Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 058: How to Stop Reacting to Your Day and Start Leading It

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058: How to Stop Reacting to Your Day and Start Leading It · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Sustainable Success Tuesday.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Frederica Davis, creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And every Tuesday here at Limitless Living, we focus on practical strategies to help you build sustainable success in your work, your business, and your life, all without burning yourself out in the process.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to ask you a question.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever had one of those days where you just woke up with every intention of getting something really important done?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: You had a plan.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: You knew exactly what you needed your, you knew exactly what needed your attention, maybe even wrote it all down.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then the phone rang, an email came in, or your kids needed something, another client needed something, someone interrupted you, or you remembered something you forgot or had an emergency.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it was, you answered a text, and one text led to another, or you happened on to go on Facebook or Instagram, and before you knew it, it was a little longer than you had intended on being there.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've ever had those kind of days and you wind up at the end of the day and you were busy all day and you worked really hard all day, and it felt like that, but somehow the one thing that really mattered never happened, then today's for you.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever ended the day wondering, what did I actually accomplish today?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you for a fact, we've all been there.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I have been there, we have all been there.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this is one of the biggest challenges that so many of us face every single day.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not because we don't have good intentions or we're disorganized or not able to focus or lazy or any of those things.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's just simply because we spend so much time, so much of our lives reacting instead of leading.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I know this because, again, I have lived this.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Owning a brick and mortar wellness center, massage wellness and beyond for more than 30 years has absolutely taught me that no two days ever look exactly alike.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they often don't look anything like you think they're going to when you start the day.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd walk into the office many times with this very clear plan, this nice little to-do list.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then before I finished my coffee for the day, someone would call out sick, or a client needed to reschedule, or a delivery didn't get there on time, or oh my gosh, we're almost about to run out of this, and I have to run out and pick up that.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: You get the picture, right?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Computer, computer issues.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: How about computer issues?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: We've I bet you can relate to computer issues.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And before we know it, the perfect day is no longer the perfect day.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing's cooperating.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: We've got people asking us questions and the phone ringing and one little fire after another to put out.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And before long, you realize you spent your entire day solving somebody else's problems.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've been there.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm describing are things I have experienced, things I have seen clients experience.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: All while the things that would actually be moving my business forward, moving my life forward, moving my health forward, or any of it, happen to still be sitting there undone, left undone.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe your life isn't exactly like mine.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're raising kids, maybe you're caring for your aging parents.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I've also been there, and it's one of the hardest, most wonderful things you will ever do, but one of the hardest.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're working a full-time job on top of all of this, or you're sandwiched.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's retirement and you are somehow just busier than you thought you would be.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And however your life is looking right now, most of us know what it feels like to have our days get just completely hijacked.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a shift.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: A few years ago, I realized some things.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: The problem wasn't that I didn't have enough time.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the problem wasn't my clients didn't have enough time.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: The problem was that I hadn't decided who was going to lead my day.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Me or whatever was going to happen first.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't misunderstand me here.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I know life happens and people need us.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we really do need to drop everything and be there.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Emergencies do come up.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Unexpected things are part of being human.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about controlling every minute of your day.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want to say that again.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about controlling every minute of your day.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is about beginning your day with intention instead of immediately slipping into reaction mode.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we don't decide what matters, what matters most, whether that's time with your family or self-care time or getting that help wanted at out for your business or whatever it is, when we don't decide what really matters, everything starts to feel equally important on your list.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when everything feels important, then nothing gets the actual amount of attention it truly deserves.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I've got three questions that have literally changed everything for me.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen it for my clients as well.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So today, what I want to ask you are these three simple questions.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: They have helped me become much more intentional, and that is my intention for you.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't ask them perfectly every day, but when I do, my days almost always feel much more focused and less overwhelming.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: So question number one is going to be what absolutely matters today?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now notice I did not say what are the 15 things on your to-do list?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: What I did say was what absolutely matters today.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: If tonight you go to bed feeling like today was a success, what would have happened?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's the one thing that, if completed, would make the biggest difference?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Start there.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, over the weekend, uh, I think I've joked about this or mentioned it uh over uh on other podcasts.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: For all the things that I do, I will not be teaching you all how to have a completely perfectly organized house because I don't have one.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is the real me, and I will always be honest with you, and I will only ever coach and inspire, hopefully, on things that uh I can speak to firsthand.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that said, I do like some level of organization.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And over the weekend, when I was asking this question, I just want to give you an example.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was asking this question, what absolutely matters today?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there was a lot of things that mattered on my list.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: But what mattered to me one day was that I worked on cleaning the master bath, reorganizing the master bath, my vanity table, my bureau.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a goal of packing up at least three more boxes of clothing to donate.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: That was my little list.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, what mattered to me as I started my day, and what was going to make me feel like it made a big difference if I got it completed was that.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because being able to see what the heck is on my vanity and on my makeup table and on my bureau and in my bathroom and have it all nice and neat and clean makes my mornings go smoother, sets my day up with less stress, sets me up better, right?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a little tiny piece.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent some hours doing that, and I felt so accomplished at the end of the night because that's what I chose to focus on.