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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- Mastering Contentment Amidst Community Life 8.4.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:01
  It's called pretty shoot, so it sounds high and above our level,
• 0:07
  but these two points, I think actually I'm going to ask you
• 0:11
  how to address these two. Number one is that he writes on
• 0:17
  page three O 3, which we started last week.
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  Is that one of the big ways that takes the you know, takes the
• 0:24
  person down from being Portage makes unable to like we said,
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  whatever push means, it means having control.
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  It means developing yourself on your own, not being pulled in.
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  One of the big items is who's your company?
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  Which means thank you. Who who do you consider your
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  company? If you spend time what he says
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  is the noble people and people of high society who are chasing
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  Cavoli than chasing have a possession of physical things.
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  It's very hard. These are the worthy rights in
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  the middle of page three or three cubed or torti Cara ubag
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  dulahi or you see people with all their extravagance and all
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  the operas of their lifestyle. EF Shah deserves words.
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  It's impossible. Shalo to torreira, tava to Bola
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  hamoda time. I will not have a desire to be
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  like them and to covet these same items.
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  And even if you do not allow you to overcome you, there's no
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  chance you're not facing a fight.
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  I'll call Bani Medema Kamali in Malet.
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  You are definitely involving yourself in risk and Sakana in
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  these areas. Being new with Sakana, that's
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  what he brings. That was on page three O 3 and
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  three. We turned to page three O 4.
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  So it's the concept. The concept is very simple.
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  What I see. This is not simply what we dealt
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  with in the beginning of last week.
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  Advertisements and all the attraction out there that pulls
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  us in. This is much more close to home,
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  and this is if you surround yourself, if you connect
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  yourself to people of this type of society, people of this type
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  of mindset, people who live very well off and are very invested
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  in material things. No matter what, we're tempted,
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  our children are tempted, we're pulled in.
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  So my question is simple question, how do you avoid this?
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  We grow up in this community. We all know.
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  We know we all live around these people.
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  We all know. I know that my children only ask
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  for the things that they see. They never ask for things they
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  don't see and they only ask the things that they see.
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  In fact, when they ask me something that's random, I
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  usually try to find out what they see today, who they see
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  today, The guy asking for the most, you know, out of the blue
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  items, and it's coming from the fact they saw someone else.
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  If this is a reality for kids, it's reality of us as well.
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  We are tempted by the world that we see.
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  We don't feel bad, ever, but not having something, we don't know
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  that it exists. Once you know that it exists,
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  you feel better for not having. In fact, what is most of us, by
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  the Hashem, are living decent lives, good lives.
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  What are our parameters of what makes us feel bad that we're
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  missing out on something, something that someone else has?
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  The basic this is not the attraction of advertising and
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  all the other glitz and glamour and color that pulls us in.
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  That's one thing we have to deal with that we have to tell
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  ourselves easily. That's a fake world to deal with
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  all the attraction of the world around us.
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  It's on our phone that's in like we said on TV and what we see
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  now, you simply say, OK, that's a fake world.
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  That's a world of demean. It's it's just all fake anyhow.
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  No one has that lifestyle, the lifestyle they're showing you
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  over there. No one has hit do.
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  It you know Someone Like You, let's say if they're talking
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  about Jeff Bezos or he has something it doesn't, you don't
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  want it because you keep it's not possible.
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  Right, exactly. But like your neighbor.
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  Problem here is you. See like you, like yourself,
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  that guy could. That's the problem.
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  The problem is when kids like my kids see their cousins or see
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  kids in the same class have certain things they don't.
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  They don't care what kids different than them have.
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  They care what people that like them have.
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  And saying that it's true, like you just said, our neighbors,
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  our friends, our siblings, our community members, people in the
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  same class as us have things that we want.
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  It's much more difficult to get around.
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  We said last week, or was that one point?
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  If a person is, let's say moves into the blackout class or this
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  type of class, or they go whatever class you move into,
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  you help yourself in this way. You separate in your mind
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  somewhat the need to be like the Joneses because you're Joneses
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  are no longer the Joneses. You'll join us now.
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  You have your own things that you want to have.
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  You want to have the most expensive this, so the best that
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  it's its own world, understood? Every class has its attraction
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  and has the things that people want.
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  But the moment you step aside or you step away from that group,
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  you've just separated yourself from all the lifestyle that
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  those people have and all the attractions people have.
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  OK, It's actually a very creative move.
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  If you want to get out of these certain attraction is to move
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  into a different class, but we can't.
