Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 54 - Faith When Nothing Gets Better (Caregiving & Trust)

Transcript

EP 54 - Faith When Nothing Gets Better (Caregiving & Trust) · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

• 0:00
  What does faith look like when there's no miracle, just
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  responsibility, love, and showing up again tomorrow?
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  Today's conversation isn't about success or spotlight.
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  It's about caregiving, perseverance, and trusting God
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  when the seasons of life grow harder instead of clearer.
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  This is a story about loving faithfully even when the road
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  doesn't straighten out. Welcome to Unmasked, where we
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  take off the filters and get real about faith, failure, and
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  finding freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
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  Farnsworth, a dad, veteran, author, and a man who's learned
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  that God does his best work in the middle of our mess.
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  Each episode will have honest conversations with people who've
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  walked through addiction, pain, or doubt, and with pastors,
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  leaders, and everyday believers who are learning to live and
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  lead authentically. So take a breath, pull up a
• 0:57
  chair and let's get real. This is Unmasked.
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  Today on Unmasked I'm joined by Gordon Druvenga.
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  Gordon has spent decades serving behind the scenes in Christian
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  ministry and media, including leadership roles with the Billy
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  Graham Evangelistic Association and producing multiple
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  faith-based films. Today, he served as CFO and
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  treasurer of the Patterns of Evidence Foundation, supporting
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  projects that explore the historical reliability of
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  Scripture. But the story we're sharing
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  today isn't about titles or achievements.
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  It's about what faith looks like when your wife lives with
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  dementia and when your family has walked through trials like
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  addiction. And when loving well means
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  staying present in seasons that you cannot control or fix.
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  Gordy, thank you so much for being with us today here on
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  Unmasked and being willing to Share your story and trust us
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  with it. Thanks a lot, Wes.
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  Fun. It's great to be here.
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  It's my pleasure and honor to have you with us.
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  So before we get into the your background and faith and all
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  that stuff, walk us through what a typical day looks like for you
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  as a husband, a caregiver, and a man of faith in this season of
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  your life. Well.
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  Yeah, it's hard to say. Talk about a typical day because
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  it's kind of like a typical week for what we have.
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  But I'm a caregiver for my wife with dementia and so my day is
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  pretty much wrapped around that, for example.
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  Well, I'll just talk a little bit about tomorrow.
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  Tomorrow we have a caregiver coming for four hours and
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  that'll give me a chance to get my hair cut and and work work on
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  some estate planning things we're working on most days.
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  We try to get a walk in at the health club that's like 2 blocks
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  away, which is nice, and to try to keep her involved as much as
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  possible and we're involved in church stuff as much as we can.
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  So how do you balance your caregiving with your face and
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  how does that all kind of wrap up together?
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  It's, it's a constant battle of working the work in the
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  schedule. Really.
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  I mean, it's, it's the opposite of what you dream about for
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  retirement because your dream is that you won't have to keep a
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  calendar and you, you know, you won't have to have any time
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  requirements. But now instead it's like
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  there's pills to take and there's meals to prepare and
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  there's helping her get dressed and getting baths and all that
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  kind of stuff, which has to fit into the day along with other
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  things like, you know, having a quiet time and spending time
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  with the Lord and getting some exercise and hopefully doing
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  some fun things and getting out to dinner sometimes.
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  Yeah, I'm sure if you're like me, cooking was out on your high
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  priority list and you probably had to kind of learn as you go
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  because knowing you and and Cindy, I have a feeling she
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  probably did a lot of the cooking.
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  For a while, yeah. For 42 years she did 99% of it.
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  And it was, what do I say? I wondered as I approached
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  retirement. I kind of wondered, I wonder if
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  I'll take over, you know, maybe I'll do a few days, a week or
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  something like that and help cook.
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  And it was kind of an interesting thing to me.
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  But then of course, I was pressed into the end of the job.
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  But I, she left me with a Absolutely Fabulous recipe book
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  because she's, she was always very, what do I say?
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  Meticulous with stuff and organized.
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  And so I've got this great 3 ring binder that I can use for
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  recipes. So it's pretty good that way.
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  That's very helpful. Yeah, yeah.
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  So how has caring for your wife through dementia reshaped your
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  understanding of love and commitment?
