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Side note... we dated at the same time? · side notes

0:01
SPEAKER_01: Hey girl.
0:03
SPEAKER_02: Hey girl.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: How are you?
0:06
SPEAKER_03: Good.
0:06
SPEAKER_03: How are you?
0:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm fine.
0:08
SPEAKER_03: I was just with you.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: I know.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: That was so nice.
0:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we had such a nice afternoon yesterday together.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
0:16
SPEAKER_03: We don't often spend like Saturday time together.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: No, it was very enjoyable.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: It really was.
0:22
SPEAKER_03: Um I just got out of the sauna bag.
0:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: How was it?
0:27
SPEAKER_03: I wasn't sweating.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: What'd you have it set on?
0:30
SPEAKER_03: 150 degrees.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: And okay.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: And how long were you in there?
0:33
SPEAKER_03: 45 minutes.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you'll have to crank it up a little bit.
0:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was like, I mean, it was like warm.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Warm.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Like when I I have it up to like 175.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not really 175, but like I just wanted you to start easy first.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: Right.
0:49
unknown: Yeah.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: And hopefully that'll that'll help.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:52
unknown: Wow.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: All right.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: So keep on keeping on with that.
0:55
SPEAKER_03: I will do that.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: But I definitely did you enjoyed it.
0:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was nice.
0:59
SPEAKER_03: I mean, where do you lay?
1:01
SPEAKER_01: On my bed.
1:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh, see, I laid on the floor.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, probably not as comfortable.
1:05
SPEAKER_03: I think that was the wrong.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I literally put it on my bed and get him like and just or a couch or whatever if you wanted to watch TV, like whatever.
1:13
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:14
SPEAKER_03: I was like, I don't know why I got on the ground and well, you would think.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: So.
1:21
SPEAKER_03: But no, it was good.
1:23
SPEAKER_03: And I think just like being outside in the heat and like moving is very is helpful for my back problems that I referenced last week.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I took a nice long walk down to the water and to Pentreaty Park this morning.
1:37
SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's so nice.
1:38
SPEAKER_03: That's a great walk.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I waited a little late to do that because it wasn't quite, it was like the late morning, so it was definitely a little warm, but it was still a nice walk.
1:46
unknown: Yeah.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, we um, you know, after some critical feedback.
1:51
SPEAKER_03: Um after some critical feedback, I have sat on a chair because I got told that I shouldn't be sitting on the floor.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: It's just like hard the window placement is.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: But I but I think it's you're you're good.
2:05
SPEAKER_03: This isn't it my bedroom.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: I know.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, you look good.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: It's better than being on the floor.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: And then we don't have to see the outlet anymore.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, but after some other critical feedback, we've decided to hold our top five or whatever we're calling that till the end and do it like in a little bit rapid fire.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: So for those of you who are tuning on in hoping to get that up front, I'm afraid you'll have to listen to the rest of the episode or speed through the chapters to get to it.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Um dying to know.
2:33
SPEAKER_01: No, don't speed through the chapters.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, so um with that, we're gonna talk about a funny topic.
2:43
SPEAKER_03: I mean, not funny, but we're gonna talk about dating.
2:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:49
SPEAKER_03: Kind of.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: Neither of us is doing that.
2:52
SPEAKER_03: Like literally, like neither of us even.
2:55
SPEAKER_03: But we're gonna talk about um kind of through the lens, we are exactly 30 years apart.
3:01
SPEAKER_03: So it's interesting.
3:02
SPEAKER_03: We dated obviously at very different times, and you also dated, you have now gone through like three major phases of dating in your life.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: I have.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: So it seems, and I married my first boyfriend.
3:16
SPEAKER_03: So you've gone through no phases, so you know, different relationships to dating, but we want to do it in like more of a fun way.
3:30
SPEAKER_03: So, do you want to kick us off with the question of who had it harder?
3:36
SPEAKER_03: Who had it harder?
3:38
SPEAKER_03: Um, so are we like making our case?
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, who had it harder?
3:43
SPEAKER_01: You or me?
3:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and I guess when right for context and reference, I'm gonna yes, for context and reference, I will say that I dated, you know, obviously when I was single originally, then I dated again in my 40s when I got divorced from dad.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: And then I, which was a long stretch.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: Um Right.
4:06
SPEAKER_03: I mean, how many years were you dating until you got into like I mean, I guess there was a serious relationship, but like I don't, I'm not counting that right.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: I was single from about 2007, six, seven until 2012.
4:24
SPEAKER_03: That's when you met Rich, 12.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: And then you dated dating again in like 2019.
4:35
SPEAKER_03: So we were actually, interestingly enough, dating at the same time at the same time.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: On on online, on apps.
4:43
SPEAKER_03: On the on apps.
4:44
SPEAKER_03: So we'll get into that.
4:46
SPEAKER_03: But which which dating experience are you gonna use as your like focus group?
4:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, I I feel like I should use the I don't know.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: I guess I'll see what applies and then I'll I'll say because I can't really say.
5:01
SPEAKER_03: Who had it harder?
5:04
SPEAKER_03: I would say that of all of the dating experiences that we've had, the easiest for you was probably when you met dad.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was set up on a blind date.
5:15
SPEAKER_03: Same.
5:16
SPEAKER_03: But I think after dating miserably and unsuccessfully for almost two years.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: Right.
5:25
SPEAKER_03: In New York City.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Right.
5:27
SPEAKER_03: Which is adds a whole different element of yes.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, I think I think modern dating for you, for anybody in their whatever 20s, 30s sucks.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: My my my take on it from just talking to people, talking to younger women, is that it's kind of a miserable experience.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Every once in a while, there's like uh, oh, look, somebody met this person, and isn't this great and amazing and whatever?
5:55
SPEAKER_01: And it does happen.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: Plenty of people are like, oh, I met this person on Hinge, I met this person on whatever.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: Um, I just think, you know, look, I mean, I'm gonna reference now, I'll go back to like even referencing um dad.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember because I was online in the 2000s.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: I was on like I was on like match and J Date.
6:21
SPEAKER_03: I remember but also online dating was clearly so different.
6:29
SPEAKER_03: Like online dating now, and I'm not even up, like you mentioned a dating app that someone that we know is using yesterday, and I had never even heard of it.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't even remember exactly what it's called.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Talk to find something.
6:40
SPEAKER_03: Whatever.
6:41
SPEAKER_03: But dating apps now are obviously so influenced by social media.
6:45
SPEAKER_03: It's quick bites, it's scroll, like um, yep, yep, yep.
