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Did You Ever Mean Anything To The Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So did you mean anything to a narcissist?
• 0:05
  Yeah, that's the question that has plagued the mind of so many,
• 0:11
  so many survivors. So many of y'all have asked me
• 0:14
  this question in some way, shape or form it It might be in my
• 0:17
  comment section on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, whatever.
• 0:20
  It might be in my 1 of ones over Zoom.
• 0:22
  It might be in my support group believe that mean anything to
• 0:25
  them, like was I special to them in any way or was I just another
• 0:28
  check mark or another tick, another check box or whatever it
• 0:32
  may be, right? That's what we're covering it
• 0:34
  today. Y'all, if you knew her.
• 0:35
  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:38
  we're chatting today, y'all on a narcissist code about your value
• 0:42
  to a narcissist, your value, your worth.
• 0:44
  So I use those words, but don't conflate.
• 0:49
  Don't don't get it twisted. Your value in your worth and or
• 0:54
  your worth are not determined by a narcissist.
• 0:58
  It's impossible. A narcissist cannot determine
• 1:01
  your value or your worth. They're not qualified to do
• 1:04
  that. They're not qualified appraisers
• 1:07
  of an A highly empathetic person's value or worth.
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  They're not qualified to appraise you.
• 1:13
  They they didn't go to appraiser school.
• 1:14
  They don't have an impact appraiser license.
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  They cannot determine your worth or your value.
• 1:19
  So let's get that out the way first.
• 1:22
  But did you mean something to them?
• 1:26
  Hey, it depends. I know this when I wish I wanted
• 1:31
  to hear like Lee. What the hell it depends like
• 1:34
  get get Lee hammock on my screen right now.
• 1:36
  You dread head piece of beep. What I do I don't look.
• 1:42
  I don't make the rules. It really does depend right?
• 1:45
  So if you are a fling, if you are a fling, did they just call
• 1:50
  at 11:30 at night or 1:00 in the morning?
• 1:54
  You get AU up text, you probably don't mean as much, right?
• 1:58
  Think about that. If you if they just text you at
• 1:59
  night to come over there and bounce on top of you or get
• 2:02
  behind you or on top of you for a little while, you probably
• 2:05
  don't mean much other than a a a a big O or a little O or
• 2:08
  whatever right. You probably don't mean much.
• 2:11
  Let's keep it hot. Let's keep it ready.
• 2:12
  If you're just FWB or a situation ship, you probably
• 2:16
  don't mean much to that narcissistic person.
• 2:18
  So think about it right here. Why I know we, we in the age of
• 2:23
  hookup culture, y'all think that shit cool or whatever.
• 2:26
  It's not it's not. I'm just telling you, if they
• 2:29
  don't establish a relationship with you and they're just
• 2:31
  calling you at 11:30 at night, 12:00 at night, 1:00 in the
• 2:34
  morning and you're acquiescing to their request and you're
• 2:38
  letting them come over there and crack or pop or just bounce on
• 2:41
  top of you, whatever, like they're not going to value you
• 2:44
  at all. But maybe if I get them some
• 2:46
  buns, they'll they'll value me and put me in a relationship
• 2:49
  later. Why would they do that?
• 2:51
  If they're getting what they want from you?
• 2:54
  You know what I'm saying? If they, if I, if I come over
• 2:56
  there and and if I, if I pleasure her, she'll she'll love
• 2:59
  me later on. Why would they do that if
• 3:02
  they're already getting what they want from you now, why
• 3:05
  would they establish any type of title, any type of dates or
• 3:08
  anything like that? Why would they do that?
• 3:11
  They don't have to. Why would they do something that
• 3:13
  something that they don't have to do?
• 3:15
  I would just say that right there.
• 3:16
  Why would they go above and beyond for someone that they
• 3:19
  don't have to go above and beyond for?
• 3:21
  It's if it's not a prerequisite, if it's not required, why would
• 3:24
  they do that? And this is not me trying to
• 3:26
  bash y'all who choose to live this type of lifestyle.
• 3:29
  It's just if you have a goal in mind, if you want, you want a
• 3:32
  serious relationship, don't just let them come over at 1:00 or
• 3:35
  2:00 in the morning. That doesn't work.
• 3:37
  They're not going to value you anymore because you're available
• 3:40
  to them. I'll just say it like that.
• 3:42
  You're they're not going to value it, value you at 3:00 in
• 3:45
  the morning. So if that's your relationship
• 3:47
  dynamic, if that's what if this would, if that is the parameters
• 3:52
  of your relationship, then you probably don't matter as much.
• 3:56
  Just be real. You probably don't matter as
• 3:58
  much if those if those are the parameters of your relationship.
• 4:03
  Now, on the other side of things.
• 4:06
  Now remember at the beginning I said it depends.
• 4:09
  So on the on the other side of things, think about it like
• 4:12
  this. If you're dealing with a
• 4:14
  manipulative, abusive, toxic ass person, right?
