Latest / Generations Church / Relationships Series 2024 - Part 2: Married & Engaged Couples Session | Rev. Eric & Esther Lau

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Relationships Series 2024 - Part 2: Married & Engaged Couples Session | Rev. Eric & Esther Lau · Generations Church

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Hey there, you're listening to the Generation's Church podcast. We pray that the
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word of God today will challenge, change and channel you into your God given
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destiny. Now let's get started. And one of the most beautiful expressions of
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love is when two individuals, a man and a woman, falls in love.
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Amen. That is a beautiful thing. When a man and a woman
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falls in love and they come together and work towards a beautiful relationship, which
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we call marriage. Even for couples who are dating, you know, we
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just don't date for the sake of dating, right, or those of you
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who are engaged, right, It's always about working towards the end goal,
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which is to become a husband and wife. I remember my mother, who
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is now in the eighties. I remember about a couple of years ago,
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we were at my dining hall at home, and my daughter were like,
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I think, you know about nineteen like that, and my you know,
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my mom was just steezing and says, god, boyfriend, Ridia, No,
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no boyfriend. Then my mom very seriously, just three of us at
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the dining table, and she looked at my daughter she says, let me
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tell you, looking for a husband is the most important decision that you will
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ever make in your life after accepting Jesus Christ. Now this is words of
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wisdom from a eighty plus your old mother, and upon reflection as a pastor,
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I can tell you I actually one hundred percent agree after accepting Jesus into
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our life as important savior, and probably the next most critical and important decision
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any one of us would make in our lives is the choosing of our life
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partners. All right, Now, those of you chose really had no choice.
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Serious, it's a job, but no choice. We work from that,
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amen. But other than that, it is the most important because the
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rest of the trajectory of our lives largely, of course, the peats on
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our relationship with our spouse, because we understand the concept we'll talk about in
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the moment of one flesh, you are one. And so marriage is a
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very beautiful thing. Marriage is a very sacred thing. And I want to
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share three things about what marriage is. And number one, marriage is a
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calling. Okay, that's the first seer. So marriage is a calling.
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Marriage is God's idea. Now look at the Book of Genesis, chapter two,
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verse eighteen of this verse there Genesis to eighteen, Genesis to eighteen.
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This amplified version. It says. Now the Lord's say it is not good,
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not sufficient, not satisfactory, that the man should be alone. Then
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the Lord says, I will make him a helper, suitable, adaptable,
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complimentary for him. But wait, this worse, quite insightful, says men
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incomplete, Men incomplete, And before the Lord says no, I would like
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him to be pared with a partner, a woman. God calls for the
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woman then to be with the man, and the union that we call marriage.
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Marriage is a calling. You just don't enter into a marriage. I
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believe that you are called into it. And so it's not my chance that
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you met that person. From a Christian perspective, with the sea that God
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is actually the divine matchmaker. How about that, amen, here's the divine
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matchmaker. So we just don't want our lives blind. Me is yeah,
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anybody are right? It is the divine matchmaker. And we believe that whoever
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that God has brought into our lives is the right one that He has ordained
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for us. Understanding calling of a marriage is important because it lays a very
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strong foundation for our lives. Because if I understand that God has called me
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into this marriage, God has placed this woman or this man into my life
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as one. Then surely there is a purpose. Then surely out of this
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will of God will come plentiful, plentiful blessing. Out of this will of
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God in this union will come blessing and favor in my life. So we
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embrace this as a calling. So when there's calling, we understand that God
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causes no marriage. Everything changes. There's a certain tenacity to actually push through
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and to all firm in tough times. You know. It's like sometimes you
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know, I made our church members, you know, and they say,
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pastor, will pray for me. I'm in the job, you know.
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Then we pray, praise what job you want? I want this company?
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You know, this company multinational, very good. One pray that I will
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get in. So we pray, we pray, we pray, and then
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the person got into the company. Oh praise God, hallelujah. Happy Huh
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got the job and he faced this is where God places me. He goes
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into the job. Eight months later, resign. Why resign? Oh my
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boss? Are you don't understand my boss? Michael League and the environment.
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But I say, in the first place, we prayed. You feel that
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God has called you there? Right and so after eight months you eject yourself
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out of God's will when we prayed about it and you sit there is where
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God is placing you. And I'm talking about similarly, think about marriage.
