Latest / Just & Joyful with Kristin Carver Smith / Welcome to Just & Joyful: The Emotional Essay that Inspired this Podcast
Transcript
- Kristin Carver Smith: Hi, hi, hi. Hello and welcome to the very first episode of Just and Joyful with Kristin Karversmith. I am your host, Kristin or KCS as people often call me. You may know me as the CEO and founder of the New Fashion Co. Or as a publicist. ⁓ I've spent the last decade helping people, clients. through a number of really incredible campaigns and projects and media headlines and stages and it's been such a treat. This space is different and you may also recognize that I have Angelina Burkholder here with me. Angelina is actually the former president of the New Fashion Co. Angelina, say hi. We are so happy to have you here. Angelina and I go way back for those of you ⁓ who may not have interacted with us at the New Fashion Co. Angelina and I have actually been working together for, Angelina is it almost 10 years? which is just, it's just so wild. It's so wild. It's so wild. And I think about us, I have a very y'all aside, I have a very ⁓ lovely mental image. ⁓ Someone had taken a picture of Angelina and I like ⁓ Kermit the frog typing on a couch at an agency that she and I used to work at back in the day. And like, Angelina, it's just, it's so sweet for me to look at that. photo even mentally to just kind of see it it's like burned in my brain and think about who we were at that moment and who we are right now. Mmm. Yes. And I don't think that you could have told us then, right? Sitting on that couch, what we would do, what we, who we would go on to work with, like the things that we would try and experiment with. ⁓ yeah. So it's just, what a treat. And so to give you sort of behind the scenes, we had been talking about this podcast about Justin Joyful, because we've said for forever that The new fashion code's mission was to create a more just and joyful world. That's also sort of my personal mission. Like it is the sort of yardstick that I measure everything by. ⁓ it, if it's not creating more just and joyful world, why am I doing it? And so we've been playing around with the idea of this podcast for a long time. And it just, it just felt like there were so many times that I was like, okay, this is the moment. Like it's, happening. It's coming to fruition. And then for one reason or another, it. it didn't. And I feel like today it makes a lot of sense to me now why Justin Joyful was not born until this particular moment. And I think it has so much to do with what I had originally hoped that this podcast would be is so different than what it's become. And I think what it's become is this, you know, our goal is to really strip away this prescriptive take on mental health and really to instead offer stories and experiences, including my own, that are full of nuance. And so this podcast is really about featuring experts from a variety of fields and, you know, folks who are going to cover the specifics of mental health at play in every facet of, of, of life, whether it's style, whether it's voice, whether it's workplace dynamics and relationships and You know, I think this was born out of my own mental health journey and I'm going to share something with you all today that, ⁓ There's only a handful of folks that know. ⁓ And it just, it felt like this particular story, my journey has really been the catalyst for, I really want to bring a lot of these conversations that I'm having behind the scenes. I want to bring them out into the light. I want to talk about the things that we don't talk about with the hopes that. We don't have to live in isolation and that we again get to explore what does both and sort of look like. And so this place, like I will tell you, this place is not going to be, you know, we're not going to have quick fixes here. Like we're going to have folks, including myself, including Angelina on to talk about what their experiences have looked like, the things that have helped them, the people that have helped them, the practices that have helped them. But if you're listening to this and you're saying like, I just want like five quick ways to blah, blah. This is actually not going to be the space. So I would encourage you like this is a good time to jump off if that's not necessarily appealing to you. So this is really gonna be a place for honest discussions about mental health that's really meant for us to feel less alone and for each one of us to get curious and go back from the space and ask. ask ourselves questions that are prompted from, you know, the incredible experiences of the folks that we're going to have on. I want people to know who are listening right now. I am such a testament to healing as possible. And I think when I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I hope that that like, it like reverberates in your bones. That like, if, If this is possible for me, this is so possible for you. Okay, so. ⁓ I want to also say before I share that ⁓ started out writing as a piece, as an essay. And so I am actually going to read what I wrote. ⁓ I don't make a practice of ⁓ like, we talk like not