Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Relationship Alert: There’s A Sixth Love Language (Most Women Will Put This On the Top of Their List)

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Relationship Alert: There’s A Sixth Love Language (Most Women Will Put This On the Top of Their List) · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks. It is Sunday, August seventeenth, here
0:05
Speaker 1: alongside my dear Robot. We all know Robes. There are
0:10
Speaker 1: how many love languages?
0:13
Speaker 2: Five?
0:14
Speaker 1: That wasn't a trick question.
0:16
Speaker 2: I know I was trying to decide whether it was
0:17
Speaker 2: four or five. But I think it's.
0:19
Speaker 1: Fine there are five. Until now we have discovered a
0:24
Speaker 1: sixth love language. Could it be the missing piece in
0:30
Speaker 1: your relationship? Welcome everybody to this very special edition of
0:35
Speaker 1: Amy and TJ Special because we're doing something we've never
0:38
Speaker 1: done before, because Robes are sitting here having zero idea
0:42
Speaker 1: the topic of this podcast episode.
0:45
Speaker 2: Yes, you asked me, hey, would you trust me if
0:48
Speaker 2: I came up with an episode that you knew nothing
0:52
Speaker 2: about that I researched, that I led and you just
0:54
Speaker 2: are along for the ride. And I said, you know what,
0:56
Speaker 2: sign me up.
0:57
Speaker 1: And here we are now on this journey because this
1:01
Speaker 1: is something you've talked to me about plenty over the years.
1:03
Speaker 1: And I think absolutely millions of people have used this before,
1:08
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of people would say this
1:10
Speaker 1: has helped them, this idea of their being love languages.
1:14
Speaker 1: Five love languages. I think this goes back decades, but
1:16
Speaker 1: they've sold millions of books. But this idea that we
1:19
Speaker 1: need to robes understand how to communicate via love. I
1:23
Speaker 1: need to understand how you like to be loved, and
1:25
Speaker 1: you have to understand how I had to be loved.
1:27
Speaker 2: Yes, And I think in prior relationships I have absolutely
1:30
Speaker 2: blurted out, you don't know how to love me. And
1:33
Speaker 2: it's been frustrating because I think we all know what
1:36
Speaker 2: we need and what we want, and we then tried
1:38
Speaker 2: to apply that to our partner, thinking, hey, I'm doing
1:42
Speaker 2: and giving you what I need and what I want,
1:44
Speaker 2: but it might not be what that other person needs
1:47
Speaker 2: or wants at all. And so there in lies part
1:49
Speaker 2: of the massive miscommunication that oftentimes happens in relationships.
1:53
Speaker 1: You just mentioned something that's very key because that's one
1:55
Speaker 1: of the I think one of the things it teaches
1:58
Speaker 1: is that one of the best things, the best way
2:00
Speaker 1: to understand how your partner wants to be loved is
2:02
Speaker 1: to pay attention to how they're loving you. You actually
2:05
Speaker 1: have to figure out this thing, and so it's something
2:09
Speaker 1: that's very they it's their bite size, right, these bite
2:14
Speaker 1: we can understand the metaphor of language, right. We need
2:17
Speaker 1: to learn how to communicate. And then five, that's very simple.
2:20
Speaker 1: Five love languages. Now. Gary Chapman, who put this book out, said,
2:24
Speaker 1: we all have a primary and a secondary. Do you
2:27
Speaker 1: know what yours are?
2:28
Speaker 2: So yes, I do in my relationship with you, But
2:31
Speaker 2: I have found it to be fascinating anyone who's had different, serious,
2:35
Speaker 2: significant relationships. My love language has changed based on what
2:39
Speaker 2: partner I'm with, and that has been really interesting.
2:42
Speaker 1: That's not supposed to be the case, I know.