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You know in our church, you know, we have like most churches with
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marriage counseling. All right, our marriage counseling cost used to be Chough lessons.
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Can you imagine Cheugh lessons? Right? But now we customize it a
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little bit. But one of the things that we do in our marriage counseling
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costs before when a couple is going to courtship and there preparing for marriage.
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Of course, mendatory in our church is mandatory to go through or not we
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won't marry you, basically, so we make sure the couple goes through counseling.
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And one of the key expects in those weeks that they go through counseling
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is to understand calling. Is to understand calling. Yes you love each other,
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Yes you're attracted to each other. Yes you have so many things that
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you can say about each other. But more than everything, the very foundation,
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as you're preparing to enter, we say, is you understand calling that
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God has called you? Why is that important? Because if you understand calling.
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Then you understand that no matter what you go through in the seasons in
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marriage, which come on, let's be real, can be pretty difficult,
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painful, and even devastating, there will be then a sense of hope and
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strength to recognize even though it is tough. But I know in the first
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place, God called us into this marriage. Amen. And so we don't
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simply throw the big divorce work out. We say no, we hang on,
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We push true, we work throughe the relationship because we recognize that God
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calls us into this relationship. Amen, we understand calling, We embraced calling.
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Then comes the grace of God into our lives, into our relationships to
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be successful. Amen. First saying marriage is a calling, number two the
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second ce marriage is a covenant. Marriage is a covenant. Let's look at
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Malachai chapter two, verse fourteen. Now, the context of this verse is
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that Israel, like specific the priests were questioning why their offerings were not seemingly
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accepted by the Lord, and the Lord begin to rebuke them. Actually,
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he says, you ask why why you were so called rejected? Is it
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because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth?
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You have been unfaithful to her though she is your partner, the wife of
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your marriage. What covenant? So marriage is about a covenant? Now,
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what is a covenant? I know it's a big word and we don't use
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it often in our daily language, but covenant is a sacred agreement between two
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groups of people or two people, basically a very a secret agreement. In
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Hebrew, the word covenant simply means to bind together. There is a binding.
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Right. In fact, we use this term in contracts, say,
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oh, the contract binds you, right, So, but this is a
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covenant is different, it's more solemn. It's the binding together. Is the
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picture you can imagine your picture of two objectives, two objects, all right,
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they are strongly bound together, nail together, glue together, screwed together,
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whatever it called. They were just bound together, not meant to be
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broken. That's a huge difference in the understanding of what a covenant is versus
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what we more commonly known as a contract. All right, What is a
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covenant and why is it different from a contract? Okay? Why we're talking
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about contracts? Huh? Because in a sense, you know, you heard
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of, for example, pre nuptials, all right, before the couple get
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married. Say, let's sign let's get into this prenupture, which is that
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if we do separate and divorce, Therefore, the prenuptial contract determines that I
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get this, you get that, all right, So that's a pre nuptial
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contract, for example. But that's a huge difference between covenant and contract number
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one. A covenant is based on trust between the parties, whereas a contract
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is based on distrust. Let's do this deal together, let's enter the business
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together. But bye bye, bye bye bye. Because I don't trust you
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so much, you don't trust me so much. Let's be fair, Let's
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go to the lawyers. We draw up a contract just to safeguard, right,
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because I don't trust you fully, you don't trust me fully. Right,
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Okay, we go to the we go to the lawyer, We get
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a contract. The very purpose of the contract is a document because you distrust
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each other. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm not saying that's the
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very purpose. Right, we don't trust each other, so we draw a
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contract. Whereas a covenant, it's really about trust between two parties. We
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trust each other, we have a covenant. It is based on that.
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A covenant number two is based on unlimited responsibility. If I've a covenant with
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you, my wife, I've unlimited responsibility to care for you, to love
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you unconditionally, Whereas a contract involved limited liability if anything happens. This is
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what the contract says. Anything more you don't get. But a covenant is
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about unlimited responsibility that we have towards each other. And finally, a covenant
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cannot be broken if new circumstances occur. Think about that, because the covenant
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is sacred. Even whatever new circumstances occur, the covenant is not to be
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broken. However, a contract can be avoided by mutual consent. You agree
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to break off, agree to break off. Okay, let's go to lawyers
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and we we get it done with. Whereas a covenant remains the same.
