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The Power of Living on Purpose with Khalilah Lyons · Fractional Frequency

• Amy Crook: Right, right, right. If your greatest transformation isn't waiting for the perfect time, but for your courage to step into the moment. Today we're joined by Khalila Lyons, speaker, author, leadership coach, and cultural strategist. Khalila helps leaders, organizations, and individuals navigate pivotal moments with clarity, confidence, and action. Whether through speaking, coaching, or cultural strategy, her purpose remains the same. To empower people to rise into their purpose, embrace their impact, and lead with authenticity. So today we'll tap into her expertise on these topics. And I can't wait to pick her brain. Without further ado, welcome Khalila. Thank you. I'm always so impressed with the bio that I wrote. Thank you. It is so impressive. I I thought, should we tweak it? And I couldn't make it better. So we just So excited that you're here to chat with Jenna and I. And we'll anchor some of these topics to your book, Prioritize Your Purpose, and ⁓ others will ⁓ will layer on top. But let's get get started. So tell us, was there a defining moment when you realized that you needed to prioritize your purpose? Yeah, when I saw this question, I was thinking, no, it's it's never just one thing, right? It was really. A defining season for me and what that looked like in 2019, where I prayed this big prayer asking God, I need you to just align everything in my life so that it's going to allow me to walk in my divine design, right? I'm itching to move into my purpose. But what I didn't understand in a lot of times when we're going through life is what this prayer was going to ask of me and require of me with my life. So I entered. In 2019, when I like to call the fertilization season of my life, we all know what fertilization or fertilizer is made of. So it was that season, that show. And while I was in it, it was just messy. There was nothing beautiful about this journey and me really getting into my purpose. I'm going through divorce. I'm grieving the loss of my granny. I'm doing some challenges with my my job and still needing to show up like I was okay. So I'm still producing, I'm still being responsible, still being. The person that everyone could rely on. So everything is looking okay on the outside with career visibility and impact. But I'm exhausted on the inside. And I remember at this time just really getting deep into God, what am I supposed to do? Like what are the instructions? What actions can I take? I'm looking for this checklist that's going to give me instruction. And the responses back to me was, who are you being? Who are you to be? ⁓ and what does that mean for how you are to serve others? And in going through those questions and not getting the instruction, but starting to get deep into my identity was really starting to reveal who I am to be and what that means for the meaningful assignment of my purpose. When I think about purpose, it really is just what is our meaningful assignment? So the shift for me was. How I started prioritizing my purpose and thinking about life as far as how it is to be experienced and not achieved, and what it means for me to bring who I am and who I am to be in all the situations that I connect to, and what that means for honoring my joy, honoring my body, honoring my peace. ⁓ and just continuing to then have evidence from life showing me how that is to show up. So it was. Was all these different things around this season that had me kind of have everything unravel. I always say just let it unravel, because then you can start to see things clearly. You can start to see who you are and who you need to be. And and then through that season, that's what gave birth to me understanding my purpose and then all these different ways that it's manifested since then, including my book, my business, how I coach, how I lead. how I sit authentically and how I speak and connect with people. But it was all a season and not necessarily a defining moment. I say it's it's never for me at least, it wasn't the lights shining and the angel noises coming down. It was a really dark space where I had to, I would say, become the light and be the the answer in the moments. Yeah. That's incredible. And I think I think it's so easy for people to move through life without that level of intent and to sort of float ⁓ through life. What's too? Yes. What is at risk when we live like that? You know, there's so much at risk. ⁓ and and it gets to that experience, right? And how you're experiencing life every day and the risk of not ⁓ having what I call our birthrights of joy and peace. And abundance that can naturally come. So if you aren't grounded in purpose, you're living a lot in reaction versus responding and standing in purpose, and you're constantly moving and kind of on this path, but never really arriving at yourself and who you are. So your days can be filled with a lot of activity and a lot of conversation and a lot of responsibility, but