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  Yeah, wow. Well, we took a vow back in the
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  day and we said till death do us part.
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  And we said in sickness and in health.
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  And, you know, when we're young, we don't, we don't really think
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  about the ramifications of that because everything's fine and
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  we've never been sick. So it it doesn't seem to matter.
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  But all of a sudden now here it is.
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  And it's like, well, I made that vow.
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  And so that's, that's the commitment part is that, you
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  know, it's I made the vow I need to follow through.
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  And at the same time, then there's the reality that there's
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  a, there's a bigger purpose going on, you know, and God is
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  training us. I've heard it spoken that
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  everything in this life is just a training program for what's
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  going to happen, you know, in eternity.
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  And so God has a purpose and we often can't see that purpose in
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  the middle of the story. And we see that in, in Bible
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  stories as we read through, say, the book of Esther, my wife and
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  I've been going through and, and in the middle of the story, you
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  don't, you don't see where it's going to end.
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  And that's where we are now is we're in the middle of the
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  story. And so there will be an ending,
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  but we don't know for sure what that's going to be.
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  Hey, you get to live your own story, your own wait for your
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  own cliffhanger, so to speak. That's right.
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  So as you think about your life right now and you think about
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  all of the things that you've been going through and, and, and
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  your faith and everything, what has this season required of you
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  spiritually that earlier seasons didn't?
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  Yeah, I, I really think it's a matter of a deeper level of
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  trusting God. Back when my daughter was an
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  addict, there was a day I, I love taking Sunday afternoon
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  walks, prayer walks and walk through the neighborhood and
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  pray to the Lord. And I was walking through my
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  neighborhood, taking a corner, and I heard God say to me, what
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  does it mean to trust me? And this was way back, like
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  2010. And it kind of caught my
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  attention. And I, I looked up and there at
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  the next house was a big boat on a trailer.
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  And I thought of a book I had just read about, you know, if
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  you want to walk on water, you got to get out of the boat.
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  And that whole concept of trusting God.
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  And that was with my daughter in addiction.
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  Now with dealing with dementia in the daily caregiving, it
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  becomes more of a day by day trusting and saying OK, God's
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  got this and he'll walk me through each day whatever comes.
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  I can definitely see how it would require a new level of
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  trust each and every day because you never know what today is
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  going to hold, getting up and really even moment by moment.
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  Yeah, very true. But you've you've spent a lot of
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  your life helping ministries Stewart resources wisely.
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  How do you, Stewart, hope in a situation like this when outcome
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  is so uncertain? Well, that's that's a great
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  question, stewarding hope. It's an interesting perspective,
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  but I think I think it's really a matter of we need to change
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  our perspective because it's easy to get drug down if we're
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  just looking at the troubles that we're facing each day.
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  But there's hope in both the macro and the micro.
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  The macro is that we know the out the outcome is actually
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  certain. I mean, the book of revelations
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  is written. There will be a day when he
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  will, the Lord will wipe every tear from our eyes.
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  And so from that perspective, the outcome is certain.
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  And, and of course there is hope.
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  And, and then in the micro, it's important to just look at the
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  daily winds. Don't look at the problems, but
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  what are the daily winds like? Last night I took my wife to a
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  prayer meeting and like always, you, you never know how that's
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  going to go. But it got to a point where she
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  started talking and it was kind of babbling.
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  I mean, she struggles with her ability to talk right now.
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  And it just started out with babbling.
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  At first I'm kind of embarrassed.
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  And then she got it together and said, help me Jesus.
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  Help me Jesus. That was her prayer.
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  I mean it to me, that was sweet. And so that's that's a daily
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  win. And we need to take those as
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  precious moments. Yeah, I mean, I can see knowing
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  you and knowing you, you as a couple, you know you, we've had
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  many conversations. And what is it like for you to
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  have to live moment by moment and realize, hey, I had this
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  plan for today and now because of this or that I'm not going to
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  be able to do that. Talk, talk to me about that
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  mindset and and that the flexibility that you have to be
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  able to have to be able to go through days with really no set
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  schedule as much as you want one.
