Latest / GlowInto / Glow&Tell "Leading With Authenticity"
Transcript
- Jennifer Joyner: Welcome to the Glow Into Podcast, where we talk about real women, real stories, and the wisdom for what is next. Today I want to talk about leadership. Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to a room full of women at the little black book, Women in Business, about leading with authenticity. And on the drive there, I started thinking about something that ended up becoming an important part of the presentation. I was about to talk to a room full of women. About leadership. And I started thinking, what does it mean to be a woman in leadership? Not just a leader who happens to be a woman, but what do women actually bring to leadership that has value? What are the qualities we bring to the table? So when I got there, I asked the women in the room to think about that too. And one thing I kept coming back to was empathy. For a long time, empathy, sensitivity, emotion, and compassion. Have sometimes been treated almost like weakness in leadership, as though caring too much somehow makes you less capable of making hard decisions. I don't believe that. I think empathy can be one of women's greatest leadership strengths because empathy changes the way we listen. I think women are often paying much closer attention than people realize. We're listening to the words being said. We're also noticing what isn't being said. We're noticing the person who suddenly got quiet. We're hearing hesitation in someone's voice. We're reading the room. We're thinking about how a decision affects the people involved, not simply whether the task gets completed. That doesn't make us weaker leaders, it makes us more informed leaders. Empathy allows you to understand the people you're leading. And when people feel understood, They are much more likely to trust you. That doesn't mean empathy replaces accountability. A leader still has to make difficult decisions. A leader still has to set expectations. And sometimes leadership requires saying no. Sometimes it requires having a conversation you'd rather avoid. But empathy and strength are not opposites. You can care deeply about someone and still hold a boundary. You can understand someone's circumstances and still expect accountability. You can listen carefully, and you can still make the hard decision. Women can lead with both strength and compassion, expectations and understanding, confidence and empathy. And as the morning went on, I started seeing those exact qualities showing up all around the room. I knew going into this presentation that I didn't want to stand in front of everyone and simply talk at them for 20 minutes. I wanted them to participate. And I wanted to make them just a little uncomfortable. At networking events, we naturally gravitate toward the people we know. We walk into the room, we see a familiar face, and we think, okay, good, there's my person. So I asked every table to select a leader. And once they selected that leader, I made all of the leaders switch tables. Suddenly, you were no longer leading the women you came to sit with. You were sitting with people you might not know very well. And that was intentional because isn't that what happens in real life? You don't always get to choose your team. You don't always get to lead the people who communicate the way you do. You don't always walk into a situation where everyone already knows you, trusts you, and thinks exactly like you. Sometimes leadership means walking into a new room. And figuring out how to connect with the people who were there. And what I loved was watching what happened. The women adapted, they talked, they laughed, and they included one another. And I especially noticed how supportive the groups were of the new leaders who had suddenly arrived at their tables. Very quickly, the tables became teams. And that reinforced something I really believe. The strongest leadership doesn't always begin with someone saying, I'm in charge. Sometimes it begins with, okay, how are we going to do this together? So what kind of leader are you? One of the first activities we did was we talked about leadership styles because authentic leadership does not have one personality. You don't have to be the loudest person in the room to be a leader. You don't have to be the most charismatic, and you don't have to be the person who immediately takes charge of everything. So we talked about five different leadership styles. And if you were in the room with me, think back to which one you chose. And if you weren't, listen and see which one sounds the most like you. First, we have the driver. The driver is about action and momentum. And she says the woman who says, okay, what are we doing? Let's keep moving. She makes decisions, she gets things started, she keeps things from getting stuck. And every team needs someone who can move an idea. From conversation into action. But the driver has a growth opportunity too. Sometimes moving quickly means forgetting that everyone else may not be moving at your speed. Leadership isn't simply getting to the destination, it's about making sure you bring the people with you. And if you're a driver, one of the most useful phrases you can practice is, what do you think? You may already know what to do. Ask anyways. Because sometimes the person moving slowly sees something you don't. And next we have the coach. The coach develops and encourages people. She often is the person who sees potential in someone before that person sees it in herself. She teaches, she'll ask questions, and she encourages people. And instead of fixing every problem for someone, she helps that person learn how to solve it. That's powerful leadership, but coaches need to remember something too. If you care deeply about helping people succeed, it can be very tempting to rescue them. Sometimes leadership means allowing someone else to struggle a little to make the decision, to make the mistake, to find your own answer, so that the coach ultimately needs to remember, develop people without doing everything for them. There's a difference between helping someone succeed and making yourself necessary for her success. And next we have the connector. The connector builds relationships, trust, and collaboration. She pays attention to the people in the room. She knows who needs to meet. She recognizes when people haven't been included, and