Latest / DA CREW Podcast / 2-15-26 | LET THE HEALING BEGIN| APOSTLES LEE THOMAS JR AND DR KIMBERLY THOMAS

Transcript

2-15-26 | LET THE HEALING BEGIN| APOSTLES LEE THOMAS JR AND DR KIMBERLY THOMAS · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's my own take me to.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Truth is I'm tied.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Options of.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Pray, but where.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: I'm all church.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: Hurding of you.
• 0:35
  Speaker 5: I can't pray? What left to.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Come?
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Truthis I'm new, no strength to fa, no tea is
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: to crack even he I tried, but still.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: My s.
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: Refuse it to die?
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, who want to? Who will change.
• 1:12
  Speaker 6: My Linde.
• 1:15
  Speaker 5: Take me to the king. I don't have much to breathe.
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: My heart's torn in peace says it's my.
• 1:28
  Speaker 6: All for real.
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: Lay me to stroll, leave me there alone.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: To gain the pon your.
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: Ring and sing to you the soun please take me
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: to the king. Truth is, It's time to stop laying
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: these games.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Wood.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Marriage isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible. Welcome
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: to let the healing begin with your hosts Apostles Lee
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: and Kimberly Thomas. This podcast tackles real life issues with
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: raw truth and a powerful his and her perspective. We
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: talk marriage, we talk sex, we talk lost love and
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: relational challenges. Couples don't always say out loud. If you're
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: ready for honest dialogue, faith filled insight, and a practical
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: wisdom that restores connection and strengthens your marriage. You're in
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: the right place. Come journey with us as we let
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: the healing begin.
• 3:08
  Speaker 6: Nay, good evening, Good evening, Good evening, everybody, and welcome,
• 3:13
  Speaker 6: Welcome to Let the Healing Begin. We are your host,
• 3:16
  Speaker 6: Apostles and Kimberly Thomas, and we are so grateful that
• 3:21
  Speaker 6: you have joined us here tonight for another episode of
• 3:25
  Speaker 6: Let the Healing Begin.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: All right, before we.
• 3:30
  Speaker 6: Get started, we want to just remind everybody that marriage
• 3:36
  Speaker 6: is not always perfect, but healing is possible, and we
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: want to put this disclaimer out there. I want to
• 3:43
  Speaker 6: let everybody know that we do not claim to have
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: mastered this thing called marriage, nor do we have the
• 3:51
  Speaker 6: monopoly on marriage.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: But what we do have is a marriage.
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: We have time, we have experience, and most of our
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: we have a mandate from the Lord to share our
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: journey with you. So we are here tonight, and we
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: have come tonight hoping that we are able to share
• 4:14
  Speaker 6: with you as we continue.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: To journey and allow the healing to begin.
• 4:20
  Speaker 6: So tonight we're gonna talk about some very very important things.
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: We delved into some things last week, but tonight we're
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: gonna talk about the fact that marriage is not always
• 4:34
  Speaker 6: attacked from the outside first. Truly, whoa hello, Marriage is
• 4:41
  Speaker 6: not always attacked from the outside first. Actually, it is
• 4:48
  Speaker 6: dealing with the fact that there is an avoidance of healing.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: So tonight we're gonna deal with that. We're gonna deal with.
• 4:56
  Speaker 6: The fact that there are many things that attack our
• 5:00
  Speaker 6: marriage from the inside. Correct, before there is an outside attack,
• 5:06
  Speaker 6: there's an inside attack, So Apostle, Well.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: That that's kind of deep right there, you know, because
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: the attack really you bring it to the inside, because
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: there are a lot of things that you choose not
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: to share with your mate or your significant other before
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: they become your mate, you know, because you have to
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: grow to that. You know, things that you bring in
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: from your past relationship, you know.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: Your mate may not even know that it's a problem.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: And you trying to live with your mate because you
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: want everything to be perfect, and we understand realize and
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: know that life is not perfect, you know. So therefore
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: you you actually just lying just to be clear about it.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: You're just lying, you know, because you want it to
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: be writing now, I want you to think some kind
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: of way, But in essence, you're really just lying to yourself.
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: And your mate, and it's not as being unfair because
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: you haven't allowed yourself to heal from what you came
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: out of and you know you're bringing that into your relationship.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: So you're not being fair in your relationship, and you're
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: not giving your relationship an opportunity to flourish and grow
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: because you're bringing excess baggage into it.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: Wow, Okay, So let's deal.
• 6:35
  Speaker 6: With that for a few minutes. Unspoken wounds. Unspoken wounds.
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: That's when I heard as you were talking, because of
• 6:44
  Speaker 6: the simple fact that a lot of times, what we
• 6:47
  Speaker 6: do is we have been in bad relationships. We have
• 6:51
  Speaker 6: had mates that were unkind, we have had mates that
• 6:55
  Speaker 6: abused us, and we leave that relationship, but we come
• 7:01
  Speaker 6: back and we want to make our current mate pay
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: for what our past mates have done to us. Yes,
• 7:11
  Speaker 6: plural plural more than one. A lot of times, well
• 7:15
  Speaker 6: a lot of times. And that's because we see, we
• 7:19
  Speaker 6: see a lot of things that happen in our life,
• 7:24
  Speaker 6: and as we begin to deal with things, we have
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: mates that have hurt us, and so in those relationships,
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: anything that's in our current relationship that looks like something
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: from our past abusive mate, we then become defensive. We
• 7:43
  Speaker 6: begin to put up our defenses. We are very on
• 7:48
  Speaker 6: on edge, and we will not allow our current relationship
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: to flourish because we have not closed the doors to.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Some of that past trauma.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's true. True, take, for instance, and one of
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: my past relationships. You you try to make it work,
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: and that's where the problem begins. You're trying to make
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: it work, and then you you're you're you're allowing things
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: to happen in your current relationship too fester, you know,
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: because you don't want no waves. But if you don't
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: calm the water, how can you expect for it not
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: to have any waves? You know, It's certain things you
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: just don't like. And the thing about it is you
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: a loot of stuff to go on until it gets
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: just too bad and now you're trying to rectify it,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: or you just get to the point where you can't
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: take it anymore and you lash out at your mate
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: and they're looking at you like, yeah, what's wrong. It's
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: been like this the whole time and it hadn't been
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: and it's really not your mate, it's what you brought
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: into it.