6:50
SPEAKER_03: It's getting you to move through, swipe left, right, fun, quick, like right, you know, the attention span of a squirrel.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Whereas I feel like when you were on originally when I was on like match and jd, I mean you had to read a person's profile.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: Yes, it was a whole thing.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it wasn't as much.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, obviously you looked at the person's picture, but it wasn't as quick but but but but but you know what I mean?
7:14
SPEAKER_01: You couldn't just blow through like that as quickly.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you would I think I remember you would open up like I can't remember if this is match or you know, you would open up a screen and there would be, and it was like boxes of food.
7:26
SPEAKER_03: So you're getting this huge, I mean not huge, but comparatively, you're comparatively full screen.
7:31
SPEAKER_03: It's like looking at someone's Facebook page.
7:33
SPEAKER_03: Like you're getting larger.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was completely different.
7:37
SPEAKER_03: So to that end, are you getting more information about someone?
7:41
SPEAKER_03: Like, are you vetting people differently because you're reading you were reading more heavily into it?
7:47
SPEAKER_03: Are they?
7:48
SPEAKER_01: I think you were able to I think people, I mean, I look, I think you if you take the time, there is information on like hinge or whatever.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you spend people do fill out profiles, and but half the time it's just like people look at people's pictures and they're like, good looking, not good looking.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: I like them, I don't like them, whatever, what's their occupation?
8:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, isn't like the initial thing of like hinge, like it's like the picture, the age, your occupation, and like what other, you know what I mean?
8:13
SPEAKER_03: That's all you see with like it's all it's all segmented out to be like quick bits of information.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Right.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: Right.
8:19
SPEAKER_03: But I'm wondering, on the one hand, are you making quicker decisions in a negative way?
8:27
SPEAKER_03: So you're probably writing more people off.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: I think, I think in the apps today, I think I've looked I think the problem is also it's like a constant refresh.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: It's like when you're on Instagram and you're scrolling, there's just like constantly new content.
8:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: For anybody, you at me at my age, you're anybody's age, there's always the like, oh, what, what's coming next?
8:49
SPEAKER_01: What's coming next?
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Maybe there's a better, maybe there's a better.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: I mean, yes, it creates an opportunity.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's so hard to meet people now.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: I think it's just not as organic as it used to be.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you do still hear about people like one being set up on blind dates, which I still think is always the best way.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: Or like meeting somebody at a party or a bar or whatever.
9:10
SPEAKER_03: I do think that that happens so much less infrequently.
9:16
SPEAKER_03: So much more.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because people are so much less frequently.
9:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so much less frequently, correct.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Um because I think because people like just I don't know, people are a bit, I don't know.
9:29
SPEAKER_03: And I I think I think in the age of like uh in the digital world of like connection, if I know that someone in my life wants to date someone, I'm like, who do I know that I could like introduce them to?
9:42
SPEAKER_03: Whereas did you like, and it's easy to connect people, even if they don't live in the same place, even if they don't whatever.
9:50
SPEAKER_03: Whereas I feel like I don't know.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I feel like it was done.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: I think people feel like people did it more than you were so much more likely to be like, oh, you should meet my friend.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know do people not that dad.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they do.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, frankly, be between dad and rich, I mean not Mark, but dad and Rich, I was both set up.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: Set up, yeah.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, it does, I think it still happens, and I still think happens a lot.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, I just think that, you know, it's just this is sort of like the way people are meeting people.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I think it, you know, I think for somebody one who doesn't want to like go out, maybe doesn't have friends who know people, right?
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, or doesn't want to be like, oh, I think I'll spend my night sitting at a bar going to somewhere, you know what I mean?
10:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, right?
10:39
SPEAKER_03: Well, I also think like uh like not for nothing, the people that would be asking me to set them up with people are my straight girlfriends, which I have very few single ones anyway.
10:50
SPEAKER_03: And like, I don't know any straight guy, like I don't know any single straight guys, like I don't hang around with them, they're not like my choice of people.
10:56
SPEAKER_03: So I don't really have anyone to set anyone up with.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Right.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Whereas like well, what ends up happening is as you get older, I think that pool of single men or women gets bigger because people get divorced.
11:12
SPEAKER_03: Well, so you're saying you think it's easier to set people up in the later half of life.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: I have no idea if that's a true statement or not.
11:21
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
11:21
SPEAKER_03: But I and I also think that in the age of social media and whatever, like my best friend Lexi.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, people do like what's that expression they used to use?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, they slid into my their DMs, whatever the fuck that means.
11:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but that's I don't think that that's that's not usual.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like that's not a thing happened to me.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, but somebody do that.
11:43
SPEAKER_03: If you like think someone's hot, you message them on Instagram.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: But how are they how are they getting to my Instagram if they're not my friend?
11:49
SPEAKER_03: Well, most likely, first of all, not everyone's private on Instagram.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: And most likely it's a friend of a friend, or I mean, I think that slid into the DMs is either used at our level for people who you're it's like a third rate connection, like you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, or it's famous people.
12:11
SPEAKER_03: I don't that's random Joe Schmo from nowhere'sville nowhere is not sliding into random Jane Doe from nowhere.
12:20
SPEAKER_03: Like that's not happening.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't think I don't know.
12:23
SPEAKER_03: Just like I okay my understanding of that is but what's I gonna say?
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: What is he saying?
12:36
SPEAKER_02: Um you have no idea because you just want to use chairs slide into the DMs question.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: All right, well then let it come back.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: And in the meantime, you had it harder.
12:47
SPEAKER_03: Oh I mean, I would say, unfortunately, you probably had it harder because of the amount of times that you've had to do it.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll take that.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think that's probably I have though, I will say, I mean, I I I look at myself as very lucky.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: I look at myself as incredibly lucky to have had now in my life three men that I've had major relationships with, significant relationships with, who have all loved me very much.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: So not by choice, but how lucky am I that that happened to me?
13:23
SPEAKER_01: All different, but all loving, you know, whatever.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: I think that's it's I just hard, but you know, you know, that goes into the question of, you know, everybody always says like there's no one true person for you.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: And I just don't believe there, I think there are for different reasons and for different times, but I don't think I think that you know, at different points in your life, there can be different people for different reasons.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: That's what I think.
13:51
SPEAKER_02: I I definitely agree.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Not to say that you can't meet somebody at whatever age and be with them forever.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, that's the hope, that's the goal.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I don't think if if that one relationship doesn't work out, I just think that I'm walking living proof that that doesn't have to mean that that one person, you know, was your only chance for love.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: I completely agree.
14:12
SPEAKER_02: I think that's a great.