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  Yeah, Yeah. It's really a matter of I, I set
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  the schedule and I have a plan and as long as things go well,
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  we, we do those things. But there are times where Cindy
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  gets tired and has to go down for a nap or something like
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  that. And if there's a meeting planned
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  or something else, my general default is let the nap happen
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  and then I just have to cancel that meeting.
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  Surprising to me how often that doesn't happen, that everything
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  seems fine. I mean, we've been working on
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  getting her more healthy and several areas and doing some
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  treatments that have that have been good for her.
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  And so attitude wise, it's been pretty good.
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  And so and she, she has always been a people person.
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  So most of the time we can proceed with the schedule, but
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  there are times and I always have to be open to when things
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  do turn to just just plain cancel.
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  Sure. You know, one of the things you
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  said earlier and I alluded to it in my introduction for you is
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  that you also have walked through seasons of addiction
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  with your daughter. Can you kind of walk us through
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  brew kind of how that all came to be from your perspective and
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  just some of those early thoughts and feelings that you
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  had as a dad when you found out what was going on?
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  Yeah, it was a it was a progression.
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  And for us, it actually started with our daughter's older
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  brother, our first born that had trouble when he got teased on
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  the school bus. And it was actually when I
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  think, look at the calendar as I turn the calendar.
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  That was 30 years ago when he had teased in the school bus and
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  things went S for him and we struggled with him.
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  And then our whole focus was on trying to keep him upright and
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  going to school and all that, and kind of forgetting about the
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  next in line, which was Amy, our daughter.
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  And so then when she got to middle school, we were told by
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  the church, the leaders at church, that they found her,
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  that she had been cutting. And so that started the whole
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  process. We tried to get some counseling.
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  We tried to work with her when she went to college.
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  She went off to Chicago and there's there's a lot you can
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  find in the big city that are problems.
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  And so she found some problematic friends and before
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  long that went S within one year she was back at our house and we
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  didn't know what was what was going to be next.
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  But then the day came when she drank herself to a .39 blood
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  alcohol level and nearly died. And by then, as she was in the
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  hospital, we were, you know, we knew we were now dealing with
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  addiction and it just went from there.
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  We, we fought for her. We tried to help her get clean,
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  but it went off the rails after, after treatment and everything,
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  it went off the rails. And she ended up homeless in
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  Seattle as a drug addict. And we didn't know for 18 months
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  if she was alive or dead. And then when she did finally
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  call us, it was when the doctors had told her that she was going
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  to die and she needed to notify next of kin.
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  So it was quite a progression there over over several years.
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  Walking with a child through addiction is not something that
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  I think any parent ever wants to go through.
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  It can feel isolating and and among a number of other things.
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  What did that season reveal to you about fear and faith and
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  even surrender for both you and Cindy?
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  Yeah, that's another good question.
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  Yeah. It's really a matter of turning
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  that fear toward faith and surrender.
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  You know, on time and time again in Scripture, we hear God say do
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  not fear and that gets tested. I mean, when she drank herself
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  nearly to death, I mean, that was totally tested.
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  That night was one of the worst nights we could we could ever
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  dream of when we didn't know. We didn't know if she was alive
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  or dead. I mean, it was that nagging fear
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  of waiting for the phone call. It would be bad news.
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  The surrender after, after she did call us when she when she
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  was supposedly dying. I mean, she's still alive today
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  and she's been clean since 2018. So I thank the Lord for that.
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  And we got friends who who don't have that good a story because
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  their loved one died. So I know that's pretty common.
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  But when she did call us, I had a prayer retreat planned at a
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  place called Pachaman Terrace, which is a Catholic retreat
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  center up in Minnesota. And as part of that, I asked the
• 19:00
  staff for prayer. And a lady that was on staff
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  came and prayed with me. And I mean, my verse at that
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  time was Mark 523, where Gyrus says my little daughter's at the
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  point of death, please come and lay your hands on her that she
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  may get well and live. And that was exactly my
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  situation. And that was one of those prayer
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  times as we sat in the Chapel. That to me was the most profound
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  God. It was like God showed up.
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  And I can't say that I knew Amy was going to come out OK, you
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  know, but I knew that God was going to carry us through.
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  And and that's where I think what we've seen in a lot of
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  those crises, we've seen God remind us, I've got this.
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  You know. As a dad myself, I can't imagine
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  living with this, this thought of, is my daughter even alive?