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now I had a long list of other things, other parts of the house, other things, but for me, that's what I needed and what I chose that mattered.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So just to give you an example of what I'm talking about.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: This doesn't have to be in business.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when we reset different parts of our lives, parts of our diet, parts of our movement, parts of our everything, it will create such a positive domino effect that it will affect our businesses as well.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh careers, if you're if you're not a business owner and you're listening to this, your career, your outlook, if you're retired and you're trying to figure out what's next, whatever is going on for you.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that was question number one.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: What absolutely matters today?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: What's the one thing, if completed, would make the biggest difference?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Start there.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Question number two.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: What will probably try to pull me off course today?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: This question is very powerful because most of us already know the answers to this question.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, maybe it's going to be email or social media or constantly checking your phone.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's saying yes to everyone else's requests before you've actually honored your own priorities or perfectionism.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just perfectionism or distractions, TV, you know, whatever it is.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your own tendency to just simply procrastinate.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you identify those things ahead of time, you're much more likely to recognize them when they show up.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of being surprised by them, you expect them.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when you expect them, you have a much better chance of responding intentionally instead of automatically.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna also build on my example in question number one.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, what would probably try to pull me off course as I was uh uh setting my intention over the weekend for uh Saturday was the feeling of, well, I should be getting this done.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I should be planning that, I should be creating the shoulds.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was that was something that could knock me off track.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing is if I sit down to the computer, the computer's like the black hole for me.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I am knowledge junkie, if you want to call it that.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I just devour and research and research and research.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I I get obsessed, quite frankly.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I knowing that about myself, I give myself strategic windows for things like that.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: That would have gotten me off track.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: What might have gotten me off track is if I started to run errands instead of just staying put and doing what I needed to do.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So knowing those things, I purposely avoided them.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even turn the TV on while I did it.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had music on for part of the day, I had audio book on for part of the day, and I just kind of kept going around and rearranging and cleaning and just purging a little bit and so on and so forth.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Step, I don't know, six of many until I'm finished with everything that I want to do in the house.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And there you have an example for question number two.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Again, question number two was what will probably try to pull me off course today?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna add a little part to that.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And how will you handle that?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: How will you prevent that?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Question number three, and this is probably my favorite.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who do I want to be today?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Notice I did not ask, what do I want to accomplish?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the way that we think about things really matters because who we become matters more than the things we do in the moment.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's the things we do in the moment that lead to that, but it's really who are we becoming?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So do you want to show up with patience?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: These are the questions you ask yourself.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to show up with patience?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to show up with confidence?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to show up with focus?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to show up with compassion or courage or calm?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to show up with integrity?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you begin asking yourself that question, something shifts.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because instead of measuring success only by what you got done, you begin measuring it by how you showed up while you were doing it.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I will build on my example because I wanted to feel more focused as I start my days.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to feel more in alignment with all of the limitless living philosophies and becoming finding and creating more peace in my own life just as I talk to you about it, and creating a better flow, which equals more success without the overwhelm.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am living what I'm teaching.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's really important to me.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Integrity is very important to me.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And teaching from a place of doing, or more importantly, having done it first and done it in a way that I can now show somebody else how to.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is really important to me.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So who I wanted to be that day was a person who was peaceful, able to focus, able to start my day without stress, able to create this environment that's less stressful, and able to walk in integrity as I talk to you about it.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that was my answer for something as simple as cleaning up your bedroom and reorganizing and making things a little different and making it better and however it is that you want to do.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: You simply cannot.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Some days just go all to hell, and there's no way around it.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all going to be about how you handle it.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: But you can decide who you want to be while it's happening.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So that choice is available to you every single morning, actually, every single minute of the day, all through the day.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: So this week's sustainable success challenge is tomorrow morning, before you check your email, before you open social media, before you start reacting to everyone else's priorities, take just two minutes and write down these three questions.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Keep them next to the bed if you want.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: What absolutely matters today?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: What will probably try to pull me off course?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And who do I want to be today?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for those of you who are not morning people, you may have heard me mention this before.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not bright and sunshine morning girl.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to do this the night before because then I wake up and it's in front of me, and then I check in and confirm that's still the case.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: That works better for me.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So whether it's nighttime or whether it's morning time, whatever works for you.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then at the end of the day, I want you to take another minute and just ask yourself one final question.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Did I lead my day or did my day lead me?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not something to ask yourself with judgment, just with curiosity.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because the more aware of these things, these situations, whether your day is leading you or whether you are leading it, is always the first step towards changing how your days go.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is always the first step towards change.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for spending part of your day with me today.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if today's episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who could use a little more intention and a little less overwhelm in their own life.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like more coaching resources or speaking information, events, et cetera, just visit me and join the community at fredericadavis.com.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, be rooted, be resilient, and be limitless.