having a script and so I don't usually make a practice out of like, let me read to you from my script. But I thought ⁓ one, this is important. ⁓ because it's a, it's a tough tell. and I think when we do scary things, when we share scary, hard truths, ⁓ having a script is actually nice because our bodies are going to do some things. And so, you know, my body might do some things, right? So I wanted to have that ready and available for myself. ⁓ I also thought that it was really, really important that you all hear this in my own voice. ⁓ and so that is, I think that's probably the biggest reason I actually was chatting with Angelina. ⁓ she so lovingly helped me edit this. And, you know, right before we sort of talked about publishing this, I said to Angelina, like, actually think I need to read this. Like, I actually think that this is the first episode of the podcast and that I really want to kick things off, ⁓ with this story. And so. I wanted to give you all a little insight, a little behind the scenes to like how this came to be. And so I'm to go ahead and read this now. It's been a year and a half since I decided to sunset my PR agency. Even writing that sentence feels odd. On the one hand, I can't believe it's been that long. And on the other hand, I know that sunsetting the new fashion co and its previous iteration was just giving way to the sunrise of what was possible for it to become. I was a publicist for more than a decade, working on projects as varied as a paint color swatch book. I relished the opportunity to build relationships with individuals, media outlets, with organizations and with the public. And I adored hearing and discovering new stories, helping to shape them and shining a spotlight on them. At the heart of it all is... A love of humans and the connective transformative power of seeing even the tiniest bit of ourselves and our experiences and the life and story of someone else. Of knowing we're not alone. That part hasn't changed for me one bit, but my how has. If I'm honest with you, the shift began in 2022 and followed me into 2023. The sustainability that I was helping to create for the people we represented wasn't happening for myself and probably even my own team. Sure. we had unlimited PTO. We worked remotely, we had four day work weeks with flexible hours, and we even implemented an initiative called Reset Periods. These mandatory three week fully offline and unavailable periods were meant to help us truly unplug, reset, and restore after spending the better part of our weeks consuming endless amounts of news and content with the aim of determining where to best place our clients and their stories. We did all of these things and I won't sell ourselves short. They were wonderful efforts. Despite all the workplace changes we made to protect our wellbeing, I found myself terribly burned out and simultaneously outgrowing the profession that I'd had for so long. However, I kept showing up day in and day out because I didn't wanna let my clients or my team and their families down. But not letting people down isn't a strategy for sustainable success. At the end of 2023, I told my team the truth. I was tired. In fact, I was exhausted and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do this work anymore. I was both encouraged and saddened to hear that they felt similarly. We were all tired. Collectively, we had endured a global pandemic and spearheading the comms through that time for so many while also trying to survive the triumphs and traumas in our own lives had taken a distinct toll. We all agreed that something had to shift. We also agreed that we were somehow at peace walking into the uncertainty of a new year and whether we'd still be the new Fashion Co. Then in the final days of 2023, one of our largest client contracts was put on pause for 2024 as the organization grappled with funding. I was devastated and relieved all at once. I think the team felt the same. I communicated the contract loss to them at the top of 2024 and we knew what that meant. Our new chapter was here. From then on, I set up conversations with our clients and I told them transparently that we wouldn't be providing comm services for the foreseeable future. I sobbed as I told them, many of whom were dear friends and like family to us still are, and said that I didn't know what was ahead for us. I wanted them to know though that it's okay. not to know. I hope to even model it for them. It's okay to take a break, to pause, and to not know what's next no matter how painful it might be. I sat in awe as so many of them held us, supported us, loved us, cheered for us as we embarked on a new chapter. I remember writing this note down at the same time. Sometimes people are as wonderful as you'd hoped they'd be. Over the next few months, I worked closely with my finance, HR, and operations team to help us determine the necessary steps to descale the business. I met with my team members to get goals. from each one of them that I could take back to finance and HR so we could prepare the best packages and options for them. It was a dizzying time, but one for which I remained and