Latest / Mediumship Sparks-The Next Chapter / When Old Wounds Still Hurt: Asking What’s Unfinished

Transcript

When Old Wounds Still Hurt: Asking What’s Unfinished · Mediumship Sparks-The Next Chapter

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to Mediumship Sparks, a place for people who want
0:02
Speaker 1: to create the spiritual life they actually want to live in. Together,
0:06
Speaker 1: we're going to explore the many ways we're invited into
0:08
Speaker 1: greater awareness, deeper healing, and self-trust. The insights, ideas, experiences
0:13
Speaker 1: shared here are offered to spark curiosity and invite a
0:17
Speaker 1: deeper exploration of what's unfolding within and around you. May
0:21
Speaker 1: these conversations help you discover what feels deeply, quietly true
0:25
Speaker 1: for you. I'm Noelle Dean, intuitive medium and licensed marriage
0:29
Speaker 1: and family therapist. Quick note before we begin, the podcast
0:32
Speaker 1: is for educational purposes only and provides general information. It's
0:36
Speaker 1: not medical or psychological advice and not a substitute for
0:39
Speaker 1: care from a licensed health professional. Now let's dive in.
0:45
Speaker 1: Here I am recording another emotional episode. Have you been
0:49
Speaker 1: feeling maybe strangely emotional to a deeper degree lately? I'm
0:54
Speaker 1: assuming that what I experience isn't just me by myself. I...
1:02
Speaker 1: I was scrolling on Instagram and I came across a
1:05
Speaker 1: movie clip about a little girl losing her mom at
1:09
Speaker 1: four years old and really feeling the pain of it. Man,
1:14
Speaker 1: that made me cry and tap into a pain. I
1:17
Speaker 1: try to ignore that mother wound, not having had a
1:25
Speaker 1: traditional connection with my own mother. and to feel that
1:30
Speaker 1: sense of belonging and cherishing is coming to mind. I
1:36
Speaker 1: was sitting with why that still hurts, because I have
1:40
Speaker 1: a better relationship now with my mother. It's still not
1:45
Speaker 1: what I would consider a traditional nurturing mother relationship, but
1:51
Speaker 1: it's a good relationship. But I have to ignore the
1:55
Speaker 1: part that still feels pain. I spent a lot of
1:59
Speaker 1: time feeling like the victim of that relationship. And I
2:02
Speaker 1: still do sometimes. The little girl in me cries when
2:07
Speaker 1: I am in touch with that feeling like I was
2:10
Speaker 1: just feeling this morning relating to that little girl. So
2:16
Speaker 1: what I try to think of about healing is like
2:20
Speaker 1: the spiritual reasons, choices that were made that created this experience.
2:27
Speaker 1: I want to own my choices before this life as
2:31
Speaker 1: well as during this life. The phrase came to me
2:35
Speaker 1: of unvictimizing myself. And so after I grounded pretty deeply
2:41
Speaker 1: to sit with where do I go from here, I
2:45
Speaker 1: don't just want to feel better because I can do
2:48
Speaker 1: that a lot. I can avoid feeling bad and therefore
2:52
Speaker 1: feel better. But that's temporary, as we know. I really
2:57
Speaker 1: want a deeper cut on the healing. When I was
3:00
Speaker 1: connecting in about that, I did get some instructions I'm
3:03
Speaker 1: going to share with you, and I haven't walked through
3:05
Speaker 1: it yet, but I felt like this might be a
3:06
Speaker 1: good thing to walk through together because you're going to
3:09
Speaker 1: have your own issue, your own wounding that you came
3:13
Speaker 1: in with, and it's maybe still confusing to you too.
3:16
Speaker 1: I thought we could walk down this path holding hands,
3:20
Speaker 1: and I'm talking about my experience with it, and that
3:23
Speaker 1: will only share the hows, how-to that you might want
3:29
Speaker 1: to use to experience it for yourself. And we'll see
3:33
Speaker 1: where we end up. So what I got was there's
3:36
Speaker 1: no place for blame to exist. Not helpful. And what
3:41
Speaker 1: can coexist is the presence of the wound accompanying pain
3:45
Speaker 1: and compassion for all involved, including the shame slash avoidance
3:50
Speaker 1: of inflicting the pain, the probable shame avoidance of for
3:55
Speaker 1: vulnerability and precursors to being privy to this certain specific pain,
4:01
Speaker 1: these are the three questions, the three why questions that
4:04
Speaker 1: came to me. Number one, why did I bring it,
4:08
Speaker 1: assuming that I brought that wound with me to heal
4:11
Speaker 1: or make some progress with it? That feels fair to say.