14:15
SPEAKER_01: Um so here's some I I wanted, I saw I Googled these words or I Googled what like modern dating terms are.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: So I wanted, I I don't know what I think I think I know what one of them or two of them might mean, but I was unclear.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: So I wanted you to tell you, because I thought it'd be funny for you to explain to me what they are.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay, situationship.
14:40
SPEAKER_03: I think I know what that is, but I mean, to be that just like hooking up and sleeping together, like I get I think it, I mean, like to be fair, I I don't a hundred percent know, but I guess we could look it up.
14:54
SPEAKER_03: My understanding of it is it's like there is some like emotional element, you're not just like hooking up to hook up.
15:01
SPEAKER_03: Like you're you kind of treat each other like you're dating, but like you're not actually dating, you're not exclusive, you don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
15:08
SPEAKER_03: So it's like emotionally taxing because you're kind of in this in-between.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: My understanding at least But is the situation usually the prelude to a relationship, or the problem is that they get defined as situationships because they never leave that predicated by a plan, not wanting to commit to you.
15:32
SPEAKER_03: So you spend all your time.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: Friends, something married with children.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: What was the movie though?
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Justin Timmer?
15:43
SPEAKER_01: What was it?
15:44
SPEAKER_01: Right.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's not what it is.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: They were, I mean that was a situation ship.
15:48
SPEAKER_03: They liked each other, they spent that wasn't a situation ship because they went into, they defined it as we're best friends, let's sleep together, this is fun, or like whatever.
15:56
SPEAKER_03: That's not a situation.
15:57
SPEAKER_03: There's no discussion of we're in a situationship.
16:00
SPEAKER_03: You end up in a situationship by accident, not on purpose.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, got it.
16:05
SPEAKER_03: You don't want to be in one, is what okay.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: That's the clarify okay, that is a clarifying thing.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay, good to know.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: So if you're saying you're in a situationship, that's a negative.
16:14
SPEAKER_03: And I don't think that you would be like, Yay, I'm telling everyone I'm in a situationship.
16:19
SPEAKER_03: Like your girlfriend would be like to you, you're in a situationship, you need to figure out You gotta get out.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Got it, got it, got it.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Well, we've all been them, we just didn't call them that.
16:27
SPEAKER_03: I've never been in one, so well, I was in one where I wanted to have a boyfriend and I was with somebody who who did not treat me like very often happens that it is a uh it is a male making it so that it ends up into this situation ship where this girl is giving him all of her energy and she's giving not and he's giving nothing.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: So with unwittingly without knowing, I have had a situation.
16:53
SPEAKER_03: And I'm sure they were not fun and you wanted to get out of them.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh soft launch.
17:00
SPEAKER_03: A soft launch would be like if you posted a photo of someone that you were dating, like maybe on your Instagram story, or like they were in like the background of a picture, or you two were in like the background of your friend's picture, and your friend said to you, Is it okay if I post this?
17:21
SPEAKER_03: The photo is not to proclaim that you are in this relationship, but it it softly launches that there's a person in your life.
17:32
SPEAKER_03: The hard launch would be like when Peter and I first started dating a couple, whatever, probably like six months into dating.
17:41
SPEAKER_03: We went to my we went to my cousin's wedding and we took a picture and I posted it, and I wrote like my date forever, or like whatever, something like that.
17:53
SPEAKER_03: And that is me like hard launching.
17:57
SPEAKER_03: This is I'm dating this person.
17:59
SPEAKER_03: I am placing a picture on my Facebook, on my Instagram, on my whatever, and saying that we're dating.
18:05
SPEAKER_03: I'm not just like posting a random, like side profile of someone, like in a car.
18:11
SPEAKER_03: Like, you know what I'm saying?
18:11
SPEAKER_03: So one's a little bit more breadcrumbing.
18:16
SPEAKER_03: What is it?
18:17
SPEAKER_01: Breadcrumbing.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm guessing that it's like like leading someone on, is what I would assume.
18:26
SPEAKER_03: Right?
18:27
SPEAKER_01: That's what I would assume.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: You're just like giving them a little bit so they keep on coming.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have no I have to assume.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Um what's that word?
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Love.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, love bombing.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: It's like when you just get carried away early on, right?
18:40
SPEAKER_03: Well, I think though, see, I think people overuse love bombing because I think love bombing is actually where someone gives you all of their time and attention, is obsessed with you, is in love with you, is you're going out to dinner every night, you're blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and then all of a sudden, like vanishes.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't think does it require the love, does it require like the it's it is suggestive of the idea that it is not a permanent situation.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Like a person does it early on, like a guy could be like a love bomber, and then like all of a sudden, like the first two months, he's like all over you, and then not as into it.
19:17
SPEAKER_03: Whereas I think people use it sometimes when you're in like the butterfly fun phase where like you still, I guess if you looked at it from the outside perspective, it's love bombing.
19:30
SPEAKER_03: You're like obsessed with each other, but like you want it to be that way.
19:34
SPEAKER_03: It never, it never ends, no one ever pulls back from that.
19:38
SPEAKER_03: It like settles in a different way.
19:40
SPEAKER_03: But I do think that people love bombing has become kind of a trigger word, and it's really meant for like this very like um short period of like intense emotion and attention and whatever that is then removed is not anything orbiting, no fucking idea, like not even a clue.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Benching lurking around.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I I mean we understand the meaning of the word, but we still don't know what it means in the context of a relationship.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: Okay, benching.
20:19
SPEAKER_03: So if I had to like I'm gonna I'm gonna think that if you're someone and you have like a roster of people that you date, like you know, we know people who like, you know, it's not like just that you're going on new first dates all the time, it's that you're like dating maybe four, five, six of the same people or casually, but like they're in the rotation.
20:46
SPEAKER_03: I think this is the people actually do that.
20:49
SPEAKER_03: I don't think anymore, but I always think about like sex in the what do you mean, not anymore?
20:53
SPEAKER_03: I don't think that people date that way anymore.
20:56
SPEAKER_03: I mean, look, I could be so wrong, but at least the people that I know, no one that I know, and I don't know if that's just like because of like a disinterest, dates like multiple people again and again.
21:10
SPEAKER_03: I'm not saying that they don't go on different dates with different people, and maybe they'll see one other person here and another person here, but this is like I understand, like as you're like if you're say you're actively dating, right?
21:20
SPEAKER_01: And you're on you know, the apps, you could be going out with different people, maybe one or two or even three times at the same time that you're doing that with other people at a certain point, you're either not interested, right, or you're continuing to date one person.
