Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 357. Feeling As Though You Are Not Doing Enough

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357. Feeling As Though You Are Not Doing Enough · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:15
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of Today.
0:18
Speaker 1: So this episode, like all my episodes, is going to
0:22
Speaker 1: be jam packed with a whole bunch of compacted good shit.
0:27
Speaker 1: I was gonna say compacted shit, like a compacted ball
0:30
Speaker 1: of shit, but it's good shit, good stuff that we're
0:33
Speaker 1: going to compact into this episode, so you can really
0:36
Speaker 1: rape the rewards of dedicating the next hour to listening
0:40
Speaker 1: to this episode. So basically what we are talking about
0:43
Speaker 1: today is that feeling that you might feel where you
0:48
Speaker 1: are constantly feeling like you need to be doing more
0:51
Speaker 1: in order to feel happy or that you're not doing enough,
0:54
Speaker 1: and how that feeling is ruining the moment for you.
0:57
Speaker 1: It's ruining the every day you feel like happiness or
1:01
Speaker 1: a sense of accomplishment or validation is on the other
1:04
Speaker 1: side of doing more. And this is also linked to
1:07
Speaker 1: something called toxic productivity, which I am going to be
1:09
Speaker 1: talking about as well in this episode. So there's a
1:11
Speaker 1: lot to listen to in this episode. And I feel
1:13
Speaker 1: like I feel this way as well. I have felt
1:17
Speaker 1: this way many times, and unless I check in and
1:21
Speaker 1: A'm aware of what's going on and do things about it,
1:23
Speaker 1: it can really impact my mood throughout the day. So
1:26
Speaker 1: this is something that affects me and I'm sure, well
1:29
Speaker 1: not just like I know for a fact that it
1:32
Speaker 1: affects a lot of you guys as well, because you
1:34
Speaker 1: tell me about it, you write in to me about it,
1:37
Speaker 1: and it's also a common theme that crops up a
1:40
Speaker 1: lot on socials and people talking about it. So I thought,
1:42
Speaker 1: let's just dedicate a whole episode to this. So I'm
1:47
Speaker 1: going to do a fun brain Factor as well. It's
1:49
Speaker 1: kind of it's a short and sweet, but it's very interesting,
1:52
Speaker 1: almost like I want to call it, like a piece
1:53
Speaker 1: of trivia, but also important to know if you have
1:59
Speaker 1: older people in your life that you care about, it's
2:01
Speaker 1: a very interesting but important thing to know about for
2:04
Speaker 1: their brain health life update. Just trying to think of
2:09
Speaker 1: a recommendation because I said that I was going to
2:12
Speaker 1: start doing recommendations and I am yet to do one
2:16
Speaker 1: in the last couple of episodes. But maybe I could
2:19
Speaker 1: recommend a podcast that I've been listening to that I
2:23
Speaker 1: actually find really interesting. So this is a podcast that
2:28
Speaker 1: is called Scam Fluencers because I recently got asked by
2:32
Speaker 1: I was interviewed recently and I got asked what podcast
2:34
Speaker 1: do you listen to? And I love to listen to
2:38
Speaker 1: anything around people that con people, con artists in general,
2:42
Speaker 1: big cons that have gone down, Like there's so many.
2:45
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I find that so so fucking fascinating.
2:48
Speaker 1: I think I don't know what it is, but I
2:49
Speaker 1: love to hear about a fucking hectic con that went down.
2:53
Speaker 1: And Scamfluencers is a great It's a wondering podcast, not
2:58
Speaker 1: spawn by the way, it's just me talking about something.
3:00
Speaker 1: It's a really really good podcast, and you can kind
3:03
Speaker 1: of pick and choose which stories kind of resonate with
3:04
Speaker 1: you the most. But there's so many good episodes in
3:08
Speaker 1: there about someone that's scammed someone or con someone or
3:12
Speaker 1: they're all very different and it's all really really good,
3:14
Speaker 1: and the scale of kind of what they talk about
3:16
Speaker 1: is quite broad. So I really enjoy that one. So
3:18
Speaker 1: go check out that podcast if you like listening stories
3:22
Speaker 1: about scam artists, like I seem to fucking a door.
3:24
Speaker 1: I think I need to launch a subcategory of podcasts
3:29
Speaker 1: just branching off talking about my favorite different things, like
3:33
Speaker 1: I need one about con artists obviously. Anyway, so let's
3:37
Speaker 1: get into the brain fact of today. So the brain
3:42
Speaker 1: fact of today is about UTI, so urinary tract infections
3:48
Speaker 1: induced delirium in elderly patients. So I have found this
3:54
Speaker 1: extremely fascinating. But urinary tract infection anyone can get. I
3:58
Speaker 1: think a lot of us may I've already had it.
4:00
Speaker 1: I've definitely had it a couple of handful of times
4:03
Speaker 1: in my life. Some people get it all the fucking time,
4:04
Speaker 1: but it is something that is quite common. But when
4:07
Speaker 1: elderly patients get a UTI, they experience something referred to
4:12
Speaker 1: as acute delirium. So delirium is confusion. It's when you're
4:17
Speaker 1: not acting like yourself, You're doing things that are out
4:19
Speaker 1: of character or not really like a weird behaviors. It's
4:22
Speaker 1: a sharp decline in your mental abilities. And also it
4:26
Speaker 1: increases anxiety. So sometimes you might see an older person
4:32
Speaker 1: all of a sudden get a really quick onset of
4:34
Speaker 1: this delirium and it appears that maybe there, you know,
4:40
Speaker 1: it's like, is this degeneration? What's going on here? It
4:44
Speaker 1: might might be a UTI. Now keep in mind that
4:47
Speaker 1: not every single old person who gets a UTI experiences delirium,
4:51
Speaker 1: and not every delirium is due to UTI or another
4:56
Speaker 1: kind of infection. I'm specifically referring to UTIs, but this
4:58
Speaker 1: can also happen with other infections as well, like something
5:01
Speaker 1: to do with lung infections. I think it's quite common.
5:03
Speaker 1: We're talking about specifically UTIs here. Now, why does this
5:08
Speaker 1: happen and why does it happen in elderly patients when
5:12
Speaker 1: you're not saying this happen in young patients, Because it's
5:14
Speaker 1: the same thing. It's a UTI across the board, so
5:17
Speaker 1: we think that it's happening due to inflammation. So when
5:21
Speaker 1: you get a UTI, that is an infection. So the
5:23
Speaker 1: immune system is going to ramp up to fight this infection,
5:27
Speaker 1: and it's done through a whole bunch of mechanisms. Fighting
5:30
Speaker 1: an infection, a virus, bacteria, anything that's foreign that doesn't
5:33
Speaker 1: belong in the body. Your body is going to go through.
5:35
Speaker 1: Your immune system is going to go through a whole
5:37
Speaker 1: range of things that it can be doing to fight
5:39
Speaker 1: that off. And part of that is fever and inflammation
5:43
Speaker 1: that some of the processes that the body goes through
5:45
Speaker 1: to get rid of that infection. So while most people
5:49
Speaker 1: will get some fever or inflammation, elderly patients also get
5:55
Speaker 1: this delirium and The reason that older people, or are
6:01
Speaker 1: proportion of older people when they get a UTI get
6:04
Speaker 1: the delirium is becaud is because as you get older,
6:07
Speaker 1: the blood brain barrier, which serves to protect the brain
6:10
Speaker 1: from foreign bodies or particles that just shouldn't be in
6:13
Speaker 1: the brain. That barrier becomes weak as you get older.
6:18
Speaker 1: Not for everyone, and it depends on the age, and
6:20
Speaker 1: it depends on many, many factors, but in general, you're
6:22
Speaker 1: seeing a weakening of that blood brain barrier. So it's
6:25
Speaker 1: a lot easier for things to penetrate that barrier when
6:27
Speaker 1: you're old, such as infection, inflammation. Things that are causing
6:32
Speaker 1: inflammation outside of the brain can then cause inflammation inside
6:35
Speaker 1: of the brain, and then of course that inflammation and
6:38
Speaker 1: infection is going to affect the brain and impact its
6:41
Speaker 1: normal function. So this occurs in up to one third
6:45
Speaker 1: of elderly patients with a UTI. Elderly women the most
6:50
Speaker 1: susceptible to developing a UTI. And interestingly, I got this
6:53
Speaker 1: from a study that was referring to the United States,
6:56
Speaker 1: so I'm not sure what the numbers are worldwide, but
6:58
Speaker 1: I'm guessing it would reflect something similar. But UTIs are
7:00
Speaker 1: responsible for around twenty five percent of geriatric hospitalizations, which
7:05
Speaker 1: is a lot I feel. So this is the interesting part.