4:15
Speaker 1: Number two, why did I choose the involved parties in
4:18
Speaker 1: this life, in the scenarios and how they played out?
4:22
Speaker 1: Number three, why we might expect healing, soul level healing
4:26
Speaker 1: from this experience now. And there was a step four
4:32
Speaker 1: to come from a place of peace, rest, and compassion
4:35
Speaker 1: about it. And that would be maybe not resolution, but
4:40
Speaker 1: to feel somewhat resolute about it. The first thing that
4:45
Speaker 1: occurs to me is to ask, who can I talk
4:47
Speaker 1: to in spirit about this? I'm just seeing a visual
4:50
Speaker 1: of my sister's face. So Lisa, are you the right
4:55
Speaker 1: person to talk to about this? She thinks she is
4:58
Speaker 1: not in a place of distance yet to understand in
5:02
Speaker 1: a way that would be helpful to me. Now, if
5:04
Speaker 1: you get messages and you feel connection enough with those
5:10
Speaker 1: in spirit around you that you have a relationship with
5:14
Speaker 1: to have a dialogue, then freaking awesome. Even though this
5:18
Speaker 1: is a charged subject, we all have to try to
5:20
Speaker 1: be as neutral as we can. to get information because
5:23
Speaker 1: when you're emotional, it's hard to be neutral about anything, right?
5:28
Speaker 1: But if you have the people that you know are
5:31
Speaker 1: around you to support you, your spiritual team, whoever that is,
5:35
Speaker 1: and you don't get words or songs or whatever that's useful,
5:38
Speaker 1: I would highly encourage you to use energy testing. Ask
5:42
Speaker 1: the universe to show you a yes, receive that clearly,
5:46
Speaker 1: show you a no, and then ask simple yes and
5:50
Speaker 1: no questions. And let that be the trail that you
5:54
Speaker 1: walk down to get to the answers that you're looking for.
5:59
Speaker 1: This is my yes, me leaning forward. And please show
6:02
Speaker 1: me a no, me leaning backwards. There are degrees of
6:05
Speaker 1: yeses and nos. A little yes, a medium yes, and
6:09
Speaker 1: then a big yes. And we go with the next
6:12
Speaker 1: question that comes to mind, assuming that we are as
6:15
Speaker 1: connected as we can be, just following the breadcrumbs as
6:19
Speaker 1: they appear to us. Okay, who can help me with this?
6:23
Speaker 1: I got a visual of my paternal grandfather, whom I
6:28
Speaker 1: refer to as Papa. Are you able to help me
6:30
Speaker 1: with this, Papa? Papa, the most gentle man I knew
6:33
Speaker 1: when he was here, has totally kicked my ass sometimes
6:38
Speaker 1: while on the other side. I'm getting the words that
6:40
Speaker 1: he mindfully is kicking my ass. Okay, I'll take that.
6:44
Speaker 1: I guess the first question that comes to me, is
6:46
Speaker 1: this a wound or a type of relationship that I've
6:48
Speaker 1: had previously? I'm getting, of course, and I feel stupid
6:53
Speaker 1: suddenly asking that question because we've all had so many lives.
6:57
Speaker 1: I'm just going to release any tension and stay grounded
7:00
Speaker 1: and calm, which is the best way for me to
7:03
Speaker 1: get answers and have no attachment or leaning towards what
7:06
Speaker 1: I'm hoping Papa's going to say. So why in this
7:10
Speaker 1: life might I or someone else have chosen to recreate
7:15
Speaker 1: a mother wound situation? He says, I'm embarrassed to say,
7:20
Speaker 1: but I don't know. He can only answer for me.
7:24
Speaker 1: He's saying part of what was on my list to
7:29
Speaker 1: experience in this life was recreating the mother wounding situation. Okay.
7:36
Speaker 1: I got a little flash and felt very aware of,
7:38
Speaker 1: I also had a stepmother and that was a difficult
7:42
Speaker 1: relationship and I am a stepmother. And at times that
7:46
Speaker 1: has been a difficult relationship. I get that place of
7:50
Speaker 1: shame and avoidance because I have those feelings about each
7:54
Speaker 1: one of these relationships. So now he's saying I'm the
7:56
Speaker 1: perfect example. And also, it is good to look at
7:59
Speaker 1: this because I want to stop operating from a place
8:02
Speaker 1: of pain in this area. And it feels really important
8:06
Speaker 1: to own that is mine because it's easy to blame
8:09
Speaker 1: someone else that they did X, Y, and Z and
8:13
Speaker 1: that was difficult to cope with. I'm feeling strongly that...
