Latest / The Chris and Mike Show / #97 - Jeremy Cross - Addiction, Recovery, & The Power of Truth

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#97 - Jeremy Cross - Addiction, Recovery, & The Power of Truth · The Chris and Mike Show

• 0:02
  There's the music, it's the human factor when you just want
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  to. Get.
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  The button. Hey, they know that we're not
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  faking it that way. They know we're not.
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  Hey, so this is Chris. That's Mike.
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  This is Chris and Mike show today.
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  We have a very cool guest in the show.
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  His name is Jeremy Cross. He's a writer.
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  He's an author, which is one of the same, but not always.
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  He he's also a recovering addict.
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  He's he's he's had a unique life.
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  And we connected on a Facebook podcast page and I invited him
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  on the show. So here he is.
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  So Jeremy, without further ado, kind of give us a little bit of
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  a, you know who you are. Thank you.
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  Thank you for having me. Yeah.
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  I'm Jeremy Cross, author Finding My Lost Life, The fall to
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  Addiction and Rise to Recovery. I spent seven years on the
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  Downtown Eastside. When I I moved from the small
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  town in Langley to the big city of Vancouver.
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  I had dreams, aspirations. I fell in love with somebody,
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  which got me down there, and I got surrounded by the wrong
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  people, made some bad errors and judgement, ended up getting into
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  drugs and got involved in the dark side of the world, and I
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  was in and out of jail for the last couple years.
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  I'm now a year and a half sober. Thank you.
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  I started writing my book actually when I was
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  incarcerated, January 2024. I got out in May 2024 and when I
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  finished and published it. Let me jump in here.
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  When you were incarcerated, was it was like a like a, a federal
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  Pennant prison or was it a a county jail?
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  I don't. Was it in Canada?
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  It was in Canada, I'm from Canada, Vancouver.
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  OK, UK, So I don't, I don't know anything about Canada, Canada's
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  penal system and what it looks like.
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  Is it anything like it is in America?
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  No, it's a lot softer. So we we get like, yeah, we get
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  TV's and oh shit, yeah. Ice cream Ice cream socials.
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  Sometimes, yeah, And I really. Friends and holidays, Yeah, what
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  the fuck? They're the nicest people in the
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  world. Chris Dunham, you were there.
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  I was there, I was in, I was in Canada not too long ago.
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  And they were, they were just, they would they, they genuinely
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  seemed like super nice humans. Like it wasn't, it wasn't, it
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  didn't seem to be faked. It didn't seem to be polished
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  because everybody that we ran into was just like like a small
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  story. And so we can get back to your
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  thing. We went to a store, right to buy
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  something. I, I bought some Canada Canadian
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  syrup, right, because you have to, And I gave him American
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  money. And then he's like, he's
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  explaining the change and stuff. He's like, and I would have
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  given him too much, but he was like, you know, like said just a
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  nice human. He said, no, no, no, no, you got
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  to do this, this, this. And there you go.
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  I'm like, oh, OK, cool. So, you know, Americans, I'm
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  unfortunately would, I think would take advantage of that
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  because most, you know, not most, but there are those,
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  those, you know, 1 percenters that are just like, come on,
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  man, Just come on. Yeah, ironically, ironically,
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  I've gone to the States because I'm we're right by the border
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  into Washington. It's about 1/2 hour from my
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  house and I've gone and gotten gas and paid with Canadian and
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  they you charged me way too much.
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  I didn't understand the currency.
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  And then after I I like got past the border I called my mom.
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  I'm like, man, just cost me like 100 Canadian to get like $40 gas
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  and she's like, oh son, that's not right.
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  I want to, I want to apologize. I want to apologize to you on
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  behalf of the American that did that, because that's pretty
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  messed up, man. We're not, we're not all like
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  that. A lot of.
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  You're talking to two guys who would have said no, you gave us
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  way too much money or we don't understand the conversion, so we
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  don't want to screw you up, so we'll Google it now.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can use the AI for everything.
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  Yeah, yeah. I don't condemn a whole group of
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  people for one person's decisions.
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  I appreciate. That I got a quick question.
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  How old were you when you went in?
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  So we can kind of get a. And how old?
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  We're a year and a half sober now, right?
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  Yeah, so I went in January 16th, 2024 as my sobriety date.
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  OK. But that was just my last done.
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  I had issues. I'm getting involved in crime
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  from 2020 and I was in and out. So what happens in Canada is you
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  go to pretrial Center, it's called, we have two facilities
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  in our lower lower Mainland area, Surrey Pretrial Center and
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  N Fraser Pretrial Center. And you kind of you get when
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  you're there, you get credited 2 1/2 days per one.
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  So a lot of people will try to like stay in pretrial center so
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  they get more credit for their days.
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  And then right, that's when you either and then usually so
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  you'll either get bail and then if they.
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  So that's what was happening when your first time offender,
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  which I had no criminal record going into Vancouver, but I went
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  in with a bang. The judge kind of laughed.
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  I mean, I was in my book, I talk about it.
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  I, I'm the, I got involved with people that were Canada's top
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  most wanted for fraud. Oh, wow, yeah, I had my identity
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  stolen, my bank accounts compromised, my $40,000 car
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  stolen. The the guy that I was involved
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  with, yeah, it was pretty rough. And he had a history with the
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  VPDII was obviously naive. I was being gaslit.
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  I don't come from a family that has deception and fraud and
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  criminal activities. So I, I was eaten alive down
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  there when I got around these people, especially because they,
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  they're predatorial, they know exactly what to look for, right?
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  I was. I have those stories myself,
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  man. Don't feel bad when you grow up
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  in a good environment and then you get thrown in the polar
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  opposite. You just, you just can't believe
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  that people are like that. Just like Chris said, you know,
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  we apologize for that asshole because.
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  Yeah, honestly, that's why like when it's like there's so many,
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  there's about 6 key events that happened that I write about in
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  the book. And every time I was, I was like
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  just stunned. Like, no, like, no offense, but
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  when you hear about these crazy stories, like everyone even
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  that's read my book, they're like, Oh my God, you hear about
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  the stuff in the States, I'm like, Oh no, we're just as bad.
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  It just doesn't get talked about.
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  OK, OK. Yeah, like in my, in my book,
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  that's not my perception. That's just what people globally
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  have said. Like, you know, I was involved.
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  I had a, you know, the beginning of my downfall.
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  I was involved with a guy who I went and supported in a thinking
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  he just had an alcohol problem, not knowing he was a crystal
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  meth addict, you know. Yeah.
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  And then it based on it was my first.
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  It was this epic romance like I was blinded.
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  It was I was naive. I it was my first thing doing
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  this. We, you know, live together
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  joint accounts, right. So and then.
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  And you're you're probably you're probably happy as hell
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  like this is amazing. This is 100% I found the guy,
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  found the life partner. This is going to be fantastic.
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  We're going to build our little empire together, right And just.
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  And then, you know, goes to show like you get involved with
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  someone who's broken and I, I didn't know that he was broken.
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  So when he, you know, he proposed to me and then a couple
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  months later asked for an open relationship, which fucking
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  crippled me. And then he relapsed on crystal
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  meth and be given on where we were in our relationship.
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  I would have done anything to have his attention and to be a
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  part of it. And so when he said let's do
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  crystal meth together, I was like, OK, he wants to be with
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  me. So I made that decision.
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  He's he had escorting experience.
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  Of course, we lost our jobs. We I, you know, I worked full
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  time chief OPS or he offered chief operations at a tallies
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  rule, shutters and blinds corporation.
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  It was a multi $1,000,000 company.
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  Oh wow. He was a contractor downtown.
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  So we both lost our jobs. We needed money.
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  He said let's escort. So we started selling our
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  bodies. Oh, for money.
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  So when you say when you say the dark side, man, you you're
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  talking the dark side. Wow.
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  I'm not and I'm not laughing about it.
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  I'm just saying like we've heard dark, but but you just, I mean,
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  it's dark. That's yeah, that's cool.
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  So if you're just you. Took it a level beyond where I
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  mean, I had the meth addiction, whatever went down that road
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  because. Yeah, right.
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  And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
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  All right, so again, that's crazy, man.
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  If you're just joining in this Jimmy Cross writer author,
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  what's the name of your book again?
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  Finding my lost life. The fall to addiction and rise
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  to recovery. Finding My Lost Life.
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  You can find it on Amazon and jeremycross.com, correct?
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  Dot CA. Dot CA oh, because you're in
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  Canada, jeremycross.ca and this is the Chris and Mike show.
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  So don't forget to go on to Instagram, Facebook, YouTube,
• 8:46
  drop a review, give us a follow on all our platforms.
• 8:49
  And hey, Jimmy, you're one of the first person to hear this.
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  Coming soon is the Christian mikeshow.com.
• 8:57
  Everybody check it out. We got a smoking deal.
• 9:00
  We got a smoking deal. Now I don't, I don't want you to
• 9:02
  give up like all the all the golden Nuggets of your story
• 9:05
  because I want people to go buy your book.
• 9:06
  OK, So when we get when we get done with our our post
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  production, we're going to put a link down underneath the show so
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  people can click on the link and go directly to your website to
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  buy your book. I'm going to buy it.
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  You know, Mike and I, we always buy the books of people that
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  come on the show because again, we have a history of addiction
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  recovery and you do too. That's why you're on here.
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  So we're we're. Yeah, we all have our story, but
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  yours is, like Chris said, yours.
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  You're willing to go the one step further than nobody else
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  has, and that's fine. But it's just crazy to.
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  It's not only crazy to hear. For most people, they just can't
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  even imagine. So I find it fascinating that
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  you're willing to to share that side of your story.
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  And I want to pick, I want to ask you one question because we
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  didn't get this out of when you, when you when you started seeing
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  this guy, how old were you? 24.
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  OK. And how old are you now?
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  31. OK.
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  So we have a six year, we got six years of chaos.
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  Not 7/7. OK, seven years of chaos.
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  OK, so when you're when you were just talking about how you went
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  down the path of selling your body.
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  So how old would you when when that started?
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  2025. OK, so 25 year old walking down
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  the streets of Vancouver, you know, selling your booty.
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  Take it away, Jeremy. Yeah, so it it, I mean, I
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  strongly am against that. Like I have a newer, I have a
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  huge respect obviously for the sex trade and the people in it.
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  But like morally I was taught and I and I don't agree with
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  sharing my body inorganically and putting a price on sex and
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  the experience you can create. You know, I'm not morally OK
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  with that, right. If it wasn't for like doing
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  crystal that's every day, I probably wouldn't.
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  It would have been sustainable for me, but then my partner kind
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  of was. So in Canada we have websites
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  like Leos List, Rent Boys where you create an account, you put
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  photos you describe and people just text you call you and
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  that's how the business goes. I did all that and he was
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  someone who's not a functioning addict.
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  So like he just was like disintegrating before me.
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  So we had a, we had a deal like we're only going to do duo.
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  But then client started only wanting to pay for me and then I
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  was going and doing it and he was collecting the money.
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  So it became like a pimp situation.
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  Wow. So I started to have a problem.
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  Yeah. It was really awkward.
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  I'm like, OK, so you're my pimp now.
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  Like, how did I get here? Wow.
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  Yeah, if you went from. Like then when you get home,
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  you're together or when the person leaves or however you
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  were doing it, Yeah. And then let me.
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  Let me ask a question real quick before you go further down this
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  rabbit hole. So you started out as a duel,
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  like you said, which which in my mind would be good because then
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  you have you have somebody back and like got your back right,
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  right. So you're not going into this
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  environment alone. So then when he decides to just
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  become the pimp daddy, then you're going into these
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  environments by yourself with nobody like got your back right?
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  How freaky was that? Like at that point, my heart was
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  so broken. Like when he asked for an open
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  relationship before we even relapse or he relapsed and I did
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  it, I knew in my heart he wasn't going to be the guy that I was
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  going to marry. So I stayed even though I knew
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  because I didn't want to lose my life.
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  I didn't want to go back to my mom's and Langley.
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  I wasn't doing that, so I stayed.
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  I feel like I betrayed love and love betrayed me.
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  And so I was so numb at this point.
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  Like it was the that wasn't and the money was good.
