Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #281 I'll Do Better Tomorrow
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
- 0:07Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now.
- 0:10Speaker 2: So here we are sitting there having high quality, one
- 0:13Speaker 2: on one, engaged present time with our kids.
- 0:15Speaker 3: And guess who's snoring beside me on the bed?
- 0:18Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show.
- 0:20Speaker 3: My mum and dad.
- 0:22Speaker 2: It's the end of another week and I'm kind of
- 0:24Speaker 2: feeling good about this because the weekend is just around
- 0:27Speaker 2: the corner, and this is our favorite episode of the podcast.
- 0:30Speaker 3: I'll do Better Tomorrow.
- 0:31Speaker 2: This is the podcast where we reevaluate, rethink, consider all
- 0:37Speaker 2: over again all the stuff that we've done as parents
- 0:38Speaker 2: this week and figure out if we did okay or
- 0:41Speaker 2: whether or not we might be able to do a
- 0:43Speaker 2: bit better tomorrow Goday.
- 0:44Speaker 3: This is doctor Justin Coulson.
- 0:45Speaker 2: I'm the founder of Happy Families dot com dot au
- 0:48Speaker 2: and I'm here with Kylie, my wife and mum to
- 0:50Speaker 2: our six daughters. Love doing this podcast with you because
- 0:55Speaker 2: of the conversations we get to have. But these are
- 0:57Speaker 2: the best conversations right every Friday, where we get to
- 0:59Speaker 2: reflect on the week that was.
- 1:01Speaker 1: It's also became one of your favorites because we get
- 1:03Speaker 1: to do the Little Winds win. You can't see Little
- 1:06Speaker 1: Winds Wednesday winner.
- 1:09Speaker 3: I love that again. I say it three times, fast,
- 1:12Speaker 3: go go.
- 1:13Speaker 1: Little Wins Wednesday Winner, Little Winds Wednesday Winner, Little Winds
- 1:16Speaker 1: Wednesday Winner.
- 1:17Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, you've got it. I'll give that to you.
- 1:19Speaker 2: Can you say it's an old one?
- 1:21Speaker 1: No?
- 1:22Speaker 2: Come and say what about which wicked witch wished? Which
- 1:26Speaker 2: we could wish?
- 1:27Speaker 1: Which wicked which wished? Which wicked wish?
- 1:30Speaker 2: You're gotta do it faster than that. Come on, no,
- 1:31Speaker 2: come on, I got another one for you. Not that
- 1:34Speaker 2: we're doing tongue twisters today, but let's just do one more.
- 1:37Speaker 2: Any noise and noise and oyster, and a noisy noise
- 1:40Speaker 2: and noise and listener most. I've been saying that for
- 1:45Speaker 2: years and never made any.
- 1:46Speaker 1: Noise and noise and oyster, but a noisy noise and
- 1:48Speaker 1: noise and oysters most.
- 1:50Speaker 2: So you could write there as well, any noise and
- 1:52Speaker 2: noise and oyster, and a noisy noise and noise and oyster.
- 1:54Speaker 3: Most which we could witch? Which, oh which we could
- 1:58Speaker 3: which wished? Which we could wish?
- 2:00Speaker 2: But the best one, still after all these years, is
- 2:03Speaker 2: red leather, yellow leather, red.
- 2:05Speaker 1: Leathered yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.
- 2:09Speaker 2: You're saying it so slowly, you're gonna have to listen
- 2:11Speaker 2: to that on one and a half speed on the
- 2:13Speaker 2: podcast so that it sounds like you're doing it quickly. Anyway,
- 2:17Speaker 2: A Little Winds Wednesday winner is where we were before
- 2:20Speaker 2: we went on. How did you get us onto that?
- 2:22Speaker 2: I'm blaming you for all of that?
- 2:25Speaker 1: Well, Erin is our winner.
- 2:26Speaker 3: Feels like Friday. What's she won?
- 2:30Speaker 1: Oh, you're hilarious, She's won your twelve pack. Twelve pack
- 2:35Speaker 1: of justinisms.