8:17
Speaker 1: for me to have a better relationship or relationships in general,
8:21
Speaker 1: it's really just on me. I can't expect anybody else
8:24
Speaker 1: to change or interact with me differently, but the wounding
8:29
Speaker 1: always feels like it's still there under the surface. Even
8:33
Speaker 1: if things are okay, I'm constantly aware of the feeling
8:39
Speaker 1: that I have of less than. Me feeling less than,
8:44
Speaker 1: that relationship certainly feeling less than, And feeling like this
8:51
Speaker 1: isn't normal. How I feel or what I've experienced with
8:56
Speaker 1: my own mother isn't normal. Mother-daughter interactions, connection, compassion. He's
9:03
Speaker 1: using the word comparison. But I don't even think, I'm
9:06
Speaker 1: sure part of me is. But I'm also looking at
9:09
Speaker 1: where it still feels tender and painful. Feeling something that...
9:16
Speaker 1: In some ways, I hate feeling because it freaking hurts.
9:21
Speaker 1: And the healing feels temporary because it just seems so layered.
9:27
Speaker 1: And I'm just feeling very aware that as you're listening
9:32
Speaker 1: to this, that there are parts of this that you
9:34
Speaker 1: can relate to. He's using the word conjecture, which I
9:37
Speaker 1: don't really understand what that means. So I'm going to
9:39
Speaker 1: look that up. It means an opinion, conclusion, or educated
9:43
Speaker 1: guess formed without complete evidence or proof. I ask him,
9:48
Speaker 1: what do you mean no proof? And he's saying, of
9:50
Speaker 1: all sides. And now I'm being shown a five-sided object.
9:58
Speaker 1: He's going to go through each side and tell me
10:00
Speaker 1: what it relates to. So imagine a pentagon shape. The
10:05
Speaker 1: first side is what I see from the inside. The
10:10
Speaker 1: second perspective is what I can see from the outside
10:14
Speaker 1: from a more observer point of view, but it's still me.
10:18
Speaker 1: what's me for my situation. Still subjective, but reaching for clarity.
10:23
Speaker 1: The third perspective is what I suppose is true for
10:27
Speaker 1: the other person involved. So what I think might be
10:32
Speaker 1: their point of view. The fourth perspective is what the
10:35
Speaker 1: other person or people are actually aware of and feeling
10:39
Speaker 1: and their sense of purpose for this situation, within the situation.
10:47
Speaker 1: Then the fifth is spiritual success. We signed up for
10:52
Speaker 1: and chose this for a reason, me and this other person.
10:57
Speaker 1: And potentially, one example is to balance out karma. I
11:01
Speaker 1: did have a flashback to a previous life where I
11:04
Speaker 1: was the mother and my mother was my child. When
11:09
Speaker 1: she was five years old, we lived on a property
11:11
Speaker 1: that had a lake or a body of water. And
11:14
Speaker 1: I was neglectful in supervising her and she ended up drowning.
11:18
Speaker 1: I've made an amends to my mother and said, this
11:21
Speaker 1: is what I saw. And you may not resonate with that,
11:25
Speaker 1: but I just wanted to apologize because I thought maybe
11:27
Speaker 1: that was part of why I was feeling so stuck
11:31
Speaker 1: in this relationship is to not have acknowledged something that
11:35
Speaker 1: might've been really painful for her. And I was just
11:38
Speaker 1: trying to clean up my side of the street. I
11:40
Speaker 1: was aware of it. It was neglectful and traumatic. I
11:44
Speaker 1: had that conversation with her maybe about a year and
11:46
Speaker 1: a half ago, face to face. So those are the
11:50
Speaker 1: five perspectives. I get that. Papa's saying, and he's directing
11:54
Speaker 1: this at me, that I have gotten stuck in and
11:57
Speaker 1: experienced two or three of the perspectives at times, but
12:01
Speaker 1: that I have never really gone full circle. So you're saying, Papa,
12:05
Speaker 1: that if I had done all the work to heal this,
12:09
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't feel this pain anymore. He's saying, no,
12:14
Speaker 1: that's not really true because I have lost time in
12:18
Speaker 1: the sadness, being in the sadness of it. And that
12:22
Speaker 1: I continue to do that. Okay, fair enough. That just
12:27
Speaker 1: makes me wonder how the hell do you actually really
12:30
Speaker 1: let go of something? And part of why this has
12:33
Speaker 1: come up for me, even thinking about this, is I
12:36
Speaker 1: just feel like everywhere around me are messages of forgiveness
12:42
Speaker 1: and how important it is and healing. It's clear that
12:45
Speaker 1: there really is a toll to continuing to behave that way.