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  That's the other. Thing, man, that was a nice
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  Yeah, well, saying there, yeah, very well said.
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  So people, so people understand because I don't how, how big of
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  a town is Vancouver compared to Langley, because I'm, I'm
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  thinking there's a big difference there.
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  Yeah, big difference like Langley is.
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  Like I wanted to know that same piece of information.
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  Yeah, I mean, it's, it's expanding now, but Vancouver is
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  like, I mean, it's like Toronto, it's that, well, Toronto's
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  bigger, but it's got all the high rises.
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  It's where it's it's big. It's a whole little mini island.
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  If you look at the look at the map.
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  Million people. 2 million people.
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  I'd. I'd say like, yeah, close to
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  1,000,000. It's pretty like there's a lot
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  of people there. Yeah, it's big and.
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  Then and then trying to. Compare it to somewhere in the
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  States like like it looks like New York.
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  Of course, New York is is like you can't compare like but but
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  as far as high rises go and like the subway and like it's got the
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  vibe of New York of. Course, but 706,000, how much
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  706,000 So yeah, we were close. And then and then what's the
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  size of Langley? What's is that a small town?
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  Yeah. I can't Google it, but yeah, I'm
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  funny 'cause I just went to the city City Council meeting the
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  other day. I'm meeting the mayor.
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  Ohh for. Langley.
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  Yeah, we can get into that. That's like a full circle thing.
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  That's kind of cool, right? You can do some educating.
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  Yeah, like my main, my main message and goal like from
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  sharing my story is to change the, the narrative that being
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  like a lot of people are ashamed or they're embarrassed by their,
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  their past and their addiction. Like a lot, a lot of people
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  don't admit that you're an addict, like that's a problem,
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  which then they don't get the help that they need.
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  So by me sharing on a global level, like I want to empower
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  people to be like, listen, this, this shit is real.
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  We're in an opiate crisis, We're in a mental health crisis around
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  the world and like that. My goal is to see it like on it.
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  I want to do ATV book adoption. I'd like to have a Netflix
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  series to create, like to reach a larger audience and educate
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  and spread awareness like like the stuff is happening.
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  I mean, I also had a client. This is the second before I got
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  into the second person who is a billionaire.
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  And this is the other thing also on a side note that really kind
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  of screwed my mind is because a lot of what society thinks that
• 14:42
  people that do drugs are losers are drains, right?
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  But and the cover of my book, like I that's why I, I made it
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  like this. Yeah.
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  So that was before I started. I got hooked on fentanyl.
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  But I I still look good. I still had AI had a condo, I
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  had a car. I had nice things like I was
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  doing good and I had clients that were politicians, lawyers,
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  doctors, like and so like in my mind and I kind of argue with my
• 15:08
  mom, I'm like, well, I don't know, I like I got high, high
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  proper citizens that are paying me thousands for my time and
• 15:15
  doing drugs with me and then returning to their families,
• 15:19
  right. So that kind of messed up my
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  mind, but it's just, yeah, like I really screwed with what I
• 15:27
  what it was right? What was wrong?
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  It really questioned everything. But I had a client that was a
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  billionaire client who turned out, and I write about this in
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  my book too, that he bought an 8 and a 10 year old like that.
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  There was child stuff going on. And I got approached by a gang
• 15:43
  who found out on the street that this this woman who was a
• 15:46
  crackhead sold her kids to a billionaire.
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  And it ended up being my client that I found out, which was
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  horrible. That's.
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  So that's really that's like this shit.
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  Happening. So like Jeffrey Epstein type
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  shit with the. Oh, yeah, yeah, man, yeah.
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  There are so many. So many.
• 16:07
  Things his town is 28,963 people, so that's quite that's
• 16:11
  like me going from here to when I moved to while Phoenix was
• 16:15
  yeah, a little bit bigger, but it's the same culture shot.
• 16:17
  Yeah, MM lives in Pontiac. I live in a small town.
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  I grew up in a small town. I moved back here.
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  So it's we have parallel stories in that respect.
• 16:26
  I moved from here to Chicago and then here to Phoenix, so.
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  Well, there's more color and more culture and more
• 16:32
  acceptance. You know, it's the vibe, right?
• 16:34
  It's, it's energetic. It's, it's where the dream go.
• 16:37
  You go to the big city to get your dreams right.
• 16:38
  Like that was the goal. Sure.
• 16:40
  I had the same dream. I wanted to be a rock star and
• 16:42
  that's how I know Chris. We formed a band together so.
• 16:45
  Sick, but we wanted to be a pop star one day.
• 16:49
  We wanted to be rock stars, but, you know, we would have settled
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  for selling anything that would have paid the bills.
• 16:53
  So. Right.
• 16:54
  Yeah. Our open, our opening song,
• 16:57
  Jeremy is is is a song that Mike and I wrote called Freeman.
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  So yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, I would like to I
• 17:04
  work at right now I work at together we can recovering
• 17:07
  Education Center and we have a staff there that does like the
• 17:10
  beats and the DJ board. And I'm like, man, we should do
• 17:13
  like an Eminem song like like dear fellow addict and have like
• 17:16
  the first chorus, someone who's in addiction and then have the
• 17:19
  second chorus, someone who's out of addiction.
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  Nice. And just kind of like have it
• 17:23
  like that, that struggle to like come to the top of the hill
• 17:25
  where it's beautiful up here, like, you know, yeah, that's
• 17:29
  cool. Some ideas?
• 17:30
  That's a good idea. Hey, again, if you're just
• 17:33
  joining us is Jimmy Cross. He is an author of AI Keep
• 17:36
  Forgetting the name of your book.
• 17:37
  Tell Me Again. Finding my lost life.
• 17:39
  Finding my lost life. I don't know why I can't
• 17:41
  remember that jeremycross.ca finding my lost life.
• 17:44
  He's it's it's all about rediscovering, finding himself,
• 17:46
  his road to recovering the chaos.
• 17:48
  And then soon prior to that. And then also don't forget to
• 17:51
  find us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, the Christian Mike
• 17:53
  show. So we've, we've, we've, we've
• 17:56
  gone down the path of being an escort and, and, and your, your,
• 18:01
  your, your boyfriend turned into a pimp daddy.
• 18:03
  So where did, how did that, how did that dynamic play out 'cause
• 18:06
  obviously at some point time you fractured that relationship,
• 18:09
  probably out of sheer survival, I would think.
• 18:12
  Yeah, I like he was his mental state was going to like he we
• 18:17
  had to leave the condo that we shared with two other guys.
• 18:21
  We had to downgrade. I asked my mom for help.
• 18:23
  She paid help pay for the deposit on a new smaller one,
• 18:27
  which in my mind that I'm like, OK, it's like my my family
• 18:31
  helped it like it should be like respect, that kind of thing.
• 18:34
  But he like was losing his mind and getting jealous And just
• 18:38
  like he was getting frustrated. We ended up getting coming to
• 18:41
  like fights and he ended up stealing my car and crashing in
• 18:44
  the alleyway, throwing my clothes out the window.
• 18:48
  Like he was, he was, I mean, it was my first instance with a
• 18:51
  narcissist too. I had no idea what I was the
• 18:53
  what I was doing. And so like, yeah, he turned
• 18:56
  against me and I luckily he ended up taking my name, going
• 19:00
  to the landlord, taking my name illegally and fraudulently off
• 19:05
  our agreement and and installed a new guy.
• 19:08
  I found out I, I threatened the landlord.
• 19:11
  I said, I'm going to take you to small claims.
• 19:12
  Like I didn't authorize this. You just broke a legal document.
• 19:16
  So he then had another apartment building he owned.
• 19:20
  And so he on Barclay St. So he said, listen, I'll put you
• 19:23
  in a studio over there. Let's just.
• 19:25
  And I was like, all right, cool. And that was the end.
• 19:28
  And then that that guy ended up stealing like I did all the
• 19:31
  business stuff. I did the emailing, all the like
• 19:33
  all the communications. He stole the e-mail and not like
• 19:35
  I so I had no client list, nothing.
• 19:37
  I had to start from scratch and that ended that one.
• 19:45
  I can see that. Yeah.
• 19:46
  See you later. Bye.
• 19:49
  Yeah. And then, yeah, I got my own
• 19:50
  place. I started doing it alone.
• 19:52
  I was like, that's that cover of my book.
• 19:54
  And I, by the way, I got a lot of controversy from people being
• 19:58
  like, whoa. And the cover makes no sense.
• 20:00
  And I'm like, actually, the reason I chose that cover is
• 20:04
  because I literally wanted it to be a message.
• 20:06
  Don't judge a book by its cover because I was the most
• 20:09
  unhealthy, most unhappy, most unsafe.
• 20:13
  But just because I looked from the outside like, don't judge.
• 20:16
  You have no idea. What somebody's going through,
• 20:18
  right? And coming from a fellow artist,
• 20:21
  I've been a musician since I was 10 years old.
• 20:23
  I read the back of your book. I looked at the cover, you know,
• 20:26
  just so I had a little bit of an idea what you were about.
• 20:29
  That's what I got out of that cover.
• 20:31
  How cool, after reading the back of your book and knowing you
• 20:34
  went from basically what I went from the worst point a person
• 20:38
  could be in to trying to be positive and helping the world
• 20:42
  to see that there's hope and light.
• 20:44
  And, you know, then I look back at your cover again and I'm
• 20:49
  like, OK, I get it right, but not everybody's going to get
• 20:52
  that. I understand it.
• 20:54
  So I'm glad you brought that up. That's awesome.
• 20:56
  Absolutely. So again, it's finding my lost
• 20:58
  life. The fall and rise, the fall, the
• 21:01
  fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 21:02
  Jeremy Cross, jeremycross.ca, go check it out.
• 21:05
  We're talking to him today. He's sharing all the intimate
• 21:07
  details about his chaotic life. That's how I got out of it.
• 21:11
  How did you go from that to ending ending up in the criminal
• 21:16
  justice system? OK, so then the second person I
• 21:21
  met, he was the one I think the fifth most wanted.
• 21:23
  He did a huge real estate fraud, identity fraud.
• 21:27
  Yeah, like I was I. Was like his face is on the wall
• 21:30
  in every whatever you guys call it like the highest authority.
• 21:33
  Knows gang squad, knows them. Like, yeah, they're well known.
• 21:37
  Again, I had no idea. I didn't come.
• 21:39
  I'm not. I didn't know any of the
• 21:40
  history. And nobody, of course, will say
• 21:42
  anything. Around Was he the same age as
• 21:44
  you? Older.
• 21:45
  Younger A. Couple years older yet?
• 21:47
  OK, because basically you're still.
• 21:49
  You're still, you're still 2425 years old at this time, right?
• 21:52
  Yeah. OK, OK.
• 21:54
  Yeah. And so, yeah.
• 21:56
  And his DOC was fentanyl and I I didn't even know what fentanyl
• 21:59
  was at this time. I just knew that like we would
• 22:03
  do crystal together and then let.
• 22:06
  Me ask you this real quick from a fellow recovering addict who I
• 22:10
  did drugs to see how many I could do not just as not just
• 22:15
  for fun. How do you do fentanyl
• 22:18
  recreationally without fucking killing yourself?
• 22:21
  You can't if if you if I went in and did it right now because I'm
• 22:25
  not. I have my systems at 0.
• 22:27
  It's I mean when I first, I mean I overdose.
• 22:29
  You overdosed like I overdosed the first time I was introduced
• 22:32
  to it. He.
• 22:33
  He. How much did it take for that to
• 22:34
  happen? Give people an idea.
• 22:37
  Heat, well, I mean, it depends how strong the dope is, like the
• 22:42
  people that are cooking it. When you get fentanyl, you mix
• 22:45
  it with calf and a type of sugar and you mix it together and then
• 22:49
  bait. You can add food coloring to
• 22:51
  make it a certain color, but based on the potency of the
• 22:53
  amount of fentanyl and the calf. And some like some people
• 22:57
  obviously on the streets, they look for dope that drops them,
• 23:00
  right? So depending on the potency and
• 23:03
  how good the cook is, because you just have these gangsters
• 23:05
  that are cooking it like in their backyard or in their like
• 23:08
  the kitchen, like it's called on the street, it's called down.
