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The Power of Practice: How to Stop Beating Yourself Up for Making Mistakes · Business for Humans

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  I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
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  In today's episode, I talk about the power of practice, why making mistakes
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  is part of the process, how to stop beating yourself up when things go wrong,
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  and how to break the patterns that keep you stuck, especially at work,
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  learning to own your mistakes, let go of the shame,
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  and move forward can change everything. Enjoy.
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  Today, we're talking about practice. What does it mean to practice?
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  Why is that word important?
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  I named my company after that name, so it has a little bit of a nuance,
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  practica instead of practice.
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  But ultimately, that is the reason why I named my company Practica,
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  was for this idea of practice.
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  Because in anything that we do, we will inevitably make mistakes.
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  We will fail in some way.
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  We will feel like we're failing ourselves. We will feel like we're failing our
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  team. We will feel like we're failing our kids.
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  So it's a part of life. Failure and mistakes, It's all part of it.
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  And what makes it a practice is that you get up, you show up,
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  and you keep going. And you keep trying.
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  And there's something important about the idea that it's a practice,
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  but it's not a repeat of the mistakes.
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  So, as I like to use yoga as an example, if you think about,
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  and you can really put any sports metaphor in the place of yoga.
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  If that doesn't resonate, just use a different sports metaphor.
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  But basically, if you are in a pose, and that pose creates pain,
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  or you can't quite get your body to move in the way that you want it to move.
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  But then one day during your practice, it clicks for you and you kind of get
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  closer to the place where you're going to have better,
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  you're going to have more strength or more stamina or more flexibility.
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  So you, it kind of clicks into place.
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  And then the next time you show up for your practice, you go back to your old
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  conditioning, you go back to your old way of doing it, and then you're frustrated
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  because it's not clicking into place.
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  So this is sometimes what we do when we show up a second time is that we kind
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  of just take it for granted that we did all the work to get over that hump,
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  to get to that new sort of evolved version of whatever we're doing,
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  and then and then the next time we show up we're feeling lazy or we're feeling sluggish
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  and we go back to what we call in yoga our compensation patterns so for me like
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  i have really tight hips so there are certain poses where
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  it's really easy for me to go into my compensation pattern because it doesn't
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  require as much effort right so i can easily just fall back into the compensation.
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  But if I do that, then I'm not evolving. I'm not learning from my quote-unquote mistakes.
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  I'm not learning from the last practice where it clicked into place.
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  I'm just falling backwards into my old patterns.
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  And this may resonate in different ways for you of ways that we kind of fall
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  back into the old patterns.
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  The reason why it's a practice is because when we have awareness that we're
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  doing that we get to practice the new way.
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  Another metaphor might be you're in a play. It's been a real long time since I was in a play.
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  But you have to practice your lines and practice your lines and you might make a mistake.
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  And the best thing to do is to just keep going forward. Keep going forward. Don't stop.
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  Don't tell everybody you made a mistake. Just kind of roll with it.
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  Make the mistake and then roll forward.
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  Take it as an opportunity to like improv something it requires a level of comfort
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  with yourself a level of grace and the opportunity to.
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  Give yourself the flexibility of making the mistakes,
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  of giving yourself that space to not shame yourself or judge it or think that
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  you should be farther along than you are or consider yourself some kind of perfectionist.
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  It's part of the process to make a mistake and to learn how to roll with it.
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  Rather than stopping everything, stopping everyone, apologizing, oh my goodness,
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  that takes so much more effort for everyone else rather than you kind of making
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  the mistake, learning from it, rolling with it.
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  I do love when you own it, depending on the mistake and how big it is.
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  It is really important that you're like, I own it. But then don't dwell on it.
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  Don't like put yourself in the like shit pot and just keep stirring it up.
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  It really does no good. You might think that, oh, but I made a mistake.
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  Discipline myself, hit myself in the face. Discipline, discipline, discipline.
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  It's like, no, I made a mistake. I own it.
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  I move on. Flexibility, flow. I'm moving past this mistake.
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  I'm moving into this new evolved version of the thing, whatever it is, of myself ultimately.
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  It is a practice. And I just love that word so much. I love when we show up for a yoga practice.
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  I love when you show up for your soccer practice.
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  I love when you show up into your psychiatrist's practice, right?
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  Like they run a practice and you're coming into their practice.