12:50
Speaker 1: And I want to break out of that. Emotional pain
12:52
Speaker 1: is something I have tried to deaden in myself for
12:55
Speaker 1: a long time. I would distract myself. Maybe I was
12:58
Speaker 1: afraid I would get depressed or something. And I'm trying
13:02
Speaker 1: to outgrow that part of me that needs to avoid
13:07
Speaker 1: because real healing is what I would want to go
13:12
Speaker 1: after and support others with too. And I don't believe
13:15
Speaker 1: I can until I actually understand what that is and
13:19
Speaker 1: how to do it and can actually do it. I
13:21
Speaker 1: can't pretend to help somebody with healing when I'm unable
13:26
Speaker 1: to do it myself. I was visiting with my mother.
13:29
Speaker 1: Something happened. I got upset. It just felt I am
13:33
Speaker 1: so feeling this right now. Let me just talk to her.
13:38
Speaker 1: I'm trying to own how I feel, and I just
13:40
Speaker 1: want her to own her part. I'm trying to own mine,
13:46
Speaker 1: even in apologizing for when she was five and I
13:48
Speaker 1: effed up. I want to own that. I feel like
13:51
Speaker 1: there's a cleansing that can come from that. It just
13:55
Speaker 1: really takes away from it for me. When she can't say,
14:00
Speaker 1: you're right, I'm sorry, I get that really hurt you.
14:05
Speaker 1: I think that might be all I want and need,
14:08
Speaker 1: but when that doesn't come, it's like I shouldn't have
14:12
Speaker 1: even bothered speaking to her. Honesty has felt like it's
14:15
Speaker 1: a path to healing, maybe for both of us, because
14:19
Speaker 1: I assume that she has the same shame and avoidance
14:25
Speaker 1: that I do about hurting someone. And it's not to
14:29
Speaker 1: make her feel bad. I'm being shown a blackboard and
14:32
Speaker 1: there's some chalk on it and I just want to
14:34
Speaker 1: erase it. You're right. I own that. I'm taking it back.
14:37
Speaker 1: I'm taking that energy away. Let's diffuse that energy. Papa
14:41
Speaker 1: is sharing that part of what I'm feeling is stuck
14:44
Speaker 1: because even despite that, I still feel the pain. Yeah.
14:51
Speaker 1: And I don't want to not share. that after I
14:55
Speaker 1: had that really big cry and talked with my mother,
15:00
Speaker 1: I noticed afterwards when I thought about her, even like
15:04
Speaker 1: after I came home, there was a kind of anger,
15:10
Speaker 1: withholdingness that I just normally have felt all this time
15:15
Speaker 1: that felt very different. I didn't feel angry. I felt
15:20
Speaker 1: a lot less of that and I was really grateful.
15:23
Speaker 1: and grateful to her for listening. Papa is reminding me
15:27
Speaker 1: that part of why I actually felt safe enough and
15:32
Speaker 1: confident enough that I could go to her and spill
15:35
Speaker 1: my guts in that moment, he's right, that was a
15:38
Speaker 1: huge relief to me, and that really is a big
15:41
Speaker 1: piece of progress. Part of me has danced around things
15:45
Speaker 1: for so long to protect her feelings, because if I
15:50
Speaker 1: piss her off or do something where she feels hurt,
15:53
Speaker 1: There can be a backlash that's very painful again for me.
15:56
Speaker 1: Why did we sign up for this dance? Feels like
16:00
Speaker 1: the question right now. Like, why did I bring it
16:04
Speaker 1: into this life? Why did I choose the involved parties?
16:09
Speaker 1: And why might we have expected to, let's say, rebalance
16:14
Speaker 1: the karma or in some way heal from the experience together?
16:18
Speaker 1: And that feels like a much bigger question that Feels
16:22
Speaker 1: kind of daunting right now. Can I get in touch
16:25
Speaker 1: with this right now? Okay. I see this huge boulder
16:30
Speaker 1: and got a visual of me looking puny next to
16:32
Speaker 1: this boulder and I'm trying to push it. Will you
16:34
Speaker 1: show me the word stubborn? Is it because I'm stubborn
16:37
Speaker 1: about hanging on to the pain? He says I'm stubborn
16:40
Speaker 1: about wielding the power of my pain over my mother.
16:43
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, seriously? Because I feel like I can
16:48
Speaker 1: never get hurt again because I'll never have the expectation
16:51
Speaker 1: of my vulnerability won't be met with kindness and compassion. Okay.
16:58
Speaker 1: So what you're saying is part of me not healing
17:03
Speaker 1: is I don't risk being vulnerable enough to be hurt again.
17:06
Speaker 1: Big yes to that. Okay. Gotcha. That makes sense. I'm
17:10
Speaker 1: feeling drawn to ask you as you're listening to this,
17:13
Speaker 1: if you're in a place to listen and be reflective
17:16
Speaker 1: of your own woundings, does that feel... right to you?
