Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How do narcissists act when their backs are against the wall
Transcript
- 0:00What is going on beautiful people?
- 0:02Welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
- 0:04I'm your favorite self aware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
- 0:07better known as Mental illness across all social media
- 0:09platforms. This is your first time seeing
- 0:11my face and hearing my lovely voice.
- 0:12I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
- 0:15on social media to raise awareness for NPD, get more
- 0:18people into therapy by myself and also validate the victims,
- 0:20survivors and thrivers of said disorder, said toxic people said
- 0:24toxic drinks. Today's episode was going to be
- 0:26about how do narcissist act when their backs are against the
- 0:29walls. Like when when all the lies and
- 0:33excuses run out when the threat of exposure is on the horizon.
- 0:39So yeah, before we happen to this episode, y'all know I got
- 0:41to shout out the Selflove Journal on Amazon.
- 0:43Lee Hammock. I love me a selflove Journal to
- 0:46help you rebuild that selflove and authenticity before doing
- 0:48After Tax Relationship available on Amazon.
- 0:51But yeah, y'all, how do narcissistic people react when
- 0:55their backs are against the wall?
- 0:57That's going to be tough because there's a few different ways
- 0:59that they can react. One way is that when the threat
- 1:02of exposure is high and the narcissistic person has nowhere
- 1:06else to run or else to hide, they might actually start to
- 1:09become super depressed and retreat retreat within
- 1:11themselves. This is a lot of times when you
- 1:13see narcissistic people. If you're in a relationship with
- 1:16them and they are still trying to avoid accountability, they'll
- 1:19ghost you. They'll give you the silent
- 1:22treatment, they'll start returning your phone calls,
- 1:24they'll do things, they'll they'll do whatever it takes in
- 1:26that scenario without having to voice anything, they'll just
- 1:29disappear on you sometimes. Sometimes they just disappear on
- 1:31you in retreat, hiding, fight or flight.
- 1:34They are flying away. You know what I'm saying?
- 1:37Just in that space right there, just in that very unique
- 1:39dynamic, just in this space, just in that mindset where they
- 1:41have a lot of this type of stuff going on, like they are going
- 1:44through this. Some of them just disappear on
- 1:45you. You know when their backs are
- 1:47against the walls, when they have nothing like all they're
- 1:50still exposed, quiet, silent treatment.
- 1:52I called us. Y'all know if you've been
- 1:54following me for any time period.
- 1:55I called the silent treatment Silent Rage, because they're
- 1:58super angry at you. They're super angry.
- 2:01They're super, they're super angry at you.
- 2:04They're super distraught. Like I said, they they they're
- 2:07so angry that they remove their voices, they remove, they remove
- 2:10the communication. So against their when their
- 2:12backs are against the wall, they, some of them cower, some
- 2:16of them cower, some of them retreat within themselves, some
- 2:17of them retreat overall and disappear.
- 2:19You know what I mean? When there's nothing left, when
- 2:21there's nothing left to say or do, they just they really they,
- 2:24they stop saying and start doing.
- 2:26They disappear, you know, because some of them will
- 2:28absolutely react that way where they dip out on you when their
- 2:30backs are against the wall another way.
- 2:32Another thing that they would do is sometimes when their backs
- 2:35against the wall, just like in a in a boxing ring, they come out
- 2:38swinging. You know, they react, They have
- 2:41these huge wild reactions, you know, to whatever they've been
- 2:46accused of, whatever they've been held accountable for,
- 2:48whatever it is in that space. They have these huge reactions.
- 2:53They do this stuff. They do this huge stuff to mess
- 2:57with you, you know what I mean? They do these things to
- 3:01terrorize you and to mess with your mind and stuff like that
- 3:04and to scare you. Yeah, some of them will come out
- 3:07swinging. This is where the other form of
- 3:09narcissistic toxic rage comes into play.
- 3:12Some of them will absolutely lose.
- 3:14They got damn minds and start yelling and screaming because
- 3:19this is all they have left. When their backs are against the
- 3:22wall, this is all that they have left in this situation, right
- 3:25here, in this scenario, right here.
- 3:26The only thing that they can do is to try to embarrass you or
- 3:30try to hurt you or try to harm you or something along those
- 3:32lines. That's all they got.
- 3:35What else can they do in this situation?
- 3:36What? What else?
- 3:37What? They can't.
- 3:37There's nothing else that they can do.
- 3:39So if if this is all I have, this is all I got, then I'm
- 3:43going to do this right here. You see what I'm saying?
- 3:44If this is all I can do, then I'm going to do this.