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  You know, I haven't heard from her in months.
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  You know what? What's going on to all the
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  sudden having that phone call where she's on the other end and
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  now you have the sudden feeling of she's alive.
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  I'm hearing her voice, but then at the same time she's calling
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  to tell you that I'm in the hospital and the doctor say I'm
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  not going to make it. Talk about a a competing amount
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  of emotions there, right, Because now you're you're the
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  relief that she's alive and she's calling you, but she's
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  calling to tell you that she's not going to make it.
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  What do you remember from that period when those feelings were
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  kind of at battle and at war within each other, with or
• 20:54
  within you? Yeah, it was like, I think it
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  was about November 6th when we got the call and I had that
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  prayer retreat like the very next weekend.
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  And we started a process of calling and talking to her every
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  day. And even though there was plenty
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  of tension from our past relationship issues, it seemed,
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  I mean, it seemed to be going well.
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  So we continue to talk to her every day.
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  And then it was like Thanksgiving was coming up and
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  she was, she asked could we come out to visit over Thanksgiving?
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  And so we booked tickets. And then on the Wednesday before
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  we flew, her heart stopped and they had to resuscitate her and
• 21:50
  have her in, I'm losing the word, but in the, you know, to
• 21:58
  fix her up for a couple of days urgent care.
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  And so by the time we flew out there, it was like the 20th of
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  November and Thanksgiving was the next Thursday.
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  And we didn't really know what to what to expect.
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  So we went to the hospital and one of us at a time went and
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  spent some time with her. And what we found was it was
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  above and beyond all of our expectations as far as the we
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  were able to largely mend the relationship, find some
• 22:43
  forgiveness and, and at least establish that.
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  I mean, there there weren't any, there weren't any big
• 22:54
  discussions about what's the next step and are you going to
• 22:57
  get clean and all those kind of things.
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  You know, it's like this was, you know, we didn't know how
• 23:03
  long we had. So there were a lot of unknown
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  moments, but yet God really worked through it during that
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  time, even to the point of just really speaking to us through
• 23:21
  the church we attended. You know, we were at a friend's
• 23:24
  house and we went to their church and that worship time, I
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  mean, God just worked through that, you know?
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  And so he he, throughout the process, reminded us of his
• 23:38
  care. You know, I love that you
• 23:43
  brought up the the fact that you didn't have conversations around
• 23:50
  are you going to get clean or anything along those lines?
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  Because, you know, as a parent, you know, we want to do what's
• 23:58
  best for our child and we will kind of want to hit him over the
• 24:00
  head and, and make him do what they need to do, right?
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  Like, why don't, why don't you see this?
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  But that's not always the right step, you know, as as somebody,
• 24:12
  you know, I'm very active in in Celebrate Recovery.
• 24:16
  I know you're familiar with the ministry of through
• 24:18
  conversations we've had, but I'm very active.
• 24:22
  And one of the things that you hear time and time again is
• 24:27
  somebody is not going to be able to get clean or won't get clean
• 24:30
  if it's not what they want, right?
• 24:32
  You can try and force them all day every day, but it's not
• 24:35
  going to stick. And so how did you learn to love
• 24:39
  your daughter through everything that was going on without trying
• 24:44
  to control the outcome? Yeah, well, I had heard that
• 24:49
  comment even before going to a Celebrate Recovery.
• 24:53
  I had heard that comment from a fella at church in Minnesota
• 25:00
  that had himself been on the, you know, had been addicted.
• 25:05
  He and his wife had both. And then they've recovered and
• 25:08
  and had a had a good story. But he shared that about with
• 25:14
  all the research, doesn't matter how many times you go into
• 25:17
  treatment, it's making the decision to stop.
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  And so, yeah, we were, you know, knowing that.
• 25:27
  And my, my tendency is to be a controller.
• 25:32
  OK, so, and our daughter is pretty strong willed.
• 25:40
  And so I learned in her teen years that fighting that battle
• 25:47
  nose to nose was not going to be the way, the way to make things
• 25:51
  happen. And so it was a process.
• 26:00
  I mean, definitely, definitely a process of letting and we all
• 26:13
  face that as our kids become adults.