- 2:36Speaker 2: These are all the things that I say all the
- 2:38Speaker 2: time to help your family to be happier. We've got
- 2:39Speaker 2: them as an a five cardboard poster for your fridge
- 2:43Speaker 2: or for your wall, so that you can have all
- 2:44Speaker 2: those cues around you to remind you to be calm
- 2:47Speaker 2: and kind or to get curious not furious, and to
- 2:49Speaker 2: remember that not everything has to be fixed and.
- 2:52Speaker 1: Channel your doctor justin.
- 2:53Speaker 2: Yeah, chelling you, that's right, chelling you in the doctor justin.
- 2:56Speaker 2: What did Aaron do to win on Little Winds Wednesday
- 2:59Speaker 2: with her little and their little wins?
- 3:01Speaker 1: Well, she's not so little. My fourteen year old daughter
- 3:03Speaker 1: seemed really upset. For a couple of days. I asked
- 3:06Speaker 1: if she was okay and wanted to talk, but she
- 3:08Speaker 1: said no, that she didn't want to talk about it.
- 3:10Speaker 1: Usually I would keep asking until she told me, and
- 3:13Speaker 1: this would end in frustration. Yeah for Screre's resistance, But
- 3:17Speaker 1: I've learnt so much since joining Happy Families. So I
- 3:19Speaker 1: gave her the space that she asked for, told her
- 3:22Speaker 1: I was here for her when and if she does
- 3:25Speaker 1: want to talk about it, and a couple of days
- 3:26Speaker 1: later she told me all about it. Honestly, this was
- 3:29Speaker 1: a big win for me, being able to let go
- 3:31Speaker 1: and give my teenager the space she needed.
- 3:34Speaker 3: Yeah, what a great story. Well done Erin.
- 3:36Speaker 2: By the way, if you want to win, all you
- 3:38Speaker 2: have to do is look out on Facebook and tell
- 3:40Speaker 2: us about.
- 3:40Speaker 3: Your little wins with your little ones.
- 3:42Speaker 2: And every Friday, as we talk about older better tomorrow,
- 3:45Speaker 2: we get to celebrate your little winds and successes with
- 3:49Speaker 2: your families as well.
- 3:50Speaker 3: So who's up first today, Kylie? Is it you or
- 3:52Speaker 3: is it me?
- 3:53Speaker 1: Well, I've kind of got a couple that I was
- 3:54Speaker 1: going to share today. One of them was probably not
- 3:57Speaker 1: so good.
- 3:58Speaker 2: So you got to set a one that was good,
- 4:00Speaker 2: so you can redeem yourself as our eas Maybe that's
- 4:03Speaker 2: not how it's supposed to work, missus Colson.
- 4:06Speaker 1: Well, on Sunday we sat down with each of the
- 4:08Speaker 1: kids to do our interviews with them. We tried to
- 4:12Speaker 1: do this once a month, but we haven't been so
- 4:14Speaker 1: good with it for a little while now.
- 4:15Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 4:15Speaker 2: So we had a podcast about a week and a
- 4:17Speaker 2: bit ago where we talked about our meetings. We have
- 4:19Speaker 2: our family meetings, O, a couple of meetings in our
- 4:21Speaker 2: quarter getaways. Something we didn't tell you about is that
- 4:23Speaker 2: about once a month we sit down and have a
- 4:25Speaker 2: one on one with the kids where we ask them
- 4:27Speaker 2: the same question, saying three questions, what's going well, what's not?
- 4:30Speaker 2: And what do you need to work on? And we
- 4:33Speaker 2: call that ap I a personal parenting interview. So we
- 4:37Speaker 2: did that last Sunday.
- 4:39Speaker 1: We did I wasn't as prepared as I could have been.
- 4:42Speaker 3: Maybe we shouldn't say that we did that. Maybe we
- 4:43Speaker 3: should just say.
- 4:44Speaker 1: That I did that, And let's just be grateful that
- 4:46Speaker 1: there was two of us present, because I may have
- 4:50Speaker 1: just happened to dose off during one of them.