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: Yes, yes, yes, that is so true, because when you
• 9:03
  Speaker 6: really think about it.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: You think about the.
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: Fact that you know, you may have had a maid
• 9:08
  Speaker 6: that was verbally abusive, or you may have had a
• 9:14
  Speaker 6: mate that was physically abusive, and you vowed to never
• 9:19
  Speaker 6: allow anybody else to do those things to you. You know,
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: nobody else is gonna be able to talk to me
• 9:25
  Speaker 6: like that. Nobody else is gonna be able to do
• 9:28
  Speaker 6: that to me. And so anytime you get into heated
• 9:33
  Speaker 6: fellowship an argument, when you get into heated fellowship, all
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: of that stuff comes back to your mind.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It comes flooding in.
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: And so now here you are, you're with your current mate,
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: and you're saying, no, I'm done. You know, I'm done
• 9:51
  Speaker 6: with this because nobody's gonna talk to me like that.
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: Nobody is gonna do this. And sometimes it's just the
• 9:57
  Speaker 6: tone of voice. It may not even be any abusive words,
• 10:01
  Speaker 6: but it's just a tone of vocause you you yelled
• 10:05
  Speaker 6: at me, you know you you.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You said this or you said that.
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: And so the thing that we have to understand is
• 10:11
  Speaker 6: that when we have those unspoken wounds, that it causes
• 10:17
  Speaker 6: conflict because we are bringing that that trauma into our
• 10:22
  Speaker 6: current relationship and we're really not giving our current spouse
• 10:28
  Speaker 6: a chance. We come in basically with the hatchet. You
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: don't get three strikes. Sometimes you don't even get two strikes.
• 10:38
  Speaker 6: You know, we often say that we don't play conventional baseball.
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: You know, one to you through, but sometimes you don't
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: even make it to two, because you know, you you
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: kill it before it ever gets started, because you are
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: not healed, because you have baggage, because you have trauma.
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: You know, last week we talked about that. Apostle asked me,
• 11:03
  Speaker 6: what did I bring to our relationship. I brought a
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: whole load of trauma. I had two eighteen wheelers worth
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: the trauma that we had to work through.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: We had to not only work.
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: Through the point of me being an incest survivor, but
• 11:19
  Speaker 6: then we had to also work through me coming from
• 11:23
  Speaker 6: abusive relationships, coming from physically abusive relationships, verbally abusive relationships,
• 11:29
  Speaker 6: emotionally abusive relationships. So we had to work through all
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: of this stuff, and let me tell you.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: It wasn't easy. It was not easy.
• 11:40
  Speaker 6: Sometimes sometimes you know, we had gotten to the point
• 11:45
  Speaker 6: to look at each other and be like, you know what,
• 11:47
  Speaker 6: this ain't even worth it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's not working. It's not working because you're not understanding me.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And from a.
• 11:55
  Speaker 6: Female perspective, I was saying, he's not trying to understand me.
• 11:59
  Speaker 6: You know, I'm trying trying to tell him, and he
• 12:02
  Speaker 6: don't understand this. I'm trying to show him he don't
• 12:05
  Speaker 6: understand this, And so automatically I was on the defensive.
• 12:10
  Speaker 6: I was only a defensive because he don't even get it.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: He don't get and that's where the problem starts. You know,
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: you say he don't get it, and he and he's
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: he's the one that's getting it, you know. So then
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: at that point, simply because you know that I love you, you
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: laying it on so thick and I'm trying. I'm trying.
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: I'm trying, and then it gets to the point where,
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: you know what, forget this, you know, then you start
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: having you get the abuse that you was getting because
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: you're not thinking about how you treating me. You know,
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to explain to you. And then from a
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: man's point of view, now I'm acting like a chump
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: because you know, I'm trying to be subtle, I'm trying
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: to be calm with you, and you just ain't having it.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: Then the first thing, you know, here we walking around
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: a week or two, we saying that I'll see you
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: see me. That's about what it is, you know, and
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: that's actually that's childish, you know. But here's the point, though.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: You have to want to be healed, Yes, you have
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: to want to be free of what has you bound see,
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: and then the way to get to that point is
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: just simply being honest with it. Look, I don't like
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: that you're doing this, you're doing that, and it's not
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: a tit for tat situation. It's just the truth, you know,
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: and the truth is really offensive sometimes because you know,
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: you don't never the one thing you really don't see
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: in a relationship is yourself. You don't see yourself. And
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: then you oh, now, oh so it's like that the
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: whole time you been feeling like that, and then why
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: are we together and all that. That's not what I'm saying.
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: But now you upset because guess what this would happened
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: in the past relationship. You know. I've had some abusive relationships,
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: you know, and they acted so unseemly, but because you
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: wanted it to work. And that's the problem. When God
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: put it together, it'll work, you know. But when you
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: put it together, because of the thoughts that you have
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: in your head, Well, they're smart. I work, I make
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: good money, they make good money. We put this together.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: We can have all this, you know. But here's the thing.
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: You gotta be one, not divided, y see, because what
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: you bringing and what I'm bringing and what I brought
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: with me my baggage and you got your baggage and
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: our baggage ain't gonna fit in one bag together.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Right right.
• 14:30
  Speaker 6: Trevina made a very good point. Uncommunicated expectations that's a mouthful.
• 14:37
  Speaker 6: That's a good one at least to unfulfilled plans and
• 14:40
  Speaker 6: unanswered prayers.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: That is so powerful. And that's the thing.
