Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Reset You Actually Need - Day 8. Until you learn to rest, you will not get ahead

Transcript

The Reset You Actually Need - Day 8. Until you learn to rest, you will not get ahead · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: So in today's episode, this is actually day eight of
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: our ten day mini series. That means we've got three
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: days left, which is crazy because I feel like, yeah,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I'm really enjoying this series, so are you, guys, based
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: on all your comments and emails and stuff, So thank
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: you so much for your feedback. But yeah, I just
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like it's kind of flown
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: but also fleshed out in a really nice way and anyway,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: crazy that we're already up to date eight in the
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: reset that you actually need. I've said this at the
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: start of every episode, but if you haven't already, go
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: check out the other episodes. Listen to all of them.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Even if you don't think they sing out to you,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: they might be something in there that really resonates with
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you that helps you, you know, put that advice, put
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: it into action, and you're going to start noticing some
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: changes in your life. Wait, let's dive straight in because
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: there's quite a few things that I want to get
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: through and I'm still trying to keep them as mini episodes,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: like around the twenty minute marks. So today we are
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: talking about legitimate rest and what that actually means. And
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: we're learning that until you actually learn to rest, it's
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: going to be difficult for you to feel energized, for
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: you to feel focused, for you to feel on task,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: for you to feel motivated, happy, all these things. I
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: was actually having a conversation with one of my really
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: good friends earlier today. I met up with her and
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I said, you know what, Sometimes I feel like I'm
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: putting out all these little small fires, nothing major. They're
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: all like they're not major things. But then I'm putting
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: all these small fires, and then I get into this
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: pattern of like, oh, I don't want to do that
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: right now, and then I kind of am avoiding, so
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I think before I delve into replying to all these
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: emails or sorting out this issue that occurred with this
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: one thing that I was trying to sort out, or what,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: all these projects, some things that are going wrong, some
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: things that are going well, some things that are unfinished,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and it's a bit overwhelming, right and then I've got
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: obviously the kids at home, and there's a lot going on.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: So sometimes I'm like, oh, I'll just do it, like procrastinate,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I'll do it later. I put it off. I do
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: something else instead, I'm scrolling, I'll just watch TV whatever.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: When I get into that state, then when I sit
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: down to you know, focus on writing the book or
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: focus on writing the episode, I'm scattered. I'm absolutely scattered.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: And it all comes down to my mind not being rested.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: It's not only just your physical body and brain that
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: needs to rest when we sleep into all of that,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: but how much rest is my mind getting? How much
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: rest am I able to get as far as you know,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: cognitive rest where I have cognitive ease where I don't
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: have to make a decision, where I'm not being strained emotionally,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: where my dopamine is going up down up down up down,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: where I'm just getting that kind of genuine rest where
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I'm still awake. When that's not happening, I notice that
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I feel really stretched thin. I notice that I avoid,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I procrastinate, and then all the things that could have
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: been done relatively quickly, even if they're unpleasant, things that
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: are looming in my mind. That's kind of all I'm
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: focusing on. And then the things that I should be
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: excited about feel like another chore, you know, like whether
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: it's writing the book or organizing the podcast, or organizing
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: things for the live show. But the last few days,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you know, coming into this new year doing this miniseries,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: feeling really good. I've been able to, you know, work
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: on my structure. I've barely been on social media, and
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: when I have been on it, I've used it really
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: intentionally in the sense that I like make sure how
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: much time I've spent on it. I'm responding to the
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: messages with the people that I love, doing all that
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff, and I've noticed kind of like that
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: really good level of excitement for what I'm doing with
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: my life and with my job come back, Like my
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: spark has come back again in the last couple of weeks,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: not that it was gone for long, but you know,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: like I feel like we all go through waves, like
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: we get like a really good wave of the spark
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: and we get all excited. Then it dips and up
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: and down and up and down, and I kind of
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: know why it's changed. Like I was able to really
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: put my finger on why I'm starting to feel better,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: more empowered and genuinely excited instead of looking at these
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: things that I'm passionate about as this like, oh, it's
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: yet another thing I have to do. And it all
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: comes down to how much proper rest are we giving
