Latest / Into The Mud Podcast / Ep. 88: Eliot Glazer is a VERY Bad Gay (and Maybe You Are, Too)

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Ep. 88: Eliot Glazer is a VERY Bad Gay (and Maybe You Are, Too) · Into The Mud Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: To be on a boat, pull into a dock, and it's a loud party with shirtless guys body-to-body.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's my actual nightmare.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: We have the charming and dashing, writer and comedian extraordinaire, Elliot Glaker.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, charming and dashing makes me blush.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: We are here to talk about your book.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Gay.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: A book of comedic essays about being very bad at gay.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: Alex is a bad gay too.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: The worst gay.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I am straight.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it gets better.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you're talking about poppers.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Poppers, yep.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: So you are bad at poppers.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Bad at poppers.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: It gets better, but sometimes it still sucks.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Into the Mud Podcast.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: While others celebrate the wins, we celebrate the mud.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Alex Kuman.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Drew King, and today we have the charming and dashing writer and comedian extraordinaire, Elliot Glazer.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Hey guys.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Hi.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for coming.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Charming and dashing makes me blush.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be amazing.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Charming and dashing.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, but the blush isn't even showing up with your new bronze.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's such incredible color.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was just in uh Mexico.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Bienvenidos.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Bienvenidos.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Lovely, lovely, lovely place to be.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God, I love it.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Where was your you were just, Drew was just in Miami for what, like a full week?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I had this whole trip planned.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was supposed to go to Brazil for a month.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was going to go to Rio de Janeiro.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm like officially like a corporate, like digital nomad now.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, I can work wherever I want.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to go to Rio for a month.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to chew on some foreskin.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's going to be like a great time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: I was like thrilled about it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I show up at LaGuardia on May 1st, and they were like, oh, like, where's your visa?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh, I paid with the MasterCard.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: And they were like, no, your fucking visa to get into the country.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't know Visa.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was a new, it's a new development as of like April.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's retaliation against the administration.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: Correct.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Very much so.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it's homophobic.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it's homophobic.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Very homophobic.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: They overheard you saying chewing on foreskin.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, not today.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: How do you say no, sir, in Portuguese?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: No brigado.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, thank you.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's just now senhor.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what we'll stay with.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I could not translate chewing on foreskin.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Nor could I.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I ended up in Miami for like a week.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then I went to Colombia Medellin for like nine days, which was stunning.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: Highly recommend.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then I went to a gunquit up in Maine because that's what everyone does.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's another gay.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: This is gunk, right?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's the normal.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's the same song.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's very gay.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: See, I went to Puerto Vallarta too, but only because I was on a podcast talking about how I'm never invited on gay vacations.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not mad at it because I didn't really want to go.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: But then the tryst invited me and they were like, come have fun on us and make some videos.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went, I brought my friend H.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Allen Scott, and we went.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And H.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Allen is a dear friend of mine who also pushes me out of my comfort zone.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we were pushed.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And despite the heat, I had my neck fan, so I was okay.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: But despite the heat, it was a really good time.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really fun time.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: So it's so good to have friends that do that too.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And like even like during the trip, like being with him, I was like a little weepy because we've been friends for 20 years.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Started doing stand up here together 20 years ago, and we've been friends ever since.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, oh, I love him so much.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love my friend.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And he's such a good friend and such a good person that I was like very weepy, very like, you know, sensitive and over, but also I think a little hungover.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: So my emotions were getting the best of me.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It happens.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It totally happens.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So many margaritas.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, how many days?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Five.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Too much for me.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not because of part of Ayarta.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's just too much.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Could you do is that do you get the thing a few days in where you get anxious about being away and being away from what is it?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: What are you anxious about being away from?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: My dog.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet, sweet dog Moses.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Moses.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And what is he what kind of dog?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: He's like a lo-chen, which is a breed I'd never heard of, but he's a rescue and he's gorgeous.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And um, once I got him, I was like, what gorgeous breed is he?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he really, you know, everyone's got a different opinion.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: He's like sil, he's like gunmetal with shades of silver.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: He's beautiful.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: With eyelashes that go literally like like cartoon style all the way out.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: What kind of like what is he closest to?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like I'm so unfamiliar with it.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think he you might say lasa opso.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Lasa opso, maybe a little shitsu or something.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: He's gorgeous.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And like we actually, he's a volunteer.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: He we volunteer at the children's hospital at the time.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: I volunteer at the soup kitchen.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, I got him certified as a therapy dog because he's he's gen genuinely that way.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: He's so zen that I was like, I gotta put this to good use, you know?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So he's a certified therapy dog at the children's hospital of LA, where the nurses are every nurse, every nurse that you're every nurse that works there is like, those eyelashes, those lashes, they all want the lashes.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: They all want the lashes.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So do you put fake lashes on him before he's a little bit?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So they're like they look like falsies.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: They look like falsies, but they're just his beautiful long lashes.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I miss them, I really do.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm uh you'll probably get a picture at some point.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we'll get you a picture because we gotta add it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have to put it like when we throw our reels together.