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  We live in our community. We want to be a part of our
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  community. We want to go to weddings, We
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  want to be involved while our kids to be friends to everyone.
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  So this is the probably the most challenging thing we have.
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  How do you deal with this? This is pretty shoot.
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  How do you deal with this? How do you tell your kids?
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  We I know they have what they have.
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  We're not exactly like them. Just because you see what
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  someone else has, it doesn't mean to have it.
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  I don't know the answer personally.
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  He's telling you. He's telling you his own answer.
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  He's telling you so long as a person hangs out with those
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  people, considers himself a part and a member of that group, he
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  is facing a great challenge. And this is actually a reality
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  that any member of this community has to accept, has to
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  actually build his children up in a much stronger and himself
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  up by the way, in a much stronger way than a child to go.
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  I'll give you the perfect example.
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  I grew up in Deal, OK, and being that I grew up in Deal, do
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  resent of this. Literally, I grew up in Deal.
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  I went to Lakewood schools, so no kids in Deal, literally no
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  kids that I associated with and the kids in Lakewood were from
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  different worlds. So I had none of this.
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  There was no interesting as the Joneses.
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  There's nothing literally tell you the truth.
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  There's nothing that I wanted from what someone else?
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  Had huh? Same thing pretty much, you
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  know, but the point is there's nothing that we wanted.
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  Why? I was I was I I grew up with
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  hand me downs no problem at all. It didn't matter to me at all.
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  I wore amidons no problem. They were actually shop.
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  In fact, my amidons are so impressive that I went to
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  Lakewood and I'm wearing these clothing from some other my
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  father's cousin or something. I felt rich because I'm wearing
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  sharp clothing. Even though amidons there was
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  nothing. It was zeroed.
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  I remember the only thing I didn't want.
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  This is sound weird. My parents, I would then floor
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  in the house, it was very scratched.
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  It was wood floor was very, very scratched.
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  And it bothered me a lot like crazy to the point that I
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  actually asked my mother if she was OK with this, if she's OK if
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  I do over the floor. And I actually on my own hands,
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  I sanded the wood floor at my parents den and I read whatever
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  you call the word shellac, whatever it is, I redid the wood
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  floor because that's the one thing that I had seen in someone
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  else's house and that's the one thing that bothered me.
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  I remember her house that I saw it in and in the wood floor
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  looks so good. And I want to.
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  I can imagine living in this house, scratch floor all over
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  the place. It bother me like crazy.
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  I'm gonna let me do this. My point is, I grew up in a
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  world literally where there's nothing.
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  I didn't see anything. How old are you in need of
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  these? This is 1011 years old in that
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  range. OK, imagine.
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  But the fact that I'm not allowed to shock her, but OK.
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  But we had not to say we leave to know in in 1940s we didn't.
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  We lived in the real world. But it was nothing to see.
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  I didn't see anything. And therefore I don't want
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  anything. And all the time I see my kids
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  and I see what they want and they ask for and it's not their
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  fault. You see something.
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  Someone's always like you. And then the parents that hold
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  them back actually are very mean.
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  If you do this the wrong way, if you control your kids in this
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  area the wrong way, it's not worth it because it actually
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  becomes very, very tough on your children because they don't
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  understand the why. They can't really get why.
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  And instead they just feel controlled and they feel upset
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  and they're actually resent. This is actually a very delicate
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  area. I need to know the answer.
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  I don't know the answer. What is the answer to this
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  approach? We live in a community.
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  Our children have cousins, they have friends, we have people we
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  know. We all grow up the same.
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  We all live around people. We see everything.
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  Everything that's good is in front of our eyes.
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  How do you figure out a way to be poresh, to separate yourself
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  from any of these areas? Going to Misali Shahim, you're
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  in the Sakana zone. I don't think that this item,
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  now the book, is finally pushing us into a corner.
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  All the other ones seem like it had a very logic explanation,
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  but this one is basically telling you it's a real life.
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  So the only thing that came from my mind was he was asking the
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  question is if a person has gratitude for everything that he
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  has. Early in life and.
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  Then things other people have don't weigh on them as much.
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  OK. Fine.
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  So you're saying the jealous the the jealous approach as natural
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  when you see what other people have, right, Some more changes.
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  Well. When you are pretty here like
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  you said with the hand me downs right?
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  How you especially you felt about?
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  Them I tell you why they were Prada pants, right?
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  OK. And I felt wealthy wearing Prada
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  pants even though they were my my mother's cousins.