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: our minds and our like how much emotional rest we're getting,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Because if we're not getting that, if we haven't learned
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: how to do that properly, even the things we like
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: are going to feel like a chore and everything is
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: going to keep getting put off. Okay, if there is
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: one thing that you're going to gain from these this
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: two week miniseries on how to find that balance in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: your life and how to find kind of, you know,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that nice line between genuinely being satisfied with your life
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: but still working towards things to get more for your
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: future self and feeling happy and not anxious, not like,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: oh I shouldn't be where I am, Like you feel
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: where you should be, but you're able to work on
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: things to continue to improve. Then today's episode is it. Okay,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: it's what's really going to help you get them. Okay.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So we're talking about legitimate rest and what does that
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: look like and what we confuse it with. Okay. So
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: most people when they quote unquote resting, think that they're resting,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: but they're actually in this avoidance pattern. Okay, and we
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: confuse the two. And when you confuse the two. Not
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: much changes in your life. Your mood doesn't change. If anything,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: it gets worse, You become irritable, your energy doesn't return,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: and your life still feels overwhelming. Things still feel overwhelming.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: So obviously, and I use this as the example because
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: it's what we all do. If you come home and
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: you're tired, and you throw yourself down on the couch
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: and you start scrolling on your phone, we say, oh,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I needed the rest. I needed the rest is nowhere,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: could have done anything. So we sit down and we
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: do something like that, and then we feel completely completely
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: overwhelmed immediately after. Okay, so let's first talk about why
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: rest and avoidance is easily confused. Okay, they both look
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: like we're stopping. They both look like we're pausing. Okay,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: they both feel like relief in the moment when we
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: actually rest or when we're doing like a pacifying avoidance behavior,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: but they produce extremely different outcomes. Okay, so in the moment,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: it's easy to confuse the two because it's like, oh,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I don't have to do that thing. Oh I'm like,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I'm getting like a reprieve from this other thing that's
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: causing me stress. So yeah, I think I'm resting, right,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: but the outcome is different. Okay. When avoidance is mistaken
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: for rest, you feel kind of a temporary numbness. Okay,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: it's a I'm distracting myself. It's this I'm making myself
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: numb to this stressor in my life so I don't
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: have to think about it. I don't have to focus
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: on it because my awareness, my attention is somewhere else. Okay.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: The overwhelm returns very quickly after I've finished that task.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Even when I'm about to finish that task, the overwhelm
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: starts to flush over us. Let's say you're like, oh,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I've been on my phone for the last hour. I
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: need to put my phone down. And then ah, you
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: start getting this anxiety if like, oh my god. So
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: then you keep putting it off, putting it off, putting
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: it off. You don't feel like, oh, wow, that was
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: really productive. I actually feel a lot calmer. I can
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: actually approach the things that I need to do. Now
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: it almost feels worse, okay, and you feel like after
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: doing this avoidance that you need even more downtime. You
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: almost feel more tired after doing that thing that you
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: know you're not ready to tackle these tasks or to
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: you know, hit the ground running with your evening or
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: your afternoon or your morning. You actually think like, oh
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: my god, I could sit here for hours and do
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: this because I just don't feel energized at any point
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: by doing this behavior. Okay, so this is why we
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: still feel tired, while we still feel fatigued even when
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: we're taking these quote unquote rests in our life. It's
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: because we're probably not resting. We're doing these avoidance behaviors
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: that we confuse for rest. Okay, now what are the
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: things that you're actually avoiding? So avoidance behaviors usually target
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: things like anything that's stressful, like anything you know that
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: you would rather not be doing, So things that you
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: normally procrastinate on, paying the bill, making that phone call,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: changing over your energy, you know, doing your souper. But
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: then bigger things like you know, your assignment, you're you know,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: some some task for work or university or whatever. It is,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: anything that you would rather not do, something that you
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: would procrastinate on, anything that's annoying, things that are boring,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: things that are mentally demanding, even if you're capable of
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: doing it. But something that you know is going to
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: mentally drain you by doing it or things that you
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: don't feel competent yet to doing so, even if you
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: kind of like it, but you know, it's like I'm
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: just not good at it, so every time I sit
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: down to do it, it requires a lot of mental
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: effort to do so. Okay, So we're likely going to
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: avoid these things because they represent discomfort and we're looking
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: for the most quite unquite comfortable thing that we can