- 4:55Speaker 2: So here we are sitting there having high quality one
- 4:58Speaker 2: on one engaged present time with our kids. And guess
- 5:01Speaker 2: who's snoring beside me on the bed while I'm talking
- 5:03Speaker 2: to them.
- 5:03Speaker 1: Hey, that was your first problem. You did not We
- 5:06Speaker 1: should not have done it on our bed. That was
- 5:09Speaker 1: the first problem. Because I just slowly started to slide
- 5:12Speaker 1: down until I was no longer seated, and I was.
- 5:17Speaker 2: Gone, yeah, yeah, you did not do well, So I'll
- 5:20Speaker 2: do better tomorrow.
- 5:21Speaker 1: But it's some of the conversation.
- 5:23Speaker 3: The take home message, and lucky you took notes, is.
- 5:27Speaker 1: So don't sit in bed when you have interviews with
- 5:30Speaker 1: your kids.
- 5:30Speaker 2: Stay awake when you're talking to them. They're actually talking
- 5:33Speaker 2: to you about important stuff. Gosh, all right, so redeem yourself.
- 5:37Speaker 2: What was the other thing beare?
- 5:38Speaker 1: Well, it actually wasn't anything to do with me, And
- 5:41Speaker 1: it happened to be the same child I fell asleep with.
- 5:44Speaker 1: Right But the other night you were out, and the
- 5:49Speaker 1: other night I came to bed really, really late, and
- 5:52Speaker 1: this particular child had been pushing the boundaries of going
- 5:55Speaker 1: to bed on time, and so I'd caught her in
- 5:57Speaker 1: her bedroom with her light on much later than she
- 5:59Speaker 1: should have. And she looked at me and she said,
- 6:03Speaker 1: I know mum, I'm going to bed. Anyway, she came
- 6:05Speaker 1: racing out and I didn't see where she went, and
- 6:07Speaker 1: then she raced back to her bedroom. But it wasn't
- 6:09Speaker 1: until I got into bed that night that I found
- 6:13Speaker 1: Actually I didn't find it that night. It wasn't until
- 6:15Speaker 1: the next morning. When I got up the next morning,
- 6:18Speaker 1: I noticed that there was a card on my bedside table,
- 6:21Speaker 1: and I opened it up and here was this child
- 6:24Speaker 1: who had just written me this beautiful letter. And one
- 6:28Speaker 1: of the things that stood out to me in that
- 6:30Speaker 1: letter was just the acknowledgment that the thing that she
- 6:33Speaker 1: looks forward to the most in her day is listening
- 6:36Speaker 1: to the things that I share, specifically at the dinner table,
- 6:40Speaker 1: about the things that I'm grateful for or the opportunities
- 6:42Speaker 1: I've had to help other people during the day. That
- 6:46Speaker 1: was the highlight of her day, and I just it
- 6:50Speaker 1: was just really a really nice eye opener to me
- 6:55Speaker 1: as a parent that sometimes we kind of think our
- 6:57Speaker 1: kids have got their eyes glazed over and they're not
- 6:59Speaker 1: even interested in what we're sharing all the things that
- 7:02Speaker 1: we're doing in our day, and for her, the highlight
- 7:05Speaker 1: was just knowing that I have a beautiful heart were
- 7:09Speaker 1: her words that I have a beautiful heart, and that
- 7:12Speaker 1: she doesn't know other people who seek helping others as
- 7:17Speaker 1: much as I do. And I was really grateful for that.
- 7:20Speaker 1: It really was such a beautiful way to start my day.
- 7:25Speaker 2: I think there's a great lesson in there if there's
- 7:26Speaker 2: a take home message, and that is the power of
- 7:28Speaker 2: identifying people's strengths.
- 7:30Speaker 3: It was a gorgeous letter.