• 23:11
  You can't smoke fentanyl straight up, you'll die.
• 23:13
  So they mix it with these other two things and it's called down.
• 23:18
  So that's what to look out for for sure.
• 23:20
  Down yeah like if if I was to go if you know if anyone was to go
• 23:24
  and like try to do fentanyl or which I highly recommend against
• 23:28
  it yeah you would say can I get. Some boys and girls, no.
• 23:31
  No, not at all. Like in Vancouver.
• 23:33
  They No, I want the opposite. I want people to understand how
• 23:35
  little of this. Like.
• 23:37
  Potentially take to kill your loved one.
• 23:41
  And it's not even fentanyl now. Now there's two other and now
• 23:43
  they mix benzo benzos in it there.
• 23:46
  There's another that literally destroys like eats your lungs
• 23:49
  from the inside. I can't remember what it's
• 23:53
  called. It's a type of gown.
• 23:56
  I heard at one point in time they were mixing elephant
• 23:57
  tranquilizer with it. That's, oh, Trank.
• 24:00
  Yeah, that's what it's called. Trank.
• 24:02
  There you go. Look at the trank.
• 24:03
  Chris Dunham for the win. 10 points to.
• 24:09
  The guy that's never touched it. Yeah, right.
• 24:12
  So later this. Is way beyond anything I ever
• 24:14
  did. Meth was popular right about the
• 24:17
  time that I was at the lowest point in my life, so that was
• 24:20
  the last drug that I ever was addicted to.
• 24:23
  Yeah, well, fentanyl like. So what happened was I ended up
• 24:27
  having 30 grand of cash in my safe.
• 24:29
  I had Telus alarm systems like I was, I had a lot of nice things
• 24:33
  before the second person came into my life.
• 24:35
  I was his mark. He used and abused.
• 24:38
  He he wanted to me to spend the month like, so I didn't know
• 24:42
  what fentanyl was. He would do a certain drug with
• 24:44
  the crystal meth and he'd become a fucking monster.
• 24:46
  He'd steal my wallet. He'd disappear.
• 24:47
  He was a totally different person.
• 24:49
  His whole persona changed. He was a fucking monster and
• 24:52
  would steal for me and so then I started to learn what it was.
• 24:55
  I was told by some other people so I banned it from my house.
• 24:58
  I said you're not doing fentanyl up here.
• 25:00
  I don't want you around me. He knew I had money in my safe.
• 25:03
  So he he purposefully overdosed me on fentanyl, mixed it with
• 25:07
  crystal meth in a shot that we did.
• 25:09
  I will died open up. I woke up in the hospital and I
• 25:12
  was instantly attached like I was hooked on fentanyl the next
• 25:15
  day. Holy.
• 25:17
  Shit. And so that was my introduction
• 25:18
  to fentanyl. Wow, so this is the guy after
• 25:22
  the guy that you were hoping that, you know, live heavily
• 25:25
  ever after. That's heavy, man.
• 25:28
  So how did, how did, how did you connect with with guy #2?
• 25:32
  He sought me out like in in this in the escort world, like
• 25:35
  especially in the gay escort world.
• 25:37
  It's a pretty like tight knit community.
• 25:40
  And you know, I I didn't know like having nice.
• 25:42
  I mean, I dress nice by nature, whatever.
• 25:45
  I have a nice car. I I'm not someone who was
• 25:47
  egotistical or I broadcast it like I had good style, but I'd
• 25:51
  walk down the Davie St. or name in name street, but that I
• 25:54
  didn't know that catches people's attention and then they
• 25:57
  fucking they want to know about you.
• 25:58
  They want to know where you are and they, they're, you're a
• 26:00
  mark. And so someone was, I was
• 26:03
  obviously it got told to this group of people, these
• 26:06
  fraudsters, and they implanted one master craftedly, got me all
• 26:12
  fucking wonky and gaslit and still I I didn't know anything
• 26:17
  about this world and nobody around me would get involved.
• 26:20
  They all pretended not to know anything because they were so
• 26:22
  worried that the gays would go on them because they knew who he
• 26:25
  was and I didn't, so nobody around me would say anything.
• 26:31
  And so I was I. But they all knew.
• 26:33
  They all fucking knew. He's been in Vancouver for a
• 26:35
  decade. He grew like he's well known by
• 26:38
  the VPD, which is why he he had me in the right place at the
• 26:42
  right time. Like when we started doing
• 26:44
  fraud, you know, after he frauded me for a year and a half
• 26:48
  that we were dating that I didn't know.
• 26:49
  When I started to become educated and I became more of a
• 26:53
  problem to him, he would threaten to go after my mom and
• 26:55
  dad's Bureau. So I had to learn.
• 26:57
  I called Auntie Fraud Canada and like, I started to pay attention
• 27:00
  to like, what they were doing so I could protect myself.
• 27:05
  And then, yeah, like when fentanyl came in, the money was
• 27:08
  gone. He sold my wardrobe, my $40,000
• 27:11
  car. He stole, hit a woman, fled the
• 27:13
  scene. I went to go pick up my car at
• 27:16
  the tow yard. They told me I'm no longer the
• 27:17
  owner because I defaulted on a $15,000 equity loan a month
• 27:21
  prior, which he went and got in my name.
• 27:23
  I was. Going to say you probably had no
• 27:24
  idea. So you found all this out as you
• 27:27
  got to these places. Oh yeah, no, it was fucked.
• 27:31
  That's terrible. Oh yeah.
• 27:32
  How was that day? I mean, you talk about bad days.
• 27:35
  How was that day? You wake up like, oh, it's
• 27:37
  another day in the neighborhood. And then you realize, oh shit,
• 27:39
  it's not my your. Stomach feels a whole lot
• 27:41
  different, right? Oh I fucking dropped to my
• 27:44
  knees. Like I knew instantly what at
• 27:46
  this point I knew what was going on.
• 27:47
  Like I knew what he was involved in and capable of.
• 27:49
  So I fucking knew. It's that like right away I just
• 27:52
  dropped and cried and just like couldn't believe it.
• 27:55
  So then I at that point I had no car now, I couldn't afford my
• 27:59
  rent. He already had like sold
• 28:01
  everything I had. I ended up now on the street and
• 28:04
  I was still so mind fucked that I like.
• 28:08
  And he told me the right things. He knew my buttons.
• 28:10
  He knew what to say. He knew what not to say.
• 28:12
  Not to interrupt you, but real quick this happened like
• 28:15
  overnight. You went from being set up, you
• 28:18
  got money in your and you're safe and you're in the bank.
• 28:20
  You got a nice car, you're doing OK.
• 28:22
  You know that you're going to live month to month.
• 28:24
  Was this like overnight? This guy did this to you?
• 28:27
  It was like a year, about a year like that.
• 28:30
  But this, this harsh stuff was like, yeah, within weeks, it was
• 28:33
  like, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah.
• 28:36
  So you went from living comfortably to now I'm on the
• 28:38
  street basically within a month? Yeah.
• 28:42
  It was like, well, it's in a couple months, like, but it was
• 28:45
  things after things like the wardrobe, things would go
• 28:47
  missing, the money would go missing, Yeah.
• 28:50
  That still was dramatically short amount of time to go from
• 28:53
  OK, I'm doing fine. I'm living like a normal human
• 28:55
  being, contributing, you know, whatever.
• 28:57
  I got money. Well, and and and independent
• 29:00
  now I'm living. Yeah.
• 29:00
  Like I was good. Yeah, like I was good in my
• 29:03
  mind, you know, even though I still was doing crystal meth and
• 29:06
  selling my body. But I, I was, I felt like I was
• 29:09
  in a good place, even though it was a delusion, whatever, of
• 29:12
  course. But yeah, as soon as he came in
• 29:14
  and implanted himself and like, I just like now looking back, of
• 29:19
  course, even when I sat in jail, I mean, so this is when I really
• 29:22
  truly found out, when he set me up.
• 29:24
  So I I'm on the street now. I had no car.
• 29:27
  I got nothing. He told me that he could, we
• 29:29
  could be together. He can't be on the, I can't be
• 29:31
  on the streets. Jeremy.
• 29:32
  I was like, you motherfucker, like you're the reason I'm on
• 29:35
  the street. But he's like, if you go get a
• 29:37
  car. So he gave me an Ida driver's
• 29:39
  license that looked like me. He told me I'm going to go into
• 29:42
  BMW. I stupidly went and did it.
• 29:45
  I had the fraud squad, gang squad.
• 29:47
  I had helicopters. I was pinned as this giant
• 29:50
  kingpin and fraud. Wow, He had me.
• 29:53
  Yeah, he ratted me out and then I got went to jail for the first
• 29:56
  time. That's why the.
• 29:56
  Judge said. Wow.
• 29:58
  Yeah, he set it all up. I could totally I could totally
• 30:01
  see the way you explain that that's a that's a scene in a
• 30:03
  movie like you talked about earlier that that like that
• 30:06
  totally just like wow. Yeah, like.
• 30:09
  Wow, dude. That's insane.
• 30:11
  And it was when I got into jail, Yeah.
• 30:14
  It was when I got into jail that the inmates around me were like,
• 30:17
  dude, like, you don't know what you're in, do you?
• 30:20
  And I was like, no. And then I started to get
• 30:22
  educated. That was my SO the judge said,
• 30:25
  wow, he's got no criminal record, but he's really going in
• 30:27
  with a bang, like a, you know, theft over 45,000 impersonation.
• 30:32
  Like the BMW IS45K. And I successfully bought it,
• 30:35
  insured it. Yeah, it was like it was like
• 30:38
  20. Anyone counts of fraud?
• 30:39
  It was crazy. Wow.
• 30:42
  Plus he gave me a backpack with bank stamps, credit cards and
• 30:46
  checks that I was supposed to go pick him up with the new car to
• 30:48
  go do a score. And he gave me the bag and I'm
• 30:51
  like, why would I take the bag? Like why don't you take it?
• 30:54
  And I'll get like, why would I? And.
• 30:56
  Of course he totally set. Wow.
• 30:58
  So. So do you still talk to this
• 31:00
  guy? He's at large.
• 31:03
  He still has warrants. I changed the identities for
• 31:06
  legal reasons in my book and stuff like that.
• 31:08
  But I like now that I'm cleaning up my life like since that
• 31:11
  accident in, in 2019, so that, that woman that he hit obviously
• 31:16
  filed, did a claim. There's $21,000 worth of debt
• 31:22
  from that incident with tickets and insurance issues.
• 31:25
  And they ICBC was which is our insurance place here said like,
• 31:29
  listen, like this debt stands. So I had to fill out an
• 31:32
  impersonation package with the VPD, which is now in motion.
• 31:36
  I'm waiting to hear back. I'm hoping like because I can
• 31:39
  prove that I wasn't driving and then hopefully then that 21 K
• 31:43
  will go. But I had to name him and his
• 31:45
  date of birth. I had to say I knew who it was.
• 31:47
  So officially I've now reported it on record.
• 31:50
  Good job. That's awesome.
• 31:53
  I hope he gets what you know, like I'm more like I'm not the
• 31:57
  first and I'm not going to be the last.
• 31:58
  So if I that was the whole reason why I wanted to write
• 32:00
  this book, like holy fuck, Like I want people to know if you're
• 32:04
  going to go down this rabbit hole or you're in this rabbit
• 32:07
  hole. Hopefully this book, like you
• 32:09
  can hear about it, it circulates like that.
• 32:11
  People are capable of this, like just watch your back, know what
• 32:14
  you're in because it it happened so quick and these people in
• 32:19
  Vancouver know exactly who they're looking for.
• 32:21
  They know exactly the target, so yeah.
• 32:25
  And and you fit that bill. So again, this is Jeremy Cross,
• 32:27
  jeremycross.ca, Finding my lost life, the fall to addiction and
• 32:32
  the rise to recovery. Look, I got it right that time.
• 32:34
  I'm so proud of you. So, so in 2019, when you when
• 32:41
  you go to, you get incarcerated with a bang.
• 32:43
  So what was your what was your sentencing?
• 32:45
  How much time did you actually do?
• 32:47
  Is it kind of like America where you get you get sentenced for
• 32:49
  this, but then you can get paroled early?