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: replace that with. Okay, I want you to look at
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: avoidance as not being a laziness thing. It's not about laziness.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: It's about dodging this discomfort. Okay, you could ultimately say
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: that's lazy, but if you were able to look at
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: what it really meant and change that definition in your mind,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: then you probably be way less lazy than you think
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: you are. Okay. Now, the next section that we're going
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: to talk about is how you can tell if you
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: are rested or if you been avoiding. Okay, so you
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: are rested if after you do that thing, So if
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: you sit on the cave, if you come home and
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing and you
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: just be that's really good. Okay. I highly recommend you
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: try that, versus if you sit on the couch and
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: do something that's you know, going to stress you out,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: like scrolling or you know, watching a series, and you know,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: not actually thinking about resting your mind. You're rested if
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: you have more physical or emotional energy immediately after and
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: for the foreseeable the next few hours after. If you
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: don't crave more of the same immediately after. Like let's
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: say you had an hour of kind of just relaxing, resting, meditating, whatever,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: and then you get up. You don't think, oh my god,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I can't get up, I've got to get back down.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You likely have allowed your mind to rest and you think, oh, okay,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I feel actually quite good. I actually would love to
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: do a bit of writing right now, or actually don't
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: feel so avoidant on you know, working on my references
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: right now, okay, And the tasks that you normally would
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: avoid feel lighter, They feel a bit easier, they I
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: feel doable. It doesn't mean that you're like, oh my god,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited to pay my bills, but you think, yeah,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: you know what, I could pay my bills right now,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: because then I'm going to feel a lot better later.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: After my pay my bills. You don't feel like this
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: is so fucking overwhelming, I need to push it until tomorrow. Okay,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: and then, like I mentioned earlier, but more examples, you
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: are avoiding if you immediately want more, if you feel
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: depleted after, or if the thought of doing that avoided
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: task feels even worse after you've done this avoidance behavior. Okay. Now,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: sleep alone isn't enough. Okay, this is the next section
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: that we're talking about. And the reason for that is
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: that sleep is only one form of rest. It is
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: one of the most important forms of rest. I can
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: bang on, I've got episodes on sleep, i can bang
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: on about the importance of sleep for the rest of
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: my life. It is fucking crucial, but it's not the
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: only form of rest. Okay. So a lot of people
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: will sleep enough, okay, they get their adequate hours, they
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: might even track their sleep, they might get you know,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: a deep sleep, they got you know, eight hours of
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: a good amount of deep sleep, they track their sleep
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: score all of that, and they get pretty good sleep.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: But then they think, why am I still feeling this
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: kind of drained energy in my life. It's because I'm
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: burnt out. It's because I've got too much of my plate.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: It's because it's because it's because so then they come
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: up with all these excuses as to why they need
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: to kind of have these you know, I deserve to
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: line on the couch and doom scroll. I deserve this
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: time here, I deserve I deserve, I deserve. Okay, But
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: what's actually happening is that this tired, this overwhelm is
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: kind of this cognitive overwhelm. It's this emotional drain. It's
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: a depletion of particular neurochemicals that cause us to crave
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: more of the same, more of the dopamine. We get
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: a dip in our dopamine, and dopamine look at dopamine
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: as your willingness to do something. Yes, it's kind of
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: the addiction chemical. It's also the chemical behind being driven
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: to do something. It's also involved in many other things
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: apart from drive, which I've got a whole episode on dopamin,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: so go check that out. But I want you to
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: look at dopamine for the purpose of what we're talking
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: as your you know, your willingness to do something. If
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: you engage in an activity that's instant gratification, it's going
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: to deplete you're going to get a spike in dopamine,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: so you get that high, like that rush of oh,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: this feels so good, and then it's going to dip.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: If you do something like earned dopamine, like going for
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: a run, meditating something where it's kind of more of
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: a slower release of dope, member you're going to get
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: that spike of dopamin. You're not going to get that
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: plummet below your baseline. You're going to get a nice
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: taper off, but the dopamin still stays at a nice
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: comfortable level where we still are willing to do things.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: If you have depleted your dopamine, your willingness to do
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: another task is going to be a lot lower. You're
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: going to feel like it's so much harder to bring
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: yourself up off that couch to do that thing. So