2:43
Speaker 2: Well, what I would say is that I have never
2:46
Speaker 2: really felt true love in the way I have felt
2:49
Speaker 2: in my relationship with you, because I was somebody who said,
2:53
Speaker 2: and you, I think, as my friend knew, I said
2:56
Speaker 2: this throughout my life that I was not into physical
2:59
Speaker 2: touch and that I was not a big handholder, and
3:02
Speaker 2: I was not a big hugger. And I think a
3:04
Speaker 2: lot of my friends would tell you, generally speaking, yeah,
3:06
Speaker 2: that might be the German in me, like we just
3:10
Speaker 2: aren't touchy feely people culturally speaking, and I'm very German,
3:13
Speaker 2: and so I just kind of always attributed that to
3:16
Speaker 2: myself based on maybe even just how I was raised
3:19
Speaker 2: in the culture in which I was raised, and just
3:21
Speaker 2: kind of put it aside but now in a relationship
3:23
Speaker 2: with you, is it blew my mind that my number one,
3:28
Speaker 2: my primary love language is now.
3:32
Speaker 1: Touch? Huh?
3:34
Speaker 2: And that's wild physical touch and it even blew my mind.
3:38
Speaker 2: So yes, my number one primary would be physical touch
3:41
Speaker 2: and my secondary one would be acts of service?
3:44
Speaker 1: Okay, what would be my too? Would you get? I
3:47
Speaker 1: think we discussed this. I think I know.
3:49
Speaker 2: I think yours would be quality time and words of affirmation.
3:52
Speaker 2: But maybe I'm wrong. That's what I would guess.
3:55
Speaker 1: Words of affirmation is certainly out there. I don't know
3:58
Speaker 1: why physical touches might be number of four five on
4:00
Speaker 1: the list.
4:01
Speaker 2: It's low for you, and it was for me before,
4:04
Speaker 2: but now I actually it's it's almost in a weird way.
4:08
Speaker 2: I think maybe I wore it as a badge of honor,
4:10
Speaker 2: like I don't need physical Dutch But actually I fully
4:13
Speaker 2: do you know.
4:14
Speaker 1: Words of affirmation, gifts giving, and acts of service? I
4:19
Speaker 1: would I don't know how to decide these up.
4:21
Speaker 2: I can tell you how you love me. I feel
4:23
Speaker 2: like you first started showing me some love with gifts, okay,
4:27
Speaker 2: and then acts of service period. You're you don't give
4:30
Speaker 2: me a lot of words of affirmation. I'm not trying
4:32
Speaker 2: to throw a dig at you, but that's just not
4:34
Speaker 2: a strong suit of yours and compliments. You're saying, yeah,
4:38
Speaker 2: you're not a big compliment giver, but you're not. But
4:41
Speaker 2: that's okay, that's okay. I recognize that.
4:44
Speaker 1: It's not one of your love languages anyway. I'm just
4:46
Speaker 1: trying to communicate with you the way.
4:49
Speaker 2: No, but you are really big on acts of service,
4:52
Speaker 2: which I appreciate. I recognize. I see that and I
4:54
Speaker 2: see you doing that, and I think that is one
4:57
Speaker 2: of my languages towards you. So I feel like that's
4:59
Speaker 2: a good cyprocal one where I think we but maybe
5:02
Speaker 2: you don't feel the same way.
5:03
Speaker 1: Now, what is an act of service? How do the
5:06
Speaker 1: people show love through an act of service?
5:08
Speaker 2: Picking up I think, duties around the house without being asked,
5:11
Speaker 2: but you just do it because you know it's a
5:14
Speaker 2: way of loving someone, making up the bed, even preparing
5:16
Speaker 2: a meal, cleaning up after a meal, cleaning up the apartment,
5:20
Speaker 2: taking care of bills, like just kind of taking on
5:23
Speaker 2: stuff that's hard and doing it because you're kind of
5:28
Speaker 2: putting your hand up and saying, I'll take care of this, okay.