still remain in deep gratitude. We always challenged ourselves with a new fashion code to embody and approach every situation from a new fashion standpoint. What's the just and joyful version of this? We'd ask when faced with a new project or a challenge. It was the same approach we took during that season of change for ourselves. I smile thinking about how we sunset the new fashion co in a just and joyful manner and in a way in which we could all be proud. While I was professionally shifting and unsure of what was next, my personal life was in flux. What I'm gonna share with you next is hard and potentially triggering for domestic violence victims as well as victims of religious extremism. So I wanna pause here and if you need to jump off, I totally understand. if you're at a place where you can listen on, I encourage you to do so. I'm a child survivor or is my... dear friend and domestic violence prevention advocate, Dr. Ramona Probasko says, overcomer of domestic violence. my heart breaks for anyone who has had to walk this road of healing and recovering from abuse. And I hope you know, you are not alone. I share this with you because in 2021 and 2022, my husband and I unfortunately encountered an abusive situation that rehashed all of the trauma that I had survived as a child. The progress and healing that I thought I had made were disrupted. I knew I had PTSD and that it was activated by the situation that we were in, but I was in survival mode and I couldn't think clearly. To make matters worse, I was leading my company through a high growth season and the hours and pressure were enormous. I can see now that I should have taken a leave of absence, sought out therapeutic support and swiftly escaped the toxicity that we were living through. However, hindsight is 2020 and abuse is insidious. I remember when my husband and I sat down and gave ourselves a deadline to get out of that place. We prayed for another career opportunity that would move us swiftly, but also agreed that if it didn't come, that we would move ourselves. So a few months went by and I had started to look at other places for us to live when my husband actually got a promotion. that would relocate us to another state, a miracle, a literal miracle. We cried and felt the beginnings of relief. We eventually escaped the danger, but the trauma and instability brought about by that situation were compounded as my husband and I continued to move around for his job throughout 2022 and 2023. The company that he worked for went through a reorganization and things continued to sort of shift under our feet. was so dizzying, I felt untethered, lost even, but I just kept telling myself I was fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. I even chalked the constant tiredness and procrastination on simple tasks up to laziness. I'm just lazy, I need to be more ambitious, I need to be more disciplined. These are the lies that I told myself over and over as I tried to force my way through. the trauma and the flashbacks of what we had survived. And during that season, the years in which I felt I was walking through wilderness and refinery simultaneously, I held really tight to my faith. I've always been a woman of faith and I believe it's what we helped. It's what helped me survive all of the challenges that life has thrown my way. And it's what has really fueled my hope and optimism. And during that season, I needed all the hope and the optimism that I could get. And in addition to my faith, I was holding really tightly to my music. That is what helped me survive, soothe myself through that time. And so as I was holding tightly to both, faith in music. I drew close to other people of faith. I confided in them about how I was feeling and what I was struggling with. And I asked them to pray with me while I prayed on their behalf too. I was desperate for community that I could feel safe with. And I didn't expect that in the process of seeking that out that I would encounter abuse again. I'm not ready to share the details from that chapter of my life. They're really hard and painful and nuanced and much of it still feels fresh for me because I'm still healing and processing through it all. But here's what I do want to tell you in late 2024. I was hospitalized for five days for a mental health emergency. And following my hospitalization, I decided to continue therapeutic support with partial hospitalization for two weeks. I followed that with another five weeks of intensive outpatient therapy and weekly appointments with my incredible therapist, Emily Garoulas, whom I see to this very day. Why am I sharing this? Why am I telling you about this? First, I know I'm not alone in experiencing hard things. In fact, my eyes have been opened to who we think ends up in psychiatric hospitals and therapeutic programming versus who actually does. Second, I hope that by sharing this that others feel permission to take leave sooner rather than later, to heal now and not wait. to turn up the volume when your inner voice says that something isn't right instead of turning it down and trying to push through. Three, I missed being here. I really did online with you writing, connecting, talking. I really did. I missed the very real friendships and connections that I've forged across the interwebs and beyond. And I wanted to tell you a little bit about why I was away. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Four, I hope that... Sharing more of my story of sunsetting, evolving, surviving, breaking down, breaking through, rebuilding and reemerging helps encourage you as you walk through your journey because none of it is linear. My gosh, I wish that it was. It's not. Five, I want other leaders to know that having a mental health crisis does not mean you are less than. or that you could never have ambition again. My ambition is re-emerging in new intentional ways and I'm excited to explore this and share with you the new shapes that it's taking and has taken along the way. Six, I also want leaders who have experienced mental health crises to know this. And it's something I've struggled with myself. You are not less qualified, less trustworthy, less capable or less anything because of your experience. Needing help, getting help, taking time away for help, asking for help and choosing to do the work each and every day takes an incredible amount of courage. I was still working when I had a mental health emergency and I had to halt everything. My loved ones and my friends, including Angelina, stepped up and stepped in. And after a long period of rest and recovery, I'm working again. Yeah, I'm working again. It's a different pace and it's different work, yet I am joyfully working again. And if you've wondered if this is possible for you too, I'm literally living proof that it is. And lastly, I am sharing this with you because I'm ready to begin letting you in on my new chapter of both the new Fashion Co as well as me, Kristen Garber-Smith. It's filled with music, with producing, with comms, talent, representation. It's a return and an expansion all at once. And so I'm gonna wrap this up, but. I know there's so much more to say, there's gaps to fill in. You probably have questions even as you've listened. There are more lessons learned to be shared and I'll be speaking and singing and writing about this journey in the weeks, months and years ahead and sharing the details. I think this is really, really important, but sharing the details I feel moved to share while holding tightly to the rest. And I encourage you to do the same as you think about sharing your own story. I've always said that no one owes anyone their context and that if someone does share it, it is a gift. So I know that I don't owe anyone this context. I don't have to share or say any of these things, but I'm hoping by sharing some of these parts that it will help you. It will help others know that they're not alone. For now, thank you for holding me as you listen to this. ⁓ As you watch this, I'm sending so much love to every single one of you, so much gratitude, and I just want you to know that you're not alone. Y'all, have asked Angelina to be here with me to sort of virtually hold my hand. So, you know, not only will Angelina be, you know, showing up on some of these episodes and is helping me produce them, but just as a friend, I think that when we do scary things, it's so nice when we have someone go with us, hold our hand. And so that's what I asked Angelina to be here with me to do today is just virtually hold my hand as I shared something scary. And so I just, I also want this to be, you know, a note for anyone listening and watching of it's okay. There are gonna be some scenarios in which, yes, we legitimately do have to go at it alone. Fine. ⁓ But there's also like there's an opportunity for us to call someone before we have to do the hard thing and say like can you give me a pep talk and then there's also Scenarios in which we literally get to take someone with us and say like can you stand by me while I do this thing? Can you be in the room? Can you be there virtually for me, right? And there's there is no shame in that And so I just want to say thank you Angelina for being here for being such a wonderful friend and I am hopeful that our listeners, that our viewers also have people like you in their orbit who will come, will answer the call to virtually hold their hand, right, when they need it. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Me too, me too. I feel relief. There's a lot of relief and just, you know, I feel like I've carried this huge secret. Like I feel like I've like. I feel like I've just been moving through the world with this like, ⁓ gosh, people don't know, like they're gonna, it wasn't even feeling that like they're gonna find out. It just felt like there was a part of me that wasn't being true, that wasn't being honest or authentic. And so I've had to wrestle with that of like, I do think that we live in a world and a culture that like begs for. 100 % transparency and like visibility into our lives of like, you know, let me see what you're making for breakfast level. Right. And so I feel like when you have that like sort of like cultural norm, some of the impacts of that can be, you know, that you