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And then this whole concept of covenant, we don't have time to think about
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how God covenant mixed covenant with us. It's about his unconditional love towards us.
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It it's nothing you and I can ever do there will cost God to
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break his covenant with us. It's a very powerful spiritual commitment that is made.
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And therefore, when we understand the context of marriage, those of us
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who are in marriage, in the relationship, it is sacred thing that says
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we are together. Think about the marriage wows those of you are got married.
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If you went through the traditional marriage wows, you went something like for
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better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in
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health, to love and to cherish till death do us part? Think about
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that? What is that describing? That's describing a covenant. It's not describing
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a contract. It's like nothing separate us until somebody dies. That's basically what
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it means. Nothing. That is the sacredness of a covenant. Covenant is
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meant to bind two together permanently and is not meant to be separated. You
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know. It's just like, like I said, two pieces of Imagine two
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pieces of paper coming together and you put a glue and you stick two pieces
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of paper. If you try to actually separate the two pieces of paper,
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is it possible, Yes, but very very likely nine nine nine percent you
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will destroy both pieces of paper. And that is why covenant is sacred.
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There will be devastating effects when a covenant is broken, and part of the
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covenant in the understanding of covenant is the oneness that a husband and the wide
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share as one as husband, as what and wife. The covenant is about
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coming together so that we can be one. This is the concept of we're
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called one flesh. Let's look at March Upter ten, verse seven to nine.
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March Upter ten, verse seven to nine. For this reason, he
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can go to the verse for me. Is it that the next verse?
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Right? Thank you? Oh it's here, but it's not here, Okay,
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ken, I got it right. For this reason, a man will
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leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two
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will become one flesh, so that they no longer two, but one flesh.
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Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. So
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the verse verse, he says, it's the reason why a man will leave
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his father and mother be united with his wife. Now, this is the
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concept of leaving and cleaving. Now, basically, don't misread this versa.
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He says, this is why a man will leave his father and mother.
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Will not ask you to abandon your parents when you get married. It's not
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about that. The concept or the principle is. But when you do get
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married, or before that, before you get married, your number one priority
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and affection is always towards your parents, amen, because you're the son,
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you're a daughter. But it says when you do get married, there needs
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to be a reordering of that priority. Basically, then the number one place
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in your life is no longer your parents, It is your spouse. Now,
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please understand, by all means, we are not saying your parents are
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not important, but there's a very clear reordering of priority that the number one
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person who's most important in your life right now has to be your spouse.
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Why because you're already one, remember, one flesh, so that the two
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will become one, right, so that they are no longer two, but
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they are one flesh. So that is the priority. Oneness in one,
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oneness in coming together, oneeness, in understanding that between me and my wife,
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God us call us to be one, so that moving forward we do
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not serve as two individuals, but we serve as one in spirit. There
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is that oneness now two in one. There's a combined oneness in our calling,
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in our destiny. And so one of the most beautiful things I believe
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in marriage is that oneness that comes between husband and wife that we're no longer
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to But with that oneness right now comes a multiplied power and grace that God
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gives to start a family in ministry, to be a blessing to people.
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That is that oneness. So marriage is a covenant. We talk about marriage
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is all calling. And finally, marriage is a commitment. Now that's a
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huge word. Marriage is a commitment, the ability to stick on, the
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ability to be tenacious, not to give up, commitment for what, commitment
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to do whatever necessary to make the marriage successful. That's the commitment. Look
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at efficient Sept. Four versus two entry. It says, always be humble
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and gentle, be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's thoughts
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because of your love. Now this verse basically addressing the body of Christ,
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and more so of course in a marriage is applicable. Be humble, be
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gentle, be patient with each other. That's commitment making allowance for each other's
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thoughts. Now, do our partners irritate us making allowances for each other's thoughts?
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What is making allowances for each other's thoughts? My interpretation that is give
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chancellor, make allowance, but give chancellor close one Eyela. Now I'm not
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saying necessary to excuse wrongdoings, but we are saying, extend grace, Amen,
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extend grace, we're not saying accept the wrongdoings, but we're saying extend
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grace gives allowance because of your love. And then verse three says, make
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every effort, that's commitment. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in spirit,
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binding yourselves together with peace. So there is that making every effort.
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Making every effort, I think denotes hard work. So it is hard work.