- 7:31Speaker 2: It was labeled strictly for Kylie Coulson's eyes only, totally confidential,
- 7:36Speaker 2: so I didn't actually read it in case she's listening
- 7:38Speaker 2: to the podcast. Well maybe I did, but I'm looking
- 7:42Speaker 2: at the way her words. This is the words of
- 7:44Speaker 2: an eleven year old girl talking about her mum. And
- 7:46Speaker 2: in that little letter to you, she highlighted your strengths.
- 7:50Speaker 2: She highlighted the things that she admires in you, and
- 7:53Speaker 2: it was.
- 7:54Speaker 3: A beautiful letter.
- 7:54Speaker 2: I'm sure that you will keep that, she said. She
- 7:57Speaker 2: gave one to me as well, and I'm keeping it forever.
- 7:59Speaker 3: It was beautiful.
- 8:02Speaker 2: What power there is when we spend time acknowledging what
- 8:07Speaker 2: we admire in our children, when we talk to them
- 8:09Speaker 2: about what we're proud of, when we focus on their
- 8:12Speaker 2: strengths rather than their shortcomings and failings. It was her
- 8:16Speaker 2: that taught us that lesson, and I think that's beautiful.
- 8:19Speaker 3: Up next, my I'll do better tomorrow.
- 8:22Speaker 1: It's a Happy Famili's podcast for.
- 8:25Speaker 3: A happier family.
- 8:26Speaker 1: Try a Happy Families membership, because a happy family doesn't
- 8:30Speaker 1: just happen.
- 8:31Speaker 3: Details at happy families dot com dot au.
- 8:34Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast with a time
- 8:37Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers now and today we
- 8:40Speaker 1: are talking about.
- 8:41Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow.
- 8:42Speaker 2: This is the bit where we reflect on the week
- 8:44Speaker 2: that was and whether we did well or whether we didn't,
- 8:46Speaker 2: and how we can be better tomorrow. So I'll do
- 8:48Speaker 2: better tomorrow. I'm I'm not sure if this is a
- 8:51Speaker 2: good one or a bad one. I'm the kind of
- 8:53Speaker 2: person now I need to be really clear about this.
- 8:56Speaker 2: I'm the kind of person who gets things done, and
- 8:59Speaker 2: I get them done early. Like if I've got a deadline,
- 9:01Speaker 2: I want to get that thing taken care of. You're
- 9:03Speaker 2: looking at me with disbelief. I want to get this
- 9:05Speaker 2: thing done two weeks ahead of time. I don't want
- 9:07Speaker 2: to be stressed out at the last minute and worrying
- 9:09Speaker 2: about whether or not. I'm going to make things happen
- 9:11Speaker 2: or not. This is how I've lived since university. What
- 9:16Speaker 2: are you giving me this?
- 9:17Speaker 3: Three? Four?
- 9:18Speaker 1: I keep going, I'm listening.
- 9:19Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm the kind of person who gets stuff
- 9:22Speaker 2: done early. But during the week, our seventeen year old
- 9:25Speaker 2: grade eleven, she's got a psychology lab report JEW in
- 9:29Speaker 2: her psychic class, and she comes to me and says, Dad,
- 9:32Speaker 2: I've got to get this report done. I need your help.
- 9:35Speaker 2: It's JEW at seven o'clock tonight. It's five point thirty
- 9:38Speaker 2: when she tells me this. I had a webinar that
- 9:41Speaker 2: night that I had to run for twenty five schools
- 9:45Speaker 2: around the country, all joining in at the same time.
- 9:47Speaker 2: We're talking about a lot of people, and I'm thinking,
- 9:50Speaker 2: I'm not even ready for this web.
- 9:53Speaker 3: I just realized what I've said. Okay, well I was ready.
- 9:57Speaker 2: I think no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no,
- 9:59Speaker 2: I was ready.
- 10:00Speaker 3: I've just made it.
- 10:01Speaker 1: Think that in your head, you think that you're a
- 10:05Speaker 1: person who likes to get things done well in advance.
- 10:08Speaker 1: But I think that if we got Evelyn on the phone,
- 10:11Speaker 1: who is amazing with all the technology behind everything, that
- 10:15Speaker 1: she might have something different to say, all.