17:21
Speaker 1: Do you resonate with that also? For human beings, Papa's
17:24
Speaker 1: given the term, we try to outrun our pain. When
17:27
Speaker 1: he's complimenting me that I'm very good at that. I
17:30
Speaker 1: know it was a sideways compliment. This just feels so thick.
17:35
Speaker 1: I'm not even really sure where to go with this.
17:37
Speaker 1: And I'm grateful to have somebody that I trust like
17:41
Speaker 1: Papa in here with me. And I really do have
17:44
Speaker 1: faith for you that however you're able to communicate with
17:48
Speaker 1: those on your spirit team, that you'll get the support
17:52
Speaker 1: that you need also. So are my mother and I
17:56
Speaker 1: reliving this mother wound of aversion of neglect to rebalance
18:02
Speaker 1: the life where she was the five-year-old and I was
18:05
Speaker 1: neglectful of her? I got a note to that. Okay.
18:08
Speaker 1: He's saying many years, even eons of reciprocating relationships. where
18:15
Speaker 1: we both had levels of neglect or abuse consumed and
18:21
Speaker 1: projected onto each other. In any of those lives, have
18:26
Speaker 1: either of us ever been aware of this idea of
18:29
Speaker 1: the soul contract and trying to end the cycle? No.
18:34
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm supposed to ask why not. He's
18:37
Speaker 1: saying you were never spiritual in that way. We would
18:41
Speaker 1: curse each other more than we tried healing. So... The
18:44
Speaker 1: awareness that I'm feeling in this life, is this new
18:48
Speaker 1: for this kind of dynamic? Okay, big yes to that. Now,
18:53
Speaker 1: in the pre-life meeting, was that part of the plan?
18:59
Speaker 1: Getting a big, strong yes to that. Is the goal
19:02
Speaker 1: to try to resolve whatever this is so we stop
19:05
Speaker 1: engaging in this cycle over and over? Yes to that.
19:10
Speaker 1: The next question feels like, do you need to have
19:13
Speaker 1: that kind of awareness to end these cycles? He's saying no,
19:18
Speaker 1: but it's about behaving differently. He's saying, if I recycle
19:24
Speaker 1: the ability to be the neglectful mother figure even, as
19:29
Speaker 1: well as the neglected or neglectful child, then I'm making
19:35
Speaker 1: no errors in my mind because I'm justifying my behavior
19:38
Speaker 1: and I'm making no progress as well. Yeah. He's saying,
19:44
Speaker 1: at least for me, that it's only through conscious efforts
19:48
Speaker 1: in the spiritual realm. for healing all parties that I
19:52
Speaker 1: can make things better. I'm getting some confirmation chills. He
19:56
Speaker 1: was just starting to say the best thing for now is,
19:59
Speaker 1: and then I got the confirmation chills. So he's like,
20:02
Speaker 1: listen up. He's saying, forget the cycles of the past,
20:06
Speaker 1: of past lifetimes. What we have here is now. And
20:14
Speaker 1: even if you spout off every day, but you do
20:18
Speaker 1: a little less of it every day, and you say
20:23
Speaker 1: sorry for continuing to be an asshole, it's still progress,
20:28
Speaker 1: even if you're continuing the cycle. Am I getting that right?
20:31
Speaker 1: That was a big yes. So it sounds like what
20:34
Speaker 1: you're saying is being aware doesn't equate to behave perfectly
20:41
Speaker 1: the opposite. And he's saying that continuing to carry the shame, upset,
20:49
Speaker 1: and anger doesn't help anybody. And he's saying that I
20:54
Speaker 1: feel helpless about it, which is true. I feel like
20:57
Speaker 1: I have visited this many times, and yet it continues.
21:02
Speaker 1: Now I want to cry. So he just showed me
21:05
Speaker 1: the word grieving. He's saying grieving is a natural process
21:09
Speaker 1: of the sadness, the loss. I can't wish anymore for
21:15
Speaker 1: things to be different because they are how they are.
21:18
Speaker 1: And he's saying that I keep trying to be bypassing
21:23
Speaker 1: that by having a rational explanation for my sadness. And
21:30
Speaker 1: now I'm feeling more sadness. And he's saying that I
21:34
Speaker 1: have to let the grieving happen. And that's what's missing.
21:38
Speaker 1: And he's showing me a visual. And I actually have
21:40
Speaker 1: a picture of myself when I was in kindergarten. He's
21:42
Speaker 1: showing me this five-year-old version of me. And I have
21:48
Speaker 1: that picture up because as I look at that picture,
21:51
Speaker 1: I see myself looking like a pretty, happy, connected kid.