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: It's a lack of communication because we come into relationships
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: and we really don't know how to communicate. We don't
• 14:52
  Speaker 6: know how to communicate with each other, and then we
• 14:55
  Speaker 6: come with unrealistic expectations. You know, you're looking for for
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: this person to be the Knight in shining armor off rip.
• 15:06
  Speaker 6: You know, he's supposed to be everything that I asked
• 15:10
  Speaker 6: God for. And he may not look like the finished
• 15:14
  Speaker 6: product right now like Apostle didn't. He may not look
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: like the finished product right now. And see that's the
• 15:20
  Speaker 6: inside Joe. So let me just let me just go
• 15:23
  Speaker 6: ahead and tell you since since the brought me there,
• 15:29
  Speaker 6: Apostle was pursuing me. Over thirty plus years ago. I
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: was managing a convenience store and he was a person
• 15:40
  Speaker 6: that put in underground cable. So if anybody know about
• 15:43
  Speaker 6: somebody that works in underground cable works outside.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: They're always dirty.
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: And so he would come to my job and he
• 15:51
  Speaker 6: looked like a dirt dollar. He was just cleaned up.
• 15:55
  Speaker 6: He just looked a whole mess. And he was a stalker.
• 16:00
  Speaker 6: It just he used to bring He brought his he
• 16:03
  Speaker 6: brought his coworkers to my job.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: He brought his brother to my job.
• 16:07
  Speaker 6: They would sit outside my job and he was like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 6: he's just bringing them to show them who I am.
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: And he came to me one day and he was like,
• 16:15
  Speaker 6: do you know who you're looking at? And I'm looking
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: at him like, uh no, he said, you're looking at
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: your husband.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, y'all.
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: Whatever, uh uh you just a dirty old man.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: No, no, no no.
• 16:26
  Speaker 6: And so the thing is he didn't look like the
• 16:29
  Speaker 6: finished product. So if I had not thought, you know,
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: if I had not allowed God to do what God did,
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: he would we probably would not be together.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Because the simple thing is, even though we.
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: Have prayed for our night and shining armor, we have prayed,
• 16:49
  Speaker 6: we have asked God for this person, we expect this
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: person to come to us right away in that package.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: That's not how it worked.
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: That's not how it works, because we are all a
• 17:04
  Speaker 6: work in progress exactly.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And who God has.
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: For you, they will find you when you make yourself
• 17:10
  Speaker 6: available to be found. Not that you're running around chasing
• 17:13
  Speaker 6: people women, because the Bible says he who find it
• 17:18
  Speaker 6: the wife find it the good thing and obtains favor.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Of the Lord. Not she all this out of order stuff.
• 17:27
  Speaker 6: Where you got women pursuing men, running them down you
• 17:31
  Speaker 6: and you chasing every every handsome man and you're doing
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: all this stuff and proposing to me and girl.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: No, well see at that point right there, we're gonna
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: go back just a little bit about this stalking part.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: See what happens is a lot of times women set
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: the bar so high and you're looking at you said
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: to finished product, you know, because you want this shining night.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: You know, you looking at mster looks so good, dressed,
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: so fine, and you know what, my mama call him
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: sweepbags Okay, now here, come dirty bird. That would be me,
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: come here and telling you what time it is. Because
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: I made the comments I was, well, you know, I
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: clean up really well, I say. And if I come
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: back and you don't know who I am, then go
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: out with me. And if you don't like me from
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: that point, I'll leave you alone. Needless to say. Over
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: thirty years later, now you see you see I told
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: her you got to see what you're looking at me
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: and know when they see you, that's what it is.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: But here's the other part of that. When we see you,
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: all we see is this beautiful woman, this nice figure,
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: and it's all good. But I've learned over time. You know,
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: it's three ways to look at it. Sometimes you can
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: get all mine and know behind. Sometimes you get all
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: behind and no mind. It's very rare you get both.
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: But when you do, a lot of times you mess
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: it up because it's just too good to be true.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: But if you can manage to hold on to that,
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: then you can make something work, you know, and you
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: don't have to make it work. It's gonna automatically come
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: together because you got to like me as much as
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: I like you, and at that point we can make
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: something happen. But in the midst of all that, we
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: got to talk about what's real for real. Guess what,
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: we're over twenty one years of age, so therefore you've
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: seen something. I've been through you and been through I
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: gotta pass, You gotta pass. Let's just lay the cars
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: out on the table, save us some time, and let's
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: get past all the monotony. You know. Yeah, I had kids,
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: you didn't have none. Okay, cool, that was my past.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: But the problem with it was when I found somebody
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: that look better than the other, somebodies that I had
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: to me when they started, you know, because every woman,
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: just like every man, thinks they're the best looking, the
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: best dress, the best best everything. And then when you
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: see somebody and it's like, no, ain't no way you
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: could be with them, and he could be with you,
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: and then it looks like you you are progressing faster
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: and further than they ever did. Now it's a problem
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: because now they want to come knocking back at your
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: door and that's not the case. But get it back
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: to us. You have to lay the cars on the
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: table and just know that if it's if, if it's real,
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: it's gonna work. You know, and I me myself, I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: wanted the kind of people. I just go ahead and
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: tell you the whole truth because I tell on myself
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: because I'm not used to that. I look, this is
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: what it is, blah blah blah blah. And I know
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: they're gonna come to you and say this, this, this, this, this, this,
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: you know, and if it's real and it's work, it's
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: gonna work, you know. But then if you come in
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: a relationship and you leave in another relationship, you know,
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: you got to come on with it. Just tell the
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: whole truth. Look, I don't like this. I don't like that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: Apostle came with some heavyweight stuff, trust me, really heavyweight stuff.
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: And me being a man, you know, I'm clinging. I
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: like to touch your pat, rub all that and everything
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: I liked to do. She didn't like because of what
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: she been through. But her whole life, she never told
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: nobody until we got together. Now, can you imagine a
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: man trying to work through all that turnof And I'm
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: gonna let her tell you about that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 6: Yes, and Travina that Trevina made another valid point.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: And I was that woman.