• 26:16
  How do you deal with them now? They used to be your child and
• 26:19
  you were you were in control of them.
• 26:22
  And obviously you do exercise a lot of control at that point
• 26:26
  when they're adults and they're making bad decisions.
• 26:29
  That's that's the test. And we learned with our with our
• 26:37
  first born, our first son, that it doesn't matter what decisions
• 26:43
  are making. If they're bad decisions, we
• 26:45
  still want to show them love. And because we want to be there
• 26:50
  on the backside. And doesn't the Lord do that for
• 26:53
  us? I mean, he's always there.
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  He lets us make the bad decisions and then he's there
• 26:58
  for us when we want to come back.
• 27:02
  Yeah, that's good. Well, real quick here, I just
• 27:07
  want to pause for just a moment and and talk to the listeners
• 27:11
  out there. You know, if you're listening to
• 27:13
  this podcast and we've we've covered a lot of ground already
• 27:17
  and had some some Gordy's given us some real Nuggets of wisdom
• 27:20
  here. So if something in this first
• 27:23
  part of the episode that has already spoken to you, would you
• 27:27
  take a moment and share it with somebody else that you think
• 27:30
  needs to hear it? You, you really don't know whose
• 27:35
  breakthrough might happen because of a simple message from
• 27:38
  you. And that's how conversations get
• 27:40
  started is with just with a simple message that says, hey,
• 27:43
  what did you think about this? So take a moment and share it
• 27:47
  right now and help somebody else get the wisdom that you're
• 27:51
  hearing today. So Gordy, let's get back into it
• 27:54
  here just a little bit. And you know, many people
• 27:59
  associate faithfulness with visible fruit, right?
• 28:06
  So what does faithfulness look like when the fruit is simply
• 28:12
  stain? Yeah, I think when you when you
• 28:17
  mean that it's just stain by holding firm.
• 28:23
  Is that right? Just hanging in there.
• 28:30
  You know, I was able to collaborate with in a in a book
• 28:36
  writing thing and wrote a chapter on some of my story.
• 28:40
  And I know you you have also Wes wrote a wrote a book that really
• 28:45
  got me thinking about how I might structure my book.
• 28:49
  But I think resilience is really the key.
• 28:54
  And how do we establish resilience?
• 29:01
  That's kind of what I want to really explore.
• 29:04
  And, and the title of my book, maybe something like calming the
• 29:09
  storm within. When this when there's a storm
• 29:11
  outside, how do we how do we calm the storm on the inside?
• 29:17
  But there's the, there's a comment we hear and Celebrate
• 29:23
  Recovery almost every week, one day at a time.
• 29:28
  I, I laugh because they love doing acrostics with all their
• 29:31
  teaching and every time they come up to an O, it's one day at
• 29:34
  a time. I don't know if you've noticed
• 29:36
  that, but it, it is a, an absolute theme of one day at a
• 29:42
  time. And I think that's really a key
• 29:46
  of not not getting ahead of ourselves.
• 29:50
  And you know, Jesus said, don't worry about tomorrow.
• 29:54
  I mean, I'm, I'm a planner, so I really struggle with that one.
• 30:00
  But that's what he said. We take it one day at a time and
• 30:06
  if we do that we can keep moving and and we cannot, we can avoid
• 30:15
  the pitfalls. Yeah, it's really hard to live
• 30:21
  one day at a time when especially in modern days, you
• 30:25
  know, when you have a calendar, right?
• 30:27
  And everyone's like, hey, what are you doing on, you know, And
• 30:30
  so now you, you, before you know it, you have a calendar full of
• 30:33
  things. But yet you're still trying to
• 30:35
  live one day at a time, right? You can't control what happened
• 30:39
  yesterday. You can't control what happens
• 30:41
  tomorrow. You can only control what
• 30:43
  happens to you today. And even then, you have limited
• 30:46
  ability to control it. And So what does it look like
• 30:51
  and how do you live one day at a time?
• 30:55
  Well, it's good. I mean, I've always considered
• 30:58
  myself the master of the five year plan.
• 31:01
  I mean, back in the business world, that's that's what I
• 31:04
  would do is write five year plans for people.
• 31:06
  And you know, when it gets comes down to it, it's all, it's all
• 31:10
  in your assumptions. And you got a lot of assumptions
• 31:14
  when you're reaching out five years.