21:59
Speaker 1: I'm looking right at the camera. My face looks bright.
22:01
Speaker 1: I don't see myself as feeling burdened emotionally there. There's
22:06
Speaker 1: so many pictures for so many years that I see
22:09
Speaker 1: that look on my face of I wish I was
22:12
Speaker 1: somewhere else. I wish I was somebody else. I wish
22:14
Speaker 1: I felt differently about things or my life or myself.
22:18
Speaker 1: But I don't see that in that picture. And that's
22:20
Speaker 1: why I have it up is to remind me of
22:22
Speaker 1: who I can be, but who I was at some point.
22:27
Speaker 1: And it's nice to see it. It's nice to know
22:29
Speaker 1: that that version existed. And he's saying, and that can't
22:34
Speaker 1: take away from what feels like the true grieving of something.
22:40
Speaker 1: And he's saying sometimes that's crying for 10 minutes really
22:44
Speaker 1: hard one day and then giving myself a minute the
22:48
Speaker 1: next day or maybe using mantras the following day for
22:52
Speaker 1: the next three days. He's saying embracing my inner child
22:56
Speaker 1: and that it's my turn to give the love and
22:59
Speaker 1: the nurturing and the calmness that I would look for
23:04
Speaker 1: from a mother figure. He's emphasizing bypassing grieving and natural
23:11
Speaker 1: sadness is an illusion because you can have your five
23:17
Speaker 1: or 20 steps process to believing you're better than the
23:21
Speaker 1: grief or you're healed past needing to experience the grief.
23:30
Speaker 1: And then I just see him and he's like waving
23:32
Speaker 1: his hand and shaking his head like to say no.
23:37
Speaker 1: He's saying it just it doesn't work like that. It
23:40
Speaker 1: doesn't work that way. And I really feel that. The
23:45
Speaker 1: truth of that for myself. OK, so give me a
23:49
Speaker 1: practical idea versus what I think grieving is. Now, you
23:55
Speaker 1: said you could let yourself cry for 10 minutes. He's
23:58
Speaker 1: saying watching YouTube videos. evoking the sadness. I'm seeing videos,
24:04
Speaker 1: what he's showing me are videos of animal situations that
24:07
Speaker 1: would be sad and would make me cry, which definitely happens.
24:13
Speaker 1: The feeling that comes with it is that I can
24:15
Speaker 1: relate to that feeling of helplessness, being a little child
24:19
Speaker 1: and not being cared for in a way that helps
24:23
Speaker 1: you feel safe in the world or connected. And that
24:27
Speaker 1: animals deal with that all the time. They emotionally, he's
24:30
Speaker 1: saying it feels the same. And that's why those videos
24:34
Speaker 1: make me cry. So he's encouraging me to watch those
24:37
Speaker 1: sad animal videos to provoke the grieving. If I can't
24:42
Speaker 1: do it on my own and just give myself 10 minutes.
24:45
Speaker 1: And he says, and just let it go, express it.
24:49
Speaker 1: Like verbally crying, screaming, if you must. Then he's showing
24:55
Speaker 1: me this visual. I have this irrational fear that if
24:59
Speaker 1: I really tuned into my emotions, I'd be a freaking mess.
25:03
Speaker 1: I don't know for how long. I don't know how
25:05
Speaker 1: functional I would be, how quickly I could bounce back
25:07
Speaker 1: and scared to lose that sense of composure. What he's
25:11
Speaker 1: showing is disregarding the fear of losing composure and just
25:16
Speaker 1: going there with the feelings. He's bringing up the word cathartic,
25:20
Speaker 1: saying cathartic experiences can leave you exposed. But then he's
25:24
Speaker 1: showing that after that, Doing something nurturing or interacting with
25:29
Speaker 1: somebody who feels naturally nurturing towards us can refill our cup.
25:37
Speaker 1: He's encouraging that. He's also showing me that if I
25:40
Speaker 1: put on some music and maybe I dance around in
25:43
Speaker 1: a goofy kind of way, let myself feel like a
25:45
Speaker 1: little kid who's being really self-expressed, which I wasn't when
25:49
Speaker 1: I was a little kid. I was shy and reserved
25:51
Speaker 1: to be very quiet and not get attention. He's showing
25:57
Speaker 1: being this more out there version of that part of
26:00
Speaker 1: me as a little girl. That would feel like a
26:02
Speaker 1: corrective experience, like redoing something painful or you would shy
26:07
Speaker 1: away from. But when you do it, you're counterbalancing where
26:10
Speaker 1: you would limit yourself before. He's encouraging both of us,
26:15
Speaker 1: take it easy on yourself. You stepped into this life knowing,
26:21
Speaker 1: full balance knowing, that there would be pain and sticking points.
