Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 030: How to Know What You Actually Want in Your Next Chapter

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030: How to Know What You Actually Want in Your Next Chapter · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Today is a reinvention Saturday.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we get to talk about purpose and alignment and the courage that it takes to create this next chapter in your life.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I know many of you have likely thought to yourself, I just don't know what I want anymore at some point or time in your life.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this could be an at any age.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: But often as we get older, we are feeling like we want some sort of a change, but we're not just not quite sure what it is.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: That thought can really start creeping in, like, I just don't know what I want anymore, you know?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to challenge that a little bit today, because most of the time, what I find is that we really do know.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You probably really do know what you want.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You just have not created the space to actually listen and hear it from yourself.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So this doesn't always show up either in these big dramatic ways.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes it's very, very subtle.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You'll be going through your life and doing everything that needs to be getting done.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, quietly somewhere in you, something will feel like it's just a little off.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe things aren't as enjoyable as they used to be.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe they're starting to feel even more like drudgery than joy.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're feeling a little disconnected from purpose or just wishing something was different.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's that little tiny feeling of something being off.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you're absolutely not broken, not wrong, not uh asking for too much.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that we often feel like we we push those thoughts away because we don't, you know, we we tell ourselves we should be happy with what we have.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: All of this can be very confusing because your life might actually look completely fine right now.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and from the outside, it could be exactly what you thought you wanted and created.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But on the inside, if you are feeling like there's a disconnect, it's real.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And there's likely something that's pulling at you, even if you haven't slowed down long enough to listen and figure out what that is.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something I see over and over again with clients, friends.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is very common.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And often this will show up as we get into these 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's as we get a little bit older and we've done what we first set out to do for a long time, and all of a sudden are starting to feel like, hey, wait, I think there's something more.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's also something I've come back to myself more than once.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there have been moments in my life where I've had to stop, slow down long enough to sit down and ask myself, what do I actually want right now for this moment in time, this period in my life, for the direction I want to go in my life?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Not what makes sense based on what I'm already doing or what I've already done, but what do I want?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And not what's expected either.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not what everybody else is expecting of me, but what do I really want?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: These are the questions I want you to start asking yourself.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: What do you really want?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And not what have I already built either?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what do I actually want now and next?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes that question, it can show up in in really, really big moments, you know, like when a relationship ends and you're faced with a decision like, do I go back?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Do I stay in something that feels familiar, even if it's hard?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've had this, I've lived this, I've mentioned this, I believe, before, where I had one of the biggest relationships of my lifetime fall apart, and and my ex changed his mind and then did come back and ask me to return.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to ask myself this big question.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it was that I had to listen to my gut, I had to be able to do that.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this can show up in business, it can show up in all sorts of things.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just using this as an example.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't pause long enough, you don't ask yourself the right questions and you don't listen, you can't really get in touch with what you want.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And there lies an enormous disconnect for most women.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a big moment, okay?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: But and sometimes it will show up this way.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, that question, do you stay in something that's familiar even if it's hard?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because at least you know what it's going to be, or do you choose something different, even if you don't fully know what that looks like yet?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And other times it can show up in quieter ways.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, like you can think to yourself, why doesn't this feel the way I thought it would?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've had seasons where I'm doing a lot, I'm creating a lot, I'm in a season like that right now.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And but I've had them where I've been trying different things, I've been trying to figure things out.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason I was trying different things was because something didn't feel like it was quite enough, quite right at those times.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had to stop and start really pausing long enough to ask myself the right questions and listen to the answers to know what to do next.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I would ask myself, is the way that I'm living actually aligned with the person I want to be?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Have you asked yourself that recently?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Is the way that you're living actually aligned with the person that you want to be?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's not, where's the gap?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because the gap, that's where the clarity starts to come in.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're feeling unclear, maybe unsettled, it's not because you're unable, incapable of figuring things out.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's likely because you've been disconnected from yourself a little too long.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know for many women, they never really listen to themselves.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: They grew up and being, you know, guided and even outright pushed by parents, by society, by schools to do this, be that, and and you just kind of go right into it, and there's never enough pause to say, okay, what it is, what is it that I really want?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that ability to listen to yourself at the core has not been cultivated.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Some people go through their whole lives like that.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then others, those some of us we cultivate that, but then it's very easy to get off track.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So what I want to do is I want to help you get reconnected.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to help you get to the point where you can listen, you can ask the right questions, you can listen to yourself, and you really, really be in tune with where you want to be next, where you are now.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the best for best way for you to be living an aligned life and be aligned with yourself.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So there are four reasons we're going to cover today that will make you feel unclear about what's next and prevent you from getting that clarity about what you truly want.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And number one is that you may have been focused and in this mode of what needs to get done for simply too long.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's the execution mode.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's the handling things mode, it's the fixing things mode, it's the managing life and all the little details and taking care of what's in front of you and what everybody needs mode.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when you live like that long enough, you get away from taking the time to listen to yourself and you stop checking in with yourself.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: When that happens, you start to lose the clarity.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where the disconnect happens.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: We can fix that though.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, number two, there's no space in your life.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your schedule, maybe you are stuck in this, needs to get done mode, and there's so much, and there's just never enough minutes left.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the end of the day, I get that.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've been there, I know it, I get it.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I will even fall into that and I have to take myself right back out of it because this is the world we live in.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost an expectation, especially for women.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: So when there's no space in your life and your schedule is full, and I mean too full, your mind is full.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Clarity does not come in the noise.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can't force clarity.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: You have to give the give yourself space for clarity to come.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It comes in the space.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So then, number three is maybe you've stopped prioritizing your own desires.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it wasn't even intentionally, but consistently you have put everyone else's priorities ahead of your own.