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  Whatever my my father's cousins kids pants.
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  But I'm sure even the pair that wasn't Prada made you feel good
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  too. And and that that that all comes
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  from teaching gratitude as a young kid where nothing is
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  coming to you. You don't assume anything.
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  You know you're grateful for everything you get.
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  Therefore you're not that kid that's going to be as I'm not
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  saying it, but still going to it could still get you.
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  But when you have no gratitude for anything, but everything out
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  there is going to bother you and get to you, and you want it.
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  So you're saying a very, I think it's very broad point and very
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  exact point over here, which is saying that normally to rid
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  ourselves in these attractions, temptations, polls, we have to
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  cut away. We can't.
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  The reality is we don't recommend.
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  No one recommends. He's going to tell you himself
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  besides him in the next page of three O 5 actually, that I don't
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  recommend someone doing any of these things too drastic, too
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  extreme. And you and I both know all the
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  extreme people didn't work out for them.
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  So anyone who takes this method to too strong of a way, it's
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  actually unhealthy, it's dangerous and it's over
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  controlling. And really what it is, is we're
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  not being fair to our children because if we with them, we'd
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  want what they want. So we're just adults.
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  We don't care as much. So we hold them back and say
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  it's a mitzvah. That's not fair.
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  It's right. It's literally the reality.
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  And instead they have to find a way, which is what you're saying
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  to strengthen from within. We're going to say yes, we're
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  going to go to that birthday party and it's going to be
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  insane. We're going to go to up on
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  Mitzrah and that kids going to have something wild and you're
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  going to see that you don't want it.
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  We have to somehow figure out a way to make our children
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  stronger, as we are saying, which is build them up from
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  within. Give them a sense of gratitude
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  and understanding and appreciation and recognition of
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  what life's about and all those things and the hope and the
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  prayer is at one point it's going to click.
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  That's the best of course show. The kids who looking with envy,
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  he has things that are great that the kids who's getting this
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  item doesn't have, whether it's. That's a short.
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  Father, bring him somewhere. It's.
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  That's part of my question, is that the right approach, which
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  is, you know, people tell other people, you know those people,
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  you see their house gorgeous, you know what's going on in
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  their house, you know what kind of issues they have and stuff
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  like that, which is, by the way, true big percentage of the time.
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  Is that the right approach? You don't build the person like
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  that. It might put out the little
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  fire, but you're not changing the character of the child.
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  So the idea is to strengthen them from within, to build them
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  up, and to prepare them for this Mahama that every single child
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  in our community has to face, and every adult the same thing.
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  You're looking at people, you're seeing people, you're seeing
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  these things. And we get to a point where all
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  of us here by now are at a point, or we're just grateful
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  for another good day. And we're thrilled we don't have
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  to deal with certain headaches and all the things that people
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  face, we're just happy not to face them.
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  Forget about the big, beautiful home.
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  I want it. Yeah.
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  Do I like it? Sure.
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  But does it mean that much to me?
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  No, because I'm much more thankful for a very beautiful,
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  healthy, happy life. I see enough out there to be top
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  of the gratitude. And that's the way to build
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  yourself up. I like that minds.
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  I would say someone has a big house like God bless them and
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  you put into a positive. God bless, I'm sure.
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  But yeah, but I'm not, I'm not going to chase them in my life
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  if God bless them. And that's the mindset.
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  I'm still going to be someone in my eyes always seeing that.
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  And what's going to happen is I don't enjoy the moment.
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  I can't enjoy what I have. Family around the table, most
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  beautiful thing out there. I'm not going to accept it or
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  enjoy it because I'm thinking about the big house that so and
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  so is building. And the reality is it sounds so
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  silly, this type of topic. It's such a strong drive that
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  people have and it's so hard to cut away from to figure out a
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  way. Every person, by the way, has to
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  develop their own method in this area.
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  And if you don't, you will be pulled in one way or another.
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  So you could say gratitude. You could say what David saying
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  so and so is blessed. He's a mindsets.
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  They weren't. Motivation is a good thing or a
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  bad. Thing it's a bad thing if it
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  destroys my car and happy life. That's the bad thing.
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  Here we are. We're living our lives.
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  They're all good and they're all for people.
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  They can be taken away from them, the beauty of their life
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  because it's something that doesn't exist, something that so
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  and so has. That's a shame.
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  You know if. You record a person, walk is
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  talking about wanting all this stuff and you play it back on
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  them. You know how?
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  Embarrassing. Yeah, like.