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It is not a work in the part seriously, all right, and
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in my in our experience, right, the first couple of years after marriage,
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a lot of challenges, a lot of different different adjustments that need to
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be made, a lot of hard work. And I remember, uh,
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you know when we got married. You know, after I take my clothes
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out of the the cupboard, right, I would just put my hanger on
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the bait why the big so big? Put things last? Wait, loughing
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at me, Well now you take you turn around, so convenient. Then
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my wife say, can you please put the hanger on the right place where
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we put I say, okay, ok ok. After many, many,
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many years, I think, still didn't happen. And one day, one
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day she took the hanger, waving in front of me. This is almost
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physical abuse. I yeah, waving in front of me, and she say,
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let me tell you this one is a hanger, and hanger got no
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legs one, so the hanger cannot itself and hung itself at the right place.
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So the human being mustake the hanger and put at the right place.
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Ever since then, I comply because my life was threatened. But it's really
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about adjustments, and I think most of us understand. We come to a
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point where don't say no, I'm a doubt. I do whatever I like.
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If you talk like that, don't get married, please, true not
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guys. Marriages, Oh my, a doubt. I do whatever I like.
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If you talk like that, you know, I tell singer. Guys,
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if you're very happy with your single life, going out whatever, whenever
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you want, coming back, whatever you want, using your money, however
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you want, which is good because you're a single, you're independent and you
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want that independence after marriage. Please do not get married. Please do not
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get married. It's just a recipe for disaster, because after you get married,
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you have to make major adjustments, and the fact is you're giving up
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your personal rights. That's what happened. It's a commitment for us to change,
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commitment to change change one, change ourselves right, I think very very
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often we like to change who are change that the person? Right? You
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change you change, right, So don't focus on looking for or branding for
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the perfect partner. Focus instead of becoming the perfect one, all right?
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Or there's this saying, right, don't look for the right one, be
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the right one, I think, which is true? You know why all
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of us to take personal responsibility for our own christ likeness? Am I right?
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We take responsibility. If I'm impatient and I work hard to work with
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my in my impatience, impatience right. If I'm lazy, then I work
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hard to change. If I have a bad attitude, I work hard myself
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to change. So all of us did to what I say, take personal
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responsibility. So the difference is this, right in a marriage, in relationship
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ships, the focus should be always taking personal responsibility for personal change rather than
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demanding the other person to change. Right, when I come home, I've
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a right that the house be clean because I'm the husband. Example, and
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the wife says, you know, every month, because I'm the wife,
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I have the right to demand that you would do this for me or you
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banging this amount in the account for me. So the marriage is going to
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be very tough if you focus on our rights, because the more I focus
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on my rights means I want you to change for me. This is my
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right. So I'm taking from you, this is my right. I'm thinking
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from you. This is my right. I'm thinking from you. This is
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my right. I demand it from you. I demand this from you.
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You keep taking, and once you keep thinking, what happens to your partner.
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Your partner's emotional bank account stats to deplete. So there's where a lot
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of marriages break down. Right, So instead of demanding for my rights and
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taking from my partner, I focus on what responsibility. See, I do
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what I'm supposed to do. My wife esther does what she is supposed to
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do. When we focus on our personal response to change ourselves. So when
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my wife changed from changes, who rips the blessing? I rip the blessing?
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When I change, who rips the blessing? She rips the blessing.
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In that sense, we're giving to each other. So instead of now taking
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and taking, it's me giving her, me giving her, and she giving
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me and she giving me. And that is how the relationship drives because it
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does not focus on my rights, but focus on my responsorability amen. The
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commitment to change. It's also about commitment to change, but also commitment not
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to change, meaning there needs to be that steadfastness in our hearts to say
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that my love, my care, my concern for my spouse must never change.
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It must always stay consistent. You know, I like this set of
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a humor there the love word for example. You know we like to throw
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the love word around, you know. So imagine a couple after six weeks
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of getting married. The husband says, I love you, I love you,
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I love you the six weeks after six months, you love me at
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of course I love you aut after six years. If I didn't love you,
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well I marry you. The husband comes back from work after six weeks.
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Honey, I'm back after six months. I'm back after six years.