7:11
Speaker 1: The pathogenesis of delirium is believed to involve cytokine mediated
7:18
Speaker 1: neuronal dysfunction in areas of the brain such as the
7:22
Speaker 1: hippocampus and the frontal cortex. So we know that this
7:25
Speaker 1: frontal cortex, in the prefrontal cortex is involved in executive function,
7:29
Speaker 1: forward planning, understanding the consequences of your behavior, basically acting
7:35
Speaker 1: like acting appropriately and knowing what's inappropriate and all of that.
7:40
Speaker 1: That's all governed by the prefrontal cortex. And then of
7:43
Speaker 1: course the hippocampus has to do with learning, memory, behavior,
7:47
Speaker 1: and also emotion regulation and all of that. So you're
7:50
Speaker 1: seeing these two regions of the brain which communicate quite
7:53
Speaker 1: heavily be affected by this cytokine. These cytokines, Okay, So
8:01
Speaker 1: we believe that it involves something called interlukens six. I'm
8:04
Speaker 1: going to refer to it as IL six. That's what
8:07
Speaker 1: it's shortened down to, and that is a cytokine, and
8:11
Speaker 1: basically a cytokine, just to put it in like Layman's terms,
8:13
Speaker 1: is a category of small proteins that are involved in
8:16
Speaker 1: cell signaling. And when you hear someone say cell signaling,
8:19
Speaker 1: it just means that it has an effect on other cells.
8:21
Speaker 1: When you say cell, it's signaling something from another cell. Okay,
8:25
Speaker 1: so this ALE six is basically there to regulate immune response,
8:29
Speaker 1: the immune response to the urinary tract infection. However, when
8:32
Speaker 1: this cytokine, when aisle six levels are too high, and
8:35
Speaker 1: in elderly patients where the blood brain barrier is not
8:38
Speaker 1: intact and things can penetrate, ile six can cause injury
8:42
Speaker 1: to the brain in most cases temporarily. So this inflammation
8:45
Speaker 1: response causes changes within the neurons because of this cytokine
8:49
Speaker 1: because it's signaling cells to do something different. So it's
8:52
Speaker 1: causing changes in the brain and that is what is
8:54
Speaker 1: causing the delirium side effects. And in rap models they did,
8:59
Speaker 1: they basically had these rat models where they had rats
9:02
Speaker 1: with the UTI and rats that didn't have this infection.
9:05
Speaker 1: When they basically blocked the aisle six, the delirium behaviors
9:11
Speaker 1: were resolved, so they went away completely. Okay, Now, how
9:13
Speaker 1: do you test fucking delirium in a rat? Well, they
9:16
Speaker 1: do it. They do it by testing how the rat
9:19
Speaker 1: navigates amaze how it behaves versus how the control group
9:22
Speaker 1: behaves or how that rat normally would behave when it
9:24
Speaker 1: didn't have the infection, their levels of anxiety, the levels
9:27
Speaker 1: of interaction, so they could look at their behavioral changes
9:30
Speaker 1: within the environment that they've set up for the rats,
9:33
Speaker 1: and then they look at when aisle six is blowing
9:36
Speaker 1: up versus when they're blocking it and saying does the
9:39
Speaker 1: delirium go away? And the delirium does go away, it
9:43
Speaker 1: is resolved. So basically, when you treat symptoms early, full
9:46
Speaker 1: recovery is very often seen. But it is so fucking important,
9:50
Speaker 1: especially for old people, to stay on top of any infection,
9:52
Speaker 1: especially a UTI, because that can cause these like neurological
9:56
Speaker 1: implications if it goes unchecked. Because young people UTI it's
10:01
Speaker 1: just mild problems. We fight it off a lot easier,
10:03
Speaker 1: it doesn't get to the brain. But for elderly people
10:06
Speaker 1: it can cause infections. It can cause kidney failure, it
10:09
Speaker 1: can cause inflammation in brain areas and infection to the blood.
10:13
Speaker 1: So it's not a fucking joke in old people, and
10:15
Speaker 1: it needs to be taken really seriously. So if you
10:18
Speaker 1: notice that someone who you know who is elderly is
10:21
Speaker 1: has this quick onset of delirium like symptoms, then I
10:25
Speaker 1: would get that checked immediately, thinking maybe there's an infection
10:28
Speaker 1: here and we need to get this person on antibiotics
10:31
Speaker 1: or on a treatment to get rid of that infection. Okay,
10:34
Speaker 1: because in most cases, UTI induced delirium is reversible when
10:39
Speaker 1: the infection is treated. So heads up. If you have
10:42
Speaker 1: elderly people in your life and this kind of happens,
10:45
Speaker 1: it's pretty fucking interesting. Okay, let's get straight into the
10:49
Speaker 1: episode of today. To the topic of today. I did
11:10
Speaker 1: want to speak about my audiobook which is coming out
11:14
Speaker 1: very soon. It is called How to Chase Change Thirty
11:16
Speaker 1: Days to Master Your mindset. This audiobook is I'm so
11:21
Speaker 1: excited for you guys to do it. It's I think
11:24
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11:26
Speaker 1: roughly ten minutes a day for thirty days, and after
11:29
Speaker 1: every single session or module, you get either a piece
11:33
Speaker 1: of homework, an exercise to do, or further resources for
11:37
Speaker 1: you to further your knowledge in that topic. But there
11:39
Speaker 1: is something, a task or a resource every single day
11:43
Speaker 1: for those thirty days you can be doing it. It
11:45
Speaker 1: can take you longer than the thirty days, but it
11:48
Speaker 1: is designed for by the end of that thirty day period,
11:52
Speaker 1: your life is absolutely transformed. You've got a much better
11:55
Speaker 1: understanding of who you are and what you want. If
11:58
Speaker 1: you want to pre order the book, just check the
12:00
Speaker 1: link in the bio and you can click on that
12:03
Speaker 1: link and pre order the book. It comes out September tenth,
12:07
Speaker 1: so get your pre orders in. I'm so excited and
12:10
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you guys and hear
12:12
Speaker 1: what you think about the book. So the episode of today,
12:15
Speaker 1: we're talking about this feeling that you this constant feeling
12:18
Speaker 1: of not doing enough or feeling like you always have
12:21
Speaker 1: to be doing more and you feel like you're falling
12:23
Speaker 1: behind or you're not keeping up or all of that.
12:26
Speaker 1: So let's talk about what exactly is it, what does
12:31
Speaker 1: it feel like, and why does it happen. So, it
12:34
Speaker 1: is this feeling that in order to feel fulfilled, you
12:39
Speaker 1: need to be doing more. It's this need to be productive,
12:42
Speaker 1: it's a need to be busy. It's this glorification. It's
12:44
Speaker 1: this hustle culture. All of these like buzzwords, you know,
12:48
Speaker 1: toxic productivity, hustle culture, glorifying, busy, all of that. But basically,
12:54
Speaker 1: you just feel like you're not doing enough, and due
12:56
Speaker 1: to that feeling, it affects your overall mood, not as satisfied,
13:01
Speaker 1: you have anxiety, You feel not good enough, you don't
13:05
Speaker 1: feel adequate enough, and it feels like happiness or a
13:08
Speaker 1: sense of achievement or a sense of feeling like you
13:11
Speaker 1: are accomplishing things in your life is on the other
13:14
Speaker 1: side of all these things that need to be done.
13:17
Speaker 1: It's not accessible now, it's over there, So I need
13:19
Speaker 1: to be doing all this fucking bullshit in order to
13:23
Speaker 1: get to the happiness. Now, why does it happen. There's
13:28
Speaker 1: a bunch of reasons why it happens, and then I'm
13:30
Speaker 1: going to talk about what causes it as well. But
13:32
Speaker 1: it happens because it's a big part of this is comparison.