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  I can't believe what I just said.
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  It's unbelievable, the chase thing that people do.
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  It's something unbelievable. I know someone who built the
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  house for like 2 or $3,000,000 that four or five years ago and
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  someone on the block built the house.
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  It's whatever, big or nice, whatever we want to call it now.
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  The wife wants the husband I'm the house.
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  And we think they're crazy. You're not.
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  You're wrong. Right, like I, I, I didn't
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  maximize my space or whatever. That's a shot, exactly.
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  And I'm listening to this and it's like.
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  By the way, I always think about who drive down the roads, blocks
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  in Brooklyn and you see a house has been taken down to be, you
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  know, who wants to be rebuilt. A lot of times you're seeing
• 14:49
  houses that are actually pretty good.
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  Yeah. Being taken down.
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  I think Haram and the the bricks and the building and all these
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  things. It's a big shame.
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  But then you say, OK, listen, they they bought a house.
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  They put a lot of money into purchasing the house.
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  They want to build a beauty and they want their own.
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  Understandable. But there's a certain level of a
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  drive. That's a shame because it takes
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  away from life we live. That's normally that's actually
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  very normal. Be a carbon.
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  I call it for the Dutt. And he says this is the overall
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  theme of this chapter. Pretty shoot is it's concept of
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  it. For the Dutt, it probably means
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  being alone. So we said this is not
• 15:25
  practical. You can't really, you know,
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  you're not going out, you're not moving onto a field and living
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  in a forest. You're not doing this, but you
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  are, if you can, finding your own zone.
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  This is something you need to have.
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  You need to have a zone that you're in your own world a
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  little bit your own element. Either that means you take walks
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  or that means you think and appreciate your own life.
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  Something that separates you from just looking and seeing and
• 15:50
  think what other people have. You have to hit his own where
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  you are living your own life and enjoying it.
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  Let's do the words and just try to apply that.
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  Does he mean physically? He means physically being
• 16:01
  solitary, moving elsewhere. He means, you know, the, the
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  Naveen used to go out for a minute or an hour or whatever it
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  is, walk into the field and then they would have prophecy.
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  All right, so that means moving elsewhere.
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  But we all know it's very dangerous to move elsewhere.
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  What it rather means is, like I said, take your own drive and
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  think to yourself separate from what you saw and stop and think
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  and appreciate and enjoy the world you have.
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  That's what that's our modern day part.
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  To do like he was, you know, because you went through a bad
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  area lot and he was. With the destruction, so the
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  idea is basically is going back to that bomb at that point when
• 16:39
  that bomb famously says the biggest thing, one of the
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  biggest things that impacts a person's character development
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  everything are his surroundings. So we have to find this art
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  because we are very appreciative of the surroundings that we
• 16:51
  have, our community, the people we live amongst, it's all great.
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  We also know that our surroundings are what takes us
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  down. Our community is both the best
• 17:01
  influence and the worst influence at the same time.
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  That's a reality. So what do you do about that?
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  You have to find a balance of its portitude, which is I spend
• 17:10
  time alone, I think alone. You need to have your own zone.
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  No one should be a copycat and no one should be a mirror image
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  of the people around them. You need to be in your own
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  strength and your own self. Yes, for a Navid, that meant
• 17:24
  going out to a field and standing alone.
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  That's who Navi was. But for us, that means taking a
• 17:31
  drive, taking a walk, having a minute to think, looking at your
• 17:36
  own life and reflecting on life that you have and being
• 17:39
  appreciative of the life that you live.
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  And that zone that you're in will be unique, independent,
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  original, and I'll separate you from the world around you and
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  from the minds of the world around you.
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  And that's really the art and the dance of a member of our
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  community. You need to be a big time
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  member, someone who enjoys it all, was a part of it all, who
• 17:56
  goes to everything. But at the same time, someone
• 18:00
  who has a world where I'm separated, I think alone.
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  My wife and I, we have our own unique developed character.
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  That has to be how we build. If we build that, we kind of the
• 18:12
  best of both worlds. I read through the words that he
• 18:13
  says. Yeah.
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  Carmen are called boy to do. The best thing is to separate
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  Kimu King Kimura. She must see me.
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  Enough in your name. Alam Ken ma vid hemda tamili Bo.
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  The more you stop looking at things, the more you're going to
• 18:29
  want things the best way. If Mike is not the one a certain
• 18:32
  thing. If they don't see it, fine,
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  that's awesome. But the problem is they do see
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  it. I can't.
