Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #246| Stop Using Busy As A Buffer (Here's How)
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: The thoughts that you're trying to avoid never go away.
- 0:02Michelle Gauthier: They just wait.
- 0:04Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:15Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:20Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:25Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:32Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:36Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
- 0:37Michelle Gauthier: On this Quick Thursday episode, you are going to learn what a buffer is and the sneaky ways that it can show up, why high achievers use busy as a buffer, probably without even realizing it.
- 0:48Michelle Gauthier: And what happens over time when you keep avoiding what's actually underneath the busyness.
- 0:54Michelle Gauthier: Let's jump right in.
- 0:56Michelle Gauthier: What is a buffer?
- 0:57Michelle Gauthier: A buffer is anything that you use to avoid feeling something.
- 1:02Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes it looks like a bad habit, and sometimes it looks like you have your life really together.
- 1:07Michelle Gauthier: But some common buffers might be scrolling on your phone, drinking, pouring that glass of wine at the end of the day, or two glasses or a bottle, eating when you're not hungry, online shopping or spending money in some way, over-exercising, cleaning or organizing everything, or just watching TV to zone out.
- 1:27Michelle Gauthier: And one of the most overlooked but most common ones is staying busy.
- 1:32Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes I'll ask my clients when they are using any of these buffers, but especially being busy as a buffer.
- 1:37Michelle Gauthier: I'll say, what are you afraid of if you don't have anything to do, if you aren't busy?
- 1:42Michelle Gauthier: And they're like, being alone with my own thoughts.
- 1:45Michelle Gauthier: And that's really what buffers are often used for.
- 1:49Michelle Gauthier: Whether it's scrolling on your phone or zoning out to the TV or making yourself extremely busy at all times, it's usually about just avoiding the thoughts in your own head.
- 1:59Michelle Gauthier: And staying busy is an easy one because it's pretty easy to stay busy.
- 2:04Michelle Gauthier: And being busy looks productive and it kind of looks responsible and you might even get praised for it.
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: But it can serve the exact same purpose as any other buffer to keep you from feeling what's actually going on underneath.
- 2:16Michelle Gauthier: So why do people use busy as a buffer?
- 2:18Michelle Gauthier: Myself included, I definitely used to do that.
- 2:20Michelle Gauthier: First of all, most of the time we don't even realize that we're doing it and that we're using it as a buffer.
- 2:26Michelle Gauthier: The point of this episode today is for you to think about if you're doing this.
- 2:30Michelle Gauthier: Because when you're busy, you don't have to think about anything you're worried about.
- 2:33Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to sit with uncertainty.
- 2:35Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to feel disappointment or guilt or sadness or regret.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: And when you use this buffer all the time, it becomes very familiar.
- 2:44Michelle Gauthier: And you know our brain loves familiar patterns.
- 2:46Michelle Gauthier: Familiar patterns that we default back to are not necessarily good for us, but we know what they feel like.
- 2:53Michelle Gauthier: They feel familiar, they feel like home.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: So you know how to be busy, you know how to get things done.
- 2:58Michelle Gauthier: You've probably been praised for your whole life for getting a lot of things done.
- 3:01Michelle Gauthier: You know how to push through.
- 3:02Michelle Gauthier: So even if it's exhausting, your brain is like, yep, this is what we do.
- 3:07Michelle Gauthier: Where slowing down, on the other hand, feels unfamiliar and even a little bit scary when it comes to what am I going to find in my brain if I actually slow down.
- 3:17Michelle Gauthier: And here's what happens when busy becomes a buffer and you just keep going.
- 3:22Michelle Gauthier: The problem with buffering isn't the behavior.
- 3:24Michelle Gauthier: For example, you can drink without drinking being a buffer.
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: You can obviously eat without food being a buffer.
- 3:30Michelle Gauthier: You can exercise, shopping, all those things I listed are part of daily life.
- 3:34Michelle Gauthier: So you can use all of those things and they aren't necessarily a buffer.
- 3:37Michelle Gauthier: But when you're using them as a buffer, the feeling and the thoughts that you're trying to avoid never go away.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: They just wait.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: So when you use busy to avoid something, the thought is still there, the emotion is still there.
- 3:49Michelle Gauthier: And over time, when you continue to buffer like this, you lose touch with what you're actually feeling or even what you want, and rest starts to feel uncomfortable instead of restorative.
- 4:00Michelle Gauthier: So you might have experienced this where you lie down and you're like, I can't just lay here.
- 4:03Michelle Gauthier: This just is not gonna work for me.
- 4:05Michelle Gauthier: The same problems keep showing up because they're never addressed.
- 4:08Michelle Gauthier: And eventually your body or your life will just force you to slow down.
- 4:11Michelle Gauthier: You will end up being burned out, exhausted, and that feeling of why does everything feel so heavy?
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times when clients are in this position, they tell me I just feel so stuck.
- 4:20Michelle Gauthier: I feel like a grayed-out version of myself.
- 4:23Michelle Gauthier: And that's the result that we get when you just continue to be busy, busy, busy and avoid those feelings and those thoughts.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: So, in summary, busy isn't always the problem.
- 4:34Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes it's the strategy or the reason for the busyness, a way for you to stay in motion so you don't have to sit with what's actually going on and address the real thing at hand.
- 4:43Michelle Gauthier: And the cost of that is that nothing ever really gets resolved, or eventually it gets resolved in the form of burnout or getting sick or something like that.
- 4:52Michelle Gauthier: So if this resonated with you and you're starting to see how this might be showing up in your life, if you're thinking right now, yeah, that sounds a lot like me.
- 5:00Michelle Gauthier: This is exactly the kind of work that we do in one-on-one coaching.
- 5:04Michelle Gauthier: We slow things down just enough to actually understand what's going on underneath so you don't have to keep buffering your way through life.
- 5:12Michelle Gauthier: I currently have one spot open for one-on-one coaching.
- 5:15Michelle Gauthier: And if this message is talking to you today, I would love to talk with you.
- 5:19Michelle Gauthier: You can find the link in the show notes to book a call and we'll see if we're a great fit.
- 5:24Michelle Gauthier: Okay, have a great week.
- 5:25Michelle Gauthier: I'll see you next time.
- 5:27Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 5:34Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 5:40Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.