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"The Sunk Cost Fallacy" - Why some people stay in toxic relationships with narcissists · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about the sunk cost fallacy, one of the
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  main reasons that a lot of people stay in touch with
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  relationships with narcissists. If you new here, my name is Lee
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  Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. So welcome back, Y'all.
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  Welcome. Welcome back.
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  I know you heard me saying in the beginning, but this is one
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  of the main reasons that a lot of people stay in toxic
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  relationship with narcissistic people.
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  Y'all, yeah, we're going to, like I said, every Thursday at
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  9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time, I have my live show called Waving
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  the Red Flag Show. And this week we're going to be
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  talking about reasons why people stay in toxic relationships.
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  And this is one of them right here.
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  Y'all on YouTube and Facebook. But yeah, y'all.
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  The sunk cost fallacy is one of the main reasons that a lot of
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  people stay in touch with relationships if you don't know
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  what it is. The phenomenon whereby a person
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  is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action
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  because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is
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  clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.
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  Don't they? Y'all, don't that just make you
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  want to snap your fingers? Do your step.
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  Do it all. Seriously.
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  But yeah, y'all to sunk cost fallacy keeps people in a
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  relationship with toxic, narcissistic people.
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  Because you feel like you've already sunk so much time into
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  it. You already sunk so much love,
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  affection, money into it. You already built this family
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  dynamic like you. You feel like you don't want to
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  feel like you've wasted your resources that you have put into
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  this relationship, the resources that you have invested into this
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  relationship. But a lot of people do this even
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  when the benefits of leaving this relationship tremendously
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  outweigh staying in it. You see, narcissistic people
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  like to add to the sunk cause fallacy because they convince
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  you that nothing else is out there.
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  Nothing else is out there better for you.
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  Hey, we've already been together for 10 years.
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  You might as well stay. You don't want to put you don't
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  want to put 10 years. You don't want to invest 10
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  years in me. And then as soon as you leave, I
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  treat the next person better. Because that's a fear that so
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  many people have right there, you know?
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  That's a fear that so many people voice in my comment
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  sections, on my videos, in my emails, things like that, my one
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  on ones. I just don't want them to treat.
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  What if they treat the next person better?
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  I feel like I've invested five years into this, two years into
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  this. I feel like I've gave this
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  person my body. I've sacrificed my body, my
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  time, my finances. I've gave this person all this
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  stuff. I don't want to just feel like
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  it's a bad investment but do you want to make a bad investment
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  worse because it's not something called fallacy.
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  It's just not does not just apply to relationship child.
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  It can apply apply to situations where people are like.
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  But you buy a a old house that you want to renovate right.
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  Use the house got good bones. He's like OK this this house
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  right here it's it's it's got good bones good structure good
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  all of this stuff. The house is ready.
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  You know all they need is a little bit of work.
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  I can. I can allot $50,000 to fix this.
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  Fix six house up, right? Fix this house up.
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  What's wrong with my language today?
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  But you buy the house and you realize there's a lot more stuff
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  wrong with it. Like you put the 50,000 into it,
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  but you realize you need 50,000 more.
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  Then you somehow you get 50,000 more and then you realize you
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  need 50,000 more. And now it's taking a lot longer
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  than you than you thought it was going to take.
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  Right now it's taking a lot like you still in it, you still
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  dealing with it, you still like it.
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  Now it's better to sell right now where you can break even,
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  but you don't want to break even.
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  You don't want to feel like you wasted time, effort, energy and
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  money. So you keep putting money into
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  it. So now you're $200,000 deep into
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  a house that you're going to sell for a loss, so you feel
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  like you might as well keep the house.
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  Now. I don't want to just waste my
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  time, effort. I might as well keep the house
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  or just hold on to it to the market shifts and the price goes
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  up. You see people don't use it's
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  time. It's OK to cut bait and run
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  y'all sometimes, and I notice this makes that makes it the way
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  out. When I phrase it like that, it
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  makes it seem like it's cowardly, like you're running
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  away from something. No, you're not running away from
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  something out. You've invested enough.