13:38
Speaker 1: We compare ourselves to others all the fucking time. Where
13:42
Speaker 1: they are in their timeline versus where we are in
13:44
Speaker 1: our timeline, what they have achieved, or what they have
13:46
Speaker 1: attained in physical possessions, in money, in all through things
13:49
Speaker 1: versus what we have. We feel like we're not doing
13:52
Speaker 1: things fast enough, that we're not doing enough because our
13:54
Speaker 1: timeline doesn't match up to other people's timelines. We're really
13:57
Speaker 1: good at also comparing ourselves to people who we know
14:00
Speaker 1: nothing about. So it's quite easy to look at somebody
14:04
Speaker 1: who we don't have an insight into their personal life
14:06
Speaker 1: and say, this person has all of that I don't.
14:10
Speaker 1: I'm failing or I'm falling behind or whatever. But we
14:13
Speaker 1: also don't acknowledge that other people are just set up
14:18
Speaker 1: in a different way and have different experiences. Yes, they
14:20
Speaker 1: might have helped, they might not. It might be due
14:22
Speaker 1: to all their hard work. But you also have to
14:23
Speaker 1: look at am I achieving more balance in my life?
14:26
Speaker 1: Would I rather push the timeline out a little bit more,
14:29
Speaker 1: but strike more of a balance and be happy. Would
14:31
Speaker 1: I rather invest some of my time in this but
14:34
Speaker 1: also some of my time in other things that also
14:37
Speaker 1: bring me joy. So you can't just look at, oh,
14:39
Speaker 1: this person's killing it. They must be killing it not
14:42
Speaker 1: just in that thing, but in every fucking area of
14:44
Speaker 1: their life as well. You know, you can't just look
14:46
Speaker 1: at someone who you don't know and say, well, I'm
14:48
Speaker 1: not doing good enough because I'm not living up to
14:51
Speaker 1: this stranger's timeline. We do that all the time to
14:54
Speaker 1: ourselves and that is one of the biggest causes of anxiety.
14:57
Speaker 1: Another thing that we do is we compare ourselves to
15:00
Speaker 1: we think we should be. We set these arbitrary timelines
15:04
Speaker 1: for ourselves, these deadlines. I do it all the time
15:07
Speaker 1: to myself, and then I have to give myself a
15:09
Speaker 1: bit of a pep talk to snap out of it,
15:10
Speaker 1: where I will create a random deadline. And there is
15:15
Speaker 1: a lot to be said for a deadline. There is
15:17
Speaker 1: a lot of good that comes from a deadline. But
15:19
Speaker 1: what is not good is when it starts making you
15:21
Speaker 1: feel like you are less than, you're not good enough,
15:23
Speaker 1: you failed yourself. All of that. I think deadlines are
15:26
Speaker 1: important so you can stick to kind of like a
15:27
Speaker 1: cadence of performance and behavior and dedicating time to a
15:31
Speaker 1: certain thing, because you also don't want to have a
15:33
Speaker 1: goal and ten years down the line, you've barely chipped
15:35
Speaker 1: away at it. But I think that many times I've
15:39
Speaker 1: been in a position, and when I say many, I'm
15:41
Speaker 1: saying like an exorbitant, ridiculous amount of times where I
15:46
Speaker 1: have had to push my timeline out and it's not
15:49
Speaker 1: been the end of the world. I've not crumbled. If anything,
15:53
Speaker 1: it's actually been one of the kind of things I've
15:55
Speaker 1: done for myself because instead of thinking that I'm a failure,
15:58
Speaker 1: sometimes I think, well, there's all these other things things
16:00
Speaker 1: that are going on for you. Maybe if you push
16:02
Speaker 1: this timeline out, you could actually still have a good
16:04
Speaker 1: time while doing it, instead of torturing yourself to get
16:07
Speaker 1: to the finish line. And then when you get to
16:09
Speaker 1: the finish line, then what, Yes, you feel relief, but
16:11
Speaker 1: has that made you happy while torturing yourself in the process.
16:15
Speaker 1: So we are really good at setting these really intense
16:18
Speaker 1: timelines on ourselves, and we also set timelines with things
16:23
Speaker 1: that we may not be completely in control of, which
16:26
Speaker 1: is also very hopeful to ourselves. Setting timelines on when
16:30
Speaker 1: you're going to be in a relationship, timelines on when
16:33
Speaker 1: you need to have children. A lot of these things
16:34
Speaker 1: are not completely within our control. We can't control when
16:37
Speaker 1: someone wants to date us, or when they're ready to
16:39
Speaker 1: fully lock down into a marriage scenario, or all these things,
16:43
Speaker 1: when they want to move in, all these things. So
16:44
Speaker 1: we really fuck with ourselves with these timelines, and that
16:50
Speaker 1: is another major reason why we feel like we're not
16:52
Speaker 1: doing enough or we need to be doing more because
16:54
Speaker 1: of this arbitrary thing that we've created for ourselves, our anxiety.
17:02
Speaker 1: I explain anxiety as the gap between where we are
17:06
Speaker 1: and where we think we should be, or the gap
17:08
Speaker 1: between what is happening right now and what we think
17:12
Speaker 1: should be happening. So that space is anxiety. That's how
17:17
Speaker 1: I've always tried to explain it, and that's for me
17:21
Speaker 1: what makes the most sense when I try and explain
17:23
Speaker 1: anxiety to other people, that feeling of this. This is
17:26
Speaker 1: not right. It's not where I'm supposed to be, This
17:29
Speaker 1: situation is not right, it's not how it's supposed to happen.
17:31
Speaker 1: If the same goes in social situations, we have anxiety
17:34
Speaker 1: because we're like, I'm feeling this, but I should or
17:36
Speaker 1: it should be playing out like this, or it should
17:38
Speaker 1: be going like this, or if it doesn't, I'm fearing
17:40
Speaker 1: this is going to happen. So it's that gap, and
17:44
Speaker 1: we kind of add to that gap because we're constantly
17:47
Speaker 1: saying I need to be doing more in order to
17:49
Speaker 1: be happy. And if you're telling yourself that happiness is
17:51
Speaker 1: on the other side of that thing, then of course
17:53
Speaker 1: it's going to cause you to feel anxiety and it's
17:55
Speaker 1: going to bring up levels of inadequacy in you now
18:00
Speaker 1: what is causing it? So basically a pattern of behavior
18:04
Speaker 1: is causing it. We are really really good at tricking
18:09
Speaker 1: ourselves into thinking that busy means fulfilled, but that's not
18:13
Speaker 1: necessarily the case. So it depends on what kind of
18:16
Speaker 1: busy and the quality of that busy. Because I also
18:19
Speaker 1: am not saying, oh, babes, if you just fucking lie
18:22
Speaker 1: on the couch, there's a fucking solution. You're you're gonna,
18:24
Speaker 1: you know, don't be busy, do nothing, live the slowest life,
18:27
Speaker 1: and you're gonna fee fulfilled. That's also not the answer.
18:30
Speaker 1: The answer is the quality of my busy will determine
18:35
Speaker 1: if I feel fulfilled or if I don't feel fulfilled.
18:38
Speaker 1: What we do to ourselves is that we make ourselves
18:41
Speaker 1: busy while causing ourselves stress, while causing ourselves anxiety. A
18:45
Speaker 1: lot of this busyness is thinking that we need to
18:50
Speaker 1: do this. It's not actually fulfilling in the moment. It's
18:52
Speaker 1: almost like a slog to get to where we think
18:54
Speaker 1: we need to be, and not that everything has to
18:56
Speaker 1: be fulfilling. There's many things you're gonna have to do
18:58
Speaker 1: in your life that's not enjoyable. But it's this belief
19:01
Speaker 1: that busy is good at all at any cost. Okay,
19:06
Speaker 1: So you have to be paying attention to what kind
19:09
Speaker 1: of busy are we talking at about and the quality
19:11
Speaker 1: of that busy because I know people that are very
19:12
Speaker 1: successful in life and have achieved a lot and are
19:15
Speaker 1: the most miserable people that I know, okay, because obviously
19:19
Speaker 1: too much of their time is busy working on something
19:22
Speaker 1: that's not deeply fulfilling on a personal level. It's fulfilling
19:25
Speaker 1: on an external level, but that wears off relatively quickly.