26:27
Speaker 1: It's a learning environment. It's a learning experience. Is that
26:33
Speaker 1: part of why we have those kinds of experiences? He's
26:37
Speaker 1: giving an analogy of like full-bodied wine, that if you
26:40
Speaker 1: had a bunch of wine connoisseurs taste it, everybody might
26:46
Speaker 1: come to a similar conclusion. but they're all having their
26:49
Speaker 1: own individual experience of tasting, smelling, swallowing of the wine.
26:54
Speaker 1: How they come to their conclusion is all their own individually,
26:58
Speaker 1: even though it might build up to what might be
27:02
Speaker 1: considered like an objective experience. There's all these subjective tastes
27:06
Speaker 1: that come into it, he's saying. How it's coming to
27:09
Speaker 1: me now is it feels a little bit like these
27:11
Speaker 1: five different perspectives he was talking about with the pentagon shape.
27:16
Speaker 1: Witnessing it, being in it, being next to it, being
27:19
Speaker 1: the perpetrator or the initiator of the pain in someone else.
27:24
Speaker 1: All of these perspectives are relevant to learning from and
27:29
Speaker 1: within the experience. At some point, he says, we become
27:34
Speaker 1: like halt. I've had enough. I feel like on a
27:39
Speaker 1: soul level, I've learned this lesson very deeply and I
27:44
Speaker 1: don't feel like I need to recreate it any longer.
27:46
Speaker 1: I guess we need those perspectives to more fully understand
27:53
Speaker 1: how deeply a human being can be affected by them
27:57
Speaker 1: and to learn to not recreate and to enjoy the
28:01
Speaker 1: peace when we've got it. I'm checking my why list.
28:06
Speaker 1: Why we might expect soul level hearing from this experience
28:09
Speaker 1: now is, and then he shows in the in-between time,
28:16
Speaker 1: after this life, before the next, that I saw a
28:18
Speaker 1: visual of myself and it looks like I have this clarity.
28:24
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I fully get it now. Like I've
28:28
Speaker 1: experienced each side of the Pentagon of this so many times.
28:33
Speaker 1: And this time I feel like, ah, This was the clincher.
28:37
Speaker 1: Like this helped me really understand something about the origin
28:41
Speaker 1: of pain I never quite got before. And that it
28:44
Speaker 1: makes me a better person inside. It's an integral part
28:50
Speaker 1: of learning. And it's also being a more integrated human being.
28:55
Speaker 1: And that was missing before. And he's saying I should
28:59
Speaker 1: know that because this is what I invited. He's also
29:03
Speaker 1: reminding me that that could apply to that situation. Also,
29:07
Speaker 1: so these are like interchangeable ideas for any kind of
29:13
Speaker 1: wounding or difficult relationship or what feels like a harmful
29:16
Speaker 1: relationship that we have to not lose sight of these
29:20
Speaker 1: five different perspectives, because there's like a presumed innocence that
29:25
Speaker 1: we have. We might think, hey, in this life, I
29:27
Speaker 1: didn't really do this damage. Why did this come to me?
29:30
Speaker 1: Why did this come back to me? He's reminding both
29:33
Speaker 1: of us that we don't know what it was that
29:36
Speaker 1: we were involved with in a previous life. He's saying
29:41
Speaker 1: you could have been a king that beheaded many people.
29:45
Speaker 1: And then you're suffering with neck pain all in this
29:48
Speaker 1: life because you beheaded hundreds. And that was meant to
29:53
Speaker 1: serve as your reminder of bringing on pain. He's saying
29:59
Speaker 1: to me, part of my reminder is having somebody else
30:02
Speaker 1: that I then inflicted this on and that my conflict
30:06
Speaker 1: is with myself and not with my stepchild. Yeah. Okay.
30:13
Speaker 1: I can't deny that. And isn't it easier when somebody's like,
30:19
Speaker 1: you're totally justified. That person blah, blah, blah'd you. But
30:24
Speaker 1: that gets us nowhere. It really doesn't. Because if it did,
30:27
Speaker 1: we wouldn't be bothered by it. I've And there is
30:31
Speaker 1: something about being accountable in all areas of life. And
30:38
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get there, but I do
30:42
Speaker 1: feel and know and want to stay aware. That's where
30:46
Speaker 1: I'm striving for. What's coming to me is reaching out
30:49
Speaker 1: for support and being willing to be vulnerable emotionally and spiritually.
31:00
Speaker 1: on my own, and then also helping other people. Let's
31:05
Speaker 1: all try to benefit from this information that's coming down.