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  I can't avoid that and I can't try to stop them from seeing him
• 18:42
  because there are a lot of other repercussions that I don't want.
• 18:44
  I want them to hang out with their cousins.
• 18:46
  I want them to enjoy the community that we have.
• 18:48
  I want them to go to that school.
• 18:50
  I want them to see what they see.
• 18:51
  So what then do I do this this type of mindset develop it for
• 18:55
  the dude in the mind. OK, about his kid.
• 18:58
  I've been a melek Allah Shalom. I would say besheba hit by the
• 19:01
  dud to Ahmad me Tanley everyday or not.
• 19:04
  He near Arhic Nidor. I liked, you know, separate and
• 19:11
  dwell in the mid bar. If I could fly away, that's what
• 19:16
  I would do. They would separate themselves.
• 19:23
  They would go to the fields and they would go to the mountains.
• 19:32
  The rabbos would follow Leah's footsteps.
• 19:36
  Kemat al ham ham Sai ayuted. They found the gated greatest
• 19:40
  way, greatest tool. Muhan leknot SU la muta pursuit
• 19:46
  ulla monastery. Lai ham le ham the greatest
• 19:51
  tool. To be Paresh is to be Paresh.
• 19:55
  Literally. Like we said, you can't do it, I
• 19:58
  can't do it. We're not moving to a different
• 20:00
  town. We're not separating, and we
• 20:02
  don't think it's good for us. So what are we doing instead?
• 20:05
  We're living amongst the people, we're separating our mind and
• 20:09
  saying just because I see that doesn't mean I want it.
• 20:12
  Am I in this fight? I am.
• 20:13
  I can't avoid the fight. There's no way to say let me be
• 20:17
  I move to a different city. It's not going to work for me.
• 20:20
  It's not healthy. Next chapter, you're right next
• 20:23
  to the line she writes, Don't do this all at once and don't jump.
• 20:26
  It's not healthy. I have to figure out how to have
• 20:29
  his boy, the dude in the mind, which is, I think alone.
• 20:33
  I live alone in my mind. I have my own approach.
• 20:36
  My family's got its own character, right?
• 20:39
  So normally you can do this by separating by us.
• 20:43
  I think you have to actually, you know, manually develop that
• 20:49
  important duty by telling your family we are our own.
• 20:53
  We do our own thing because because you see that, I can't
• 20:55
  stop what you see, but I can stop what you think from what
• 20:58
  you see because you see what they're doing.
• 21:01
  It doesn't mean we have to want it.
• 21:03
  It doesn't mean it's best for us.
• 21:04
  It doesn't mean that it's part of our life.
• 21:07
  We have our things, they have theirs, and have to build on
• 21:10
  that point to create it for the dude.
• 21:12
  That instead of being the simple, easy way which is
• 21:14
  separate from others, you live among others.
• 21:17
  Imagine a family. I don't know how this works.
• 21:19
  Imagine families are living among other people, three
• 21:23
  brother in laws living in the same house and deal.
• 21:24
  All right, they are. One guy is doing very well.
• 21:29
  The other guy is not doing so well.
• 21:31
  One guy's black idol was not. All right.
• 21:34
  Good luck. How does it work?
• 21:36
  Yeah. Someone has to move out
• 21:37
  eventually. Maybe that or you could, if you
• 21:39
  could figure out the art call a couple, that'd be amazing.
• 21:42
  I'm sure there's a challenge why they're not going to the pool,
• 21:46
  why they're allowed to go into the pool, why this, why that?
• 21:49
  How come they have a job call? How come not how would the wife
• 21:52
  tells her husband? How come so and so heck knows
• 21:54
  how to figure it out, you know, to make the money.
• 21:58
  We know the deal. We know it works.
• 22:00
  It's hurts, hurts, she says as she doesn't say it.
• 22:04
  She thinks it. She sees it with all the deal.
• 22:07
  Very, very, very hard. I don't know how a person
• 22:09
  handles it, but you have to figure out a way to develop a
• 22:11
  strength and you know, strength among you and your wife and your
• 22:15
  children. Literally, it's manual is a lot
• 22:19
  of work. It would have been easier this
• 22:20
  way. Just move to the field doesn't
• 22:23
  work for us. So instead, we need to do this,
• 22:26
  adopt the best of the community and cut out the impact of the
• 22:29
  community. We'll start.
• 22:32
  With this, they're kidding, their cousins saying.
• 22:34
  They're all. Fronts I have scrutiny.