- 10:18Speaker 2: Right, well, I'll tell you what we're going to do.
- 10:20Speaker 2: We're going to call Evylyn right now, because I think
- 10:21Speaker 2: that she's going to agree that I am the person
- 10:25Speaker 2: who gets stuff done.
- 10:27Speaker 3: Oh, she will agree with that, and that I get
- 10:28Speaker 3: it done early most of the time.
- 10:30Speaker 2: Hi, Justin, Hey ev Justin and Kylie we're doing the
- 10:34Speaker 2: podcast right now, and we're in the middle of a
- 10:36Speaker 2: little bit of a conversation about i'ld do a bit
- 10:38Speaker 2: of tomorrow and we need you to settle something for us.
- 10:42Speaker 1: Okay, shoot, So v Justin has just publicly admitted that
- 10:47Speaker 1: he is a person who does everything in a very
- 10:50Speaker 1: timely fashion, and I have suggested that that just might
- 10:54Speaker 1: not be the case. Could you please confirm Justin and
- 10:59Speaker 1: I have a sty stem.
- 11:01Speaker 4: The system is that Justin gets to things when he does,
- 11:06Speaker 4: and then I madly again for him so that they're
- 11:12Speaker 4: ready to go in time. So we always make it.
- 11:16Speaker 4: We always make it, Kylie.
- 11:17Speaker 1: You do always make it. So on Monday night when
- 11:21Speaker 1: he had a webinar.
- 11:23Speaker 4: Yes, that was in the schedule for him to write
- 11:26Speaker 4: about four weeks prior to the webinar.
- 11:28Speaker 1: Yes, I'm aware. When were you doing your slideshow for that.
- 11:34Speaker 4: From memory, I think it was about four fifty love it.
- 11:39Speaker 3: That's all we needed.
- 11:40Speaker 1: Ev, Thank you so much, just one goodbye, goodbye.
- 11:46Speaker 3: I can't believe. I can't believe that even Evelyn didn't
- 11:49Speaker 3: support me on that one.
- 11:51Speaker 1: Look, honey, the priface in the pudding, the preface in
- 11:54Speaker 1: the pudding.
- 11:54Speaker 3: It was one off, a one off.
- 11:56Speaker 1: Do you know do you know the times that you
- 11:57Speaker 1: go on holiday. Ev complains that life is very boring
- 12:02Speaker 1: because she doesn't get a phone call it four o'clock
- 12:05Speaker 1: in the afternoon.
- 12:05Speaker 3: This is not about my time management. This is about
- 12:08Speaker 3: our children time management.
- 12:10Speaker 1: This is I can.
- 12:14Speaker 3: Can't believe you're doing this to me.
- 12:16Speaker 1: Carry on, tell me about your story.
- 12:19Speaker 3: I don't remember what the story is now it's gone.
- 12:21Speaker 2: I think it had something to do with a psychology
- 12:22Speaker 2: experiment that was due, and I looked at it.
- 12:25Speaker 3: It was a disaster.
- 12:27Speaker 1: And in our child's defense, she actually thought that all
- 12:30Speaker 1: she needed you to do was proof read.
- 12:31Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, that'd be fair.
- 12:34Speaker 2: And I proved read and figured she was going to
- 12:36Speaker 2: get about fifteen percent. It was just terrible. So I
- 12:40Speaker 2: sat down with her and I worked with her on
- 12:42Speaker 2: the assignment. For the two hours, even though I had
- 12:44Speaker 2: a webinar that was prepared, but I needed to go
- 12:46Speaker 2: and spend some time really making sure that I was
- 12:48Speaker 2: across it so I could deliver an absolutely first class product.
- 12:52Speaker 3: That's really what I needed to do.