31:08
Speaker 1: Let me show you how I can apply it to
31:10
Speaker 1: my life. And then it's your turn if you choose
31:15
Speaker 1: to apply it to yours. The examples of walking through
31:19
Speaker 1: the steps is meant to be helpful to you. It's
31:22
Speaker 1: also to help me practice healing from and through and
31:26
Speaker 1: with our spiritual connections. your version of Papa, whoever that
31:31
Speaker 1: is for you. I don't feel like I'm pushing against
31:35
Speaker 1: that ginormous boulder right now. I'm feeling a lot more
31:39
Speaker 1: balanced right now. I have to stay focused on it.
31:42
Speaker 1: It's not about feeling good because that is momentary and temporary.
31:48
Speaker 1: It feels clearer. I'm going to put something somewhere to
31:52
Speaker 1: have a reminder of grieving, supporting myself to actually experience
32:01
Speaker 1: the grieving and not trying to bypass or ignore or
32:07
Speaker 1: avoid it. It's not like it feels good, but it's relieving.
32:11
Speaker 1: And there is a cumulative effect to that, that you
32:15
Speaker 1: might look back later, like a month later and be like,
32:18
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I feel so different. I didn't know
32:21
Speaker 1: it until I was able to look back. And it
32:24
Speaker 1: feels like that would be because we were focused on
32:27
Speaker 1: it each day. So it became like the thing we do.
32:31
Speaker 1: And then at some point we can have the experience of,
32:34
Speaker 1: oh my, wow, before I would have been super angry
32:39
Speaker 1: about this or irritated about this. I'm getting confirmation chills
32:41
Speaker 1: on this. And I don't feel that right now. Oh
32:44
Speaker 1: my goodness, it's working. The validation in the moment of
32:50
Speaker 1: what you no longer grapple with or feel the shame
32:53
Speaker 1: of because you're behaving differently. Thank you, Papa. That was
32:56
Speaker 1: really well said. And he's saying, I love you working
33:01
Speaker 1: on yourselves. He's including us both because that's the way
33:07
Speaker 1: to inner peace. I just want to appreciate Papa for
33:10
Speaker 1: showing up when I need him. That feeling of safety
33:16
Speaker 1: I still have is embedded in me and energized by
33:20
Speaker 1: love and support from him. And I appreciate any experience
33:26
Speaker 1: I have with him. Yeah. There's still work to do,
33:30
Speaker 1: but I feel clearer and relieved to at least understand
33:34
Speaker 1: what it is and that it's not like I've been
33:36
Speaker 1: doing it wrong this whole time because that is one
33:39
Speaker 1: of the things I say to myself. Although now I'm like, shit,
33:42
Speaker 1: actually I was doing it wrong because I wasn't grieving.
33:45
Speaker 1: I was just trying to think my way through it.
33:48
Speaker 1: But how about I cut myself some freaking slack and
33:52
Speaker 1: accept that now is the time when maybe I'm a
33:54
Speaker 1: lot more capable of doing the grieving than maybe I
33:58
Speaker 1: ever was before. And I'm also feeling reminded that part
34:03
Speaker 1: of my intention has been to feel my feelings more,
34:08
Speaker 1: to be more connected to my emotions genuinely. And that
34:14
Speaker 1: has created a lot more tears and being triggered by
34:18
Speaker 1: a lot more things, but feeling more real with myself.
34:23
Speaker 1: And that helps me be more real with everyone else too.
34:28
Speaker 1: So even willing to share on a podcast about how
34:31
Speaker 1: I haven't been healing and where I've been feeling stuck
34:35
Speaker 1: and being okay with that because I want to help
34:40
Speaker 1: you with that in any way that I can. Even
34:44
Speaker 1: being the example of what not to do is okay
34:46
Speaker 1: with me. So I hope this was helpful. If Pop
34:52
Speaker 1: has helped you on your path with his advice, please
34:55
Speaker 1: feel free to reach out and let me know. I'm
34:56
Speaker 1: feeling reminded of my new motto, which is that I
35:01
Speaker 1: help people live the spiritual lives they actually want to live.
35:06
Speaker 1: And that has to start with me. And doing this
35:09
Speaker 1: kind of a deeper level of healing is certainly a
35:12
Speaker 1: huge part of that. I'm glad we're on this journey together.
35:15
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here. Take good care of yourself. Thank
35:22
Speaker 1: you so much for being with us today. If you'd
35:24
Speaker 1: like support as you continue your own exploring, you can
35:27
Speaker 1: find information about my classes, readings, and other offerings at connectingwithnoelle.com.
35:34
Speaker 1: If today's conversation made you think of someone, I'd love
35:36
Speaker 1: it if you would share this with them. Take good care,
35:39
Speaker 1: and I look forward to being with you again soon.