• 32:52
  That was my first 6th, so yeah, I was in pretrial I think for
• 32:55
  like 2 months so. Just just so American listeners
• 32:59
  understand, is pretrial kind of like being just a county jail.
• 33:03
  Yeah, well, like, OK, so when you get arrested, you go to city
• 33:07
  cells, it's called, which is the Vancouver overnight.
• 33:09
  You, you stay there. They basically they gave you a
• 33:12
  Cliff bar and a fruit to go disgusting stick every four
• 33:16
  hours. That's all you get for until
• 33:18
  you're there. It's fucking freezing down there
• 33:20
  and you know you're you're going through withdrawal and
• 33:22
  everything for 24 hours. You have to see a judge via on
• 33:26
  the TV. It's all done in the basement
• 33:28
  there. You either get bail or you
• 33:31
  don't. And so if you get remanded, they
• 33:36
  take you to North Fraser or Surrey to hold you until you get
• 33:39
  another bail date or you get sentenced.
• 33:42
  So like my I'm, of course I'm, I was on disability.
• 33:45
  So I had a government lawyer and he said listen, you're better to
• 33:50
  plead guilty to all the charges even though I'm like, well, but
• 33:54
  like, you know, he's like that. It'll take a year and a half.
• 33:57
  You'll sit in pretrial center until trial if you don't plead
• 34:01
  guilty. But if you plead guilty because
• 34:03
  it's your first time offense, we'll give you 6 months.
• 34:05
  So I would just do that. Otherwise you're going to sit
• 34:08
  here for a year and a half waiting for trial on a non
• 34:11
  guilty plea. Oh.
• 34:13
  So that's how it works here with.
• 34:15
  Interesting. So you're better off.
• 34:17
  You're going to like, if you want to get out and you're not
• 34:19
  like worried about a record. And at that point, I didn't give
• 34:21
  a shit. I thought I was going to die a
• 34:22
  junkie. I was like, Get Me Out of here,
• 34:24
  right? So that was actually legitimate
• 34:26
  advice. You did the six months instead
• 34:28
  of waiting a year and a half like any normal person would,
• 34:31
  right? As long as that was on, that's
• 34:34
  what ended up happening. You just served the first six
• 34:36
  months. So they basically you like you
• 34:39
  get a day and a half while you're in pretrial, a two days
• 34:42
  story credit. So you want to like you tell
• 34:43
  your lawyer, like stretch out. I don't want a bail hearing.
• 34:46
  I don't want anything. And then when you go to
• 34:48
  sentencing, I got sentenced and they have to take you out of
• 34:51
  pretrial because you're not going to trial.
• 34:52
  And they put you into a different one, which is called
• 34:54
  Fraser Correctional Center. And that's you still have TV's
• 34:58
  and stuff like that, like it's. Ice cream Social.
• 35:01
  It's not the pen. We do have the pen.
• 35:03
  OK, what's the what's the so the pen like meaning penitentiary?
• 35:06
  Yeah, that like the hardcore. OK, so you do have that?
• 35:10
  We do have it. That's if you get a sentence
• 35:12
  over 2 years, OK, I think over 2, they send you to the
• 35:15
  penitentiary. So regardless of what your your
• 35:17
  crime was, if you get sentenced to two years in a day, then
• 35:20
  you're going to the to the is it called federal penitentiary?
• 35:23
  Is it is or I? Think maybe provincial?
• 35:26
  OK, because I don't want to be in America.
• 35:28
  Yeah, in America it's a federal penitentiary, so I don't.
• 35:30
  They probably have the equivalent of that.
• 35:33
  OK. And they have to.
• 35:34
  Commit a No, You would have to commit a federal crime to to go
• 35:37
  to a federal penitentiary. Yeah.
• 35:39
  You go to a state penitentiary if you commit a state crime.
• 35:42
  OK. And then so your, your fraud
• 35:45
  stuff wasn't on a on a federal level, it was just kind of a
• 35:47
  like a local thing. Yeah.
• 35:49
  OK, fraud at that time, luckily it wasn't as serious.
• 35:52
  Now they've like in the last two years, it's they've amped up,
• 35:55
  which is just so ironic. OK.
• 35:57
  So you do your SO when you get in, when you get into your first
• 36:00
  stint in prison and you got six months in, you're obviously
• 36:02
  withdrawing all that kind of stuff.
• 36:03
  Did you come out of that six months clean?
• 36:07
  Oh, I was on high. They they they Jack you on high
• 36:09
  doses of methadone, right? OK.
• 36:12
  Do you guys have that in the states?
• 36:13
  Methadone. Suboxone.
• 36:14
  Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
• 36:15
  Yep, Yep. So like, I knew I didn't want to
• 36:17
  get clean. I was fucking mad and I wanted I
• 36:19
  wasn't done yet, you know, like. I know that feeling.
• 36:22
  Yeah, yeah. Like I'm not fucking going out
• 36:24
  this way. Took me 4 times so.
• 36:27
  Yeah, I was probably, I was in like, OK, so then so then like
• 36:31
  when like I got little petty things like getting caught with
• 36:33
  identity documents on me, like boosting.
• 36:37
  What's an identity document? Someone elses drivers license or
• 36:40
  ID or credit card. Yeah.
• 36:41
  Anything that's not in your name.
• 36:43
  There's identity for. Yeah, yeah, I'm just clarifying
• 36:45
  for people that don't know. Sure, right, the Canadian lingo
• 36:48
  and I'm surprised you haven't said a yet.
• 36:50
  Okay, like what the fuck, Jeremy?
• 36:52
  Yeah, we would have lost our own bets.
• 36:54
  Like we made a bet. You said why?
• 36:56
  Hey. LA hey, hey.
• 36:59
  You know, like I got a friend in Canada and like all the time
• 37:02
  when I talk to Paul, he's like, what's up, eh?
• 37:03
  Oh yeah, I. Don't do that, OK, It's.
• 37:08
  All good. It's all good.
• 37:09
  We just like that. I had this little thing like how
• 37:11
  long? I'm like 2 minutes and he'll say
• 37:13
  hey and yeah, I would have. I would have lost had we bet.
• 37:15
  Good thing I don't do that. Sorry about that.
• 37:17
  It's OK. It's all good.
• 37:19
  I can if you want. But yeah, so like the first
• 37:27
  couple times I got like I got arrested, put in city cells,
• 37:31
  like they give you bail or the next day because you're, it's
• 37:33
  your first thing. So I, they kept giving me bail
• 37:36
  and then they're like, OK, you need to show up at court On this
• 37:38
  date. And I of course never showed up
• 37:39
  because I was on the streets and it was like by the 8th time they
• 37:43
  started to be like, all right, like you're not getting it.
• 37:45
  And they start actually remanding you and then you're
• 37:48
  start, your stays get longer at North Fraser, like a week and
• 37:51
  then maybe a month and they hope it gets traction, but I didn't.
• 37:57
  How soon was it before the inmate started telling you what
• 38:00
  you were involved in that you did not know until you got in
• 38:03
  there? The whole time I had, I didn't
• 38:07
  know officially, I still was that stupid.
• 38:09
  I had like other like some friends that I made friends with
• 38:12
  there that were like, Jeremy, you're a idiot, man.
• 38:15
  This guy's playing you. He drives your car when he
• 38:17
  wants, He comes over to your house when he wants you give him
• 38:20
  money like he's using you. You're like, get your head out
• 38:23
  of your ass. I was like, no, like, there's no
• 38:26
  way. I like I was such a stupid
• 38:28
  idiot. But you but but but that's the
• 38:31
  thing, like you were you were you were blinded by it, right?
• 38:33
  You, this guy, this guy conned you this whole scenario.
• 38:36
  I mean, you're taking this. Is how these things happen.
• 38:38
  Right. Yeah, it's.
• 38:39
  The most powerful deception tools get them in love with you.
• 38:42
  Right. It's like, wow, the sociopaths,
• 38:44
  right? The sociopaths are one that can
• 38:45
  manipulate any situation and especially the Narcissus like
• 38:48
  you talked about. Definitely a dark personality.
• 38:50
  There's a book out about dark personalities.
• 38:51
  I don't know if you've ever ever we should be about if you've
• 38:54
  ever read that, but it's a really good book to read because
• 38:56
  it kind of helps you understand the people you deal with on a
• 38:59
  day-to-day basis because it it it helps me anyway, because I
• 39:02
  deal with a lot of people all the time.
• 39:03
  So it kind of like, Oh, that's who that person is.
• 39:06
  That's why he acts that way because he's that narcissistic
• 39:09
  and he's this he's a vampire. He wants to suck everything out
• 39:11
  of out of the relationship to for to for his benefit.
• 39:15
  And then once that's gone, it's like, I'm out.
• 39:17
  So it kind of sounds like both of your, your love interest.
• 39:20
  Unfortunately we're we're, you know, dark personality vampire
• 39:24
  type people that were bleeding you dry for lack of a better
• 39:26
  term. And we just read that statistic
• 39:31
  the other day that said there there's only 20% of the
• 39:33
  population that's capable of critical thinking.
• 39:36
  So it's real easy to see how people get wrapped up in things.
• 39:40
  Absolutely. Sometimes you don't learn how to
• 39:41
  be a critical thinker until something like this happens to
• 39:44
  you, right? Yeah, well, in my mind, like I,
• 39:46
  I have a good relationship with my mom and I would call her and
• 39:48
  I, you know, I caught him cheating and I'd call her
• 39:51
  bawling, devastated and stuff. Like I'm not a stupid man.
• 39:54
  And that, that's the other thing.
• 39:56
  I. Had to make up conversations
• 39:57
  with my mother. Yeah, like my.
• 40:00
  Mom is like, what are you doing? And I had like camera footage of
• 40:03
  him. Like even like who has access to
• 40:06
  your safe? Well, only heated.
• 40:07
  So who do you think took the money?
• 40:09
  Like come on. And I'd be like.
• 40:15
  So we're again, we're talking with jimmycrossjimmycross.ca.
• 40:18
  He's got a book out called Finding My Lost Life, The fall
• 40:21
  to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 40:23
  Very interesting story so far. Don't forget to find us online,
• 40:26
  Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, drop a review, give us a follow
• 40:28
  on all platforms and you can listen to guests like this over
• 40:31
  and over again. We're also on Spotify, Apple
• 40:32
  podcast, all those fun little platforms.
• 40:35
  So let's kind of just like, like what we've talked about in a
• 40:38
  nutshell real quick and then we'll continue.
• 40:39
  So you, you're in Canada, you moved to Vancouver to kind of,
• 40:42
  you know, big city life type thing.
• 40:44
  You met this guy. It's it's like that's it.
• 40:46
  He's my end all, everything. The sun rises and sets with him.
• 40:49
  He ends up getting you turned on the drugs and shit, which in
• 40:52
  your life kind of starts crumbling, falling apart.
• 40:54
  Yeah, yeah, kind of ended up ended up getting away from him
• 40:59
  and meet this other guy who basically sought you out as as
• 41:02
  you're he's a he's a stalk, not a stalker, but he's, you know,
• 41:06
  he you're a mark, like you said, right?
• 41:07
  And and so then he takes you down this horrific path and
• 41:11
  actually turns you into the police.
• 41:13
  It's a whole Netflix documentary scene that's going to be epic
• 41:15
  when it gets filmed. You know, I'm thinking like, you
• 41:17
  know, you know, I don't have so many badass needs to do this
• 41:20
  shit. You know, just make a big like
• 41:22
  Miami Vice type thing, right? That's the dream.
• 41:25
  Right. And we can Mike and I can be the
• 41:27
  extras, dude. I can, I can totally act.
• 41:29
  I've been in all kinds of plays and shit movies.
• 41:30
  So, you know, we can be extras in the bar.
• 41:33
  We'll be the band in the bar one night that you come into the bar
• 41:36
  with the guy and you know we'll be rocking on the stage.
• 41:39
  And then you spent six months in in what we're going to equate in
• 41:43
  America is like a county, a county jail, not a prison type
• 41:46
  thing. You get out of there and and
• 41:49
  you're picking up the pieces. But even you're still, you're
• 41:51
  still mad, you're still angry, you're still getting high.