feel like you have to share everything and that you're hiding something when you don't. And so, you know, I wrestled with that sometimes, but I think you I have arrived at this really healthy place of wanting to, you know, quote unquote, tell the truth more so not because I feel like I owed it to anybody or because I feel like the world demands it of me, but more because it felt like I'm at a place where I want to help others. I keep having these conversations behind the scenes with people who are like, you know, when I do feel comfortable and safe to share this with them once that I do, they're like, ⁓ my gosh, I had this family member who's going through that or this person in, you know, in this workplace is navigating this, or I just got this text from this CEO who's, you know, navigating this as well and doesn't have anybody to turn to because it just, feels so isolating. And so it feels like a relief to be able to say it and share it. And then there's, I also feel like an, an enormous like amount of gratity, of, ⁓ What is the word I'm looking for? Gratitude, Gratity. Y'all see, this is what I'm talking about. We're going to be really unfiltered. Okay. Gratitude is the word that I'm looking for. ⁓ and like pride, like I'm very proud of myself, like for doing this work. I'm so proud of myself and that I'm still standing here. Like so proud. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think the word that comes to mind or the sort of phrase that comes to mind having been in the PR world for so long is tell-all. The tell-all story, right? The book is a tell-all. The interview is a tell-all, right? And I'd like, I think that we have, there's, you know, a certain part of us that like, we love the tell-alls because There's this like, finally feel like we're invited into the behind the scenes of some of the worlds. Like I think if, you know, maybe a celebrity or so, or someone we respect and admire, household names, things like that. But it's like, we're invited into their world in a very vulnerable personal way. ⁓ you know, I think that's, again, I think that's like extremely generous of someone anytime they wanna do that. But I don't think it's owed. I don't think they have to. And I feel the same way for my own story of, you know, there are going to be things that are, that I always keep right here in my heart, right? Or that, you know, live in my mind in terms of the experiences. And, ⁓ you know, I, I encourage our listeners of, we talk a lot, ⁓ behind the scenes about, we want this podcast to be, we want it to be helpful and not harmful. And I think, you know, that speaks to, also sort of speaks to this, this, you know, idea of just and joyful of, as Angelina said, of ⁓ sharing our context that there is a version of that, that can be just for ourselves and can be just for others. And then there's this other part too, where we consider like, This feels just and joyful for me. actually does. Sharing this story in this way feels just and joyful for me. Is it hard? Absolutely. Do I wish these things would have never happened? Also, yes. And then there are standing and sitting and being in front of you all today, I am so full of joy too for the human that I have become as a result of having to walk through things that weren't always fair, weren't always fun, were hard, right? And I know many of you all have encountered similar situations. I'm not the only person, right? I know that, because I'm sitting amongst so many other folks in those rooms, the, you know, partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient. I sat next to so many different kinds of people, so many... different backgrounds, ages, you name it, right? And it's like, this is not a singular experience. And I just want folks to know that and feel a sense of, like, yeah, I'm at least, I'll say this really quickly. I saw where Lady Gaga, you know, recently ⁓ said that she, you know, experienced psychosis. ⁓ I think it was around the time that she was filming A Star Is Born. And I remember seeing that and going like, it happened to Lady Gaga, you know? And it's arguably one of the best performances of her career. And that album is insane. And the music that she wrote is insane, right? And so oftentimes we think of like, we think of these really hard... moments and the juxtaposition is that they're often next to these really big things. And so I just, I want our listeners and our viewers to know that too, is that it's a lot of both and happening. Hmm. Yeah, no, it's a good question. I think it's looked very start and stop, to be honest. It's looked like waking up some days and going, today is the day. I'm telling, I'm telling it today. And then going, wait, hold on. Let me, I have a sounding board of folks, whether it's friends like you, Angelina, it's, know, my husband, Nick, ⁓ my brother, like I have like a handful of people that when I feel like I'm going to do something big, scary, I don't know, whatever, I'll run it past them, right? And so there were times where I was like, today's the day, and then I would have those conversations and I'd be like, hmm, huh, okay, maybe today's not quite the