5:31
Speaker 1: Now you just just describe to people who are in
5:33
Speaker 1: a relationship like we have, who are very well established,
5:37
Speaker 1: who are in the same home. Now, how does an
5:40
Speaker 1: act of service show up and you're not in a
5:42
Speaker 1: home together.
5:43
Speaker 2: I would say opening the car door, opening opening a
5:46
Speaker 2: door for someone, paying the bill. I would even think
5:51
Speaker 2: planning a vacation or you know, planning a surprise or
5:54
Speaker 2: a birthday. All those things are acts of service and
5:57
Speaker 2: showing someone you love them by taking care of something
6:00
Speaker 2: that most people don't want to have to take care of.
6:02
Speaker 1: All right, So as a reminder, here the five love languages.
6:05
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you the sixth that we have now,
6:08
Speaker 1: but the five acts excuse me. The five love languages
6:11
Speaker 1: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality, time,
6:16
Speaker 1: gift giving. Those are the five. A sixth has been established.
6:20
Speaker 1: And there was a reason, Robes that I focused in
6:24
Speaker 1: on acts of service when you said it and wondered
6:26
Speaker 1: what type of thing would be an act of service
6:30
Speaker 1: because a new survey says that the sixth act of love.
6:37
Speaker 1: I guess the sixth love language is cleaning.
6:42
Speaker 2: Funny because cleaning, I would think would be a part
6:44
Speaker 2: of acts of service.
6:45
Speaker 1: It's a part, but acts of service as you mentioned,
6:48
Speaker 1: can be paying this bill, taking care of the hotel reservation,
6:54
Speaker 1: going to get the car.
6:55
Speaker 2: For getting the tail I swim you're out of.
6:58
Speaker 1: Yes, those are all acts of service, but specifically cleaning.
7:02
Speaker 1: Idea of cleaning. According to this survey of a thousand adults,
7:07
Speaker 1: fifty four percent of them said that cleaning is their
7:13
Speaker 1: love language. When they were given an option was that
7:16
Speaker 1: women mostly don't have that demographic.
7:18
Speaker 2: Better, that was like ninety eight percent women, and you
7:21
Speaker 2: were among them. Though I will tell you this. You know,
7:24
Speaker 2: everyone knows. We were friends for a very long time.
7:26
Speaker 2: And I remember when you because you didn't have a
7:29
Speaker 2: dressing room a Good Morning America for quite some time.
7:31
Speaker 2: It wasn't until you became the anchor of GMA three
7:35
Speaker 2: did you officially get your personal own dressing room. And
7:40
Speaker 2: so that was the first time I actually saw because
7:42
Speaker 2: I didn't know how you don't know how neat or
7:45
Speaker 2: clean or how somebody is unless you live with them
7:48
Speaker 2: usually or you're in their apartment. We had never had
7:50
Speaker 2: obviously that experience. So when you moved into GMA studios,
7:53
Speaker 2: so to speak, and I saw your dressing room and
7:55
Speaker 2: I saw how you took care of it. And how
7:57
Speaker 2: it always smelled good. There were candles. I think that
7:59
Speaker 2: might have illegal, but you always it was like you
8:02
Speaker 2: had lysol wipes and everything was organized. And I was like, wow,
8:07
Speaker 2: I noticed you, I think for the first time in
8:09
Speaker 2: a different way. I was like, Wow, this is really sexy.
8:14
Speaker 2: Because I've always said, like, if you come home as
8:17
Speaker 2: a woman and you like, what would be the sexiest
8:20
Speaker 2: thing you could see your man doing, Oh my god,
8:23
Speaker 2: vacuuming a bottle of Windex in his hands, Like, baby,
8:28
Speaker 2: that is so hot.
8:29
Speaker 3: Like I have absolutely joked about this, and you're the
8:32
Speaker 3: first man ever where that actually came true. So, Yes, cleaning,
8:36
Speaker 3: I would, I would sew and because I think that
8:40
Speaker 3: I also.