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Have you cooked ALREADYA rings after six weicks? Baby, somebody wants you on
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the phone after six months, Here is for you? After six years,
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answer the phone. Woman cooking After six weeks, the guy says, I
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never knew frank Rice could taste so good. After six months, what are
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we having for dinner tonight? After six years? Frank Rice again? She
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comes home with a new dress after six weeks. Wow, you look stunning
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like an angel in that dress. After six months, you bought a new
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dress again after six Yes, how much your love finger. So the reality
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is that over time there are changes that takes place. Now, don't we
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are with your love over those things. But the reality is that one of
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the most important factors right in determining the success of a marriage is the ability
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for us not to change our deep affection and love for one another, a
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commitment that is absolutely exclusive, every exclusive exclusive, to remain faithful and to
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remain loyal. You know, one of the terms that I hear and sometimes
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I get this question a lot. You know, it's that pastor you know,
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we are married, but we can have relationship or friendship with our friends
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of the opposite sex, right, I say, of course, And this
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is what the term that is used called platonic relationship. Platonic relationship means you
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know, you are close to that person of the opposite sex, for example,
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but it's non romantic and non sexual. Right, so we get a
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platonic like like we see the sitcom friends are living together. No, no,
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let me tell you. Is it possible to be close to another person
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of the opposite sex and remain this platonic relationship. It is possible, but
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I also tell you in a very practical perspective, it is very dangerous.
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Well, then, cannot be good friends with people of the opposite sex?
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Are can do it in a cruel But if you're married today, I'm going
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to be spending time with my high school friend. Never meet Radia. So
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long tonight we're going for dinner every month we catch up. Let me tell
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you, even as a pastor, I don't trust myself. I don't trust
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myself. Men that I hear. Men, let's be realer. Is it
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possible, men that I hear that, although we are married, and even
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though we're happily married, is it possible still for us to be physically,
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emotionally whatever attracted to someone of the opposite sex? Yes? Or no?
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Yes? So no? Yeah, that's it? Right? And so what
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do we do if we understand how important marriage is and how easy it is
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for us to actually be tempted? So we draw the line, clear lines
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of exclusivity. Amen. Right, So that's important. It takes commitment.
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It takes commitment also to resolve conflicts in marriages. Conflicts always takes place.
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Yes, Can they ever be a conflict? Free marriage canna hardly you know
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whatever a couple says, Oh, we don't argue, we don't argue,
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we don't fight. Only two possibilities. Why the couple don't fight Number one
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Barrukavin or number two. They have fought and fought and fought and fought until
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it's like, forget it better, don't say anything. And you know,
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right, the marriage is dysfunctional. But the reality is marriage important puzzle of
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every form of relationship. It's conflict necessarily bad, No, because there is
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a positive sight to conflict. In fact, every healthy relationship, dynamic should
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have conflict. You know that. Okay, why no, it's just imagine,
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you know, if if if someone is a dating for remember of your
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first date when you were dating the girl and you were like very excited.
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You were waiting with the girl. No, maybe in front of background,
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you know Kelcy Sea there or I can see the tower, so waiting for
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her for a hot date. Then she comes, all right, but she's
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actually late. She's like forty five minutes late. You're supposed to meet at
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seven o'clock. She only came seven forty five because you know, she was
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like traffic germ and all that, and she comes, apologizing, so sorry,
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I'm so sorry, I keep you waiting here forty five I'm so sorry.
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Now what do you say? It's okay. In fact, the last
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forty five minutes just thinking about you make me so happy. It's okay.
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Then, what you want to eat? You choose? No, you choose,
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you choose, not a forty five minutes that you choose. You choose,
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you choose, you choose, you choose because you're just starting the relationship,
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am I? Right? Fast forward five years after Marriat. You're waiting
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there and she is late, five minutes? Sorry? Sorry? What?
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Sorry? What? Sorryer? Wait for you? I'm so hungry? You
29:26
know what's not me? You always say a me, wait for you?
29:32
What you know? It my favorite KFC hung KFC again? Now what's your
29:34
And you're now like, now, now, what's happening? It's not necessarily
29:41
bad. Think about that when everything is new, all right, it's like,
29:47
it's okay, no problem. Why Because you're in the forming stage of
29:51
the relationship, so you wear a mask. You have high tolerance. You
29:56
don't show your true colors. Right after some time, as the religion progress,
30:02
let's thinking about marriages. Right, we come to the point of actually
30:04
high trusts as you're dating and you come to trust. And when you have
30:08
trust, what do you do? When I trust you, you trust me?