- 3:47They're going to rage on it. You're going to yell and
- 3:48screaming at you. They're going to inflate their
- 3:50chest like a damn puffer fish. You know what I'm saying?
- 3:52Puffer fishes, when they get, when you touch, when you try to
- 3:54touch a puffer fish, they just, they just blow up.
- 3:58That's what a lot of narcissistic people do.
- 4:00They just inhale a lot of air, blow up, puff.
- 4:04They turn a little puffer, puffer, narcissist, little
- 4:06puffer, narc, puffer, narc. They turn into that right there.
- 4:11They just yelling and screaming, swinging their arms everywhere
- 4:14like a child, like when their backs are against the wall.
- 4:18You see what I'm saying? And sometimes people, when I say
- 4:20backs against the wall, some people will consider that rock
- 4:22bottom. Everybody reacts to rock bottom
- 4:24differently. Everybody reacts when their
- 4:25backs are against the wall differently, like, but they've
- 4:28lost everything. Their backs, like I said, they
- 4:30could rage out on you, you know, make a rage out of, you know, I
- 4:34think a lot of people think that when you hit rock bottom, like
- 4:39that's when that's when change happens.
- 4:41So for me, when my back, my back was totally against the wall,
- 4:45there's nobody else, nobody else around me to blame and stuff
- 4:48like that. That mitigated that.
- 4:50That prompted me to continue to work on myself.
- 4:53That prompted me to go to therapy and try to understand
- 4:56what was going on the side of my head.
- 4:57That prompted me to do this stuff right here, that it
- 5:00prompted me. You see what I'm saying?
- 5:02It didn't make me change. They made me do anything like
- 5:03that. It just prompted me to go to
- 5:06therapy. Therapy is not a guarantee for
- 5:08change for anybody out. Therapy does not guarantee any
- 5:10type of change. It just doesn't.
- 5:11Therapy is therapy. That's how that's how I describe
- 5:13it. Therapy is therapy.
- 5:15Therapy is what you what you make it make of it you know
- 5:18that's why this how it goes in that space right there.
- 5:20So some narcissistic people when their backs against the wall
- 5:23they this is sometimes this is when they this is when the
- 5:27highest possibility of change happens.
- 5:31Sometimes when their backs against the wall.
- 5:33I said the possibility of change.
- 5:34I didn't say guaranteed change or working themselves to try to
- 5:37be better. I said the possibility exists
- 5:40right here. If there's a less than 1% chance
- 5:43without them hitting rock bottle.
- 5:45I might say there's a 1% chance When they do hit rock bottle.
- 5:48Or when their back is completely against the wall.
- 5:50When you holding them accountable.
- 5:51When you decide to leave. When you decide to break up with
- 5:53them. When you decide to call off the
- 5:55wedding. When you decide to move out of
- 5:56the house. When you decide to pack up and
- 5:58leave your stuff. You see what I'm saying.
- 5:59When you decide to take the kids and up here we decided to go on
- 6:02the run when their backs are against the wall.
- 6:04So I can say if it was less than 1%, it might be a 1% right here.
- 6:09Because even the narcissistic people that I know that have hit
- 6:13this, they had their backs against the wall.
- 6:15That you know they had their backs against the wall that did
- 6:18all this other stuff. They they had their back.
- 6:19Not only did they have their backs against the wall, like
- 6:23they had nothing left to to lose.
- 6:25So, you know, they had nothing left to lose in that space.
- 6:29So then they still didn't change.
- 6:32Some of them might have went to therapy.
- 6:33Some of them got to work out. Some of these people have
- 6:34absolutely gotten worse. What are backs against the wall?
- 6:38They start playing the blame game when they hit rock bottom,
- 6:40even at the bottom of this chasm that they followed into, even at
- 6:44the bottom of this crevasse that they followed into, when their
- 6:48backs are completely against the water, there's nobody else to
- 6:50blame. There's nothing, nobody else to
- 6:51blame. Some of them will still find
- 6:53ways to blame other people. And I know, I know that sounds
- 6:57crazy because sometimes it is crazy.
- 6:59Y'all. No matter what, they still find
- 7:01a way to point their finger at somebody else and to lay the
- 7:03blame at somebody else's feet as opposed to taking it in and
- 7:07internalizing it. And she's like, damn, you know
- 7:09what? This one's on me.
- 7:11You know, they still find a way to blame somebody.
- 7:13If it's not the parents, it's the siblings or the the boss at
- 7:17work is the the spouse, the, you know, the the husband, wife, the
- 7:22fiance, both her girlfriend. It's somebody else.