19:28
Speaker 1: So you have to really pay attention to what is
19:31
Speaker 1: it that I'm doing, and is it actually beneficial to
19:34
Speaker 1: me in the long term, and is it beneficial to
19:36
Speaker 1: my mental health? Okay? Yes, So basically we're in a
19:38
Speaker 1: situation where we're like flogging this dead horse, thinking that
19:41
Speaker 1: the gold is at the end of that road, when
19:43
Speaker 1: in reality the gold is probably behind you in the
19:46
Speaker 1: opposite direction, and we're just chasing something that we've already attained. Now,
19:53
Speaker 1: the more we do this, the more we engage in
19:57
Speaker 1: these behaviors. Like, the brain is very the brain just
20:01
Speaker 1: does what you tell it to do, essentially, so you've
20:04
Speaker 1: also got to think that what causes it is the
20:07
Speaker 1: way that you've been conditioned. And I'm going to go
20:09
Speaker 1: into it a little bit more around that. In my
20:12
Speaker 1: main points, I think I've got how many points do
20:14
Speaker 1: I have? Like seven or eight points on how to
20:16
Speaker 1: actually stop feeling this way and how to create balance?
20:19
Speaker 1: But you've got to realize that everything that we do,
20:22
Speaker 1: it's because we have conditioned ourselves, condition our brains to
20:26
Speaker 1: behave in that way. Okay, so let's not go into
20:29
Speaker 1: these eight points. Let's just fucking crack straight into it.
20:32
Speaker 1: So how to stop feeling this way? How to create balance?
20:34
Speaker 1: Number one is pay attention to how you have conditioned
20:38
Speaker 1: yourself to operate in order to be able to turn
20:40
Speaker 1: it around and change it. So if we behave in
20:43
Speaker 1: a certain way, and if we continue to behave in
20:45
Speaker 1: a certain way, if we tell ourselves something and believe it,
20:48
Speaker 1: and continue to repeat that and continue to believe it,
20:51
Speaker 1: whether it causes us pain and discomfort or whether it
20:55
Speaker 1: causes us joy, the simple act of repetition repeating a
20:58
Speaker 1: behavior the brain that it should learn to do it more,
21:03
Speaker 1: and it should learn to do it on autopilot, whether
21:06
Speaker 1: it benefits you or not. When it comes to putting
21:09
Speaker 1: things into your subconscious mind, the brain doesn't really question much.
21:12
Speaker 1: It is your conscious mind that needs to question things.
21:15
Speaker 1: It is the responsibility of the conscious mind to be
21:19
Speaker 1: the gatekeeper and the safety net for the subconscious mind,
21:24
Speaker 1: because once it's in the subconscious mind, the brand's like,
21:26
Speaker 1: all right, I can't fucking let's go. Let's go. So
21:30
Speaker 1: it takes on board what you give it and it
21:33
Speaker 1: rolls with it. It's your ally, whether you and sometimes it
21:36
Speaker 1: feels like it's your enemy, but it's literally your ally.
21:38
Speaker 1: It takes on what you've given it and says, let's
21:40
Speaker 1: do this. I'll fucking do it for you. So if
21:43
Speaker 1: we're telling our brains, I need to be doing more,
21:46
Speaker 1: I need to be doing well. I'm comparing. I'm comparing
21:47
Speaker 1: and comparing, the brains like, leave it to me, can't
21:49
Speaker 1: leave it to me. I'm good at this, and it
21:52
Speaker 1: will do it tenfold for you. So then you're in
21:54
Speaker 1: a position where you're like, oh, my gold, my brain's
21:56
Speaker 1: fucking with me. It's my end me, it's my enemy.
21:58
Speaker 1: But we're unaware that we've conditioned our brain to do
22:01
Speaker 1: this unintentionally. But we've conditioned it and The beauty about
22:05
Speaker 1: conditioning is that you can always condition your brain to
22:07
Speaker 1: do something different, but you just have to do it consistently,
22:11
Speaker 1: so it's conditioned. Okay. So this is also why habits
22:16
Speaker 1: are so great for doing things that you don't want
22:18
Speaker 1: to do, because same principle, the brain, whether it likes
22:22
Speaker 1: it or not, if you do it enough, it just
22:23
Speaker 1: be like, oh fine, I'll just do it for you.
22:25
Speaker 1: I'll just take care of it. So if you wake
22:27
Speaker 1: up in the morning and you have a set bunch
22:29
Speaker 1: of things that you do every single day, eventually you're
22:31
Speaker 1: not going to steners the alarm. You just get out
22:32
Speaker 1: of bed. It's not even that hard. You just do this,
22:34
Speaker 1: you just do that, you brush it, and before you
22:36
Speaker 1: know it, you've not wasted time, you've not checked your phone,
22:38
Speaker 1: you've gone through this series of things and it's not
22:41
Speaker 1: even been that painful. When when you started doing it
22:43
Speaker 1: maybe two months ago, it was just the worst thing
22:46
Speaker 1: in the world and it was so hard and you
22:47
Speaker 1: couldn't drag yourself out of bed. So anything that is repeated,
22:51
Speaker 1: the brain will be like, allow me to fucking assist. Okay.
22:57
Speaker 1: So basically, just remind yourself that if you do something
23:02
Speaker 1: enough and your brain thinks, I'll take care of that
23:05
Speaker 1: for you. We in this situation have created this anxiety
23:09
Speaker 1: for us by constantly glorifying being busy. It's this toxic
23:13
Speaker 1: productivity of productivity at all costs. As far as I
23:16
Speaker 1: need to be doing things, I need to be working,
23:18
Speaker 1: I need to be making money. It's very much career based.
23:20
Speaker 1: I need to start a business, quit your job, fucking Hassel,
23:24
Speaker 1: do all of that. So we think that that is
23:26
Speaker 1: the be all, end all, that is what we need
23:28
Speaker 1: to be achieving. But we are not paying attention to
23:31
Speaker 1: what is success, which brings me to my next point,
23:33
Speaker 1: which is pay attention to what you deem success to be.
23:39
Speaker 1: What does that look like? So on the surface, you
23:43
Speaker 1: might say, well, it means putting a deposit on a house,
23:47
Speaker 1: It means being able to own my own car, it
23:48
Speaker 1: means so a lot of the time when we talk
23:51
Speaker 1: about success, we look at financial success and we look
23:54
Speaker 1: at the attainment of physical objects. Now, I don't want
23:56
Speaker 1: to downplay the importance of financial success and the attainment
23:59
Speaker 1: of objet that in this day and age, it's really
24:02
Speaker 1: hard to get by without fucking money. So there is
24:04
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with wanting and appreciating money and wanting stuff.
24:10
Speaker 1: That's fine. But the problem is when you think that
24:14
Speaker 1: that is success and that's the entire picture of success,
24:18
Speaker 1: because that is one of the biggest lies you're ever
24:20
Speaker 1: going to tell yourself, because success is a feeling. Why
24:24
Speaker 1: do you want money? You want money because you want
24:28
Speaker 1: to buy certain things. Why do you want to buy
24:30
Speaker 1: those things? You want to buy those things because it
24:33
Speaker 1: gives you enjoyment, It gives you security, it gives you
24:37
Speaker 1: a sense of freedom, it gives you clarity. Now, why
24:39
Speaker 1: do you want enjoyment? Why do you want freedom? Why
24:41
Speaker 1: do you want clarity? Why do you want security? Because
24:44
Speaker 1: you want to feel good? You want to feel happy. Okay,
24:47
Speaker 1: So every fucking thing, that money, and that this success,
24:51
Speaker 1: it all comes down to feeling happy. So success is
24:56
Speaker 1: happiness really, but we don't really look at that that often.
25:00
Speaker 1: We don't break it down, we don't remind ourselves that
25:03
Speaker 1: that is really, ultimately what success is. We think that
25:07
Speaker 1: it's this, Well a lot of us don't think that.
25:09
Speaker 1: But there is this idea that I want to appear
25:13
Speaker 1: to be successful. You got to appear to be successful
25:15
Speaker 1: as well as be successful. And you know what, you
25:17
Speaker 1: see is what you get. Fake it till you make it,
25:18
Speaker 1: all that shit, But a lot of this faking it
25:20
Speaker 1: till we make it is this search for external validation.