- 12:53Speaker 2: It was prepped, Okay, I'm just saying it was prepped,
- 12:56Speaker 2: and she submitted it, and I don't know if it
- 12:59Speaker 2: was a good are a bad thing in terms of
- 13:02Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow, But we got to have a
- 13:04Speaker 2: pretty good conversation about it, and it just felt good
- 13:07Speaker 2: to be able to step in and be helpful with
- 13:10Speaker 2: a big girl who was having a bit of a
- 13:12Speaker 2: hard time with an assignment. And unfortunately, because of the
- 13:15Speaker 2: time restraints, I might have done a bit more of
- 13:17Speaker 2: the assignment for her than I should have, Like I
- 13:20Speaker 2: might have sat down and kicked her off the keyboard
- 13:22Speaker 2: and started to type sentences. And if I don't get
- 13:26Speaker 2: at least eighty five percent on this assignment, I'm going
- 13:27Speaker 2: to be really mad.
- 13:30Speaker 1: I think we've done a podcast on this sum somewhere
- 13:33Speaker 1: along the line, you know, letting our kids still the
- 13:36Speaker 1: consequences of their own choice.
- 13:38Speaker 2: We need to wrap this up before I incriminate myself
- 13:40Speaker 2: and if through the what's the take message, Well, my.
- 13:44Speaker 1: Take home messages don't be in bed when we interview.
- 13:46Speaker 3: The kids, right and mine? Oh gosh, follow your calendar.
- 13:54Speaker 2: No, this is about being a parent. This is about
- 13:56Speaker 2: what I do in my office. Leave me alone. My
- 13:59Speaker 2: take home message is that it's really great to actually
- 14:01Speaker 2: sit down with the kids and work with them. And
- 14:03Speaker 2: one of the things that I actually talked to her
- 14:04Speaker 2: about was because I was trying to explain to her
- 14:07Speaker 2: how to do the work that was in front of her,
- 14:10Speaker 2: and she kept saying, Dad, I don't need you to
- 14:12Speaker 2: explain it to me.
- 14:12Speaker 3: I just need you to tell me what I need
- 14:15Speaker 3: to do. Like she just wanted the answer.
- 14:17Speaker 2: She wanted the answer, And I kept saying, fast as
- 14:20Speaker 2: slow and slow as fast. If I do this the
- 14:22Speaker 2: fast way, you're not going to learn it. We need
- 14:23Speaker 2: to do it slowly so that you can actually integrate it.
- 14:27Speaker 1: Yes, But as you were doing it slowly, she was
- 14:28Speaker 1: literally watching that clock tick away, wasn't she Yeah.
- 14:31Speaker 3: She was crying. The anxiety was getting the better of her.
- 14:33Speaker 2: It reminded me of what it was like when I
- 14:35Speaker 2: was at school, and I hated it. I would never
- 14:37Speaker 2: do that in my life.
- 14:38Speaker 1: Do you know what my take home was from that situation?
- 14:41Speaker 1: Tell me, as much as you had other things that
- 14:44Speaker 1: were really really pressing for you, you took the time
- 14:47Speaker 1: to actually be with your child and that was really
- 14:51Speaker 1: really hard on everybody in the moment, but it meant
- 14:56Speaker 1: so much to her.
- 14:57Speaker 2: I'll take that. We really hope that you enjoyed the podcast.
- 15:00Speaker 2: I hope it helps you to do better tomorrow. The
- 15:02Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan and he's
- 15:05Speaker 2: at Bridge Media and Craig Bruce, our executive producer.
- 15:08Speaker 3: Good luck editing this one thing.
- 15:09Speaker 1: We're not getting them on to talk because they probably
- 15:11Speaker 1: would have a story or two as well, but that's another.
- 15:13Speaker 3: Story we'd love to hear. You feedback.
- 15:16Speaker 2: You can email us podcasts at happy families dot com
- 15:19Speaker 2: dot you or you can leave your five star ratings
- 15:21Speaker 2: and reviews at Apple Podcasts to help other people find
- 15:24Speaker 2: out about the podcast. Oh and if you'd like to
- 15:26Speaker 2: make your family happier, keep listening to the podcast.
- 15:29Speaker 3: And get more info at Happy families dot com dot
- 15:32Speaker 3: A