• 21:38
  Speaker 6: I was the woman that closed myself off because of
• 21:42
  Speaker 6: the past trauma, and it really did take me to
• 21:45
  Speaker 6: really look at myself and to see what I was
• 21:49
  Speaker 6: doing not only to myself, but to my relationship. Not
• 21:53
  Speaker 6: only to the fact that, you know, I deserve to
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: be happy. I deserve to have happiness, but because of
• 21:59
  Speaker 6: my trauma and the things that I had gone through,
• 22:03
  Speaker 6: I really didn't know how to deal with that. I
• 22:04
  Speaker 6: did not know how to really deal with somebody who
• 22:08
  Speaker 6: really loved me because I had been looking for love
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: in all the wrong places and expecting it to look
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: a certain way because of how I had been programmed,
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: so to speak, from my trauma. So with that, we're
• 22:26
  Speaker 6: gonna put a little pin in it right here. We're
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: gonna take a station break, and we're gonna come back
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: and we're gonna unshelf some of this other stuff. We
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: have some stuff that we want to unpack tonight. So
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: stay with us. We'll be right back.
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: I'm you want to listening to the sound.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Homos out, so everybody brown, you're trying.
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: To think about so cool at a time everywhere you go, Man,
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: get shut up a man.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe Bendy got a habit.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: Everything you wear, but they're got to have it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 6: Wants the tuna.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Think to cheek for the past. People want to get
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: it by paper. What they don't know is when you
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: go home and get a high.
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: Cold, or maybe you get the phone and what they
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: can see your home, don't mist on the next time
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: you get it, just tells the gutty hold it's the gout.
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: Anything is got in.
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: Is a gout it thinking.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: It's a guy thing the pressure and they don't and
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: they do so.
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: Sweet it's a gott it last they.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Make sine nice time.
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: You just get home.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Whim when you kind of whip time?
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: How you looking hot?
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: Grabbing? You're thinking?
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: She pay looking hor live night and she got it
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: made everything she got.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: The girl's been giving.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: She can't hit a blessing, but you're gonna live. And
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: then it come to money. She can be a hero.
• 24:15
  Speaker 6: She writes him checks for a whole out of zoes.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: What you don't know is when you get home and
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: get behind the cold though, man, she hits the plone.
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: What your can't say, she holds the knees it.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Cause she'll tell you it's the gout.
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: It's a gout a.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: Thing, it's a guy in.
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: The gut anything, it's a guy in the asht fresh
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: and may at.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: They don't sleep gets the guy is.
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: It's a guy thing.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: You say.
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: Ye see when you see me, you see you don't know,
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: don't know, don't know, Just shuting.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: We were just talking about the unspoken wounds. So unspoken
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: wounds lead to unresolved conflict.
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: Yes, a lot of them.
• 25:50
  Speaker 6: When we have unspoken wounds, when we allow those things
• 25:54
  Speaker 6: to fest, it's just like a puss bump.
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 25:56
  Speaker 6: Sometimes when you get a puss bump, you can bump
• 25:59
  Speaker 6: it and nothing happens. Then other times you can bump
• 26:04
  Speaker 6: it and just maybe a little bit of puss a
• 26:07
  Speaker 6: ooze out of it. But then there's that one time
• 26:10
  Speaker 6: when you hit it just right, and when you hit
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: it just right, it busts and the.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Puss goes everywhere.
• 26:21
  Speaker 6: It does not just land in the area where the
• 26:23
  Speaker 6: bump was, but it goes everywhere. That's what happens when
• 26:28
  Speaker 6: we have those unresolved and those unspoken wounds, those unspoken wounds,
• 26:35
  Speaker 6: when they get touched the right way, all of that
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: stuff that you have had in you that has been festering,
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: it goes everywhere. So now we're in heated fellowship, and
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna tell you about everything that happened from nineteen
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: ninety three all the way to twenty twenty six. And
• 26:57
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna let you know what you did that I
• 27:01
  Speaker 6: didn't like. I'm gonna let you know how much I
• 27:03
  Speaker 6: didn't like it. I'm gonna tell you about this that
• 27:06
  Speaker 6: the other thing, we gonna really have some true heated
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: fellowship because of those unspoken wounds now have fester and
• 27:15
  Speaker 6: they have gotten to the bailing point to now we
• 27:19
  Speaker 6: have the conflict. Now we have the unresolved conflict. And
• 27:23
  Speaker 6: when we have heated fellowship like that, y'all know what happened.
• 27:28
  Speaker 6: We live in the house and we act like we're
• 27:31
  Speaker 6: not in here together. Y'all know what I'm talking about,
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: because many of your houses are like this, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, whatever.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: You have been down this road whenever.
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: You've had heated fellowship and there's been some type of
• 27:47
  Speaker 6: disagreement and you just you to the point, now, well,
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: I'm just not gonna say nothing to I'm just not
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: gonna talk to him. And you walk around as if
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: the other person does not exist, as if you live alone,
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: you live.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: In the same house with this person. You get up,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: you might be like not even good morning.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: You know, it's funny to me for a simple fact
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: that you know, after a while, if you keep doing
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: and you get to the point where you get in
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: and you.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Get off of me, what you feel.
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: What you fail to realize is people say we're supposed
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: to look with our hearts. Men don't always love with
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: their heart. They love with other parts. Because that's just
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: the way we are, that's what we're wired. Let's make
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: up this way. And so at that point all let's
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: cut off. So when that's cut off, my love, cut off,
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: everything cut off. I don't want to see you either,
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: don't touch me either. You know. Then you start finding
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: things to kind of take your time to do this,
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: to do that, you know, and after while, you can
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: only wash your car so much, you can only clean
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: the yard up so much. You get on and then
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: you gotta come in. I gotta look at you, you
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: gotta look at me. And you know, nobody wants to
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: give in, you know what, But a lot of times
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: it's not even you. I didn't do that. That ain't
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: my fault. I didn't know that you didn't want me
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: to touch you. I didn't know. I didn't know to
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: say it like that I said what I said, and
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: maybe I didn't said like you wanted me to say it.