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: We have to do it that's totally fine.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, sometimes dog dad or fur baby, like those terms make me a little nauseous.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hard yeah.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I am so that.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: What's fur baby again?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's like you call your dog your fur baby.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: A little too close to Furby for exactly.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Did I ever tell you my Furby story?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: We Alex and I met studying abroad in Seville in Spain in like 1902.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I studied abroad there because my older brother, who's also gay, studied abroad in Seville.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, I want to do what Dennis did.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: When he was there, he fell in love with all the like pop culture songs that were happening at the time.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so he wanted to get like an album, and there was something that was very similar to like now music 10, but love all the Spanish songs that were there.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: What he didn't realize when he bought it until he got back to the States was that it was sung by the Furbies.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it was it was a Furbies CD of all of his favorite Spanish hits, but it was like Furby's like singing in everything.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: How ridiculous.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So he was listening to basically like the m- like Elvin and the Chipmunks version of Chipmunk's.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: One of your favorite Spanish hits.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean of Juanes.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Still Juanes.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, let's be real.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason that Kids Bop is a it's its own cottage industry.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Which I'm I am obsessed with Kids Bop because the idea of like children, yep, little children singing like censored versions of like dirty songs is the strangest phenomenon to me.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: But nothing is funnier.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, to me, nothing is funnier than kids singing like that.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I want the uncensored.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want the uncensored too.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I would love it.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Frank.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would love it.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: But them singing like mumble core.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can't get enough.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't get enough.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: What was Beyonce's like most recent hit?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, um, we're gonna get fucked up tonight.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the kids bop version is like, we're going dancing tonight.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love it so much.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's so weird.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a because then it just makes you go like, who thought, like, who thought of this?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Who wrote this?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Who produced it?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Who wrangled?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're just thinking about the soundstream.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, we're gonna take it from the top.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm obsessed.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Justin, we're not thrilled with the direction you're going.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm obsessed.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: My friend actually directed, he's a music video director, and he directed a kids' pop video, and he was like, the kids were fine.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The parents were nightmares.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: They're always nightmares, always nightmares.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Full nightmares.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: I did musical theater in Broadway for like ever, and like the stage parents.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh my God.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I got into directing, and then I was directing like a me like a Christmas show with kids in it, I was like, I'm ready to jump off a bridge here.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: You can't imagine it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I grew up on Long Island and to did like some kid theater a little bit, and just even that alone was like, maybe, maybe maybe it's just Long Island, but the competitiveness, the competition between the parents alone was like, God, it's own, it's own like shit show, truly.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what a what a It's like, hey, you guys are allowed to journal about this instead of take it out on your children and their teacher.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right in front of everybody.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: No, no shame, no shame at all.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: Truly.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Ellie, we haven't even like I know.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: We haven't even touched the book.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get, we'll get, we'll get, we'll get.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: First and foremost, we're here to promote your memoir, which we'll get to in a second.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: But we're massive fansies of Broad City.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm such a massive fan.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thank you.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: So when you guys emailed us to come on the show, I was like, oh my God.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: I freaked out.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Sydney, who's over here in the corner.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: But you're a television writer, you're also a stand-up comedian, and you're also an actor.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: So you were on Broad City.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: You starred opposite Seth Rogan in American Pickle.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: Is that what it was called?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: That was what it was called.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't seen that.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: Is it about like pickleball?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I wish.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And uh such a funny It's a very different movie than Pickleball.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's about like a Jewish pickler who like falls into a vat of pickle juice, I believe, and gets brined for like a century, maybe, or many, many together.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you were Seth.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Seth.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Seth.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: But then Seth wakes up and is met with his, I guess, grandson or great grandson, who's also played by Seth.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh it's a weird and wonderful movie.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm wacky.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Wacky.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very Jewish, yeah.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, I can't believe it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: All right, well, perfect.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: But okay, so primarily we are here to promote and talk about your book.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Which is the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad gay.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: There we go.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Which obviously borrows from a children's book.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: But switches up that last word.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we love it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: We love it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: We love it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: At first, everybody was like, like on my team, we're like, no, we're not doing that.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like a normal title.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then everybody finally, like everyone slowly got on board.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's oh cute.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I actually recently reread Uh No Good, Horrible, Terrible, and it it really hits.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: It really hits.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: A very long time.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's little boy Alex just as a real shit of a day.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: And really, like the moral of the story is like, yes, sometimes you have shitty days.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's what happens.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's what that's what life is.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like, and then at the end he got an ice cream coin.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, no.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, kind of the vibe of the book is like, yes, it gets better-ish, you know, ish.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: It gets better.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it still sucks, or it's still hard.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's yeah, that's a good thing.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's the purpose of our entire podcast as well.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Life is great, but it's also exactly the.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: What's your elevator pitch?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: Give us your elevator, like your you're okay, you're on Jimmy Fallon.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm on the Into the Mud and you're pitching, you're pitching your book.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: What's the elevator pitch go?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's basically a book of comedic essays about being very bad at gay.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just bad at gay, historically have been, and I'm just trying to do better.