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  There's just something so amazing about that word to me because it implies that
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  there's no end point you can practice forever,
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  there's no moment where you're like all that practice is now complete unless
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  you're in a play and you practice you rehearse,
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  a dance competition you practice you rehearse and then there's like the moment
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  you perform and then it's over.
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  But unless you're really technically like rehearsing for some one moment where
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  it will all come together and culminate in this one moment.
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  I think in general, all the things that we do in our lives are all a practice.
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  And when we get into that flexible mindset of it's a flow, it's a practice,
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  there's no end, it's the journey, right?
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  We're not trying to get to some point thinking that once we get there,
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  everything will be perfect.
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  Once I get there, I won't have any more problems right that's just a false idea
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  thinking that at that moment it will all be fixed,
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  there will be new things to try to figure out and new things to deal with and
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  that's why it's a constant flow of being in the practice and being committed
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  to the practice and being flexible
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  enough to know, okay, I'm going to go backwards in order to go forward.
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  So it's a very powerful word and implies a level of flexibility that.
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  That is so helpful when you realize that nothing in life is static,
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  nothing stays the same, your body's biology is constantly changing,
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  your cells are constantly turning over.
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  So if you can get into this mindset that if everything is constantly changing
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  and constantly evolving, I just have to show up.
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  I just have to show up and be willing to be in it, to be in the practice,
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  to be trying, to be learning, to be evolving, to be learning from the mistakes,
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  not repeating them a million times.
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  But if I do have to repeat them a few times, then I do.
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  And that's okay. And there's no shame and there's no judgment.
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  I'm just going to keep moving forward.
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  So this idea of practice, I feel like, is just such an important part of my
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  personal philosophy and what I really impart,
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  onto my clients of being in this flow and this is why I'm so excited to be starting
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  to incorporate a little bit more of like yoga movement into the coaching work that I do because.
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  The movement is what implies this idea that you're not static,
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  your ideas aren't static either and your mindset doesn't need to be static the
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  more flexible it is the easier it will be to move in and out of situations even
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  situations that may create a lot of conflict,
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  it's easier to move in and out of them if you're just like it's a practice i'm
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  not going to get it perfect every time i'm going to learn from my mistakes and
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  then i'm going to show up i'm going to own it and i'm going to move forward.
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  And it just takes that time that we sit in dwelling on things and like beating
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  ourselves up for the mistakes and feeling bad.
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  It just takes away that time so that we can start evolving and moving forward.
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  This is a great tool to use at work. so when there is stress and conflict and
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  strife and toxicity in the office,
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  or and or if you're if you make a mistake and then you're feeling all this shame
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  and maybe you got called out in front of a group and you're like oh I made a mistake,
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  rather than sitting in that and spinning spinning spinning and not sleeping
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  and then thinking about what you're going to say the next day and then writing
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  it down and then sending your I used to do this I mean I know this pattern And like,
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  I would send myself a voice note before I went to bed thinking like,
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  let me just get it out of my brain. What am I going to say? How am I going to frame it?
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  How do I make sure they still like me after all of this?
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  And I would reconsider and consider like, what are they going to say?
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  And how am I going to say it?
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  And I would just spin, feeling like I made a mistake and I couldn't recover from it.
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  So the tool is you make a mistake. You tell yourself, I made a mistake.
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  It happens. I'm human. There's no shame.
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  You own it with whoever you need to own it with. Hey, I recognize it. I made a mistake.
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  It can be really humiliating. And it can feel like, well, if I admit this mistake,
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  I might get fired. Or if I admit this mistake, my relationship with this person might change.
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  Okay, maybe it will and maybe it won't.
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  But if you don't admit the mistake, you are going to sit in that pot of despair.
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  Until you find some way to rid yourself of it. The best way to rid yourself
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  of it, just own it. Hey, I messed up.
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  I effed up. Oops, I did this thing. Oh no, that was a big one.
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  Oh, I wish I could take it back, but I can't, but I own it. It's mine to own. Apologies.
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  Sometimes you don't need to apologize. You just own it. Like,
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  hey, I screwed up. Let's move on.
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  That's it and then it's done and then you get to put it to the side and you get to move forward,
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  and the next part of that is like just don't shame yourself every time the shame
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  spiral starts like oh you're so bad you really f that up like all the,
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  we are our worst critic we are so mean to ourselves as soon as that voice clicks
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  on just be like you know what chill i owned it i can move forward now.
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  I'm not a piece of shit. I'm not a bad person. I didn't do it on purpose.
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  I made a mistake. We all do it.