21:41
SPEAKER_03: But think about like, and I I understand that this is a show, but I do think that people dated like this a little bit more back in the day.
21:47
SPEAKER_03: Like you had people, like you had like casual daters.
21:53
SPEAKER_03: I don't even know if it necessarily meant that you were sleeping with them, but like if you wanted to go out on a Friday night and like get a dinner paid for, like you had it.
22:00
SPEAKER_03: Couple guys, you could like, I mean, I don't know that that's the case, but it definitely reads that I didn't do that in six, like well, what I'm saying is regardless, I do think it exists.
22:11
SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure how much it exists anymore.
22:14
SPEAKER_03: But the idea that you have this like roster, quote unquote, of people that you actively date at the same time.
22:21
SPEAKER_03: And if you wanna like you're not into one of the five or whatever, you bench them.
22:27
SPEAKER_03: Like, I I'm not gonna say to you I'm not saying you're on never seeing you.
22:32
SPEAKER_03: You're just not, you're just gonna put them to the side.
22:34
SPEAKER_03: I'm not texting you unless I like whatever.
22:38
SPEAKER_03: That's not understanding, just using like the idea of like a dating roster and blah blah blah.
22:44
SPEAKER_03: But again, I have no idea.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, interesting.
22:47
SPEAKER_03: That's like not my wheelhouse.
22:51
SPEAKER_03: None of it really is, but all I really wanted was a boyfriend to turn into my husband.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: But most of the time, I mean, I'm not saying that's how why everybody's dating.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: Some people aren't.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Right.
23:05
SPEAKER_03: To be honest, Julie, some people aren't.
23:07
SPEAKER_03: My best friend Julie, like she happened to fall into a very serious relationship like before that.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Right, she was a good dater.
23:15
SPEAKER_03: She dated, she she debatably had a roster.
23:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but she was just like dating today.
23:23
SPEAKER_03: Dante like chased her down and did everything he could to pin her down, which is why she loves him so much because he worked so hard to get her.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: True.
23:33
SPEAKER_03: Because she was so in her element, she's such a dater.
23:36
SPEAKER_03: I mean, she takes after her dad, she's such a dater.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: She's a dater.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she was a bit of a chance.
23:42
SPEAKER_03: She's not anymore.
23:43
SPEAKER_03: Obviously, she's in a long-term relationship, but like she was way more than anyone I've ever known, like enjoyed the act of dating.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: I went out with like I think 20 people in like six weeks once.
23:58
SPEAKER_03: In my year of yes, no one multiple times, but I tried, I was trying to say yes as much as humanly possible.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:07
SPEAKER_03: But I do think that that is the mindset.
24:10
SPEAKER_03: Look, I'm not sure if at that time you were looking for anything serious, you were like coming out of a marriage.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: Right.
24:16
SPEAKER_03: But I always say to people who are struggling dating, like, my year of yes changed my life because I was so closed off.
24:25
SPEAKER_03: Like I wanted it so badly, but I had all these like stipulations and reasons and things and check, check, check, box, box, box.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: And like I think to myself, and I always tell you, you know, I always thought I was like, Leah's gonna have to date somebody so much older and so sophisticated and so and like truly and Peter is uh wise beyond his years and and not and very mature for his age, but thank God I didn't.
24:54
SPEAKER_03: Like, thank God he is who I ended up with.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:58
SPEAKER_03: So many reasons.
24:59
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, so all to say what all to say, I don't know what, but it's fascinating to me.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: What's your vote on is this just popped into my head because I remember thinking about it when I was dating a lot.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh coffee, drink, food.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Drink, no food, never.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: I on first date, I a hundred percent agree.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: I remember somebody telling me, a guy telling me all these guys, all these women, I hate to say it like this, like would want to go out like on a dinner date to get somebody to like take them out to dinner, buy them a meal.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I cannot imagine.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: I think I'm scarred from my early first setup when I was in college, you know that story.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, when grandmom set me up with this guy in law school.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: Don't say, No, it's a funny story.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: But I do think I was um, I don't even remember his name, so he's pretty sure he's not gonna hear it.
26:02
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Okay, tell it.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not like bad, it was just anyway.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: We don't have to get into the whole whatever about him.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: He was not for me, and he wanted to meet for lunch.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: Already, you should have been like at a Chinese restaurant, and I was like, Well, like that's like the answer there is I'm so sorry, I don't think that this is gonna work out.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: And he we went to like a theoretically, like nice is Chinese restaurant in downtown DC, and it was just well, all around it was not for me.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: And I always say, like, I don't want to meet somebody for coffee.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: I know that's like a thing.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: People do do that, do that meet for coffee.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, or like, yeah.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: And I I just think you need a little, I mean, this is a terrible endorsement of drinking, you need a little swirl of alcohol in your body to get through a first date.
26:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, here's my feeling is hour, hour and a half.
26:53
SPEAKER_01: This is my recommendation for if there's anybody single listening.
26:56
SPEAKER_03: This is what I'm saying.
26:57
SPEAKER_03: I don't think that you need to set a cap on the time, but a drink andor coffee, there is a time where it's appropriate to leave.
27:07
SPEAKER_03: So if you had a drink for an hour and you're hating it, you can be like, oh my god.
27:10
SPEAKER_03: You can say meeting friends for dinner.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: Right, or I have to get home, whatever.
27:14
SPEAKER_03: But I guess you could be like, I I have to.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't like, I just think coffee is I I for me, I need a little alcohol in my system, but I'm just being nice.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, if you're sober, when I look better under a bar like alcohol, like without the alcohol.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: No, I just I need a bar vibe.
27:27
SPEAKER_03: I need a little something, it's the vibe.
27:29
SPEAKER_03: Like you don't want like Jack Johnson like behind your date.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: Like you want it to be like, you know cool, a little sexy.
27:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
27:39
SPEAKER_03: But my thing about drinks is you always know if it's a good date if you want to stay.
27:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, of course.
27:47
SPEAKER_03: So, like if you shut down the bar, which literally happened to me one time and I married the man, like you know it's a great date.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:56
SPEAKER_03: Whereas like I don't want to be in like a well-lit coffee shop, like with condensation running down my leg, trying to figure out how to get out.
28:04
SPEAKER_03: Like that's miserable.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: I I mean, look, I went I'm with you.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: I had what I have had in all the dates that I have been on, I have had exactly one coffee date and it was not permitted.
28:15
SPEAKER_03: I completely concur.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Drinks, I mean, I guess if you decide that you want to eat, that's fine.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: I am not a big believer in the eating on the phone.