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: But here's the thing. I'm this man, I'm not that man,
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean. I like this, this is
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: what I do. Now. It wasn't the problem at first,
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: and why is it a problem now? See? And that's
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: where the problem come in at you know. This is
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: what I like, this is what I want, and this
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: is what this howe is going down? And then you
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: are no, no, no. So now we got this this,
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: this this tug of walk going on and after a while,
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: you know, we don't even have a relationship because women
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: get to fighting with that mouth something. Man gotta slow
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: with Oh that's all you want me far and all that. Man,
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: I ain't trying to hear all that right there, So
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: I wonder the men to get to you clean or
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: I ain't trying to hear that. This is what it is,
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: you know. So we're gonna deal with that, you know,
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: And I'm gonna stand on that because I'm telling you
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: the truth. And the only way you can tell the
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: truth is if you living like that. Yes, you know,
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: and that's that's how we do it, you know. But
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: you gotta also think about what did you bring in
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: this to get this started like that exactly. You know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: you need to come in with a clean slate. I
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: didn't have a clean one either. I just told you
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: what it was. And me, I'm one of them kind
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: of people. Okay, now I'll have told you. Now that's
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: getting the garbage. I'm done with that, right right.
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: But for women, sometimes we can't put it in the garbage, understand,
• 30:46
  Speaker 6: And that's that's the problem.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: That's the problem. We can't put it in the garbage.
• 30:51
  Speaker 6: And sometimes even when it comes down to okay, you
• 30:55
  Speaker 6: may be done with the argument. You you done, You
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: done with what your part? You Okay, I'm good now,
• 31:02
  Speaker 6: and now it's like, okay, well well let's be all
• 31:04
  Speaker 6: romantic and all of.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: This, and it's like, oh no, ain't no romance.
• 31:09
  Speaker 6: No, you get over there and you stay over there,
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: because that's not how you apologize.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: That's not how you say you sorry. See, this is
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: how you think that that's how you're supposed to apologize.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: That's not an apology.
• 31:22
  Speaker 6: And that's where that's how women are wired. You know,
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: you need a verbally tell me like you verbally told me.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Oh that's it.
• 31:30
  Speaker 6: That's all, and I'm this gonna be the end of it.
• 31:34
  Speaker 6: You need to verbally say, well, you know what, I apologize, okay.
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: What happens when a man tell you, okay, I'm sorry,
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: you know, forgive me for that. I didn't mean it.
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: I didn't understand that I spoke out of turn like
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: that with you? What happens whenever you still well, you
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: come out well see okay.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: So I'll raise my hand.
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: I'll raise my hand right here, because there are times
• 32:07
  Speaker 6: now when when you there have been let me put that,
• 32:10
  Speaker 6: let me, let me change my mother, let me change
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: my vocabulary because I know, let me speak correctly.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: There have been times when the apology came.
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: Forth and I'm still mad, um hm he going on
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: with that, and when he say, oh, okay, I'm sorry.
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: I didn't realize I spoke like that, blah blah blah,
• 32:33
  Speaker 6: and I'll be like mm hmmm, it's all right, but
• 32:36
  Speaker 6: then still really not alright. I'm lying because I'm saying
• 32:41
  Speaker 6: it's okay. And so now I have to make myself
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: wanna deal with you. I have to make myself want
• 32:49
  Speaker 6: to act like it's okay. But that's because of trauma.
• 32:53
  Speaker 6: That's because of that unspoken wound. That's because I have
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: not dealt with something from my past, that trip, that
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: reaction in the beginning, where it really wasn't even your fault,
• 33:05
  Speaker 6: was somebody else, right.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: But so the point of making we have to get
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: past all of that part, you know, because here's the thing.
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: It was something about me and something about you that
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: draws us together, and we must learn how to communicate.
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: We have to reprogram our thought process and deal with
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: reality because the word today.
• 33:30
  Speaker 7: Is life be life, and but life will be life
• 33:32
  Speaker 7: and without you, right right, douces.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: And the thing about it is then it it runs
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: over and to the romance part your bedroom, and they
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: really get to be hectic, see, because, like I say, men,
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: they want to if I gave you my ask you
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: to take. I love everything about you, and y'all know me,
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: and dra'll do y'all. Y'all, y'all got what y'all got
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: it going on. But then you don't want to have
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: it going on with me? Why can you tell me that?
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Wow? Okay, yes, yes, you have to be willing.
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: You have to be willing to unlearn some things because
• 34:24
  Speaker 6: we have come with a whole lot of baggage and
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: we were set. We were setting our ways. We have
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: gotten to the point to where when we get grown
• 34:34
  Speaker 6: and set in our ways, you know, it's my way
• 34:37
  Speaker 6: of a highway. But you have to realize when you're
• 34:39
  Speaker 6: coming into a relationship, you have to come together and
• 34:43
  Speaker 6: find that happy medium. It's about you and your person
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: that you are connected with. It's about you and your mate,
• 34:51
  Speaker 6: you and your spouse.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: It's you and them.
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: It's not everybody else, is not all the other distractions
• 34:58
  Speaker 6: and everything in the world world. It's just about the
• 35:02
  Speaker 6: two of you, and so you have to forget about
• 35:05
  Speaker 6: those things and you have to start a life together.
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: And that's where communication comes in. You have to be
• 35:11
  Speaker 6: able to sit down and have the hard conversations. You
• 35:14
  Speaker 6: have to be able to talk. You have to talk
• 35:16
  Speaker 6: it out. Look, I don't like this.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not that type of person.
• 35:20
  Speaker 6: I'm not. You know, we're different, and we're two people
• 35:24
  Speaker 6: with two different lives that's coming together as one.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: And so we're different in those areas and their things.
• 35:31
  Speaker 6: That we don't like, Their things that we're not willing
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: to accept, Their things that we're not gonna compromise with.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: This is just where we have to actually communicate that
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: means you gotta talk. You gotta talk.