day, but it did feel like every day I was getting a little bit closer and I really tried to honor the sort of flow of this, of like, sharing now with this particular time feels so sweet. It feels so aligned. It doesn't feel forced. and so I think, you know, that was, that was always kind of happening in the background of like, how about now? you know, a sort of start and stop. I think I also like many of our, you know, many of the folks listening and watching, I really struggled with like, I want everything to be perfect. for when I say these things because it's already hard enough. The last thing I want is worrying about like, well, my teeth aren't as white as I want them to be. Like, I know that these things sound like super minuscule and petty and probably vain, if I'm honest. ⁓ But like, these are the things that like the inner critic in my head was saying of like, well, you know, but your hair isn't colored yet, but you haven't... lost xyz pounds yet, but like, what about the perfect top for it and you're not more healed. And so it's like, I was battling a lot of those thoughts. And I think anytime we're going for, you we're going to do something that feels like, I love the word scared-sided, right? But it's like, anytime we feel like we're going to do the scared-sided thing, it's like, we just naturally go to like, let me get everything perfectly in place. I mean, even like, You know, I'm not in quote unquote, this space that I thought that I would be in, in recording this, you know, episode and conversation. And so I think like our impetus can be, let me wait till I have the perfect background. Let me wait till I've like had all of the like, you know, speech lessons and you know, let me wait till, you know, someone says like, you're so healed to be able to say it and share it and I feel like I'm at a great place and I'm just having to continue to push back a little bit on the inner narrative or that inner critic that can be such an asshole. If we're just really honest, they can just be such an asshole. So my go-to has been, I hear you, that's not really helpful right now. I'd like for you, the driver's seat is not where you get to sit right now. I'm gonna ask you to move to the back and we don't need to hear from you right now. So it's not, I feel like it's a loving, we're good. Because I do think that sometimes it can be helpful, right? Sometimes it can be helpful to be like, Hey, we take a second look at that, right? Or like, have you thought about this? Right? It's like, I know that it's coming from a place like this critic is coming from a place of protection. I'm trying to protect you. And I don't need that right now slash your form of protection is sometimes cruel. And some of it is like culturally informed and not actually like human informed. Right? So I think that's how I'm talking to her. And you know, she can be a lot. She can be a lot. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, which how exciting that we will eventually have inner child experts on to talk about that, right? Like she still needs healing, right? And when, and when she rears her head in those ways, right? It's, think a reminder of that and like a good like cue of, okay. All right. We, we, we might need to like check in on that. might have to put you in a booster. You might go in the car seat. I don't know. You know, you might have to face the other direction for your safety. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I think I'm really hopeful that we will have more conversations around mental health as it pertains to our experiences in the workplace, our experiences outside of the workplace. And I think that I've seen this show up for me in so many different ways, right? It touches everything. so whether that is like I have noticed that when I was, know, during those years from like 2021 to 2023, like there was, there were things that were happening with my style of, you know, times where I was like, I'm gonna, I'm channeling these emotions into this. And then times where I noticed like my style was sort of reflective of like the hiding and maybe even lack of safety that I was feeling. And so it's like, don't think we always talk about that and the impact that that can have on us. ⁓ So I'm excited to have some of those conversations. I've experienced the power of, you know, writing, whether that's songwriting, whether that's like writing reps, whether that's writing poems, like how healing that has been for me and how it's helped me process really hard things. So I'm excited for us to talk about that and what it looks like to put. pen to paper a bit more and bringing experts on to talk about the benefits of that. I think I'm also really looking forward to bringing experts on to obviously talk about domestic violence, what some of those behaviors and red flags and things can look like. I think that we unfortunately, we're humans having tough experiences and we show up at work with those things, right? And so it's like, how do we actually navigate that when we get into those spaces? How do we help ourselves? How do we help other people? So I'm excited for us to have those