Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 345 | Should We Be Indoctrinating our Kids?

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Ep. 345 | Should We Be Indoctrinating our Kids? · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:04
  What's up, guys? Welcome back to 5-Minute Fatherhood. I want to chat with you, Jeff, about this question that I've been asked a bunch of times, and I just was reading in a book that Matt Chandler recently wrote with Adam Griffin, and they wrote something about this, and that is, should we be indoctrinating our kids? I think it's an interesting way to phrase it, and a good question. So I'll just read to you real quick what they wrote, and I'm curious how you respond to this, like if there are elements you would change or if you agree wholeheartedly. But they wrote in this, family discipleship is indoctrination, teaching,
• 0:33
  The doctrines and worldview of God is laid out in the word without yielding to the contrary opinions of the world or apologizing for the potential offensiveness of that truth. Indoctrination, quote-unquote, has become a bad word in a culture that loves the idea of letting children choose for themselves what they think is true.
• 0:51
  They wrote, what a disastrous deception to not tell your kids what is true is the opposite of love. We're helping the next generation navigate a perilous journey of life through temptations and malicious misinformation. Don't set your children adrift in the desert of this world and cross your fingers that they...
• 1:07
  that they find the narrow path to the soul oasis. So I think this is a really interesting question. And they obviously come out swinging in a really dramatic fashion, like, hey, no, this is actually your job. Yeah, how would you, what kind of nuances would you try to pull out of this question about, should we be indoctrinating our kids?
• 1:27
  Yeah. Well, I mean, I think, I think I wholeheartedly agree with it. I think what people don't realize is every, I mean, it just, it's one of those classic ones where it depends on how you define the word. Now that word has a lot of baggage to a lot of people that kind of means cult kind of means robot kind of means drone, like, you know, making your kids, whatever, uh, non-truth, et cetera. But, but in, in all reality, everyone is indoctrinating. Everyone, everyone, you know what I mean? Um, has, uh, a point of view that they're trying to push across that they actually, they have a narrative about how the world works, that they believe.
• 1:55
  Like even the classic example right now is there's, you know, obviously in some of the more progressive states, you kind of get this battle between the state and the family. There's like, you know, some bills and et cetera that are maybe on the on the docket for like basically there's just a very inerrant distrust from the state to the parent where they almost believe that they can parent better. Right. And it's kind of like and it's usually skewed is exactly what we're saying right now. It's usually said, you know, the kind of like because it's the blank slate kind of philosophy. Right. That the kid is a blank slate. The kids only go. The parents are only going to kind of harm them.
• 2:24
  with kind of too much of their own opinions and visions, et cetera, when it's like, well, sure. But also you're kind of acting like you're a neutral player when in reality you're just asking that you want the authority to indoctrinate. Like it's like you want them to listen to your vision of life. You know what I mean? So it's very similar in that regard where everyone is indoctrinating, quote unquote. And so I think, yeah, I just – and I think it's true.
• 2:47
  that we should be indoctrinating our kids with the fruits of the spirit, with the, you know, the vision of Jesus, with the truth of the scriptures. Now I will say there's plenty of fundamentalist, legalistic, religious Christian homes that would miss the mark on all of those. And that tends to be who people are talking about when they say indoctrination, right? Where it becomes more about, um, uh,
• 3:11
  about stuffing your kid with a particular kind of false identity around legalism or religion that you have and kind of hoping that they will be a disciple in that. So I do think you do need to be wary of that. I think, you know, um, some of the, there's a book I'm reading right now. I forget the name of it. Uh, but it's basically a bunch of studies about how in all religions, by the way, Christian, uh, Muslim, et cetera, how kids retain the faith, like, you know what I mean? And
• 3:36
  And a lot of the studies, and even Josh mentioned this in Integrate, I think he actually might even got this from the same research. It talks about this phrase it uses is one of the highest predictors of a kid that would retain their faith of their household when they grow into adulthood is what the researchers call relational warmth.
• 3:51
  There's like this, there's like this tenderness and warmth to the family that is kind of like the number one predictor of, you know what I mean? So I think that's a good, really play that that's what you should be indoctrinating. You should be indoctrinating with like warmth and love and grace. And I'm sure, you know, counterintuitive vision of the world and, you know, and against culture and all that stuff. But I think it's a question is just like, we're all indoctrinating, indoctrinating with what is a bit, is a better question, you know?
• 4:18
  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Cause I think, I think the way you're kind of teasing out too, is that some people read the word indoctrination as a tone that's, that's cold. Right. And that's like, we're not going to have this discussion. We're not going to listen to what you're feeling or thinking.
• 4:33
  and you're going to listen to only one side of the argument, and you're going to get it, and you better believe it. And that's one way to define the word. Another way to define the word is intentionally teach your children what is true. And to the extent that that is what we're talking about, yes, wholeheartedly agree.
• 4:49
  and doctrine your kids in that you need to intentionally teach what is true. What's ironic in this discussion is that some of our families have taken generations to overcome various lies. And then we set our children adrift and say, okay, now you've got to find that truth for yourself. But this is part of the misconception about whether or not families are multigenerational or not.
• 5:12
  And so it's okay to, if you think about family as multi-generational, then if it took your family five generations to discover this particular truth, then it would make sense to pass that on. So to the extent that indoctrination is passing on the accumulated wisdom of the family to the next generation, then we do have a responsibility to do that. But we need to do it in a particular tone, that warmth, that relationship that inhabits the place in which the soil is soft and able to receive those truths.