25:24
Speaker 1: And we think that when other people validate us, when
25:26
Speaker 1: other people love us, when other people value us or
25:29
Speaker 1: look up to us or admire us, then we will
25:31
Speaker 1: be loved and then we will be happy. Okay, but
25:35
Speaker 1: there's a much quicker way, a much fucking quicker way
25:39
Speaker 1: of getting to the feeling that you're trying to achieve.
25:41
Speaker 1: And ironically, or not ironically, if you really break it
25:45
Speaker 1: down how it works, it's actually not ironic. But chasing
25:48
Speaker 1: the happiness first and creating that happiness first, and understanding
25:51
Speaker 1: that happiness is success and creating happiness in the now
25:55
Speaker 1: actually helps you achieve your goals in a much more
25:59
Speaker 1: enjoyable way. It helps you enjoy the journey while you're
26:03
Speaker 1: achieving those goals. It helps you become more resilient, It
26:07
Speaker 1: helps you become a better problem solver, It helps you
26:10
Speaker 1: look at opportunities where other people might not see them,
26:13
Speaker 1: It helps you create better connections, and then the whole
26:15
Speaker 1: fucking thing is just a really good time. Yes, you're
26:17
Speaker 1: gonna have challenges within it. Yes, shit's gonna hit the fan,
26:20
Speaker 1: Yes you're gonna fuck up, but overall, you're gonna be
26:22
Speaker 1: a happy person while you're going through this need for productivity,
26:26
Speaker 1: while you're just being productive at the same time. So
26:29
Speaker 1: that is the difference between thinking that happiness is on
26:32
Speaker 1: the other side of that, but not calling it happiness.
26:34
Speaker 1: You're calling it success, You're calling it I need to succeed.
26:36
Speaker 1: I need money, I need to buy shit. I need
26:38
Speaker 1: to afford this expensive lifestyle, especially this fucking cost of
26:43
Speaker 1: living crisis versus I want to be happy, and from
26:48
Speaker 1: a place of happiness, I can actually achieve a whole
26:50
Speaker 1: lot more. Okay, So I want you to pay attention
26:52
Speaker 1: to that number three. I want you to pay attention
27:17
Speaker 1: to the feelings that arise when you think that you're
27:21
Speaker 1: not being as productive as you would like to be.
27:24
Speaker 1: What are you feeling? Are you feeling shame? Are you
27:28
Speaker 1: feeling not good enough? Is it taking you back to
27:31
Speaker 1: a time in your past where you really were horrible
27:34
Speaker 1: to yourself? Are you bullying yourself? Are you are you
27:38
Speaker 1: are you engaging in negative self talk? Do you feel
27:40
Speaker 1: that you're falling behind? Do you feel guilty? Do you
27:42
Speaker 1: feel anxious, what are you feeling? And alongside feeling these things,
27:47
Speaker 1: it's really important to allow yourself to feel these feelings
27:52
Speaker 1: and try and understand why these feelings of inadequacy are arising,
27:57
Speaker 1: you know, because sometimes we are so hell bent at
28:01
Speaker 1: not feeling the difficulty. This is what I mean about
28:04
Speaker 1: a happy life doesn't mean that every moment is happy.
28:06
Speaker 1: A happy life is understanding who you are. It's living
28:09
Speaker 1: through the highs and lows. It's understanding that contrast in
28:12
Speaker 1: life is crucial in order to live a fulfilled life.
28:15
Speaker 1: And part of that, part of the importance of having
28:17
Speaker 1: a sound mental health is to allow yourself to feel
28:20
Speaker 1: your feelings. It's the I think a lot of people think, well,
28:22
Speaker 1: if I'm thinking sad feelings, it's going to be worse.
28:24
Speaker 1: It's going to be worse. But if you listen to
28:26
Speaker 1: my episode on the benefits of a tactical cry or
28:30
Speaker 1: music in ju sadness and how good that can be
28:32
Speaker 1: for you. It's this importance that you need to place
28:36
Speaker 1: on spending time with your emotions, the good and the bad,
28:39
Speaker 1: learning from these emotions and what you can do about it.
28:42
Speaker 1: So when you are feeling guilty, anxious, feelings of inadequacy
28:46
Speaker 1: instead of avoiding it and pushing through and thinking, well,
28:48
Speaker 1: this just means that I need to be twice as
28:50
Speaker 1: productive tomorrow, and then I'm not going to feel that way.
28:51
Speaker 1: But then you feel that way even more because it's
28:53
Speaker 1: a cycle that feeds itself. The more you lean into
28:56
Speaker 1: productivity is what makes me a valuable human being, Then
28:59
Speaker 1: the more you feel inadequate because you're never going to
29:03
Speaker 1: get to the end. There is no end, so you're
29:05
Speaker 1: always going to live in this chasing the tale of
29:07
Speaker 1: inadequacy and trying to run away from feeling an adequate.
29:10
Speaker 1: But then I'm actually running towards inadequacy, and then I'm
29:12
Speaker 1: running away for that's what you're causing for yourself. So
29:15
Speaker 1: why don't you just pause and think, let's just feel
29:17
Speaker 1: these feelings and ask myself why these feelings are arising,
29:21
Speaker 1: Why have I said this timeline for myself? Who am
29:24
Speaker 1: I following here? And do I need to be following
29:26
Speaker 1: this person's example? And what other things can I learn
29:29
Speaker 1: from the situation that I'm in. Become very well acquainted
29:32
Speaker 1: with the emotions that you are feeling in this moment.
29:35
Speaker 1: You have to remind yourself that There is a big
29:38
Speaker 1: difference between feeling joy or pleasure in a moment versus
29:44
Speaker 1: being a happy person. One is the temporary experience of something,
29:50
Speaker 1: and one is the being. It's part of who you are.
29:53
Speaker 1: You are a happy person. So, for example, one of
29:56
Speaker 1: the things that I always say about my partner, Tyrone,
29:58
Speaker 1: is that he's one of the happiest person people that
30:00
Speaker 1: I've ever met. Does that mean that he never gets
30:02
Speaker 1: frustrated or he never gets annoyed, or he never gets upset?
30:05
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. He still experiences all the emotions that are
30:08
Speaker 1: there to experience, just like I do, just like we
30:11
Speaker 1: all do. But the difference is that he is innately
30:15
Speaker 1: a happy person. He's very in the moment. He appreciates
30:18
Speaker 1: people around him. He's very present when he's you know,
30:21
Speaker 1: with the people. He loves to have people love it.
30:23
Speaker 1: He connection is huge for him. He's an entertainer. He
30:27
Speaker 1: just thrives off this connection with other people. And he's very,
30:32
Speaker 1: very very in the moment where he will constantly comment
30:36
Speaker 1: on how beautiful something is, or how good this experience is,
30:40
Speaker 1: or how nice it is to see this person. He's
30:42
Speaker 1: always mentioning all the good in his life. So that's
30:47
Speaker 1: what I mean about, he's a happy person. So when
30:50
Speaker 1: we talk about, oh, once I get this thing, I'll
30:53
Speaker 1: be happy, being happy doesn't come from the attainment of
30:58
Speaker 1: this external thing, of this achievement. These working towards something
31:04
Speaker 1: contributes to your overall happiness. As this is like you
31:07
Speaker 1: know when we talk about intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic earning
31:10
Speaker 1: things contributes to your sense of accomplishment. Yes, so absolutely
31:14
Speaker 1: you should be doing these things. But the thing is
31:17
Speaker 1: that a balance perspective, it's what's most important because that
31:21
Speaker 1: alone is not going to do it. If you put
31:24
Speaker 1: all your eggs in one basket and say, once I
31:26
Speaker 1: achieve that thing, i'll be happy, then you'll be sorely, sorely,
31:29
Speaker 1: sorely mistaken because when you're looking at something that's a
31:33
Speaker 1: milestone that you tick off. Once that's ticked off, then
31:36
Speaker 1: what where do you leave your identity. There's many, many,
31:40
Speaker 1: many athletes who have achieved unbelievable things within their career
31:45
Speaker 1: and once their career is over going by this mentality,
31:49
Speaker 1: you would think they'd be the happiest people in the world,
31:50
Speaker 1: but they're not. A lot of them actually struggle with
31:53
Speaker 1: depression because they lose their sense of self and their identity,
31:57
Speaker 1: and it's who I was and now I'm not that
31:58
Speaker 1: person anymore. I've won the gold. But now what? Okay.