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: But these are the funny essays that detail that journey.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: Bad at gay.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: And perfect, perfect segue into our topic of conversation, which is being a bad gay.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: Very straightforward.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I'm also a pretty bad gay.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think Elizabeth is a bad gay too.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: The worst gay.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: I am straight.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're not a bad gay.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, also let's actually let's define Yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's just, I mean, I'm just basing it on my own life, but it really is just about feeling like I missed the first day of class when I I missed all the sort of tenets that I'm supposed to know about gay life that I just never picked up on.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to say, like, no one told me, but then I realized that was like a very bratty approach.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really just like, no, you never, you never picked up on them.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's it's been a long journey of being like, that we do we sniff that, like that, and that's it.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm assuming you're talking about poppers.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Poppers, yeah.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because are poppers new for you.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're not new.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: They're new enough for me as somebody in my early 40s, where I'm like, I just especially in my like 20s and 30s, I was like, this is I didn't even understand.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you like them?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because they make my head hurt.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I know they're for your butt, but I also am like, I disagree.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: They're not for your butt.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's a misconception.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I that's what I thought.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: They can be for your butt.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: They can be for a butt.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's to help you relax.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Just at just for a dance, too.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a good thing.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because your friend Drew made you take them at dinner.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, okay.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: We did have them over a bread basket on Fire Island.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's incredible.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: You poured them on the bread.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just the bread and the poppers.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: I like a little I like a little rush.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a little rush.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: But my question is, what is the My experience is that I sniff them, my head hurts, it smells bad, I'm dizzy, and then I want to lay down, but not even in the good way.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to lay down and close my eyes.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand how it's enjoyable to others, and I also don't understand why one does it while dancing.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's super fair, and it is chemical, so you're right.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I know then I'm crazy because I'm like, what's the rush if you're like do you Or is that the point?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: People respond.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: I think people respond differently.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think it just depends.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: It also depends on the brand.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: So it's possible you maybe just haven't found the right popper.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, I just keep saying Rush, and it's like, there's a brand called Rush.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Iconically, there's a brand called Rush.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what's the deal?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just I it's not I care, I can't, I've never found it to be enjoyable.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you are bad at poppers.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: What else are you doing?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Bad at poppers.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think about like past relationships where I've dated guys who I've called professional gays.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like they just know, like my first boyfriend just knew like what colognes to wear, what like skincare is, you know, like what are skincare routine?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't know.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, this is Syrave.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: You do this every day.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what like what this is what we use.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we shop.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like these are stores we shop.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I'm I'm just I think inherently just very scrappy and never thought about it enough.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like he was the one who was like, you gotta chill with the bootleg, the denim, the bootleg denim has to go.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like the bootleg's out.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's out.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, but it's it completes the shape.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, no, no, that's not what we do anymore.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: He had to modernize me, you know, because these are just it's not that I was plugging my ears or having some sort of like internalized homophobic response.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was you know, I wasn't protesting, I just was like, too dumb to or too uninterested, just just completely uninterested and unaware.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So those things too sense, clothes.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: He was the one who was like, We have to, we're gonna go to Fire Island on a summer share.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, How did Fire Island feel?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, talk about Fire Island.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's also intense.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's intense for me.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Pinzer Grove.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I would have liked to go to Cherry Grove.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's where we go.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's you have to go to the Grove.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's why tell me why and I say that because it's where the lesbians are.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want the lesbians and the artsy gays.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Artsy gays, ice cream, chintsey jewelry.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Drag queens pizza.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Drag queens pizza and a volleyball net.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna play, but to see it when you edit it.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: At least it exists.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: At least it exists.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And cherries on the bay is so much more of the place I want to go versus sip and twirl.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: To be on a boat and to pull into a dock, and it's a loud, a loud party with shirtless guys body to body.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's my actual nightmare.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's my nightmare.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're very similar.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is similar.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_02: I say that like one of my biggest fears in the world is uh is a large crowd of um gay men.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever seen pictures from the Atlantis cruise?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Don't even get me started.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: I have I can't tell you how many of my friends that are like, I swear you're gonna love it.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, it is not for me.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: I look at it and I get diarrhea.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: I look not for me.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: I literally look at it and I'm like bottoming the whole ship.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I can't I look at it and I'm like, I can't believe people pay I not only pay to go, it seems like a pun, like a like a punishment.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is like a if I were found guilty of crimes, they'd be like, You're going to Atlantis.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta go to Atlantis.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have to serve time.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Get to Atlantis.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: To be at sea, like on a boat.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: With I can't imagine it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: There'll be poppers in the vents.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: You'll have a headache the entire crew.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: In your cabin.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's just they're just you know, sending it through the vent.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's just being a good thing.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's a signature scent of the Atlantic.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's like there's like, it's like those little sticks in the oil in the bathroom.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just like super rough.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Popper's infuser.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it just looks like it's too much.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I know in a way, too, I want to cover myself by being like, but I'm not homophobic.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not internalized.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just general anxiety about all of that pressure.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like that too makes me a very bad gay.