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  Just get into the habit of turning off or changing that voice,
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  hearing it, recognizing it as like, oh, that's an old pattern.
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  I don't need that anymore.
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  I don't need to go into that compensation pattern.
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  It's not doing me any good.
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  Beating myself up doesn't make me a better person.
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  It's quicker. It's easier. It's better for everyone in your life.
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  It's better for your health. It's better for your nervous system.
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  If you can find a way to say to yourself, I'm human. I make mistakes.
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  I own them and I move on.
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  It is a practice. I'm realizing that I say this so much to my clients now that
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  I felt like it's helpful to turn it into a podcast because it's not like, okay, I heard it once.
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  The next time I get into that situation, I got to nail it. I want to get over
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  this. I know I have all these patterns. I want to end them.
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  Be patient with yourself, have grace with yourself, and know that it is a practice.
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  As long as you're showing up, as long as you're trying, as long as you're trying
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  to shift your hips into that new position, you might not get it right every time.
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  But if you go in with the intention of, I'm going to show up for the practice,
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  I'm going to take this gift of giving me the chance to practice this skill, right?
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  Sometimes I tell people in toxic work environments, if you make that shift in
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  your brain of like, okay, this is a chance for me to practice this skill until I perfect it,
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  you feel less like a victim in the situation and more like, okay, this is my chance.
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  I want to get it right. I want to work on this.
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  I tell a lot of people who are having a hard time at work, don't just quit and
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  go to another job where all that stuff is going to come with you.
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  Use this as an opportunity to finesse these skills to practice getting into the mindset of,
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  i'm not going to shame myself and i'm not going to shame other people when they
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  make mistakes either right like we have to be fluid in both directions.
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  But recognize all of the situations in your life less as this is something happening to me.
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  Why does it always happen to me? This is so awful. It's always happening to
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  me and getting into this spiral.
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  And rather, this is a gift for me to practice patience. This is a gift for me to practice calm.
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  This is a gift for me to practice not,
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  jumping into a future scenario that may or may not be true.
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  I get to be in this moment and accepting this moment for what it is and not
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  getting sucked into worry or shame or humiliation or fear,
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  but just understanding that all those things come in and out and it's a practice
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  of letting yourself flow between those different states.
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  It's a practice. It's not about perfection. you're never going to get to perfection
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  but you are going to get to a point where you're like i feel better,
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  i'm not stuck in worry i'm not stuck in,
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  this spiral i'm not staying up late thinking about all the things i said and
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  could have said differently i'm just accepting that i said it that way i had
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  all the tools at my disposal i did it the best i could.
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  It wasn't perfect. And then I'm going to move on. And the next time, I'll try again.
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  The next time I have the opportunity to do that thing, I'm going to try not
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  to go into my compensation patterns.
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  I'm going to try again. And it's not going to be perfect.
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  But it might feel better next time. It might feel more natural to show up this way.
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  And then the next time, it's going to get even easier. So it is a continuous
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  evolution, a continuous practice.
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  There is continuous reward there is continuous payoff i promise you the the
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  day that something big happens at work,
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  and you sleep like a baby that night that's when you notice the change.
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  And it does happen i promise you as someone who is in the deepest of deep burnout,
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  i did i basically had insomnia for 20 years,
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  my nervous system was so revved up and my brain was so committed to telling
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  me that i was awful at everything that i just spent all nights,
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  for so long trying to figure out how to fix it how to fix everything fix it
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  fix it fix it make sure everybody likes you,
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  and i don't do that anymore i sleep like a baby and i am in perimenopause and this is the time,
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  This is the time when I'm supposed to not be sleeping, and I am sleeping like a baby.
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  And maybe I won't be forever, but at least I know it's not because of stress,
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  and it's not because of worry, and it's not because of anxiety.
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  If I don't sleep, it's probably something biological.
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  Is that the right word? Biological.
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  It's not my brain messing with me because I've been working on that.
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  It's a practice. I've been working on it. I've been doing the work.
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  I've been showing up. I have a lot of tools.
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  So I implore you, have grace with yourself.
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  Get into this mindset that it's a practice. Allow yourself mistakes.
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  Allow yourself failures.
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  Learn from them. Don't fall back on those things.
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  And really work to move forward from a place of acceptance and knowing that you're still evolving.
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  I'm going to leave it at that. I'll talk to you next week.
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  You've been listening to Business for Humans. Don't forget to subscribe so that
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  And please leave a review so that other business owners can find the show.
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  Learn more at practica.consulting.