• 41:53
  That kind of didn't, didn't sway you at all.
• 41:55
  So you're still kind of going down this dark lifestyle.
• 41:58
  Well, and I was devastated and then fentanyl, I trauma bonded
• 42:01
  with fentanyl at that point, like it was, it was my crutch.
• 42:04
  Like I was so broken and lost that I'd like needed the
• 42:08
  fentanyl to like to get through the day because I, it was my
• 42:12
  suppression tool. It was my. 100% man.
• 42:15
  Yeah, like I needed it. I didn't want to lock eyes with
• 42:18
  the past. I didn't want to lock eyes with
• 42:20
  the reality. Yeah.
• 42:21
  And I felt stupid and abused and guilty and, and I was killing my
• 42:26
  family. My mum was devastated.
• 42:28
  I disappeared. Like I, I, it was such a big
• 42:32
  ball. I was on the, I was frigging
• 42:34
  homeless. Like, yeah, how did I get?
• 42:37
  I'm living on the street, I'm sleeping on buses and sky
• 42:40
  trains. I'm getting fucking attacked.
• 42:43
  I'm getting kidnapped and held at gunpoint.
• 42:44
  I'm in SRO's which are government funded buildings that
• 42:47
  have rats and people getting killed.
• 42:50
  Like how am I here? And all this is in the book.
• 42:54
  Yeah, OK. Because the, the kidnapping
• 42:56
  gunpoint stuff's in the book. Yeah, right on.
• 42:58
  See this, This can be a fucking great read.
• 43:00
  Not, I mean, I'm not making light of the situation, but I,
• 43:03
  I, so I have personal experience with addiction, not only for my
• 43:05
  alcoholism, but I had something in the family who was addicted
• 43:07
  to heroin and meth. And I, I kind of kept yeah.
• 43:11
  And I kind of kept saying, hey, you need to write your story
• 43:14
  because my connection was, was it was a younger person in my
• 43:17
  family like you just, you need to write this from the
• 43:20
  standpoint of how old you are when it started because the
• 43:23
  education you can provide to, to future parents of understanding.
• 43:28
  Dude, when we, when we, when we discovered it was so easy to get
• 43:32
  heroin. You get 20 bucks, you got black
• 43:33
  tar heroin. I mean, and I'm talking.
• 43:36
  It still is. Probably easier, right, a nice
• 43:38
  suburban neighborhood, you know, just you did the furthest thing
• 43:43
  you would have thought of. And I dropped this video and
• 43:45
  last I saw it, it was like, you know, 120 some odd thousand
• 43:49
  things on Facebook Live and I would have random people come up
• 43:51
  to me and just Oh my God, you're that guy.
• 43:53
  Thank you so much. You made me have a conversation.
• 43:55
  My son or my daughter, you woke us up.
• 43:58
  So what you're doing, I absolutely 100% applaud you,
• 44:01
  especially because where you want to go with it and just take
• 44:04
  it to the level where everybody's being educated and
• 44:06
  learning from your experience, which again, finding my lost
• 44:10
  life, the fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 44:12
  The, the, the like Mike talked about earlier and everybody
• 44:16
  that's listening to just Google it right now because you're
• 44:18
  going to be blown away because it is a picture tells 1000.
• 44:21
  A picture is worth 1000 miles on words, right?
• 44:23
  Is that what's that the word? Is that the saying that's it?
• 44:25
  And and looking at looking at this, I mean, you're ripped.
• 44:28
  You got a six pack, you're in great shape.
• 44:30
  You got some biceps triceps. You look like you're fucking cut
• 44:33
  like an athlete. Yet you have this entire
• 44:36
  darkness around you that that if you look at that, nobody would
• 44:39
  expect it. Yeah, like even I like, I put a
• 44:42
  filter on. I created the cover of the book
• 44:44
  and I put a filter that covered my eyes and stuff.
• 44:47
  Like it was dark and mysterious. I like it because.
• 44:49
  Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
• 44:52
  It's been a lot of mixed reviews on.
• 44:54
  That. But black and white, black and
• 44:56
  white is such dramatic on its own.
• 44:58
  And then when you have the context of what the books about,
• 45:01
  that's just, I mean, to me that would make me, if I'm walking in
• 45:05
  the store and it's in a, you know, you can see it.
• 45:07
  I picked it up and turn it over and read the Backpage just back
• 45:10
  of the books just to see what that's about.
• 45:11
  Because you. Know well true stories are a big
• 45:14
  thing right now. Everyone loves a true story.
• 45:17
  Your Backpage is very well written too.
• 45:19
  It would make me want to buy the book had you not been coming on
• 45:22
  here. You know, had he just said, hey,
• 45:23
  you should probably check this guy out.
• 45:25
  I I would have bought the book for.
• 45:26
  Sure. Yeah, cool.
• 45:27
  I appreciate that. And took to comment on the the
• 45:29
  parents thing. So what I'm really passionate
• 45:32
  about now in my life and the work I'm doing, I've been a
• 45:35
  public speaker at a group, Parents Forever that had over
• 45:38
  300 parents and I just did like 4 hours of questions and answers
• 45:42
  because of what I put my mum through.
• 45:44
  And of course we were uneducated too.
• 45:46
  She was like holy fuck, do do I go kidnap him?
• 45:49
  Do I go just like, force him somewhere?
• 45:51
  If I had the. Money.
• 45:52
  Or is this my yeah? Is this my fault?
• 45:54
  Like, what the fuck do I do? And I wanted like, I want to
• 45:58
  take that cause a lot of like I even I did a book signing to
• 46:01
  launch at chapters Indigo and I had parents, mums that came up
• 46:05
  to get my book signed and they had lost kids to addiction.
• 46:08
  Yeah, and they just disappeared. And so I that's my other thing,
• 46:12
  like if to to unburden them to be like, you could have done
• 46:15
  nothing. It's up to the addict that they
• 46:17
  need to break the change and go to chains, you know, from chains
• 46:21
  to change. That's you.
• 46:22
  You couldn't have done anything more.
• 46:24
  That was and a lot of them don't get.
• 46:25
  That was to be able to have that moment with my mom, for sure.
• 46:29
  There's probably nothing more important in my life other than
• 46:32
  being alive than to be able to have that moment and, you know,
• 46:35
  just look her in the eyes and say you didn't do anything.
• 46:39
  Yeah, it killed me. She'd come and visit me all the
• 46:41
  time in jail and I fucking like I'm just there's.
• 46:44
  I will never forget. And I write about her in the
• 46:46
  book a lot. Like she, she was so
• 46:49
  instrumental. Like she, you know, I always was
• 46:52
  able to call her, I'd call her from random businesses anytime.
• 46:55
  Like I, she would order Panago pizza at the nearest Vancouver
• 46:57
  location. I could go pick it up.
• 46:59
  I, I know I put her through how I called her starving and
• 47:02
  freezing on the streets. And like she knew it this time,
• 47:04
  there's nothing she could do. And I knew it fucking just
• 47:07
  crippled her and I had a lot of proud guilt and shame with that.
• 47:12
  But you know, the best thing she's ever said to me was I
• 47:15
  fucking love you so much. I'll never leave you.
• 47:18
  But while you're living this life like, and this is my other
• 47:21
  thing, put me on healthy boundaries.
• 47:23
  Like, you know, if you have a loved 1 going through addiction,
• 47:25
  you know you're going to bring yourself down with them.
• 47:28
  It's it's better to have healthy boundaries.
• 47:31
  Never tell them you'll never leave them.
• 47:32
  And the minute you want help, I'll come flying in.
• 47:35
  But until then, if you're going to go down this road, have to
• 47:38
  love you from afar. I think that's because message
• 47:41
  that you made abundantly clear through your Facebook campaign
• 47:44
  that I remember hearing from you, Chris.
• 47:46
  Oh yeah. Oh, and that's that's the
• 47:48
  biggest thing that we. That was very well said, Jeremy,
• 47:50
  and that's super important for parents to hear.
• 47:53
  We, we, my wife and I, we both, we both realized that that the
• 47:57
  the person I referenced earlier, it wasn't our fault.
• 48:00
  Like, like, like my approach to sobriety and alcoholism when I,
• 48:03
  when I finally had to wake up calling and then, you know, woke
• 48:06
  up the next morning, Oh, shit, something's got to change,
• 48:07
  right? And then two days later is when
• 48:08
  I started my a, a journey. My first meeting at a a was, you
• 48:12
  know, everybody's like, oh, by the grace of God and you know,
• 48:14
  the higher power, things like that.
• 48:15
  And I was like, you know, God didn't make me drink.
• 48:19
  God's not going to make me stop. God didn't put that beer in my
• 48:22
  hand and that shot of Jack and say, Hey, Chris, don't just have
• 48:24
  one half 20 beers and don't just have one shot half 5, right?
• 48:28
  I, this, this is me. I'm responsible for my own.
• 48:32
  I think that's also a super important message for people to
• 48:35
  hear, and I love when you say that because that truer words
• 48:38
  couldn't be spoken. We all three live the same
• 48:41
  thing. We made the choice to do
• 48:43
  everything we did and we had to make the choice to save
• 48:46
  ourselves as well. Right, because.
• 48:48
  We all know. We all know from addict and an
• 48:50
  addict standpoint. I can tell you, Jeremy, you're
• 48:52
  an addict all day long. You're going to tell me.
• 48:54
  Fuck off, Chris. I'm not.
• 48:55
  I don't have a problem. I'm good, man.
• 48:56
  My wife was a bartender, right at two different bars.
• 48:59
  I wouldn't listen to her when she told me I had a problem.
• 49:02
  I don't have a problem. You know what you're talking
• 49:03
  about. I can handle my beer just fine,
• 49:05
  right? I can handle my booze.
• 49:06
  I'm good, I'm good. Meanwhile, I'm adding water to
• 49:08
  the Skydbach in the outside freezer so she doesn't realize
• 49:10
  I'm, I'm, I'm sucking, you know, off the bottle.
• 49:14
  And then you have a party and half the bottle's frozen like,
• 49:16
  well, I don't know how that happened because I'm sitting in
• 49:19
  the bottle, right. So it's the, it's the ignorance
• 49:21
  and it's, it's the lies you tell yourself as an addict that I
• 49:24
  don't have a problem. I don't have a problem.
• 49:26
  And then like, like you can equate to and Mike can and so
• 49:28
  can I either. Once you get clean and once
• 49:30
  you're you're cleaning your life up, then all of a sudden you get
• 49:33
  the guilt coming back, right? You get the shame coming back
• 49:36
  and then it's then you got to live with all that shit, you got
• 49:38
  to work through all that stuff, which I'm sure the book itself
• 49:41
  is very cathartic for you and very therapeutic for you to get
• 49:44
  through your entire journey from there to now.
• 49:46
  Logically, right, yeah, no, it was a great Step 4 to 6 like
• 49:50
  admitting to your wrongs and wrongdoings and personal
• 49:52
  inventory to you to someone else like I did that globally and
• 49:55
  like, yeah, like I can't press how important that you know I'm,
• 49:58
  I'm someone who's in a A and NA I also work at a recovery center
• 50:02
  and I, I'm a certified peer support worker now and I work
• 50:05
  with other families and addicts and yeah no, it's important you
• 50:09
  have to make the change. I mean when it comes.
• 50:11
  I get a lot of people like the whole even for me I had
• 50:14
  reservations with the whole God word like that was big for me
• 50:17
  yeah but as you read the big book, you know, like when you
• 50:21
  actually read the the 1st 4 testaments and stuff like that,
• 50:24
  like the God that they talk about in the book isn't the big
• 50:27
  guy in the clouds. It's your higher power, your
• 50:30
  spirituality, your universalness.
• 50:32
  And like I, luckily I got the gift of desperation the final
• 50:36
  time. My my aha moment.
• 50:38
  You would think, well, I mean I should have hit it so many
• 50:41
  times. But my final one Moments, dude.
• 50:43
  Yeah, was my last this last time in jail and my mom would always
• 50:47
  come see me in jail and she was getting a little bit older and
• 50:49
  like I I like I had joined Bible study in a a because I had the
• 50:54
  gift of desperation where I can't fucking do this anymore.