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I also feel like maybe I haven't been looking or listening to the right places, but I feel like a lot of people agree with us and understand it.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it's feels hard to talk about because it sounds like we're throwing others under the bus.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's very tricky.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: We talked about this in a previous episode because I'm under fire right now for a bit of a gay reel that I posted where I basically was like, if you're going to the gym, you're not going to therapy.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: And the gays are mad at me.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I wasn't it was a generalization.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you're going to the gym, give the whole slice.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: We did an episode on escapism, and I was questioning.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I wonder if a lot of gay men who like go to the gym are used like the gym as a form of escapism for them.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know, it's like they want validation, they want connection, they want love, they want intimacy, but it's, you know, in in a way of overcoming shame, they're like over pumping up at the gym instead of going to therapy and doing intrinsic work.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think, I mean, I go generalization, but I also go to therapy.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is, I mean, here's the thing.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I only found out this also is kind of relates to the book.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize for a very long time.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: In the past few years, somebody referred to gym as church.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I that made me want to quilt into like Alex Mack puddle and just crawl away.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to just die.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to quilt.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was like, oh, that encapsulates everything.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Everything.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: The gym is church for gay guys.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to die.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm part of it.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm at uh worshiping at the altar because it's you're never good enough.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it just is so exhausting.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: But again, it's you can't just say it out loud somehow makes you bad.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's just because you're you're you're you're hitting a trigger.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Pushes against a trigger.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's a trigger that you're hitting, and then that they're reacting.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: And every single person that's like clap back at me in the comments, I look at their profile, and it's 100% only shirtless picks.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: And to each their own, you know, live your life.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But like when you see a sea of flesh, I'm like, oh God.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I don't know.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, putting together some sort of social media presence is already tricky enough when you're an adult.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: But like doing so and trying to also, if you're trying to like accrue an audience knowing that flesh feeds the algorithm, to see a sea of flesh is like hard.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Flesh feeds the algorithm.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: It does, it does.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's tough.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to sell a book.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to sell a book, and it's like, yeah, my sister pushed me to like be more vulnerable if I show flesh, and it's working.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I did it.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: I sent her your screen, your your pick.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: I sent it to Alex and I was like, look at Elliot.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then you know what?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: No one forces anybody to press post.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to take accountability for it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also soul crushing because it works.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know it does.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It does work.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: We know, we know.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's sex sells.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And for a book about being an outcast, somebody was somebody commented, like, oh, the pay the paycheck clears and suddenly you're not I don't know.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Something about relatable or something.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what paycheck?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And also, what?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, like, I'm a disaster.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean, not relatable?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Read the book.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a I am a I am not a good idea.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to speak about you being a disaster.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: What w when how old were you when you came out?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: 19 or 20.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: 19 or 20.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: On on my way here, I was telling my public sin that my friend who I came out to, who was a couple years older than me, gave me a book, as a book nerd wants, uh, about coming out and how to do it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the book was so, so evil.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: What was the book called?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Don't come out.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Coming out.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Coming out.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it was like the rules I'm gonna guess based on ones created by like a very persnickety, maybe you know sassy gay.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even want to say sassy.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I want to say like like grumpy.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like a grumpy kilogene, hermogeny kilogany.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so the rules were very blunt.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so like I would go, I was a freshman at NYE when I came out.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and I was also quite unfortunate looking.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was had like a depression bloat.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was dressed like Rosie O'Donnell.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's pictures where I literally look like Rosie, like Rosie in the bad years as a freshman moving into the dorm, but I would go up and down Christopher Street reading the book about how to cruise and doing so so unsuccessfully.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: I would stop success with the coming out.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Never a successful cruise.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: There was a chapter on cruising.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's a chapter on everything, and I failed at all of them.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Every single chapter I failed at.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, I'm un unlovable and unworthy.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it got me off on the worst foot possible.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Do you still have those feelings?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're because you're clearly a hot man.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: But I know that, but like it's like the ugly duckling thing when you're like a weird, like weird-looking.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a lot of comedians.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, right?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're just like a weird-looking kids or we were like bullied or something.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think I I have confidence now, and as as a grown-up, but I still, yeah, I'm still certainly the grounding foundation is still in like a lack of a feeling of like unworthiness.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And like so, when I'm shown that type of attention, it's like I have to hold on and not let go because it's so rare.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, and then I have friends who are like, it's not.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you've dated.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: You've I've even had friends who are like, you only date hot guys.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, What what it like I I do like the that gif of the gif of that lady, like the middle of the math equation.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also but then I'm also like, who cares if they're hot?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: But then it's like, but I care if they're hot.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's such a mess.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a disaster.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a favorite like essay or chapter in here?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Or is it or is there is there any particular story that like sticks out as just like the centerpiece?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean I think for me it probably like internally I feel like an like an old lesbian.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like that's We're this literally the same person.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: I just want blankets.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want you know, I want quiet library, blankets, candles, books, you know, like like sweet wine, like a like a like a like a white white zin or like a moscato.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: I want a moscato.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Not even a Riesling.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: A Riesling is great.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: A Moscato's A Chateau Diane from the from the the bodega.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: I want juice.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's Chateau Diane.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the per like 1% alcohol content.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: Just give me juice.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just give me sweet juice.