• 31:16
  And in today's world, it's, it's nearly impossible.
• 31:20
  But how, how to do the one day at a time.
• 31:24
  I think we have to focus on the, the small daily miracles that
• 31:31
  happen and look, look for God to be at work in our lives.
• 31:37
  And I and I think God gives us a sunrise and a sunset every day
• 31:43
  for a reason to just remind us that he's here.
• 31:47
  And I've got a sunset going right outside my window right
• 31:51
  now. But I think that's a great
• 31:54
  reminder and to look, look for those reminders of that the God
• 32:02
  is walking with us. So when you think about your
• 32:09
  relationship with Cindy and, and everything going on in your life
• 32:14
  now, and you think about the losses that you've had over the
• 32:18
  years, you know, of, of, of time missed with daughter or time
• 32:22
  missed with son or, or, or whatever it might be, right?
• 32:26
  There's just a lot of loss there in, in many different ways.
• 32:30
  How do you grieve losses that not only have happened but are
• 32:34
  maybe still ongoing without any sense, any sense of clear
• 32:43
  closure? Yeah.
• 32:48
  Well, I'm thankful that with my kids, I've got a good
• 32:52
  relationship with all of them. And so we don't spend a lot of
• 32:57
  time talking about the past and past failures or anything like
• 33:02
  that. We just enjoy our current
• 33:05
  relationship. But the toughest part of
• 33:07
  dementia is the fact that the caregiver, you know, it was,
• 33:14
  I've heard it said that Alzheimer's is the worst disease
• 33:19
  and the victim is the caregiver. And the, the challenge you have
• 33:27
  as a caregiver is that you have to grieve a little bit every day
• 33:33
  as, as your, your person with dementia loses factors in their,
• 33:42
  in their brain. We grieve that.
• 33:46
  I mean, my wife used to be a teacher and then she was a
• 33:52
  Spanish translator and she was very good with Spanish.
• 33:56
  And she's lost it to, to the point now where my Spanish is
• 34:01
  better than hers, which that's a pretty significant loss.
• 34:06
  But the grieving those things a little at a time is in a way
• 34:15
  it's, you know, it's like turning the knife.
• 34:18
  You know, it, it's, it's a slow process and, and it's something
• 34:25
  that we, we need, we need help to get through.
• 34:31
  And one of the things that's really one of the best, best
• 34:36
  decisions I made in 2025 was joining a support group for
• 34:41
  caregivers because we have a, we have a group of people and some,
• 34:49
  they're in all the different stages.
• 34:52
  And when we talk about our challenges, it's like, Oh yeah,
• 34:57
  Oh yeah, that's, that's mine too.
• 34:59
  And, you know, we see that we're all kind of in the same boat,
• 35:04
  and just knowing that other people are dealing with those
• 35:08
  things really helps and we can encourage each other.
• 35:14
  I love that you have a community like that.
• 35:17
  One of the things that I talked about on this podcast quite
• 35:19
  often is just the importance of community in your life, right It
• 35:24
  it's really hard to get through life change by yourself.
• 35:29
  You need people in your corner to encourage you, to cheer you
• 35:32
  on, to let you know that you're not alone.
• 35:35
  And So what role has this community played in your, you
• 35:38
  kind of alluded it to it here a second ago, but what role has
• 35:42
  the community played in your, your life really in sustaining
• 35:47
  you when at times it can be really easy to feel like you're
• 35:56
  alone? Yeah.
• 35:58
  And I would, I would agree with you that this is an absolutely
• 36:02
  critical piece that we all need because getting through these
• 36:09
  kind of crises on your own is tremendously difficult for us.
• 36:16
  We've had church friends. We moved two years ago from
• 36:24
  Minnesota to Iowa, but we've got church friends on both ends.
• 36:28
  And at our church here, since moving, they have A-Team that
• 36:36
  reaches out to people in need, people with health issues and
• 36:41
  stuff like that. And they'll come and spend time
• 36:44
  with my wife and, and give me a break sometimes.
• 36:48
  And they're, they're always wanting to, wanting to help out.