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: And in the midst of talking, now make sure you're
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: talking to each other right, not.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: At each other.
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: Because marriage is for the mature. Marriage is for grown folks,
• 35:56
  Speaker 6: and grown folks know how to talk, and if you don't,
• 35:59
  Speaker 6: you will learn in marriage how to effectively communicate without yelling,
• 36:04
  Speaker 6: without screaming. We had to get to the point of
• 36:07
  Speaker 6: where we sat down and we said, look, we need
• 36:10
  Speaker 6: to talk, and we're going to take turns and we
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: are going to tell each other what we like and
• 36:18
  Speaker 6: what we don't like so we don't have an issue.
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: And sometimes when you do that, these are hard conversations.
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: People don't want to hear what you dislike when.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: They think that you like this, No, man, I don't
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: like that. No, no, you keep that. I don't want that.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I don't like it.
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: And so this is the thing. But you gotta be
• 36:38
  Speaker 6: mature enough to say that, and the person that you're
• 36:42
  Speaker 6: talking to gotta be grown enough to accept it.
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: So, in other words, we got to learn to agree
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: to disagree agreeable because here's the thing, what you went
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: through in your past is not my problem, but it's
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: my problem. And the same vice versa so therefore, the
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: things that I feel like you should be willing and
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: want to do, you don't do because of the way
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: it was presented to you from the beginning, and the
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: things that really makes it not work. And you have
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: such a heartache, And that could go either way. It's
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: because you didn't tell me what you went through from
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: the beginning, because you're ashamed of what the past was.
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: But if you've grown, the past is just that it's
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: behind you. And if I love you, then we're gonna
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: make this work together because you know what, I'm willing
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: to help you walk or come up out of this
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: so we can live. Yes, but you got to be
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: mature enough to.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Accept it that way exactly.
• 37:47
  Speaker 6: And Sherry made a very valid point when she said,
• 37:50
  Speaker 6: you have to talk to each other even when it's uncomfortable. Yes,
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: And that is so true, because we have really had
• 37:57
  Speaker 6: some uncomfortable situations, some uncomfortable conversations because of the uncomfortable
• 38:04
  Speaker 6: trauma that was brought into the relationship and seeing these
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: are the things that we have to understand. We have
• 38:10
  Speaker 6: to understand that there are many times that when we
• 38:14
  Speaker 6: look at stuff we think a certain way, like sometimes
• 38:18
  Speaker 6: you may get somebody in the relationship that has gone
• 38:22
  Speaker 6: through trauma, a female that may have experienced trauma, so
• 38:26
  Speaker 6: she may not be as sexual as your other partners were.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: She may not.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: We want to deal with that with me.
• 38:34
  Speaker 6: Coming out of working in the prison, working in the
• 38:37
  Speaker 6: prison and being gunned down by inmates or that, I
• 38:39
  Speaker 6: don't want.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: To see nothing that looked like what they had. I
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: don't want to see that. Keep that to yourself.
• 38:45
  Speaker 6: And I had to really learn how to check stuff
• 38:48
  Speaker 6: at the gate because of the simple fact that those
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: type of things, those things.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: They will destroy marriages.
• 38:58
  Speaker 6: And so when you have a person that is not
• 39:02
  Speaker 6: so much a person that's that's high sexual, and then
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: you have a high sexual person.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Because of things that they have gone through.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: And see, this is what we have to understand when
• 39:13
  Speaker 6: we when we talk about females going through things in
• 39:18
  Speaker 6: their life, being trump being traumatized, being abused, being raped,
• 39:23
  Speaker 6: being molested in all of these things, these things also
• 39:26
  Speaker 6: happen to males. And I'm not talking about a male
• 39:29
  Speaker 6: on male relationship. I'm talking about some cougars. I'm talking
• 39:33
  Speaker 6: about women that are older that look at these young
• 39:36
  Speaker 6: men that's growing up and they be like, oh, baby,
• 39:39
  Speaker 6: he's sexy, he gonna do this, he gonna be able
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: to be this, and he gonna do that, and they
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: begin to groom them and try to take advantage of these.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Young men and a young age.
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: And so this is what you have to understand when
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: when and when any sex has been introduced to.
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: Sex before their time.
• 40:00
  Speaker 6: There are there's gonna be some type of issue, whether
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: it's gonna be a high sexual nature or whether it's
• 40:06
  Speaker 6: gonna be I don't want to be bothering, no kind
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: of sexual nature or whatever. But you have to begin
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: to see how that is.
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: And at that point, I'm glad you touched on that.
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: It's always been little girls are being bothered by men
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: and stuff like that, but you never hear how the
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: young men are being bothered by older women because some
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: of us developed early. I was one of them people.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: So when I was introduced to it, you know, once
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: I figured it out, I'm like, whoa, this is good.
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: So this is what I thought should have been. So
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: this is what's programmed in your mind, so it can't
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: be nothing but that because this is the older person.
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: They just showed you the ropes. So hey, you're supposed
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: to be with this and you're not, and then they
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: go trauma again because like nobody even talks about how
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: me and go through stuff, you know, and they be like,
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: you ain't no way. I had to learn somewhere. Somebody
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: taught me what This kid just didn't pop up in
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: my brain, you know. The first time you was like,
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: whoa what is Ooh? I smell like somebody peed on me.
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: I'm just telling you the drew, you know, And that's
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: what it is, you know, because you got to learn.
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: And then when you figure out, okay, now this is
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: how this is work, and but this ain't how it
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: work because you know what, you may not be that way.
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: You might want to take an hour and we got
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: to talk, touch, drink, looking, and then everything is working wonderful,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: and I say one wrong thing. It's oh with your
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: brain is off the air. I'm done. You done? What
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: you're talking about? What what happened that time? See? And
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: that's the whole thing. So we got to learn to
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: truly communicate, you know, because I didn't do what happened
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: to you to you, but I'm willing to work through
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: it with you. Then you wonder why through our life,
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: why why can't I just find somebody that loved me
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: for me because you won't allow them to love you
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: for you, because you won't tell them the truth.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, that is so true.