• 50:57
  You know, like the attic mind. The last four years I've been in
• 51:00
  a jail, I'm like, oh, maybe if I do it this.
• 51:02
  Way. Yeah, I love that term.
• 51:05
  Which term for desperation? It's such a gift.
• 51:08
  Yeah. Like as I was fucking on my
• 51:10
  knees, like I cannot do this anymore.
• 51:11
  I thought every time I would tell myself I can, and maybe if
• 51:14
  I don't do this or I don't associate with this guy or I
• 51:17
  only do both in this area or like in that attic mind, right
• 51:20
  when I finally was like, I can't do this.
• 51:22
  I need another solution. And I that's when I read the big
• 51:26
  book. It really resonated with me.
• 51:27
  And I found my I had that psychic moral change and I had
• 51:30
  my higher power come in and I was able to do the work because
• 51:34
  I, I understood no human power. Jimmy Cross, Asian Jimmy Cross.
• 51:40
  That's your Tobias book. Finding my lost life, A fall,
• 51:44
  the fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 51:47
  Dude, your story's fascinating. I love it.
• 51:49
  I love it. So let's let's let's because I
• 51:51
  don't want to give away all the I don't want to give away all
• 51:52
  the book stuff, right? Because I want I want people to
• 51:54
  go read your book because you OK, so you're you're out after
• 52:00
  your six month thing. Did you did you end up going
• 52:02
  back? Did you end up getting
• 52:03
  incarcerated again time? Okay, so that.
• 52:06
  Yeah, because then you get on probation and yeah, I wasn't
• 52:09
  showing up. Okay, so walk us through that.
• 52:11
  So you're out, you're living on the streets, the chaos is still
• 52:14
  going on your life. And then what's?
• 52:15
  What's the next thing that leads to be incarcerated for a second
• 52:17
  time? So like I got a two year
• 52:20
  probation order after that and like I you know, you don't have
• 52:23
  a phone, you're homeless now, OK, Right.
• 52:26
  You know, you're not showing, you're not meeting your
• 52:28
  probation officer every month or every two weeks, I think.
• 52:32
  And as soon as you miss a month worth, you get an instant bench
• 52:36
  warrant. OK, in Canada and.
• 52:38
  Bench and bench warrants are the same.
• 52:40
  Canada, United States. Yeah, boom.
• 52:43
  It's your. Your face is on all the police.
• 52:45
  Yeah, you're wanted. Yeah, yeah.
• 52:47
  Yeah, so and people at this point now the fraud squad knew
• 52:50
  who I was. You know, I was getting at this
• 52:52
  point, I now knew how to do fraud and then I couldn't
• 52:56
  obviously escort because I was on fentanyl so and everything.
• 53:00
  But for me, like, it was interesting.
• 53:01
  I would say probably a really good, probably be really good
• 53:04
  decision not not escorting anymore.
• 53:06
  I'm just saying yes, just. Saying, yeah, ironically, I have
• 53:10
  to say I was pretty surprised. Like I, I don't know if I was
• 53:13
  different because I've always wanted to help people.
• 53:15
  But like when I had clients, like I had, I had great little
• 53:18
  mini relationships with them because I like actually talked
• 53:21
  to them and we like socialize. It wasn't like it wasn't sex all
• 53:24
  like I barely actually had to have sex with these people.
• 53:27
  They were just like lonely old men that just wanted somebody to
• 53:30
  talk to. Yeah.
• 53:31
  I could you come across as somebody like that that's very,
• 53:34
  very giving and very you got some.
• 53:36
  Easy to talk to for. Sure, you got a you got a really
• 53:39
  good presence, so I appreciate that I could I mean, because we
• 53:41
  don't know you from Adam. This is the first time we've
• 53:43
  ever met you. I mean, literally you, we
• 53:45
  messaged what last night, I think, and, and here we are, you
• 53:49
  know. That's the cool thing about
• 53:50
  doing this, man. It's just to hear these, like, I
• 53:54
  didn't know that I was going to hear this story 10 hours ago
• 53:56
  when I went to work. It's fascinating, it really.
• 53:58
  Is I mentioned I hit you, but I got a guy.
• 54:01
  Yeah. It's awesome.
• 54:01
  And then I read the back of your book and I'm like, oh, now I
• 54:03
  really want to talk to him. That's.
• 54:05
  Awesome. And see, I like, I like going in
• 54:07
  blind because then I learn as I go and then that that entices me
• 54:11
  to want to do more. So you know that.
• 54:13
  It is fun. Yeah, sure.
• 54:14
  Because, because I like to throw the softballs and learn.
• 54:17
  Because then you have the real reaction from me and and from
• 54:20
  Mike, really. It's organic, yeah.
• 54:22
  Yeah, because we don't. We're not.
• 54:24
  We do this because we like the human interests of life.
• 54:26
  We like helping champion recovery.
• 54:29
  We had a guy on that that that I knew his sister since I was six
• 54:33
  years old, that his first joint was at six years old, man.
• 54:36
  Right, He grew up with parents that were.
• 54:38
  Happy, yeah, six years old. And so his story was just
• 54:42
  fascinating. Just, and I never even I do a
• 54:45
  piece of it. And then for him to just just,
• 54:48
  you know, for lack of better term, just throw up everything
• 54:50
  in our, in our 60 minute show because he did it while I was on
• 54:53
  lunch. Mind boggling, man.
• 54:56
  My, I mean, six. I'm like my grandson's 5 1/2
• 54:58
  years old. I can't imagine a little man
• 55:00
  smoking a joint. Yeah, that's when it puts it
• 55:02
  into perspective, is when you're like, we're 20 years older than
• 55:06
  you. So he has Chris has a grandson
• 55:08
  that's almost the same age as when this guy smoked his joint.
• 55:11
  Yeah, it's wild. Well, and that's also a big
• 55:14
  message in my book. Like, you know, addiction
• 55:15
  doesn't discriminate. I didn't have addiction
• 55:17
  problems. My parents are not addicts and
• 55:19
  fucking took me like a disease that, you know, like I was gone.
• 55:23
  Didn't matter what I I was taught.
• 55:25
  Same for me, man. I grew up in a very similar
• 55:28
  household to you where, you know, that didn't happen in my
• 55:30
  house. My parents weren't Alcoholics.
• 55:32
  They weren't drug addicts. They went to work every day.
• 55:34
  Like, you know, what society would consider normal human
• 55:37
  beings. So that's a great message, too.
• 55:39
  It doesn't discriminate. Yeah.
• 55:41
  And, you know, we're all one circumstance away from, you
• 55:44
  know, making people before judging, like hear the story.
• 55:47
  You know, I've met many people that you know, you have no idea
• 55:50
  how you'd handle that circumstance when you leave your
• 55:53
  mom, your dad, or you get your fucking whole life turned upside
• 55:55
  down. You have no idea.
• 55:57
  You don't. And I think that's important.
• 56:00
  Also a big message in my book, like I have a couple messages
• 56:03
  and that's a really big one too. And also, like, you know,
• 56:06
  there's no, at my time, there was no like book or rule book or
• 56:11
  mentor to teach me how to survive on the streets and be an
• 56:14
  addict. And also even what peer support
• 56:18
  was like, I never had like, that just started being big here in
• 56:22
  the last two years of certified peer support.
• 56:24
  Yeah. It was not a thing.
• 56:26
  And now we have Fraser Health, Coast, Vancouver, Coastal
• 56:29
  Health, like all these big companies are now seeing how
• 56:33
  valuable because even when I was in addiction and I wasn't, you
• 56:36
  know, I went through getting disability and like you get like
• 56:39
  these professionals and I'd get like a counselor in front of me
• 56:41
  that's an addictions counselor that's never been an addict.
• 56:43
  I was like. Thank you.
• 56:44
  We talked about that too with like.
• 56:46
  It's like having a it's like having a marriage counselor
• 56:49
  that's never been married. Thank you.
• 56:50
  What? You just proved our point from
• 56:53
  like the episode he was talking about, you know, with the guy.
• 56:57
  Yeah, I was like, get out of here.
• 56:58
  You can't possibly understand. Brilliant.
• 57:02
  Yeah. Amazing, amazing.
• 57:04
  Again, it's Jeremy Cross jeremycross.ca.
• 57:06
  Go find his book finding my life, my lost life, the fall of
• 57:09
  to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 57:11
  So we're about an hour into this little episode here today, which
• 57:15
  is fascinating. By the way, don't forget boys
• 57:17
  and girls follow us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube
• 57:19
  dropper, if you give us a follow on all platforms and coming
• 57:22
  soon, the Chris and mikeshow.com don't go there.
• 57:25
  Don't go there now because Godaddy's just parking that
• 57:27
  shit. So.
• 57:30
  So how many times were you complete?
• 57:31
  How many times were you incarcerated total?
• 57:35
  Like remanded or like just arrested in general?
• 57:39
  Well, what's what's remanded in your world is remanded being in
• 57:42
  cars in like in the lockdown facility.
• 57:45
  Yeah, it's like if you go, when you get arrested, you go to city
• 57:47
  cells, get processed, held overnight, and then you see a
• 57:50
  judge at there and they decide if they'll let you out or that
• 57:53
  you're going to be remanded. Well, you.
• 57:55
  Can you, can you can give us all of them, You can give us a total
• 57:57
  of both that's. Fine.
• 57:58
  I don't have like the exact totals, but I can tell you I've
• 58:01
  been to city cells probably 15 or 16 times.
• 58:06
  I've been remanded 3 or 4. And this was in the in the span
• 58:10
  of seven years. You know, a span of 4/20/20 is
• 58:14
  when I started getting in trouble and a lot of it was just
• 58:17
  like, a lot of it was just violating probation.
• 58:21
  So like when I got out of jail for that stunt and then I was
• 58:24
  like, had conditions, right? Wasn't allowed to have identity
• 58:27
  documents, needed to report to my probation.
• 58:29
  And I just kept, I never did any of them.
• 58:31
  So it was a warrant, a warrant. And I kept getting arrested,
• 58:33
  arrested, arrested. So it wasn't necessarily that I
• 58:36
  was like I didn't getting caught doing all this crime.
• 58:39
  Like it was just a reoffend. Reoffend like with these
• 58:42
  conditions. Yeah, OK.
• 58:44
  So let's let's let's take it to this point of your life.
• 58:47
  I want to know what the the the piece was.
• 58:50
  It turns you the the epiphany. Like what is it that that you
• 58:53
  woke up one day? It was like, you know, this is
• 58:55
  it. This is my sign from, you know,
• 58:58
  whatever you want to call it. I need to, I need to turn my
• 59:01
  life around or else I'm going to die.
• 59:03
  What was that moment? That was this last time in jail.
• 59:06
  My, my sister is a spiritual healer too.
• 59:08
  And she's the one we were going back and forth in jail via male.
• 59:11
  And she said, you know, you should just write your story
• 59:13
  chronologically. And like, back when this shit
• 59:16
  was going down and then terrible things would happen, I would
• 59:19
  always in my head be like, I'm going to fucking write about
• 59:21
  this one day if I can ever get out of this thing alive.
• 59:24
  So that was a seed I planted. And then my sister said like
• 59:27
  just for therapeutic reasons and like, you know, chronologically
• 59:29
  get it out. And I also wanted to do an
• 59:31
  amends to my whole family, you know, explaining all the words
• 59:34
  that have gone left unsaid because they didn't know any of
• 59:37
  the shit that was going on. They couldn't understand.
• 59:39
  They thought it was a choice. It didn't make sense, right.
• 59:41
  So this I wrote them a 32 page for men's letter on top of doing
• 59:46
  and I started writing my book and then the epiphany like I
• 59:50
  joined the Bible study and there was like 50 year old men, 60
• 59:53
  year old men that were like no family.
• 59:55
  They give them their whole life to fentanyl and I'm like, that's
• 59:58
  gonna be me if I don't get my shit together.
• 1:00:00
  Like I I'm gonna talk and die in here.
• 1:00:03
  And that was why you and that's why you incarcerated.
• 1:00:05
  Yeah, and then my mom was getting older.
• 1:00:07
  I she'd visit me and I'm like, my little brothers have
• 1:00:09
  graduated. Like I'm fucking missing
• 1:00:11
  everything. You're.