• 4:16
  And it's been going on for a while.
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  If this relationship has any type of longevity, this
• 4:21
  relationship has been going on for a while, then you might mean
• 4:24
  something to them, right? If it's not just a 3:00 in the
• 4:29
  morning booty call or, or, or hookup or whatever, then you
• 4:34
  might mean something to them, right?
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  And not, like I said, and this is not a flex.
• 4:39
  Don't we just be like, well, Lisa, if they don't just call me
• 4:42
  at 3:00 in the morning, we're in a relationship.
• 4:44
  It's a flex. Like, I mean something to them.
• 4:47
  Yeah. There are so many people that I
• 4:49
  talked to that that wish they meant nothing to a narcissist.
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  Because if you mean something to them, they can become obsessed
• 4:56
  with you. I know some of y'all like, oh,
• 4:58
  they're obsessed with me. You.
• 5:00
  Hey, there's a lot of good therapists around to help you
• 5:02
  out and understand why you want a narcissist obsessed with you.
• 5:05
  Right. But the obsession can make them
• 5:08
  dangerous. That obsession can make them
• 5:11
  lose their minds and go crazy. It's not a narcissist or a toxic
• 5:14
  person that's obsessed with you. It's not a flex, right?
• 5:18
  So when you, if you mean something to a narcissist again,
• 5:22
  which the narcissist does not carry any weight in your life.
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  What you mean to a narcissist does not carry any weight in the
• 5:29
  real world. This is just me making this
• 5:31
  video. If you mean you see the
• 5:34
  quotation marks. If you mean something to a
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  narcissist, a lot of times they think they own you.
• 5:43
  They think you belong to them. If you mean anything to me, then
• 5:48
  you belong to me. That's what happens right there.
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  If you mean something to me, then I think you belong to me.
• 5:55
  So I'm going to treat you like you belong to me.
• 5:58
  You see how that works right there?
• 6:00
  I'm going to treat you like you belong to me.
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  If I think you belong to me, I'm going to treat you as such.
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  So they're going to, if they think you belong to them or they
• 6:09
  own you, they're going to act like it.
• 6:11
  They're going to treat you like you belong to them and that's
• 6:14
  not a good thing. I'm telling you, you don't want
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  a narcissist that thinks that they belong.
• 6:19
  You belong to them. You don't want that.
• 6:21
  I know some of you. I do kind of want it.
• 6:23
  I do want them. I just want to know that matter
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  to them. That's why therapy is so
• 6:27
  important if you're healing for a narcissist.
• 6:29
  That's why talking to a therapist or a coach or someone
• 6:32
  is so important to understand why you want to mean so much to
• 6:36
  this abusive, lying, cheating ass person, right?
• 6:39
  I know most people just want to know that they matter, and I get
• 6:42
  that, right? I understand that you want to
• 6:44
  know that you mattered, but you want to know that you mattered
• 6:46
  in the right way to the right person.
• 6:49
  This is probably not the right person, especially with the way
• 6:52
  that they treated you, especially with how the
• 6:54
  relationship ended or how it's currently going.
• 6:56
  There's so many people that are battling dealing with this
• 6:59
  narcissistic person about how things are actually transpiring
• 7:02
  right now. So that's something you have to
• 7:04
  do. That's something you have to
• 7:05
  reconcile with within yourself. Like why do I want to mean so
• 7:09
  much to this person? Because narcissist, I'm just
• 7:12
  keeping it hot with you. Like the more you mean to a
• 7:15
  narcissist, the more they think you belong to them, the harder
• 7:17
  it is for you for them to let you go, right?
• 7:21
  They get restraining orders. You, you can get a restraining
• 7:24
  order. You can get them locked up.
• 7:26
  They'll still be trying to come back into your life.
• 7:28
  They don't care. They will still try to find
• 7:32
  their way back into your life. They'll promise to change.
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  They'll go to therapy. They'll be praying they'll do
• 7:37
  whatever it takes to get back into your life in some
• 7:39
  manipulative type of way. But is it genuine?
• 7:42
  No, it's not genuine. It's if y'all this is this is my
• 7:46
  thought right here. And you don't have again, you
• 7:48
  can disagree with me. I truly do not believe that fast
• 7:53
  change is real. I don't think if anybody changes
• 7:58
  overnight to keep you or like you've been begging them to do
• 8:01
  something and then all of a sudden now, now because you've
• 8:03
  left, they want to do it. That's not real.
• 8:06
  That's just another form of manipulation.
• 8:09
  That's what you have to wake up to right there.
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  If they're if you've been begging them to do something and
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  you finally decide to leave and now they want to do something,
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  now they want to do it, That's fake.
• 8:19
  That's them being manipulative again.
• 8:22
  That's the that's the little manipulation.
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  Popping his head, peeking his stinking ass head above the
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  water like this. Hey, that's what that is right
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  there. So that's something you
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  absolutely have to consider right there when you're dealing
• 8:33
  with a manipulative, abusive ass person.