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about when we talk about, you know,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: neurochemicals and how they directly impact your how you're feeling
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: when it comes to taking action on things or not
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: taking action when it comes to procrastinating or not procrastinating.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: So there really is a very direct, you know, relationship
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: with the two. So if I'm sitting here scrolling whatever
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: it's not like, oh, you've been scrolling whatever. You've literally
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: reduced your willingness to do something on a chemical level
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: within the brain. When you can identify fatigue as being
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: mental and emotional and not just this, I need to sleep,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: you're going to look at rest completely differently, because not
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: only do we need to sleep at night, but you
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: also need significant pockets of rest throughout the day so
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: your mind can have that kind of downtime before you
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: go again. You wouldn't take your body to the gym
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: and spend the entire day at the gym and then'd
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: be surprised as to why you feel completely depleted and
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: completely burnt out. If you're doing behaviors like avoidance behaviors,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: scrolling this that, like I've mentioned before, you're going to
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: realize that you are constantly draining your attention, You're draining
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: your attention span, you're draining your cognitive load, and it's
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: just it's just getting harder and harder and harder for
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: you to operate normally. And that's where you get that
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: mental fatigue. Okay, now, let's talk about forms of rest
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: that actually restore this mental fatigue so you actually feel
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: energized emotionally, you actually feel energized. You know, from a
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: cognitive performance standpoint, your focus improves, you know, your motivation
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: goes up. All these things. So we've got gentle physical rest.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: That's one of them. So things like stretching yin yoga
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: or like a slow flow yoga or walking. So what
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I mean by this is you might think, oh my god,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I just got home from work. I'm so tired, I
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: couldn't bear do anything. But most people, if they're willing
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: to drag their bodies to the yoga class and they
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: were to do a yein class or a slow flow class,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: you would walk out of them, even though you were moving,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you would walk out. If they're feeling more energized, you
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: feel restored, right, And that's not necessarily because your body, well, yes,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: your body does feel more restored and you do have
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: more energy. Exercise does actually contribute to feeling more energized.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: But even from an emotional standpoint, because you've allowed this
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: cognitive rest, you then have this second wave after. Okay.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Another one is focused absorbing activities, So activities that you
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: can do that kind of mimic a meditation where you
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: are actively involved in it, but it's not tax so taxing,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: so puzzles. If you like puzzles, some people hate puzzle
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: so that's going to be actually quite stressful for you.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: In that case, do not do the puzzle writing, just
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: jotting things down, brainstorming, nothing too hate Dick, just like
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: a bit of like a mind to dump things like that.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Sewing that was huge for me in you know, when
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I was like really struggling, going through a really hard time.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Sewing was my meditation and it was unreal chess or
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: some similar game. Again, if you enjoy it, if it's
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: actually something that you like doing, painting, building something, you
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: know those little kits that you can build things, and
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: these work because they absorb your attention, right, they reduce
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: this rumination so you're not like but it's also not
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: something that you're just like a mazombie and I'm taking
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: in all these things that are hijacking my emotions because
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: you might think, oh, well, if I'm scrolling on social media,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I don't have to be active with anything, because you
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: might be thinking, oh, but if I'm watching TV, you're
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: scrolling social media. And the difference with those things is
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: that they're causing us to feel a wave of emotions
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: and getting this adrenaline dope. Mean, updown, up down up doown.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So it doesn't really feel like rest if you're just
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: working on something, building something, You're so focused on this
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: thing that you're not spiraling your thoughts on going. So
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: that's what I mean. Like it's kind of for meditation.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: That's where you have an opportunity for this emotional rest,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: this cognitive rest. Okay, So anything that calms the nervous
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: system without numbing it is going to be a really
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: good form of rest that actually restores your mind and
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: your emotions. Okay, Now, some activities are going to be
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: way more RESTful than bed rotting. And the reason for
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: that is that bed rotting, for example, feels, oh well
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: that must be rest, right, I'm just lying in bed,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: maybe I'm my phone, maybe whatever, you know, watching TV.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: But the issue with that is that if you're doing
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: things to keep your mind busy that are causing these
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: emotional highs and lows, you actually are draining yourself even more.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: You never get that actual rest. So here we are
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: lying to ourselves saying, oh, I need to bed rock
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: because I'm just so tired I can't face the day.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: When you actually draining yourself more and more and more