32:01
Speaker 1: So while striving for something and achieving something is important,
32:06
Speaker 1: it's important when coupled with a balanced lifestyle and understanding
32:10
Speaker 1: that the happiness comes from what you are creating in
32:13
Speaker 1: the now. It comes from this appreciation in the moment.
32:17
Speaker 1: It comes from working on internal things as well as
32:20
Speaker 1: external things. It comes from connection, it comes from feeling useful.
32:24
Speaker 1: So when you look at happiness as fuck and cliche
32:27
Speaker 1: and boring as it is, it has to do with
32:30
Speaker 1: a combination of things and a balanced perspective. Now I
32:35
Speaker 1: don't think that it's possible. Okay, that's a lie, Not
32:37
Speaker 1: that I don't think it's possible, but I understand that
32:38
Speaker 1: it's quite difficult to be balanced in all areas at
32:42
Speaker 1: all times. But you want to look at it as
32:44
Speaker 1: you've got all these cylinders firing. Some are firing at
32:47
Speaker 1: one hundred or ninety percent and some less, but then
32:49
Speaker 1: some here. So there's always going to be like an
32:51
Speaker 1: ebb and flow of things in your life. But it's
32:54
Speaker 1: your job to make sure that you're overall feeding all
32:59
Speaker 1: these different of cylinders that are firing. Basically, because when
33:03
Speaker 1: it comes to identity, that is what is within. If
33:06
Speaker 1: you place your identity on your productivity and on your achievements,
33:09
Speaker 1: and on your external achievements, then you're going to have
33:12
Speaker 1: that issue off. I'm actually not a happy person because
33:14
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that the attainment or the achievement of that
33:16
Speaker 1: thing is what will give me the happiness, when in reality,
33:19
Speaker 1: I could be achieving happiness today right now without having
33:23
Speaker 1: achieved that thing, which then will help me achieve that thing.
33:25
Speaker 1: The next thing is to stop telling yourself that I
33:29
Speaker 1: can be happy when something happens. So everything that we
33:33
Speaker 1: do is fueled by a motivation to get closer to
33:37
Speaker 1: something or to get further away from something, And like
33:40
Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier, it always has to do with a feeling.
33:43
Speaker 1: So you could say I never want to feel that
33:45
Speaker 1: way again, so I'm going to start doing this and
33:47
Speaker 1: that's going to feel me to do this. Or you
33:49
Speaker 1: could say I want to feel secure, I want to
33:55
Speaker 1: be rich, so you're going for that need for security.
33:58
Speaker 1: I want to move out of this city because you
33:59
Speaker 1: want freedom or you want adventure. So basically everything that
34:04
Speaker 1: you do is ultimately fueled by a motivation to get
34:07
Speaker 1: closer to something or to get away from something, and
34:09
Speaker 1: that motivation is fueled by a feeling. Okay, so I
34:13
Speaker 1: want you to identify what is the feeling that I'm
34:17
Speaker 1: trying to achieve with this productivity, because you might look
34:20
Speaker 1: at it and be like, you know what, nothing. I'm
34:25
Speaker 1: working my fucking ass off because I feel like I
34:26
Speaker 1: need to appear to be this way, but when I
34:28
Speaker 1: really break it down, none of this shit is actually
34:31
Speaker 1: going to get me to that feeling that I really want.
34:33
Speaker 1: Maybe the feeling that you're really going for is freedom,
34:36
Speaker 1: but you're actually locking yourself down even further. Maybe you
34:39
Speaker 1: think that money is the only way to get freedom
34:42
Speaker 1: when there's many other things that can give you freedom
34:44
Speaker 1: a sense of freedom as well, for example, discipline and
34:47
Speaker 1: a routine and consistency in something, and it doesn't have
34:50
Speaker 1: to be financial. Obviously part of it is, but not
34:53
Speaker 1: all of it. You might think I want I need
34:56
Speaker 1: adventure in my life, and here I am wasting away
34:59
Speaker 1: like my you with no fucking sense of adventure. You
35:03
Speaker 1: could be thinking, well, what I really want is, you know,
35:07
Speaker 1: family in a sense of community, that's really the thing
35:09
Speaker 1: that makes me happiest. But ironically, I'm working my ass
35:12
Speaker 1: off so much that I spend no time with the
35:14
Speaker 1: people I love, and I spend no time fostering these relationships.
35:17
Speaker 1: And I think, oh, well, once I get all these things,
35:19
Speaker 1: that I can settle and have a family, when in reality,
35:21
Speaker 1: I could be fostering that now. So you have to
35:25
Speaker 1: be very clear on what feeling do I want to
35:29
Speaker 1: feel in order to feel happy and fulfilled? Okay, so
35:35
Speaker 1: that question for me is the question that helps put
35:38
Speaker 1: things into perspective. When I start to spiral into this
35:41
Speaker 1: toxic productivity cycle where I feel I'm not doing enough
35:43
Speaker 1: and it's ruining the moment for me, I ask myself,
35:46
Speaker 1: what do I want to be feeling? What would I
35:48
Speaker 1: want to feel? What feeling would be the best case
35:50
Speaker 1: scenario feeling at the end of the day. If I
35:53
Speaker 1: could choose how to feel at the end of the day,
35:55
Speaker 1: what would that be? And it would be I would
35:57
Speaker 1: love to feel relaxed, would love to feel like I've
36:02
Speaker 1: contributed to my future and also more importantly, that I've
36:06
Speaker 1: contributed to the connections that I have around me. So
36:10
Speaker 1: can I spend time with someone that I love. Can
36:11
Speaker 1: I have a really good conversation. Can I go for
36:13
Speaker 1: a walk with my best friend? Can I cook with
36:16
Speaker 1: my cousin? Can I you know, what? Can I be doing?
36:18
Speaker 1: Because if I've ticked those boxes, then I've done a
36:20
Speaker 1: bit for my future self and my career. Yes, great,
36:22
Speaker 1: productivity good, I've done a bit for my connection. I've
36:26
Speaker 1: done something for my health. I've done something. And then
36:28
Speaker 1: I look at the bigger picture and I'm like, Okay,
36:30
Speaker 1: I've done all these things and I feel calm, i
36:31
Speaker 1: feel satisfied. And if someone was to say, yeah, yeah,
36:33
Speaker 1: but productivity wise, you're not going to hit that career
36:36
Speaker 1: goal until six months later than you thought, I'm like, well,
36:38
Speaker 1: okay with that. I'm genuinely carefou because I'm happy now.
36:42
Speaker 1: So when I achieve happiness now, it's okay for the
36:45
Speaker 1: timeline to get pushed out. If I think that happiness
36:48
Speaker 1: is on the other side of achieving that thing, then
36:50
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have pressure on the timeline. Then it has
36:52
Speaker 1: to be fucking tomorrow that I've got to do this thing.
36:55
Speaker 1: And that's where anxiety falls in. That's where the pressure
36:57
Speaker 1: comes in. That's where feelings of inadequacy come in because
37:00
Speaker 1: you're rushing yourself on something that may not need to
37:02
Speaker 1: be rushed, or you're putting too much on your plate
37:04
Speaker 1: when that's not necessary in a lot of the cases.
37:09
Speaker 1: So another thing that I want you to do next
37:12
Speaker 1: is something called cognitive re appraisal. Cognitive reappraisal can be
37:17
Speaker 1: extremely helpful when you're going through these feelings of inadequacy.
37:22
Speaker 1: So I want you to pay attention to the things
37:25
Speaker 1: that you have completed and not just work related. Often
37:29
Speaker 1: we'll get to the end of the day and the
37:31
Speaker 1: first thing that we do is like, oh my god,
37:33
Speaker 1: I didn't do this. I didn't do that. I didn't
37:35
Speaker 1: fucking do all this shit that I didn't do. Instead
37:38
Speaker 1: of thinking, oh my god, I did this, I dedicated
37:41
Speaker 1: time to this, I did this, I meditated, I did this.