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, while that is admirable, and I come from a servant's heart, that's what I call it.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Those of us with a servant's heart, we want to do for other people.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: We enjoy, we get reward from doing that and being able to take care of things, take care of others, be there for others.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is a beautiful thing.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the lines in there, we lose focus on what makes sense, what works, what keeps everything stable.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the space that we need and the care that we need for ourselves because we are consistently focusing on others' desires and what needs to be getting done.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So your wants slowly get moved to the background.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: There is a place, I promise you, where your wants can be front and center along with taking care of the things that you want to take care of and the people that you want to take care of.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now, number four is you filter everything before you let yourself want it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: For example, before a thought can even fully form, you shut it down.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you think to yourself, okay, that's not realistic.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have time for that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, that wouldn't work.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You come up with all the reasons and the excuses that something won't work mid-stream of the thought and the clarity that might be trying to pop in, and then you shut it down as quick as it even begins.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you never actually hear what it is fully that you want, and you never get a chance to sit with it.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you only hear in your mind and in your heart what's allowed, and that's what you believe is allowed.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to slow down, take some moments.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this in one nice long afternoon off, or a more leisurely morning, or a midnight quietness, or you can do these in just little 10-minute bursts.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: But give yourself the time to answer the following questions.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I encourage you to put them in the journal.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, question number one is going to be what do I actually enjoy right now?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: For many of you, you're gonna be able to sit down and think, oh, I like to cook, I like to take walks in nature, I like to travel, I like to sing, I like to paint, whatever it is that comes up, right?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: But for those of you who ask yourself, what do I actually enjoy right now?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't come up with anything because you feel like life has gotten to a point where there's almost nothing that you enjoy.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm sure there's probably something, but if you're feeling like that, it's okay.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself, what do I enjoy right now?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't come up with anything, do not get stuck there.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to go backwards.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what do, what did I used to enjoy before my life got so filled with the responsibilities, so filled with getting through the day, so filled with stress that I stopped enjoying things.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to just to shift that question a little bit and go back to what did I used to enjoy?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you have to go back all the way to when you were a child, but start making a list of the things that you either enjoy now or you used to enjoy.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Then I want you to ask yourself, what feels heavier than it should?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're in this go-go mode, this doing, this taking care of business, taking care of things in life mode, going through the motions, things start to feel heavy.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you start enjoying them initially, sometimes they will start to feel heavy.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: So make that list.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that feels heavier than you wish it did now?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, next question is where do I feel most like myself?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of roles that we as women can take on through our lifetime.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: As we get older and we take on these roles, often with mom and wife or spouse or partner, we can very easily lose ourselves and our sense of self.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of times when we get to these 40s, 50s, and beyond, if you've had kids, this is often the moment where you start to feel like, okay, uh, I'm not sure who I want to be now.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need me as much.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be part of an issue, part of a disconnect and can make it harder to answer this question.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I feel most like myself?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you have been caretaking, maybe you've been caretaking parents, maybe you have been somebody who always volunteered or always had a job with in the service profession, or you raised your kids, all of these different roles that I'm giving you examples of.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden you find yourself asking, okay, who am I now?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this question, where do I feel most like myself?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or when do I feel most like myself?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing when I feel most like myself?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: All those variations.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you again, if you are having a hard time figuring that out in the here and the now and the recent, go backwards a little bit and think about when you felt most in alignment.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you for me, I am most in alignment with who I am when I am serving others, when I am teaching, when I am sharing knowledge and inspiring.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: I really feel like I'm 100% on point.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I feel most like myself when I'm with animals.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: I feel most like myself when I am with nature.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the areas I feel most like myself when I am able to create and move through the day with some flexibility.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: So there, those are some examples for you.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then the final question: what am I still doing that I've outgrown?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this could be things, let's say you're a business owner and you are still doing certain things within your business.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've outgrown them.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your friends, maybe you've outgrown some friends, maybe habits that served you well to get you through that moment of survival that you needed them to get you through.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: But now you've outgrown those habits.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So start thinking, what am I still doing that I have outgrown?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's go a little deeper with this.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: What would I want for my life, my days, my work, if I didn't have to explain it to anyone?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big question, isn't it?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I I absolutely am going to encourage you to write this in your journal and paint this as detailed as you can.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: What would I want for my life?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: That means my days, my work, my nights.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I didn't have to justify or explain it to anyone, start there, think about that, then what did I stop wanting because it felt too hard?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Again, as life comes in and we we have careers or we have challenges or we have aging parents or we have kids or relationships.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we let go of the things we wanted because they just feel too hard with everything else.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: What did you stop wanting because it felt too hard?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: One more.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps coming back that you keep ignoring?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the question you want to ask yourself is what keeps coming back that I keep ignoring?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is gonna look like the random, you might think they're random or or fleeting, but probably recurring thoughts.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's the dream about being the travel vlogger, maybe it's the dream about writing a book, maybe it's the dream about moving to another country, maybe it's the dream about starting a business, maybe it's whatever.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a thought, if it's something that keeps kind of coming back up, or maybe you even see signs externally that point to that, make you think of it again, but then right away you're dismissing it.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: What are those things?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Getting clear, finding ways to understand where you're at right now, where it is that you want to be, and how you can live your best life in alignment does not have to be as overwhelming as it often feels to everybody.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And asking for guidance, whether that is from your the universe, your spirit, God, whatever that is, or asking for help from a coach to help get you into the nitty-gritty of this, you don't have to do it alone.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna leave you with one more question.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is your reflection question of the week.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want if I'm being completely honest with myself?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sit with that.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if this has been resonating with you, you want to go deeper, visit my website, fredericadavis.com.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's f-ed r-i-c-a-davis.com.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find the free reset guide there.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can also join us inside the limitless living community.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And clarity, it does not come from forcing answers.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: It actually comes from creating the space for your truth to be heard.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.