28:26
SPEAKER_03: I think you just don't cross into.
28:29
SPEAKER_03: I mean, if it's like something where it's like you're going to die and you need to eat, sure, eat.
28:34
SPEAKER_03: But like try to prepare.
28:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, have a snack.
28:39
SPEAKER_03: Order pizza on the way home.
28:40
SPEAKER_03: Like on your brush.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: There should be because then it's like then also you're like risk.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: I mean, for me, I'm kind of a slob sometimes.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: You definitely risk like food on your clothing, food in your teeth, like whatever.
28:53
SPEAKER_03: Like some that could be silly and fun, but like you have to know the flow of conversation if it's constantly being broken up by like the waiter, the eating, the cleaning, the nuts, the bites.
29:08
SPEAKER_01: You know, I used to have, you know, I used to have a place that I always went to for my dates because it was close by and I knew all the bartenders, and I felt there.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: I felt very safe there.
29:19
SPEAKER_01: I felt like I could park my car, like I could be go there by myself, sit at the bar, like I would order my drink, whatever.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: They all knew I was they would like have like a Sauvignon Blanc, blah, blah, blah.
29:29
SPEAKER_03: And your date drink.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, I wasn't like doing um, well, that was the funniest thing is I think I maybe I ordered, I can't remember if I was drinking tequila then.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I was.
29:40
SPEAKER_03: And I don't, I would be so curious.
29:43
SPEAKER_03: That would be such a fun poll.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's another thing is the one person I met there one night, he sat down and he ordered a Cosmo, and I was like, Right, like bye.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: And it turned out to be a bye.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: And then another guy who was really that was not a fun date at all.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, God, what was his name?
30:02
SPEAKER_01: Don't remember.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, he was he I walked in and I was looking for him at the bar, and he walked up to me and you know, identified who he was, and he said, Oh, I took the liberty of getting a table in the back.
30:15
SPEAKER_03: Oh, because he wanted to eat?
30:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and we ate.
30:18
SPEAKER_03: Oh, so you're going to like a bar atmosphere and then you ate?
30:22
SPEAKER_01: We went and we went into the back.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Vintage, the back, the back room.
30:26
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Like death.
30:29
SPEAKER_03: It's also like so silent in there.
30:31
SPEAKER_03: It's hard.
30:32
SPEAKER_03: It was horrible.
30:33
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, that's terrible.
30:35
SPEAKER_03: No, no.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: I I mean I'm a firm believer.
30:38
SPEAKER_03: So I'm so curious to know.
30:39
SPEAKER_03: I don't care about boys.
30:40
SPEAKER_03: I mean, like a cosmos one thing, but like I don't care what boys order.
30:44
SPEAKER_03: I would be so curious.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: What do you order on your first what do you order on a drink?
30:47
SPEAKER_03: What your first thought of is like date drink because like I what did you used to order?
30:54
SPEAKER_03: What did you say?
30:55
SPEAKER_01: What did you used to order?
30:56
SPEAKER_01: You were drinking tequila then.
30:58
SPEAKER_03: I was drinking tequila on the rocks, always right.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, I'm just gonna say the funniest thing is, I mean, now that's you know, I do that.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember what I I just really don't remember what I ordered.
31:07
SPEAKER_03: But you were like drinking I you definitely didn't drink tequila when I was like growing up.
31:11
SPEAKER_03: Not right.
31:12
SPEAKER_03: You always had like a kettle bottle in the freezer.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't, I mean, I guess I don't remember.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, I do think at some point we started drinking tequila, but anyway, not important.
31:21
SPEAKER_03: Um dad was definitely drinking tequila.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, yes, he was, unfortunately.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: We not we didn't maybe know about it, but he was definitely drinking tequila.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: Although it's so funny because we were watching a show the other night and the person was drinking tequila and trying to hide it.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, gosh, I was like, tequila is such a poor choice of an alcohol to hide because it smells right like vodka is so clean, like you really don't smell it as much.
31:47
SPEAKER_03: I think you smell hard liquor.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you smell it anyway, but I'm just saying, um, but yeah, no, that's funny.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Dad was definitely drinking tequila.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, but anyway, I was out.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: I actually ordered a tequila on the rocks, which you know to me is like a pretty badass.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, almost saying I care, but it's like a pretty badass drink.
32:03
SPEAKER_03: That's like some.
32:04
SPEAKER_03: And then Michael said in his text to Peter was like, and she's drinking tequila on the rocks, and it was like a selling point.
32:10
SPEAKER_03: So I think it is a cool drink, just it is if anyone needs suggestion, try it out.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: And the woman that I another woman that I was with, there were four of us out to dinner, ordered, I don't remember what type of bourbon neat.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: And I thought the two, like I I thought the two guys I was with were gonna like fall off their chair.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: They were like, ugh.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: So I mean, if you I guess if you really want to impress somebody, order a bourbon neat, but I'm not doing that.
32:33
SPEAKER_03: So I'm not gonna like like not enjoy myself.
32:36
SPEAKER_03: No, I mean I wouldn't mind an old fashioned, but bourbon neat's a little too much for my I don't, I don't, I don't really do the dark, but anyway, regardless.
32:44
SPEAKER_03: Yes, that is an interesting conversation, like what you order on a first date because like Kelly, she's really a wine, she doesn't really drink hard alcohol.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: So, like I think it's fine to drink a glass of wine.
32:55
SPEAKER_03: It's not that it's not fine, I just like wouldn't go wine, it's a different kind of like buzz first.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes, well, yes, but if you don't drink anything else, yeah, I guess.
33:05
SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: Um what was our our our what is our fast whatever?
33:13
SPEAKER_03: So you're gonna do you're gonna name like 10 scenarios, and we're just gonna rapid fire like three, two, one, say yes or no.
33:22
SPEAKER_03: Yes or no.
33:23
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: These are like dating, dating, dating possibilities.
33:28
SPEAKER_01: Would you or wouldn't you go out with this person?
33:31
SPEAKER_03: Given that we're both in, I'm literally married and you're in a long-term committed relationship, but let's just Well, I mean, I'm not saying we're gonna right.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying we're gonna do that now.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: The answer isn't the quite the question isn't would you be interested in doing that now?
33:43
SPEAKER_01: It's way back when you were dating.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: At whatever point it's been a yes.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Or a no.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, ready?
33:52
SPEAKER_01: They're 10 years older than you.
33:54
SPEAKER_03: Are we going like three, two, one, say, or three, two, one.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
34:00
SPEAKER_01: Although I will say it might have depended 10.