• 42:14
  Speaker 6: That is so true, and so even into that when
• 42:19
  Speaker 6: we find ourselves destroying our marriage from within, when the
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: attacks come from within, the other thing that brings on
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: a lot of these attacks are our unmet needs. When
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: we think about unmet needs, not just dealing sexually, but
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: unmet needs. You know, for example, you have a relationship,
• 42:46
  Speaker 6: you have your spouse, and your husband is the head
• 42:51
  Speaker 6: of the house.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: He is the head.
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: Biblically, he is the head. It does not matter whether
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: he got a job, no job, whatever.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: He is the head. According to God's structure, he's the head.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: But so many times you find that there's so much
• 43:11
  Speaker 6: that comes in to marriages that divide marriages and cost
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: issues because of the simple fact that you know, you
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: may have gotten a man.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: Who was once in the world and he had it
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: going on in the world, and he was he was
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: big time. He was strong, and y'all know what I'm
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: talking about.
• 43:32
  Speaker 6: He was strong, and he was making that money, he
• 43:36
  Speaker 6: was getting it. And then you say, I don't want
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: that type of man.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: For a husband.
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: And so now he comes over and he begins to
• 43:47
  Speaker 6: convert and change, and then he gets a job. And
• 43:52
  Speaker 6: when he gets a job, it may not be a
• 43:55
  Speaker 6: job that's able to give you all this lavish life.
• 44:00
  Speaker 6: And so then you start talking down to it, you know,
• 44:03
  Speaker 6: because now you're not meeting my knees. You know, I
• 44:05
  Speaker 6: can't go get my nails done, I can't go get
• 44:07
  Speaker 6: a pedicure, I can't go get my hair done. I
• 44:10
  Speaker 6: can't go in Macy's and dealers like I used to.
• 44:13
  Speaker 6: I can't buy this and buy that. And so then
• 44:15
  Speaker 6: when you start doing all of this stuff, you are
• 44:18
  Speaker 6: degrading him.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: And now you're saying that.
• 44:21
  Speaker 6: Your knees aren't being met. But I want to share
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: with women because I have seen women do this. I
• 44:28
  Speaker 6: have heard women say things like this. I want you
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: to understand that God says that he is the head,
• 44:36
  Speaker 6: the man is the head. But what you fail to
• 44:40
  Speaker 6: realize that when things happen in life, as they say,
• 44:44
  Speaker 6: when life starts lifing, and you cannot splurge, because if
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: you have a roof over your head, if you have
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: a car to drive, whether it's a bucket or whether
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: it's a Ben's if you got food to eat and
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: you have clothed, your needs are met. You can't say
• 45:05
  Speaker 6: that your needs are not being provided.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: They are met.
• 45:09
  Speaker 6: All that other stuff is extra and so those are ones.
• 45:14
  Speaker 6: So the thing that you have to understand is, yes,
• 45:17
  Speaker 6: God said that he is the head, but God also
• 45:21
  Speaker 6: said that you are the help.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: You are the help. So don't come and cry and say, well,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: I you know you're not meeting my knees. Especially when
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: the man has been in a place to where he's
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: been the bread winner.
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: He's been working, and now life is life and in things,
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: the economy and all these things have changed, and now
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: it's not where you can go out and spurge.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: And look like you the big girl on the block.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Now he hasn't met the need correct.
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: And doing so. I don't know, he said talking about
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: opening the door for the cleanup. And that's exactly what
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: you're doing. Because here's the thing. When a man has
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: been in the world and of the world, you know
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: he's able to provide you with all this lavish lifestyle.
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: But the first thing you say is I don't want
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: a man that's in the world. I want a godly
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: man and all that and then the man loves you
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: to the point where you know what, I'm gonna give
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: all that up after you say God will provide, okay,
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna lean it depend on that. Then you go
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: get a job that you really don't want because you
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: know what, I'm used to getting this fast money, and
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: I'm getting money money, And then I get a job
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: that's making good money, but I can't provide you with
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: all the things. It was nothing before. But yet on
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: the other side, I have peace, I have stability, I've insurance,
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: I have all these things. So it's gonna take a
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: while to get that bankrupt where you wanted that. But
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: then you supposed to love me to that point because
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: I'm giving you a you asked for, but now you
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: don't want that. And then they go John boy over here.
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: But then then then at the same time, you get
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: mad if the man don't stay because sister Sadi over
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: here watching. Just like men do. A man could look
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: at a woman away she walked, and he'd be like, oh,
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: now he ain't doing nothing for her. A woman could
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: look at a man's that look at it, girl, I
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: could do this, and then they throw the my eyes
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: and all that, and a man wanted to feel like
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: you're a hero. Look, hey, you look at me, all right,
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: and then you go home the sourpuss and your whole
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: thought process, like sister, say, you know why the one
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: at home ain't looking at me like that? Why that
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: one at home ain't compliment me? She used to compliment me.
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden he go across the street.
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: Now you want to kill the world. Your heart broke,
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: you destroyed. But yet you did that. You did that
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: because some men, not all of us. Some of them
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: tried to talk, they tried to figure it out. I
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: tried to give you what you ask for, and if
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: vice versa, because you're supposed to be might help me
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: if I can't afford to do this, you supost to
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: be able to help me or.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: Catch the slack exactly exactly.
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: Not shoot holes in the ship, because if you put
• 48:15
  Speaker 6: the holes in there and you still in there, you're
• 48:17
  Speaker 6: going down to baby.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: Not put holes in the ship.
• 48:20
  Speaker 6: You are supposed to help us stay afloat until things
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: get better, because that's what you were designed to do.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: You are the help.
• 48:29
  Speaker 6: You came from his side, not from behind, not from
• 48:33
  Speaker 6: in front. You're not superior to him because you make
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: more money than him.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: He is still the head. We have to learn where
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: we are. People talk about that.