37:43
Speaker 1: I did this for my health. I went to the doctors,
37:47
Speaker 1: I had that appointment which I needed to do. I
37:49
Speaker 1: paid off that bill, Like what you know, Instead of
37:52
Speaker 1: thinking about or reminding yourself of all the shit that
37:54
Speaker 1: you haven't yet done, which we're already very good at.
37:57
Speaker 1: We don't need to practice, not think about, do this
38:02
Speaker 1: reappraisal and instead talk about everything that you have achieved
38:05
Speaker 1: throughout the day that has helped you. So there could
38:08
Speaker 1: be little small habits. It could be a moment where
38:10
Speaker 1: you help someone. It could be you know where you've
38:13
Speaker 1: done something for your health, and also stuff towards you
38:18
Speaker 1: studying or your career or whatever. It's the whole picture.
38:21
Speaker 1: You can still talk about your productivity, you can still
38:23
Speaker 1: talk about what you've done for your future or for
38:24
Speaker 1: your career and all of that. But at the end
38:26
Speaker 1: of the day, basically, instead of thinking about what you
38:29
Speaker 1: didn't do you want to write down or tell yourself
38:33
Speaker 1: you don't have to write it down, what it is
38:35
Speaker 1: that you did do that has helped you today, and
38:39
Speaker 1: it helps you reframe how you look at your contribution
38:43
Speaker 1: to your life and your happiness and your productivity as
38:46
Speaker 1: an ever evolving being, not trying to get to the
38:48
Speaker 1: finish line, but how am I contributing to myself in
38:51
Speaker 1: an ever evolving way. And the beauty of this cognitive
38:53
Speaker 1: reappraisal is the more you do it, the more you're
38:56
Speaker 1: going to be primed to remind yourself that at the
38:59
Speaker 1: end of the day, you're going to go through a
39:00
Speaker 1: list of things that you have contributed overall. So that
39:04
Speaker 1: way you're going to be like, Okay, this task at
39:06
Speaker 1: work is taking me a lot longer than I thought
39:08
Speaker 1: it would. I don't want to feel like a fucking
39:09
Speaker 1: failure at the end of the day. But there's a
39:11
Speaker 1: lot of things that I can be doing today that's
39:13
Speaker 1: going to make me feel good. Like maybe I should
39:14
Speaker 1: go and do that swim that I told myself I
39:16
Speaker 1: was going to do. That's going to feel like I've
39:18
Speaker 1: ticked something off. It's going to feel good for me.
39:20
Speaker 1: Maybe I should call that person. Maybe I should take
39:22
Speaker 1: that time out. Maybe I should read that fucking book
39:24
Speaker 1: that I've been saying I'm going to read, or start
39:26
Speaker 1: practicing that language or whatever it is. Because it's the
39:28
Speaker 1: bigger picture thing that makes you happy now, Okay, because
39:32
Speaker 1: you're doing things for yourself. Number seven, this is the
39:36
Speaker 1: second last one. I want you to not look at
39:40
Speaker 1: your productivity as being that they're being a finish line.
39:44
Speaker 1: There is no finish line. You will never get to
39:47
Speaker 1: the finish line ever, and it's not because you can't
39:50
Speaker 1: do it. It's because the closer you get to the end,
39:53
Speaker 1: you're setting yourself bigger goals. You're setting yourself different goals.
39:56
Speaker 1: There's always something new, there's always something here that you're
39:58
Speaker 1: never going to get to the end. You're never going
39:59
Speaker 1: to achieve all your goals like I mean, you'll achieve
40:02
Speaker 1: them as you go, but you're never going to be
40:04
Speaker 1: in a position where you're like, oh, I've achieved all
40:06
Speaker 1: my goals, there's nothing left to do because there's always
40:07
Speaker 1: new goals, there's always new goalposts, there's always new things
40:10
Speaker 1: that you want to do. So you never get to
40:12
Speaker 1: the end, and that is a good thing. So don't
40:15
Speaker 1: look at it as oh, I can breathe once I've
40:17
Speaker 1: achieved this or once I'm not wrong, because that will
40:19
Speaker 1: be when you're dead, mate, you be dead. So you
40:24
Speaker 1: don't want to look at it as there being a
40:25
Speaker 1: finish line. So this is where you turn it around
40:28
Speaker 1: and talk about intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic I've got a
40:31
Speaker 1: whole podcast on it. Just look up intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Basically,
40:36
Speaker 1: you're going to have the two and you're going to
40:37
Speaker 1: use the two in your life. But how many things
40:39
Speaker 1: can you do that you're internally motivated to do it
40:42
Speaker 1: for the process of doing it? It is process driven.
40:45
Speaker 1: So for example, it's I enjoy going to work out,
40:50
Speaker 1: not because I've got this image that I want to
40:52
Speaker 1: look like and I've got to fit into that fucking
40:54
Speaker 1: wedding dress. No, you're looking at it as I like
40:57
Speaker 1: the routine. I like the discipline. The discipline actually helps
41:00
Speaker 1: my mental health. The exercising contributes to my I feel
41:03
Speaker 1: really good after. It's the time of the day where
41:05
Speaker 1: I have the most clarity of mind. It's the time
41:07
Speaker 1: of day when I'm fucking alone and I can just
41:10
Speaker 1: listen to some music and just focus on my own
41:12
Speaker 1: shit without being interrupted. There's all these things that I'm
41:15
Speaker 1: doing where the process of it is actually enjoyable. I
41:18
Speaker 1: like putting an effort. I like challenging myself, I like
41:21
Speaker 1: testing my limits. I like doing all of this. So
41:23
Speaker 1: then it becomes intrinsic motivation. I'll work out no matter what,
41:26
Speaker 1: I'll work out after I fit into that thing, or
41:28
Speaker 1: even if I never fit into that thing, I'm still
41:30
Speaker 1: going to work out because I am intrinsically process driven
41:34
Speaker 1: motivated to do this thing. It's not about an end goal.
41:36
Speaker 1: There's going to be certain other things that do have
41:39
Speaker 1: to require an end goal to get you to the
41:40
Speaker 1: end and that's okay, But it's important to strike a
41:43
Speaker 1: balance of the two because if everything in your life
41:45
Speaker 1: has to do with this end goal, then you're never ever,
41:49
Speaker 1: ever going to be satisfied. How many things in your
41:51
Speaker 1: life can you turn into process driven intrinsic motivation. I
41:55
Speaker 1: am the reason that I'm motivated for doing this thing,
41:57
Speaker 1: and I'm doing it for the doing, not for the
41:59
Speaker 1: end goal. The more you can do that, the more
42:02
Speaker 1: you're going to find joy in the doing. Can I
42:05
Speaker 1: find a way to feel joy? Not maybe in every
42:08
Speaker 1: aspect of it, but in general. You don't have to
42:11
Speaker 1: love every second of your day, but you can get
42:13
Speaker 1: to the point where you love your day overall. Okay,
42:17
Speaker 1: Because at the end of the finish line, you're going
42:20
Speaker 1: to get there. If you have this idea of like nap,
42:22
Speaker 1: it's a finish line and you're going to have to
42:24
Speaker 1: reassess what you thought happiness was, because I can guarantee
42:26
Speaker 1: you if your happiness is on the end of that
42:28
Speaker 1: finish line, you're going to get there and be like, well,
42:30
Speaker 1: I'm relieved, but I'm not really happy now, Like happiness,
42:33
Speaker 1: where's happened? And it feels like this fleeting thing because
42:36
Speaker 1: it's already within you. You've got to uncover it. It's
42:39
Speaker 1: not going to be found at the end of that
42:41
Speaker 1: thing never will be. And the last thing that I'm
42:43
Speaker 1: going to instill in you or tell you what to
42:47
Speaker 1: do Number eight is to broaden what you consider success
42:52
Speaker 1: to be. So I want you to really realize, like
42:55
Speaker 1: for me, success, especially the older that I've gotten, success
42:58
Speaker 1: has to do with obviously a whole bunch of things.
43:02
Speaker 1: I put a lot of pride in my career. I
43:03
Speaker 1: put a lot of pride in the podcast, I put
43:05
Speaker 1: a lot of pride in my studies. So that's a
43:07
Speaker 1: portion of my success. For sure. I will not downplay that.