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: and more and more, and bedrot just leads to more bedrot.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people think, oh my god, how
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: can I out snap out of it. You know, I'm
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: trying to rest, I'm trying to recover, but I just
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: feel worse. And it's just purely because you think that
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: you're resting, but in reality, you're not getting that rest. Okay,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Stillness is not always a solution. We think that we
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: need to be still. We think sleep anything similar that
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: appears like sleep must equal rest, but that's not the case. Okay,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Sometimes actually moving your body doing things make you feel
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: more rested. I've given you the example of sometimes, if
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I've got a really overwhelming day, going through the motion
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: of just cooking a meal that I know how to
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: cook or that I enjoy cooking actually makes me feel
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: more energized the rest of the evening that if I
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: was to just flop on the couch and watch something. Okay,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: So you've got to find the things that work for
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: you that aren't going to be stressful. If you hate cooking,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: that's not gonna be a good a good example for you.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: But you want to think about things that are going
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: to really work on your mental fatigue. And mental fatigue
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: is not going to be fixed by this passive distraction.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: It's going to be fixed by having agency over your time.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: It's going to be fixed through emotional regulation. That's a
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: huge one, and that's something that you don't do passively.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: It's something that you know are involved in with your
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: emotional regulation, and it's this sense of I feel okay again,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I'm finding my balance again. Anything that you think is
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: like external that's going to take your balance, emotional balance away,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: is not rest Anything where you're like, I can create
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: this emotional balance again and I feel regulated again. The
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: moment you feel regulated, that stillness, that calm, I'm doing sudoku,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I'm doing a crossword, I'm sewing, I've gone to that
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: yin yoga, I'm going for a walk, I'm cooking this
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: meal that I like. Not all these things. They're not
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: completely passive. I am engaging, but it's this calm level
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: of engagement where it's kind of this, like I said,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like a meditative state. And that's where you begin to restore, restore, restore, restore, restore,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: and it's compounding. If you did it for one day,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: you feel a little bit better. I feel pretty good.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: You did it for a week, You're like, fuck, my
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: focus is skyrocketing now because even though I can still
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: use social media, I can steal you these things. When
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I go on social media, I'm not using it as
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: an excuse to rest. I go on social media knowing
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: that it's yet another activity that I'm engaging in. But
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: this does not contribute to the time that I want
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: to allocate towards my rest. And because of that, when
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I go on social media, I'm going to be quite
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: intentional with my use of it. I'm going to look
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: at the time that I go on I'm going to
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: be on it a lot less. And then you're going
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: to start to realize, Wait a minute. The more I
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: feel well rested, the more I start doing these activities
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: that regulate when I get home. I'm going to put
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: my stuff down, I go straight away and go for
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: a fifteen minute walk, get some fresh fucking air, right,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: or I'm going to go to that yoga class up
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the road, or what is I'm going to do a stretch.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to, you know, watch a stretch on YouTube
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: and follow it and move my body. Okay, and then
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: you start realizing. Okay, it's been a week, it's been
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: two weeks, it's been three weeks. Now I don't want
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: to go back to doing this bed rotting. I can't
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: fathom it. I feel so regulated, I feel so much calmer.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: And not only that, all these tasks that used to
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: be overwhelming, I just am able to get get to them.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I get to them. I don't love them, but I
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: can look at them and they're not this insurmountable. Oh
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: my god, I cannot fathom because I'm not depleted, so
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I'm able to look at them. I get those tasks done,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and then I'm able to use this cognitive You know,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I've got all this cognitive reserve left over that I
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: can use to my creative tasks that make me feel
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: really good, or use towards my uni tasks that I
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: actually love but I've been avoiding because it's been stressing
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: me out. Now I'm not stressed, and I can pay
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: attention to it and I enjoy it. Okay, does that
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: make sense. I'm hoping that it makes sense. So lastly,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about how you're going to snap
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: out of this avoidance. Okay, So if you're someone that's
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: like Okay, cool. I get the theory of that, alexis,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: but I'm in like, I'm in this pattern and I've
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: tried to break it. You've told me tore it in
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: the past. I've tried to break it, and I don't
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: know how to do it. So what we're going to
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: do is we're just going to start with practical, simple rests.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: So we're going to introduce the no stimulation rest. So
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: this is where you can lie down right, but no phone,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: no scrolling, no distractions. Okay. So if you're someone that's like, no, no, no, no,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I couldn't do a puzzle, I couldn't do anything. I'm
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: genuinely tired. If you are actually tired, so one of
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: these next few things are going to happen. Number One,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you fall asleep. If you fall asleep, it's probably because
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: you needed to fall asleep. You probably needed the rest.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: You probably were sleep deprived, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Allow yourself to have a sleep. I'm the biggest advocate
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: for a nap. Love a fucking nap. So you take
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: the nap. Okay, if you don't need to sleep, you
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: will start to relax. At first, you mind will be
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: racing and then you start to just relax, and it's
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: not you don't have to meditate. You can daydream, think
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: about the best holiday you've ever been on, think about
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: a funny story that happened, just allow your mind to
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: just you know, but you're not taking in something that's
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: going to stimulate you. It's your mind that's doing work, okay.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Or you get bored and then this boredom inspires you
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: with an idea, with something creative, with you know, some
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: kind of creative momentum, or you know, you think back
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: on an idea that you were working on and then
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: you think, wait a minute, I've got a better way
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: that I could do that, Or oh I just came
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: up with a solution for this. Oh I just remembered
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: something about my past that I did that I could
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: actually apply now. So you start this is where all
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: your creative juices start to flow. So those are one
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: of the three things that can happen when you just
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: do this no stimulation rest okay. So that's what I
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: recommend for someone who's like, no, no, no, no, no,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I have to bend rap whatever. If you're someone that's like,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: you know what, that sounds really tempting, I actually would
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: like to do the yoga class, would like then go
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: ahead and already start doing that. But if that already
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: seems like too big a step up, start with this
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: no stimulation rest and you're gonna start looking forward to it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: You're gonna be like, I get forty five minutes or
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: thirty minutes or whatever the allocated time, just lie down.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna lie down. But I'm not allowed to
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: watch TV, not allowed to listen to music or a podcast,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: even though I love you listening to my podcast, but
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: not for this allocated thing. And I'm not gonna listen
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: to I'm not gonna watch social media, nothing, nothing, nothing.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It's just me and my mind. Okay, So I either
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: get a nap out of it, set an alarm, or
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I get something creative, or you know, I get to daydream.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: The more you do that, the more regulated you're gonna feel.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: You start to regulate more and more and more and more,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: and then your energy levels go up, your focus goes up,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: your motivation goes up, your joy goes up. Then you
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: start doing the you know, the yoga, the walk, the stretches,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the cooking, that all of these things, and then before
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: you know it, you feel more regulated than you've ever
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: felt before. Okay, And it's compounding, like I said, So
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: it starts like little changes at the beginning, and then
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: it's bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, and then you're one massive
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: step closer to feeling calmer and happier and just more
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: you know, balanced this year. So basically, if your version
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: of quote unquote rest didn't give you your energy back,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: then it was never rest in the first place. You
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: should always feel somewhat energized, even if it's just a
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: little bit after real rest, Okay, and learning that difference
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: is going to be the reason things start to like
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: fall into place again or not. Okay. That is all
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: for today's episode. Also, if you haven't already purchased a
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: ticket to the Sydney Live Show, then go ahead and
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: purchase a ticket. You can do that through the website,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: so that's www dot dyfmpod dot com. There's like the
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: little menu on the side you click down Sydney Live
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Show tickets, So go do that. If you have already
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: purchased a ticket, send me to that to an email
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: info at dwifempod dot com, your screenshot of the ticket
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: that you purchased send it through because we're doing a
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: raffle for a free brunch for any of my beans
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: that are attending the live show. There's going to be
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I think Shanah's going to confirm this for me, but
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: it's like fifty or sixty people coming to this brunch,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I think. Anyway, she knows the number, so double check
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: with her. But yeah, we are going to be pulling
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: out those names next week, so start off next week,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I think. Don't quote me on it. I'm speaking to
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Shanaia tomorrow. She's coming back from Japan and I cannot
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: wait because I've missed us that much. Anyway, that is all.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop rambling. You go so much, thank you
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: for tuning in, and can't wait to see you or
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: hear or art because I'm looking into the camera tomorrow. Anyway,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: That is all, as always remembered. But be kind to yourself,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: be kind to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself. Dun't caan