she understands what relationships matter. And there's empathy because that becomes important. The connectors often notice what other people miss. They listen, they observe, they pay attention to how people are responding, and that's leadership. But the connector also has to remember that keeping everyone comfortable isn't the same thing as leading. There are going to be moments when people disagree and there are going to be difficult conversations. There's going to be decisions someone doesn't like. And the empathic person in you has to be clear. You can be kind and still hold someone accountable. And one of the phrases we talked about that morning was be honest without making someone else smaller. I think that's good leadership advice, but it's pretty good life advice too. Next we have the visionary. The visionary, they see possibilities. And she's the one that asks, What if? What if we did this differently? What if we did it another way? What if the idea could become something bigger? The visionary gets people excited about what could be possible. Someone has to imagine something before everyone else can see it, but visionaries have a challenge too. Sometimes we get so excited about where we're going that we forget everyone else still needs to understand how we're going to get there. A vision without communication can feel like chaos to everyone else. So the visionary needs to explain why. Don't simply tell people where you're going, help them understand why, and that matters. Next, we have the stabilizer. We talked about stabilizing that it brings calm and consistency. And when everyone else gets overwhelmed, she's often the person saying, okay, let's figure this out. She brings structure, she creates real reliability, and people know what they're going to get from her. And that creates trust. There is tremendous leadership in being the person who doesn't add more chaos to an already difficult situation. But stabilizers have their own challenge. Sometimes stability can become resistance to change. Being dependable doesn't mean everything always has to stay exactly the same. Sometimes leadership requires becoming uncomfortable before something gets better. So the stabilizer has to learn when to protect what works and when it's time to allow something to change. There was a sentence in this activity that I loved. We asked the women to complete this. When I lead at my best, people get blank from me. Think about that for yourself. What do people get from you? Clarity, energy, encouragement, direction, calm, ideas, confidence, support, honesty. Because authenticity begins with knowing what you naturally bring. And when one of the things I talked about that morning was leadership often shifts from proving ourselves to trusting ourselves. I think many women spend a tremendous amount of their younger lives proving. Proving we're capable. Proving we belong, proving we're qualified, proving we can handle everything, and proving we can work just as hard as everyone else. But hopefully, somewhere along the way, that begins to change. At this stage of life, leadership can look less about proving you can do everything and more about knowing what deserves your energy, your voice, and your influence. And that is confidence. It's quieter. It's not look what I can do. It's I know what I bring. One of the activities asked every table to choose a fictional character they admired as a leader. I expected all kinds of answers. What I did not expect was for Wonder Woman to start taking over the room. One table chose Wonder Woman, then another table chose Wonder Woman, and another one. Three different groups independently chose Wonder Woman. And then at that point, I had to laugh. Apparently, I had accidentally organized a Wonder Woman leadership convention. But the more I listened to the reasons they chose her, the more The more interesting it became. They talked about her strength. They talked about her truthfulness and her empathy and her willingness to help and protect others and the way she could be incredibly powerful without losing compassion. And then I thought maybe this shouldn't surprise me at all. Most of the women in that room are over 40. Many of us grew up knowing Wonder Woman. She's been part of our cultural memory for decades. And what does she represent? Strength without cruelty. Truth without arrogance, a power that doesn't require diminishing someone else's, compassion that doesn't mean weakness. And that's exactly a pretty remarkable leadership model. For generations, women were given this idea that strength and warmth existed at opposite ends of the spectrum. You could be powerful, you could be likable, or you could be assertive, you could even be nurturing. Wonder Woman never really accepted a bargain. She could be both. And I think increasingly women aren't accepting that bargain either. Then another answer generally surprised me. There was a table that chose Rebecca Welton from Ted Lasso. And I love that answer because I love Rebecca's character. But I hadn't even thought of her as a leader. What makes Rebecca interesting is that she's so imperfect. She walks into that story carrying heart, anger, and her own agenda. She makes mistakes, she doesn't always make the right decisions, but she grows, she changes, she becomes more vulnerable. And ultimately, she becomes a stronger leader because she's willing to examine herself. And that is an important part of authentic leadership. Authenticity does not mean showing up completely confident and fully formed. Sometimes authentic leadership sounds like I was wrong. I need to change. I don't know the answer, but tell me what you think. And sometimes the strongest things a leader can say is, I need your help. Another part of the presentation focused on the actual words leaders use because leaders don't simply believe something. They actually want to listen to what comes out of your mouth. We talked about phrases like, what do you think? Or tell me more, or I trust you, or how can I help you? I was wrong. You did a great job. Strong leaders do not believe that recognizing someone else's contribution somehow diminishes their own. One of the goals of the activity was learning how to turn tension into a useful conversation, because authenticity is not permission to say whatever you want whenever you want it. You probably heard someone say, Well, if I'm being honest. Honesty without empathy can become just cruelty. And so I asked this and I think it's worth remembering, be honest without making someone else feel smaller. For our final activity, I wanted to do something a little different. Up until that point, each table had been working with the leader who had been sent over from another group. And before we moved into the sixth and final activity, I asked those leaders to do something that I think every good leader eventually has to learn how to do. Choose a successor. They had to look around the table and choose another woman to step into the leadership role. And I love that part of the exercise because leadership isn't. Always about knowing how to step forward. It's about knowing how to step aside and give someone else the opportunity to lead. That can be harder than it sounds. Sometimes we become very comfortable being the person that people depend on. Being needed starts to feel a little like being successful. But strong leadership isn't about making yourself indispensable, it's about helping others become capable. So I asked the leaders to look around the tables, identify someone who could take over. And maybe it was someone who had been contributing ideas, or maybe it had been someone who was listening closely, or just someone who showed confidence. And then they came the handoff. And so the turn became the successor to lead for the final activity. And I think there was something meaningful about that simple change. One woman had to recognize leadership potential and someone else. And then the other woman had to accept that someone had seen leadership potential in her. That's how leadership grows. Someone sees something in us before we see it in ourselves. And sometimes we need people to say, I think you can do this. So for our last activity, it wasn't about believing women can be especially powerful at doing for one another. It is about helping create future leaders in women. And I asked the new leaders to guide their groups through a conversation about one practical way they could help another woman grow into leadership. Not someday, not a vague idea, something they could actually do. Maybe you mentor someone, maybe you share knowledge that took you years to learn. Maybe you recommend another woman for an opportunity. Maybe you invite someone into a meeting, organization, or a room that she hasn't been in before. Maybe you make an introduction. Maybe you ask someone for her opinion when she normally isn't asked. Or maybe you give someone a chance to lead something instead of automatically doing it yourself. You're good at this. Have you ever thought about taking it further? Those are the moments that matter because very few of us become confident leaders completely on our own. Somewhere along the way, someone encouraged us. They trust us and they gave us responsibility before we were completely ready. And that opened a door. And it said our name that in a room that we weren't standing in. And someone said, give her a chance. And I think part of authentic leadership is becoming that person for someone else. And there's one idea I really want women to leave with. And that's don't measure your leadership only by what you accomplish. Measure it by what grows around you. That's a very different way of looking at success. Yes, the results matter. The goals matter. The businesses need to perform. And teams do need to accomplish things, but look beyond the numbers for a minute here. Did someone become more confident because she worked with you? Did someone learn how to do something she couldn't do before? Did someone find her voice? Did she take on a bigger responsibility? Did you create an opportunity? Did you lead another leader to emerge? Because one of the things The great leadership is about is when it continues on without that person no longer standing there. And that's exactly what happened in our exercise. The first leader stepped aside, another woman stepped forward, and the conversation continued. The group did not fall apart. Leadership simply moved. And maybe that's one of the best lessons of our entire Project, and that was that leadership was never supposed to stop with us. I began that morning by asking the women in the room, what makes a woman a strong leader? What makes a woman a good leader? And after everything we talked about, I think the answer is a much bigger one than confidence, decisiveness, or having all the right answers. A strong woman in leadership can be empathetic without being weak. She can listen without losing her authority. She can be clear without being harsh, and she can make difficult decisions without And still care deeply about the people affected by them. She knows what she brings to the table. She understands her own leadership style. She knows where she's wrong. She knows where she needs to grow and how her behavior affects the people around her. And maybe most importantly, she doesn't measure her leadership only by what she accomplishes herself. She looks at what grows around her. Who became more confident? Who found her voice? Who has given an opportunity, who learned something, who stepped forward because somebody trusted her enough to say, it's your turn. To the women of Little Black Book who spent the morning with me, I thank you. Thank you for being willing to step outside your comfort zones. Thank you for willing be willing to become new leaders at your table. And thank you for the conversations, the laughter, the thoughtful answers, and yes, for reminding me that Wonder Woman still has a pretty strong hold. On women over 40. And that makes perfect sense to me because the qualities you admired in her were the same qualities we kept coming back to all morning: strength, truth, empathy, courage, and compassion. And using your strength to help someone else. So maybe that's my answer to the question I started with. What makes a woman a strong leader and a good leader? She knows who she is. She leads with strength and empathy. She helps other people become stronger. And when the time comes, she's willing to recognize the leader and another woman and say, I see something in you. It's your turn. So I'm Jen, and this is glowing to real women, real stories, and wisdom for what's next. So until next time, keep learning, keep growing, and keep lifting other women as you go. And most importantly, keep glowing into who you are always meant to be.