there's few moments. Of you feeling present with who you are. I have an appreciation of who you are. And then when I think about it, because I'm always like, what does this mean, this meaningful assignment for the collective? other people getting to experience and benefit from who you are. So purpose is also because you become at risk of giving your energy to other things that don't necessarily matter. So if you don't know your purpose, you're ⁓ I talk a lot about being always available versus available by alignment. And so again, we risk everything starting to feel equally important, equally urgent, ⁓ and equally ours to carry. We start taking on borrowed priorities that we shouldn't have. And so now we're moving through our days of of of autopilot and we're shaping how we show up for other people instead of honoring our purpose and what that means. So the deeper cost too is not just. How it's impacting us, but when we're not in purpose, it's impacting our family, it's impacting those that are closer to us, it's impacting our job. Purpose doesn't necessarily move responsibility. So I don't want to say now we're we're supposed to let go of our responsibilities because that's what becomes at risk. But when we think about purpose, life still lives, there's still bills to pay, but how we're showing up and how we're connecting, right? Now we're coming from a place of giving. I'm giving my purpose. versus constantly feeling like I'm in a place of obligation to others. So when I talk about being grounded in purpose, you know, we we lose this opportunity of how we can in different moments as life is happening, get grounded and calibrate back to our truth and how we stand in that. We we risk losing that, we risk losing ourselves. And I also feel like again, selfishly, so many of us risk losing what you have to offer. Do people have misconceptions about purpose, what it is or what it should be? There's a ton of misconceptions. Again, I hit the big one ⁓ when I was talking about my own journey around purpose is going to be this grand revelation that you experience. And suddenly everything clicks and you know, exactly who you are supposed to be in life, my experience, and as I work with. Teams and even individuals and especially women, that is not the experience at all. Purpose, it comes to you and it continues to like we're born with our purpose, but how it ⁓ is revealed to us and how it evolves and how it manifests, it comes from the conversations, it comes from grief, it comes from hard seasons, questions, those quiet moments. Again, even for me, as I work and interact with others from coaching people and paying attention to what life continues to ask me. To notice. So, ⁓ you know, again, it's it's not this big moment, but it's it's answering many moments over time and being able to pay attention to what interrupts your peace and what elevates your peace. So that's one misconception. Another, when I think about purpose and conversations that I have with people is that purpose only belongs to career. ⁓ When you ask people about purpose, they immediately start talking about titles. And business, platforms, invisibility, all these A-list things that I know we're going to talk about. And work is absolutely an expression of your purpose. ⁓ but purpose it it has to breathe beyond what you are doing professionally. It if you're being honest with it, it's it's going to show up in all the things because the title can change, seasons change, companies change, but your purpose, it manifests and expresses itself differently across those seasons, across those titles. and and and it manifests again, I think about as a parent, right? That's one of my titles. ⁓ and I always say my purpose is to be a love letter to the potential impossibility of others. So when I think about what that looked like with Miles, my son, at six, thirteen, and now As a ⁓ young man going off to college, if I held on to one expression of that, I would be asking myself, who am I going be now? And he's going to college. But knowing what my purpose is and that it can manifest in so many different ways, I know exactly how I need to shift and still be that love letter to him. also, I will say people think purpose has to be big to matter, right? I have to have this big thing that I say I'm doing and that I'm being. ⁓ but some of our deepest moments of purpose are lived very quietly and how we can show up for other and how we're raising our children and how we're loving other people and how we lead with integrity. Even you know, I think about how I use my voice again and how I show up. That's quiet ways that purpose is manifesting when we choose who we want to be. It's not always loud. And the final thing I'll say. Is once you have your purpose, life is going to become easy because it all just makes sense and I know exactly what to do. ⁓ but it certainly does not remove grief or uncertainty or disappointment. It it just helps you connect to who you are to be in those moments. I talk and I think one of the benchmarks in my book, and I say I think because there's 