types of conversations too. I'm also excited for this to be a place where, you know, I have a number of like exciting music projects happening and to give people a sort of first look here. ⁓ at some of those songs, that some of the lyrics, the stories behind the music as well. That has been how I have processed so much of the last year and a half is, is writing and quite literally singing through it. Right. So, ⁓ so I'm, I'm super excited about the conversations that we're going to be having here. And I also like, quite frankly, I get to talk with and Angelina, you do too. Like we get to talk with the coolest people and we have for forever. And I can't tell y'all how many times that we were like, why didn't we just hit record on that conversation and just publish it because that was freaking epic. And we've just had like such a front seat to people who are changing. paradigms who are shifting worldviews who are just like doing such incredible just and joyful work in the world and creating a more just and joyful world in their corner and to let people in on those conversations in like a very I don't know. I hope that y'all feel even in listening to this of we're not perfect. We're not polished. We know how to do it. It's an active choice for us to say like, what does it look like to to really be real and again, push back against some of those notions that you have to show up in a very specific way in order to gain respect and blah, blah, all those things, right? And so ⁓ I'm really excited. It's gonna be deep and it's gonna be fun. I want folks, I feel like when we say like, we're gonna talk about mental health, people are like, well, I don't wanna do that today. Like I'm not, that feels really heavy and it's like, There's a reason that we say just and joyful. Like every episode is still going to end on a, like we are bent toward optimism. Like we are bent toward joy. It doesn't negate the experiences or the trauma that we have had and that our guests have experienced and that the world experiences. But it's just like, this is what we are always bent toward. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Mm. Hmm. I think it looks like for me, it's actually a lot of crying. I am crying so much. It is, it's like, it's just annoying. And I think it's a, it's like my body keeps telling me that I need to cry. So I'm just honoring that it wants to cry. And also it's like, I feel so much better after I do it, after it happens. And when I tell you I'm crying a lot, I mean, like I can be crying about grief. I can be crying about, you know, I'm watching the Taylor Swift era's docu-series right now. And I was just sobbing watching the fans, like just watching the, you know, I cry when I see other people cry. So it's like, that's happening all the time. And it just, feels like after years of trying to like stuff the tears back and keep them down, that it's like, my body's like, we are a fountain and I'm just going to come out all the time. And so that crying actually feels really just and really joyful for me right now. Yeah. We have. I love that you love crying. Yeah. Mmm... yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so grateful that I have a crying mentor to help guide and lead me because it's so uncomfortable for me. Like I'm still getting, you know, and then sometimes I'll like, fine, like I'm like, I need to excuse myself. Like, so I'm just, so I look forward to gleaning your wisdom around the tears. Yeah. Yeah. Mmm. I think I'm just, I'm so grateful for the journey that we have had thus far, for the journey that I've had thus far, whether again, it's, you know, folks who have known us at the new fashion co or, you know, friends, family members, other colleagues that we've worked with, like folks that we admire. I'm so grateful for the time that I've had with them. And I'm so excited for this next chapter that we're embarking on. And I think I really hope that this space is one where, you know, I was joking with you, ⁓ before we jumped on about, I really want like people to be able to like, you can roll up in your heels or roll out of bed and your sweats. Like this gets to be that space where all of that is welcome. And, ⁓ I'm so interested to in hearing from folks of like, you know, DM me on socials ⁓ of topics that you want to talk about, scenarios, guests that you'd like to have on or hear from, folks that you think embody just and joyful, but you'd love to hear us have a conversation with them and unpack that a little bit further. So I'm so open to that because I just want this to be helpful. I hate... You know, I've said this a million times and I say it to clients too, of like, I hate noise for the sake of noise. And so if it is not helping folks, if it's not helping you, ⁓ that is actually not that just and joyful for me and for us. And so please feel free to reach out. ⁓ My response time is wishy washy, but I'll be. I'll be really candid, yes, but it will be seen and it is appreciated. It really is. So thank you, thank you, thank you. This is such a treat for us. Cannot wait for the episodes that we have coming up and the guests that we've got planned. More to