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I don't hear from you, I get concerned, right? Because you're concerned. And
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you know, I just want to check and make sure everything's okay like sending a text message
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You know when people get into depression dark depression stages and
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anxious stages What happens is they people shut
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down and they isolate And so I
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need you to understand that that a lot of people are dealing with a lot. Trust
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me I know I work with people for a living and And so communication
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can go a long way, but not communicating when you're
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frustrated. And I wanna be clear, like if you
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feel frustrated, if you feel what you feel, you have every
14:43
right to feel how you feel. I'm not trying to deny you of
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your feelings, but what I don't want you to do is tell yourself stories.
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And what I don't want you to do is lead a conversation with
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feelings where the other person feels attacked. Because a
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lot of times it's not personal. And a lot of times we
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don't know how to communicate, right? We create these narratives and these stories and
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then we start changing up the way we act with somebody because
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of how we feel. So if you can work
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on communicating, hey, I haven't heard from you, I'm really concerned. How's
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everything going? That's important. When
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it comes to strategies, the last thing I want you to think about is focusing on
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your own well-being. Start engaging in activities that
15:28
are bringing you joy. A lot of times we're not
15:32
used, sometimes people aren't really used to focusing
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on themselves, right? You find yourself meddling in
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other people's things, or you find yourself more
15:44
focused on this person and why they haven't called you. You
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know what? You tried. Give yourself a pat on the back. You tried. You
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tried to text. You reached out. They may
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have changed and sometimes let's keep it real like maybe
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they are acting funny, right? I'm not gonna say they're not but
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at the end of the day, I want you to ask yourself What part of
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them do I have control over? right Because
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I'm not trying to like you may be listening to this and say you know what? I know this person
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really is acting funny because of XYZ Alright, so for the sake
16:15
of like not arguing about it. Let's just say they're acting funny
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What part of this do you have control over? Are you really gonna
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allow your mind to get so focused on how they're acting when
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you have no control over it? Think about it It
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doesn't make sense to do that. So knowing that
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you don't have control over how they act, you only have control over
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what you allow, right? And so maybe that
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means I can't continue showing up the same way, right? But
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one of the things you can do is work on like, let
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me work on my, the things that I can control and bring more
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joy to my life. And that joy, even
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if it's for a moment, life is really challenging now, right? And
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I want you to really feel like, you know what, I'm gonna, you
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know, I'm gonna go and get some sun today, right?
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I'm gonna go outside, sit in the sun and just have some tea.
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I'm gonna go for a walk. I'm gonna wake up in the morning
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and I'm gonna listen to this music because this music really makes me feel good You know,
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you can listen to it music. It's so powerful. Like it's always been such a staple for
17:20
me and You can listen to a song One
17:24
of the songs that I love when I'm having a hard time and
17:28
I have this quote on my board In
17:31
my loft it says be still and know that I am God I
17:36
am a very spiritual person. I walk by faith and
17:39
not by sight. No other way for me to be where I'm at if
17:43
I walk by sight. If I walk by sight, a girl
17:47
wouldn't be doing the things that I do. I literally walk by faith and
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there's a song, be still and know that I am God. I'm trying to think of
17:54
the name, who sings it. I can't think of the name right now. I play it all the time.
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His name is, it's a guy, I follow him. I can't think
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of his name. That song, when
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I'm having a hard time, I play it and it does something to
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my spirit, right? That's for me. That's my song. There
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may be a song that brings you joy, that hypes you up. Before the
18:15
gym, there's certain music or certain energies
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that I like to hear to hype me up because I'm going in
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the morning and I don't feel like going. right so what
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is that thing that's gonna bring you joy and you see the things that
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i'm naming walking the sun having some tea listening to music
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where does there's no money involved in it i just want to be clear because
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we live in a very capitalistic society where
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when it comes to joy, when it comes to people smiling, somehow there's
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always a dollar attached to it. And don't
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get me wrong, we need money to survive. Money will make things easier,
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especially when you're struggling. And so my
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point is not to say that money doesn't matter. My point is to say,
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even if you don't have it, I want you to know you can create
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moments of joy in your life, right? So
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those are some strategies that I want you to think about using this,
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you know, nice quick episode. Hopefully if
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this speaks to you and you found yourself like giving
19:17
yourself stories or giving yourself a narrative or
19:20
finding yourself hyper-focused on a relationship that might
19:23
not be working anymore, understand that sometimes it's
19:27
okay to let relationships go. Right,
19:31
like you can't be the only one trying to carry a
19:34
relationship and it's okay. I find this situation
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happening a lot with people that are late
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20s, early 30s, people that start therapy or
19:45
people that start their own journey. You start to like
19:49
look at the way things are happening in your life with
19:52
the people in your life and recognizing how you're
19:56
being treated. And when this awareness and this awakening happens
20:00
for people, I'll say like, you know, they've always been that way.
20:04
You're just now seeing it. That's kind of how the
20:07
relationship was built based off of X, Y, and Z, right?
20:11
And so what do you have control over? That's the message. What
20:15
do you have control over? You have control over your own wellbeing and
20:19
you have control over engaging in activities that bring you joy.
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You have control over pulling back if you're finding yourself overextending
20:27
yourself. and your relationship with somebody is not being reciprocated,
20:31
what are you doing that you're allowing it to be that way, right?
20:36
My goal in this podcast is to help you shift the way you think, to show
20:39
you what you have control over, so you feel like life
20:43
is not just happening to you. That's so important to me. It's
20:47
so important to me because I felt like life was just happening. I
20:51
never thought I would get to a place that I'm at
20:54
now where I have so much gratitude, so
20:57
much joy just by being,
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right? There's no dollar attached. I travel a lot. I
21:04
do a lot of things, but I can find peace
21:08
and joy just with my stillness. And that's
21:11
something that I didn't think was possible. And so like the more
21:15
that I've grown mentally, like I've
21:19
just developed a passion to want to help people and show them the way. So
21:23
I hope this was helpful. If this was helpful, let your girl know,
21:26
hit me up in social media, email me. You
21:30
can find me on all social media platforms. Don't forget to
21:33
visit my website. If you are in the Stoughton area, check
21:38
me out stwyt.com. Check
21:41
out the programming happening. Don't forget May 3rd come Check
21:45
out the center. Come meet me. I'm excited about What's
21:49
happening with this Wellness Center, especially now with the
21:52
way life is lifing for people I'm excited to
21:56
be able to offer this programming for people So
22:00
that they can work on like I'm really big into somatic work and
22:04
the body, you know, so I That's important to me. So thank
22:07
you all so much for listening to me Don't forget follow
22:11
me on YouTube follow me everywhere until next time beautiful people. I'll