8:41
Speaker 2: Contribute a lot in that area. I'm very much into
8:44
Speaker 2: having a clean, neat organized house. So yeah, when you
8:46
Speaker 2: see somebody stepping in and also caring that much about
8:50
Speaker 2: what it takes to keep a clean house, especially when
8:53
Speaker 2: there are kids in craziness, that's hot.
8:55
Speaker 1: All right, So let me give you some more details
8:57
Speaker 1: about what these folks say in this survey. So yes
9:00
Speaker 1: represents a cleaning is their love language eighty five percent.
9:05
Speaker 1: So that's damn near everybody. Do recognize that cleaning is
9:10
Speaker 1: an act of love.
9:11
Speaker 2: Yes, Wow, I totally concur with that, because, oh, it
9:15
Speaker 2: just you feel like you have a partner. That's the
9:18
Speaker 2: best way I can describe it. I think something that
9:21
Speaker 2: everyone and certainly I have been seeking for my entire
9:25
Speaker 2: adult life is a true partner, and I think it's
9:27
Speaker 2: really hard to find.
9:29
Speaker 1: I never thought until I saw this, and it does
9:31
Speaker 1: seem like a little throw away, a little silly thing,
9:33
Speaker 1: and haha, and yes there's something there, but there is
9:36
Speaker 1: actually more there than I thought. When you think about
9:39
Speaker 1: how much time is spent arguing over who's doing this,
9:44
Speaker 1: who didn't do that, who left this for me to
9:47
Speaker 1: now do, or who's cleaning up after who? This is
9:50
Speaker 1: such a big part of relationship.
9:52
Speaker 2: It's a matter of respects, and I think that's where
9:56
Speaker 2: it falls because if you feel like this other person
9:58
Speaker 2: just lead like this is how I feel about my well,
10:01
Speaker 2: I guess they're not even teenagers anymore, but my now
10:03
Speaker 2: adult daughters. You leave stuff around, who do you think
10:07
Speaker 2: is going to pick that up? It is an absolute
10:08
Speaker 2: slap in the face to the next person who walks
10:10
Speaker 2: in the room. So if the two of you are
10:12
Speaker 2: living together, building a life together, and you come in
10:15
Speaker 2: and stuff is everywhere. All the stuff from the night
10:19
Speaker 2: before is in the kitchen sink like that. That was
10:21
Speaker 2: always my big issue. Oh, thanks for putting it in
10:23
Speaker 2: the sink. No, it takes an extra five seconds to
10:26
Speaker 2: follow through and put it in a dishwasher. I don't
10:28
Speaker 2: think I've ever like we've if we have collectively decided
10:31
Speaker 2: to leave shit, which is very rare, it's because we
10:34
Speaker 2: made a joint decision or we're like, f this. But
10:37
Speaker 2: I've never walked in and seen you like just like
10:41
Speaker 2: when you fully had time, just make a choice, and
10:43
Speaker 2: it is a choice to leave shit laying around for
10:46
Speaker 2: the next person. That's never happened. We have never had
10:49
Speaker 2: an argument. I have never felt annoyed by you in
10:52
Speaker 2: that regard.
10:53
Speaker 1: I did not know this is going to strike, so
10:55
Speaker 1: it's a nerve. This is hilarious. It's huge to what
10:57
Speaker 1: you're just saying. Another part of the survey, eight out
10:59
Speaker 1: of ten believe a clean home reflects respect for your partner.
11:04
Speaker 2: Ex a men. I love the way they just said that,
11:09
Speaker 2: because that is exact and I had no idea. I
11:11
Speaker 2: did not read this article, but respect was the first
11:13
Speaker 2: thing I could think of because I have felt truly
11:15
Speaker 2: disrespected for most of my life.
11:19
Speaker 1: Because really it usually if you don't clean up after
11:22
Speaker 1: yourself in your home, nobody expects to always live in
11:26
Speaker 1: a dirty home. So that means you have an expectation
11:29
Speaker 1: that somebody is going to clean up after you.