• 1:00:11
  Missing life events? Yeah, OK.
• 1:00:13
  Because like, when you're down there, you're in a time warp.
• 1:00:15
  You have no conception of time or the date.
• 1:00:17
  I didn't know what fucking day of the week it was like.
• 1:00:19
  But then when I get arrested, it was like this reality check that
• 1:00:22
  life has been going on around. Yeah.
• 1:00:23
  And I'm missing everything and. That's amazing though, because
• 1:00:27
  how many people did you see around you that didn't even they
• 1:00:30
  didn't even look at that side of it?
• 1:00:32
  Like that's going to be me. That were your age.
• 1:00:35
  They were just going to continually live the same
• 1:00:37
  lifestyle, right? Good on you for seeing, hey,
• 1:00:40
  that old man over there in the corner.
• 1:00:42
  That's going to be me. Not everybody has that.
• 1:00:46
  Yeah, You can't look past the end of your face, you know,
• 1:00:47
  correct. Especially with an addict.
• 1:00:49
  Your next thing is how am I going to get high?
• 1:00:50
  How am I going to get that beer? Where am I going to get the
• 1:00:52
  money for that, this and that? You know, Mike, our our friend
• 1:00:55
  Mike that was on that had the joint when he was six years old,
• 1:00:58
  his wake up call was he was in prison.
• 1:00:59
  He and he was on the yard and he saw these, this group of guys
• 1:01:02
  doing yoga and he just that, that like whatever that was his
• 1:01:07
  moment where he went and, and and joined them with yoga.
• 1:01:09
  And from that point on, he just, he's like you, he's turned his
• 1:01:12
  life around. He's he's helps now with he's a
• 1:01:14
  dictionary recovery counselor. You know, he's, he's very fit.
• 1:01:18
  He's very focused on spreading the word and and like we talked
• 1:01:21
  about earlier, when you're an addict, you want to sit in front
• 1:01:24
  of an addict to give you advice of how to not be an addict.
• 1:01:27
  There's like you said, there's no different respect.
• 1:01:29
  There's no dummy's guide to being an addict.
• 1:01:31
  You know, nobody wrote that book.
• 1:01:32
  This is I always say survive the streets.
• 1:01:34
  You know, I always say two things, man, like you're talking
• 1:01:38
  to two guys that you can't bullshit and.
• 1:01:41
  Yeah, yeah. There, there's always, that's
• 1:01:45
  one thing, like you said it earlier, that's one thing that
• 1:01:47
  people just shouldn't talk about if you haven't been there,
• 1:01:50
  right? Because you couldn't possibly
• 1:01:52
  have an idea, right? Yeah.
• 1:01:54
  Well, the, the two pillars of peers, getting certified in, in
• 1:01:58
  peer workers mutuality and relatability.
• 1:02:01
  OK, which is dead on. Like I said, I wouldn't, I
• 1:02:03
  wouldn't want a divorce counselor that's never been
• 1:02:06
  married. It just just wouldn't, you can't
• 1:02:08
  get it right, Right. And, and I had that experience
• 1:02:11
  when I got a transition team leader and a peer support when I
• 1:02:14
  got out of jail in May. And I the way I could connect
• 1:02:16
  with him, I'm like, I want that for somebody.
• 1:02:19
  I want to be you. Yeah.
• 1:02:21
  And I went and got certified right away started.
• 1:02:24
  I take clients solely. I work with families.
• 1:02:27
  I do any public speaking I can do.
• 1:02:28
  I now currently work at a Together recovery center five
• 1:02:32
  days a week. I do you want to, you want to
• 1:02:34
  share the, the, the recovery center's information?
• 1:02:37
  Because what we do when we're done with this show, Mike goes
• 1:02:39
  and edits everything down. We end up having a bunch of
• 1:02:41
  shorts and we can, we can splice the shorts that we'll send you
• 1:02:44
  the shorts so you can, you can do what you want with them.
• 1:02:46
  But if you want to give a shout out to where you work in the
• 1:02:48
  recovery center, we can make sure that's one of the shorts.
• 1:02:51
  Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah.
• 1:02:52
  The big one I do is my solo peer support by Jeremy Cross.
• 1:02:55
  You can book with me on my website.
• 1:02:57
  You can also contact me. I get contacted all the time.
• 1:03:00
  The bottom of my website. You can ask me any questions
• 1:03:01
  about anything. I've been asked by the local
• 1:03:04
  school district here to go and talk to kids in school about
• 1:03:07
  addiction. I'm just trying to do as much as
• 1:03:09
  I can. You know, I'd like to see it be,
• 1:03:11
  like I said, a docu series because we're just in such a big
• 1:03:14
  opiate and mental health crisis and the people hire like this is
• 1:03:19
  my other thing like and, and the reform in our system.
• 1:03:22
  Our system is fucking broken. Like I, I tried to use the
• 1:03:25
  system because I wanted help. So I was on the street.
• 1:03:29
  I didn't want to do it anymore. I tried, I went to a government
• 1:03:33
  detox center. They told me no problem, but you
• 1:03:36
  need to call every day and you're there's a 3 1/2 week late
• 1:03:39
  list until a bed becomes available and you can't go to a
• 1:03:42
  recovery center until you have 30 days of detox.
• 1:03:44
  So I was like, cool, so I guess I'll just go back to the street
• 1:03:47
  then. And I don't know what they're
• 1:03:49
  telling you. Yeah, I don't have a phone.
• 1:03:51
  I can't call you in every day and tell you I'm serious about
• 1:03:54
  getting out of here like the system is.
• 1:03:56
  And they gotta wonder. You gotta wonder like, so is
• 1:03:59
  this out of all the resources and money that we have?
• 1:04:02
  Like, is this like a premeditated thing?
• 1:04:04
  Like we can make this way smoother, right?
• 1:04:06
  And it could be way better by then.
• 1:04:09
  You got to get like in my book. I also talk about, you know,
• 1:04:12
  it's not us homeless junkies on the street that are getting the
• 1:04:14
  imported drugs from China. You have to have power,
• 1:04:18
  influence, importation, deportation.
• 1:04:20
  It's the higher ups. They need all of us to do the
• 1:04:23
  drugs. It all comes down to it's like
• 1:04:25
  the Pharmaceutical industry. It comes down to the bottom
• 1:04:27
  line. It's all about money.
• 1:04:28
  They don't make money off healthy people, so I don't.
• 1:04:32
  That's my big thing too. I'm advocating, I think the
• 1:04:35
  people that are making the decisions with policies and the
• 1:04:37
  government of how to handle detox and recovery in this drug
• 1:04:39
  crisis have somebody who's actually been battling in the
• 1:04:43
  trench because you guys are making decisions for things you
• 1:04:46
  don't understand. So that's another big thing I'm
• 1:04:50
  doing. No, but that's that's awesome.
• 1:04:51
  So again, this is Jeremy Cross, jeremycross.ca, finding my lost
• 1:04:54
  life to fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
• 1:04:57
  Check him out. It's online.
• 1:04:58
  Go buy his book it you're going to love it just from from the
• 1:05:01
  sheer conversation that we're having.
• 1:05:04
  How how long is the book? How many pages?
• 1:05:05
  So people know. It's 180 pages.
• 1:05:08
  OK. And it basically starts when
• 1:05:09
  you're about 25 years old. 24, yeah.
• 1:05:12
  OK, 24 goes all the way to 31. Yeah, it's all, it's all these
• 1:05:16
  horrific events. I I talk about all the all like
• 1:05:19
  how, if sorry, go ahead. No, no.
• 1:05:21
  How long has it been out? When did you publish it?
• 1:05:23
  November 2024. It's only been six months.
• 1:05:26
  OK. So you, so you mentioned earlier
• 1:05:28
  you made reference that you got out in May, so you got out in
• 1:05:30
  May of 24. Yeah.
• 1:05:32
  OK, so you you were, how long was that last incarceration?
• 1:05:36
  A month or five months? I got arrested in January,
• 1:05:39
  released May. OK, cool.
• 1:05:40
  So then after you got out in May, then you started putting
• 1:05:43
  all the pieces of your puzzles together and and.
• 1:05:45
  Digitalized it and then I was looking at how to publish it.
• 1:05:48
  I ended up self-publishing on Amazon and which I'm glad I did
• 1:05:53
  because and I had two professional editors like that.
• 1:05:56
  I have my old history AP 12 teacher, Miss Wendy Cook.
• 1:05:59
  She's incredible. She's a retired Superintendent
• 1:06:02
  now. She offered to do it.
• 1:06:04
  And then my best friend Kelsey had his uncle, same thing, super
• 1:06:08
  Superintendent on the I Vancouver Island.
• 1:06:10
  He offered and I, you know, I got approached by different
• 1:06:14
  traditional companies and stuff, but then they'd send me their
• 1:06:16
  contracts and like a lot of them be like, you know,
• 1:06:18
  self-publishing. You're not, you know, take the
• 1:06:20
  book deal, we'll offer you 10K and then we'll give you 40%
• 1:06:23
  royalty. Like take this, you're not going
• 1:06:25
  to get far. And I'm glad I said no because
• 1:06:28
  I've already made about 20,000 and I've already gone into like
• 1:06:33
  news articles. I've been in the local paper.
• 1:06:36
  CTV. Vancouver.
• 1:06:38
  That's awesome. Congratulations.
• 1:06:39
  By the way, that's. Awesome.
• 1:06:40
  Yeah. Thank you so much.
• 1:06:42
  And I you know, I would, yeah. I sometimes forget how big of a
• 1:06:46
  deal like being like I published a book like.
• 1:06:48
  Well, now you just told your story.
• 1:06:50
  Think about how far you've come right now.
• 1:06:52
  I do that all the time. Anytime I'm getting down on
• 1:06:54
  myself, I remember how far down I really was.
• 1:06:57
  It's like, man, you're, you're just having a shit day.
• 1:07:00
  You're not. Your life's not.
• 1:07:01
  Falling apart, right? Everything.
• 1:07:02
  'S OK. And, and, and as you become a
• 1:07:05
  listener to our show, you'll hear that every time we wrap the
• 1:07:07
  show up, we talk about, you know, don't let the bad days
• 1:07:09
  win. You know, Somebody Loves You.
• 1:07:11
  Somebody wants to see you the next day.
• 1:07:13
  You know, you're going to, you know, today's just a day.
• 1:07:15
  Don't let this day you know be the end result of your entire
• 1:07:18
  life, because that sucks. Yeah, 100%.
• 1:07:21
  It's been, you know, I'm, I'm so proud of myself and I know I
• 1:07:24
  help other people and I, I tell it gets beautiful up here.
• 1:07:28
  It's a battle to get in recovery, you know, but it's
• 1:07:30
  better at least when you're battling addiction, it gets
• 1:07:32
  darker. If you're battling in recovery,
• 1:07:34
  it gets brighter. So, and it's beautiful from up
• 1:07:36
  here where I am. And I, I just want to help
• 1:07:38
  people get to where I am and be that, that tangible evidence
• 1:07:41
  like I have before and after photos of me like in, in my
• 1:07:44
  book, like when I was 80 lbs, like just skin and bone.
• 1:07:48
  And then there's me now. Like to be that beacon of hope,
• 1:07:51
  like, listen, I was on the street, I was hopeless, I was
• 1:07:53
  helpless. I've accepted the fact I'd die
• 1:07:55
  like I have been where you are. And I'm telling you there is a
• 1:07:59
  way to get out if you if you want to will, if you seek, it'll
• 1:08:03
  be sought like and I'll help you.
• 1:08:05
  There's tons of people out there that will want to give you what
• 1:08:07
  we have and show you the way. You just have to have that
• 1:08:11
  courage and bravery and you know it's, it's possible.
• 1:08:13
  Yeah. Now the picture on the book is,
• 1:08:15
  was that back when you were that when you're before you started
• 1:08:19
  your whole chaos or is this a recent photo?
• 1:08:22
  On the front of the book, Yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:23
  No, that was after the first guy and I was lived alone escorting.
• 1:08:27
  OK, OK. So I just want to put
• 1:08:29
  perspective on that. So like this, this picture, That
• 1:08:34
  one is when I got out of jail. OK, OK, cool.