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  What if you've invested enough? What do you have?
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  What if you've given all your resources, your time, your
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  effort, your energy, all this to your love?
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  I don't want to waste my love on this person and sticking by this
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  person. I helped build this person up.
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  They had nothing when I first met them.
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  Now they have everything. I don't want them to give the
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  next person everything that I worked hard for.
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  I heard that so much. It's a it's a phenomenon.
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  It's it ends up being a delusion.
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  Y'all it ends up being a delusion because you get caught
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  up in these situations where you're going to waste more time,
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  you're going to waste more effort, you're going to waste
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  more energy because you can't y'all you can't get it back
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  anyway. You can't get back the time you
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  put into it. You can't.
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  You can't get back the love. You can't get back the money.
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  I know you somebody I was like, we'll leave.
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  We can sue. We can sue them.
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  We can take them to small claims court.
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  You know, I can put a lien on a house.
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  I can put a lien on a property. I get that part right there.
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  But most times you can't get it back.
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  You know you can't get it back, but you feel like you don't want
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  to feel like you wasted. You don't want to feel like
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  you're wasteful. That narcissistic person is
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  going to, like I said, the narcissist in your life is going
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  to add to that. They're going to add to it
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  because adding to your sunk cost fallacy empowers them if they
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  they get a benefit from it. You know, most narcissists are
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  going to continue to do things in which they can benefit from
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  them. Why wouldn't they?
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  As a narcissist, I probably, I would try to convince you that
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  you wasted, you got, you got, hey, you got five years into
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  this, you going to waste five years?
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  Wow, we got eight years into this in the family.
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  You going to give up on all of that for a little cheating?
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  You going because I got a whole new family on the side because
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  these babies ain't really yours. Wow.
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  What about the eight? What about the 10 years we got
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  together? What about the 20 years we got
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  together? We were high school sweethearts.
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  You know, you gave up your youth.
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  You know now you're going to go over here and old and by
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  yourself and be the threat of being single.
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  The old cat lady, old dog person, dog boy, dog man, cat
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  man, whatever. Y'all want to call them Ferret
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  boy? You know what I mean?
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  Snake boy, spider boy, whatever you want to be, whatever animal
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  or pet you going to keep, you know the sunk cost fallacy is
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  real, but it does. You got to stop sinking more
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  into it. Y'all.
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  I know people just like, well, even though I've been cheated
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  on, we got 10 years together and that's more than my parents had.
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  We. I've been cheated on.
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  I've been beaten up. I've been lied to, I've been
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  manipulated. I've been left 15 times.
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  But you know what? It's been 15 years on and off.
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  I just feel like I don't want to waste that time.
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  It's the time is already gone. It's not a waste, It's only a
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  waste. So this is my thought process,
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  right? Process right here.
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  Y'all It's only a waste when you understand that you're wasting
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  time. When you wake up, when you have
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  all, it's to me. It's only a waste of your time,
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  effort, energy, resources. When you understand that, it's a
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  when you have all the information presented in front
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  of you. So to me it's not a waste
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  because you didn't know, but now you know.
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  So the second the minute you understand what you're going
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  through and you decide to stay in it, the sunk cost fallacy
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  does apply and you start wasting time now it's a waste of time.
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  So even if you've been in it for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years and
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  not been not, not had no idea what you were really going
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  through, now you have a name for it.
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  Now you have. Now you understand the behaviors
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  more. Now you get it.
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  So now you can have a little relief.
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  So now you can have a little bit of freedom from that space.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's that's where the mind
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  goes now. So now you can have a little bit
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  of freedom. Now you can have a little bit of
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  choice. So now you understand.
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  And so now you have to take the option.
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  So now it can seem like a waste of time for you.
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  You know, it still might not be a waste of time for you.
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  I'm not trying to hurt anybody's feelings and say, well, we just
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  say we're wasting time. I don't like y'all.
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  It's your time. It's your time.
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  If you don't feel like you're wasting time, then you're not
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  wasting time. But if you feel, if you feel
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  like you are, if you feel like you gave this person 10 years of
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  your life and the only reason you stay is because you gave
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  them ten years of your because you gave them ten years of your
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  life, is that really it? There's no more.
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  There's there's a little bit of love there, a little bit of
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  care. But the main reason you stay is
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  because you gave this person 10 years of your life.
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  Because you invested in this person, You invested money into
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  this person. You invested time, effort,
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  engines, energy into this person.
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  You're 35 years old now. You got what?
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  Then when you were 25, you're 37 years old now you got what then?
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  When you were 2322, that time is gone.
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  You can't get it back. That money is gone.
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  You can't get it back. That love is gone.
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  You can't get it back. That the youth you had is
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  subjective Youth. Youth is subjective, isn't it?
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  Because youth is not just an age.
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  Youth is a mindset. The age of youth that you had is
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  gone, but the mindset can come back.
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  You can have youthful exuberance in your 30s, forties, 50s,
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  sixties, 70s. You know, I thought there's
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  several people who've been in 40 year marriages, y'all that got
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  divorced and say and say that they're happier now and some of
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  them are angry and they have regrets and things like that,
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  but they just like, look, I would rather spend the rest of
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  my time by myself than to give this person one more second of
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  my time because that time was wasteful.
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  The new time, my new time is wasteful.
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  I'm 60 years old. I'm 65 years old.
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  I can move forward and be happy now.
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  I can move forward and make decisions for me now, you know.
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  But just ask yourself. Ask yourself why you stay.
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  Ask yourself why you stayed in this relationship, and if the
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  reason you stayed in this relationship is just because you
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  you you've been in a relationship for a certain
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  amount of time, is that enough for you to stay?
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  Enter the sunk cost fallacy. Enter it because this is the
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  mindset that keeps a lot of people in toxic relationship
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  dynamics accompanied by gaslighting, accompanied by
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  manipulation, accompanied by the trauma bond.
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  The trauma bond plus the sunk cost fallacy is a is a is a
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  whole that can be damn near a whole demon.
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  You know, whole devil. The trauma bond plus the sunk
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  cost fallacy man. Get out of here.
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  They'll blow a lot of people's minds in these spaces and
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  whatnot. Y'all.
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  So you have to empower yourself. You have to heal.
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  You have to grow. Because if you don't, the
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  narcissistic person is going to take advantage of you all, they
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  said. That's it.
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  That's the mindset of it right there.
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  That's the space that a lot of people enter, you know.
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  But it's up to you to make the decisions necessary to take your
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  step forward. It's not a waste.
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  Until you allow it to be a waste, you know it's not
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  wasteful until you allow it to be wasteful.
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  The choice is yours. Yeah, they got to tell you
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  something. The truth.
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  Literally. How do we get out of there?
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  Tell yourself the truth. Understand that that time is
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  gone, but now it's a now. It could be a waste.
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  You want to continue to waste time and wake up every day with
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  regret. Like every time you open your
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  eyes and see you laying beside this toxic ass person, you open
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  your eyes with regret in your heart and unhappiness and just
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  indecision. Like is that the way you want to
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  spend the rest of your life? Doesn't sound like a bleak
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  existence. Y'all just to me.
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  But anyways, y'all I'm thankful for that.
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  Y'all here. I'm glad y'all spend time with
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  me. You're not.
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  Look, this time that you spend with me is not a sunken cause.
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  Because you're getting rewarded by being here getting the
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  knowledge. Now you know this is the wake up
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  time. We're waking up.
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  Wake up now. Otherwise, y'all I'm super
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  thankful for y'all to be here. Make sure you tune in every
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  single Thursday 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time waving the red
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  flag show. We're talking about the sunk
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  cause fallacy and betrayal blindness this week.
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  Like and subscribe Mental illness is out peace.
• 12:02
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:06
  for being here. If you haven't already.
• 12:08
  Make sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:11
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:13
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:16
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:18
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
• 12:20
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.