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just a nice little juicy juice.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I want.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, ultimately in this one chapter, it talks about I talk about pushing myself to go on a it was called gear speed dating.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: He was in response to like a regular mixer that I left early because of intense social anxiety, where they were giving rules on how we talk to each other.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Literally like saying, like, here's how conversation works.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if somebody isn't interested, you can say, Thank you, I'm not interested, and move on.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when the person, the matchmaker, said that, I left.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I am out, I'm out.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally rejected 20 times by people like who I said.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: I won't do that too.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I would never don't tell me how to talk to people.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was out.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then I was like, all right, I gotta push myself.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I'm not interested.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm not interested.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not interested.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm gonna A, do that to somebody, no less have it done to me.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm out.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not interested.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm out.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: So in response, I went to a I tried a nude yoga class.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, actually.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: I tried this.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was not sexy.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it would be like sexy and it was just like balls in your face, right?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: It just was unc like to do yoga without actual adherence and adhesion.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Garments that are that keep things in place was actually not fun.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't sexy.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I would be head on a swivel, just sort of my own everyone else's looking.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can be sure that at this studio, if a woman walked in, they would be like, no thank you.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: No thank you.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about sex, but no, thank you, man.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, thank you.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: But that was that was like that was fine.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but then I was like, I don't need to do that again.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: But then that same studio offered a speed dating event where you go in gear, like gay gear.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Gay gear.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like harness.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Harness, jock strap, you know, singlet, whatever you wear.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously very like leather forward.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: What did you choose?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm not into gear.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's just not for me.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Are you into it or haven't experimented?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: It just doesn't interest me.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't pique my interest in either way.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Nice crisp polo.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wore regular ass underwear.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: But it was purple, so I was like, that's a little festive, you know, like I'm turning it up a notch.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I went, I was like, okay, like I'm gonna do this, you know, I'm gonna I'm I was terrified, sitting in my car, like trembling, breathing, doing exercises, and I went to this event and it was it wasn't well done.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put it that way.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was the first time they were doing it.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't manage to get everyone to actually meet.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the the I mean the the the crux of the story is that it was so fucking hot in this studio that it ruined everything for me because all I care about is not sweating.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this isn't Bickram, like right?
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't a Bikram thing.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the thermostat was at 80 degrees in Hollow.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: They chose it.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: They chose it, chose that.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a because they knew everyone was gonna be less than clothed, but and that was my that was but here the reason I mean I said that's the crux, but the real like epitome of the story for me, I guess, is that what made me feel sort of othered in this scenario was that I thought, I really thought the reason that this speed dating event will be sort of disruptive and different and really challenging was that it's awkward that we'll all be in a state of undress.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's awkward, or at least new.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's a new element, a fresh element that's a converse, an icebreaker.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so disappointed to learn that nobody else seemed phased by it except me.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody cared.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this is I can like see your pup, I can see your ball, I can see meet, you know, and like isn't that a place to and nobody else seemed phased by it?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, how am I like I'm bringing it up and I'm looking crazy?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, nice to meet you.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: I see your balls.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Look at this, yeah.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: And guys were like, okay, where are you from?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, like I'm off here.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm off.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was like Emperor's New Clothes kind of thing.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like you were just like, Yeah.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was being gaslit.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say that.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was being gaslit.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Big time.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody was super sweet, but again, my social anxiety truly knocked me out.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end, by the end of the story, the guy who ran the event who did a very, very poor job, had us stand in a circle.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, which I always hate this.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: What is what is this?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: We had to stand in a circle, and he basically gave us the the instruction, the directive to make eye contact with make eye contact with everybody, and then if there's somebody what do you say, if there's somebody you talked to that you liked or didn't talk to but you want to meet, go to them now.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, uh I wanted to screen, like I wanted to actually Alex Mack again into the corner.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: A puddle.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just a puddle of something.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it freaked me out so much that I like froze.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: I started sweating profusely, and I turned and I ran, I ran out of the studio because again, it's like I thought I was doing a an icebreaker thing that would put us all on the same ground, but then at the very end to do this really intense exercise was such a bummer.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Such a bummer for me.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was like two, it's like two, it's a double whammy.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: It was such a double whammy.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: So you're not a horse meat disco guy.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have heard those three words many times, and I still am like, guys, what is this?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And guys on Instagram are like, tickets for HMD.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Horse meat disco.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: What so explain.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: I've been once.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: I went one time and I'll never go again.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: What is I mean, this is a circuit party.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's a circuit party.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: But is it a circuit party for like alt the alt scene?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Is it I no, this it's like a circuit party for the elite scene, is like kind of what it is.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like it's the elite white gays.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Not that I'm being judgmental.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Live your life.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: I am being judgmental, but it's for the like the like hot muscle gays that like want to go and dance to like for like six hours and do ketamine.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's like that.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, and is it in is it like a Brooklyn thing or it happens in Brooklyn at the knockdown center.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: Knockdown center.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was leaving, I was leaving, it's a concert venue.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: I went to see L C D Sound System last December.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And on the the show ended, and they were, you know, letting us leave.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: And on the way out, I was seeing all these like I was seeing just like dudes in like hot pants just jacked to the max.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, kept seeing groups, and I was like, huh, I didn't know L C D had such a gay family.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: Who knew?