34:05
SPEAKER_01: I think 10 would probably be.
34:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, actually, I did date somebody who was like 12 years older than me, so I can't say that.
34:10
SPEAKER_03: I think that at that time I I thought that there the limit didn't exist.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't want to take my crazy.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: I actually kind of think, I mean, like, look, if you're 20 and they're 40, it's a little weird.
34:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:25
unknown: Yeah.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: Or vice versa.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: But I mean, I don't know, everything in between.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, whatever.
34:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh, divorce with two kids.
34:33
SPEAKER_03: One, two, three.
34:34
SPEAKER_03: No.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, right.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: Because in your point in your life, and I guess I'm gonna say when I was first dating dad, would I have started dating somebody who was divorced with two kids?
34:44
SPEAKER_01: Although it does make me think of one of my friends who did meet and marry somebody who was divorced with two kids.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, she was in her 30s when she met him.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like a 22-year-old relationship, but I'm just saying it was her, it was a series, it was she hadn't been married first.
35:02
SPEAKER_03: That's true.
35:02
SPEAKER_03: I still would have said that.
35:03
SPEAKER_03: I think it depends.
35:04
SPEAKER_03: That was not for me.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: They live an hour away.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: One, two, three.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: No.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
35:10
unknown: I did.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I dated somebody who lived an hour almost two hours away.
35:14
SPEAKER_03: I know.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: That's not fun.
35:16
SPEAKER_03: I have no interest.
35:17
SPEAKER_03: Peter lived in New Jersey across the water, and I was like, you live way too far.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: Uh they don't text much.
35:25
SPEAKER_01: One, two, three.
35:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they can't be like drop off the face of the earth and not hear from like.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think if you're dating them and they're non-responsive or don't call, if they don't like to text, I don't care.
35:38
SPEAKER_03: So there's a difference.
35:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
35:39
SPEAKER_03: Like, are they are they non-communicative or are they They don't like to text.
35:45
SPEAKER_03: They don't want to like chit chit chat chat.
35:48
SPEAKER_03: Like there's a difference.
35:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh they're extremely attractive, but terrible at planning dates.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: Three, two, one.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: No.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm gonna say that is not suggestive to me.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: Not because I care about here's the question.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: It's just it's it's it to me, it portends other things that are not good.
36:07
SPEAKER_03: But terrible at planning dates like the bl the dates that they plan aren't fun, or terrible at doing it like they don't do it.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: I don't well, that's a good question.
36:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, when you and Peter met, he didn't really know, right, the city so much.
36:20
SPEAKER_03: No, he knew the city.
36:22
SPEAKER_03: He would, I was just like, I think he took my lead a little.
36:25
SPEAKER_03: That's so his demeanor, like he kind of just like whatever I wanted.
36:28
SPEAKER_03: But he was he was very thoughtful in things that he did for me always.
36:36
SPEAKER_01: And like yeah, I wouldn't like it if somebody was like lame and just was like oh, we're seeing each other on Friday.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what we're gonna do.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: Same, no, but also because I think that does it either shows lack of interest or lack of thought, self- self-absorption, or it just says it speaks more about other things that they would be as a partner, which I think you would not want.
36:58
SPEAKER_03: Completely agree.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: Like the planning of the date itself.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, later in life, division of labor, you know, certain people end up planning the trip, certain people end up doing the whatever.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: But I just think if somebody initially is not like taking any initiative to do anything, and not to say the guy has to do it all the time.
37:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I remember when early when I was dating Mark, I was like, we were trying to figure out what we were gonna do.
37:20
SPEAKER_01: And I said to him, You don't have to do anything.
37:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm coming to your apartment, and I'm and I went to like De Bruno and picked up a whole picnic and brought what you know what I mean.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: And I had a no I I I planned the date.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: Right, but I'm saying I planned it.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying you don't the person doesn't have to want the guy, doesn't have to do it all the time.
37:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: But they have to be able to do it, and want to, even if you don't let them.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: Right.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: Uh they're wonderful, but still friends with their ex.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: 3, 2, 1.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: Really?
37:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't mean them.
37:59
SPEAKER_01: If what does friends mean?
38:01
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:02
SPEAKER_03: Like they're hanging out.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: Or they like, I don't want them to hate each.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's better if they don't hate each other, obviously.
38:07
SPEAKER_01: But like friends, like active friends, I don't know how I feel about that.
38:13
SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I would feel about that.
38:15
SPEAKER_01: Like they're actively friends.
38:19
SPEAKER_01: Friendly, amiable is fine, but like actively friends, like, oh, I'm going out with so-and-so tonight, my ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
38:28
SPEAKER_03: Actively friends with dad.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, that also we had children, and that also took a really long time.
38:36
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, like and we didn't go hang out together, the two of us.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: We did things as a family.
38:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I guess that's different.
38:46
SPEAKER_03: But you like texted, and I'm not that's what I'm saying.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes, but that was also, I mean, God knows how many years later.
38:51
SPEAKER_01: It did take us a while.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: And yes, you're right.
38:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, as a and so that's a good kind of friends.
38:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, what kind of friends?
38:59
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:59
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm saying, like, if someone reaches out, like, I guess friends implies a level of closeness that I guess I would not be comfortable with.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: Right.
39:11
SPEAKER_03: But like, I don't I have full faith and trust.
39:15
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm not right.
39:17
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
39:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, I guess I don't yeah.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you're maybe, I don't know.
39:21
SPEAKER_01: I don't I think I I mean I did have a situation once where I was in a relationship with somebody and was still communicating with my ex.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: And I probably wasn't quite completely honest about that.
39:37
SPEAKER_03: Yes, that was a bad thing that you did.
39:42
SPEAKER_03: That I would not be okay with, and I would have a curious issue.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah.
39:48
SPEAKER_03: You were trying really hard to like like protect someone else's feelings because you didn't want to mean it it turned out it put you in a situation that made someone else feel comfortable, which was unfair.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: I would not I would not like that.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I should have like I wasn't honest, like none of that was good.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: That was bad on me.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: Um they have no social media one, two, three, yes, love.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: You know, so interesting.
40:17
SPEAKER_03: Don't remember you told until I met him.
40:20
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't even have a Facebook like none.
40:25
SPEAKER_03: It's the best.
40:26
SPEAKER_03: Why would I want them to have like all this social media?
40:29
SPEAKER_03: First of all, I think it's fucking weird when boys like social media, but that's besides the point.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: Well, like, so yeah, I mean, I guess that would be good.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, Mark has typically post or like or do anything.