- 7:26It's my employees, it's my boss. It's you know, it's it's the
- 7:31devil. It's some, it's always good the
- 7:33devil. Yeah.
- 7:33Some people will blame God, you know, but it's always going to
- 7:37be somebody else's fault. Even when their backs are
- 7:39completely pinned against the wall in a in a, their backs are
- 7:44against the wall and they've been thrown to the bottom of
- 7:46bottom of the crevasse, they still will find ways to blame
- 7:49other people. Some people are beyond help.
- 7:51Some people don't want to be helped.
- 7:53A lot of them they and of course they have to want to do it
- 7:56themselves, but a lot of them don't want that.
- 7:58A lot of them are happy being who they are.
- 8:00A lot of them are content with living their life that they are
- 8:03living. A lot of them enjoy living their
- 8:05life this way because it gives them some a sense of purpose, A,
- 8:08you know, it gives them this sense of purpose to be able to
- 8:10do that. So a lot of them like living
- 8:12like this. I know that blows some people's
- 8:14mind because you can't imagine living like that.
- 8:16But some people do. Y'all.
- 8:18Some people like living like this.
- 8:19This is the way that some people live.
- 8:21You know, Like I said, I know some people just like, man,
- 8:24that's crazy, man, that is wild. People think that.
- 8:26What? Yeah.
- 8:26Yeah. Yes, it is a wild mindset they
- 8:28have. It absolutely is.
- 8:29You know, that's why I just tell people like narcissistic people.
- 8:33Just because they hit rock bottom or their backs against
- 8:34the wall doesn't mean that they're going to change.
- 8:37Sometimes they'll still blame you.
- 8:38Sometimes they get angry. Sometimes they get aggressive
- 8:40when their backs against the when their backs are against the
- 8:42wall in this relationship, it means there's another
- 8:44relationship. They leave you, they go find
- 8:46somebody else. When they they don't feel like
- 8:48their back is against the wall. They go find a new job, but they
- 8:50don't feel like they're back is against the wall.
- 8:52They find a new family. They they they transplant
- 8:54themselves into somebody else's family.
- 8:56You you see what I'm saying? If they have a wife and kids
- 8:59over here, they'll go find somebody.
- 9:00They'll find another wife that already has kids.
- 9:02They just already have a ready made family or husband and kids.
- 9:05You know, y'all know women can be narcissist as well.
- 9:07Y'all that's not. Yeah, we are all inclusive
- 9:08toxicity over here. You see what I'm saying?
- 9:11That's what happens. I'm going to say narcissistic
- 9:12people do that. Like some people just retreat.
- 9:16They run very rarely, even when their backs are against the wall
- 9:20where they just like, hey, you know what?
- 9:22This is on me. I got to make the changes
- 9:25necessary for you to feel healthy, For you to feel safe.
- 9:27This right here is on me, honey, and I'm going to do better.
- 9:30You know that right there? Very rarely do you even hear.
- 9:33Would you ever hear something like that come out the mouth of
- 9:35a narcissistic person? Very rarely.
- 9:38When you hear that, you know and I know, people are just like,
- 9:40well, damn it, what What does it get to change them?
- 9:42Yeah, Sometimes even leaving doesn't change them.
- 9:46Sometimes they want you to leave.
- 9:47Sometimes if you leave, you just open the door for them to invite
- 9:50somebody else in to take your place.
- 9:52Yeah, you know, And then I tell people that, right?
- 9:53They'll be like, oh hell no, I don't want to take my place.
- 9:56So you stay in an abusive relationship because you don't
- 9:58want somebody else to take your place and maybe they treat them
- 10:00better. You see what I'm saying?
- 10:02That's the space. That's the space that a lot of
- 10:03people fall into right there. Y'all.
- 10:05That's absolutely the space that a lot of narcissistic people
- 10:08fall into. So you have to be safe.
- 10:10You have to be as safe and as strong as you possibly can.
- 10:13Y'all I'm just telling you, this is the mindset of a lot of
- 10:15narcissists. It just, it does.
- 10:16This is the way it works. Y'all, it absolutely is like
- 10:20when their backs against the wall.
- 10:21They might need a silent treatment, they might retreat,
- 10:23they might find somebody else. They very rarely will go to
- 10:26therapy, make any kind of changes.
- 10:27But like I said, rock bottom doesn't affect everybody the
- 10:30same way. Some people don't have a rock
- 10:32bottom and it's those that do it just it's it's it's sad.
- 10:36Y'all it really really is sad. But okay the same short y'all if
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