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, who knew?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like at the locker area, and uh, and it was like a changeover, and I was like, What is this?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, it's horse-made disco.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's I mean, the thing about that is that that is a circuit party, and circuit parties to me look all the like literally all look the same.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like Atlantis.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like Atlantis, where it's just like the same bodies, the same clothes, or the outfits or gear or whatever, the same poses, this and I don't, I'm not I don't know, but it feels like all the music sounds the same.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it does.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, and just for me, the music seems so unenjoyable to dance to.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's more about like the experience or the drugs or whatever.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, if it's not like Shaka Khan, I'm I'm not gonna dance.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I can't we're collectively both bad gays.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with you on this.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm fine with going all the way up to I'll dance to Tate McCrae, you know?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do like whatever that is now, that that vibe now.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go McCrae and needs for them.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: There needs to be rhythm.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: There needs to be melody.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, follow-up question.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you owned, if you owned a gay bar, yeah, what would be the curfew would be like 9 30.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: 9 30.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Give us the give us like this.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is your bar, this is your kind of gay.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: What does this bar look like?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: It is a library.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's dimly lit.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's I'm just gonna say it's dimly lit.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: There are green lamps here and there.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of books.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: It is the Boston public library.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe a soft serve machine would be nice.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you know.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Some pro yo.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, definitely.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And like, you know, some fruity drinks to like liven things up.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Dogs welcome.
• 30:48
  unknown: Okay.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Rescue dogs preferred.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Children welcome.
• 30:53
  unknown: Okay.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Children welcome.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, interesting.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Although if there are kids there, then it's like a drug-free zone.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: When the kids are not exactly.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: But like maybe the kid free hour is, you know, we have drinks, whatever.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: But like ice cream, dim lights, like like salon style conversations about cultural phenomena, books, literature.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: Card cards on the tables, question starters for those who are nervous.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Icebreakers for the suits.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Get a van, like instead of like peanuts and like bar food, it's different types of anti-anxiety medications.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: One reed diffuser full of boppers.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: One one read diffuser.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're all out by ten.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: That was my favorite thing by moving to LA actually.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like ten or so years ago, we were out at, I think it was Akbar in the in the in like the east side of LA.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: It has like multiple different rooms.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: It has different rooms.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like a really, it's like kind of the the nucleus of like gay bars on the east side of LA.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's very it's Brooklyn, you know.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like we were out and it was very fun.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then the lights started coming up.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: They were doing like last call at I think like 12 30.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I it was like something had lit up in me.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: The joy on my face.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because my friends were like, yeah, we're gonna go out.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, and I can be home in in half an hour.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was a beautiful moment for me.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was so excited because in New York, it feels even more so.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's always felt like the you're pushed to stay late out later and later and later.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing puts the fear of God in me quite like seeing the sunrise.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, that is a bad.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's a bad omen.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: That is a bad.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: They are there is a new wave of like disco party places that are like it's early discourse.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_02: Have you heard of mother disco?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Mother Disco.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: Mother Disco.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Mother Disco, but even just other like other places that will do like a 5 p.m.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: to 10 p.m.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then they're and then it's done.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: But it's full disco, like 70, like it's fun.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then mother disco, who we just mother disco's like primarily a gay party, which I know terrifies me as well.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: However, this party's very fun though, because it we had the DJ on as a guest like last last week, I think it's this episode.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: But it's great because it starts at 4 p.m.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's fantastic.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: Memorial Day weekend, it started at 3 p.m.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's lovely.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: And it ends at like eight or nine.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it's all pure disco so you can actually dance to it.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just like fun and gay and daytime.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then you go to bed.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: But my question is like, because disco is actually fun and made for dancing, yeah.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: I ask full with full like vul vulnerability, do you think that it's fun to dance to like that intense like tech do you think but I mean like do you think the people who go to circuit parties enjoy that music, or is it more just like it's part of the environment?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh as as someone who does enjoy drugs uh and music like that, sometimes it's I think you can enjoy the vibe it's the vibe, it's the energy.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I just it's like but also I totally get it's crazy, and then you got the lights and it's like it's a whole experience.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't want that.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't like that.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and the circuit party circuit, for you know, better or worse, seems to just be one thing that happens everywhere.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess I'm like somewhat wait, so you're paying people pale money to travel to go to another one?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, how much is how much the idea of traveling to go to galaxy?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: 70 bucks, 80 bucks, and then you have to pay for an Uber.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this parties are expensive.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean like they're they're around the world.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I mean.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, you're going to the one in Mykonos, and then you're going to the one at NC Jess.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's one where I'm like, wait, you're going there to do that?