• 8:36
  They're going to do this a lot. They are.
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  They're going to do this a lot, a lot.
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  So that's something that you have to battle with or you have
• 8:44
  to deal with as you continue to move forward, as you continue to
• 8:47
  heal and as you continue to grow.
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  Like that narcissistic person does not get to dictate your
• 8:52
  worth there or your value. And the the crazy thing about it
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  is it's going to sound backwards.
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  It's going to sound counterintuitive.
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  The more you mean to a narcissist, sometimes the less
• 9:02
  the worse. They're going to make you feel.
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  They're going to devalue the hell out of you, to make you
• 9:07
  question your own self worth and value, to make you feel like
• 9:10
  there's no one else out there going to want you other than
• 9:12
  them. They're going to make you feel
• 9:14
  like it's worth. It's you wasting your time if
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  you leave them because you're never going to be happy again.
• 9:18
  Nobody else is going to want you.
• 9:20
  You got too many kids, you're broke, you're a bum, you're too
• 9:22
  short, you're too fat, you're too skinny, you're too tall,
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  whatever it is, right? You're ugly, you're not
• 9:27
  attractive, you bald headed right.
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  You stink. They're going to try to devalue
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  you. The more you mean to a
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  narcissist, they're going to try to make you feel less because
• 9:37
  they don't want anybody else to have you and they want to
• 9:38
  convince you that nobody else is going to want you.
• 9:40
  That way you stay with them, right?
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  If I can successfully convince you that nobody else is going to
• 9:45
  want you, then typically you're going to stay with me.
• 9:48
  Think about like that. If I convince you that no one is
• 9:52
  going to want you, that means you're going to stay with me,
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  right? That means you're going to end
• 9:56
  up staying with me. That means you're going to end
• 9:59
  up wanting to be with me for a very, very long time.
• 10:02
  And that's the way it goes. That's the way it's going to
• 10:04
  work to as you continue to heal, as you continue to grow, that's
• 10:07
  something you need to think about.
• 10:08
  Like the more you matter to a narcissist, a lot of times the
• 10:11
  worse they're going to try to make you feel right.
• 10:14
  And that's what you have to. That's what you have to compete
• 10:16
  with in your own mind. Like, OK, they're making me feel
• 10:20
  bad. Is this true for yourself?
• 10:24
  This is why self love is so important when you're trying to
• 10:27
  heal from a narcissistically abusive relationship.
• 10:29
  Because like, you got to ask yours to answer these questions
• 10:32
  right here. Is all these things that they're
• 10:34
  saying true? Or they BS in with me to try to
• 10:36
  get me to stay with them? Or they BS ING me to try to get
• 10:39
  me to stay here with to try to get me to believe this crap.
• 10:43
  Or they trying to make me question my own self worth or
• 10:45
  value just so I can stay with them.
• 10:48
  Is that what they're doing here? Those are questions you really
• 10:50
  truly have to ask yourself at the body.
• 10:52
  This kind of like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
• 10:54
  And that's the bottom line. Cause Stone Cold said so type of
• 10:58
  vibes, right? That's the stuff you have to ask
• 11:01
  yourself. So what did you mean to a
• 11:02
  narcissist? It really just depends.
• 11:04
  Did you mean anything to them? It really just depends.
• 11:06
  Like in a crazy thing about it as y'all.
• 11:08
  Even if you mean something to them, it does not mean that they
• 11:11
  won't cheat on you. Narcissistic people are very
• 11:15
  good at compartmentalizing their thoughts.
• 11:17
  I can feel like I care about you and you belong to me, but I can
• 11:21
  also be cheated on you and feeling the same way about
• 11:24
  multiple other people. I have different compartments in
• 11:26
  my mind. You see, just because you might
• 11:29
  mean something to them doesn't mean they're going to treat you
• 11:32
  better. They might actually treat you
• 11:33
  worse. They're still going to cheat on
• 11:34
  you. They're still going to they're
• 11:35
  still going to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse you.
• 11:38
  You're not you're not going to be immune to it.
• 11:41
  So like I mean something to them and I'll say this right here in
• 11:45
  closing y'all, longevity does not make mean happiness.
• 11:48
  Just because you've been together for a long time does
• 11:50
  not mean the relationship is happy, you know?
• 11:53
  Anyways, y'all, thank you for so much for making to the end of my
• 11:56
  video. Hit that subscribe button if you
• 11:58
  haven't already. We're so close y'all to hitting
• 12:00
  500K and also click on one of the videos on the screen to
• 12:04
  watch another video. Y'all, I appreciate the support.
• 12:07
  Thank you much for so thank you all so much for the Super thanks
• 12:09
  and the Super stick stickers. I see them all.
• 12:10
  I'm super grateful I'm investing it back into the channel as
• 12:13
  well. Y'all, thank you thank you,
• 12:14
  thank you. This is out peace.