30:11
I become more wide honest with my feedback. Am I right? I'm
30:17
more honest, I'm more blund. But when I'm more blond, I get
30:21
into we get into one flicks. It's like you if you invite me to
30:26
your house tonight right now? If I go back home and my wife cooks
30:32
all right, and you know she spent two hours cooking in the kitchen because
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she was inspired by Jamie Oliver and YouTube or something, right, So she
30:37
spent two hours cooking, right, And I go back home, and then
30:40
she says, ever ready come, there's this new recipe that I learned from
30:45
Jamie Oliver. Then I eat her food. I go, oh, I
30:48
cannot take it. I don't like it. Well, I spent two hours.
30:52
I know you spent to oas cooking with me, but I don't like
30:53
the days. But you don't appreciate I appreciate you, So the fighter.
31:00
If I go to your house and your cooking is worse than my wife,
31:04
all right, then I eat your food. Now, every how's my food?
31:07
What do I say oh nice, nice, Oh nice? Where do
31:12
you unique or your foot? What are you unique? Whole? I will
31:15
even lie to you. Why do I lie to you? Because I don't
31:19
have enough repole or trust with you. There's no relationship, right, not
31:25
enough repole. So I cannot be honest with you. But with my wife
31:27
I can immediately say I don't like it. But in my honest with each
31:32
other we get into conflict. Is it necessary bad? No, It's part
31:37
and puzzle of relationship development. Amen. Then we work through those conflict piece
31:42
by piece and over time, that's how we strengthen our marriages. Amen.
31:47
By the way, my wife is a fantastic cook. Okay, So the
31:55
absence of conflict doesn't mean that everything is good. In fact, the absence
31:59
of conflict very often reveals that the relationships are very shallow, all right.
32:06
Now, of course, when conflict occurs, that's where it is critical,
32:09
because if conflict not handle maturely or in a biblical way, it goes to
32:15
a place that is extremely ugly, all right. But if conflict is addressed
32:21
and handled in a very mature, biblical way, it goes to another place
32:24
that will strengthened and make the marriage beautiful, So we must learn to engage
32:30
in conflict in a mature manner. Three phrases I think that are most critical
32:37
and most important for all of us to learn to say. Whenever we have
32:42
disagreements with each other, are these three statements. Number one, I was
32:46
wrong. Number two, I'm sorry. Number three, please forgive me.
33:00
Very simple statements. Number one I was wrong, Number two, I'm sorry,
33:07
number three, please forgive me. If we learned to utilize this tree
33:14
phrases, all right, very quickly, very sincerely, all right, I
33:20
believe that you will help us to move forward. You see, the whole
33:22
concept of acknowledgement, saying sorry and then asking for forgiveness. Isn't that the
33:29
gospel, by the way, is that the gospel. That's the gospel of
33:31
grace. You know, we've acknowledged we messed up, we asked for forgiveness.
33:36
We are forgiven fresh start the grace of God. Amen. So we
33:40
need to exercise that in marriages. If there is wrongdoing, that are things
33:45
that are you know, I'm godly responsibility. Acknowledge there was wrong, ask
33:50
for forgiveness, Amen, and then that's it, fresh start. We move
33:55
forward. So in conclusion, let me just summarize the three season marriage about
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what is what calling? Number two it's a covenant, and number three it's
34:07
about a commitment. It's commitment. It is a calling, a very sacred
34:14
calling that a man God would call a man woman together in a beautiful relationship.
34:20
It's also a covenant not men to be broken. It's a covenant to
34:24
be kept based on trusts. And finally, commitment requires a lot of hard
34:31
work, Amen, hard work that every couple must work through issues, work
34:37
through difficult times. There are different seasons in life, but if you're committed
34:43
to it, I'm very confident that every marriage will be successful, and more
34:47
so when we have a god angle to it, we recognize that this is
34:52
the call of God in our lives. Then we and our spouse together as
34:55
one can be a powerful united force to be used by God falk his glory.
35:01
And the amount of impact that we can make to the next generation,
35:06
to our children, to our children's children, and the people around us is
35:09
gonna be massive and gonna bring lots of glory to God. Amen. Thank
35:17
you for listening to the Generation's Church podcast. We hope you have been blessed
35:22
by the Word of God. Today. Remember to stay tuned by subscribing to
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