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like what about food?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like what about what about like the zoo?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, I have so many things that I'd want to do.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is offsets of the bar.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: The zoo.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's a betting zoo on the zoo.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just crude, I just am like, that's just seems like punishment to me.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's a good idea.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we've had a few guests on who have talked about a lot, like people that are like, I don't feel like I fit into what what I am supposed to be as a gay man.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that I think is I think there are so many of us, but I think it's in a way it's unpopular to speak about it because it shows a sense of vulnerability.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just hope that the book the book is is, you know, I I I hope it's just like funny and silly.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: And of course it's vulnerable too, but I really hope that it reaches I wish that that was the book that I was given when I came out.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not there's no instructions.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: But hopefully the the point of the book is to calm your nerves about feeling like a weirdo and never feeling like you actually fit in.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that like it's okay.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't you it doesn't make you a freak.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just means you kind of have to find your own people and find your own lane, and that's really hard, but it's better than pretending.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so define for me what is like what is the lane that you have found then outside of the circuit parties outside of Fire Island, outside of the typical, you know, path that we're supposed to follow as gay men.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: What what are the spaces now that are bringing you joy that are making you feel authentic and like that you belong?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, let's see.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm lucky in that I found my closest gay friends while doing comedy.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was those were my friends who I made here in New York during the time when I was dating a professional gay who was like, I I loved him, but he and his friends were like very good at it and very good at being like, we're going to brunch here, we're going to dinner here, we're going to this bar and that party, we're shopping here, you know.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I and my boyfriend was wonderful.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and we had a relationship where he didn't ask me to change, he didn't try to make me change.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: He appreciated what a you know like scrappy little le lesbian I was, you know.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I was doing comedy, and so those people, those other gay comedians who were able to be open and vulnerable about feeling, you know, on the outs a little bit, those are the people who I were was able to very quickly, you know, hold on to.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: And those are still my close friends to this, to this day.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: In terms of spaces, I don't know.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is hard.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just in LA, I'm trying to sort of find like bookish wellness.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I don't have an answer because it's it's always changing.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't found one real place.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what makes it hard.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's I have a friend, his name's Eric, and he started a like a company.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: His own, it's his own thing.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a it's a re it's a reaction to a speed dating night we went to.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: We went to this like mixer speed dating event that was very by the books.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: I pushed him to go, you know, because we're both single and we're both looking.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: And we went and it was just a very like meh, very like mid-event where the it had like icebreakers, but they were all so banal.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like he kept saying, like, podcaster playlist, who the fuck like he just who cares?
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was like hinge prompts come to life.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's so depressing.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so he was like, I want to make my own thing that challenges that.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so to his credit, I was like, okay, he used vibe coding, which is a thing.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't even know what that is.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: Neither did I, and I still couldn't explain it to you, to create this sort of app slash program that gay guys or anybody, but like primarily gay guys are using, in which they go into a chat room anonymously and answer prompts that are very unusual, very anti-hinge, very, you know, completely analogous to all the like the boring questions we always ask each other.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it forces you to be vulnerable with a code name.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you you can be as vulnerable as you want.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then afterwards, identities are revealed and you're moved into a mixer.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very like it, it's very, it's in a unique space.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: The music is really interesting, but it's forcing it's forcing originality and like actual vulnerability in order to connect.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so aside from the technology, which he understands, which I still am like, what am I looking at?
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: But it's very ornate.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: He's really f figured out something.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: That is a space where he has created something that does feel like you can be yourself there, and it's actually rewarded.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: This this his site is called Date Garage, and the parties all have different names, but he's really It's all virtual.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh well, no, it's in person.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: In person, okay.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you go to the event with the last one he did was like a masquerade, but what you're really doing is using this program on your phone in a room with other gay guys, and you're all yeah, okay.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're all answering these questions anonymously or in clusters, when but then like you know, uh before before long, when everything is done with the prompts, your your you know, your your identity is revealed, and then you start talking and you have really interesting things to talk about.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the best of world.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so much better than playlist or podcast.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and uh and as somebody who was like hoping that what you know doing a dating event in my underwear would be a real icebreaker and it wasn't, this is actually really thoughtful.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and everyone's intentional naked.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: And but it's it's intentional, and everyone's no, no one's really naked here.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, maybe he'll do a naked one.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what's so interesting too, is that he's not he's not even taking a hypersexual approach.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: He could.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: He could, but he's I do you have any like uh example qu I'm so curious about what the questions are or like I've helped him with them because sometimes Yeah, give us a few.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there was one that I mean And then I what we have to answer them.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: God, I can't remember.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's like like just like some of them are just like silly, like okay, where did you lose your virginity or like I but then others are just more like when do you feel the most you like what makes you feel the most you, which I can ask you.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why I I don't think that's a round table question.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: What makes you feel the most you?
