Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: The car software update you didn't need

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: The car software update you didn't need · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Stop, stop what you're doing. Here is another world famous
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: crank from Darren Wackhead, something exclusive to KFM mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: So I actually had this happened to me the other day.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: I took my corn for its service and then they said, okay,
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: we changed the oil, we did this, and we updated
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: the software on your core computer. Okay, cool, because marcr
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: can talk to me.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Fancy, what does it say good morning?
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Mister sums.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: No, it doesn't that. I never actually use it. It's
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: actually nonsense. It it doesn't understand the way I speak.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I didn't.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: It's not calibrated for a South African accent. I don't
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: think so uk. I think it's like understand and y'a
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: turns an. Please have you tried changing your Please call
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: my vibe.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I'm actually going to try that today. Yeah, don't doesn't
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: understand me.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: For nighting it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Please record this action.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So I've got my wife saved as on my phone
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: as wifles wifles. I always call it my wifles, so
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: I say, please call wifles. I'm sorry, So it pronounces
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: wifles as whiffles. So if I say please call whiffles
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: and calls whiffles, and then I feel like an idiot.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: So anyways, this is a Newish car problem. So this
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: lady's got Audi another four sprong door technique and she's
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: taking a car in for a service. This is a
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: very learned lady, right, just three degrees. I'd never get
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: caught by this wacked nonsense ever ever, so say all
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: of us, and so say all of us, or she
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: is a alie, good father, love.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: Her.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: So let's see and let's see how ridiculous I can
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: make it. Okay, So cars just come, cous just gone
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: in for service. How switched on issue?
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: Is very very clever.
• 2:14
  Speaker 6: I'm promising you everything I know in this company.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: She taught me. She's very clever.
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: Okay, and she's like our directors right hands you know.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: She she's hands on with everything.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: She's very clever.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Don't worry, don't worry.
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, she's gonna flop.
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: She's gonna flop.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Good morning, missus, good afternoon. Sorry it's Terrence. I'm calling
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: you from Addie South Africa. So you got your car
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: back today. I'm a head technician for Addie South Africa.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: What we did do for you, though, ma'am, is that
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: the software in your car? You know?
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: You're on board computer of your A three.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: The software was out of date and we've got the
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: new software that's coming from Germany. We updated all the
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: software for you and it's quite advanced, which is which
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: is quite nice.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: What I do need to do with you?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: It only it takes about three minutes. I need to
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: talk you through it. But you need to be in
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: your car. Are you near your car?
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: Does I need?
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: Do I need to do this now?
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: The car is well, I know Victor is coming in
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: tomorrow morning because my car was apparently serviced, but I
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: want to stand to my books, so it is coming
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: in tomorrow.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Well, look, if you if you want to get home tonight,
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: you're going to.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Have to do it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, it's all on a moment for me.
• 3:44
  Speaker 5: I'm by the car.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, could you just get in the car for me?
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: And if you just wouldn't mind turning on the ignition
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: completely on?
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: But how did I drive to hear? If you said
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: I won't be able to get home?
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Well, we override the system. But now, yeah, the system
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: needs to be personalized for you.
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: What the hell up until.
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: Okay, I'm listening.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Call on m Okay, now what this is ma'am is
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: this is the new software which comes standard and all
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: the new artises and any ardy that comes in for
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: a service. It usually costs a few thousand rand, but
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: we thought that we will just put it in for
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: you so your care is totally up to stand it. Basically,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: this is the on board computer system that's now that
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: is now voice activated. Yeah, it's it's kind of like
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: you know, like your your sat nav basically aware.
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: I am an engineer with three degrees, so I'm not.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: That stucred for this to activate.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I'll plug it in from this side and you will
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: hear your on board your CAUSE on board computer system
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: talking to you. And it just goes through a very
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: basic setup and you just need to answer.
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: The question, Oh, what do I need to have more
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: radio on for this?