40:45
SPEAKER_03: Right, that's what I'm saying.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, no, I think when they say doesn't have social media, I mean it means they're like not that they're never on Instagram, it means they're like they're not actively posting.
40:58
SPEAKER_01: Although I always think it's weird if you see a guy, I mean, I get like the younger girls, but like you see a guy like actively posting, like exactly.
41:07
SPEAKER_03: So my answer is yes, exclamation point.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: Right, okay.
41:11
SPEAKER_01: All right.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: Um they make significantly less money than you.
41:20
SPEAKER_03: We just had this conversation, didn't we?
41:22
SPEAKER_03: The other day.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:23
SPEAKER_03: So here's the thing I think when you're my like when you're the age I was when you're dating, it's totally fine because life were you're you're develop you're creating the life that you're gonna live.
41:40
SPEAKER_03: Um like I would be okay with that.
41:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm also like an independent woman and like make my own money.
41:45
SPEAKER_03: So all that to say, like I don't need someone to take care of me.
41:49
SPEAKER_03: Now I do understand if there are like children involved, that being difficult.
41:53
SPEAKER_03: You don't want to be like carrying someone along with you.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: Right.
41:59
SPEAKER_03: But I don't know, love is love.
42:02
SPEAKER_03: Like you can't I agree.
42:03
SPEAKER_01: See, I mean, look, is it like my number one choice?
42:07
SPEAKER_01: Right.
42:07
SPEAKER_01: No, of course not.
42:08
SPEAKER_01: But like you meet who you meet, you love who you love.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: Right.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I do think that's the other thing with like the going back to what we started talking about is with uh apps and stuff, it's so easy to discount um, oh, they're a whatever, they're this, I'm not gonna go out with them because they're not in finance or a lawyer or a blah blah blah, you know, whatever.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: And whereas, you know, you meet somebody, you know, maybe you have a general understanding of what they do, but you it's not it's not so easy to dismiss them, plus you've met them, totally, you know, and you're and you like them and you have a connection with them, you like and then you realize, oh, we're a little bit disparate in terms of our income, blah, blah, blah, which is very different.
42:52
SPEAKER_03: A little bit different.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:55
SPEAKER_03: Well, but listen, life.
42:57
SPEAKER_01: Although I do know people who have been together who have somebody that I worked with um at Stradley, she was a pretty high-powered partner at Stradley, and her husband was a hairstylist.
43:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying he didn't make any money.
43:11
SPEAKER_03: No, but also like I I'm gonna go out and say 100% yes because things change.
43:21
SPEAKER_03: Yes, and people lose their jobs, people like fall on hard times, and it literally doesn't matter what that person's paycheck was.
43:30
SPEAKER_03: You need to like love each other, support each other, and be able to get through hard shit.
43:34
SPEAKER_03: And that is what matters.
43:36
SPEAKER_03: So, my answer, my without caveat is yes.
43:39
SPEAKER_01: Good for you, honey.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm proud of you.
43:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, they're perfect on paper, but there's no immediate chemistry.
43:48
SPEAKER_01: No, it's perfect on it's dumb.
43:50
SPEAKER_03: There's no such thing, to be honest.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, they could meet all your like checklists.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: Look, I always said when I was dating you, and I always like I would kid around like about this, you know.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: When you meet somebody for the first time, you know whether you would ever consider, I don't mean dating them, being in a relationship with them, any of that.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: You know whether you would ever consider kissing them pretty much within like, I don't know, first 60 seconds of meeting them.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I'll give it five minutes for the sake of it.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: Right?
44:16
SPEAKER_01: Agreed.
44:17
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't, if the answer is no, the answer is no.
44:21
SPEAKER_03: I also think perfect on paper.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't think, right.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't think perfect on paper means I think, well, I mean, I could come up with a scenario where I'd be like, oh, they're this, they're this, they're this, they have a good job, they have never great.
44:31
SPEAKER_01: They always suck.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, also, if there's no chemistry, what is the freaking point?
44:36
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
44:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, although I always like to say, I do know somebody, went out with him like a couple times and was like, I don't think there's a lot of chemistry, and then all of a sudden it clicked.
44:46
SPEAKER_01: I guess it can happen.
44:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
44:49
SPEAKER_01: Um what's my wait, I think that's I think, oh wait, everybody, they're incredible.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, this is obvious.
44:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, they're incredibly charming, but everyone warns you about them.
45:02
SPEAKER_03: Well, warns you what?
45:04
SPEAKER_01: I guess that they're incredibly charming, but tells you they're like a heel.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know.
45:09
SPEAKER_03: Like they're a love bomber.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe.
45:11
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I do think some people are like, oh, I want to find out for myself.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's fine if you want to do that, if you go into it with your eyes open.
45:19
unknown: Yeah.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, if I thought somebody was very charming, I mean, I might want to give it a go for a little bit and see what's up.
45:25
SPEAKER_03: Life is about learning, like it's all a story for a story.
45:30
SPEAKER_03: Like, like Julie always used to say, do it for the content.
45:32
SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know, more either not charming on your own.
45:37
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:38
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you never know.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I do think, I mean, I can think of a couple of my guy friends who were definitely like a bit of a I don't know if they still say like a player or whatever.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: And like, if I had, if somebody had been interested in them at the time, I would have been like, no, not well, not like they weren't a bad person, but just they were not going to be ready to be in a relationship.
46:03
SPEAKER_02: Right.
46:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, and they were just like interested in like dating around.
46:07
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, whatever.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: They find somebody that they want to stay with and then they change their mind.
46:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that happens all the time.
46:14
SPEAKER_02: Totally.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: So you never know.
46:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, that's that's our that's our little that's our relationship dive.
46:24
SPEAKER_03: That's our relationship dive.
46:25
SPEAKER_03: I mean again, I even think like in the past five years, dating has probably changed a lot.
46:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:32
SPEAKER_03: But that's our take on it from when we did it.
46:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:39
SPEAKER_01: And you know, go out there and meet them up on whatever app you you like.
46:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or no appeal funny.
46:47
SPEAKER_01: What was the oh somewhere in my phone?
46:51
SPEAKER_01: I still have con contacts.
46:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why I didn't take them out.
46:55
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, I'm it's like, you know, Mike from OKC from OK Key.
47:01
SPEAKER_03: That's funny, mom.
47:02
SPEAKER_03: That's really funny.
47:05
SPEAKER_03: Or plenty of delete contacts.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: Plenty of plenty of fish was another one back then.
47:10
SPEAKER_01: I loved plenty of fish.
47:13
SPEAKER_03: Plenty of fish in the sea.
