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S3 E10 - Last Chance for Jokes · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you, Johnny and Jeff.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: What a great night to be back in the studio.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Such amazing things are happening.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, things are so good.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I want to reverse it a little bit.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you always say, How's it going?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say, How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea how to answer that.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's a paradigm shift, you know?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like my whole world has changed.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's like it's up to down.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the like there was an election and nobody came, right?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody came.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I'm doing fine.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I had a good holiday.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I feel really good.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I what about you?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do you have big plans for New Year's?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I think we're gonna do kind of what we did Christmas, uh, with one exception.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Christmas we a lot of pop-up, a lot of mac and cheese.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think New Year's gonna be a lot of pop-off, a lot of mac and cheese.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: But Christmas, oh my gosh, Christmas, we watched one of the great Christmas movies, one of the classics, really, that I think a lot of people don't appreciate.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: 20,000 Christmases in Sing Sing with uh Lawrence Tyranny and Marie Windsor.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: I it's a classic.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, was that sanctioned?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Although I guess we're still early enough that you can watch whatever you want.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for now.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think it'll be all right because Lawrence Tyranny beats up a lot of people that look like immigrants in this movie.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So well, there you go.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's I think it I think it might be required viewing.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: For me, we're not really planning on doing anything for New Year's, except maybe I I think it might be a time to ask for forgiveness and you know, ask God's forgiveness for what we've done, especially recently, and hope that he will protect us.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Very similar to what we do uh during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: You repent twice a year?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: This would be the first time we've done it two times.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest, Steve, but we may do it more than two.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking this could end up being a weekly thing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot to be praying for.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I'm right there with you on that, Jeff.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, we got some time between now and then when the regime starts.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: We have a little bit of time to still be funny, to still tell jokes.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: And looking back, this might be the funniest and happiest time for who knows how long, right?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's the last show of the year.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, Jeff, you know how we always start the show with a joke.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think why don't we make tonight jokes, not just one at the beginning?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, we do a joke at the beginning.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I thought you you know what, Steve, the truth is we're always so fucking funny.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I can't tell which are jokes and which aren't because they're hilarious.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's a good idea.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: You remember Joey, our joke writer?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I do, Joey Bishop.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: He wrote quite a few of those jokes, and uh, you know, I think we overpaid because we plot a whole bunch of jokes that we haven't used, and some we didn't even get.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: But now that we have some changes coming here, maybe we should tell some jokes that may not be funny in the next year.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: We'll get more guidelines on what is funny and what's not funny coming.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we'll be told.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because only our leader knows for sure what's funny.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And right, I was that in the the new Ten Commandments.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was one of them, right?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's the one that knows what's funny, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and it's not hard to see, and you know, he's the perfect guy because he knows what's funny, he has an amazing sense of humor.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think he's putting Ben Stein in charge of the department of comedy.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Things are gonna change, right?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: We already know his sense of humor because remember when he used to joke about when he owned the Teenage America beauty patch and he used to go backstage and look at the the naked teenage girl.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, you know, he used to joke about that.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I know Matt Gates laughed at that, but that's one of those things that I we're probably not gonna be able to joke about things like that anymore, or COVID or January 6th, because you know, COVID was fake, and January 6th was a day of love, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So we can't joke about those anymore.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: But as long as we keep our focus on joking about things that will be funny, like the disabled, the poor, losing social security, you know, things like that.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of stuff.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: People just love that stuff, and then you know, he can always fall back on talking about women again, whether they like it or not.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of the jokes that we got from Joey, Joey Bishop, not the Joey Bishop, please.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want his estate suing.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's some other guy who's a comedian whose name is Joey Bishop, it's not the Joey Bishop.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: But a lot of the jokes we got from him were about strong men, or maybe I should say alleged strong men, because really, can a 375-pound 78-year-old who wears diapers be considered strong?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know, I don't know, but I digress.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Jokes about strong men are gonna be off limits, you know.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're just not gonna be able to make jokes about them.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: We have a ton of jokes, particularly about Vladimir Putin.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I hate to throw them away, you know.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I maybe we can use them somehow.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, once it gets to the new year, I don't want to be accused of being, you know, one of those enemy from within guys and could end up in jail and because we told a joke, so we certainly don't want that to happen to us.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe we should use the safe period to tell a few of these jokes, get our money's worth, oh yeah, throw the west away, the rest away and burn them.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we gotta burn them.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we can't because if they're found, ooh, ooh, very bad.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I think, Steve, you're you're just really much better at these than I am.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you should kick off the first Putin joke.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'll I'll kick it off, but promise me that if I get deported back to Peoria, that you'll write me.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: I see that one coming here.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm writing you right now in advance.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know my address yet, but just general delivery, Peoria, Illinois.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'll I'll get it eventually.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So let me pull one of these out here.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Putin jokes basically are divided into three areas.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: There are Ukraine jokes, there are Putin doing bad things jokes, and then of course Putin involved in murder of some sort.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the murder is directed outward, and sometimes it's directed toward him, you know, if if you know what I mean.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: They're all a little dangerous, but ironically, I bet if you asked Putin, he'd get the biggest kick out of the jokes about murder.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, not his murder, but certainly other political leaders, he'd probably laugh hysterically about those.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: So why don't we start with Ukraine jokes?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, and that's a good idea because those jokes are just gonna go stale at some point because you know, as soon as Ukraine is forced to settle and whatever is left of their country is seized by Russia, then there won't be any use for those jokes.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: You'll always have the other jokes.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, let's get the Ukraine jokes out of the way first.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: All right, cool.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Vladimir Putin is consulting a fortune teller.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: He asks the fortune teller, How long will I live?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the fortune teller says, I cannot tell, but I do know that you will die on a Ukrainian holiday.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: So Putin says, Wow, hey, which holiday?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Fortune teller says, Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of both a Putin death joke and a Ukrainian.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so Joey, okay, he wrote some good ones.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I got another Ukraine one here that's just really, really looking looking good here.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: So Putin's making he's he's visiting a grade school.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Once again, on the good side of the voters, you know, future voters, because hey, kind of a photo op thing.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and future voters, he he's he's gonna be there for a while, so you know.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it was he's telling them about how Russia is a powerful nation and what's best for people.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: And at the end of his talk, there's a he's got some time for questions.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: So little Alina puts her hand up and says, I have a two questions, Mr.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Putin.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why did the Russians take Crimea and why are we sending troops to Ukraine?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Putin says, Good questions, little girl.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: He's about to answer, but then wouldn't you know the lunch bell goes off, kids all go to lunch.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: So when they come back, you know, Putin's still there, he waits, he has lunch out there, and he comes back, they sit back down and says, Okay, let's let's pick back up with the questions.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, Tatiana puts her hand up and says, I have four questions.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: My questions are, why did the Russians invade Crimea?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Why did the bell go 20 minutes early?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: And where is Alina?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Asking the wrong question in the future could be very, very dangerous.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's educational.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Not only asking the wrong question about you know who, but asking the wrong question about, dare we say, the brand that looks like looks like an ex, you know what I mean?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, ooh, yeah.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to tread lightly there.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, those are good ones for sure.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want me to take a crack at you?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because hey, if you get deported back to Urbana, hey, maybe we can visit.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, and again, just for the record, I'm reading these.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't write them.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even in favor of telling them, but it's probably a good idea to at least test the waters a little bit.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So oh yeah.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'll burn most of them when we're done.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, oh yeah, you know.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, so here's one.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Putin and Biden are talking on the phone.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Putin says, you know, Joe, I had this dream a few days ago.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Biden says, Oh, really?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of dream?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Putin says, I saw America in flames, nuclear warhead crater where the Capitol used to be, New York leveled Los Angeles covered with human ash.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was glorious, Joe.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I I nearly teared up.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And Biden, who was pretty alert on this day, um says it was a good day.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Says, that's kind of a weird dream, Vlad.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I actually had one as well a couple days ago.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Putin says, Tell me about that dream.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Putin says, Well, I was in Moscow.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was brilliant again, full of dancing laughter, people driving fancy imported cars again, uh, wearing the latest fashion, designer clothes, very European, very international, just like it was before all of the sanctions.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And there were neon lights and slogans everywhere.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: They were just too bright to ignore.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And Putin said, What did they say on the neon signs?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And Putin says, How the fuck should I know?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't speak Ukrainian.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's one that might be salvageable because it it describes America just how Putin dreams about it would be.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it you know, describes you know Russia in a very positive way.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you may have to take out Ukraine and put in, I don't know, China or you know.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: China would work, yeah.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or or Mexico or something like that.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: But depends on where you're telling me.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: If you're telling it over there, China, if you're telling it over here, Mexico.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Sort of a a good news story and gives a shout out to to their and our new friend, China.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, it kind of works.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, you see any others here you like?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: There are still a few, but why don't you take a crack at one?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I'll take a crack at this.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, like Jeff, oh, Peoria's call it.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm getting deported for this.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now, training of quite as you can imagine, it's exhaustive training.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh very challenging.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: They they want the best of the best.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's the last day of training.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: The instructor separates three men, puts them in three separate rooms, calls them one by one into the hallway.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: First one he calls out, Sergeant Andreyev.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Sergeant Andreyev, Sergeant, behind that door is President Putin.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: He is alone and without protection.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: On the table is a gun.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: You are to shoot him and then report back to me.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: So Sergeant Andreyev goes into the room, closes the door.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Two minutes pass.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Sergeant comes back out, he says, Sir, my respect and admiration for our leader and the protector of Russia is too great, and I will not shoot him.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Trainer says, Very good, Sergeant.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Return to the room, tell no one of what happened here.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Tell Sergeant Brusilov to come out.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: So Brucev comes out, Sergeant says, Sergeant, behind that door is President Putin.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: He is alone and without protection.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: On the table is a gun.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: You are to shoot him and then report back to me.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: So Sergeant Bruceelov goes into the room, closes the door.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two minutes later, there's a sound of a gun being fired.