11:31
Speaker 2: Now that is a respect issue or the worst part
11:34
Speaker 2: is where you're told And yes, I am speaking from
11:37
Speaker 2: personal experience that I haven't quite let go of yet
11:40
Speaker 2: that your standards are too high, that you have an
11:44
Speaker 2: unrealistic expectation of what a home should look like. And
11:47
Speaker 2: I'm like, yet, no, I don't. I don't want mess,
11:52
Speaker 2: clutter and smells in my home when I come home.
11:57
Speaker 2: I want to be relaxed and have Z feelings.
12:01
Speaker 1: And here you go, another big number here, seventy five percent.
12:05
Speaker 1: They believe that sharing chores is more romantic than giving gifts.
12:10
Speaker 2: I so agree, really so agree.
12:14
Speaker 1: Wow romantic though.
12:15
Speaker 2: Yes, because I actually can I consider it And maybe
12:19
Speaker 2: this is just I don't know, but I can. I
12:21
Speaker 2: think a lot of women do feel like the onus
12:23
Speaker 2: is on them to clean keep, to keep a clean home,
12:25
Speaker 2: to keep a well appointed home. But when you see
12:29
Speaker 2: the man in your life, and I am just speaking
12:30
Speaker 2: from a heterosexual standpoint because that's my experience. But obviously
12:33
Speaker 2: this occur for anyone's relationship. But when you see that
12:36
Speaker 2: other partner care enough to also contribute and to give
12:41
Speaker 2: a shit basically about your shared living environment, it feels
12:45
Speaker 2: like a romantic gesture. It actually does. I don't know
12:48
Speaker 2: if it feels that way for men. For a woman,
12:51
Speaker 2: where I feel like we assume that responsibility a lot
12:54
Speaker 2: of times for whatever reason, and to see a man
12:57
Speaker 2: step up and clean like you feel like he's taking
12:59
Speaker 2: care of you.
13:00
Speaker 1: Oh, we're just scratching the service here. Y'all ain't going
13:03
Speaker 1: to believe how many people say seeing their partner doing
13:08
Speaker 1: dishes without being asked is more romantic than receiving a
13:14
Speaker 1: dozen roses. Also, Robes, there's research, actual scientific research out
13:21
Speaker 1: there that says the five love languages as bullshit. Anyway,
13:34
Speaker 1: we continue now, and I have you all know. During
13:36
Speaker 1: that break, Robes actually said to me again, this was
13:39
Speaker 1: a surprise. She didn't know this was a topic. She
13:40
Speaker 1: just said, they just tapped into something for me like
13:44
Speaker 1: this is. It absolutely does. This is. I don't know
13:48
Speaker 1: why I saw this and was so quick to be dismissed. Oh,
13:52
Speaker 1: this will be fun and then like, well wait, this
13:54
Speaker 1: is kind of serious.
13:55
Speaker 2: And you know what, babe, I would say, any woman
13:58
Speaker 2: out woman listening right now, you know who you are,
14:01
Speaker 2: You're like, this reads, this resonates, this is exactly like people,
14:07
Speaker 2: it's so funny. So any manner Like I don't know
14:09
Speaker 2: how to make a woman happy, Yeah I do. I
14:11
Speaker 2: can tell you clean, participate and actually be a part
14:15
Speaker 2: of the household. That that's I think mostly what we want.
14:18
Speaker 2: We want a partner. We want to share in everything,
14:22
Speaker 2: and that also includes the chores.
14:24
Speaker 1: Yes, if I were to give, Like, what's the simplest
14:27
Speaker 1: way you want to improve your relationship this week to
14:30
Speaker 1: every man just listening, just for one week, Sunday through
14:34
Speaker 1: Saturday of this week, pick up after yourself in all
14:39
Speaker 1: you do. That's every dish, that's every toothbrush, that's every
14:42
Speaker 1: shaving cream, everything you do, every towel, put it in
14:46
Speaker 1: its proper place. Clean the dishes. I'm not telling you
14:50
Speaker 1: to even cook, but without being asked, clean the dishes,
14:54
Speaker 1: and you would be surprised how much your relationship might
14:57
Speaker 1: improve this.