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Uh listening to like sad lesbian folk music.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: While cooking a steak, I don't know, maybe drinking a martini, like you know, tote home.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: Correct.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like uh like 7 38 p.m.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: in the summertime, so it's like golden hour.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: For me, it's like beach, feet in the sand, just feet just waves.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's beach.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's just being at the beach, waves in the sand, and not even like I don't even in this image, I'm not even around other people.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's just me listening to the water and I can feel the water coming up on my leg.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_01: I just like it's just that's that feeling.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for me, it's singing at full volume in my car to a very curated list of songs and shower karaoke as well.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: Showeroky.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: Showeroky, yep.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's at the top of the list.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Usually automatic by the pointer sisters.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very into like RB.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: I have a band and that's it's very RB coded.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's adult, but RB coded.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're called we're called Don Her.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: We have three songs out.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: But it's all about yeah, being able to just sing at full volume with no one, no care in the world.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's very good.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a good question to it.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: And such a good starting point for any, like, because there's so many tidbits for you to jump on.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I were talking to you for the first time or you, and to be like, whoa, you're in a bin or do you like this music?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: Do you like to sing?
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like all of these different avenues.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also a hard question that you have to actually think about.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just a silly, like flippant, you know, banal question.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, oh, I have to think of the like the real me, like really unvarnished, but I can do so because I'm behind a code name.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it's got, you know, it's it's just it's really smart.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he's really created something that I think feels like a space that that I'm excited about because it feels like a is third space, is that a term?
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean again?
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Third space is hearing it.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, home is first space, work is second space, and third space is another like communal space that is usually like accessible, like a library or like in Europe, Europe has tons of third spaces, where it's like an accessible, easy place for community together.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it's that it's it's it's singing in my car or a petting zoo.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: A petting zoo, honestly, or like crafting with my niece or my nephew.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's so cute.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: Craft with a niece.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in so in.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: Give me a pipe cleaner.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_02: We do it.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm meeting my boyfriend's kids next on Friday.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: Meeting meeting.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: We've been together five, six months.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: This is a big moment.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: Meeting them this weekend for the first time, and we are crafting, and I am thrilled.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is thrilling.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: Get some air droid clay.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: My best friend is actually going through a divorce, and she is sober, but has found herself as a coping mechanism openly addicted to crafting.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so she is literally just scurrying across LA from crafting class to crafting class.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: She has so much materials and she is thrilled, and I am so thrilled for her.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: It the tactile is so grounded.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: So calming.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's like uh over the pandemic, I started like sewing just like with a machine.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I would notice that like my heart rate would like just would like go to this different place.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we recently did a uh create a create a journal, create your own journal class at a at an indie bookstore.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my this is your wet dream.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: It was so I was like, we like I need Lil Affair soundtracks on.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: Unbelievable.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, please, I just want like put on the a Sarah McLaughlin double disc.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let's it was me and all women, mostly middle-aged, and I could not have been happier.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: Were you ever a Portlandia fan?
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: Love Portlandia.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: We got the episode with Amy Mann, and Sarah McLaughlin keeps showing up.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I mean, I'm a the Little Affair documentary was so important to me this year.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll re-watch it with you.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: It was it's important for all of us.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's important for all of us.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's important cultural history for everyone.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I can but I also feel like that's what I've been I've been always looking for, like the Annie DeFranco gay guy.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: And they're out there.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: They are they're just hard to find.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're very hard to find.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think you'll find it.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is gonna open up a lot of doors.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: I hope so.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: I really think it is.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna live your life because of this book.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's what my I told my friend, and he was like, don't get ahead of yourself.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're gonna put that out there.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: I like this.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: I hope so.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, I just hope it I hope it can provide for like I can really hope it could just provide for anybody who reads it some laughs, but also like a sense of of community and knowing that like even like this the reason that I went to the Trist Hotel was I was on a podcast talking about how I don't get I don't go on like gay vacations, and the comments are littered with guys being like, I feel seen, I feel seen, I feel heard.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, we're not talking about this enough.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, I agree, I agree.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I love what you said that that you this was the book that you wish someone had given you when you came out.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it's brilliant.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean how to come out.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm yes, but just relatable to be all.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just a relatability that doesn't feel like oppressive.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: Just not just an allowance to be weird.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: To feel weird and it's be and it doesn't make everything okay, but it makes it reasonable and doable.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's it.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thrilled.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Can't wait to congratulate.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_01: Where and when can people pick it up?
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's out on August 11th.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's available everywhere you can buy books, and I love indie bookstores, of course, but you can buy them, you can buy it anywhere.
• 46:21
  unknown: Wow.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we love an indie bookstore.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: We love an indie.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: We love it.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: We love an indie, go for it.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: Congratulations, Elliot.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thanks.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for having me.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: What a treat.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: And congratulations.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: And where can people find you on the interwebs?
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, elliotglazer.com or just Elliot Glazer on Instagram.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: Easy breezy.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_03: Rock and roll.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening, all.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: Go buy this book ASAP.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: All right, we love you all.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: Have a good day.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.