31 in my book, but I have over 1300 total. So I have to remember which ones I put in the book, but I'm pretty sure. The w one in the book is easy is not the promise, but victory is. So when you know your promise, it's not necessarily okay, this needs to feel easy for me, but I know as I'm rooted in who I am, I'm going to have victory as I move through, as I experience this. And then I can be curious about what's happening around me and not in control. So purpose also doesn't necessarily give you control, ⁓ but it gives you the the the confidence to explore with curiosity. I just love what you said about it's not just one revelation or one moment. And and I think there's a lot of misconception about that, but instead it's many little moments. And what's coming to mind because we're on the podcast and we talk a lot about founder journeys is even moments in our own journey where you step out of corporate America to to build something and you think it'll all be like I'm here now. And and so then it'll all unfold, but it unfolds. over weeks and months and tiny little moments in every day where you have to find the courage to think differently, the courage to ask a question or to say yes or to say no. Yes over and over again. And it's not it's not linear, right? It's like you're going to have your ups and downs. It doesn't mean that the journey stop is stopping or the purpose is not where it should be. It's going to go like this until you achieve, right? But you're still going to, right? Because you're human. That's exact yes, people think life is linear, and that's exactly what I coach and and speak to all the time. ⁓ is being open. And I say a lot to like you have to let go of your rigid expectations to allow the the fluid evolution of what life is trying to show you. You have to shift from so much of this is my job to what does this mean as a ⁓ journey. And I love alliterations, so I could do the the of that all day. I'm sorry there. It's why I have 1350 of ⁓ these verses for purpose because it's literally just how I talk. But yes, it's it's not linear. And I would say that can be a misconception too, just overall about life that it's this linear path. And you even when I talk about ⁓ my approach to life, that's not meant to be easy. You may be on a high and something hits you that takes you back to where you were before, and that's okay. But again, when you're grounded in purpose, you can start to recalibrate. Even if that takes days, even if that takes weeks, you're being intentional about that calibration and getting grounded back in purpose because you understand it. Or at least, you know, not everybody can speak to what their purpose is, but starting to understand what are those things that elevate your peace, what are those things that interrupt your peace and starting to have a conversation around that will get you to a point of understanding your purpose. even if you can't clearly articulate it. Yeah. So you touched on this briefly. ⁓ there's a concept in your book called be list living. Would you ground us in what that is? Yes, be list living. So ⁓ you know, this came in that dark moment in my life, right? Like I'm asking, what am I to do? And the response is getting back who you are to be. And so when I talk about B-list living or the B-list rhythm. It's in contrast to A-list perfection, which is what we're all socialized ⁓ to focus on, right? What are the achievements that we have? What are the accolades that we can give? The applause, the appearance, and how that manifests in our titles, our milestones, our productivity, things that people can point to and say, you are successful. I personally grew up with a lot of that pressure. ⁓ growing up in East St. Louis, being in the gifted program, first generation student, that there was a lot of expectation of the narrative that I should have in my life. ⁓ and as I talk about this, I'm not saying that, you know, the B list, as I explain it, is anti-achievement. It really is about just making sure that achievement is what isn't what you always turn back to as part of your identity. ⁓ and you're not using these achievements to validate who you are. You're you're rooting into something more internal as far as your value. And again, all of that came from that's what happened to me in 2019 as I'm losing things. I'm thinking, who am I now? so much more than those things. Okay, so the B list ⁓ has five B's on it. And I always speak to them in a certain order, but they're also not this linear as you do this, then you move to this. But the first is bumps. and bumps are anything that really come to disrupt our peace and disrupt our purpose. There are disruptions, tensions, frustrations, ⁓ disappointments that we all can experience at different times in our life. It can be huge on the spectrum at one end of the spectrum as far as divorce and what that looks like, ⁓ a friendship changing if we go down all the way to I got a stain on my shirt, and now this has disrupted my peace. I said something silly. In a meeting, and I'm experiencing this bump, this moment of ⁓ uncertainty and just starting to feel a little shaky, right? There's these pressures that come from us, and they're really signaling something in us that we need to up level, ⁓ or something in us, ⁓ in our situations where we got to get out of this place of complacency and it's time to move, which is the next B on the B list, which is bounce. So I always say boosts, our bumps are abrupt. But our balance is where we start to get shaky because now we're moving and we're feeling a little nervous about it. But even if we're not liking the movement, the risks that we have to take, we know, again, staying grounded in purpose, needing to honor our purpose. We have to make some changes. We have to get counterintuitive. We have to start taking some risks and what that means for elevating ourselves in purpose and expanding the possibilities. of our purpose. So a bounce can be anything from ⁓ I think you said this speaking up in a meeting, even when we're unsure. ⁓ because we may have some self-induced bumps. So if I shouldn't say this, I'm thinking too much about this, but I'm gonna bounce anyway and speak in this meeting, right? I have language for that. Or it can be shifting the job or anything like that. And the next B on the B list are boobs. So these are getting us into how we are strengthening ourselves and strengthening and nurturing our purpose. So thinking about what are the things that need to be increased, decreased, elevated, ⁓ protected, invited in or exited out of our lives. So this gives us certain habits, ⁓ relationships. It gets you looking at your C list of your circle, your choices, the conversations. Once you start paying attention to your boost. ⁓ I always say you start to realize people in your life that literally have been wearing a t-shirt saying, I'm a bump, but you hadn't really noticed that before. But now that you're really focused on what do I need for my purpose, you start to see also what you don't need for your purpose. And then beliefs are how you anchor in ⁓ your purpose and in your truth and starting as you're doing the bumps and the bounce, you start to pay attention to what am I actually believing. About life and where did some of these beliefs come from? Why do I believe I need to keep staying on the A list and that I don't deserve rest? Right. Why haven't I shifted to ⁓ I do deserve rest? I do deserve to be still, to honor my purpose. So it gets us into that. And the final B is breathe and be. So this is us just learning how to be comfortable in who we already are and who we've always been. And and and showing up with experiencing life and not just how we are going to manage it, being curious and comfortable with that in moments, again, not trying to control it. ⁓ and when we think about one of my benchmarks, the first benchmark, I do know this in the book, the to be list, ⁓ how that starts to expand. And me and my journey as an entrepreneur, I love being able to express that I am comfortable now. not just being strategic, but being soulful in how I am strategic, right? I'm not just visionary, but I'm also ⁓ vulnerable in my moments because I want to create that space and what that means for my clients as we do the work that we need to do for performance and people and all that good stuff. So those are ⁓ the bees in a nutshell. Again, you can be evaluating your beliefs and hit a bump and need to think about your bounce. ⁓ but they all do work together to keep you honoring your purpose. I say Covey gave us universal habits, and this is about how we have these universal human truths that allow us to be who we need to be. Alila, I have to say I think you should ⁓ start with some merchandise because I think you have some good ideas for the t shirts. It's coming. It is I could think All day I got the it's up all the time because I'm always adding something to it. Yes, I love it. The t-shirts and bags and all of it are coming. Yes. Got some customers on this call for sure. my hands. I'm thinking, I'm gonna get through this in a couple of days. And I couldn't have been more wrong because every page just forces a lot of introspection and reflection about how you're showing up and how you're moving through life. And I think the bumps that you mentioned were one of my favorite parts because this concept of having really challenging people in particular who are around you in your space and not necessarily labeling that, but but naming it and And you know, kind of sitting with that and and thinking about it in a different way, I found to be really powerful. And so I I want to pick into that just a little bit. I know Jenna's got some questions as well, but what happens psychologically when people name their bumps? Yeah. And it's a powerful thing to just have a name. For something, right? It's not because it it it removes, I guess if I think about psychologically what that means, ⁓ it removes the shame around these things that are happening, right? It can remove I'm feeling bad and I did something wrong because this happened. Now it's okay, this is a bump. And let me start to calibrate