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: So Bruce Lov walks back out, says, Sir, my respect and admiration for our leader and protector of Russia is too great.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I chose instead to shoot myself in the foot, but the gun was loaded with blanks, so it's just it's kind of swollen.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it look looks bad.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: But very good, Sergeant.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Return to the room, tell no one what happened here, and send Sergeant Pavlachenko out.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: So Sergeant Pavlachenko comes out, and the trainer says, Sergeant Pavlachenko, behind that door is President Putin.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: He is alone and unprotected.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: On the table is a gun.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: You are to shoot him and then report back to me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: So Sergeant Pavlachenko goes into the room, closes the door.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Two minutes pass.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: There's a pop of a gun.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Then six more.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's a sound of glass breaking, wood shattering, all this noise.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so Pavlachenko goes back out and Sir, the gun was loaded with blanks.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: But luckily, I was able to beat him to death with a chair.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: I just, I don't know.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's worth getting deported for.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: You had me uh beat the shit out of him and kill him.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there was pretty funny.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: That was a good one.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Here's one.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: After an hour, he loses his patience and yells, Putin is to blame for this.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna go to the Kremlin and kill him.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: 30 minutes later, he's back in line at the ATM.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you here again?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Someone says in line.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And he says, The line in front of the Kremlin to kill Putin was twice as long as this one.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: I bet, yeah.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Not bad.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Not bad, not bad.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, you know, bad, but not bad, but not bad, you know.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I would never say it.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I saw a short word here.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Joey wrote a lot of those quick ones.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is kind of a quick one, you know?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so what's the difference between Putin and Hitler?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hitler knew when to kill himself.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Another good short word here.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: A little bit longer, but still pretty short, you know.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: So Putin is visiting Estonia, and the immigration officer says, Name Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Address the Kremlin, Moscow, Russia.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Immigration officer says, occupation?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Putin says, no, this time just for a visit.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Very interesting old banger joke, you know?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a nice one.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Those are both really good.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: A few more before they send both of us off to Siberia.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the equivalent of that would be in the US.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it'd be Peoria and Urbana, you know.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, that's yeah, I mean that Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: A Russian truck driver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: He sees a policeman walking down the line, uh, stopping cars to briefly talk to all the drivers.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: As the policeman approaches the truck, the truck driver rolls down the window and asks, What's going on here?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the policeman said, A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in his car.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: So we're asking drivers for donations.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: The driver asks, How much do you want as a donation on average?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the policeman said, About a gallon.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And some matches, if you think of it, you know.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And some matches.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, here's another one.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Putin, Biden, and Zelensky were all in a hot air balloon when suddenly they start to lose altitude.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says, Don't worry, I've got much more of that in my country anyway.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then Biden throws out an AR-15 and says, Don't worry, I've got many more of these AR-15s back in my country anyway.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, Zelensky throws Putin out of the balloon and says, Don't worry, I've got too much of that in my country anyway.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: The sad part, I think this is the part that Putin may have added, is that I think so.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, is that unfortunately the hot air balloon crashed anyway because of the massive weight of Zelensky's balls.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, he's gonna need those, I'll tell you.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think you're right about that.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we might too, unfortunately.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, Jeff, it's as the year is ending and we're about to start a new year, and yeah, there's a lot of uncertainty and a lot of a lot of things people are worried about.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's just hope for the best and remember that what's funny is funny, and we we can make funny great again.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: We really can.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: I and I know we will.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just look forward to a funny new year and happy new year, Jeff, to you, your family, and certainly to all of all of our let's just face it, Jeff, the millions of listeners.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just face it.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, yeah, back at you, Steve.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, I have a good feeling about next year, although that could be because I just lit up a joint.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, um, but I still feel like even when I come down, yeah, sure.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, but even even when I come down, I feel like it'll be a good year.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to wish you and your family and Miss Claire and of course Johnny, uh, our announcer, not all the other Johnny's.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not the 5,000 friends of mine that are named Johnny, right?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to wish you all the best, and I I really am optimistic that next year is going to be a great year, and we'll find a way to make it great again.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I think we should provide some New Year's joy to our listeners, and I think just the man to do that is our back from vacation announcer, Johnny.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: What New Year's joy can you give to our listeners?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Our listeners will get all they need for the coming year, whether they want it or not.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Each of them will become an honorary member of the nation's best involuntarily non-for-profit organization, First Americans First.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Our laughing listeners will have the privilege of sending their money to support important elites and other deviants so they can keep taking money from us.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that what makes the world go round?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, you get deep, deep, Arnold bomber sized discounts on such valuable items as personally autographed Bitcoin, redacted Bibles, used steaks, shuttered casinos, freshly laundered and starch cash.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: The deals literally never stop, even when you ask them nicely.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: All yours from the Y brand of companies because they own it all.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: This has been an FAFO production in association with Imperium Media.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not nervous about the new year.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Steve's mom and I will be just fine.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And if we do get deported, hey, I just get deported to Broadway and Lawrence.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Come visit, and we'll get some pop off at the Green Mill.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Happy New Year! Good night.