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: No, your radio must be off please.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I want you will hear that your CAUSE computer system
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: talking to you, but through the phone because it hasn't
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: been activated through your speaker system yet. Okay, carry on, Okay,
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I'm going to activate it now.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Audi Interactive on board computer system. What
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: is your name? You are driving an Audi A three. Yes,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: First let's go through the setup. Do you want to
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: give me a special name. No, I accept any on
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: board commands whilst you are driving. Do you understand yes?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Can I first go through some safety features with you?
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Your tire pressure is said at one point eight kilo pascals.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Are you happy with this?
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I have noticed that you have used to have fifty
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: percent of my brake pads already. Why is this?
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: I don't know. Why is my bright tish shirt on
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: ten percent alms? I'd be able to say.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: Yes or no. I'm not a mechanic.
• 6:21
  Speaker 6: I have noticed that you answer just the standard yes
• 6:24
  Speaker 6: or no answers.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: No, we will discuss this, okay, Yes, please give me
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: a reasonable explanation.
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: Seriously. Yes, I'm supposed to answer. Why have I used
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: fifty percent bright powers because I'm stationary?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: You push the hooter so frequently traffic, and you push
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: it very hard too. Why is this.
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: Traffic?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Answer me, I wouldn't know.
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: I drive normally. I'll come to work after swelt killers
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: every day of my life. If there's a problem, i'd
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: brik I think that problem I drive. Only problem I
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: can else with anything in my call is because of traffic.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Because of morning traffic.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: It hurts me when you do this. Would you like
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: it if I kept punching you on your nose?
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: Excuse me, I'm getting very agitated at this moment.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Would you like it if I kept punching you on
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: your nose?
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: Okay?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: No? Judging by the current diagnostics, you have been driving
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: me very hard. Why is this? Please explain?
• 8:02
  Speaker 6: I don't think i'll drop my core very hard.
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: I'll draw no.
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: Otherwise I would have got speed fines by now, and
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: I wouldn't be sitting on nineteen thousand kilos.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I have also noticed that you have been exceeding one
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: hundred twenty kilometers per hour. Why is this?
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: Family in the freestyle?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: It seems you are always in a hurry. Yes, you
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: should plan your life better.
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Where did you get your driver's license from?
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: Freestide?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Did you buy it?
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: No?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: My rear shocks are very worn. This is a result
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: of you having intercourse on the back seat. Excuse me,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: please stop, Please don't shout at me. I cannot feel
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: human emotion. The only way to inflict pain on knees
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: by pushing the hooters. Stop it that hurts. Please? Can
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: you only listen to one radio station in future?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: With workhead Simpson.
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: Why would you do this too, at the point where
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to figure out just how to make a bomb. No, why.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: You can't do that?
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: I'm straight from top to bottom. Africa's probably gone.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: What did you say? Look about it's Champa. I heard
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: a little rumor.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: He's coming.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: You know, hm, when spread the war like when you see,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: this is where nobody tells me anything anymore, because you
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: can't keep secrets.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: If you're going to say something that said with your chest.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Out, I just heard a birdie between twy tweety twet
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: and said said it's coming. So your messages from the
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: prank this morning. See, this is where we're going with
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: technology and AI with cars.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: This is what it's going to be like.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Because at some point that prank isn't going to be funny.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: It's like this because is going to judge you as
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: well when you when they become sentient, as they say,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: because their feelings too.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Shame that woman is probably like at the I have
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: three degrees. And then the store clerk replies with miss
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I just ask if you'll be paying by casual card.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: Oh damn, you are horrible. You actually got the lady
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: to conflict. I know everyone's mouth dropped the last.
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: One of the prey.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: That was That was the case.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: No, man, I'm trying to think, well, what is more
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: impressive on a first date. I've got three degrees, who
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: I've been celebrated for ten years the latter. All right,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: that was the prank this morning. If you want anybody
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: praying darrenness at KFM, dot co, dot z. It's something
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: using sports