• 36:52
  And so that's really good. We have friends in both states
• 36:57
  that reach out and help us. And that's been that's what
• 37:05
  wonderful we have the Celebrate Recovery and we have that in
• 37:08
  both states because we have a home Celebrate Recovery in in
• 37:12
  Minnesota, where we really cut our teeth in the in the whole
• 37:16
  recovery world. And we have the one here that
• 37:20
  the, you know, being in a men's group for me is really a
• 37:25
  blessing because I can bare my soul and we can really be honest
• 37:30
  with each other, which is pretty rare.
• 37:33
  And here at, we're living in a retirement community here, which
• 37:39
  is really helpful because there's a lot of dementia
• 37:42
  resources right, right on campus.
• 37:45
  And that gives us the ability to call on help when we need it.
• 37:50
  So that's all part of the package.
• 37:54
  And you know, I, I say to my wife a lot, you know, we've,
• 37:58
  we've got great friends and we just, you know, it's really
• 38:02
  helpful. So what I'd say to anybody is
• 38:05
  build a base. If things aren't bad right now,
• 38:08
  still build a base because that day may come when you have to
• 38:11
  draw, draw on your friends. So.
• 38:15
  Yeah, I think of it like a bank account.
• 38:18
  You have to build your savings account out before you can draw
• 38:21
  from it. And.
• 38:22
  So the more friends you can have and the more solid those
• 38:26
  friendships are, the more value they have to be able to pull
• 38:30
  from in the future when you need it.
• 38:34
  So you've lived a long obedience to God.
• 38:40
  What would you say to somebody who's out there?
• 38:44
  And they said, you know what? I'm just exhausted.
• 38:48
  And they're wondering if faithfulness is even worth it.
• 38:56
  Yeah, again, that's a, that's a terrific question.
• 39:01
  And I, I can understand that because I know, I know people
• 39:10
  are there, but I would just say that God is sufficient that he
• 39:17
  can handle whatever crisis you're going through and he
• 39:24
  actually wants to handle it. And so if we hand it over to
• 39:28
  him, he, he will take it and there will be a joy with that.
• 39:37
  That's kind of like in Scripture talks about the peace that
• 39:43
  passes understanding when we turn turn those things over to
• 39:47
  the Lord. Well said.
• 39:54
  If you could speak to your younger self before caregiving,
• 39:59
  before addiction touched your family, before any of that, what
• 40:03
  would you want him to understand about God?
• 40:14
  That I would. Say it's that his hands are
• 40:18
  bigger than my hands. Because to go back 30 years to
• 40:26
  before any of this happened, we were we were on the path toward
• 40:33
  having what we'd call a perfect family, OK?
• 40:38
  And that, that was kind of my dream.
• 40:40
  And I was going to be in control.
• 40:42
  And my kids were going to be, you know, the ones who sit in
• 40:47
  the front row in church and fold their fold their hands, you
• 40:51
  know, and are perfect and all that.
• 40:54
  That was that was kind of my dream.
• 40:56
  And it was kind of happening until 30 years ago.
• 41:00
  And The thing is, I'm, I'm naturally controller like I
• 41:08
  said. And and So what I really would
• 41:11
  say to myself is God's hands are bigger.
• 41:14
  So give it to God and let him take it where he wants to take
• 41:18
  it, and trust Him with the results.
• 41:26
  It's easier said than done when you're a controller.
• 41:29
  That's for sure. I want to grip everything and I
• 41:32
  got to open up, yeah. When you look back over your
• 41:38
  life, where have you met most? Or when you look back over your
• 41:44
  life, where have you most clearly seen God's presence?
• 41:49
  Not in resolution, but in it in endurance.
• 42:05
  Well, God's presence, I think it's in those, those daily,
• 42:16
  those daily victories that happen.
• 42:19
  And when God lets me know that he's in control, it's like
• 42:26
  during the 18 months that our daughter was in Seattle and we
• 42:31
  didn't know if she was alive or dead, we would get these random
• 42:35
  emails from people who would say, I'm a friend of your
• 42:39
  daughter, and I just want you to know that she's alive.
• 42:44
  And I was like, we didn't even know those people.
• 42:48
  And there it was, you know, a little bread crumb that's
• 42:52
  telling us, OK, God's still at work.
• 42:56
  We've kind of seen those along the way.