to who I need to be. Cause I want you to start with your to-be list first. And then also now what. I need to do it. We don't get stuck in the thoughts, the self-induced bumps that can keep us right there. So psychologically, we're giving language to the moment that helps us unconsciously start absorbing everything unto ourselves and keeping us stuck in a rook, keeping us from spiraling into that self blame, self doubt, shut down, ⁓ how we're now starting to ⁓ overaccommodate for the moment because. We're getting off the A list of I need to make sure this is perfect. This was a plan. I need to stick to it. With saying this is the bump and I know how to address bumps and have practices for the bump. It gives us this freedom ⁓ to move forward. And especially when I think about high capacity people, and I know Aaron, working with you, you are absolutely one of those. We get praised for how much we can carry and how much we can deal with. And we become skilled at managing environments very quickly and trying to smooth the detention very quickly and staying composed as this bump is happening. But again, as we have this bump, we're able to be human, we're able to get off of autopilot, we're able to breathe and be and do what we need to do with some sense of freedom and liberation and the removal again of that guilt that we can sometimes have. when something happens. We're not replaying it afterwards. We're saying this is a bump. I don't know exactly maybe not necessarily what to do, but I do know I need to bounce and I'm gonna start to get intentional about that or even what are the boosts I need to take. Yes. Yes. So moving into action. I love it. It's one of my Yeah, it moves us into it gives us a a freedom ⁓ to start to move into action more quickly. Yeah. And I think just having the tools and being cognizant of that tool, right? So you know what to do next time. That's exactly it. Yes. Yep. Yeah. You have those principles that help you. Cause I always say too, none of this is about ⁓ a prescription because life is life, people are people. ⁓ but you will have some principles that help you think through what's going to make sense and how you answer this moment that's before you. Right. So I'm gonna shift gears a little bit and talk about ⁓ achieving dreams and showing up differently. So in your work, right, you notice a pattern of hoping for ease rather than preparing for victory. So what about human nature encourages us to sit back in hope rather than action? I loved that question so much because Hope is such a beautiful thing, right? But this was like, but it also it's a yes and because hope can keep you ⁓ in a place. I think when you think about hope and you think about dreams, the A-list and perfection. And so because you want to keep that, you aren't moving ⁓ forward. ⁓ so we have, you know, we're carrying a lot of responsibilities, expectations, ⁓ things that are making us feel heavy and thinking about hope. ⁓ it makes things feel safe, right? I have this idea of how things should be. ⁓ it allows us to stay close to possibility without creating any disruption, right? And and that's people like familiarity. We can be conditioned to ⁓ familiarity, whether it's the best thing for us or whether it's not. And if we start to take action on hope. Then we are inviting some bumps and we are inviting that we need to start to bounce, right? I have this dream, this hope, but I know operationalizing it is going to require some change and that's going to bring some bumps into my life. I'm gonna have to bounce in a new way. I'm gonna have to possibly check some of the beliefs that I have been carrying with me all of this time. If I want to now act on this hope that I have, I may have to boost some people. Out of my life, right? If I'm going to honor that, because the action that we need to take is going to require us to bring some honesty into the conversation, look at our habits, really get comfortable and honest and having conversations with our fears and our boundaries and these patterns. So a lot of people we're delaying the step and we're convincing ourselves to settle, settle. For what's draining us because we don't want to create that disruption. Everything around us in life is bringing things to us to say this is going to make life easy. ⁓ and and that's part of A list perfection. So we stay in that hope versus moving, but the dream starts feeling so much further away, right? And I think there's a conversation that we need to have around if we're only relying on hope and not taking action. What does that actually do for the spirit? Right. No, that makes complete sense. And I just love how you said that I mean, life is full of disruptions, right? It's not something that is this easy path. And so again, just going back to I think it's just like your foundation of what you're trying to to do, right? ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ I love the benchmark that calls on the reader to let them come to terms with who you are today. So what have you done to stand firm with these mom? Sorry, what have you done to stand firm in your conviction about who you are and who you want to be? I love that benchmark too. Over and over in different coaching, because you're going on this. journey and you're evolving in who you are. And I just hear so many times, well, what are they gonna think if? Yeah. I don't know and I don't care. And let them come to terms with who you are, right? We gotta get vigilant ⁓ with this. And that's not to be mean, but ⁓ for me, ⁓ I really had to stop negotiating with myself again, every time as I'm saying, every time Again, so many of these come from my own life and me speaking to myself. So how I had to get comfortable with people being uncomfortable with my growth, with my bound boundaries, how I'm now using my voice, how I'm now showing up in meetings. ⁓ that was probably or is continues to probably be one of the the most convicted ways that I stand firm in my purpose. This is the type of leader. That I am. ⁓ this is the type of speaker that I am. I've been coached on, well, clearly you might want to use your hands less. Like my hands are part of the package. This is this is how I stop, how I move. It's part of my body, right? It's it's part of my body. Body language is a thing. Or you know, as a lover of words and just the way I think. My eyes are all over the place, but that's because words are coming to me, colors are coming to me. So just standing firm in that. ⁓ and I was very practiced, kind of connected to that and in what it means to read a room, ⁓ adjust, carrying, producing based on who people needed me to be in their moment. and getting out of that, because that was more how am I gonna survive in this environment versus how am I going to fully Stand firm and be useful in this moment. I can't be useful if I'm constantly adjusting to other people's expectations. The most useful and beautiful way I can show up is in my purpose and what that means for the moment. ⁓ and I mentioned this before, but I didn't really give a name to it. But standing convicted in what I call my beautiful dualities of again being strategic, being so ⁓ soulful, being warm. ⁓ but also what that means to be firm in my moments as well. ⁓ and it looked like just holding boundaries in conversations, right? Not just making it when I have conversations with people, what's going to make this easy? But again, if I'm standing in purpose, if I'm being a love letter to the potential impossibilities, I'm okay with being uncomfortable because I know where we're going with this. I know where the journey is taking us. So having full acceptance of who I am, which has been a journey. ⁓ full acceptance of also who I'm continuing to become and and how messy that can be as well. But embracing that, ⁓ that's a lot of how I continue to stand firm in my conviction stand firm and in conviction of who I am, who I continue to be, and being okay with. People coming to terms because I also say, too, with this, I own my power. I don't own anyone's perspective. And you know, we we get at risk of achievement, exhaustion trying to achieve what people expect of us becomes exhausting versus evolving what life is truly setting up and allowing for us to do and for us who we are to be. Right. And You kind of touched on this earlier when you were you know, high level going over perhaps the dark stage, right, of your life, how you got to be where, you know, you are. But what do you do to anchor, you know, when these moments or decisions are emotionally painful? ⁓ because they will be. Again, it's not a bright light. Everything's not all of a sudden open and shining. ⁓ but I always anchor to my faith. First. So for me, I pray before I react. I get quiet and I'm okay. That makes people uncomfortable too, but I'll get quiet before I feel like I need to respond. Being still ⁓ is one of the most powerful bounces that we can actually take. Being still is an action. So ⁓ sometimes the prayer is as simple as God, I know I need to do this, but I really don't like how it feels. And start to have a conversation starting from that place of ⁓ honesty. And having faith in where this is going to take me, that this is all happening for me and not necessarily happening to me. So faith gives me somewhere to place the weight versus feeling like I need to carry it all by myself on a day-to-day basis. And then I also anchor to my to be list, which is why ⁓ with the benchmarks in my book, they're not necessarily meant to go in a particular order. Yeah. Did have that as the first one for a reason because we should be starting our days with our to be list before we get to what we want to do. So when things are painful, when things are hurting, and again, I'm not saying this is always easy, but just going back to who do I want to be in this moment? Who do I need to be in this moment? ⁓ and then also what does that mean for what do I want to experience in this moment? Going back to experiences and not getting caught up in what do I need to? achieve because that can shift. So my to be list ⁓ always brings me back to the woman that ⁓ I said I wanted to be before all the emotions and chaos and different circumstances got really loud. And obviously then I anchor back to my purpose, right? ⁓ does this decision honor what I'm here to give? And if not, what do I need to start changing? And typically if it's decisions that are emotional or painful, a lot of that change is going to come from me. ⁓ and what that means for me to honor my purpose. And then what I already know in my spirit too. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. It's also like a mental checklist, right? It seems of how to kind of get through some of those tough times as well. Most of it, it it is going to come from mental and the internal because we can't control, we all know this, right? The situations around us, but we can start to own ⁓ how we're showing up, we can start to tap into our authority and what that looks like. And that's a journey. It continues to be a journey to understand what is your birthright authority, what are the different ways that that manifests. Beginning intentional with that conversation, which I do know is benchmark number 13 in my book, because I do a lot of sessions around this. ⁓ Starting that conversation with your purpose becomes a beautiful thing. And I had to just share this story really quickly. ⁓ and I know I'm probably long-winded, so I'm gonna try to make it as concise as possible. But I was with young black boys on the South Side yesterday going through the B list. ⁓ they're from Leo Catholic High School, which is a big deal in Chicago. They're doing amazing things. Their principal just got the Golden Apple Award, and we were talking about who they are to be in their different circumstances and beliefs that they need to shake. And we started getting into ⁓ shaking the belief that you can't be sensitive. If you're going to be a young black man and someone asks, you know, what's a step I can take to start expressing my sensitivity? And I said, it doesn't need to be loud, going back to purpose, revealing itself loud. I want you to start with just getting a journal and having a conversation with your purpose and bringing your sensitivity there and taking that journey of what it means from paper into real life. So yes. I don't even know where I was going with that story, but I know it made sense in the moment. So that's incredible. Yes, it really, but it really was. Anchoring back to spirit, anchoring back to purpose, and having that conversation with your purpose and the power of that. And the power of that and what it means when you are in those painful moments, in those emotional decisions. ⁓ because sometimes we aren't, I find when I coach people too, we we aren't comfortable with our thoughts. We aren't really thinking about what we're thinking about. Even our responses to ourselves can be on autopilot. So the more you can have those conversations in an anchor back, the better. Well, that leads exactly into the next question, because I think a lot has to do with ⁓ you know, imposter syndrome. One of the benchmarks that deeply resonates with us is the one that life is not getting you ready. It is showing you that you are ready. So ⁓ can you, you know, talk to us about what are some practical ways listeners can anticipate and overcome this feeling? The feeling of imposter syndrome. Yes. Yes. Yes. You know what? I Love that it's tied to that benchmark. ⁓ I never thought about it connected to what it is for imposter syndrome specifically, but actually that is the symptom or the manifestation around that. And I would say again, start to think about why am I thinking what I'm thinking, right? And instead of thinking, ⁓ a lot of times I do not belong here, ⁓ sometimes we recognize I we need to recognize I just haven't seen myself. Here yet, right? Again, you are ready, right? Life has been getting you ready. So if I'm in this situation, I'm feeling uncomfortable, but let me start to reimagine what that means for me being new in this situation, what it is for me to be new in how I express myself and also being okay with the messiness that may come, the first silly thing that I say, but I know I can calibrate back to my truth. ⁓ because so much of this with that benchmark and getting past and reimagining imposter syndrome, it's about preparation. It's it's not about perfection. And I think imposter syndrome too can come from us being socialized that we have to show up a certain way. We have to maybe show up in the way that people are expecting us and not necessarily in our truth. So, also, how do we continue to be in practice of who we are? even, you know, when I talk about If you know you have to present and you're having some imposter sins around that, just practice and say the talk enough so that you're getting comfortable with how you would say it in a way that you would say it, right? And your purpose, right? Because confidence is built on us taking those bounces and giving ourselves our boost. ⁓ and the more we can do that ⁓ and stop using our feelings as the measurement of readiness, ⁓ but really staying in our Purpose and anchoring language