47:15
SPEAKER_03: Find yours.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh god, horrible stuff.
47:20
SPEAKER_03: Um Liv has now FaceTime me twice.
47:22
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm busy, girl.
47:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sorry, Liv.
47:24
SPEAKER_01: We're in the we'll we'll be done in a second.
47:26
SPEAKER_01: All right, real quick, we're doing rapid fire.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: Ready?
47:28
SPEAKER_03: Okay, but I'm not like I'm not rapidly ready.
47:31
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
47:31
SPEAKER_03: Um something you're loving.
47:36
SPEAKER_03: She goes, I go, I'm podcasting.
47:38
SPEAKER_03: She goes, can you hurry?
47:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, tell her you'll be there in five.
47:44
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm dying.
47:47
SPEAKER_02: I go, I'm potting.
47:48
SPEAKER_02: She goes, can you hurry?
47:50
SPEAKER_02: And then she goes, Oh, I thought you meant pooping.
48:00
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
48:01
SPEAKER_01: Well, either way, give me about five and we'll be done.
48:03
SPEAKER_01: Let's wrap it up.
48:04
unknown: Okay.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: Loving.
48:06
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, I wasn't holding this.
48:07
SPEAKER_03: Loving.
48:10
SPEAKER_03: I loved the sauna bag.
48:11
SPEAKER_03: It felt good.
48:12
SPEAKER_03: Good.
48:13
SPEAKER_03: You.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, I I kind of like I'm just all in all of a sudden into like band workouts.
48:19
SPEAKER_03: We did one this morning.
48:20
SPEAKER_03: I made Peter do it outside with me.
48:22
SPEAKER_01: I I I'm really I'm really enjoying them.
48:25
SPEAKER_03: Me too.
48:26
SPEAKER_01: Just a new thing.
48:27
SPEAKER_01: Hating.
48:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh I gotta say, I hate the tags in clothing.
48:34
unknown: Yeah.
48:35
SPEAKER_01: I first of all, Zara tags.
48:37
SPEAKER_01: Now you're gonna be like, you shouldn't be buying Zara.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: Um precise.
48:41
SPEAKER_01: They're I it's like they're like designed to be to be in the spot that is the most uncomfortable.
48:46
SPEAKER_01: And even when you cut it out, it's still not good enough.
48:49
SPEAKER_01: You have to like go in and like do more, you know, whatever, cutting to get the hard thing off.
48:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't understand.
48:56
SPEAKER_01: Like, why do there have to be four tags in a piece of clothing?
49:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, can't they have a QR code you can just scan it for the for the content, material, and cleaning requirements?
49:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
49:07
SPEAKER_01: Maybe somebody should design that.
49:08
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we should design that.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm serious.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: Have it be a stamp in the back of a clothing that has a size and a brand and a QR code.
49:17
SPEAKER_03: And all of those reasons.
49:20
SPEAKER_01: I hate them.
49:21
SPEAKER_01: It's I find them really annoying.
49:23
SPEAKER_01: Even in like my new Skims underwear, like the tag is massive.
49:27
SPEAKER_01: Why?
49:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I look so dumb.
49:30
SPEAKER_03: I mean, is there is there tags in the Skims underwear?
49:34
SPEAKER_01: The like massive hard tags.
49:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh I don't understand.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm cut I cut them all out, obviously, but like why?
49:40
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that's just my I don't enjoy.
49:43
SPEAKER_01: Um watching, same thing, nothing exciting to report here.
49:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm still watching Mad Men.
49:49
SPEAKER_01: Although there was a we watched an episode last night, which was in the first season, there was like a big interesting reveal, which was on the first season of Mad Men?
49:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you've been watching it for like weeks.
49:59
SPEAKER_01: Well, we don't always watch it, we watched a couple other things in between.
50:02
SPEAKER_03: Huh.
50:02
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
50:03
SPEAKER_02: So you're loving it.
50:05
SPEAKER_01: I I really I am enjoying it.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: We watched like an episode occasionally too a night, and not always every night.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: And I was away for a while.
50:13
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
50:14
SPEAKER_03: Anyway.
50:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:15
SPEAKER_03: You've been watching that for really long, whatever, regardless.
50:18
SPEAKER_03: Anyway.
50:21
SPEAKER_01: What are you watching?
50:22
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: You're still watching Gray, so like I don't think you have room to talk about it.
50:26
SPEAKER_03: Am I hating?
50:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, what are you hating?
50:28
SPEAKER_03: I'm hating that I can't find fucking friendship whipped cottage cheese anywhere.
50:32
SPEAKER_03: It's driving me that shit fucking crazy.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you where you get it.
50:35
SPEAKER_01: Where?
50:36
SPEAKER_01: Acme.
50:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
50:37
SPEAKER_01: Not all either, but acme.
50:39
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go to the one here.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: Specifically, there's one on the one on South Street, it has a lot, but if you want, I'll tell.
50:45
SPEAKER_01: I know, isn't that weird?
50:46
SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm not.
50:47
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go to the one here and see if they have it.
50:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, if they don't have it, let me know.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: I'll pick up extras for you and bring them to you because it is hard to find.
50:53
SPEAKER_01: It's ridiculous.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: Rid ridiculous.
50:56
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
50:56
SPEAKER_03: I'm done.
50:57
SPEAKER_03: Watching Gray's same um reasoning.
51:02
SPEAKER_03: Still reading the same list.
51:05
SPEAKER_03: Like, I can't get through it, and I'm like not reading it enough.
51:08
SPEAKER_03: I need to- I started that Dolly book.
51:09
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what it is, but it's you said that it seems it seems like fluffy and entertaining.
51:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at listening.
51:17
SPEAKER_03: I'm not listening to any.
51:18
SPEAKER_03: I mean, this maybe we need to amend these because like it doesn't change that much week to week.
51:22
SPEAKER_03: I'm not listening to anything like crazy different than I was listening to last week.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: Fair.
51:28
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:29
SPEAKER_01: Um I am watching listening to uh this guy medium build who I saw at Newport.
51:35
SPEAKER_01: He's fun.
51:35
SPEAKER_01: It's a name.
51:36
SPEAKER_01: Kind of like him.
51:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, we can we can we can consider modifying that.
51:41
SPEAKER_01: Maybe just hate love and like one R thing.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: We'll throw it in just for the heck of it.
51:45
SPEAKER_03: We'll see.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: We'll see how it goes.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: All right.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: Love you.
51:50
SPEAKER_03: Love you.
51:51
SPEAKER_03: Bye.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: Bye.