• 43:01
  Our third, our third child was actually a miracle child because
• 43:06
  we had been told that we couldn't have more kids and he
• 43:11
  showed up after after we had adopted our daughter.
• 43:15
  And so things like that have happened through time that to me
• 43:24
  that's God saying, OK, I've got this.
• 43:34
  One of the things that I love to do is to give listeners the
• 43:41
  ability to find my guests online because a lot of times they
• 43:47
  share something that really just speaks to them.
• 43:51
  If somebody is out there and they're like Man Gordy or I, I,
• 43:55
  you've shared something today and I want to find out more.
• 43:58
  Or you mentioned the book that you helped write.
• 44:01
  Where can they find you online? And what is the name of the book
• 44:05
  that you helped write and where can they find that?
• 44:08
  Yeah, the the book is available on Amazon.
• 44:11
  It's called Grace Through the Storm, Faith filled journeys of
• 44:14
  healing and strength. And it's myself and nine other
• 44:19
  people who wrote stories about their storm and how they made it
• 44:24
  through the storm. And so there's, there's a lot of
• 44:28
  good things there that's available on Amazon and you can
• 44:32
  look for me on Facebook or on X and, and I'll be, I'll be there.
• 44:41
  Perfect. If you want a copy of the book
• 44:43
  that he helped write, I'll leave a link to that down in the show
• 44:47
  notes as well as links to him on social media.
• 44:50
  If you want to connect that way. He'll he'll send them over to me
• 44:54
  and I'll make sure to get those included.
• 44:57
  Well, Gordy, 22 last questions for you, for somebody that's
• 45:04
  listening, who is quietly carrying something heavy,
• 45:07
  whether it be illness or family brokenness or long term grief,
• 45:12
  what would you want them to know about God in those seasons?
• 45:21
  God is a God who sees, and so he sees your situation.
• 45:27
  He knows. He knows what you're struggling
• 45:30
  with and like I said earlier, his, his hands are bigger than
• 45:35
  your hands. He can, he can take it.
• 45:38
  So I'd encourage anyone to lean on him, give it over to the
• 45:44
  Lord, and find find that trust. So the last question for you,
• 45:57
  let's just say there's somebody out there and they're like, OK,
• 46:03
  I know that I need to change something, but they're not quite
• 46:08
  sure what to do. They're not quite sure what that
• 46:10
  first step should be. If they if you had to leave them
• 46:16
  with one piece of advice, one step to take to begin to change
• 46:21
  or turn something over to God, what piece of advice, what step
• 46:26
  would you leave that person? If you're not sure what that
• 46:35
  step is, you need to find somebody that can guide you.
• 46:40
  And that might be a pastor, that might be a counselor, I might be
• 46:48
  a friend, but reach out. You need to lay out the issue
• 46:55
  and have somebody help you out and like like you've said Wes,
• 47:01
  at Celebrate Recovery, you can show up and they have
• 47:05
  confidential group meetings where anything, any issues can
• 47:11
  be laid on the table and we can find.
• 47:15
  Recovery, Absolutely. Well, Gordy, thank you so much
• 47:22
  again for joining us here today on Unmasked.
• 47:26
  Well, thank you very much. This is This has been fun and I
• 47:29
  appreciate the hard questions. All the pleasure's all mine.
• 47:41
  Well, thanks for joining me today on Unmasked.
• 47:43
  And again, a huge thanks to Gordy for being so open and
• 47:47
  honest with us today here on Unmasked.
• 47:49
  If something in this episode spoke to you, don't let it stop
• 47:53
  with you. Share it with the one person
• 47:55
  that got put on your heart while you were listening.
• 47:57
  You never know where the breakthrough might start with
• 48:00
  just a simple message from you. If you want more encouragement
• 48:04
  or want to speak to me one-on-one, or if you're
• 48:06
  interested in having me speak at your church or event, you can
• 48:09
  find everything@wesleyfarnsworth.com.
• 48:13
  And make sure you join the Unmasked community by connecting
• 48:15
  with me on social media so that we can walk through this journey
• 48:19
  together. Until next time, remember that
• 48:22
  grace is greater than your past, and freedom begins the moment
• 48:26
  that you choose to live unmasked.
• 48:30
  God bless you.