• 1:08:37
  Yeah. And I have lots on my website.
• 1:08:39
  I have lots of photos of me now. And yeah, my readers.
• 1:08:43
  And stuff. And yeah.
• 1:08:44
  And is Jeremy Cross's with us? Is jeremycross.ca.
• 1:08:47
  It's finding my lost life, the fall to addiction and the rise
• 1:08:51
  to recovery. This is the Christian Mike show.
• 1:08:53
  He's Chris. I'm Mike.
• 1:08:53
  He's Jeremy. So what do you want to let's,
• 1:08:55
  let's, let's leave our listeners with something that you, you
• 1:08:58
  know, what would you, what would you if you had a room?
• 1:09:00
  Because you've done this all the time.
• 1:09:01
  So you have a room of, you know, of, of addicts who are just
• 1:09:04
  like, yeah, fuck off, I don't have a problem.
• 1:09:06
  What would you say to them? Let's wrap the show up like
• 1:09:08
  that? You're you're, you're what, what
• 1:09:10
  is the message you would want to share with somebody that doesn't
• 1:09:13
  think there's any hope and their entire life is just staring down
• 1:09:17
  the barrel of a per real peripheral shotgun because they
• 1:09:21
  keep shooting up every day and they're they're homeless,
• 1:09:23
  they're hopeless, they have nowhere to go.
• 1:09:25
  They they feel completely distraught and despair.
• 1:09:28
  What would you tell them? It's interesting that you say
• 1:09:31
  that. I had, I had a old friend of
• 1:09:33
  mine, a a young, she's 24 years old.
• 1:09:36
  She's an alcoholic addict. She's tried to take her life
• 1:09:41
  within the last week and this just was brought to my
• 1:09:44
  attention. I was called by the family who I
• 1:09:46
  went to school with and they know what I do to try to host
• 1:09:49
  intervention. And I literally just had this
• 1:09:52
  conversation with my that girl on the phone after she was
• 1:09:56
  hospitalized. And I said, I said to her, and I
• 1:09:59
  would say to anybody like that you just said, you know, I would
• 1:10:02
  be like, I, I get it. Like I didn't want to be here.
• 1:10:05
  I was hopeless. I didn't think I'd get out.
• 1:10:07
  I didn't want to get out because I was, I could not fathom, you
• 1:10:11
  know, even the start of the healing process to have to lock
• 1:10:15
  eyes. Yeah.
• 1:10:27
  Then don't give in to this addiction don't give addiction
• 1:10:30
  your life like you're fucking stronger than that you're better
• 1:10:33
  than that there like I said that it's beauty.
• 1:10:35
  I was there I was looking down the shotgun of a barrel to like
• 1:10:39
  I I get it, but it's beautiful from up here, you know and I I
• 1:10:43
  want that for you. It's possible, you know, like,
• 1:10:46
  just like let me let me help you, let people that have been
• 1:10:49
  there help you and don't, don't give in to this disease.
• 1:10:52
  Like, you know, right now you're also what you know, I'd said to
• 1:10:55
  her what in a we learned this, you know what, what this disease
• 1:10:58
  is for people to understand the qualifications of this disease
• 1:11:02
  is a disease as if it affects you mentally and physically.
• 1:11:05
  OK, the mentally is the insanity part.
• 1:11:07
  You're not thinking straight. You know, I overdosed 7 times
• 1:11:11
  and I literally got right out of the hospital to go get the drug
• 1:11:13
  that just killed me, which is insanity.
• 1:11:16
  Like we're not thinking right. And the physical part is the
• 1:11:20
  allergy. We cannot do drugs and drink
• 1:11:23
  like other for people and that's OK.
• 1:11:25
  And you're exactly like me, you know, I can't casually
• 1:11:28
  recreationally do it. I'll be fucking gone for weeks
• 1:11:30
  or months or die and that's OK. So you have the disease, you're
• 1:11:34
  not thinking right and it's affecting you right now.
• 1:11:37
  And we can get you past this. We can work with you, you know,
• 1:11:42
  like I would just absolutely say that recovery is possible and I
• 1:11:46
  can, that is my whole baseline. Like I have been there.
• 1:11:49
  You can see photos of me, and I'll help you through it.
• 1:11:52
  Like, don't. Don't give in.
• 1:11:53
  Like, don't. You're stronger than that.
• 1:11:55
  You're better than this, man. Like, fuck this disease.
• 1:11:58
  Fuck addiction. Yeah.
• 1:11:59
  It doesn't have that power. And don't give it that power.
• 1:12:02
  Don't. There's three examples right
• 1:12:04
  here. Yeah.
• 1:12:05
  Mm. Hmm.
• 1:12:06
  Down to each other, right? Yeah, and then that's why the
• 1:12:08
  more exposure. I love what you guys are doing
• 1:12:10
  and having this being having guests and letting them Share
• 1:12:12
  your story. I have so much respect for you
• 1:12:14
  and the people. Who think that you guys, we have
• 1:12:16
  a few different messages. Thank you for saying that.
• 1:12:18
  But this is one that's near and dear to our heart because we
• 1:12:21
  wouldn't be sitting here talking to you and you wouldn't be
• 1:12:23
  talking to us if we had not all made that choice.
• 1:12:26
  So, yeah, congratulations to you, too, on your sobriety.
• 1:12:29
  And remember, thank you. Remember how good you feel now
• 1:12:32
  and how bad you felt then. That's what I always remember.
• 1:12:35
  Yeah. Yeah, it's what keeps me sober.
• 1:12:37
  When people ask me that, I said the idea of having to
• 1:12:39
  withdrawal, Yeah. And I feel good and I have no
• 1:12:42
  desire to escape. And that's the other thing about
• 1:12:45
  this, this whole recovery thing. And I'm trying to push this on
• 1:12:48
  people like you need to heal like you have been destroyed and
• 1:12:52
  broken and scarred and traumatized during your
• 1:12:54
  addiction. It's going to take time.
• 1:12:57
  And you, you know, it's not just that being.
• 1:12:58
  Sober when you're in the middle of it.
• 1:13:01
  Yeah, and you know. It's going to take time and that
• 1:13:03
  part scares. You totally because we all want
• 1:13:06
  that quick fix like and that's the attic mind.
• 1:13:09
  But like the what people don't understand, and I try to like
• 1:13:13
  this is one of the big things I'm trying to teach people is
• 1:13:16
  recovery is not just sobriety. Recovery, being off drugs and
• 1:13:20
  alcohol is one little tiny part. Really.
• 1:13:23
  The second part is the healing. You have to heal.
• 1:13:26
  You have to fix yourself. Like I thought I had a drug
• 1:13:28
  problem, but I had a Jeremy problem.
• 1:13:31
  I was. Fucking broken.
• 1:13:32
  Me too. Yeah.
• 1:13:34
  And so, you know, we had to, I just want to like share that
• 1:13:37
  message with people and I want to just like really, really
• 1:13:40
  push. Like it's not just getting off
• 1:13:42
  the drugs, get some trauma therapy, get some awesome, get a
• 1:13:45
  peer support worker. Like get he'll do the steps, do
• 1:13:48
  your inventories, do your do it all.
• 1:13:51
  Yeah, because, you know, you're less prone to relapse because
• 1:13:53
  you're fixing that neural pathway that is that escape.
• 1:13:56
  Fuck it button. We got to get rid of that.
• 1:13:58
  Yeah, we should. Hey, he's Jeremy Cross,
• 1:14:01
  jeremycross.ca. Go find his book and buy it.
• 1:14:03
  It's finding my lost life to fall to addiction and rise
• 1:14:05
  recovery. He's an amazing human.
• 1:14:07
  We just met him and it's I'm just, if I could give you a hug,
• 1:14:10
  I would give you a hug. Absolutely.
• 1:14:12
  You know, virtual hug, brother, because it's.
• 1:14:14
  Just, I mean, I, Mike and I are so appreciative of people that
• 1:14:16
  share their stories because again, we both come from that
• 1:14:19
  world. And, and when I, when I, when I
• 1:14:22
  stopped drinking, all my friends at the time, they kind of
• 1:14:25
  laughed at me and said, Oh, you'll never last, you know, And
• 1:14:27
  then I lost all my friends because.
• 1:14:29
  You find out they weren't your friends.
• 1:14:31
  Right, they just it goes back to that dark psychology and the
• 1:14:34
  vampire personalized things like that.
• 1:14:35
  So again, thank you so much for coming on today.
• 1:14:39
  Again, one more time, there's a jeremycross.ca and that's
• 1:14:42
  JEREMYCROS s.ca.ca because he's in Canada a even though even
• 1:14:48
  though he doesn't say a go get his book.
• 1:14:52
  This was just a little piece of his life and we would love to
• 1:14:54
  have you back on, you know your. Yeah, let me get your book and
• 1:14:57
  let me read it and. Yeah, that'd be cool.
• 1:14:59
  We'll have back on it. I'm sure I'll have 100 questions
• 1:15:02
  after that for. Sure.
• 1:15:03
  And that's for sure. And that's why I kind of
• 1:15:05
  prevented you from giving all the details, because I want
• 1:15:07
  people to go read your book. Yes, please go get his book.
• 1:15:09
  This has been amazing. I I thank you, too, for coming
• 1:15:12
  on and having the courage to tell your story.
• 1:15:14
  And you, you did it very well. And I think there's a lot of
• 1:15:16
  important information out there for people.
• 1:15:18
  So. Yeah.
• 1:15:19
  Thank you. Thank you guys.
• 1:15:20
  I appreciate. That eloquent every eloquent
• 1:15:22
  Jeremy and and remember as we we always wrap up with this, don't
• 1:15:26
  let the bad days win everybody, every attic's broken as we just
• 1:15:29
  kind of alluded to, but there's somebody there that's going to
• 1:15:32
  miss you if you're gone so don't do that reach out for help if
• 1:15:34
  you're in Canada, go to jeremycross.ca and there's a
• 1:15:37
  link down the thing you can talk to him.
• 1:15:38
  He can help you get out of your darkness, right?
• 1:15:41
  Because. Amen.
• 1:15:42
  You want to talk about darkness? Amen.
• 1:15:44
  Jeremy's been with darkness. Yeah, you beat.
• 1:15:46
  You beat my story, man. I always tell people you're on
• 1:15:48
  parallel. You win.
• 1:15:49
  You win bro. You win for sure nothing but
• 1:15:53
  love man appreciate you being on definitely want to have you
• 1:15:55
  back. Keep keep doing all the
• 1:15:57
  wonderful things you're doing. We're going to post your stuff
• 1:15:59
  on on our Facebook page and our Instagram page.
• 1:16:02
  Once the show airs, MM breaks it all down.
• 1:16:05
  So once we figure that out, it will let you know I'll keep in
• 1:16:07
  contact with you 100% and then look forward to watching your
• 1:16:10
  journey, man, watching you grow. You're good.
• 1:16:12
  You're a good human, I appreciate it very much.
• 1:16:14
  Absolutely. Thank you back at you guys all.
• 1:16:16
  Right. You guys have a great day.
• 1:16:17
  We'll talk to you. Soon.
• 1:16:18
  See you guys. Peace, brother.
• 1:16:44
  Feel the true behind your eyes. Feel the soap and meet yourself.
• 1:16:52
  Take a moment, look until you see it.
• 1:16:57
  Watch the battle, that's you for the clear.
• 1:17:01
  Watch the battle, look you for clear.
• 1:17:05
  Who will be baby till you see it?
• 1:18:04
  None. Come down here, we haven't found
• 1:18:30
  solids in your sand from fighting.
• 1:18:35
  Wait for the dead. When you close.
• 1:18:38
  Your eyes and. Get put in the wind, you ain't
• 1:18:42
  no creature. We're playing man, and you
• 1:18:46
  should you press on the almighty man, you got a dream.
• 1:18:52
  Who is your life to keep up soul in every town.
• 1:18:59
  Take the trail behind your eyes. Feel the soul revolution now.
• 1:19:04
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:19:15
  Take your moment. Listen to your fear.
• 1:19:20
  Fight the battle into you more clear.
• 1:19:48
  You gotta, you gotta. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta.