Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Lessons - Balancing High Performance And Personal Life | Dr. John Delony - Bestselling Author, Podcaster & Mental Health Expert

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Lessons - Balancing High Performance And Personal Life | Dr. John Delony - Bestselling Author, Podcaster & Mental Health Expert · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  dollars off in this lessons episode discover the hidden costs of relentless entrepreneurial hustle
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  and the quest for enough learn why the constant drive for more fuels unhealthy stress and strains
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  personal relationships understand how redefining success to prioritize peace transforms both
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  business and life and explore strategies for cultivating balance amid chaos
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  so when you're looking at I didn't even realize that you were on on call so there was a different
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  version of stress and anxiety in the first season of your career than it and an equally as
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  potentially unhealthy although it feels great to work more and earn more but equally as unhealthy
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  because there's a whole other problem with that entrepreneurial version of anxiety and stress
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  so for those two people those are two very real avatars of people that are listening to this show
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  there's the entrepreneur and there's the really hard working w2 maybe not all the time on call maybe
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  what is the the work that you did to figure out how to exist in life and what is some work that you
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  wish your w2 version of yourself would have done figure how to exist and operate in a healthy space
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  in a healthy way that maybe now you're doing math I think that question is probably the most
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  important question of this century right now and here's the showdown that happened and I'll
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  answer the question because I've had to go back and say ask myself and be pre-reflected I had
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  just was coming off the heels of a number one book and I'd never written a book before to the fact
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  that it shot up and do what it did was amazing then I'm finishing this draft of the second one
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  because a publishing team immediately wants to crank out another one right and now I'm speaking
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  all over the country in that yeah and speaking for me is is at the time because the show hadn't
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  exploded yet but that that was where I made a vast majority of my money and then the show started
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  to take off and I'm sick I think I had COVID but I'm sick my family had just left after a week of
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  Christmas at my house which it was one of those Christmas is just didn't go well nobody really
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  wanted to be there it was just kind of awkwardly we've had some amazing ones this show wasn't
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  the that one it was cold we couldn't do anything and I'm down in the gym working out because I have
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  made my part of my self identity is I have to look a certain way doesn't matter how old I am how
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  tired I am I have to keep doing this because you got to step into a flume gym and I'm sick I'm working
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  out and my manager calls and says hey I got these two new speaking kicks and I start screaming
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  these this it was shapeshifter money for my family right and by the way my dad was a cop my dad my
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  wife's parents were schoolteachers so we didn't come from anything so all of this is a wild rollercoaster
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  that we're on now and I'm screaming and hollering like like cheering so much so that my wife comes
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  down the stairs into the basement and she's laughing she's like what are you doing and I told her I
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  got this and I got this and she met me in the middle and and you have to know her she's very quiet
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  and um she does not confrontational in that way and she came and got real close to me and said
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  I'm watching my husband die and I'm watching him cheer every step of the way and it ended with her
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  saying um John in the pie chart of how much I love you that pie piece that is how much money you
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  make is full anything else you make from this point forward I told you I would never tell you
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  know so go do whatever you want to do but you cannot say it's for me and for these kids this is for
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  your ego and here is the the answer to your question I think that is super important for all of us
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  especially entrepreneurs she turned and looked at me she was walking away she said John we have
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  enough and then she walked away and dude I was so pissed and then as I got through the anger
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  which at the anger was me covering up grief right that's how I was trying to find my ego is to get
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  mad but I did not have a psychology for the word enough I didn't know what that meant because they
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  either been on call 247 my whole there was this thing is enough you just do it until the jogger's
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  done or this kid might die right you gotta keep just do what you gotta do and so when I meet with
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  healthcare professionals or attorneys or first responders that's their world they get a paycheck
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  doesn't matter and they just gotta keep showing up because if they don't somebody's gonna get hurt
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  the other side of it was like I didn't have a psychology for enough I always operated from a
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  position of lack and so in a weird way I am busier right now than I was then and my marriage
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  could not be better my relationship with my two young kids could not be better but it's because
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  my wife and I sat down at the beginning of it we sit down at the beginning of a
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  season now and we say what is enough for this season what's it gonna look like you got a book
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  coming out you're gonna be on the road okay here's what must be true relationally for our marriage
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  here's what must be true for your interaction with the kids so here that means you're gonna have
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  to get up earlier because I'm gonna take my kids to school in a few days a week because that's
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  where the only time I'm gonna have to connect with them we're gonna go to breakfast and that means
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  I'm gonna have to alter my workouts for the next four months right I can't do it all but it's
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  answering that question what's enough and not forever but what's enough in the season I think
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  entrepreneur is having it's a cancer because you get five million in revenue and immediately your
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  friends go to go what are you gonna go to 10 or your next question is all right wins the next
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  book coming or wins the next sale or wins the next deal and a ten million dollar business is
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  a radically different business than a five million dollar business and that might not be you
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  and if you make five million dollars you have won the cosmic lottery you won but it's not in
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  this in the entrepreneur world it's only gonna get 25 you're gonna get to 100 and it never stops
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  and so asking yourself okay we have enough do we want to go do something else so what's that
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  gonna cost us to go do that I just call it the cancer of enough man dude I don't think anybody has
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  that conversation with themselves I speak to a lot of entrepreneurs speak to a lot of entrepreneurs
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  and I see so many burned relationships burned out people sick people unhealthy people
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  and it's sad because they realize it when they when they sell when they when they achieve what everyone
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  would dream to achieve as an entrepreneur they sell their business for 20 million 30 million 40
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  million 50 million plus wife is gone health is down the shitter then they start working out then
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  their kids don't want it all the kids don't want to talk yeah yeah like in yeah yeah this is this
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  this is can be unpopular but I remember watching that amazing documentary on Michael Jordan um
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  that ESPN put out uh forgot the name but it was it was incredible it was incredibly well done
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  but there's a scene halfway through that series where Michael Jordan is sitting on a couch inside
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  of his hotel room and he looks at the camera he's all by himself and he he can't go to the bathroom
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  in the lobby because he didn't get mobbed and he looked at that camera and he says you don't want my
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  life and he just signed like some 90 million dollar deal which back then was a 80 billion dollar
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  whatever for us but I remember I kept thinking as I watched that documentary the greatest player of
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  all time there were six pieces of cloth hung from that gym right the six world championship banners
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  and as I watched that thing more and more I kept asking myself what for what you know there's
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  your kids and your family and your life and your ability to move around every human that's with
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  you is on a payroll I give no close friends who just think of you with laughter and joy and warmth
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  nobody when they have something cool to share thinks of you to call like for what and I that
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  that's a sensational example right the greatest basketball player of all time but the picture was
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  sometimes to be the greatest it cost you everything and I always want people to ask like
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  just know the count the cost man go do it if you want to do it but it's gonna cost you your soul
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  and you're gonna get that 20 million dollar deposit and dude I remember that when my first
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  book hit number one I called my mom I called my wife Dave Ramsey called me was cheering the screaming
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  into the phone and then I went back to the hotel room and I had nobody to call and it's one of the
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  well-enliest like like now what right and so I just want entrepreneurs to ask that like for what
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  what am I what am I about to miss x y and z4 and it might be worth it dude it might be worth it
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  I miss a lot of stuff because it's so it's an end game that I'm playing but for what a huge
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  yourself dot com slash Scott bank on yourself dot com slash Scott or what when your wife asked you
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  or told you rather you know we have enough this is not for me is not for us is not for the kids
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  so then how do you now set how do you now set objectives and and what's your new north star
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  because that's a tough pill to swallow you realize that everything you're doing is now for your
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  ego if you if you believe what she said if you consider what she said to be true and curious if you
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  think oh she's a hundred percent right hundred percent okay so how do you go into the next meeting
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  the next week and set an objective when you know that it's just for yourself um because now I solve
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  the first the first um goal the first um the first variable I'm solving for is peace
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  that's it what will bring me peace in the next six months and sometimes that's going through
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  halacious times right navy seals train really hard so they can have long seasons of peace right
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  and so solving for peace doesn't mean you cash out solving for peace means I'm gonna be on the
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  road for five months I'm gonna be home three nights a week and speaking and without doing stuff
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  the other four nights a week so that right and so I'm always solving for peace and then I will
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  solve for accomplishments and then I'll solve for money and then I'll solve for the other things
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  dude get your second house get your third house buy that farm in that town and like do that stuff
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  but have it be for a purpose right and as long as I'm solving for peace I'll have chaotic seasons
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  but they're going to be intentional um and and otherwise you're trying to find peace amidst chaos
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  and the alcohol works really well yeah yeah I was gonna say this is it this ex x works well
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  sleeping with somebody else brings you guess for a second and then it destroys every it just has
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  more chaos to the fire right or and so let's solve for peace and let's reverse engineer
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  realize that I love it I just I'm listening to this story and I and I love that you know you're
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  writing a book for other people and you teach for other people but you're also teaching yourself
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  I'm living it yeah give me a sound shot maybe a sound shot but I think like everything that you
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  put out into the world this is how I operate well I tweet something or when I put out a post like
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  yeah maybe people think it's cool they retweet it I'm like bro I'm just talking to myself
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  that was a note is myself did I have to be learning yes yes I mean anytime I write like a never
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  yell at your kids again you that's a note to myself right that's not any lecturing y'all that's me
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  you know it here's the other here's the how that story ended I left I went and checked into a hotel
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  for about 10 days seven to 10 days I'm around it was over week and I started the book over again
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  because I realized in that moment um I was not living the principles of the book I was right I
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  was lecturing people and so I left and I went set in a hotel surrounded by a bunch of gummy candies
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  and I pulled up a seat at the bar and said hey me too let's figure this thing out and I was
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  emitted for a totally different experience because I wasn't living the things I was lecturing
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  America about and I'd created a very very anxious home and my wife and my kids and I we all deserve
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  more than thanks for tuning in if you found this valuable don't forget to hit that subscribe
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  button so you never miss an episode and if you want to dive deeper into this conversation
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  check out the links in the description to watch the full episode see you in the next one