14:58
Speaker 2: Week without a doubt, Like, I can absolutely confirm that,
15:02
Speaker 2: confirm that because you it does feel like you're being
15:04
Speaker 2: taken care of. It's akin to I don't know, someone
15:08
Speaker 2: taking care of something that you thought you had to do,
15:10
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, you see this person who
15:13
Speaker 2: steps in and does it. And I hate to say
15:15
Speaker 2: does it for you because it actually isn't that. That's
15:18
Speaker 2: not a fair way to actually frame it, but that
15:21
Speaker 2: is how it feels, because yes, this is a shared responsibility.
15:23
Speaker 2: I hate when people say that their husbands are babysitting
15:26
Speaker 2: the kids, like it's the same thing, Like no, oh, yeah,
15:28
Speaker 2: we are all in this together and we are a team,
15:31
Speaker 2: and so this is shared responsibilities. But to have the
15:35
Speaker 2: other person in your life acknowledge that is everything. It's
15:39
Speaker 2: not like thank you, I shouldn't have to thank you
15:41
Speaker 2: for doing something that I do every day, but that
15:44
Speaker 2: we should actually be sharing. But I think that happens
15:48
Speaker 2: a lot of times. It certainly has happened in my life. Like, wait,
15:50
Speaker 2: why am I thanking this person I do this every day?
15:53
Speaker 2: Why am I assuming this is all on me?
15:55
Speaker 1: You know, we spend plenty of time every day and
15:57
Speaker 1: this is something huge between the two of us. I said,
16:00
Speaker 1: that's silly. Stop don't thank me for that, and thank
16:02
Speaker 1: me for while. Even when I cook and clean.
16:06
Speaker 2: I do say thanks, you.
16:07
Speaker 1: Say think, but it's it's okay. Everything evens out. It's
16:10
Speaker 1: it's fine, and it's it's not like it's my job
16:13
Speaker 1: or it's your job. It's just this was what I'm
16:16
Speaker 1: deciding to do for us, And I don't know, I
16:19
Speaker 1: never considered that a big deal. And get where you're
16:21
Speaker 1: coming from, but I came from a house where I
16:22
Speaker 1: grew up and my dad would declare this, I cook,
16:26
Speaker 1: I ain't cleaning right, that kind of a thing, and
16:28
Speaker 1: I never saw this, And it's okay, we're a different time,
16:30
Speaker 1: but it's any kind of shared chores and responsibilities. It
16:34
Speaker 1: was either here or theyre, oh yeah he did the
16:36
Speaker 1: she did, Dad, we did. It was so different.
16:39
Speaker 2: I think that's how a lot of folks grew up.
16:40
Speaker 2: My dad went out, and you know, my mom eventually
16:43
Speaker 2: went back and was a teacher, but she was expected
16:46
Speaker 2: to make all the food, and we were expected as
16:48
Speaker 2: kids we would clean up. We got allowances, and my
16:50
Speaker 2: brother and I would split weeks. But it was all
16:52
Speaker 2: very delegated, and I mean that's just the way it
16:55
Speaker 2: was growing up. But so when you see a true partnership.
16:58
Speaker 2: That that's sexy as hell.
17:00
Speaker 1: All right, last big stat, the big big stat here
17:03
Speaker 1: is a number of people, all right, a partner who
17:07
Speaker 1: thinks that doing dishes without being asked. If you see
17:10
Speaker 1: your partner doing dishes without being asked, how sexy is
17:14
Speaker 1: that to you? First?
17:15
Speaker 2: So sexy? You actually feel warm all over, like you
17:19
Speaker 2: feel love, like I actually feel giddy.