43:10
Speaker 1: It means a lot to me because I enjoy the
43:13
Speaker 1: process of it. But I also enjoyed the earning of
43:15
Speaker 1: what I've been doing, so that for sure. But a
43:17
Speaker 1: huge part of my success is also how much fun
43:20
Speaker 1: can I have that's not career related, because I love
43:25
Speaker 1: my career, but I also don't want it to absorb
43:27
Speaker 1: every single living moment of my life because we're so
43:30
Speaker 1: multifaceted that that just would be a disservice to myself.
43:33
Speaker 1: So I also look at success as I was able
43:37
Speaker 1: to hang out with all these people that I love.
43:39
Speaker 1: This week. I was able to you know, do some
43:42
Speaker 1: free writing or journaling. I was able to learn how
43:45
Speaker 1: to draw this thing. I was able to go on
43:48
Speaker 1: a trip. You know, that's success for me. I was
43:51
Speaker 1: able to visit these people. I was able to exercise
43:56
Speaker 1: and run further than I thought that I was going
43:57
Speaker 1: to run because I you know, I just whatever. So
44:00
Speaker 1: what does success to you look like? And make sure
44:04
Speaker 1: that your success is not tied to your productivity, especially
44:07
Speaker 1: career related productivity, because that is again going to be
44:11
Speaker 1: your ticket to feeling inadequate. Because when it comes to
44:14
Speaker 1: external productivity, that you're gonna have good moments and you're
44:16
Speaker 1: gonna have bad moments and the times that you're not performing.
44:18
Speaker 1: What does that mean? What does it mean? It means
44:20
Speaker 1: that you are putting too much of your importance on
44:23
Speaker 1: something that is external and that you need to reframe
44:26
Speaker 1: how you're looking at that. Okay, so you need to
44:28
Speaker 1: turn it around and say, part of that is success,
44:31
Speaker 1: but there's also many many other aspects of my life,
44:34
Speaker 1: my behavior, my personality, things that I'm working towards, things
44:37
Speaker 1: that I'm achieving, that is success. And this will help
44:40
Speaker 1: you learn to fall in love with the pace at
44:42
Speaker 1: which you do things. It teaches you that learning something,
44:46
Speaker 1: even if it's a hard lesson, is a form of success.
44:49
Speaker 1: Learning to stretch out the timeline, but creating more fun
44:52
Speaker 1: moments in your life is success, okay. Learning to balance
44:56
Speaker 1: things out and not needing it all right now is
45:00
Speaker 1: sss okay. So when you're able to spread it out
45:03
Speaker 1: a bit better, when you're able to have free time,
45:06
Speaker 1: when you're able to enjoy your own company and just relax,
45:09
Speaker 1: that is a measure of success. Because ultimately success has
45:12
Speaker 1: to be a feeling. And what is that feeling. It
45:14
Speaker 1: is feeling happy, and we want to feel successful now,
45:18
Speaker 1: and like attracts like. So if you can feel happy,
45:22
Speaker 1: which in turn is success, you're going to be attracting
45:25
Speaker 1: more success into your life. You attract better feeling thoughts,
45:28
Speaker 1: which attracts more creativity, which means that you're going to
45:31
Speaker 1: enjoy when you are working. And then when you're enjoying it,
45:33
Speaker 1: you're probably coming up with better ideas and you're flourishing,
45:36
Speaker 1: and then you're having a great time. You're meeting the
45:38
Speaker 1: people you want to be meeting. You have better relationships,
45:40
Speaker 1: so ironically by thinking about how can I just have
45:43
Speaker 1: more fun in the moment, how can I be happy now?
45:48
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you don't prioritize all those things outside.
45:50
Speaker 1: It makes it easier to get those things outside off you.
45:53
Speaker 1: But the beauty of it is when you get them,
45:55
Speaker 1: you think, wow, that's nice. But you don't think I'm
45:57
Speaker 1: now good enough because you already know that you're good
45:59
Speaker 1: in it enough. That is the difference. So if you're
46:02
Speaker 1: ever in a position where you're like, I'm not doing enough.
46:04
Speaker 1: I need to be doing more, I'm not doing enough,
46:06
Speaker 1: you need to stop. You need to listen to this
46:09
Speaker 1: episode and remind yourself of those key points. You need
46:12
Speaker 1: to journal, feel your feelings, write things down, and you
46:15
Speaker 1: need to zoom out and look at all the other
46:17
Speaker 1: aspects of your life because you are going to be
46:19
Speaker 1: on this fucking hamster wheel, riding a hamster on a
46:25
Speaker 1: wheel for the rest of your life if you don't pause,
46:29
Speaker 1: zoom out and pay attention to what's really going on here,
46:31
Speaker 1: because happiness is never going to be at the other
46:34
Speaker 1: end of that thing. You're going to be on this
46:35
Speaker 1: productivity little fucking fucking thing wheel. Hamster will and you're
46:40
Speaker 1: never going to get to the other side. So you
46:41
Speaker 1: need to find the happiness now, and that can be
46:44
Speaker 1: done through paying attention, through journaling, through feeling your feelings,
46:47
Speaker 1: through everything that I just said, those main eight points,
46:50
Speaker 1: and reassessing, and like I mentioned earlier in this episode,
46:55
Speaker 1: the brain just does what you ask it to do
46:59
Speaker 1: with the conscious mind, and when done enough, the brain
47:02
Speaker 1: will be like, I have got it from here. So
47:05
Speaker 1: initially it's going to be a little bit difficult, and
47:07
Speaker 1: it's going to require a lot of conscious effort or
47:10
Speaker 1: significant conscious effort, maybe not a lot, and it requires consistency.
47:15
Speaker 1: But once you have putting the effort to be consistent
47:17
Speaker 1: with how you reframe how you look at things, how
47:19
Speaker 1: you reframe your rest, how you reframe time off as
47:22
Speaker 1: being successful, how you reframe the feelings that you're trying
47:25
Speaker 1: to focus on, then your brain's going to be like, wow,
47:28
Speaker 1: I used to think that that was success working my
47:30
Speaker 1: ass of twenty four seven, when now I realize that
47:33
Speaker 1: this right now is success. Having a balanced life, maybe
47:36
Speaker 1: needing to push the timeline out, having fun, having you know,
47:40
Speaker 1: moments to myself and moments to the people that I love,
47:42
Speaker 1: and being spontaneous and being silly and being playful with
47:45
Speaker 1: my life. And that is the true mark of success. Guys.
47:50
Speaker 1: That is the episode for today. I hope this has
47:52
Speaker 1: helped you reframe all of that. I want you to
47:56
Speaker 1: feel better about yourself in every day. You don't have
48:00
Speaker 1: to be happy every moment of the day. You don't
48:02
Speaker 1: have to love everything you do every moment for the day.
48:04
Speaker 1: But you can become a happy person, an innately happy
48:08
Speaker 1: person that still comes across challenges, that still gets frustrated,
48:12
Speaker 1: that still gets sad, but you are overall and innately present, happy,
48:16
Speaker 1: fulfilled person. And this is one of the ways to
48:19
Speaker 1: start helping yourself get there. So I'm pumped. I'm pumped
48:22
Speaker 1: for you, guys, to put these things into practice and
48:25
Speaker 1: to be kinder to yourself, to be a bit more
48:29
Speaker 1: gentle and a bit more patient with yourself. Because everything
48:32
Speaker 1: that you want you actually possess right now. Believe it
48:36
Speaker 1: or not, you possess it now. You have it in you,
48:39
Speaker 1: You have it in your brain. It's just fucking chilling.
48:41
Speaker 1: They're a dormant because your brain probably doesn't realize that
48:43
Speaker 1: that's what it needs to be expressing. Because it all
48:46
Speaker 1: comes down to conditioning so you can recondition your brain.
48:49
Speaker 1: So let's hop to it and recondition. Let's got a
48:52
Speaker 1: reconditioning extravaganza, whatever you want to call it. Anyway, I'm
48:55
Speaker 1: going to shut up. That is the episode off the door.
48:57
Speaker 1: Love you guys so much. As always, remember, be kind
48:59
Speaker 1: to your self, be kind to your bruin, don't take
49:02
Speaker 1: shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
49:04
Speaker 1: Don't he