around the B list, we can start to move past that imposter syndrome. We can start to normalize that growth is going to feel uncomfortable. We can start to be okay with a new situation, means this feels new, right? It does not necessarily mean I don't belong. But I also think, too, ⁓ and it's not always a quick fix, but if you do continue to feel like you don't belong. What are the boosts that you need to take to ensure that you get somewhere where your purpose does belong? Because I always coach also go where your purpose belongs. Yeah. I love that. The be basically be comfortable and the uncomfortable, right? Be open to that. Be open to that. Yes. We we are not. And again, we take those those bumps, those signals as something is wrong versus just pausing to say, what is this telling me what do I need to own in this moment? How do I need to bounce in this moment? What are the boosts that I need to give myself? What are the different micro practices that are going to help me honor my purpose? I'm here. I am ready, owning that belief. So what does that mean and in what I need to shift? And that's a journey. Again, I'm not saying now that you heard me say this in the next meeting, imposter syndrome is gone. it still may come. And Now you have some beliefs, some practices, some principles to help you navigate it in a different new way. Yeah, I love that. Thank you. And I think you could provide some more because we do this thing called rapid fire questions. ⁓ the B list. So much of it is the B list and right. I've done the B list branding, the B list ⁓ and entrepreneurship. ⁓ the B list and imposter syndrome for women, right? Yeah. That's huge. Definitely. I think just for HR professionals in general, right? That's a huge area. Yes, because sometimes people don't want us in the room. Right. Literally don't even want us in the room. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Okay. There's two questions for the rapid fire. So what would you say is one daily habit? To strengthen connection to purpose. I've said this a few times and I can't say it enough. I did a whole hour long talk around this, ⁓ but going back to your to be list, starting your day with your to be list, checking in with yourself before responding to all the things that feel really loud and going back to that to be list throughout the day. I have seen when I think about leaders in terms of this conversation, even how they shifted the agenda of a meeting, how they rethought how they were going to have a performance conversation, all these different things. what they're saying, what we're saying yes to. So much of that gets to your to be list and will be an anchor, a guide for ⁓ what you're saying yes to, what you're You know, one of my others is expand what you say no to so you can elevate your yes and your to be list helps you with that. So that is a practice. If you don't do anything else, please do more. But if you don't, definitely start with your to be list. I feel like that has been very consistent throughout this conversation. So it's pretty spot on. B list. ⁓ Okay. And what is one question you think that listeners should ask themselves this week? What is elevating my peace? And what is interrupting my peace? And really taking quiet moments each day and kind of replaying your mood, your body language, your shifts in energy, your reactions, your relationships, because Some of the interruptions in your piece aren't always obvious because we've normalized it. But once you start to get more intentional about again, your energy, your body language, you start to see what's what's what's feeding you and what's depleting you. I like that. I'm gonna do those myself. Please, you are going to be I when I do coaching, people will come back with a list and I just like I can't even believe what ended up on this list. It just hadn't been noticing certain things. So yeah. Powerful. Really powerful. Taking the time with who am I and who am I aspiring to be consistently and not just doing it once and setting it aside. That right there is is the most powerful thing to your point. So thank you so much for walking us through all of these topics. If listeners would like to learn more, find prioritize your purpose or follow you, where can they where can they check you out? Yes, you can find you can go to imkalila.com, click shop, and you can buy my book there. You also will find my different social media handles, so LinkedIn. ⁓ Instagram, if you want to see more about me and my family, TikTok, if you want to get some regular just 90-second doses of me speaking about ⁓ purpose. Trying to think I just did post well today was focused on dance a little and how you honor the rhythm that life is bringing you. But I will, for the most part, on most days, put something out there that again helps us ⁓ some boost. in nurturing our purpose and some things that we may be again overlooking and underestimating in our day and in our power. Awesome. Well it's been so fun. Thank you again for taking the time with us and we'll talk to you very soon. Cheers. All right.