17:24
Speaker 1: Yes, that you would rather walk into seeing your seeing
17:28
Speaker 1: me doing dishes without being asked than walking in and
17:33
Speaker 1: seeing two dozen red roses on the countersip.
17:39
Speaker 2: I think they're equivalent. I mean, here's the deal. This
17:43
Speaker 2: sounds bad, but you do it all the time. But
17:46
Speaker 2: when I I'll take it back to when I first
17:48
Speaker 2: started seeing you do this, and I was so taken
17:50
Speaker 2: aback by it, it was so sexy. I would absolutely
17:53
Speaker 2: say the dish is one. Now I think I'm not
17:56
Speaker 2: saying I have gotten used to it in the sense
17:58
Speaker 2: that I expected. I don't. But I think they're equivalent.
18:01
Speaker 2: I think is a fair thing to say, like either
18:03
Speaker 2: one would be wonderful, But actually, in terms of the
18:08
Speaker 2: long term man joy that comes from it, it probably
18:12
Speaker 2: the dishes win.
18:13
Speaker 1: Wow. So I've washed more dishes than I've sent roses
18:17
Speaker 1: I need to do.
18:17
Speaker 2: You want to know, but yeah, and that's a good thing.
18:19
Speaker 2: You want to know what the other thing is when
18:22
Speaker 2: you give someone roses, right, you're like, look what I did,
18:25
Speaker 2: Here's what I did for you. And not that I
18:27
Speaker 2: don't want to say that that's your only motivation, but
18:29
Speaker 2: there is some joy in like da da da da.
18:31
Speaker 2: When you're doing the dishes, there's no really it's a
18:33
Speaker 2: thankless job. You're not getting any reward for it. There's
18:37
Speaker 2: no oh my god, baby and a hug and a
18:39
Speaker 2: kiss and a swirl.
18:40
Speaker 1: No.
18:40
Speaker 2: So that in a way, giving the roses might be
18:43
Speaker 2: a little more self serving and doing the dishes is
18:46
Speaker 2: a little more just selfless loving.
18:50
Speaker 1: Give me the guests you would have, then you give
18:52
Speaker 1: me your What would your estimate be the number of
18:54
Speaker 1: people who say that seeing your partner do the dishes
18:59
Speaker 1: without being asked is more romantic than a dozen roses.
19:03
Speaker 2: I would say among women or just people.
19:05
Speaker 1: There's people in the survey. It was among so who
19:07
Speaker 1: knows how many, but how many women were in the survey, but.
19:10
Speaker 2: I would say eighty five percent.
19:12
Speaker 1: It's pretty close.
19:13
Speaker 2: Two thirds Okay, yeah, but overwhelmingly the majority of women people.
19:20
Speaker 1: I would rather get my partner doing.
19:23
Speaker 2: Dishes without being asked.
19:25
Speaker 1: Than a dozen roses.
19:27
Speaker 2: That's a big because the worst thing is when you
19:29
Speaker 2: have a partner, when you even even when you ask them, hey,
19:31
Speaker 2: would you mind, and then they still don't do it.
19:33
Speaker 2: Let me tell you that's nuclear.
19:39
Speaker 1: Last thing here. Look, if you can believe in the
19:40
Speaker 1: love languages, knock yourself out. But there is actually research
19:43
Speaker 1: out there, scientific research that says that the five love
19:48
Speaker 1: language are essentially bs. Really, and they say they're bs
19:51
Speaker 1: for this reason, and that what they've done, there's no
19:56
Speaker 1: research anything that suggests any of these things are more
19:59
Speaker 1: benefit relationships. What they say is it's good marketing by
20:06
Speaker 1: using a metaphor that we can all understand language, how
20:08
Speaker 1: do we communicate love? We all seem to understand that,
20:12
Speaker 1: so love language, how do we communicate through love? And
20:14
Speaker 1: then you gave them five very simple concepts to go with.