• 48:42
  Speaker 6: All the time, is where we are in ministry. I
• 48:45
  Speaker 6: know who I am in ministry. I know who God
• 48:48
  Speaker 6: has called me to be. But I also submit to
• 48:51
  Speaker 6: my husband. And so that's what we have to understand
• 48:54
  Speaker 6: that it's still the principle is there.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: It's submission. He is still the head. Like I said,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: whether you have a job or not, he's still the head.
• 49:02
  Speaker 6: He is the one that God is holding responsible for
• 49:06
  Speaker 6: keeping this thing together but keeping us afloat.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: So if he makes the wrong decision as the head,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: then I have to talk to God.
• 49:15
  Speaker 6: I can't be beating him and bashing him, and I'm
• 49:18
  Speaker 6: gonna abandon hip because now see I can't do what
• 49:21
  Speaker 6: I want to do.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Press Ons are a real thing. Baby.
• 49:25
  Speaker 6: If you can't go to the nail shop, go to Walmart,
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: go to Dollar General. You get some nails for ten
• 49:32
  Speaker 6: dollars and they look just like the ones that you
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: just went and spent one hundred dollars for.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: They can't.
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: You have to understand that, you know everybody is looking
• 49:48
  Speaker 6: for things to always be.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: There and be good.
• 49:54
  Speaker 6: You cannot always think that everything is going to be
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: peaches and cream, because every day it's not gonna be sunshine.
• 50:02
  Speaker 6: There is gonna be some rain. But one thing that
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: you have to realize is that your marriage is not
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: being destroyed always from the outside, right right, The attacks
• 50:15
  Speaker 6: are coming from the inside.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: And so tonight we want you to understand that.
• 50:21
  Speaker 6: And as Sherry said, we have taken love out of
• 50:25
  Speaker 6: our relationships and we are living in us.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: That is so true.
• 50:31
  Speaker 6: That is so true because a lot of people just
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: get married and get together for sex. There there are
• 50:36
  Speaker 6: people that are in the Word preaching the gospel, and
• 50:40
  Speaker 6: they they use the scripture.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: You know, it's better to marry than to burn.
• 50:45
  Speaker 6: No, you you have a problem with your flesh. Man,
• 50:49
  Speaker 6: and and that's just real. You have a problem with
• 50:52
  Speaker 6: your flesh. Call your flesh under subjection, and stop chasing
• 50:57
  Speaker 6: and talking about this person, your husband, that person, your
• 51:00
  Speaker 6: husband or whatever. God has a man that he has
• 51:03
  Speaker 6: designed for you, and when he finds you, he will
• 51:06
  Speaker 6: find a good thing.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: If you keep yourself, uh huh, if you keep yourself.
• 51:11
  Speaker 6: I saw a comment earlier from Black Diamond speaking about
• 51:16
  Speaker 6: how men will pay for their sons to have their
• 51:19
  Speaker 6: first encounter and that is so true.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: That is so true.
• 51:22
  Speaker 6: So you know, tonight has been well spent and we
• 51:26
  Speaker 6: really appreciate your interaction. We appreciate the comments, We appreciate
• 51:33
  Speaker 6: you coming on and being a part of this podcast,
• 51:36
  Speaker 6: because this is really about all of us healing and
• 51:42
  Speaker 6: it is very it's very important for us to heal,
• 51:47
  Speaker 6: especially as individuals. We need to heal and we need
• 51:52
  Speaker 6: to feel deal and heal before we try to bring
• 51:55
  Speaker 6: anybody into our situations because a lot of times we
• 51:59
  Speaker 6: come into marriages and we're.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: Broken, we're broken, we're tore.
• 52:03
  Speaker 6: Up, and we just a whole mess, and we bring
• 52:08
  Speaker 6: our mess into the marriage and now everything begins to
• 52:15
  Speaker 6: go awry because we have not dealt with our issues.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: And we will not allow our we will not allow
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: our selves to be healed.
• 52:27
  Speaker 6: Sometimes we lock ourselves up in our prisons because we
• 52:31
  Speaker 6: like to hold on to our little friends because when
• 52:34
  Speaker 6: you come with your heated fellowship, I have a go too,
• 52:39
  Speaker 6: and I can go and I can unleash on you
• 52:43
  Speaker 6: because then I feel powerful, I feel empowered. So tonight
• 52:48
  Speaker 6: we want to thank you all for joining us. We
• 52:52
  Speaker 6: want to thank you, and you're right. The devil doesn't
• 52:55
  Speaker 6: want to see us together, He really does, and he
• 53:00
  Speaker 6: does not want the for us to be in a
• 53:05
  Speaker 6: position to where we are healthy in our marriages. And
• 53:10
  Speaker 6: so we just thank God tonight. We thank God for
• 53:13
  Speaker 6: you all coming on. We thank God for you sharing tonight.
• 53:17
  Speaker 6: We ask that you continue to send your comments. You
• 53:23
  Speaker 6: can even message me I am on Facebook Kimberly Thomas,
• 53:28
  Speaker 6: message me inbox us your questions, your comments. We would
• 53:32
  Speaker 6: love to hear from you, and we would love for
• 53:36
  Speaker 6: you to keep coming back. We will be back on
• 53:39
  Speaker 6: the first Sunday, the first Sunday we will be here,
• 53:43
  Speaker 6: So please please please please come back and join us,
• 53:47
  Speaker 6: Come back and join us. We love your comments tonight
• 53:50
  Speaker 6: and appreciate the feedback. And we want to thank you
• 53:54
  Speaker 6: once again for joining us for let the healing begin.
• 53:58
  Speaker 6: So as we embark upon this journey of healing, remember.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: You have to feel. You have to deal before you
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: can heal. Have a great night.
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: When you've done.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: All you can.
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: Man soon as I it's neven.
• 54:58
  Speaker 6: A.
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: And what do you say when you're when s turn away,
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: you're all alone?
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: No