20:18
Speaker 1: So yes, a lot of people have applied it, a
20:20
Speaker 1: lot of people do use it. But the idea is
20:23
Speaker 1: that you have to actually be fluent in all of them.
20:26
Speaker 1: That's so true that you actually need to be able
20:29
Speaker 1: to recognize so instead of you looking for somebody are
20:32
Speaker 1: we compatible this or that? Are you the one who
20:35
Speaker 1: is able to recognize and see what your needs are
20:40
Speaker 1: and what the needs are of the people around you.
20:42
Speaker 1: And it might be this, it might be that, It
20:43
Speaker 1: might be a little bit of this, might be a
20:44
Speaker 1: little bit of that. But they say, look at it
20:47
Speaker 1: as a diet. If you want to use another metaphor,
20:50
Speaker 1: look at it as a diet road sure, pyramid, right, No, No,
20:54
Speaker 1: the idea of yes, you can do all vegan. Yes
20:59
Speaker 1: you could do a little pestitarian, you could do keto,
21:02
Speaker 1: you could do all these things. But really the healthiest
21:05
Speaker 1: you're going to be is to be able to consume
21:08
Speaker 1: a little bit of this stuff in the right moderation.
21:11
Speaker 1: You have to have a balanced love diet as well.
21:15
Speaker 2: That I actually think both things can be true. The
21:17
Speaker 2: languages are helpful in terms of just kind of identifying
21:21
Speaker 2: the ways that we can love one another. But I
21:23
Speaker 2: do like the idea of tapping into all of them
21:26
Speaker 2: because I actually always have a hard time ranking them
21:28
Speaker 2: because sometimes, like well, sometimes I'd prefer quality time, and
21:32
Speaker 2: then sometimes I'd prefer, you know, physical touch, But then
21:35
Speaker 2: there are times and I really need words of affirmation,
21:37
Speaker 2: and then God, please please acts of service, and then
21:41
Speaker 2: gifts are always fun. So yeah, I get that that
21:44
Speaker 2: all makes perfect sense, but I appreciate the distinction. I
21:47
Speaker 2: appreciate kind of thinking of the different ways we can
21:52
Speaker 2: love each other. You know, I love is love, but
21:55
Speaker 2: mostly it's selfless and it's not self serving, and it's
21:57
Speaker 2: not seeking attention. And I think that's always I mean,
22:00
Speaker 2: that's what I have learned over the years. You can
22:02
Speaker 2: kind of see through some of the attempts as more
22:05
Speaker 2: of a selfish I want to feel a hit from
22:07
Speaker 2: your love versus I actually just want to do this
22:10
Speaker 2: thing for you and I don't need anything in return.
22:12
Speaker 1: There is a difference, and even the scientists that took
22:15
Speaker 1: on or challenged the idea of five love languages did
22:17
Speaker 1: appreciate that it got us all to think about the
22:21
Speaker 1: other person's needs and just identifying how that other person
22:25
Speaker 1: might want or need even to be loved. So I
22:30
Speaker 1: thought this was very interesting. So I hope this work
22:32
Speaker 1: for you.
22:33
Speaker 2: This was such a good episode. I actually loved that.
22:36
Speaker 2: I didn't even think about it until I actually spoke
22:39
Speaker 2: on it. Maybe that could be bad in the future,
22:42
Speaker 2: but it was fun today. Thank you.
22:44
Speaker 1: Oh, this one works all right, folks, whatever you're doing
22:47
Speaker 1: out there, if you are trying to find a way,
22:51
Speaker 1: just a simple gesture of love. Maybe just clean maybe
22:55
Speaker 1: just clean up for that partner and see what happens
22:58
Speaker 1: that starts somewhere. As always, also appreciate you hanging with us.
23:01
Speaker 1: I am t J. Holmes alongside my partner. Let me
23:04
Speaker 1: roll back. I'm head to the kitchen. See y'all sin
23:06
Speaker 1: yeah m